Unpathed Waters, Undreamed Shores

Ungraceful

Rating: R
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 6
Published: 21/03/2006
Last Updated: 26/07/2006
Status: in_progress

During their seventh year their parents drop the bombsell: they are having an arranged marriage. Both are outraged. James is already devoted to his girlfriend and can't imagine marrying the critical, irritable Lily Evans. Lily, in turn, just wants to be independent and successful without a man's help, especially if that man is James Potter. Rated R for langauage and content. AU.

Chapters

1. Unexpected Announcements

2. The Aftermath

3. Shattered Dreams

4. Blinded By Anger

5. A Bigger/Better Person

6. A Plan Deveopled pt.1

1. Unexpected Announcements

Ch. 1 Unexpected Announcements

"Unlike are we, unlike, O princely Heart!
Unlike our uses and our destinies.
Our ministering two angels look surprise
On one another, as they srike athwart
Their wings in passing."- Elizabeth Barnett Browning

A/N A story I came up with while watching Swan Lake and Sleeping Beauty on a very hot, hot day:

James Harold Godfrey Potter-The only child of Lord Godfrey James Harold Potter and Lady Viviane Constance Potter. They reside at Hilsenvand Manor in southern England.

Lillian Rosemarie Evans- The second daughter of Lord Christopher Maxwell Evans and Lady Sophia Kathleen Evans. Older sister, Petunia Elisabeth Evans, recently married her boyfriend, Vernon Dursley. They reside at Bunsweight Manor in northern England.

"Why do you have to leave this weekend?" Olivia Davenport asked her boyfriend of eight months.

James Potter wrapped his arms around his girlfriend. He gently placed his hand under her chin and tilted her head so that she was staring into his eyes. "Sorry babe, but I don't have much of a choice. Mum's having another social gathering."

Olivia pouted and grabbed the front of his jacket, pulling him even closer to her. James began to squirm a little. Olivia was one of those girls that made his hormones go haywire, and being this close to her made him want to...well, lets just say it wouldn't be deemed school appropriate.

Olivia brushed her lips against his. "Can I not go?"

James shook his head. "I wish you could babe, but mum says no guests. Even Sirius isn't allowed to come."

Olivia whimpered. "But this weekend's Hogsmeade James..."

James groaned inwardly. He wished Olivia would stop whining and start snogging him instead. "Listen Olive, I'll make it up to you. Next weekend can just be you and me. No Marauders, no nothing."

Olivia's chocolate brown eyes seemed to perk up some at his suggestion. "You promise?"

He grinned. "I promise."

She smiled and leaned in. He caught her lips and slowly kissed her.

The kiss started out gentle, but their raging hormones made it more intense. Forgetting that they were in a school hallway, James pressed Olivia against the wall and continued snogging her. James heard her let out a muffled moan as he let his hands wonder underneath her blouse. He vaguely thought he heard someone call out his name, but his vision was blurred and his mind was a bit foggy at the moment. Olivia seductively ran her hands over his chest. For a second, James thought that maybe this was a bit too intense for a school hallway, but the thought lasted only for a second.

"Potter!"

James squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he hadn't heard her voice. But he had. He heard it loud and clear.

James broke apart from Olivia and turned around to face Lily Evans. Lily Evans. The girl James Potter could never escape. No matter where he went or what he did, she was always around breathing down his neck.

Even on holidays he couldn't escape her. Christmas Eve, the Evans' family was always present at the Potters' Christmas party. James, in turn, was forced to attend the Evans' annual New Years Eve bash. During the summer, Lily always spent two weeks with the Potters in the South of England. Then, he would have to spend two weeks at Lily's house in Northern England. Birthdays, anniverseries, social gatherings, you name it, she was there. And here she was now, standing in front of him critically.

Lily stood in front of them wearing a slimming, but tasteful black dress that hit just above her knees. Her hair was long and wavy, and fell delicately over her shoulders. Surprised that it was even possible, her hair was even more red and vibrant against the black material. James thought she looked beautiful, but he was kind of annoyed with her at the moment which was kind of a turn-off.

"What Evans?" he asked annoyed. Couldn't she see that he was busy?

She folded her arms across her chest and tilted her head slightly in the air. James groaned inwardly, he knew this stance. It was her I'm-getting-ready-to-boss-you stance. It was one she used quite frequently when communicating with either him or Sirius.

"The train leaves soon. Meet me by the fountain in one minute, or I'm leaving your sorry ass behind." Without waiting for his response, she grabbed her suitcase and stormed off.

James rolled his eyes. He was so used to Lily's bossiness that he knew how to deal with her. In fact, he was going to be two minutes late just to piss her off.

He turned his attention back to Olivia who was busy fixing her appearance that James had messed up. She ran her fingers through her light brown hair and cleared her throat. "You didn't tell me she was going."

James closed his eyes and sighed. He should have told her. He knew he should of, but he had been trying to avoid an arguement. Olivia and Lily got along about as well as oil and water, and it really pissed her off that Lily was practically everywhere he was. But it wasn't like it was Lily's fault or anything, so James always had a bit of a hard time understanding Olivia's jealousy.

"Olivia, we've been trhough this. We can't help that our parents are friends."

Olivia sighed and brushed the hair out of his face. "I know, I know. I just wish you would have told me, that's all." She semi-smiled at him, and James gave a sigh of relief. She was trying to avoid a fight also. "I love you," she whispered into his ear.

James cleared his throat. "I love you too."

He kissed Olivia again before grabbing his suitcase and heading outside. He barely made it three feet in front of the fountain before spotting her on the bench. She sat with her arms folded, legs crossed, and her foot bouncing up and down impatiently. James smirked. He had known Lily a long time and could read her body language with his eyes closed. He could tell she was already annoyed with him. Personally, James liked her best when she was annoyed. It was never boring.

Lily noticed him approaching and narrowed her eyes. James immediately ruffled his hair, making sure she saw. She scoffed at him and turned her attention elsewhere. James's grin grew wider. He loved to annoy Lily. In fact, it was one of his favorite pastimes. He couldn't recall how many times Lily had stated that she hated it when he ruffled his hair. You would think by now, that she would learn that this only encouraged him to do it more.

James stopped two steps in front of her. Lily avoided looking at him because she thought it gave her some sort of authority over him, or something like that. James mentally laughed at her. Oh, how it would kill her if she had any clue as to how well he knew her.

"Why Potter," Lily said, still refusing to look at him. "I do believe that was the most disgusting display of affection I have ever seen."

James clicked his tongue. "Awww, jealous Evans?"

She finally looked at him to glare. "Jealous? Of what? The way you two were mating like rabbits?" Lily let out a bark of laughter. "Never."

She stood up and began making her way towards the train station. James had to jog to catch up with her.

"Oh, so then its your problem with affection. I see how it is."

She stopped dead in her tracks. "My problem with what? I don't have-"

"Lily, denial isn't going to help you any."

"I'm not den-"

"Lily, Lily." He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He was trying to be serious, but he couldn't help but grin a little. "It's okay. There are ways to work out your problem."

She snorted and shrugged his arm off her shoulders. "I don't care to hear what you have in mind."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and layed his head on top of her's. "One kiss and your problems will vanish."

"What?! Ewwww, no!" She tried to escape his grasp, but he wasn't going to let her go just yet.

"Awww come on! One little peck won't kill yeah!" James was laughing now. She was struggling so hard to break away from him, but it just wasn't happening. And her frustration was only making him laugh harder.

"Ugh, James! Let me go!"

"Give me a kiss."

"You wish," Lily stopped struggling. "And I don't think Olivia would be to pleased to hear that you were holding me captive-"

"Holding you captive? You make it sound like i'm holding you for ransom."

She chuckled. "Well, for all I know, that might be your intention."

"Evans, I hate to break it to you," he said, looking solemnly into her green eyes, "but nobody would pay the ransom unles you kissed me."

She laughed loudly at that. "Oh you would like that wouldn't you?"

James chuckled. He liked it when Lily played along with his jokes. "You know me, I never turn down a chance for some lovin'."

Lily raised an eyebrow at him. "I suddenly feel violated."

He laughed and decided to let her go. He had tortured her enough for one morning. They walked in silence as they made their way towards the train station. James couldn't help but wonder about the invitation his mother had sent. It had been rather odd and sudden.

"Where's Sirius?" Lily asked, reading his mind.

"He wasn't invited."

Lily furrowed her brow. "What? Since when is Sirius not invited?"

James shrugged. Besides Lily being present at the social events, Sirius was usually there too. "I don't know."

"Was Sirius upset?" Lily was the only one besides the Marauders that knew about Sirius's trouble at home. She knew how being included with the Potters' meant to him.

"He was okay with it, until he found out you were going. Then, I think he was a little hurt."

Lily shook her head. "Poor Sirius." Lily often pretended that she didn't care about Sirius one way or another. But secretly, James knew she did. James didn't think Lily was actually capable of hating anyone. It was one of things that he both liked and admired about her.

"Yeah, but mum sent him a big box of sweets this morning as a kind of apology. So, I think he's going to be okay." Lily nodded and smiled a little. "It's just wierd though, in mum's letter she said it was a family get together and that Sirius wouldn't be able to come."

"But I was invited, and I'm not family," said Lily quizzically

They finally arrived at the train station. They made their way through the gate still in a deep descusion.

"I know that's why I'm a bit confused by what this thing actually is tonight. I have a feeling that it's not actually a family thing."

"Yeah, I doubt it too. In my letter my mum just said that your parents were having another party like they usually do."

"Wierd." James racked his brain for a reason why his mum wounldn't invite Sirius. He couldn't come up with any. James suddenly snapped his fingers. "Maybe our parents are having an affair."

Lily rolled her eyes. "James-"

"No seriously, hear me out. Mum says its a family gathering. But why then is Sirius not invited to this one? It's because it involoves our parents having an affair!"

Lily snorted. " You have no proof."

"You don't think my strange invitation is proof."

Lily shook her head.

"Okay then, how about those looks I saw your mum giving my
dad this summer."

"What?!" She eyed him skeptically. "There were no looks. You totally pulled that out of your ass."

"Think about it Evans! It's forbidden love. They have kids. She's a muggle. He's a wizard. They're married to other people!"

Lily chuckled. "This isn't a Shakespeare play James."
"A what?"

Lily shook her head, laughing. "Nevermind. Besides if anything, it would be your mum who was giving my dad the eye."

James gasped dramatically. "Oh for the love of Merlin you're right! It's frobidden love. They have kids. He's a muggle. She's a wizard. They're married to-"

"James-"

"other people. Sirius wasn't invited because somehow he's their illegitimate child-"

"That's ridiculous. How could-"

"And tonight they are going to announce it, but they don't want your mother or my father to take it out on poor, defenseless Sirius-"

"I highly doubt-"

"Then right before dessert. They are going to announce that they are madly in love-"

"James I beg you to shut-"

"But no one wants them to be together, so they decide to runaway to Africa-"

"James...please-"

"But on their way to Africa they run into a three eyed bootlegger who gives them a lift to Russia instead."

Lily chuckled. "Is there any way I could get you to stop?"

James grinned wickedly. "Only if you give me a kiss..."

Lily rolled her eyes and boarded the train. James laughed. Who said he couldn't torture her twice in one morning?

***

"Well, I guess we're going to find out who's really having the affair," James said, sitting next to her in the car.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, give it a rest Potter."

James shrugged next to her. "Fine, fine. But don't say I didn't warn you.."

Finally, he shuts up. All through the train ride, he had kept up his little 'our parents are having an affair' charade. For three hours, Lily had to endure how their parents fled to Russia, and then sailed to the Carribean to become rum salesmen. Then, while there, they met up with Sirius's evil twin brother, Ivor, who wanted to kill all living things that contained the letter 'U' in them. Finally, Lily had to yell at James to shut up about it once and for all. And then, just as she was getting ready to fall asleep, he began complaining about how muggle transportation took too long. It took all of Lily's self-control not to kill him.

Luckily, Lily could see the Potters' house, Hilsenvand manor, in full view now. Lily couldn't wait to be in her room and have some peace and quiet.

The car pulled to a stop, and Lily practically jumped out of the car. She saw her parents chauffer, Giles, and waved. Her parents had arrived a lot sooner that she had expected, but she was glad they were here.

Without waiting for James, Lily ran into Hilsenvand Manor. "Mum! Dad!"

Lily walked out of the foyer and began making her way towards the drawing room, when she saw her parents round the corner. Her mum ran towards her with outstretched arms.

"Lily!" Lady Sophia Evans hugged her daughter lovingly. "I'm so glad you're here."

Lily smiled, "Me too." Lily broke out of her mother's embrace and addressed her father. "Hey dad."

"Hey Red," Lord Christopher Evans kissed the top of his daughters head. "Good to see you arrived in one piece."

Lily laughed and looked past her father to see the Potters. They were all in the middle of greeting each other, when the front door opened, and James appeared carrying both their suitcases.

Lady Viviane Potter ran towards her son much like Lily's mother had done to her.

"Oh, James." Lady Viviane Potter kissed her son on the cheek. "How was your trip?"

James sighed. "Long..."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Well," Lord Godfrey Potter said, clapping his hands together, "lets let these kids go up stairs and rest, while we finish our...discusion."

All the parents nodded in agreement and began making their way back towards the drawing room.

Lily's mother squeezed her hand. "Dinner's in an hour. Don't be late." She smiled at her daughter one last time, before disappearing back in the drawing room.

"Huh, "James said, "that was odd..."

Lily let out an annoyed sigh, "Potter they are not having an affair. Give. It. A. Rest."

James rolled his eyes. "I wasn't going to say they were. I was just simply stating that there short gretting was odd, that's all."

Lily nodded in agreement, but decided not to take it too seriously. She was too exhausted to really care if their greeting was short or not. Lily grabbed her suitcase from James and began making her way up the grand staircase towards her room.

As she made her way up the stairs, Lily took in her surroundings. She had always loved this house. Every part of it was taken in with great detail. All things from the gardens, to the chandiler, to the wood carvings on the stairs. She especially loved the marble statues all over the house and landscape. The sculptures covered everything from mythological creatures to gods and goddesses.

When they were younger, her and James used to play hide and seek. Lily always hid her body behind Athena's dress and pooked through Athena's arm to see if James was close. Then, when he would spot her, she would run out from behind Athena and head towards the greenhouse.

Their games of hide and seek always turned into a game of tag. Lily might have been scrawny at eleven, but she could run. James always had trouble catching her, unless Sirius played too. Then, they would team up on her to take her down.

Lily smiled at the memory, and placed her hand affectionately on the banister. The banister had a detailed carving of a lion. It was another thing Lily always loved about Hilsenvand Manor. It was definitely Gryffindor proud and magical. Lily had so many memories here, it was sometimes hard to remember them all. Hell, she had practically grown up here-with James by her side.

She could hear his footsteps echoing her own in the hallway. Neither spoke to the other.

As they walked down the hallway, the portraits of the Potters turned their heads as they passed but made no comment. Lily stopped in front of her bedroom door and pushed it open. James passed her towards his room, which was two doors down and across the hall.

Lily shut the door and leaned up against it. She was so exhausted. She didn't sleep well last night because of her mum's letter. Lily didn't tell James that her letter had been strange also. She didn't want to raise his suspicisons anymore than her's were. In fact, the letter had been extremely vague. Lily pulled the letter out of her pocket and began to read it.

Dear Lily,
Your presence is recquired at Lord and Lady Potter's manor on Saturday October 3 at 5 p.m. We shall be celebrating something rather special, so wear the appropriate attire. Till Saturday-
Love,
Mum and Dad

Lily folded the letter and put it back into her jacket pocket. She took off her coat and layed down on the king-sized bed. With the flick of her wand, the curtains opened along with the balcony doors, which had a spectacular view of the gardens. A soft breeze flew in, and the evening sun gave a soft glow to her dark marron and black bedroom. Before she knew it, the letter slipped from her mind, and she began to fall into a deep slumber.

Lily didn't know how long she had been asleep, but she awoke to the sun beginning to set on the garden. A small smile crept onto her face as she looked out on the balcony. It really was beautiful out here.

A small snore interupted her thoughts.

Lily quickly rolled over, a bit alarmed. She hadn't realized there had been another person in her room, let alone her bed. James Potter slept with his arm underneath his head, glasses askew, and mouth slightly open.

Lily suppressed a giggle. He looked rather adorable sleeping. The sunset gave his face a rather gentler look than what she was used to seeing. Lily nudged his shoulder, in an attempt to wake him. It was getting close to dinner time.

James grunted in response.

Lily shook his shoulder.

James just grunted louder.

Lily smiled and shook his shoulder harder. "James..."

James cleared his throat. "Yeah?"

She grabbed ahold of his cheek and piched it much like a great aunt would do, "Wakey, wakey..."

James chuckled and shoved her hand away, but he didn't wake up. Instead, he rolled away from her and closed his eyes again. Lily rolled her eyes and proped herself on her arm. She began poking James in his side. "It's time to rise and shine, " she said in a sing-song voice.

James sighed defeated, "Okay, okay. I'm awake." He rolled back over so that he was facing her again. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"What are you doing in here anyways?" she asked, confused.

James put his glasses back on. "I came in here to bug you, but you were asleep. Well actually, I thought you were pretending to be asleep to ignore me. So, I layed down, figuring you would cave in and tell me to piss off or something." James chuckled at himself. "I guess, I fell asleep before I realized you weren't pretending."

Lily chuckled and rolled off the bed. She walked out on the balcony and looked out at the gardens. Her room had a perfect view of the Athena statue. She often wondered if the Potters knew about her obsession with the statue and that was why they offered her this room to stay in when she came on her many visits. The sun fell on the statue in such a way, that at any moment it looked like she would step off her pedestal and walk away to other mystical lands. A gust of wind blew in from the north. Lily closed her eyes and let the wind surround her.

It had been a long time since she felt so at ease, so alive. The wind howled louder; Lily lifted her arms above her head and began spinning around in a circle. She smiled. She used to love to do this as a kid. She couldn't explain why she loved it. She just did.

Lily stopped spinning and let reality sink in. She had less than half an hour to get ready for dinner, and she hadn't even begun to do her hair or make-up. She turned away from the gardens and saw James proped up against the head board, starring at her intentely. She could tell from the look on his face that he had been watching her the entire time. A small blush crept onto Lily's cheeks.

"Um, dinner's in half an hour, so we should probably start getting ready."

James didn't respond. He just continued to sit on her bed and stare at her. Lily had trouble meeting his gaze it was so intense. She felt like he had just caught her naked or something. Lily's blush deepened at the thought.

After awhile, James stood up and made his way towards the balcony. He didn't smile, and his clothes were twisted and wrinkled from sleeping. He grabbed her hand, his expression blank. Her hand was limp and small in his. He bent his head down, and gave her hand a light kiss.

"My dear," his said, his voice low and gruff. "Your escort shall wait for you at the base of the stairs at seven o'clock sharp."

A slow smile crept on his face. He dropped her hand and walked out the door without so much as a glance in her direction. When the door clicked shut, Lily let out a shaky breath that she hadn't even been aware she was holding.

***
For the first time since arriving home, James was glad that Sirius was not around. James would have been highly embarassed at the moment if he had been here to witness him primping for tonights occasion. He had changed shirts twice and ties three times, before deciding not to wear one at all. And right now, James stood in front of the mirror trying to make his hair lay flat. It was proving to be damn near
impossible.

James checked the clock in his bedroom and swore. He was late.

Abandoning his hair, James grabbed his dinner jacket and ran out the door. Running down the hall, James mentally prayed that Lily was not already down there waiting for him. It would be just like her to be annoyingly on time.

"Boy, you should learn not to keep ladys' waiting," his great-grandfather Harold's portrait commented.

"Mind your own business," James retorted. For one, his great-grandfather had no room to give him advice. His wife had left him for the stable boy, and his second wife hadn't even lasted a year.

The portrait scoffed and muttered, "Blood or not, he's no grandson of mine. My grandson would respect his-"

"Can it!" James yelled.

Great-grandfather Harold grunted and moved to his other portrait in the study. James jogged down the stairs and was relieved to not find a miffed Lily waiting for him.

James leaned against the banister and waited. He started messing with his hair again, but he didn't know why he even bothered. It's not like she really cared what he looked like. Lily was many things, but superficial was not one of them.

James sighed. He shoved his hands in his pockets and began fidgeting with the knife that Sirius had lent him. James ruffled his hair out of nervous habbit. Lily always had the ability to make him slightly nervous. He remembered back in fifth year when he used to follow her around like a lost puppy, hoping she would notice him. He even memorized her schedule, so that he could accidently bump into her.

James chuckled at his own stupidlity. He had been so love sick back then that James was almost embarassed to say half of things he did ot get Lily's attention. But fortunately time had past since then, and James had matured. His crush had subsided, and now he only thought of Lily as a friend.

James heard footsteps echoing down the hall. He turned around, and his jaw dropped.

Then again, James thought, maybe he thought of her as his really hot friend.

She really did look exquisite. Her halter dress was classic red and hugged her figure in all the right places. Lily wasn't exactly what one would call skinny. She was about 5'7'' and had the classic hour class figure. To be honest, that was what James liked about Lily. While all the other girls in their year starved themselves-his girlfriend included-Lily took pride in her body. She wore the clothes that showed off her figure in a tasteful way, and never worried herself on being supermodel think. And Lily's confidence in herself, just made her that much more desirable.

