Never Whole Again

Calmacil20

Rating: G
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 21/05/2006
Last Updated: 21/05/2006
Status: completed

Based off of the "Goblet of Fire," movie, not the book, and chronicles two key moments from Hermione's point of view.

Chapters

1. The Third Task

2. Not Alone

1. The Third Task

As soon as Hermione saw the red sparks shoot into the sky from the darkened maze a sick feeling crept into her stomach. It felt like something was eating her from the inside. She didn't know why it was there or what it meant but it was definitely there.

When one of the professors emerged from the maze with an unconscious Fleur in tow, the feeling only grew worse. With a scream in a pitch higher than would be expected from a woman her size, Madame Maxine rushed over to her pupil, trying to ascertain if she was alive or not. Madame Pomfrey had to fight her way through the crying Beauxbatons' girls as they crowded around Fleur to check on her. The crowd waited expectantly while she looked the pallid girl over.

She finally pulled a small vial out of her bag and let a few drops trickle into Fleur's mouth. The girl jolted forward and started coughing harshly.

“She's going to be fine!” Madame Pomfrey announced to a wave of cheers from the crowd. Dumbledore and a few of the other professors crowded around the girl as the audience went back to watching the maze excitedly.

The pit in Hermione's stomach grew.

Time seemed to creep by. Except for the occasional gust of wind or movement from the hedges, nothing seemed to be happening.

“Look, here comes Krum!” Ron shouted, confusion and surprise mixing in his voice.

Hermione followed Ron's gaze and spotted Viktor as he was emerging from the maze. She immediately noticed something odd about him; Ron must have noticed the same thing. Krum was lurching towards the crowd; his stride was not the confident stride that she had seen so many times, instead it was seemed like he was dragging himself back reluctantly.

Suddenly Fleur caught a glimpse of Krum through the crowd of people still around her and let out a shrill scream. She started falling over herself to get away from the approaching figure, pointing and repeating hysterically “It's him! It's him!”

Dumbledore, Snape, and Karkaroff slowly moved towards Krum's halting figure. Snape had his wand drawn but the other two just eased their way along. Suddenly Krum lunged forward and collapsed. The audience around Hermione uniformly gasped as the three professors rushed to the fallen seeker. Again, Madame Pomfrey rushed over to the champion. In moments, Viktor was revived, but Hermione caught a momentary look on Dumbledore's face - he looked far from relieved - lines of worry crinkled his brow as he began to pace, every now and then looking towards the maze. Fleur was still panicking as Krum, who was instantly enveloped by Durmstrang students, was led to an opposite side of the ring.

The crowd was on edge now because the only champions left were from Hogwarts, and as of yet there had been no sign of Cedric or Harry.

Hermione felt like she was going to sick up at any moment. The only person that she could see who seemed unaffected by the amazingly high tension was Moody, who not only seemed not to feel the tension, but was actually smiling. Hermione could have sworn that he was even singing quietly to himself. Definitely mad, she thought to herself. Apparently she wasn't the only one who caught on to Moody's odd behavior because she noticed Dumbledore giving him a searching look every now and then.

Then, without any warning, Harry appeared in the center of the ring, one hand gripping the Triwizard Cup, the other Cedric. They hit the ground hard, as if they had fallen from the sky. Harry landed face-down. The crowd erupted in cheers, applause and music all at the same time, drowning out every other noise in the stadium, even her own thoughts. Hermione felt herself rise to her feet as Harry appeared, clapping with everyone else. She suddenly seemed to be as light as a feather and the awful feeling in her stomach was gone as quickly as it had appeared. She was chanting Harry's name along with every other student.

For the second time that night, Fleur let out a sudden scream. Hermione looked down at Harry and Cedric. Harry was moving but Cedric was just laying there. Professors came rushing over to the duo; Hermione watched in growing horror as Dumbledore tried to pull Harry away from Cedric's pale, unmoving body. Please no, she thought to herself as Fudge hurried over to McGonagall and could be heard saying, “A boy's just been killed.”

