Hold Me Now

swivelchair

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 12/06/2006
Last Updated: 12/06/2006
Status: completed

The war was over. Tom was dead. The Horcruxes destroyed. Many died. Many were crying. But despite this, everyone who lived to tell the tale in the Wizarding World was celebrating. It is over. Thanks to Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. The Chosen One. And now, The Savior of Wizardkind. A one-shot of what happened right after the Final Battle.

Chapters

1. Hold Me Now

1. Hold Me Now

Please come now I think I'm falling

I'm holding on to all I think is safe

It seems I found the road to nowhere

And I'm trying to escape

I yelled back when I heard thunder

But I'm down to one last breath

And with it let me say, let me say

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinkin'

Maybe six feet

Ain't so far down

I'm looking down now that it's over

Reflecting on all of my mistakes

I thought I found the road to somewhere

Somewhere in His grace

I cried out, 'Heaven save me'

But I'm down to one last breath

And with it let me say, let me say

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinkin'

Maybe six feet

Ain't so far down

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinkin'

Maybe six feet

Ain't so far down

I'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me

But I still believe there's something left for me

So please come stay with me

'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me,

For you and me

For you and me

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinkin'

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinkin'

Maybe six feet

Ain't so far down

Hold me now

I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinkin'

Maybe six feet

Ain't so far down

Please come now I think I'm falling

I'm holding on to what I think is safe

- ONE LAST BREATH -

Creed

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The war was over. The Final Battle was done. The Light Side arose victorious. Tom was dead. The Horcruxes destroyed. The Death Eaters were all being rounded up and were being given the Dementor's kiss without a trial. Many died. Many were crying. But despite this, everyone who lived to tell the tale in the Wizarding World was celebrating. It is over. Thanks to Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. The Chosen One. And now, The Savior of Wizardkind.

3rd of June, 12 Grimmauld Place

The Order was celebrating the fall of Voldemort. Or so they were. Everyone was subdued and not really in a party mood. The final battle only happened a couple of days ago and many perished. Most of them were injured. Some got out without even a scratch. Some died. And though the Order ought to be celebrating, they were really mourning. Countless lives were given just so that the Wizarding World could remain safe and free from evil.

Molly Weasley was seated in one corner of the living room with a glass of Firewhisky in her hand. She rarely drinks. But tonight, she just had to. Arthur was beside her, holding a glass as well. She downed her drink in one big gulp and summoned Dobby for another. Arthur rubbed her back and she broke down. She cried and cried as if it were the end of the world. As if there were no tomorrow. And she felt like there was none. She had lost two sons in the battle. One who was not even able to reconcile with them before he died and another who made them laugh for every little thing he did.

Fred Weasley was in another corner, with his youngest brother, Ron, and eldest, Bill. His brothers were talking but he didn't hear a word they were saying. He seemed to be in a far, far away place. His eyes devoid of any emotion. For the first time, he wasn't able to crack a joke when they were all miserable just to lighten up the mood. How could he? When his partner in crime was gone.

Ginny Weasley, for the first time in her life, drank something other than Butterbeer or juice. She was downing Firewhisky, the same way as her mother. She was strong. She knew she could handle it. She didn't know which though - the Firewhisky or the fact that she lost two brothers in that blasted war. She wasn't going to cry. She shouldn't. She should be strong. And she willed herself to be.

By the window, looking out at the full moon, Nymphadora Tonks was remembering the short time she was able to spend with a kind-hearted werewolf. A werewolf whom she loved and who loved her in return. Her face looked calm but her eyes told everyone she was grieving. She wasn't in her usual bubbly and lively appearance. No pink or violet hair. She looked like she aged a couple of decades, but she didn't care. If only she could bring back the past, then she would give everything to do so.

Minerva McGonagall was by the bookshelves talking to an Auror and reminiscing how the Auror's mentor, Alastor Moody, was the best Auror who ever lived. Shame he wasn't able to make it to celebrate this occasion when the worst evil to ever grace the Wizarding World was dead. She was remembering Albus Dumbledore as well and became quiet as she did so. She smiled a little, her lips quirking up, as she thought that Albus wouldn't want all of them to be this subdued. Sure, he would allow them to grieve for a while but then - he would start telling all of them to lighten up once that was done.

Ron Weasley excused himself from his conversation with his brothers and went outside to the front porch. He was trying hard to be strong and normal but he was getting claustrophobic inside. He didn't want to think any longer of what had happened two days ago. He lost his brothers. He lost one of his greatest mentors. He lost his half-giant friend. That, he couldn't really fathom why. He should have been able to withstand most curses and jinxes so, why? But even a half-giant wasn't that tough when it came to the Unforgivables. Particularly the green one.

