Hier, Aujourd'hui, Demain... Toujours by ItsLily2U

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 28/06/2006
Last Updated: 06/07/2006
Status: Completed

Every little girl dreams of falling in love--of being with that perfect someone. She dreams of
wedding gowns, bouquets of flowers, golden rings, dreamy eyes staring into hers. Lily Evans is no
exception. She knows love when she sees it-- until she begins to doubt her own. Can the love of her
best friend-- a tall, hazel-eyed Marauder help her along? Or will it be too late?




1. Je Ne Sais Quoi
------------------

**Title:** Hier, Aujourd’hui, Demain… Toujours

**Chapter Un:** Je Ne Sais Quoi

**Author:** ItsLily2u

**Disclaimer:** I so, so wish I could tell you that I owned my own Harry Potter world, and
had all my own little patents and what not, but I don’t. Heck, I sure wish I could tell you that
this is how Lily/James came about… but it certainly wasn’t. This was just a little idea that came
to me while I was babysitting last summer, and I’ve been chipping at it a bit since.

**A/N: The French** is kinda new to me, so I’m not entirely sure it’s correct. But hey, I’m
learning! As for the title, yeah. It… well, it’s bad. But it looks okay, if you dunno what it
means. I think. The translation-things are at the bottom of the chapter. Don’t throw things if
they’re wrong! Please?

*

*****

Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously and bit her lip. She knew the question was coming- she just
didn’t know when… Of course, she’d “known” *that* for the last twenty minutes, all of which
had been exactly the same.

James was silent.

And staring.

Naturally, it was the only thing that could get Lily to talk (silence and a good, old-fashioned
stare-down), and they both knew that… especially James.

But then, he’d always known exactly how to get Lily to say or do whatever he wished. Always.
Lily had, at one point, wondered if she was just that obvious, that *transparent*, if someone
she hardly knew- and didn‘t even really like- could get to her like he did… But then, as she got to
know him better, she realized James (or Potter, as she so stubbornly called him at that time) just
knew things about her that even she didn’t know about herself. It positively irked her to no end
that someone so… *arrogant* and big-headed could know her like that.

Then again, she couldn’t help but like it… a little.

She remembered quite well the day she first *noticed* James… Noticed him as someone other
than Jamie the Quidditch Star, Prongs the pranking Marauder, Potter the overconfident git…

It was in seventh year- only just after Lily’s parents and younger brother had died. Two weeks
after, in fact. Fourteen days. Fourteen days in which Lily refused to speak in class (or anywhere
else, for that matter). She barely even ate.

Until James.

It was two weeks to the day since Voldemort murdered her family… She still hadn’t said a word to
anyone- even her best friends. She wasn’t sure why exactly she couldn’t bring herself to speak. She
thought it might have been that anything she and her friends had talked about before didn’t seem
important anymore. Nothing did. And yes, she knew that everyone (even people who’d never been very
close to her before) were trying to help her… She knew it, all right. It was almost *annoying*
the way they tried to help, with their apologies and looks dripping with “sorrow” and pity. Oh, if
Lily hated anything, it was pity…

No one knew how to help her, though, and she wasn’t the only one who knew that.

Until that day, fourteen days after she found out, James plopped down at her table in
Transfiguration. He simply stared, not even offering an explanation. When the bell rang, he got up
and left, like nothing was out of place.

Oh, yes, she remembered that day… it seemed like it was yesterday to her.

He continued to sit and stare every chance he got (which was pretty often, as they had every
class but one together, plus meals and the rare occasion when Lily was in the common room), never
saying a word, always returning.

After only three days, Lily felt she couldn’t take it anymore. She felt ready to explode, ready
to yell, ready to cry… anything. She wanted to feel something other than the numbness.

*James made her feel that.*

So that night after dinner, instead of going up to her room in the Head’s Tower, Lily went to
the common room, though she sat back in a quiet corner near the fire, away from everyone else.

She had only just gotten comfortable in an armchair, when James came in, joining his friends on
the couch. Of course, he’d followed her up from dinner, walking far enough back that he wasn’t
breathing down her neck, yet close enough that she knew he was there.

As soon as he was settled in the very middle of the couch, next to Sirius Black, he propped his
feet up on a table and looked over in Lily’s direction. This time, instead of diverting his gaze,
she looked straight back.

But only for a moment… She took a deep breath, got to her feet, and went over to sit by him…

Immediately, everyone stopped talking and turned to watch… *Lily Evans*, Head Girl,
girly-girl, Charms-genius, and all around good student- and person- had just willingly chosen to
sit by *James Potter*, of *all* people- and after *two weeks* of *complete
silence*?

If *that* didn’t shock them, then the hug that she gave him *did*… She stared into his
eyes for a moment, then wrapped her arms around him and cried. He even looked like he’d expected
it.

No one had ever seen Lily Evans cry.

It may have been early, but everyone left early, to go up to their dorms, anyway. It didn’t seem
like something they should hear, bewildering as it was.

So Lily was left alone, with James and the Marauders, crying, talking about anything and
everything, and just… *feeling*.

Not only did James help Lily get back to her normal self, but he gave her a friend… A friend
that would turn out to be more loyal, more true than anyone she had ever known.

And she loved him for it. He soon became her confidant, her mentor, her shoulder to cry on… her
best friend.

Even once they were out of Hogwarts, they remained inseparable.

Which was the exact reason Lily felt guilty. She didn’t want her friend to get in the way of the
most perfect relationship she’d ever had, nor did she want to lose him.

Either way, she would need him, and she knew it. She only hoped he knew it, too.

“Will you just… stop with the bloody staring thing?” she asked irritably. Thinking of her
newfound layer of guilt had been making her very agitated in the last few weeks…

James blinked. “Oh, was I staring, Lils? Had no idea. Je suis dé solé , ma ché rie.” He nodded
slightly, smiling.

There was a long pause. “What have I done this time, then?” she asked, frowning.

James thought for a moment and looked like he was about to answer, but didn’t.

“You can’t keep doing that!” Her frown deepened to a scowl. “It isn’t fair.”

James laughed lightly. “Told you, I’m doing nothing.” He smiled innocently.

Lily rolled her eyes and went to sit on the side of his armchair. “Fine. Lie to me, if you want.
But I know there is something bothering you.”

“I could say the same.”

Lily blinked. Did he know? She almost hoped he did, it might make things easier. “There’s
nothing wrong with me, except that I can’t figure out why you’re gawking at me like you are!” she
cried.

As she expected, he only blinked back in response. Rolling her eyes in frustration, Lily threw
up her arms and got to her feet.

She made it all the way to the door, when James’s voice stopped her.

“You don’t want to marry him…” he said softly.

Lily barely heard him over the cackling of the fire, but she had heard him well enough. She
swallowed nervously and closed her eyes, still facing the door. “Why do you say that?” she
whispered, afraid of the answer.

“Lily, don’t play dumb. If you’re anything, you’re not dumb. You don’t want to marry him.
Everyone sees it.”

Lily made a soft noise of protest, but still didn’t turn to look at her best friend.

“Okay… maybe not everyone, but I see it… Remus sees it, which is to be expected, I suppose, as
observant as he is- but that’s not the point… If you don’t want to marry him, no matter what the
reason is, I’m sure he’s going to figure it out eventually. You won’t be able to always be the
perfect wife to him, just because you loved him at one point. Your life…. It… it‘ll turn out to be
nothing more than a lie.” James swallowed awkwardly. Oh, how he wished she would just see it…

“James…” Lily worked up her courage as best she could (she hadn’t been in Gryffindor for
nothing!) and slowly turned to face him. “I have a wedding tonight. I can’t just…” Her eyes dropped
again.

James walked over and cupped her chin with his hand, forcing her to look up at him. “Do you love
him?”

