Funny

xXKourtzXx

Rating: NC17
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 24/04/2006
Last Updated: 24/04/2006
Status: completed

Completely plotless smutt! Set in 7th year. Harry leads Hermione down to the prefects bathroom for a midnight swim, and he thinks it was a miracle just to get her down there. Isn't it funny how little miracles can happen, that seems to change your whole state of mind, and has you saying things you'd much rather keep to yourself and doing things you never thought you'd do? R&R!

Chapters

1. Funny

1. Funny

(!)A/N : If there is a few spelling or grammatical mistakes, I apologise. I didn’t have time to properly read over it, really. I just did a quick spell check, and saved it in a html file! And see, normally I do read over it carefully... but yeah, it’s 12:20am on a school night, so what do you expect? :P Anyway, enjoy!

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Funny

“Harry, where are you taking me?" She asked in a gentle voice, her hand clasped onto Harry's. He was leading her down corridors that she had never been down before. They seemed to be in an unused part of the castle, and the time was against them. If they were caught, punishment would be severe, even for 7th years.

Harry finally halted in front of the door to the prefects bathroom. Upon saying the password, the door opened to allow them entrance.

"Harry, I don't see why we have to take a swim at midnight!" She whispered hastily to him, her 'matter-of-fact' air firmly in place.

"Don't you ever do anything on the spur of the moment?" Harry smirked, looking back at her with a look of reason on his face. "Come on, it's Saturday tomorrow. It's not like we have classes to wake up for!" He said, leading her inside, and hearing the door close carefully behind them, of its own accord.

"Why didn't you ask Ron to come with us, then?" Hermione raised her eyebrows at him, her blue bathrobe tied firmly at the front as her hands hugged her hips.

How he wished to be those hands, placed carefully on her hips. She was too much to look at, too much to take in, too beautiful to have just fallen out of the bed. Harry watched her for a moment before answering. She was so perfect, and he managed to get her here, which was a miracle in itself.

He mentally shook himself, his eyes now concentrating on her face, and not her body, as he saw Hermione give him a suspicious look.

"Ah, he was really tired. I asked, and he didn't want to come." He lied, his voice so smooth and calm. "He probably won't even remember me speaking to him by the morning. You know how he is." Harry shrugged. He hated lying to her, but it was for a greater good, and that's all he could keep telling himself.

Hermione nodded in agreement, "You're right." She said, satisfied with his answer. "So, why are we going swimming in the prefects tub at midnight, then?" She asked curiously, removing her bathrobe, to reveal a one-piece, blue bathing suit.

Harry tried to avert his eyes, in an attempt to restrain himself from staring at her. He had never seen her in such little clothes, and he was liking how his plan had worked more and more. Failing miserably, he watched her carefully, standing there, in a skin tight bathing suit.

If he died at that moment, he would die a completely happy guy. How he now longed to be the bathing suit hugging her skin, fitting her perfectly, and hugging places tightly, that Harry had never properly seen before. Places that were always covered by blouses, or jumpers, or anything of the like.

Harry blinked slightly, again, trying to snap himself out of his daze. "Because, there's no pool in Hogwarts, the lake is too cold, and too far, and I wanted to go for a swim." Harry said simply. He had rehearsed all of this before asking Hermione, knowing that she would ask all of these questions beforehand.

Again, Hermione seemed satisfied with his answer. She grinned at him, and walked over, turning all of the different taps.

Warm water began to gush into the huge pool-sized bath, and Hermione shivered with slight excitement.

She looked over at Harry, who was also de-robing himself. His white robe fell to the floor to reveal a lot of skin. Maybe more then Hermione could handle. He was wearing just normal, black, swimming shorts, but Hermione wasn't worried about that. She was more interested in his chest, and stomach. It all seemed to be properly toned, from years of Quidditch she suspected. He looked strong. Hermione's eyes traced along his arms, and now fully understood why she always felt safe in them.

She sat down carefully beside the taps, her feet dangling off of the edge, into the steadily filling tub. She let her legs sway backwards and forwards, her toes touching the surface of the water, as it started to engulf her ankles slowly. She stared at him from across the room, completely entranced by him, it seemed.

