Always You

MisCard

Rating: PG13
Genres: Drama, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 15/07/2006
Last Updated: 15/07/2006
Status: completed

One-shot~ While fighting yet again with Ron, Hermione realizes that she doesn't want to be with him anymore, and that her feelings are misplaced. She tries to tell Harry how she feels, but when he doesn't listen she fears he'll never return her feelings. Will she lose both of her best friends, or will Harry come to his senses in time? Takes place the summer before seventh year and contains Mature!Ron.

Chapters

1. Always You

1. Always You

"Oh, don't tell me you're starting again!" Ron said, running his hand through his hair angrily as he turned away from Hermione. "Every day it's the same bloody thing with you."

"What?!" she exclaimed. "Like this is all my fault? You make it sound as if I enjoy arguing with you all the time."

"Don't you?" he asked, turning on her. "You take every chance you get to point out my flaws, correct my mistakes, make me feel like I'm shit compared to..."

"Don't." That one word was said with such ferocity, such anger, that he stopped mid-sentence. "He has nothing to do with this. This is between you and I, he has nothing to do with our relationship, so keep him out of it."

"I wish I could," he said, taking a step closer to her as he stared into her blazing brown eyes. "But you seem to bring him up in every conversation that we have. We've been stuck in this house with him all summer, trying to find those bloody horcruxes, and it's like I can't get away from him at all. Even when I'm spending time alone with you, in a room by ourselves, we're talking about him. I can't take it anymore, it's as if you'd rather be talking to him than to me and I'm tired of it."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, looking at him as if he were daft.

"See, that's what I'm talking about right there! That look on your face right now...you're looking at me as if I'm the stupidest bloke in the world!" he yelled, pointing a finger at her. "And what's worse, I've watched you talk to him, and you have never, ever looked at him the way you look at me. I do everything wrong in your eyes, and he does everything right."

"He is my friend, Ron," she stated angrily, slapping his hand away so that he wasn't pointing at her anymore. "He's your friend too, and right now we're supposed to be helping him find the very things that may help him defeat Voldemort. I'm sorry if I'm preoccupied by that fact, but his success or failure is going to decide whether we live or die. I'm sorry that you feel our relationship should come before all of that, but I don't."

Ron stared at her in disbelief, opening his mouth to say something, only to shut it immediately. He stood there looking at her, knowing that in her eyes, he would never measure up to Harry. He also knew that he didn't want to measure up to his best mate...he wanted to be loved for who he was, not for how he compared to another bloke, be it a stranger or his best friend. Finally finding his voice he asked, "How do you feel about me?"

"What?"

"You heard me," he said, a bite to his voice. "How do you feel about me?"

"I can't believe you're asking me that," she said, turning to make her way from the room. When his arm shot out to grab her wrist, stopping her retreat, she spun to look at him with wide eyes. "Let go of me."

"Not until you answer my question," he said with an eerily calm voice.

She stood there studying his face, taking in his blue eyes that already had a look of defeat in them and noted the grim set of his lips. She knew that she couldn't lie to him anymore, he deserved to know the truth about how she really felt about him, and she suspected by how he was acting that he already knew. "I don't really know anymore," she started, unable to meet his penetrating gaze. "I know that I love you, but I don't think it's in the way that you want me to. It's more as my best friend, and not as someone I want to give my heart and soul to. I'm sorry Ron."

"You're sorry?" he scoffed, letting go of her wrist immediately. "For what exactly?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, looking up, only to look away again quickly when she saw the fire of anger that was burning in his eyes. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you the truth sooner...I'm sorry that I'm not the girl you want me to be."

"What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked, quickly walking up to her so that they were face-to-face. When she continued to stare at the floor, he put a finger under her chin and lifted gently until her eyes met his. "What do you mean, you're not the girl I want you to be?"

