Help Me

Phoenix

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 4
Published: 11/07/2003
Last Updated: 11/07/2003
Status: completed

An accident in life can affect everyone around you. It can cause trouble, it can create a bond that leads to love. Will an accident be able to save a lost girl and a cynical boy?

Chapters

1. Help Me

1. Help Me

"Will you stop acting like you know me? You know absolutely nothing about me! Just stop it! This bloody dung you are talking about is ludicrous, baloney!" Ashen orbs flashed dangerously as the two stood face to face, daggers being shot back and forth. The temperature in the air had decreased drastically, icy hatred coating everything.

"I'll stop acting like I know you when you stop acting like you know me! What I was saying wasn't insane, you know it is right. Just grow up already and admit the truth. I'm right and you're wrong, admit it." Perhaps if one had walked in on this scene they would find it amusing. After all it's not everyday you see a rather short red-haired girl going against an extremely tall boy, than again it might be a very common thing to see.

The girl just happened to be Lily Evans, a small thing compared to everyone else but with the temper of a thousand drunken pitbulls. She was what appeared to be an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life, going to an ordinary school. How wrong that was though. The seventeen-year old barely reached 5'2, yet she was a different kind of beauty, something that wasn't fake. Many passed her over, after all her breasts weren't big, she had no height, and well, she wore clothes unlike the rest of the whores who went to her school. The locks of auburn fire contrasted greatly with her skin, which was to say the least, void of almost all color. Almost everything about her seemed to scream ice, from her pale skin, frosty emerald eyes, glacial tiers, and frozen touch. That was the way she liked to be though, untouched and pure, a frozen beauty. Of course the boys passed her over, never giving her a second glance. She was everything they hated, brains, independent, spirit. Perhaps that was why she was placed in Gryffindor and after six years of slaving over books, became Head Girl.

The boy she happened to be arguing with was the Head Boy, James Potter. He was another story all together. After seventeen years of living he had gone from being the social butterfly, being loved by everyone and loving everything, to being a haunted soul. No one actually knew why this drastic change happened over the summer one year, it just happened. His once clean cut looks had turned shaggy, locks of ebony hanging in his face, covering those hollow orbs that contained nothing, just gray emptiness. James was known for his Quidditch skills but that had passed once he quit the team, giving up the game. The only thing he had left were his three friends, the Marauders. Even though they were considered the pranksters of the school, James never laughed with them, never showed any emotion at all. He was a solid brick wall, which no one, not even Sirius, could get into.

It was painfully obvious that these two had much in common with their disturbed pasts, maybe that was why they clashed? The conversation had started out quite innocent, James commenting on Lily always studying. The conflict had grown from there, soon voices were going up and down from roars to low voices, the tone making ones insides freeze.

"I do know you Evans, you are just another one of those disgusting excuses for a human being, living the perfect life, everything is just oh so perfect for you. Isn't it? Oh look at me, snobby little Lily Evans, I have the best family, the best grades, and I'll be, I must be at the top of the world!" James spat, hands shoved into the pockets of his black robes, those empty holes showing no sign of anything, not even life.

His comment sent Lily over the edge though, life wasn't perfect and he of all people should know that. Her voice lowered in both volume and degrees as she slowly spoke, pure ice flowing from glacial tiers as emerald orbs flashed with a fire that no one had witnessed before. "I said you do not know me. Do you call being left out on the streets to die by your mother and father perfect? Oh yes little perfect Lily was a freak so her parents just dumped her off to fend for herself, look at the little six year-old digging through trash. Than do you call being pulled off the streets and being sent from home to home the perfect life? Being beaten, raped, degraded, hurt. Oh yeah, let me tell you James Potter, I do have the perfect life."

"You disgust me Evans," was all James responded with before turning on his heel and exiting the common room, leaving Lily to crumble to the floor, silent tears cascading down her cheeks. He left her there, broken into a million pieces.

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"James!" A rather chipper voice called out through the corridors. The voice belonged to his best friend, Sirius Black. The two looked almost exactly alike yet their personalities contrasted greatly. Sirius was never one to be serious, always making a joke out of things. He respected James though and stood by him when others didn't. That was what made Sirius Black different from everyone else, he was indeed loyal to the end when it came to his friends.

