Love and Loyalty by HandofFate

Rating: NC17
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 30/03/2007
Last Updated: 30/05/2007
Status: In Progress

Love and Loyalty is a story about Harry's love for Hermione and the lengths to which he
would go to ensure her happiness. Could you deny your love for someone if you knew you might not
give them the best chance for happiness? Harry is convinced this is the case for him and Hermione.
Fortunately for our heroes, through an unbelievable twist of fate, love and loyalty are given new
meanings that lift them up and teach them the true value of friendship and love.




1. Helpful Hand
---------------



Chapter 1-- The Helpful Hand

Harry tossed and turned as he dreamed.

*The late spring air was clean and refreshing. Harry sat quietly in the garden at the Burrow.
He had just finished his first week back in classes just before Spring Break.*

*“Harry?” asked Hermione. “Are you okay?”*

*“Sure, I feel fine. I guess* *I am* *a little quiet. Almost three months in the
Hospital Wing without fresh* *air on* *a regular basis makes this seem like heaven,” said
Harry. “You?”*

*“Harry, Ron's gone with his Dad to see the Quidditch coach in Dublin and I want to talk
to you before they get back tonight,” she said.*

*“Sure, go ahead,” said Harry with surprise. “Since when do we have to announce that we want
to talk to each other?”*

*“Since I'm going to leave shortly after he gets bac**k, I'm* *going to
spend the rest of the Spring Break with my parents,” said Hermione.*

*“Okay, I'm still not following,” he replied.*

*“I'm going to tell Ron that things aren't working out between us, Harry,” she said
with a sigh. Her eyes looked tearful and sad. “I just told Mrs. Weasley and Ginny that I have to go
get some things taken care of for the summer. I didn't tell them what I was going to do about
Ron. Ron deserves the right to tell the story to his family.”*

*Harry looked at Hermione carefully. “Have you thought this out? I mean really thought it
out?” he asked.*

*“Yes, Harry.* *It is* *tearing me up inside to argue with him. I know I am
demanding, but we are going in different directions. He wants to play Quidditch for Great Britain
or Ireland when school is over. I want to train for a position in St. Mungo's.”*

*“How is that different directions?” asked Harry. “You guys are too young to worry about
things as if you have to decide your future together now.”*

*“He thinks that we'll be just fine with the separations and that it will do us good,”
said Hermione. “I disagree. We need to spend time together to figure out things. We have had one
thing after another happen the entire time* *we have* *known each other. How am I
supposed to know if I really love him as a boyfriend if* *he is* *gone all the time? And,
well, there are other things too.”*

*“Wow, Hermione. It seemed like a sunny day a few minutes ago, but now the forecast is for
thunderstorms,” teased Harry. “This is a really big deal, Hermione and very sad.”*

*“I'm sorry, Harry. If you were in the hospital still, I would have come to see you right
afterward. If I don`t talk to you now, then I will have to wait until after Break is over. I can`t
do that. I will drive me crazy,” she confided.*

*“I don't know what this has to do with me, Hermione,” said Harry flatly. “This is between
you and Ron.”*

*“You don't?” she asked. “You think that I just want to leave here and never speak to you
until school. I don't even know what to do now. They are going to put you in the dorm with Ron
when you do go back.” The tears poured out now and she hugged him. He held her lightly as if he
were uncertain of what to say.*

*“Harry, don't act as if you don't care, please. You know how important both of you
are to me. I can't stand to have to make the decision that may separate the three of us
forever. Well, you and I, that is,” she sobbed.*

*Harry felt his stomach tie up in knots as she cried. It did bother him in many ways. Some he
understood immediately. Others seemed strangely farfetched. He hated to see his friends upset and
hurting. He* *did not* *want to lose his friendship with Hermione, even if it was now
more as Ron's best friend. The others were what would happen if he refused to let Hermione part
ways with him as a friend. What would Ron say about that? How would the Weasleys feel about that?
He* *could not* *let any of that happen.*

*“Hermione, I can't get in the middle of this. Do you understand that?” asked
Harry.*

*“That's part of what's eating me up inside,” said Hermione. “I wanted to tell you
something. It may come as a shock to you.”*

*“Okay?” said Harry in a strained voice. Why was she being so melodramatic?*

*“Harry, I love you,” said Hermione.*

*Harry looked at her and said, “I love you too, Hermione. We're as close as a guy and a
girl can get without going out or being brother and sister.”*

*“I don't think you understand,” said Hermione. “I am in love with you.”*

*Harry felt the pit of his stomach drop. She was right. This was a shock. “Look, I know
you're going through a tough time right now. There is a lot of turmoil for* *many*
*people now that Voldemort is gone. People are grieving. Things changed for everyone. The one
thing that did not change is my loyalty to Ron and his family. I* *do not* *know what
benefit you get out of telling me this right now, but* *it is* *the last thing in the
world that I can do anything about, Hermione. I'm sorry.”*

*Hermione looked at him in greater shock than Harry had at her admission. “That's all you
have to say. You think that I would come out and say something like, `I'm in love with
you,' because I'm distraught.” She looked at him hard. “I can't believe I convinced
myself to tell you. I thought you would at least…at least remember what you said to me about your
feelings. I feel like a fool, but it doesn`t change that I love you.”*

*“What am I supposed to do, Hermione? Kiss you? Or, say I'm in love with you too?” asked
Harry. “This family is the only thing keeping me sane. You are what's keeping me sane…well, at
least until now. Hermione, did someone give you a love potion or something? Don`t do anything
because of me. You`ll regret it. I want to chase girls and be free. You don`t want someone like
me.”*

Harry woke up with a start as Nurse Pomfrey came into the room and touched his forehead. “How
long was I out?” he asked. Madame Pomfrey gave him a glass of water and a small vial of potion to
drink then left smiling at Hermione.

“Several days, this time Harry,” said Hermione sitting next to his bed.

Harry's stomach turned. Her expression said that she was not being completely truthful, but
why would she lie? He remembered the dream as if this was part of it. “I didn't talk in my
sleep, did I?”

The softness of her hand in his drove him to distraction. Ever since late November, he had been
passing in and out of consciousness. There were wizards adept in potions, curses, charms, and every
other field of magic trying to diagnose what had happened to him. A month after the final battle
with Voldemort, he collapsed at the Ministry gala where he was going to speak.

“Harry, you're perspiring again,” said Hermione. “Is that normal Nurse Pomfrey?” The nurse
was coming back with a cool compress for Harry's forehead.

“No, of course not. He has just woken up. I'll be back in a few minutes to see if it
subsides after trying this,” said the Poppy.

“Sure, thanks. Still no idea what's going on?” asked Hermione. Nurse Pomfrey's face
turned rather surly.

“I'm sorry. I should know better than to ask that,” said Hermione. Nurse Pomfrey walked away
looking angrily at Hermione about her pushiness with regard to Harry.

“Where's Ron?” asked Harry.

“His Dad and he are looking into places to stay in Dublin if he makes the Quidditch team there,”
said Hermione. “You don't remember that he was going, do you?”

“Why didn't you go with him?” asked Harry. The dream made him uneasy.

“Who was going to look after you here?” asked Hermione. “You must be crazy if you think I could
bear to let you be alone when you woke up. You know what happened the last time.”

“Yeah, that was pretty crazy,” said Harry. He had gotten out of bed and collapsed on the floor
barely able to stand on his own. The night nurse found him crawling to the nearest chair to try to
prop himself up. “They still haven't told me why I was so out of it. How long ago was
that?”

“Two weeks, Harry,” said Hermione. “You don't remember anything?”

“I don't know what day it is today. You were sitting right there the last I remember,” said
Harry. He did not understand why he felt both uneasy and incredibly safe when she was close by.
“Thank you, Hermione.”

“It's March 27th, Harry. Tuesday, March 27th. You have been through a
lot, Harry. We all have been through a lot,” she said. She stood up stretching a little and then
sat back down. “Sorry, I've been sitting in that same spot for hours.”

“Have they come up with at least a theory about what's happening? I saw Nurse Pomfrey's
face. It either meant: don't ask in front of me or that you have been driving her nuts asking,”
said Harry.

“Harry, it's a bit of both. There are theories, but they will not tell me officially so she
gets angry when I ask or mention it. They won't tell anyone,” said Hermione.

“Who is they?” asked Harry.

“The Remus Lupin, Professor McGonagall and every other adult you, Ron and I know,” said Hermione
in a disgusted tone. “You would think that after all we have been through together, they could let
your best friends know what's happening.”

“Are you kidding me? They won't tell you guys. If they did, they might as well gather all
three of us and tell us,” said Harry grinning. “I'm too tired to be angry. So remind me to be
right pissed when I feel a little better.”

Hermione smiled. “I have some of your homework here, Harry.”

Harry was starting to wake up a little. “You have to be kidding me. I've been going to
classes?” He looked at Hermione carefully. “You're having a go at me, aren't you?”

Hermione slowly smiled. “Yes, I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. Nurse Pomfrey and the other
medical people here seem to think that you should try to get around as normally as possible though
when you are awake. That is why I am here. They want someone with you all the time. You'll
still sleep here though until they figure it out.”

“So, I will start classes soon?” asked Harry.

“Only if you want to, Harry,” said Hermione. “I told them that I would go to your classes with
you while you recover to help you make up your work. Most of mine will be repeated if I study for
magical nursing like I plan, so it's no problem.”

“Hermione, since when do you need Arithmancy and Ancient Runes to become a nurse. You take those
because you like them. Don't give me that? I don't want you to give up your favorite
classes to baby sit me,” said Harry.

“So which do you think I care about more, Harry? You or the classes?” asked Hermione hurt tone.
“Honestly, Harry. Why do you think I sit up until midnight every night?”

Harry felt her hand tighten on his. It had become so commonplace to feel her touching him that
he did not notice. He remembered the dream. It could not be the past or she would not be sitting
here. He was sure of that. He had never had a dream of the future that he knew of unless it related
to Voldemort. He felt uneasy and was tempted to pull his hand back, but could not force himself to
do it.

“Because you love me,” he smiled shyly. He knew that was why, but not like in the dream. That
was crazy. He realized that dreams were sometimes ridiculous. That was how he was going to treat
that one as just his overactive imagination.

“That's right and don't you forget it, buster,” smiled Hermione. “Ron and I are both
worried about you. Well, everyone is.” She paused. “I'm sorry Harry I don't mean to seem
melodramatic. It's just weird the things that have happened when you're awake sometimes.”
She blushed.

Harry was surprised at her reaction. She pulled her hand away and stood up again. “Is everything
okay, Hermione?”

“It's just weird Harry. I cannot let you go without knowing what I know. I was trying and
the heck with them if they get mad at me for telling you,” she said. “You have a form of amnesia,
Harry. They are pretty sure the magic causing it is reversible though. I`m not sure why they
haven`t done anything though. They needed someone be with you so that they can observe you and
report all the symptoms.”

“So, you're here on an assignment,” said Harry. “No wonder you don't leave.” He smiled.
“It's okay to admit it, Hermione. I know this must be difficult.”

“Harry, they ask me because I refuse to leave, not because they sent me here,” said Hermione.
“You wouldn't understand in your current state, but that's okay.”

“My current state? What wouldn't I understand?” said Harry.

“Never mind, Harry. I'm tired and starting to talk about things that are too hard to
explain,” she said in a nervous voice. “Let's just say that some days over the past few months,
you have behaved strangely and you don't remember. It's better that way, I suppose.” She
looked sad.

“I'm not a werewolf, am I?” he asked trying to lighten the mood.

Hermione giggled. “Well sort of. You do not remember some of the things you do when you are
awake. Most times you wake up completely normal and others…well, let's say it's been
interesting.”

“You aren't going to tell me, are you?” asked Harry.

“Tell you what?” said Hermione pretending not to understand.

“You know. You're not going to tell me what I did,” said Harry.

“That's right and don`t ask please. I shouldn`t have said anything at all. Nurse Pomfrey and
Professor McGonagall think that one day you're going to remember on your own and you'll
even know why you acted the way you did. If I said anything it would only be what I saw and that
might upset you,” said Hermione.

“Come on. It couldn't have been that bad,” said Harry.

As if on cue to relieve Hermione of the need to explain, Nurse Pomfrey returned from her office.
“Alright you two. It is time for you to get some rest, Miss Granger. Go back to the dorm and get
some rest. We'll have one of the staff nurses look after him until you're out of class
tomorrow. You really should do something else though. It's not healthy to sit here for hours at
a time,” said the nurse in a kindly tone.

“Harry, she's right. I have to go. I'm starting to tell you things I shouldn't
because I'm so tired. I'm not thinking,” said Hermione. She came to his bedside and kissed
his forehead. “Good night, Harry.”

Harry could not remember a time when Hermione had kissed him good night. She had hugged him in
welcome and maybe she had kissed him on the cheek in excitement over one thing or another. This was
different. He was sure she had never shown him that kind of affection before. “Good night,
Hermione,” he said not commenting on it.

Nurse Pomfrey seemed to be preparing some mixture on the dressing table in the corner of his
cubicle. “Harry--Professor McGonagall and Remus Lupin will be down in a moment to talk to you. I
shall leave you alone for the moment. Is there anything you need?”

“An explanation?” said Harry confusedly. “Why are they coming at midnight?”

“I'll leave them to explain it, Harry. I will be back when they arrive,” she said without
offering further comment.

Harry was perturbed to the point of exasperation. He had no idea what was going on. He was sure
that pressing the issue with Nurse Pomfrey was a waste of time. She was kind, but very stern when
pressed. He would just anger her and increase his frustration. Finally, ten minutes later, he heard
three voices coming down the corridor. “Remus, are sure this will work?”

“Yes, we know what is causing it now,” said Lupin. “It would be rather humorous if the truth had
been told months ago. Now, we must simply try to undo what has been done. We tested the two of us
with the antidote and it worked both times. It will be fine.”

“Hi Harry,” said Remus as he stepped through the door.

“Hello, Mr. Potter,” said Professor McGonagall. “I'm sure you overheard us in the corridor.
We have a solution to your illness, if you can call it that. I am sure that you have many
questions. Let Professor Lupin explain and then ask them if they still remain.”

“Harry, what has happened to you is a very potent form of hypnotism. Conventionally, it begins
with the typical relaxation techniques and a post-hypnotic suggestion. Having said this, there has
been research done in the magical community that could make the relaxation period almost
instantaneous through the administration of a very potent potion. This apparently is what happened
to you. There is more to it than that, however, and that's what made it hard to determine what
happened until now,” said Lupin.

“So, I was slipped a potion of some sort,” said Harry. “But how could it go for months like
this?”

“That's where it gets interesting. Who do you know that tests their experiments on live
human beings?” said Lupin looking out the window into the night sky.

Harry thought for just a second and it hit him like a bolt of lightning. “Fred and George
Weasley.”

“Precisely, Harry. Before you get angry with them, you were not the target, or at least they
deny it now. They had targeted their brother Ron the night of the Ministry gala. Ron is not even
aware of it to this day. As a matter of fact, Fred and George only confessed to recognizing the
possibility that it happened to you too last week when they heard someone talking about your
symptoms when they came to visit you,” said Remus. “It is fortunate that things happen as they do,
for it could have continued for a very long time.”

“So, what happened?” asked Harry as he felt both relief and anger. He was angry that nearly four
months of his life was nothing more than a few snippets of memory. He did not care whose fault it
was. It was frustrating. “Please. Tell me why I have thought I was going crazy. Who else
knows?”

“Okay, one thing at a time. First, you have to understand the purpose of it. Ron was to speak
that night and introduce you to the Ministry guests. It was a great honor for him to be asked. He
had never done anything like it before. You remember that much I think, don't you?”

“Yes, I remember him talking about being so nervous he could be sick when he thought about
talking in front of so many people,” said Harry. “I also remember he said he'd get through it
because he wouldn't miss it for the world. So how does this have anything to do with it?”

“Well, for once, his brothers actually wanted to help him, not embarrass him. Therefore, they
concocted their version of this hypnotic potion and an antidote. They thought that giving Ron the
ability to speak what was on his mind would help his confidence. The problem was that somehow, both
you and he got the potion. How exactly it happened at that point no one knows. We are sure though
that something went horribly wrong. That is what must have happened given the months of symptoms,”
said Remus.

“What?” said Harry. “This is ridiculous. Who gives someone a potion without realizing it?”

“I still have not determined the veracity of their story at this point. I wonder that myself. I
do know that they seemed more than willing to help now. So, something has changed. In any case, the
antidote causes dreams or induces a dream state similar to the hypnotic potion, only it's
purpose is to counter act it. Unlike physical inducements for hypnosis, there are no controls for
the antidote. Put more simply, the hypnotic suggestion was this. “When you feel the anxiety
beginning to build say, `enough', and it will relieve it immediately and allow you to say what
is on your mind freely. They told Ron that that was the secret. He would have done anything at that
point to make sure that he didn`t stammer through it. So, that`s what he did.”

“Okay?” said Harry. “That's it. The word `enough' was a trigger. What if you heard the
word five times in a conversation. Would you switch in and out of the hypnotic state. That's
hard to understand.”

“No,” said Remus. “It's actually pretty ingenious. The only person who could activate it was
the person themselves. It is something that when combined with stress, gives the drinker instant
relief and clarity. Do you remember what he said that night?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Harry laughing. “Ginny wanted to kill him afterwards from what I hear. Hermione
even had a few choice words. I remember that from the first day I was awake again in December.”

“Yes, he alluded to the two of you being the typical randy teenagers unable to satisfy their
hormones and wished Hermione would be the same way,” said Lupin. “He said he was glad you two had
parted ways before he became an uncle.”

“Professor Lupin, please,” said Professor McGonagall with a scowl.

“Ah yes, sorry. That was a poor choice of words,” said Lupin. “I apologizeto you, Harry. I got
carried away.”

He paused. “Ah, I remember where I was going with this. Once he had finished introducing you, he
sat down and you took the podium. You'd passed out within the first minutes of your speech. In
all the commotion, no one ever recognized how similar the two of you acted, in words and deeds that
night until now. You were very frank and at ease, which at the time, was amazing and quite
surprising as I look back. You do not seem to be a person who would have a lot of aplomb on the big
stage giving a speech under those circumstances.”

“Professor, really, this is all nice to hear, but what's wrong with me?” asked Harry. He was
interested but much more interest in knowing how he had gone into a vegetative state several times
in four plus months.

“Sorry, Harry but you need to understand this. You somehow drank the antidote first. It
counteracts the hypnotic potion. Apparently, the hypnotic potion becomes volatile when taken in
reverse order in a short period Or rather, the antidote does. One's purpose is solely to
relieve the anxiety. The other's is to return the body to normal function and flush the other
potion out of your system. Taken in reverse, it formed a part of the hypnotic sequence that spun
out of control. Whatever made you go into the hypnotic state would also trigger the sleep state
sometime in the relatively near future. Occasionally, it can leave you feeling drunk and
disassociates you from the reality of the world around you for quite some time. That is what
happened the last time that we know you went into the hypnotic state. You fell to the floor and
they found you scrambling to sit down much like a drunk,” said Remus.

“So what now?” asked Harry. “Well except for going and torturing Fred and George. That will be
the first thing I do.” He tried to sound like he was joking.

“So, I've been going in and out of this dream state for four months because of this
interaction. It's hard to believe that it could last that long,” said Harry.

“Well, there is the problem. The twins thought there was only one antidote brought with them
that night. The hypnotic effects persisted in Ron's case for only a little while. How it
happened remains a mystery. Personally, I think they were afraid to be caught. It is the first time
one of their experiments had consequences that everyone could see. I think they tried to cover it
up, but I can't prove it without Veritaserum and it's illegal now,” said Remus. “I think
they meant to help you the same way, but got the potions reversed. The dream state does not take
effect immediately. It occurs naturally the next time you go to sleep, except when it is mixed with
the hypnotic potion in the wrong order.”

Harry sat quietly planning his revenge on the twins. For the first time, Harry found their
irresponsible zaniness to be too much. It had cost him. His mind returned to something Hermione
said earlier. His behavior had been strange or odd over this time. How? “Okay, now. Tell me how it
has affected me for the last four months.”

“That's Professor McGonagall and Nurse Pomfrey's area of expertise. I have only met with
you once since that night until now. I was not pleased with our encounter, but now that I
understand it I agreed to come,” said Remus.

“It has been a very hard thing to follow, Harry. Given that you do not remember entire long
stretches of time, we told Hermione that it was best that you thought you slept continuously. You
did not, but you slept a lot and it became impossible to predict how long you would remain awake.
There is a Muggle malady known as narcolepsy that we believed might have been the cause, but we
ruled it out quickly,” said Madame Pomfrey.

“Really?” said Harry. “How come I don't remember those times?” said Harry.

“The antidote caused you to go into that dream-state, Mr. Potter,” answered Professor
McGonagall. “If we had known of the antidote, we could have stopped the cycle. Hypnotic subjects
often do not remember the circumstances around the time they are hypnotized.”

“So, did I make a fool of myself?” asked Harry.

Professor McGonagall looked at Madame Pomfrey and Remus for help, but none was forthcoming. “No,
Harry. Unfortunately, you became very frank with everyone. Sometimes, you were very tactless in
your approach to their personal situation or problems. To give you an example, you told me that my
fascination with staying at Hogwarts for all these years was a regret at not having my own
children. You added that you and your classmates were substitutes for those children and that I had
become bitter because of it. As you can imagine, I was taken aback. I was hurt, quite frankly.”

“Harry, you did the same to Tonks and I,” said Lupin. “The only ones who seemed to not suffer
the indignity of your wit and criticism were Miss Granger and Ron.”

“That is quite right. Apparently, Miss Granger and Ronald Weasley were the only ones you had not
offended enough to make them wary of being around you,” said Professor McGonagall. “That is why you
are here in the infirmary and not in your dorm. While many of your fellow students have reason to
be angry at your candor, some of them are grateful for your encouragement. The one thing I can say
with certainty is that all of them agree that there is something wrong for you to be acting this
way. We decided that keeping you apart from them and under observation here was best.”

Harry felt horrible. He wondered how much he had said and to whom. “Well, I take it that you
have the antidote and I can get my life back?” he asked with an empty feeling in his stomach. He
wondered what he could have said again.

“Yes, but one of the effects of this antidote is that your dreams may be vivid and almost
surreal. For most people, that would be discomforting. For you, it could be horrific since it may
mean recalling the night with your parents and so on. We wanted to make sure that you were aware of
the consequences. I did a short experiment with Tonks and I the past two days to see how it works.
It was unpleasant for Tonks. I have yet to feel those same effects. We think that Ron's dreams
came over a period of time and that mine will too,” said Remus. “Tonks remembered everything that
happened while under the hypnotic effect the very next day. I do not look forward to it myself for
obvious reasons. Ron suffered through days of regret for his comments. It took several days for him
to remember them. It was difficult for him to understand why Hermione and Ginny were angry until
then.”

“So, I might wake up tomorrow and remember everything that's happened, or it may come over
the next few days,” said Harry. “Is that right?”

“Harry, you have been under its spell, so to speak, for four months. Things might come quickly
or it may take a very long time for you to remember,” said Nurse Pomfrey. “That is why you will
remain here for observation for a few nights. We fear that you may feel very uncomfortable around
people for a while.”

Harry did not want to waste another moment. He could feel the anxiety building and he was
getting angrier at his predicament. He could not change what happened, but he wanted it to stop.
“Okay, well what are we waiting for?”

“We want you tell us you understand the risks,” said Professor McGonagall. “You will remember
the situation tonight. Of that, I am sure.”

“You know what, that's just like you people. You never worried about withholding things from
me before until it was useful for you to tell me. Go ahead, Harry has no choice. We'll tell him
when it's convenient for us. Professor Dumbledore did it. Remus, you did it about my parents.
I'm sick of it. Will you please, just give me the damn antidote,” said Harry angrily.

“Harry, just so that you know. That is how direct and tactless you get under the influence of
the hypnotic potion. We haven't pointed it out before because it is often not present unless
you really get into a stressful situation. It is as I thought, for you, stress alone caused it.
What you thought or felt when it triggered I cannot guess. It will be nice not to hear your every
thought in the future,” said Remus.

There was a very long silence as Remus walked to the window again. “Harry, I must apologize. We
care for you. We must be fair and tell you that you must not forget that there was many times that
you have encouraged people as well. How the stress element worked then, I have no clue. Had I taken
your comments correctly a few months ago, I might have seen them as encouraging. They were not
always angry outbursts. Arthur and Ron are acting on one of those. You told Ron that he should
follow his dream of playing Quidditch. He has changed for the better because you made him face his
dream and go for it. Do not think that everyone got the wrong end of your insight. Your memories
may be both good and bad.”

Harry felt a pang of guilt. “I'm very sorry for being a bit out of line there,” said Harry
ashamed for losing his composure.

“Mr. Potter, drink this,” said Madame Pomfrey. “Do it quickly because it is possible that this
outburst could cause a return to the dream state. That would delay the administration of the
potion.”

Harry took the cup and drank it down. He remembered this taste. “I remember this,” said Harry.
“Seriously, it tastes like apple juice and some other fruit. I drank it on the way out of the
Burrow. I don't remember how I got it though.”

“Well, Harry you can think of that as you rest,” said Lupin. “Listen to my voice and shut your
eyes. Concentrate on peaceful thoughts. We will step out soon and let you go to sleep. We are
giving it to you now mixed with another sleeping draught. It will make you sleep even though you
may not be tired. Otherwise, the effects might take a while leaving you to contemplate the worst
and we don`t want that for you. We do have your best interests in mind, Harry. When you awake, you
should feel normal.” Remus, the Headmistress and Madame Pomfrey left the cubicle quietly to let
Harry drift off to sleep.

Harry was aware of Lupin speaking to him. He barely heard the three of them leave. He wondered
how Hermione and Ron had managed not to hate him. The dream he had earlier in the evening began to
weigh heavily on his mind. Had he actually said that to Hermione? Was that what happened? Slowly,
those thoughts fade as sleep overcame him.

-->



2. Awareness Strikes
--------------------



Chapter 2--Awareness Strikes

Harry awoke that Wednesday rested, but uneasy. He knew why they had warned him about the dreams
he might have. He had become so accustomed to dreaming of his Mother and Father that he had often
simply acknowledged the loss when he woke up and went on about his day. He knew most of what
happened the night his parents were murdered now. It was sad how many lives were changed
forever.

Even though he was much too young to remember these as his own memories, it did not stop him
from having the dreams made up in his imagination of that night. Harry did not want to open his
eyes. There were other dreams that night. Some were disjointed and made very little sense. Others
seemed to linger. One that lingered was the night he learned Sirius was not responsible for his
parents`deaths. Harry knew if he opened his eyes, the tears would stream down his face.

He opened his eyes and to his amazement, the sad thoughts seemed to fade away. He looked around
for a second and then swung his feet over the side of the bed. He hesitated. If he wasn`t relieved
of the awful hypnotic potion and its effects, he might fall like a drunk to the floor as he had
before. Finally, he felt confident that that was not going to happen. He stepped down and found the
floor cold on his feet. He was not prepared for that he quickly sat back up on the bed looking for
his slippers. He saw them under the chair a few feet away.

“Good morning, Mr. Potter,” said the young night nurse. She did not look that much older than he
was and it felt strange to have a young woman that age calling him Mr. Potter.

“You can call me Harry,” said Harry. “I don't think you want me to treat you like you're
way older than me, do you?”

“No, I suppose not, but we're supposed to call all the patients mister or misses unless
we're given permission otherwise,” said the nurse. “You can call me Nurse Annie if you want.
They make us tell the patients to call us Nurse, but I don't mind if you know my first
name.”

“Okay, Nurse Annie,” said Harry thinking how cute this young woman was striving to follow the
rules. It reminded him of how he thought Hermione would be in a few years. “What time is it?”

“It's nearly seven, Harry,” she said smiling. “I was told to send someone to get Professor
McGonagall when you woke up. I will let you have your privacy for a few minutes. After all, I am
required to do rounds so I just didn't see you the moment you awoke.”

“Thanks for that,” he said.

“As you can tell, I'm new. So please let that be our little secret so I don't get in
trouble,” added Nurse Annie.

“Your secret is safe with me,” he said with a wink. “He gathered his robe from the end of the
bed and wrapped himself in it as he dashed to the chair to put on his slippers. The walk to the loo
in the ward was not far, but there was an open area to cross making the walk seemed longer than it
was.

By the time he returned to his bed, Professor McGonagall was standing in the corridor. “Ah, Mr.
Potter. How are you feeling?”

“For the moment, I'm fine. I think the mention of my parents may have sparked the dream
again, but I'm okay,” he reiterated. “It's funny how my mind recreates something I never
saw just to torture me.”

“We would like you to join the other children for breakfast this morning if you are up to it,”
she said. “It's time for you to return to a normal life here at Hogwarts. You can find Miss
Granger if you like, Mr. Weasley--Ronald--will be returning with his father later this afternoon.
As I'm sure you're aware, this weekend begins Spring Break. That will give you some time to
acclimate yourself to being active again.”

“You seem to be in a hurry to get me back into the flow of things, Professor,” said Harry.

Professor McGonagall's countenance changed abruptly from very authoritarian to personal.
“Harry, it is hard for me to admit, but what said to me was something that I need to remember. It
is why I love being here. I have four hundred children every year instead of only one or two. You
are one of the special ones. I know that you need to get back to what will make you happy, because
those dreams you had last night are not the last ones you will have. I want you to see how much
people care about you before you feel guilty for anything you might remember saying or doing.” She
said this quietly and with more conviction than he expected.

A moment later, she said, “I was worried for you Mr. Potter.” She returned to her more familiar
posture.

“Thank you, Professor,” he said.

“Now, get dressed and find Miss Granger,” said the Headmistress as she left in the direction of
the Great Hall.

Harry got dressed and contemplated what she had just said. *“I must have been a real prat to
some people if she felt it necessary to say that,” he thought.* He pulled the blanket up to the
pillow and tried his best to make it look neat. He knew that Nurse Annie would probably be expected
to make it before her shift ended.

“Harry,” said Nurse Annie. “Thank you for keeping our secret.” She smiled.

“No, I owe you the thanks,” he said as he walked toward the Great Hall.

He noticed that the Great Hall was still nearly empty. He figured out quickly that maybe it was
still very early. Without a second thought, he walked toward Gryffindor Tower. His legs ached as he
climbed the rotating staircases. He knew it was because he had not done much walking the past few
months. He was surprised how the lack of activity was affecting him. He got to one staircase from
the top when Hermione emerged from the portrait hole.

