1. Chapter 1: Signed

Title: You've Got Mail
Author: twiddlekinks
Rating: PG to PG13
Warnings: None, really.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Notes: Created for the "Ginny Loves Draco: Mail Order Bride" Contest. (http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/profile)
(http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/3237.html)
By the way, "You've Got Mail" is a movie released a few years ago, with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. Excellent movie, complete with quippy wit and poor-shopgirl meets rich-bookstore-mogul and epistolary correspondence. That said, that particular movie really has nothing to do with the following fanfictitious story.

Summary: Someone finds a "Good Wife For Life" site on the Internet, but Ginny gets to the package first. Who in the wizarding world wants a mail-order-bride, and what'll happen when this ordeal is signed/sealed/delivered?

You've Got Mail

-i-

Chapter 1: Signed

Ginny Weasley was surrounded by faces. Not live ones, of course, but plenty of two-dimensional figureheads seemed to blink at her from the stamp-sorting room. She sighed. They formed a formidable cavalcade of multiple repeats. Organizing this strange facet of Muggle postage was one of the more tedious aspects of her concentration.

She was finishing up her final semester at the University of Cambridge, studying "anthropology" and utilizing her cross-registered college years to finish a thesis on Muggle studies at the Wizarding Institute in Tadcaster (WIT). Her "research" involved objective immersion in the Muggle world. In particular, she had decided to focus on communication differences between wizards and Muggles. So far, she'd discovered the Internet, telephones, cellular phones, and walkie-talkies. The last major thing to cover was the mail system, and how Muggles survived without owls. Hence, she'd accepted an "internship" at the closest post office in London, and was learning the various intricacies of sorting the daily post.

She scratched idly beneath her collar. One thing that had surprised her about Muggles was an alarming uniformity of dress code. However, 'twas all the better for blending in, and, despite her occasional spoonerisms like "veletision," most of the other workers minded their own business. Actually, one particularly dodgy fellow had leered at her and muttered something about "You put the 'sexy' in 'dyslexia,'" but he had been fired from the post office the next day for sniffing the stamp glue.

Other than that, the overall experience was quite a restful one, but also somewhat boring. She almost yearned for the timble-tumble of home, and then remembered the colorful prank the twins had pulled on her the week before she'd left. They'd turned her hair a bright orange-yellow, but then she'd retaliated, in a classic "fight fire with fire." Only in this case, she had actually set their hair on fire. Not exactly fire, but just enough to be inconvenient, especially while showering. A temporary spell, really, but at least it taught them that she gave as good as she got.

How very distracting. All right, back to her current job. Yes, yes. So far, the artistic stamps and postage were the most varied of the bunch. She was counting through the commemorative queen stamps, when she suddenly heard a sort of rustling, followed by a distinctive thump.

"Oi!" came a call from the cashier line. "Everythin' all fine and dandy back there?"

"Probably," Ginny replied. "I'll just check around to make sure." She scooted up and dusted off her rear end. The sound was probably caused by a package falling, which sometimes happened when an owl lost its way. Some of the wizarding folks had Muggle relatives but no stamps, so they usually directed each letter to a Muggle-Wizard post office hybrid. However, some of the owls had difficulty reading, and those invariably got lost. The more unfortunate ones were found by unwitting teenage interns and sometimes chased away with a broom. The Wizarding Committee on Messaging usually sent staff out in the form of a postal inspection each week, in order to gather up any waylaid letters and get them to where they needed to be.

Ginny arrived in the package room. She could still hear a rustling, but it didn't really sound... well, birdlike. She couldn't hear any telltale hoots of distress from any owls. In fact, the rustling sounded more like fabric brushing against cardboard.

She walked to the back of the room, and, just as she passed by a particularly huge box, she heard a particularly loud "Aiyah!"

After nearly jumping out of her skin, she instead tripped and fell onto the talking box. An "Oomph!" resounded from within. Gathering her Weasley wits about her, Ginny said, "Erm... Hello?"