James, upon hearing the voice, stopped in his tracks and turned around, shifting the black backpack to the other shoulder. "Yes." The words carried a chill to them, drifting towards Sirius.

"Perhaps you can inform me of what this article is about. Seems to be the latest news." Sirius arched an eyebrow slowly before handing over the folded newspaper to his friend. It was a copy of the Hogwarts Press, some newspaper printed by the Ravenclaws.

HEAD GIRL ON BRINK OF INSANITY

By- Martha Andrews

Hogwarts has a tradition of picking rather odd people to be the Head Boy or Girl. Never though have they picked such a failure as Lily Evans. The requirements for Head Girl are not only about making the grades and being responsible, but also they need to remain alive and be sane. Has our beloved headmaster overlooked the issues about Lily Evans?

Last night our very own Head Girl was found in the Prefect's bathroom, wrists slashed and blood surrounding her body as she lay there, limp and lifeless. Obviously she was deranged, not fit to be Head Girl or to even be mixing with the outside world. Headmaster Dumbledore had nothing to say on this subject when asked. Does that mean he realizes his mistake of picking such a thing for such an important role?

Madam Asinine, the school's nurse, reported that they are not certain if Lily will survive after the large amount of blood loss she suffered. The school did not create any sort of investigation about this subject, simply deeming it a suicide attempt that will most likely go through. Most must be thinking though, a Head Girl gone suicidal? After stumbling upon this story the news team at Hogwarts Press looked into our Head Girl's background, finding even more evidence as to why she shouldn't have been allowed to take up such a role.

Lily Evans was left on the streets at the age of six, where she most likely would have died if it weren't for Children Services finding her. From there our Head Girl was moved around from house to house, earning many complaints about her troublesome ways. She is also suffering from a muggle disorder, commonly called MANIC DEPRESSIVE. Lily Evans is obviously deranged and not fit to interact with the outside world. Why would the teachers put us in such harm by appointing her Head Girl?

Eyes quickly scanned over the article before tossing the paper back to Sirius. "It tells you what this article is about, Evans attempting to kill herself because she cannot control her emotions." Shoulders slowly rolled as they made the movement of shrugging. "Why does this interest you?"

"James, you're the last one who talked to her. Now think, perfect little Lily Evans goes insane? Something had to have happened to unhinge her. You don't find this the least bit intriguing?" The newspaper was tucked away inside his robes as he spoke.

"I talked to her last night, yes. Does her being weak and attempting to kill herself bother me in the least way, no. I have no reason to care nor do I have any interest in this subject at all."

"I was talking to Dumbledore, James. Do you know what he said might happen to Lily if she wakes up? He said that she could forget everything about her life, everything. They don't think she'll live though, Asinine says she's subconsciously fighting them, trying to make them let her die."

"I have no reason to care Sirius. I'm late for a meeting with McGonagall, see you tonight." With that James turned around and walked off down the corridor, leaving Sirius there simply shaking his head at his friend's back.

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Three weeks after that incident in the corridor James could be found making his way to Dumbledore's office. The school was still in an uproar over the Lily Evans ordeal. Not that many had actually ever liked her, but those that pretended to were now stabbing knives into her back, going deeper and deeper.

"Headmaster? You wished to see me?" James asked, once he had entered the round office and stood in front of the old man. Hands were once more shoved into his pocket as he simply stood there, concentrating on the wall in front of him.

"Oh yes I did. I have called you here to discuss Miss Evans. Since you are Head Boy it is only fit that you know about this. She awoke this morning, surprising us greatly. Though she is awake and healing, her mind has been severely altered James. It seems that while in the coma she reduced herself, going back to the state of a mere child. Upon awakening though some of her maturity returned, leaving her in a rather awkward state of mind. She has no memory of anything outside of Hogwarts yet it appears that she gained a mass amount of knowledge, bypassing most levels of magic and nearing the point of becoming a genius, not only in magic but also in muggle subjects. The thing is she is still somewhat reduced and cannot feel anything, no emotions, and no pain. Lily Evans, while quite mature, is still like a child when is comes to the inside. Do you understand James?"

Tiers remained in their straight line as he slowly processed this information through his mind. It didn't make sense. "I do not understand what you mean by the turning into a child, Sir."