“Harry, hello,” she said in surprise. “I just got word that you would be going to classes today.
What are you doing up here? I was supposed to meet you in the Great Hall.” Her voice was animated
and happy unlike Harry had seen in many years. She sounded like the fourteen year old that greeted
him after the second task at the Triwizard Tournament. “Wait right there. I'm coming down.”

“Okay,” he said laughing. “You seem to be in a good mood.”

“You have no idea how many mornings Ron and I hoped we would see you coming up these stairs to
meet us or that we would find you in the Great Hall,” she said joyfully. “I feel bad that Ron
missed it, but he'll be back later today.”

“Why didn't he wait until the break to go to look for a place to stay, Hermione?” he
asked.

“It's sort of an interview too, Harry. The team is back from Europe for the rest of the week
and then goes back on the road next week. Therefore, if he was going to meet the coach, he needed
to go this week or wait until after the break. You really inspired him, Harry,” she said. “I hope
it goes well for him. They interview young players like Ron very carefully these days. It is tough
on them to be alone when they go on the road I guess. It takes a special person to do it.”

“How do you feel about all this?” he asked.

For the first time, there was a crack in Hermione's upbeat attitude. “I'm happy for Ron,
Harry. How am I supposed to feel? He might be on the road for three weeks at a time and then back
for a week and then gone again. It will be a lot to get used to.”

“I guess I didn't think of all that,” said Harry. “I hope you're not mad at me for
getting him started on all this.” He looked at her as they walked, but she did not look back. She
kept walking with her bag over her shoulder and her eyes straight ahead.

“No, Harry. I am not mad at you. You did a great thing for him. He is happier than he has ever
been. You helped us both. You made it clear to us what our dreams and goals were,” she said without
any of the previous excitement in her voice.

Harry knew he had hit a nerve somewhere, but he had no idea why. He needed to get her back to
the excited girl she had been a few minutes before. “Hermione, I am so glad to see you outside of
that stupid hospital wing. I don't love school, but it should be more interesting than feeling
like a zombie all the time.”

Hermione laughed. “Yeah, and my bum won't be sore from sitting in the same position all the
time either,” she seemed to brighten up. “You have Professor Slughorn first today, Harry. What a
cheery thought that must be.” She giggled again. “He will no doubt reconvene the Slug Club in your
honor.”

Harry smiled. “That old fraud is quite a piece of work, isn't he? He had the answers to so
many things to help find the Horcruxes and kept silent out of fear. What you said was funny, but I
don't have much use for him myself.”

“You and me both, Harry,” said Hermione. “He is a brilliant Potions Master though. We can both
learn from him.”

“I suppose,” said Harry. They had just passed through the huge doors and into the Great Hall.
Unlike fifteen minutes before, the place was now a hive of activity. Harry had not been back to
school as a student since last year as far as he knew since it was temporarily closed down last
summer. It was reopened in January, he knew that. The rest of what had been going on was a blur. He
noticed the changed atmosphere immediately. The Slytherin table was full, but it was different. The
dark cast that seemed to be on every face was gone.”

“Wow, the Slytherin's look different,” he said to Hermione.

“Yes, they do, don't they?” she replied.

“On second thought,” he said. “They still look snooty and arrogant even if they seem less
threatening.” He laughed.

“Yeah, noticed that too, did you?” said Hermione. “At least they don't call anyone mud blood
anymore.”

They had finally reached the far end of the table near the teacher's table. It was a place
reserved for the seventh year students in Gryffindor. Each house had a similar spot for those about
to graduate. He sat across from her and noticed the stares almost immediately.

“Hermione, did I kill someone while I had amnesia?” he joked. He was not going to say anything
about what he had learned until there was some privacy and he could tell Ron at the same time.

“No, Harry, but you have had a habit of being very blunt with people and that's why they
stopped letting you come to the Great Hall for meals until you were feeling more yourself. It was
rather frightening sometimes,” she said. “Don't worry. Just think of it as if you are walking
through the lion's cage at the London zoo. If they get loose, you're dead in seconds.” She
giggled.

“Oh, nice. Just brilliant. I have absolutely no idea who I've offended,” said Harry.

“Well you offended me you git,” said Seamus with a good-natured pat on the shoulder. “But mates
don't know how to hold a grudge. The next time I want your opinion though, remind me to shoot
myself with my wand first.” He laughed.

Harry did not know what to say. “Sorry, mate. I don't remember.”

“Well, of course you don't. Most of us understand that,” he said. “The others, they're
going to come around, you'll see.”

Before long, Dean Thomas, Parvati Patil, Neville Longbottom and surprisingly, Ginny Weasley
greeted Harry warmly. Seamus did a good deal of the talking and explained that most of his
housemates understood that what had happened several weeks had been explained as well as it could
be by Professor McGonagall.

“Yeah, Harry. It took a bit of convincing, but we finally got the picture. I guess it was
something to do with a curse or something, I guess. Is that right?”

Harry had to play along for the moment. It was the first time he had heard anything of the sort.
He did not make the mistake of confirming Seamus' story, but he did tell them it was something
like that. “Well if it wasn't a curse, it was after I pissed all of you off.” He said smiling.
“I sincerely didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings.”

“Mate, we're guys. It is hard to offend another guy, but sometimes the truth makes you look
at things you're happy not to see. I needed to see that I was a bit rude to people all the time
with my cheeky jokes and such. I never fancied myself as `a prat who made people squirm just for
the fun of it.' Those were your words. It's just not something someone says to your face
without trying to pick a fight,” he said. “If it were anyone but you mate, it would have been
ugly.”

Harry hung his head. “Mate, what was I thinking to tell you something like that so tactlessly?
I'm sorry,” said Harry not apologizing for the idea but the way he said it.

“Well, at least you admit you meant it,” said Seamus. “It would have been hard if you denied you
felt that way now.”

Harry understood that. He was going to have to be careful about changing what he said. If
someone had been offended and he was wrong, he had to admit it. If he were right, he had to stand
by his words. He was glad Seamus was the first to confront him. “Seamus, no hard feelings?”

“No, mate. Good mates tell things as they are sometimes. I just needed to grow up a bit,” he
said somberly.

Harry noticed that many of the others were listening carefully. Harry was not about to make a
statement to all of them at first and then an idea came to him. “Look, if I offended any of you
please come talk to me when you feel like it. I do not want to have bad blood between us. I'm
not perfect either.” He left it at that.

“Are we ready to go to class, Hermione?” he asked. He noticed her looking off in the distance
much like many of the others.

“Did I say something or do something to you too?” asked Harry without thinking about the
consequences.

“No, not really Harry. Nothing like that. It was just that you were very up front about things.
You told me I should do what makes me happy. I sometimes do things that make others happy before I
do things for myself. It is a rather annoying habit of mine. Then I try to make them do it my way
because I'm frustrated,” she said. “Oh my god, I'm sorry, Harry. I should not be saying
these things. You made me see a lot of things differently.”

“That sounds ominous,” he said. “I hope I wasn't harsh like I was with him.”

“Harry, if you had been harsh, do you think I would have sat there with you for hours?” asked
Hermione. “Ron and I learned more about you in the last four months than we knew in six years,
almost seven now. We have talked about how we can help you see the same things in yourself that you
saw in us. Whatever happened to you were both a blessing and a curse of sorts I guess.”

“How do you mean, Hermione?” asked Harry as they got up and started walking toward class.

Her eyes kept forward again. She would not look at him as they walked. Then she stopped and
turned to him. “Harry, I cannot answer your question right now. You will understand one day I hope.
I really hope that Nurse Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall are right when they told Ron and me that
you would remember everything one day. Until then, I cannot say. I do not want to repeat the words
and let the feelings that were attached or showed through be lost. You have to do that
yourself.”

Harry was confused. She was so sweet. He saw so much potential in her. Ron was going to be a
very happy man to have her if they could keep things going. “Well, I just hope I didn't do
something stupid.”

“Harry, nothing you did was stupid. It was hard to understand sometimes, but it was not stupid,”
she said. “We have to find something else to talk about. I never knew until now how hard this would
be.”

“I did do something,” said Harry. “I'm going to regret it, aren't I?”

“Harry, no. Now stop it. You're making it worse,” said Hermione. “Just focus on class and
let things go for a while. You were never awake long enough for us to have this conversation until
now so it makes it a little hard to get used to you not remembering things.”

Harry had to honor Hermione's wishes unless he wanted to tell her the truth about things. He
was not prepared to do that now. It was obvious that Hermione had handled whatever Harry had said
differently than most people. On the other hand, as he was told, even his inclination to say what
was on his mind had limits where she and Ron were concerned. Either way, he was making things
difficult for her by continuing to bring it up.

“So what are we talking about in class today?” asked Harry.

“We are going over experimental potions. Professor Slughorn put out a survey at the beginning of
the year to see what interested his students most, since we in the seventh year will only get the
equivalent of a half year of study. We're up to the theory behind using mind control potions,”
said Hermione. “If you ask Professor Lupin, chocolate does the trick perfectly.” She smiled.

“I suppose he's right. Chocolate always worked for me,” said Harry. Harry decided that maybe
these potions classes would give him some idea of what happened to him. After all, Fred and George
started out with the idea to relieve Ron's anxiety of speaking to large groups of people. He
shivered as he thought of the way it had turned out. “Shouldn't that be more of a Dark Arts
subject?”

“Well, at first he didn't want to do it for that very reason, but lots of us said that we
wanted to know about them because the rumor was that you were under the influence of one,” said
Hermione. “So, in a way, you inspired the next subject.”

Harry shivered again with the irony of it all sinking in.

“Harry?” asked Hermione. “You aren't getting a chill, are you? That`s the second time in a
minute you did that.”

“Yeah, it's funny how it happens at the weirdest times without any good reason,” said Harry
not letting on that the whole situation that made him shiver. “I'll be fine though. No
worries.”

As usual, Professor Slughorn was very proficient at teaching the brewing of potions, but fell
miserably short of the mark describing the effects of the potions and their antidotes. Harry was
sure that several times during his lecture, the Professor had looked directly at him. He had no
reason to believe that Professor Slughorn knew anything, but Harry was suspicious.

Throughout the day, Harry tried desperately to figure out why Hermione was so emotional about
the times he was “hypnotized”. He had obviously not offended her, but he had to have done something
to create such emotion. Finally, his last class of the day was with Professor McGonagall. They were
working on transfiguring a human into a mouse. Harry felt somewhat lucky so he volunteered to be
the guinea pig.

“I'll do it,” said Harry with a smile. “I think I'm the luckiest guy here so I should be
safe.”

His classmates laughed. “That-a-boy, Harry,” said Seamus. “Let Longbottom have a crack at him
and see if he still feels lucky.”

The roar of laughter made Professor McGonagall smile for the first time that Harry could
remember. “With all due respect to Mr. Longbottom, he should be last. Our test subject may be in no
condition to continue if we were to do that.”

Neville blushed. “But I'm doing so much better. The last time it only took two days to get
Dean back to normal,” he smiled obviously playing along with the joke. “I agree. I still need work
and we don't want to send Harry back to St. Mungo's just yet.”

Hermione smiled and pushed Harry to the head of the class. “Go, Harry. Good luck, you have no
idea how bad we've been at this.”

Suddenly Harry did not feel so confident. “Err, ah…what are you talking about Hermione?”

“I'm just kidding silly,” she smiled. “It will be fine.”

Each of Harry's classmates took turns changing him to a mouse. He had the weirdest sensation
each time. Once he could have sworn he had a hankering for cheese, but he was returned to human
form so fast each time, he could not be sure. “Can you do that again? I want to see what type
cheese I wanted.” He looked around for their expressions. “Just kidding guys, come on.”

Everyone laughed again. Hermione smiled at him when he came back to his seat. “Harry, I wish Ron
could have seen that. He would have paid a million galleons for a picture of you scurrying around
as a mouse.”

Harry smiled. He loved how she was always thinking of him and Ron. She was unselfish. She was
very caring and open with those she cared about most. Harry had a sense of calm and satisfaction
when he thought about Hermione in situations like this. She radiated kindness that overshadowed the
bossy and argumentative tendencies most knew people associated with her.

“I'll bet. I don't think if he were here I would have volunteered for just that reason,”
he smiled.

“Yeah, I'll bet not,” she grinned. “Professor, I'll be the victim next. I mean subject
so Harry can try.” She winked at him knowing the laughs would come at Harry's expense.

“Yeah, Harry. Be careful, don't turn Granger into a cockroach or something worse,” said Dean
jokingly.

Harry smiled. “Are you ready for this, Hermione?” he asked quietly.

“Sure, you'll do fine,” she said.

Harry was nervous but happy that she had confidence in him. He raised his wand and did the
incantation silently as he expertly waved his wand. Hermione was immediately transfigured into a
swan. Harry smiled. “I had to make her into something better than a mouse,” he said. “Is that good
enough?”

Professor McGonagall smiled. “That was very good, Harry. It's too bad Miss Granger can't
see herself.” The Professor changed Hermione back into herself. “Well, Miss Granger. Harry managed
to turn you into a very beautiful swan.”

“Really?” she said with delight. “I missed it. Harry?”

“I just made you into something that reminds me of you,” he whispered.

“Potter?” asked Mrs. McGonagall who never liked whispering or passing notes in her classes.

“Oh, I just told her that I wanted it to be more spectacular than a mouse,” he said slyly.

“Well, it was that,” said the Headmistress. “We will do the same next time. We will go for a
larger animal transfiguration.”

Harry felt Hermione's hand take his. “Thanks for saying that Harry. That was very sweet.”
Her warm touch reminded him of how lucky he was to have his two best friends.

“I'll bet you're anxious to see, Ron,” Harry said to Hermione as they left the classroom
still holding hands without realizing it.

“Of course, Harry,” she said nonchalantly pulling her book back up with both hands to free her
hand from Harry's at the mention of Ron`s name.

He had not realized it, but he was the one who would not let go. He felt a twinge of
disappointment to lose physical contact with her. He shivered again. “Wow, what is it about this
corridor that makes me shiver?” he said covering up his reaction. He had no idea what was causing
him to feel this way.

They chatted about the day and contemplated what Ron might have learned. “So, you never said.
Are you going to be happy about a move to Ireland if that happens?”

“Harry that is something Ron and I are going to have to discuss. I'm not sure I want to go
too far from here right now because my studies are here, but if he needs me I might,” she said
looking at Harry carefully. “I just don't know yet. There are other factors too. If he's
gone a fair bit, why would I go there just to be alone while they are out of town?”

“I can see your point there,” said Harry. “I think you guys can work it out though.”

“I hope so. It's hard when there are so many things we both want to do,” said Hermione.

They walked along the final corridor from the rotating staircase and stopped at the portrait. “I
keep forgetting that I'm staying in the Hospital Wing.”

“Six years of coming back here is a hard habit to break,” said Hermione. “Just as you get used
to it, they'll have you move back too.”

“Yeah, I can see that already,” said Harry. “Well, it was nice walking you up anyway. I enjoy
talking to you, you know that. I am going to come in and say hi to Ron. I just wanted to say that
before we went in.”

“Well, you know I feel the same, right?” said Hermione.

Harry left her question unanswered. They walked into the Common Room where Ron had a few of the
younger Gryffindors sitting at a table listening to him about his trip. Seamus and Dean entered
just behind them. “Ron, how did it go, mate?” asked Dean.

Ron's face was all smiles. “They offered me second alternate as Goalkeeper for this season,”
he beamed. “Okay, second alternate is not great, but I haven't graduated yet. That allows me to
stay in school and join them in the summer when the Quidditch schedule slows down for the World
Cup, but we`ll still be gone a lot. Hermione, that means that we have plenty of time to figure out
what we want to do between now and then. Isn't that great news?” asked Ron.

“Yes, it is. Congratulations,” she said smiling. She gave him her customary kiss on the cheek in
public. He offered his knee and she sat on it as he kept talking.

“Hermione, they are going to pay me almost as much as my Dad makes at the Ministry,” he added.
“Wow, I can't believe it. I couldn't go on about it like this with my Dad, because, well, I
had to act all responsible and stuff.” They all laughed.

Harry listened to the schedule for the summer. It was going to be hard for Hermione and Ron to
decide what to do. The first month and a half after Ron joined the team would be mostly out of
Great Britain and Ireland completely. Even magical travel would not be practical as an alternative.
He had to be with his teammates to become part of the team.

Hermione listened too. Harry noticed that the more she heard the quieter she became. Ron's
exuberance was a good thing, but it also left Hermione nodding yes to things that he had not really
asked her. “Hermione, you're happy about this, right?”

“Why wouldn't I be?” she said. “Of course, I am.” Her voice did not carry the enthusiasm it
had when she first found out.

Ron stopped for a second. “I'm sorry, Hermione. I should have talked to you about all of
this first,” he said. He looked around at the six or seven people there with him. He looked at
Harry. “Hey, Harry? Guys? Do you mind if Hermione and I have a moment alone here? I should have
taken the time for this when I first got back.”

“Hey, no problems mate,” said Harry. “This had been a very long day. I need to get a little rest
before dinner anyway. I'll see you then?”

“Sure Harry,” said Ron. “Hey, my Dad has a whole bunch of souvenirs we got from the team back at
the house. We can pick through them when we get back there this weekend. Anyway, get some
rest.”

“See you later,” said Harry as he walked toward the portrait hole. Ron apologized immediately
once everyone had turned to leave.

“Hermione, I just realized that this is what we didn't want to happen. It's my fault,”
said Ron.

“It's okay, Ron, you were excited. I understand that part. You just have to remember that
you can't pretend that I agree with things in front of other people until we actually agree,”
she said. “So, let's go over this again.”

Harry kept walking trying not to eavesdrop but he could not help it. The last thing he heard was
about the place in Dublin.

“We would stay just outside Dublin. It is nice there. It's a little muggle village but there
are three wizard families who live there quietly too,” said Ron.

Harry knew this would have been a sobering conversation for him. He did not want to be separated
from his friends. He knew it would happen one day, but today was not a day he wanted to think about
it. It took Harry ten minutes to get back to the Hospital Wing and get comfortable. He knew the
nurses must hate it when people got in the beds fully dressed, but he was not getting into pajamas
for a pre-dinner nap. He kicked off his runners and laid back closing his eyes and focusing on his
own breathing. He slowly relaxed until a dream overtook him.

*The Common Room was warmer than usual during the late January cold snap. Harry sat with Ron
and Hermione at the fireplace. Ron yawned. “Thanks mate. You know I'll have to think about what
you said.”*

*He stood and continued. “I'm too tired to think about it now though.* *I am*
*going to get some sleep. You two stay if you want. I'm done though.”*

*Hermione gave Ron a kiss on the cheek, “Good night.”*

*“Hey, good night mate,” said Harry. “Ron, you can do anything you put your mind to as long as
you want it bad enough. Look, we beat Voldemort. That should prove it to you.”*

*“Yeah alright. The fact is that, you beat Voldemort and we stood watching in awe,” said Ron.
“I'm tired mate. I'll give it some thought.”*

*“No, wait. I'm not having that. Do you know how much courage it took to be there? Do you
know that you and Hermione were the reason I* *could not* *fail? Mate, I know you*
*do not* *believe you can do it right now, but I do. If you do, it will happen. You can play
Quidditch for anyone once you get the right training and practice.”*

*“Alright Harry,” said Ron with a smile. “Good night.”*

*Ron disappeared up the staircase. “Why doesn't he believe me, Hermione?”*

*Hermione was quiet for a few moments then answered. “Harry, relax.* *You have*
*been so different lately. You used to sit quietly and never tell people what you thought and now
no one can stop you. You challenge them at every turn. You`re making as many enemies as friends
these days, Harry.”*

*“What are you talking about?” asked Harry.*

*“Harry, we keep trying to tell you that something happened to you a month or so ago and it
changed you. You just never remember what you tell people from one day to the next. Yesterday you
almost picked a fight with Seamus. The day before you told Neville his parents would be proud of
him if only he'd stop being a wimp and then in the same breathe, you said that he had the
makings of a great teacher,” said Hermione. “You have no idea what you're saying half the time.
With Neville, you tore him down one minute and the next pulled him back up. It`s crazy.”*

*“I said that to Neville?” he asked.*

*“Yes. I have never seen you like that. Now, today, you have given Ron and* *me*
*advice to follow our dreams. I'm sure we're not perfect, so why do you let us off the
hook.” She paused. “I'm not sure I want you to answer that. I kind of like being encouraged for
once instead of doing it for others.” She giggled.*

*“Oh, but you are perfect, Hermione. Look at you. You were once a bucktoothed, know-it-all
with bushy hair and no tact. Now you're this radiantly beautiful, intelligent, caring young
woman who makes me crazy to look at,” said Harry immediately blushing a bit. How had he said all
that in one* *sentence?*

*Hermione looked at him hard.* *Harry could feel the tension. He knew he had said too
much, but it was how he felt. Why couldn't he stop himself? “I'm sorry, I got carried away,
Hermione. You are though.* *You have* *become what any guy would die to have for a
girlfriend. Ron is the luckiest guy here. If he weren't your boyfriend, I'd drop everything
and make it my business to make sure you knew how I felt.” He felt warm and flushed. “I don't
feel so good, Hermione.” He collapsed.*

Harry shifted in the bed in the Hospital Wing still napping and still dreaming.

*He lay awake in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts feeling groggy and confused. He heard Nurse
Pomfrey. “Miss Granger, you can see him for a moment then you have to leave,” said the
Nurse.*

*“Harry, are you alright? You scared the hell out of me?” Hermione asked. “Ron had to go to
bed. He'll come back with me in the morning.”*

*“What time is it? What happened?” asked Harry.*

*“You started perspiring while you were talking to me late last night and then you said you
didn't feel well. You collapsed. I thought it was something serious, but it was just one of
those sleeping spells again. They're going to keep you here until they figure this out now I
think,” said Hermione brushing Harry's hair away from his eyes.*

*Harry could feel the odd sensation of dizziness subsiding. “I don't remember a thing.
I'm sorry if I gave you a scare.”*

*“Harry, we've been worried that you haven't been yourself for quite sometime. You*
*have not* *fallen asleep like that since the night at the Gala. You did. You scared me,”
she said caressing his hand. “Even though you don't remember, thanks for what you said last
night. It meant a lot to me.”*

*“What did I say?” asked Harry.*

*“You just told me that you thought I was a really amazing girl. Well, not in so many words. I
don't think you meant things exactly the way you said them, but the point was clear and I thank
you for that,” said Hermione.*

*“You won't tell me what I said, will you?” asked Harry.*

*“No Harry,” said Hermione. “I talked with Professor McGonagall and she said that one day you
might remember the important and really meaningful things you've said and done. If you never
remember, it will just be something you said without thinking. We all do it, but you`ve made a
career out of it lately.” Hermione giggled.*

*“We all hope you can remember so we can find out what you really meant, I guess,” said
Hermione.*

*“Why do I feel like it's not all good? I hate this and I can't even be sorry for
anything I say because I don't even remember saying anything at all.” He paused. “Do they know
what's wrong with me then?”*

*“No, I'm sorry Harry. I wish they did too,” said Hermione. “Look, I need to go before
Nurse Pomfrey gets mad and makes it harder for me to stay with you.”*

*Harry felt a little more normal and noticed how haggard she looked. “Have you slept?” asked
Harry.*

*Hermione giggled. “That's the other reason, Harry. No, not since they brought you here.
Well, maybe a nap in the chair, but that's all.”*

*“Hermione, get out of here,” joked Harry. “I'm fine.* *You are* *going to make
me feel guilty if you get sick. Now go.” He smiled. “Thank you, Hermione. You're sweet. I*
*cannot* *imagine just saying something to you simply to be nice though. I think I would
always tell you what I really felt.”*

*Harry noticed the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “Thank you, Harry” She left as
the tears started streaming down her face.*

Harry awoke with a start. His chest felt heavy lying there. He sat up and looked around. *“I
couldn't have done that. I've tried to keep those thoughts about her out of my head. I
don't even think of them to keep myself from doing something stupid. Holy crap. What did I do?”
he thought.*

All he could think of was how shocked the look on her face was when he said that he would do
everything in his power to let her know how he felt. What was it? Was it surprise? Embarrassment?
Whatever it had been, shock described it best. “*I can't let her know I remember. I would
have to confess. I can't lie to her.”*

He yawned. A moment or so later, he got up picked up his runners and sat down in the chair. The
whole thing ran through his head again. He could only shake his head. He knew she was taking care
of him so well because she felt sympathy for his feelings toward her. He was glad that he knew now.
He realized that the dream of the other day was the way he would have to react to her if she did
something stupid like break up with Ron for him. He knew he wanted her to care for him too. It was
not that he did not care for her enough. He cared for her too much by his standards. He was not
ready for a relationship with someone. He wanted to fool around and be a randy seventeen-year-old
boy. He would never do that to Hermione. She could never think of leaving Ron for him. Not now, not
ever. He loved his friends too much to come between them.

-->



3. Harry's Dilemma
------------------



Harry's Dilemma--Chapter 3

Harry thought about Hermione as he sat quietly. He pictured her face trying to remember every
detail. He smiled as her most prominent features jumped out at him. Her bushy eyebrows, larger than
average teeth and incredibly soulful eyes filled his heart with joy. He laughed at the thought of
how much larger Hermione's teeth had once been. He wondered how this girl had captured his
heart so completely. Hermione was the only girl Harry knew that embodied all of the things that
intrigued him. She was cute, brazen, intelligent, warm, kind, and most of all, natural.

*“So if all this is true, why don't I just go for it?” he asked himself.*

Harry shocked himself with that question. He had never asked it before and never considered it.
There were some things that you did not question. One of them had always been that Ron and Hermione
would eventually get together. Why had it been Ron and Hermione and not Hermione and he?

He got up from the chair and walked absentmindedly toward the Great Hall to satisfy his hunger.
At first, he wondered if he was hallucinating because he was starving. He laughed silently as he
realized that he was searching for any reason that would help him answer that question.

“Hey, Harry,” said Parvati Patil as Harry entered the Great Hall without paying attention to the
people around him.

“Oh, hi Parvati,” he said. “Sorry, I'm still sleepy from my nap.”

“It's okay, Harry. I'm just glad to see you up and around again. We were all worried
about you for the longest time,” she said politely.

“Yeah, thanks Parvati. I suppose I was worried about me too,” he said as she headed toward her
group of friends not too far from Ron and Hermione. She turned back and giggled. “Hope to talk to
you again soon, Harry.”

Harry was surprised that he had made it this far thinking about Hermione and had not yet come up
with a plan. It was too late now, they saw him and motioned him over. “Harry, we saved you a spot.
Sit.” Ron was talking animatedly with Seamus moving his hands in the way Harry remembered they used
to do talking about Quidditch strategies.

“Yeah, mate. It was really interesting talking to the Chaser coach,” said Ron who turned toward
Harry and smiled. “Hey, we thought you faded out on us again. You know that`s how we first figured
out you hadn`t fully recovered. You just didn't show up for supper one night and Hermione got
worried.”

Harry vaguely remembered that part of the story. It was really hard to figure out what were
dreams and what was reality still. The dream he had today rang true. The one from the day before
seemed a little out of character for both him and Hermione. It was not so much what he said, it was
that he could not see Hermione breaking up with Ron and coming to him in desperation. She was too
proud and self-assured to need a guy that badly. He just realized that.

“Harry, are you with us?” asked Hermione with a smile. “You looked like you were a million miles
away.”

“Man, I'm telling you. It's so hard to figure out if I'm dreaming or awake. I lived
in between the two for so long, I'm still kind of lost,” he said. Again, he surprised himself.
Other than the moment he woke up and made the silent vow to keep quiet about things to avoid coming
between them, everything around him seemed to be going slower and seemed almost dream-like. He did
not feel normal at that moment.

“Are you alright then, mate?” asked Ron rather seriously. “My Dad told me a little about what
happened and I'm shocked. It wouldn't surprise me if it's still a few days before you
feel right.”

“Yeah, that's weird. Things were fine this morning and even seemed okay when I first woke up
from my nap. I just feel a little lightheaded right now is all,” he said as he looked around at
everyone.

“Maybe we should get Madame Pomfrey, Harry,” said Hermione. “The last thing we want is a repeat
of `Truth or Dare, Harry Style'.” She smiled.

“Yeah, who knows what I'll say next, right?” he said jokingly. “Maybe I'm just hungry
and eating something will sort this all out.”

He straightened himself out on the bench seat to Ron's left and dished out healthy portions
of beef stew, egg noodles and corn. He felt better as he ate. He had never experienced anything
like that before but the feeling was starting to fade a bit.

As he ate he listened to Ron describe what the Chaser coach had taught him about watching flight
patterns of the other players. Harry was intrigued with what Ron had learned in a short visit with
the professional team. Once he started feeling better he asked Ron about it. “You know, mate, I was
listening to you talk about watching the other flyers. It's interesting. I wonder if he said
anything that might help a Seeker. I mean, occasionally someone besides the Seeker finds the Snitch
first and I wonder if there are indicators that help with that,” said Harry.

The discussion of the technical aspects of the role of Chasers, Seekers and Beaters stretched on
for over a half an hour. Harry couldn't help but look at Hermione sit patiently as Seamus,
Dean, Ron, Harry and Ginny went over every detail.

He tried to keep focused on the discussion, but most of it did not apply to the Seeker. Once a
match started, he was actually involved in an almost separate game of cat and mouse with the other
Seeker. Once he had tuned out of the Quidditch discussion, he focused on Hermione again. Was she
really interested in all this technical talk about angles and eye-hand coordination? He doubted it,
but it intrigued him to wonder what she was thinking about. He found it ironic that he was tuned
out too and thinking about her. Was she thinking about Ron or homework? Those seemed to be the most
likely things she would be thinking about.

“Harry, did you flake out on again?” asked Ron.

“Yeah, mate. Sorry. It's just way to in depth for a simple Seeker who risks death in each
match to save the team,” he said poking fun at himself and the fact that the rest of the team had
to score fifteen times to get as many points as he would by catching the Golden Snitch.

“Oh yeah, another elitist Seeker. Typical, they're always thinking of nothing but how
important they are and how unimportant anyone else is,” said Seamus tossing a wadded up napkin at
Harry with a smile. “But Ginny has proven time and again how important the Seeker is.”

“Hey, watch it. I'm not like that. I just wish I had caught it against Ravenclaw last week,”
she lamented. “I can't believe I let that dork distract me long enough to fly past it. I wanted
to hex him when we landed after the match.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” said Ron. “Last match was the worst I think I've played since I
first started. We still almost won though.”

“Harry, are you going to come back so I can become a Chaser again?” asked Ginny.