Lily pulled back slightly and exhaled deeply (had she been holding her breath?).
“*What*?”

“Do you love him?”

“I- you- what… You can’t ask me that!” Her emerald-green eyes went from wide-eyed surprise to
narrow in the time it took for her breath to catch again in her chest.

“It’s a perfectly stable question, Lily. Answer it.” His eyes were boring into hers, seeking
answers… But why? They had always been open with each other; neither ever suspected the other of a
thing.

Lily’s mouth fell open as she stumbled over her words. “I… am his fiancé!” She was ashamed to
find that her breath was coming in short gasps; her entire body felt cold and numb, with the
exception of the part of her face that James had in his hands. “He asked me to marry him. I said
yes!” Now she was shaking.

He held her gaze for a moment before his eyebrows rose slowly. He wasn’t hearing what she had
said; he was hearing what she hadn’t. “You didn’t actually answer that,” James breathed, looking
more sympathetic now.

“I…I…”

James started to pull his Lily closer, to hug her, like he always had. She’d always teased him
about not being able to cope without hugs. Maybe it was true.

But Lily pulled away sharply.

She may as well have slapped him or said hurtful words for the look on his face. “Look at me
James Potter,” she declared, her voice suddenly strong and powerful. “I made a promise. I may have
skived off a lot of things, but I would never dismiss a promise. I made a promise to marry him.”
She sighed, and her eyes lowered again. She was back to his Lily again, still strong and powerful,
but also weak and frail. “I will marry him tonight.” She said this, as if to remind herself.

James nodded once. His mind was a tornado, his thoughts all on full speed. Wouldn’t she ever
see? Everyone else did… But no, she had to be noble…

Slowly, James turned in his seat and wedged his palms against his cheekbones, his elbows on his
knees. Today was his last chance; he could either choose to be the best friend he had always been
and let her go through with this or… he could tell her the truth about his feelings. It was
shocking that she hadn’t noticed in seventh year anyway. He’d always asked her out before then; it
hurt him to see her hurting so terribly that year, and no one else knew what to do. So he did what
he thought would help her.

And help her it did.

**

“Merlin, Prongs, would you mind calming down a bit? You’re driving me up the wall,”

“Sorry, Moony,” James Potter mumbled in response to one of his best friends, though he didn’t
really mean it. He continued to pace around the room, muttering something in French, and running
one hand through his hair alternatively, an old nervous habit from his Hogwarts days. Lily always
found it quite amusing when she noticed him doing so.

If she could only see him now.

But they had not parted in the best of spirits; she hadn’t even gone to hug him like she
normally did. For James, it was unnerving.

Remus Lupin set his drink on the table, the ice clinking in a merry way. James glared at it.
“Look, mate,” Remus began. “Lily is a very smart witch, she--”

“I thought she was, too!” James spat, rubbing his chin in agitation. “But…” He shook his head.
“Well, look at her now…”

Remus narrowed his eyes, his heart sinking. He knew exactly where this was going. James had been
smitten with Lily Evans since day one--he’d known there was something different about the spitfire
the moment he met her. It was odd, really, because everyone that saw the two together knew they
should be together but couldn’t see how they ever could. Yes, James was more than willing to give
it a shot, but Lily, much to his dismay, either was not, or didn‘t think about it anymore. No
matter how many times James had asked, Lily had never given in to his demands. She just had not
wanted to go to Hogsmeade with James Potter.

But, in her defense, she had never gone with anyone else, either. She had the opportunities,
mind you, and if she had been like any other girl, she could have used the prefect chance to make
Potter jealous… Only Lily Evans was not like any other girls.

Everyone knew that.

Remus sighed, watching James readjust his glasses. Maybe Lily thought James really had given up
on her. Maybe, since she had actually gotten to know him, she had realized…

James had been the perfect gentlemen ever since their friendship. He hadn’t referred back to his
old ways even once.

All his friends commended him for it.

And yet… maybe just once, that was exactly what he needed to do. Maybe he needed to be daring
and bold just this once.

Maybe Lily needed him to.

**

Remus walked slowly down the wide corridor, decorated merrily with it’s yellow daffodils (Lily’s
favorite, of course) and moving pictures in brightly colored frames. This part of the manor had
been decorated especially in her honor--everyone seemed to want this day to be just for Lily.

Everyone knew, it seemed.

He hesitated when he came to the door leading to her room, not knowing how she would accept him.
He hadn’t seen her since he’d arrived; but the last time they’d been together, she’d been very
unwilling to let him part with her. Of course, it hadn’t been his choice, and as one of the more
active members of the Order, he was sent on more missions than most.

Wearily, he brought his hand to the door and knocked. Some time passed before he knocked again.
“Don’t tell me you’re so busy getting beautiful you don’t even have a spare minute for--”

The door flew open to reveal a wide-eyed Lily, still clad in a bathrobe. She had on no makeup,
her hair was back in a messy braid, and her lip began to tremble when she saw her friend.

“Glad to see me?” Remus smiled.

“Remmy…” she whispered, taking a step forward, to hug him. “I am *very* glad you are here.
I only wish you had been sooner.” She sighed and pulled him into her room.

“So… how are you?” He touched her nose gently with his fingertip. “Ready for your big day?” He
eyed her hair and bathrobe curiously.

“Yes.”

The answer was correct, but the pause before was a beat too long. Remus knew her better than
that.

“Now, I know I’m not a bride… or a *girl*, for that matter, but… shouldn’t you be getting
ready? Painting your nails or giggling with your friends?” He winked so she would know he was
teasing.

“I thought that’s what you came for.” Lily laughed and threw herself into an armchair, trying
not to let him see her looking down at her nails. Did they need to be done that badly?

“So, what--”

Lily sighed, like she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “I heard you went to Nepal on Order
business, is it true?”

“I’ve been everywhere.” He nodded. He watched her as she twirled a piece of stray hair,
obviously trying not to show whatever she was truly thinking. Remus didn’t want to press her, but
he was dying to ask… he wanted to know if she knew James didn’t want her to go through with it. He
wanted to know if she loved James back.

There was a quick knock on the door and it opened a crack. Alice Longbottom’s round face
appeared. She already had her hair done and her makeup finished. “Lily…?” She said uncertainly.

“Mm?” Lily stopped playing with her hair.

“Your groom sent me with a message. And may I add that he has just been *beaming* all day
long…”

“Oh?”

“Yes, but… He says…” Alice grinned. “He says that you’d better be surrounded by loads of your
friends, doing everything for you, pampering you, because this is your day. He says you’re not to
be doing anything yourself and he wants you to have this.” Alice brought Lily a small, yellow
daffodil. She smiled proudly.

“Well, you tell *him* that I am fully capable of doing anything that I please. I *am*
the bride, so today, everything must go *my* way.” Lily smiled. Remus almost thought she
looked happy… Except in her eyes. “But do tell him this is beautiful,”

Alice laughed. “I’ll do just that.” The door closed with a soft click.

Remus chanced a glance at Lily through narrowed eyes. “So why aren’t you with your bridesmaids?
Er… why aren’t they in here?” He asked cautiously, summoning a butterbeer for each of them.

Lily smiled and took the offered drink. “I just asked for some time alone. They understand… I
won’t get much to myself soon, anyway, so it makes sense to them.”

“Ah.” Remus nodded, understanding only in the sense that it was a girl thing.

So he let her get away with a simple answer to a complicated question. There was more to it than
that, right? There *had* to be.

“No--Remmy… I didn’t mean I wanted you to leave--” Lily said desperately.

So she wanted to be away from her friends, who were bound to be excited and girly about the
wedding; Remus had passed a room chalk full of them earlier, and had quickly passed it by. They
were putting on eyeliner and flipping through magazines and filing nails. It was horrifying for
such a young wizard.

