Sacrifices

Professor Ember Kinsar

Rating: NC17
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 17/07/2003
Last Updated: 13/08/2003
Status: in_progress

Hermione finds the counter curse for the aveda Kadavra curse but with its use comes a price. Is she willing to sacrifice everything to save the wizarding world? Is Harry willing to let her?

Chapters

1. The Discovery

2. Withdrawl

1. The Discovery

Bound not by time, nor in need of approval. Given freely of the heart and full of promise. This is my love for you.

Chapter 1

The library was silent except for the occasional scratch of a quill against parchment. In a dark corner sat a young girl. Her Head Girl's badge glinted in what little light escaped to the rows of books in the Restricted Section. Her brow was furrowed in concentration. She'd been working on this research for months now. If only she could get this one symbol right....Bloody Hell! She'd done it. She'd figured out the countercurse to Aveda Kadavra. But how to test it to make sure this was right? Hermione Granger shook her head, her now tamed brown hair falling in cascades down her slim shoulders. Her normally cinnamon brown eyes had darkened in concentration. There was no real time to test it other than when someone used the Killing Curse and to do that would require someone with the knowledge of dark magic who wished to use said magic to kill someone. Someone named Harry Potter. Again Hermione shook her head.

"Don't be daft Hermione. It would be incredibly stupid of you to try to use an untested spell during a battle between Voldemort and Harry."

She muttered darkly to herself, looking around to make sure no one else could hear her. Another part of her brain took up the argument.

"But it would be the perfect time to use it. The only time really."

Her more cautious side snorted.

'And if you get the both of you killed?"

Recklessness, a feeling she was prone to since her befriending of Harry Potter and their other best friend Ron Weasley, wriggled around inside her head.

"If he does fight Voldemort, odds are still good you're going to die. Why not at least stand up and fight?"

She couldn't believe the mutiny of her thoughts. She offered up one last argument against this.

"Harry's a great wizard. He's defeated Voldemort numerous times. If I were to interfere it could be disastrous. Harry would be spending all his time worrying over me and not concentrating on the battle."

She was hoping her smug, know-it-all attitude would quiet the Devil-may-care voice in her mind. It didn't.

"Harry needs you."

And that was the end of that argument. There was nothing she could say that could refute that statement. Harry did need her. As she needed him, perhaps not in the same way that she needed him, but the need was there nonetheless. Hermione replaced the book she was looking through and gathered her things off the floor. Putting them in her bag she was on the alert for any sound that might indicate Filtch's presence nearby. Hearing none, she put her bag over her shoulder and wrapped Harry's invisibility cloak about her. She made her way quietly to the door and whispering a simple Alohamora spell on the door, she unlocked it and stepped into the hallway. Relocking the door she made her way back to Gryffindor tower. After a few close calls with Filtch and his cat Mrs. Norris, Hermione made it back to the tower. She stood in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady and lowered the cloak from her head. She nudged the sleeping portrait gently, trying to get her attention. The Fat Lady awoke with a snort.

"Password. And aren't you out a little late Ms. Granger?"

Hermione looked at the portrait with a blank expression, giving all impressions of not understanding a word of English. The Fat Lady sighed and waited for the password.

"Wronski Feint."

Damn Ron for insisting they make that the password for the tower. It took her two tries to stop saying "Wonky Feint" and that was two times too many for Hermione. The portrait swung open allowing Hermione to enter. Walking through she peered around; the Common Room was empty. She tiptoed silently to the bookcase that hid the entrance to the Head Boy and Girl's dormitory. Standing in front of it she prepared to say the password when a voice behind her startled her.

"Out a bit late aren't you Hermione?"

She jumped about a foot in the air and spun around to confront the intruder. It was Harry. She hadn't seen him sitting in the chair next to the fireplace. She stuttered searching her mind for a plausible excuse.

"I was studying."

Harry got up and walked towards her. She could see the disbelief in his eyes. Standing in front of her he stopped and waited a moment before speaking.

"Why lie to me Hermione?"

Hermione stiffened her back in indignation she hardly felt.

"How could you ask me that? You think I would lie to you?"

Harry took a step closer and Hermione stepped back. This continued until Hermione was backed completely against the bookcase. She could feel the heat radiating off of Harry, could see the slight glimmer of his Head Boy badge could sense his eyes searching hers for the truth she was withholding from him. All the truths. She turned her eyes from him and he raised his hand, gently turning her face back to him.

"Mione, tell me. Are you all right?"

