Memories of a Headmistress: Confrontation

A/N: The ending is a little short, but I like for people to use their imagination as to what else had happened. There's also the fact that this a memory from Hermione, so like all people, she doesn't remember everything. Please review.

June 20, 1996

To say I was mad would have been an understatement. Furious, enraged, incensed all would have better described how I was feeling. Last year when Harry had been moody had been tough enough to deal with. The difference was that even yelling, he was still talking to us.

It had happened slowly over the last few months. Harry started pulling away from us. At first it was just claiming fatigue when we went to study in the library. Next was declining to go visit Hogsmeade with us on the weekends. Surprisingly when he quit the quidditch team Ron still hadn't picked up on it. Then again, Luna's persistence from last year had started to pay off as she'd been able to perk up Ron's interest at the start of term. Although it probably helped that Ron and I had talked about the possibility of us. For a while, I had started thinking that way of Ron, but the events at the Department of Mysteries at the end of the year brought back feelings for Harry I had put aside during the Triwizard Tournament. I realized then that Ron could never be more to me than just a friend, and I was glad to have seen him moved on.

However, now I couldn't ignore my feelings for him, which had made his slow pull away all that much harder. When I had brought my concerns to Ron, he had assured me that everything would work out, and against my better judgment I had listened. Harry, emboldened that we hadn't attempted to stop him, had now stopped talking to us all together. It had been two weeks since he'd spoken to me and I was finally at my breaking point. For the first time, Harry hadn't even shown up at breakfast or lunch, and unless I did something, he most likely wouldn't show up for dinner either.

So now I was stalking through the halls trying to find the man I knew I was in love with. The realization came as true fear of losing Harry completely had set in. I had realized that without Harry, my life wouldn't have any meaning. I couldn't be me without him, and strangely, I didn't want to either. I had tried all of his usual haunts, but had yet to find him. I knew there were only two people that would probably be able to help me at the moment, Dobby and Professor Dumbledore. Yet, I had the strange feeling that Dumbledore wouldn't help me, and I knew that I could easily manipulate Dobby, though I was loathing to exploit him. But desperate times called for desperate measures.

I calmed down as I reached the fruit bowl portrait that lead into the kitchens. Dobby would be more responsive to a concerned friend rather than an angry one that he thought may harm his precious Harry Potter. Letting out one last calming breath, I put on a smile and tickled the pear to gain entrance. Immediately, to my slight disgust, I was approached by no less than a dozen house elves who wanted to provide me with food and drinks. I declined them all and sought out Dobby.

“Hey Dobby. I was wondering if you had seen Harry recently. You see I found something I think he would really love to see, but I can't seem to find him at the moment.”

Dobby seemed to shrink a little away from me, which I thought it was rather odd for the normally cheerful and outgoing house elf. “Dobby?”

“I's sorry miss. Dobby promised Harry Potter sir that he wouldn't tell nobody where he's went.”

Naturally, the one time Harry would actually think something through is when it was bad for him. I sighed, frustrated. In a last ditch effort, I tried to appeal to Dobby's sense of protectiveness of Harry.

“Dobby, it's really important that I find him. If I don't, he could be in grave danger.”

Dobby paused, looking torn between keeping his word to the boy that had saved him and doing what he thought was best for him. I knew that I'd have to be patient because one wrong move and Dobby might not help me at all.

“Dobby doesn't want Harry Potter sir hurts miss. Yous Harry Potter sir's friend, so yous can help him. Harry Potter sir said that he was going somewhere that hes could be alone in. Says not even the maps can find him. Dobby sorry he doesn't know more.”

“Thank you Dobby. I think I have an idea of where he went, and I can't believe I didn't think of it before. I'll make sure to make you some more hats for Christmas.”

Smiling, I leaned down and carefully hugged the small elf. Dobby seemed to be a bit dazed after the rushed hug, but I didn't stay in the kitchen long, instead heading towards the 7^th floor corridor that hid the Room of Requirement. I couldn't believe that I had been so daft as to overlook it. Then again, I wouldn't put it past the room to influence people's thoughts to keep them away when someone was seeking privacy.

It didn't seem to take me too long to reach the correct corridor. With the thought of finding Harry, I paced in front of the space where I knew the door would appear. After pacing the required three times, the door appeared and I wasted no time grabbing on the handle.

The room was pretty much bare, except a black chair and a small fireplace. It was a really small room too. It really made me wonder what Harry was thinking when he conjured the room in his thoughts. All I knew was that I needed to snap Harry out of it.

Quietly, I closed the door, watching it vanish until needed again and made my way to stand in front of the chair. Harry had tucked himself into the chair so that he took up the least amount of room possible, and he was staring blankly ahead. It broke my heart because I knew he was attempting to withdraw from everything, not just us.