“Lily. Your wedding is in two hours. Surely you need to be getting ready.” He was serious this
time.

She only twirled her wand between her fingers in response. Right away, Remus knew to be careful.
She was leaving that white area of a good mood, and was shifting to the gray unknown that he had
seen her cross only with other people. Lily’s eyes never flashed at him, and she never lost her
short temper with him, like she had with… say, James, in their Hogwarts days. He’d seen her do it
on plenty of occasions then.

Remus’s eyes grew wide as only a Marauder’s could. He had an idea.

“Lily,” he said suddenly, “you could always just put off the wedding. I’m sure--”

“Put off the wedding.”

She was already agitated, if she had cut him off.

“Everyone would understand, you know.”

“I’m not bloody putting it off!”

Remus pushed himself out of his chair. He kneeled next to Lily’s. She was looking close to
tears. Tears meant truth.

“Why does everyone… What do you *want* from me?”

Remus sighed. He hated hurting her this way. “You don’t love him, Lily!” But she needed to hear
it. “Why can’t you see that?” He couldn’t help but let the sorrow he felt seep into his words. He
brushed the hair out of her face. “We can all see how you try, and we admire you for that-- not
everyone would keep it up. But, Lily… you’re independent. You need to be with someone who will let
you be independent. Do you see that happening?” He had to take a deep, steadying breath to calm the
burning in his throat. “I don’t. Lily, if you marry him, you won’t be you. Sure, he’ll love you and
adore you, but you’ll also become his prize wife. You’ll go to all his parties and games and
things, just to be shown off. After a while, that’s all you’ll be! You’ll be… someone else and
we’ll never see our strong, beautiful, independent, stubborn Lily-girl again. I can’t have that…
your friends don‘t want it… Alice doesn’t want it. Your parents wouldn’t have wanted it, Lils… And
I know James damn well doesn’t need it.” Remus reached up to wipe a tear from her cheek.

“Wh--” She looked confused.

Remus kissed her forehead. “He just might miss you most of all.” He saw something click in her
eyes. With a sigh and a sad smile, Remus left the room, pausing for only a moment at the door to
look back at his tear-stained friend.

**

One hour.

She had one hour left, and she’d never been so unsure of anything in her life.

Well, she’d been almost sure, until James had showed up… and muddled everything up. Didn’t he
see what he’d done?

Well, with the help of his friend, of course.

But what Remus had said… Did she understand him correctly?

She watched herself in the mirror. How could both of those wonderful men possibly want her?
There was nothing special to her stubborn, red-haired, confused, freckled self.

She tried on her stockings and then her white shoes… But wrinkled her nose after a moment. She
pulled both off and went to the closet. She found a pair of white slip-ons. Her shoes wouldn’t be
seen, anyway. And at least she’d be comfortable.

She went back to the mirror and found the necklace her mother had worn at her wedding. She’d
given it to Lily on her fifteenth birthday, and Lily had loved it.

But here she was, at age twenty, and she’d never even tried it on.

She clasped it around her neck and began putting on makeup. She didn’t usually wear a lot,
preferring the natural look… But she knew her wedding was special.

It took a good fifteen minutes before she nodded her head in satisfaction, and moved on to her
hair. She truly had no idea what she wanted to do with it. Before, she’d planned on having Alice do
it for her.

But she’d asked all her girlfriends to give her a bit of peace.

Now what was she to do?

Lily swallowed and began clipping the top half back, twisting it as she went.

She walked over to the bed and stepped into the beautiful, silky white dress that would mark her
as the happy bride for the day.

She zipped up the back and smoothed the front unnecessarily. After slipping on the slippers, and
adding the white veil with it’s silk trim, even she had to think…

“Damn!”

Lily smiled shyly and looked over at the doorway. Alice stood there, her hand over her
mouth.

“Sorry,” she said quietly.

But at Lily’s meek smile, she hurried over to her and grabbed her hands. “Oh, Lils…” Her eyes
had tears.

Lily squeezed her hand, but didn’t say anything.

“He’ll drop dead when he sees you in all this!”

Lily turned to look at herself in the mirror again. Yes… she looked good, but…

She felt wretched on the inside.

She tried to remember some point in time when she might have noticed that her best friend had
feelings for her… But she couldn’t think of one.

Then she remembered.

*Lily’s thoughts were finally drifting to something other than her parents, even if it was
something as trivial as wandering what day it was, when she noticed someone heading towards her
table. She blinked, hoping he really wasn’t coming her way. He couldn’t be…*

*James Potter slipped quietly into the seat next to Lily, pulling out his parchment and book
as he went.*

*McGonagall was just calling the class to order when James settled his elbow onto the desk. He
placed his cheek into his hand and simply stared.*

*At her.*

*But she willed herself not to look. She wouldn’t move. She wouldn’t acknowledge him.*

*But why was he staring?*

Then, not long after, she’d done exactly what he’d planned: she’d broken. Since when had someone
she refused to even talk civilly to know her so well?

*Lily swallowed nervously and made her way over to the armchair she’d been in every night for
the last two weeks. She sat in it, thankful no first years had tried to take it… It really was
quite comfortable.*

*She’d only just settled into it, however, when she heard the portrait open again. There he
was.*

*James made his way over to his friends on the couch, no different than he had in the last
three nights. He propped up his feet and turned in her direction.*

*Their eyes met and that’s all it took. Lily swallowed again and bit her lip. She looked down
at the carpet, and met his eyes again.*

*She jumped from her chair and ran to him. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him,
tears already stinging her eyes.*

*She needed warmth, she needed friendship… She needed love.*

*And she’d found it.*

*“It was all my fault…” she sobbed.*

*James wrapped his arms around her without hesitation and began rubbing her back
comfortingly.*

Of course, there were all those times, when they were patrolling together, and he’d said those
sweet little things to make her feel better…

*Lily slowed as they neared a window and leaned upon it. She sighed heavily.*

*“Long day?”*

*Lily looked at him and smiled despairingly. “Very.”*

*He walked closer, his hands in his pockets. “Tell me about it?”*

*“Oh… just homework, letters from Pet, the Slytherins, these Head Girl duties… oh, and I’m
tutoring now.”*

*James blinked. “Oh, is that all?” But he winked not a moment later, accompanied with a
grin.*

*“I just… wish I could have a day off, like everybody else.” She rose her eyebrows. “I mean,
look at the second years! They have the easiest time of it!”*

*“*Second*?” He laughed. “Why second?”*

*“Well, because, they’ve already gotten through their first year of magic--they think they can
handle anything. They don’t have to worry about O.W.L.’s or N.E.W.T.’s or being Prefect or a Head…
or anything, really. They haven’t even started taking the extra classes yet, they’ll do that next
year.”*

*James smiled at her wit. “True,” he admitted.*

*Lily turned her head to look outside.*

*“But you know, Lily,” he looked at her thoughtfully. “You wouldn’t have been chosen for this
job if nobody thought you could do it. You were chosen for a reason, just like I was. Sure,
everyone thought I’d be terrible, because I’m a Marauder, but I’ve actually been a help to you,
haven’t I?” He nudged her with his arm, gently. “And don’t worry about Pet. She’s only out to make
you as miserable as she is.”*

*Lily looked at him a moment, then tucked her arms around his chest. “Thank you.”*

*“Bien entendu.”*

How had she not seen it then? The way he’d been looking at her… And when…

*“Lily! We’re no longer the school’s Heads!” James called out joyously, jogging over to his
best friend.*

*“I know!” she squealed and threw her arms around him. But she grew serious for a moment.
“But… what now? What are we supposed to do now?”*

*James laughed at her solemnity and ruffled her hair. “Oh, Merlin, don’t make me explain it
all over again. You’re going to be that bloody brilliant Healer you’ve always wanted to
be!”*

*“Oh, yeah.” She smiled brightly, hugging him again.*

*“So. I’m going into auror training starting tomorrow. I know that you’re going to be doing
your Healing thing, but I want us to owl.” He grinned. “All the time?”*

*“Owl?” Lily scoffed. “Please! We’ll* see *each other all the time.”*

*His smile widened.*

And why hadn’t she thought more into it when he’d become moody when she’d announced her
engagement? She’d sanctioned it all on him feeling like he was losing his best friend.