Lily stopped two steps in front of him, and arrogantly put her hand on her hip. Her face twitched into a I'm-hot-and-I-know-it grin. Her smugness seemed to fill the room.

James almost snickered. And she complained about him being conceited...

James didn't even try to hide the fact that he was checking her out. It was what she wanted after all. It was all apart of Lily's mind games that James could never quite figure out. But if this was how all her mind games turned out, he didn't mind, too much.

James gave a low whistle. "Damn Evans, you clean up nice."

She tilted her head in the air, and allowed her smugness to sufficate him. Seriously, who was the conceited one?

She chuckled softly. "Keep it in your pants Potter. " Her voice was low and gruff, and sexy.

James stepped closer to her so that they stood face-to-face. If she couls play these mind games, so could he. He leaned in so that their faces were only inches apart. Lily began to faulter slightly under his haze, and her smugness started to deflate. Apparently, she didn't expect him to be this aggressive. He smiled to himself. Think again Evans. Think again.

James leaned in so that their noses were almost touching. He could feel Lily's breath on his face. It seemed to be a little more rapid than it had been a minute ago. He licked his lips and whispered, "We're late."

He briskly turned on his heel and walked down the stairs. He could tell Lily was still on the stairs gaping at him. He stopped in the middle of the entrance hall, and turned around. "You coming?"

She was pracitcally sneering at him now, but James didn't let it get to him. She stood on the stairs for a moment, and attempted to read his mind. Obviously, it was failing miserably.

Lily finally rolled her eyes and scoffed at him. She began walking down the stairs, as James continued to make his way towards the dinning hall. She stomped behind him out of anger, and James couldn't help but tilt his head slightly in the air. I guess I won that round, he said to himself.

Dinner had been rather dull, if you asked James. Their parents asked how school was, how their duties were going as Head Boy and Head Girl, and so on and so forth. Basically, the standard parent-to-offspring conversation that put James to sleep. Even Lily's grudge had lightened up as the night progressed. He was beginning to think she was losing her touch.

Hell, he would have even been interested in the conversation about Voldemort that their parents had avoided. Actually, it was more like thier mothers' avoiding the subject. James and Lily's dad had just begun to discuss some of the paranoia that had been going on, when his mother had remarked that it wasn't 'proper dinner talk.' Unfortunately, their parents had agreed. Peronally, James thought they could have used the controversy. It would have made dinner a bit more exciting.

They all waked into the parlor to have their after-dinner drinks. Lord Evans, Lady Evans, and Lady Potter all sat on the couch, while Lord Potter poured their drinks. James and Lily sat on the love seat directly across from them.

To be honest, James was a little confused. Was this all tonight was going to be about? Dinner, and catching up on what happened in September? But what about the letter?
Why was dinner so secluded?

Lord Godfrey Potter finished handing out the drinks and sat down in the chair beside the couch. Their parents grew eerily quiet. James and Lily glanced at each other warily. Something was fixing to happen, they could feel it.

Lord Potter cleared his throat and set his glass down on the table. "Well, I guess you've both been wondering why we summoned you here today."

James and Lily nodded their heads slowly, not really sure if they wanted to know the 'why' part.

"Well, as you can see, the wizarding world is going through a rather dramatic change. There is an upcoming war that has been brewing for over several years. And to be honest, we are worried for the both of you."

James looked back and forth between the adults. What were they getting at?

"We are entering dark times," Lady Viviane Potter added, " and it's only going to get worse."

"We've been very fortunate to have the Potter's on our side," Lady Sophia Evans remarked sadly. Viviane Potter squeezed her arm sypathetically. "I'll admit I've been terribly worried about Lily since we've learned about this war. And we're grateful that the two of you have been safe at Hogwarts."

"But you both are in your seventh year. And after this year, Hogwarts will no longer be your safety net," said Lord Christopher Evans.

Okay seriously, what were they getting at?

"Now," Lord Godfrey Potter stared straight at them, "you both come from decent respectible, aristocratic families. And you two becoming Head Boy and Head Girl gave us the extra push we needed. Which is why, because of certain circumstances, we've decided that the two of you shalll have an arranged marriage."

Nobody made a sound, especially not James or Lily...

A/N Hope you enjoyed it, please R&R!

2. The Aftermath

Ch. 2 The Aftermath

A/N: Hey guys. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I hope you like this chapter. It contains lost of yelling, which is always exciting! Anyways, as always, please R&R! Thanks!

"Fate will find a way."- The Aeneid

James' mind had gone completely blank. The room was eerily silent as his father's words lingered in the air. James couldn't hear anything except for Lily's rapid breathing and the chairs, as their parents shifted uncomfortably in them. They darted their eyes back and forth, daring the other to break the silence.

Lord Godfrey Potter cleared his throat, but Lily and James still sat paralyzed. "I know this is big news, but it's for the best. You'll see."

Mr. Potter paused. James and Lily still made no sound.

"Well," Lord Potter started again. "If neither of you have anything to say, lets discuss the terms of the contract."

With the flick of his wand, contracts appeared before each of them. James looked down and read the title.

Marital Binding Contract
The merge of Evans and Potter

Slowly, the words began sinking into James' brain.

Who will have an arranged marriage?

Me and Lily?

Yes.

No.

"No!" James' voice finally caught up with his brain. This can't be happening...

Lord Godfrey Potter closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. "James, we've discussed this thoroughly and-"

"I don't care what you've discussed!" James balled up his fists in anger. "This...It can't...It's absurd!"

"James," his mother said softly, "calm down. Everything’s going to be fine."

"Calm down! I'm supposed to be calm about this! What did you expect mother? For me to be thrilled? Lily and I hate each other!"

Lady Viviane Potter looked sympathetically at her son. "Now James, that's not true. You and Lily adore each other..."

James stood up angrily. "OH, PLEASE MUM! I CAN'T STAND LILY EVANS!"

"James..." his mother said warningly. James took no notice.

" SHE'S CRITICAL, BOSSY, INCAPABLE OF ANY EMOTION OTHER THAN ANGER!"

"James!"

"AND SHE'S A HUGE PAIN IN MY ASS!"

"James Harold Godfrey Potter!" his mother's voice said sternly. "Sit down and control yourself!"

Control myself?! She had to be joking. But maybe this wasn't some cruel joke. Maybe it was just a bad dream. A really bad dream. James closed his eyes. But when he opened them again, nothing had changed. This was bloody-fucking real.

"If you guys think I'm going to marry Lily Evans, you're out of your fucking minds!"

"JAMES!" his father shouted. "SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!"

But the minute he sat down, Lily shot up, bumping her knees against the table, causing all the glasses to fall over. Everybody in the room jumped.

"Lillian!" Lady Sophia Evans gasped, "Where are your manners?!"

It was the first time James had looked at her since his dad had made the announcement. Her face was white as a sheet, and tears were beginning to fall down her cheeks. She looked like hell.

"I will not marry James Potter!" Her voice was shaky and unstable.

"Lily..." Lord Evans said softly.

"No dad! I'm not going to marry him!" She pointed her finger straight at her parents, her voice cracking. "And you can't make me!"

She sprinted out of the room, her sobs echoing down the hallway. The Evans' muttered apologies to the Potters and left to go chase after their daughter.

James put his head between his hands and began rubbing his temples. This was worse than a bad dream. It was a bloody nightmare.

***
Lily was having some sort of breakdown. She couldn't utter a word because her voice was choking on her tears, and her vision was completely blurred. But that didn't stop her from running.

She ran as fast as she could, ignoring the portraits that called after her. She slammed the door to her room, and fell face first onto the bed. Her make-up was smudged and she knew her hysterical cries weren't attractive, but she didn't care. Her whole body shook with every sob, and her chest never felt so heavy.

How could they do this to her?

She had her whole future planned before they rudely interrupted it. She was going to move to London and get her own apartment. She was going to pay for it with her own money that she made working for the Ministry of Magic. She was going to work her way up from the bottom. And she was going to get to the top because she was skilled and dedicated, not because her father was Lord Christopher Evans. She was going to be independent.

But that had all changed in a matter of seconds. Now, her future consisted of nothing but being Potter's little wife and child bearer. The thought made her cry harder.

Lily heard a knock on the door. She squeezed her eyes shut in hopes of willing them away. Of course, it didn't work.

Lady Sophia Evans barged in without waiting for permission to enter. The minute they walked in, Lily knew she was in big trouble–but she didn't care. She was too numb to care.

"Lillian Rosemarie Evans!" her mother shouted from the foot of the bed. "That was the rudest, most inexcusable scene you have ever displayed in your entire life!"

Lily closed her eyes and wished more than anything that she was invisible.

"I want you to go downstairs and apologize to Mr. and Mrs. Potter for taking advantage of their hospitality!"

Tears silently fell down her cheeks, but her mother didn't notice.

"And while you're at it, I want you to apologize to James as well. Honestly, behaving like that in front of him! No wonder he doesn't want to marry you!"

Dear god, please make them go away, she thought. I just want to be left alone.

"Lily are you listening to me?! ANSWER ME!"

Lily shot up. "SHUT UP MUM!"

Lily's despair had turned into full-fledged anger. They had crossed a line. They were yelling at her, and they were ruining her life!

"Lily I will not tolerate you speaking to me like that!" Her mother's perfect blonde hair was starting to fall out of its bun, and her face creased in anger. Lily knew she was really pushing her mother's patience if she was causing her mother's appearance to falter.

Lady Sophia Evans took pride in being the perfect wife, with the perfect appearance and perfect manners. As much as Sophia Evans took pride in all these things, Lily despised her for it just the same. Lily and her mother hardly ever saw eye-to-eye with each other, which caused a huge strain in their relationship.

Sophia was always on her daughter's back about her complexion, her weight, and her temper. She felt that a woman should live for her man, and the only way to win a man was to look beautiful and keep your mouth shut.

Lily, on the other hand, thought the exact opposite. She had a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of attitude. And if a man didn't like her for who she was, then he wasn't worth her time. And Lily Evans refused to depend on a man. She felt there was nothing more degrading than seeing a woman depend solely on a man.

But if her parents got their way, and she did marry James Potter, she was going to go against everything she ever believed in. She was going to turn into her mother. The thought made her sick to her stomach.

"I'm not going to marry him!"

"Well Lily, you don't have much of a choice."

"But mum-"

"What?!"

"I don't love him," she finished weakly. She collapsed on the bed, hunched over, sure that there was something wrong with her heart. Why else would it hurt so much?

"Oh Lily..." Mr. Evans came and sat beside his daughter and rubbed her back. Mrs. Evans sat beside her too, her anger subsiding.

"You know Red," Lily laid her head on her fathers shoulder still crying. It had been a long time since she had cried on his shoulder. He wasn't around that much anymore. "marriage isn't always about love."

Lily lifted her head and looked at him skeptical. If marriage wasn't about love, then what was it about?

"It's about compromise, respect, and undying loyalty to your husband or wife. You have to find someone who you share similar goals and interests with, and know that you are safe and secure with that person. Love is not a top priority in a marriage, Red."

"Your father's right Lily." Mrs. Evans said, as she stroked Lily's hair. "Love is something you are rewarded with over time. You don't have to love James now, but you can learn to."

"Exactly," remarked Lord Evans. "Think of it as a business deal. You might not like the deal at first. But in the end, it will benefit your company."

Lily's face twisted in disgust. Was that what they thought of her? Some sort of business deal? Lily stood up and walked over to the balcony. She didn't know if she could handle being around them much longer.

"Lily," She could hear the irritation in her father's voice. "what's wrong now?"

Lily began messing with the curtain. She didn't know how to put it so that she could make them understand.

"I just can't marry James. It will totally ruin my future."

"Lily, look at me."

Lily looked up at her mother.

"I want you to tell me the truth, okay?"

Lily nodded.

"Is this all because you're nervous about the wedding night?"

Lily let out a bark of laughter. Wow, her mother didn't have a clue. Sleeping with James was the last thing on her mind. True, Lily was still a virgin, but she wasn't prude. Her mother probably thought that her and James had done nothing more than kiss each other modestly on the cheek. When, in reality, they had done a lot more than that. But Lily wasn't about to inform her mother of that little fact now.

"Mum, you just don't get it!"

Lady Sophia threw her arms up defensively. "What? What did I say now? All I did was ask if you were nervous about the wedding night? It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's apart of-"

"Mum! Shut. Up!"

"Lily!" Lord Evans stood before his daughter, anger soaking every word. "Stop speaking to your mother like that."

Normally Lily was terrified of her father when he was angry, but Lily had lost all control.

"I won't get married!"

"Lily stop it!"

"NO DAD, IT WILL TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY RUIN EVERYTHING!"

"LILY STOP THIS NONSENSE! YOU WILL GET MARRIED. YOU WILL BECOME A POTTER!"

"BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE A POTTER!" She cried. "I JUST WANT TO BE ME!"

The room was silent. A breeze drifted in from the balcony, as Lily whipped the tears off her cheeks. Lady Evans sat on the bed, with one hand over her mouth, looking a tad frightened by their screaming. Lord Evans starred at his daughter, his eyes cold and scolding. Lily shivered.

"Lillian. Listen. To. Me." His voice was dangerously low. Lily didn't dare interrupt him. "You will marry James Potter. You will sign this contract. And you will honor your parents wishes without complaint."

Lily stood and messed with the curtain, her body full of heat. She couldn't meet his eyes, but she knew they starring straight at her.

"Now," he said clicking his tongue. "Lets talk about this contract."

Lord Evans walked over to the bed and picked up a briefcase that he had brought in. He opened it and began flipping through the papers. Lily looked up and caught her mothers' gaze. Lady Evans looked away and began fixing her hair, so that it was all tucked back in its bun.

Lady Evans stood up and cleared her throat. "Um...Christopher?"

"What?" he barked, not even bothering to look up from the papers.

"Um..I was just thinking that maybe...maybe we shouldn't discuss the contract tonight."

The rustling of the papers stopped. Lord Evans lifted his head and narrowed his eyes at his wife.

"What do you mean we shouldn't discuss it tonight?"

Lady Evans began twirling a strand of hair nervously. "I-I mean it's late, and Lily's clearly upset-"

Lord Evans slammed the papers back in the suitcase causing Lily and Mrs. Evans to jump.

"Bloody hell, not you too!"

"No, no, no, Chris! Just listen to-"

"Are you now thinking that Lily shouldn't go through with this marriage either?"

"No, no, no! I was just-"

"Cause let me tell you something Sophia!"

Lily stood in the background and watched her parents fight. If this was what she had to go through in a marriage, then she would rather be in hell.

"I'm not marrying James Potter!"

They both stopped arguing and looked at her, her father red with anger.

"What did I just get finish saying Lillian! YOU WILL-"

"YOU GUYS GETTING MARRIED NEVER MADE ANYONE IN THIS ROOM VERY HAPPY! SO, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH IT?"

The room fell silent once again. Lord Evans' face turned purple. Lady Evans stood motionless refusing to look up from the floor. Lily stood panting, regretting what she had just said.

Lord Evans spun around in one quick motion. He slammed the briefcase shut and walked toward the door. He had one hand on the knob before her turned around to face them.

"Sophia you got your wish. We will wait until tomorrow to discuss the contract." Lady Evans still refused to look up from the floor. He scuffed at her in disgust before turning towards his daughter. "Now Lillian, listen to me. I don't care if you kick and scream. I don't care if you cry. I don't even care if you threaten to kill yourself! The point is, you will marry James Potter eventually. SO YOU BETTER GET USED TO THE IDEA!"

He slammed the door and walked out. Lily stood frozen by the balcony. Why was he doing this to her? Why couldn't he see just how much this was killing her?

Lily looked over at her mom, hoping to find some sort of comfort. Lady Evans took a deep sigh and turned towards Lily. Tears were glistening in the corner of her eyes, but she didn't allow them to fall. Instead, she raised her head higher.

"Go to bed Lily. We will see you in the morning." Lady Evans turned around and shut the door behind her, leaving Lily all alone.

Lily gaped after her mother. Was that all she had to say to her? After all that had happened?

The breeze began to pick up and Lily wrapped her arms around herself, her heart pounding in her ears. What was she going to do? She couldn't marry James, she'd be miserable. She couldn't runaway, her dad would kill her. So seriously, what was she supposed to do?

Defeat flooded through Lily's veins. She collapsed on the floor and let her cries be her only source comfort.

***
"James, come on. Say something."

James was pacing back and forth through the parlor with a million thoughts bouncing around in his head.

"James, please don't be like this."

James continued pacing, a dull headache beginning to form. This was insane.

"James? Are you okay? Please answer me?"

James sighed, collecting his thoughts. "How can I possibly be okay mum? I mean you guys are deciding my life here."

Mr. Potter took a deep breath. "We've been over this..."

James sighed and flopped into the chair across from his parents. He was getting rather sick of his parents 'we're-doing-this-for-your-own-good' speech.

"James we're doing this for your own good. I know it doesn't seem like it right now-"

James snorted.

"-but try to understand. Please."

James ran his hand through his hair. He was trying to understand, really he was. But the answers they were giving him weren't good enough.

His mother reached across the table and squeezed his arm. James looked up at his mother, her hazel eyes clouded with worry.

James sort of felt bad about yelling at her earlier. He hardly ever yelled at his mother.

"James." She squeezed his arm again, and James looked up. "Talk to us. We're listening okay? We want to hear what you have to say."

James couldn't help it, he rolled his eyes. "Like what I say will make any difference."

"Well James, you're probably right," said Lord Potter. "But we know you have questions, and we are willing to answer them. So, take advantage of this opportunity, and ask us what's on your mind."

James sighed. To be honest, he knew the question he wanted to ask the most. He took a deep breath and decided it was now or never.

"Why Lily?"

Mr. and Mrs. Potter looked at each other and began speaking to one another with their eyes. James' leg began to bounce up and down nervously as he waited to hear their reply.

"Well," his mother began. "We knew there was a war approaching. A big war. So before you started Hogwarts, your father and I decided to arrange your marriage. We know it's a bit old fashioned, but we figured this was the best way for you to be happy and to keep the Potter legacy alive."

James' mind was swarming as he took all this in. It kind of made him sick to think that his parents had decided all of this before he had even hit puberty.

"Yeah okay, but why Lily?"

Lady Potter motioned for him to be quiet. "Shush, I'm getting there. Okay, so after we decided that you would have an arranged marriage, we began thinking of possible suitors."

"We knew that all Slytherin-type Purebloods were out of the question. But, unfortunately aristocratic families outside of the Slytherin House are very limited, " Lord Potter remarked. " We had no doubt that you would be in Gryffindor, so we started looking in Gryffindor families."

"And of course," his mother replied, "you know there aren't any Pureblood aristocratic Gryffindor's your age, so we decided we would wait and see who ended up in Ravenclaw. We figured it would be the next best thing."

"Then," his father said laughingly. "we met the Evans."

His parents started chuckling. James looked back and forth between them trying to figure out what was so funny.

"Oh James, " his mother said trying to contain her laughter. "The minute we saw her we knew she was perfect. She was smart, vivacious, and had that same spotlight permanently on her that you were born with."

"And not to mention beautiful," his father said wiggling his eyebrows.

To James' surprise, he started to smile. He pictured Lily when she was eleven with her charm, wit, and know-it-all presonality, which hadn't changed much. He had to hand to it to his parents, they definitely knew how to pick future brides.

"Anyways," Mrs. Potter continued, "we ran into them we when dropped you off at the train station your first year. They asked us how to get on the train, and they were so nervous about letting Lily go to Hogwarts. So we helped ease their minds about the wizarding world, and we answered any questions they had. Then, we discovered that they were aristocratic as well. So, we gave them our contact information and we kept close touch."

"Finally, after awhile," his father stated. "they began to question us about the war, and how we were dealing with it. So, we told them we were planning on arranging your marriage. Your mother and I had already decided that Lily was the best possibility. She was in Gryffindor, charming, good family background, and we thought it would be nice to mix up the bloodline. So, after some time, we proposed the idea of Lily being your suitor, and they loved the idea."

"Then," his mother said, "we began making the arrangements for you two to spend summers and holidays together. That way you would both be well acquainted with each-"

"Wait, wait, wait." James said, interrupting them. "You guys decided all this our first year?"

His parents nodded their heads slowly.

"So why didn't you guys just tell us then?" The anger was beginning to creep back into his voice. "Why make it so rushed now, when we could have had time to at least get used to the idea?!"

"James," his mother said softly, "We wanted you two to have some fun, and get to know each other without having this burden all through your school years."

James leaned against the back of the chair. He slowly began messaging his head, trying to get rid of his pounding headache. All this information was a lot to take in. His parents had know all about it for almost six years, and he had never suspected it. He should of known, really he should of. I mean whose Pureblood parents had parties and invited Muggleborns? He should have figured out when his dad would hiss in his ear to go greet Lily and tell her how pretty she looked that evening. And he definitely should have known, when his parents requested that he spend summers with Lily at her manor. Suddenly everything was starting to make a whole lot more sense.

"James," James looked up at his father, whose face had grown rather serious. "We know this isn't what you had planned after Hogwarts, but you have to understand what this war means. With the threat of You-Know-Who and Death Eaters, our time is becoming very limited."