"Just as I said," she replied sharply, quickly becoming tired of the emotional roller coaster they both seemed to be on at the moment. "We both know I'm not your ideal girl, Ron. Half the time we're fighting because you don't agree with something I say or do, and the other half of the time you're making fun of me for one reason or another." When he opened his mouth to object she stopped him by putting her finger on his lips and said, "Please don't...we both know it's true and saying that it's not would only make things worse." When he looked at her, he could see the sadness and truth in her eyes, and he knew deep down that they would never be more than just friends. Feeling very defeated all of a sudden, he took a step away from her, feeling her finger leave his suddenly cold lips.

"I can't believe you," he said, knowing it was unfair to take his anger out on her, but unable to stop himself. He knew that everything she said was true, he had admitted it to himself a while ago, but it hurt that she was the one that said it first and not him. The fact that they both felt the same way and neither had said anything before this made his stomach churn...what the hell were they doing together if they didn't feel more than friendship for each other? Was it some game to see who would stay in it the longest? Ron cursed the Fates and made his way quickly from the room.

~*~

Harry sat in the room he shared with Ron, reading the latest Quidditch Weekly magazine, when Ron came storming through the door. Harry went to say something to him but stopped the second he saw his friend's face. He had seen Ron mad before, and he'd had that blazing anger turned on him, but he couldn't remember ever seeing such a ferocious look on his face before like the one he wore now. He watched as Ron started to brutally throw his stuff into his trunk and wondered what had set him off. When Ron slammed the lid shut he jumped and watched as he spun on him and said, "I'm going home. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

"Ron, what...?"

"Ask her."

Harry stopped in mid-motion as he was getting up from his bed when he heard the raw anger and hurt in Ron's voice. Watching helplessly as his best mate stormed out of their room, Harry quickly ran out after him, following him downstairs to the fireplace. He watched as Ron threw in a handful of floo powder and turned back to look at him. Holding out his hand he said, "I would say good luck finding the rest of the horcruxes, but I don't think you need it. I'll just say that I hope you don't run into too much trouble getting them and leave it at that. If there's something I can do to help without having to come back here, just let me know." Harry shook his friend's hand, a gesture that seemed entirely too formal for two blokes that had been friends for almost seven years, not knowing what to say to stop his mate from leaving. Stepping into the green flames, Ron turned to give him one last apologetic look and said in a clear voice, "The Burrow."

Unable to wrap his mind around what was happening, Harry watched as he disappeared and then made his way upstairs to Hermione's room. Knocking twice, he didn't even wait for her to tell him to come in, he just opened the door and walked in. Seeing her sitting on her bed he asked, "Why did Ron just leave to go back to the Burrow?"

"What? He left?"

When she turned to look at him as she spoke, he could see that she had been crying, and by the redness of her eyes it had been a torrent of tears. Walking over to her bed, he sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder, hoping it would help to comfort her a bit. "Yes, he did," he replied quietly. "Care to tell me what's going on with the two of you?"

"What makes you think it has something to do with our relationship?"

"Because when I asked him what was wrong he said to ask you."

Looking down at the floor, she sniffled and answered, "I broke up with him."

"What? Now?" he asked, letting his arm drop from around her shoulder. "Hermione, this is the time when the three of us need to stick together. I need both of you to help me defeat Voldemort. What am I supposed to do now?"

Hermione's head throbbed painfully as he spoke and her anger swelled to new proportions. She knew that Harry was a little naive when it came to relationships, but his tactless questions were wearing on nerves that were already dangerously thin. "I wouldn't know, Harry," she replied in an alarmingly quiet tone of voice. "I'm so sorry that I've ruined all of your plans by ending my relationship with Ron."