He took a deep breath and sighed. He wondered where his best friends were. He hadn't seen them since this morning. Come to think of it, he had not seen Hermione since the other day. Now, it also seemed that he lost his other best friend. He closed his eyes and willed himself not to cry when he felt a small hand touch his arm gently. He opened his eyes and looked down at the hand. He saw that it belonged to a dirty-blonde haired girl with big, expressive grey eyes that at the moment were looking at him, as if assessing him.

He tried to smile but couldn't. So he just gently grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head, He felt her wrap her arms around his waist as well and rested her head on his chest. He took a deep breath once more, closed his eyes and this time, allowed himself to cry.

Hermione Granger walked towards where Ginny was seated with an empty glass of Firewhisky. She knew how much Ginny was hurting and didn't blame her for drinking something that she wasn't supposed to drink. Hermione had also lost so much in the battle. And although her parents were very much alive, some of those that she considered her family in the Wizarding World weren't.

When she was nearing the younger woman, Ginny looked up at her with puffy-red eyes and a flushed face. She was willing herself not to cry, Hermione realized, especially not in front of her. Hermione sat down beside her and Ginny muttered, “Go away, Hermione. I don't want you here.” She didn't and instead got the empty glass from Ginny. When the younger woman started to protest, Hermione gave the glass back, this time with another shot of Firewhisky in it. Ginny looked at it and back at Hermione, and then just whispered, “Thanks.”

Just then, someone tripped over the table by the entrance to the living room and everyone looked up to see who caused the noise. The room got quieter, if that was even possible, when they saw who it was.

Harry Potter, his face blank, his eyes emotionless, his whole demeanor pale, looked up at everyone and muttered a quick, “Sorry” before leaving the room in haste. Hermione sighed and started to get up when Ginny took hold of her arm. She looked back down and noticed that tears were now falling freely from the younger woman's face.

“I am not good enough for him, am I?” she asked. Hermione didn't know how to answer that and so she just remained silent. “I've tried to talk to him since the final battle ended. To mourn with him his losses and mine. But he just kept avoiding me. When I first approached him, he thought I was you and when he realized I wasn't, he walked away.” Hermione had seen this happen the other night at Hogwarts' Infirmary wherein they were all busy taking care of the injured. She saw the hurt look in Ginny's eyes when Harry just walked away from her.

“You're all he wanted, Hermione. Especially at this time. That much I could see. Go. He needs you,” whispered Ginny and then let go of Hermione's arm. Hermione just nodded and followed Harry out.

When Hermione reached the second floor, she immediately went to Sirius' old room which Harry took to be his room when they all settled at Grimmauld a year ago. Guessing that she would find Harry there, she was surprised when she saw he wasn't. She could see, however, how disorganized the whole room was. Clothes were lying everywhere. The bed was unmade. There were books and several parchments on the floor. A couple of empty bottles of Firewhisky were by the bedside table. In short, the room was a mess. She knew that he ordered Dobby not to come inside this room unless he told him to and the mess only proved how disorganized Harry's thoughts were at the moment.

She sighed and closed the door quietly. She padded her way across the second floor hall listening intently to see where Harry could be. None of the other rooms were occupied, which left just one choice. She knew now that Harry was in the attic and when he was in there, she also knew that he didn't want to be disturbed. But now wasn't the time for that. She needed to check up on him and whether he got mad or not, there were more important things.

Slowly, she got up to the attic, expecting to see Harry in the middle of it or by the window, but he wasn't. She lifted her arm and starting turning around, her wand tracking through the room. She cast a few Accios, in case he was hiding under the Invisibility Cloak. When she had completed almost an entire circle, she noticed a sliding door that wasn't supposed to be there. It was opened just slightly and when closed, no one would really know that it was door. It was made to look like the wall of the attic.

Hermione walked towards it and opened the door widely. She saw a set of uneven stairs leading up to Merlin knows where. But she was sure that wherever this led, it would lead her to where Harry was at the moment.

Carefully, she walked herself up the uneven wooden stairs. It wasn't a long climb and when she got to the top, she found herself on Grimmauld's rooftop. She didn't know that Grimmauld had a rooftop. From outside, the roof looked slanted and so it surprised her to see that it was flat when she got there. Ingenious since it could be a secret hideaway because the door leading to this place was even hidden.