He’d also been coming round to see her more, after her engagement. It truly was like he didn’t
want to lose her.

And there he had been, on the day of her wedding, practically confessing everything he’d ever
felt, telling her not to do it. It was ruddy confusing.

Remus had been in on it, too. He’d not said it outright, but… neither had James. What was it
he’d said, exactly? “He just might miss you most of all…” And what the hell did that mean?

Lily took a deep breath and blinked. She’d been looking at her reflection the entire time, Alice
by her side.

She smiled shyly and looked down.

“Ready?” Alice asked. She had noticed Lily’s eyes when she’d looked into the mirror. She was
looking, but she wasn’t seeing, if that made any sense. Her eyes were unfocused for a few moments,
her mind clearly worlds away.

Lily nodded and gather her bouquet in her arms. “Ready.” She smiled prettily, looking like the
flawless bride she was.

“I already made sure the boys are out of the corridors and where their supposed to be, so they
can’t see you. You’ll just have to hide in a room, until your turn to come out,” Alice grinned.
“And then, you can dazzle the entire room.”

Lily nodded again and picked up her dress a little so she wouldn’t tread on it, somewhat amazed
by the long train trailing behind.

Alice watched her friend carefully. Lily definitely acted like she was in some sort of daze. She
knew Remus and James were the only ones to really talk to Lily so far that day; they had to have
something to do with Lily’s dissolved state. She wasn’t near as happy as a bride should be on her
wedding day-- and it worried her… But, best friend as she was, she knew it wasn’t her place to ask
questions like that. Lily would talk to her when she needed it. She always had.

*

Lily knew the wedding hall would be stunning. She had picked the flowers and colors, after all.
She also knew it would be packed, considering the number of people they’d invited. Neither had very
many family members to invite--his being old witches and wizards who thought he was a blood
traitor, not only for befriending mudbloods and muggle-lovers so long ago, in first year, but
especially so for marrying one; Lily’s only family was Petunia, and her terrible husband. But the
two did have friends, and that was enough family for them both. She knew, too, that the entire
bridal party would look magnificent, between the light green dresses that matched beautifully with
Emma and Anna’s brunette hair, the cheery yellow one for Alice that went with her gold locks, and
the fact that all the boys did actually clean up very nicely, despite the fact that they just chose
not to do it often. Yes, she was prepared for all of the good things. What went bad? The thoughts
she had while walking herself down the aisle.

Yes, she’d chosen to walk herself. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t lonely. That was her first
thought, how she wished she had someone walking her. She’d never been to a wedding where the bride
didn’t have a father walking her… But she didn’t have one, and neither did her fiancé, so…

Her next thought was of how bright and cheery everything and everyone looked. Beautiful, yes,
but too jovial. It wasn’t right.

Not when she felt like melting through the rich carpet.

Her eyes drifted to the front of the room for the first time. Albus Dumbledore stood in the very
middle, wearing a pair of very nice, expensive robes, and a bright smile. In a wizard’s wedding, a
prominent wizard does the marrying. The two had chosen him and he’d accepted. Alice was on his
right, looking beautiful in her dress. Lily was admiring the color of Alice’s hair with her dress,
trying to think of something else, when she noticed Alice’s smile… It was… sad. It was sympathetic.
Lily met her eyes for the briefest of moments and smiled back, tears welling up in her own.

Lily flicked her eyes to the other side of the room, to the groomsmen. They all smiled at her,
and one gave her a thumbs-up. At this, she gave a weak smile, willing the tears not to fall. They
*couldn’t*! She felt the urge to stamp her foot, if it would help.

She cast her eyes around the room, looking for some small comfort. She could see all her old
Hogwarts friends in the pews… There was Anne, from Hufflepuff… And Sarah from Ravenclaw…

Her eyes landed on James Potter, next to Remus Lupin. Both smiled slightly at her expression.
Looking at James, Lily felt her heart skip a beat. She felt odd wearing the dress now, whereas she
felt beautiful before. She looked at Remus, instead. He smiled encouragingly. She knew that no
matter what she did, he would always be there for her.

Lily drug her eyes around the room again. She looked at the flowers. She looked at the people
again. Finally, she looked at the groom. She bit her bottom lip slightly, feeling more anxious than
ever, feeling like he could hear her thoughts simply by looking into her eyes.

She blinked heavily and ignored the fact that her steps were beginning to falter. Although she
wasn’t looking directly at Alice, she knew she’d noticed, by the way she stepped forward.

Lily swallowed nervously and continued to stare at her fiancé, the man who had been so kind to
her for so long. He’d helped her through so much… He *knew* her.

But not well enough.

Suddenly, she looked around at all the happy people twisted in their seats to look at her. They
looked like they were watching some sort of muggle romance film, with those lovesick grins on their
faces.

She stopped, almost to where he was. She glanced at him, wondering what he’d do.

“I… I *can’t*.” she whispered, looking down at the scarlet carpet. She dropped her arms to
her sides, the bouquet in one hand. “I can’t do it!” She shot a glance around the room. Everyone
looked all right; no one looked terribly shocked.

Alice came a little closer, as if to comfort her.

She lifted her eyes from the floor to Remus’s. He looked apprehensive. She knew he wanted to
help her out in some way, but this was the one thing he couldn’t help her with.

“I’m sorry.” she said quietly. Tears were still in her eyes.

Her throat burned now, too. She was fast on the way to sobbing… Only, she couldn’t do it in
front of these people!

“Lily…”

She flinched at the sound of her name. He said it so softly, like something in his hands that
might break. He closed the short distance between them to take her hands in his.

“Lily?” He was uncertain. He didn’t know what to do, either.

“I just… I can’t do this.” she whispered. The first tear fell.

He blinked.

“I woke up this morning, so happy it was our day, and I knew it… All I could think about was how
I loved you…” More tears. “But…” She swallowed. “Now, I…know in my heart that I can never do it.”
Her voice broke.

She looked slowly down at her right hand, and raised the flowers closer. She took a yellow
daffodil from the center, where it was hidden under a white lily, and held it out to him. She
smiled sadly, her bottom lip quivering.

“I am so sorry, Sirius.”

She squeezed his hand gently, and turned to go, handing her bouquet to a little girl with bouncy
curls on her way out.

Sirius Black watched his Lily go with a mixture of confusions and sorrow… Then it dawned on him.
“She just…” He sighed, bringing his hand to his face. *She’s not my Lily anymore.* Slowly, he
turned to his best man and groomsmen, who were watching him sadly.

He looked at them all for a moment before resting his eyes on one of them. “We’ve been through
it all, Prongs… But I never dreamed this would happen. Be the Best Man you are and tell me it
didn’t.”

James could only stare after that confusing red-head, Remus next to him.

What had he done?