Harry was shocked that she spoke to him. She had not spoken to him since the day he told her it
was over and would never work. She seemed to have taken it well at the time. She wished him luck
and kissed him on the cheek. He had done the same. He heard much later that she had cried for days.
He had felt a twinge of regret because she was a lot of fun both as a friend and a girlfriend. He
missed the laughter she used to bring with her witty comebacks and audacious style. That seemed to
change, but Harry knew it was only around him. She was seeing Neville now and it seemed things were
going well.

“Do you guys want me to comeback?” asked Harry. “You seem to be playing pretty well on your
own.”

“Harry, we hate that you get all the attention, but the bigger picture is more important. We
want to kick ass in the House Cup competition this year,” said Seamus. “Ron is a awesome as the
Goalkeeper now and Ginny is more suited to Chaser. She`s the best flyer at Hogwarts if you don`t
play. So if we have the best two flyers on the same team, we would be brilliant.”

Dean started it and Seamus picked up on it. Then, reluctantly, Ron joined in after being prodded
by Hermione. “Harry, Harry!” Soon the chant was table-wide. “Harry, Harry!”

“Okay, okay. If the Nurse and Professor McGonagall say I'm cleared, I'll play,” said
Harry. He did not want to ruin their fun reminding them that just a little while before he was
lightheaded and nearly incoherent.

“Woot! Woot!” said Seamus a second later. Just as the chant for Harry had done, the raucous
Gryffindors welcomed Harry back as their greatest Quidditch player in recent memory.

Harry looked around and saw the other tables staring at them. He knew they were worried. He was
not sure he would make that much of a difference. He had not played competitively in a very long
time. Nevertheless the excitement they showed for his comeback made him feel good. He looked over
and saw Hermione smiling at him. Ron smiled but did not seem as happy as the others.

As supper wound down, Harry realized that there was another change that he would have to get
used to. Hermione and Ron were going to take off to be alone. He was not sure how to react as he
listened to them. “Ron, I'm just going to have to make sure Harry knows what to do for
homework, then we can go.”

“Okay. Wasn't he in the same class with you? Are you responsible for his work too?” asked
Ron.

“Only for the first day or two,” said Hermione. “You know what it's like when you miss a few
days. Well, he's missed half the term.”

“Yeah, I suppose you're right. I just want to get back to what we were talking about
earlier, you know,” said Ron.

Hermione smiled. “Sure, I understand. Just be patient though, okay?” Hermione turned to Harry.
“Harry, you remember we have to do twelve inches of parchment on the concentration factors
affecting Transfiguration and other unspoken spells, plus…”

Harry listened carefully as she went over the assignments. He loved how passionate she was about
her studies. It felt weird to listen to her now. He used to hate the way she would badger them
about doing their homework. He supposed that she always felt that they disregarded the work because
she would do it if they had trouble. He bet that she had started feeling used.

“Okay, well, I'll try. I think I can get the writing portions. I know how to do the spells
and stuff. I hope you're going to read over the report for History of Magic before I turn it in
though. I'd hate to have the trolls fighting the goblins in a Quidditch pitch in Bulgaria, you
know.” He smiled.

“Oh, Harry that's so wrong,” she giggled. “You work on it. I'll check it tomorrow before
we go to class.” She turned to Ron. “Okay, Ron. Let's go. Bye, Harry.”

“Take it easy, mate,” said Ron. “I'll probably catch up with you later or tomorrow morning.
It'll be nice for you to get back to the House soon though.”

“Yeah, it kind of sucks being separated. The way I felt earlier, I understand why though,” said
Harry.

“Hey, Harry?” said Ron.

“Yeah,” replied Harry.

“If you start feeling bad again, send someone to the library or to the Potions classroom to get
us. We want to make sure you're okay, mate,” said Ron.

“Yeah, okay. Thanks for that,” said Harry glad for Ron's concern.

Harry understood why they did not invite him along. He had never invited them when he was with
Ginny. It was a nuisance to have someone else around if you suddenly got the urge to snog or just
talk intimately. He missed that part about being with someone. He liked hanging out with the guys
talking about farts and big boobs to make the time go by. Yet nothing could replace the softness of
a girl's hand. That was something he would always remember as soothing. He often wished he had
finished what he'd started with Ginny the one and only time things got really heated. He was
glad now that he had not. He wondered about Hermione and Ron.

He felt an odd fluttering in his stomach as Ginny's face was replaced with Hermione's in
that memory. He realized that was why he could not go for it with Hermione. With Hermione, he would
not stop. He was sure that she would drive him crazy with her smile and he dared not imagine what
it felt like to touch her skin under her shirt or caress her thigh. He had such fond memories of
the few times they held hands over the past few months and that was enough to know. Her laughter
had held him together when wanted to scream in frustration wondering if he'd ever have a normal
life again.

He got up from the table to avoid looking at anyone who might see his misty eyes. He did not
want to commit himself to anyone at this point in his life, but he knew could never leave if he
promised Hermione that he loved her. It was a promise he would be bound to forever. As long as he
never said it, he would be okay. He was not sure that he could stand her domineering, know-it-all
attitude, but he knew he could never replace her sensitivity and kindness. He just was not ready to
make that kind of commitment.

He walked back toward the Great Hall feeling a lonely. He was not sad, but he missed the chatter
of Hermione and Ron even if they were going at each other about some silly thing or another. He
wondered if he could actually ask someone like Parvati out. She was really pretty and he knew she
liked him. After all, wasn't that the reason he didn't want to commit to Hermione?
Wasn't it because he wanted to fool around and have fun before he settled down? He thought of
Mr. and Mrs. Weasley having children just a few years older than he and Hermione were now. He
thought of his parents being just barely into their twenties. He wondered how Hermione and Ron
could be considering a life like that.

Before he knew it, he was standing beside his bed looking at the book bag filled with the stuff
he hated most about school--homework. He looked around the room for a spot to write, then he
remembered the little room off the side of the Hospital Wing where there were tables and chairs. He
would slip into that room where it was quiet.

By quarter-past ten, Harry was tired and nearly finished with the writing portions of the
homework. As much as he hated it, he found that he knew a lot more than he first thought. He even
stopped to think of how proud Hermione would be that there was at least something on the parchment
to work with. He stretched when he finished, put his things back in his bag and walked back toward
his bed.

His chin hit his chest when he saw Hermione sitting quietly in the chair across from his bed. He
stopped short of the area where the moonlight streamed through the window. She turned to look out
toward the corridor as if she expected him to return soon. Her shadowy profile stuck in his mind as
she sat in the dark. He could make out the curvature of her face and the lines of her neck. His
heart quickened as he took in the defined curves of her breasts against the white curtains. As
beautiful as she looked at that moment, he sensed that there was something wrong. There had to be
something wrong if she was there at this hour. He wanted to be careful not to jump to conclusions
or make more out of things than he should. He took a deep breath and prepared for the fright he
would surely cause.

“Hermione,” he whispered as he crossed in front of the window.

“Oh shit, Harry. Where did you come from?” she said jumping from her seat and covering her mouth
quickly.

Harry laughed. “I knew it. It didn't think you'd say that though. I knew I'd
surprise you,” he smiled.

He could see the traces of tears in her eyes. As he got closer he saw that they were red and
puffy as well. “What happened, Hermione? This can't be good.”

“I'm sorry, Harry. I know I shouldn't be here. This will just make things worse if
anyone sees me here and you're not on your deathbed,” she said. “Knock on wood.”

“Yeah, be careful what you say,” Harry said with a chuckle. “Come on, we can go where I was
doing my homework.”

He almost regretted taking her hand and guiding her to the little anteroom between the Great
Hall and the Hospital Ward. She took it willingly. “You know what would happen if Ron found out we
held hands twice in the same day? I think his eyes would explode out of the front of his head and
his hair would actually light on fire,” she said giggling.

Harry could see the picture in his head and had to laugh. “Who's he more pissed off at, you
or me?”

“You, but it's not about the stupid rumors. He lives in your shadow Harry. It's not fair
to either of you. People make you out to be this icon because of Voldemort. Because of that, it
demeans anyone around you as if they had no part in it. I don't care, because most of the time
I was so scared I nearly peed my pants,” she said giggling. “But Ron was pretty brave standing with
you and no one remembers that. Now, the Cannons what him to try to recruit you for Seeker. So, he
came back to rumors ranging about us. Then everyone makes a big deal that you're back to play
for Gryffindor. Then, I explain what I want to do with my nursing studies. He lost control and
started yelling at me. I couldn't do anything but listen.” The tears poured from her eyes as
she sobbed.

Harry wrapped his arms around her holding her to his chest. “Hermione, I'm sorry you kind of
get pushed aside in so many things. You're pretty wonderful for the way you handle them
though,” he said. They stood like that for several minutes until the Hermione could gather
herself.

“Yeah, I don't feel wonderful. I want to make Ron happy, but it's not like we thought it
would be, you know?” she said stepping back and wiping her eyes. “By the way, thanks. It was nice
to have someone to lean on for once.”

“You know I'm here for you. If you didn't, you wouldn't have come,” said Harry.

“Harry, when you're ready to settle down, you'll make someone pretty happy I should
think. Of course, the way you go through girlfriends you could be fifty by the time that happens,”
she smiled. “Then again, fifty for a wizard who lives to a hundred-eighty is young.”

Harry laughed. “Yeah, but at fifty I can't chase the eighteen year olds anymore.” He felt
guilty making such a comment in an attempt flirt with her.

“Why would you want an eighteen year old? We're so fucked up, we drive you crazy now. Why
would you want one at fifty,” she said shaking her head.

“Well, if you were in my shoes and looked at eighteen year old girls, you'd know exactly
why,” he quipped.

“Ah, yes. The hormones of the oversexed, young adult male. Don't I know what that's
about. I don`t suppose it changes much as you get older, but that worries me,” she lamented.

“I don't know quite what to say about that. Seems like if I say anything at all I'm in
trouble,” said Harry with a sly grin.

“Yeah, good idea,” she replied. “So you don't think I'm horrible I want to set the
record straight. We haven't done it. We've come a few times, but I'm not sure I'm
ready to become Mrs. Weasley.”

Harry laughed out loud.

“Harry? What are you laughing at?” she said in a hurt tone. “I don't know if I like that at
all.”

“Oh, Hermione, let me explain. I can't see me as Mr. Weasley either. I thought about that
and what I want in life. I just can't figure out how I could ever do what you and Ron are
doing,” said Harry without thinking.

“What exactly would that be, Harry?” asked Hermione testily.

“What I mean is, I don't know if I can get so serious with someone right now and start
planning a future that includes making a family. My parents started young, you know? I don`t even
know what that would be like. The Dursleys were certainly no example.” he said.

“Yeah, he's already asked me to marry him once,” she said out of the blue. “I know that Ron
regards making a family an important part of his future. I do too, but it's scary at eighteen
to think of having kids by twenty or earlier.”

“He asked you to marry him, did he?” responded Harry trying to hide his surprise and displeasure
at the news.

“It was kind of comical really,” said Hermione. “It was right after I told him what you said.
You know what I'm talking about.“ She paused as Harry nodded sheepishly. “I thought so. Well
anyway, I think that was his way of saying how much he cared for me. It was such a crazy moment. It
also turned into an attempt to get laid.” She started laughing.

She turned away blushing. “Harry, I'm so embarrassed. Don't think I'm horrible.
I'm not really making fun of him, but when a guy is excited it's hard to hide it if
you're touching each other.” She turned back toward him still flushed in embarrassment.

“Oh, don't worry. There are plenty of times we wish we could sneak up on girls and all of a
sudden be ready to go. It's happened to me. All of a sudden, the girl freezes and gets this
kind of `oh my God' expression,” he said laughing.

“Yeah, the first time that happens it`s a shock. It passes though because if things are right
you begin to feel kind of sexy too. But that time, I felt like he wanted sex no matter what. I
could have been ugly as sin with a six-inch mole on my forehead and he would have said anything to
get my clothes off. That`s not romance, Harry. And, for that to happen at the same time the guy
asks you to marry him… I had to push him away and tell him to go finish himself off or take a cold
shower.”

“Ouch,” said Harry not wanting to laugh at Ron's misery. “You didn't say it like that,
did you?”

“Yes, I did. I was scared more than anything. I don`t want some guy poking at me like a mad man
the first time I do it. I mean he was really going for the kill. I'm not afraid to do it
really, but not like that. So when he settled down and controlled himself, I told him that it was
difficult when we had so many emotions going on to think clearly and that I needed time,” she said.
“Then I told him that marriage was something that would have to discuss a while after we graduated.
That was another sticky subject tonight.”

Harry really was not sure he liked all that detail and was shocked how candid she was. He never
guessed that she would be so open about her sexuality. He let out a sigh of relief when she
finished.

“What was that?”

“What?” he asked innocently.

“You know what I'm talking about,” she challenged. She looked at him without blinking. “Oh
my God, you don't.”

“No, I don`t,” Harry said innocently. “Did you hear someone coming?” He listened carefully for
the sound of a prefect checking the snogging places around the castle.

She giggled. “No, there's no one about, Harry. Now I think it was cute, but confusing.”

“Hermione, stop. Just tell me,” said Harry getting anxious that he'd done something to
embarrass himself.

“I don't know what to say, Harry. It's just kind of weird to think that Ron might be
right.” Hermione looked at Harry and smiled. “He thinks you're hiding a crush on me. It's
part of what makes him angry with you. Are you?”

He wanted to avoid answering. His mind flashed a dozen ways to answer--some of them physical and
others not. He knew he was caught. “You make it sound like we're third years, Hermione. I
don't think I would call what I feel for a girl now, a crush.” He still had not answered and he
knew it. He could not say the words that got to the core of his feelings. He had said them to
Ginny. Last year, he had no idea he would be alive today. He was ready to live life like it would
end tomorrow. He hadn't meant them then the way he would have to mean them now with
Hermione.

“Okay, let me put it more directly, if you're going to play word games instead of answering.
Do you have feelings for me that exceed friendship? I won't put words in your mouth.”

Inexplicably, Harry found emotions coming to the surface that he had repressed for a long time.
He fought the urge to do what Ron had done. He wanted to say he loved her and go for the kill. He
felt silly as his eyes itched with the tears as they formed. It was love, frustration and fear.
“What am I supposed to say? I can't say the obvious words, Hermione. If I could, I would have
said them that night at the fire. I would be at your feet right now, pledging my undying adoration
and doing things that might ruin our friendship forever. So, you`re going to have to take it as a
yes with no explanation.” That was the best he could do as he realized that he had explained while
trying not to.

She smiled sweetly and choked back a tear of her own. “You could have just said, yes. I am very
flattered that you feel so strongly for me. I guess I always knew you were a poker player at heart.
You've kept a straight face all this time.”

Harry wanted her to leave and he wanted her to stay. He gathered himself. “I'm fighting the
instinct to cheat on my best mate and kiss his girlfriend with the intent to commit great emotional
harm,” he said flirtingly. “Hermione, I know you don't some shallow guy who is more about the
chase than wanting to catch a girl for any length of time. I couldn't commit to you for dinner
on next year at this time, but I could promise that I'd love to spend a night alone with you.
That's not how I want to think of you. I hope that comes out as a compliment about how special
you are to me. I don't know if it does or not.” He walked a few steps away to avoid the
temptation to touch her.

“Harry, I appreciate that you're trying instead of hiding like an emotional loser or making
it out to be a joke,” she said. “I think I should go. I shouldn't have put you on the spot. It
was cruel to think that it would be no big deal to you. I guess I just got used to us flirting and
didn`t see the real thing behind it all.”

He felt a sudden urge to explain himself again. “Hermione, I can't say it. If there is one
thing I can't do, it is use those words without meaning them. And, that means that if I say
them, I have to mean them and I would mean them, if I said them to you. It would screw up my plan
to be ….damn, I'm rambling. See what you do to me,” he admitted. “Don't go, please?” He
never wanted to beg a girl to stay before.

Hermione walked toward Harry and put her hand in his. She kissed him on the cheek. “I love you,
Harry. That doesn't require a response. It's just how I feel at the moment. I'm lucky.
Ron's a wonderful guy with a lot of problems right now. Surprisingly, you are a much more
sincere than I suspected.” A tear wet her cheek.

Harry did not understand what she meant by that. “Excuse me,” he said.

“Harry, everyone including me is fooled by this aloof persona you project. Girls find you
irresistible because they want to find out what's behind it. Some guys secretly hate you,
because you can flirt with the girls like you did today and think nothing of it. And under it all,
there is this passion for life that is sexy and lovable.” She was crying now. “I shouldn't be
saying any of this. I love Ron. I really do. Except that the way you made me feel just now by
opening up even just a little confuses the hell out of me. I really do have to go.”

Harry could not let the moment pass. He looked in her eyes, came closer and kissed her softly on
the lips. She kissed him softly in return. He felt the excitement that came with a first kiss, but
held back the desire to press further for the moment. It did not last long.

“That was nice,” said Hermione gathering her composure as if she had to face the world without a
trace of emotion. “But on that note, I'm going to go. If I stay, I think we will regret
it.”

“I think you're right,” said Harry. He put his hands on her hips and kissed her again. He
wanted to do it again while running his hands across her waist and bum. He could not look in her
eyes without thinking of how much he wanted her. He wanted to scream. She pushed him away gently
and took a deep breath.

“Do you want me to take your homework and look it over, Harry? I don't think I'll be
sleeping anytime soon,” she said in a breathlessly sexy voice. “I will probably be up for a while.
I don't think I can sleep.” She repeated her self nervously.

“Me neither. Stay,” said Harry.

Hermione shook her head. “I have to go, Harry. Believe me, under different circumstances I would
stay.”

“Kissing you was a bad idea and I'm sorry.” He opened the book bag and handed her the rolls
of parchment he had written.

She took them brushing his hand lightly. “No, it was nice. I'm glad we kissed and kept it
simple. Much more and we would have reason to feel guilty,” said Hermione. “That would ruin it.
I'm the one who should be sorry. Look, I really have to go before I decide I don`t want to and
we go places neither of us are ready to deal with.”

Hermione turned quickly to the door. She stopped before opening it. She turned back and smiled.
“You see, eighteen year old girls are nothing but teases.“ She giggled. “I don't know how
we're going to face each other tomorrow, but we`ll have to figure it out then. There is nothing
wrong with the way we feel, Harry. We have to deal with it. I can`t hurt Ron, but I can't leave
without saying how I feel. I love you, Harry. Good night.” The heavy door shut leaving Harry with
his thoughts before he could say good night in return. He crossed to the door and opened it. She
was gone into the darkness of the castle.

*“What do I do now? She knows. I've kissed her and it was better than I imagined. Maybe it
was because it felt forbidden. Harry, you're losing your focus. Ask Parvati out and fool
around. Take the edge off. If you don't, you'll go crazy.”*

He knew he would not ask Parvati out. The way he felt now, he would take the first girl who gave
him a chance and go at her with no remorse. The only exception was Hermione. He would take his time
with her. He knew he would not stop short of being pushed away the way she pushed him away just
now. He had to get these thoughts out of his head or he would have to do something about the
pressure growing in his loins. He knew what he should do.

He picked up his book bag crossed the Hospital Wing to area just beyond the bed. He tossed the
bag on the bed. Next to the linen closet stood his broom. He took it and marched toward the front
door of Hogwarts. He did not know if the doors were locked at night now or not. If they were, he
would take off from the top of the Astronomy Tower. He just needed the wind in his hair and the
freedom of flight to clear his head. The doors were locked so he headed toward the tower.

The entire walk to the tower he fought the images of what it would be like to feel Hermione next
to him. He hated it and loved it at the same time. He wished he knew what her breasts and bum were
like so he could complete the picture. He wanted her in the worst way. He wanted to stop and
release his tension, but he hated thinking of doing that to the pictures of her in his head. It was
one thing to look at the pictures of girls in magazines and another to fantasize about a girl he
loved.

Finally, he was on the last flight of stairs, panting. The physical activity of running the
stairs soothed his frustration. The air was fresh as he approached the top. The full moon seemed to
smile at him. It that had lit the ward and given him that wonderful image of Hermione and now would
give him enough light to fly safely around the grounds. He straddled the broom and kicked off into
the cool, night sky.

He made a game of dodging in and out of the huge spires and the ancient bulwark that still
reminded him of the medieval wars that prompted the building of castles like this. He passed
between the very towers where he had left Sirius to take off on Buckbeak years ago. He smiled and
felt a wave of sadness that until a few months ago would have devastated him. He was finally in
love. He knew it. It was as bittersweet as the memory of Sirius was. He was happy to be alive.

In the distance, he saw Gryffindor Tower. He had never flown close to the tower before. He aimed
his broom for it. The golden curtains that kept the sun from burning into his eyes in the early
morning hours were a familiar sight. He looked at the other spire just a few hundred feet from the
boys dorms and wondered what Hermione was doing. He knew she could have only been there for a few
minutes. He hovered for a few minutes until a faint glow came from one of the windows. He felt an
odd exhilaration. He knew it must be Hermione's room. He had the urge to get closer, but the
fear that he would be invading her privacy or some other innocent girl's kept him from getting
too close. He closed close enough to see the window clearly. The curtain was open. He saw Hermione
when she came to the window. He could have sworn she was waving when he sped off into the night
hoping he had not been spotted. He could not bear the thought of being a peeping Tom and being
regarded as a creep.

He landed on the Astronomy Tower and began waking back. He was satisfied and happy. He knew he
would not sleep, but if he did, he also knew the dreams would be wickedly sexual. He knew that part
of the night was not over. He thought of Hermione's soft lips on his. He hated knowing that he
wanted to feel that again. It meant that he had to risk the loss of his best friend. He hoped it
would not come to that, yet he knew the odds were slim. He focused on Hermione's smile rather
than the image of Ron's anger. Once he arrived in the Hospital Wing, he was surprised at how
exhausted he was. Surprisingly, the let down from all the emotion made him sleepy. He took out his
pajamas and slipped into them quickly. He definitely did not want the sleepiness to be interrupted
and leave him awake all night. He drifted off into a dream-filled sleep.

-->



4. So Far, So Long
------------------



So Far, So Long--Chapter 4

Somewhere in the middle of Harry's dreams and musings about what his discussion with
Hermione meant, he questioned whether anything had been resolved. He lay awake staring at the
Hospital Wing ceiling just before dawn. He heard the faint sounds of someone working nearby. He
rolled over on to his right side and watched Nurse Annie as she counted the potion bottles and
checked labels. He was not eager to talk to anyone. He closed his eyes to avoid being found awake
and in the process fell back into a waking dream.

*“I saw you and Miss Granger in here last night,” said Annie. “Why are you two not
together?”*

*Harry saw himself lying in bed thinking. No answers were available. He could only answer
with, “I waited too long.”*

*“Ah, she found the Weasley boy because you never spoke up,” said Annie.*

*“No, not exactly,” replied Harry.*

*“You're not making any sense, Harry,” said Annie. “If you are too late, then she has
chosen someone else or are you saying she hasn't found someone.”*

*“Why are you doing this to me?” asked Harry.*

*“Doing what? I'm just asking very simple questions,” said Annie. “What is she looking
for? If she hasn't found it, you're not too late.”*

*“I'm not sure,” said Harry. “How do you know that anyway?”*

*“If you are searching for something, do you keep looking once you found it?” asked
Annie.*

*“Who says anyone is searching for anything?” asked Harry.*

*“I don't know, this is your dream.”*

Harry awoke with a start. It was no longer dark. The potions cabinet was closed and no one was
near his bed. He sat up, put on his glasses and looked around. He saw Nurse Annie sitting at the
desk reading. She was much too far away to have been talking to him. He sprang up and put on his
robe. He crossed to the loo and got ready for his day. He felt oddly satisfied and
uncharacteristically stiff. He felt as if he had slept on a slab of cement; one was an emotional
feeling while the other was physical. The physical feeling went away as the warm water washed over
him, the emotional one seemed to waiver a bit as he contemplated the day.

Twenty minutes later, he was tucking in is shirt trying to remember the last dream of the night.
Was it her search or his? He was unsure where the dream came from, but he was sure what it meant.
What if Hermione is not searching? What if she's answered her questions and chosen her path?
What if the only search still going on was his? He thought he'd found what he was looking for,
so why was he still searching?

He shook his head, picked up his book bag, and headed off for the new day. He had to hurry. He
had slept late, thought too much and was far to hungry to miss breakfast. He walked quickly into
the corridor and turned toward the Great Hall. It seemed as if every step carried him twice as fast
this morning. He found it funny that it seemed the entire walk from Hospital Wing to Great Hall had
involved one thought: bacon or sausage. His stomach growled.

It only took a second to be grateful for the distraction of starvation. Sitting in their usual
places, Hermione and Ron seemed to look at one another and then at him in anticipation. He was not
sure what the glance at one another meant, but he became extremely self-conscious when they looked
at him. Ron's face seemed to carry no malice and Hermione's seemed to downplay their
meeting. He got the sense that something had happened after he had gone to bed.

“Hey, mate, how are you?” asked Ron.

Harry felt the pangs of confusion. Ron had not used those words to greet him in ages and maybe
not ever. It had always been inferred in `Hey, Harry' or `Hey, mate' or even `Hiya,
Harry'. While friendly, the greeting was oddly formal. He replied, “Good, you?”

“Better,” said Ron. “Hermione and I've been up all night talking, so I bet I sound a little
odd.”

Harry understood the looks on their faces. They looked like zombies. It was possible that Ron
was not exaggerating. He and Hermione could have been up all night. Hermione did not look as
disheveled as Ron did. He did notice the wide-eyed stare of someone trying to keep their eyes open
in a losing battle with sleepiness. “Wow, you guys look exhausted.”

Hermione picked at her food and barely looked up.

“Yeah, it's hard work ripping each other's guts out and stuffing them back in all
night,” said Ron. He turned immediately to Hermione. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that
Hermione. It's just that we had a lot to talk about and it was pretty intense.”

Harry looked for the plate containing the selections of breakfast meat as he took in what Ron
was saying. Without thinking, he took two sausage links, a strip of bacon and a slice of ham. “A
bit hungry, are you Harry?” asked Seamus who had just walked up. “Ah, how did it go Ron? Hermione?
Up all night were you?' he raised his eyebrows in playfully suggestive way.

“Piss off, Finnegan,” said Ron nastily. “Neither of us are in the mood for your rubbish.”

Harry was surprised when Hermione seemed to be in agreement with Ron. It was not that she was
angry, it just appeared that she too was in no mood for fooling around. Harry kept that in
mind.

“Under the circumstances, I just hope things went well,” said Harry. He did not expect the
conversation to continue with Seamus sitting so close now and obviously offended. Harry was shocked
when Ron continued with Ron reading the riot act to Seamus.

“Finnegan, this does not concern you so keep your opinions to yourself,” said Ron. “Harry,
Hermione and I had a row last night about you and her. Finnigan and Thomas told me the story about
you two yesterday and at first I jumped to a conclusion I shouldn't have.”

Harry spoke before he realized that he did not need to. “What was that?” He knew as soon as he
said it that it would have been answered without asking.

For once, Seamus got up and moved far enough away so as to remove himself from the conversation.
The movement broke the trance like state of surprise and allowed Harry to breathe. Something he had
not expected was happening and it seemed all to fast for his liking. “You don't owe me an
apology, Ron. Certainly, you don't owe me an explanation.”

“I know mate, but we didn't want you to hear rumors. And, we don't particularly care who
hears it. I've told her that she has to decide by the end of Spring Break what she wants to do.
I'm too tired to be angry at you, Harry. You might have told me you were sweet on her long
before now. It seems that her decision is based on who she loves more. Just thought you should know
that I know. Once it all sinks in, I'm not sure how I'm going to feel. I'm pretty numb
right now.”

Harry shot a glance at Hermione. He felt the tension ratchet up a notch. He knew he needed to
respond, but he was so stunned he had a hard time deciding what to say. He could admit his feelings
for her as being resolved and clear or he could take the easy way out and declare that she had
misunderstood the depth of his feelings for her. He decided to take what middle ground he could get
away with. “I can imagine that it's a shock, mate. I'm not sure I can tell you how I
feel.”

Ron's face turned pink in the cheeks. “I hope that didn't sound like an invitation for
you to tell me. I'm simply informing you that I know what's going on. I trust her
explanation that nothing's happened between you, but don't think I'm standing for it
quietly waiting for the axe to drop.” He stood up.

“Ronald, please,” said Hermione. “You promised.”

“Yes, I promised her to behave civilly in exchange for complete honesty. Remind me again why
honesty is the best policy, mate,” said Ron. “But I told her I could not pretend to like it and I
would have to confront you.” Harry saw the amount of energy Ron was expending to remain calm.

Harry looked at Hermione and then at Ron. He turned and looked at all the people who seemed to
be listening. He shook his head. “I don't know what to say,” said Harry.

Ron looked at Hermione and said, “What did I tell you, Hermione? I told you that he would never
stand up for you like I would. He won't even tell me to my face. I hope that helps you decide.
Now, I need to decide if I want you.”

Ron started to walk away when Harry spoke up. “Unlike you, Weasley. My feelings are not about
controlling her or making her feel guilty. I want to be sure. I don't want a trophy girlfriend
or someone to snog when it's convenient. If I had what you have, I would not be acting like a
possessive asshole. She loved you enough to tell you out of love and loyalty. She was honest with
you. What do you get out of doing this in front of a dozen people? Do you get to humiliate her and
me at the same time? You're not right in the head, mate.”

Ron wheeled on him with fists clenched. Seamus restrained him and led him out of the Great Hall.
“Look, you two don't want to do this. It's a girl for Merlin's sake. They're a dime
a dozen.”

“Maybe that's what the problem is, Weasley. You think the way Finnigan does. This girl is
worth so much more than that and you want to own her for a dime,” said Harry. “I'm sorry,
Hermione.”

Hermione sat stunned in her seat. Her eyes filled with tears. Everyone had moved away from her
leaving her alone. Harry made it almost to the doorway when he realized he could not leave her
sitting there without an explanation. He saw her alone. His heart broke almost instantly. Somehow,
it had become him against Ron and not about Ron's and his feelings for her. She was being
discussed as if her feelings didn't matter. He meant to make it about her.

He sat down in front of her. “Why did you do that, Hermione? Why did you tell him anything when
you know I couldn't say it? How did that happen?” His eyes shifted back and forth trying to
decipher her expression.

“I don't know, Harry. I thought I saw something outside my window last night. When I went to
it, there was condensation so I wiped it off. I could have sworn I saw something. So, I sort of
freaked out and went down to the common room. Ron was there. He started to apologize and I could
not let him apologize for something that was not his fault,” said Hermione. “It just came out
eventually. I couldn`t lie to him.”