She took a look around and admired the view from the top for a while. Then she stifled a gasp when she saw Harry at one end, standing on the edge of the ledge of the roof, looking at the sky and the horizon. Careful not to startle him lest he fall, she walked quietly towards him. When she was almost near, she was the one startled when he spoke up. “Why does it seem like all I did was for nothing, Hermione? Why do I still feel so lost and nowhere?”

“Harry, can you come down from there? Let's talk over here.”

He didn't heed to her request but continued to stand there on the ledge and look far away. “I thought my only purpose in life when Tom was still alive was to defeat him to save those people I love. And now that I did, what happens now?” he continued. Hermione slowly walked towards him. She carefully reached her hand to touch his and when she did, he entwined his fingers with hers. Still, he didn't look down at her but continued on looking at the horizon.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Did you see all of them downstairs looking at me with sad eyes, Hermione? Is that what I'm destined to be after this? When I walk the streets, will those sad eyes follow me everywhere?” Hermione didn't reply. She knew he needed to let this out of his system. This was the first time he really talked since the final battle. She just squeezed his hand to let him know that she was listening.

“I wasn't able to save all of them, Hermione. All the people I loved. Where did I lack? What did I forget to do? I lost my parents first. Then I lost Sirius. Now I lost Remus, too. The Marauders are all gone now. Why did this have to happen?” He opened his eyes and Hermione saw tears streaming down his face. She wanted to reach up and wipe them. She wanted to hold him and make him feel safe in her arms.

“I lost Hagrid, too. My very first friend. The one who introduced me to the magical world. Why can't I save them, Hermione, why? Where did I go wrong?” he sobbed quietly.

This time, Hermione spoke up. “You did everything you could to save them, Harry. You didn't do anything wrong. I know they are grateful to you, wherever they are, that you finally rid the world of Tom. I understand how you feel now so -” She wasn't able to finish because Harry looked down at her and was surprised to see anger in his eyes. He removed his hand from hers and jumped down from the ledge. He turned her back towards her and said, “You don't understand, Hermione. No one does.”

Hermione came towards him, meeting his eyes with a firm stare. “Yes, I do, Harry. You are hurting. But you need to see that -”

“YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!”

Hermione was taken aback at his sudden outburst. He turned to look at her, seething. She flinched a bit but still stood her ground. This was so different from 5th year when Harry was shouting at all of them asking why he was out of the loop. They were young then but the Harry now was emanating pulses of magic that Hermione looked around, trying to gauge how she could protect them both, if ever, and clutched her wand in her hand discreetly. Now was not the time for her to back out even if she was facing an angry Harry.

“I LOST PEOPLE, HERMIONE! I LOST PEOPLE THAT I LOVED! I ALMOST LOST RON! I ALMOST LOST YOU!” he continued to bellow, looking straight at her. “I wouldn't be able to handle it if I lost you,” he added in a whisper, dropping his head and giving in to grief. “I would gladly die if that happened…”

She almost screamed when she saw a streak of lightning in the sky right above them and heard a loud rumbling thunder follow it. Was Harry doing this? she wondered. She looked at him and saw that he was somewhat glowing. Then without warning, he screamed and then dropped on his knees, moaning. It suddenly began to rain. So hard that they were soaked to the skin in seconds.

Hermione ran to him and dropped beside him, her wand lay forgotten on the floor. She immediately placed her arms around him and cried with him. Harry clutched at her like she was the only thread that was holding him together. Without her, he would fall into the abyss and never come back again. They rocked back and forth, crying and grieving. They stayed that way for many minutes, not letting up even though if the rain soaked them.

Finally, Harry loosened his hold on Hermione then whispered, “Stay with me, Hermione. Don't let me go.”

“I will, Harry. I will stay,” she answered, sobbing. “I'll always be with you, no matter what.”

“Don't leave me.”

“I won't, Harry.”

“Just hold me.”

“I will.”

Then Harry looked up at her tear-stained face. He cupped her chin and then kissed her. It was a desperate kiss, nothing sweet nor romantic about it, but Hermione gave her all into it. It was rough with unexpressed passion. She knew he needed it and she knew she also did. They stayed locked that way for a few minutes before Harry pulled away and wrapped his arms around her tightly this time. Hermione continued to sob as she felt Harry wrap her in his arms.

The future was uncertain. They all have a long way to go as they all heal from this pain they were all feeling. But Hermione knew that together, they would be able to stand and stay strong. She and Harry, together with Ron. They would be all in this together, like they usually were.

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(A/N: Thank you Lady Starlight for being the greatest beta. :) Hope you guys enjoyed this one-shot. I promise I'll be posting chapter 8 of It's Time, Meet Me very very soon.)

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