A Bitter Disappointment

Disclaimer: It’s JKR’s not mine, because if it was mine some things would have been considerably different in OOTP and beyond.

A persistent tickle was just on the edge of his newborn consciousness. He remembered the flash of green, not powerful enough to cleanly strip him of his soul, but enough to blast him out of the window.

There had been profound disappointment in Severus for that fleeting moment before he hit the ground and truly did die. There had been some frustration and anger at himself for allowing things to progress as they had in regards to Harry. But, mostly there was peace and anticipation for the beginning of his next great adventure.

As he opened his eyes all he could see was a great and vast room of white, the very vision of sterility not the vision of warmth and happiness he had always pictured. But, before he could ponder this any further a pressure or perhaps it was a compulsion to review his successes and failure in life overtook him and he started in his childhood on the Dumbledore family farm in the Scottish Highlands.

Magic had seemed like such a vast and wonderful thing back then, with hours of play out in the farm with Aberforth and his mother ringing the dinner bell to bring them in. The excitement of receiving the owl carrying his acceptance in Hogwarts and the adventures he had shared with his long dead friends within the confines of the castle.

The years after leaving Hogwarts where he traveled the world and heard the prophecy marking him as the man that would vanquish an evil in the future, during a time of genocide. If he had known then the sacrifices he would have to make to kill Grindewald he might have just ran for the hills then and there.

The gray years of his life working as an unspeakable for the ministry of magic where he became a great wizard and experimented with kinds of magic more wondrous and dangerous than the last. Finally, when he met Libby and he knew then and there that she was the only woman he would ever marry, and ever love with his entire being. The grave disappointment and sadness they had both felt when their one pregnancy was stillborn and the healer telling them that they would be unable to have children due to a defect in Libby’s fallopian tubes or some such nonsense.

The years around the turn of the century where despite a lack of children he was happy with Libby as their careers blossomed much like their love. Taking the position of transfiguration professor at Hogwarts and settling into his life as husband and teacher.

Then the times became dark as the prophecy he had heard all of those years prior simply jumped into his existence as Grindewald and a muggle named Hitler terrorized all of Europe and parts of the rest of the world. Then the fateful attack on Hogsmeade in Christmas Eve in1943 happened, where Libby had been brutally murdered by Grindewald himself. He had finally been spurred to fulfill the prophecy and kill the monster nearly two years later in a castle in Bavaria, losing much of his humanity and sanity in the process.

Fawkes had come soon after and healed his psyche and soul to the point that he was able to take on the role of headmaster of Hogwarts, his dealings with young Tom Riddle as a troubled but talented youth that would surely grow out of it. It had simply been a nagging concern, and it wasn’t like another dark lord could be in the making in the hallowed halls of Hogwarts.

The years passed and he remembered being held nearly in reverence by the majority of the wizarding world as being both a savior and leader to the future of the world. The years of the Marauders and the sympathies he felt for a young Severus Snape, whom was always the source of so much contention. Of course, he knew Snape wasn’t innocent, but unlike the marauders he was alone, something Dumbledore could sympathize with after the loss of his wife.

As he approached his most recent memories of hearing the prophecy and the line of events set into motion by that one event had led him to where he was now. Once again that feeling of self-recrimination that he had failed Harry in his time of need struck him when his thoughts were interrupted by a smug voice that said, “So now you see what your meddling tendencies have done to that poor child.”

Dumbledore looked around anxiously and asked, “Who’s there?”

The smug voice laughed as another voice chimed in, “Pay no mind to him, he always see things as much worse than they truly are.”

A third voice intoned, “Mind is what we shall pay to your actions Albus Dumbledore, for you have been given two great tasks in your lifetime that would have made you the equal to Merlin in all of his greatness. We shall measure your actions and find them lacking or find them to be equal to Merlin’s in their own right.”

Dumbledore suddenly had a hollow feeling strike where he assumed his stomach to still reside in; this wasn’t to be what he had assumed it to be after all. In fact, if the third voice was to be trusted he was being judged for his actions and not rewarded for a life he knew in his heart to be lived with the best of intentions.

As if reading his voice the smug voice asked, “Haven’t you ever heard that the road to hell was paved with good intentions?”

The soothing voice quickly replied, “It is not to you to judge Albus Dumbledore, we shall let him do that for us.”

Dumbledore blinked as he suddenly was placed in a comfortable plush chair; similar to the ones he was so fond of himself. The third voice intoned, “We have watched as you’ve relived your life through your memories and we agree that you completed one of the tasks we gave you.”

After a moment he hoarsely asked, “If you don’t mind me asking, who are you?”

The third voice sounded amused, “We are the fates Mr. Dumbledore, and we are here to judge if you may move on the next great adventure or if you must make a side trip in penance for your failure.”

The smug voice spoke, “The problem comes when you heard a specific prophecy, but which one you ask.”

Dumbledore merely waited until the soothing voice spoke, “Libby doesn’t blame you Albus. But the question is who does have just cause to blame you if anyone?”

The third voice said, “Tell us of your thoughts on the newer prophecy and its implications and then we will deal with the older prophecy.”

