Liminality

Liminality

There's only so long that a girl can hold on, waiting, and waiting, hoping he'll realise what's right in front of his eyes. And only so long that she can go on pretending that she's done everything she can to get his attention. Perhaps the consistency in their friendship would be easier to accept if she had clearly tried to tell him how she felt, or to challenge him on why he hasn't dated much since the end of the year war.

Hermione Granger was sadly not one of those people who could lie to themselves, her brain was constantly analysing everything around her, including her own behaviour and she knew that the fault did not lie altogether with her gorgeous green-eyed best friend; it lay equally with herself for not taking that leap into the unknown.

It all seemed clearer than ever sitting in the departures lounge of Heathrow airport, as if things weren't quite as complicated as they had seemed in her head when she was just a few hundred feet away from her current location, back in the main airport terminal saying goodbye to her friends and family. It's not as if she was never coming back or she'd never see them again, but this was a big step. In a few days her International Floo call connection would be approved and she would be able to see their faces and talk to them whenever she had the urge, but physical contact would be limited to schedules visits back to England. International Portkeys were expensive and thought she had no shortage of money it seemed frivolous to spend that much to travel, and to complete that much paperwork for one simple trip. She wished the Ministry would hurry up and sort out International Floo Travel properly, it was just too dangerous still, they hadn't managed to sort out that issue with where everyone's fingers were going in transit. Anyway, no point blaming the Ministry - it had been her own decision to get away for a while, and her heart just couldn't let her turn down the opportunity to research rare magical creatures. It didn't hurt being such a familiar face in the global wizarding press, and being best friends with the most famous wizard in the world, when trying to access to highly protected areas of Bolivia and Peru. She smiled wryly to herself as she realised she'd almost managed a whole ten seconds without thinking of Harry Potter.

She'd expected this period of detachment and ability to see her life and her choices from an unbiased distance, to be honest it was the reason she was sitting here in a Muggle airport, and why she had always loved to travel by plane or train. There was something wonderfully open about being between places. Here she was completely anonymous, she was nothing to anyone here, she was not home, she was not here or there, it was a wonderful feeling of liminality, and it gave her time to breathe and sit back and assess who she was, where she'd been, and where she was going. To a similar extent she'd always loved long train journeys for the same reason, mixed with a cosy sense of déjà vu to those long journeys on the Hogwarts Express. However, there was that extra factor in travelling by plane, of looking out of the window of miles of cloudy blue skies, those moments of complete clarity when the whole world seems to make sense around you. She shook her head to bring herself back to the present and stood, picking up her small bag from beside her as a faceless voice announced that the boarding of flight BA167 was now boarding. Pausing briefly on the way to the gate to stock up on some Cadbury's chocolate to last her through the flight; she soon merged into the crowds of holidaymakers in the walkway to the departure gates.

-->

Ron, Luna and Ginny Weasley sat around the table, watching Harry Potter cradling a large cup of coffee, staring into space and seemingly completely unaware of their presence.

“Well, I'll say this for Muggles, they know how to make good Muffins” Ron spoke with his mouthful. Luna smiled at her husband affectionately and Ginny grinned at her brother.

“And at least if we're going to be stuck in the airport all day there are lots of shops to amuse me while you two kiss and Harry gazes into his coffee like his pet just died” Ginny commented with a smile, looking down at the bags of shopping at her feet.

“How did I manage to spend so much money in an airport?” She asked bewildered as she mentally totalled up her impulse buys.

“Gin darling, you could spend money anywhere” Luna teased her.

At this point Harry briefly returned to the land of the living,

“Sorry, did you say something?”

The three of them exchanged a glance, and through an unspoken agreement and much tilting of heads, Ron leaned over to his best friend.

“Harry mate, something you want to talk about?” He prodded gently.

Harry seemed surprised to find his three friends looking at him, and paused for a moment, opening his mouth to reassure them he was fine, but the words died before they were spoken. He closed his mouth again, tilted his head and shrugged at Ron.