James understood where they were coming from. They were worried and paranoid that they would be Voldemort's next target, and they wanted to see the Potter generation live on. But was marrying Lily really the answer? If he did marry Lily, what would exactly stop Voldemort and the Death Eaters from knocking on their door?

The thing that bothered James most was that he hadn't wanted things to turn out this way. He didn't want it this way at all. He didn't want his parents declaring their proposal. He wanted to be the one to propose to the woman he loved. He wanted to feel nervous and excited about getting married, not dread. And he wanted to be loved. He hated to sound like such a girl, but he did. He wanted to be loved by a woman, marry her, make her happy, start a family. Sure he was attracted to Lily, and there was a lot of sexual tension between them. But was that really true love?

James didn't think Lily would ever love him. Not like he wanted to be loved anyways. How could he survive in a loveless marriage? How could she? Suddenly, a horrifying thought struck James. He sat up straight and felt all the blood rush from his face.

"James, honey," his mother asked worried. "Are you alright?"

James swallowed the lump size knot in his throat. "O-Olivia. How am I going to tell Olivia?"

Mr. Potter sighed and Mrs. Potter looked sympathetically at her son.

"James," Lord Potter said, "you're going to have to tell her and break it off."

This infuriated James beyond belief. He stood up suddenly and began balling up his fists.

"Bu...but that's not fair!"

"James," his mother said, quietly. "I warned you not to get too serious with that girl."

"Yeah, because I thought you thought we were too young to be thinking about marriage!"

Mr. and Mrs. Potter looked at their son shocked.

"You were thinking about marriage?" Mrs. Potter croaked.

James sat down and began bouncing his leg up and down again. "No, but I would like to have had the option. I want to be the one to choose. Why can't I-"

Lord Potter began shaking his head vigorously. "No, James. I'm sorry, but that is completely out of the question."

"Why! Why is it so wrong?!"

"Because we already decided on Lily!"

James threw up this hands and started pacing around the room. Why couldn't they understand?

"But Lily doesn't love me! Why can't you see that I want to be married to someone who I know loves me?!"

"But James," Lady Potter said, in hopes of calming him. "Lily does love you. She might not see it right now, but she does. We've watched the two of you for years. We know."

"No mum, she doesn't!"

"James, of course she-"

He was suffocating. The walls were caving in. He was losing control again. I have to get out of here.

"I-I can't talk about this anymore!"

"James!" both of his parents yelled after him, but he didn't care. He would deal with them in the morning.

James walked the rest of the way up the stairs almost to his door, when he heard the sobbing. James stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Lily's oak door.

He starred transfixed. Lily never cried. Memories of last summer at Lily's house flooded his mind. It had been the first time he had ever seen her fall apart. It nearly tore him apart to know that right now, she was in that dark room all alone, crying her eyes out. James walked over the door and placed his hand on the knob, but he didn't turn it.

James couldn't make himself do it. It reminded him too much of last summer. James didn't think he could go through with all of it again.

He turned around and tried to push the thought of her crying out of his mind. James walked to his door and flung it open, hoping Sirius had left that bottle of fire whiskey under his bed.

3. Shattered Dreams

Ch.3 Shattered Dreams

"Be still my heart; thou hast known worse than this."-Homer

The thick oak doors opened. Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Mastering up as much courage as she possibly could, she took the first step.

She was wearing a very extravagant white dress that she sort of despised. The lace was rather itchy and the veil was so long that it touched the ground. For a moment, she worried she would trip over it. But, she had bigger things to worry about than her veil.

She walked slowly down the aisle and surveyed her surroundings. Everybody was dressed in the same black cloak, and all eyes were trained on her as they watched her every movement. She gulped.

Now, she realized they weren't wearing some random black attired, it was something a dark wizard would wear. A Death Eater.

Lily gasped. She had to warn James.

Lily ran the rest of the way up the aisle and stopped at the alter. Lily saw him. He was dressed in a black suit, and his hair was still untidy even though it was, in fact, their wedding day. He smiled at her, and Lily completely forgot what she had to warn him about. Instead, his smile mirrored her own. He grabbed the end of her veil and lifted it over her head, so he could see her more clearly.

They starred at each other, losing themselves in each others eyes. Suddenly, he leaned towards her, and Lily's breath caught in her throat. But before his lips could touch her own, he transformed. He was no longer James Potter, but a Death Eater.

Lily struggled to break free of his grasp. And as if on cue, all the Death Eaters began closing in around her. After a long struggle, she finally broke free of the Death Eater, and pushed her way out of the chapel.

I have to warn James, Lily kept repeating to herself. I have to warn him. But, where is he?

Suddenly, Lily saw him.

He stood across the street smiling and waving at her, as if he had been in front of her all along and she had just never realized it. Relief flooded through her veins. He was okay. He was still here.

She ran across the street, and let her emotions take control. She jumped into his arms, and he caught her encircling his arms around her waist. They clung to each other tightly, and Lily prayed this moment would never have to end.

Lily pressed her cheek against his and sighed. "Where were you?" she whispered in his ear.

He pulled away from her slightly, so that he was facing her. His face was no longer smiling. Instead, his eyes squinted in concentration as they searched her face.

"Lily, don't you know?" he asked, pulling her closer to him. "I was waiting for you."

Lily didn't know why, but she started crying. Her heart ached with longing and regret. All this time, he had been standing right in front of her, and she had never known. How could she have never realized that he had been waiting for her?

Well, she thought, I'm not going to make the same mistake again. She placed either hand on the side of his face and kissed him passionantly. He responded with the same urgency and ran his hands up her back and into her hair. Lily shivered. Life had never tasted sweeter.

Lily broke apart for air and noticed they were surrounded by a blur of black. Startled, Lily stepped away from James, and saw that they were surrounded by Death Eaters. James noticed this too. He grabbed her and shoved her behind him. She clung to him frightened for his life and hers.

They were closing in on them. Lily stood shaking behind James. She didn't want to die; she didn't want James to die.

James turned and grabbed her arms roughly. "Lily get out of here, run for it."

She was shaking uncontrollably now. "W-what?"

"I'll hold them of, " he said, squeezing her arms even tighter. "Just save yourself."

Lily shook her head. There was no way she could leave him--not now, not ever.

"I'm not leaving you!"

He glanced at the faces around them in worry. They were getting closer. "Lily, please! They'll tear us apart if you stay here. I want you to live."

Tears were soaking her chin, and she saw the slight trace of tears in his eyes. This nearly broke her heart. She placed her hand softly on his cheek, and he closed his eyes at her touch.

"But I can't leave you. I-I just found you."

He opened his eyes and smiled lovingly at her. And for a moment, the world disappeared, and they were together again. Just them. Alone. In pure bliss.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she didn't get a chance to hear his words.

Hands grabbed both of them and pulled them apart. Lily struggled to get away, but she knew there was no hope. There were too many of them.

She saw that a group of Death Eaters had formed a small circle around James. He didn't fight. He just stood before them, with his shoulders back and his head held up high. Lily tried to scream at him to swallow his pride and run for it, but he couldn't hear her.

She watched as one Death Eater entered the circle and pointed his wand straight at James. She couldn't hear what they were saying. But in an instant, a strand of green light exited the wand, and James fell face first on the ground.

Lily screamed. She didn't know what else to do but scream. Her scream pierced through the cold night, and several Death Eaters had to cover their ears.

"Shut up, you silly girl!"

Lily turned around and met the most frightening pair of red eyes she had ever seen.

"Avada Kedavra!"

A burst of green light filled Lily's vision, and--

"Lily!"

Lily sat straight up in bed, coaxed with sweat.

"Hey, hey calm down. It's alright. It was just a dream."

Lily leaned against the headboard and placed her hand over her heart. It was beating rapidly, and Lily took several deep breaths to steady it.

She felt a light touch on her arm, and Lily looked up to see her mother leaning over her worried.

"What on earth were you dreaming about? It took me forever to wake you."

Lily pulled her arm away from her mother and shrugged. Truthfully, Lily couldn't really remember what she had been dreaming about. All she remembered were the mass of people in black, a green light, and James. Everything else had faded from her memory.

"You didn't sleep in that did you?" Lily's mother asked.

Lily looked up at her mothers scolding expression and then looked down at her own clothes. Oops. She had fallen asleep in the dress she had worn last night. She hadn't meant to do it. She had just been so upset that she cried herself to sleep. Lily leaned over to see the clock on the wall. It was around nine.

"Where's Dad?" Lily asked, in hopes of changing the subject. She wasn't in the mood to argue with her mother.

Lady Sophia sighed and sat down on the bed next to her. "He's downstairs talking with Lord Godfrey at the moment. They have some matters to discuss."

Lily grabbed one of the pillows on her bed and hugged it tightly to her chest. "About James and I?"

Lady Sophia nodded and smoothed down her skirt. Lily fought back the urge to roll her eyes. It wasn't even ten yet, and her mother was already dressed and made up like a Barbie doll.

"Actually," Lady Sophia said clasping her hands together, "we need to talk for a minute."

Lily groaned and buried her face in the pillow. It was too early to talk about this.

"Hey you can moan and groan all you want, but it's not going to do you any good."

Lily lifted her head and narrowed her eyes at her mother. Why couldn't she just give her a few minutes of peace? She was sick of talking. Who ever said talking about your feelings made you feel better was a complete moron.

"Now, about this marriage contract..."

Lily shoved her pillow aside and stood up angrily. "Why do we have to talk about this now?!"

"Lily, calm down! It's not as bad as you think it is!"

Lily threw her hands up in the air, clearly annoyed. "Of course it's bad! Your taking my life away with a stupid sheet of paper! I think I have a right to be a little pissed!"

Lady Sophia rolled her eyes. "Lily, stop being such a drama queen. Jeez, your sister never gave us this much trouble when she was getting married."

"Huh," Lily said, sarcastically, "maybe it was because she wanted to marry Vernon."

"Lily!" Lady Sophia stood up angrily and narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "Will your mouth for five damn minutes! God, you can be so annoying sometimes..."

Lily sat down on the bed and threw daggers at her mother with her eyes.

"Anyways, there are some things we need take care of before the wedding-"

Lily winced at the mention of her so-called wedding.

"We will be contacting you quite frequently when you are at Hogwarts."

"Oh, goody," Lily mocked. Her mother scowled at her but choose to ignore her comment.

"But for now, you don't have to worry about anything."

"Good," Lily folded her arms firmly across her chest, "because I want nothing to do with this wedding."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Lily and her mother stared at each other for several minutes. Her mother was smirking as if she had won this battle. However, for Lily, the war hadn't even started.

"Well, now that we've gotten that taken care of, your train leaves in about an hour. Get dressed and meet us downstairs. Your father and I will see you off."

Lady Sophia shut the door behind her. Lily waited till she heard the click of the door and quickly started gathering up her things. She couldn't wait to get back to Hogwarts and see her friends. It would be nice to be around people who would feel the same way about this wedding as she did. And who knows, maybe they would be able to help her sort out this horrible mistake.

Lily grabbed all of her necessities and started heading towards the bathroom. Halfway across the room, a realization hit her. In an hour, she would have to face James.

Immediately, Lily's heart started beating rapidly. She couldn't face him, not after last night. What was she supposed to do when she saw him? What was she supposed to say?

Lily took a deep breath and came up with a solution. A solution she had once heard when she had been forced to attend Madame Simone's Charm and Beauty School. When in doubt, ignore him. This way the next action between the two of you will totally be up to him.

***
James Potter sat at the dining room table trying to hear what his parents were saying, but he quickly gave up. He couldn't hear anything because he was having the worst hangover ever.

After he had retired to his room last night, James had downed almost a full bottle of firewhiskey. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea to drown all his sorrows. But now, on top of having to deal with the thought of marrying Lily, he had to deal with a skull splitting headache. Life really was cruel.

Just then, one of the maids came in carrying their breakfast plates. The plate clanged against the dining room table when she placed it in front of him. She moved around the table and did the same thing to his parents' plates. James winced. The sound really wasn't helping his hangover any.

"James," his mother asked from across the table. "Are you alright?"

"Huh?" he mumbled, sort of taken off guard.

"I asked if you were alright. You don't look like you feel very well."

"Oh," James said, shrugging, "I"m just...tired."

"Oh, okay." replied Mrs. Potter while eyeing her son suspiciously.

James had been rudely awakened about half an hour earlier by his mother shaking him. James had fallen asleep--well, past out to be more precise--in an arm chair. So when he woke up, his mother had bombarded him with questions. Luckily, James had pitched the firewhiskey bottle, so she had no evidence as to what he had been up to the night before.

James avoided her gaze, knowing that if she saw his blood-shot eyes, it would give him away. Although, James wouldn't be surprised if his mother knew exactly why he wasn't feeling very well. She had caught him and Sirius drunk enough times to recognize his symptoms.

If Sirius had been here, they would have snuck into the kitchen by now. They would of fixed themselves a hangover potion and not worry about his parents finding out. More than once though, James and Sirius had needed Lily to make one for them. They had found out the hard way that they could only fix the potion when they were semi-sober. So, they usually barged into Lily's room in the morning bribing her into making one for them. She always gave in, eventually.

But this time, James didn't think it would be appropriate to knock on Lily's door and ask for a hangover potion the morning after their parents had announced their engagement.

James almost started choking on his food. It was the first time he had ever really thought of him and Lily as being engaged.

"James, are you okay?"

James nodded his head, still gagging slightly.

Just then, the door to the dining area opened. The Potters turned in their seats as the Evans entered. James's stomach jumped into his throat. He knew he was going to be nervous about seeing Lily, but he had no idea he was going to be this nervous.

Lily was the last one to enter. Her hair was wavy and slightly frizzy, like it always looked when she had just gotten out of the shower. She was wearing a plain long-sleeved white shirt with her favorite pair of faded jeans, but there was an aura of sadness surrounding her. James tried to catch her eye and shoot her a look of sympathy, but she deliberately avoided his gaze. Instead, her face remained blank and impassive, a look James had seen several times when she didn't want people to know what she was thinking or feeling. But never, in all the time he had known Lily, had the look ever been intended for him.

The Evans took their seats, and Lily was forced to sit next to James. James continued eating his eggs, but his gaze kept traveling over towards Lily. She sat perfectly straight with one hand in her lap, while the other held a half-eaten piece of bacon.

James continued to stare at Lily, but she kept her gaze down and her face blank. James looked closer at her and noticed her tiniest flaw. She was shaking; he could feel it.

"James? Lily?"

They both looked up at their parents. They had their hands clasped together and their expressions serious. James felt his stomach drop. He wondered what 'announcement' they had for them this time. For all he knew, they were going to announce that they had to conceive a child within next year. If that was the case, James was sure he was going to throw up his breakfast.

"We have another proposition for you two."

James's face paled. Oh, great.

Mr. Potter chuckled. "The both of you look like you have just been petrified. Don't worry. It's better news, I promise."

James eyed his father cautiously. After his dad's little announcement last night, James didn't think he could ever trust his dad's good news again.

"Now," Lord Godfrey began in his business like tone, "obviously you two are having difficulty accepting this marriage."

James's heart began to beat more rapidly, and Lily was shaking more violently than ever. He resisted the urge to comfort her, knowing that she would only push him away.

"So after some talk this morning, we have decided that you both will not be signing the contract today."

James held his breath hopefully, and Lily stopped shaking momentarily.

"However, you will sign it on December 24."

James blinked several times, floored. "B-but that's Christmas Eve!" he blurted out.

Lord Godfrey nodded slowly. "Yes, at our annual Christmas Eve party you will sign the contract. It is also when we will be announcing your engagement to the public."

James felt his stomach drop again. He knew it had been too good to be true, but apart of him had hoped they had canceled the engagement.

"So, you both will have a little over two months to get used to the engagement. You will be officially engaged on December 24, and you will be married on June 21."

James snapped his gaze towards Lily, whose eyes were as wide as saucers. She glanced in his direction, but quickly looked away. Even though it had been quick, he knew Lily was thinking the same thing he was.

"You've already set a date for our wedding?" James asked bewildered.

Lord Godfrey shook his head, "Yes, June 21."

Immediately, James and Lily began to protest, but Lord Godfrey Potter held up his hand to silence them.

"We don't have time to argue about it. We will discuss it later, but not today. For now, you both need to catch the train back to Hogwarts."

For the first time in about two days anticipation filled his body. He couldn't wait to get back and forget about this weekend. He would go back to Hogwarts and bury himself in quidditch, the Marauders, and school, and forget about Lily's icy attitude, the engagement, and gaining the courage to confess it all to Olivia.

They finished their breakfast in almost total silence. The maid came in and announced that their ride to the train station was here. James and Lily practically ran to the door. Their parents said goodbye to them, and told them they will be in contact with them soon. James and Lily both choose to ignore this statement.

They both walked towards the car that would take them to the train station. James opened the car door for Lily, and sort of stood in front of it so she would be forced to acknowledge his presence.

James pretended to pick a piece of fuzz off his shirt, while he waited for Lily to tell him to piss off or something of that nature. She did no such thing. For a few minutes, she stood in front of him with her arms crossed, and her expression blank--No glare, no sneer, nothing. For Lily, this was considered an insult. She quietly turned on her heel and walked to the other side of the car and got in without saying a word.

James's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe she had just blown him off. Normally, she would have been glaring, stomping her feet, calling him a prat, anything to get him to move. Instead, she turned a cold shoulder and walked away.

James got in the car, but kept his gaze out the window. They were turning out onto the street when the anger began boiling up inside him.

What in the hell was her problem anyway? They were both in the exact same situation. He knew how she was feeling, so why was she acting so cold towards him? Wouldn't he understand more than anymore else what she was feeling?

"Lily?" he asked. For whatever reason, James really wanted to talk to her. It was probably the hangover talking.

"Lily?" he asked again. She kept looking out the window and pretended not to hear him, even though he knew she could.

James rolled his eyes and gave up. Fine, he thought, if she wanted to be an ice queen, let her be an ice queen. He was sick of always trying to melt her.

***
Lily was about to burst. She needed to talk to someone. She couldn't keep all of this inside of her much longer.

If anyone would have stopped to talk to her on the way to the Gryffindor Tower, they would have thought somebody had died. Her face was unusually pale and pasty, and her cheeks were flustered to make it look like she had been crying. Her eyes were rimmed in red out of sleep depravation, and she neither smiled nor frowned. Which for Lily, meant something was terribly wrong.

Lily jogged her way toward to the tower, and reached the dormitories without any trouble. She opened the door and starred at her fellow classmates, who starred back in shock and worry.

Her two best friends, Madeline Cross and Deidre Vishicio, sat on their beds paralyzed. They had been giggling only moments before, but now they were consumed with worry at the sight of Lily.

"Whoa, you look like shit." Deidre said, walking towards Lily, "What happened to you?"

Lily almost cracked a smile. Leave it to Deidre to point out the obvious without any regards for other peoples feelings. But any trace of smile Lily might have shown quickly vanished when she saw the one person she really didn't want to see: Olivia Davenport.

Olivia and Lily glared at each other from across the room, the same loathing radiating from their gaze. Olivia and Lily had never been great friends, but they had lived civilly for several years without ever really fighting. But a months before Olivia started dating James, the tension between them, that had never really existed, snapped. Now, they could hardly be in the same room without screaming at each other.

Olivia was basically the exact opposite of Lily. She was skinny with straight, light brown hair that matched her eyes, while Lily was voluptuous with wavy dark red hair and emerald green eyes. Lily was studious and independent, while Olivia was flirtatious and clingy. Lily was muggle-born; Olivia was purelood, and the list went on and on. How they had ended up in the same house was still a huge mystery to her.

Lily had been glaring at Olivia for awhile before she spoke. "Do you mind giving us some privacy?"

It had come out a little ruder than Lily had intended, but Lily really didn't make an effort to apologize. Olivia slammed down the nail filer she had been using, and glared at Lily, a little miffed.

"What?"

"I need to talk privately with Dee and Madeline, and I don't want your ears to 'accidently' hear what I'm going to say."

Olivia pushed her chair back roughly and started gathering things into her make-up bag.

"Don't flatter yourself Evans. Nothing you could possibly say would be of any interest to me."

Lily had to bite her tongue to keep from saying that her and James were now betrothed.

Olivia finished filling up her make-up bag and turned to face them, her nose practically scraping the ceiling. Olivia eyed Lily's clothing with a smirk. Olivia was wearing a mid-thigh wool skirt with a tight red shirt. She looked phenomenal, while Lily looked like she had just rolled out of bed. She mentally scolded herself for her choice of clothing in front of Olivia. She had just made herself bait on Olivia's fishing hook.

"What's the matter Evans?" Olivia asked mockingly. "Did you eat too much this weekend? Had to wear the fat jeans?"

It was Olivia's favorite slam. Making sure Lily was aware of how much skinnier Olivia was than her. Normally Lily would have retorted, but she was so exhausted that she didn't have it in her.

"Didn't Lily ask you to leave Olivia?" Deidre said in her defense.

Olivia shrugged unfazed. "Don't get your panties in a twist Dee. I was just leaving."

She shoved her way past Deidre and Lily. Olivia was just out the door when she turned to Lily.

"So, if you are back, that means James is back too. Right?"

Lily's jaw clenched at his name. Olivia didn't wait for Lily to respond. Instead, she continued to talk about James.

"Oh, I'm so glad he is back! He must have been so bored in that big house without anyone to talk to--no offense Lily. And look at my outfit! I picked it out especially for his return."