Kneeling in front of the chair, I put a hand on one of his that rested around his knee.

“Harry?” I whispered tentatively. “Harry, I need you to look at me. Please, come back.”

I hadn't expected the tears to come as quickly as they had since I was supposed to be angry. The fear and hurt had come rushing back at seeing his state. “Please Harry, talk to me. I can't stand to see you like this.” My voice nearly cracked as I pleaded with him, and my eyes continued to fill with tears. “Please.” I tried one more time desperately, and this time my voice did crack.

Maybe I was too late. Perhaps this was the price I had to pay for going against my gut and my heart. Defeated, I lay my head against the chair and let loose the tears that had been threatening for a few minutes. Only Harry could defeat me this easily and make me so vulnerable. So distraught was I that it took a few minutes to realize that something was stroking my chestnut curls.

It took a moment to try and control my sobbing so that I could look up. The vacant look had left Harry's eyes, and his eyes seemed slightly teary but they radiated that brilliant green that I loved so much. His hand continued to stroke through my curls as I stared back at him, unsure of what to say to him now. All the planning I had put into this for when I found him was a waste. I could never plan anything when it came to my feelings for Harry.

It was he whom broke the silence. “Don't cry Hermione. I can't stand to see you cry.”

The words slipped out before I could think about them. “Then why have you been shutting me, I mean, Ron and I out? Why have you abandoned us?” I hiccupped slightly, still trying to get my tears back in check.

His hand ceased their soothing movements and he tried to look away. My anger began to come back as I saw him blatantly avoiding the issue at hand once again. I lifted my hands up and grasped his face, forcing him to look at me. “What have I..we..done for you to abandon us? Was I not good enough? Strong enough? Loyal enough? Please, tell me what it is that I am missing that you can hardly bare to look at me anymore. That has caused me to lose the best friend I've ever had in this world. Tell me!”

My voice had continued to rise through my impassioned speech until I had yelled the last part, my hands falling from his face, and giving into the tears once more. The hand that had remained still in my hair moved down until it cupped my chin, forcing me to look at him this time. I was a little shocked to see tears trailing down his face as well, and for a brief moment felt bad that I had caused that. “It's not you,” he whispered, sounding broken.

“You haven't done anything wrong. It's all..me. I don't want to hurt you. I'm dangerous, because Vol..Voldemort is after me. I'll be damned if he gets you too.”

“But, Harry, I'm safer with you. I'm a target regardless because of who my parents are. And no matter how much, how much you push me away, it won't change that.”

“I'm not safe, Hermione! I'll never be safe. And those I love always die. I would die if I knew that I had been the cause of your death.”

Briefly my mind paused when Harry had mentioned love. A little bit of hope in my heart began to blossom. Was it possible that he felt the same way?

“We're still stronger together Harry. We've always been a team, what's so different now? Why is there more risk now?”

“Because I'm the one that has to kill him. I have to be the one that makes the final blow, and that means I have to directly come in contact with him. I will not lead you to your death because of any loyalty you have towards me. I will not be responsible for the death of more people I love.”

“Harry, you've never been responsible for anyone's death. Voldemort is the one that's killing everyone. The blame lies with him. If it's true that you must be the one, I will be behind you helping to find out how to do it. Do you honestly think that I could just let you go like this? You mean too much for me to just abandon you when you need me the most.”

“Why can't you just let me go Hermione?”

Without thinking, I let slip my most guarded secret. “Because I love you Harry. I can't stand aside and let you die, because I can't live without you.”

“No, no, no. You can't love me. Everyone that has has died.”

Slowly, I grasped Harry's hand on my face, and cupped his face with my other hand. The tears remained flowing on both our cheeks, but I wasn't about to let this crucial moment go to waste. I wouldn't let my one chance go without a fight.

“I do love you Harry, and I will fight until there is no breath left in my body to make sure that you live and are safe. There is no life without you, Harry. Please, just accept that, and let me help you. And I will chase after you no matter how far you try to push me away.”

Harry stayed silent, just staring at me with his brilliant green eyes. I could see a swirl of emotions flickering through them as he tried to process everything I had just said to him. Honestly, I hoped that I hadn't pushed him away.

After what seemed like an eternity, Harry finally spoke. “And you say I have a saving people thing.” I was happy to see a slight smile on his face.

“No, I have a saving Harry thing. So, are you going to push me away anymore?”

Harry's grin got wider. “I'd be a fool to try and do that. No one is more stubborn or dangerous than the woman I love.”

My heart leapt at Harry's confession. He loves me? This was definitely not how I had planned this conversation to turn out, but now that it had, I was quite happy. Not only had I gotten my best friend back, but I had gained my soul mate.

-->