Have yourself a merry little Christmas

katediggory

Rating: PG
Genres: Drama, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 29/05/2006
Last Updated: 29/05/2006
Status: completed

it takes a tiny little girl with lime green hair for Harry to admit what he wants, and that he's ready to dream of a future for himself and the woman he loves

Chapters

1. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

1. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Harry paused in the doorway to the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, Tonks and Hermione were standing over the stove with their heads together. A dangerous sight, for if there was anything worse than Hermione's attempts to cook, it was Tonks' attempts to help.

“I see I've uncovered Voldemort's latest nefarious plan, he's going to use the two of you to poison me.” They jumped apart at the sound of his voice, but Hermione grinned over at him while Tonks stuck her tongue out in retaliation.

“Harry James Potter, you said that my porridge was edible last week - I'm getting better!” Hermione protested with another little smile.

Harry walked over to the two women with a trademark charming grin, wrapped an arm around Hermione's shoulders and winked at Tonks.

“I said edible because you threatened to make eggs if the porridge wasn't up to scratch.” Hermione elbowed him the side playfully.

“Well, I guess that's made our decision for us Tonks - we can't poison him, we'll have to betray Voldemort, as who would cook for us if we killed Harry?”

Tonks nodded seriously in agreement with Hermione.

“You're right. I can cope with betraying Voldemort if Harry makes us pancakes for breakfast again.” The two women shared a conspiratorial grin.

“Hey!” Harry protested. “How did this turn back around on me again…damn, you two shouldn't be allowed to plot. It's scary when your brains work together.” He shook his head as Tonks and Hermione chuckled.

“Anyway, what were you two plotting?”

Hermione glanced to the door and seeing no one around she looked to Tonks.

“We were discussing the wards on the basement - I don't want Wolfie to have to spend Christmas alone. Hermione here's been working to brew up some illegal Animagus potion so I can be with him for some of his transformations.” Harry looked at the two women again, and smiled softly.

“Sounds like a good idea, I'm hoping you've brewed up some extra potion for the rest of us, could be useful in getting the last Horcrux.” Harry pondered meeting Hermione's eyes, she nodded to signify that she'd already planned for them to work on their transformations.

“What about Emily?” Harry suddenly asked.

He watched as Tonks looked to Hermione who nodded decisively.

“Her godparents are going to look after her for the evening. Remus and I will be able to spend the morning of her first Christmas with her, but I trust you two to look after her for the afternoon and evening…and anyway, you two need a break from all this planning and training, and believe me when I say that my little girl will insist on you paying attention to her.” Tonks smiled and looked up at the ceiling, where the sounds of Remus talking and laughing with his baby daughter could be heard from upstairs.

“No problem Tonks, we could do with a break - and as we can't be at the Burrow with everyone else, we'll have fun spoiling the little munchkin.” He was rewarded with smiled from the women.

“Now, get away from the kitchen, I refuse to be poisoned on Christmas Eve.”

Tonks grinned and kissed him on the cheek as she headed up the stairs to find her family. Hermione leant against the edge of the kitchen table as Harry began to prepare dinner.

“I really hope you're better with babies than with food `Mione, because as much as I love the munchkin, I can make her giggle, and make mushy food for her, but after that I'm lost.” He looked over at his best friend hopefully. She laughed softly.

“I think we'll be okay Harry. I've got the nappy thing sorted, and Tonks has promised to leave instructions, and we've got a contingency plan to contact Tonks if there are any problems…In a way I'm sort of looking forward to spending some time with the munchkin, we're hardly ever here, and when we are we're busy planning war strategy while someone else looks after Emily. It will be nice to hold her for more than five minutes without Molly wanting to snatch her away and spoil her…then again, I'm sure she's spoiling Ron rotten at the moment.” Harry smiled in agreement.

“It seems odd that this is the first time he's been at the Burrow for a year…but then it seems odd sometimes that it's been a year since Pierre's Christening, and over two years since Bill's wedding, it seems like a few weeks sometimes.”

Hermione nodded her understanding.

“It doesn't seem that long ago we were running around Hogwarts - I suppose that's what happens when you don't sit still long enough for anyone to find you.” She smiled ruefully.

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Hogwarts felt a lifetime away when Emily's cry broke the quiet of the library the next evening. Harry looked up from the book in front of him.

“I'll go, she'll be hungry” Hermione said with a smile as she rushed to the nursery.

Harry turned back to the book for a moment, but to be honest, he'd had quite enough of plotting how to kill Nagini for one evening - it was Christmas after all. The five of them had had an idyllic morning, as if there was no war, as Harry and Hermione experienced Emily's first Christmas with her adoring parents. Harry had never been happier for his de facto godfather as when Remus realised what Tonks had done to be with him. And Harry had had an afternoon he never wanted to let go, yet simultaneously wanted to erase from his memory so he didn't let himself become lost in dreams. Thinking of the moment he had held little Emily in his arms that afternoon, and she had reached out to grip his finger in her tiny hand made his heart ache. They all knew the risks coming, sooner now than ever. With all the Horcruxes but Nagini destroyed, there was just one mission left, and he'd have been stupid not to suspect that it could be a suicide mission. No one discussed it, but it was in all their minds, and while Hermione insisted that the prophecy indicated no such thing, he still felt that the fight could be his last. Over the last year he'd trained himself not to dwell on such things, not to think about his lack of a future as his friends and family moved on around him. It reassured him that people could still find happiness in dark times, but his heart had ached when he thought that he would probably never be a father, that he would never have what he'd dreamed of for so long, what the mirror of Erised would surely show him now - a family of his own - unconditional love in a world without Voldemort. He sighed softly, annoyed that he'd let his thoughts drift.