There was a scrambling and more fabric rustling, and then someone said, "Hel-lo! Hel-lo! I need to... ah... use... eh..."

Ginny was aghast. Did this box contain a person? Feeling around for her keys, she quickly ripped open the tape holding the battered container together. The box was about one and a half meters tall, just barely shorter than her petite frame.

Prying open the flaps, Ginny gazed into the box and was met with some startlingly almond-shaped eyes. With a small yelp, she released the flaps, which fled inward and bonked the person on the head. "Ow!"

Chagrined, Ginny pulled the flaps back again. "Er... sorry."

Rubbing (her? Yes, it had to be a her) head, the girl said, "Oh-kay. Um... toy-let?"

Aha! Ginny understood immediately. "Over here." She helped the girl clamber out of the box, and directed her to the necessary room. Then Ginny inspected the box.

It was fairly standard, made of extra strong cardboard and somewhat cushioned on the inside. There was a thin filmy blanket, and a couple of gummy candy things. They smelled rather sweet, and quite exotic. Then she saw a letter taped to the side of the box.

Dear Sir, it read.

We at Dewey, Cheatham, and Hao are pleased to deliver youre verry own MAIL ORDER BRIDE!! Please, keep looking at our WEBPAGE, recommend us to youre VERY RICH friends! If you need any EXXXTRA HELP, please view some of the ads on our website -- masculine PERFORMANCE has never been so easy to increase with these products!! Do not hesitate to ask questions, and we will try to address any inquiries within 24 days! We want you enjoy your "GOOD WIFE FOR LIFE"!!

Have a nice day!!!!

Dewey, Cheatham, and Hao

www.goodwifeforlife.com

Ginny grimaced. While not the most grammatically correct letter ever, it certainly seemed quite enthusiastic. Then she noticed three words. "Mail Order Bride"?

The girl had wandered back from the washroom, and Ginny suddenly noticed that she was swathed in a white dress. It looked to be a wedding dress. Was this a poor Muggle on vacation? Why would a girl in a wedding dress be stuck in a box? She kind of looked quite like a disheveled ...bride. Ahem.

Ginny cleared her throat. The girl looked scared. "Oh-kay. Back into box. I go, I go." As the girl started to clamber back into the box, Ginny exclaimed, "No! Ah... no. Don't go back into the box. Stay out here for a bit. Um... Stretch your legs, if you would." She paused. Then she asked, "So... ah... would you explain what a Mail Order Bride is?" The girl looked confused. Ginny sighed. This box girl didn't really seem to speak English too well. "Where are you from?"

The girl suddenly looked relieved. "I born in Chi-na. Cousin talk to me yes-ter-day, say I know English so would I like to go England. I say oh-kay. He buy me pretty dress, tell me I be a good girl for good hub-by. To-day I in box. To-mor-row, I meet hub-by, learn good English."

Ginny could not believe her ears. "You mean that your cousin put you in a box and sent you over here so that you could be someone's wife?"

"Yes. Sound right." The girl looked hopeful. "Are you my hub-by hub-by?"

"No, indeed not." Ginny was suddenly outraged. This girl looked like such a sweet young thing. Who on earth would want a mail-order bride? Someone who couldn't find himself a wife, no doubt. Probably a monster who preyed on young girls via the Internet. She couldn't let this innocent girl meet her fate at the hands of some meanie.

"Listen," she told the girl. "I don't think this Mail Order Bride thing is a good idea."

The girl looked startled. "But I want learn English. My cousin -- he not like."

Ginny sighed. "Tell you what. You can learn English at my home, for now. I'll... ah... I'll send you there. Then I'll talk to your husband-to-be, and give him a piece of my mind."

The girl looked slightly worried, but said, "Oh-kay."

Ginny stuck out her hand. "I'm Ginny. I'll be sending you to my family's house, and you tell them I sent you, and that I'll be along soon to explain, all right?"