Olivia did a little runway turn for Lily. Lily's glare intensified. She knew exactly what Olivia was up to. She was trying to rub it in Lily's face that James was her boyfriend, not Lily's. Not that Lily particularly cared or anything.

"See how this skirt shows off my legs? James loves it when I saw off my legs!"

Lily threw a glance at Deidre, asking her to shut Olivia's mouth for her.

"Olivia!" Diedre hollered. Olivia stopped strutting around the hallway to acknowledge Deidre. "Here's an idea. Why don't you go down to the fifth year boys dormitories and show off your outfit there? I'm sure they could give you plenty of compliments about your skirt and...your legs."

Olivia's cheeks began to glow red at Deidre's comment. Olivia spun around, flicking her straight brown hair, and continued down the stairs in a huff.

Once Olivia was out of sight, Deidre shut the door and faced Lily. "What's the deal Lily? You wouldn't even stick up for yourself in front of Olivia."

Lily's throat quickly began to close up, and her body filled with heat. She couldn't hold it back any longer. Slowly, Lily lowered her head in her hands and let out a sob.

Deidre looked at Madeline in alarm, and Madeline quickly got off her bed and rushed towards Lily's side.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Madeline asked in her soothing voice that she was famous for.

Lily struggled to speak, but it was proving to be impossible. Madeline and Deidre wrapped their arms around her and guided her towards her bed. They sat down on either side of Lily, trying their best to calm her down. Eventually, Lily's sobs began to subside.

"Lily, tell us what's wrong."

"Yeah," Deidre said, pulling a piece of hair out of Lily's face, "talk to us."

Lily sighed and began fiddling with her hands nervously. She knew she had to tell them, but she really didn't want to admit it out loud.

Lily closed her eyes and sighed, "You know how I went to James's house this weekend?"

They nodded their hands waiting for her to continue.

"Well, did I tell you about our invitations."

Deidre and Madeline shook their heads in response, eager to see where she was going with this.

"Well, we both received rather peculiar invitations."

Madeline's face crinkled in confustion. "What do you mean peculiar?"

"It was just that both the invitations had really odd requests. And later that night, we were all having drinks after dinner, when our parents announced...when our parents announced." God, she couldn't say it outloud. It would make it too real.

"Well, what did they say?" Deidre asked impatiently.

Lily got off the bed and began pacing. She had to be standing for this.

"Our parents announced that they had arranged for James and I to be married."

Neither Madeline or Deidre made any sound for several minutes. They sat with mouths slightly open, their minds trying to comprehend exactly what Lily had just said.

"Merlin, you can't be serious!" Deidre finally remarked. "You can't be someones wife!"

Lily began pacing around the room again. "I know, I--wait. What's that supposed to mean?"

Deidre nervously shifted her eyes toward Madeline who just shook her head in disbelief.

"I-I just meant that your not...well, your not exactly-"

"I'm not exactly what?" Lily asked impatiently.

Deidre let out a deep sigh, "It's just that--and this is nothing bad--but your not exactly the marrying type."

Lily's face began to heat up, and her stomach dropped. Deidre's statement had stung a little more than Lily had expected.

"Well thanks a lot for your support Dee." The anger was rising in her voice, but so was saddness. "It's good to know that James and I are going to get married, and our marriage is going to be horrible because I’m not the marrying type."

Lily laid down on Deidre's bed and let out a small sob. She hated how sensitive she was. She knew Deidre hadn't meant any harm, she had just been stating a fact. That was the part that kind of got to Lily. James would probably be a wonderful husband and father, while Lily would be the horrible wife and mother who drove her husband to drink and her kids to hate her.

Madeline and Deidre had moved over to where Lily layed sniffling. "Lily don't take what Deidre said personally. You know she can't control what comes out of her mouth."

"Hey!" Deidre said, firmly placing her hands on her hips and narrowing her eyes and Madeline.

"Don't 'hey' me. It's true!"

Lily let out a little chuckle and whipped her cheeks with the back of her hand. It was good to be around people who listened to her, unlike her mother.

"So, how did James take it?" Deidre asked.

Lily didn't respond at first. She adjusted the pillow under her head and after awhile she shrugged in response.

Deidre widened her eyes in disbelief. "What does," she mimicked her shrugg, "mean?"

Lily rolled her eyes, kind of annoyed that she was pressing the subject. "Exactly what shrugging means Dee. I.. Don't. Know!"

Madeline looked at Lily skeptically. "What do you mean you don't know? Didn't you at least talk to him?"

Lily ran her hands threw her hair. She really didn't want to talk about James, but her friends clearly weren't going to drop it. "No Maddie, I haven't talked to James since our parents made the stupid announcement."

"So, you don't even know how he feels about all this?"

Lily shook her head, trying to avoid their gaze.

"Lily..."

"What Maddie?! No I haven't talked to him because I don't want to, okay! Now can we please stop talking about this!"

She sat up and wrapped her arms around her legs, trying to comfort herself. She didn't want to talk about this. She was sick of talking. She just wanted someone to comfort her and tell her everything was going to be okay. She wanted those someone's to be her friends.

Deidre sensed what Lily needed and wrapped her arms around her protectively. Madeline reached over and hugged Lily as well, and Lily clung to her friends as if her life depended on it.

"Lily, you really need to talk to James, " Madeline said.

Lily didn't reply. She didn't want to hear any of this right now. She wasn't ready to listen.

"Lily, you need-"

Deidre gave Madeline a pointed look, "Madeline, shush."

Madeline snapped her mouth shut and said nothing more. They didn't speak for a long time as Lily's mind swarmed with thoughts. She wondered how different her life was going to be now that she knew she was engaged. She wondered how James was taking it all. Was he hurting like her? Did his whole future change? Did he feel helpless and not in control of his life anymore? She even wondered if he was worried about telling Olivia.

She really wanted to ask him all these questions, but she was afraid. She was afraid and she didn't even know why. Lily couldn't hold it back any longer. She let out another heart-wrenching sob, one filled with nothing but despair and longing. Her friends held on tighter, not able to find any words of comfort.

"I-I had my whole life planned," she sobbed. "I had dreams."

"We know Lily, " Madeline said stroking her hair.

"I wanted to do so many things before I ever got married. I wanted to live in Paris for a few years. I was going to work at the Ministrey when I graduated from Hogwarts. Did I ever tell you that?"

"Yeah, "Deidre replied sadly, "You told us."

"I wanted to live in a studio apartment and paint my room purple. My mother never let me paint my room any color besides ivory. All my life I wanted a purple room with The Starry Night hanging above my bed. I love that painting." She sighed remorsely. "It's silly to be thinking about all this."

Lily lifted her head and looked between her friends. Their eyes were filled with pity, and Lily knew exactly why they were pitying her.

Lily began fiddling with her hands again, "None of my dreams are ever going to come true, are they?"

Madeline and Deidre glanced at each other solumnly, but they didn't speak a word. They didn't have to; Lily already knew they answer. It was just the answer that was killing her heart.

***

When James Potter walked into the seventh year boy dormitories, the first thing that greeted him was a snitch hitting him square in the forehead. Normally, James would have found this amusing, but James was not himself today. Instead, he grabbed the snitch, stomped over to the window, and threw it out.

Sirius's jaw dropped. "Hey! What'd you do that for?"

James didn't respond. He slammed the window shut and sat down on the window seal groveling.

Sirius shot a look at Remus and Peter. Remus shrugged, obviously just as puzzled by James's attitude as Sirius was.

Sirius moved across the room and stood in front of James. "Hey Prongs, what's up mate? You act like you are PMSing or something."

James looked at his hands and started fiddling with them nervously. Remus moved from the desk where him and Peter had been working to the bed next to the window seal.

"Hey!" Peter protested. "I thought you were going to help me with Transfiguration!"

"Later Wormtail," Remus replied, turning his attention towards James. "What's the matter Prongs? Did you have a fight with Lily or your parents or something?"

James let out a long sigh. He was trying to figure out exactly how to word this. James stopped messing with his hands and looked up at his freinds. Oh well, he thought, might as well get straight to the point.

"Lily and I are supposeviely e-engaged."

Sirius started making some sort of gagging noise, while Peter dropped his quill, and Remus sat with his mouth hung wide open.

"You've got to be joking! James, what were you thinking?!" Sirius yelled, slightly in shock. "Were you drunk, mentally insane, WHAT?!"

James stood up at his accusation. "I didn't propose to her!"

"WELL, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT GIVING WOMEN JEWLERY! NOTHING GOOD COULD EVER COME OF GETTING WOMEN JEWLERY!"

"I didn't give her anything, not even a ring!" James replied defensively.

"Wait, wait," Remus said waving his arms in the air, trying to get their attention. "What do you mean you guys are 'supposively' engaged?"

James sighed and ran his hands threw his hair. "Our parents are arranging our marriage."

Sirius's jaw dropped again. "What?! That's insane! They can't do that!" He looked over at Remus. "Can they?"

James sat back down on the window seal and leaned up against the window pane. "Looks like they can," he grumbled.

He still felt like he was in some sort of shock. None of what he had just said seemed real, but it was. And it scarred the living shit out of him.

Peter slammed his Transfiguration book and joined the rest of the group. "Prongs, what are you going to do?"

James shrugged. He had done nothing on the train except ponder different types of scenarios that would get him out of marrying Lily. So far, none of them seemed possible, except running away to New Zealand.

"I have no clue. I honestly have no fucking clue." He slammed his fist down on the window seal out of frustration. His friends flenched at his outburst, but James welcomed the pain.

"Well, how does Lily feel?" asked Remus.

Immediately James felt anger boil up inside him. He was so mad at her he could hardly see straight. All threw the train ride, she had sat perfectly still in the compartment with the same icy exterior she had worn all morning. A part of James had hoped that she would break once they were a good distance from their parents, but she kept on ignoring him. And it really pissed him off.

"I don't know what she is feeling or thinking because she won't speak a damn word to me." He stood up angerily and ran his hands threw his hair again.

"Why won't she talk to you?" asked Remus.

"Because she's so damn annoying!" At this point, James was fuming. "SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ANYTHING OR ANYONE SO SHE IGNORES THEM FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON! I MEAN WE WERE ON THAT TRAIN FOR THREE DAMN HOURS, AND SHE JUST SAT THERE MOONEY! SHE SAT THERE AND FUCKING IGNORED ME!"

"Prongs," Remus said sympathetically, "cut Lily some slack. I mean, she's being forced to marry someone she doesn't want to."

"You think I want to marry her Remus!" James replied angerily. "WE ARE IN THE EXACT SAME SITUATION, BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME IGNORING HER!"

"Yeah. But Prongs, it's Lily," said Sirius.

"So..." James had no idea what Sirius meant.

"So," Sirius continued, "she'll crack eventually. Just give her time to deal with it on her own."

Remus eyed Sirius skeptically, "Since when did you understand the inner workings of Lily Evans."

Sirius laughed. "After she hits you on the head a couple of times, you learn to pay attention to her mood swings."

"Oh, so that explains why you're such a headcase," said Remus. " I just figured you had fallen off your broom one too many times."

"You'll pay for that one Mooney." Sirius quickly grabbed a pillow and attacked Remus. "Pillow fight!"

James and Peter both grabbed a pillow and joined in. It was so childish, but James actually was beginning to feel a little better. He was laughing so hard that he was fighting poorly, but he didn't care. It felt good just to laugh.

After several minutes, one of the pillows busted, signaling that it was time to stop. They all collapsed on the bed, as the remains of the pillow fell around them.

"Nothing like a pillow fight to make you feel better, aiy Prongs?"

"Yeah," James replied sarcastically, "And maybe after I hex Snivellus, I'll actually want to marry Evans."

"That can be arranged. I've got the trusty Marauder's Map," Sirius said, pulling it out of his back pocket.

"Yeah," remarked Remus, “then all you would have to do is convince Lily."

Sirius shrugged, unfolding his map, "They've got potions for that."

They all broke out into hystericals again, even though it wasn't even that funny. James was just glad to be back at Hogwarts, and not stuck at Hilsenvand Mand with the Ice Queen. James ran his hand through his hair again, trying not to let his mind wonder again.

"You alright mate?" Sirius asked studying the map.

"Yeah, I'm just trying not to think about Evans."

Sirius scoffed. "Damn women! Always poisioning mens minds!"

They all chuckled.

"Hey Prongs, I hate to keep bringing this up, " said Remus, "but I'm still confused about this whole engagement thing. I mean when exactly did they decide that you guys should have an arranged marriage."

James sat up and leaned against the headboard. "Apparently they've had this little idea in mind since we were eleven."

Sirius sat the map down and looked at James, "You're kidding?"

"Nope," he replied.

"Huh," Sirius pondered for a second before he continued. "Well, I guess it sort of makes sense."

James narrowed his eyes, "What? What makes sense?"

"Well," Sirius said putting the map back in his pocket. "why else would a pureblood family be close friends with a muggle family?"

James closed his eyes and sighed. "I know. I feel like I should have known something like this was going on. I mean our parents were always throwing us together. You would think we would have caught on or something."

"Don't blame yourself mate," said Remus. "Arranged marriages aren't that common these days."

"Yeah," James scoffed. "That's because they are not common at all."

"Well just look on the bright side," said Remus.

James and Sirius exchanged glances.

"There's a bright side to having the best years of your life taken away to get married?" asked Sirius.

Remus gave Sirius a pointed look. "Well, it could be worse. I mean, James isn't marrying some random girl. He's marrying Lily."

James sat back, his mind pondering what Remus was saying. "I suppose you're right..."

"I mean at least you are marrying someone who you care about and who cares about you in return."

James snorted. "Well, she has a funny way of showing that she cares."

Remus sighed, "Come on James. Deep down you know it's true."

James knew Remus was right. No matter how much him and Lily tried to deny it, the truth was they both cared a lot about each other.

Suddenly Sirius jumped off the bed and pulled out the Marauder Map. "Personally, I think there's too much of a girl vibe in this room. So , I think we should do something manly, like playing a little game I like to call Hexing Snivellus."

James smiled. He liked the sound of this game.

Remus, on the other hand, didn't look to thrilled. "You know you're just asking for trouble Padfoot."

"Really? I had no idea," Sirius replied sarcastically. "I Solumnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good. Now, where are you Snivel-"

Just then, the door to their dormitory opened, and Olivia stood in the doorway smiling. Sirius quickly muttered 'Mishchief Managed' and shoved the map back in his back pocket, all the while glaring at Olivia.

"Hey guys. What's going on?"

"Nothing, now that you showed up," Sirius muttered.

Olivia's smile faded, and James quickly got off the bed and headed towards Olivia.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Hey," she replied kissing him. "What's his problem?"

James threw a glare at Sirius, but he was too busy pouting in the corner to notice.

"Oh, nothing. Sirius is just drunk again."

Olivia looked down at her watch. "It's not even three o'clock yet."

James quickly shooed her back into the hallway and shut the door behind them, giving them some privacy.

Once the door was shut, Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his jaw.

"So, did you miss me?" She asked trailing kisses down his neck.

Truthfully, James hadn't missed her at all, but he wasn't about to tell her that.

"Of course I did."

"Good," she said kissing the corners of his mouth. Without even thinking about what he was doing, James pushed her away. Olivia stepped back slightly hurt.

"What was that about?" She asked upset.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"Well, obviously you did. What's with you today?"

James felt really bad about pushing her away, but he really just wanted to be with his friends. He knew Olivia would never understand that.

"Look, I'm sorry. I had a really tough weekend. That's all."

Olivia's expression softened. She wrapped her arms around his neck again and pressed her body up agianst his suggestively. James couldn't help but feel slightly aroused.

"I can make you feel better, " she whispered in his ear. "Let's go come place more private."

Her tongue was tickling his ear, and James gave in. He knew she would never let him live it down if he ditched her to be with his friends. So, he decided a heated make-out session--and if he was lucky something more--would be enough to get his mind off Lily. Olivia grabbed his hand and lead the way, while the last image of Lily slipped his mind.

A/N Hey thanks for all the amazing reviews. I try to reply to everyone of them. So if you asked me a question, most likely I replied to it. If you give me feedback, the least I could do is give you feedback. Anyways, thanks again.

4. Blinded By Anger

Ch. 4 Blinded By Anger

“Because in this deep joy to see and hear thee

And breathe within thy shadow a new air,

I do not think of thee–I am too near thee.”

– Sonnet XXIX

James Potter took pride in the fact that he was a risk taker. A daredevil–a rebel. He broke school rules, challenged adults, and broke all limitations. He didn’t wait for adventure, he found it.

But, like all great wizards, he had one great fear. A fear that was always present in the back of his mind, whether he wanted it there or not. It wasn’t anything physical, nor could it ever be touched, but above all things in this world, James Potter feared being alone.

He loathed the feeling of loneliness more than anything in this world. He hated it when his father was on a business trip, and his mother was off with a friend and being alone in Hilsenvand Manor. He hated how lonely that big house made him feel. He hated having no one to talk to or to touch. He hated being at a lavish party full of people but still have that feeling of loneliness. He hated being close to a woman, but still feel nothing between them but emptiness.

He knew on the outside, it looked like he had everything: money, good looks, no brothers or sisters to share anything with, a high status in society.. But just as he had grown up with all those things, he had learned to despise them just the same. No amount of money, toys, or any other materialistic items could have replaced the fact that James had been alone most of his life.

For as long as he could remember, his father had worked long hours at the Ministry, and was often gone on business trips for several months at a time. His mother was so involved with charity work and political rights that she hardly ever made it home to dinner. James sometimes felt that the reason his parents never had any more children was because they didn’t even have time for one child they had.

For the first eleven years of his life, James’s only source of entertainment was his backyard and his imaginary friend, Woodrick, who wasn’t very fun, considering he only liked to eat ants. But then, James’s whole world changed when he received his Hogwarts letter.

Suddenly, he found himself thrown into another world. It was here that he met Sirius, Remus, and Peter and became a member of the infamous Marauders. The Marauders was a bond of friendship between the four of them that guaranteed companionship and loyalty that James had never experienced before. James cherished his relationship with them more than any other. But while his friends filled a big part of his life, James always felt there was something missing–a void that could only be filled by a woman.

James wasn’t talking about anything physical, although it was a tiny portion of it. He was talking, for the most part, about being in love, and sharing that special bond where you both become one. Most people, especially Sirius, would call him a romantic, but he didn’t care. He wanted, craved that type of closeness with someone. It was also one of the reasons this whole arranged marriage thing freaked him out.

He had always thought he would meet someone, fall in love, get married, have kids, and live a happy life. Never, in a million years, did he think his parents would meet someone, they would get married, they would have kids, and their marriage would be based on nothing but fake emotion. He worried that was how his marriage to Lily was going to be like, completely void of anything real.

The thought sickened him and had kept him up most of the night. Now, it was four-thirty in the morning, and James had given up on going back to sleep. He laid in bed, and let his mind wonder back to what Remus had said earlier. You’re not marrying some random girl; you’re marrying Lily.

And it was true. He wasn’t marrying some girl he had never met before or didn’t like very much. He was marrying Lily Evans. The Lily Evans. The girl he’d known for seven years. The girl who knew almost all his secrets and knew him as well as his friends. She was the first major crush James ever had, and the first girl to ever turn him down.

He almost laughed at the irony of it all. He had fallen for Lily back in fifth year. It hadn’t been a gradual crush that had developed overtime. Nope. This one had hit him like a cement block falling from the sky. He hated to admit it, but he had fallen for Lily. Hard.

At first, James had thought it was just a pure physical attraction. He had been at her house the summer before fifth year, when spontaneously, they had decided to spend the day at the beach. While they had been building a mock-Hogwarts in the sand, James had decided that Lily looked a little hot and splashed a bucket full of sea water in her face.

Lily, of course, had been a little peeved, mainly because he had made her mess up the Astronomy Tower. She retaliated, and they had spent a good five minutes chasing each other with buckets of water.

James had been dodging being slammed by sea water, when unknowing, he ran straight into the sand Hogwarts castle and fell face-first in the sand. They had both doubled over in laughter. Lily couldn’t even stand properly because her body was convulsing so hard from laughter. She fell to her knees, tears pouring down her cheeks, and her hair bright and vibrant in the sunlight.

At that moment, James realized how truly beautiful Lily was. Not just for obvious reasons, like her eyes and her body, but for reasons that only James seemed to notice. Like when she laughed, her face would break out into a huge toothy grin before she would throw her head back and let out a deep throaty laugh. Or how she tried to be fair with everyone, even if she didn’t like them very much. Or how her eyes revealed every emotion she was feeling, regardless if she wanted them to or not.

So here sat James–his body covered in sand, and his legs tangled in the now destroyed sand castle–with his heart pounding like it never had before. The pounding heart of a boy with one severe crush.

For the rest of the day, James had been in a daze. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he had a crush on Lily. It all seemed so absurd. She was a know-it-all, stubborn, pain in his ass, goody-two-shoes, that never left him alone. There was no way in hell he could like someone who he usually ended up pulling his hair out over.

Finally, he had reasoned, that it wasn’t technically a real crush, but a physical crush. They had been at the beach. Lily had been in a bikini, and James wasn’t blind. He could tell that Lily had umm...developed a lot over the past few years. James was a male; Lily was a female. It all made perfect sense. It was purely and solely a sexual attraction.