She suddenly developed a feeling in the pit of her stomach and she didn't know just how it got there.

Her eyes continued to watch him, subtly, caressing perhaps the skin of his thighs, or the toned parts of his abs. She couldn't seem to keep her eyes off of him, as her stomach now began to do back flips. She was eighteen years old, and still, only Harry was able to do this to her.

She looked back down at the water, and saw that it now was beginning to climb up past her shins carefully, threatening to over-flow. She jumped slightly and quickly reached for the taps, turning them off.

"Sorry." She mumbled, "Should've watched it." She blushed slightly, knowing the exact reason why she hadn't.

Harry grinned. "Oh, it's alright. Anyway, are you coming in?" He walked over to her, and sat down beside her, his feet now dangling in the water with hers. He watched her carefully, his eyes now grazing her smooth, creamy legs. The water caressed them, and each time she would bring her leg up slightly, tiny water droplets would roll down her shin, making her look just that much more tempting. Harry was finding it extremely hard to fight back, at this point and jumped in the water with a splash, feeling an increasing need to calm down.

Hermione followed suit, plunging into the warm water. Once her head bobbed back up to the surface, her soft chestnut curls were drenched and pushed back somewhat.

She still looked beautiful, and Harry had to swim over to the shallow side of the tub, just to regain his composure. He stood on the bath's floor, his back leaning against the side of it.

"The water's great." Hermione grinned, swimming towards him and halting in front of him. Harry began to stare. He gulped slightly, for the water stopped just below her chest, and her bathing suit was stuck to her chest. His breathing became slightly erratic, and his head began to spin. It was almost as if she wasn't wearing anything over them at all! He could see every curve, every line of definition. He truly wanted to faint.

"What's wrong, Harry?" She said, coming closer and placing a hand on his shoulder. His skin was soft, his arm felt muscular, and Hermione was at bursting point. She didn't know how much longer she could hold back. "Are you alright?" She spoke softly, her hand giving his arm a slight squeeze.

"I...I..." His eyes were glued to her. He didn't want to look away, he didn't even want to blink. For he feared that if he did, this would all just be a dream, and he'd wake up, alone, quite dry, with no wet, half-naked Hermione in front of him.

"Harry?" She let her hand slide down his arm slightly, her head titling towards his, in an attempt to catch his gaze with her own. "Speak to me." She whispered to him.

Harry's mind went completely numb. He'd lost it. All sense of right and wrong, all of his morals, his voice of reason. He'd lost it all. Without thinking, he leaned in, pressing a rough kiss to Hermione's lips. Letting his lips linger, and his hands wander. He deepened the kiss further, sliding his tongue along the bottom of her lip.

Her body completely gave into his. She hadn't been prepared for his advance towards her, but she still welcomed it. She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck, opening her mouth to let his tongue gain access. She pressed her lips firmer into his, longing to deepen the kiss even more, if possible, as their tongues met and began to wrestle with eachother furiously.

There was no time to discuss what had happened, no time to talk through their feelings. Harry's hands wandered further, reaching down and squeezing Hermione's backside, which made her giggle into Harry's ear, as his lips left hers and began to explore her neck.

All of this was happening much too fast, but neither seemed to care. Hermione moaned slightly, as Harry lifted her up, his waist pressed into hers. She automatically wrapped her legs around him, as he turned her over and pressed her back firmly into the side of the bath. Hermione's hips began to grind into his slightly, without her consent.

She began to breath heavily into his ear, her lips pressing themselves against it, as her tongue slid out into it teasingly.

"Damnit, Hermione. You're good." Harry mumbled softly into her neck, his lips never leaving it even for a second. He moaned slightly as she began to twirl her tongue, his mind being quickly shifted into auto pilot as he could feel his shorts begin to become too tight. His erection pressed hard against Hermione's inner thigh, which only caused her to moan with him.

"I feel so bad." Hermione smirked, mumbling raspily into his ear. "What do you think would happen if someone caught us?" Hermione giggled as his tongue slid out on her neck.

I don't know. But I don't think that's going to happen. Harry grinned, his hand sliding up her side and coming around to cup her breast. "This place seals itself as soon as someone enters. It can't be unlocked from the outside." Harry finished, giving her chest a soft squeeze, causing Hermione to take in a shaky breath.