He could still hear Emily whimpering softly, and he stood silently, padding down the hallway, and leant against the doorframe of the nursery. The sight before him caused his heart to contract. Hermione stood with her back almost to the door, the infant in her arms as she held the bottle to her lips. As he watched, Emily began to fuss again and Harry was unable to move as Hermione replaced the bottle with a dummy and softly began to sing his tiny goddaughter to sleep.

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Let your heart be light

Next year all our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Make the yuletide gay

From now on our trouble will be miles away”

Harry stood in wonder. How had he never heard her sing before? Her voice was breathtakingly pure, and each word of the song was so full of emotion. He didn't recognise the song, but he instantly loved it. Next year their troubles would be out of sight, he only hoped that all their troubles would be out of sight in just a few weeks. They would be ready soon, hopefully in as little as a month it would be over, he just had to succeed.

“Here we are as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more”

Harry smiled sadly as he listened to his best friends words. Just this afternoon as she had watched him feed Emily, and destroy half the kitchen in the process she had said to him “don't try to tell me that you wouldn't do absolutely anything to keep her safe or to protect her.”

“Of course, I'd do anything for her.” He replied surprised by her comment.

“So, if she fell into a trap, and her life was at risk, say in the Ministry of Magic, you would be prepared to sacrifice everything for her, for her parents.” Hermione said in a voice little louder than a whisper.

He had looked up at her shocked, the spoon paused halfway to Emily's mouth as she gurgled happily and smeared tomato goop in her currently lime green hair.

“Harry, think of how it feels to hold her in your arms. How much you love her. I know you, and I know that she's the only one that you're not afraid to love unconditionally - that's how Sirius felt about you. Now that you know that feeling, it's time to truly stop feeling guilty. It was his choice that night.”

Harry tore his eyes away from those of his best friend, grief coursing through him once more, yet as his eyes fell on Emily, and her now purple hair, his face softened. He placed another spoonful of goop in her mouth, and brushed her soft purple curls back from her face before looking back to Hermione. As he opened his mouth to thank her, he paused, there was a look in her eyes that he'd never seen before, and it broke his heart all over again.

“Through the years we all will be together

If the fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough

And have yourself a merry little Christmas now”

Harry smiled sadly to himself. `If the fates allow', those four words seemed to sum up his world at the moment. He looked up to see Hermione no longer smiling down at the child in her arms, but was startled to find her eyes locked with his own, her heart in her eyes, and suddenly he knew that the song had been for him and not the now sleeping child. It seemed like an eternity, but the decision took no time at all in reality. He knew what he was fighting for, the future of those around him, but in so many ways, what was the point if in his heart he wouldn't let himself hope for his own future, his own dreams.

He stepped softly into the room as Hermione gently laid Emily in her crib, and came to stand behind her, his arms curling around her waist, his chin resting on the top of her head as they looked down at the perfect little girl sleeping before them.

They stayed that way for several moments, neither one uttering a word, until Harry gently turned her around, and tilted her chin up so their gazes met once more. For once, neither one masking their true feelings.

“Will you sing me another song?” Harry asked softly, his hand gently brushing her hair back from her face.

“Are you ready to stop running?” She asked in reply.

“Yes” he whispered.

Harry's eyes sparkled as he took in the dazzling smile which spread across her face, and he pulled her close to him, his arms around her waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck and looked up at him.

“Then I'll sing you another song.”

Their gazes were locked as she softly began to sing.

“Hold me, even though I know you're leaving

And show me, all the reasons you would stay

It's just enough to feel your breath on mine

To warm my soul and ease my mind

You've got to hold me and show me now

Give me, just one part of you to cling to

And keep me everywhere you are

It's just enough to steal me heart and run

And fade out with the falling sun

Oh, please don't go

Let me have you just one moment more

Oh, all I need

All I want, is just one moment more

You've got to hold me, and keep me

Tell me, that someday you'll be returning

And maybe, maybe I'll believe

It's just enough to see a shooting star

To know you're never really far

It's just enough to see a shooting star

To know you're never really gone

Oh, please don't go

Let me have you just one moment more

Oh, all I need

All I want, is just one moment more

So hold me

Even though I know you're leaving”

They had stood swaying in the moonlit room as Hermione softly sang, their eyes never once leaving each others. As she sang the last line of the ballad Harry pulled her close and hugged her to him as tightly as he could, smiling into her hair as he felt her arms tighten around him.

“'Mione?” He whispered into her hair.

She loosened her grip on him to pull back and look up at the green eyes she knew so well.

“I promise I'll come back to you”

“I promise I'll never leave you” she replied softly, as Harry gently cupped her cheek with a hand and leant down to gently touch his lips to hers for the first time.

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