James had made it through the summer with this conclusion in his mind. He had never acted on it, thankfully, only occasionally letting his glaze linger on her a little longer than necessary. But other than that, everything had gone back to normal. That is, until fifth year began.

James sat up in bed and looked at the clock. Six o’clock on the dot. A little earlier–okay, a lot earlier--than what James was used to, but a shower seemed oddly refreshing at the moment. He was getting a dull headache from thinking too much.

He headed towards the head bathroom and stepped in the shower. He turned the water on ice cold, and let it shock every nerve in his system. But despite the wake-up call, his mind refused to settle down.

***

Lily sat in the center of her bed Indian style, while she watched her friends get ready for breakfast. Lily was still in her pajamas, refusing to go down stairs.

“Lily, come on. Breakfast won’t be that bad,” Her friend, Deidre Vishicio, whispered, casting a weary eye at Olivia and her sidekick, Lori Tao. They were too busy giggling about something to notice them whispering.

Lily hugged her knees to her chest and starred at her chipped toenail polish, trying to avoid the subject of breakfast.

“Lily...,” Deidre whined, sitting next to her friend and squeezing her arm reassuringly, “you’re going to have to face him at some point. Better sooner than never, right?”

Lily shrugged, but continued to star at her toes. She knew Dee was right, but she really, really did not want to see James. She was just now able to think about their engagement without crying. However, she was afraid that if she saw James it would be like opening a flood gate.

“Lily, look at me.”

Lily lifted her eyes and met Diedre’s coal black eyes. It was strange. Her eyes didn’t seem like they would fit her appearance at all. Deidre was slender and barely reached 5'4". Her skin was rather pale without being pinkish, and her ash-blonde hair fell just bellow her shoulder blades. She looked like your typical blonde, except when you looked at her eyes. Her eyes were exotically dark. So dark, that you could barely distinct her pupil from her eye color. Lily always thought her eyes made her stand out among the other students at their school. That, and her pessimistic point of view.

“You can’t leave me down there alone,” Deidre whimpered dramatically. “I mean, who else am I supposed to make obnoxious comments to?”

Lily gave Deidre a weak smile. True, she was going to miss Deidre criticizing every couple that passed their table, but Lily really wasn’t up to facing James just yet.

“I’ll be with you in spirit, Dee,”she reasoned.

Deidre rolled her eyes and muttered, “Sure, a lot of good that will do. My grandmother told me that exact same thing, and I haven’t seen or heard from her since her funeral.”

Madeline gasped, “Dee, that’s not very nice!” but Lily and Deidre doubled over in laughter.

Suddenly, the door to their dormitory opened, and Lily watched as Olivia and Lori slipped through the door, side by side.

Madeline put the mascara back in its tube and turned away from the vanity to face Lily.

“Lily, seriously, just come down to breakfast with us. You’ll feel better once you see him.”

Lily hugged her knees tighter to her chest. She highly doubted seeing James would make her feel better. Actually, just thinking about him made her rather ill.

“Lily,” Madeline assured, pushing a dark brown wave out of her face, “James won’t bite. In fact, I think he’ll--”

Deidre started snickering.

“What?” Madeline asked, clearly annoyed by the interruption.

“Nothing,” Deidre muttered, waving Madeline’s comment off. But she couldn’t control hersel and erupted in full-blown laughter.

Madeline and Lily glanced at each other confused. Madeline’s nostril began to flare, signaling that she was either annoyed or frustrated.

“What is your problem?”

It took Deidre a moment to catch her breath, but then she responded, “Nothing. It’s just...” She broke off into hysterics again. Lily watched Madeline’s nostrils flare in and out, as she tried to restrain herself from strangling it out of Deidre.

“I was just thinking,” Deidre began, snickering, “what Olivia would do if you just marched down to breakfast and told her to get her hands off your fiancé.” Deidre started laughing hysterically again. “I mean, can’t you just picture her face.”

To be honest, Lily didn’t really think it was all that funny. Even though half the time her and Olivia were at each other’s throats, Lily knew how much Olivia liked James. Olivia would be heartbroken when she found out that her and James were engaged.

Madeline’s jaw dropped at Deidre’s comment. “Dee, that’s not very funny at all. Olivia would be devastated.”

Deidre grinned. “I know. That’s what makes it so great.”

Lily chuckled at her friends amusement, but Lily stopped when she began to question Deidre’s real motive.

“You’re not going to say anything to Olivia, are you Dee?”

Deidre instantly stopped laughing and furrowed her eyebrows, clearly hurt by Lily’s accusation. “Lily, I would never say anything to Olivia. I was only joking around.”

Lily sighed in relief.

Madeline turned around and looked at the clock. “Time for breakfast,” she announced, getting off the bed. “Sure, you’re not going to come?”

Lily nodded and folded her arms in her lap. The corners of Lily’s mouth twitched when she saw Deidre pouting on the edge of her bed.

“Come on, Dee. Don’t mope,”she said, playfully shoving Deidre’s arm.

“Yeah, Dee,” Madeline injected. “You act like you’re the only one going down to breakfast. I’ll be there too you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Deidre muttered. “But you’ll be too damn busy starring at Black to notice me.”

Immediately, Madeline’s face began to glow red. Lily and Deidre burst into hysterics at their friend’s embarrassment.

Deidre sighed and joined Madeline on the other side o f the room. “Sure there’s no way we can get you to go?”

Lily shook her head.

Deidre nodded, understandingly. “Alright. Well, you snooze you lose sister!”

She grabbed Madeline’s arm and dragged her out the dorm. Still slightly flustered, Madeline waved goodbye to Lily as they exited the room.

Once her friends had left, Lily collapsed back onto the bed, letting the morning rays warm her face. Lily rolled over and hugged her chest. She really did not to see James or even think about seeing James. But she knew it was inevitable. She had been able to avoid breakfast, but they both had Potions after breakfast. She could go to Madame Pomfrey and fake sick, but she would only end up feeling like a coward female afterwards. Plus, she would be behind on her school work.

Lily sat straight up in bed. She was sick of moping around and worrying about James and their engagement. She was going to have to see him and talk to him eventually, so she should just suck it up and accept it. There was no way out of the situation. She was just going to have to deal.

Lily grabbed her uniform and a towel and headed towards the Heads’ bathroom, ready to cleanse herself of last weekend and move on with her life.

***

“James, you’ve hardly touched your plate. Aren’t you hungry?”

James looked down at his half eaten eggs and slices of bacon. “Nope,” he sighed, pushing the plate away.

Deidre sat up eyeing James and his plate. “So, does that mean you’re not going to eat your bacon?”

James shook his head, offering it to her. Deidre went to grab the bacon, but Sirius snaked it out from underneath her.

“Black!” she shouted.

Sirius shook his head, a smug grin on his face. “To slow Viseeco.”

Deidre scoffed. “You’re not even saying my last name right. It’s V-see-she-o. Not V-see-co.”

Sirius shrugged taking a bit of the bacon. “Whatever.”

Deidre’s dark eyes flashed daggers at Sirius. He took no notice and continued to grin at her as he ate his bacon. Angered, she slammed her fist on the table, causing Madeline to drop her fork. Deidre grabbed her plate and scooted over a couple of seats so that she was sitting in front of Remus and Peter, rather than James and Sirius. Sirius rolled his eyes and continued to eat his bacon.

James folded his arms across his chest and starred blankly and the commotion going on around him. Lily hadn’t shown up at breakfast. Big Surprise. Knowing her, she would probably miss potions just to avoid him. He snorted bitterly, annoyed with her already.

“James, are you listening to me?”

James slammed back into reality and focused on what was going on around him. Remus was reading a book a couple of seats down, and Peter sat next to him, trying to balance a spoon on his nose. Deidre was stabbing her eggs with her fork, obviously still pissed at Sirius. Sirius sat next to him and leaned across the table to pick food off of Madeline’s plate. Madeline was blushing furiously, her big baby blue eyes trained on Sirius. James turned ninety degrees and addressed Olivia.

“What?” he asked.

She sighed, slightly irritated. “I asked you what they did?”

James narrowed his eyes at her confused. “Who’s they?”

Olivia chuckled, shaking her head from side to side. “ The Slytherins, who else?”

James glanced back and forth between Olivia and the Slytherin table, still having no idea what she was talking about. “Nothing. What makes you think they did?”

She surveyed him slowly, wondering for a moment if he was joking. “Well, you were glaring at them.”

Oops. There was no way he was going to tell Olivia that he was actually mentally glaring at Lily, not the Slytherins.

“Oh, umm...” James stammered. “Snape has a big nose. Don’t you think?”

She started to laugh, but stopped and tilted her head toward him, smiling teasingly. “I don’t know. I think your nose kind of resembles his.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, and she laughed. The sides of James’s mouth twitched deviously, as each hand grabbed either side of her waist, digging his hands into her flesh, tickling her.

She half-squealed, half-laughed and started thrashing around in her seat. But James refused to let go. Her back bumped against Peter, causing his spoon to fall on the ground.

“Hey!” Peter exclaimed, picking up the spoon.

James let go of Olivia’s waist and put his arm around her. “Sorry Pete,” he replied, running his fingers through Olivia’s soft brown hair.

For the first time, Peter noticed that other people were at the table. He glanced around the table, looking from Olivia to Deidre to Madeline. James knew that confused look on Peter’s face. James closed his eyes and willed Peter not to say it.

Peter clearly didn’t have ESP. “Hey,” he asked, “where’s Lily?”

Immediately, Olivia stiffened at the mention of her name, and lifted her head off his chest. And, to make matters worse, everyone was looking at him, expecting him to answer Peter’s question. James narrowed his eyes at them and mentally scolded them. Way to be discreet guys.

Olivia was the last person to look at him. Her eyes were wide and searching his face for any trace of unfaithfulness, which he was guilty of. Sort of. Well, more like indirectly.

James shrugged trying to act casual. “Don’t know where she is.”

He tried to pretend that he wasn’t interested in Lily’s whereabouts, or that he was hiding something from Olivia. He tried to be passive, but apparently, he was failing miserably.

Olivia glared at him intensely. She tore he gaze away from him and grabbed her books, storming off.

Sirius let out a low whistle. “Touchy.”

“Not now Padfoot.”

He had enough to worry about with Lily. He didn’t need Sirius sarcastic comments on top of it. He grabbed his book bag and followed Olivia out of the great hall and into the courtyard.

“Liv!” she continued through the courtyard, ignoring him.

“Olivia! Stop!” He finally caught up to her and grabbed her arm. She whirled around and yanked her arm out of his grasp.

“What?!”

A couple of third years were watching them. James took a hold of her wrist and guided her away from their probing eyes. Olivia folded her arms across her chest and scowled at the ground.

“Why are you acting like this?” he whispered harshly. He had a pretty good idea why. It was just her accusation that angered him.

She looked at him crossly, her mouth forming a tight thin line. “Do you really think I’m that stupid James?”

James fought back a frustrated sigh. He knew getting angry with her would just infuriate her more. It had taken him a long time to learn that lesson.

“Liv, come on.”

Olivia threw her arms up in the air, gesturing at him wildly. “No, you come on! Give up the act!”

“What act!”

Olivia let out a bitter laugh and starred at him through her mass of sleek brown hair. Her expression was devious and somewhat menacing as she continued to sneer at him.

“This whole Lily-and-I-are-just-friends. Or my personal favorite, our-parents-force-us-on-each-other. Honestly James, how dense do you think I am?”

James was practically seething now. He clenched his fist unintentionally and let out a staggered sigh.

“You’re being rash Olivia.”

Her jaw dropped. “I-I’m being rash! Merlin James! I’m not blind!”

James let his hands drop loosely by his sides. He was so worn out, so exhausted. He didn’t know if he had the strength in him to prove his faithfulness to her. James sat down on a nearby bench and rubbed his eyes, thinking how much better it had been when certain females hadn’t deprived him of his sleep.

Olivia now stood in front of him, fiddling nervously with a lose string on her uniform. Her face paled and she now looked vulnerable.

“James...just tell me what happened between you two.”

James leaned his head back on the bench and looked out on the Hogwarts grounds. He debated whether he should really tell her the truth, that he was legally bound to Lily now, and there was no way he could possibly be with another woman after December 24. Their relationship as he knew it, was over.

Yet, James couldn’t bring his mouth to form the words. He couldn’t tell her about it all, not until he figured it all out for himself. Plus, before he told Olivia, before anybody else knew, James really wanted to talk to Lily. They needed a plan of some kind. Something to get them through this year and the rest of their lives. It was weird to think of their lives as being fused together from here on out. They would be together, experiencing good times and bad times, seeing each other day-after-day, year-after-year, basically being in each others presence until their deaths.

James shook the thoughts out of his head, forcing himself to focus on the present and Olivia.

“Olivia, nothing is going on between Lily and I..”

Olivia dropped her head and let out a sob. She furiously brushed the tears away, but her hands couldn’t keep up with her tears. “Please stop lying to me James.”

“I’m not lying Olivia.”

“Oh, really? Then how come Lily didn’t come down to breakfast this morning. Or, how come you looked so distracted this morning and last night. Or why Lily was a mess when she got back last night?”

James shook his head, trying to think of an excuse to tell Olivia. This hadn’t been the first time she’d accused him of cheating on her. And technically, something was going on between them. It just wasn’t quite what she was thinking. Actually, it was probably ten times worse than cheating on her.

“Lily and I are...fighting,” he decided to tell her. He couldn’t spill the complete truth, but he could explain their bizarre behavior. And in all honesty, they really were fighting.

“Oh.” Olivia’s tears stopped momentarily, and he could almost see the wheels turning in her head. She was thinking about their current situation and all the facts he had given her. Eventually, she surveyed him slowly and decided his explanation to be genuine.

“Oh, well if you guys are fighting, why don’t you...try talking to her?”

James almost laughed at her attempt to give him advice, especially when it concerned someone she didn’t like very much. He held out his hand and Olivia reached out and squeezed it back. He gave her hand a tug and guided her to the spot next to him on the bench. She laid her head on his shoulder lazily and sighed blissfully. James wrapped an arms around her and kissed her forehead.

They both sat like this for several minutes, eyes closed, enjoying the morning the sun on their bodies.

“So...what are you guys fighting about?”

Talk about a mood killer. James’s eyes snapped open, alarmed. “Oh...you know stupid things.”

“Like...”

“Like...stuff.”

Olivia sat up and James dropped his arm back to his side.

“Why won’t you tell me what you two are arguing about?”

James sighed, trying to think of the best way to answer. “It’s between us Olivia.”

Wrong answer. Olivia huffed and ran her fingers through her hair, trying not to let her anger get the better of her.

She stood up suddenly, tears glistening in the corner of her eyes. “I don’t get you.” she burst. “I mean, first you say nothing is going on between you and Lily. Okay, fine. I believe you. But then, you guys are fighting about something that you refuse to tell about. Why do you always leave me out of these things?”

James leaned forward on the bench and starred at his hands, contemplating. “I don’t leave you out of things.”

Olivia shook her head at his response. “Yes, you do James. Everybody at that table knew that you and Lily were in a fight, except me. Why?”

James shook his head, finding no words. He couldn’t tell her that the situation was a lot more complicated than a stupid fight. He didn’t know what to tell her without either setting her off or confusing the truth. So instead, he decided on telling her his feelings.

“Listen, Olivia. I know you hate to hear it, but what’s going on between Lily and I is personal. And if I am not mistaken, you and Lily don’t get along very well.”

Olivia opened her mouth, but James cut her off before she could utter a word.

“Plus, look Liv. I’ve had a long, well down-right, horrible weekend. I haven’t had more than four hours of sleep this entire weekend. I’m so emotionally drained that I can’t really feel anything right now. So, all I’m asking is that we drop this. I’m already fighting with Lily. I don’t want to fight with you too.”

Olivia dropped her arms to her sides and sighed, defeated. “Alright,” she whispered, entwining her fingers with his and sitting down on the bench next to him. “I’m sorry you had a bad weekend.” She kissed him slowly and rested her head on his chest, showing her acceptance of his terms.

James sighed grateful for once that someone was listening to him. But somehow, he sensed that Olivia was not completely satisfied.

***

Lily was the first one to arrive in potions that morning. Professor Slughorn smiled when she came through the door and muttered something about always being on time. Lily situated herself in the front of the classroom as usual, and opened her potions book. She pretended to read, while she mentally prepped herself.

Be calm, she told herself repeatedly. Just be calm, and no one will notice a thing.

Slowly, people started arriving. First, it was the occasional Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. But then, Slytherins and Gryffindors started arriving. Finally, her friends walked through the door. Madeline and Deidre sat on either side of her, acting as if they were her body guards.

“How do I look?” she asked Madeline, who was more obsessed with appearances than either Lily or Deidre ever was. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the Marauders enter, except James. For a brief moment she wondered where he was, but refused to think of it beyond that.

“You look fine Lily, really,” Madeline reassured.

“I don’t look pale or sick or anything?”

“No, but you do look a little tired. But it’s Monday, everybody’s tired.”

Lily turned to Deidre and began asking her opinion. “Do I look calm? Do I look like my usual self?”

Deidre sat back and eyed her. “Well yes and no. You look like yourself, except you usually have more of a scowl on your face.”

Lily narrowed her eyes at Deidre and stuck out her tongue.

“There you go!” Deidre gasped. “There’s the Lily we know and love!”

Lily rolled her eyes and chuckled as Professor Slughorn shut the dungeon door, signaling the beginning of class.

“Okay, today class.” The class continued to chatter lightly. He cleared his throat loudly and the rest of class began to settle down. Lily’s leg began bouncing up and down wildly as she wondered where James had gone to.

“Today, we will be learning a very strong healing potion, designed to...”

Th door to the dungeon opened, and James stepped through the door. Lily’s breath caught in her throat and her stomach lurched, making her glad that she hadn’t eaten breakfast. She snuck a glance in his direction, but quickly looked away when she realized Olivia was standing next to him. Of course, he had been with Olivia. She should have known. She scoffed and Madeline nudged her arm. Apparently, she had done it a little louder than necessary.

Professor Slughorn motioned for them to go to their seats. The class had started chattering again, and Professor Slughorn clapped his hands together to get their attention.

“My, you all are a little chatty this morning. As I was saying, we will be working on a very strong healing potion, used in several hospitals for mending deep wounds and severed body parts.”

The class erupted in disgust.

“Hey, you may find it disgusting now, but you’ll be glad you know it when you find yourself without a finger.”

He laughed at his joke, but the class continued to make disgusted faces.

“Okay, now I’m going to split you in pairs because we have limited supplies. So, for starters, why don’t we have Wilbert Defoy and Damaris George partnered.”

He went around the room, splitting the class into pairs. Finally, he came to them.

“Okay, Madeline Cross, why don’t you go to back with Sirius Black.” Lily heard Madeline take a sharp intake of breath, her face turning a slight pink.

“And Miss Vishicio, why don’t you and Mis Tao work together.”

“Yay, somebody smart,” Deidre muttered to Lily. Lily smirked.

“And Miss Evans, why don’t you pair with Olivia Davenport.”

Lily’s blood ran cold. Deidre clapped her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Lily glared at her. This couldn’t be happening. Her and Olivia would kill each other for sure.

“Okay, you all have partners, so get your supplies and follow the instructions. I have speak with a fellow professor for a moment, but I trust you will all behave like well-mannered adults.”

Everybody began scurrying around the room. Lily remained in her seat, repeating to herself to stay calm. Olivia slammed her books down on the table, obviously pissed about the arrangement, probably more so than Lily was.

“I’ll go get the supplies,” Lily muttered.

Olivia gave no response and opened her book, reading over the instructions. Lily rolled her eyes and stood in line at the supply area. She looked around the classroom and saw Deidre snoozing on her potions book, while her partner, Lori Tao, mixed ingredients. Lily looked over at Madeline, who was trying her hardest not to make herself look like a fool in front of Sirius. Madeline noticed Lily and tried to give her smile. Lily was about to give her a reassuring smile, but somebody backed up and onto her foot.

Lily jumped back and the person in front of her turned around, muttering apologies. Lily’s breath became staggered and her gaze quickly dropped, when she realized that James was standing in front of her. Lily was finding it hard to breath.

“Oh...uh hey.” He nervously ruffled his hair. Lily smirked at the stupid gesture that he had done since he made the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

“Um, look,” he nervously looked away from her. “I haven’t said anything to Olivia about...”

She looked up and glared at him intensely. She was suddenly overcome with anger. She was mad that he was bringing this up in the middle of potions class. She was mad that he cared mor efor Olivia’s feelings than hers. She was mad that he couldn’t even say the word engagement.

“Yeah, I get it,” she cut him off, deciding to spare him the humiliation of saying the word engagement.

“Uh, well, I was just going to say–“

“Potter, I said I get it. You don’t have to spell it out for me.

He sort of flinched at being called Potter and eyed her skeptically. A small portion of her felt bad for being so harsh, but and even bigger portion was blinded by anger.

His gaze quickly hardened at her. “Whatever. Forget I said anything,” he said, brushing past her.

Lily quickly grabbed the supplies and walked back to her table, avoiding Madeline’s gaze as she past her.

Lily reached her table and sat down with the ingredients. She opened the book and started looking over the instructions, trying to forget that James existed. She could feel Olivia’s gaze on her and could tell she was fixing to start something.