Suddenly Amos Diggory, followed closely by Mr. Weasley, was plowing his way through the students, trying to get to the center of the ring. Out of pure instinct, she and Ron tried to lean closer to see what was happening. They watched as Mr. Diggory fell to his knees by the body of his son, and started screaming, “My boy! My boy!” His wails mixed with Harry's cries before rising above all of the other stadium noise until his voice was the only one. It was the most heart-wrenching sound Hermione had ever heard. She, along with everyone else there, starred in silent in grief.

Moments passed by and soon Mr. Diggory's wails turned to sobs. Hermione looked around her to see that everyone else was staring intently at their feet, too lost in feelings of shock, confusion, and misery to look at anyone else. Even the professors surrounding the body seemed at a loss as to what to do. The Tournament Cup lay on the ground like a piece of garbage instead of the coveted item Harry and the other champions had been working so hard to win.

Then it hit her like a bolt of lightning: Where was Harry?

The hole in her stomach opened again, this time it felt as if it were ten times larger than it had before. Hermione suddenly felt more afraid the she could ever remember being in all her life. She looked around, frantically, but she couldn't see Harry anywhere. When did he leave? She remembered Harry saying something to Dumbledore and desperately clinging to Cedric's body as the crowd roared in celebration, but she had lost him when people started to realize that Cedric was dead.

Pushing through the students, completely leaving Ron behind, she ran down the stairs straight to Dumbledore.

“Sir,” she said, trying to fight the fear that threatening to overwhelm her, “Where's Harry?”

She never thought she would see fear in the eyes of Albus Dumbledore; he was, after all, the greatest wizard living and had guided them with an unerring confidence through incredibly difficult times.

He quickly scanned the people surrounding him, and then she saw a look of understanding dawn on his face.

“Minerva, Severus, draw your wands,” he said quietly but with a coldness that made Hermione shiver. To their questioning looks he merely said, “We need to pay Alastor a visit.”

It was then that Hermione realized Moody was nowhere to be found. She couldn't remember seeing him since Harry had returned.

The three headed towards the castle and Hermione was right behind, drawing her own wand, when Dumbledore suddenly turned, causing the other two professors to halt.

“You must remain here Miss Granger,” he said gently but firmly, placing his hands on her shoulders. “You just saved me from a grave oversight and again have helped to save more than one life, but you must stay. We know not what we're walking into.”

“Sir?” she said, her voice cracking and tears starting to fill her eyes.

Dumbledore knew the question she was trying to ask, and at the same time saw what was beneath it better than even she realized.

“We will bring him back, Miss Granger,” he said. “I promise you.” He turned, and with quick strides headed to the castle; McGonagall and Snape falling in behind him.

Alone in a crowd of people, with tears sliding down her cheeks, Hermione wished with everything in her that Harry would be okay.

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2. Not Alone

Things were starting to get crazy enough for Hermione to sneak up to the Gryffindor tower without anyone else noticing.

After Dumbledore's speech about Cedric and the return of He Who Must Not Be Named had finished, all of the students from all three schools began gathering in the Great Hall and courtyard. They were hugging and saying goodbye to each other.

All except Harry.

Harry had disappeared right after Dumbledore had finished speaking; slipping back to his room when he thought no one was paying attention. No one was…except her.

She had been watching him like a hawk ever since he had been brought back to the Gryffindor common room, shattered and shaking from his ordeal in the cemetery - with He Who Must Not Be Named….Voldemort. She was going to have to get used to calling him by his true name now, no matter how much it made her twinge. Not only did Harry face Voldemort and his Death Eaters but he also had to face Moody - who it seemed wasn't really Moody at all, but Mr. Crouch's son using polyjuice potion to disguise himself as Moody.

Dumbledore said he should rest, but Harry insisted on telling his two best friends - she and Ron - who had waited all night a state of ferocious worry for him, what had happened. His voice never changed from a monotone as he related everything that happened to him. Hermione wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around him, just like she did before the first challenge. She wanted him to know that he was safe now, but the magnitude of all he was saying kept her forced in her seat listening with mute terror to all Harry had seen.