“Didn't you hear me last night?” asked Harry. “He is right. I'm not ready to make the
kind of commitment you want. I wouldn't let him say that it was because I am shallow though. I
joke about that. It is about not disappointing you. I would disappoint others, but not you. I
don't think I've ever felt good about disappointing you even with trivial things. How could
I be responsible for breaking your heart?”

“I understand that Harry,” said Hermione. “I can't go to Ireland when my heart isn't in
it. You can only break my heart if I give it to you. You've warned me. Now I have to decide.
It's not about love. Love is the only thing I'm sure of. I love you both. Am I willing to
give up both of you to be sure that I want either of you? I don't know. I'm not going to
class today. I need to sleep. Well, maybe not sleep…whatever I do, I'm not doing it here.”

By the time Hermione walked away swallowing her sobs and avoiding peoples eyes. The rumor of
what just happened was running rampant. Harry could not have stopped it if he tried. It was the
worst kind too. There were stories of people who thought that he and Hermione were cheating on Ron
in the most intimate way possible. The old rumors were embellished beyond proof either way. He had
done them no favors with his antics in Transfiguration. She had done them no favors taking his hand
and holding it too long. Even that was not their fault. It was an honest feeling of friendship. As
honestly as he'd spoken to Ron, he was the only one who had spoken his mind all the way
through. Harry might think him foolish and wrong, but Ron was not hiding who he was. He was flawed,
yes. He wanted fame, but he did love Hermione even if he was not sure how to express it.

Harry took a deep breath and tried to ignore the glares. *“How can they start talking like
this and think I don't hear them?”* He looked at the floor as he walked but upon recognizing
any voice, he would glance quickly to see if he was right about who it was. It hurt to see Luna and
Parvati sitting at the same table talking about them when the two of them were not even housemates.
Two people he thought of as friends were talking as if Hermione and he had done something horrible.
He kept walking.

Harry knew he needed to go to class even without Hermione, but she had his homework. He had to
get it from her. Maybe he could think of something to say to make her feel better before he got
there. He walked slowly toward the Gryffindor Tower. He ran what she said over in his head. She had
seen him. What he'd thought was a wave was her wiping the window. He had been the reason she
had freaked out.

Harry hurried along the corridors toward Gryffindor Tower. His mind raced as he pictured Ron in
Potions, Herbology, and all his other classes glowering at him without Hermione present today. It
was just that reality that struck him on the last turn going up to the tower. “Potter, where the
bloody hell are you going?” asked Ron.

“I'm going to get my homework from her,” said Harry. “So, if you don't mind.”

“Well, I have a solution to that,” said Ron. “Here. There is no need for you to bother my
girlfriend again this morning. I've already heard that you are openly expressing your feelings
now. Is that what I get for at least trying to be civil? Take these and leave her alone. If
she's around, I can't stop her from talking to you. However, I don't have to pretend to
like it when we're alone.” Ron walked on as Harry took the rolled parchments. “By the way,
Potter, I'm not sure what to do about Spring Break at the Burrow. I'll see what Hermione
says.”

Harry was surprised Ron brought it up. With all that was happening, he just remembered that day
after tomorrow would be Saturday. Tomorrow they left for Spring Break. “Look, if I were you mate, I
wouldn't ask her. I would do what you know is the right thing. You're asking her to choose
between leaving me alone here and being alone there while you go to Ireland or having me there to
keep her company while you go. It's up to you, mate, not her.”

“Okay, have it your way. I'd prefer if you don't come this week then. Hermione and I
have too much to work out,” said Ron. “Thanks for the bit of advice.” He smiled and walked
away.

He knew when he said it what the answer would be. He could have just let things be, but he did
not want to leave another decision for Hermione to make. He knew what Ron would do. He would use it
to make her feel guilty and that was not right. Harry looked at the parchments and headed off for
class.

By the time History of Magic was over, he had become resigned to the fact that the next nine
days would be some of the longest he had ever endured. He thought of how sad that was. He had spent
at least forty-five agonizingly long days waiting to hear from Ron or Hermione every summer for
five summers. These nine would compare to those and be even more distressing.

“Potter, I think this is yours,” said Professor Binns. Harry was shocked. He had never
remembered being addressed after class by Professor Binns in the entire seven years he had attended
Hogwarts. He looked down at the small envelope floating toward him. It was addressed, *Harry*
in Hermione's handwriting. He opened it quickly.

“Thank you, Professor,” he said walking away wondering whether to be happy or sad. Was this
written before or after he and Ron made fools of themselves this morning. He would find out.

*Dearest Harry,*

*I hope you review your homework before you turn it in. My world turned upside down. I'm
sitting in front of Ron as I write this; and even as he tells me how much he cares for me, he
doesn't see that I'm not paying attention. He loves me, but he doesn`t see me. You see me,
but I know you don't love me the way I want to be loved. So whatever happens, don't think
that I have made my choice because I don't love you. I haven't chosen, but I may choose to
be free. Don't be sad. I just can't be a rope in a tug of war. Just know that I love
you.*

*Love Always,*

*Hermione*

Harry walked in a daze. He did not know where to go. He was a Gryffindor, but did not live in
Gryffindor Tower. He lived in the Hospital Wing. Did he go where his friends were? Did he have any
friends that would talk to him? Or did he go to where he slept? He found himself walking up the
corridor toward Gryffindor Tower. He would find her, he thought. He would set her free.

He climbed the staircase and waited for it to open onto a platform. He did the same with two
more. Eventually, he stood at the portrait of the Fat Lady. “Don't bother,” said the Fat Lady.
“She took her things and she's gone.”

“Gone. Where could she have gone?” asked Harry.

“How should I know? I've seen it before, but it was years ago. It was with your parents too,
now that I think of it. Rather ironic, really,” said the Fat Lady. “If I'm right, it was for
much different reasons though. Yes, yes. I remember now.”

“What was it?” asked Harry almost forgetting about Hermione for an instant. “Oh, never mind. How
was she leaving?”

“How can anyone leave Hogwarts, Potter?” she replied.

Harry turned and ran down the staircase, then another. His chest ached as he ran. His ears
pounded as the blood surged through him. He passed Ron, Finnigan and Thomas. He reached his room
and grabbed his broom. He ignored the rule prohibiting flight inside the castle and flew out of the
Hospital Wing scaring everyone in his path.

Harry took his wand as he flew and pointed it at the closed doors leading outside. He hovered
momentarily as they swung open. He dashed through them when they did. He flew directly for the
platform at Hogsmeade. Surely, that was where she was going. What was she thinking?

He saw her standing on the platform in a light jacket looking forlorn. She ignored him.

“So, where would you be going?” he asked.

She did not answer.

He looked at his watch. He thought carefully about the timetable of the Hogwarts Express. It
left with them at one o'clock when they left for the summer. It was just twelve-thirty.

“Talk to me, Hermione. There are thirty minutes left before the train leaves. It's not even
here yet. You don't have to go. You should forget about me. I don't want you to be sad,”
said Harry. “If I'm going to make this hard for you then take me out of the equation.”

She had only been drying tears until that moment. Her lower lip quivered as she stared straight
ahead. Harry sat on the back of the bench seat facing the tracks. He wanted to get her to talk. If
she would talk to him, he could help. He was sure of that.

She began to speak as the train arrived. He could not hear what she said. The conductor stepped
down on the platform and picked up her bags.

“I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't hear what you said,” confessed Harry.

“That's okay, Harry. It doesn't matter,” she said. When the conductor came to the bottom
step she handed him her last bag. “The address is on them, sir. If you would forward them on. I
won't be riding today.”

“Yes, Miss,” he responded.

Harry felt glimmer of hope that she had changed her mind. She walked up to him and adjusted his
collar and wiped the hair out of his eyes. He held his hand out to her. She did not take it.
Instead, she kissed him and said, “So long, Harry. I'll see you when I know what to do. I love
you.”

She DisApparated as unexpectedly as she had kissed him.

-->



5. Finding Hermione
-------------------



Finding Hermione--Chapter 5

Harry stood on the platform in stunned silence. The smell of her freshly washed, perfumed hair
still filled his nostrils. He was not sure what to do. He had not come to tell her that he loved
her and that he wanted her more than anything in the world, but suddenly that was how he felt. It
was a crushing blow to realize how stupid he had been. He ran his tongue over his lips where hers
had just touched his. He held back the scream for as long as he could. The whistle announcing the
impending departure filled the air as Harry screamed, “I love you, Hermione!” His eyes burned.

He looked away from the train back toward Hogwarts. What was left there for him? He mounted his
broom hovered for a moment looking at the castle. He never saw Hermione's face in the rear
window of the train as it left the station.

“Miss, I thought you said you would not be riding today?” questioned the conductor.

“I'm sorry for that bit of drama, but I could not let him follow me onto the train,” said
Hermione. “I sincerely apologize for lying.” Her tears had subsided enough to talk clearly.

“Who? That handsome young man? Why would you not want him to follow you? I see how you look at
one another,” asked the conductor aimlessly as he checked the cabinets next to the windows.

“It's complicated and private,” she said.

“I'm sorry, Miss. It's a horrible habit of mine to ask things to make small talk. I try
not to pry and I have,” he said. “Please be careful here. That door can come open unexpectedly. It
would be better if you returned to your seat.”

“Thank you, I will,” said Hermione. “Could you show me where you put my bags first please?”

“Surely,” said the conductor. “I can move them if you like. After all, there will be no one else
on the train today.”

“Thanks that would be kind,” said Hermione still sighing in short gasps.

“If you need anything, you can ring. We disable it when the entire student body is here, but it
is enabled today,” said the conductor.

She smiled and walked into the nearest cabin. She looked at the card she still had in her
pocket; *Ronald Weasley,* it read. She sat down and cried.

* * *

Harry soared over the Hogwarts grounds. He dove toward the ground not wanting to stop. He
wondered what would happen if he just pretended the Golden Snitch were four feet underground. Would
he survive? He laughed as he pulled up. He realized that he would and it would be excruciatingly
painful for a very long time until someone found him or he dragged himself to the Hospital Wing
once more. He pulled up at the last second.

After that bit of drama, Harry's head cleared a bit. *“I'll bet she Disapparated to
her home. She couldn't carry her things. I don't know where that is exactly.”* He
thought carefully about how he might find out where she lived. *“What if she sent a note to Ron
telling him that she was going to the Burrow early and would meet him there?”* Harry knew that
was just as likely. The only way he could know was to find those bags, but the train was gone and
had been now for nearly ten minutes. He decided to gather a few of his things and meet it in
King's Cross. No matter where Hermione was going, the train would go to King's Cross and
arrive at four twenty-two.

Harry landed atop the Astronomy Tower. He knew he was in serious trouble when he went inside.
Headmistress McGonagall wound not expel him, but she might find something more befitting the crime.
She would probably confiscate is broom.

He sat down against the wall to think. What had he done by going to find her at the station?
What the hell was he thinking by saying he would set her free? He shook his head. If she thought he
was crazy now, he would not blame her. He had acted just as twisted as Ron. *“You want her, you
don't want her. What the hell is she supposed to do with that?” he asked himself. “You love her
but you won't say it.”*

He sat along the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest for as long as he dared. He wondered
whether she had just left without word to anyone, or if she approached Professor McGonagall. Harry
knew the answer without thinking too hard. She would not have left school without permission. She
had too much respect for the Headmistress to leave her worried about a missing student. At the risk
of any sort of punishment, he had to talk to the Headmistress.

In days gone by, Harry would have found a place to hide his broom and given thought to refusing
to surrender it. He knew it was a good possibility that would be the punishment. It didn't
matter.

He entered the outer chambers and not surprisingly was greeted with an open door. “Come in Mr.
Potter,” said Professor McGonagall. “I trusted that you would not make me find you.”

“Professor, I apologize for flying through the castle. I lost my head and it was wrong,” he
offered.

“I did not connect the reason for such a blatant disregard for the rules until I heard the
rumors a little earlier. They are quite risqué. Having known Miss Granger since she was a mere
child of eleven, I don't put much stock in them. However, you have come to the age where it is
possible for love to interfere with normal brain function,” she said with a trace of humor. “I
should guess that that was at least part of your reason as well.”

“Yes, Mum,” said Harry very respectfully. “I…”

Professor McGonagall shook her head and raised her hand suggesting that no explanation was
needed. “Harry, this is not something that I will assist any of the three of you in resolving. That
is what I told Miss Granger. I suggested she go wherever she found the most peace. It is what I
will tell you too. If Mr. Weasley were to ask, the same advice will be offered to him. You, of
course, are the one with limited options.”

“Do you know where she went?” asked Harry.

“Harry, if I did, I would not say. I, myself, have not felt the pangs of young love in many
years. What I remember is that it can be bittersweet. Often we are left with a choice to learn to
love ourselves before we can love others. Even if after completing that process, it means that our
decision is based on only our own well-being and that others will suffer the loss of our love and
companionship. I chose Hogwarts as my home long ago and while thoughts of what might have been
occasionally occur, I have no regrets. You and your classmates are my children now. I offer you
this as advice that you would have learned had your parents been alive. I so wish they were, so
that you had exposure to that side of love and relationships. But be that as it may, unless you
wish to offer your own punishment for your indiscretion, I would leave while you are ahead of the
game, so to speak.”

Harry took his cue from the Headmistress. The words of the Fat Lady made him turn for one more
question. “What could the Fat Lady have possibly meant when she said this happened once before with
my parents?” he asked quickly.

“You know of a time when your Father made a serious mistake in judgment. Your Mother was
mortified and while she did not leave school early, she left without word to your Father. The Fat
Lady often opens her mouth and starts unnecessary speculation. I think if you reflect on what you
know, you can come up with the circumstances,” said Professor McGonagall.

“Professor, I will be leaving today I think. I will be back after Break,” said Harry. Harry was
sure she referred to the time Snape was nearly lured into the Shrieking Shack while Lupin was
transformed. How that was remotely similar he would determine at some other time.

“I understand, Harry,” said the Headmistress. “Do what your heart tells you is best.”

Harry hurried back to his trunk in the Hospital Wing. He emptied his book bag. He filled it with
the things he would need for a short trip. He wondered if he had time to catch the train before it
crossed from the rural countryside into the more densely populated areas. His broom was more then
three times as fast as the train and there was still an hour left. He could Disapparate from the
train once he found the address and use his invisibility cloak to avoid being seen once aboard.

* * *

Hermione looked at the unsent note addressed to Ron wondering why she had not sent it.

*Dearest Ron,*

*We have loved one another in silence for a very long time. It seems sad that as we reach the
age that we can take advantage of it, we are changing. You are off to pursue fame and fortune. You
have that right. I am out to pursue my career as well. We need to find the middle ground or we are
destined to make each other miserable. I love you, Ron. I will always love you. I never knew that
love could change people. It has. You have made me a better person and I hope one day you will say
the same about my love for you.*

*This is not a permanent good-bye, but it is nevertheless good-bye. I must leave you there to
decide what life would be like without me. I am off to decide what life would be like without
anyone including Harry. I will return when my heart and mind are clear. For now, I say this again.
I love you and as you may be already know--sometimes we just hold on too tight to let the love flow
freely.*

*Love,*

*Hermione*

“Sir, is there an owl post where the train could stop?” She shook her head in embarrassment at
her question. “Isn't that ridiculous? I'm sorry,” said Hermione blushing. “Of course, there
were no random owl post spots on the train route.”

The conductor seemed to understand the confused state she was in, because he made nothing of it.
“No, but I will send mine for you if you wish. Give me a few minutes once we get to King's
Cross. I take it that you will still need it sent then?” asked the kindly old wizard. “Agatha is
old, but she will do.”

“Thank you,” said Hermione.

“You know, I should have realized that I could not have sent on your things. You did not have
any address on them,” said the conductor.

“I did in case he looked. He didn`t, so I removed them once I came aboard,” said Hermione. “I
should be getting back there now. We'll be arriving soon, won't we?”

“Ah, I didn't catch that. I guess it must be old age,” said the conductor with a smile.
“It's around four o'clock now, yes Miss.”

“You must think that I'm off for some mental institution. First, I don't want him to
follow, but I make a point to announce that there is an address on them so that he can find me. I
need to rest.“

Hermione handed him the note after adding, *Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and
Wizardry.*

** * **

Harry felt the butterflies growing in his stomach. He never thought it would take this long to
locate the train. He finally saw it at three fifty-five. He knew he had only a few minutes before
he would have to find a building in King's Cross on which he could land undetected and hope to
get to the train before the luggage left Platform Nine and three-quarters. He dared the same crazy
stunt he had pulled earlier. He aimed for the rear of the train and went into a dive. His pulse
quickened as he noticed the heavy branches of the trees looming in almost the exact place he
expected to intercept the train. He steepened then dive to get on the tracks behind it. He raced
along behind until he could reach the top and lie flat on the last car. He lay there silently as
his breathing came back to normal. He loved the adrenaline rush.

He was glad to be exactly where he was. The train was about to pass through the final trestle on
its way into the suburbs. He inched his way back to the rear of the train. He would not use the
door because he remembered it for having an alarm if opened. He would simply look in to make sure
that the conductor was not there. He wondered if the luggage was still on this end. He hoped it
was. He jumped down as his heart pounded at the exhilaration of being on a moving train on the
outside. He knew he was crazy, but it was worth it. The coast was clear. He Apparated to just the
other side of the door. He took out the invisibility cloak to avoid being seen.

He checked each cabin as he moved forward. Twice he recognized cabins where he had sat on his
trips before. The second one made his heart stop. There sat three bags. Harry wondered why the bags
were not in the luggage compartment further down, but was glad he had decided to check them anyway.
He looked at his watch. Four-oh-two. He stepped in and turned over the first bag, then the second.
Finally, he looked under and around the third. *“This can't be right,” he said. “There is no
address.”*

He decided that maybe he was looking for something too specific. He was not dealing with Muggle
post. It might contain something less distinguishable. He looked again. He even checked the handles
for the old-fashioned name tags turned inside out. Nothing. His heart sank. He knew the city she
lived in. It was Oxford. He saw the familiar light standards and telephone poles that marked entry
into the city. He only had minutes.

He must have misjudged the time, he heard the familiar squeal of the brakes as the train slowed
and the darkness enveloped the train. They were coming into the station. He looked at his watch. It
was four-ten. He heard a man's voice. Harry did not want to be found. He had to leave. He
Disapparated. It never occurred to him that a lone conductor would have no reason to speak.

“Ah, almost there. I might as well stay back to get these bags out,” he said.

“Sir, are you sure there is no one else on the train?” asked Hermione as the conductor entered
the car behind her.

“Positive, Miss. I would have seen them. I make rounds every half-hour, you know that,” he said
smiling.

“Well, it's just that the bags are in a different order than I had them. Maybe I'm just
seeing things,” she said sadly. “It's been a very long night and day.”

“Do you still want me to send the owl, Miss?” he asked.

“Yes please,” she said smiling sadly.

The train arrived at King's Cross six minutes early. Hermione stepped off the train and
found a cart for her belongings. The conductor handed them to her. A moment later, a great old
snowy owl emerged from the car on the old conductor's arm. “Agatha was my owl at Hogwarts when
I was your age. Are you sure, Miss? Forgive an old man, but it seems that this message may change a
life much like the little white lie on the platform in Hogsmeade.”

“It will. Please, just send it before I change my mind,” said Hermione. She watched as it flew
away.

* * *

Harry had Apparated amidst the crowded terminal with his broomstick hidden under the
invisibility cloak. He found a locker but had no Muggle money to get the key. He needed to get to
Gringott's. He would exchange money there. He looked for the men's loo. Once he spotted it,
he went in, entered a stall and DisApparated again to The Leaky Cauldron*.*

It took Harry forty-five minutes to get to Gringott's and the front of the line. He was
beside himself as the goblin behind the counter asked him what he needed. He smiled and handed the
teller his voucher for one hundred pounds sterling. “Sir, are you sure you care to carry that much
with you?” asked the goblin named Mr. Greenthumb.

“Yes please,” said Harry. Had he known that amounts that great took longer to procure, he might
have asked for less. He was asked to wait in a special area at a desk. Several minutes later,
another teller called his name to the counter.

“There you go, Sir. Is their anything else that I might get for you today?” asked the
teller.

“No, not unless you can help me find Hermione Granger,” he said off-handedly.

The goblin shook his head saying no and looked at him with a listless sigh.

Harry walked out of Gringott's folding the money into three different pockets remembering
Aunt Petunia's warning to Dudley on several occasions. He walked along looking at the rebuilt
businesses of Diagon Alley. Just last year, nearly all of them had been boarded and closed. The
twins had been no different. Harry had an idea. He would go see Fred and George.

Harry hoped that Fred and George would not take Ron's side immediately in a conflict over
Hermione. Outwardly, they teased Ron mercifully, but he knew from their attempt to help him that
they were still quite close when it came to family affairs. He thought seriously about using
blackmail to get any information he could about Hermione or where she might be.

He entered the joke shop with nervous anticipation. George emerged as he heard the buzzer from
the door. His expression changed almost immediately as he ducked behind the curtain again. At
first, Harry thought it was about the current situation until he heard George call to Fred. “Ahem,
it's Harry, Fred.”

“Is he pissed?” asked Fred. “What's he doing out of Hogwarts on a Thursday afternoon?”

The two brothers emerged wearing faces of complete contrition. “Harry, honestly. If we had known
what happened, we would have done something sooner.”

Harry found their expressions almost comical. He knew he could use this to his advantage. For a
second, he felt a twinge of guilt until he realized that in part they were to blame for what was
happening. Their indiscretion led to Harry's admission of feelings he had successfully buried
for a very long time. He knew it was a tenuous premise at best, but one he had to try if they
balked at helping him.

“Hey, mates. I owe you plenty for the Marauder's Map. It's fine. Of course, it did steal
nearly three months of my life from me,” he said with a sarcastic grin.

“So, what are you doing here on a Thursday. We expected you at the Burrow this weekend,” said
Fred.

Harry had a lot of ways to go to find out what he wanted to know. He thought he'd try just
dropping it into casual conversation first, but he hated to lie to set it up. He took a deep breath
and let it go. “Well, I told Hermione and Ron I was going to sneak out and get some Muggle money
tonight so we could make a trip to her parents. Ron said he'd never been there and offered to
let me go with them. I'm just trying to make sure that I have enough for the trip.”

Harry emptied his pockets showing the Muggle money he had just withdrawn from
Gringott's.

“Bloody hell, I think that would get you there five times over Harry. I mean it's just
outside London in Oxford,” said Fred. “Wow, maybe Ron should be worried. Rich guy like you, her
parents will love you.”

“What's that supposed to mean, Fred?” asked Harry with a smile.

“Well, her parents are dentists, Harry. I have no idea whether what you have there is a lot of
Muggle money or not, but Ron always worries about how he'll look to her parents. It's one
thing to be friends since first year, it's another when they tell them they are seeing each
other seriously,” said George.

“Come on, Hermione has to have told them by now,” said Harry. “That's just not possible. I
always assumed that she told them.”

“Ron's always worried that he'll never live up to her standards. I think that's why
he wants her to go with him to Ireland so bad. I think he's afraid if she's around you too
long she'll see what it's like on the other side,” said George. “He really thinks there is
something between you two.”

Harry's face must have given him away, because Fred looked at him strangely. “It's true,
isn't it?” he asked. “Are you fooling around with Hermione?”

“Oh sure, while I've been zonked out I secretly whispered love sonnets to her. We've
been planning all these months to ruin Ron's life and our friendship,” said Harry. “Does that
sound like either of us? Today, I saw one of the saddest looks on Hermione`s face that I`ve ever
seen. Remember, I`ve been to funerals with her and Ron. It was like something or someone died. It
was because she loves your brother, but can`t take it anymore.”

“So, you're out trying to put thing right for her and Ron, I suppose,” said Fred
sarcastically.

“No, you git. I'm out to do what Ron should have done all along. I'm out to show her
that someone will love her with all his heart. If it takes giving Ron all my money and letting him
try to impress her with that while she walks away with me, then that's what I'll do. You
can tell Ron that for me,” said Harry. “If I'm wrong and she loves him more, then I'll just
be one poor bastard living in the Leaky Cauldron on my reputation.” He started to walk out.

“He doesn't want your money. You know that. He wants to be like you though,” said
George.

“Funny, I'd like to be more like your Dad,” said Harry. “You guys, of all people, should
know that money only improves the odds of success. It doesn't make you better, smarter or
happier.” Harry walked out and then turned around. “I don't suppose you have her address?”

“Harry, that's not going to happen,” said Fred.

“Fifteen Southwest Springdale Lane, Harry. We`ve been there loads of times to collect her for
her visits to our house,” said George.

Fred glowered at his brother. “What the bloody hell are you doing?”

“Fred, if she loves Ron, it won't matter. If not, he's free and can move on. I can see
him now, mate. He's got to be ready to rip down the walls at Hogwarts. This has to end. Get out
of here Harry. We're even. You don't say a word about what happened, right?”

“Yeah, mate. No problem. I won't say a word,” said Harry.

Harry had no idea how to get to Fifteen Southwest Springdale Lane. Apparation required knowledge
of where you were going or the result could be severe splinching. It required visualizing the
place. He supposed he could use the address, but he might end up in their living room. That was not
the way he wanted to see the Granger's for only the second time in seven years. It was near six
o'clock. He needed to find the fastest way to the nearest taxi queue.

Harry was surviving on pure adrenaline as the car sped across the Thames toward Oxford. He
imagined what he would say to her. He wanted it to be true and not too over-the-top. He was fearful
as well. He knew he loved her. She needed him to say it. She needed him to prove it. He hoped he
could live up to it.

It seemed unreal to him as they turned on the road, leading into the posh neighborhood where
Hermione's parents lived and she had grown up. He could only imagine from his initial
impression of her as eleven year olds that she had grown up in such surroundings. The sun was going
down behind him as the taxi rolled cautiously down the street while the taxi driver looked for
Springdale. “Relax mate, it could take a while. Some of these places have streets that start and
stop. One is called Southwest another called Northeast. I'm on the southern end so this should
be close, but I can't guarantee it.”

Five minutes passed as he saw home after home with finely manicured lawns and carports with
expensive cars. It was no wonder that Ron felt out of place. Harry knew that his wealth might not
compare to those who lived here. Finally, the taxi driver sounded upbeat. “There it is,” he said.
The street sign was visible now only because of the street lamp over head. Harry was in awe as a
stretch limousine passed them going the opposite direction. “Mate, you're going to stand out
like a sore thumb with me in this neighborhood. If you don't go straight into the home to see
whoever it is you're here to see, I would get back in and we'll leave. The police would
come in a moment with just one call.”

“Thanks, I'll keep that in mind,” said Harry. He had left the broomstick in his room in The
Leaky Cauldron*,* but he had brought the invisibility cloak. “I'll be fine though.” He
reached in and pulled out his money to pay the driver. It had cost him half of what he had
withdrawn to get here. He had been forced to pay a livery fee, because of the amount of time the
driver's cab would not be able to make pickups after leaving London.

“There's the house, mate. Good luck. If Daddy's that rich, she must be a handful,” said
the driver.

He shook his head as he stepped out of the car and handed the money to the driver. The security
lights were on. They shined on the front of the house and the door. There was a light burning in
one room upstairs as well as several in the downstairs windows. Harry's heart pounded. He
approached the door.

He could not believe how alive he felt. He was nervous beyond imagining. He was about to see the
woman he loved in a new light. He now knew he would do anything for her. He was ready to surrender
to the feelings that scared him most. If he did, he could not bear anything that might take her
away from him. It dawned on him that it was the fear of loss that kept him from loving her
completely. When faced with it, he had to acknowledge it. He rang the bell and waited.

After a minute or so, Harry began to worry about what the driver said. He was standing in jeans
and a tee shirt in a swank neighborhood at night with a black backpack. Finally, the light over the
door came on. The door cracked slightly. “I will call the police if you don't leave. Who is
this?”

The voice was that of a frightened teenaged girl around his and Hermione's age. He could see
her dark bangs and ponytails through the crack in the door. “I'm a friend of Hermione's.
I'm Harry. Is she in?”

There was silence. The door closed for a moment. Then opened again. “My boyfriend and I are here
watching the place while their on holiday. We'll call the police. Anyway, she's only just
left. She's flying out to join her parents. They invited her when her plans for Spring Break
fell through.”

“Do you know where?” asked Harry.

“Yes,” said the young woman. “I was specifically told that if anyone came asking that they were
to be told that she would be back at the end of break.”

Harry felt that sensation that comes with losing something very precious. It was not that he
thought he'd lost Hermione. He had lost the moment. The moment that would tell her that he
would find her wherever she went. That she was the love of his life. That he was even surer now
than thirty seconds ago.

“Are you sure that she meant everyone?” asked Harry. He had to try one more time.

“How do I know you're not some stalker? I would appreciate it if you would leave now.
I've told you what I know. She left in the limousine not thirty minutes ago,” said the young
woman. “Now if you would please leave.”

Harry knew he had outstayed his welcome. He backed away from the door. He knew that she would
probably call the police if he went anywhere but directly toward the street. The neighborhood was
lit up like a Christmas tree. He knew he would have to find some remote spot, cover himself with
the invisibility cloak and Disapparate back to the city and the Leaky Cauldron. He was running out
of options.

He had no idea where she might have gone. He could go to the airport or back to King's
Cross. He had to make a decision. He would Apparate in the London Heathrow Airport. He knew there
were others, but it was the only name he knew for sure. He had no idea where he would end up in
that huge place. He did not enjoy the idea of being splinched. This was how it happened too. It
happened when the person Apparating did not concentrate hard enough on the destination. He was
desperate to do something. He concentrated on the image of the airport he had seen so many times on
the news while living with the Dursleys and let himself go.

The next thing he knew he was standing in the midst of roaring engines. He had gone to the exact
place he had envisioned--the tarmac at London Heathrow. He was still covered by the invisibility
cloak but the backwash of the huge jet turbines threatened to blow it away. He moved as quickly as
he could to anywhere where the noise and wind was less.

He was fortunate that he could see into one of the lower level boarding areas. He concentrated
on it and Apparated again. He knew that he had not been so lucky as to appear unnoticed. A
middle-aged woman began screaming next to him. He moved quickly.

He had no choice but to find his way into another crowd and disappear. This time, however, he
needed to do it the old-fashioned way and melt into the crowd. It took nearly twenty minutes for
the commotion in the boarding area to settle down. He had no idea how to get around this airport.
He wanted to laugh madly at his predicament. He was insane. He had followed a girl he loved more
than anything in the world from one end of the U.K. to the other. He could not even be sure that he
was in the right airport.

