So Cold

beverlyhills

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 20/12/2006
Last Updated: 20/12/2006
Status: in_progress

After the Final Battle with Voldemort, Hermione finds herself all alone. Chock full of angst. You have been warned.

Chapters

1. So Cold

1. So Cold

Disclaimer: I Don’t Own Harry Potter

A/N: All righty y’all. This story is a bit unorthodox. Its kind of Hermione’s jumbled thoughts alter the final battle with Voldemort, so bear with me ok? I hope it turns out okay and I hope y’all like it!!!!

Hermione walked down what used to be Hogsmede village. A breeze blew her hair around and she shivered. She put her hand around her arms and moved them up and down, trying to generate some body warmth. It didn’t work.

Hermione looked up at the sky. Dark gray clouds covered what was just hours ago was bright sunshine. She kept walking.

She stopped and stared at what she thought was the Three Broomsticks, once boarded and closed, now a pile of black rubble. Hermione inhaled a deep breath and closed her eyes. She leaned against the last remaining wall and thought…

It had been here that she, Harry, Ron, and Ginny had spent their last day together. How fun it had been. The four of them laughing and talking and excited about graduation. They sipped butterbeer and relived classic Hogwarts memories. Nothing could ruin her day that day.

Except…

She thought to when Harry had laughed at one of Ginny’s jokes, and kissed her so nice, so sweetly on her lips, and right then Hermione’s heart broke into a thousand pieces, just like every time she saw them kiss or hug, or even laugh at each other’s jokes.

Why couldn’t he have chosen me? She had thought. Now it all seemed so trivial compared to what they had gone through the next few weeks.

It’s just too bad that whenever Hermione would take a sip of her butterbeer and Ginny would talk to Ron, she would never see Harry’s eyes long for her.

Hermione banged her head against the wall and gasped suddenly as she felt it collapse. She fell onto a pile of brick. Coughing, she stood up and was embarrassed, but then remembered no one was there to see her.

She squeezed her eyes shut as she felt tears threatening to overflow. No one was here. They were all dead. Maybe. Probably. She hadn’t seen anyone since she woke up about twenty minutes ago.

What was the plan? When it’s over, go to Hogwarts. But was it over? Hermione opened her eyes and walked once again up and down the streets of Hogsmede looking for someone, anyone. Heck, she’d even be welcomed to see professor Trelawney.

That’s how it all happened. With Trelawney. If only she hadn’t made that stupid prediction, none of this would’ve happened.

No use crying over spilled milk, she thought. Too bad it was a lot more than just some spilled milk. Damn it, where was everyone. Maybe everyone was dead. No. Someone had to still be alive. Maybe I should start towards Hogwarts. You might run into Death Eaters, she thought. Maybe they’re all gone, she countered. She had no idea of knowing.

She remembered waking from her bed, realizing it had happened. The attack on Hogsmede. The final showdown. The final battle. Harry and Voldemort.

Parvati had been crying and was shoving clothes into her bag. Lavender was sitting up in her bed. Parvati said everyone had to go down to the dungeons until it was over. That’s when Hermione thought of one person: Harry. She got out of bed and threw on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. She grabbed a gray hoody, slipped her sneakers on, grabbed her wand and rushed down the stairs. She heard Parvati call to her, telling her to come back. She ignored her. There was no way Harry was doing this alone.

It was complete pandemonium when she got to the common room.

People where yelling, Professor McGonagall was telling everyone to get downstairs now. Hermione scanned the room and saw a flash of Ron’s red hair and followed him outside the common room.

Ron wasn’t surprised to see her. After about a second of useless protesting, Hermione and Ron walked briskly to the Great Hall. He explained what was happening.

“Harry’s already down there. Its bad. Hogsmede’s going down.” Hermione nodded and saw the entire Order waiting in the Great Hall. Ginny was there too. Lupin starting talking about what to do, what to do in an emergency, but Hermione wasn’t listening. The doors were open and it was freezing. Hermione put her hoody on.

“Let’s go!” Lupin ordered. Hermione followed behind Ron and Ginny, listening to Ron’s feeble attempts to have Ginny stay at Hogwarts, where it was safe.