"Oh Harry." She said softly, through a moan, letting his name roll slowly off of her tongue. Harry shivered, he loved how she said his name. This only seemed to make him want her more. He continued to attack her neck, his hand never leaving her chest. He began to press even harder against her, and she began to grind her hips firmly into his, in an attempt to make him lose his composure, completely.

With every gentle grind, their hips would meet roughly, causing Harry to groan in the back of his throat each time. His mind was spinning wonderfully. He began to test the waters, letting his fingers gently push down one of the straps of her bathing suit. When she grinned at him, and slipped her arm out of it, he knew he was heading in the right direction, and quickly slid down the other strap, letting her remove her arm from it, as well.

Her arms let go of his neck, and she slowly and agonisingly pushed her bathing suit down to her upper stomach, exposing her breasts completely. Harry tried as hard as he could not to spoil himself in his shorts, right there.

She bit down her bottom lip, smirking at him slightly, her eyes meeting his in a fierce gaze. She could see longing in his eyes, a longing that she wanted to fulfill, utterly and completely. She wanted him to want her, she needed him to need her, and she would stop at nothing until he was absolutely spent.

Harry grinned at her and leaned in, pushing her up slightly further, so that his mouth could lay kisses over her chest. He slid his tongue along the line in between her two breasts, wanting to worship every bit of her skin, that he could. His hands once again, firmly encircled her backside, squeezing it once more and making her moan in satisfaction.

Hermione's breathing was becoming slightly heavier, with desire, as she let out a gasp when his tongue took her nipple into his mouth fully. She bit her bottom lip softly, her eyes closing as he began to nibble and bite at her nipple, now.

"Oh Harry!" She repeated, her voice even raspier then before. It echoed softly off of the stone walls and Harry was praying to God that Myrtle wouldn't make an appearance tonight. Nothing was more of a mood killer, then moaning Myrtle showing up, and telling the whole school of their current situation.

He shook his head slightly, his mouth still on her breast, which made Hermione moan loudly, and he completely shoved the idea out of his head, altogether. She wasn't going to ruin his fun, while not even being present.

Harry pressed his body against her harder, his shorts becoming slightly tighter then he would have liked. His erection pressed into Hermione's thigh, making her gasp in longing.

He grinned, seeing how much agony this was causing her, and began to grind his hips into hers. The only problem was, it didn't help matters for him either. He began to grunt slightly in pleasure, on Hermione's chest.

"Oh, Harry please. Stop teasing me." She mumbled through a moan, her eyes closed in pleasure. Harry lifted his head from her chest, and kissed her hard on the lips, his tongue immediately sliding out onto the bottom of her lip, just begging for entry.

She opened her mouth to him, loosening her grip of the back of his neck, and beginning to slide her bathing suit further down her body, exposing more and more of that lovely, lucious skin of hers.

Harry seemed to just get harder, and harder, as he watched her remove her bathing suit inch, by inch. His lips left hers once more, becoming restless. He began to kiss downwards, his tongue sliding down the line between her two breasts, on it's journey to her upper stomach.

Suddenly getting an idea, he lifted Hermione up slightly, and made it so that she was now sitting on the edge of the bath. Looking up at her and grinning cheekily, he began to slide her bathing suit off of her fully, removing it from her ankles, and chucking it on the other side of the room, just missing the other side of the bath.

Both Harry and Hermione heard the thud the wet bathing suit made on the stone floor. But Harry didn't have much time to relish the fact that he had just removed Hermione's clothing. He had pleasing to do.

Without warning, Harry moved his head forward, in between her legs. The bottom of her thighs now resting on his shoulders, he opened his mouth, and plunged his tongue into her, hearing a muffled moan resound through the room.

He knew he was moving too fast, but he couldn't help it. He had been craving Hermione like this for months. Considering she wasn't having any objections, and wasn't under the influence of alcohol, or magic, Harry was going to try his best to make sure it was a night she would never forget.

"Mmmm." She said hummed, a slow, deep and relaxed tone entwining with her sounds of satisfaction. Harry began to lazily twirl his tongue inside of her, sliding it up and down her inner walls, feeling her shudder, directly from her core. He smiled against her, feeling her hips begin to roll slightly against his tongue, as he plunged deeper within her, then before.