Finally, he heard something that gave him an idea. “Mrs. White, paging Mrs. White. Please meet
your party at the information booth near the international boarding area.”

He was grasping at straws. He found someone who looked relatively jovial and asked what he hoped
was not the stupidest question of his life. “Excuse me, Sir. Excuse me,” Harry pursued a rather
heavyset middle-aged man with glasses. “Sir, could you answer a rather simple question for me?”

“Certainly, son. What is it?” he asked.

“I seem to have lost track of my party and I'm new to this flying thing. How might I make
one of those announcements to find them?” Harry asked pleasantly.

“Oh, certainly. You can go to any of the information booths and ask there. Or, you can pickup
one of the white telephones and talk to the operator. Just tell them who you're looking for,”
he said smiling. “Good luck.”

“Oh one more thing,” said Harry. “What if I'm not sure what airline it is? I don't have
the ticket on me.”

The gentleman looked at Harry suspiciously at first, then smiled again. “You are new to this,
aren't you?” he began. “Well, sometimes if you know the party's name you can find out what
airline and go to the area closest to them. However, it seems strange that you would be in the
wrong terminal.”

Harry knew that asking anymore questions would raise flags that he was not being completely
truthful, even if he had no malicious intentions. “Thank you, so much,” said Harry. “Enjoy your
trip.”

“Same to you, son,” said the gentleman. “And good luck.”

Harry had no choice now. He had to use the white phone. If he was in the wrong terminal or
airport, it was just the way things were meant to be. “Hello, yes. I'm looking for my
girlfriend. Her name is Hermione Granger. Somehow we got separated on the way from the arrival gate
and the luggage area.” He had picked up enough of the lingo to make up a reasonable story.

Then it occurred to him. If she were going to see her parents, she would not be expecting there
to be anyone here looking for her. He needed a better idea. He hated the one that occurred to him,
but he thought it would work. If she heard his name, she might come. He heard the operator ask him
where he wanted to meet her for what now had to be the third time. “I'm sorry. I'm not
looking for Hermione. I'm looking for my boyfriend Harry Potter. She is our companion and
we've had a bit of a row. Could you page them to…” He looked for a landmark. “…food court in
the domestic flight concourse. However it is termed. I'm not familiar.”

The woman on the other end seemed to become more understanding when he admitted the difficulty
he was having. He wasn't sure he could say it again without laughing because he was rather
uncomfortable with himself at the moment. “Why yes, sir. The name again?”

“Harry Potter, Mum,” he said calmly.

“Okay, stay there,” she said.

He stood patiently as several pages were made. It was apparent that there was a timing system in
place so that there would not be a never-ending dialog on the announcing system. While he waited he
saw a small shop just off the main concourse that had roses in plastic boxes. They had little vials
of water on the bottom to keep them fresh. He picked one up. If she showed, he wanted to be
ready.

“Harry Potter, paging Mr. Harry Potter. Please meet your party at the food court on the Main
Concourse. Paging Mr. Harry Potter,” said the voice.

He looked up and down the concourse. There were several small eateries in the area. It was a
larger area than he would have hoped. If she truly did not want to see him or Ron, she would not
show. She might be interested to see who was calling for Harry Potter though and that might be
enough. He felt the anticipation growing as he saw many young women walking to and fro pulling
airline flight bags. Most were stewardesses. He knew a few were young women traveling alone. After
twenty minutes, he gave up hope. He had gone to the wrong place or…”

He took a deep breath and turned around to look the other way one last time. He saw a young
woman that made the his hair stand on end. She was too far away to recognize, but the resemblance
was too much to ignore. He walked toward her quickly as she came into view he realized that she was
probably ten years too old and three inches too tall. He sighed. He found himself wanting to sleep.
He walked toward the lavatories that bracketed the food court. He entered and as he had done
several times before, he DisApparated to his room in The Leaky Cauldron*.*

* * *

As Harry lay down on his bed and closed his eyes in the small room at the Leaky Cauldron, an
exhausted Hermione napped in her seat on a British Airways jet taking her to Dublin to meet her
parents.

-->



6. The Value of Trust
---------------------



The Value of Trust--Chapter 6

Harry had spent the first few days after chasing Hermione over all of England in the Leaky
Cauldron. With people constantly bothering him with stories about Voldemort and his plans for the
future, he knew he had to get away. He considered simply going back to Hogwarts and moving his
things to Gryffindor Tower. He considered taking more money and living it up in London. There might
be some distractions and advantages to both, but neither would change how he felt. Lonely.

He had learned enough about life to avoid the emotional doldrums that he`d experienced in the
past. Yet, it was still hard to be happy. His dreams suggested he should be. Each night he dreamt
of Hermione telling him to remember that she loved him. The circumstances were different each time.
He dreamed they were in the corridor outside Transfiguration holding hands, the Hospital Wing and
in the anteroom the night this all started. The reason he had doubts was simple.

* * *

He just found out that she had flown to Dublin.

He still sat dazed at the bar where the bartender offered his condolences. “I'm sorry, mate.
I had no idea it would hit you that hard. What did you find out?”

It had begun with an innocent conversation with the barman Harry had taken a liking to at the
club just down the block from The Leaky Cauldron. Until this past weekend, he had never been in a
Muggle club where there was food and alcohol before. There were video games, darts, billiards and
lots of things to distract the patrons. He just enjoyed watching the television with the other guys
at the bar. He knew football even though he preferred Quidditch. Watch football was sort of boring,
but it was better than sitting alone in his room or telling stories that reminded him of better
days between Ron, Hermione and him.

He and the barman, Roger began talking about nothing in particular. “You know mate, you've
only come around for a few days, but it's good to have a young bloke like yourself to talk
to.”

Harry liked Roger because his attitude was different than most. He was from Australia and lived
here now with his wife and kids. It was definitely a different experience. “So, how long have you
been here?” asked Harry.

“Twenty-two years, mate. Been married to the wife for twenty. I have a son your age. You're
around eighteen, right?” he asked.

Harry let him think he was eighteen for arguments sake. “Yeah, wow. What's that like? I mean
having kids grow up like that? I'm an orphan and grew up with my mother's family,” he
offered.

“Aw, Harry mate, I'm sorry to hear that,” said Roger. “It's crazy. I'll bet you had
your fair bit of trouble growing up. So has my boy. He's a good kid though, nothing involving
the cops. My daughters are twelve and eleven.”

Harry nursed a beer only because he felt uncomfortable standing at the bar with a soda. He had
one each time he'd been there. “Cool,” he said just to acknowledge he had listened.

“Harry, I don't mean to pry but you should be out chasing girls not in a bar with a bloke
like me. You're a fairly good-looking kid. Or is that the problem, you're getting on from
the last one. I know all about that at your age too,” he said. “Matter of fact, my boy is suffering
through it for like the third time.” He chuckled and uttered the old cliché, “You can't live
with `em and you can't live without `em. They won't let you shoot `em either.” He laughed
and hit Harry on the shoulder.

Harry laughed. “Yeah, it's a worry when you're eighteen and you already have woman
problems,” he said.

“Well, it don't get easier mate,” said Roger. “You know the old joke, right? The barman is
the poor man's marriage counselor. That's probably why there's so many bloody
divorces.” He laughed. “I'm a lucky bloke with Marianne.”

Harry thought about it for a second. *“What the hell? Just get rid of the magic bits and get
things off your chest.”* He told Roger the story of Ron, Hermione and him over the past week. He
told Roger how he was now waiting for her to get back.

“Wow, Harry. That's rough. I don't know if I'd be able to let a girl hold me hostage
like that, but it's your life,” said Roger.

Harry felt a twinge of anger at himself as he recognized the truth in what Roger said. She was
holding him hostage, but he was letting it happen. He tried to get that out of his head.

“Well, you say her parents are well-off, right?” he asked. “What do they do? You said their
professionals, right? Dentists or something?”

“Yeah, they're both dentists,” said Harry.

“Harry, I know you've been off at boarding school, but you must know that dentists or
doctors of any sort don't leave without telling their patients where they went. If they do they
at least leave emergency instructions with their answering service,” said Roger. “If she went with
her parents, you can at least get some idea when they'll be back.”

Roger took the telephone and sat it on the bar. “Call the directory service and get the number
for their office, mate.”

Harry saw the label on the telephone for directory assistance. If he had not, he was not sure
what he would have done. “Okay, I'll do it.” He felt good about it. It seemed like it might
help get rid of a little of the anxiety.

“Yes, I'm not sure what city, but the listing would be under Granger and dentists.” He hoped
that would be enough. He had never asked Hermione about it. “Okay, repeat that please.” Harry waved
at Roger for a pen. He wrote down the number. “Oh, sure if it's free. Go ahead and connect
me.”

Harry waited as the phone rang. He heard the click and thought it had been disconnected until he
heard the woman's voice. “Hello, Granger Dental. Is this an emergency?”

“Well, no, not really,” said Harry.

“In that case I can tell you that they are scheduled to be back from Ireland on Wednesday. First
available opening is Friday,” said the woman.

Harry's heart sank. He hadn't even asked. Of all the places she could have gone, Ireland
was the worst for obvious reasons. He could only guess at what it meant. “No, that's okay,”
said Harry and he hung up.

It took a moment to regroup. “Hey, I asked for it I guess. They went to Ireland,” said Harry. He
could only laugh painfully. “They went to bloody Ireland.”

“Harry, you sure you don't want to down that mug and get another. I know it doesn't
solve the problem but it deadens the pain,” said Roger with a grin. “See, I'm a bloody doctor
that prescribes alcohol.”

Harry let out a sigh and broke into a weak smile for Roger`s benefit. “Nah, that would be a bad
idea for someone like me. I'm a lightweight,” said Harry. He knew a drunk wizard was sometimes
unpredictable. He had no idea what would happen if he suddenly were filled with emotion while he
was drunk. “I should just walk it off, you know.” He waved at Roger and turned to leave.

“Hey, chin up mate,” said Roger. “Come back again, things`ll work out.”

His mind reeled with the possibilities. Did she know before she left? Or, was it just what he
had thought up to now--a holiday that happened to be in the same place her boyfriend was visiting?
His upbeat attitude was being challenged. He decided to go back to the room at The Leaky Cauldron
and call it a day.

Harry brooded all night that night about Hermione being in Dublin. His mind raced to try to
imagine every possible scenario. It finally wore him down to the point that he had to go to sleep.
In spite of it all, Harry woke up Tuesday resolved to just let things go. He reminded himself that
he had been ready for Hermione to be with Ron anyway. He sighed. Any remorse he felt was a waist of
time. If he loved her and believed what she said as she left, he had to trust her.

Harry lay awake trying to decide what to do to keep his mind off things. Harry heard the
shuffling outside the door. “Yes, that's it,” said old Tom the innkeeper.

There was a knock on the door. Harry took a deep breath. He wanted to stay in bed but he
presumed it was the housekeeper so he simply said, “I'll be out in a minute.”

Harry never thought twice about the silence that followed. The housekeeper rarely spoke. He
splashed some water on his face and dressed quickly. “Just a minute, I'm almost out.”

Harry opened the door and stood face-to-face with Hermione. She smiled. “Surprise!”

Harry took a step back and smiled widely. He hugged her and felt her clinging to him too. He
could not think of anything to say.

“Are you trying to make up for lost time, Harry?” she asked with a giggle. She pushed him away
and kissed him. “I found out that you left Hogwarts. I've had a devil of a time finding you.
After threatening the house sitter, I heard the awful news that this cute black-haired boy with
glasses showed up on my doorstep last week. She couldn't remember what night it was until I
started getting a little upset with her. Finally, her memory got better. My parents told her to
tell them when anything unusual happened. She did not say a word. I was so pissed.” Hermione was
talking so fast that finally, when she realized it and how Harry just looked at her and smiled. She
stopped and said, “I guess I'm apologizing.”

It was one of the sweetest moments Harry could ever remember, but questions still remained. “Are
you going to come in?” he asked.

“Harry, I'm not sure it's a good idea under the circumstances,” she said softly.
“Let's go for a walk.”

He closed the door and followed her down the stairs. She held his hand but did not look back.
Once they were in the alley, she let go of his hand and tapped the bricks to get into Diagon Alley.
By this time, Harry was confused. He wanted make her say whatever it was she was going to say. It
felt like he was being led to the slaughter. His stomach was flip-flopping. He had to say
something. He could not take it anymore. “Hermione, you're killing me. You have no idea what
this is like to see you out of the blue like this.”

She took his hand and led him to a bench just to the right of the magical entrance in the wall
and sat down. She smiled. “Harry, kiss me.”

He wasn't sure what he was hearing, but he was no fool. He kissed her. He felt every bit of
the anxiety melt away with each passing second. Her hand rested on his shoulder as his lips softly
teased hers. She did not move away when his had found her waist and stood her up to pull her
closer. The connection between them extended the length of their bodies. He had no idea what was
happening and didn't care. Finally, when they could not breathe without taking a break, he
heard her giggle. “If we had done this in your room at the Leaky Cauldron, I know what would have
happened. You know it too.” She smiled.

He pulled her down to his lap on the bench. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. “I love
you, Hermione. That's why I chased you. I had to tell you. I even went to an airport to try to
catch you before you left.”

“Was it Gatwick?” she asked as her faced changed when Harry`s words registered. She kissed him
which neither of them minded in the least.

Finally Harry answered.

“No, it was Heathrow,” he said with a relieved sigh. “So you didn't ignore the page.” He
told her the story of his attempt to find her in the airport. She laughed.

“I wouldn't have come, Harry,” said Hermione. “I hate to break that to you. I had too many
things to do and not all of them had to do with you and Ron. I`m not going to explain it all now,
but so you know, I broke things off with Ron yesterday and came back to find you.”

If Ron had been anything but his best mate, he would have never given it. He started to ask how
he took it and then caught himself. He didn't care. “And now that you found me, what's the
plan, Hermione? No one changes completely overnight.”

“They change a little though, don't they? You said I love you and I don't care if it
meant for just today or forever,” she said. “I wasn't as happy playing it safe as I thought and
I was scared to take a risk. It took getting away to see it for sure.”

“Excuse me?” asked Harry.

“What does it matter, Harry. I want to be with you. We have fun and we laugh. We have fun
snogging too, apparently. That's a nice change,” she said shyly. “It's such a long story
and all I want is to be happy right now.”

They got up and walked to the middle of Diagon Alley and looked around. “Do you really want to
be here?”

Hermione looked around. “If you mean in Diagon Alley, not really? What do you have in mind?”

He looked at his watch. It was just about lunch time. “What do you know about London?” he
asked.

“Probably more than you, but not a lot,” she said with a smile. “Let`s go?”

Harry and Hermione walked out of Diagon Alley through The Leaky Cauldron and out into the street
and across to the other side. They looked at each other shrugged. “I forget which way,” said
Hermione. “Do you care if we get lost?”

Harry smiled. “Hermione, I really don't care. I'm just happy to know you're back.
Lead the way. I have a fair bit of money for food and stuff,” he said.

Hermione smiled. “Harry, how much do you have? I have a bit too,” said Hermione.

“Sixty quid, give or take a little,” said Harry.

“Between us we can have a nice day,” said Hermione. “I have a credit card back home too. Daddy
makes sure I have money if I need it. We could use that for a nice dinner.”

“I can get more money from Gringott's before we go,” said Harry.

“Harry, one thing that has never bothered me was doing things on the cheap. It drives my parents
insane, but I don't mind. You could use some new clothes though. So, if you want to get maybe
fifty more, we should be fine,” she said.

They agreed that a short shopping trip for Harry was in order. It took a couple minutes to get
back to Gringott's. Harry got his money without the long lines that came with the late
afternoon rush. They were excited to be finished and on their way out.

They left Diagon Alley and found their way out into one of the many shopping districts. They
filled their afternoon with laughter, shopping and a movie. Harry enjoyed being with her, sitting
close to her with the arm of the theater seat between them raised. They snuggled and laughed.

“I don't know if I like not being able to talk to you, Harry. I love movies but it's
weird sitting with someone holding you without talking,” she said after the movie let out.

“It was nice, Hermione, but I know what you mean,” he said not wanting to tell her that it was
relaxing not to have to talk about their relationship like they had all afternoon.

“I'll bet you liked not talking for a while,” said Hermione out of the blue.

Harry must have given away his surprise. “What makes you say that?” he said trying to deflect
the comment.

“I think I noticed it in the way you relaxed after the movie started. While we talked you seemed
stiff, but once it started the tension started to go away. Am I making you crazy?”

“A little,” he admitted. “I know you have a lot to tell me that you were afraid to say before,
but I don't need to know everything. I love you, but I'm not big on talking about stuff
like that.”

“I'm sorry, Harry. I guess, I'm getting a little carried away,” she said as they crossed
the street toward the taxi queue.

“Don't worry, we're just getting used to each other. I love being with you though,” he
said kissing her on the forehead as they walked.

“Harry, tell me if I get going on and on,” she said. “I need to know now so I can try to
change.”

“Hey, don't change, Hermione. Not consciously anyway. I would think you were mad at me if
you stopped talking. Let's just go with it. If I have to, I'll just kiss you to shut you
up,” he said with smile.

“Hmm, maybe I should start babbling away. That kissing solution sounds fun,” she said
giggling.

Harry wrapped his arms around her holding the bags and kissed her. He had always been able to
tune her out before because she was Ron's girlfriend. It was different now and it would be a
challenge, but he loved her. Their place in the taxi queue was up and the taxi was waiting. “Where
are we going, Hermione?”

Hermione gave the driver instructions to the taxi queue near The Leaky Cauldron. Harry was
confused as the taxi wound it's way back toward the river and Charing Cross Road.
“Hermione?”

“Just wait, I'm thinking,” she said.

For the first time all day, Hermione seemed to be in serious thought. The taxi arrived at the
queue across from The Leaky Cauldron. When the taxi stopped, she smiled at Harry and got out. “Come
on, Harry. Make sure you tip him,” she said.

He looked at her fondly as she ran across Charing Cross Road with a bag in her hand. He paid the
driver and grabbed the rest of the bags.

“Come on, Harry,” she called impatiently. “We'll take all of this up to your room and you
can change. Then we'll go to my house and I'll get dressed.” She looked a little
flustered.

“Is everything, okay?” asked Harry.

“Sure. You were right about things not changing completely overnight,” said Hermione. “We have a
lot to learn about each other, I guess,” She teased him with a kiss. Now get up there.

“You're not coming?” asked Harry.

“Nope, too many temptations for us right now,” she said. “Besides, we should hurry so we
don't get to my house at an odd hour.”

“Odd hour?” asked Harry looking at his watch. He had no idea it was as late as it was. “Oh, got
it.”

He put everything in the room, showered, and got dressed. He put on the light blue shirt and
black pants that Hermione thought looked good on him in the store and grabbed his sweater.

He came down the stairs to find her sitting in a chair. “Oh, that does look nice,” she said.
“I'm glad you knew better than to wear the runners.”

“Okay, now off to my house. No more taxis. Take my arm. My parents hate when I do this, but
I've been pissing them off for three days, so why stop now? Just be really quiet, okay.
It's one thing that they hear me come home with the annoying sound of Apparition, it's
another for them to find me in my room with a boy.” She smiled.

“Ah, yeah,” said Harry seeing her point. “Why wouldn't you come to my room and yet
you'll take me to your bedroom?”

“I know you, Harry. If I were up there I would talk nervously and it would take forever. At my
house, we have to run in and run out,” she explained. “Besides, my Dad would kill you if he caught
us making noise so I think I'm safe.” She winked.

A moment later, he found himself in a room filled with stuffed animals, pink curtains, and every
other feminine thing he would have imagined in a little girl's room. It just seemed a little
younger than it should have for an eighteen year old. It reminded him how little time she had spent
with her family over the past couple of years.

Hermione had her own bathroom and it came in handy just then.

“Hermione Jane Granger, you scared us half to death,” said a woman's voice from the hallway.
“You know how we hate it when you do that.” She mouthed the word `Mom'.

“Sorry, Mom. I'm in a hurry. I'll be out in a minute,” she said. She pointed to her
bathroom. Harry went in and she shut the door.

Harry heard trembling voices. “Hermione, we came home early when we realized you left. Honey,
don't think we meant to be controlling we were just doing what we thought was best for you,”
said her Mother.

“You're my little girl, Hermione. I hate to see you rebel against us like this,” said her
father.

“Mom, Dad. I love you, but I have to go. I think you know who I'm going to see and it's
not as much about rebelling as it is about being happy. I can't talk. You'll get me crying
again,” said Hermione. “Just let me go and I'll talk to you later. Maybe not tonight though but
don't worry. I'm not going to do anything stupid.”

Harry listened. He understood family crisis when he heard it, even if it had never happened like
that for him.

The door to the bedroom shut and he heard a sniffle as he emerged from his temporary hiding
place. “I'm sorry, Harry. I'll explain later,” she whispered.

He got out of her way as she took a skirt and blouse out of the closet. She opened her dresser
and began to pull out underclothes. He knew he was gawking when she blushed. “This is a bit
awkward, isn't it?” he whispered.

She gained her composure. “Sit here,” she whispered. She put the small chair in the corner and
handed him the blindfold she used to keep the sun out of her eyes when she slept. “I could do it by
magic, but this tests your trustworthiness.” She smiled.

He heard the bathroom door open and the water running in the sink. He hoped she knew that he was
going to cheat if he thought he could get by with it. He smiled to himself at the thought. “I see
you, Harry. If you peek, you`ll be sorry.” She looked away and saw he was still smiling. “I'm
not kidding.” She giggled. “Okay, I'm kidding, but please don't.”

He teased her a few times but had no intention of peeking after her warning and pleading.

“Okay, all clear,” she said ten minutes later. “Mom's going to be pissed if I do this again,
but oh well.” She held out her arm and Harry took it. They DisApparated and appeared a second later
in a small clump of trees near a busy intersection.

“I figured that anyone who could see us would be moving too fast to know what they saw,” she
said as she looked around carefully before stepping out. She had added a soft blue sweater to the
blouse and skirt he saw before she blindfolded him.

Harry looked around a bit. He recognized the road and the sign for her gated community, but that
was all. Hermione pointed across the street and Harry's eyes followed her finger. Very near,
there was a cozy pizza restaurant. “Pizza, Harry?”

“You came all the way home to get dressed for a pizza place?” asked Harry.

“No, I came home to look nice for you, silly. You'll see. There is a reason for the madness,
I don't want you staring at the waitresses,” she said with a grin.

It was nice to walk with her arm in arm. He took a deep breath as he opened the door for her and
saw the sparkle in her eye. “Thank you, Harry.” She was gorgeous.

It was a very informal place, but most of the patrons were dressed similarly. “Are we close to
the University?” he asked when he recognized that most of the people in the restaurant were just a
few years older than them.

“Yes, it's very preppy place, Harry,” said Hermione. “I love this place. They have fantastic
pizza and the music is good. This is where I like going for my birthday, hint hint.”

Harry listened to the music. It was a combination of Top 40 and classic rock. “Your parents like
it too, don't they?” he asked.

“Yeah, the music is nice for them too. And they reminisce about their school days. It was here
when they went to Oxford. That's how I know about it,” she said. “I'm sorry about that
little scene at the house. I'll explain as the night goes on,” said Hermione.

They spent a few minutes talking about the décor and just chit-chatted. “Okay, Harry. Here's
a little about why I had to go.”

“I'm listening,” he said. It occurred to him that Hermione was not kidding about the
waitresses, but she had failed to mention that the bartender and waiters were not slouches. He
looked away for a second and then back into her eyes.

“I was going to go home regardless of what happened that morning,” she said. “I had to come home
for some very personal reasons. When I saw how I was going to spend the next two days trying to
balance things between you two, I did not want to wait until Friday. Telling you two I wasn`t
coming to the Burrow after that little scene would have been murder. I tried to sleep, but I just
made up my mind to go and left.”

“Did Ron know you were going home instead of the Burrow?” asked Harry.

“No, my parents knew I was going to join them in Dublin on Friday or Saturday. I would have
waited to go until Friday, but when I found their new receptionist with her boyfriend at our house,
I had to go. I still don't know why my parents had someone watching the house. But I had the
ticket and it was full fare so I knew I could exchange it and get there that night. I guess
that's when me missed each other. It turned out well that we missed each other, because it
meant I never had to be rude to you to get away. I had to go and I could not let anything get in
the way.”

“You know I came to check the addresses on those bags,” said Harry. “I chased the Hogwarts
Express right to the entrance to King's Cross Station, got on and checked them. I was a mad
man.”

“I'm sorry. I was pretty stupid too. I wanted you to find me and then I didn't. I guess
I wanted to be sure, but by the end of the weekend I understood that I can never really be sure of
anything,” she said. “ Now that I know you snuck on the train, it explains the bags being
moved.”

“Hi, how are you tonight?” asked the waiter. He could only smile as Hermione winked at him.

“Great,” said Hermione. “Harry, I like red wine and veggie pizza.”

Harry had no problem with veggie pizza. “That's what we'll have then,” he said.

Hermione finished the order by making it a medium, hand-tossed with a pitcher of water and the
wine.

“So, you were saying?” asked Harry.

Hermione explained why she was going home. Harry had never had any idea what it was like for her
growing up. He had always been so focused on his own peculiar problems. He knew she could not have
had an unhappy childhood, she did not describe that kind of life. She explained how the example of
her parents relationship impacted her. Her parents were childhood sweethearts that started in their
middle teens just like she and Ron had. It was a romantic friendship that just never ended.

“See Harry, the same thing was happening to me. I went home every summer and saw an older
version of the way Ron and I are. Every year, it just confirmed how good Ron would be for me. My
Mom is the dominant one who makes the plans, while my Dad puts up with her domineering ways. The
thing of it is, they have lived that way 28 years and it worked for them. That's a pretty
successful relationship if you're a kid looking at it,” said Hermione.

“Wow, that long?” asked Harry.

“Yeah, my Mom and Dad had me after college and midway through dental school, they had already
known each other for ten years. Once my Mom finished dental school after she had me, they stuck to
their careers. So I have no brothers or sisters,” said Hermione.

“That's a fascinating story, Hermione. I wish I had a better idea about my parents,” said
Harry. “Does Ron know all this?”

“Of course, he does Harry. He just didn't get the condensed, half-hour at the pizza place
version,” she said with a smile.

The food arrived. They chatted about which of the waiters and waitresses were cutest after Harry
got caught staring too long. Hermione started the conversation by smiling at a waiter and driving
Harry crazy. They laughed about it and listened to the music while drinking the wine. Harry was
still a little confused as to why the sudden disappearance and secrecy.

“Okay, what happened this past weekend then? What was that all about?” asked Harry.

“It was supposed to be about comparing Ron and I to my parents' relationship. I started to
realize that I had just accepted things blindly. Also, I planned to just look around Dublin because
I truly did care about where Ron would be living. It wasn`t about seeing to decide,” said Hermione.
“I also had to make sure they knew Ron and I were having trouble. They seemed to ignore what I
wrote in letters.”

“You told them that?” said Harry.

“I never came out and said I didn't want to be with Ron at first. That's what caused the
trouble for me too. I was stuck in this place where I felt like I was giving up this great guy for
another great guy that just made me laugh and feel good about myself. When I found out that Ron was
going there over Break, it made me nervous. It became clear that I might have to confront him,”
said Hermione. “I never imagined how things would turn out once you were up and about again. It was
just weird. It all happened so fast.”

“I didn't mean to cause trouble between you. I was pretty out of line in that night. I was
just overwhelmed when you asked me about my feelings for you,” said Harry. “Some of the stuff you
said about Ron and you made me feel like I had to do something before you got away, but I couldn`t
quite say it.”

“Harry, once I saw how I felt with you and how it wasn't the same with Ron. It got even more
difficult. I had to really stand up for myself. I was pretty outspoken with my parents when I
decided. That's what you heard tonight. They had never heard me talk like that about things.
They had ignored the things I said in my letters. They pretended as if they were just the jitters
of a nervous bride after Ron proposed the first time. It's hard to explain to you about not
disappointing your parents, but that was part of it. They kept telling me Ron was good for me all
the way up until I came back to their room and told them I had broken up with him. The problem is
that love is real. It's not just an emotion you turn on and off. So I still couldn't see
how to tell Ron in a loving way how great he was,” said Hermione.

“I don't know how you could deal with all that,” said Harry listening carefully. This was
one of those times where Hermione was not on her soap box and didn't pretend to have all the
answers. He felt sad for what she must have gone through, so he just listened.

“Then there was you. I loved you too, but it was like this forbidden thing. Good girls
didn't spend seven years with one guy as friends or whatever and then start having erotic
fantasies about another,” she blushed a bit and looked at the table instead of into Harry's
eyes as she had up to that point. “I had to tell someone I loved that I didn't love them. You
can't turn off how you feel, Harry. You just have to act like you don't love them anymore.
If I didn't know you loved me, I would never have been able to do it. I had to believe in you
and I did. So, I acted like a heartless bitch and told him I wanted to do something different with
my life and he wouldn't be part of it. I would have never done what I had to do, if I tried to
let him down easy.” Her emotional side leaked through, but Harry could see she wasn't going to
let it go in public.

“I think I know how you felt. I never loved Ginny like you loved Ron or I love you. I don't
know if I even loved her at all, but I had to do the same thing. I had to be harsh for it to truly
be over. It's not an easy thing,” said Harry. He paused to see her reaction then added,
“Let's leave all that alone for now and just have fun.”

“I just want to make sure you know I love you, Harry,” said Hermione.

“I do, but over the past few days I learned that saying how you feel is important, but showing
it makes that real. You came back to me even though I know you still feel pretty bad about how it
ended with Ron. It says a lot. Now, you know I would do anything to find you to tell you how I
felt. So, let's just be happy and stop tearing ourselves up talking about it,” said Harry.

Hermione looked at him and touched his hand. “Okay, it's a deal.” She took a napkin and
dried her eyes.

The check was on the table. Harry put some cash inside the leather check holder and stood up.
“Ready to move on?” He kissed her softly and fleetingly. She smiled. He was glad she and Ron had
never been together. He wanted her badly.

They returned to the little clump of trees. “Okay, my turn to take you someplace.” He took them
to his room at The Leaky Cauldron. “Don't worry, this is just the place we could Apparate.”

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief that Harry understood. He resisted the temptation and led her
out.

He was not sure if Roger was working the night shift or not. Most times he worked lunch and then
late nights. He was both a bartender and bouncer. Harry thought he might be a tough guy, if he
wanted to be. He hoped he was there, but if not, the club would be loads of fun.