Harry picked up on the undercurrent of ferocity she was feeling as she spoke and wondered why she was behaving the way she was. Didn't she understand how serious Ron's departure was, and how much it would effect their hunt for the horcruxes? Ron was their strategist, and if Harry was brutally honest with himself, he was also the strength behind the trio. Even with all of the training he had been undergoing between their trips to find the next horcrux, he still hadn't tapped into the supposed 'power he knows not' that lay dormant inside of him. Ron had grown up with and around magic, unlike he and Hermione, and could fire off a spell without a second thought or a doubt in his mind that he had chosen badly. He was the magical aspect of their alliance, and without him he was sure they would fail in their quest. Unable to sit next to her anymore, he got up and started pacing back and forth, trying to work out a way to get Ron back to Grimmauld.

"Maybe I can talk to him and convince him to come back...maybe if just he and I go to find the final two horcruxes and you stay here, he'll agree to it...maybe..."

"Maybe you should just leave him be for now and let him cool off. He might come back on his own," she said while casting her angry glare upon him.

Stopping suddenly, he turned an angry glare of his own on her and asked, "Why are you acting this way?! We need Ron's help Hermione, and you two have fought before, so maybe when both of you calm down things will go back to normal."

"You just don't understand, do you?" she asked in a trembling voice. Casting her eyes to the floor she sniffled and mumbled, "You probably never will."

She sounded so defeated, and Harry had never heard her talk that way before. What was going on with her and Ron? Why were they doing this now, when there were much more important things that had to be done if they wanted to defeat Voldemort? Feeling suddenly very uneasy with all the sudden developments between the three of them he raked his hand through his hair and said, "I have to think. I'll see you downstairs for dinner in an hour or so."

She watched helplessly as he walked out of the room, not once turning back to look at her or even trying to comfort her. She longed to feel his arm around her again, to have him tell her that everything was alright and that he'd be there for her no matter what, but it seemed that this time things may have been just too much for Harry to handle. Knowing that he wouldn't be back, she lay down on her bed and cried until she felt exhausted, falling into a very uneasy slumber.

~*~

About an hour later, Harry walked up to her bedroom door and stopped when he saw her laying on the bed asleep. Leaning against the doorframe, he took in the puffiness of her eyes and the way the corners of her mouth were turned down, making her look sad. It had taken about half an hour of angry pacing for him to realize what a wanker he'd been, and to feel like shit about the way he'd treated her. She and Ron were his best friends, but Hermione had been there during the times when Ron had been so jealous of him or angry at him that he'd abandoned him because of it. When he realized that he had practically scolded her during a time when she needed his comfort and friendship the most, he felt sick to his stomach. She stood by his side through everything, and at a time when she needed him the most, he had let her down in the worst way possible...he had taken Ron's side over hers. What the hell was wrong with him?

Walking quietly over to the bed, he kneeled down on the floor next to where she lay and studied her face. Remembering the young girl that had walked into his and Ron's compartment on the Hogwarts Express their first year, he took in her chestnut brown hair that had been tamed considerably since then. Fingering one of the curls that fell softly across her cheek, he brushed it back carefully, so as not to wake her. Taking in the freckles that were sparsely sprinkled across her nose, he stared at her for a moment and saw what a true beauty she was. She didn't wear make-up like Lavender and Parvati...her skin held a healthy glow that matched her inner beauty and Harry suddenly thought that Ron was a fool for letting her go so easily. Gently placing his hand upon her cheek, he started to caress her smooth skin with his thumb as he said, "Hermione? Hermione, wake up."

Her eyes slowly opened and focused in on him. As she became fully awake, she was surprised to see Harry kneeling down next to her, his face level with hers. As she felt his thumb caressing her cheek, she closed her eyes at the wonderful feelings it spread through her, and when she opened them again she noticed that his eyes had darkened to a color she had never seen before. Wondering why he was acting this way, but liking it all the same, she quietly whispered, "Harry?"

Something about the way she whispered his name, the husky sound of her voice as she said it and the way she was looking at him, was his undoing. Without thinking about what he was doing, he bent down and kissed her, surprising them both. While he kept his hand on her cheek, her arm snaked around his neck and she buried her fingers into his hair, something she had always wanted to do. As their hearts raced and their tongues danced with one another, Harry was falling deeper and deeper into the abyss that was Hermione; she was his best friend, she was his conscious, she was his best mates girlfriend...

That thought was like a bucket of ice cold water thrown on him, and he pulled away from her suddenly. Looking down at her, he took in her swollen lips and flushed cheeks, and when he came to her eyes he could see a look of confusion and something else he couldn't quite figure out. He was such an idiot...she'd just had a major row with Ron, and here he was kissing her. How could he do that?

Upset and disappointed with himself, he got up slowly and silently made his way to the door of her room. She watched him leave, her mind slowly clearing of the haze he had created with his kiss. Finally, her mind began functioning normally again and she called out, "Harry, wait!"

But he didn't wait, he kept walking and she ran to the door, watching as he walked slowly into the library. Following him, she walked in just as he was sitting on the couch in front of the fire, they're favorite place to read and study. Walking around the sofa, she took in the thoughtful stare that was on his face as the flames of the fire danced in his eyes and reflected off his glasses. Sitting down next to him, she reached out and placed her hand on his arm as she said, "Harry, please talk to me."

"I can't believe I did that," he said quietly, still staring. "You and Ron just had a fight, you'll make up in a few days, and here I go and kiss you...I shouldn't have done that."

Trying to ignore the twinge of hurt that shot through her heart at his words she said, "Harry, we didn't just have a fight. I broke up with him, for good. We're not meant to be together as anything more than best friends, and I finally realized that today. I'm so tired of arguing with him...I realized that instead of arguing with him all the time I'd rather..."

She trailed off, moving her gaze off of his face, and stared into the dancing flames in the fireplace too. She loved the way the flames danced their hypnotic dance, each one moving to it's own song, making it so easy to get lost in their dance and forget all of the bad things that had happened.

"You'd rather what, Hermione?" Harry asked, his curiosity piqued. She had gotten quiet all of a sudden, and he stared at her as the flames cast shadows upon her face, making her seem mysterious, yet sad. Reaching out, he took her hands in his, getting her attention again. Staring into her beautiful eyes he asked again, "You'd rather what?"

"I'd rather be with you," she whispered so quietly that he barely heard her.

His eyes widened for a moment before he realized that her words had caused a wonderfully warm feeling to spread throughout his chest. "You'd rather be with me? But you and Ron..."

"Should have never tried to be a couple," she finished as tears shone brightly in her eyes. "I tried to feel something for him that was never there. It was always you that I worried about, you that I wanted to help, and you that I wanted to spend all my time with. I should have never tried to force myself to love Ron, when deep down I've always known it was you...always you."

Harry just sat there, staring at her in disbelief. The girl that had brewed polyjuice potion for them in second year, the girl who fought by his side at the Ministry of Magic even though she had known it was a trap during their fifth year, was now the woman in front of him telling him she loved him. Reaching up, he caressed her cheek again as he looked deeply into her eyes and said, "I've been looking for someone to love me for so many years; someone to love me for who I am and not the-boy-who-lived, and you've been in front of me the entire time. How could I have been so blind?"

Two tears escaped from her eyes and started their slow descent down her cheeks, and Harry moved his hand so that he could wipe them away. Still looking into her eyes, he lowered his head slowly until their lips met again, this time in a kiss that was filled with all the love they felt for each other, a kiss that promised so many more that would make up for all the time they had lost.

Pulling apart, both of them breathing heavily, Harry lay his forehead against hers and touched his nose to hers. Closing his eyes, Harry memorized how her lips felt on his and all the wonderful feelings their kisses invoked in him, and suddenly realized something. He had been so stupid not to see what had been right in front of him all those years...that little girl who had always been by his side through it all was the one person he'd been looking for all those years. Smiling down at her, he said, "It's always been you too, and now that I know I'm never going to let you go again."