Interruptions by Emmablk1 Rating: PG Ship: Lily & James Canon: Books 1 - 6 Genre: Humor, Romance Status: In progress Length: 19,805 words in 6 chapters Published: 16 Apr 2006 Last updated: 4 Jun 2007 These are the REAL notes between all four marauders! If you've ever wondered what they do in class, this is your answer. Speacial appearance by Lily Evans. And later, one by Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. Enjoy! From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/5951/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. Part One Interruptions Written By: Emmablk1 This is just scary; I am able to have all four of the Marauders stuck in my mind. It's not very plesant sometimes... You people better like this; I just spent half an hour fixing it to put it on fanfiction.net and astronomytower.org. READ AND REVIEW OR YOU WILL DIE B/C I AM IN A BAD MOOD B/C IT'S SO LATE!! * * * Sirius: The day started out innocently enough. James and I played a few jokes on the Sytherins at breakfast, Peter's cauldron blew up in potions (Again!), and we were anticipating the full moon in a couple of weeks. How was I to know that this would be the most important day of my life? James: O.K, hold on. Sirius: What? I'm telling the story right! James: It was the most important day of my life too! Remus: James, why do you always do this? James: Do what? Remus: Interrupt when Sirius is trying to tell the story. Sirius: Thank you, Moony. Peter: Hey! I was involved in it too! Sirius: O.K! We can all tell the story! James: Shhh! McGonagall's looking this way! Sirius: Can I tell it now? Peter: Only if we all get to tell a chapter. Remus: Yeah! After all, it was the most important day of all of our lives. Sirius: What are you talking about? You weren't even there; you were in the hospital wing! Remus: I have my own little secrets. Sirius: What? Oh, you mean... Remus: Don't even think about it, Padfoot! Sirius: Phooy. Peter: Who's telling the first part? Remus: What happened first? Sirius: If you please, I believe I was telling the story. James: But... Sirius: No more interruptions! Remus: I believe that I should be the one to tell it first. James: Hey! Sirius: No, wait! His story's more interesting, believe me! James: Oh! I've got to hear this! Remus: Sirius, whatever your sick mind is thinking, I'm not telling that story! Sirius: Nooo! Oh well, I can always tell it later... James: Yes!! Count me in! Remus: Sigh Anyway... Sirius was right; it was the most important day. But, as usual, he got some as the facts wrong. Sirius: Hey! James: Shh! Remus: Thank you. The full moon was in a couple of days, not weeks. I was in the hospital wing, (of course) and was bouncing off the walls, jumping on the bed... Sirius: Ah...now doesn't it feel good to get that off your chest? James: Shut it! I want to hear the good part! Peter: Me too! Remus: Ahem. So...when this girl walks in. Beautiful red hair- James: Hey! Remus: Its ok, James. It wasn't Lily. James: Just checking. Remus: I stopped jumping and squatted on the bed. Her hair had me captivated. My eyes started following her automatically. Peter: Oh no! You didn't...or anything? Remus: No! I didn't bite her. Sirius: Good, 'cause then we would have to let another girl into our group and you know how messy those orientations can be. James: Yeah, Lily is still hurting from that. Sirius: Sorry! We didn't mean to be so hard on her! Remus: Guys! James: .... Sirius: .... Remus: It took her a while to notice that someone was watching her. After that she started to get uncomfortable. She had her hand healed and quickly tried to get out. I was too quick. I was in front of her before she reached the door. "What do you want?" she asked me, looking kind of scared. "Hi! I'm Remus Lupin and I just wanted to talk to you. Did you ever notice how your hair shines in the wind? It's a really nice day today. Do you have a boyfriend? Neither do I. Have a boyfriend, I mean. That's a good thing. I don't have a girlfriend, either. How come your hand needed healing? Were you in DATDA? That's stands for Defense Against the Dark Arts, by the way. Not that you didn't already know that, or anything... " As I rambled on for at least another five minutes she became flustered and muttered something about going to Herbology. James: Ok, imagine whatever Moony just said- Sirius: Going ten times faster than the slug pace at which he wrote it. Remus: Very funny. Peter: So, what happened next? Remus: Uh...the full moon came and went. Sirius: With many Marauder adventures along the way. James: Oh yeah! Sirius, do you remember that one prank we pulled that caused the dungeons to cave in...? Sirius: That was classic! I'll always remember how Malfoy and Snape's face looked when they saw the Slytherin common room. Remus: Uh...guys...this is my story. Sirius: Sorry. James: Sorry. Remus: It was a few days before I finally saw her again. It was embarrassing to think about what I did, and meeting her again wasn't high on my list of things to do. Peter: So, you saw her in the corridor and... Remus: Actually, she came up to me. I was in the library. Alone, of course; I'm sure that none of the other marauders would even know where the library is. James: What does that have to do with the story? Remus: Nothing; I'm just making fun of Sirius. Sirius: Huh? Remus: "Well, I'm glad to see that you aren't hyper anymore." She sat down beside me at a table stacked full of books. "Yeah...that's why I was...hospital wing...hyper, yeah." I stuttered. She smiled and raised an eyebrow. Sirius: Heh, heh. Remus Lupin; Lady Killer. Remus: "Wow. You've changed; now you can't string two sentences together!" she laughed and earned the disapproval of Madame Prince, the Librarian. We lowered our voices so that we wouldn't get kicked out. "No, I can," I said, trying hard not to look at her. She was really making my head twirl. "I just don't feel that well right now." Maybe if I didn't look up, then her face wouldn't swarm before my eyes and I wouldn't pass out. She looked concerned. "You do look a little pale," she gazed at my face. I felt a blush creep up onto my cheeks. Then she took a look at the books on the table. "What are you reading?" I showed the cover of the one I had lying open. "Oh my gosh! I love that book!" "Really?" she nodded and started to read with me. "What's your name?" I asked after a few minutes of silent reading. "Oh! I'm so sorry! I must seem like a total ditz! I mean, sitting here with you and reading for almost an hour, and not even telling you my name...I'm Virginia." I opened my mouth to tell her my name, but she stopped me. "I know who you are. Remus Lupin, right? You're a part of the infamous marauders." I smiled and nodded. "I like your smile." She said, suddenly blushing. She quickly grabbed a book off of the big stack and started reading it very fast. "Um...your book's upside down," I said. Her blush deepened and she turned it back over. "and I don't think you're a ditz...You're too pretty." We both turned scarlet at this comment. Peter: Awwww! Sirius: That's so sweet! Not really. Peter: Sirius! James: Remus, if it took you that long to start a relationship, do you really think it's going to last? Sirius: I wonder how long it will take them to start turning purple instead of just plain old red. Remus: Shut up, you guys. That was a really important day for me. That was the day I met Virginia. Sirius: Can I tell my story now? Remus: I think its Prong's turn. Peter: Yeah! Whatever happened between you and Lily? James: Heh, heh. Well, I'll tell you... Sirius: Ah, why don't I get to go? Remus: We're not letting you go because you want to. James: Haven't you figured that out by now? Sirius: Grrr... James: Ouch! Sirius: Prongs! That was unnecessary! Remus: C'mon! Get on with the story! Peter: Yeah! I could be doing other...things. Remus: Huh? Peter: Nothing. James: Ok, I'm ready. So, since Moony was in the hospital, we sort of separated for each his own way. Sirius: Oh, yeah. James: Boy, what a memory you have! Anyway, I decided to do something special for Lily. Remus: Sweet! Sirius: My story's better! James: We'll get to it! So, I sorta kidnapped her from Gryffindor tower. You know, put a blindfold on her and lead her somewhere... Sirius: Prongs! Naughty, naughty! James: No! That's not what I meant! Remus: I think you should slap him again. Sirius: Ouch! Remus: Padfoot! You're going to get us all into trouble! James: Yeah! Binns is watching! Sirius: Man, he looks like he's going to die at any moment! James: Continuing...Lily was really excited, but a bit annoyed because I took her away from her "study group." Sirius: Study? Please! All they do is giggle and talk about me. Peter: How do they manage to get all their homework done, anyway? Remus: Sirius, how do you know all they do is talk about you? Sirius: Can't a guy eavesdrop? James: Hey! They talk about me too! Sirius: You mean Lily talks about you. The rest them are dedicated to me. Remus: So humble, Padfoot. Sirius: I know. Hey, Prongs, aren't you supposed to be telling some sort of story? James: Oh, yeah! Sirius: Boy! What a memory! James: Hey! Don't steal my comebacks! Remus: Guys! Guys! James: But he- Sirius: He started it- Remus: I don't care! Prongs! Tell your story! Peter: Way to go to be a peacemaker, Moony! James: Ok! I'll just have to save what I have for Padfoot for later. Sirius: What're you gonna do to me? James: Wouldn't you like to know! So, I blindfolded Lily and started to take her to the fifth floor. Room of Requirement, you know. Sirius: Yes, we know, James. James: Don't test my patience! Well, anyway, when we got inside the room everything was just how I wanted it. I took Lily's blindfold off. She looked around the room, her face glowing. Then I saw her face fall, replaced by a frown. She hadn't even noticed the table with a tiny black box on it. "What are you playing at?" she said, narrowing her eyes at me dangerously. I moved over to the table, feeling her eyes on me while I was walking. "What do you mean?" I stared hard at the table, not daring to look into her eyes. I knew that they would be a raging green fire. "You just decided to kidnap me from Gryffindor tower and take me to a room with no point, totally ignoring the fact that I was deep into my study group?" "Study group? What do you do, study all the ways that Sirius can make you swoon?" Sirius: Prongs! You didn't! James: It slipped out! You know I can't control my mouth! Remus: Yes, we know that very well, James. James: "JAMES CHRISTOPHER POTTER!" I winced at the middle name. "WHAT did you just say?!" "Gulp! That you're a very lovely person who would never, ever get mad at her loving boyfriend, who was just trying to surprise her by asking her to marry him?" "James, your flattery isn't-" she stopped as the rest of my words hit her. "What did you just say?" "You're a very lovely person?" I asked, confused. "No," "Um...you would never get mad at your loving boyfriend?" "No! The part after that!" "Oh! I'm just trying to ask you to marry me?" "You are?" she raised her eyebrows in surprise. "I am? I mean, yes, I am!" Quickly I grabbed the little black box off the table and threw it at her. She caught it and opened it reluctantly. Peter: What was inside? Sirius: Well, let's see...he's asking her to marry him...they're in a secluded place...he loves her...hopefully she loves him... James: Hey! I know she loves me! It's so obvious. Sirius: Riiiiight. coughnotreallycough James: Hey! Sirius: I would think that there would be some sort of ring inside, right? Peter: A mood ring? Sirius: Sure, why not? Remus: Hey, James, was he dropped on the head as a baby? James: I don't know, check for scar wounds. Peter: Hey! Get away from my hair! James: Just be glad that you're not as obsessed with your hair as Sirius is. Sirius: Very Funny. James: I thought so. Anyway, on with my brilliant, exceptional, inspired, and any other synonym that fits with those words, story. Lily: Gee, got a blotted head much? You know, this is one reason why at first I wouldn't go out with you. Sirius: Lily! How are you my darling? Lily: Hey, Sirius. And don't call me darling. Only James can do that. Peter: Awwww! How sweet! James: Umm, you know what; I don't think that I want to finish the story after all. Lily: Why? What were you saying that had to stop whenever I came into the little circle of friends here? And by the way, you're not going to get away with writing during potions. You barley got away with it during charms. James: We did too! And it's nothing! Sirius you can start to tell your story now. Sirius: Yea! Lily: Hold on! Sirius: No! Lily: You wouldn't have been happening to tell the story about when you first asked me to marry you, would you? James: Umm, no? Sirius: First? You know, this might be really interesting. I wonder why you've stopped telling the story, Prongs. Remus: That might be because the answer might not be what he wanted it to be. Sirius: Hmm... Peter: Hmm... Lily: Well, that's part of it... James: Lily!! Lily: What? You know, if you won't tell the rest, then I will. James: No! Lily: So, where was he? Remus: Well, you had just opened the box. Lily: Oh yeah. Just between you and me that rock didn't look very real, either. Sirius: No! James how could you? James: Just like a woman. Lily: James! James: Ouch! Lily: That's it, I'm not talking anymore. James: Finally! It took you long enough; I'll get to tell the story now! Lily: Let me rephrase that. I'm not talking to you anymore. James: Same diff. Lily: Grrr! Sirius: Alright! Lover's spat! These are fun to watch. Who wants to start the betting on who starts to bleed first? Remus: James, will you please just tell the story and beg for Lily's forgiveness later? Lily: Fine! See if I care! James: Lily... Remus: Just tell the story!! James: She opened the box and took a glance inside. Not a very long glance, as she snapped the lid shut rather quickly. "Did you even look at the rin...what's inside?" I stopped myself before I told her the inside of the box. Lily turned her head away from me and looked as if she was about to cry, but was holding it back. "I already know what's inside, thank you very much." She said coldly. I was taken aback. Is this how girls were supposed to act when accepting marriage proposals? I didn't think so. Lily: I'll have you know that I had a very good reason to be mad. Peter: And what was that? Lily: Just listen and you'll find out. James: "James," she looked up at me and I saw tears forming in her eyes. "I really wish that you hadn't asked me now." "Why?" I started toward her, but she backed away farther from me. "What happened?" "I can't marry you." A tear fell down her check. "WHYEVER NOT?!" she flinched and dropped the box on the floor. "I mean...Lily..." she swiftly turned away and ran out the door into the corridor. By the time I rushed to the door and looked for her, she had completely disappeared. Remus: I'm confused. How come if Lily rejected your proposal, you two are still madly in love and are engaged to be married? Lily: Remember I said that this was the first time that he asked me? Sirius: No! You had to ask her twice? That's hilarious! Lily: Actually it was three times. Sirius: I think my guts might fall out from laughing so hard. James: Grrr! Sirius: Now, James, think about it before you- OUCH!! James: That's better. Peter: Guys, this is a highly emotional scene and you are making fun of it. Sirius: Well, you've got to admit it is really funny. Remus: Duh! Lily: James, I think that it is time for me to tell the story, as all you did was go sulk. James: Ok, but don't you dare reveal any other embarrassing secrets! Sirius: Ooh! There are others? Lily: Don't worry, I wouldn't dream of it. James: Why are you winking so I can't see you? Lily: So, I ran off back to the Gryffindor common room. Jessie, Katie, and Lara were still sitting at the table and 'talking.' Sirius: About me, perchance? Lily: James! You told them! Remus: Actually, Sirius has been spying. Lily: Again? Sirius: Guilty as charged. Lily: Of course, being my best friends, they immediately noticed that I was crying. They raced over to me as I started to sob and fell in a chair. "He didn't..." Jessie said, not finishing her thought when I nodded my head yes. "I'm so sorry!" Lara started crying too and tried to comfort me, but ended up getting me even wetter than I already was from crying. James: What's the deal with the fact that they are always against me? Lily: Its ok, I still love you. Peter: Awwww! Lily: But not at the moment. "I knew this was going to happen. We're really sorry that you can't accept his offer, Lil." Katie surveyed my tears with a sad look in her eyes. "Why did you have to-" I sputtered, but was cut off whenever the portrait hole opened and Sirius came in. Sirius: Oh! So that's what was going on whenever I came in! Lily: YEAH! Of course whenever he walked in, all hopes of comforting me went right out the window. All