The girl nodded, then replied, "Mei."

"I beg your pardon."

"Hel-lo, Gin-ny. My name Mei."

Ginny smiled. "That's quite pretty, Mei. Now, close your eyes." Mei closed her eyes. Ginny whispered, "Hmm... we deliver people much more quickly in London. Welcome to England, Mei. Now, off you go!"

With a swish and flick of Ginny's wand, Mei was off to Ottery St. Catchpole. Ginny, however, signed her timecard, dropped it off, collected her purse, and hopped into the box. "And now, to be a mail order bride," she muttered. "Internet loonie, you've got mail..."

-i-

Author's Notes

Note 1: The Mail Order Bride firm of "Dewey, Cheatham, and Hao" is actually the name of the alleged "lawyers" on Car Talk, which can be heard via NPR on Saturday mornings. I thought it'd be particularly suitable in this case. ;)

Note 2: I hope ya'll don't mind the accent -- I'm Asian, so I figured an Asian mail-order bride would be entertaining. :)

Note 3: This story can also be found on:
The original entry on GinnyLovesDraco:
http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/3237.html
My Livejournal:
http://twiddlekinks.livejournal.com/tag/you%27ve+got+mail
Draco and Ginny: (Most edited/updated version)
http://www.dracoandginny.com/viewstory.php?sid=4569

(Feedback much appreciated!)

^_^

2. Chapter 2: Sealed

Author's Notes:

Created for Pud's "Ginny Loves Draco: Mail Order Bride" Contest. (http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/profile)
(http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/3237.html)
By the way, "You've Got Mail" is a movie released a few years ago, with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. Excellent movie, complete with quippy wit and poor-shopgirl meets rich-bookstore-mogul and epistolary correspondence. That said, that particular movie really has nothing to do with the following fanfictitious story.

Title: You've Got Mail
Author: twiddlekinks
Rating: PG13
Warnings: None, really.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Summary: Someone finds a "Good Wife For Life" site on the Internet, but Ginny gets to the package first. Who in the wizarding world wants a mail-order-bride, and what'll happen when this ordeal is signed/sealed/delivered?

You've Got Mail

-ii-

Chapter 2: Sealed

-ii-

It was Draco Malfoy's birthday. He was relaxing at his cherry wood desk, contemplating while attaining the luscious age of twenty-four. His benevolent mother had gotten him a cake, and, for once, she was hosting a relatively quiet party. The bigger bash would probably be next year, when he turned two and a half decades old.

He groaned, sitting back in his seat. All of the business endeavours he was pursuing were probably going to give him gray hairs by the time he was thirty. But, being of the platinum blond caliber, he supposed that the gray hairs would just add silver highlights, emphasizing his mercuric eyes. Hmm... quite artistic. The ladies would definitely swoon, as usual. Not a bad idea, really, this "working" activity. Though... he was getting rather tired of the myriad of females parading through his serial dating lifestyle...

There was a sudden racket at the door, and his mother entered his study, followed by a tiny house elf toting an extremely large package. The house elf set down the package and looked expectantly at Narcissa Malfoy, who shooed it away regally.

Draco stood. "Mother?" She had plied him with wine and his many favorite dishes, and he was in quite a comfortable state of mind. However, his sense of suspicion was somewhat prickled -- one did not go about receiving large packages every day. Ah, well. The bigger, the better, he supposed.

"Draco," she declared dramatically, "To quote from a darling Muggle movie, 'You've got mail.'"

Draco raised one eyebrow. A moovie? Was his mother transitioning to a bovine? He decided to pay it no heed, and said, "I see that, Mother." He sauntered over to the package. "Now, pray tell, what is it?"

She smirked the Malfoy smirk at him, then ran her hand over the package's side. "If you must know, it's a birthday present. A wonderful idea, to be sure. In fact, our neighbors did it for their son, as well."