*

*****

**A/N: So, how bad was that? Hmm? Hopefully, it’s bearable. I’ve had it for about a year, now,
and it’s just been collecting dust. I finally decided to polish it and see what people think. I
added the French, and now, you can gimmie all that constructive criticism that’ll make it loads
better. Eh?**

**Anyway, here are the “rough translations**”: (Again--*Please don’t hate me if they’re
wrong*)

Hier: yesterday

Aujourd’hui: today

Demain: tomorrow

Toujours: always, still

Un: one

Je Ne Sais Quoi: I know not what to say

Je suis dé solé , ma ché rie: I am sorry, my dear

Bien entendu: of course



2. Mon Porte-Bonheur
--------------------

**Title:** Hier, Aujourd’hui, Demain… Toujours

**Chapter Deux:** Mon Porte-Bonheur

**Author:** ItsLily2u

**Disclaimer:** Hmm. I’m 17. I’m poor. I’ve no job. I’ve no life. I’ve no husband, let alone
a boyfriend--yes, he broke up with me. I know, I’m pathetic. I’m no JK.

**A/N: *looks completely evil*** Heh, I *cackled* like mad through every single one of
your reviews. But I loved ‘em. Thanks, guys. I only had one person who said he/she guessed Sirius:
for that, I must commend you! Yay. It had to be Sirius. She couldn’t be scared about marrying
James, could she? Hmph. I wouldn’t let our Lils marry a flippin stranger! And you were all shocked?
Hmm. Dunno what to say ‘bout that. I’m happy? Lol… **I guess I should have mentioned beforehand
how very AU this fic is? Sorry for any strokes, disappointments, tears, and/or offences caused.
They were unintentional; seriously.**

*grins* So! Who’s up for round two?

*

*

“What are we doing here?” Sirius groaned. He’d not been in the best of moods.

“Getting completely pissed,” James said dully, indicating to Tom that they needed drinks. Maybe
it would be something strong. Very strong.

“Comme il faut,” he added as an afterthought, knowing that at least Sirius and Remus would
understand what he said. Peter blinked.

“Well…” Remus cast James a warning glance. “We’re here to cheer you up a bit, actually. We
haven’t been here in ages.” He said brightly.

Peter grinned. “I can’t even remember the last time we--”

“Oh, I can. Lily came with us. We all sat in that corner booth over there. She was wearing a
white sweater… and the necklace I’d bought her the day before. She was very pleased by it.
*Seemingly*,” he growled.

“Erm… I was going to say the last time we all went and got pissed drunk,” Peter mumbled.

Sirius bit his lip. James couldn’t help but notice how lonely he looked. “Souvent femme varie,
bien fol est qui e’y fie…” he chuckled, looking round the bar, then at his mates.

Remus closed his eyes and sighed.

“Don’t you think for a minute that Lily has never been mad about you, Sirius,” James, who
previously had his chair tipped back on two legs, slammed in down on all four. He *wouldn’t*
have Sirius hating her after all that. “Because she always has. She just realized she needs
something else. It *may* just be a little time, you prat.” James watched as Tom pushed four
firewhiskeys onto the bar. He opened his eagerly and drank half in one go. “She does love you.”

Sirius sighed and took the cap off his, but didn’t drink. “I know… It just shocked me, I
suppose.” He closed his eyes. “We were together for two years. I imagined us together… no problems.
Ever.” He closed his eyes.

“Did you?” Remus said quietly. He sipped his firewhiskey.

Sirius looked at him uneasily. “What?” James thought he was about to punch him.

“You’ve voiced concerns before, is all.” Remus didn’t meet his eyes. Or James’s.

Sirius looked at him for one long moment, then lifted the bottle to his lips. “A la tienne,” He
downed the entire bottle and motioned for another.

*

“Oh, Prongs. How did I know I’d find you here? You’ve become far too predictable in your old
age, mate.”

James looked over his shoulder at his friend. “I’m not predictable. You just… You lived with me
for seven years. You’re bound to know my habits.” James said, before turning to look back at the
three golden goalposts towering overhead.

“Likewise.” Remus tipped his head forward.

James nodded and bent to pick up the broom at his feet. “Care to join me?” He grinned over his
shoulder.

Remus smiled back, glad to see his friend look happy again, if only for a moment. “Wouldn’t be
here if I didn’t.” He summoned a broom from the closet and mounted it.

Once in the air, James smiled, closing his eyes. It felt so good to be here again. It had been
too long.

“So, tell me what brought you here?” Remus asked evenly as they flew around the pitch.

James looked at him sideways. “Hmph.” It wasn’t quite an answer, but he knew Remus would know
anyway.

“That’s what I thought.” Remus smiled knowingly.

“Damn you and your interpretation skills,” James muttered. He paused a moment, flashing past the
goalposts again, then sighed. “I dunno what to do, Moony.”

Remus Lupin had never seen his confident friend uncertain about anything--except in the case of
one Lily Evans. He’d always done the wrong thing around her, it seemed… especially at first. He
would try to be a total gentleman to her, but would come off as a total prat, instead. He would
constantly ask her for a date, thinking her next answer might change, but it never did, which only
confused him, and annoyed her. He would try to do something nice for her but it would come out as
piggish and big-headed instead.

The poor bloke.

But then, in the summer between sixth and seventh years, he’d somehow deflated his huge ego--he
was still a Marauder, and still a bit of a prat, but he didn’t have as hard of a time. Especially
when he was the only one that knew how to get to Lily after her parents died in seventh year. It
meant the world to her… which made him mean the world to her, if even in a friend-sense.

But she loved him, and that was enough for him, for the time.

Until Sirius came into the picture. They’d hung out in groups all along--the Marauders and
Lily’s friends, but after school ended, Sirius decided he wanted to try it with just Lily. James
could only sit by and watch as the dutiful best friend to them both, pretending to be ecstatic as
they went on date after date, sometimes with the rest of the group, sometimes just the two. It had
slowly killed him to see them kiss… to fall in love… to be caught up in each other’s embrace… then
finally, be engaged.

And when he’d finally gathered the nerve, it was on their wedding day! The worst day imaginable.
But he’d done it. He hadn’t exactly said he cared for her, but he had said Lily had gotten the
point.

Remus was proud of him.

He’d talked to Sirius since that day and Sirius understood now, at least. He even thought she
might be right. Remus was proud of him, too. He’d grown up a lot, even since Hogwarts.

So far, the only person he had yet to talk to was Lily.

Remus looked over at James sympathetically.

“I really don’t, mate.” James said morosely.

“I don’t know what to tell you…”

James ran a hand through his hair. Remus sighed--it really was bad if he was resorting to old
nervous habits.

“Because I cant just fly in there and steal her away.” He brought his broom to a stop near the
middle of the pitch. “But I can’t stand by and do nothing!”

Remus closed his eyes, wishing he could be more help.

“I mean… What if she doesn’t want me? She may have just called it off because she needs… time or
room… or something. Then things would always be awkward between us. But if I don‘t do anything,
someday this entire thing will happen again. Moony, I lo…” He hung his head, to hide his eyes. “Je
l’aime…” He looked at Remus for a moment, then took off--*a corps perdu*-- again.

Remus watched him disappear to the other end of the pitch. Trust James Potter to resort to
another language when there was something difficult to say.

“Cela va sans dire, compé re,” Remus called out, but he doubted James heard.

*

Lily took a sip of her orange juice, scanning the house listings in the back of the Daily
Prophet. She was in a bit of a rough spot at the moment…

Mostly since she’d sold her flat. She and Sirius had agreed that she wouldn’t need it, so a week
before the wedding, she’d given her notice. Twenty-four hours before her big day, she was out of
her place, and completely into Sirius’s. It wasn’t odd for them, really, because they were used to
staying with each other anyway.

But now that she was home-less, boyfriend-less, and off work for the next week (for her supposed
honeymoon) she had plenty of time to look for somewhere suitable while she lived in room number 13
of the Leaky Cauldron.

So far, she’d circled two to look into. One was a house, the other an apartment, both in
wizarding communities.

She was just flipping to the front page, and paling over a large picture of herself in her
wedding dress, running away from a very upset-looking Sirius, when someone slid into the seat
across from her and took the newspaper from her hands.