The movement of her hips began to quicken with the pace of his tongue, and he could feel her coming close to orgasm.

"Uhhh..." A deep, heavy breath. "Mmmm, Harry." She mumbled softly, and raspily. Her hips continued to roll into him, which only encouraged his tongue to work faster. He now began to kiss and suck at her also, combining all three of these techniques to make her moans increase in volume.

Closer, and closer, she was now toeing the line, but Harry knew that he wasn't going to make her orgasm this way. He wasn't finished yet, he had other things in mind.

Hermione let out one last moan, followed by a groan of annoyance, as he slid his tongue out of her quickly. Grinning cheekily, he pressed light kisses to her inner thighs, to let her know he was nowhere near finished. Motioning gently for her to come back into the water, she gently slid down from her perch on the side of the bath.

Sinking into the water, she now stood on the floor, waiting with baited breath for Harry's next move. Looking at her, with devilishness in his eyes, he held her hand in his, placing it flat against his stomach. He began to move it down, south, letting it slide past his navel, and further until it reached the waistband of his shorts.

Hermione's lips curved into a slight smile, as he let her fingers slide past even the waistband, and inside of his shorts. He finally placed her hand on his throbbing erection, letting her take hold of it. She gasped slightly, not knowing that he was as bad as he was.

"I've never been so gone." He mumbled in her ear hotly, making her mind race, and her spine tingle with anticipation.

Pressing warm kisses over her temple, and down as far as her jawbone, he could feel her begin to stroke him slowly. He felt her breath on his neck, and the warmth of her body next to his, and he began to become engulfed by pleasure. Carefully, he began to slide his shorts off of his hips, until he was able to stop out of them, and throw them across the room, on the floor, to join Hermione's bathing suit.

There, no turning back now, they were both naked, and too far in to pull eachother back out.

Harry reached out a hand, and began to caress Hermione's breasts, his hips making grinding movements against hers, once more. Carefully, he reached under the water, for her leg, his other hand leaving her breasts, also. And with one heave, he had her legs wrapped around his waist, and her back pressed firmly into the side of the bath.

Hermione could now feel Harry's bare erection press hard against her thigh, once more. She didn't know how much longer she could go without feeling what it was like with him inside. She gave him a desperate look, and moan of pleasure, as she waited for him to finish what he started.

"Have you...?" He asked carefully, looking her in the eye directly, his tip positioned at her entrance.

She shook her head slowly, "No." She whispered, "You'll be my first... have you?"

"No." Harry answered back, feeling a slight pang of guilt. He dragged her into all of this, and forgot about the fact that he would be taking away something that was hers. What if she didn't want Harry to be the first person she lost her virginity with?

Harry's eyes began to blaze with slight remorse and regret, causing Hermione to look at him with concern etched over her face. "Harry, what's wrong?"

"Are you sure you want me to...?" He asked, looking up at her, his face turning a slight tinge of red. "I mean, I don't want you to regret doing this with me." He mumbled softly.

"Harry, what makes you think I would regret this? If there's anything I've realized, it's that you are the only guy I trust with my body like this. I've never been able to lay that trust with anyone else, only you. You're my best friend, and..." She paused, a slight look of hesitation on her face.

"...and?" He asked, urging her to continue.

"And, I love you, Harry." She whispered softly, blushing a deep crimson. "I thought I could go through with this, without having to tell you. I figured it would just be a one time thing, but the truth is, I don't want to make this just a one time thing, Harry." She said, complete sincerity gleaming in her eyes.

"I love you, too, Hermione. I would have never even considered doing this with you, if I didn't. I would sure hope this wouldn't be our last time either." He smiled slightly.

Hermione returned his smile, and was suddenly aware, once again, of the erection pressing into her thigh. She leaned in, pressing kisses to his neck, and whispered desperately, through a moan, "Harry, don't make me wait any longer."

Coming back to himself, her carefully readied himself to enter her. With a slow, yet somewhat swift movement, he pushed his way through her, as gentle as he could. He could hear her let out a cry of pain, and saw that there was a lone tear, streaking down her cheek.