Draco had begun to unravel the grandiose pink ribbon on the package, but paused. "Which neighbors, Mother?"

"Oh, the Yeps, I think. You know, that darling Asian couple two counties away? Anyway, they told me that they were getting so tired of the standard societal breeding mare, and decided to branch out and try something new. Of course, their particular package came last week, but I believe their order actually ran away with the scullery maid. However, according to the 'u u u' page or that 'Winternet' fingle-fangle, there were several other options for young Laurence, so he didn't quite mind. And they were pureblooded and pretty, at that. The young boy spent his days buried in schoolbooks. Not quite the best environ for making progeny, really..."

Draco was listening with only half an ear to as Narcissa glibly prattled on, but the "progeny" caught his attention. "Progeny? Mother, you're not saying there's a progeny-manufacturing device in this box, are you?"

"Oh, of course not, dear. Well, I guess you could call it that, but it's more old-fashioned, per se..."

Suddenly, there was a popping sound, and the box suddenly opened.

"Goodness," Draco commented. "I hadn't finished opening that yet."

A redheaded jumped out, amber eyes flashing. Or rather, she tried to jump out, but seemed to have a filmy blanket-like thing tangled about her feet. She promptly fell down, flashing something else instead. "Bollocks! It must be a veil! Who in their right mind would package an insanely long veil in a bridal box? How terribly impractical."

Draco paused. While he had never envisioned a human in a box, he supposed that a "Jack in the box" logically had to have a feminine counterpart. He also supposed that a present should be met with gratitude, whether unexpected or no. He applauded politely. "Well done, Mother."

She smiled at him graciously. "Thank you, dear." Then she frowned. "Hmm... but, from the pictures I recalled, she's supposed to be wearing something entirely different."

The girl stood, still glaring somewhat. She was clothed in a short navy skirt and blazer, with a nametag that said "Postal Service Intern" and a hastily scribbled name. Draco suddenly had a thought. "Mother," he asked, "Have you been cavorting around Hogsmeade and bothering those Weasley twins again? Because I think that might be their sister."

Narcissa looked quite startled, then exclaimed, "Heavens no. I once stumbled into their shop, the charming gentlemen, but their candy is so frightfully dangerous. Besides," she said, turning an appraising eye to the girl, "The Weasleys are wizards. She's not dressed in wizard's clothes. In fact, she must be the mail-order-bride I asked for. The Yeps assured me that the company gave them a lifetime guarantee and a bride-in-a-box guarantee, and, well, she's not quite Asian, like those pretty girls on the Internet box, but I was worried that various lingual barriers would have prevented her from attending our miscellaneous social functions, so perhaps I called and requested a redheaded girl, instead. I really did want a companion, you see, and you're taking such a long time to marry..."

She was interrupted by quite a gleeful peal of laughter. The girl from the box was talking. "Draco Malfoy, you can't get a woman for yourself?"

Draco looked at his "gift." He cleared his throat, "My dear lady, you heard my mother. I am simply 'taking a long time to marry.' If you must know, I have been extremely busy and important lately, especially in various business matters." He snapped his fingers. The harried house elf appeared. "Pippy, take my new mail order bride to the guest quarters, please, until further arrangements can be, well, arranged."

The redhead looked him, mouth semi-open. "Draco Malfoy! You can't possibly believe that I'm your mail order bride! I'm Ginny Weasley! We went to school together!"

Draco looked at her, bemused but firm, "Bride, whom am I more likely to believe? You or my own mother?"

That shut her up, at least temporarily. As she started to protest further, Pippy snapped her fingers, and a strip of what looked suspiciously like duct tape was sealed over our heroine's mouth. Pippy snapped her fingers once more. Ginny drifted up, away from the rest of the wrappings, and was promptly whisked up the stairs.

-ii-

Author's Notes
Note 1: Laurence Yep is actually a brilliant Chinese American author, who wrote some of my favorite childhood books, namely Dragonwings and The StarFisher and Ribbons.