“No, my boyfriend’s out there. I have to be there. You don’t understand.”

Oh I understand perfectly, thought Hermione.

When was it she finally realized she was in love with Harry? Probably forever, but it didn’t hit her until she saw him with Ginny. She couldn’t describe it, but it just made her so sad. She covered it pretty well, but at night she’d shed a few tears, then a few more for thinking this way, for wanting something her best friend was so happy with.

They reached the top of the hill.

******************************************

Hermione gasped as she saw Hogsmede. It looked like it was daytime, an eerie daytime that glowed orange from fire and instead of birds singing people were screaming.

She and Ron looked at each other. Harry was down there, doing who knows what. The Order was giving last minute instructions. Hermione was so cold. She shivered.

“….and if we ever get separated… “

Why am I so cold?

“….meet back at Hog-” an explosion sounded. Lupin paled in the orange light. “Okay, we gotta go. Good luck everyone, and God ble-.”

He wasn’t able to finish as a jet of green light struck him in his chest. His mouth was still open, wishing safety to everyone. Hermione could hear a woman screaming and crying. Tonks? Maybe, but she didn’t have time to see. About six death eaters came trudging up the hill towards their spot. She felt someone tug on her shirt and saw Ron was running.

“Hermione let’s go!!!”

Hermione ran down the hill, skidding to a stop at the base of Hogsmede. “Ron! The Order…” Ron shook his head. Ginny was panting and said they were battling. Hermione felt her hopes drain. It hadn’t even been five minutes into the battle and the Order looked like they were going down.

“C’mon, let’s go.” Ron said. The girls followed him. Hermione shivered. What the hell? I’m right next to fire. Why am I so cold??? She heard a crack and looked up. A piece of wood was falling. Hermione grabbed Ginny and pulled her back, just as the wood hit the exact spot she was just standing.

The wood exploded into a thousand pieces. Nope, not wood. She guessed wrongly. It was glass. Hermione blinked to get the pieces out of her eyes. Ginny’s cheeks were cut. They kept walking, every once in a while stunning a Death eater, or helping someone up.

Ginny held on to Hermione. She wished she wouldn’t, her arm was starting to hurt. Hermione was about to tell her to let go of her arm when Ginny gasped. There he was, standing by himself. Harry. Ginny let go of Hermione and ran towards him.

“Harry!” Ron called, and he too ran towards him. Hermione felt a smile break her face and walked towards him. Harry turned around and she gasped.

His face was soaked in his own blood, his hair matted, and had a scared look in his eyes. He explained very quickly. He just managed to escape Voldemort, but he’ll be back. Get out, he said. Hogsmede is going up in flames and people are dying left and right.

Hermione opened her mouth to say something, what, she couldn’t remember, but the next thing she knew Harry was on top of her as a green light went whizzing by. Harry rolled off her and stood up, panting heavily. Hermione sat up. Ron and Ginny were both pale and wide-eyed.

Apparently, Harry had just saved her life. But all Hermione felt was cold. Ron helped her up and Harry started circling them with his wand out, like an antelope who knows the lion’s around, but can’t leave.

“He’s here. Voldemort.” Ginny gasped and Hermione shivered.

Hermione reached into her pocket for her wand, when the buildings next to her collapsed. Coughing, Hermione saw Harry run to her, yelling something.

Hermione turned around, saw Voldemort, saw blue, then darkness.

Hermione shivered as she remembered what had happened. Voldemort was pretty ugly. But so…evil looking. What happened to Harry?

After waking up in the rubble, she saw she was covered in soot. The fires had finally gone out, and there was nothing but silence. It was still silent. Hermione could hear her heart beat and her breathing in the streets of Hogsmede. She turned a corner.

***************************************

She heard someone.

Hermione ran towards the noise. She stopped, listened, the ran again. It sounded like muffled crying. Professor Trelawney? She thought wildly. She saw a figure slumped over. She ran to it.

Not professor Trelawney.

A little girl.

Hermione walked towards her and kneeled in front of her. The girl had her face buried in her knees and was obviously crying her little eyes out. She couldn’t’ have been older than six. “Hey,” Hermione said softly.

The girl looked up surprised. Her eyes were swollen and her lips were red and her cheeks were streaked with tears. She sniffed and said a watery, “Hi.”

Hermione said, “What’s wrong, baby?” in a soft tone. She tucked a strand of the girls blond hair behind her ear. The girls lip trembled and replied, “M-my daddy’s dead,” and her face crumpled as she burst into tears.

“Oh. I’m sorry sweetheart.” Hermione didn’t know what to say. She looked to her left and her eyes widened.

There was daddy, dead all right, his eyes staring forever at the starless sky. Hermione swallowed. “I’m sorry baby. I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “What’s your name?”

“Cla-Claire.”

“C’mon Claire, let’s go. C’mon sweetie.” Hermione stood up and grabbled Claire’s hand. Claire stood up and stumbled. Hermione lifted her and carried her away from her father’s dead body.

“What’s today, Claire?” “Su-Sunday.” So it was still Sunday. “Baby, do you know what happened?” Claire buried her head in Hermione’s shoulder and said, “He’s dead. My daddy, daddy’s dead.”

“I know baby, but, Voldemort, is he-” She was interrupted with a loud gasp from Claire. “Don-Don’ say it. He…he‘s…dead,” she wailed. Hermione felt herself slowing down with the weight of Claire. Her heart was beating fast.

“Who-who’s dead?” Hermione was breathing shallowly.

“H-him.”

“Who?”

“You-know-who!”

Hermione stopped dead in her tracks. If Voldemort was really dead, then Harry-

“What about Harry Potter? Claire?” Claire buried her face in Hermione’s shoulder. “Don’ wanna talk no more.” She was dozing off. “Claire, I know, but is Harry Potter dead?” “No…..but daddy is. My daddy…”

Harry’s alive. Harry is still alive.

“Okay, okay,” Hermione whispered to herself. “Claire, can you walk?” Claire shook her head. “Okay, where’s your mum?” Claire mumbled something. “What?” Hermione’s arm was starting to feel numb. She was also starting to get mad at this child. Why, she didn’t know, but her coldness was being replaced with anger.

“Damn it Claire! Where the fuck is your mom!” Claire looked up, startled at the loudness of her voice. “At, at home.” “Where’s home, Claire?” Claire blinked and said, “Ot-ottery st. cat-pole.” Hermione closed her eyes. The Burrow. She wanted to cry. She wanted to see Harry. She wanted to see Harry. Why did she have to find this little girl. How was she gonna take her home? And where was she gonna go home after? Her parents were dead. Only a month before the Final Battle she had been informed Death Eaters burned her house and killed everyone in it, her parents, her dog, and her little sister, Becca.

Becca was only Claire’s age.

Hermione opened her eyes and saw tears running down Claire’s cheeks. Hermione felt horrible, and put her on the ground and kneeled in front of her, placing her hands on her shoulders.

“Claire, baby, I’m so sorry. Don’t worry baby, I’ll take you home.” Claire wouldn’t stop crying. She picked her up.

“Don’t worry baby, it’s okay, I’ll take care of you, don’t worry, don’t worry….”

Hermione apparated to Ottery St. Catchpole.

****************************************

Hermione landed firmly on her feet, which was something as she was holding a 30 pound girl.

“Okay Claire, where’s your house baby?” Claire opened her eyes. “Down-down by the river.” River? “Okay, where is that baby?” Claire shook her head. “Just go straight.”

So she did.

******************************

Hermione stopped in her tracks. There it was, the Burrow. It was still held together. It looked so welcoming, with smoke coming out of its chimney, and-

Wait, smoke?

Someone was inside, someone….Mrs. Weasley? Hermione felt her breath coming quickly.

It started to rain.

“C’mon, my house is down there,” Claire said, pointing to the house across from the Burrow. Hermione swallowed. “Okay, let’s get out of the rain.” Without looking at the Burrow, she walked across the bridge and started for the two story house with a red door and tire swing out front.

The door opened.

Out came running was who Hermione assumed was Claire’s mom. She was thin and like Claire, had long blonde hair. Claire struggled to get free from Hermione’s arms, and hit the ground running.

They met halfway and her mother lifted Claire up and spun her around, the tears falling freely from her eyes.

Hermione stood watching and was surprised to find tears of her own cascading down her face, her salty tears mixing with the rain splashing down on her.

“Hermione?”

That voice. She knew who it was. She slowly turned around to see Harry standing there, looking dark and troubled, but relieved. His black hair was plastered on his forehead, raindrops hitting his glasses and he blinked the tears away from his eyes. His eyes, so sad, but so happy and relieved at the same time.

“I thought you were dead.” His voice came out croaky. He cleared it. “We searched everywhere but - we couldn’t find you.” He started for her.

When she looked back on that moment, she just had to laugh. It was just like those cheesy romance movies, its raining, and they met half way. Harry picked Hermione up and spun her around, squeezing tightly as though she might disappear from him forever. She felt…happy. She didn’t even notice the freezing rain hit her arms, she was so warm in Harry’s arms.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m here, don’t worry…”

Harry put her down and stared into her dark chocolate eyes, eyes that had been so full of sadness and of no hope, where suddenly alive, and glistening with unshed tears. A tear managed to leak out and Harry wiped it away gently with his thumb. “No you’re not…” he said, and bent down to kiss her.

“HERMIONE!”

Startled, Harry and Hermione looked over towards the Burrow. There, Ginny and Ron were running full speed towards Hermione. Ron grabbed her from Harry and hugged her tightly and was saying nonsensical things, but she knew he was saying words of happiness and relief. Ginny was jumping up and down and saying….something. Mrs. Weasley was clearly thanking God and fussing over Hermione.

Ron let go of Hermione and she was startled to see he was crying. Ron never cried. He was one of those macho men who didn’t cry ever, only if their dog died. Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but before she could exclaim that she was fine, she looked at Ginny and felt her heart drop.

Ginny’s finger had a ring on it. Lily’s ring. An engagement ring. It was beautiful, gold banded with two diamonds surrounding a sparkling red ruby, to match her hair.

Hermione looked at Harry, and he opened his mouth to speak, but closed it. He didn’t have to explain. She knew. She finally knew.

Harry loved her. He really did, like she did him. He had planned on telling Hermione how he felt that day, but with Voldemort, and then Hermione disappearing, everyone thought she was dead. Harry didn’t want to be alone, and so he proposed to Ginny.

Hermione felt tears roll down her cheeks, but they were mistaken for tears of happiness. Mrs. Weasley started talking about Harry’s proposal to Ginny, now that it was okay to feel happy since Hermione was back from the dead. Hermione couldn’t listen to hear how Harry proposed to Ginny. She felt someone pull on her jeans. She turned around, and Claire and her mother were there. She walked away from the group, Mrs. Weasley still going on about how romantic and wonderful and other shit she didn’t want to hear.

Claire’s mother was thanking Hermione for bringing back her little girl, but she heard Claire ask her softly, “Is that your boyfriend?”

Hermione gazed behind her back and saw Harry staring at her, then quickly looking away. She replied, “No.” Claire blinked. “Why not? Didn’t he almost kiss you?” Hermione smiled wanly.

“I guess some things are just not meant to be.” She turned and saw Harry walk towards her. He pulled her away and started to speak, but Hermione cut him off, rubbing his arms. “Don’t, Harry.”

“I don’t love her Hermione. I love you. It’s just…after we…and we couldn’t find you…I just didn’t want to be alone. I’m sorry Hermione. I’ll break it up with her, just don’t worry ‘Mione. I love you. I-”

Hermione shook her head slowly. “You can’t do that to Ginny. She loves you. But…I really do love you.”

“Hermione…please,” he pleaded and begged, tears forming in his eyes. She could see his scar, the lightening bolt scar that he had always tried to hide away, fade slowly, ending a chapter in his life with Voldemort, and now forever ending a chapter that never even got the chance to start with Hermione.

Hermione rested her forehead on his and touched his cheek. “I’m sorry Harry. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be” And with that she broke away from his strong arms and walked back to Ginny and Ron and Mrs. Weasley.

She was so cold.