“That is a load of rubbish, Miss Lily. You needn’t worry your pretty little head over it.”

Lily kept her eyes on the spot the paper had been moments before and didn’t look up at the
speaker.

How could he still speak civilly to her, even after what she’d done? She hadn’t even forgiven
herself yet.

“Lily…” He wanted her to look up.

She tried, but her eyes wouldn’t quite move just yet. “Yes?” She said timidly instead.

He leaned across the table to lift her chin gently. “Look at me?” He was pleading. Lily’s heart
nearly broke. She slowly, cautiously looked into his eyes, fearing what she might find. Hate?
Wariness? Disgust? But no… His eyes hadn’t changed.

What did that *mean*?

He dropped his hand to hers. “How are you, Fleur-de-lys?”

Lily smiled gently at her old nickname.

He was more worried about how she was. She squeezed his hand and blinked. “I should be asking
you that question, Sirius.”

He smiled. “I’m… I’m okay.” He looked honest.

“I’m glad.” Lily whispered truthfully back. She was silent a moment, then swallowed and shifted
in her seat. “I never wanted to do this. I never wanted to hurt you.”

He nodded. “I know.” He met her eyes. “I don’t understand it fully, Lily, I’ll admit, but… I
think I’m beginning to.” he looked sadly at the newspaper, then tossed it aside. “It’s one of those
things that just… *is*. Like love. You don’t ask for it. I only came today to tell you I’m not
angry or disappointed. I know you, Lily, and that’s what you think I am. So… I want you to know I’m
not.” He smiled and started to get up, taking the newspaper with him. “Je suis derriè ve vous…
toujours.”

“Sirius?”

“Yes, Lily?”

“I… I’ll still see you, won’t I? Like at Hogwarts?”

Sirius looked at Lily, as she waited for him to answer. She looked so young and vulnerable. She
looked terrified of his answer.

He touched his hand to the side of her cheek. “Sans doute, Lily-girl.” He stared into her eyes,
as thought trying to memorize something about her, then turned and left, with a nod to the
barman.

Lily sighed wistfully. Hadn’t she done the right thing?

With a shake of her head, Lily laid her head down on the table, pushing her plate away, deep in
thought.

She’d been so sure it was the right things for all of them only five days ago… but what now?

Remus apparated into the Leaky Cauldron, intending to find his fiery red-head in her room
upstairs and see how she was doing. It seemed he’d found her sooner, much to his glee.

She was sitting in the corner booth that the Marauders always chose, her head resting on the
table. He couldn’t tell if her eyes were closed or not, but he knew she was only deep in thought;
it’s what she always did when she was thinking--he’d seen it many a time in their Hogwarts days to
know.

He walked over to the booth and stepped quietly into the side opposite her.

“Hi, Remmy.” She said without looking up or turning her head.

Remus smiled questioningly. She was good, no doubt. “Well, good morning, sunshine.” he said
brightly, nodding to Tom, who immediately brought a glass of pumpkin juice.

“Thank you, Tom.”

“So, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Lily sat up and smiled.

“I was just coming to see you, Lily-darling.” He wasn’t about to admit it to her, but from what
he’d heard from Alice and her friends, Lily hadn’t left the Cauldron--and had refused to stay with
anyone until she found a place of her own.

“Oh, I’m all right, I suppose.” she said. He was relieved to see that she was smiling, at least.
He’d expected her to sigh after answering his question, or look sad… Maybe Alice was wrong; Lily
looked fine. She was dressed, her hair looked it’s usual perfect, and she was out of her room,
eating breakfast.

“So what have you been doing, since… Saturday?”

Lily looked up at him. “Looking for a house.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

Remus fidgeted in his seat a little. “Lily?” He paused uncertainly for a moment. “Have you
talked to, well, anyone?”

They both knew he meant Sirius. Or James… He meant Sirius and James.

Lily laughed quietly. “Sirius just left, actually, not even a moment before you got here.” She
stopped to look at Remus’s wide eyes. “I was here, looking in the Prophet for a house and he came
in… He doesn’t hate me, Remmy, how cane he not hate me?”

Remus watched her for a moment. She looked so lost. “He loves you, Lils. Hasn’t he always?
That’s why. He understands… he would rather you have done what you did than live a lie.”

“’Live a lie.’” Lily repeated. She looked thoughtful, while biting her lip. “Have you spoken to
James? About… anything?”

Remus hesitated. “Yes.”

She opened her mouth, but stopped. She looked sad again. “This is all so blasted confusing!”

Remus nodded. “I know, Lils, I know.”

“He probably thinks I’m a coward.” She said suddenly. “But I did the right thing. I know I did.
I don’t care how many times they post that picture in the *Prophet*. I don’t care how long I
have to live here. I don’t care… Because I realized something that day, Remmy. I realized it should
be James I was walking to. I know it wasn’t, it was his best friend, but I’ve been his best friend,
too! I love him. That’s what I realized. Can you believe that? I love James Potter! Even after all
those time I turned him down in fifth and sixth years! I love him… And he probably thinks I’m a
great twit for messing up his best friend’s wedding.” She smiled sardonically at Remus and threw a
gallon on the table, preparing to leave.

“Lily,” Remus said before she turned away. “Don’t forget he was there that day, trying to talk
you out of an unhappy marriage.”

Lily smiled slowly and nodded. “I’ll see you late, Remmy. Maybe you’ll go see my new house when
I pick it out?” Lily hugged him.

“Course I will, Lils.”

***

James bit his lip and rubbed his palms together, staring around the busy shops of Diagon Alley.
He’d been there for two hours, trying to make one of the seemingly biggest decisions of his
life.

“*A contrecoeur*! What am I doing?” He smacked his forehead and turned around in the middle
of the street. “I didn’t come *all* this way, just to…” He stopped again. He threw his head
back, frustrated. “*Argh*!”

“C’est fini á jamais! C‘est de la folie!”

A little old lady walking by with her granddaughter overheard. “Young man, you seem to be in a
tizzy,” She looked concerned, cocking her little white-haired head to the side, as she leaned on
her cane. Her young, dark-haired granddaughter looked at him through narrowed eyes.

“You’re James Potter,” she said simply, crossing her arms.

James wheeled around and looked at the two, blinking. He swallowed. “Yes, ma’am…” He answered
both in one go.

“Aww, sonny, is it a girl on your mind?” The old lady looked at him kindly.

“Lily Evans, I’ll imagine. He‘s fancied her for ages. She was engaged, but ended it when she was
walking down the aisle.”

James, upon looking closer at the girl, noticed she had red hair. Like Lily… And, it appeared,
the attitude.

“You go to Hogwarts, don’t you?”

She raised her eyebrows. “How else would I know you. You’re not *that* well-known.” She
scoffed.

“I don’t know about that, darling. I believe I *have* heard of him…” The grandmother had
apparently taken a liking to James. He smiled at her.

“What’s your name?” He asked the girl.

She snorted. “It doesn’t matter. I was in fourth year when you were a seventh. You were a
Marauder. And Head Boy. *I’m* Head Girl now.” She tipped her chin up a little.

James eyes went a little dark. A red-head with an attitude that disliked him, as Head Girl. It
was very familiar. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, wishing he knew what he was
doing.

“Now you’re thinking about that girl again.” The old lady sighed. “Love can be so hard at first.
It just takes getting used to.” She smiled and patted his arm. “I think you should go see her.
Isn’t that why you’re here?”

James went to answer her, but when he looked up, he was distracted by a whirl of red hair
flashing by. He gasped and swallowed nervously.

“That would be her.” Snorted the Head Girl.

James closed his eyes.

“Oh, honey, you’ll understand someday… come along, now, we’ll let this handsome young man go
talk to that beautiful girl.” The woman smiled again. “It was quite lovely meeting you, James.” She
winked.