Note 2: This story can also be found on:
The original entry on GinnyLovesDraco:
http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/3237.html
My Livejournal:
http://twiddlekinks.livejournal.com/tag/you%27ve+got+mail
Draco and Ginny:
http://www.dracoandginny.com/viewstory.php?sid=4569

(Feedback much appreciated!)
^_^

3. Chapter 3: Delivered

Author's Notes:

Notes:[This particular chapter (Chapter 3) is edited from the original story.] The story was originally created for Pud's "Ginny Loves Draco: Mail Order Bride" Contest. (http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/profile)
(http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/3237.html)
By the way, "You've Got Mail" is a movie released a few years ago, with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. Excellent movie, complete with quippy wit and poor-shopgirl meets rich-bookstore-mogul and epistolary correspondence. That said, that particular movie really has nothing to do with the following fanfictitious story.

Title: You've Got Mail
Author: twiddlekinks
Rating: PG13
Warnings: None, really.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Summary: Someone finds a "Good Wife For Life" site on the Internet, but Ginny gets to the package first. Who in the wizarding world wants a mail-order-bride, and what'll happen when this ordeal is signed/sealed/delivered?

You've Got Mail

-iii-

Chapter 3: Delivered

-iii-

The next day, Draco cornered his mother. "Mother," he said patiently, "Not that I mean to appear ungrateful, and I heartily appreciate your intentions, but are you truly pleased with this situation?"

"Of course, dear. And, if you must know, I'm ever so glad she's a redhead. With your white light hair and her flaming red tresses, you should be quite a striking couple. And, besides, I do so like pink."

"Pink?"

"Why, yes. I know it's been quite a while since you've taken your art classes, dear, but when you mix red and white pigments together..."

A chuckle sounded from the doorway. Draco turned to see his previously packaged person trying not to smile.

"A very artistic sentiment, indeed, Mrs. Malfoy," she said. "Now, may I please go home?"

Narcissa looked appalled. "Certainly not. I am still making arrangements for the wedding." Then she swept out of the room.

Ginny had paled. "Surely she... she can't mean..."

Draco nodded sagely. "Oh, but she does. What did you say your name was, again?"

"I didn't say, but it's Ginny. Ginny Weasley, in fact."

"Right."

"You know, you must be mistaken."

"Actually, I'm not. Mistaken, that is. Haven't the foggiest who that could be. My name is Draco Malfoy."

"Ah. Well, I think we'd established that."

"Yes, indeed. And my mother established yesterday that the people who'd sent us the box and its contents also promised a lifetime guarantee. You do realize that you were in this aforementioned box, yes?"

"Malfoy, I realize the oddness of this predicament. However, the reason why I was in the box in the first place was to rescue the poor underling who was actually in the box. I was working at a post office --"

"Post office?"

"Yes, a place where Muggles mail letters --"

"My mother was going to snag me a wife through Muggle mail? How uncharacteristically disorganized of her. I'm surprised it actually got here in time."

"You actually know about Muggle mail?"

"Of course. I run a highly successful business. We tend to attract both Muggle and wizard businesses alike. I have had several insanely complicated run-ins with their postal service."

"Ah. Well, I actually had to direct your precious package a bit -- it's a fairly big box, really, but since I knew the ins and outs of the post office, I was able to --"

"Ah, there, you see? It's much better that you found the box and jumped into it yourself. From your label of 'poor underling,' I doubt the girl you found therein would have been as resourceful. Why, perhaps you were just added insurance to the lifetime guarantee -- one of those 'your satisfaction or your money back' sort of mottos. You have helped to expedite the greater good and overall efficiency of the transaction, and I am truly grateful." He knelt down and kissed the back of her hand.