Harry got the chills as he walked in and saw Roger nod his approval. He knew his pride showed.
He was proud to be with Hermione and she looked great. He didn't know if tonight would be the
night they were together for the first time or not, but he was sure that rushing things was not
worth the risk of losing this wonderful girl. He kissed her. “Let's have fun.” She smiled and
walked with him to meet his new friend.

-->



7. Private Matters
------------------



Private Matters--Chapter 7

Harry and Hermione never felt so close and so alive. Harry sensed it and for once he felt at
ease talking about things he never thought he'd talk about with her. They sat at a far table
away from the bar on tall barstools. Hermione sat so close that Harry could move his face eight
inches and kiss her. They were unaware of anyone or anything but each other.

Hermione's hand fell in Harry's as she folded her fingers in his hand. “Harry, what are
we going to do? I have to go home tonight.” The disappointment in her voice showed.

Harry felt the knots in his stomach growing. She had gone from an obsession over the past week
to a reality that was more overwhelming than anything he ever felt. “Can't you just go home,
talk to them and then sneak out. I don't want you to leave.”

“Ooh, don't tempt me, Harry. I have to go back and tell them I was right about you,” she
said giggling and kissing his cheek for the fifth time in the last hour. “If we were alone at
Hogwarts right now, I'd kiss you like I want because I could run and hide when I got the urge
to let you have me.”

He smiled. “Maybe you're right about the sexual tension being better than the act itself.
Although something tells me that being with you would not be bad either,” he said as he kissed her
lips softly.

“Harry, I promise. Tomorrow we will go get a proper room somewhere and see where this all leads.
Let me see Mom and Dad to tell them about my plan to spend the week with you first,” said
Hermione.

Harry felt the pangs of sadness again. He wondered what it would be like having a family that
worried when he did not come home. He found his girlfriend's love for her parents a wonderful
quality. In spite of the demands they put on her, she was a good daughter and respectful. She was a
good girl and that made all the difference to him. He hated the way he was going to feel going home
alone, but he was glad she was going to do something positive instead of something she would feel
guilty for. “I can't imagine what it's like to want to yell at them and kiss them at the
same time.”

“I know Harry. It's horrible. They love me so much. That's why I'm not going to
sneak around. I would rather let them feel a little uncomfortable with the truth than to discover
me in a lie. I can't tell them I'm going back to Hogwarts just to let them think I'm
safe from guys like you,” she smiled. “I'm not telling them that I plan to be a bad girl
though.” She smiled and caressed his arm. “I do so want to be bad.”

Harry laughed. He knew it was all in good fun as they teased each other. If he had taken each of
the sexual innuendos and let his libido take over he'd have her up against the door in the
ladies room with the skirt around her waist. He'd told her that a while before and she'd
smiled sexily. He knew it might happen but he would not change a thing at the moment.

“Hey, kids, are you going to get a room or what?” teased Roger who left when he found himself
intruding. “Wow, you two bring back memories of Marianne and I. Don't rush it though, I wish we
hadn't.”

Hermione put her arm around Harry's waist and slid closer. “Why, Roger?”

“Our lives were really hectic at the time. I was working two jobs and she was in school. It was
like we had no time together for a while there. I just wonder what it would have been like if we
had let things go for one more week until her summer break and spent more than just our first night
together. I still love being with her when we get that old magic going after all these years. Just
funny, like I said. I see my past in you two,” he said reminiscing. “Harry, you have no idea what
it feels like to let a beautiful woman push you until you can't take it. Mate, it's better
to let it build than it is to move too fast. Trust me.”

“No, I'm ready to die now and she's only going home for the night,” said Harry.

“Mate, one fall and winter--I think it was `78-- Marianne and I had to be on different schedules
for nearly two months. Her internship at the law firm meant long hours. We got the Christmas
holidays together and somehow something always interrupted us. Her parents would visit unannounced
or my buddies would barge in with a bottle wanting to play cards. Finally, when we got the time
alone, mate…I'll remember that night still. Anyway, I see the bedroom eyes. I just thought
you'd benefit from my experience with the love of my life,” said Roger.

Hermione hugged Harry a little tighter. “I want it to be like that for us. Marianne seems pretty
lucky.”

“Not as lucky as I am. She gave up a nice career as a paralegal to go to Law School and then
gave that up to raise our kids. I get to have fun talking with people in a bar every night and for
awhile she got diaper duty,” he said. “Believe me. You want to stay where you are for as long as
you can. Hey, I should get going. You two have some more cooing to do.” He laughed.

“Cooing?” asked Harry looking at Hermione.

“Love birds, silly,” said Hermione. “He's right you know. We are lucky to have this time
together,” she said. She found herself singing along to the music from the jukebox. “This is a nice
song.”

“What is it tonight? I wonder if a potion can make you feel like this or if it's just
natural. I feel like running around the block to get rid of this energy,” he said standing and
pulling Hermione to him to sway to the music.

“Harry, let's get a hotel tomorrow but with separate rooms until Saturday,” suggested
Hermione. “I want to make love to you but let's get so excited about it that we can't stand
it.”

Harry felt the ache in his crotch as it was standing close to her. “Do you really think I can
make it that long if I know what's coming?” he laughed as he kissed her softly. “Don't give
me a reason or I'm not responsible for my actions.”

“I'm not sure you can make it out of here,” she giggled as he ground into her to let her
feel his excitement. “Wow, I'm going to pretend that's a roll of coins in your pocket.” She
said excitedly. “This is going to kill me too.”

“I can make it, Hermione. Just don't change your mind on Saturday, because you will make me
jump off the Astronomy Tower with a rope around my neck if you do,” said Harry with a face like he
was choking.

“No, Sweetie, I'd be sure to make good use of you before I'd let that happen,” said
Hermione. “This is so fun being flirty and kind of raunchy.” She giggled with a tinge of pink in
her ears.

“Hey, as much as I hate it, it's getting late and you don't want to go home too late.
It's midnight,” said Harry.

Hermione sighed. “We have to try to remember what this is like. See this is a hundred times
better than I imagined and I had a pretty good imagination to begin with. I love you, Harry. Come
on, walk me out to the corner.” She stopped for a second. “Let me ring them up and warn them
I'm coming so they don't get alarmed when I pop in.”

Harry waited by the door as Roger approached. “Taking her home, mate?”

“Yeah, her parents are waiting up. It's been a traumatic time for them with the changes in
Hermione's life,” said Harry.

“You kids, take care of each other. It's worth putting off the things you want sometimes.
The rewards can be huge,” said Roger slapping Harry on the shoulder as Hermione approached.
“Hermione, it's great to meet you. I hope my daughters get to meet you. They'd love you.”
He smiled. “Good night.”

“Roger, that's sweet to say. Good night,” said Hermione taking Harry's arm.

They walked quietly as the soft sound of sprinkles fell around them and then the larger
raindrops began. They ducked under a canopy at a storefront window.

“You know I'd stand in the rain to kiss you, Harry. It's a big sacrifice for a girl who
loves to have her hair look nice,” she said leaning into him for kiss. “I should go though.”

He felt the softness of her chest against his and the warmth of her lips teased him to arousal
once more. “I am so glad you came back. I would have missed so much and I think I knew it too,” he
said tenderly. “I love you, Hermione. It's not a struggle to say that anymore.”

“Don't make me cry, Harry. I don't want my parents thinking I'm sad. They'll
just think I'm having second thoughts. If I am, it's about letting you ravage me tonight,
but not about going back to the way it was before,” she said. They kissed deeply again letting
their hands pull one another closer. “I have to go now, or I won't. I love you, Harry. I'll
see you tomorrow afternoon.” She smiled. “All clear?”

Harry looked around, then down the street and nodded. A moment later, the familiar pop that had
broken his heart just days ago no longer made him sad. She was gone. He was glad he had gone
through that experience. He knew what he was missing before she left now and was confident in her
return. Now he knew part of what lay in his future. He wheeled on his heel , walked to the corner
and turned in to the hotel wishing she were there.

The next morning, Harry lay shirtless in bed staring at the ceiling with his hands folded behind
his head. He wondered about the irony in his life at the moment. There was once a time when he
longed for Ron and Hermione to contact him, because it felt as if there were no tomorrow. The
feeling was almost too real, but Harry knew it only applied to that time in his life. Somehow, he
had no anxiety about missing Hermione this time. He knew she would be back even if he missed her
for only the ten hours they had been apart. She had come back when he thought she would not. There
was no more fear of losing her.

He closed his eyes trying to imagine what she looked like lying beneath him awaiting his final
thrust that would begin a new chapter in their lives. He could only put her face to the dozens of
erotic pictures he and his mates had seen in magazines they'd had hidden in the Gryffindor
Tower boys' dorm. He had brushed her breasts and briefly felt their softness. He remembered the
energy of her legs wrapped around him as they kissed the afternoon before. He knew the wait and the
teasing would be hard to endure, but what awaited was so much more than a frenzied snog followed by
fumbling in the dark. Even if that's what happened Saturday, he had time to think of the things
he wanted to do to her. He needed a cold shower.

Harry was not worried that Hermione was not coming, but the anticipation of how things were
going for her and what they would do today made him a little antsy. When the soft knock came at the
door around two-forty, he felt relief sweep over him. He opened the door and saw her smiling with
two small bags tied together on rollers behind her. She looked more relaxed than she had the night
before. “Hi,” he said simply as he felt the butterflies that came with seeing a pretty girl that
had starred in his fantasies just moments and hours before.

“Hi, Harry,” said Hermione. “And to think I had to enchant them to get enough stuff in there.”
They kissed softly referring to the bulging bags behind her.

“Come in,” he offered. He had the nice soft chair sitting in a well lit part of the room so she
would be comfortable as he finished his packing. “So, are we off to the hotel now?”

“You bet, we are,” she said cheerily. “Harry, it was so weird with my parents. They simply
kissed me good night when I came in and said that we'd talk this morning. It was a tearful
discussion, but I think they get it now. Well, they're trying to get it anyway. You can't
teach old dogs new tricks in one sitting.” She giggled.

“Nice, do you think it's really going to change the way they see you?” asked Harry.

“I don't know if it matters. I think I see myself differently because I acted like an adult
instead of a kid demanding respect. It was weird. I felt like our plans for this week give me
freedom too. They will never know the details, but facing the fact that I'm staying with you
and visiting them was a shock,” said Hermione. “I just hope I don't give away our secret once
we take the plunge.”

He walked over and put his hands on her shoulders. “I lay daydreaming of you this morning. It
resulted in two cold showers already.” He kissed the top of her head taking in the scent of her
hair. “Are you sure you're okay with setting a date for it?”

“Harry, planning for the day I make love to my lover and boyfriend is not a terrible thing. What
would be terrible would be to regret not being ready and missing the moment in a flurry of crazy
hormones and emotions. I think that's why people used to wait until they were married and the
honeymoon,” said Hermione. “I still dream about that but I'm not waiting until I'm married.
Some people--yes, you can read my parents into that--would think that what I'm suggesting is
terrible.”

“It seems you think a fair bit about that though Hermione,” said Harry. “I love you and I want
you, but what you need to feel like things are right are important to me too.”

“I know this sounds stupid, Harry. It's probably very needy to say it this way. I don't
want my boyfriend looking around for satisfaction with other girls when he makes me want sex too.
So I might as well satisfy both of our urges at the same time. If I love you, whether we make love
Saturday or after a wedding, it is nothing more than changing the date,” said Hermione. “Don't
worry, it's not going to haunt me to sleep with you for a few days and then share myself with
you. I do want it to be very special though and not a moment where I wonder what just happened. All
though the aches from doing it might make me wonder.” She laughed. “Harry, it will be such a
wonderful night if we let it be.”

Harry returned to his bag and packed as he thought about what she was saying. He found it
interesting to think of ways to help them find pleasure that night. He guessed that he had no idea
what that initial feeling of sex was for a woman. He had heard it could be painful and that some
guys hated being a woman's first lover. He could never imagine not wanting to share that with
Hermione. He just had to understand enough so that when that moment came, he was mindful enough to
be aware of her wishes in the middle of his own passion for her. Should he ask her now, or bit by
bit over the next few days, or just let things happen?”

He decided to mention it casually. “I just want to make sure I'm not doing something wrong
when it comes to the time to go through with it, you know?”

“We'll talk about it Harry,” said Hermione. “I'm not sure either. Some women say
it's better to just do it and try to ignore the pain and others say it's okay to pause and
let the initial shock pass for a few minutes. So, I'm not sure yet. Either way, I want to make
love to you,” she said simply.

“Well, I suppose we should go. I already told Tom I'd leave today and he let me stay until
you could get here,” said Harry.

“Oh, Harry. I'm sorry. I forgot they have a check out time here,” she said. “He didn't
charge you, did he?”

“No, he was cool about it,” said Harry.

Harry had the unusual feeling he had felt when she left the anteroom that night, but it was
clearer than that one was. They were truly going from confessed sweethearts to romantic partners
and lovers. To anyone watching or looking at them, they would see a young couple having fun and in
love. To Harry and Hermione, they were starting to take the steps that would define whether they
were destined to make it a lifelong partnership. Harry felt the twinge of uncertainty when he
thought of the rest of his life with her and all it promised. Yet, if he were going to face the
rest of his life with any girl he`d ever met, he had never met anyone more suited than
Hermione.

“Okay, Miss Tour Guide, lead the way,” said Harry.

“Harry, I looked up some hotels in the city and I think the Marriott is the nicest. Expensive
sure, but worth it for the comfort.” She described the rooms. There were lots of services that
Harry had never thought of having. Dry cleaning, turn downs and complimentary breakfast were just a
few. He was glad that he'd gone to Gringott's for a significantly larger amount than either
of the other two times. This way she did not have to put her credit card to the test where her
father would see what she was doing.

The ride through late afternoon traffic was as difficult as Harry expected. He had not come this
far into the city before. It was intriguing to see the transition from very the regular workday
dress of people near Diagon Alley and The Leaky Cauldron to a mixture of that and well dressed
business executives, office workers, sales people and the greater law enforcement presence. Harry
was impressed with the service and beauty of the hotel. He was glad it was nice. It felt like a
holiday.

The check-in caused no embarrassment since they checked in separately for different rooms. They
just asked to be on the same floor. Harry thought of how little that mattered because they could
move between rooms by Apparition. Yet, it was nice for reasons of intimacy as they would walk from
their rooms to dinner or out for the day. The purpose was to get lost in the moment and not
rush.

He hung his things on the entry clothes rack. He looked around and found the most interesting
thing in the room. It was the view of London below from the balcony. They would be able to sit
outside in the night air. The phone rang. “Hello,” he answered.

“Hi, Harry. The rooms are great, aren't they?” asked Hermione excitedly.

“Brilliant,” said Harry. “Coming here or am I coming there?”

“I'll be there as soon as I finish putting away my things. Ten minutes, okay?” she
asked.

“Sure, no problem. I'm going to check out the TV schedule,” said Harry. “See you soon?”

“Yep, be right there,” she said as he hung up.

He sat watching the international Cable News Network when he heard the knock at the door. He let
Hermione in and observed, “Do you hear all this rubbish going on in the world Hermione? I had no
idea.”

She scooted up next to him and sat cross-legged on his bed behind him as he sat on the edge
facing the TV. “Yeah, it's insane. We came close to being on there a few months ago, but no one
would have known the truth.”

“Do you ever wonder about the ones that got away? I mean particularly Snape. I still don't
know why he helped us,” said Harry.

“Harry, it suited him. I just hope he's not worse than what we got rid of,” she said.
“Somehow, I think it's different. He would have surfaced while things were still in an uproar
around the Christmas holidays.”

“Yeah, he's not stupid enough to let the Ministry regroup and throw a party for me, if he
had other plans,” said Harry.

“Exactly,” she said. “I wonder how much of what is in the news is actually magic gone haywire.
It's impossible to think that every country has the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad.”

“Yeah, unexplained explosions, unsolved crimes that suddenly disappear from the news. I guess
it's always been that way though,” said Harry. He shut off the TV. “I found the erotic stations
a few minutes ago.” He stood up and turned around toward her.

“I hope it's not that really explicit stuff. I've never seen it and don't think
I'd find it appealing Harry,” she said shivering.

“No, just those Magazine channels with naked girls in showers and stuff,” he said. “Hmm.”

“You know, guys are so predictable. It the wind blows the right way, a girl has to take cover,”
she smiled and punched him in the stomach in feigned disgust. Then jumped up and put her arms
around his neck. “I'll check them out when I'm in my room so I now what I'm getting
into before I say I'll watch them with you.”

Harry had thought that the atmosphere between them in the club the night before would be hard to
match, but he was ready to be wrong if he was.

“Okay, let's plan dinner,” said Hermione. “How about Chinese food?”

Harry had no problem with letting Hermione be the planner. She had not picked anything but fun
things so far, so why change. Dinner was nice. He had the Hogwarts version of Chinese food and had
eaten it once or twice with the Dursleys, but it was different in a restaurant than on carry-out.
When they finished, it was still early evening with a lot of time to kill.

“I wish it were summer, Harry. It would be warm enough to find a cozy spot on the banks of the
Thame to sit and talk,” said Hermione. “Can't sit out too long when it gets dark now
though.”

“We can walk and talk, then duck in for a second to get warmed up someplace though right?” he
asked.

“Yeah, sure.” She said holding his hand as the walked slowly. “It's nice not to be cooped up
in a room somewhere or in the castle.”

“I agree,” said Harry. “Why did you pick Saturday, just curious?”

“It's the last night, Harry. We'll be back at Hogwarts Sunday night getting ready for
classes. Friday night is okay too, but I just liked the idea of a Saturday together with all the
excitement of a weekend and the excitement that we couldn't wait one more day or it would be
too late,” said Hermione.

“No, I'm not trying to move it up, it was just interesting to hear why,” said Harry. “I like
this. I find myself wanting to find out what turns you on, you know. I mean things like the way we
kiss, or if I touch you a certain way. You like to have your neck kissed, don't you?”

“Yeah, I do,” said Hermione. “It's a sensitive place that doesn't bring that direct
contact thing into play, you know. I notice how you like it when I touch your arms softly and run
my fingers across your back when I come back or leave you sitting somewhere.”

He smiled. “All this in twenty-four hours. We'll just explode into little balls of
excitement Saturday,” he teased. “All kidding aside, staying away from the temptation is hard, but
it makes me find other ways to communicate.”

“Yeah, guys do like communicating with their hands and private parts,” said Hermione with a
scintillating grin. “It's okay, but for me, I know you are attracted so groping me just says
randy not romantic. You're better about it than I expected.”

“I don't want to be though,” he admitted. “I want to grab you every chance I get.”

“I know but that's why I appreciate last night. You didn't get all hands and stuff but I
never felt like you let me go either. I never felt like that before. You only have to have someone
be all over you a couple times to know what it feels like to be thought of as a sex toy that
breathes,” said Hermione.

“Is there something more to it that I don't know?” asked Harry.

“Well, you know about Krum and McLaggan. I realize I was a lot younger than Krum and he tried to
take advantage of that. It never leaves you when you, even if someone really likes you if they all
of a sudden want more than you can give,” said Hermione. “McLaggan was just a brutish jerk. Krum
fancied me and I was shocked by how he could be. Ron, if there was ever a guy who was a doll one
minute and an octopus the next.” She laughed.

“So, you don't mean me when you talk about guys in general?” he asked.

“No not you,” said Hermione with a grin. “It's different, Harry. I actually like the feeling
of your touch. I'm just saying that so many times it's done without warning and with no
tenderness at all. There are guys who get it and ones who don't.”

“Do you think I'm neurotic, Harry?” asked Hermione a few minutes later. “I feel like I'm
explaining everything.”

“I think you're obsessed with making this work, Hermione. I don't mind really. It's
kind of awkward because I don't talk a lot about how I feel. Yet it's interesting to hear
how you feel. So, if you feel like you're explaining so I won't think your crazy, it's
too late--I know you`re nuts. If you're just telling me how you feel so I know how to treat
you, it's good.” He smiled.

“I'm crazy?” asked Hermione with a little hurt in her voice.

“I never took you for being boy-crazy when you were younger, but I see now that having us around
kind of meant you had boys around so you didn't get that way. You know, like Padma and Parvati
used to be flirting with me all the time. Or the girls who made love potions and stuck them in
chocolates. You kind of went the mature route and now you seem to be going through it,” said Harry.
“I love it though, it's not a bad crazy.”

She stopped and pressed into him. “I guess it's the intellectual side that wanted to explain
everything and suddenly the explanations were hollow when I felt tingly for a guy,” she said.
“I'm old enough to talk about it, but feel like I should have two or three years ago.”

“You didn't feel that way about Ron?” asked Harry hating to bring it up again.

“No, not really. I mean sometimes. You know when there are those moments when you can feel the
tension to say you like someone and snog, but they passed so quickly that it never really
registered like it did the past few months,” said Hermione. “I liked holding hands with you while
we talked when you were sick. It was sweet to be close with a guy you knew fancied you but
wasn't demanding anything.” She paused as if she recognized the analysis was getting the best
of her again. “Can we talk about something else?”

Harry thought for a second and laughed. “How about them Yankees?”

Hermione looked at him. “What the Americans? What are you talking about?”

He was doubled over in laughter. “While I was waiting for you to finish in your room, I flipped
on one of the American channels. There was the show called `Seinfeld'. There was one of those
pauses where no one knew what to say, right? Then this goofy guy says, `How about them
Yankees?' Now I get it,” said Harry. “I guess you had to be there.”

Hermione was laughing too. “No I get it.” They shared the laugh and talked about the currents of
the Thames and the lights from Hyde Park.

Harry wondered when they were going to stop talking about every little thing in their
relationship. It was not really annoying but he could tell that it could be. “Hey, what about
watching some TV or sitting on the balcony in the hotel.”

“Sure, I'll come to your place. I'm going to put on my robe and fuzzy slippers first
though,” she said. “I love my slippers to keep my feet warm.”

Harry put his arm around her shoulders as they walked slowly toward the tall hotel a few blocks
away. The air was so fresh he enjoyed the walk and taking it in. “So, TV shows or movies?” he
asked.

“I don't care really,” said Hermione. “Comedies though, no dramas with all that creepy angst
and stuff. You know like `Masquerade' or anything like that.”

“Never saw it,” said Harry.

“Well, it's creepy even if it's a little sexy. I would rather laugh,” said Hermione.

The evening was different than the night before. It was interesting to cuddle in a bed watching
TV and not get carried away with snogging. Harry found the times they did snog for a few minutes a
nice diversion. When Hermione started to drift off in his arms, he thought she was bored, then it
dawned on him that she was just that comfortable with him. He never thought he'd find a girl
going to sleep against his shoulder to be fulfilling. He took his glasses off and put out the
light. It took a while to get used to the sensation of her with him, but he did and drifted off to
sleep.

“I can't believe you let me fall asleep on you like that,” said Hermione. “I'm
sorry.”

“Hey, it was nice. I never thought I could do that without going nuts, but you looked so
comfortable I couldn't wake you,” said Harry. He had awoken to find her lying on the bed next
to him as if it were just another night of sleep. He'd smiled, rolled over and drifted off
again himself.

“Well, first test of our willpower was successful,” said Hermione. “I figured if you hadn't
tried anything by two in the morning, I was safe so I didn't go back to my room. I'm going
to go shower and get dressed. See you in a bit.”

“You know I wanted to snuggle up behind you, but I was afraid you'd leave,” said Harry.

“Don't worry, Harry. If you slip up and let your arousal show I'm not running away,”
said Hermione. “Just because you don't see it, don't think I don't get a little tempted
myself. Bye, see you later.” She popped out.

After a day taking in the museums, Buckingham Palace, and another nice dinner, Thursday was
almost identical to Wednesday. Except that they got carried away snogging and Hermione found it
better to go back to her room. Hermione was breathing heavily and needed to close her blouse.
“Harry, that was so close to going over the edge. I have to go.”

Harry felt the first pangs of wanting his arousal satisfied. It was surprising how little
attention they paid to the TV toward the end. He could only cringe. “You are in so much trouble
Saturday, ugh.”

“I know,” she said smiling. “I can't believe how sneaky you were getting my bra off.” She
giggled. “I need to have better control of you than that.”

“Good luck, Granger,” he said running his hand across her bare stomach.

“I really have to go,” said Hermione. “Don't you ruin Saturday by doing anything in the
shower. I'm serious. I know you want to finish what I started, but I want to finish what you
started and I'm not going to give in.”

“Aw, Hermione, I'm not promising that at all. My balls will be as big as Bludgers by
Saturday,” he said blushing at his admission.

“And what's wrong with that?” she asked toying with the hair on his chest.

“Hermione, that's just going to far,” he said pushing her down again and kissing her from
her forehead to her belly button.

“Oh no,” said Hermione pushing him away in desperation. “We're sticking to the plan. Good
night, Harry. I hate myself for this.” She popped out.

Harry lay motionless with his belt unbuckled. She had touched him and that was the beginning of
the end of they`re foreplay for the evening. He had put his hands in her knickers too start it, she
just sighed and responded, “How do you like it?” He went crazy.

*“I'm going to get you back for that.”* He would try the cold shower, but he knew that
was like taking a tylenol for a severed neck. He laughed in anguish. “*I'm going to fuck your
brains out, Granger,” he said on the way to the shower.*

Harry laughed as hard as he ever had when he walked into Hermione's room just before noon
the next day. She stood on the other side of the room with her wand out in a protective stance.
“Bad Harry,” she teased. “I'll use it if I have to.” She quickly smiled and put her wand on the
table. “We were both at fault last night. How did we get going so fast? See what I was afraid of?”
She crossed and kissed him. “Hands up where I can see `em buster.”

“Yeah, I do. That was insane,” he said smiling with his hands in the air playing along. “I have
an idea for today.”

“Okay, what is that?” asked Hermione.

“Let's get some tickets for the city tour on one of the double-deckers. They're cheap
this time of year and we'll see parts of the city we haven't yet,” suggested Harry.
“It's the warmest day we've had yet. It's like 23.”

“Yeah, shorts and t-shirts. I'll need a hat and some sunglasses though if we're outside
that long. It's the four hour one, right?” she asked.

“Yeah, but I think the last one is at two o'clock so I think we should get moving,” said
Harry.

“Yeah, gimme a second,” she went into the bathroom for only minute or two. “Brushed my teethe
again to kiss you.” She kissed him again only this time more passionately and went to pickup her
sweater. “Still might need this when the sun goes down.”

He laughed at her in a totally loving way. She made him laugh because for the first time he was
seeing Hermione Granger going with the flow. “Hey, come here.” She came back. “I love you. It
amazes me how much.”

She smiled with genuine warmth. “Me too, Harry. Let's go before you make me cry.”

The stops around the city hit most historical spots from the earliest days to the most recent.
Number 10 Downing Street was cool, because it still was the home for Kingsley Shacklebolt as an
advisor to the British Prime Minister. The areas that had once been the site for intense bombing
during World War II made Harry think of the destruction the night the war with Voldemort ended. In
one hour, two floors of the Ministry of Magic had been destroyed my fighting among Ministry Aurors
and Death Eaters. That Halloween had been an incredible night of sadness and discovery. Ultimately,
it had allowed Harry to move on and enjoy this moment with his wonderful friend and romantic
partner--he shivered as he added lover to the list of titles she held in his life.

“Hermione, I wonder what it was like for the families here to hear the sirens night after night
while the ground shook around them,” he said. “Kind of sobering to think that Muggles still fight
each other for little bits of land and we could take so many of their struggles away.”

Hermione looked at Harry. “I never looked at it that way, but you're right. There is a lot
we could do.
But if you look at history, they would fight to control us too just like nuclear bombs and oil.
Even if it was a battle that they couldn't win. We're not immune or perfect either.
We're just as greedy within our own world. I'm not sorry to be out of that one though.”

He had never thought of Muggle wars in that way before. It was sobering to think of what he
missed and what his parents might have seen. He shrugged and returned to looking at Hermione's
legs in anticipation of Saturday night. He sighed as he looked her over.

She smiled at him. “What?”

“Just thinking how gorgeous you are,” he said softly so as not to be overheard. His thoughts
were not that pure, but she would find that out Saturday. He knew the internal laugh had leaked
out. Before she asked, he answered, “Okay, I'm thinking about what I want to do to you tomorrow
night. Beware, my love, I will do my best to make you beg for more.” He was embarrassed when his
voice rose a little to loud and couple near them looked on in disbelief.

She blushed. “Wow, I can`t believe you said that in public” she whispered looking off with a
smile. “I hope you work out something good.” She touched his hand. “You won't be disappointed
either.” She brushed his groin none too lightly while feigning to stretch across him to look over
the side of the upper deck. “Ooh, sorry.”

Harry winced and let it pass. He deserved it and he knew it.

The decided to make it an early evening and watch movies. They tried to avoid a repeat of the
night before but still managed to find a comfort zone cuddled up watching TV. “I can't wait
until you see my dress. I snuck out the other morning and bought one,” she divulged. “I might not
wear it long, but you'll see me at my best.”

“I was wondering where you want to go to eat. I thought the pizza parlor would be nice,” said
Harry.

“See, you know me already. My dress isn't too fancy for there. Yeah, I like it. Good idea,”
said Hermione. “We will come full circle.”

“Can I fall asleep with you tonight without a repeat of last night, Harry? I changed my mind if
we can manage it,” she said.

“I think so,” he said kissing her on the forehead. “You are in so much trouble though.”

“Yeah, well, you're not going to get away unscathed either,” said Hermione. “Can you turn
that off and shut the light?”

“Sure,” he said. He took of his glasses and did as she asked. He fluffed his pillow and cuddled
up behind her in a spoon. “Are we okay like this?”

“Yeah, it's nice,” she turned and kissed him. “I'm happy, Harry. Really happy.”

He simply smiled and let the feeling of her soft bum against him fill his mind. Neither of them
mentioned his arousal, but it subsided as he fell away into a deep and satisfying sleep.

-->



8. Love and Laughter
--------------------



Love and Laughter--Chapter 8

Harry lay awake looking at Hermione sitting on the balcony drinking tea in a pair of his boxers
and a t-shirt. He wondered why she had not woken him up. He sat up trying to see what time it was.
*“Nine-forty,” he said to himself.* He put on his glasses, stretched and got out of bed. He
walked to the door. “Good morning, sunshine.”

“Hi, Harry. Good morning. You look rested,” she said smiling.

“How long have you been out here?” he asked.

“Not long. I made tea in the electric kettle. The water is probably still hot,” she said. “Want
some?”