three of them rushed right to his side and stayed glued there for the rest of the evening. Sirius: That was so much fun, too. Lily: Ugh! Please don't tell me what goes on in that little foursome, thank you. Sirius: Fine, but you're missing out! James: I'll take it from here. Lily eventually disappeared from the common room and the dorms. Peter: You looked really hard? James: Yeah, I even got a girl to go up to the dorms and check and see if she was up there, still crying. Lily: I wasn't! James: I know! I found her out by the lake, on her favorite rock to sit on to watch the sunrise. At least she wasn't crying anymore. I could still see the lines on her face where the tears had run. "Look, I'm sorry if I offended you, but-" I started. She turned around and smiled a little. "It's not your fault. You see...well, it's kind of hard to explain, but..." she trailed off and left me more confused than ever. "Ok. I'm better now." I sat down next to her in the grass. "One day, in the library, my friends and I were trailing around, trying to find something good to look at. Suddenly Jessie called out from around the corner, saying she had found a book of different charms. While we were looking at it, we all decided to put one charm on each of us, just for fun. That was probably a really stupid thing to do, now that I look back on it." "Probably." I said, smirking. "Hey." She narrowed her eyes at me and hit me playfully. We laughed and it seemed like my blunder had never happened. "Jessie, Katie, and Lara were all put under charms that weren't permanent, but, because we neglected to read enough about one charm I was put under a permanent charm." "So," I said, not really getting the picture, "what was it, unending nose hair?" Lily looked sad. "We thought of it as a joke. After all, if it wasn't permanent what were the odds that I'd get married any time soon? Unfortunately, it's lasted throughout my fourth through seventh years." "What is it?" "Every month I...well, I turn into something." "Like what? A werewolf?" A ripple of fear cursed through me, scared that I'd have to go through everything Remus goes through twice instead of just once every month. Remus: Gee, thanks. James: "No! It's not that. I just...turn into a different animal every third of the month." "That doesn't sound so bad." "When you turn into ten different kinds of wolves in one night it is." "Well, what about the problem with marriage?" I said, confused how it could apply to us. Sirius: Boy, are you thick. James: Shut up! "That is the problem. I eat everything in sight...including humans. I can't be near anyone, but...It's confusing." "Some friends! What kind of curses did they get?" "I told you! We thought it was all just a huge joke. We never really thought that it would affect me forever." "Wait!" I jumped up and took her face in my hands, suddenly very excited, "If it was a charm than there has to be a counter-curse!" "I already thought about that." She shook her head. "Did you look it up in the book and check if it was really permanent or not?" "Well, that's the thing. Ever since we used that book it has vanished from the library. We've tried on several occasions to find it, but..." Sirius: Tough luck! Oh, well, I guess your story's over now. Time for mine! Lily: Sirius...shut up. Sirius: Ouch, you bruised my ego. Lily: Good. That's what I was aiming for. James: I suddenly jumped up and made a pose. "I think I have an idea!" I got down on one knee and started to ask her to marry me again. "James, I told you, I can't-" Before she could say anything else, I pressed my lips to hers, cutting her off. Instantly, we felt a warm, sensational feeling flood throughout our bodies. "Was that what I think it was?" Lily reached up and played with my hair without thinking. I smiled and kissed her again. Actually, that wasn't what we thought it was, but we'll work that out later on. Remus: Wow! That certainly beats my story! You asked the girl of your dreams to marry you, foiled a charm that kept the girl of your dreams from marrying you, and still got to kiss the girl of your dreams at the end! James: Yep. I love you. Remus: Me? Sirius: I knew it. Lily: No, stupid! Me! His girlfriend! Sirius: Oh, right. Lily: Jealous, perhaps? Sirius: You wish. Peter: Hey, James, that never really happened, did it? James: ... Lily: ... James: Of course it did! CoughnotCough Sirius: Good! 'Cause I was beginning to worry about Lil there for a second. James: Hey what about me? Sirius: Who? James: Don't toy with me! Remus: Hey, where's Peter going? James: Huh? Sirius:NO! WORMTAIL! HE WAS TOO YOUNG! WAY TOO YOUNG! Cries James: Hey! You've pulled that before and it still doesn't work. Sirius: Oh, darn. Remus: Where could he be going? James: ... Sirius: ... Remus: Never mind. Lily: Well, it couldn't be a girl; we know that much. Sirius: I know! It could be to see his 'master', the dark Lord, Voldymort, and to comfort him in his time of distress. Maybe Wormtail is really, inside, planning to betray and kill us all by using the unforgivable curses. Maybe, just maybe, he'll cut off his finger and blame one of us for killing twelve people. AND, maybe James and Lily will have a son that will overthrow Voldymort and- James: Please. You and your stories. Lily: Sirius, don't even kid around like that. I can't even believe that you would joke around with the Dark Lord's name. Remus: I can't believe that he would think you two would have a son. James: Gulp. Lily: No, we're gonna have a daughter. Remus: Wow, James, you've got your work cut out for you; she's probably already picked out your kid's names. James: Whatever we name them, one of them is Rufus. Lily: WHAT? RUFUS?! What kind of a name is that?! Sirius: Hey! Does this mean I get to tell my story now? James: Sigh. Ok, fine. Get it over with already. Sirius: Ok. Do you guys remember Meredith? Lily: Eck. Yes, unfortunately. Remus: Do you mean the girl you met in the common room that night and started making out with her five minutes after you had just started talking to her? James: Actually it was two minutes. I counted. It was a new record. Sirius: What, do you time how long it takes for me to start making out with a girl now? James: Yes...do you have a problem with that? Sirius: No, I was just checking. By the way, how long did it take when I met Raven? James: Are you still hung up on her? Sirius: So, what if I am? James: Whoa! No beating up of the Potter! I mean it now! SIRIUS! BACK AWAY FROM ME! I'M WARNING YOU! YOU BETTER WATCH OUT FOR MY HORNS WHEN I TRANSFORM! Sirius: Who cares? I'll bite your leg off!! Who's got barbeque sauce? James: Yeah, right! Not if I throw you across the room first! Remus: GUYS! SETTLE! Anyway, Lily, do you have some sort of grudge against Meredith? What'd she do to you? Lily: Well, let's just say that she and I don't agree on some things. SIRIUS! Step around from James now! Sirius: Okay, okay! Hey, do you and Meredith not like each other or something? Remus: Can't you learn to listen? James: Oooh! I smell a cat fight! Sirius: Between me and Remus or between Lily and Meredith? James: Who do you think? Sirius: How much do you want to bet on Lily? James: Oh, I don't know...10 galleons...? Sirius: Only ten?! You can afford more than that, James! Lily: Sigh. Boys... Sirius: ...are charming? Lily: Not exactly what I was thinking. Sirius: Oh well. I guess I can only read James' mind. Unfortunately. James: Yeah? What am I thinking about right now? Sirius: I don't think I want to know. Remus: So...Meredith... Sirius: Well, to make a short story short, she was my rebound girl after Raven mysteriously disappeared. Lily: That's all she is to you? A rebound girl?! James: Raven disappeared? Since when? Sirius: You really need to work on paying attention to other people besides yourself sometime, James. Lily: You've spent practically every day together with Meredith since the day that Raven didn't show up for dinner, and all she is to you is a rebound girl?! THAT'S SICK!! James: What? That I only pay attention to myself? I thought you already figured that out... Lily: No! I'm talking about Sirius! Sirius: Well, of course that's not all she means to me. After all, she was a big part of the most important day of my life. James: Lily...please stop banging your head against the table. You'll get a bruise. Lily: I already have one, thank you. Remus: What's the point of your most important day, anyway? Sirius: ..... Remus: Padfoot? Sirius: Hold on, I'm thinking! Lily: Wow. That's a first. James: Hey! You stole my comeback! Lily: Tough luck. James: Comeback stealer. Lily: Oooh! Real witty, James! Sirius: Hmmm...I don't think that my story really has a point. I think that I was bugging you to let me tell the story just so I could bug you. Lily: Oh. My. Gosh. That is the most serious thing I have ever heard come out of Sirius' mouth. Remus: Incredible. I wonder if it'll ever happen again? Sirius: Hey, guys! Have I shown you what my stomach can do? Lily: ..... James: ..... Remus: ..... James: Nah. I think that's the last time that'll ever happen. Sirius: It can talk! Lily: That's it. I'm leaving Sirius to his juvenile abilities. Remus: Me too. Sirius: FEED ME! See! I told you it could talk! Hey?! Where are you going? James: Sirius...forget it; I'm not even going to try. Sirius: COME BACK! Um...anyone? The End Emmablk1: That's it... It's done... Finally... Yup... You can close the book now! End of the paper, people! Huh? Oh, thank goodness! Remus wants to say something. Remus: I just have one question. James: What? Remus: Did any of these stories actually happen on the same day? Sirius: ..... James: ..... Sirius: What's for lunch? Emmablk1: That's it. My writing career has gone out the window. Sirius: Hm...I wonder if she had a writing career to begin with? Emmablk1: Sirius! Hang on, I've got to go kill him now. 5 minutes later James: If you were wondering, she didn't really kill him because I'm gonna kill him later. Remus: Yawn is it over yet? Emmablk1: Sorry. It's 10:00 at night and I had caffeine. Sirius: Definitely not a good combination. OWWWW! Okay, that one hurt! Emmablk1: Sush you big baby! I'm trying to end my fanf- Emmablk1: January 18, 2004 It should be taken into consideration that no characters were harmed during the writing of this fic, though Siri has several really bad bruises. And...although I would like to say that Sirius and Remus are all mine and no one else's...they aren't and neither are any of the other people in this Fic except for Virginia, Meredith and all of Lily's friends because I randomly picked names that popped into my head. Anyway, mostly all the characters belong to J.k rowling, no matter what my brain might try to tell me at night whenever it is turned off. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 2. Part 2 Hi again! Here is the long awaited sequel to the first Interruptions. I've worked hard on this, so PLEASE NO FLAMES!! and also, i'm sorry about the spaceing. sometimes fanfiction really doesn't work for me. And i would like to say now that if you haven't read the first chapter, GO AND READ IT NOW!! INTERRUPTIONS, PART 2 Meredith Gross. Teachers never seem to shut up, do they? Lily Well, not usually when they're trying to teach. Meredith Oh, ha ha. Do you want to start a fight? Lily Maybe. It depends. Meredith On what, exactly? Lily Well maybe it's none of your business! Meredith Well, maybe it is! Virginia Wow, calm down! There's no need to tear out other people's hair. Yeesh, I never knew you two could be so snappish! Meredith Yeah, well, live and learn. Lily Forget it. Let's just start with why I have to be here with her. Virginia Right. We are ready to tell the real story if what happened with our boyfriends. Meredith Especially since Sirius messed it up so badly the first time around. Lily Huh. Well, as usual, James did a perfect job with the telling. Meredith Only because you helped him. Lily Shut up! Meredith Like he's really Mr. Perfect anyways... Lily Oh, like Sirius is either? Virginia Personally, I think Remus did a fine job. Meredith Speaking of Remus... Virginia Oh, do I have to tell her now? Lily Tell me what? Virginia Um...please don't be mad at me. Lily Oh no. What did you do? Virginia Well...I was kinda talking to Remy about the little retelling thing and I sorta ended up inviting him. Lily Don't worry about it, that's not so bad. Meredith No, but wait until you hear the end of it. Lily Uh oh. Virginia The news sorta kinda spread. Lily You mean... Virginia Yeah. They're coming. Lily All of them? Virginia Yeah. Meredith You know, banging your head on the table isn't good for you. Lily Shut up! Virginia ... Lily Do you have ANY idea what happened last time I was with Sirius, James, and Remus? Virginia Uh...Chaos? Lily Much, much more than that. You should have seen it. Virginia Oh. Lily When will they get here? Virginia In about two seconds and counting. Meredith Sirius! Sirius Meredith! Remus Okay, if this turns into a snogging session, I'm out of here. Virginia Remy! James Remy? Remus Shut up! Lily I wouldn't be talking, Boo Boo Bear! James Shh! No one's supposed to know about that! Lily Oh, they're gonna find out sooner or later! James What?! How in the world would they find out? Sirius So, Boo Boo Bear, huh? How'd ya get that name? James Shut up, shut up, shut up! Meredith Alright, now that we're all here, we will commence with the retelling. Sirius Retelling? Meredith Yes! You boys did a terrible job with our stories! Remus Hey! Meredith Oh, don't get so uppity, Remus. Sirius I didn't do anything! Meredith Most of it's your fault, Sirius Lee Black! You know very well that I'm not just your rebound girl! We fully agreed on breaking up before the summer! Sirius Ok, don't use so many exclamation points, there! Lily Is there some trouble in paradise? Meredith No! Nothing's wrong except for the fact that Sirius has a bloated head! James Yeah, that's been a problem from day one. It really is a hazard to get him through the doorways. Lily Please! I don't know why you, of all people, are talking about someone else's bloated head. James What's that supposed to mean?! Remus Why do I get the feeling that we're the only non-dysfunctional couple here? Virginia Because you're right. Remus Did you bring any popcorn? This is gonna take a while. Sirius Hey! You two lovebirds! Don't you dare wonder off until I get a chance to talk to you about the birds and the bees. James Seriously, I didn't think that there was a color that your face could turn that came after puce until today. Sirius Do you think they're getting enough air? Meredith This is going no where. Lily Gee, who told you that? Meredith I'm warning you... Lily Oh, please. Sirius How much did you bet on Lily again? James Not enough. Lily Hey! Meredith Look, I just wanted all of us to come here and fix this problem. Sirius What problem? Meredith Arrghh! Do I have to go over it again? James Just ten more times, then, if we're lucky, it might be able to stay in his head. But that's a big might. Meredith Remind me why I'm dating you before the summer? Sirius 'Cause I'm cute and loveable. Meredith Not the qualities I would have chosen. James Why are we here again? Remus Are we going to be finished soon? Virginia and I want to go to the library. James Again? What do you two do in there? Sirius Think about it... Remus NO! Virginia That's not what we do, thank you! Sirius I didn't say anything. Meredith We are so off track. James Aren't we always? Sirius I thought we were supposed to retell something. Meredith WE ARE! Sirius Whoa! Feel free to actually lower your voice about two notches, thank you. Meredith Look, I'm just trying to get the facts straight here. Ok? Can you give me that much? Sirius Sure. How much more do you want? James Oh, man, that was corny. Sirius Beggars can't be choosers. Remus That should be moochers can't be choosers. Sirius Hey, I don't mooch as much as I used to! Lily Sure... Virginia Why is it always like this with you two? Sirius Like what? Virginia Like...shoot, now I can't describe it! James Yeah, we are pretty indescribable. Lily You mean undesirable. Sirius Yeah, that too...wait a minute! Virginia That took a while. Remus He has a slow brain. James Who said anything about him having a brain at all? Sirius So...didn't you want dolls want us to re-do something? Lily Umm...Meredith left after you said you were a moocher. Sirius Oh. I knew that... Remus I never doubted your intelligence. Sirius You were being sarcastic, right? Remus Yep. Lily So...now what? Remus Umm...you know what? I just remembered I have to 'leave.' Virginia What do you mean by that? Sirius Gee, she acts just like lily. Are you sure she isn't lily's long lost sister or something? James Shh! They hardly ever fight and I like to be reminded that they are actually a normal couple sometimes. Remus That I have to leave. Virginia Why do you always do this? Remus Do what? Virginia THIS! Lily Umm...do you