“I know mate” Ron said kindly, patting Harry on the shoulder.

Ginny and Luna exchanged a bemused glance, each knowing that by now they should be used to the trio's silent communication and instant understanding of one another, but then again this wasn't the trio, it was Harry and Ron, and without Hermione, both men appeared different, as if they'd changed their hair and you hadn't noticed, but could tell that something was different about them.

Either Ron was bored of eating muffins and biscuits and ready for a different meal, or he'd decided it was time to sort Harry out, for he suddenly seemed spurred into action.

“Ok, I hate to state the obvious here”

Harry looked across at him intensely

“State it”

“Well mate, you're in love with her…no need to think about it or deny it, or to try and say its love you feel for a friend, it's not. You're in love with her. You don't want to risk your friendship with her, or what the three of us have, but you're forgetting a vital fact Harry.”

“Which is?”

“This is Hermione. She's our best friend, and were things weird when I asked her out and she said no? Well, other than that first week, has it ever come between us?” Ron wasn't even pausing for breath now, this little speech had obviously been a long-time coming and he wanted to get it all out at once. “So even if she didn't feel the same you would have lost nothing, but you would know once and for all, and trust me that it wouldn't be a disaster. This is Hermione. I can't say that enough, because as much as we're the famous trio and all the other stupid names the Prophet gives us, you two are closer than that, you're a duo at the same time. You've always understood her, she's always known when you need space, or when to step in to stop you doing something stupid, or to call you on your saving-people thing…and to be honest, deep down I think you know all of that, and that maybe you're scared to let yourself be completely happy and admit that you love her because of what's happened to those you love. But that's all over now, he's gone, and while none of us can guarantee that there won't be another evil maniac on the lose at some point in the future, I think it's unlikely that you'd be destined to defeat two dark lords in a lifetime, even your luck isn't that bad.” Ron took a big breath, and the group sat in silence for a moment.

“Feel good to get that off your chest?” Harry asked, a grin slowly spreading across his face.

“It did actually, maybe I should consider a career as a motivational speaker”

“No need to get ahead of yourself there Weasley, you'd miss flying too much” Ron nodded in agreement, “So you're not denying it then?”

“Nope. Not a lot of point. Seems pretty obvious that I'm madly in love with her, to be honest I'm surprised no-ones called me on it before, some Gryffindors we all are. For the smartest witch of her age, Hermione's been a bit slow on the uptake on this one though.” Harry smiled sadly. Ginny made a small squealing sound as her excitement finally got the better of her, Harry chuckled at her and Luna linked her arm through Ginny's.

“So, what are we going to do about it?” Luna asked, smiling dreamily at Ron, her eyes sparkling happily.

“We?” Harry asked.

“Harry dear, it's taken you years to admit to yourself, let alone anyone else that you love her, I'm afraid that Gin here may explode with excitement if you don't do something about this soon. So we're here to force you into action.”

“We're going to need a plan” Ginny mused, her head dropping into her hand on the table as the four descended into thoughtful silence.

“Got one” Harry announced with an infectious grin.

“Already?” Ron asked in amazement.

“Well, you were right, I guess I know her better than I thought, plan sorted, but I'm going to need a hand…”

-->

Apologies to everyone reading “I'd do anything” - there will be one more chapter to bring closure to the fic, but I've had a complete block about how to write it. I did write the whole thing as an epilogue but it just wasn't right and was promptly deleted - I've become a bit of a perfectionist about that one as it's turned out to be my favourite of all my fics. Anyway, in the meantime here's some more of “Liminality”

• Kate

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hermione had never really seen the significance of New Years Eve or of New Years Resolutions. You're no more likely to stick to a new resolution in January than at any other time of year, and in so many ways, resolutions mean more when they're made unprompted.