“What was that all about?”

Lily flipped the page and continued to read. “What was what all about?”

She scoffed. “Don’t play innocent with me. What went down between you and James back there?”

“Nothing ‘went down.’” If Lily hadn’t been mocking her, Olivia probably would have dropped the subject. But Lily was too riled up to back down now.

“It didn’t look like nothing.”

“Well maybe you need to get your eyes checked, “Lily retorted. She scooted her chair back and put some of the ingredients in the cauldron.

“You don’t have to get all huffy with me Lily. I was merely asking a question, which seemed to affect you in some way. So, therefore, means something went on between you and James.”

Lily snorted. “Congratulations Olivia. You now have the reasoning skills of a two year old.”

Lily could feel Olivia burning holes in the back of her head, but she didn’t care how much she pissing Olivia off. Lily wasn’t about to sit back and be attacked.

Olivia stood up and grabbed a few bottle of ingredients. She eyed each of them closely before choosing one and dumping it’s entire content into the potion.

Lily jumped back as the potion began to bubble over the sides of the cauldron.

“What was that for!”

Olivia had sickeningly satisfied smile on her face and shrugged in response to Lily outburst. She wanted nothing mroe than to slap that stupid smirk off her face.

“Thanks to you, I am now going to have a failing grad in here,” Lily scolded, “all because somebody is feeling insecure about their relationship with their boyfriend.”

A chorus of oh’s erupted in the classroom. Everybody’s eyes were trained on what they were going to do next. Olivia stood up to meet Lily’s glare. If Olivia was going to hit her or punch her, she didn’t know, because James was tugging her arm and dragging her out of the classroom before she could find out.

James shut the door behind them and he dragged her a little ways down the hall, making sure they were out of ear shot.

James let go of her arm and spun around, his eyes blazing. “What in the hell is the matter with you?”

Lily was taken aback. She couldn’t believe he was siding with Olivia over her. “Excuse me?”

He took a deep breath, trying to control his anger. “Look, I tried to be understanding. I tried to give you space because I get that you’re upset. But I am just as upset as you are and I don’t feel the need to take my anger out on other people.”

Lily gapped at him, completely thrown off. “Is that what you thought I was doing? Taking my anger out on Olivia? I can’t believe you! Were you not just in that room? You’re little girlfriend started it all!”

“Well, knowing you, you probably provoked her!” he spat.

Lily threw her arms up in the air. “I can’t believe this! She was the one being impossible!”

“No, you’re being impossible! Ever since we found out you have been completely ignoring me! I’ve tried to talk to you about it, but I guess you figure that you can just blame me for it all and get on with your life!”

Lily’s eyes were being blinded by tears. She didn’t want to think about the engagement. Not now, not ever.

“I don’t blame you for it James! If anything, you’re the one with the problem! You can’t even say the word engagement! I think you’re the one who is ashamed to be engaged to me!”

James snorted, slightly offended. “Oh, don’t pull that crap on me Evans! You know that it is not true! I’m not the one being selfish!”

“Selfish!”

“Yes, selfish. You seem to think that you’re the only one who was affected by the engagement .But guess what Evans! You don’t want to marry me, just as much as I don’t want to marry you!”

He spun around and stomped off back to the classroom, leaving Lily out in the hallway. She slumped against the wall and tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill over. She was mad at so many people. Olivia, for making her cause a scene. James, for making her feel like a jerk. But mostly, she was mad at herself.

Lily couldn’t go back in the classroom and face the class. They would all be starring at her as she walked in. She would have to go back to her table, Olivia, and her ruined potion. She would constantly have to be aware of James’s presence behind her.

Lily walked down the hall and headed for the Gryffindor tower. She couldn’t face it all. All she wanted to face was the pillow waiting for her on her bed. So much for seizing the day.

A/N: Sorry if there are any grammatical/spelling errors. I only have time to look over it once, and I didn’t think you all wanted to wait until Monday for the update. So, I hope you can overlook any errors. Now about updates, this is the last of pre-written chapters, so my updates will be once a week (most likely Sunday night) or every other week, depending on my schedule. This chapter would have been up sooner, but I have been sick. Luckily I am semi-cured and got some work done on chapter 5. Yay! Anyways, I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of James and Lily fighting and not speaking to each other. So next chapter, they will make up and the story will get a little more light-hearted ( but not completely because drama is always fun to read). Anyways thanks, so much to all of you that have reviewed. You have no idea how much I appreciate it, so keep it up! Until next update!

– Ungraceful

5. A Bigger/Better Person

Ch. 5 A Bigger/Better Person

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.”

– Cherie Carter-Scott, “If Love Is a Game, These Are the Rules”

Lily had been sitting in the library for what felt like hours. She was supposed to be writing an essay for Transfiguration but had only managed to stare at a blank piece of parchment for quite some time. It had been about a week since her embarrassing scene with Olivia, and people were still whispering and snickering behind her back. The library seemed to be the only place that she could find any solace from the gossipy students at Hogwarts.

Fortunately, Lily hadn’t had any run-ins with Olivia since their little outburst in potions. Olivia was...actually, she was being oddly civil to her. Lily was somewhat surprised by Olivia’s attitude; she had half-suspected that Olivia would be plotting her murder by now, but she hadn’t even attempted or made any sort of effort to glare at Lily.

Lily had a tiny suspicion that Olivia’s civility had to do with James . Actually, she was more than positive that James had something to do with it. Mainly, a little birdie named Deidre heard from Remus, who heard from Sirius, who witnessed the end of James and Olivia’s fight, that James was quite angry with Olivia for causing– yes, causing– the fight between her and Lily.

But nevertheless whose fault it was, James and Lily still remained on nonspeaking terms. And to make matters worse, Lily kept running into James everywhere. The Great Hall, the common room, the library, the grounds, even the bathrooms for Merlin’s sake were not safe. No matter where she went, she always found herself staring at her feet as James briskly walked past her, leaving a queasy sort of despair in the pit of her stomach.

Lily threw down her quill in defeat. It was no use. She couldn’t concentrate on her stupid essay because she couldn’t get her mind off that stupid prat named James Potter. He made her so mad. She hated how much their stupid fight was affecting her. She couldn’t concentrate on anything these days without James’s words coming back and stabbing her in the back..

It still infuriated her to no end that James thought she was being selfish. How could he accuse her of that? Their engagement had come as a total shock to her, and she had reacted the only way she knew how. She had pushed James away, not because she blamed him for anything, but because she was upset and emotional. She needed time to sort out her own thoughts before she took another step.

Even though Lily believed she had nothing to apologize for, she couldn’t help but feel like there was some truth to what James had said. She was kind of being impossible. She had been so absorbed in her own thoughts, that she had completely ignored James and his feelings. It wasn’t like she meant to do it. It was just..easier. She knew it was not right, but sometimes–okay, most times– she acted before thinking about the consequences.

She slumped in her chair and put her head in her hands. She was so sick of it all– the drama, the fighting, the crying– she just wanted it all to stop. It was one thing for her home life to be full of drama, but it just seemed unnatural when it concerned her life at Hogwarts. Despite some things that had happened earlier in the term, Lily’s life at Hogwarts had been rather laid back in contrast to her hellish summers at her home at Bunsweight Manor.

“Alright Evans?”

Lily nearly jumped out of her skin. She hadn’t seen Sirius approaching her table, nor had she seen him enter the library period.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” he said teasingly.

“You didn’t,” she remarked, picking up her quill again and pretending to write her essay.

He smirked but didn’t say anything. They remained silent for awhile before Sirius dropped his book bag on the floor and sat in the chair across from her. Lily began to fiddle with her quill nervously.

“So..,” he said leaning back in the chair.

“So...” She had a slight suspicion that Sirius had a hidden reason for talking to her, and she really, really wanted to avoid whatever it was he was up to. “What are doing in the library?” she blurted out.

He smirked again and put his hands behind his head, giving her a very intense stare. “Believe it or not Evans, I do my homework too.”

She rolled her eyes. “Really? Well, that’s news to me. I thought Marauders only used the library as a place to make-out.”

His smirk grew into a teasing, flirtatious grin that he was famous for. When he grinned like that, Lily could almost see why every girl at Hogwarts had fallen for Sirius Black at some point, her best friend Madeline included. .

“Well, I never said I solely came to the library to work on my homework.” He pulled down the collar of his shirt to reveal a freshly made hickey.

Lily scoffed and slammed her Transfiguration book shut. “Merlin Sirius, I didn’t ask to see it!”

He threw his head back and laughed in pure amusement, which Lily rarely ever saw him do. Sirius Black was the moodiest boy Lily had ever met. He could be a bundle of smiles and laughs one moment, and then turn around and be snappish and scornful the next. The only time Lily ever saw him actually enjoying himself was when he was with the Marauders. With everyone else, he was usually short and impatient. He had even been known to snap at her on occasion. Lily always called him on it however, and he usually changed his attitude, but there were other times when he would angrily stomp away from her or sulk the rest of the afternoon.

“So, what are you up to Evans?” he asked, tilting the chair back on its hind legs. “Haven’t seen you around in awhile.”

Lily sighed. “I’m just trying to finish my Transfiguration essay before Friday.”

Sirius peered at the piece of parchment in front of her. “You’ve been in library– for what, a couple of hours– and all you have is a paragraph?”

A blush began to slowly creep on Lily’s cheeks. Sirius cocked an eyebrow at her and grinned knowingly. “So what’s really on your mind Evans?”

Lily glared at him. “You know damn well what’s on my mind, I’m sure,” she replied, angrily pushing her chair back and gathering her things and placing them back in her book bag.

“Evans, don’t get all bent out of shape. It was just a question.”

Lily rolled her eyes unconvinced. “You and I know perfectly well that it wasn’t just a question. Why don’t you just cut the small talk and tell me what you want?”

Sirius sighed running his hand threw his hair. “Fine. I want you to talk to James.”

Lily gapped at him bewildered. She opened and closed her mouth with all intentions of saying something, but she couldn’t think of anything to say; she didn’t know what to say. So, she turned around walked away from him.

“Evans!” Sirius called after her, but she didn’t acknowledge him. She walked straight out of the library, ignoring his shouts.

“Evans!” he called chasing after her. “Will you stop!” He caught up to her and grabbed her elbow, spinning her around to face him. “What did you do that for?”

“I don’t want to talk to James.” Her face was flushed, and she was shaking slightly. She was mad. Very mad.

Sirius let go of her elbow and sighed. “Come on Evans. It’s been two weeks.”

“So?”

“So...I think it’s time the two of you talked, and I think you should be the one to do it.”

Lily’s jaw dropped. “What? Why should I be the one to do it?”

Sirius started fidgeting with something his pocket. He was quickly becoming impatient with her. “Because you’re the one that is being a nuisance!”

The anger began to flood through her body. “Why does everybody think I’m the problem?! He was the one that yelled at me, remember! I didn’t yell at him; he yelled at me!”

Sirius clenched his jaw and scowled at her. “Stop acting like a two-year-old Evans. Yeah, he yelled at you, but you were ignoring him. Admit it Evans. You deserved it.”

Lily bit her lip and began to fidget with the silver ring that her grandmother had given her when she was a girl. She didn’t want to admit it, but Sirius did have a point. But it still wasn’t enough to make her want to go and talk to James.

“Black, this has nothing to do with you. Why don’t you mind your own damn business!”

He sneered at her. “Of course it’s my business! It’s my best friend you’re making fucking miserable!” If Lily wasn’t so upset right now, she would have found Sirius’s loyalty to James somewhat adorable. Instead, she just continued to glare at Sirius, hoping that he would finally leave her alone.

He threw his hands up in the air, losing all control of his patience. “You know, just forget it Evans. You’re being your usual stubborn self and there’s no point getting threw to you. The best I can give James is a bottle of firewhiskey with a note saying ‘good luck with Evans’ on it.”

Somewhere in the middle of Sirius’s argument, Lily’s anger had turned to hurt. A chill ran threw her body, and her lips began to tremble. Don’t cry. Oh god, don’t cry.

It was too late. Tears began to stream down her cheeks, and Lily furiously tried to wipe them away.

“Oh merlin Lily, don’t cry,” Sirius eyed her skeptically, panicking slightly at her new vulnerable state.” I’m not Remus. I don’t know what to do.”

Lily’s shoulders shook with the sob that escaped her throat.

“Um...” he paused, wincing slightly at all the noise she was making. “Oh...come on.” He muttered wrapping a stiff arm around her shaking shoulders and leading her to a bench at the end of the corridor. They sat down and Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to pat her back soothingly.

After a few minutes, Lily’s tears began to subside. “I’m sorry Sirius. I didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s alright I guess. If I was more of a gentleman, I would offer you a handkerchief.” He rummaged through his pockets. “Sorry. I have a sleeve that’s partially clean though?”

The corners of Lily’s mouth twitched. “That’s alright. I’ve got my own sleeve.”

Sirius nodded his head and folded his arms in his lap. “Look Evans– Lily, I didn’t mean to make you cry. It’s just....” he sighed and turned to face her more properly. “Don’t you think this whole our-parents-are-ruining-our-lives-lets-take-it-out-on-each-other thing is getting a little old? I know that this whole ‘marriage’ thingy is really shitty and completely unfair to the both of you. But to point out the obvious Lily, you and James are engaged, and one of you has to step up and be the bigger the person.”

Lily smirked. “What are you our marriage counselor now?”

Sirius smiled. “Well, somebody has to keep the two of you from killing each other.”

Lily smiled wearily, pained by the truthfulness of his statement.

“Now, don’t go all Lily-ballistic on me,” Sirius continued. “ but I think you should be the one to talk to James.”

Lily folded her arms firmly across her chest and stared at her shoes. “And why do you think that?”

“Because it’s your turn to make a move. James has tried, and he has said all he has to say. Now, it’s your turn.”

What Sirius was saying was making Lily dizzy. His words were rotating and doing somersaults and cartwheels in her brain, and she was even more confused than she had been this morning.

“And no offense Evans, but this little rift between you and James has made it really boring to hang out with you two. I swear every ten minutes with James, it’s ‘Lily something something’ or ‘engagement something something.’ It’s really starting to affect his Quidditch game.”

Lily chuckled. “Well, if this is effecting him, then I wouldn’t advise being around him December 24.”

“Why? What’s December 24?”

“That’s when James and I are signing our marriage contract. So on that day, we will legally be engaged to one another and there will be no escaping the marriage.”

Sirius scrunched his eyebrows together and surveyed her for a second. Lily could see the wheels turning in his head. It was making her dizzy again.

He nodded slowly and stood up, grabbing his things. Lily eyed him confused. “What are you doing?”

“I’m just going to check out something. I’ll catch up with you later.” He turned and started to walk away, but he quickly looked back at her. “Just think about what I said Lily. You and James have been through a lot together. You guys can get over this.”

He didn’t wait for her to respond. He turned and briskly walked back towards the direction of the library.

***

Later that night, Lily noticed that the wind was acting strange. It cried hollowing wails that pierced through the night and caused Lily to sink deeper into her covers. Of course, she was the only one awake. Everyone else was snoring or dreaming blissfully, while she laid wide awake in bed because the wind was crying desperately outside for her to think.

Sirius’s voice rang through her ears. You and James have been through a lot together. Had they really been through that much together? It was hard to believe how much their lives had intertwined with the other. When she had first stepped off that train in first year, she had no idea who James Potter was, nor did she have a clue to the impact that he was going to be making on her life.

He had been around for well...everything. He knew what made her tick, what made her cry, happy, annoyed. He knew what her life was like at Hogwarts, and how different it was from her life at home. He knew what it was like for her growing up with an unsatisfied mother, a jealous sister, and an absent father. And as much as Lily hated to admit it, James knew every single one of her insecurities. To put it simply, James Potter knew exactly what it was like to be Lily Evans. Something her friends could never fully grasp. And in turn, Lily knew exactly what it was like to be James Potter.

They had grown up together. Not in the sense that they had just gone to school together. It had been a deeper, more heavily dug childhood that they had shared together, even if they had tried to deny it and more than often, drove each other crazy.

So, just because they had been through a lot together, did it mean that she owed James Potter anything? Did she owe him the pleasure of being his wife?

No, her mind screamed, and the wind outside agreed.

But she did owe him her friendship.

When Lily thought this, the wind stopped howling.

***

“Okay guys, just remember that play, and we are sure to beat the Ravenclaw Quidditch team next Saturday!”

The Gryffindor Quidditch team hollered and applauded as they listened to their team captain, James Potter, at the end of practice.

“Alright,” he called, silencing their cheering. “Now, get the hell away from me. You all smell and I’m sick of the sight of you.”

“Sure that’s not just yourself you’re smelling there Potter,” Deidre Vishicio remarked form where she stood. The team chuckled.

“Okay,” he said smiling, “You’re dismissed, and remember practice Saturday 8 a.m. sharp.”

The team groaned. James smirked and began to gather his things.

“Oi, Prongs!” James looked up to see Sirius jogging towards him. “8 a.m. on Saturday? Did you forget that Friday was when the balloon was coming? There’s no way we are going to get out of bed at 8 let alone practice Quidditch.”

James smacked his forehead with his palm. “The balloon” was code for full moon. Ever since the incident with Snape finding out Remus’s condition last year, they had decided to come up with code names when talking about their little expeditions once a month. They even changed the codes every month just in case someone was eavesdropping– that someone being Snape. This month it was balloon, next month Sirius had picked and decided on crab cake. Ever since he ate one at Lily’s house last New Years, he been obsessed with them.

“Oh your right! I completely forgot. Hey guys!” The team stopped what they were doing and looked at James. “Change of plans. Practice Friday afternoon instead of Saturday morning.” The team cheered. Friday practices were always better than Saturday.

Everybody started heading back towards the dorms, and James quickly made his way to a group of three girls talking. “Hey,” he said to the girls. Olivia Davenport, Deidre Vishico, and Marguerite Burns were the only girls on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. They all smiled and said hi back.

“Liv can I escort you back to the dorm?” She smiled and waved bye to the other girls. He noticed that Deidre was giving him an odd look, and he prayed that she wouldn’t say anything. After all Lily wasn’t his girlfriend, Olivia was. Thankfully she kept her mouth shut, and James and Olivia walked away peacefully. He should have known better than to think Deidre would make comments to James about Lily. Deidre knew how to keep out of other people’s fights and not let it interfere with her Quidditch game.

Once they had walked away, James offered his arm to Olivia and she took it. She laid her head on his shoulders and smiled at him sideways.

“You’re being quite the gentleman today.”

He smiled and planted a kiss on her forehead. “I have my moments.”

She smiled but didn’t say anything more. James looked down at her and noticed how tired and worn out she looked. He had worked her hard today on the Quidditch field, and he felt kind of bad for ordering her around so much t, but he also had a slight suspicion that there was more to Olivia’s quietness than just Quidditch.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

She moved her head off his shoulder and tucked a lose strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just... you seem a little off today.”

She shook her head. “I’m just tired. You worked me hard out there today.”

“Sorry,” he muttered.

She smiled at him and squeezed his arm reassuringly. “Don’t be sorry. You’re the captain James. I don’t expect any special treatment from you.”

He smiled and gave her a quick kiss. She smiled blissfully and laid her head back on his shoulder.

“Olivia?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s really bothering you?”

James felt her body go stiff. He was right, something was up. She didn’t say anything for awhile, and James thought she wasn’t going to answer. But then she sighed and moved her head off his shoulder.

She kicked the loose gravel as she walked. “I got a letter from my mum this morning.”

James stopped in his tracks and looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

“My brother’s missing again.”

James closed his eyes and swore. He had expected it to happen again, and he hated that her stupid brother did this to her and her mother over and over again. He instantly wrapped her into a hug. Her arms hung loosely at her sides for a moment before she wrapped her arms around him and let a few tears fall.

“How long has he been gone?”

She sniffled against his chest and answered. “About a week.”

“Olivia I’m so sorry.” He didn’t know what to do for her. Sometimes Olivia seemed so fragile to him, and he had no idea how to comfort her. All he could offer was some sympathy and a shoulder to cry on.

She sniffled again and moved away from him. “Thanks,” she said, trying to smile at him. “You would think I would be used to his disappearing by now.”

James grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “It’s never easy Liv.”

She nodded and squeezed his hand again. They stood there for awhile just holding hands and not speaking. There was nothing they could say to each other. Olivia’s brother was gone, for now at least, and they couldn’t bring him back. Olivia couldn’t bring him back. He would have to come back on his, as James had told her numerous times when he pulled his disappearing acts.

“Okay,” she said wiping her face clean of any tears. “Lets not talk about this anymore. I’ve made my peace with it. Why don’t we both go take showers and meet up for dinner?”

He smiled at her and placed his hands on her either side of her neck, giving her a gentle kiss. “Sounds great.”

She smiled against his lips and kissed him again. “Oh James, what would I do without you.”

***

After departing with Olivia, James Potter made his way towards the boys’ seventh year dormitory with heavy shoulders. He was worried about Olivia. Her brother had pulled this crap before, and it never turned out pretty. Not for her brother, not for her mum, and definitely not for her. He dreaded what was to come in the next month or two. Olivia was going to be a mess, and James still hadn’t told her about the arranged marriage.

James opened the door to his dormitory. He knew everybody was in the Great Hall eating dinner already, and he was grateful that he had the whole place to himself for once. It gave him time to think.