He got slightly nervous and tried to exit her, but she wrapped her legs around him tightly before he could do so.

"No." She whispered, "Harry, I'm fine. Just, wait a moment, and then continue slowly, okay?" She continued, another tear bursting the boundary of her eye and streaking down her cheek, as gave him a piercing stare.

Harry nodded in understanding and did as she wished. He waited for her pain to ebb away, pressing tender kisses to her temple and forehead. After a few moments, Hermione began to move her hips against him slowly, once again, as if signaling him to meet her movements.

Doing as he promised, he slowly began to meet her hips, making sure not to go fast. Thrusting inside of her was the most amazing feeling in the world. She was soft, and moist, and warm around him, he loved the feel of being inside of her.

He continued slowly to meet her hips for a few more minutes, before he noticed Hermione seemed to be getting somewhat restless. With a soft moan, she began to quicken the speed of her hips, and groaned deep in the back of her throat.

"Faster, Harry." She said, her breath hot against his neck. Suddenly her feet abandoned their position at his hips, and moved lower, tightening around his ass, as she began to push him into her deeper. "Mmm, go faaaaster."

Doing as Hermione wished, he began to meet her hips faster, his thrusts quickening. He could feel her tongue slide into his ear, and twirl around slyly. She seemed to know just which spots to touch, to drive him beautifully insane.

In, out, in out, in out.

He was becoming harder and harder within her, moving quicker and quicker it seemed. Their hips met harder, and harder, and he began to be pushed into her deeper and deeper. He could hear her moans get louder, and he too began to grunt in immense pleasure.

"Yes, Harry, yes." She cried out in ecstasy, her hips now rolling, as they did before on his tongue, causing little pricking sensations to be set off up and down his spine. She began to grip his back for support, her nails almost digging into his skin, which only drove him to thrust faster, go deeper and meet her hips harder.

He continued his low grunts, his breathing completely erratic. His heart beat rapidly against his chest, as his mind raced, thoughts crashing into one another. He couldn't think straight. His only goal was to put Hermione over the top, and come hell or high water, he was going to do it.

Another thrust, joined with a moan, a few more, and a cry of joy, one more and he could feel her body start to writh and shudder against his, this told him she was close. All he could do was keep thrusting inside of her, until she was spent.

Suddenly, he felt her walls clench deliciously around him, and he wanted to spoil himself right there. Holding back, he continued to thrust harder, letting her completely ride her wave of pleasure out. He watched, as she threw her head back and let out one last loud moan, his name leaving her lips softly.

She sighed deeply in pleasure, as Harry thrust one, two, three more times, and finally spilled himself deep inside her.

Feeling Hermione collapse in his arms, he smiled, brushing her wet hair out of her face gently. Carefully, he laid kisses against her temple and ears, whispering soft words of comfort. He could feel her lips curve into a smile on his cheek, which only caused him to now grin in response.

"I love you, Harry." Hermione repeated again softly, placing a gentle kiss on his neck.

"I love you too, Hermione." He replied, wrapping his arms tighter around her naked body.

It was funny how a midnight, spur-of-the-moment, totally unexpected bath could have him saying things he thought he was going to take with him to the grave, and fulfilling fantasies he thought he had removed from his mind. It's also funny, how neither of them, making an awful lot of noise, never actually got caught.

But what's really funny is, how two friends could completely let eachother's love for one another go unnoticed.

And as Harry held Hermione in his arms, that night. He thought the same thing.

See, that's funny, huh?

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A/N : Annnnnd I’m done! :P I hope you all enjoyed it! I enjoyed writing it! *laughs* Please people, I want a reply! I really want your opinion this. I mean, I know it’s kind of crap, but still! Aha, I mean, it’s completely plotless, it is kind of cheesy, because that’s really not how I imagined things going at all. I guess you could say, the story got up and ran away on me? :P Ah well, it was unplanned, and unexpected, and it was definitely a spur of the moment thing to write.

Aha, thanks Terry for pushing me to continue writing it, otherwise I would’ve just, deleted it and never thought about it again! Aha, bigg upps to you!

Anyway, again, thanks for reading! Please reply, and give me your opinion!