“Sure, I can get it,” he said. “Relax.”

“Can you believe the weather the past few days?” asked Hermione. “We couldn't have asked for
better if had gone to the Mediterranean or some other warm place. It's amazing.”

“It's warm this morning, too. That's why I was surprised to see you outside and even
more surprised the door was open and I wasn't freezing,” he said smiling.

“It's too bad for you, huh? No reason for snuggling,” she teased. “All kidding aside, I
slept really well. I couldn't believe it. This annoying guy kept sticking this roll quarters in
my backside though.”

“Ha ha,” said Harry. “Well, if you could just make yourself unattractive, I'd just pay you
to sleep in your own bed.”

Hermione laughed. “It's my fault you're oversexed, I see,” she said. “I was so
comfortable, Harry. I saw you were too, so I came out here to think. It is so peaceful up here. I
think we could sit out here naked tonight. What do you think of that?”

“Hey, I'm all for anything that gets your knickers off,” said Harry trying to mask his
concern for why she seemed to going out of her way to do things like that.

“I hear a `but' coming, Harry,” said Hermione looking at him warily.

“I worry that you think you have to be a wild child for me,” said Harry. “I love you and
it's not necessary.”

Hermione smiled. “Have you ever thought about skinny dipping, Harry?” asked Hermione.
“Seriously, taking a girl out to a lake or the ocean and jumping the water stark naked just for the
thrill.”

“I'm not sure I have, but it would be fun,” said Harry.

“That's it, Harry. What's wrong with it if I think it would be a thrill to stand out
here like that? Especially, when I think feeling the warmth of your body next to me,” said
Hermione. “It's about living versus wishing. I wish I had had the nerve to let you touch me the
way you did night before last when we were in that room last week. Instead of experiencing that
rush of sexual energy and letting myself go with the way I wanted to return it, I ran away. Never
again, Harry. That's all.”

Harry looked at her carefully. “Hermione, that makes sense. It`s still a little bold, but hey if
it doesn't hurt anyone else.”

“That's how I feel too, but some things are only truly good when you share them with
someone,” she said smiling holding her hands out to Harry.

He set down his tea and they hugged. “I love hugging you,” she said. “It's the most
enjoyable feeling in the world to touch someone you love.”

He felt her against him and it was sweeter than a kiss. It was just him and the girl he loved
together. The words `I love you' were not even necessary. He felt like a wimp. He felt
emotional no reason at all. He loved her and that's all he could think about. Somehow, that
moment became two moments and then a gentle sway together. Then it became a light kiss. Her hands
went in his shorts to his bum and squeezed.

“Why don't we make love now, Harry?” she asked. “Doesn't this seem like the right time?
I feel your heart beating. I feel so close to you.”

Harry put his hands to both sides of her face. “I want to, but are you sure?”

She took his hands and led him inside. She kissed him and pulled his t-shirt over his head and
hers too. “Harry, don't be shocked but I want to do this.” She kissed his chest his stomach and
knelt before him dropping his boxers. He felt her hand first but then the softness of her lips
enveloped him; he shivered. He looked down to see her staring up at him. He closed his eyes as he
felt himself swell in her mouth. He could feel her nervousness and uncertainty. She wanted to
please him and that alone made him more aroused. Her hand worked him. “Is this okay, Harry?” At
first, he thought she was teasing, but he saw the look on her face. She was asking if she was doing
it right.

“Hermione, it's awesome,” he said as the sensation continued to grow. “Let me see you.” He
knew if she continued he would reach the point no man could stop. He needed to touch her and feel
her too.

He took her by the hands and led her to the bed. He unfastened the hook on her bra and admired
her in broad daylight for the first time. At first, she covered herself. He could see how she might
be more bashful as opposed to in a darkened bedroom with the lights low. She relaxed after a second
or two. “You're gorgeous, Hermione.” He cupped her breasts in his hands briefly and then kissed
her. Slowly, he moved from her lips to her neck and then her breasts, kneading with his left hand
and kissing the other softly. He looked up to see her expression. She smiled and closed her eyes.
He lingered there until he heard her voice her pleasure softly.

He moved his left hand to her pelvis and slowly put it under her panties. He felt her take in a
breath and hold it as his hand ran through her pubic hair. He spread her legs with his hand and
touched her soft waiting womanhood. His own loins burned at the feel of her. He continued to kiss
her chest and neck as his fingers worked softly below. Her legs spread further as he let his
fingers find the velvety opening. He slowly placed one finger inside and the second only until he
wasn`t hurting her. She let him know it was okay. “It's okay, Harry. I won't hurt.”

Her stomach tensed as her legs closed over his arm to hold him right there. He kissed her neck,
her hands found his back. He kissed her as her mouth probed his as the tension in her legs released
and he moved his fingers slowly. He felt her gasping in his mouth as he kissed her. “Ha,” she
moaned every few seconds. He moved slowly kissing her all the way to the edge of her panties. He
pulled them down revealing her coarse, neatly groomed mound. He spread her flesh and kissed her
where his thumb had caused her to moan. “Oh, Harry….” Her hand pulled his head into her. He
couldn't breathe until he found the right angle. He nearly laughed at her insistence for
more.

He continued as his own excitement grew. He felt the power of her legs over his shoulders. She
shuddered once, then twice. “Harry, put it inside me. I want to feel you inside me.” Her expression
was one of half-smile and half-cry leaving no doubt that he had done something right. He stood at
the side of the bed with her legs open and inviting him. He felt the nervous tension. He placed
himself near her wet softness and slowly moved inside as the look on her face changed to a smile
and a gasp.

“Harry, quit teasing and do it,” she begged. He took a small step forward and as he did, his
hips moved forward also burying himself inside her smoothly but forcefully. He wasn't sure
which of them gasped louder, but he was definitely and undeniably caught off guard by her warmth.
Her heels dug into the top of his buttocks as she tried to pull him inside with each stroke. Moment
after moment, their guttural, primordial noises urged one another to new heights. Harry ignored the
burning in his backside from the movement of his hips. His legs ached as he moved into her. His
arms shook as he balanced himself over her to kiss her. He found his heart pounding so hard he
thought it might burst. He had never imagined anything so amazing. “Hermione, oh shit,” he said as
he slowed to avoid letting go inside her. He knew it was only moments away if he moved.
“Hermione?”

“Harry, I want you. It's okay,” she said. “Harry, it's okay.”

He surprised himself as he drove himself inside her again and again feeling the rhythm of her
muscles making it harder and harder to keep from exploding. Her fingernails tore into his back. He
gasped and then growled as he released his love inside her. She smiled as she moved her hips and
squeezed the muscles of her pelvis as if some primal force inside her knew how to get every drop
from him. “Oh shit,” he said. He could only take the intensity for seconds until he collapsed on
top of her while still inside her, spent and perspiring.

He felt her hand on the back of his neck as she kissed his forehead. She found a corner of the
soft top sheet and wiped his brow. “Wow,” she said. “You look exhausted.” She giggled.

He didn't know if he wanted to try to talk or not. He was so drained. “Hermione,
unbelievable. What has that muscle thing you did at the end there?”

“I have no idea,” she admitted. “It felt so good I just did what came naturally.”

Ten minutes or more, it took Harry to understand what had just happened to him. He smiled. “A
dream will never match that.”

They talked sexily for a few minutes exchanging teasing tickles that their lovemaking almost
made painful still as the nerves in every part of them begged for rest. “I'll never forget how
it felt when you came inside me, Harry. It's so natural to want to feel that.”

“You're not afraid of getting pregnant?” he asked.

“No, not really,” she said. “I'm not as naïve about how to protect myself as you might think
Harry. But you are the only one I would trust if I did get pregnant.”

He slid up in the bed and pulled her to him face to face. “Why?”

“Because you really do love me, Harry. I've known it since that night in the Hospital Wing
even before I asked you,” she said. “I don't want to be pregnant, but I wanted to be with you
more.”

“I'm sorry,” said Harry feeling sick that he was too thick to understand. “When did you have
time to get protection?”

“Harry, I should have told you I took precautions. My parents made it a big deal to go to the
doctor when I said I was going to spend the week with you. They called in a favor and he gave me a
prescription. I just didn't want you to think that I was too eager. Just to be sure I waited
until after my period to let this day happen,” said Hermione. “I wanted it all and as few worries
as possible.”

Harry laughed. “Like we were hiding our intentions all week, right?”

She laughed. “I know, it was vanity. It's just another step I need to take with you. I need
not to be afraid to tell you anything. Like giving oral sex, I had to do it first while I was
excited or I would have chickened out.” She said touching his loins. “You are a horny bastard
Harry. You are almost ready again.”

“I told you to look out and that you were in trouble,” he teased. “Believe me, Little Harry is
readier than I am.”

They lay there talking about what was good and how it felt for a long while. They made love
again and again.

***

Finally by late afternoon, Hermione looked at Harry with a sarcastic grin. “I am so going to be
sore and it's your fault,” she teased. “Thank you for making this so enjoyable and taking care
to please me too. I mean it Harry. It was so different than I expected.”

“I never thought we would tear the room apart like this,” he chuckled as he looked at the sheets
half off the bed. “We know we can do it standing up now too.”

“Ooh, that's a worry, Harry. Could come in handy in a dark corner of the castle though,” she
said teasingly. They laughed.

“Are you ready to get dressed for dinner, Hermione?” he asked.

She looked at him lovingly. “You still want to take me to dinner?” she asked. “I thought
you'd want to keep me locked up here all day.”

“Hey, you said you bought a dress for tonight and I still want to enjoy the evening. Now when we
come back there won't be any holding back if we want to be together. We can fall into bed
together and do whatever. Or, we could do something sexy on the balcony,” said Harry.

“I'd like to go to dinner,” said Hermione. “Let me go change to get ready.” She kissed him
and stood up. “If anyone asks, we went horseback riding. I feel like I'm walking funny.” She
giggled.

“You're not. Don't think I don't have my aches and pains too,” he said. “I'm
just willing to suffer to make you happy that's all.” He winked.

“Oh, yeah. You suffered, you prat,” she said smiling as she zipped her jeans. “I suppose I could
have Apparated, but I think the walk will do me good. I love you, Sweetie. I'll see you in a
bit.” She walked over and kissed him.

“Love you too,” he said as she left. He ached all over. They had wrestled and made love to the
point where Harry's arms, abs, legs and bum felt as if he had been in the gym for hours. He
took a shower and dressed.

He called the concierge. “Do you have the flowers for Miss Hermione Granger?” he asked.

“Yes sir, we were waiting for your call,” he said. Harry had ordered flowers several days in
advance to be delivered before they went out. He had no idea that things would have turned out this
way then. He changed his mind and would deliver them himself.

“I'll be down to get them.” Harry looked in the mirror wondering if he was the same guy who
woke up that morning.

“Very good, sir,” said the concierge.

He hung up and continued to look at his reflection. *“You're a very lucky guy, Harry. Let
her know you think so.”*

He called her. “Hello,” said Hermione. “Oh, Harry, it's you.”

“Hi, beautiful. Are you almost ready?” he asked.

“Give me a few minutes. I need makeup for my neck, you randy git,” she said giggling. “I have to
get dressed still, Harry. Twenty minutes?”

“Sure, I'll see you then,” he said. “Love you, Hermione.”

“You too, Harry.”

Harry walked down to the elevator in a daze. He thought about how it felt to be with her. He
tried to think of what the best part was. He excluded the obvious moments of orgasm. He knew it was
seeing her face smiling and giggling as they played between rounds of lovemaking. He would see her
laughing eyes and smile everywhere they went. It was the thing that would make him remember making
love to her when they laughed in potions or when they sat at the table in the Great Hall listening
to a funny joke. It was their moment together and no one else would know what he saw when he looked
at her.

“Sir, you've come up and down twice. Are you all right, sir?” asked the bellhop.

“I was daydreaming,” he said. “Thank you.” He couldn't believe he had just ridden the
elevator from the 23rd floor to the lobby and then back up to wherever and back.

He walked over to the Newsagent and got a card for the flowers. He wrote, “We came here friends,
hoping to be lovers. Now we are lovers planning to be partners for life. Love and friendship
always, Harry.”

He liked it. It was simple and honest. He wanted her forever, but they had miles to go to be
ready for that commitment. Love, he remembered from a song, was not always enough.

He tipped the concierge for the six red roses and headed for her room. He wondered about the
dress. She had been so excited to look good for him. He knew she would look great. He stopped at
the long mirror on the wall in the corridor and made sure he had the flowers looking nice for her.
He didn't want to show her the greenery and not the flowers. He knocked.

What he saw before him when she opened the door took his breath away. The expression on her face
seeing the flowers was part of it, the other was she looked more stunning than he had ever seen
her. The sand V-neck, silk dress with flowing skirt, ruffled hem and delicate bow belt at her
ribcage above her waist made her glow. Her skin was soft and smooth from her neck to the hint of
cleavage he had kissed so lightly. The curve of her breasts and the lines of her waist made him
melt. “Hermione, you're stunning. Just absolutely beautiful.” Her makeup was flawless as her
eyes were accentuated with soft gold tint. Her eyebrows, normally very bushy, were delicately
thinned. He looked at his watch. “How did you do all this so fast?” He had not even taken second to
look at how silky her hair was.

“I hadn't planned on being ravaged beforehand so, I just enchanted the makeup table and
leaned back. It's still me though,” she said giggling.

“Wow, you look awesome, Hermione,” he said. He kissed her hand so he wouldn't smudge her
makeup.

“Sit for a minute, Harry,” said Hermione. “I have to cut these and put one on my dress.” She
took a pair of scissors out of her bag and cut the flower. She found a safety pin and enchanted it
to pin it perfectly to her left shoulder just above her breast. “I would have let you put it on,
but you're restricted from touching me until after dinner. It's the penalty you get for
making me horny.” She giggled again.

He smiled. “I'm evil like that, aren't I?” he kidded. “Ready?”

“Yes,” she said. “Pizzazz, for pizza right?”

“Where, the pizza place, right? Pizzazz?” he asked.

“That's the name of the place,” she laughed. “You didn't see the sign, the drink napkins
and coasters, and the little logo on the shirts. Harry, I know you saw at least one waitresses
chest that night.”

Harry smiled. “I swear, Hermione. I thought it was a clever gimmick to just call the place
`Pizza'. I never paid attention close enough to recognize the `Pizzazz' part,” he laughed.
“Really.”

“Okay, I`ll believe you. This time,” she teased. “Ready?”

He suddenly remembered the card. “I have one more thing.”

She looked at it and said, “I think you should save it for after dinner, Harry. Every emotion I
have is on the surface and if I cry, I'll have to redo my make up.”

“Okay, fair enough,” he said. “It's nasty though with a whole list of things I want to do to
you.”

“Better reason to leave it here,” said Hermione with a grin. “Ready?”

They popped out to their little landing spot near Pizzazz. After a short walk, they stood at the
hostess station waiting for a seat. Harry felt slightly strange holding her hand now that he had
touched almost every part of her. He thought about kissing her feet to complete the entire
adventure. He laughed because literally, it was the only place left.

“Okay, what now?” she asked. “I'm afraid to hear.”

He whispered in her ear that his next goal was to start at her little toe and kiss every inch of
her up one side and down the other. “Front and back, mind you.” He added in a whisper.

She smiled and squeezed his hand. She whispered back that she would do the same if he kept his
promise. They giggled.

The hostess looked at them with a smile. “You two look so happy. I love the rose by the way,”
she said. “Follow me.”

They followed and sat down across from one another. “So what are we having tonight?” asked
Hermione.

Harry was still in a playful mood. “I thought the veggie was good, but can we get another
topping?”

She smiled knowing he was up to something, “What would that be?”

“I want Hermione bits on my pizza,” he said quietly.

“Harry,” she said blushingly just before the waitress came over. Suddenly something must have
struck her funny because she was laughing.

Harry had to ask the waitress to come back.

“Harry, I'm not going out in public with you again. I will either pee my pants laughing or
end up killing you for embarrassing me,” she whispered as he regained control. “Harry, I thought of
us sitting here putting food on each other licking it off. You have me perverted now.”

A few minutes later, the waitress returned with no further incident. Hermione smiled at Harry.
“I sincerely hope we get this incredibly horny period of our lives under control before we go back
to Hogwarts.”

Harry smiled. “Yeah, I've been a little over the top lately and it will get old, I'm
sure. I'll watch it.”

“Harry, it is fun, but things like that can make us crazy too. I mean we'll be really
restricted for the next month and a half or so. It's going to be terrible after today.”

“You know I was thinking that, but we can sneak away somewhere on weekends. Professor McGonagall
will let us go for good reasons. We can find some I'm sure. Looking for a place together after
graduation is the one I was thinking. That's three weekends there.”

Hermione's eyes glassed over. “You want to get a place together--a real flat or house?”

“I think we can handle it,” said Harry. “All kidding aside, I think we would be good together
Hermione. Not just romantically, but as friends. It's going to be hard to get through school
and an internship, but we'll know our best friend is home waiting to hear how things went. I
have wanted that in my life forever.”

Her eyes began to water. “Damn it, Harry. I asked you to keep the card so I wouldn't cry and
then you make me cry anyway. You mean a two bedroom place right? Roommates?”

“Yes,” said Harry. “We can take it one step at a time, but one day we`ll be married Hermione, I
know it,” said Harry.

“You are trying to get me to cry, aren't you?” she said catching herself but still very
emotional. “That's a wonderful way to look at it. That's what I thought of when I wondered
what it would be like to live with you this past week.”

“We talk a good game, but we have a lot to learn, right?” he asked.

“Not so much that we don't know love and that there is hard work to do,” said Hermione.
“We're going find the way together though Harry. I feel it.” Hermione smiled and let a tear go.
“I'll be back. I have to stop the waterworks right now before my face runs off onto my dress.”
She laughed through the tears.

He wiggled his finger for her to come close. “You are stunning tonight, but you are beautiful
without the makeup so if it comes off I won't miss it,” he whispered. He kissed her cheek.

She smiled. “Thanks darling, that's sweet. I'll be back.”

She came back just in time for dinner. The mood returned to a more festive one until they began
talking about Transfiguration and the other classes. They were not in all the same classes now that
they returned from Break. He would go back to Gryffindor Tower and the dorm.

“Wow, that's right,” said Harry with a long face.

“But you are in all of Ron's classes, Harry,” said Hermione.

“That will be fun now, won't it?” asked Harry.

“Harry, I told him there was a possibility that you and I might date,” she divulged. “I
didn't tell you until tonight because I didn't want you anticipating problems the whole
time we were together.”

“Ah,” said Harry. “So, beware of ex-best mates bearing gifts.” He shook his head. “Ron will be
angry, but I think he'll get it out of his system pretty quick. We should just be careful of
showing our affection in front of him before we tell him.”

“Exactly,” said Hermione. “Finding someone you care about with someone else is horrible. I know
I remember Ron and Lavender.”

“First thing, when we get back, agreed?” asked Harry.

Hermione nodded. She took a deep breath. “I know you want to know why I told him, don't
you?”

“No, not really. I trust you. It's enough that he suspected before we left, now he'll
just suspect even more. I do wonder how he's handled it this week though,” said Harry.

“Yeah, I suppose. I think he was planning on staying in Dublin with a couple teammates,” said
Hermione. “I hope he did for his sake. They`re partiers and not likely to let him get all torn up
about it.”

They finished dinner and left Pizzazz. “Harry, do you want to just walk through my neighborhood.
It`s still nice.”

The quarter moon gave them enough light to find their way through the houses and trees on the
bike path and into the country club grounds. They followed the cart path on the golf course.

“I love the quiet out here, Harry. That's why I liked the Burrow at night. We should find a
place like that one day.” She paused and smiled. “Well, not like the house, I meant the
surroundings--a river or a lake, trees and open spaces.”

Harry wrapped his arms around her from behind and rocked her gently. “I agree. This is
beautiful. Hermione, it's not easy being with me sometimes. I know you know that. I get moody
and quiet. As funny as I can be, I get just as sober,” he admitted. “I just want to let you know
how much it means that you still love me anyway.”

“Harry, this is why. I know underneath the sadness is this great guy who loves his friends like
they were the family he never had. I never took things personally. Don't worry, I'm not
going anywhere unless you tell me to go. And then, I will kill you to keep anyone else from having
you,” she said sniffling.

He smiled and just held her. Her waist was so small when he thought about it. He wasn't a
huge guy, but she was more petite than he'd realized. He loved the feeling of being with her.
“Let's walk some more, Hermione.” He knew he was getting too comfortable holding her and they
needed to keep moving.

“Harry, don't let me drive you crazy, okay?” she said. “I don't want you having to tune
me out like you said the other day. I need to learn how to relate to you differently, not change so
much as be aware when I do it. I'm already trying.”

“There is only one time I tune you out. That is when you get that voice that says you will
listen to me because I am smarter than you. You don't do it a lot and in some cases it saved
us, but that's annoying,” he said. “But eating crackers or potato chips in bed is annoying too
and I would kick you out for either of those two things. So don't worry. If it gets bad,
I'll tell you,” he said.

She smiled. “Really? I sound like that?” she asked without looking hurt. “So, it's not what
I'm saying as often as it is the tone.”

“Yep, you are brilliant, but it's like seeing a pretty girl who knows she's all that. No
matter how pretty she is you want to see her embarrassed some how so she'll come back to earth.
With you, it's pretend not to hear you and it drives you mad.”

“Wow, you're a jerk,” she said laughing. “All this time I though you weren't listening
at all, ever.”

“Nope, I listened and that's how I learned to love you. I learned that under all that
bluster was this compassionate, warm girl. I knew that before I thought of you as a girl-girl, does
that make sense?” he asked. “You mean when we were kids still and had puppy love crushes on anyone
who smiled at us. Before you knew girls had parts you wanted, I mean.” She giggled.

“Exactly,” said Harry. “Do you want to go back and sit on the balcony?”

“Hmm, naked or in winter parkas,” she asked. “If it's winter parkas, we keep walking here.
Those are the only two choices.”

“I don't have a parka and the offer still stands,” he said turning to her. “It will be nice
to be together again.”

“Yes, it will,” she said. “Ready?”

“Yep.” They popped back to Hermione's room at the hotel. “The sheets are clean here,” she
giggled. “The question is will they be by morning?”

“Not a chance,” said Harry. He kissed her and pulled her to him.

“That's nice, but you're not ruining this dress,” she said. “I'll be back in a
minute. Strip. That's an order.”

He smiled and waited outside the door stark naked. She opened the door and laughed. “Oh, Harry.”
She was still in her lingerie. “Good job.”

“Bad Hermione. Naked means no clothes,” he said pulling the waist band of her panties out while
she wiggled them off. He undid the bra and let it fall. He hugged her.

“Wow, I'll never get used to this,” she said. “I love feeling you near me. Of course,
it's still new and you haven't woken me up at 3AM to screw yet either.” She laughed.

They walked to the balcony and looked out. The moon was directly ahead. Harry opened the blind
completely and looked back. There was a very light silhouette of their bodies on the floor. If it
had been a full moon there would have been a clear shadow. “You first,” he said.

She stepped out and he followed. He hugged her from behind as he had at the golf course earlier.
“See, this is nice.”

He had to admit the faint sound of the cars beneath them and the breeze made it quite
exhilarating. He thought it was the soft warm bum against his genitals too, but she was happy. They
stood swaying in the night for several minutes. “Harry, I have a little fantasy to play out. Get
the desk chair there inside and bring it out.”

He looked at her and did as she asked. “This is supposed to be erotic not just sex,” she said.
“Sit.”

He sat. As he looked at her standing in front of him, he became harder. Then it dawned on him
what she was going to do. She straddled him and sat on him. He was buried inside her. “This is a
test to see who can go longer before begging.”

Harry said, “Okay, I lose. Was this your plan all along?”

“No, but I thought of it one time. Not on a balcony. I wondered about being in a classroom with
my skirt up and no panties when someone came in. We had to act as if it was an innocent kiss. But I
worked you like this,” she said.

That same sensation he remembered made him catch his breath. The muscles in her pelvis squeezed
him he felt her bum clinching on his thighs to do more. “So, what are you thinking, Harry?” she
teased. “I'm thinking about you starting at my toes and working your way around.”

From there, Harry had no choice but to give in. They made love well into the morning, but much
more slowly and tenderly. Neither of them could take the abuse they had dished out that afternoon.
At two o'clock, Hermione reminded him that they needed to be on the Hogwarts Express by ten
o'clock.

“I know,” he said tracing his finger across her tummy. “I love you and this part is over for a
while. We can't take a chance on being caught by the younger kids.”

“Yeah, I thought about that. We went this long on teasing and snogging. We know what's
waiting for us though. We will sneak away I'm sure, but don't be angry if I feel awkward
and say no. Okay?” she asked.

“I wouldn't do anything to embarrass you or put our reputations at risk. They can talk, but
we can't let them have evidence,” said Harry.

“I love you, Harry. Now get some sleep. We need to be up early,” she said.

He went to sleep thinking that this was her room. She had him in her bed. She was remarkable. He
dozed off and woke to the alarm at eight o'clock.

“Oh, Hermione I feel like I fell of my broomstick again,” he said aching.

“I feel like I fell on your broomstick,” she quipped with a giggle. “Now stop whining for
sympathy and get dressed.”

He got in the shower first while Hermione hired a car to take them to King's Cross Station
and ordered room service for breakfast. She was finishing her toast and tea as Harry came out.
“What was that, Harry? You were in there for a half hour.”

“You didn't tell me you had a massage showerhead,” said faking pain in his back. He
winked.

“You are such a prat, Harry. We're going to be late,” she said angrily.

He noticed the angry tone and the lack of a smile or giggle. She was anxious about getting to
the Hogwarts Express. He knew it was for their own good. The more normal things looked the less the
rumors would fly. Some girls wore being sexually active like a badge and so did the guys. Hermione
was not embarrassed but private about her sexuality and he needed to remember that, always. The
innuendos and jokes would be a real problem if he got carried away. He switched the channels on the
TV absentmindedly.

She came out smiling. “I'm sorry for being so crabby, Harry. I just don't want to start
off on the wrong foot today,” she said.

She dressed in her jeans, plain white blouse and sweater. “Harry, you need to get your things
too. Please hurry.” She went into the bathroom again.

Harry didn't hear her, so he turned down the sound on the TV and walked toward the bathroom
door. “I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't hear you.”

“I said, you need to get your things from your room. We need to pay for both rooms and get a
move on. Will you turn off the TV for me. I'll meet you downstairs in the lobby,” she said.

Harry turned off the TV with the remote before he turned the corner and shut Hermione's
blinds. He Apparated to his room, collected his belongings and met her in the lobby twenty minutes
later.

“Well, off we go,” she said. “Maybe we'll get lucky and see Ron before he sees us.”

Harry nodded thinking that it would be nice to be rid of the anxiousness he hid from her about
confronting Ron. He took a deep breath and smiled. “Yep, off we go.”

-->



9. Good News and Bad News
-------------------------



Good News and Bad News--Chapter 9

Despite having had a clash of personalities that morning under the stress of getting ready for
their return to Hogwarts, Harry and Hermione laughed and carried on like they had most of the week
during the drive to King's Cross Station. They playfully teased each about keeping their hands
above the waist while snogging.

“Ooh, well, if you do that then I'll just do something like this,” she said. There was a
slight pause. When he saw her wand, he knew he was in trouble. “Petrificus Totalus.”

“I'll make your entire body as stiff as little Harry,” she said smiling as Harry sat rigid
as a board in the seat beside her.

“Rennervate,” she said laughing. “You should have seen the face you had when you saw the wand in
my hand. I love being eighteen. I can do magic anywhere. You can defend yourself too you know. You
can't get in trouble anymore. What are they going to do, suspend you?”

Harry was glad she had enchanted the window between the driver and them so that he would see
things in his mirror as though he were looking out the back window from behind them. It had allowed
them to snog and play around.

“Can you believe this traffic?” asked Harry. He looked around for clues as to how close to the
station they were and determined that they might just barely have time to grab their bags and run
to the train. It was possible that they might not even have the time to ensure that no one saw them
pop through the portal to Platform 9 and Three-quarters. “Are you ready to run when we get
out?”

“Yes, when I stop laughing at that expression. You looked like your eyes would pop out,” said
Hermione still laughing.

“I was expecting to have canaries attacking me, not that,” said Harry.

“Well, that's reserved for punishment when you drool over someone else and embarrass me,
Harry,” she said with a wink.

Finally, the car came to a stop. Harry could see the station to his left. “I'll get our
things and pay him.” Harry relaxed when they arrived so soon. He no longer had that anxiety of
knowing he had nearly made them late to begin with.

“Oh, don't pay him, Harry. I paid with the credit card,” said Hermione. “Maybe a tip for it
taking so long in traffic.”

Harry walked with driver to the trunk and took out their things. He added his bag to
Hermione's luggage carrier and fastened it shut. She came to get it from him. “Oh I have it,
Hermione. No problem.”

“Thanks, Harry,” she said smiling as she took his arm. “I don't think we have to run after
all. We were closer than I thought too.”

They were able to take the walk to the train at an even continuous pace. They saw Ginny, Neville
and Ron get on ahead of them. Surprisingly, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley smiled at them weakly, “Hi, kids,”
said Mr. Weasley to a glare from Mrs. Weasley. “Don't encourage them,” she said while still
smiling.

Harry and Hermione smiled back. “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley,” said Harry confidently.
Hermione's tone was less perky.

Once on the train, they found a cabin quickly and sat down. “That was terribly awkward, but
it's better than I thought it would be,” said Hermione.

“Yeah, right?” said Harry bemused by the entire thing.

“Once we're moving let's go see them in their cabin, Hermione,” said Harry, but before
he finished Ron and Ginny were knocking at their door.

Ron's expression was somewhere between sad and merely annoyed. “Harry, I'm here so that
we don't have it hanging over our heads all day or for a week. It's time to move on.” He
didn't look up but there was a sense of insincerity like he was telling the truth but not all
of it. Harry couldn't put his finger on it.

“Please sit down, mate,” said Harry. “I'm not going to make things worse by saying I'm
sorry for what's happened. I'm sorry that it hurt our friendship though. I am also sorry
that it happened the way it did.”

“Me too, Ron,” said Hermione. “I was tough on you and I'm sorry if I was hurtful.”

“Well, there's not much you can do about that now,” he said almost too sadly. “I'm still
kind of numb, Hermione. I do love you, you know. I might be all those things you said, but I do
love you. I'm sorry for the things I said to you. I have to go.” He smiled reluctantly. “I just
wish I could have done things better so it didn`t have to be like this.” Ron left and closed the
door.