James put his broom in the corner and started to take off his Quidditch robes when he noticed somebody else in the room. He stopped in his tracks, and every fiber in his body tensed at the sight of her.

“You do realize that breaking and entering is illegal, even in the wizarding world.”

She turned a page in the book that she was reading and quickly glanced at him, before turning back to her book. “It’s not like I broke down the door James. Remus let me in.”

He was going to kill Remus.

Lily Evans was in his dormitory, sitting on his bed and reading a book, like she had done this every damn day of her bloody life. It infuriated him to no end that she could waltz right in his room and sit on his own bed and act like she owned the place. And of course, James just had to find her dominating personality a turn-on, as much as he hated himself for it.

James leaned against the bed post at the end of the bed and stared at her, shoving his hands in his pockets. “What are you doing in here Evans?”

Lily eyed him squarely and shut her book. “You don’t have to be so rude. I just came to ask you a question.”

James made sure to keep his expression blank. He didn’t want her reading his mind. “Fine. What’s your question? And, by the way, I can be as rude as I want. I didn’t invite you up here.”

She ignored his last statement and opened the book again, which he now realized was a Transfiguration textbook. “I came to ask you about our Transfiguration essay. I didn’t understand some of things McGonagall said the other day– What’s so funny?”

James was rolling with laughter. Lily was the worst liar he had ever met. And the fact that she went to all this trouble to make a story just to have an excuse to talk to him was just...well down right hilarious.

James finally calmed down a little and faced a fuming Lily. She was not happy that he was laughing at her which just made this whole situation even more hilarious. “Oh, who are you kidding Evans? You’re one of McGonagall’s top students.”

She glared at him, but James had a feeling she was more embarrassed by being caught at her own lie than angry at him.

“What? Because I am at the top of the class, I’m not allowed to ask questions? Is that how it is?”

James rolled his eyes. “Oh come on Evans. You don’t need any help. A couple of weeks ago you were rubbing it in my face that you scored higher on a quiz than I did.”

Her face lost its anger, and instead a slight blush appeared on her cheeks. James loved to make her blush. He found it adorable. “Oh right, I forgot about that.”

He laughed, and she smiled shyly at him, her green eyes shining brightly through her mass of dark red hair. James should still be angry with her; he knew he should be. But he was sick of fighting with her. Just seeing her this close and talking to her reminded him how much he had missed her.

“So what’s really on your mind Evans?”

She laid the Transfiguration book on the night stand by his bed and sat up, looking him straight in his eyes for the first time in a long time. “I think we have some things we need discuss.”

He was no longer laughing. He looked at her and nodded his head. “Yeah, I think we do too.”

“Why don’t you sit down.” Lily moved her legs, and James sat down at the end of his bed.

Lily looked down at her hands and started messing with that silver ring her grandmother had given her a long time ago. “I’m sorry that you felt that I was ignoring you, but--”

James fought off the urge to roll his eyes. “Lily you were ignoring.”

“No, James I--” James sighed loudly, and Lily looked down at her hands. “Okay look James, I know how I reacted wasn’t right, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was upset and angry and confused. I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know what to think.”

James stood up. Okay, maybe he was still a little angry at her. “And you don’t think I was just as mad and upset as you were? It was my life too they were throwing away Lily. I knew how you were feeling Lily. Why couldn’t you just– ”

She grabbed his wrist, trying to calm him down. “I know James. I know it was wrong, but I had to figure out some things first before I came talking to you.”

“Couldn’t we have figured it out together?”

Lily sighed still holding onto his wrist. “No. At least I couldn’t. I just needed to be by myself for awhile. I needed to figure out what I was going to do before we could figure out what we were going to do about this situation. Can you understand that? I know it’s stupid and that it doesn’t make any sense, but it’s what I needed to do.”

James sighed. He was still a little confused ,but he was starting to see why she did what she did. She needed to pick up her own pieces before they could come with an attack plan together. “So why didn’t you just tell me all this before we started yelling at each other?”

She smirked at him. “Because that would have made sense.”

James sighed and looked her in the eyes. “You shouldn’t shut people out Lily. You can’t always ignore the person.”

Lily closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. “I know James. I just had to get my thoughts straightened out before we talked. And for the record, I have and I am here now.”

They smiled at each other, and James felt one thing in his life ease off his shoulders. He was finding it easier to breathe already.

Lily removed her hand from his wrist and placed her hand in his hand. James looked down at his hand making sure that he wasn’t dreaming that she was holding his hand. Lily didn’t often just hold his hand, because well, they never had a reason to.

“There was another reason I came up here.”

James cocked an eyebrow at her. Did she realize how suggestive that sounded? “Really? And what would that be?”

Lily narrowed her eyes at him for a moment. Her gaze was so intense that James felt like he was standing stark naked in front of her.

Suddenly, Lily let go of his hand and smacked him in the arm, hard.

“What was that for?!”

She scoffed and glared at him. “Get your head out of the gutter James!”

He looked at his arm and saw a red hand print where she had smacked him.

“You left a mark!”

“So, you deserved it!”

“But you branded me!”

“Well, what did you expect!”

James started laughing. “I’m sorry but ‘there was another reason I came up here’. Come on Lils. That sounded so perverse. What was I supposed to think?”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re perverse. I can’t believe you were even thinking that I was going to jump you!”

“Not really jump per se, more like a little striptease then maybe a little sexual game.”

“Potter stop it!” She was trying to be stern, but James could tell she was trying to hold back a smile. And was she blushing?

“Oh my god! You’re picturing it!”

Lily’s face became horrified and her blush intensified. “What?! T-That’s ridiculous!”

“Yes, you are! You’re turning beet red!”

She glared at him and flung a pillow at his head. She missed by a good couple of inches. “You are unbelievable! Here I am trying to tell you something important, and you are just laughing your ass off about something completely inappropriate!”

James had no idea what she had just said. He was laughing so damn hard that it had completely drowned her out. That really pissed her off.

“Ugh!” She grabbed her Transfiguration book and stood up, fixing to storm out of the room. “Fuck you Potter! Wait...I meant...”

James was pretty sure that a person could die of laughter, and he was getting dangerously close to it. He collapsed on the bed and pointed his finger accusingly at her. “See, you are thinking about it!”

She threw down her book on the floor and grabbed the remaining pillow off his bed and started hitting him with it repeatedly. There was no way James could defend himself he was laughing so hard. He shielded his head with his arms, but that was the best he could do. Lily continued to whack him with the pillow, but she too started to laugh uncontrollably.

“Um, am I interrupting something?”

They both jumped at the sound of Sirius’s voice. They had no idea that he had entered the room at all.

Lily covered her heart with her hand, trying to slow down her heartbeat. “You have got to stop doing that Sirius!”

He smirked. “Sorry Evans, didn’t mean to interrupt your... pillow fight.”

Lily rolled her eyes and sat at the edge of the bed. James finally had control of himself and sat next to her.

“What’s up Padfoot?” James asked.

Sirius smirked cockily at them. “Well I just dropped by to tell you both that you are a bunch of morons.”

James glanced at Lily who looked just confused as he felt.

“And why is that?” Lily asked.

“Because you guys aren’t engaged yet. You worried about nothing.”

James rolled his eyes. “We know that Padfoot, but you’re forgetting that we will be engaged. It’s inevitable.”

Sirius sighed. “Not unless you stop it.”

James narrowed his eyes at Sirius, intrigued. “Go on.”

“You’ve got what? Two months before you sign that contract thing?”

James and Lily nodded their heads.

“Okay, well that gives you two months to destroy the wedding plans.”

Lily eyed him skeptically. “And how do you suppose we do that?”

James and Sirius grinned at each other. It was bloody brilliant. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of it himself. “Sabotage!” They both exclaimed.

Lily’s jaw dropped. “You mean destroy the wedding?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Well, that is the definition of sabotage...”

James quickly turned to Lily. “Come on Lily. We were looking for a way out of this wedding and here it is. We just need to come up with a few destructive plans, and we will be spouse free! What do you say Lils?”

Lily nodded her head. “Alright, just as long as no one gets hurt...”

James flew off the bed and James and Sirius started jumping up and down in excitement. “This is brilliant mate! I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before.”

Sirius smiled smugly. “I know James. I’m disappointed in you. You are a Marauder, are you not?”

James and Sirius were already discussing plans, when a couple of owls flew in and dropped two letters on James’s bed. Lily was the only one aware of this, and she opened the letter addressed to her.

Lily quickly read over the letter, and stood up suddenly. Her face becoming crestfallen.

“Um, guys? You better get cracking on whatever it is you two plan to do.”

James and Sirius looked at her curiously. “Why?” James asked.

“Because our parents want us home this weekend to discuss the terms of our marriage contract.”

A/N Well, it’s finally here. Chapter five is done. I really despise this chapter, and I swear chapter six will be better. I had difficulty writing this chapter, but hopefully it came out okay and not to jumpy. Anyways, sorry for the lack of updates. I was really busy with writing my senior paper and finishing my senior year of high school. But, it’s over. I graduated Friday so no more high school! Finally! Then I would have had it chapter five up Thursday, but my internet just had to be disconnected, and it wasn’t reconnected until Monday. Grr. Well, I’m back on track (hopefully) so expect quicker updates, and I will post excerpts and other info about this story on my livejournal account. http://ungraceful13.livejournal.com/ So check it out and thanks for all the reviews that I received you all waited for this chapter. I dedicate it to all my reviewers. You have no idea how much I appreciate your reviews.

6. A Plan Deveopled pt.1

A/N Sorry it’s been awhile. I was traveling almost the entire month of June and then I came back and had to deal with college stuff, so...yeah. Anyways, here is chapter six. However there are a few things I need to mention before you read it. First, I had to split chapter six up into two parts. I had to do this because otherwise chapter six was going to be ridiculously long, like over 10,000 words long. Plus, splitting it made me able to post the first half a.k.a. part 1 while I finished the second half. And secondly, everything in italics is a flashback. Okay, that’s all you need to know. Oh, and please excuse any grammatical errors. I had to edit this kind of fast. Enjoy!

Ch. 6 A Plan Developed pt.1

“Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable”. ~Wendy Wasserstein

By Friday night, Lily and James were back at the Potters’ house. They were sitting in the parlor with the exception of Sirius who was upstairs somewhere. Sirius had tagged along with them to Potters’ because so far, the sabotage plan wasn’t going too well. They had argued for hours and hadn’t come up with any sort of scheme. Well, they had come up with one, but Lily had flat out refused to do it. Now, they were back to square one. Lily and James were hoping that the contract would give them a few ideas.

“Well, now if everyone’s settled,” said Fabius M. Pasternak– their own personal marriage contractor. The guy was so ancient Lily thought he belonged in a museum. “I’ll just hand out a copy of the contract to the betrothed.” He was standing, but he was so hunched over that it looked more like he was sitting in an invisible chair.

Fabius thrust a crisp piece of parchment in her face. Lily hesitantly took it out of his wrinkled hands, fearing what she was about to read.

Marital Binding Contract

The Merge of Evans-Potter

In order to legally bind the marriage of James Harold Godfrey Potter and Lillian Rosemarie Evans, the following Guidelines of Marital Binding must be met six months prior to the ceremony. Following the guidelines, the Articles of Marital Binding state what is to take and what is not to take place during the marriage. Violation of an article may result in a Marital Probation or ultimately a Marital Separation. Any further questions concerning the process of Marital Binding can be answered by the family’s personal legal contractor.

Guidelines of Marital Binding

I. The Marital Binding Contract must be signed by both parties six months prior to the ceremony.

II. The ceremony date must be set six months prior to the ceremony.

III. The future bride must be tested and concluded to be fertile before signing.

IV. A formal engagement announcement is required.

V. Signing of the Marital Binding Contract requires a legal contractor from the Ministry of Magic to witness the signing.

Articles of Marital Binding

I. Both parties must be married by Christmas of their eighteenth year.

II. Once married, the newlyweds will officially take their titles as Lord and Lady.

III. The wife is required to take the husband’s name.

IV. The first child must be born five years after the marriage. (. A male heir is preferred but not required.)

V. The husband determines whether or not the wife may obtain a profession.

VI. The wife determines whether or not her husband can take a mistress.

VII. If the wife chooses for her husband not to have a mistress, unfaithfulness will not be tolerated and will result in an immediate Marital Probation.

VIII. An unfaithful wife is never tolerated and will result in an immediate Marital Probation or Marital Separation.

IX. Illegitimate children are deeply frowned upon (with a mistress) and will result in a Marital Probation. If the husband does not have a mistress than a Marital Separation will occur. In the case of an illegitimate child/children (in cases concerning both a mistress and a non mistress), the family will not recognize the child as part of their family, but the family will be allowed to support the child if they so choose.

X. Marital Separation(i.e. divorce) is hardly ever granted unless an Article is broken or both parties express extreme unhappiness in the marriage (see legal Contractor for more in-depth information concerning Marital Separation).

Once the legal contractor has checked and shown that all guidelines have been abided by, the families may officially sign the contract.

The Evans

_________________________________

(Lord Christopher Maxwell Evans III)

__________________________________

(Lady Sophia Kathleen Staffard-Evans)

__________________________________

(Lillian Rosemarie Evans)

The Potters

__________________________________

(Lord Godfrey Harold James Potter)

__________________________________

(Lady Viviane Constance Wortham-Potter)

__________________________________

(James Harold Godfrey Potter)

Verification by Legal Contractor

__________________________________

(Fabius M. Pasternak)

On behalf of the Ministry of Magic, we offer our congratulations to the future husband and bride-to-be. We wish you a lifetime of happiness.

Sincerely,

Milicient Bulstrode

The Minister of Magic and Staff.

“Well, are there any questions or concerns about the contract?” Fabius asked, eagerly waiting for Lily or James to respond.

Lily didn’t know where to start. The contract had been worse than she had thought. Honestly, what century were they living in? Was Lily incapable of making her own decisions? James was supposed to decide if she could work. Like hell he was! And don’t even get her started on the whole mistress crap.

“Um, I have a question?”

Fabius instantly straightened up at the sound of her voice, eager for some sort of attention. “Yes. Go on.” Lily could see her parents shifting nervously in their seats. A small smile spread across her lips, satisfied that she was making them nervous. Served them right for putting her through all this.

“Um, this contract doesn’t exactly seem fair to me.”

Sweat began to form on Fabius’ eyebrows. “I...I don’t think I quite understand what you mean Miss?”

“I mean this isn’t Victorian times anymore. I shouldn’t have to have James’ permission to get a job. Marriage is more about partnership these days anyways. I should have an equal right to everything James does.”

Fabius pulled a handkerchief out of his front pocket and wiped the sweat from his brow nervously. “Um, pardon me Miss, but that’s exactly what you will get. This contract will entitle you to everything that Mr. Potter is entitled to– his estate, his inheritance, everything.”

Lily couldn’t hold back rolling her eyes. “That wasn’t what I meant. What I meant was that I should be able to decide if I want to work or not, not James. And if he’s allowed to take a mistress, I should be allowed to take a...mister?” She turned her head towards James and whispered. “Is that what they call it?”

James simply shrugged, oblivious to the conversation going on. Lily narrowed her eyes at him. He was looking at the contract dejectedly and was paying hardly any attention to what was going on around him. Lily was about to ask him what was wrong, when he spoke up for the first time that night.

“So, if Lily and I marry, we will become the new Lord and Lady Potter?”

That was when it hit Lily. He was going to become the new Lord Potter– a title James had been fighting since he had learned to talk. Lily knew James had no desire to take his father’s title. He had no interest in politics, nor did he much care for the people who were involved in politics. As far back as Lily could remember, Mr. Potter had been pushing his son to be involved with the Ministry. On several occasions Mr. Potter literally had to drag James to the Ministry, which obviously didn’t have much of an effect on James. James had never really embraced the thought of taking over his father’s job and being the new Lord Potter. And as far as Lily could tell, he never would.

“Yes James,” Lord Potter said, sternly staring James down. “When you and Lily marry, you will become the new Lord and Lady Potter.”

Lily could hear the piece of parchment shaking in James’ hand. He was getting angry, but he was trying to control it. The Potters could sense James’ anger.

“James, we’ll discuss this later,” Mr. Potter said sternly. James nodded and set the contract down on the table in front of them. He slouched down in the expensive nineteenth century settee , too deep in thought to notice what was going on around him. Lily knew she had lost him. There was no way that she was going to get this contract changed unless James was on her side. But as of now, he was too fixated on his own problems to help her out at the moment.

“Lily,” said Mr. Potter, hoping to advert everyone’s attention from James, “please continue with what you were saying.”

“Oh, umm...” It was useless to argue. It was five against one with an unwilling alibi sitting next to her. “Never mind. I just think we all need to look over the contract again. That’s all.”

Lord Potter nodded, Lily saw her parents sigh in relief. “Alright, if that is your wish.” Lord Potter stood signaling the end of the ‘meeting.’ “Well, I think everything’s settled. Thank you Mr. Pasternak.”

Fabius took the soaked handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed his forehead furiously before shaking Lord Potter’s hand. “It’s my pleasure Lord Potter, and I shall be in contact with you shortly.”

Lord Potter nodded in agreement and turned his attention to his sulking son. “James, let’s talk in my study.”

Lily watched as James sighed and grudgingly got off the settee. Lily flashed him a reassuring smile. He tried to smile back but failed miserably and followed his father back into his study. Lily stood up too and was fixing to head upstairs, when she heard her mother call her over.

“Lily, could you come over here, please?”

Lily sighed and walked over towards her mother and Lady Potter.

“Yes?” she asked once she had approached their little group.

“Lily, I’m sorry this is such sort notice, but you’re going to have to go to a healer tomorrow.”

Lily stared at her mother dumbfounded. “What? Why?”

“Well, before we can go any further with this contract, first we have to make sure that you are capable of making babies.”

Making babies? Lily rolled her eyes. Why did her mother always insist on sugarcoating everything. “Mother, even a dimwit can consummate a marriage.”

Mrs. Evans frowned at her daughter. “Lillian, please don’t be sarcastic. It’s such an unbecoming quality.”

Lily scowled at her mother, trying to restrain herself from sassing back at her. Unfortunately, Lily had enough mannerisms in her to know better than embarrass her mother in front of people– too bad her mother didn’t possess the same characteristic..

“Anyways,” Mrs. Evans said with a wave of her hand, “you have an appointment tomorrow at ten with a Mrs. Stom, and Viviane has offered to escort you to your appointment.”

For the second time that night, Lily stared at her mother dumbfounded. “Wait, you’re not going with me?”

Even as much as her mother grated her nerves, Lily still wanted her mother to go with her. Lily nervously began to bite her fingernails. Mrs. Potter was nice and all, but she would feel more comfortable going to a doctor with her mother. After all, she didn’t know what to expect when she went for her check-up; her mother did, and she would be too embarrassed to ask Mrs. Potter to explain how these things worked..

“I know. I’m sorry Lily, but your father and I need to go back home tomorrow. Your sister’s coming in from Surrey, and you know we’ve hardly seen her since she married Vernon last year.” Lily nodded, slightly hurt that her parents hadn’t invited her to go along with them to see Petunia.

Mrs. Potter squeezed one of Lily’s shoulders. “There’s noting to be nervous about dear. The procedures quite simple. You’ll be out of that office in twenty minutes tops.”

Mrs. Evans nodded along with Mrs. Potter. “She’s right Lily. From what Viviane’s told me, it’s much simpler in the wizarding world than in our world, so you should consider yourself lucky. Okay?”

Lily nodded, trying to ease the dread in her stomach.

Mrs. Evans kissed her daughter’s cheek. “Now go upstairs and get some rest.”

Lily turned to leave but turned back towards her mother suddenly. “Tell Petunia I said hello.” Lily, without waiting for a reply, ran up the stairs to her room.

*******

“James, it’s not the end of the world.”

James flopped into one of the big leather chairs in his father’s study and narrowed his eyes. “Maybe not for you, but it is for me.”

Mr. Potter sighed. “Don’t go all teenager on me James. You knew this would happen eventually, so stop acting like this is the biggest shock of your life.”

James cringed. Yes, he had known that this would happen one day. It’s just that deep down, he had always hoped that it wouldn’t. “Oh wait, you’re right. This isn’t the biggest shock of my life. No, that would be the time when you and mum went behind my back and had be betrothed.”

Mr. Potter closed his eyes, trying to ignore his son’s statement. “James,” he said as slowly and as calmly as possible, “stop acting like a victim. I’ve told you over and over again that you would one day take my place as Lord.”

“I know that, but why? I don’t want it. I’ve never wanted it, so why do I have to do it?”

Mr. Potter slammed his fist on his desk, his patience with his son breaking.”Because James, you owe it to your family! You were born into this family and you should take pride in the fact that you are indeed a Potter. Do you wish to dishonor your ancestors, or your mother and me?”

James sat back down in his seat, allowing himself to feel the first claws of defeat. His father wasn’t going to understand that he had no desire to sit behind a desk all day long, looking through papers upon papers; nor was he going to understand that he didn’t want to spend his weekends or holidays at some society party showing off his wife and his money. But his father didn’t see it that way. To him, his job was a symbol of honor to his ancestors and to the Potter name. How was James supposed to argue against that? In one of the rare times in life, James cursed being an only child.

“Well?”

James sighed. “No. I don’t want to dishonor you or mum.”