Sitting reclined in her first class seat, she gazed out of the window into the clouds, just beginning to be touched with pink as sun began to set as she left England behind. Below was nothing but the Atlantic Ocean, above was nothing but clouds and sky, she was leaving behind one life, making a choice, and starting a new adventure, not knowing how long it would take.

This was the time to make resolutions, though they were more life-goals than resolutions, if they didn't work out then they didn't work out and there was a reason for it. It wasn't that she'd given in to Trewlaney's ideas of fate and destiny, but more that she'd come to accept her known beliefs. During the war they'd been faced with battles that would forever change the minds of all those present, she'd seen things her parents could never imagine, yet, through it all she'd remained strong. Partly, her strength was born out of necessity, Harry needed her, so she would survive and she would be strong; but during long nights keeping watch under a starry sky she had confronted her own beliefs, and come to her own understanding of how to marry her parents religious beliefs with her knowledge of magic, and her own experiences of the harsh realities of life.

Hermione believed that things happened for a reason, and that there were choices along the way through life which shaped how things worked out, she was guided by her own moral compass, and she often came back to thinking of Dumbledore's words so many years ago about choosing between what is right and what is easy. The important thing to her now was knowing what she felt to be right, and what she felt to be wrong, and if she could live her life along these lines then in the end everything would work out. It was a curious sort of optimism, and was now further fuelled by her distance from her old life as she sat speeding through the air towards her new life.

This was the time that things were either going to happen with Harry or not happen, she just felt deep down that having an ocean between them was going to decide once and for all which direction their relationship would take. And whatever happened, happened. She wouldn't fight it anymore, she wouldn't run from it - if Harry didn't feel that way about her then they would remain the best of friends, neither of them would need to run off an hide or sever all contact, that wasn't who they were. Sure, she wasn't exactly showing off her Gryffindor colours in hiding her true feelings for Harry, but deep down she would never run from the truth, she had always acknowledged her own feelings.

With a wistful smile she remembered that day that she had realised, it hadn't been a bolt from the blue, nothing dramatic, no great romantic moment, it had simply been a look. Ron and Harry had been having some epic debate on some minute sporting point at the table in Grimmauld Place, she had wandered into the kitchen to get a cup of tea and they had looked over and smiled at her, she smiled back and at that moment as she watched Harry smile at her she had just realised that was completely in love with him. Needless to say, her tea had gone cold as she'd sat on her favourite window seat in the dingy library, simply basking in the knowledge that she was in love.

Hermione chuckled silently to herself as she brought herself back to the present and accepted a bag of peanuts and a drink from the flight attendant. God, she could be so overly dramatic at times, all this waffling away to herself about liminality and moments of realisation and belief were beginning to seem pretentious even to her, that little voice in her head that sounded remarkably like Ron was saying “Thanks Professor, think I've got it now, no more lectures please”. She smiled again to herself, and plugged herself into the little tv screen in front of her, losing herself in the escapism of film. That was enough thinking of Harry. Enough.

2

-->

“Ok, so the flight took off three hours ago UK time so she'll land...”

“We're going to need some huge bits of card, from one of those big craft shops, ooh and some thick pens…”

“Maybe you should get a haircut Harry…”

“How are you going to get there?”

“We've got about ten hours..”

Everyone was talking over everyone else and it was general chaos around the small table in Starbucks. They still hadn't left the airport and were frantically putting parts of Harry's plan into motion.

“You know Harry, this would be a lot easier if you'd tell us what the plan is and not just what you need” Ginny sighed exasperatedly.

Luna smiled dreamily, “Ah Gin but it wouldn't be nearly as romantic then”

Harry beamed at her. “Exactly Luna, you know Hermione, and the gesture means so much more if it's a surprise for everyone and not just for her, you know how she feels about surprise parties.” They all nodded and soon the plans were beginning to take shape.