think we should back away slowly? James No...I think we should run away quickly. Sirius Which way is the nearest exit? Remus I don't know what you're talking about! Virginia You always do this to me...nearly every month. Remus No...don't cry...I can't stand to see you like that. Lily Ahh...that was even more touching than the romantic movie I saw last summer! Virginia Well, then just leave like you always do, maybe then you won't have to look at my bloated face! Sirius Does her face get puffy when she cries? Lily Yeah, you can't see her eyes. James Like her neck is blowing a bubble? Lily James, that's not funny. James Maybe we should be- Remus Just trust me, ok? Can't you do that? Sirius I think she's already out the door, Moony. Remus I better go. Sirius Well, now that that's behind us, maybe we should have a nice cup of tea and plant some roses. Lily Ok, you go do that. James Man, talking about overreacting. Lily What does that mean? Sirius Huh? James Well, she was clearly being a drama queen. Sirius Uh, oh... Lily She has a point, you know. James A point? Lily Yes, is that thought so inconceivable? You think that girls are incapable of having a point? James Err...I...need to go to the bathroom? Sirius No you don't, you go every day when potions starts. Lily James, you are not getting out of this one. Sirius Yeah, 'cause she didn't let you off any of the other times. James Sirius... Lily and James SHUT UP!! Sirius Ouch...I'm gonna go over to the corner now...and regain my ability to hear. James Lil, I don't think... Lily Exactly, you don't think. James Wait, you can't leave-Binns might turn around and actually check on us and see that half his class has walked out! LILY! Sirius Sorry, Boo Boo Bear. James I thought I told you not to call me that. Sirius No, you just blamed lily for bringing it up. James Lily. I have to go talk to her... Sirius Wait a minute! Like you said, Binns might actually watch us for a change and catch you leaving. Besides...I have a plan. James What do you mean, catch me leaving?! Half his class has walked out already! I don't think- ...wait a minute...did you just say that you have a plan? Sirius Yeah. James You mean you're actually using that brain of yours? Sirius It has to be used for something, right? Why not ingenious plots? James I don't know...I really need to go after lily. Sirius Don't. Listen to me- James Those words are famous death wishes. Sirius Ha ha. Loved that joke. Not. James Alright, what do you want? Sirius Come closer. James We're sharing the same piece of paper. That's close enough for me. Sirius How am I supposed to tell you...? James What? Could you whisper a bit louder, please? Sirius ... James I said louder, not inaudible. Sirius ... James huh? Sirius I SAID I WANT TO PULL A PRANK ON SNAPE!! James Oh. Why didn't you just say so? Sirius Sigh. James That's no big deal. We do it all the time. Sirius Yeah, but we don't usually use Moony as bait. James ...wha... Sirius Yep. This is no ordinary prank. James Hold on...let me get this straight. Sirius No, no. Leave it crumpled; it's much more fun that way. Leave it that way for once. James We're using our own friend as bait for some sort of twisted practical joke? Sirius To get at Snivellus-you can't forget that. It makes it all worthwhile. James Whatever. The point is we're using Moony when we're supposed to be helping him. Sirius Says who? James Says every teacher in this school. Sirius Oh, yeah...but since when do we listen to them? James You really don't see a problem with this, do you? Sirius Not really, no. James Oh. Well, in that case... Sirius You cave in really easily, don't you? James It's to get at Snivellus, right? Sirius What else would it be for? James All right; I'm in. Sirius Yea! Lily What are you yea-ing about? Sirius No reason, why? Lily Well the only reason you're usually that happy is when you're about to pull a prank on- Sirius Quick James; evasive maneuver number three! James No one was yea-ing. Sirius We don't know what you're talking about, Lil. Lily Huh? Sirius So...Lil...how are you doing? Lily Uh...fine. Sirius Good, good. Lily Now I'm really freaked out. James Aren't you always? Lily What? James Never mind. Sirius That was just Prong's feeble attempt at making a joke. He just can't measure up to me, no matter how hard he tries... James Sigh. Must you always make me hurt you? Sirius OUCH!! Lily Don't you two want to know how Virginia is? Sirius Oh, is that why you came back? Lily That and I can't afford to miss class, thanks to James. James I didn't mean to get you in trouble! Lily Sure... Sirius And silly little me thought you might come back to be with James. Now we know where your loyalties lie. James He has a point. Lily Now that thought is inconceivable. James She has a point. Sirius I'm about to point you in your eye, Boo Boo Bear. James All your jokes are falling flat today, Siri. Sirius Don't call me that. Lily Maybe it's because he needs Meredith to help him... James Hmmm... Lily Hmmm... Sirius No. Lily You miss her! Sirius No I don't! James Hahahaha! He misses her!! Sirius I told you- James I think I'm gonna die of laughter! Sirius Stop it! Lily I'll go get her, Sirius. Sirius No! I don't want he- oh, why hello Meredith, my dear. Meredith Sirius. Lily Ouch. Cold shoulder. Sirius Where's a suicide pop when you need one? James They're selling them at Zonko's. Lily Try to be more helpful, James. Meredith If you don't need me, I'll leave. Sirius No! Ummm...you can't leave yet... Meredith Why not? Sirius Because...you haven't...darned my socks? Meredith Goodbye. Sirius No, wait!! Meredith Sigh. What now? Lily Maybe we should give them a moment alone. James Maybe we should eavesdrop. Lily I like that idea better. Meredith Look, nothing you can say to me will- Lily GROSS!! James Do we really look like that when we kiss? Lily No, James dear, we don't kiss like penguins. James Guys...? As much as I respect both of you, I have to say that there is no possible way that this kiss can continue. Lily 'Cause it's gross. James Right. Lily Oh, good, they've separated. James Whew...that was close. Meredith Wow. I really wasn't expecting that. Sirius Heh, heh...well, I didn't mean to...that is to say, I... Meredith Don't worry. I forgive you. James Thank goodness. Meredith Oh! I have to go! Sirius So soon? James Ok, too much mushiness for me, thank you. Meredith Bye. Lily Well, aren't you glad that I called her back? Sirius Huh? Lily Hey! Sirius OUCH! THAT HURT!! Lily Oh, you big baby. James No, really. Your punches really hurt, Lil. Maybe you need to take therapy. Lily I do NOT need to take therapy. Sirius Don't worry, James. She just has a temper because she's a red-head. James Uh, oh. Lily WHAT DID YOU SAY, SIRIUS LEE BLACK?! Sirius Um... James I know; evasive maneuver number three... Sirius I said that the grass looks green today. Lily What? James And the sky is abnormally blue. Lily Oh, ha ha. Sirius Well, I thought it was funny. James Thank you. Sirius It wasn't as good as my jokes, of course, but... James Don't you need a suicide pop, or something? Virginia Hey, guys. Sirius and James Virginia? Lily Are you ok? Virginia I could be doing better. So, are you telling the stories yet? I mean, we have enough time now; classes are over and we're just sitting here in the common room doing nothing. Sirius Thank you Captain Obvious. James What stories? Lily Sigh. James OUCH!! Virginia You mean that you haven't even started? Lily Well, it's kinda hard. Virginia Oh. Right. Sirius I think that James and Lily don't need to tell their story. James Really? Why? Sirius Don't narrow your eyes at me! Virginia He's right. You two told the last story so well. Sirius Considering that it wasn't true. Lily We just wanted to make it more interesting. James And keep Sirius from not telling his story. Sirius How'd YOU know it wasn't true, anyway? Virginia I read the notes from your dormitory. James How in the world did you get up there? Virginia Just because the girl's dorm is locked, it doesn't mean that the boy's is too. Lily Plus we were dying all of your underwear pink. Sirius YOU did that?! Virginia Ingenious, right? Sirius More like lucky. Lily Lucky? Sirius That we weren't up there. Lily Oh, and what would you do, huh? Virginia Uh oh...James, stop them. James I have no control over Padfoot. Virginia But what about Lily? James What do you think? Virginia SIRIUS! STOP BUTTING HEADS WITH LILY!! James LILY! STOP KICKING SIRIUS YOU-KNOW-WHERE!! Virginia We have to find separate cages for them one day. James If only the owl cages were big enough.... Virginia I don't think Sirius' big head would let him fit anyway. James True. Sirius Owww....look at me; I'm limping for Merlin's sake! James C'mon, it didn't hurt that badly. Sirius Yeah? Well, you try getting kicked there five times! James No thank you. Lily OH MY GOSH! Sirius Now what? Lily Do you know what time it is? James Ummm...about 7:00pm would be my guess, but my watch has stopped ever since Padfoot pushed me into the lake. Lily Virginia, we're late for our prefect's meeting! Virginia Uh, oh...we have to go. McGonagall gets really testy whenever prefects from her own house are late. Sirius See you two dolls later. James Hey, Padfoot? Sirius Yes, Prongs? James Aren't we supposed to be doing something that involves Moony turning into a werewolf? Sirius I'm not sure. James Padfoot... Sirius Huh? OUCH!! James Moony is going to turn into a werewolf any second and we're not there to help him! Sirius Oh, is that what the fuss is all about? James PADFOOT! Sirius I'm coming, I'm coming!! Hey, what about the parchment? James Just leave it there! No one will notice it! Sirius Ok, but... James PADFOOT!! WE HAVE TO GO! one hour later Lily That's weird. Virginia What? Lily They aren't here. Virginia Who isn't here? Lily Sirius and James. Virginia That's not so weird. Lily No, but... Virginia What's weird is what they wrote after we were gone. Lily What do you mean? Virginia Look. Lily ... Virginia You don't think... Lily No way. It's just another prank they're trying to pull on us. Virginia Remus can't be a werewolf. Lily They must have been playing around or something. Virginia Sure... Lily Let's just leave it here and pretend we didn't see it. Virginia Right. Lily Although, it would explain a few things... Virginia Let's not talk about it now, k? I need a good night's sleep. Lily Alright, then. two hours later James That was a close one. Sirius Yeah, remind me never to try jumping over the lake again. James Why'd you even try in the first place? Sirius ....you know what?.... James What? Sirius I don't remember. James Gee. That's weird. Sirius Was that your attempt at being sarcastic? James Basically, yeah. Sirius Good. I was concerned there for a second. James Hey, does something seem different to you? Sirius Like what? James The parchment was moved. Sirius Yeah, 'cause I just moved it. You have really good deductive skills, James. James No, I mean it was moved before we came back. Someone was reading it. Sirius Dun dun DUNNNN! James Funny man. Sirius Actually my nickname is the King of all Pranks. James In your dreams. Sirius No, in my dreams, it's- James Enough already. Sirius So, who moved it? James Moved what? Sirius Sigh. James OUCH!! What was that for?! Sirius I don't know; I just felt like acting like you. James Ha, ha. Sirius Who moved the parchment? Yeesh, do I have to ask you twice? James You just did. And I can't tell. Sirius That crosses detective for the department of mysteries off your list of jobs. You know that list is just getting smaller every day. James AHA!! Sirius Aha what? James It was Lily! Sirius What was she- oh no. James Why in the world did we put that in writing? Sirius Because your brain waves disrupted mine. James This is all your fault. Sirius How's it my fault?! James I don't know, but this is the only thing I can depend on in a crisis. Sirius True. James Look, maybe we should just get out of here-with the parchment- and hope and pray- Sirius Now who are we praying to this time? James Let's see...Merlin is the only one we haven't tried... Sirius Good choice. James Thank you. And maybe we can worry about this in the morning. Sirius Ok. James Ok. Sirius I'm hungry. James You're always hungry. Sirius But this is a pain-in-the-stomach kind of hungry. James You had that last night. Sirius No, that was a rumbling-in-the-stomach type of hungry. James Oh, I always get those confused. Sirius Yeah, that sounds like you. James Well, at least your stomach isn't talking again. Sirius Oh, yeah! I forgot that I could do that! James Oh, man...why'd I have to remind him? Sirius FEED ME!! James You are an embarrassment to high society. If there we any high society people in here, I'm sure they'd be embarrassed. Sirius AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME!! James So, please just save him the pain that I'm going to give him and stop the fic right no- Emmablk1: July 20, 2004 ;) Emmablk1: Well, I hope you liked it. It's about two pages longer than the first one, but I can't help thinking that it's not as good. Send me some reviews and tell me!! Sirius Yes, send some reviews, and while you're at it, send some band-aids. James They did not hit you that hard. Sirius You wanna bet? Emmablk1: Sigh. Where's Remus when you want him? Sirius Where was Peter during all this, anyway? James and Emmablk1: ... James Wait a minute! YOU should know, you're the author! Emmablk1: Well...he was...indisposed. Sirius O...K...James, Defensive maneuver number six!! Emmablk1: Hey! What are you doing?! James Throwing you into the lake, nothing special. Emmablk1: AHHHHHH!!!! Sirius That was fun. We should do it to someone else. James Like Snape? Sirius Yeah!! Emmablk1: Hey! You can't just leave me in here!! Oh, no! My watch stopped! James Will this thing never end? Sirius So long, folks. And remember, if you should one day find your stomach talking, that probably means that you forgot to feed it. Emmablk1: July 20, 2004 ;) So, was it ok? tell me!! and for further notice, i was realyl hyper during most of this b/c i had my friends over for a sleepover and they were sitting right next to me when i was writing it, so some of the better jokes might belong to them. ;) ttyl! and if anyone gives me a good idea for anyother one, then i'll start writing it! b/c i am all out of ideas for a while. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 3. Part 3 Ok, this was a little longer than i expected it would turn out to be...it's about 35 pages instead of the regular 30...but that's ok, right? b/c you wanted more, right? all i have to say is...REVIEW OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!! but i'll still love you while i'm doing it, because you at least read it... * * * Ron Why do they insist on loading us down with homework so that the only way that we can take it back to the common room is to make three trips to each class? Hermione Calm down, Ron. It wasn’t that much. Harry Says little Miss Genius over here... Hermione Ha, ha. Really. All we have to do is three inches for McGonagall, two for Binns, and one for charms. It really isn’t that hard. Ron You’re forgetting to mention the other homework that we haven’t turned in yet. Hermione You mean you and Harry haven’t turned it in yet. I’ve handed in all my parchments. Harry Yes. Thank you for reminding us. Hermione Hmmm...look, if you really have that much to do, then you’re going to need some more parchment. Harry I’ve run out. Ron Me too. Hermione You really need to buy some more next time we’re at Hogsmeade. Ron Can’t. Spent it all at Zonko’s. Hermione Why am I not surprised? Harry Because we do this every time we go to Hogsmeade. What makes you think that last time was any different? Hermione Sigh. I didn’t. Ron Well, Miss Prissy Perfect, do you have any more parchment that we can use? Hermione As a matter of fact, I do...somewhere. Harry Ron, it’s a miracle...Hermione might not actually know what something is! Ron We better document this moment for future reference. Harry Let’s see...October 6...what were her exact words again? Ron Uh...sorry-I have a bad short term memory. Much like Hermione, I expect. Hermione That isn’t documenting-that’s blackmail!! Ron Exactly. Hermione Very funny, boys. Harry We crack ourselves up sometimes. Hermione I’ll be right back. Harry Why are Fred and George huddled in the corner surrounded by five people? Ron They’re hiding from Hermione. Harry I knew that, but what are they doing? Ron I don’t think we want to know. It’s something to do with...uh...Gender changing something...and Malfoy... Harry Now I really want to know. Ron Or maybe I’m wrong. Harry Let’s just hope that they did something despicable to Malfoy. Ron Wow. That’s the biggest word I’ve ever heard you say. And that time when you spoke in snake tongue doesn’t count. Harry What could be taking Hermione this long? Ron I don’t know. Maybe she has her boyfriend stuck up there or