Forever?

Forever?

Chapter 1: Five years ago…

There are always those days that you dread for your whole life, yet you know they will come. Those days that you wish you could press fast forward on your life just to get passed them. Yesterday was one of those days. Yesterday was the day I came faced to face with Harry for the first time in 5 years. Five years since I had seen his emerald eyes, heard his wonderful laugh. It was five since the day that I had told the world the man of my dreams, my best friend, my soul mate- was dead. Which is true…he was…to himself...to the world...to me…

You have to understand. He wrote that letter five years ago, I never saw him leave. I never got to say good bye. But he left a letter that would “justify” his actions. Complete bull, if you asked me.

“I’m sorry Hermione, but this is what I have to do. I have to leave all of this. Including you. I need move on. I cannot be connected with the Wizarding World any more. Tell them I died shortly after the battle. For all extensive purposes, I did. Don’t tell anyone Promise me? And watch after Ron. I had tried to write one for him too, but you know how he can be.

You’ve seen me. You knew something was wrong. It was tormenting me. It was the hardest thing I ever had do—deciding to leave, that is. Things could never be the same. And I don’t know if I can live with that. Just Harry. That’s what I was when I first met Hagrid, that’s who I want to be.

Don’t call me a coward. I did what was needed, and conquer the world in a sense, now I need to live my own life. I could never look at Ron without thinking about Ginny and how its my fault. You’ll always say it wasn’t, but in the final battle she was killed by a curse meant for me. I can’t do it to the world. I walk through everyday thinking that I’m responsible for all the people killed. I can’t do it to my peers who view me as a hero when I am a murder. I can’t do it to you, I feel as though I’ll never be the kind of person you deserve, and if I stay, you might never find them.

You know I would not make this decision lightly. Maybe I’ll pass you in the street one day? Or watch you from a far? I love you, I know it’s not the greatest timing, but I want you to know in case I never see you again. Please, I know it’ll be hard for you. It’ll be hard for me. But we need to get past it. Past the pain.”

So, I did. I told the world Harry Potter was dead. My best friend, the man of my dreams, my boyfriend, was dead. I was only 18. Looking back, heartbreak should not be placed on the shoulders of a child. I felt abandoned, alone, I wasn’t good enough for him to stay. I knew it was selfish of me but that was how I viewed it. I remember when I first broke the news, there was everyone in the Great Hall that had been the final battle, or involved with the Order.

I looked out below me from the table where teachers we feared, loved, and hated, had once sat. I looked next to me, the headmaster’s seat, Harry’s seat. I turned away. I stood, cleared my throat. “I would…I would like to tell you all something.” My eyes welled up just thinking about it. He had died—for at that age what is death? Never seeing someone you love again, the actual passing of the soul to a heavenly place, or just utter loneliness that surrounds you when you realize all things that happened that will never happen again or that have you have yet to experience alone?

“Please! I need you….I need you all to give me you attention while I give you… while I tell you the hardest thing in my life… Harry…” I closed my eyes swallowed and shook my head, this would be the first I had said it aloud. “Harry…Harry Potter has…died…” The tears rolled slowly down. I closed my eyes, and listened to the silence. I bit my lip, opened my eyes to astonished faces, I was crying and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was hurt and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was alone and there was nothing I could do to stop it. This is how things were. What I wanted was run. What I wanted was hide. What I wanted was kick, scream, and cry. But I couldn't. This is how things are. Some people turned to each other soaked in tears by now. Many felt scared, their leader was gone for what they were told was forever…