Harry hugged each of his friends before looking around and subtly apparating away from the airport. He arrived moments later in the living room of Grimmauld Place; he quickly took two flights of stairs at a run and was soon rummaging in the trunk carefully placed in the bottom of his wardrobe for a pile of parchment bound together with a frayed piece of string. He grinned on finding it and sat down on the small sofa by the window in his bedroom, untying the string and quickly sorting through the parchment until he found the pages he was looking for, a letter he'd received from Hermione a long time ago, three years ago to be precise, during the first year of the Horcrux hunt, she'd gone to spend a week away with her parents in France at his insistence. On the second day of her absence, he and Ron had rather unwisely spent a night locked up in Godrics Hollow with a bottle of firewhisky and he had written sorrowfully to her of his own imminent death. He recalled very few details of the letter he had sent her, just vague notions of lost hope and an acceptance of the prophecy. He had once asked her what his letter had contained, but she had simply ruffled his hair and said it didn't matter anymore. However, his letter and her reply had been a turning point in not only their friendship, but the direction of his focus in the Horcrux hunt. Harry grabbed a clean sheet of parchment and pen that was lying on the floor and began to copy across a passage of her letter to him.

“When you try your best but you don't succeed, when you get what you want but not what you need, when you feel so tired but you can't sleep - stuck in reverse. And the tears come streaming down you face, when you lose something you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse? Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.”

He smiled at the words, words he had read hundreds of times throughout the years of hunting and then through the long dark days of fighting. Every time he thought he couldn't make it through another day her words brought him back, and reminded him that whatever happened she would be there. To his left was a low table covered in framed photos, he picked up one of him and Hermione, taken at Ron's wedding, laughing together. Propping it up beside him, he gazed at her sparkling chocolate brown eyes, framed by soft chestnut brown curls, and began to write.

“High up above or down below, when you're too in love to let it go, but if you never try you'll never know just what you're worth. Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you. Tears stream down your face; I promise you that I will learn from my mistakes, tears stream down your face. Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.”

Humming to himself, Harry jogged down the stairs to the basement of Grimmauld, letting himself into the small recording studio that Charlie Weasley and several friends used to record their albums. Harry sometimes came here in the middle of the night and tinkered around on the keyboards, having picked up bits and pieces of most instruments throughout the years at the Dursley's as Dudley failed to learn instrument after instrument in an attempt to either be cool or attract girls. Sitting down at the magical keyboards he grimaced when he remembered exactly why the studio was empty today, the keyboards were somehow magically stuck sounding like an old church organ, and so far no one had managed to reverse the setting so they were waiting for the tuner to come out. He shrugged to himself, it wasn't like this was going to be a masterpiece anyway, it was just getting the words out, and the music wasn't what was important.

-->

Thanks to everyone for the feedback so far - not sure what happened to the formatting in chapter 3, hopefully it's now easier to read. This fic was originally going to be one long chapter, but I decided to post sections as soon as they were written to pressure myself into getting it finished. Also, sorry not to give more clarification on the recording studio - in another fic in my head Charlie Weasley has a successful band which is pivotal to the story, I forget that you can't see inside my head! Anyway, enough of me, back to `Liminality'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hermione enjoyed Muggle travel, but she did so with the benefits of being a witch. A subtle cushioning charm on her chair, a nice warming charm for her feet, and a quick slurp of pepper-up potion at the end of a very long flight and she was ready to face baggage reclaim. The heat hit her as she walked across the tarmac to the Arrivals terminal and she squinted up at sun, sitting high in the sky. It felt oddly natural to be here, and she smiled to herself, feeling once more that she was walking towards her future.

As she stood watching the baggage carousel turn, waiting for her small yet magically enhanced rucksack to appear, a feeling of contentment washed over her. For a moment she stood puzzled, her eyes not taking in the scene before her, it was a feeling she associated with Harry. It always came back to Harry…maybe she'd finally found somewhere that could make her feel as settled as being near to him did. She smiled a little sadly, and spotting her bag, plucked from amidst the hundreds of others, slung it over her shoulder and began the walk through the terminal to passport control.

She was nearing the front of the queue for passport control when she first heard it; the sound of quiet organ notes. It was a simple melody, sad yet somehow hopeful, and then there was the voice. People all around the airport were stopping and looking around, searching for the source of the music. Hermione stood frozen in place as she listened to the familiar words, knowing that only one person could be behind them. She hurriedly flashed her passport at the slightly confused looking immigration official, and jogged onwards towards the arrivals gate. The song was continuing past the words she knew, and she paused as she heard the new words `if you never try you'll never know'. Hermione had no idea when she'd started crying, but she brushed the tears from her face and began walking determinedly towards the arrivals gate, now in sight. She gasped as she came through the large archway, and saw the sight before her, the walkway was lined with tiny candles on each sight, there were so many people walking around, so many people lining the railings eager to get a glimpse of their loved ones and friends as they arrived. She slowly picked her way through the crowds, following the line of candles, and suddenly the music was ending, the melody was thinning, and there was just the words `lights will guide you home', she smiled and realised she has reached the end of the walkway. In front of her were crowds of people, taxi drivers holding signs with peoples names, family members holding `welcome home' balloons, people hugging and crying in happiness, and then one of the signs caught her eye. It was only about two metres away from her, and her eyes drank in the words slowly: “Hermione Potter”. Her gaze slowly drifted upwards to find her best friend gazing back at her, his heart in his sparkling green eyes, a hopeful expression on his face.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry was beginning to wonder if this had been the best idea in the world, what if she shot him down, what if she cried and he'd ruined their friendship…no, stop it, it was too late now, he'd taken that step off the cliff, and now all he could do was wait and see what awaited him at the bottom. He decided to blame the bludgers in his stomach on the after effects of apparating across an ocean, something supposedly impossible, but then again, he was Harry Potter, and he might as well use his powers for his own good now and again.

He glanced once again at the watch on his wrist; it had been his 21^st birthday gift from Hermione. Much like Mrs Weasley's famous clock, his watch held hands for himself, Hermione and Ron, and with a bit of careful magical tinkering, now told him how near he was to either of them. She was getting closer; she'd almost have reached the archway now. With a quick flick of his wrist, tiny candles suddenly appeared lighting the way through the walkway of the arrivals lounge. And there she was, looking beautiful, her eyes searching the crowds, she hadn't seen him yet. He watched her take in the scene around her and his eyes never left her as she carefully made her way through the clusters of families until she was almost in front of him.

His hands gripped tightly onto the sign in his hands, focusing on keeping it steady, while he gazed at her. He knew the instant she'd read it as her eyes seemed fixed to the spot, until slowly, finally, after what felt like years, her eyes drifted upwards and locked with his. He took in the tears in her eyes, her slightly shocked expression, and he began to feel that maybe this hadn't been the best plan in the world. The bludgers in his stomach all seemed to be attacking at once, until suddenly she was walking towards him an unreadable expression on her face. And then she was right there, centimetres away from him, and it happened; her face suddenly broke into a dazzling smile, her eyes sparkling happily at him, and then his arms were around her, lifting her feet off the floor, his face buried in her hair as he held her tightly, the sign lying forgotten on the floor beside them.

They stayed that way, holding each other tight, until Harry slowly lowered her feet back to the floor, and gently ran a hand through her hair, tears in his eyes. She was looking up at him and he realised that he hadn't seen her looking this happy since he'd been released from hospital after the final battle. There didn't seem to be a need for words yet, and they stood beaming at each other for several moments longer until Hermione once again closed the small gap between them and reached up to pull his head down, and their lips met for the first time. Her arms wound themselves around his neck, and he was home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To give credit where credit is due: Obviously all characters etc are Jo Rowling's, other moments of inspiration from “Serendipity”, “Love Actually”, and Alain de Botton's “On Love”. Thanks for reading

2

-->