Dumbledore shrugged, “Harry Potter is the boy the prophecy identifies and his power to defeat Voldemort is tied into the love he can feel; A love which Tom denied himself long ago, as a young child in that orphanage.”

The smug voice returned, “So you thought having this Potter boy raised in a home where he would be vilified and emotionally abused conducive to behavior more similar to Riddle’s would fulfill this aspect of the prophecy?”

Dumbledore blinked, “The protections his mother placed ensured that the Dursleys were the only place he could be raised safely.”

The second voice asked, “Isn’t Hogwarts the safest place in the wizarding world?”

Dumbledore confidently replied, “Yes it is.”

The third voice pondered, “So then why not raise young Potter at the castle and aid him in fulfilling the prophecy.”

Dumbledore blinked, “Well I suppose it was possible, but what claim did I have on the child? Additionally, there were concerns about Severus’ feelings on the matter, and I would have avoided conflict on such a matter if possible. There were also all of those people that wished to take the boy in and raise him as a prince, something which I wanted to avoid at all costs.”

The smug voice had a trace of venom in it as it asked, “So to spare a traitor’s feelings you had the boy brought up by people that one of your dearest friends told you were the worst kind of people imaginable?”

Dumbledore’s stomach sank, had it been as simple as that? Had he condemned Harry for his and Severus’ own selfish wants and needs? He had always thought placing Harry in safety was the most important, but could there have been something else also pushing the helpless child into the Dursleys home?”

The second voice spoke softly, “Lily tells us that you perverted her sacrifice by placing Harry with those despicable people. Of course, the Dursleys’ actions are not those up for trial today Albus Dumbledore.”

Dumbledore’s hands began to tremble as implications he had long buried began to float to the surface. The third voice simply said, “Harry Potter was a reminder to you of your own failings in protecting a child, even if the first child was never meant to be. By creating a distance between the boy and yourself you protected yourself at the cost of the boy, who needed love to succeed. Do you deny this?”

Tears began to stream down Dumbledore’s face as he quietly replied, “No I don’t. But, I must say that I do care for Harry a great deal even if my actions indicate otherwise.”

The second voice soothed, “We do not question your feelings Albus, but we do question your actions. In the end actions are the only true thing a person can be judged upon.”

Dumbledore collected himself, bolstered somewhat by the voice’s comments as he asked, “Can Harry still succeed despite my blunderings? Can he still find love?”

The third voice intoned, “Harry will succeed and he has already found love. But that love will not be apparent until he needs it the most. He has spent the last year seeking love, but due to his difficulties in identifying love he instead has sought what others expect him to love. Mr. Potter will see Ms. Granger for what she is when the time comes.”

Dumbledore blinked, “Ms. Granger?”

The smug voice sighed, “Come on old man, surely you could see the love that exists there, bubbling beneath the surface waiting to be unleashed. Do you think it mere friendship that compelled Mr. Potter or Ms. Granger to act as they have over the past six years?”

Dumbledore blinked again, a state he found himself in frequently the past few minutes, “But I had thought that Ronald Weasley and Ms. Granger were a couple.”

The second voice chuckled, “No Albus, but it is true that Ms. Granger was a very confused girl for most of the past year. She heard Mr. Potter’s cries at the Department of Mysteries when she appeared near death, and it opened her eyes to her own true feelings. Unfortunately, you humans are so volatile that it scared her so much that she sought the attentions of another that she truly didn’t love. You did this with Minerva McGonagall for a time, correct?”

Dumbledore’s silence was all that answered them until the third voice spoke, “Do you accept that you failed in preparing Mr. Potter for his destiny as you should have?”

Dumbledore nodded forlornly as the third voice chuckled, “There now, no reason to be glum about it. Your admission has saved you much in our eyes. However, a penance must be paid for your transgressions before you may be reunited with Libby and your other loved ones. You shall exist as a painting to aid Mr. Potter in his quest, and if you succeed in this you shall be granted a reprieve. However, if you fail you must serve your penance of a hundred years in purgatory and I assure you while it is not hell, purgatory is not a pleasant place.”

Dumbledore’s relief shone clearly in his vibrant blue eyes, “I shall do my best.”

The third voice instructed once more, “You must only offer advice about destroying Riddle’s soul. Advice about love or how to go about dealing with Severus Snape must come on Mr. Potter’s own terms. You will do well to remember this, because as you told Tom Riddle, there are things much worse than death.”

Dumbledore nodded and with a flash his soul was returned to earth to inhabit a portrait. With a mostly wry grin he mumbled from within the confined of the painting, “Next great adventure my foot.”

A/N: Eh, I’m not sure how much I liked this one, but I felt like doing something different for a change. I just have always had these questions about Dumbledore and I hope I painted him as a flawed man, who did follow his good intentions to a bad place when he died at the end of HBP. Snape’s fate is still up in the air, and you’ll see that while his curse didn’t kill Dumbledore per se, the end result of it did just the same in my story. But, in my defense this is one of those one hour one shots that begged to be written before I could move on to other projects.

Thanks for reading and thanks to any of you that take the time to review.