“And you, ma’am.” He said sincerely.

She walked away and James heard her talking in very fast French, “…une belle histoire
d’amour…”

He sighed and pushed the thought from his mind, though he really did wish less people spoke the
language. It would make for easier outbursts.

But… what was Lily doing in Diagon Alley? James groaned. Of course! She was staying at the Leaky
Cauldron, she was free to walk around in the Alley if she wanted.

He sighed, ran an hand through his hair, and ran to catch up with her. When he did, he tugged
gently on her hair, like he used to do at Hogwarts.

Lily spun around, grinning, recognizing the gesture. “James.” She looked at him, sizing him up,
as though determining his well-being, but only for a moment. Then she hugged him fiercely. “James,”
she repeated.

“Hi, Lily…” James bit his lip awkwardly. He was her best friend, yes, and always would be, but…
this was just a little bit weird. He hoped it wouldn’t always be like this. “How are you?” He just
wished that would push her in the right direction.

“I’m all right.” She smiled… but it wasn’t her brightest. “You?”

He smiled back in response and shoved his hands in the pockets of his robes. “I’m… I’m…” He
couldn’t say it! What was wrong?! “Je ne sais quoi.”

James could have kicked himself. *Why* couldn’t he just speak in English, like normal
people? At least it wasn’t gibberish… Or Turkish.

That would be odd.

Lily smiled politely and looked at the pebbles on the ground, probably wishing she were anywhere
else. James bit his lip, then sighed.

“So what are you here for?” He grinned brightly. “We can make a day of it, like we used to do,
before Hogwarts…” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Though I don’t supposed you and I have ever
done that, technically. You would have cursed me into next week if I’d ever approached you in
Diagon Alley before we were friends.”

Lily smiled… And James was proud to see that yes, it was a real smile this time. He grinned,
too.

“I’m going to the bank. I’m afraid I’ll probably be there for a least an hour. It will be quite…
tedious and boring.” She giggled. “The Hogwarts-you would definitely not be interested.” Not that
she’d tell him, but she was going to purchase a house. She’d decided which one she wanted, thanks
to Remus.

“Oh… well… all right, then.” He felt somewhat deflated, at hearing this. It was like Lily
telling him she didn’t want him along.

“But I’d love you over for dinner?” Slowly, she brought her eyes up again, to meet his. She
looked exactly like her seventh-year self… so sweet and timid. James could have gathered her up in
his arms, but for the fear of breaking her.

Immediately, there were a thousand snitches in James’s stomach. “O-oh… Dinner? Yeah, alright.
That’d be nice.”

She blinked. “Are you sure? Did you have other plans?” He knew, from her face that she thought
she’d offended him.

“No!”

They were both silent for a moment. Why weren’t they at ease? This was just plain torture.

Lily bit her lip and played with the hem of her muggle jacket. It was so quiet between the two
of them that she could almost swear she heard the galloping of a horse in the Alley; but that could
very well be in her imagination… anything to take her far away from here. Sure, she knew how she
felt about him now, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with it…

And she couldn’t very well do much about it only five days after breaking off a two-year
relationship. Not to mention a wedding.

It would be simply cold-hearted.

Though it would be nice to hear him say what he felt. To hear him say he wanted her…

No. That would make it harder to wait. But what could she do?

James seemed to recover from the stillness first. He held out his arm for hers and grinned.
“Mademoiselle?” Lily couldn’t help but think how incredibly charming he looked.

She laughed and looped her arm through his. She couldn’t even begin to count the times they’d
done this in seventh year; they’d started out doing patrols at night, arm-in-arm, just playing
around, then it just became something they did every night.

“I’ll walk you to the bank, then, since you need no assistance on your tedious work. Afterwards,
however, you may tell me all about it at a most charming dinner.”

“Oh, the one that I cook myself?” Lily winked at him.

Those comments were the ones he loved. The ones that made him feel they were what they used to
be.

James sighed, watching her as they walked. She looked away as she laughed, and her eyes closed
as she did so, her hair coming down over part of her face.

It was beautiful.

Lily fretted nervously around her kitchen. The closer dinner time came, the clumsier she got.
She already spilt her drink, nearly dropped a pot of scalding water, and almost burnt the main dish
in her haste to pick up the apartment--and trip over herself in the process.

So far? She was a mess.

She really didn’t know why she’d invited him over for *dinner*. It was such a coupl-y thing
to do. She was almost committing friendship suicide. Not that she wanted his friendship…

She sighed, wondering how she was supposed to go about this. Was she to act like the cruel
heartbreaker? Or the pathetic, sad, lonely girl who needed her best friend? Or… maybe she could
just *disappear*.

But Lily froze in the middle of dropping her dish towel--was that a knock on the door? She held
her breath, and pushed the bottle of dish soap out of sight. Deep breaths were the key. *Why
wasn’t she breathing*?!

She shook her head to clear it off any anxious thoughts, and peered through the peephole in the
door.

Oh, no. There he was.

Lily gasped for air, blinked heavily, and smoothing her jeans. She looked down to check her
sweater, deeming it acceptable.

But she couldn’t make him wait all night.

Slowly, she reached her hand forward, and opened the door. “Hello, James.” she said meekly.

He grinned, looking just like his old self. “Why, hello, Miss Lily.” He pulled a bright
sunflower from behind his back and held it in front of his face, so that only his eyes were
visible.

Lily blinked, then smiled shyly. “Pretty.” She giggled softly; it was barely audible.

His eyes looked even more hazel, next to the cheerful yellow of the flower.

Even if James didn’t hear her laugh, he saw her shoulders move, and he knew the indication; he
quirked an eyebrow at her, and she knew he was still smiling. “You know what you have to do if you
want it.”

Lily sighed; she couldn’t have even counted the times she’d received flowers from James, and
heard this very same thing. She smiled sweetly. “You’re too tall, Mr. Potter.”

“Ah.” He bent down, the flower no longer over his face; he was clearly trying to fight off a
laugh. At least he was having fun. And Lily noted she was no longer nervous.

She looked him in the eye for a moment, smiling, before leaning forward, and kissing him on the
cheek. Her lips lingered there, but neither made a move to pull away.

When she finally, did, however, she noticed his eyes were directly on hers, trying to calculate
and understand that move. But she just laughed and plucked the flower happily from his grasp and
ran to the kitchen with it. “It needs water!” she explained. That, and she needed to get away from
that possibly-awkward moment.

Unbeknownst to her, James was still in the very same, half-bent, half-standing position in the
doorway of her apartment, only now, he smiled slowly and traced his left cheek lightly with his
hand, hardly daring to believe it.

After dinner, they settled onto the couch--close, shoulders almost touching--to flick lazily
through the programs on tv. Maybe there would be something decent on.

There wasn’t.

“How ‘bout a game of--”

“Wizard’s chess?” Lily grinned. “Oh, all right, only if you want me to beat you.”

James scoffed. “Right. Didn’t you say that last time we played?”

“Last time?” Lily’s eyes went hazy as she tried to remember. “That was months ago… no, years! It
was seventh year!” Her eyes grew wide, and she laughed out loud. “How do you remember that?”

But James just smiled mysteriously in reply and crossed his arms over his chest. “Wouldn’t you
like to know?”

Lily rolled her eyes. Yes, she would, but… she wasn’t one to pry. In an obvious way. “It seems
like so long ago, doesn’t it?”

James nodded, smiling wistfully. “It’s like that a lot of the time.” He sighed. “Ah, what are we
getting all weepy for? I thought you were going to show me up at chess?”

“I am.”

“All right, then.”

But thirty-seven minutes later, the two nineteen-year-olds found themselves laughing, talking,
and flipping through old photos from a box on the mantel, all thoughts of chess forgotten. The
chess board lay two feet away, the game half-played, as the two laid on their stomachs on the
large, comfortable rug near the fire.