She started for the second time that night. He was worried she was in trouble? That was a switch. Then again, after what happened in third year his worries weren't exactly unfounded. She looked up into his sparkling green eyes, it was quite a view too as he towered over her diminutive frame.

"Harry, I'm fine. I was just doing some research. Charms and spells that might be useful if -"

She left the rest unspoken as Harry wrapped his arms around her and rested his head against hers. His eyes were closed and he exhaled heavily.

"If Voldemort attacks? Oh Hermione, I wish you wouldn't worry about this. It's my fight. I have to do this alone."

Hermione pushed Harry away angrily. He stumbled and looked down into her blazing eyes.

"Your fight? How is this just your fight Harry?"

Harry tried to mollify her but she was having none of it.

"Mione, it's me he wants. It's me he's been after all this time. I mean Cedric-"

She cut him off with a sharp gesture.

"Was an unfortunate fatality Harry, but it was not your fault. It wasn't because of you. Not everything is because of you. And if you can't realize the many reasons why this fight is everyone's, well then, then you really are the arrogant prat I expected you to be when I read about you."

Harry felt his heart lurch. For Hermione to feel that way about him, that hurt so much he couldn't describe it. Then it struck him. Why she was so intent upon seeing the end of Voldemort, there was the reason that she was his best friend and hated to see him hurt, but there was also-

"Hermione, I'm sorry. I don't know how I could forget what happened to your parents."

The Grangers had all been attacked, along with several other Muggle families, in Diagon Alley at the beginning of this year. Hermione's parents had been among the dead; Hermione herself had been badly wounded. Harry still worried about her as she had yet to show signs of mourning. She'd simply buried herself deeper in her school work, Head Girl duties and her search for a way to defeat the Dark Lord. He looked down at her now, his eyes brimming with sadness. Again she looked away from him, he knew better than to press this anymore.

"Come on, it's late and we have that test in Transfiguration tomorrow."

He took her hand and muttered the password to their dormitory.

"Snuffles."

Harry smirked at that. Hermione had come up with it and he was only too happy to agree. As the bookcase rose they walked hand in hand through the opening. Once they reached Hermione's room Harry turned to her and placing a hand against her cheek leaned in and gave her a kiss on the forehead. His eyes met hers in the semi darkness and he smiled slightly. How his heart ached for her, but it was nothing he could do anything about. He was stuck right now, trying to keep her safe and also, not sure what her feelings for him really were. He let go of her hand and watched as she walked into her room. She turned and looked at him, a small smile playing at the edges of her lips.

"Harry? Come here a moment will you?"

He walked over to her immediately on the alert for something wrong. He looked at her trying to gauge her emotions.

"Hermione? Are you sure you're all right?"

She nodded and he began to speak again but her fingers on his lips silenced him. He was startled and even more so as she leaned up and pressed her lips to his parted ones. Hermione's lips were soft, yet firm and warm. She tasted sweet to him. Like a wine this kiss had a heady feeling to it. Her bottom lip moved between his and he sucked gently causing a moan to escape her throat. His hands, previously at his sides came up and buried themselves in her hair. He pulled her closer to him and tentatively explored her mouth with his tongue. Her tongue slid against his as she moved to explore the depths of his mouth. Hermione's hands were unable to stay still as she caressed his neck, his chest down his back and over his butt, squeezing slightly and causing him to arch against her. She immediately felt his arousal pressed against her lower body and moaned softly. Harry backed Hermione up against the doorframe of her room and moved his own hands from her hair to the front of her robes. As he got them undone they stumbled back into her room. Walking backwards, Hermione led Harry to her bed. She sat down on it then laid back and brought him on top of her. Harry pulled away a moment and picked Hermione's legs up and placed them more on to the bed and then crawled on top of her. He looked down at her, her lips swollen with kisses, her breathing ragged and her eyes wide and shining with desire.

"I want this Harry."

And he proceeded to give her what she wanted.

TBC....

2. Withdrawl

A voice in the back of Harry’s mind was telling him he shouldn’t do this. Strangely this voice sounded quite a bit like that of the girl he was kissing. He pulled away breathing heavily. Hermione looked up at him confused.

"Harry? What is it?"

He unwound his arms from around her and stepped back a few paces. He shook his head and looked at the girl in front of him.

"Hermione I… I can’t. Not like this."

Hermione looked at him, shocked.

"What do you mean, "Not like this"? What’s wrong with like this? It’s me isn’t it? You just don’t want to do this with me."