something. Harry Ron...how many times do I have to tell you that Hermione doesn’t have a boyfriend? Ron Yes she does! I know it in my guts! Harry Yeah, well, your guts are all squished inside that pudgy body of yours. Ron Hey! It’s not that pudgy. Harry All I’m saying is to lay off the chocolate for a while, Ron. Ron But it’s almost Halloween! Harry Not for three more weeks. Ron So what? Harry If you want Hermione to like you, then you need to...be nicer. And maybe loose a little weight. Ron Since when are you an expert on relationships, Harry? Harry Look, just listen to me about Hermione- Hermione What about me? Ron Nothing. Harry Nothing. Hermione Hmm... Ron Don’t narrow your eyes at me; Harry’s the one who said your name! Hermione Right. Well, anyways, I found some rather old pieces of parchment, but they’re parchment nonetheless. Harry Think that it could get any more battered? Ron Hey, there’s writing on this! Hermione No there’s not. Ron Then what are these squiggly letters that look like writing, Hermione? Hermione Well, what else would they be? Harry It looks like a whole huge set of notes. Ron There’s writing on every page! Harry Where did you find these? Hermione I don’t know. They were just placed somewhere beneath the windowsill. Ron And why were you looking there, Hermione? Harry Ron, I think that look means that your body is going to be cut up and buried underneath the Quiddich field. Ron So...uh...what do the notes say? Hermione Harry! That handwriting looks exactly like yours! Ron I wonder why. Harry That’s because it’s my father’s. Ron Huh? Hermione What do you mean? Ron How would you know that? Harry Well, for one, he writes just like I do. Ron True. Hermione Are you two even reading what they wrote? Ron Uh... Hermione I’ll take that as a no. Harry Why? What’d they write? Hermione Well, take a look... Ron Oh. My. Bloody- Hermione Ron! Don’t swear! Ron Oh, like you’ve never done it! Harry There’s pages and pages of just Sirius and James bantering. Ron Wow, there’s some really snappy comebacks on here. Harry Should we read it? Ron I don’t see why not. Hermione I do. Ron Huh? Hermione It’s their private things! Obviously Lily was in my dorm when she went here and she hid it for some reason. Ron Maybe she thought Harry was going to be a girl and he would find it later. In which case, he would be reading it anyway. Hermione You’re just trying to justify the fact that you want to read it. Ron Uh...yeah...so? Hermione Sigh. Fine, we can read it. Ron Ok. Harry? Hermione Harry? Harry Huh? Oh, sorry...I was reading. Besides, I usually tune you two out whenever you have your ‘lover’s spats.’ Ron Hey! Hermione I don’t know what to be insulted for first! Ron They’re NOT lover’s spats! Harry Just hurry up and read it... (Twenty somewhat years ago...) James I. hate. School. I. hate. School. I. hate. School. I. hate. School. I. hat- Peter Uh...James...what are you doing? James I’m venting. What does it look like I’m doing, Peter? Sirius Ouch. Watch out...James is on a rampage today. James Shut up Sirius. Remus What’s making you so testy, Prongs? James Does everybody have to be in my business?! Remus Sirius Peter James Well?! Do you?! Peter Uh...yes...no...I mean...yes...no... Sirius Just don’t say anything; it makes the time pass quicker. Remus Where’s Lily? James DON’T ASK THAT!! Remus O...k...I wasn’t expecting that... Sirius Half my face is now covered in your spit, James. I hope you’re happy. James Happy?! HAPPY?! How could I be HAPPY?! Peter Uh...by smiling? Remus Shh...don’t push it, Wormtail. Sirius Did you two have another fight again? James Sirius I’ll take that as a yes. Remus So wouldn’t the correct thing to say be ‘I. hate. Lily.’ a hundred times over? Peter But he’s in love with her...how could he hate her? Sirius Someone please explain the meaning of the universe to Wormtail... Sirius So what was the argument about this time? James ...I can’t tell you... Sirius Alrighty then...we’ll just have to make it into a guessing game. Remus No! Don’t you remember the last time that we played a guessing game?! Sirius Uh...no, because we’ve never done that before. Remus Oh. I could have sworn that we had done everything and they had all ended in failure. Sirius Hey, not everything I do ends up as failure! James Really? What about how you ‘conveniently’ left out the parchment and let Lily and Virginia see it? Sirius Oh, sure. Blame it on the dog. James Thanks, I think I will. Remus So...was that what the big fight with Lily was about? James Well, let’s just say that a certain dog left the parchment out and that a certain girlfriend and her best friend read it and that a certain boy with the name of Prongs got blamed for it. Sirius Oh. That. James And, let’s just say that Lily and Virginia now know the meaning of P.R.O.N.G.S. Sirius Presumably Really Obstinate and Never Gets over mistakeS? James Suuure...and you’re S.T.U.P.I.D. Remus That should take him a while to figure out. James Will not. Remus Bet you twenty galleons. James You’re on! Peter Ummm...what do those letters spell? James Remus James! Stop beating your head against the wall; it causes permanent brain damage!! Sirius To what brain? James He’s. So. Dumb...Why have we failed to teach him anything?! Remus James, I don’t think we taught him how to read. James He knows how to read? Remus Sirius Hey!! You called me stupid!! Remus Told you. James Sigh. Remus Pay up. James I always give him more brain cells than what he actually has. I need to learn to stop doing that...he’s loosing me money... Sirius You guys were betting on me?! Remus No...of course not... James Don’t wink at me like that. Peter Uh...Prongs? James What is it now, Peter? Do you want to me to teach you to spell? Peter Ha, ha. Look. James Remus Uh oh... James Sirius...I wouldn’t normally ask you to do this, but...hide me. Sirius Hey! Get off me!! I don’t fly that way! Peter Really? Sirius I’m NOT GAY! Lily That’s a horrid fact to know, considering that my arch rival is dating you... Remus Still? Hasn’t she given up on him yet? Sirius Lily, m’dear! How lovely to see you...here...of all places... James Check it out-you can actually see the sweat beginning to form on the back of his neck... Peter Uh...James...I think that glare means that you’re gonna get a wedgie sometime soon... James Eh...you can’t win them all... Sirius Uh...I would run if I were you, Boo Boo Bear. James SIRIUS! I thought I told you never call me that again! Sirius Oh, stop whining. Lily James Potter. James Lily...Lily Evans...how lovely to see you again...and so soon... Lily Yes, well...I...thought you might... Remus Hint, hint, James... James Me too. Lily You too what? James I would like an apology, too. Lily Excuse me? James Remus, wasn’t that the right thing to say? Remus Let me put it this way...no. Lily If anything, Mister Potter, I’m the one who should have the apology given to! Sirius Do any of you know what it was that she just said? (And back to Harry, Ron, and Hermione...) Ron I give up- this is too confusing... Harry How is it confusing?! Ron It just is! Hermione Actually, it’s really quite simple. Ron And again, I present to you, Little-Miss-Know-It-All... Harry Uh, oh...she’s giving you that look again... Ron Ignore it and maybe the person giving it will go away. Harry Ouch. Hermione Ron! What’s the matter with you?! Ron What do you mean, what’s the matter with me?! Hermione You’re being so...so... Harry S.T.U.P.I.D.? Hermione Well, not exactly, but... Harry Basically, yes. Hermione I just don’t understand what’s going on with you! It’s like you’re having mood swings, for heaven’s sake! Ron Well, maybe it’s because of you’re little boyfriend! Hermione Harry For the record, I didn’t tell him anything. Hermione My...my...boy...friend? Ron That’s right. You heard me. Hermione You mean a friend that’s a boy, right? Ron Interpret it as you will. I’m leaving. Harry Ron, where are you going? Ron I don’t know. Harry Ron? Ron! Hermione Boys. They’re nothing but trouble. Harry Hmm...let’s just hope he takes a good jump into the lake. Hermione Imagine him! Saying that I have a...a... Harry Boyfriend? Hermione Harry Well, you kinda do. Hermione What?! Harry No! Don’t take it that way!! I meant that RON was your kind of boyfriend! Hermione R...on? Harry Don’t look so surprised. I can hardly sit by you two anymore because of your incessant flirting, you fight over the smallest little details, from the color of the robes in our uniform, to how large Hagrid’s house is...if any of that isn’t flirting, then I don’t know what is... Hermione You mean like the time when he stole my slippers? Harry That would be flirting. Hermione And when I took revenge on him and made all his quills write in sparkly pink? Harry Uh...I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count. Hermione That’s all...oh. Harry I always knew you were a bright witch, Hermione. Hermione Harry Hermione...your face is as bright as Ron’s hair... Hermione I have to go... Harry Hehehehe... Harry Harry Well, this is stupid, I’m not going to sit here and talk to myself... (You’re going to kill me for going back and forth, aren’t you?) Remus Sigh. Peter Huh? What’s the matter, Moony? Remus Nothing. James Oh, right. Because in your world, nothing means that you can’t eat, sleep, having any fun of any kind, crack jokes, or blink. Remus James We know something’s up. Sirius And to save you a lot of pain and silence, why don’t you just tell us what happened. Remus Virginia knows about me being a...you know. Sirius A werewolf? I think we already figured that one out. James Did she... Remus Yeah... Sirius She did what? James Sigh. Sirius OUCH!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! James She broke up with him, you idiot! Sirius Oh...OH! James He’s cursed...I’m telling you people that he’s cursed... Remus Me or Sirius? James Sirius. Peter Cursed with what, exactly? James The incompetent brain syndrome. Peter Uh...and that means... James That he’s a moron. Remus Hmmm... Peter Hmmm... James Hmmm... Remus You know what? That makes a lot of sense now... James Told ya. Sirius Whaf mafes a fot of fense fow? James Sirius, what are you eating and where did it come from? Sirius I gof if from- Lily EEH! Swallow first!! Sirius Soffy... James LILY!!! Lily James...please...let...go...you’re...cho...keing...me... James Sorry. Peter Hi, Lily! Lily Hey, Peter, I haven’t seen you around that much... Peter Uh...duties...you know...it calls... James Yeah, almost as much as Sirius spits when chewing... Lily Remus, I came to see if you were ok. Remus Sirius He’s not talking anymore. We count it as a blessing. Lily Sirius! Sirius OUCH! Sorry. Remus You know...I think that I might just go up to the dorm and lay down... James Are you sure you’re ok? Remus James Never mind. Sirius Now if we could only make Peter go away so quickly... Peter Hey! Sirius Just joking...James, make a mental note to somehow get Peter to be away as long as he was last time when we wrote notes in class... James You got it. Lily That’s mean! James What’s mean? Lily What you’re doing to Peter! James I don’t see it as mean...I see it as... Sirius Healthy. James Yeah! Healthy for Peter... Peter Nice save. James Thank you. Peter You’re quite welcome. Lily Aren’t we a little off subject? Sirius Was there ever a subject? James You know, I’m not quite sure...how long ago did we start to write note in class? Peter Uh...first minute of the first hour of the first day of the first year. Sirius That’s oddly specific. James So...that would make...a little over 300 pages of notes, back and front? Lily You counted?! Sirius Yeah, that sounds about right... Lily Are you three even listening to me? James Hand me those old notes. Sirius Hmmm...forgery... Peter Blackmailing... Virginia Huh? Lily Don’t ask... Peter Uh...why were we talking about dying our hair bright yellow in second year? James Because we were stupid. Sirius But, James...we’re stupid now. Virginia What are they doing? Lily VIRGINIA!! HELP ME KILL THEM!! Virginia Are they ignoring you again? Lily Virginia I’ll take that as a yes. Lily I just don’t understand men... Virginia I know! One day you’re totally and completely in love with one and then the next you learn that he’s keeping secrets from you, like him being a...a... Lily A werewolf? Virginia ...yeah... (Now where did Harry, Ron, and Hermione get to...?) Ron Sweetie, I- Hermione What? Harry Sweetie? Ron Huh? What are you two going on about? Harry You just called Hermione “Sweetie” Ron Yeah, so? Hermione Does this mean that I get to call you “sugar-pie-honeybun” now? Ron NO! Hermione That’s not fair, then! Ron Harry, help me... Harry Hey, you were the one who called her sweetie... Ron But that’s because I’m stupid and a red-head... Harry Well, so is Ginny, but you don’t see her complaining about being stupid. Ginny I think I’ll choose to ignore that. Hermione Whoa! Where did you come from? Ginny That one time that I actually join in on you three’s unsocial conversations and I come to find out that all you do is spite me... Harry No! That’s not how it was supposed to come out! Ron Sure, Harry...go suck up to her and make her fall in love with you more. Ginny Hey! I don’t love him! Well, not like that anyway... Ron Oh, sure...that’s why you have every newspaper clipping of him from every article ever written in Witch Weekly, the Quibbler, and various other newspapers all on your wall. Ginny I do not! Hermione Aren’t we drifting a bit off? Ron Not to mention all the posters that you created of him that you have up there too! Ginny Stop it!! You’re wrong!! Harry Uh... Hermione RON! You’re making her cry!! Ron Ginny...I’m sorry... Ginny I have to go... Hermione Look what you did! Harry Personally, I don’t really mind. Hermione Harry! Harry Well, do you want the girl who would stalk you if she got the chance around you?! Hermione No...I already have the boy who stalks me around me... Ron Hey! Hermione No, dear, that was a good thing. Ron How is that a good thing? Hermione I want you to stalk me. Ron Huh?...OH!...hehehe... Harry Ewewewewewewewewewew!! I didn’t hear that...I didn’t hear that...I didn’t hear that... Ron I think you scarred him for life... Hermione Again? He’s so sensitive... Harry Yeah, well...you weren’t up all night from listening to you two...mingle...in the bed right next to mine... Hermione See...I told you the room of requirement would have worked better! Ron Blah blah blah... Harry I think I might throw up... Ron I know why you’re taking this so hard, Harry. Harry And why is that? Ron Because you don’t have anyone to mingle with for yourself! Harry I don’t know why but that sounded wrong for some reason... Hermione How about Pavarti? Harry Already tried...Yule ball, remember? Ron Oh, yeah...that’s when I realized that I was in love with Hermione. Hermione Ahh! Ron...that’s so sweet! Harry I thought that we were talking about me, right? Ron Oh right. Hermione Uh...what about Lavender? Harry Drinking problem. Ron Drinking problem? Harry Yeah...she has too many butterbeers and...well...last time she was standing on the table and singing dirty songs. Hermione But butterbeers are non-alcoholic. Harry Not with Lavender. Ron Have you gone out with Emily? Harry Let’s not talk about that one...k? Hermione Amanda? Harry Fancies Draco and BIT too much... Ron Jasmine? Harry Laughter gives me a headache... Hermione Sara? Harry No. Ron Melissa? Harry No. Hermione Uh...Fiona? Harry No. Ron Alyssa? Harry No. Hermione Draco? Harry EWW! Ron Snape? Harry Now you’re just getting gross. Ron But that’s what makes it so much fun! Harry I’m never coming here again... Hermione Why? You love The Three Broomsticks! Harry That’s not the reason... Ron Bye! Hermione Bye!! Ron Now what can we do when Harry’s not here? Hermione I think I have an idea... (Isn’t this fun- switching back and forth like this? Hehehe...) Sirius Well, I suppose that this is supposed to be the end... James What? Remus Why would you say that? Sirius Everything’s wrapping up! The author is starting to submit it to the web site! What else do you call it? James You can communicate with the author? Peter The person who tells us what to say and write? Sirius Uh...yeah...sure...why not? James Awesome! Remus How? Sirius Who’s the author again? James Sigh. Sirius OUCH!! OK, THAT ONE HURT!! Remus Not another fight... Peter Isn’t this getting a bit old? James The author told you to say that... Remus Yeah, but that’s beside the point. James And that. Remus James... James And that. Peter Remus, you already have a bruise...you don’t need to make it worse... Sirius You know...it was the author’s fault that I’m stupid. Remus James Peter Sirius What? Remus Quick- say something! James Sirius...I have some startling news for you... Sirius Oh no! Is it my cat, Betsy?! Peter Uh...no... James It’s something more unsettling than that sad fact. Sirius What’s going on here? Remus Don’t give me that look; James is the one