Ginny sat looking at the two of them. “I don't know exactly what's up with Ron,” said
Ginny. “Just don't be cruel about it and fool around in front of him for a few days. Let him
get used to the idea. You know him almost as well as I do. I can wish you well though. No offense
Hermione, but he probably needs someone a little different than you anyway.”

Harry saw Hermione was biting her tongue. “Yeah, he probably wants someone who will give him
sex,” said Hermione.

Ginny smiled. “Wow, that's to the point isn't it,” she said. “I don't think that he
sees it for what it is but that's probably right.” She paused and reached for the door. “I
still can't believe you said that.”

Hermione shrugged. “We just didn`t do it for each other, I guess.”

“Good luck, Harry. She's pretty picky, it seems,” said Ginny with a sarcastic smile.

“If she only knew,” said Harry smiling.

Hermione shake her head. “Harry, I think that's exactly what this is all about.”

“What?” asked Harry seeing that she was being serious.

“If you had just seen someone you claimed was the love of your life walk out on you, would you
go back to her in front of the new boyfriend because your sister made you or take her as a body
guard?” asked Hermione. “He was acting. I think he was as ready to move on as I was. If we
weren't stuck here at Hogwarts having to deal with one another, I think he would be gone in a
flash.”

“It is a bit odd after he acted like he did in the Great Hall last week,” said Harry trying to
put together the logic. “The pouting routine looked a little forced.”

“Oh, come on Harry. He's trying to make sure he doesn't look like the bad guy. He knew I
was in love with you for months. I know he cares for me; I'm not saying that. I'm saying
he's happy to be moving on, but he can't act that way because then he doesn't get all
the sympathy,” said Hermione. “It's kind of sickening really.”

“So do you think he was waiting for me to get better so he could have an excuse?” asked
Harry.

“I think so and it's sick. I would have been able to sit with you for all that time without
guilt, but instead he played along. Kind of hard to break up with someone and look like a nice guy
when you let a good mate say she`s a dime a dozen like every other girl,” said Hermione.

He wasn't sure whether Hermione was hurt by the idea that Ron might be looking for sympathy,
but he could understand if she was. He didn't go running to Cho when she was with Michael
Corner after she dumped him. Harry got a strong feeling that his best mate was doing just that
without realizing how shallow he was in doing it.

“Yeah, he and Seamus seemed to get a kick out that comment. He could have thrown Seamus out of
the way if he wanted, or at least told him to shut up,” said Harry. Ron was tall enough and strong
enough to overpower Seamus, Harry was sure.

“Harry, I'm sick of it. Let's talk about something else,” she said.

They talked for a long time about how to work out getting a place to live. Harry enjoyed it the
further away from the discussion about Ron they got. She was animated and happy again after just a
few minutes. Finally, even though they had gotten completely away from the subject, she came back
to it.

“You know you said you loved me while you were sick,” she said shocking him.

“I did?” he said completely caught off guard.

“I should have told the faker to get lost then,” said Hermione angrily. “But you were a real
bother too. When I asked you what would happen if I said I loved you too and I left Ron, you said
it was my choice. You said you couldn't promise anything and you wouldn`t have it on your
conscience. I was so pissed. Why would you tell me you loved me and then tell me you didn`t want
me? That was our first argument and you don`t remember it.” She laughed sadly.

“I would never have said I didn't want you,” said Harry. “I asked you what I was supposed to
do with it.” He realized that he did remember and she didn't look pleased.

“Oh, so you do remember? You're a jerk.” She sat back and pulled her hand away.

He hated this part of relationships. He probably was a jerk, but she was going to make him
suffer until he figured it out himself.

He was shocked when she proved him wrong. “I don't mean that,” she said still not getting
closer. “I was responsible for staying with you even though it was going nowhere. I had two nowhere
relationships with guys I loved. One wanted nothing more than to have a wife, kids and regular sex.
The other didn't know what he wanted except that it wasn't me.” She shook her head. “I was
so confused. It was as if I clung harder to Ron for a while because of it. It hurt, you know.“

“I'm sorry, Hermione,” said Harry. “I was sort of confused about losing my best mate and a
brother in the deal. Guys are like that because we see girls change their minds about which guy
they like better so much that it's easier to keep your guy friends than give your heart to a
girl.”

“I guess part of me understood that, but you have no idea how happy I am now and how sad I
thought I might be when I left Dublin. I didn`t know if you would be the guy who wanted me like
last week or the one who wanted his best mate,” said Hermione.

“Why would you put up with that?” asked Harry. “I was afraid I would hurt you because I
didn't know what I wanted.”

“Harry, when you truly love someone, you don't give up until you're sure. It might be
dysfunctional or it just might be that I am an old-fashioned romantic. I wanted it with you. If you
would have turned me away, I would have gone home and you would never have seen me again. After you
had chased me to my house, I had a glimmer of hope but that was it. That's why I wouldn't
come into your room. I had to be sure that the love I had wasn't going to be wasted. I knew if
you touched me, I was done in that place. Roger was so right about letting it build. I`m sure he
meant longer than four days, but I was sure already. That four days confirmed why I let it go on,”
said Hermione. Her tears started to come slowly. “I love you that's why, you jerk. It turns out
I gave up nothing by leaving Ron, but I was willing to give up what I thought was a lot to be with
you.”

Harry was confused, but he saw the love in her eyes. He was angry at her insistence on being
hurt by a guy who clearly wasn't worth it now, but couldn't be mean. He had to be honest in
a way he hadn't before. “Hermione, we have to stop worrying about the past. My life started
over when we got rid of Voldemort. It was a miraculous new beginning, when I kissed you in Diagon
Alley. Your love life with me either starts there or somewhere since you broke up with Ron. Ron can
go to hell as far as I care right now. I love you and I don't want anymore wonder about why
this or why that, do you understand? We can't do anything about anything other than right now
and loving each other.”

“Harry, I'm sorry,” she said.

“Don't be sorry,” said Harry in a very firm but soft voice still angry about wanting to just
be in love and not analyze it all. “Just tell me you love me like you did when you looked at me
yesterday morning on the balcony before we made love. You are who I want in my life. So, let's
just move on. Fuck Ron. If he wants to live his life getting sympathy, fine. He can do that. It has
nothing to do with us.”

Harry wasn't sure what the outcome of his little rant would be, but Hermione stared at him
through her teary eyes and stayed right where she was, still plastered to the high-backed bench
seat of the cabin across from him. Harry didn't blink. He held her gaze. Finally, Hermione
said, “All right then.” She moved over to his side, pulled his arm around her, and added, “You know
you can't get rid of me, right? I told you that before.”

She kicked her shoes off and put her legs up. Harry said, “I would have been a fool to let you
go. I didn't so I'm not looking back. I love you as much as I could ever imagine loving
anyone. So, you're just going to have to be satisfied with that.” He took a deep breath and
closed his eyes.

“Harry, I love you and thanks for not letting it eat at you. I know it was hard to say what you
felt,” she said as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

He hoped she truly knew how difficult that was because he would do anything to protect her and
show his love for her, but he would not let talking about Ron tear him up anymore. It was over and
she need to stop making him feel like it wasn't. They fell asleep.

When the train started to slow, Harry felt the motion change. He woke Hermione. “Hey,
Sweetheart, wake up. We're here.”

She looked at him groggily and tried to get the sleep wrinkles out of her face. Harry laughed.
“Where is a camera when you need one?” he teased.

“Funny,” she said smiling. “I was so exhausted. You and I need to sleep apart when we need to
get up early. I know that now for sure.”

He smiled. “Yeah, famous last words.”

“Harry, about what you said. I don't love Ron enough to let that prat come between us, but I
might not be so forgiving when I see him. So, if I seem bitter toward him, don't think it's
jealousy. It's anger, okay?” she posed.

“I gotcha. Just don't go into a frenzy with me about what a jerk he is. It's not worth
it.”

She nodded. Harry liked that she wasn't intimidated by his stand on things and still felt
comfortable to say how she felt. That wasn't why he had done what he had. It was to tell her
that what she was planning to do was okay with him. No more `Ron rules'. He was a friend and a
fellow Gryffindor nothing more.

They gathered their things and headed for the awaiting carriages. The sight of the thestrals
always unnerved Harry with their ghostly beauty. Hermione followed Parvati and Padma into the next
to the last carriage.

“Hi, Harry,” said Parvati then she greeted Hermione as an afterthought. “Oh, hi Hermione.”

“Hi,” said Harry taking Hermione's hand.

“Ooh, aren't you two cozy? I guess the rumors are true,” said Parvati in a very catty
voice.

Harry answered to avoid letting Hermione take the brunt of the obvious clawing that was coming.
“Would those be the rumors that Hermione and I are together now and spent the week together?”

Hermione smiled into the carriage wall as Parvati turned red and nodded weakly. “Well, I had
only heard you were together.”

“Oh, well, now you can feel free to tell the rest of the story,” said Harry. “Oh, you can add
that we will be living together after school is out and probably getting married sometime in the
future. You know, just in case anyone is wondering and wants to start that rumor. Oh wait, it`s not
a rumor if we confirm it as true. Hmm. Well, think of it as a breaking news flash and you`re the
reporter.”

Hermione squeezed his hand and laughed softly as Parvati looked at Padma. Padma grinned.
“Forgive her, she had this idea that maybe you were just friends. I told her if you two were
together.”

“Shut up, Padma,” said Parvati who regained her composure and smiled. “Well, that's nice.
I'll just be sure to tell everyone that.”

Hermione could sense Parvati's jealousy and anger, even if it was more at Harry for being
humbled like that. “Oh, I hear Ron's looking for a new girlfriend, if you're interested.
Well, maybe just someone to make him feel good, since I wouldn't go that far.”

Harry wanted to burst out laughing. He knew the conversation was over as Parvati turned as red
as a raven-haired, dark skinned girl could get. She wouldn't let Hermione have the last word,
but she didn't sound enthusiastic. “I'll keep that in mind,” she said.

Hermione laughed so hard when she got out of the carriage that none of the stares from Parvati
or anyone mattered. “Harry, did you see the look on her face?” she asked.

“Yeah, it was brilliant,” said Harry. Nothing they said was wrong. If any stories began because
of it, they knew who started them and that was usually the end of a rumor once anonymity was
lost.

Harry was wrong about the rumors. Over the next few days, they heard the occasional tawdry rumor
about what they might have done in a hotel room. They let them die out on their own, but it was
particularly satisfying to hear people who liked them say that it was wrong to talk about people
like that. They found more friends than enemies out of it.

Thursday night was the most difficult for Harry. He had spent four days in class with homework
in each and Quidditch practice every afternoon. He was tense and tired. “Harry, relax. You're
pushing yourself too hard,” said Hermione. “You haven't been in these classes for three months
or more and the teachers know that.”

“Yeah, but now that I want to get into the Ministry, I don't want to look stupid with low
marks in my last year,” he said. “I hate school, but I have too much pride to just let it go.” It
was a strange feeling to admit that, but it was true. A year ago, he would have laughed at that
thought.

Hermione got up from her seat in the library, went behind him and massaged his neck and
shoulders. “Seriously, you feel like you're shoulders should be even with your ears,” she said.
“You're stopping right now and we're taking a walk. Pack up your stuff.” He sat there
quietly not wanting to move. “Come on.”

He got up reluctantly and followed her toward Gryffindor Tower. Put your books up stairs and put
on some shorts and a t-shirt. He walked slowly upstairs wondering what she was planning. He was too
tired to fool around and he knew it. When he came down, she was sitting there waiting. “Okay, on
the floor,” she said. She took out her wand and waved it over his back. She sat back and watched.
“See, I'm learning these new relaxation techniques for stress from Madam Pomfrey. I want to
specialize in this area of magical medicine and potions. It seems like there aren't enough
nurses doing this.”

He felt the amazing invisible hands, or whatever they were, pressing down along his spine. Soon
it became almost painful as the pressure began to build. “Ouch,” he said feigning real
discomfort.

“It's not all soft massage you need Harry. You'd be surprised. The spell I used finds
the most tense areas and tries to work the knots out of the muscles. Only a couple more minutes for
the first one,” she said. A minute or two later she waved her wand over him again and it stopped.
“I'm not strong enough yet and I don't have the pressure points down to do that manually,
so I used the spell. Sit up and lean back.”

He felt better already. She continued the earlier massage of his neck and shoulders. “Wow,
that's brilliant, Hermione. What do you mean you`re not strong enough?”

She smiled. “This is a very physical job. The spell is good, but there is truth that human touch
is more relaxing and lifts the spirits to improve mood.” She smiled.

Somehow, Harry knew why she was smiling. He realized that in order to do that massage they would
have been in an awkward position on the Common Room floor too, so no matter whether she was strong
enough or not it would have been inappropriate.

“Hey guys,” said Ginny as she entered through the portrait hole. “Ron, Neville and I just
finished studying. We're thinking about sneaking down to the kitchens for ice cream. Want to
come?”

It was nice that Ginny and Neville were slowly trying to involve Harry and Hermione rather than
let thing stay stale. Harry had not had a cross word with Ron all week.

Harry looked back over his shoulder pleadingly. Hermione hated taking advantage of the House
Elves like that. “Hermione, please?”

“Oh, all right,” she said.

Harry popped up to change. While he was gone, Neville and Ron came back into the Common Room. It
was the first time that Hermione was in a room with Ron without Harry since she had told him it was
over. “So, Hermione,” said Neville. “Is it true? You guys will be getting a place together when you
graduate?”

“Yes, we're pretty excited about it,” said Hermione.

“Nice,” said Neville. “I'm trying to get two girls for roommates,” he said smiling.

Ginny looked at him with an playful sneer. “Yeah, I told him if he could get another girl to
live with us, I'd move in to see how things go. I'm not living with two pigs after having
six brothers at home. I mean two guys to clean up after.”

“Hey,” said Ron with a smile. “That's not fair. Mom's the one who made you clean up
after us.”

“Well, if you were here and not in Dublin, I would live with you two. I`d kick your tail if you
left a mess and you know it,” she said teasing Ron.

The trip to the kitchens was fun. It brought back memories of the exhilaration of sneaking
around in the Ministry only this time the worst that would happen would probably be detention.
Dobby was glad to see them. For Harry, it was strange to be with Ron, Hermione with the roles
reversed, and Ron seemingly not interested. Something didn't add up, but he would wait until he
could get Ron alone. He was surprised when it was Ron who approached him just after Ginny and
Hermione went up the stairs to bed.

“Hey, Harry, got a minute?” asked Ron.

Harry looked around. It was the first time they'd spoken in private since before this
started. “Sure, what's up?”

“Harry, I'm not sure how to say what I'm about to say without sounding insincere, but
I'm okay with things the way they are now,” said Ron.

Harry looked at him carefully and refrained from commenting too much, “Okay?”

“Look, I had two choices this week. I could be a jerk and let every little thing about
what's going on eat at me and make life miserable for all of us or I could just let it roll off
my back. Each time I let it go, it got easier to do the next. She's a great girl, but once we
were apart long enough I started feeling better. I guess I was kind of stuck on the idea of being
in love with her rather than really being in love,” said Ron.

Harry stood and listened.

“So, anyway, I don't want to tell her this, because as you have probably figured out, she
overanalyzes everything. It would be painful to rehash many things. If it meant saying hurtful or
mean things, I'd just rather not. So, I'm sure she's not happy that I don't seem to
care, but that's sort of my revenge. It is unintentional, but that's the way it goes. I
just don't like the silence between you and I mate. You know?”

“I don't know how you could make someone go through what she's been through and not tell
her that. It would be difficult, but it would set her mind at ease knowing you're okay,” said
Harry. “It's none of my business. I'm your friend Ron, but I'm in love with her and
that kind of means I'm on her side in this.”

“I hoped you wouldn't take sides, mate. I don't hate her and I want to let things get
back to normal with us. I mean, hell, I go to sleep every night wanting to tell you about what
it's like hanging out with my mates from the team. I'm doing my best to get past this
without letting it make me stupid or jealous. I am learning there are more girls out there than
Hermione,” he said. “Believe me, way more than what we have to choose from here.”

Harry felt a pang of guilt that didn't last long as he asked Ron to tell him about it. Ron
had the chance to get out with his teammates. They partied and carried on just like he and Ron did,
but the difference was they came and went as they pleased. Ron explained how with a few beers and
he had loosened up. Ron told him that he wished he could experience it. He had practiced with them
twice as the reserve Goalkeeper against the first team and had done okay. He'd met more new
people in five days than he had in two years at Hogwarts.

“Yeah, mate and I met a girl who is like so laid back. I don't know what to think about her
yet, mate, but she's hot. Sunday was hard because I couldn't look at Hermione in the eye,
you know?” said Ron. “I'm not an asshole Harry, but it was hard to resist a gorgeous girl when
there was no reason to anymore. So seeing Hermione was kind of a guilty feeling. I was pretty sad
about seeing her and having done it with someone else. That feeling has kind of passed now though
and I just want to get back to normal. I might not stay in school if things with this girl work
out. She thinks I`m away at University right now, but I plan on telling her.”

“What's her name, Ron?” asked Harry.

“Lisa,” said Ron. “She's got auburn hair, freckles, and a bum that won't quit Harry.” He
smiled taking a breath. “Green eyes and just a great smile. I know I sound like I don't care
about Hermione. I just can't care too much if I want to move on. I do love her I think, Harry
but she's like a sister and it's embarrassing to think of what I was like with her when I
know now that I was wrong. We just had so much riding on us being right for each other.”

“I don't know if I buy the sister part mate,” said Harry. “But I get what you mean. You were
close, but not as much as you would have liked. You don't try to screw your sister unless
you're sick. That's why I left Ginny. I saw how sick that would be.”

“I still get that pang of jealousy, so maybe saying sister is too cliché but I can't let it
get to me. I won't lie, thinking that she might like you more than me and enough to do things
with you she wouldn't with me is pretty tough to deal with. I'm not just talking sex,
Harry. I heard you're talking about living together and marriage already. Whoa, mate.
That's so far out of my plans for me now. Yet, I'll always wonder what it would have been
like to be with her,” said Ron. “Anyway, I said a lot more than I meant to. I just want to stop
being cold to each other mate. Tonight was like old times and I want that feeling to come more
often again.”

Harry heard sincerity in his best mate's voice. He believed. “Okay, mate. The only bad
feelings I have is letting Seamus and the other guys talk about her. Don't join them. I
don't expect you to defend her, that's my job if it gets out of hand and bothers me. Just
don't keep talking about things like she just another piece of ass that got away. I know you
want the guys to think you`re moving on, but not that way, mate,” said Harry. “Follow?”

“I gotcha Harry. We're pretty much into the male bonding thing with my mates in Dublin these
days and I guess I kind of brought it here. I don't need to do that and you're right,” said
Ron. “I'm sorry I let that extend to implications about Hermione. Done. I won't happen
again.”

They went up to the dorm and that was the last they said about it. Harry was surprised over the
next few days and weeks. Hermione and he began to enjoy time with Ginny and Neville more often and
occasionally Ron would join them for the trip to Hogsmeade or a walk to Hagrid's. As much as
Harry could have expected, things were back to normal. By the beginning of June, the final
Quidditch match was just days away and Harry and Hermione were finishing the final plans for the
new flat they had leased the weekend before.

“Okay, mates. This is our last Quidditch match at Hogwarts. We need to win by at least seventy
to have a chance,” said Harry to the entire team at practice that Thursday evening. “I'm buying
at the Three Broomsticks win or lose though. If we win, I might just cut loose and have a real mug
of ale with you, Ron.”

“Hoorah, on three,” said Harry. They put their hands in and did the cheer. He immediately turned
and looked for Hermione.

Hermione stood nearby smiling. Harry had told her of that conversation with Ron, but not right
afterwards. He knew she needed to get the feeling out of her system that he had been acting for
sympathy. He had trusted that Ron would prove that he wasn't and let her see it first. With
sixteen days until graduation, she was starting to get nervous about the final exams.

“It's nice that Ginny let you be captain for your last match, Harry,” she said smiling. “I
can't believe we found a place with a wizard landlord. It will be so much easier. I got another
owl about the move-in. We have to go there Sunday if you're going to go to the Three
Broomsticks on Saturday.”

“Ah, well, we can get a room on Saturday night. I might not be worth a damn though. I might just
have a couple of ales with Ron,” he said smiling.

“That's okay, Sweetheart,” said Hermione. “I'm okay with cuddling with you anytime. You
know that.”

“I'm glad he came around and it worked out. Mrs. Weasley would still like to poison my hash
I think, but even she was hospitable last weekend,” said Harry.

“Oh, Harry. She looked so angry when we first got there until she saw Ron getting along with us.
Ginny was right to invite us,” said Hermione.

“Yeah, it was nice to meet that girl Lisa too,” said Harry. “She's nice. I think the
Weasleys wish she were from a wizard family. Did you see her face when Ron told her that the sound
from upstairs was the ghost.”

“Oh my god, Harry. I thought she was going to pee her pants. I guess he'd just explained to
her about wizards, witches, Hogwarts and everything. What a shock that must have been,” said
Hermione. “Well, I don't have to worry about my best friends anymore. Even if she isn't the
right one for him, he's forgotten about me and that feels better than I thought it would.”

“Don't kid yourself, no one forgets about someone as wonderful as you,” said Harry.
“Don't be surprised if she's just the first of many who has to stack up against you.
Although, she does seem to be a good fit for him.”

They walked to the lake and sat down. It had become their favorite place to be alone as the days
got longer. “So, how do you feel now, Harry? We've been together over six weeks and you
haven't run for the hills yet,” she teased pushing him down and kissing him lightly.

“Why would I be anything but happy?” he asked.

“I don't know, it just was something I wanted to ask you. I think it's kind of important
when we go from a weekend where we make love all the time to a few weeks with just good night
kisses. I just wonder how you feel when life gets in the way of romance?” she asked.

“It definitely makes you look forward to the times it doesn't,” he said. “If you're
wondering if I'm bored because we don't go off and do it in a classroom somewhere, then you
don't have to worry; I'm fine.”

“Well, it's not like you haven't asked me,” she giggled. “You've spoiled me. I hate
to do it quick and dirty. I want my pleasure too.”

He rolled her over and kissed her. “I get it. If you're left playing with yourself later, I
should be too. Is that it?”

“Yeah, you got it buster,” she giggled. “No, not really. It just seems like so many people are
expecting us to slip up and give them something to talk about, you know?”

“Oh, I know. It's the same for every couple these days. It's like spring turned every
kid over fourteen into a horny, sexaholic. What three couples caught on the Astronomy Tower this
month? You'd figure after one they'd realize that the teachers know where people hide,”
said Harry. “I think that's why Professor McGonagall lets us go away. She has no desire to make
an example of any of us, but the younger kids have to learn I guess.”

“Yeah, we're going to do it once though, Harry,” giggled Hermione. “Maybe in such an obvious
place, no one will suspect.”

“You are wicked sometimes,” said Harry. “I've gotten better about thinking up stuff myself
though.”

She smiled. “You know, this has been good for us though. We come out here and talk about stuff.
I always hoped that when I found the right guy he'd at least feel like talking.”

“The right guy?” asked Harry.

“You know when you wait around for someone like I did for Ron, you can't help but think of
what it would be like to find someone right then and there to be the guy that took you away from
the lonely feeling you get. That's where some of the nonsexual fantasies I tell you about come
from. I mean when you're young you think about romance and end up getting horny guys,” she
said. “You surprise me though. The flowers that night we went to Pizzazz were just so nice. I'd
never gotten flowers. After screwing all day, I never expected anything romantic like that. I
expected to come back and do it again. Whatever happened to that card?”

Harry still had it in his bag. He'd seen it a few times and never remembered to give it to
her. “It's still in my bag. I have a better idea for one that I'll give you at the same
time though. You'll just have to wait.”

“Be a sweetheart though and don't give it to me when I've spent hours doing my makeup,”
she said smiling. “That is just such a pain.”

He brushed her hair out of her eyes as he looked into them. The cool breeze washed over them as
he took his time memorizing ever feature of her face. The loving look on her face as she looked
back at him reminded him of that day on the balcony. It wasn't the right place or time for that
kind of romance, but he could kiss her and he could tell her how much he loved her.

“Hermione,” said Harry. “I know I said that one day we would be married like I didn't need
to ask, but I want you to know I will ask one day. I won't take it for granted.”

She smiled as he gently leaned down to kiss her. Her hands held his biceps softly as he balance
himself over her right side. “Harry, I won't take it for granted either. I haven't decided
my answer.” She winked. “I'm not sure if I'll say yes, or scream `hallelujah, it`s about
time.'”

He laughed. “As long as `no thank you`, `no way`, or `what? are you fucking kidding me?' are
not the answer I'll be happy,” he teased. “I could over come `no' I think.”

“So aren't you kind of asking me now?” asked Hermione.

“I suppose if you want to look at it, but when I do for real, you'll know it. It won't
be a prank or a joke, I guarantee you,” said Harry.

A month and a half before, he thought marriage might be years away if it ever happened. Now, he
knew he loved her so much that he didn't want her living with him for very long and getting the
idea that it was a convenient sex arrangement. He could see why guys liked the old crude saying
about not buy the cow if you could get the milk for free, but that was never his intention. He was
sure it was only a matter of time before that thought would occur to Hermione if someone suggested
it. He felt in his pocket for the ring he'd bought the weekend before. It was only a promise
ring, but it was more important than that.

“Hermione, I want to promise you something. I've been carrying around a thought and a little
speech for a week waiting for sometime when we were like this together.” He reached in to his
pocket and held it in his fist. “I promise to love you and be your best friend as long as we live.
One day, I want you to marry me and start a family. For now, I want you to have symbol to show the
world my promise.”

He opened his hand and presented her with the white-gold amethyst, heart-shaped promise ring as
the diamonds around the heart sparkled in the fading sunlight. He knew it was simple but she would
love the tiny diamonds around the heart. The expression on her face was so heart-warming he knew
he'd never forget it. She sat up put it on her finger. It was a little loose but he didn't
want to make a mistake and make it too tight. They could get it sized. “Harry, it's beautiful.
What a wonderful surprise.” She was choking back her tears. “You are everything I hoped a guy could
be. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” She hugged him.

For the second time in his life, a hug was better than any other feeling in the world. He held
her until she put her head down in his lap as he leaned back on his hands. “I'm glad you like
it.” She lay there with her hand out admiring it.

“It's just so simple and lovely. It kind of says it all. We just need to keep things simple,
you know. We've had enough complications in our lives. “You have no idea how much this means to
me,” said Hermione.

As it got darker, Harry remembered they hadn't eaten and dinner was probably over. “I know
you hate doing this, but we're probably going to have to sneak in to see Dobby for food.” He
was surprised at Hermione's response.

“I think they're happy there. We've been down there a few times now and they're well
treated. If all of them are well treated like that, then I guess I'm not so upset. It is the
ones who are treated like Winky was that make me crazy,” she said. “You're still Treasure for
S.P.E.W. I'll be checking to make sure the four quid we have isn't being squandered.” She
smiled. “Let's go see, Dobby.”

They had to settle for cold sandwiches and pumpkin juice, but it was better than starving. They
laughed at Dobby talking about how he was doting on Winky. “You know, if I didn't know better I
think she's sweet on him too,” said Hermione. They turned and waved as they prepared to sneak
away. They just had to get far enough away that any passing students would not find the kitchens.
That would lead to too much extra work. Dobby wouldn't turn anyone away.

They walked just to walk. Hermione held his arm and kept smiling at him. “Harry, I'm still
stunned. That was one of the most unexpected things that has ever happened to me. I love you,” she
said as he looked down shaking her head.

“When we got the flat the other day, I didn't want you to think that I forgot about you. I
mean we were so excited went back and screwed like wild animals, but I never want you to think
that's why I want you with me. I just had to find some way to show you,” he said.

“If you can remember little things like flowers once in a while, a back rub for me when I need
it, and just holding me when we are alone without feeling the need to go further, you show me you
love me. This is really nice and wonderful, but those are things that I look for to show me you
appreciate me,” she said. “You do them well too.”

“I'm glad, you feel that way,” he said. Harry saw several people around the entrance to
Professor McGonagall's chambers. “I wonder what this is all about. Except for Ginny, Ron, and
Ernie Macmillan, the Headboy, they were all Ravenclaw's.” Harry's skin crawled at the looks
on their faces. He'd seen those looks too often in his life and he'd worn one too.

“What's going on Ron and Ginny?” he asked.

Ron handed him a folded newspaper. He opened it to the headline. *“Quibbler Editor-in-Chief,
Owner Slain”.* Hermione gasped and Harry felt sick to his stomach. He read on. The article was
very short. There was a picture of Luna and her father on an expedition after their fifth year, but
he couldn`t remember what they had been looking for. The article read:

*“The Editor-in-Chief and Owner of the Quibbler, Charles Lovegood, 47, was found murdered at 2
PM today in his home. There are no suspects nor an immediate motive aside from the many
unsubstantiated death threats found in a cigar box on Mr. Lovegood's desk.*

*Mr. Lovegood's newspaper is well known in recent months for his outspoken criticism of
the Ministry of Magic and its complacency after the demise of Lord Voldemort. He has claimed that
there is still a plot to overthrow the magical government in a continuing effort to ensure racial
purity among those in the magical community. His most recent article outlined the possible plan for
exposing the Ministry of Magic and the magical world to Muggle authorities in order to inspire
unrest and mistrust among those of Muggle heritage. Most mainstream analysts find his theories
interesting, yet nothing more than fodder for the cloak-and-dagger-mongers of conspiracy
theories.*

*He is survived by his daughter Luna, 16, currently a sixth year student at Hogwarts School of
Witchcraft and Wizardry.*

*Details of this horrible crime have not been released, but one source close to the
investigation suggests that it may have been an attempt to retrieve documents from his home when he
surprised the intruders. Attempts to contact Miss Lovegood about the future of The Quibbler have
not been returned. More will follow in the morning edition of The Daily Prophet.”*

*“*Luna is with the Headmistress Harry,” said Ginny. “She told me that we should get the DA
together and that the Ministry was turning a blind eye to the truth. She was so distraught that
they had to put her in a body bind to get her here.”

Harry knew that Luna was a wild spirit whose imagination was second to only her father's.
Yet, after learning of so many things from her that turned out to be true, he had to believe there
was something to the death of her father. What would someone kill him for? Was the Ministry that
ignorant? If the attack was simply for documents, what were they? “What the hell is going on?” he
said looking at Hermione as he clutched his arm.

“Here we go again, Harry,” she said trembling.

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