Lily giggled, reached out to touch James’s arm. “Look at this one,”

James lowered his eyes from one of eight-year-old Lily and her ten-year-old sister, both
laughing. It was a muggle picture, so neither were moving, but James liked it nonetheless.

He leaned over to see a picture of the seventeen year old Marauders, all standing in Diagon
Alley, in front of Quality Quidditch Supplies, snow swirling around their billowing robes. The four
boys were each leaning forward, their eyes wide, jaws dropped, noses and fingers pressed onto the
frosty glass. James smiled at seeing the picture; he looked up at Lily, wrinkling his nose.

“I never knew you took that.”

“Oh, I know.” She snorted. “You were all too distracted by the new broom inside. Or *was
it* that saleswitch…”

“The broom, definitely.” He smirked, looking for another picture.

“You started calling me your… what was it? Your poor--”

“My porte bonheur,” James supplied, smiling. He picked up his glass of wine.

“I never understood when you boys spoke French.”

“Really?” James choked. “I thought you did!”

“Well… I understand a *few* phrases, now, after hearing them from the four of you after all
this time, but…” Lily blushed. “Anyway, I remember you had asked me to stay with you for Christmas…
And even bought me presents. Your mum was so nice, James.” Lily smiled fondly, looking down at the
picture, ignoring the crimson on her cheeks. “You were all so good to me that year, even though I’d
been terrible to you before.” She looked shyly down at the rug, running her hand over it.

James touched his fingers to her cheek, forcing her to look into his eyes. “Lils…” he breathed,
sounding a bit more husky than intended. He cleared his throat. “We wanted to be friends with you…
So we were.” He blinked. “If we were ever good to you, it’s because we wanted to be, and because
you were good to us, too.” He dropped his hand to her chin, tracing her jaw line. *Oh, Lils, how
beautiful you are…*

Lily swallowed nervously. They were close. Very close. And James’s hand was tracing her cheek,
softly… intimately. She wanted him. All she had to do was say so, and… But they were friends. What
if he didn’t want her after all? And what about Sirius?

Oh, Merlin.

“Lily, what are you thinking?”

Lily’s eyes went wide. She wanted so badly to just lean in that short distance and kiss him. It
wouldn’t be hard to do.

She looked away quickly, hoping for a distraction. Her eyes fell on a picture of the two of
them, in the very first stage of their friendship. It was the first time she had been outside the
castle, for something that was not required--she had been out for Herbology, and to leave for the
funeral, but that was it.

But James had taken her outside--for a walk. They were later joined by Sirius and Remus, and
between the four of them, had a grand time…

Leaves were falling on the beautiful October night as the group walked along the edge of the
forest, until dark grew so close that they made their way up to the castle. They paused in the
courtyard, when James took Lily’s hands, and began twirling her round and round, in a beautiful
sort of dance.

They didn’t even notice when Remus took the picture.

“Lils,”

Lily’s eyes jumped to James’s. Had he moved closer? She looked away quickly, her stomach full of
knots. “Hmm?” she muttered absently. She reached for the picture.

“I asked what you’re thinking.”

“Do you remember this day?” She slowly lifted her eyes to his again, holding this picture so he
could see it. He watched for a moment as they danced in circles, laughing.

He smiled. “How could I not? I… only had eyes for you, look,”

Lily swallowed again. The knots were gone, but now there were dozens of snitches loose in her
stomach. Merlin. She opened her mouth to reply, but what was there she could say to that…? She
closed her mouth again.

“Lily,” James bit his lip. “Can I ask you something?”

“O-of course…”

Lily could just feel her heart speeding up.

James looked thoughtful. “Do you ever think about seventh year? I mean… If I hadn’t known how to
get to you, do you think we would be friends? If I hadn’t sat down at your table that day in
Transfiguration, would we know each other as well as we do?” He started making circles on her palm,
which Lily knew he did on his *own* palm when deep in thought. “You know me better than anyone
ever has…”

It was Lily’s turn to bring his eyes to her. “No, James,” She tilted her head to the side, as
she so often did. “I think we were…meant to… to…” What the hell was she supposed to say now? To be
friends? Like hell. She didn’t want to be friends anymore. To… what? “know each other so well.”
Hmm. That fit. “Whether or not it was in school,” She shrugged. “I’m just glad you were there to
help me when I needed you.” She smiled gratefully and took his hand in her, giving it a
squeeze.

“I’d always like to be there when you need me.” His eyes were there, boring into hers, seemingly
hearing her every thought. She almost wished they were, just so that… So that what? The suspense
would be over? No, the suspense was half the fun…

So that he would know how she felt. Yes.

“I’m not worried about it, James.” And she wasn’t. She knew James wasn’t the type to forget his
friends or run away. He was brave. Strong. Kind.

Lily looked down at his hand, which she still held in her own.

“Lily, I--”

“James, I w--”

They both held their breath.

A dazzling smile came over Lily’s face. “You go first.”

James looked shy, for the first time. He peered down at the floor. “Ah… okay.” He grinned for a
moment, deciding to get it over with. “You drive me crazy, Lily. You always have… I wanted to
desperately to know you at Hogwarts… And you have no idea how much it hurt me to see you hurt when…
when… your parents died. I saw that no one else knew how to help you, so I did what I knew how.
Then, somehow, you were my friend! I couldn’t believe it, Lily. I thought surely, I’d gone mad. But
no, the angels were just kind that day.” He paused, looking back up again, gauging for a reaction.
He took her smile as encouragement, and continued. “We were friends at first. Then, we were best
friends. I loved it! We did everything together--you even loved the Marauders, which you’ve been
known to swear against. It was amazing, Lily, to see you so happy, around us. I… I’ve never been
happier since I’ve known you.” He sighed. “Then we graduated. Sirius came to me one night and said
that he… fancied you. And had asked you on a date. I… could only be supportive of my two best
friends as they dated… and were engaged. On the inside, though… I was heartbroken. I loved you from
the first moment I saw you, Lily… I always have… And… I could say that it doesn’t matter to me what
you say to this, but it does. But I couldn’t go on without at least telling you once. I had to. So
if you’ll tell me one way or the other, we can at least pretend---”

Lily threw her hand over his mouth, shocking them both.

Her green eyes were wide, the smile gone. “I don’t *want* to pretend.” she whispered. She
leaned a little closer. Had they ever been this close before? “We don’t have to pretend anything.”
Slowly--very slowly-- she slid her hand off his mouth, softly over his cheek, and round to the back
of his neck to pull him closer.

And, just as slowly, he got the message.

*

*

**A/N: Well… That’s that. What do you think? Yes, it’s only going to be two chapters long, I
don’t plan on doing more (unless my readers attack me with reviews, saying it sounds unfinished.
Then I‘ll consider doing another chapter. Hey! It‘s happened before! Like… five seconds ago. *wink*
s‘okay though. Anything for my readers, mm?)… But I hope you enjoyed it? I had a bit of fun writing
it.**

**Here’s your translation:**

Deux: two

Port Bonheur: (it’s a charm that is carried in the pocket for happiness)

Comme il faut: as it should be

Souvent femme varie, bien fol est qui e’y fie: often a woman changes her mind and you’re a if
you trust her

A la tienne: cheers

Je l’aime: I love her

a corps perdu: at breakneck speed, really fast

Cela va sans dire, compé re: that goes without saying, mate (friend)

Fleur-de-lys: Flower of the Lily

Je suis derriè ve vous… toujours: I am behind you… always

Sans doute: without doubt

A contrecoeur: against the heart

C’est fini á jamais: it is over forever

C‘est de la folie: it is madness

une belle histoire d’amour: a beautiful love story

*

Wow. That’s a lot.