who’s telling you! Sirius James...? James Sirius...you’re seriously stupid... Sirius I know! That stinking author made it that way! James ...without the author’s help... Sirius Wha....? Emmablk1 Yeah!! It’s not my fault!! Remus Whoa! Where did you come from?! Emmablk1 Uh...I’m gonna go now... Peter Who was she? Sirius The author. James How many times must we tell you that? Remus James, it’s actually traditional to say that after he’s asked twice. James Oh. Ok. Peter Are we done yet? Emmablk1 Nope...it’s traditional that Sirius makes his stomach talk first. Peter There she is again! Sirius Oh yeah!! James No!! anything but that!! Peter Yeah!! I like this part... Remus Please, I’m begging you!! Don’t let him- Sirius There was a farmer who had a dog and Sirius was his name-o... James Why do you insist on torturing us?! Emmablk1 It’s not my choice; Sirius is the one who controls my brain! Sirius S-I-R-I-S...uh...U-S...uh... Remus That explains a lot... Peter Did he forget how to spell his name again? Emmablk1 Looks like it... James That’s it...I’m leaving... Remus Me too... Peter Me three... Emmablk1 Me four... James Hey, you can’t leave-you’re the author! Emmablk1 Watch me. Sirius Hey, where’d everyone go?! Sirius Hello? Sirius I don’t know how to write my own lines...emmablk1? James? Remus? Peter? (Now, I couldn’t forget about Harry, Ron, and Hermione this one last time, now could I?) Harry ah...why do we have to end it? Emmablk1 Because I said so. Ron And you are? Emmablk1 The author, of course. Harry But I don’t want to. Ron Yeah, I’m too lazy... Hermione I want to go and do my homework... Emmablk1 Fine I’LL end it... Emmablk1: September 3, 2004 Emmablk1 Better? Ron Much. Sirius Someone feed me!! Harry Sirius? Hermione What are you doing here? Ron Yeah, this is our time period! Harry And you died already, remember? Emmablk1 But I’m in denial, so he can be here, technically. Sirius Besides, I’m in your head. Emmablk1 He’s like a parasite that won’t leave. Hermione Actually, parasites don’t leave their hosts until they die. Sirius Yeah!! Emmablk1 No!! why did you say that?! Hermione Whoops...sorry. Emmablk1 I’m doomed forever... Harry So long! Emmablk1 And remember-I’m selling Sirius for free! Ron That may sound like a good deal, but trust me, he get really annoying. Siruis Hey! Hermione So long! Sirius Bring back food next time! Emmablk1: September 3, 2004 * * * i really hope that you people enjoyed that. now, there's a little matter of the fact that there's this little purple button at the bottom of the screen that says REVIEW that you need to push...SHPW ME THAT I NEED TO WRITE ANOTHER ONE! b/c if i don't get any ideas soon...well...let's just say that the interruptions dynasty would be over...i think i might cry if that happens... emmablk1 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 4. Part 4 Interruptions, Part the Fourth A Very Special Fic Written for the Readers By the way...it's 63 pages! You better enjoy this! James Padfoot? Sirius Hmmmm? James I don’t think I’m ready for this. Sirius Refghy phergh whght? Remus Sirius, will you stop hogging all my Honeydukes Chocolate! Sirius Sorry…you should know by now that anything that you put in front of my face I’ll eat. Remus I think I know that all too well, thank you. James Are either of you even listening to me! Sirius Oh, were you speaking? It’s kind of hard to hear your voice now that I’ve trained myself to be able to block you out. James Moony? Remus Yeah? James Hit him. Sirius OUCH! YOU’VE GOT MOONY DOING YOUR DIRTY WORK FOR YOU! That’s pathetic, James. James If you really want me to hit you, I will. Sirius That’s ok…I’m kind of getting used to the fact that Moony’s a wimp and can barely punch… Remus Ha. Ha. James I’m not in the mood for your jokes, Sirius. Sirius That’s funny, because you were earlier… Remus How much earlier? Sirius About…oh…fifteen years… James Sirius… Remus Wow…he really is serious… Sirius I didn’t think it was possible. Remus What’s the problem, James? James Wait, where’s Peter? Remus He said something about coming later. Sirius He’s been doing that more often lately. James Yeah, but to miss my…my… Sirius You are able to say the word, you know. Remus Come on, Jamesie-Poo… James My…sigh…marriage. Remus Well, it took you and Lily long enough. Sirius Sorry, it still makes me want to throw up. James Right now I think…no…I know I’m gonna throw up. Sirius Perfect. Remus Perfect? Sirius Yeah. I mean, it does make sense. James Because our minds are so in synch that you know when I’m about to puke? Sirius Uh…no. Remus Thank goodness. Sirius Don’t you remember? Prongs, you were like this the day you saw Lily! Remus I remember that! James … Sirius JAMES! James What! Remus Don’t tell me you can’t remember! James Ok, I won’t. Sirius Isn’t written somewhere in your vows that you’d never forget the day that you met each other? James I actually…kinda…blocked the memory out. Remus Why? Sirius Oh, wait…HAHA! It’s because she scorned you, isn’t it? Remus Define scorned. Sirius James, would you do the honors? James She…put me in the leglocker curse, pushed me into the lake, and then froze the lake so that I couldn’t get out. Remus … Sirius That was the best day of my life. James I would expect nothing less from the likes of you. Remus Hey, wasn’t that also the first day that we started to write our notes during class? James Ah…to be young and have the attention span of a flea. Sirius That was the day, alright, but I think all Jamesie-Poo remembers is the fact that he was rescued by the astronomy professor who had a crush on him. James Why do you insist on giving me nightmares for the rest of my life? And don’t call me Jamesie-Poo. Sirius It’s just a hobby, Boo Boo Bear. Remus I’m just glad my life isn’t as embarrassing as Prongs’. James Ha. Ha. Sirius Well, I thought it was funny. James Yeah, but you’re going to die in about five seconds, so it doesn’t matter anyway, now does it? Sirius See? Doesn’t this help you to stop thinking about your wedding? Flash-back! November 6, 1976(?) Sirius Well, it’s finally happened. We were dreading this day, but…I guess time makes fools of us all. Peter Uh oh. Remus What happened, Sirius? Sirius Are you sure that you really want to hear this? Are you sure that you can handle all the sick, disgusting details in miniscule information? Remus Not anymore. Peter I think I might hyperventilate if you don’t tell soon. Sirius You know when you’re about to hyperventilate? Peter It’s a gift…I think… Remus So what’s the news? Sirius James is in love. Peter Oh. Sirius Doesn’t it make you sick! Remus With Lily, right? Sirius How did you know that? Remus 1. He stares at her in the great hall, in class, in the common room…actually, now that I think about it, he stares at her no matter where we are or if she’s even in the room! Sirius I’m gonna pretended that I can even understand that sentence. Peter Is that it? Sirius Of course not! Would I ever come to you with big news and not have something else equally shocking to tell too? Remus Yes. Sirius Huh? Remus By now we’ve learned that most of the time your stories either have no meaning or moral or you just tell them to hear your own voice. Sirius Wow. I didn’t think I was so easy to figure out. Peter You are. Sirius Anyways, guess where James is right at this very moment? Peter Singing karaoke? Remus … Sirius … Remus I’m thinking that’s a no? Sirius Here’s a hint: he’s somewhere he can’t breathe. Peter I’m all out of ideas. Sirius That was funny on so many different levels that I can’t pick which one to laugh at first. Remus James is under the frozen lake, isn’t he? Sirius How’d you know that? Remus Saw it through the window. I also know that Lily Evans did it. Sirius HA! But, I bet you don’t know James’ BIG secret! MWHAHAHAHA! Remus The fact that he’s in love with Lily? Sirius, we just went over that. Sirius …I hate you… Remus I know. Peter Uh…is James’ face supposed to be red after being in a frozen lake? Remus I don’t know, why? Peter Because he’s coming this way. Sirius Hide me. James WHERE IS HE? Peter Who? James I’m gonna kill him. And Remus, so help me Merlin, if you even THINK about hiding him, you’re going down with him. Sirius Out of curiosity James, who was it that rescued you? Remus The astronomy professor? Sirius Ding, Ding, Ding! And the winner is….Remus Lupin! James Shut up. Peter Did she invite you up to the astronomy tower? James Sirius, you’ve corrupted him! Sirius How? James Oh come one! We all know that he would never act this way if your stupidness hadn’t sunk into his brain. Sirius You can come up with a better reason than that, James. James No. it’s definitely you. Sirius And everything is instantly my fault… James Yes. Remus Yes. Peter Yes. Remus Well, you WERE the one who made James go over and talk to Lily. Sirius There’s just one thing I want to know before I die, James: how in the world does Remus know everything! Remus It’s a gift. Flash-forward! Sirius And here we are today, still writing in notes, even though we could just be talking instead. James We’re pathetic. Remus So, are you ready? Sirius Ready for what? Remus The ceremony starts in twenty minutes. Sirius Ready for what? Remus You don’t look ready. Sirius READY FOR WHAT? Remus James, straighten up your shirt. Sirius See, this is what’s known as ‘ignoring-the-dog’ and I want you to know, Moony, that it has repercussions… James What are you going to do- pee on him? Sirius I’ll figure something out. James Oh, so you’re going to poop on him. Sirius Will you just shut up? Remus It’s hard to make him stop. Sirius James, if you say one more thing, I swear that you’ll be walking out there with your lips sewn together… James Sigh. Sirius OUCH! James Better now? Sirius Ok…ok…I’ll just sit in the corner… Remus That’s amazing. Teach me? James It’s all in the way that you hit him- Sirius Don’t teach him any tricks! James So…do you think Lily’s ready? Sirius I’ll go ask her. James No! Wait! Remus You know there’s no stopping him when he gets stupid. James I don’t think I can breathe… Remus James….James! OPEN. YOUR. MOUTH! James Sorry. Sirius Personally, I think it’s kinda funny when he can’t breathe. James Shut it. Remus That was quick. Sirius Yeah. James … Remus … James What. Did. You. Do? Sirius Let’s see…I got up, walked out the door, ambled down the hall, opened Lily’s door, didn’t see anyone, closed the door, got a drink of water, pulled a rabbit out of my hat, walked back down the hall, opened up our door, sat down, and started writing. Then you asked me what happened, and I said- James Wait. What did you just say? Sirius I got up, walked out th- Remus He means the part about Lily, Padfoot. Sirius Uh…that part where she wasn’t in her room? James She wasn’t there? Well, where was she! Sirius Well…she wasn’t there, or in the church… Remus You don’t think that she… James No! She couldn’t…she…wouldn’t…would she? Sirius I don’t blame her, I mean if I was marrying you- Remus Of course not! She probably just left to go buy some…uh…floo powder. Sirius I really need to teach you how to lie better. Remus I didn’t know you offered lessons. Sirius Yes. And they required 25 galleons beforehand, so pay up. James Weren’t we talking about something more pressing? Hint. Hint. WINK. WINK. Sirius Don’t wink; it’s disturbing. Remus What do we do now? James I’m going to go scream into this couch pillow, then get really drunk. Sirius Let’s spike the butterbeer! Remus … Sirius What? It’s not like you haven’t done it before. Remus On a dare. Sirius Same thing. Yes, another FLASHBACK! Remus No way. I won’t do it. James Aw, c’mon, Moony! Sirius Yeah, it’s not hard to spike the butterbeer at the Christmas Ball while no one’s looking. James Don’t write down the whole plan! Sirius Right! Like the time when we found a way into the girl’s dorms, snuck up in the middle of the night, colored all their hair grey, then cut half of it off, stole all their underwear, and captured their toothpastes? James What does that have to do with anything? Remus It was you two who did that? Sirius … James … Sirius So…reckon that we shouldn’t have sent Wormtail for the alcohol. James It was probably not the brightest idea we’ve ever had. Remus Do I really have to go through with this? Sirius Tell you what- you don’t, but… James Don’t do anything he says. Remus I am well aware of his evilness. James Sometimes ignorance isn’t always that problem. Sirius BUT…you have to drink all the alcohol. James Are you crazy! That stuff is pure poison! Sirius Well, obviously it would be if we are the ones who drink it. Remus I’ll do it. Sirius What! James What! Remus As long as I’m only drunk in the common room. Sirius … James … Remus Swear it. Sirius Let’s just say that when we’re through with you, it’ll be a night to remember. James Also, let’s say 10 to 1 Virginia will dump his sorry butt. Sirius Yes, let’s. Flash-forward! Sirius That was the best Christmas Ball ever. Period. Remus No it wasn’t! You guys got me drunk then took me out on the dance floor. James Oh yeah…didn’t you dance with every girl in the place? Sirius And all the guys. THAT is personally imprinted in my mind for forever. James Why did we start reminiscing about that again? Peter You’re all here! Remus You’re surprised that we’re all here for James’ wedding? Sirius The wedding of the century? James What exactly makes it the wedding of the century? Sirius The fact that I spiked the punch. James Oh. Peter No, I’m surprised that James isn’t at the alter…with Lily? James What! Remus What time is it? Peter Why are all the clocks set backwards? James I’m thirty minutes late for my own wedding! Sirius Actually…you’re 45 minutes late. James AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Peter He looks like a chicken with its head cut off… Sirius Hand me one of those disposable cameras. Remus Too late. He’s already out the door. Sirius Isn’t that sweet? Peter Young love? Sirius No, the fact that Lily’s first memory of her wedding will be James screaming and running into the church. Remus Those poor muggles. Peter Sigh. Sirius Sigh. Remus Sigh. Peter Hey…aren’t we supposed to be in there, too? Sirius Since when did Peter get so smart? Remus Must’ve been the punch. Sirius Either that or someone dropped him again. Emmablk1 Uh…guys? Sirius Yes, dear? Emmablk1 Don’t call me that. Remus What’s the matter? Emmablk1 The fic can’t stop until you go to the wedding. Sirius It’s stopping already! Peter It can’t have even been 30 pages yet, let alone the 60 you promised. Emmablk1 What did you give him to make him so smart? I never write him this way! Remus It had to be the punch. Emmablk1 Anyway…you guys have to shut it so that I can get on with the special features part of the fic. Peter Fun! Are we in it! Sirius That’s the Peter we all know and lov…I mean…like. Emmablk1 No, Peter. It’s about the average wingspan and velocity of swallows. Peter African or European swallows? Emmablk1 Shut up. Peter Oh. I’ll go get popcorn. Emmablk1 Well…that’s one way to get rid of him. Sirius Someone write it down. Remus Now if we could only find a way to get rid of Sirius. Emmablk1 You’re the smart one; selling him didn’t work- I never got a money amount. Sirius This is insulting. James What’s going on? Isn’t the fic supposed to be over by now? Lily We’ve been waiting for forever! Emmablk1 waving frantically Hi Lily! Lily Hi Emmablk1! Sirius Girls… Emmablk1 Excuse me? Lily What did you just say? Sirius James…help me…they’re both gaining up on me…! James You got yourself into this mess. Remus Five galleons that he doesn’t make it out alive. James You’re on. Sirius Hey! Lily If I wasn’t allowed to complain about being betted on, you aren’t. Emmablk1 You’re going over your time limit. Sirius So? Remus What happens if we do? Emmablk1 You don’t get paid. Sirius I’m shutting up. James Ditto. Remus I wasn’t even talking. Lily Me either. Emmablk1 When I said be quiet, I meant everyone. Remus But…we’re Lily Your favorites! Sirius I thought I was your favorite! Emmablk1 ENOUGH! This is IDIOTIC! Lily … James … Remus … Sirius … Emmablk1 I’m starting the bloopers now… Sirius Can we have popcorn? James Shh! Remus Shh! Lily Shh! Emmablk1 Here’s some toffees. Enjoy yourselves. James I don’t even want to know where she got those. Emmablk1 Shut it. Bloopers! (Funness!) And Random Quotes! Romance: James On screen Lily…I have something very important to ask you. Lily Yes? James I don’t quite know how you’re going to respond to this and it might affect our relationship forever. Lily We’ve been dating for half a year, James. Nothing you could do can surprise me. James Ok…here goes…Lily…my beautiful darling girlfriend…will you…will you…do me the honor and the pleasure… Lily Yes James? James …Of doing my laundry? Emmablk1 CUT! Sirius That was a horrible blooper. James I couldn’t remember the line! Lily The line was ‘Will you marry me?’, you twit! James It was ‘will you marry me you twit’? That seems kinda