Delusions

IslandPrincess1

Rating: G
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 15/12/2006
Last Updated: 15/12/2006
Status: completed

Inspired by Yethro's Delusions, what Harry's thoughts may be as presented in the sketch.

Chapters

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A/N: Alas, a really short piece, a ficlet really, based off of one of DeviantART's Yethro's wonderful Harry/Hermione pieces, the aptly titled Delusions. I actually began this over a year ago, shortly after the photo came out and now, in the midst of exams and some writer's block as far as seventh year fic is concerned, thought I should post it. Hope you like it then. I may not have captured exactly what the sketch says, I may have taken well over a year to write it up, but I really tried. If you haven't seen it, I suggest Google, as I am unable to provide a link at this time.

Disclaimer: You're suffering from some serious delusions if you think I own this stuff, not to mention a host of militant lawyers (JKR's, Yethro's) may have a problem.

*****

Delusions

The world's gone mad.

Or at least upside down… but it doesn't matter, to everyone else it's all right.

Not to you though, it will never be to you.

Not anymore.

She… how do you describe her?

She's your best friend, almost like your sister… well, not the way you think of her now. You would never think of a sister like that.

She's pretty, very pretty, and on the inside, she's beautiful, perfect, precious…. Her smile brightens a room, her tears are like the glass shards of your broken heart, without her you are nothing, you will be nothing…. You need her like the air you breathe; cliché as it is, you are two halves of a whole, and though you were sure you could have left them just a week before, you know you would have come running back again if just to breathe her in….

Yep, definitely wouldn't think of a sister like that.

Maybe it's because you're missing Ginny?

Yeah, that's it. You're missing Ginny and they're together so you find yourself jealous. It's perfectly the reason you're upset at the sight of them. It's entirely the reason you try to pretend they're not together, that it's all a very strange dream you're trying to wake up from. It's absolutely the reason why you fight with and yell at her whenever you get the chance, drawing her attention to you, keeping it from him. It can be nothing else.

It has to be.

Of course, you don't really believe that.

Not anymore.

You find yourself hoping that they haven't kissed yet. For some reason that finalises it in your head, once they've kissed she's officially his and you don't stand a chance.

But then she snogged Krum, didn't she, and they're not together now. No, but with Ron you know it's going to be the end. You don't date your best friend's ex-girlfriend, you don't want your best friend's girlfriend, and you're not supposed to fall in love with your best friend.

But you want to, you do and you have, and nothing is going to change that.

She's been in the library.

You see her as she comes round a corner with a book in hand and a tired yet determined expression on her face. You can't help but think how beautiful she looks when she is like that. You smile, and then nearly fall over when she suddenly turns to you, and after a moment, smiles back.

Does Voldemort matter when she smiles at you like that? Does the Wizarding world with all its bollixed prejudices, rules and mentality matter when you can have her smile, her devotion, her love? It certainly didn't that much last year when you wanted Ginny.

But Voldemort is the one who brought Hermione to you, whether he will ever know that or not. Well, he will, you plan on telling him the reason for his downfall just before you hit him with the Killing Curse between the eyes.

Voldemort is the reason she's been in the library, trying to help you find a way to kill him. Voldemort is the reason you befriended that bossy-voiced, bushy-haired little swot in the first place. And in a way, Voldemort is the reason you're in this mess now because you certainly didn't rescue her from that troll alone. Strike another one up to old Moldieshorts; he can screw with you without even actually trying.

Now her pretty little smile has turned into a frown, and without looking you think you know why. You're not in uniform, and she knows you've had classes today. She thinks you're running away without her, them… or at least planning to.

You try to reassure her before she reaches you, with a downward glance and a casual shrug. It does not take away the furrowed brow, it does not take away the confused look in her eyes… and as it soon proves a moment later, it does not hold her attention for very long. Ron has come—walking up to her from behind and draping a much too large and ill-fitting arm over her shoulder—and now she only has eyes for him again.

You never stood a chance, you always knew that.

But then when they stand with you, she quietly catches hold of your hand. You look down at your joined hands surprised, and then up at her face for explanation. Is she still afraid that you're running off and trying to hold on so that you won't? Is she afraid that you will leave her alone with Ron to “talk” and go back to Ginny again? Is she just trying to reassure you instead?

All she gives you is that smile, that mysterious little Mona Lisa-like smile, almost a smirk.

And all the while Ron notices nothing.

It's wrong you're sure, but this, whatever this is, will just have to be another one of your little secrets then. You realise with awe that just a few years short years ago you two never had such things.

When did that happen, when did it all change?

But the world's gone mad, upside down, inside out….

You're in love with her, and though it will hurt him, as sure you are of the warmth of her palm in yours; you know you cannot bring yourself to care. Because something in that smile, in the contact, in your secrets, tells you that she loves you too.

Sorry Ron, and Voldemort be damned!

Fin.

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