Mr. Potter set back in his chair, satisfied with his sons answer. “Okay then. I think it’s settled. You and Lily will become the next Lord and Lady Potter.”

James was fixing to burst. He needed to say something– anything to get him out of this situation.

“It’s not enough for me.”

Mr. Potter took off his glasses, exhausted. “What do you mean it’s not enough?”

“I mean, I want something more than sitting behind a desk, looking at paper work all day. I want something more exciting...more hands-on.”

“More adventurous?”

“Yes!” Okay, his speech was a little lame, and he knew it sounded childish, but he refused to become his parents. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his parents unconditionally, he just never wanted to live their lives. He wanted something more...meaningful?

“James, I know you’ve always had this zest for adventure, and I had always secretly hoped that you would grow out of it, but listen to me James. You can’t be reckless when you’re going to have a family. You have to stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what your family wants. Did that ever occur to you? Did you ever think about what Lily wants you to do?”

James didn’t respond– he couldn’t respond. His mind was reeling.

“Now, lets end this on a good note.” Mr. Potter pulled out a drawer in his desk. He reached one hand in and pulled out a semi-full bottle of firewhiskey. “Shall we?”

James still couldn’t move. Even the sight of firewhiskey couldn’t stir his senses.

Just then the door to the Mr. Potter’s study opened. Mrs. Potter stood in the doorway. She looked at James, then Mr. Potter, then the firewhiskey. “Uh oh. What happened in here?”

Neither James nor Mr. Potter responded.

“I’m going to bed,” James announced, quickly rushing past his mother before she could call him back. He could feel their eyes on him, probably in shock that he had voluntarily turned down perfectly good firewhiskey.

His mind was on overdrive. What would Lily want him to do?

********

Some time during Fourth Year

James was hiding again, or at least trying to find a place to hide.

Earlier in the kitchen he had overheard his father in the dining room telling his mother, “I’m going to take James to work with me today.”

Yeah, sure Dad.

James immediately did a180 and bolted in the other direction.

Now, he was passing several items that looked like possible hiding places– a cupboard, a pile of laundry, the House Elves’ bed chambers. Then, an epiphany!

She wouldn’t mind too much if he used her wardrobe for a little while. At least, he hoped she wouldn’t. James approached Lily’s room and gently turned the door knob, knowing that she wouldn’t be in there. He had come across her in the library earlier doing her homework of all things. James had been his usual charming self, while Lily had been her usual tempered, daughter-of-Satan self. Honestly, was that girl incapable of taking a joke? Apparently so. He had several marks on his body to prove it.

James grabbed his wand and muttered ‘Lumos.’ He took a moment and looked around the room. It physically disgusted him. This girl must be from outer space or from some other deranged place because no body on this earth could possibly be this neat. James looked at one of pictures on the wall in disgust. He reached out one hand and tilted the picture slightly, wanting one thing in the room to be imperfect.

Outside the door, James heard the shuffling of someone’s feet. James sprinted across the room towards the wardrobe. He quickly climbed in and shut the door loudly. The door opened and James peered through the crack in the doors and saw Lily walk in wearing her usual t-shirt/jeans combo, a pair of dark red pigtails falling against her shoulder blades.

He watched Lily walk to her night stand and place her potions book on the table. Lily took a step back from the stand and looked around the room cautiously. James watched her cross the room and look at the picture he had tilted earlier. After several seconds of observation, Lily tilted it back to its rightful position. James couldn’t help but let out a rather loud snort. Lily spun around and fixed her eyes on the wardrobe.

Before James could take any sort of action– not that he could really act. He was basically screwed.– Lily flung open the doors to the wardrobe.

James watched as Lily’s eyes widened at the sight of him. He must have looked pretty ridiculous, sitting in Lily’s wardrobe, tangled in one of her dresses. James tried to think of something to do or say that would make this situation seem less surprising. After much debate, James could think of only one thing to do, he smiled one of his most charming smiles.

It amazed him how quickly her face could change from shock to complete and total loathing with a simple face twitch.

“You little peeping Tom!” She shouted, pointing her wand at him menacingly.

James waved his arms frantically. “No! It’s not like that Evans!”

“Oh really?”

“Yes! I was just hiding from my Dad! That’s all I swear!”

Lily was still pointing her wand at his face, unconvinced. “You were hiding?”

“Yes.”

“In my wardrobe?”

“Yes.”

“Nice try Potter.”

James dodged the end of her wand. “No, seriously Evans! What would be the last place my father would look for me, the House Elves’ bed chambers or your wardrobe?”

That seemed to do the trick. Lily lowered her wand. “Oh.”

James sighed, relieved he wasn’t the victim of one of Lily’s hexes. “Now, if you don’t mind,” he said shutting the door to the wardrobe again.

Lily grabbed a hold of the door and held it back. “Wait. So why are you hiding again?”

James sighed getting annoyed. “Mind your own business Poppy.”

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. “Who’s Poppy?”

James rolled his eyes. “You know, Poppy, the weirdo with pigtails that stick out to here.” James moved his hands horizontal to his head, indicating how far they stuck out.

Lily touched one of her pigtails and scowled.“That’s Pippi Longstocking you git!”

“Same difference.” James went to shut the door again, but she held it back again. “Evans!” She was really getting on his last nerve. His dad could come up here any second looking for him, and he was going to get caught all because Evans wouldn’t let him shut the damn wardrobe.

“Tell me why you’re hiding.”

“My dad wants me to go to the Ministry with him.”

Lily scrunched up her nose. “So?”

“So...I don’t want to.”

Lily narrowed her eyes at him again. “Why?”

James glared at her. “For your information Evans. I don’t want to go to the ministry because I will be forced to see what my future beholds.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

James sighed. “It means that Dad is trying to breed me to become the next Lord Potter and to be quite frank Evans, I have desire to take that kind of job.”

Lily was silent, for a moment, James thought he was actually going to get an ounce of sympathy from her. He really needed to learn not to get his hopes up. “You’re one spoiled prat, you know that.”

James blinked at her taken aback. “Excuse me?”

“You’ve been given an amazing opportunity James. Do you realize how lucky you are? Do you know how many people would kill to have what you have? Hell, I’m jealous of you! You get to take an active role in the ministry– in our government. You could make a difference! Most people work their entire lives and never achieve the position that you are being handed because you were simply born a Potter.”

James couldn’t believe what was flying out of her mouth, and what was even more unbelievable were all the feelings that she was stirring inside him. One part of him felt that Lily Evans had no right to criticize him. That she didn’t understand half of the situation at stake here. Then there was another part of him, the part that he would rather fall over and die before revealing to her, that actually felt ashamed of himself. He had never looked at it from the perception that she had just laid out for him. He knew he was lucky and very fortunate, but it still didn’t make want to become a Lord. He never had the ambition for it.

“It’s not like that at all Evans! You think it’s all about the government and the Ministry, but you’re wrong. It’s all about how great your family looks on the society pages of the Daily Prophet. I thought you of all people would understand that.”

“If it’s as bad as you say it is, then way don’t you change it, make it right.”

James snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. I can’t change it. It’s been that way for over 200 years.”

Lily stared at him in disbelief. “I can’t believe what I am hearing. James Potter can’t do something.” A small, mocking grin appeared on her lips. “I thought you were limitless.”

James glared at her. She was slowly slicing into his pride– and ego. “If you think you can do it, then, by all means, you are more than welcome to my place Evans. Good luck, because you have 200 years working against you.”

Lily snorted. “Yeah, like they’re going to let a woman in government.”

James’ jaw dropped. Lily couldn’t have possibly said something that stupid. “Are you blind? Our Minister is a woman! Did one of the House Elves slip something in your tea this morning?”

Lily fixed him with a pointed stare. Finally, she sighed and looked down at her knees. It was the first look of defeat that Lily had ever expressed. “You can’t honestly believe that she’s the one in charge. She’s just a puppet. She’s not actually calling the shots; it’s all the men behind her. They keep her in power because they know she’s easy to manipulate.”

James didn’t know how to respond to that. He had heard enough talk among people, especially from his parents, that their current Minister was just a crowd pleaser. She didn’t really have a clue what the wizarding world needed, or how to deal with the growing Voldemort situation. She was too easily influenced by the people in power, and the people that could knock her out of power.

“You know it’s so unfair!” Lily stood up suddenly and stomped over to her bed, sitting on the edge of it. “You who would rather throw around a stupid quaffle than be in a classroom, makes ‘O’s in all your classes. You, who would probably be happy bartending for the rest of you life, has one of the greatest opportunities in the world. And you’re not even embracing it!”

James stumbled out of the wardrobe and stood in front of her. “What’s your problem?” he asked defensively. “Just because I don’t like to spend all my time with my nose in a book, does not mean that I don’t deserve the grades that I get. Because believe it or not Lily, I do study and I do work hard. And while you were lecturing me on how I was missing the greatest opportunity of my life, did it ever occur to you that maybe it’s the only opportunity that I have?”

“No, it didn’t occur to me because that’s not true. You have every opportunity in the world. You come from a good family, you’re smart– yes Potter, I said you were smart– you have no restrictions holding you down.”

“What? Of course, I have restrictions; everyone does.”

Lily shook her head and stared down at her feet. “No you don’t, not like I do.”

James was completely caught off guard. “What? That’s absurd. People adore you. Everybody is always bragging about how witty and smart you are. If anything, you have more opportunities than I do.”

Lily was shaking her head, and James was shocked to see her looking defeated. “No, I don’t. I will only be able to get so far in life before they hold up a stop sign up in front of my face, telling me that I’m not allowed to move any further. No matter how talented or how qualified I am, it will always boil down to the fact that I am a woman and a Mudblood.”

James cringed. “Don’t use that word.”

“Sorry,” she said softly, still not looking up from her feet, “but it’s true.”

James was having a hard time processing everything she was saying. Yes, he came from a well-respected Pureblood family, and yes he was smart. But would those two things alone get him anything he wanted? Did it make him better than her? He didn’t think so. And what was all that about having no restrictions? He had restrictions. Everyone did. His were just less visible than others.

Suddenly, James was sick of talking about all this. He didn’t want to defend himself anymore. He wanted someone like Sirius who would agree with him and tell him that he shouldn’t have to become the next Lord Potter. Someone who would make him feel better about himself, instead of worse. Someone unlike Lily, who was just giving him a massive headache.

“Why do you care so much what I do with my life anyways?”

Lily shrugged, staring down at her feet. “I don’t.”

James scoffed,“You’re lecturing would suggest otherwise.”

She chuckled, and slowly lifted her eyes to meet his for the first time. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being selfish. Maybe I’m hoping that if you were to get involved in the government that maybe one day you would fight for people like me, fight for those who feel limited.”

And for the first time, James Potter was completely at loss of words.

***

“Good god woman! Could you go any slower!”

James smirked at Sirius’ impatience and gently pushed the door to his room open just as Lily was fixing Sirius with an icy stare.

“Black, if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right. No matter how long it takes me to stir this potion.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned his attention towards James. “Hey mate! How did the interrogation go?”

Lily turned around and smiled at James as he passed by her. James smiled back and stretched out on his bed. “It was the usual. I told him I didn’t want to take his job, and he through in my face that I would be disgracing my family.”

Sirius clicked his tongue and lazily put his hands behind his head. “Tough luck Prongs.”

James shrugged, not wanting to discuss it any further. He just wanted to forget about it for now. “So what are you two up to?”

Lily and Sirius grinned at each other. “We’ve come up with a bit of a plan.”

James raised an eyebrow. “Really?” He looked between them. “You two? I’m impressed.”

Sirius glanced sideways at Lily. “Well technically I did. Lily really sucks at this.”

Lily banged her stirrer against the cauldron. “Well, excuse me if I’m a rookie.”

Sirius snorted. “Rookie? Replacing somebody’s shampoo with frog spawn is rookie material. What you were coming up with was just plain lame.”

Lily scoffed and turned her attention back to the potion.

James chuckled. “So what exactly are you planning then?”

Sirius grinned mischievously. “Well if all goes according to plan, all your problems shall be solved by tomorrow afternoon. Evans? Would you be so kind as to tell Mr. Potter here our course of action?”

Lily set down her stirrer and turned to face them. “Well tomorrow, I have an appointment with a Healer to make sure that I am fertile before we get married.”

“Fertile?”

Sirius started laughing. “You know so that she can...” he leaned over the arm of his chair, bursting into a rare fit of hysterics, “so that she can have your kids.”

A light heat rose in his cheeks. Oh right, that kind of fertile. He couldn’t help but feel like him and Lily were being treated like some sort of breeding animals, which in a sense they were. He looked back at Lily who was staring at her shoes, a soft pink color tinting her cheeks.

“Anyways, so Sirius and I got to thinking, and I think we came up with a plan that will get us out of having to get married.”

James sat on the edge of his bed, eagerly waiting to her the plan. “Well, what’s the plan?” He had never really been one for suspense.

“That Evans take this potion here that will make her infertile. And since the contract states that the future bride must be fertile, you can say bye-bye to contract and adieu to marriage.”

James’ eyes widened. It was so simple and just crazy enough that it might actually work.

James jumped up, feeling ecstatic for the first time in weeks. “That’s bloody brilliant! This could work! This could actually work!”

He was so thrilled, he practically mauled Lily, who was nearest to him, and enveloped her in a big bear hug.

“Oi! Watch the potion!” she said laughing. “Do you want this to work or not?”

Sirius leaned over the armchair again, cocking an eyebrow at them. “I wouldn’t get too excited Prongs,” Sirius said, as James let go of Lily. She quickly straightened her t-shirt and started messing with the potion again. “At the rate Evans is going, this potion won’t even be done by tomorrow.”

James chuckled as Lily rolled her eyes. “Will you let it rest already? Mixing potions can have dangerous consequences. I just want to make sure I do it right.”

James snapped his head back towards her. “Mixing potions? What are you doing mixing potions?”

“Well,” she began, pouring some sort of ingredients into the potion, “the potion in the book is actually for permanent infertility. But there’s this other potion that counteracts the permanent aspect, making it only a twenty-four hour thing.”

James eyed her dubiously. He thought their plan could actually be the ticket they were looking for to end their arranged marriage, but he didn’t like the idea of Lily mixing potions. It was risky, even for him. He wanted to get out of this marriage, but not to the extent that Lily might hurt herself over it.

“Don’t you think that it’s a little risky, you know, mixing potions?”

Lily shrugged, but he caught the hesitation in her face. “I know it’s risky, that’s why I’m not letting either of near it.”

“Hey, I take offense to that,” Sirius muttered, while flipping through one of James’ Quidditch magazines.

“Good,” she retorted, turning back to her now boiling potion.

“Look,” James said, “this plan is good and all, but I don’t want you to get hurt over it.”

Lily sighed and smiled reassuringly to James. “James, I appreciate your concern, but I swear it will be fine. People mix potions all the time.”

Yeah, but they’re all professionals, James thought.

“Personally, I think she should’ve taken the damn infertility potion and called it quits to reproducing,” Sirius remarked. “It’s bad for our society anyways.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Boy, you sure are a ball of sunshine today. And not that it’s any of your business, but I do want to have kids some day.”

Sirius dropped his magazine and turned around in his chair. “Really?”

James looked at her skeptically. “Seriously? You want to have kids?”

Lily looked between them. Her eyes widening in bewilderment “What? Why is that so unbelievable?”

Sirius started whistling, and James shrugged, looking anywhere but at Lily.

Lily’s jaw dropped. “I can’t believe you two!” She dropped her wand and faced them furiously. “For your information, I would make a damn good mother! Why is that so hard to believe? Why would I– ”

James tried to hold it in as long as he possibly could, but a tiny snicker escaped. It triggered the excessive laughter that soon erupted in the room, provided by him and Sirius of course. It took Lily a moment to catch on that they were teasing her.

“You bastards.”

James and Sirius started laughing harder than ever. It was just too easy to get Lily riled up. It was hard to pass up an opportunity when it arose. Lily, on the other hand, was not amused. She turned her back to them, her face turning scarlet. She hated being laughed at, especially when it was him and Sirius who were doing the laughing. It was half of reason why it was so fun to get under her skin.

“You know what?” she fumed, turning back towards them, her confidence regaining. “I hope your guys’ kids are as much as shits growing up as you two are.”

Sirius picked up the magazine again, already losing interest in the conversation. “Prongs’ kid might, but mine won’t. I have no plans of reproducing.”

Lily scoffed. “Why am I not surprised. What? Do you have something against children now?”

Sirius still sat in the armchair, thumbing through the magazine. “As I said earlier Evans, it’s bad for society.”

James and Lily glanced at each other. “And how do you figure that Padfoot?”

Sirius sat down his magazine again, and turned in his armchair, making sure he had their full attention. “Let me explain something to you less intelligent folk,” he mused, earning a snort from Lily. “it’s a little known fact, that parents screw up their kids in three ways. 1: Their parents hate each other and therefore set a bad example of relationships, therefore making the kid have commitment issues and basically screwing up the kid. Ms. Evans over here is a prime example of this.”

Lily’s jaw dropped. “I do not have commitment issues!”

Sirius and James let out a bark of laughter. “Oh really, then how long has it been since your last relationship?” Sirius asked.

James was pretty sure smoke was coming out of here ears. Her eyes were ablaze as she fixed Sirius with an icy glare, not wanting to answer his question. “You’re one to talk about commitment issues Black.”

Sirius laughed bitterly. “Oh Lillakins, we haven’t even begun to cover me.”

Lily folded her arms stiffly over her chest, steam still flowing out her ears.

“Okay, as I was saying...Reason 2: parents who have way too high expectations for their children, either A: feel disappointed in their kids and therefore the kids feel disappointed in themselves or B: the kids live up to their parents expectations and not their own, therefore in the end the kid ends up resenting their parents because they never reached their own expectations. Prongs is living proof of this.”

James was flabbergasted. “What? I don’t resent my parents?”

Sirius looked at his friend in pity. “One day my friend, you will. One day when you are sitting with all those society snobs, berating a restaurant for serving steak instead of veal, you will think about how you never reached your full potential.”

James suddenly felt very sick to his stomach. He felt Lily jam him in the ribs with her elbow. “Hurts, doesn’t it?”

James grunted in reply.

“Alright, and 3: is a combination of reason 1 & 2. And as I’m sure you all have guessed by now, I invented reason number 3. I am the reason number 3 exists. My parents–who are complete assholes by the way–can hardly stand to be in the same room with each other, and I’m pretty sure they haven’t shared a bed since 1965. And now I want you all to take a moment and look at me. I’m sure you will all see in big bold letters Commitment-Phobic written across by forehead.”

“Is that right under Mental Case?” James sniggered, pointing to a spot on his forehead.

Sirius gave James a pointed look but chose not to respond. “And then, on a wonderful, sunny day on November 5, 1960, I was born. My parents could not be more thrilled. I was the first boy born into the Black clan, therefore I held the entire Black name on my shoulders. Then I turned eleven and clobbered my parents dreams. On September 1, 1971, I was sorted into Gryffindor, and ever since then I have been dragging the family name in the mud. So, therefore, I am ten times more screwed up than the both of you, and that ten times will double if I have kid, therefore starting a treacherous, never-ending cycle that can never be stopped. And it’s not only the kids that suffer, it’s society. The ones that have been the cycle for awhile are the ones that end up turning into the rapist and murders, so I figured I would do my part in society and not have a fated fucked-up child.”

Lily and James stared unblinkingly at Sirius for a moment, their mouths slightly open as their minds grasped everything he had just said. Finally, after several seconds of mental processing, James turned to Lily. “I think it’s evident that Sirius has some unresolved anger from his childhood.”

“Mate, have you met my mother?”Sirius commented.

James nodded in agreement. Lily gave her head a light shake, clearing all her thoughts, “Okay...enough of the psychiatry for the insane.” She looked down at her cauldron, checking the cauldron. “Finally, this is done.” she announced, grabbing a small bottle and pouring the potion in it.

Sirius looked at the bottle in disbelief. “We waited five hours– ”

“We did not wait five hours.”

Sirius scoffed. “Well it sure felt like it!”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Who cares. It’s done, and I can finally go to bed.”

James looked at the clock and was surprised to see that it was close to midnight.

“Hey Lils, you might want to make sure the potion works.” Lily looked at him confused while Sirius turned around and gave James a sly grin. “Go ahead Prongs, try to impregnate her. You’ve got ten minutes to spare. It shouldn’t take longer than that.”

Lily’s face turned a shade of red for the third time that night. “Black!” She came up behind him and gave his ear a sharp tug.

“Ow! Nails!”

“You’re a pig,” she smacked his shoulder, for added emphasis.

Sirius and James were roaring with laughter. Lily huffed and stomped out of the room, making sure to slam the door extra loud as she exited.

A/N Not the best chapter, but not the worst. The last scene was kind of lame, but please bare in mind that it’s a two part chapter. Sorry it was kind of a filler, but the next chapter will actually involve the plan. I hope to have it up by next week at the latest. Anyways reviews or feedback of any kind would be greatly appreciated. I’ve been really depressed lately and could use anything to get my mind off things (this story has surprisingly helped a lot lol) And if you get bored and want to see something amusing check out these pictures that I found I had drawn awhile back on my livejournal. I sure got a kick out of them. http://ungraceful13.livejournal.com/ Peace!

–Ungraceful