redundant. Remus Do you ever know what that word means? James I could if I wanted to. Emmablk1 Sigh. There’s more. Remus Oh, great. Sirius on screen love is a many spendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong; all you need is love! Insert your name here Please don’t start that again. Sirius All you need is love! Insert your name here A girl’s got to eat! Sirius All you need is love…and food. Emmablk1 This is where the idea began to go downhill. And also where Sirius stopped trying to sing. Insert your name here Or she’ll end up on the street! Sirius All you need is love…and food…and housing… Insert your name here Sirius! You’re ruining it! Sirius I am not! I’m just doing a little…improvisation. Emmablk1 CUT! James Why we ever tried to do musicals, I’ll never know. Remus No, why we tried to do musicals with Sirius as the leads is a mystery. Emmablk1 Yes…as you can see…the boys and I had different ideas about how to write this…and the best one won, obviously. Sirius My idea was better. Lily Sirius…making the story a Scottish opera didn’t work. At all. Sirius Hey! Give it some credit. James Right. Rodgers and Hammerstein did a fine job on the lyrics. Remus Even though none of us can sing. Emmablk1 Ahem… Lily You’re the author- you don’t count. Sirius Ok, we’ve seen James’ romance catastrophes…what about Remus’? James We’ve seen your catastrophes too, Padfoot. Sirius I don’t have catastrophes. I have misadventures. Remus Uh…I think all I have are rejections… Lily Aww! Remus is making me cry! Emmablk1 Well, then it’s a good thing we have a clip show of all the rejections! Remus How is that a good thing? James You’re heartless. Sirius Sorry. I rub off on her. Everyone except Sirius We know. Emmablk1 Roll the clip! Hehe! I’ve always wanted to say that. Sirius on screen presenting…! Sirius Lee Black’s official Best Pick-up lines of the decade! James Huh? Remus What’s this? Sirius Whoops. Was that what that tape was? James You taped over it with pick-up lines? Sirius Hey! Those are the best pick-up lines of the decade! Lily Who did you try these out on so that you knew they were the best? Sirius … Sirius Movie hey, babe…were you always this cute, or do you have to work at it? Sirius I tried them out on Snape. The angrier he got, the better the lines were. James And you didn’t invite me! Peter Hey guys, what’d I miss? Sirius movie Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Peter Never mind. I don’t want to know. Sirius I’ll have you know that these lines are guaranteed to score. James Yeah. With Snape. Sirius Movie Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often? Remus Please turn it off before I puke. Emmablk1 I was ready for the next topic, anyway. Deleted Scenes: James Some of these were not my idea. In fact, all of these were not my idea. Lily Why’d you go along with them, then? James The cash. Lily And what exactly do you need cash for, James? Sirius Dungbombs. Lily What? James He means…jewelry…to buy for you. Sirius No, I mean dungbombs. You know, the small round things that you light with your wand and they are able to stink up the entire room before you can say ‘Locomotor mortis’? James Sirius there is a thing called duct tape and it’s on your mouth. Its invisible, but it’s there. Lily I think I’ve lost all faith in him. Sirius I never had any faith in him to begin with. James Grrr… Sirius OUCH! I give! I give! Just joking! Just joking! Emmablk1 Actually, some of these scenes aren’t just ones that we cut out. Peter What are they? Emmablk1 They’re ones that I caught on my super secret hidden camera! Remus You did what now! Emmablk1 I didn’t do anything. You guys did all this on your own. James Wait. Do you mean the camera we found hidden in the fireplace? Emmablk1 Uh… Lily And the one in the quidditch pitch? Emmablk1 Er… Sirius And the one in the girl’s quidditch showers? Remus What! James What! Peter What! Lily What! Emmablk1 What! Sirius Oh sorry. That one’s mine. Lily That’s it. From now on I’m showering with a bathing suit on. Emmablk1 ANYWAY…I think the people would like to see how the marauders really behave in their spare time… Peter Roll the clip! Unknown Voice On screen Girls just want to have fun, now. Oh! Girls just want to have fun! James The screen’s black. Sirius Hey! I can’t see who’s about to get teased for the rest of his life! Peter Oh. Sorry. My hand was covering it. Everyone except Remus REMUS? Remus What? Can’t a guy sing in his own spare time? James Yes, a guy can sing in his spare time. Sirius Just another song…like…uh… James Don’t look at me. Sirius Like…a country balled. Peter A balled? Remus Country? Sirius Give me a break! You’re the ones who put me on the spot! Emmablk1 And ‘My Achy Breaky Heart’ is a very manly song to sing. James Huh? Lily and Remus Muggle country. James Oh. Sirius You mean the songs that always talk about how he loses the girl and he drinks away his sorrows? Emmablk1 Basically. Sirius Suddenly I have some sort of craving for spiked butterbeer. Peter Hey, I found some more scenes! James Fabulous. Sirius On Screen Surrender, little one, or you shall never see the light of day again! MWHAHAHA! Say goodbye! Lily Uh…Sirius…is that my teddy bear? Remus How’d you get into the girl’s dorms? Sirius Uh…er…that is to say…uh… Emmablk1 Calm down. He was probably just deprived as a child. Sirius Exactly. What? Emmablk1 You heard me. Remus Hey look! We made it to 30 pages! James We should celebrate. Emmablk1 Ladies, and oddly enough, gentlemen, we’re going to be taking a short intermission now. Lily Don’t worry, though. Sirius We’ll leave you something to entertain yourselves. Peter What would that be? Sirius I dunno know. complete silence Emmablk1 Hurry…put this tape in before they leave for good! Sounds of a VCR being turned on and used Movie starts Sam Frodo, I can’t carry the ring, but I can carry you. Music swells up as Sam carries him up the mountain Sam We’re almost there, Mister Frodo! James Wait. What is this? Remus Whose is this? Emmablk1 Hahaheh…oh…uh…that would be mine… Sirius What are you thinking, putting something like that in? Emmablk1 I’m thinking that I could satisfy my Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings fetishes in one go. Lily What’s Harry Potter? James And why does he have my last name? Emmblk1 Oops. Just forget I said that. Peter Weren’t we supposed to have some sort of intermission going on? Sirius Oh yeah. Intermission! Announcer A public service announcement from the Marauders. James Don’t drink and drive. Ever. Sirius I think that’s good enough. Peter When’s break? Director CUT! Do it again. Take 2. Sirius Hi! We’re the beloved guys that you all know and love and we’re here today to talk to you about drugs. James That’s right, Padfoot. Remus Drugs are bad. I would never suggest doing them. Sirius Unless, of course, you use them to make the Slytherins look stupid. James Like putting sleeping powder into their goblets! Peter Or leaving gillyweed around to trick them into eating it! Sirius Or sneaking into their common room at night and spraying the entire place with pus. James What does that have to do with using drugs? Sirius I dunno. It was just fun whenever we did it. Remus True. Sirius The point is drugs make you stupid. James And in the Slytherin’s case, it makes you even stupider. Remus I don’t think that’s a word, Prongs. James Shh! We’re filming! Director Sigh. Take 3. five hours later Remus If you’re watching this commercial, that probably means that you’re on drugs or drinking. Sirius By the way, it’s bad for you. Peter Thank you and good night. End of Intermission James I’m never doing another PSA again. Peter I thought it was fun. James Only because there were donuts on set. Sirius Yeah. I still have nightmares. Peter You mean about the donuts? Sirius I’m not even going to dignify that with a response. Remus Why are we talking about donuts again? James I’m not sure…Sirius, do you want to fill this one? Sirius Not really. Peter Hey, Lily? Lily What? Peter Do you still have that mood ring that James gave you? Lily … Remus … James … Sirius … Peter What? Did I do something wrong? James Wormtail…sometimes I think it’s better if you just stay quiet. Sirius Yeah, it gives you time to actually use your brain. Remus Does he actually have one of those things? Lily I have no earthly idea. Peter Hey! Let’s go spike the butterbeer again! Lily You know, there once was a time when no one would spike the butterbeer. Sirius Say it ain’t so! James Sigh. Emmablk1 Ahem. Remus So…what to do…what to do… Emmablk1 Ahem. Sirius We could just repeat ‘what to do’ over and over again. James Why? Emmablk1 Ahem. Sirius For easy entertainment. Emmablk1 AHEM! Peter What is that annoying sound! Emmablk1 IT’S ME, YOU IDIOTS! Sirius Oh yeah…you’re still here? Lily How rude! Sirius I’m sorry; did I not make it clear that you are not entitled to your own opinion? James Wait, who was that directed to? Sirius I donno. Emmablk1 This has taken a sudden, disturbing turn. Remus I’m under the impression that we’ve turned so much that we’re now facing backwards. Sirius Huh? Remus Don’t try to understand, Padfoot; your brain might explode. Peter Weren’t we supposed to be doing something important? Lily Hmmm…good question. Emmablk1 I think it’s time we end it. James End it! Peter But why? Emmablk1 I should think that is plainly obvious. Sirius Because Peter suddenly joined the cast again? Remus Sigh. We are still allowed to hit him very hard, aren’t we? Emmablk1 It’s in his contract. James Good. Sirius OUCH! Remus You know what? Peter What? Remus I think that is kinda takes away to boringness if we all keep hitting him. James That’s the best thing that I’ve heard all day. Emmablk1 Hey, hey! If you over-exert him, then when he passes out, it won’t be any fun anymore. Lily Good point. Sirius Somebody…anybody…why is it always the dog…? James You’re the one who always wants to be the center of attention. Sirius No, that’s you. James Is not! Sirius Is too! James Is not! Sirius Is too! Emmablk1 They never shut up. Lily But banging your head against the table is better than any medication. Remus I know what we can do! James What might that be? Remus Truth or dare; Wizarding Style! Peter What’s the difference between that and the muggle truth or dare? Remus Because if you don’t complete a dare or answer a truth, you get a hex put on you. Sirius Hehehehe…MWHAHAHAHA! Lily Uh oh… Emmablk1 I don’t like the sound of that laugh. James This is bringing back some rather unpleasant memories. Peter Like the time when you had two noses. Remus And you caught a cold and starting sneezing out of both noses? James Why are we bringing that up? Emmablk1 ‘Cause it’s fun. Peter Who’s going first? Lily Um…Sirius! Sirius Why is it always me! Remus Let me count the whys…you’re the dog, you’re the easiest to pick on next to Peter, you come up with really good dares, you’re a terrible lier… James You can stop now. Sirius You know, dog backwards spells god. Remus Oh yes, and you also have a bloated ego… Sirius That most likely means that you guys should worship me. James Keep dreaming, buddy. Peter I’m not getting down on my hands and knees. Emmablk1 Me either. Sirius C’mon, think about it! It makes perfect sense! Lily In what world? James The demented one in his head. Lily That one’s scary. James I know. We try to keep him from returning to it. Remus That means to stop him from thinking. Emmablk1 Aren’t we supposed to be playing a game of some sort? Sirius Hey, I’m not dumb! Emmablk1 Hello? James You’re right. Remus You’re idiotic. James No, wait…that’s Peter. Emmablk1 Don’t ignore the author! Peter Yeah, don’t confuse the two. Emmablk1 I wanna play truth or dare! Sirius I make good marks on my papers, you know. Remus We also all cheat off of each other, too. James Well, mostly off of Remus. Sirius That’s not the point. Lily This is ridiculous. Emmablk1 Can’t we ever stay on topic for once? Sirius Do I have to prove to you guys that I’m really smarter that I look? Lily I think they’re going to ignore us. James How would you manage to convince us, O Great One? Sirius First off, you can keep calling me that. Emmablk1 Maybe we should leave. Lily Maybe we should. James See, like I said, an oversized ego. Remus No, I said that. James Sorry. Lily James, don’t confuse him with yourself. Emmablk1 We’re never going to play this game, are we? Sirius I swear that I’ll prove to you guys that I’m smarter than you give me credit for. Lily He didn’t listen to me! Emmablk1 I really think we should leave. Lily Let’s. Peter And like it’s been stated before, how? Sirius Uh… Remus That’s not a very good start. Sirius Shut up! I’m thinking! James Uh oh…I thought he was never going to do that again. Remus We should have stopped him when we had the chance. James It’s very hazardous to his health. Remus But since when were we concerned about that? Peter Hey, where did Lily and Emmablk1 go? Remus I don’t know. I never heard them leave. Sirius I’ve got it! James Got what? Sirius Darn it, now you made me forget! Peter Forget what? Sirius AGHHH! Stop that! Remus This makes no sense. James It doesn’t have to make sense; this is Sirius we’re talking about here. Sirius I told you, I’m smarter than I seem! Remus I think he’s proving it to us by telling us in different ways that he’s smarter than we think he is. Peter That’s confusing. James Hmm…that’s tricky. Sirius What’s tricky? Remus How you’re proving to us that you’re really smart. Sirius I am? I mean, I am! Wait…how…? James Never mind, he got side-tracked. Remus That’s never a good thing. Peter I thought we were going to play a game. James I’m surprised that we’ve even gotten this far without realizing that. Sirius Yeah, well, you’re the one who didn’t realize it when his own girlfriend left. James Oh yeah? You’re the one without a girlfriend! Sirius Wow. That was real witty. James Shut up. Sirius Make me. James Ok I will! Remus … Peter … Sirius … James … Sirius Are you just going to stand there all night? James Suddenly it just occurred to me how many twists and turns that this fic has taken since the beginning. Peter I’m confused… Remus We all are. Sirius Yeah, weren’t we at James and Lily’s wedding at the beginning? Remus But then we found out that it was just a plot device to segway into talking about all the stupid stuff we’ve done. James Ah…plot devices. Remus It seems to me that the author really didn’t know where she was going. Sirius Which is true about her in fact. James I hope she doesn’t smite us for being mean to her behind her back. Peter Nah… Sirius She loves me too much. Remus I think that calls for an awkward silence. James Definitely. Remus … James … Peter … Sirius … James so…what to do now… Peter we could beat up Sirius again. James Nah…that’s lost it’s luster. Sirius Need I remind you chaps about the dog/god thing? James No! Remus No! Peter No! James The last thing we need is something extra to inflate your ego more. Remus Or yours, right Jamesie-Poo? James What was that! Sirius Boo Boo Bear? James Stop that! Peter Haha…octopus! James Huh? Sirius Huh? Remus Huh? Peter Oh, sorry…I thought we were randomly calling him things. James Sigh. Sirius I do feel sorry for you sometimes, Wormtail. James Why is that? Sirius Because he doesn’t have my mind, of course! Remus Be grateful. James If only he had that privilege. Sirius You’re just jealous. James Right… Remus You know, maybe we shouldn’t have promised to give them sixty pages. James Maybe we should stop it right here. Peter Haha! Sirius They really thought we were stopping! Remus They’re so naïve! James Hey, guess who else is naïve? Remus Who? James You! Remus That wasn’t funny. James Sirius can’t stop laughing. Sirius That’s because Sirius is an idiot. James Point taken. Peter May I please go home now? Sirius Yeah, I’ve been here all day… Emmablk1 No. James Whoa! Where did you come from! Emmablk1 From my mother, where did you think? James Huh? Remus Don’t try to think. James Okay. Peter Boy, that was easy. Sirius Now if the same principal could make him shut up… James Ha, ha. Sirius You’re right; it was funny. Emmablk1 Anyway…you guys can’t go home now! Remus Why? Emmablk1 Because I just got on a major sugar rush and I need other people around me to make me look less stupid. Peter Really? Emmablk1 No. Sirius So you really do care about us? Emmablk1 Uh… Sirius Yah! She loves us, she really loves us! Remus Suddenly I’m getting the image of Sirius sitting in a field of flowers saying, ‘she loves us, she loves us not…she loves us, she loves us not…’ James Disturbing, isn’t it? Emmablk1 Stop…hugging…me… Peter Creepy… James I hate it when Sirius starts acting all lovey-dovey. Remus It freaks me out for days. Emmblk1 I need to cleanse myself. Remus Are you still trying to sell him? Emmablk1 Hmm…what’s the offer? Remus Hey, I don’t want him! Emmablk1 Just asking. James This is starting to get a little boring… Peter Yeah… Sirius Let’s play strip poker! Remus That’s a stupid idea. James Yeah…we don’t have any cards. Sirius Darn it… Emmablk1 I think we might want to call in some extra help to get the ball rolling again. Peter Uh oh…who are you talking about? Remus You’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking…? Emmablk1 That depends on what I think you’re thinking that I’m thinking. James This is getting really confusing really quickly. Remus Well…what I think you’re thinking that I’m thinking you’re thinking is that you’re about to call Jessie, your slightly psychotic friend. Emmablk1 I’m thinking you’re right! And you get the prize! Cue the applause. James See, this is why Remus is the smart one. Sirius Remember- Peter Yes, we know…you’re smart, too. Remus Please, I’m begging you, I’ll do anything! Just don’t call Jessie! Emmblk1 Hmm…and that would be? Remus Uh….I’ll…I’ll…clean your room? Emmablk1 Not good enough. James We’ll do your chores? Sirius Where did you get the ‘we’ out of that? Emmablk1 Nope. Peter We’ll do all your homework for a full year! Sirius That is, Remus and Lily will be doing all your homework for a full year. Emmablk1 Nada. Sorry boys, but I’m afraid I have no choice. Peter No! Remus Please don’t torture us like this! Emmablk1 Remus, what are you talking about? You LIKE Jessie, remember? Remus Oh yeah… Sirius Dork. Remus What was that? Sirius I said fork. As in, I need a fork; where’s my fork! Emmablk1 JESSIE! James She’s gonna be thrilled that she’s even in this, isn’t she? Peter Yep. Sirius Everyone brace yourselves… Jessie Hello. Sirius AHHHH! THE TORTURE! THE HUMILIATION! THE DEPRAVATION! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! HOW COULD YOU BRING HER HERE TO MAKE US SUFFER! Jessie Sirius…calm down. James Tone it down a little, Padfoot. Remus She’s not that bad. Jessie MWAHAHAHAHA! Remus I might have said that a little too quickly. Emmablk1 That got the ball rolling! James Yeah…all the way down a steep hill into what was formerly known as the marauders! Jessie Oh shush, Jamesie-Poo. Peter I’m sorry, but I fail to see what makes Jessie so horrible. Sirius Is it the fact that she has 666 in blood written on her forehead? Jessie Oh that? I just came back from sea camp. James A sea camp in hell? Jessie No…a sea camp in Galveston. Emmablk1 And she didn’t even get it there. I painted it on her forehead before she came in to scare you guys. Sirius Well obviously it didn’t work… Emmablk1 Aw…Jessie’s harmless…a little crazy and a little obsessed over Elijah Wood and Orlando Bloom, but who isn’t these days? Jessie No, you’re the one who’s obsessed with Elijah Wood. Emmablk1 Oh yeah… Peter Elijah who? Jessie Never mind that, let’s just sit down and talk like normal high school kids. Jmes No way. Sirius No. Emmablk1 Okay, just what did Jessie do to make you guys so scared of her? Sirius It’s giving me the shudders even as I think about it… James Me too… Sirius You want to tell it, Prongs? James Alright…let’s see…it was a dark and stormy night… Prongs No it wasn’t. James Oh, sorry, it was a bright a cheerful day, but how were we to know of the dangers that lurk around every corner in Diagon Alley! Jessie Cut out the dramatics. Sirius Aw, man! Peter Keep going. James Anyway…Sirius and I were walking along peacefully towards Olivander’s to get some repair done on my wand after someone sat on it. Sirius James, you were the one who sat on it. James Thank you, Sirius… Sirius You’re welcome. Remus Uh…I don’t think he meant that in a nice way, Sirius. Sirius Oh. Emmablk1 This is where you’re supposed to say you’re sorry, Siri. Sirius Don’t call me that. James Then, out of nowhere…there came a bolt of something that looked like lightening flashing across the sky, streaking toward us and finally collapsing on top of both of us, giving us concussions and knocking us out for days. Jessie Uh…I didn’t do that. James What do you mean! Jessie Sirius did that to you a couple of weeks ago. Remus And you were only out for a couple of minutes. Sirius Boy, what a memory you have… James You couldn’t remember, either! Sirius What difference does that make! James Grrr… Sirius OUCH! RESTRAIN HIM! RESTRAIN HIM! Jessie This is very sad. Peter This happens all the time. Jessie That’s very sad, too. Remus You wanna get some ice cream with Peter and me? Emmblk1 Yeah! Jessie Besides, sometimes it’s best just to let them fight and let all their energy give out. Emmablk1 Good idea. Jessie Thanks! Emmablk1 I knew I called you here for a reason. Sirius WHAT DID YOU CALL MY MOTHER! James I ONLY CALLED HER WHAT YOU CALLED HER LAST NIGHT! Sirius Oh yeah…BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN SAY IT! James YOU’RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME I COULD SAY IT! Sirius SHUT UP! James NO, YOU! Remus Sigh. Peter Sigh. Jessie Sigh. Emmablk1 Sigh. Sirius Hey, where’d they go? James It says here on the note that Remus left us, doofus. Sirius That’s not the worst thing I’ve been called. James It was the only thing I could think of. Sirius They went to go get ice cream! James Without us! Sirius Who wouldn’t want us around! James That does pose some interesting questions… Sirius Let’s not think about that at the moment, shall we? James We shall. Sirius … James … Sirius now what? James Does Emmablk1 expect us to finish her fic on our own? Sirius She does know that we’re seriously, not to mention dangerously under-qualified for the job, right? James I’m not so sure about that… Sirius You end it. James Why me! Sirius You’re the smarter one! James You spent an entire ten pages going on about how smart you really are- Sirius And how nobody appreciates my talents-don’t forget that one. James And now you’re calling me the smart one! Sirius Yes…you’re point being? James You’re absolutely right. Sirius Well…go ahead…end it. James Ahem. Sirius … James … Sirius That’s it! James No! Hold on a minute. Sirius I’ll hold on as long as I can, but I don’t think it’ll do much good. James You’re blocking my concentration! Sirius Boy, how did I manage to do that? James Shut up! You’re the one who’s too scared to end it! Sirius No I’m not! James Go ahead, then! Sirius The End. There. James That doesn’t count. Sirius What do you mean that doesn’t count? It ended it, right? James If it ended it, then why are we still talking to each other? Sirius That’s none of your concern. James Oh my gosh… Sirius What? James You’re giving me a headache again. Sirius Again? This happens often? James If I were a muggle, I’d be overdosing on aspirin. Sirius Not funny. Emmablk1 Guys, you can’t even end a stupid fic right? James You mean you wanted us to end it? Emmablk1 Well, at the staff meeting you said you wanted more responsibilities, right? Sirius Oh yeah… Emmablk1 Then do it correctly! Sirius Ok! James On behalf of the entire Marauders and their staff- Sirius We wish to wish a merry Christmas! James Wrong holiday. Sirius I mean…a lovely fourth of July! Emmablk1 That one’s already passed! James And it’s an American Muggle holiday! Sirius Uh…Happy…End of the Fic? Emmablk1 Good enough. James And have a happy new year! Emmablk1 Do you know the words to the muggle song ‘deck the halls’? James No. Emmablk1 Then make it up as you go! The entire cast Deck the halls with lots of dumgbombs! Falalalala, lalalala! ‘Tis the season to smell stinky! Falalalala, lalalala! Don’t follow me as I set them off! Falalala, lalala, lalala! Or we’ll get punished and get kicked off! (the Quidditch team, that is…) Falalalala, lalalala! Emmblk1 Remind me never to sing with you guys again. Remus Or at least to not try harmony. Peter Or make up a song as you go. Lily Yeah that really stunk. Emmablk1 Sigh. Emmablk1: July 23, 2005 11:25 pm ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 5. Part 5 Introducing… The Amazing…(because I didn’t ever think I’d make this) The Talented…(no, not the fic; the characters) The Miraculous…(because, as I said, I didn’t think I’d get this far) Interruptions, Part Five Otherwise Known As The Works of Madness Continued… tears up my gosh…I didn’t think I’d ever write five whole things fics of this! And for those of you who are worrying…No, this one is not 63 pages…lol. It will be the usual length. I told you that the only reason the last one was so long was that I thought it would be the last one. Most of you are laughing at me right now, aren’t you? Ok…read and review. Luv u all! Lily Remus…I have something important to tell you and I don’t know exactly how to say it. Remus You’re not going to do something stupid, are you? Lily Uh…no. Remus Like, for instance, dye your hair, get a bad perm- Lily I like my hair just the way it is, thank you. Remus -get a tattoo or pierce your nose or break up with James or start dating Sirius or- Lily Remus! Remus What-OUCH! Lily Sorry. Remus It’s alright. Lily You were stuck in a loop. I had to do something. Remus Sorry. Sirius wouldn’t let any of us go to sleep last night. Lily He made his stomach talk again? Remus Worse. He and James got drunk and started to sing show tunes. There was no way that Wormtail and I could have gotten out of it. Lily I am eternally ashamed of my husband. Remus You mean that you couldn’t hear them? Lily I soundproof all of our walls whenever you guys come to visit. Remus What was is that you wanted to tell me? Lily Oh…I don’t know how to tell you this. Remus Lily, we’ve been friends for eight or nine years and you can’t trust me? Lily Ok, but you can’t tell James. Remus Uh oh. Lily What does that mean? Remus It’s just that whenever someone tries to hide something from James he finds out. Lily That’s ridiculous. Remus Sirius tells him. Lily That makes sense. Remus So… Lily So… Remus Are you going to tell me? Lily Sigh. Ok…Remus…I’m pregnant. Remus That’s wonderful! You and James are going to have a baby! …it is James’, right? Lily Ewww! Yes! Remus Good. Lily But I don’t know- Remus Whether it’s a boy or girl? Lily No. Remus If you’re going to allow James to appoint Sirius as Godfather? Lily No, but I’ve got to talk to him about that. Remus How to tell James that you refuse to name the kid Rufus? Lily Close…keep guessing. Remus I can’t think of anymore. Lily Remus, you’re supposed to be the smart one! Remus Sorry! I don’t get to talk as much when Sirius and James are around. Lily Sigh. I just don’t know how to tell James. Remus We don’t have to tell him yet. Lily We have to tell him sometime. Remus Don’t worry! Everything will be fine. Lily Thanks. I guess that all we can do for now is drop some subtle hints. Remus Subtly doesn’t usually work with James. He’s too thick-headed. Lily It’s all we can do right now. I’m not ready to tell him yet. Remus C’mon. let’s go get some chocolate. Lily Is that your answer for everything! Remus Sometimes. Yay! We brought back Harry, Ron and Hermione! Harry Sigh. Ron What are you so depressed about? Harry It’s just that now that you and Hermione are officially ‘together’ I’m kinda lonely. Hermione You could date Ginny again. Harry I can’t, remember? Dark Lord Voldemort, too dangerous, blah, blah, blah… Hermione Well there had to be something to do around here. Ron Besides helping Phlegm and Bill get ready for their wedding, you mean? Hermione Ron, suggesting that they use trolls as bridesmaids and goblins as groomsmen wasn’t called being helpful. Harry Right. It’s called being bloody brilliant. Hermione No, its called being annoying. Ron C’mon. You knew you thought it was funny. Hermione No I didn’t. Ron Admit it! You think I’m funny. Hermione Ron, be quiet. Ron You think I am half the time. Hermione Well… Ron Yay! She loves me! Hermione I never said that! Ron You were thinking it. Hermione Were not! Harry Sigh. Ron What’s the matter, Harry? Harry Haven’t we been over this already? Ron Oh, yeah…the whole ‘no-dating-until-you-vanquish-he-who-must-not-be-named-rule.’ Hermione I think he’s getting depressed. Harry I am not! Ron Denial. Harry Argh! Ron Whoa! Harry…think a minute before you hex me! I’m your best mate, right? Harry Sorry. The whole teenage brooding thing is getting to me again. Hermione I think that we should make a list… Ron Not with the lists again… Harry She’s your girlfriend. Hermione …of all the things that we could be doing, but are too lazy to. Ron Hmmm… Harry Hmmm…does that count as brooding? Hermione Yes. Harry Then let’s do it! Hermione Alright…#1. we could be reading. Ron You planned this, didn’t you? Harry Hermione! Lay off the books, will ya? Ron Yeah! Hermione Oh, I don’t know what you’re yeah-ing about, Ronald! You still haven’t finished Hogwarts, A History and you started it back in first year! Harry That’s one overdue library book. Madame Pince is going to have your arse. Ron You know why I haven’t read all of it yet, Hermione? Because it’s boring! B-O-R-I-N-G! Hermione You take that back! Ron No way, picklefray! Hermione Picklefray? Ron Picklefray? Ron It was the only thing I could think of that rhymed. Harry Ok, new #1. Instead it’s ‘we could be playing Quidditch.’ Ron Much better. Hermione Oh, really! Is that all you two think about? Harry Yes. Ron Yes. Hermione Honestly. I’m going to find Ginny. Ron … Harry … Ron Want to play chess? Harry Yeah, all right. Back to the Marauders! Yay! Sirius James! James! I’ve got to talk to you! James When you say ‘I’, do you mean you or your stomach? Sirius Me. James Wow. You must actually be serious. Sirius What do you mean? I am Sirius. James I let myself fall for that one, didn’t I? Sirius Yep. James Remind me never to do that again. Sirius I’m sorry, what? James Don’t make me hurt you. Sirius Like you even could. James That’s interesting. Care to bet on that? Sirius No thanks. You still owe me money from the last time we were betting. I don’t trust you anymore. James Oh for Merlin’s sake… Sirius Don’t you try to deny it. James Why are you even here? Sirius You invited me into your lovely home, remember? Boy, what a mistake that was… James No, I mean- Sirius Peter and Remus are here also, remember? James That’s not what I meant- Sirius Is Lily hitting you too hard over the head? Is that why your brain is no longer working? James WILL YOU JUST LET ME FINISH A SENTENCE! Sirius Well, technically I just did. James Shut up. Sirius Oh, wait…you wanted to know why I came over here to tell you something? James Yes...please hurry up… Sirius I don’t know if you’re going to like this. James Oh no…what is it? Sirius In fact, I know that you’re not going to like this. James Tell me, Padfoot… Sirius Maybe I should just leave well enough alone. James Since when have you ever done that? Sirius Hmm…good question. James Will you just tell me! Sirius I think…well…I think that…erm…Lily and Remus are…uh…how to phrase this so that you don’t explode on me… James What is going on here! Sirius IoverheardLilyandRemustalkingandIthinkthatLilyischeatingonyou! James WHAT! Sirius You could understand that? James ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Sirius Wow…maybe I underestimated your listening ability. James LILY AND REMUS! Sirius I know…they’re complete opposites. James This isn’t the time to make jokes, Sirius… Sirius o…k…. James Tell me straight…did you or did you not hear Lily and Remus cheating together? Sirius Well…it’s either that or she’s pregnant. James I’M GOING TO KILL REMUS! Sirius Did you even hear me? James WHERE IS HE! Sirius Uh…James? I just thought of something… James beep beep beep Sirius Ouch…I don’t think we’re allowed to show that on a fanfic… James That’s not the point! Sirius Sorry. James Excuse me, I have to go and kill them both now. Sirius No wait! You can’t do that! James Why not! Sirius Because if you kill Lily she’ll come back and haunt you and if you kill Remus, then…well…we don’t need him to copy homework from anymore…but…he probably knows the answer to the ultimate question of life or whatever. James Humph. Sirius Trust me on this one. I have a plan. James Those are not the words I really want to hear right now. Sirius Hey, my plans are always good ones! James And they always landed us in detention! Sirius Details. It was all usually your fault anyway. James Sigh…ok…you’re calming me down…what’s your great and mighty plan? Sirius Thank you for recognizing its beauty. James I’m going to hit you. Sirius Well, at least you gave me warning this time. James Get one with it! Sirius Ok, ok! Sheesh…we need Wormtail for this. James … Sirius What! James Wormtail? Since when have we needed Wormtail? Sirius Since…now. James And what, pray tell, do we need him for? Sirius For the plan! Have you been paying attention? James Yes! Sirius Just checking. James Just tell me what the plan is supposed to be. Sirius We use Wormtail to spy on Remus and Lily. James No. Sirius No! Why! James Because it is statistically proven that Peter cannot spy. Sirius Really? Statistically? James 99 of 100 people surveyed say that they have witnessed him trying to spy on them. Badly. Sirius Wow. Who was the one person who didn’t see him? James That would be a sleeping portrait. Sirius Those odds aren’t so good. James See my point? Sirius Well, he’s the only person we’ve got. James But why does it have to be Peter? Sirius I just told you why. James But…but…we could get…uh…that guy from school to do it…who was it? Sirius I don’t know. Did he have hair and eyes? James Stop being a smart alec. Sirius Well, at least you admitted that I’m smart. James We have to think of someone else. Sirius Why are you so dead-set against having Peter do it? James … Sirius James, is there something that you’re hiding from me? James … Sirius You know that I can read your mind, right? James … Sirius I’m going to bite you if you don’t tell me. James I think he’s in love with Lily. Sirius … James Sirius? Sirius … James Very funny. Don’t try to hold back. You can laugh. Sirius HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! James You think I’m being a little irrational? Sirius No! I’m just trying to picture Lily with Peter! James Oh, thanks for the mental image. Sirius Now we HAVE to have Peter do it! James Agh…fine. Sirius Yay! James You’re torturing me on purpose, aren’t you? Sirius No, I’m just having too much fun messing around with your life. James I was afraid of that. Sirius It’s not that scary! James Would you want you to be in control of your life? Sirius … James Confused? Sirius Yes… James The answer is ‘no.’ Sirius Oh. James Where is Peter, anyway? Sirius Flirting with Lily? James Don’t even tease me with that. Sirius Sorry. James Wait, he just walked in. Sirius Now, how do we do this without him screwing it all up? James …. Sirius What? James You didn’t consider that before you brought me this ‘great’ plan of yours! Sirius Uh…Peter! How nice to see you! Peter Uh…hi? James What’s the matter? Sirius Yeah, why do you look like you’re afraid that we’re going to pounce you? James Besides the fact that we’ve done it before? Peter I know those looks. James and Sirius What looks? Peter They mean that you two are going to make me do something I don’t want to do. Sirius How did he know that? James Well, he is our only guinea pig. Peter I am not a pig! Sirius No, it means a test animal. Peter Oh…I am not a test animal! Sirius We’re not getting anywhere with this approach. James New tactic! Sirius Peter, how would you like to aid us with helping James and Lily out? Peter Why, is their marriage in trouble? James Not unless it has to be… Peter James’ vein is popping out on his forehead again. Sirius James, control you’re temper; you’re scaring Peter. Peter What do you mean by ‘helping’? Sirius By….oh, you know, a little of walking around where Lily is without her seeing you….some more of following her where ever she goes…that sort of thing. Peter You mean to stalk her? James … Sirius … James Do you even know what that means, Wormtail? Peter I know that someone almost put a restraining order against me because of it. Sirius … James … Sirius Not even going to go there. James Sigh…it’s not stalking, Peter, it’s called spying. Peter Oh. James Whew. That could have lead to something potentially disastrous. Peter You know I’m not very good at that, right? Sirius Well, as long as there’s a fine line between spying and stalking then that doesn’t really matter at the moment. Peter Alright, I’ll do it. James and Sirius Yay! Peter Why are you guys so insistent that I do it, anyways? Sirius … James … Sirius Go ahead, James. Tell him your theory. James Shut it. Sirius James thinks that Remus and Lily are doing the naughty. Peter The…what? James You…don’t…know what…that is? Peter Uh…no? James Oh. My. Bloody. Hel- Emmablk1 Hey, we can’t say things like that in a PG fic. James Yeah, yeah. Emmablk1 Sorry. Just thought that I should point that out. I’m terribly sorry for the lapse in the storyline. Sirius ANYWAYS…James thinks that Remus and Lily have betrayed him. Peter They’ve done what now? Sirius Oh my gosh….how to explain this in the simplest terms…? James Let me try. I think that Lily and Remus are cheating on me with each other. Peter Huh? In what game? Sirius In the game of looove. James You didn’t have to say it in such a deep voice. Sirius It’s called ‘ambiance’ look it up. James I would if it even existed. Peter I’ve never played that game. What’re the rules? Sirius AGH! James thinks that R-E-M-U-S and L-I-L-Y are having S-E-X behind his back! James I cannot believe you just wrote that. Sirius Well, technically I spelled it out, not wrote it out. Peter … James Peter…? Sirius Does he get it now? James I don’t know…he’s not saying anything. Sirius He looks frozen. James Hmm…now the question is whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Sirius Peter? Peter I’ll help you. James Even though Sirius traumatized you for life? Sirius Are you sure you’re ok? You’re white and shaking. Peter I’ll help as long as you never repeat that word to me again. Sirius Yeesh, where does he think we are- middle school? James Apparently. Peter You won’t repeat it, will you? Sirius Fine. But we’re still allowed to talk about it after you’ve left the room, right? Peter As long as I don’t know anything about those conversations. Sirius Okay. It’s time for a little Hermione, Harry, and Ron time before we get into the final stages of Peter spying on Lily and Remus…(They’re here for comic relief!) Hermione … Ron … Harry … Hermione That’s all we’re here for! Ron Comic relief! Emmablk1 Well…when I get stuck on the marauders it’s just easy to come and write for you three instead. Harry Oh I see how it is, then. Emmablk1 See how what is? Harry We’re just the back-up singers in your band. Emmablk1 Huh? Ron I agree. Hermione How unusual. Emmablk1 Huh. Well, first of all, if I did have a band, I wouldn’t go so far as to have back-up singers. I’d be the star. Harry Nice use of self-control. Emmablk1 Thank you. And second of all…who’s in this band of mine? It’s all hot guys, right? Because that would be great! Ron … Harry … Hermione … Emmablk1 Sorry. Harry and Ron You should be. Hermione You should just get back to the story now. Ron Yeah, and leave the comic relief to us. Harry Ron, that’s exactly what we were fighting against. Ron Oh. Right. I knew that. Hermione Lo and behold, viewers; my boyfriend. Ron Hey, you were the one who picked me. Hermione And I never regretted that choice. Ron And I never regretted accepting that choice. Harry Egh. This isn’t going to turn into one of your ‘you’re cuter!... no you’re cuter!’ types of things, is it? Emmablk1 Oh god I hope not. Harry Because if it is, I want to get out of the room before it starts. Hermione Snookiepus. Ron Sweetums. Emmablk1 Oh gosh…c’mon Harry, let’s go find some food. Harry Yeah, maybe getting myself fat will distract myself from Ron and Hermione. Emmablk1 That’s the spirit. And, finally, after that short break, we (The Infamous Marauders) are back to finish the story! Lily I just wanted to thank you so much for keeping my secret, Remus. Remus You’re welcome, Lily. Lily I also just wanted to say thanks for not letting it slip up at the dinner table as to why I couldn’t drink the wine last night. Remus No problem. Lily I also wanted to thank you for also not telling James the truth whenever he stopped talking to you last night for no apparent reason and almost sucker punched you when you kept bugging him about it. Remus Uh…it was nothing? Lily I just wanted to say what a good friend you are to me for not saying anything to Sirius when he gave you the third degree and rambled on about ham for three hours trying to cover up the fact that he thinks you’re up to something. Remus Uh…Lily? You can stop thanking me now. Lily Why? Remus It brings up painful memories. Lily Oh, right. See, I should have realized that when James saw the little baby clothes that I had snuck into the house and he thought that you had done something crazy (which I’m not exactly sure what he was talking about) and tried to punch you again. And that he really hit you on the side of your jaw. Remus Really. Shut up now. Lily Oh. Sorry. Remus Lily, I’m not really sure how long I can keep this up. Lily The secret? Remus No, the fact that I’m a werewolf…yes the secret! Lily I thought you might say that, but I’m really not ready to tell James the truth yet. I mean, everything’s finally settled down from post-wedding apocalypse. Remus True. But I think that everything will be a lot calmer if you actually told him the truth. Lily Not to mention that he’d stop trying to hit you less. Remus Yes. That too. Lily Why was he so crazy last night, anyways? Remus I’m pretty sure it’s because he thinks we’re having an affair. Or, rather, you’re having an affair…I’m not really sure on how that all works. Lily Oh, please. He couldn’t think that! Remus Then why is Peter spying on us? Lily I just assumed that he was stalking me again. Remus Again! Lily Well, there was this time in third year when I felt like I was constantly being watched. Remus And it was Peter! Lily Well, yes. But it all turned out ok. Remus … Lily It really did! Remus I’m sure. Lily Believe what you will. Remus Lily, James sent Peter to spy on us to make sure we’re not actually cheating on him. Lily But why would he send Peter? He’s the worst spy ever. Remus Because James would have killed me with anticipation by now, fueled by jealousy. And Sirius would have burped…or something of that nature. Lily True. Remus Do you think he knows that we know that he’s watching us? Lily No. He’s just kind of sitting there behind the couch. Apparently he can’t hear us at the kitchen table from over there. Remus Deafness comes with growing up with James and Sirius. Lily Ah. Wow, that explains a lot. Remus Yeah. I know. Lily I guess I should tell him the truth, then. Remus It shouldn’t be as hard as you’re making it out to be. Lily Remus, have you ever had a husband? Remus No… Lily Have you ever been pregnant and had to tell said husband that you were so? Remus Uh…that would be a no. And always a no. Lily Then you don’t know what I’m talking about. Remus Fair enough. Lily I’ll go find James. Remus I believe he’s in your bedroom with Sirius. Lily Why does that sound so wrong? Remus They’re planning on how to make us confess. Lily Oh, good. That was the answer I was hoping for. To Sirius and James once again… Sirius So I think that we should start with Remus first. He should crack sooner than Lily on the whole subject. James Good plan. Sirius Who’s knocking? James I don’t know. Sirius Go away! We’re…uh…naked! James Sirius! Sirius What?...oh. sorry. Lily And why would you be naked in my bedroom? James It’s my bedroom too! Lily Just let me come in. I have to talk to you. Sirius She’s going to confess without the fun of torture! James Sirius, that’s a good thing, remember? Sirius Yeah, I know. I was just having fun with plans that we never had time to use on the Slytherins. James Some other time, Padfoot. Lily I’m just going to let myself in since neither one of you can physically get up and walk two feet over to open the door. Sirius I’ll be leaving now. James So you wanted to talk to me? And this would be about…? Lily James, I have something to tell you. It may come as a shock. James Oh god. Lily Now, I’ve been talking to Remus for support and we think that- James Just come right out and say it; I can handle it! Lily Uh…ok… James Really, you don’t have to dumb it down for me-I’m a full grown man! Lily Well, then if you really want to know, I’m- James AGH! I knew it! You and Remus are going off together to a tiny island and never coming back! Lily No, I’m just- James Going to go to another part of the country because you’re both so partial to England, right? Lily Uh, No. I’m really- James Sorry that it had to be this way and you hope that I can forgive you in time, even though you know that once you and Remus leave forever, then I will most likely throw myself off a cliff and have to leave the house to Sirius. Lily NO! Don’t do that! James Oh. Okay. Lily James, what I’m trying to tell you is that…that… James You’re…? Lily I’m pregnant. James … Lily James? James … Lily Do you have some kind of reaction to this, or do I have to pretend like you do? James … Lily Sweetie? James … Lily Now would be a good time to say something. Anything. James You’re…you’re…pregnant? Lily Erm…that’s what the doctor told me. James Really pregnant? Lily It’s kind of hard to fake a pregnancy. James Wow…oh…wow. Lily Yeah? Is that good or bad? James Good. Really, really good….so you’re not in love with Remus, then? Lily NO! James Oh, wow…this is great! Lily Yeah? You think that? James Can we name him Rufus! Lily … James Lil? Lily The name Rufus is not an option. James Oh…how about Tom? Lily We can debate names later, James. And who says it’s going to be a boy? James I do. Dave? Lily James… James Larry? Lily Really, you can stop. James Jackson? Lily Now. James Stanley! Lily I swear, if I start out this pregnancy with me banging my head against the wall every time we start thinking of names, I’m going to hurt you. James Ooh…mood swing? Lily Don’t name my symptoms! James Sorry. Sirius Well, it sounds like everything’s back to normal. Remus Yep. Hey, where’s Peter? Sirius Still behind the couch. I figure that’s the safest place for him for the moment. Remus Excellent idea. Sirius I know. And that concludes this chapter’s events. Stay tuned for new mini random shorter chapters that should be popping up pretty soon here. I just know you’ll love them! Sirius: you say that about every fic that you write. James: yeah, and look how sorry your reviews are for some of them. Shut up. That’s not my fault. Remus: and who’s fault would that be, then? Uh…Satan’s? Lily: That’s your excuse for everything. Sirius, Remus, and James: Too True. 1/7/06, Emmablk1 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 6. Semi-Chapter 1 Sirius I think we should have a president. James … Remus … Peter … James Let me be the first to say this: what?! Sirius Yeah! I think we should have a president! And we could vote and have running campaigns and- Remus We're friends; we don't need a president, we're not a club. James Where'd you get this idea, anyways? Sirius Are you saying that I can't come up with something like this on my own? Peter Yes. Sirius … Remus Have you been watching muggle television again? Sirius … James Sirius… Sirius …Maybe… James I told you not to do that anymore; it gives you nightmares! Sirius I know, but I just couldn't help it. Remus Why do we need a president, anyways? Sirius Fine. Shoot down all my hopes and dreams, why don't you? Peter Okay. Sirius … James … Remus Although… James Don't tell me you agree with this lunacy! Remus All right, I won't. James Moony! Remus Well, you have to admit, he does have a point. James When have you ever known Sirius to have a point?! Remus I think the real question is `when have I known Sirius to ever have a thought?' Sirius Not the point!! Remus Although we can debate that at a later date. James Tuesday? Remus I'll call the other prefects. James I wonder if we can get the great hall as a debate room? Remus How much would it cost to rent? Sirius Can we get back to me here?! James Sheesh Padfoot. It's always about you, isn't it? Sirius Yes, of course. How many times do I have to tell you that before you learn it? Peter What were we talking about again? Sirius Good old Peter. Your memory is the same length as a goldfish's. James Hey whatever happened to that remembrall that we gave you? Peter Uh…I forgot where I put it? Remus Moving on… Sirius Yes I am handsome. Thank you for pointing that out. James … Remus … Peter … James What the heck? Where did that come from? Sirius I don't know…it kind of just came out. Remus Sigh. Getting back to the point…er…other thing we were talking about...let's put it to a vote, shall we? Sirius Put what to a vote? James Padfoot! Can't you remember anything you have been talking about in the last five minutes? Sirius Uh…no. Peter I could have guessed that. Remus I meant let's put the presidency to a vote. James Really? We're really going to go through with this? Remus Sure why not? There's nothing else to do but indulge Padfoot in some of his weird fantasies. James But only this one. I don't want to know what the other fantasies involve, ok? Remus Trust me; no one does. Sirius Don't worry, all the other weird fantasies involve super hot chicks which you, my friends, are not. James Fortunately none of your fantasies will ever come true. Sirius Precisely. Wait, what? Remus All those in favor of James being our president? James Aye Remus Aye Peter Aye Sirius Nay! Remus Well, that's settled. Prongs, you're now our official president. Sirius Wait a minute! Remus What? We voted. Sirius Yeah, but Prongs wasn't supposed to get the job! Remus Uh…he had the majority Padfoot. Sirius But…but… Remus Look at it this way; you haven't lost anything. In fact, nothing really has changed here. He's always been our leader in some ways. James Well, thanks Remus. That makes me feel special. Remus Exactly. It's a win-win situation.