"Hmm… Put it this way James. In your head picture a small child and the range of emotions they can feel. Children cannot comprehend things like pain, suffering, and loss. She has been reduced to someone who doesn't know anything about the eviler parts of life. Lily Evans' state of mind is simplistic, that of a child. Now do you understand?"

"Yes Sir."

"The reason I am telling you this James is because the teachers and I need your help. Miss Evans will not return to classes until the beginning of March, giving her a month and a half to regain some of her past self. She will of course continue to get private lessons until that time and remain Head Girl. The staff and I need you to help Miss Evans regain herself. You are to spend time with her and coax her out of her mind, bring herself back to reality. I do realize this is a lot of ask Mister Potter but we feel that a student must be the one to help her."

Lips tightened slightly as James shifted from one foot to the other, his displeasure of having to do this task was evident. "Yes Sir."

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"Hello James. Pleasant afternoon isn't it." Lily's voice now carried a soft tone, sounding rather carefree and somewhat happy. She had changed drastically in appearance once away from the pressures of the student body. Smooth and straight auburn locks were let down, flowing over her shoulders. Emerald orbs held a golden sparkle to them, the sparkle of innocence that could be found in the eyes of a child. She appeared to be calm, placid.

"Lily." James nodded before seating himself in one of those hard plastic chairs that was placed next to her bed. He didn't notice anything about her, only seeing a weak person in his eyes, people who couldn't control themselves. She was weak in his eyes, weak and worthless.

"How are you James? How is the school? How are my friends? Have they come to visit me?" These were the questions of a child, innocent questions that held no meaning.

"You have no friends Lily, everyone hates you," was what he responded with. Lily, like a child would, let her eyes water up, tears silently falling. She didn't comprehend though that the words were meant to cause real pain, not that feeling of disappointment she got. Though she cried, Lily didn't feel hurt, her spirit wasn't broken, she was just like a small child.

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Numerous afternoons passed, same as the first. James never stayed long yet visited each day as if it were part of his routine. Each day he made her cry, each day he tried to make her want to kill herself again, and each day he failed.

"James… can we please got outside today? It's bright and sunny and I don't like be stuck here in bed."

"No."

"Please James? Just this once, I promise I won't ever ask again." Eyes locked with his, a pleading look in them that caused the slightest pull on James' heart. Slowly his head nodded before he stood up.

"Just this once Lily." After that the two went down to the lake while the rest of the school was in classes, Lily sat there playing in the water, tickling the giant squid with a soft smile playing around on her lips. The placid aura was around her again. James simply leaned against a nearby tree and watched her frolic about. It was the start of something.

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What once was 'Just this once Lily' turned into an everyday affair. As soon as James arrived the two would go down to the lake or the gardens near the Great Hall entrance. James no longer told Lily that people hated her because he couldn't bring himself to do it any longer. Lily roamed the grounds for two weeks, while James sat around idly watching her and making sure she didn't run into a tree or something. Few words were ever exchanged anymore but there was no need for them.

"James… why aren't I allowed to go to classes?" Lily asked one afternoon when the two were resting under a large shade tree. Once again James had skipped classes to visit her, after all anything was better than Potions. The chill winter air kept them from getting hot, though the air carried the essence of snow.

James turned his head to look at her, how could one answer this question? She simply lay there looking at him with those innocent eyes, Lily seemed to be a child in every aspect. "Because Lily… the professors said you aren't well enough yet."

"I'm healthy. I want to go to classes James. I miss my friends."

"You aren't healthy Lily, not up here." His left arm moved to left the palm of his hand rest against the side of her head before quickly withdrawing and resuming it's former position. "You don't have any friends Lily…" It had been three weeks since he had said those words and if it were possible James probably would have felt bad.

This time though it seemed as if something clicked in the back of Lily's head, an emotion was forming, one she couldn't remember feeling before… loneliness. This new emotion caused Lily to cry, emeralds watered before leaking their bittersweet acid. No tears of a child were cried though, these tears were real, those of an adult and were felt.

"I'm sorry Lily." It was all he could say before looking away, turning his back on her once more.

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Eight weeks had passed since the incident, Lily was slowly feeling again, losing some of the innocence. She would never be the same again though. Snow had fallen that Saturday, covering the land in a blinding white and keeping most indoors. Lily and James however had other plans that involved Hogsmede, a suggestion of Dumbledore's.