Since then he had barely said anything to anybody; and while everyone else's head was bowed with sorrow during Dumbledore's speech, many like herself were softly crying, Harry sat up straight and stared directly ahead and practically radiated anger. She knew he had to be in shreds inside, although he would never admit it - even to her or Ron. Hermione thought that maybe if she got him alone he would open up to her. She always felt that they could easily talk about anything; easier even than with Ron.

The Gryffindor common room was empty and she headed up to the boys' dormitory without any hesitation. She knew no one but Harry would be there anyway; everyone else was saying their goodbyes.

So when she almost ran right into Dumbledore, Hermione was completely surprised. Here she was walking boldly into the boy's dorms like she was walking into a class, but Dumbledore just smiled as she started to sputter out an explanation.

“No need, Miss Granger, no need,” he said warmly. “In fact, your timing couldn't be more impeccable. I was just making this very point to Harry.”

She was about to ask what he meant when Dumbledore replied, “He's in there,” and gave her one of his knowing smiles as he strode past her.

With a little more caution, Hermione moved to the boys' door and slowly opened it to find Harry sitting on his bed, his back to her. His trunk was open with books and clothes strewn all about him.

As she walked in he turned and gave her a small smile and she read no small amount of surprise in his eyes.

“Shouldn't you be getting ready to leave?” he asked with a sarcastic smile, briefly sounding like his old self.

She smiled as she reached over, picking up one of his shirts that was lying on the bed, folded it and put it in his trunk. “I am all ready to leave. Besides, it looks like you could use a hand.”

He grinned a little at this statement as she sat next to him. Soon the two were wrapped in silence.

Hermione had never really been one for tact, so when she started to talk it just sort of spilled out.

“It wasn't your fault, Harry,” she said slowly. “You didn't know what was about to happen and you tried to get him to get back to the cup. There wasn't anything else you could do.”

“I should have known what would happen, Hermione. Voldemort kills everyone in his way. I knew that and I just stood there and watched.”

“Harry, don't be ridiculous! You were lucky to escape yourself! There was nothing else you could have done.”

He didn't say anything in response, just looked down at the floor.

“Besides, you were there with him Harry. Cedric didn't die alone in that place at least.”

In a voiced weighed down with sorrow he replied, “Everyone dies alone.” He turned his gaze from her and stared at the floor.

“Harry,” she said in a stronger voice. He slowly turned his head and look at her. “You're not alone. I'll always be here. Ron, too. You're never alone. Don't ever think that.”

For some reason he laughed softly at this and then before she knew it, she was enfolding him in her arms, rocking him slightly as she felt her shoulder get warm with his tears - tears he had been holding inside of him for who knows how long. Her curly auburn hair twirled in and mixed with his own unruly hair, mingling to beautiful effect as she smoothed down his hair and kissed the top of his head; she had done this once before after the second challenge, but that was out of relief and this was out of comfort, friendship and mixed in with that friendship, so intertwined that somewhere deep inside of her she knew that the two could never be separated, love. She just rocked him gently until she felt him relax and pull away.

“Sorry,” he said, smiling nervously and rubbing his eyes.

“Don't be,” she said. “Ever.”

He nodded, and she stood up, straightening up her clothes.

“You going to come down? Everyone's leaving.”

“Yeah,” he answered, “I'll be right down.”

“Good,” she said and headed towards the door, but stopped and turned back towards him before she left. “You're going to be all right Harry.”

He gave her a genuine smile and seemed to sit up straighter. “I know,” he said.

As she headed back to the Great Hall, she knew that the moment the two had just shared would be a secret of theirs, just a moment of connection between two friends who desperately needed to connect in a time of loss and she wouldn't be surprised if neither of them ever mentioned it. It didn't really matter to her; they both knew it happened. As she left the Gryffindor common room for the last time until next term and headed down the stairs, she couldn't help but smile because he sounded like he really believed that he was going to be okay and that was all she wanted.

For him to be okay was all she ever wanted.

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