I Never Said I Love You

MisCard

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 29/04/2007
Last Updated: 29/04/2007
Status: completed

He had loved her in secret to keep her safe, and now the evil he feared had taken her from him anyway. Contains character death.

Chapters

1. I Never Said I Love You

1. I Never Said I Love You

~A/N> This one-shot was born from a nightmare I had a few weeks ago, depression, alcohol, and a huge writer's block on "The Guardian". I'm trying to work on it every day, but I'm stuck and don't know where to go next. So, fueled by alcohol and hoping that writing this would help a little, I finished it last night. I hope (if you're into angst) that you enjoy it and be warned, it does contain character death.

Something was wrong. Terribly, horribly wrong.

Harry Potter had been in a dead sleep when he had suddenly had the horrific flash of panic flood through him, causing him to sit straight up in his bed. Rubbing his head, which was currently beating out a rhythm of pain through his head, he reached over to his nightstand to retrieve his disregarded glasses. Slipping them on, he turned so that his legs were now over the edge of his bed, his feet resting on the cold floor of his room. Feeling yet another wave of panic, he rushed out of his room and ran down the hall to the room where Ron slept, praying that nothing had happened to his best mate. Flinging open the door, he stopped dead as he took in the awful image of Ron and Luna in the throes of passion. Hearing the door bang against the wall behind it, the two lovers froze and looked to the cause of the noise, only to see an embarrassed Harry standing there. "Harry? What the bloody hell's going on?"

"Oh...er, um....sorry about that. I thought, uh...I thought you were in trouble," Harry stuttered, mortified.

"Obviously not mate."

"Er, yeah, I can see that. I'll just, uh...go now. Sorry."

" 'Night Harry," Luna said in her dreamy sounding voice, and Harry hurried to close the door in hopes of drowning out their resumed sounds of pleasure.

Walking back to his room, Harry sat back down on his bed and took his glasses off, letting them hang loosely from his fingers as his other hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He could still feel the nervous feeling throughout his body, the sense of not knowing what the hell was going on, and it was a frightening feeling. Doing something he hadn't had to do in a long time, he took a deep breath and opened up his mind, letting it wander in search of the panic's source.

In his mind's eye he could see himself travelling over the city, his disembodied mind closing in on it's destination. When he started to recognize the scenery he was passing he became worried; he was in Hermione's parent's neighborhood. She had gone to visit them for the weekend and wasn't due back for two days yet. Concentrating even harder, Harry's inner sight moved faster over the area and the next thing he knew, he was looking at a scene straight from hell itself. Trying not to let his own growing fear and panic consume him, he closed the connection and rushed to pull a t-shirt on along with his trainers. Concentrating as much as he could so as not to splinch himself, he pictured the exact place he wanted to go and apparated away.

Stepping out from behind the column, he quickly made his way to the road. He hit the pavement running, making his way to the middle of what could only be called complete chaos. There were flashing lights from the emergency vehicles that surrounded the area, the sound of extinguishers as fires were put out, and people that were trapped, calling for help. As he looked around frantically he saw her, and suddenly drawing his next breath seemed impossible.

"Oh my god," he whispered, before his instinct kicked in and he found himself racing over to her. "Hermione! Hermione!"

She never moved to indicate she had heard him, never called back to him to say she was okay. She just lay in the middle of the road, her right leg bent at an unnatural angle while her arms were out to her sides. Her hair was matted with what looked to be blood and on her left cheek was a dark bruise that promised to only get darker. Panting as he ran up to where she lay, Harry jumped over one of the blockades they had set up around the area and closed the rest of the distance, falling to his knees next to her. Ignoring the sounds of chaos around them, he reached out a shaky hand to touch her hair, only to stop before actually making contact. Her beautiful, brown curly hair was now just a bunch of knotted, bloody hair...blood that was coming from a gaping head wound.

Bending down close to her, he forced himself to gently run his hand over her hair and whispered, "Hermione? Luv, I'm here. You're going to be okay. I'll not let anything happen to you."

"H-Harry?"

He had been watching her lips, and when she spoke they never moved. Moving his gaze to her eyes he saw they were barely open, but he could see she was looking back at him. "Yeah 'Mione, it's me."

He reached down and carefully wrapped his hand around one of hers, scared at how cold it felt, taking notice as one lone tear escaped from her eye and snaked it's way down the side of her face. "I...I thought...I had lost...you."

"You didn't lose me, I'm right here," he replied, unconsciously rocking back and forth. "Why would you think that?"

"V-Voldemort," she whispered. "I...had dream...he killed you..."

"But he didn't, luv. I'm safe, and you'll be fine, too. I promise," he said weakly, wishing the damn paramedics would hurry up and come over to examine her already. "Just stay with me."

"So...cold..." she whispered, and he felt a violent shiver run through her body.

"Somebody help me! She needs help!" he shouted as anger welled up in him at the bloody incompetance of the paramedics.

"Harry, I...I'm not going...to make it," she said hoarsly, then started coughing violently.

"Don't say that! You're going to be fine," he answered, feeling angry that she was giving up and helpless all at once.

She stared up at him with glassy eyes and he could see that the light in their beautiful cinnamon depths was dulled, growing duller by the second. He was losing her....she was dying in his arms and he had never told her..."Hermione, I'm sorry I never told you before, but I love you. I've been in love with you for a while now." Feeling tears falling onto his cheeks he said, "I should've told you before, but I was afraid I'd lose you as a friend."

"I love...you too, Harry," she said in a weak voice, and he could hear rattling in her lungs as she tried to breathe. "I...was scared...too."

His tears streamed down his face now, but they were forgotten as he damned himself for not telling her sooner. "Once you're better, we'll have to talk about it properly and maybe even go on a date," he said, not really believing the words.

A sad smile formed on her lips and then a quiet sob escaped her, causing another violent coughing fit. "We both know that's...not going to happen."

"Please don't leave me," he begged, laying his head down on her chest gently, not daring to put his full weight on her. "I love you so much...I can't live without you."

"You can...you will," she wheezed, closing her eyes.

"Hermione?!" Harry asked fearfully as she remained quiet for a bit.

"Hmmm..." she replied, giving him an inkling of relief. When she slowly opened her eyes again, his heart broke to see how completely lifeless they were now, and how pale her skin was. When she saw how sad he looked, she tried to squeeze his hand, failing miserably. "I'm not...leaving you. I'm just...going on my....next great..adventure. We'll be tog...together again...one day."

"No..." he said, his voice full of anguish. Feeling as if his heart was being torn in two he whispered, "We were supposed to defeat Voldemort together, and then I was going to tell you how I felt. He's taken that away now."

"You...can beat him. You...will. Just don't...try to do it alone. Ron...can help you," she said, her voice so weak now that it was barely audible. "You're a...great wizard. You can...defeat him."

Crying hard now, he gently ran his hand down her bruised cheek and said, "I love you. I don't want to lose you."

"I...love...you too," she replied and then to Harry's sorrow, drew her last breath.

~*~

One year later, Harry stood before her headstone, looking sadly at the writing on it. Hermione Jane Granger, beloved daughter, cherished friend - In life you gave us love, in death you give us courage, you will never be forgotten. Sitting down on the grass that covered her grave, he laid a white daisy under the marker and then wrapped his arms around his drawn-up knees. Staring at the words that were etched into the stone he said, "It's been one year to the day since I lost you 'Mione, and one year since I defeated Voldemort." Taking a deep breath he continued, "If only I'd defeated him sooner, you'd still be alive. I don't think he even considered that using you to get to me would cost him his existence. But it was a hallow victory because I couldn't share it with you." Swallowing the sob that threatened to escape, he sat there for a few moments in silence, wallowing in his grief. "You're the only one that I ever loved, you know. I'd never known what love was growing up, and when I realized that's what I felt for you, I panicked. I swore that I wouldn't tell you until we defeated Voldemort. I waited too long though, and we both suffered because of it."

Sighing, he stood up and brushed off his trousers. Walking up to the headstone, he reached out and tenderly stroked the cold marble it was made of. "We'll be together again someday, just like you said, I promise. I love you."

As one lone tear escaped from his eye, Harry turned and walked to where Ron was waiting for him, knowing that he'd be back again next year, and every year after that until he was finally able to be with her again. Until then he'd live his life for her, he'd keep her memory alilve in his heart, and he knew he'd never again love someone the way that he loved her.