She turned her back on him and walked to the window. Harry leaned against the doorframe and watched her. The idea that she thought he didn’t want her truly surprised him. He’d done nothing but want her since somewhere in fourth- well third year actually. Watching her wear herself thin the way she had and worrying over her health. It was something he was all too used to. She worried about him, feared for him, and he worried about her. Just as he was now. He struggled to explain himself.

"Hermione, it isn’t that I don’t want this. I do. But I can’t, not when I know the reasons behind it."

Hermione turned to him, looking slightly appalled.

"And what, pray tell, do you think my reasons are?"

Harry walked closer to her. As he stood in front of her he put his hand under her chin and made her look him in the eyes.

"Mione, I know this look. This lost, grieving look. I’ve had it for the better part of my life. At least when it comes time to close my eyes for sleep. When all the things I fight so hard against when I’m awake finally catch up to me and overwhelm me. Hermione, I would do anything for you, I would, but I can’t be your excuse. I won’t help you bury this inside of yourself."

Hermione pushed him from her angrily.

"How dare you think I would do that? You actually think I would use you like that? That I don’t really want you, I’m just in it for a quick shag that can help me forget my problems for awhile."

As she spoke, she began pacing and throwing her hands about wildly.

"If that’s what you think Harry then just get out. I don’t want you here."

Harry tried to go to her but she held up a hand and he saw her tense.

"Just go."

Her tone was cold and he could tell she was fighting tears. As he got to the door he stopped and with his back to the room, spoke to her.

"I know you’d never hurt me on purpose. Just like I never meant to hurt you. You mean the world to me Hermione I mean it. You mean everything. That look I told you about,"

Here he turned and pinned her gaze with his. "The only time I know it isn’t there is when my dreams aren’t filled with visions of death, but when they’re filled with you. That’s the only time I find peace, when I’m with you, or when I think about you. So believe me when I say I don’t "think you’re only in it for a quick shag that can help you forget your problems for awhile." I know you’re looking for that peace Hermione, but like I said, I won’t help you bury it. You want to grieve? Fine, I’ll be here. I’ll hold you while you cry. And if you do have feelings for me like that, when you’re ready I’d like to explore it and see where it leads because God knows I have feelings like that."

During his speech Hermione had drawn closer to him. She raised her hand and used it to trace the lines of his face. Her hand traveled to his scar and delicately traced its pattern.

"I never could stay mad at you. But I do need sleep and I think for a little while I need some time to myself. So I think you and Ron will probably be seeing less of me for a little while."

Hermione’s voice was quiet and sad. Harry enveloped her in a hug. He buried his hands in her hair and held her close to him, just breathing her in.

"My Mione, my beautiful, brave, clever little Mione. What am I going to do with you?"

Hermione giggled slightly and pulled back.

"Love me?"

She said laughingly. Harry looked at her seriously.

"Unconditionally and Always."

He leaned in and gave her a chaste kiss and allowed his lips to rest on her forehead for a moment before pulling her into another embrace. He held her tightly and it was then that she felt the still present effect caused by their earlier encounter. She pulled away blushing and tried to apologize.

"Harry, about this whole thing I’m-."

He cut her off by placing a finger to her lips.

"Shhh Luv, it’s all right. I meant what I said about us, I’d like to see what’s there. Besides friendship I mean. But that’s only when you are ready for it. Take as much time as you need Hermione. What matters right now is that you take care of yourself." One last kiss and he released her. ‘Goodnight Hermione. If you need me, I’m just next door."

Hermione backed into her room as he walked to his.

"Goodnight Harry. And thank you."

As she closed her door she heard his reply of "Always." She walked to her bed and began to perform her nightly rituals. Finally she was ready for sleep. She crawled into bed and for once resented its size. It was too big for just one person. She held her pillow in her arms and imagined it was Harry she was holding and she fell into a restless sleep.

Several hours later Harry was awoken by the sounds of crying. He knew that sound well. It was Hermione, as it had been since the start of the school year. He knew she was asleep, for that was the only time Hermione allowed the grief over the death’s of her parents to manifest itself. Harry lay there and listened to her soft sobs, his chest tightening with each wheezing, shuddering breath she took. As he lay there he promised himself that if it got any worse he would go in and wake her. Just as the thought crossed the synapses of his brain a sharp "Harry" coming from the room next door startled him. That was it, this had gotten decidedly worse. He got up and hurried out of his room and into hers not bothering to remember that all he slept in were a pair of Chuddley Cannons boxers. He found Hermione stark white, sitting up in the bed shaking uncontrollably. He went to the bed and sat down bringing her into his arms. As she leaned into him he began to rub her back and murmur soothing words to her. He brought his legs onto the bed and scooted closer to her. Her shivering didn’t seem to want to stop. Harry was afraid he’d have to take her to Madame Pompfrey. Again his decision was made for him as Hermione began to hyperventilate severely. He began to pick her up and then realized his current state of undress and hastened back to his room. Once there he threw on a pair of sweat pants and a jumper. He ran back to Hermione and found her still hyperventilating and the shivering seemed to have worsened. He picked her up and carried her from her room, running through the portrait hole he hurried down the corridor to the staircase that lead to the Hospital Wing. Suddenly a voice stopped him.

"Well well, if it isn’t Head Boy Harry Potter."

It was the Caretaker Argus Filtch.

"Out for a late night snog are we? Just wait ‘til I get the Headmas- "

He stopped short at the sight of the girl in Harry’s arms. Her skin had begun to turn blue from her lack of oxygen. Harry began to explain himself when the Potions Professor, Serverus Snape came up the corridor. Harry groaned sure that this would be an even longer delay. He had to get Hermione to Madame Pompfrey, and soon.

"Professor, I don’t have time to explain, but I have to get Hermione to the Hospital. She can’t breathe and the shaking just won’t stop."

The normally cold Professor looked at Hermione with alarm. Her skin, though blue tinged, was so pale you could see the veins running through it. He gave a curt nod at the stairs, indicating that Harry should go. He followed closely behind. Harry tore up the stairs, silently praying that the school nurse could do something to help Hermione. The wheezing had gotten to the point where it sounded more like a rusted gate than a girl trying to breathe. Sweat poured off her soaking into Harry’s shirt, though he ignored it as he continued to the Hospital Wing. Once there he crashed through the doors and began shouting for the Nurse. Poppy Pompfrey came out of her quarters ready to scold whomever it was that was causing such a ruckus at this late hour, she stopped as she took stock of the situation. Gesturing that Harry should put Hermione down on a bed she began to examine the girl.

"What happened?"

Harry tore his eyes away from Hermione, his face etched with worry.

"She was crying in her sleep, she’s done that since she came back to school, anyway she was crying and then all of a sudden she screamed for me and I went into her. She was sitting on the bed just shaking and hyperventilating. She’s been like this for at least ten minutes. It only seems to get worse."

Poppy looked at Hermione’s eyes, they were glazed and unfocused.

"Was she dreaming?"

"I think so, like I said she’s cried in her sleep every night since we got back."

The Nurse hurried to the medicine cabinet and flung open the door. Grabbing the bottle of Dreamless Sleep she poured some into a glass and began to administer it to Hermione.

"Poppy!"

The deep voice radiated through the Wing startling them all. Harry turned to see Headmaster Albus Dumbledore standing there with Snape next to him. The old wizard strode over to the bed and took the glass away from Madame Pompfrey. Harry was astonished.

"Professor!"

Harry protested but Dumbledore held up his hand. His eyes were sad as he looked at Harry.

"I’m sorry Harry, but we can not administer Dreamless Sleep to Hermione anymore."

"Anymore? What do you mean?"

Harry looked at Hermione his worry evident.

"Ms. Granger had, over the period between her parents death and her return to school and for several nights after that, given herself doses of Dreamless Sleep. It is like any other sleeping drug; a dependency upon it can develop. What you are witnessing are the withdrawal symptoms."

Harry sat in the chair next to Hermione’s bed, her hand clasped tightly within his own. He turned pleading eyes to Dumbledore.

"Is there anything we can do?"

Dumbledore shook his head.

"At the moment, no. She must rest. This is only the beginning. The hyperventilating will cease soon, but next will be the fever and vomiting. She’s going to need all the support she can get right now. And after as well. She needs to deal with her grief, but as yet she has not done so. As her friend I am quite certain we will not be able to move you from her side so I will allow you to stay with her. You have my permission to miss classes tomorrow and as the day after that is Saturday there should be no conflict. Ms. Granger should be up and about again by next Tuesday at the latest. But Harry, I caution you, do not let her take any more Dreamless Sleep or any other sleeping agent. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, her health has not been up to par and another battle against the withdrawal might not be so successful."

"I promise Professor, and thank you for letting me stay."

Harry felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Take care of her Harry, you need her as she needs you."

And then the rest of the world faded away as Harry focused his attention on Hermione. He’d do whatever it took to help her get well again.

TBC