"Are we there yet James?" Lily sat across from James in a carriage that was taking the two to Hogsmede. Dumbledore had suggested it to James as a way to get Lily out of the castle.

"Almost Lily. Now stop asking." James felt like he was dealing with an annoying five-year old child, only it was Lily who wouldn't stop bouncing around. James hadn't been to Hogsmede since the end of fourth year, right before that summer, and was in no hurry to go again.

Time passed quickly though and soon they were at the village, the second the door opened Lily jumped out and into the snow. James had to marvel for a second how she could act like such a child, after all it was only snow. Lily laid there in the thick blanket of snow, waving her arms and legs back and forth to make an angel, while sending up puffs of flurries, most of them landing in her hair where they would slowly melt. Even James had to admit she was breath taking like that but soon the moment was ruined as a carriage rumbled by.

"Lily watch out!" She had already stood up and was bending over to pick up a chunk of snow when James called. When she didn't respond and the carriage drew near and showed no sign of stopping James ran out, wrapped his arms around her waist and yanked her out of the way, sending the two tumbling onto the ground. The carriage never bothered to stop to see if the kids were ok.

"I'm sorry James… I didn't hear you." Lily sat up and turned to face him, her eyes had widened and were watering as she trembled. "I want to live James, I really do. I never meant to kill myself, it was an accident. I hadn't planned on doing that, I want to live James…I want to live." It was sickening how it took someone to almost be killed again to fix another thing. The shock sent Lily on the steady road to recovery, yet it almost cost her both James and her own lives.

After the two wandered around aimlessly for hours they settled down at the Three Broomsticks, each enjoying some butterbeer.

"James… how come you are always so grumpy?"

"I'm not grumpy."

"Yes you are James, you never smile. I've never seen you once act happy. Grumpy dumpy."

James just stared at her in wonder as she spoke. She sounded so stupid. Well not stupid just really weird.

"I am not grumpy and I have no reason to be happy." A small amount of irritation seeped into his voice as he spoke, James did not like to be questioned on why he was like this.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you like this? Why are you never happy? What happened?" The curiosity of a young child was overpowering her common sense that told her to shut up.

"What do you mean what happened? Nothing happened unless of course you come home one summer to find your house in complete chaos and than have your father murder your mother, grandparents, and brothers and sisters… all in front of you! Now there is something to be happy about." James slammed down his glass and got to his feet before exiting quickly, Lily had gotten something out of him.

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Lily and James were never quite the same after that afternoon. James hard hardened even more, barely talking to her anymore while Lily slowly recovered.

When a child has someone get mad at him or her they feel as if they lose something inside and than feel the need to get that person on good terms. That was what Lily felt, perhaps that was the reason why she worked so hard to get him to forgive her.

"James, wait up." Lily called. James had agreed to let Lily go down by the lake that night yet he walked in front of her, plainly ignoring the girl. "James please!" Thin legs tried to keep up with him, running while he simply walked. This charade continued on for a couple more minutes before James finally turned around.

"What do you want?" His breath rose in a cloud above him as he spoke, giving the illusion that he was speaking ice.

"I want to say sorry James, I didn't mean to pry." Snow was still falling about them, flakes landing on their heads refused to melt, creating a spectacular illusion. "I'm sorry."

"No you aren't." He turned around again and started off. Lily in an attempt to get him to stop reached out to grab him. She only succeeded in tripping and bringing both of them down to the ground.

They both lay there in the snow, Lily was softly laughing at the two of them. James seemed quite disturbed at being dragged down into the snow - it was wet. Minutes passed by as neither of them moved, the snow continued to fall upon them. What began as a humorous moment soon quieted down and became serious.

"James…I'm sorry for everything, for fighting with you."

"I know."

Nothing else was said as the two watched the night sky. A placid smile rested upon pale tiers as Lily's hand reach over for James' hand, gloved digits entwined as an unspoken agreement was reached. Than slowly it crept across his features, lips loosening and turning upwards in the slightest twist. It appeared nonetheless on his face, something that hadn't been seen there for years . . . a smile.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to J.K. Rowlings and quite frankly this is a story that is worth taking credit for. ::nod.::