Ginny realized she'd gotten a little lost somewhere in his grandiose meanderings. "Actually, Malfoy, I directed the girl to my home, where I hope she'll be taken care of, rather than be stuffed in a box --"

"Ah, so you took what my mother had ordered, which would technically have been stealing, except for the ever-so-kind fact that you replaced it with something that seems to be much more valuable." He leapt up off his knee, a frown theatrically appearing and disappearing on his characteristically beautiful features. "Now, if you'd rather we not press charges, perhaps you should just be a good little bride and ready yourself for the wedding."

"Wedding?"

"Indeed. What would a bride be without a wedding? I believe my mother is arranging the, ah, arrangements as we speak."

"I can't marry you! I hardly even know you!"

"Ah, well. I suppose that's fairly common in these cases, am I correct? I do know Laurence Yep, and he doesn't really seem to mind. Writes excellent books. Quite a smart fellow, so I might as well try out his methods."

Ginny sighed. "Malfoy, don't you believe I'm a Weasley?"

He scoffed. "A Weasley? Do they come in boxes now?" With that, he strode out of the room.

-iii-

...And into his mother's parlour. Where he encountered two red heads and four bright eyes.

"Interesting idea, chaps."

They looked at each other, and then spoke:

"Ah, yes, well, our apologies for the complex ordeal, Malfoy. Being as you're such a fine gentleman who's aided in the blossoming of our various business endeavours, we never wished to embroil you in a project of such intricate design."

"You see, our friend's fiancé's cousin's second cousin really wanted to visit England. And wrote to our friend's fiancé accordingly. And we thought that --"

"-- it was an excellent excuse. To rescue the pretty Chinese girl from her own dodgy cousins and to exact a sort of playful payback prank upon our beauteous sister for her... ah..."

"...fiery temperament. Think how silly she must've felt after riding a box through Muggle mail and arriving on a cantankerous family doorstep? Brilliant, eh? But when we promoted the bride service in England, especially after suggesting it to the Yep family --"

"-- we didn't expect your mother to, ah, support the website quite so much, or insist quite so enthusiastically to fund the next shipment. And, --"

"-- though we figured that if we routed the Muggle mail through her particular post office, Gin would indignantly execute a stunning rescue-the-bride-mission, preventing any actual unwanted marriage ties --"

"-- we didn't expect your family to continue to, ah, support the mail-order bride idea. In fact, after we figured out the mess and charmingly explained the whole kit and caboodle last night, we thought --"

"-- that a Malfoy would never carry on the charade or even talk about weddings after being so --"

"-- exquisitely startled by the reception of such a package."

Draco blinked a few times. No matter how many times they did that, he just wasn't used to ping-ponging between one twin and the other. But he sighed, almost dramatically.

"'Continuing a charade after the reception'?" He shook his head. "My dear gentlemen, don't you know anything about marital tradition? The reception comes after the wedding." He winked. "But I fully appreciate your help in this wild idea of my mother's, and, if you must know, it was quite a refreshing gift. And, as a Malfoy, I always optimize on life's little gifts. In short, fellows, this package has been signed, sealed, and delivered."

With that statement and another wink, the esteemed Draco Malfoy swept out to enjoy his birthday present.

-iii-

Author's Notes

Note 1: Laurence Yep is actually a brilliant Chinese American author, who wrote some of my favorite childhood books, namely Dragonwings and The StarFisher and Ribbons.

Note 2: There's a song by Stevie Wonder entitled, "Signed, sealed, delivered -- I'm yours!" I thought it was particularly fitting for some extra wrapping, and it fit the number of chapters I wanted in the story. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signed,_Sealed,_Delivered_(I'm_Yours))

Note 3: This story can also be found on:
The original entry on GinnyLovesDraco:
http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/3237.html
My Livejournal:
http://twiddlekinks.livejournal.com/tag/you%27ve+got+mail
Draco and Ginny:
http://www.dracoandginny.com/viewstory.php?sid=4569

(Feedback much appreciated!)
^_^

4. Epilogue: I'm Yours!

Author's Notes: