Run by PunkPrincess

Rating: PG
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 11/05/2007
Last Updated: 21/08/2007
Status: In Progress

Lily Evans is a girl who can never do what her heart wants. It tells her to party and have fun,
she studies. It tells her to have a wild side, she does everything by the rules. It tells her to
get James, she runs.




1. Chapter 1
------------



Run. That was the only thing rushing through my head. I had to run, and get out of this place.
To much had happened, and I couldn't stay there. I turned my head, and saw a confused James
staring after me. There was too much I had to think about, and I had to get away from James. I
looked forwards, and saw the forest coming up. Perfect I thought, my spot was close. Nobody could
find me there. Not even Hagrid. My vision was blurred from the tears, and I just kept running.
James was probably following me by now. I couldn't let him find me. Not now. Not after what had
just happened. I could hear the twigs snapping behind me, and I told my tired body it was just a
little farther. I wiped my eyes, and saw the spring up ahead. I dived into the water, and swam to
the underground cave. I pulled myself out of the water, and sat down. Leaning against the cave
walls, I closed my eyes and pictured the events that happened only minutes ago. I was walking by
the lake, just enjoying the night sky, when James walked by me. On most occasions, I would tell him
to sod off or something to that effect. But not tonight. We walked in silence most of the time, and
just as we got to the front doors, he stopped me, and just looked at me. There are many irrational
things I have done in my life, but this by far was the most. I stared right back into those
beautiful hazel eyes, and kissed him right then and there. Of course he was shocked at first, but
almost suddenly he recovered and started kissing me back. I was rather enjoying it until I realized
just what exactly I was doing. I pushed away from him and ran.

I opened my eyes and felt a few tears fall down my cheeks. *Oh great*, I thought, *now he
has me crying over him*. I put my head in my hands and tried to sort out what was running
through my mind. Nobody had known about my recent feelings, not even my best friend Alice. I told
no one of my feelings for James. Not even myself. Now whenever I gathered enough courage to go back
to the castle James would be there thinking that there was something going on between us. I
didn't want to get involved with James. Not in the least bit. Sure he was sweet, but a
relationship with him would be doomed from the start. We just don't get along well enough to
date. And obviously I can't even kiss the guy without running away.

“Lily?”

My head snapped up, and I looked in the direction of the voice. I sighed and put my head back
down. I don't know how he found me. It's like he has some sixth sense about me. “What do
you want James?” I muttered.

I could tell he was running his hand through his hair. I sighed, stupid nervous habits. I could
hear him walking over to me, and I felt him sit down beside me.

“I'm sorry Lily. I didn't mean to,” he said quietly next to me.

“Sorry for what James? I am the one who kissed you,” I murmured.

“I know that, nevertheless, I'm still sorry. But, I don't regret it,” he paused, “Even
if you do.” The next thing out of my mouth was not a witty remark, but a sob. I could feel him
tense beside me. Obviously he wasn't used to crying girls. He put an arm around me, and pulled
me in close. “Lils please don't cry.” He pulled me into his lap, and I sobbed into his
shoulder. I found it to be very comforting to be sitting there with James, and even though I spent
a whole hour trying to convince myself that It would never work, it was the times like these that I
realized how much James had changed over the past year. Now that I thought about it, we haven't
fought in a while, and he wasn't that bad to be around. *It could work. If you tried*, I
told myself. So, once I felt that I could string together a sentence without breaking into tears
again, I lifted my head off of his shoulder and said two simple words, “I don't.”

He looked at me with confusion, and asked, “You don't what?”

I swallowed my fears, and said, “I don't regret it.”

His eyes filled with confusion and excitement, and then he asked, “Then why did you run?”

“Because I'm scared. I'm terrified of my feelings for you,” I whispered softly to him.
He looked into my eyes and said, “Sometimes you have to fight your fears Lily, or they will always
be there to haunt you.” I looked down into my lap, and muttered, “I don't know if I can James.”
He put his hand on my chin, and forced my gaze up to him.

“Lily, there is nothing to be afraid of. I would never dream of hurting you, and we can go as
slow as you need. Lils, I think you are wonderful, and I don't know if I can go on knowing that
you have some kind of feelings for me, and we aren't together.”

I looked back down, and said softly, “I think we should get back to the castle.” I looked at
James just in time to see his face fall before he put on a mask of carelessness. He stood up beside
me, and held out a hand to help me up. I took it, and he pulled me into a hug. “I'll always be
waiting for you Lily. When you come around, I'll be there waiting for you with open arms,” he
muttered softly into my ear and, with my hand in his, he started out of the cave.

I could feel the tears running silently down my face as I walked with James back to the school.
I stared at the passing trees, wishing James would say something and not just walk silently in
front of me. It hurt, and I felt horrible for it. I had never felt so bad in my life, and
that's counting the time I was in the hospital with 5 broken bones. I looked up to James, and
saw his shoulders squared and his fists slightly clenched. I couldn't believe I was so close to
saying yes*. I am so weak. I'll never fall in love if I keep going this way*. That's
what was running through my head the whole trip back to the castle. When we finally got to the
front doors James turned to me, and said, “I know you want me. I'm not being cocky. I wont take
no for an answer.” He pulled me into a tight hug, and whispered, “I won't stop until you say
yes. Never.” With that, he pulled away, and walked into the castle leaving me there alone with my
thoughts. Naturally, I ran to my dorm, and cried.

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2. Chapter 2
------------



The sun was shining on my face and I groaned. I hated waking up, and I hated when it was the
light that woke me up. I rolled over and buried my face into the warm feather pillow I was using. I
was just laying there trying to fall back asleep when last night popped into my head. The nice
euphoric dreamland I was in came crashing down around me, and I wanted to just suffocate myself
with the pillow I was using as a light guard. Thank Merlin its Saturday. I groaned into the
feathery lightness above me and threw it to my feet. The light was coming into the room in small
rays, and I could see the particles of dust floating around everywhere. I looked around to find
that the rest of my dorm mates had already gotten up. I sighed in relief. No one there to bug me
about my puffy eyes and tear streaked face. I slowly pealed the covers off of my slim body, and
swung my legs over the side of my bed.

Over in the corner of our room was a vanity covered in make-up and other things the girls needed
for their morning rituals. All I normally did in the morning was take a shower, and put on some
pink lip gloss. That morning I walked to the vanity and grabbed someone's bag of make-up. I
looked like crap and I knew it, so I began putting it upon my pale face. I finished and looked at
my face in the large mirror. I knew I looked good, but I felt no need to show this on a regular
basis. I grabbed my brush and slowly combed the tangles out of my long wavy red hair. I looked
beautiful, that I knew, but I felt almost numb inside. I sat the brush down and walked over to my
trunk. I ruffled around until I found a pair of slightly worn jeans and a small fitted T-shirt and
I put them on.

I looked at my watch and saw that breakfast had just ended. *Damnit*. I sighed and walked
out the common room door on my way to the kitchen. My stomach started growling and it was only then
that I remembered I hadn't eaten dinner last night. I continued walking toward the painting
that would be the solution to my hunger. When it was finally in sight I almost ran, but didn't
have the energy so I kept walking until I was standing in front of the bowl of fruit. I quickly
tickled the pear and stepped into the kitchen. I took a quick glance around and came to the
conclusion that no one else was there. The house elves came up to me and I asked for waffles with
whipped cream and chocolate sauce. That was my meal of choice for when I was depressed. Needless to
say, I had waffles a lot, and I was shocked I still had to tell the house elves what I wanted. I
sat down at one of the tables and waited for my food. When they placed it in front of me I grabbed
my fork and began eating them almost savagely.

“Geez Evans, slow down I don't want you to die on me.”

My head snapped over to the direction of the voice and I rolled my eyes. Sirius Black. His hair
was falling into his face in that sexy way and he looked almost beautiful, but it didn't fool
me. He was a great friend, but never would I ever look at him more than that.

“What do you want Black?”

“My, my, my Evans… Aren't we a bit on the bitchy side this morning.”

“Shut the hell up Siri. I feel like crap.”

He sat across from me and stuck his finger in my whipped cream. Again, this was another one of
my odd rituals. Sirius always seemed to know when I was here eating my waffles and he always came
and listened to me pour my soul out. Oh, and ate most of my whipped cream. He looked at me with
sympathetic eyes.

“Is this about last night?”

I looked up with shock. “James told you?”

He shook his head lightly and said, “He just told me he was out with you, and you seemed to be
having a rough night.”

I nodded and looked at Sirius. Sometimes I wondered if he was my best friend. I seemed to tell
him things I wouldn't tell anyone, and I was very close to him. It was about then that I
spilled the entire night's story out to the black haired boy in front of me. He nodded and
looked like this was almost what he had expected. After I finished he looked at me and sighed.

“Lils hon, I don't know why you constantly do this to yourself. You obviously like him. Why
not give it a chance?”

I looked down to my half eaten waffles and sighed.

“I don't know Siri. I mean I got up the courage to kiss him, but I can't do anything
else. How screwed up is that?”

He didn't reply to me, but instead he just stared off to the wall on the far side of the
kitchen. Finally he returned his gaze to me and said, “Hon, you just have to go for it. I know you
want to run now, but if you keep running soon you're going to get to the point where your body
can't deal with it. If not for yourself, Lily sweetie, do it for me. Please just stop running
before you do something you will regret. Please.”

He stood up knowing he made his point, and nothing more would be said. He walked around the
table, hugged me and then left. It took me a while to get my feeling together before I finally left
the kitchens. I was so confused. My mind was telling me to just run, get out of there as fast as
you can, but my heart was saying go to him. Go while you still can. Don't loose him. I
don't know why I felt these ways, but I knew I had to choose soon or, no matter what James
said, I would loose my chance with him forever.

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3. Chapter 3
------------



Disclaimer: Crap! I've been forgetting to do this… Ok so this is stupid… It's not like
any of us are trying to say we are J.K. Why would we be on here writing fan fiction? I'd be off
writing Harry Potter Seven.

After my talk with Sirius in the kitchens, I decided to just have a walk around the school to
clear my head. Sirius was right. He was completely and totally right, even though it pained me to
admit it. I wandered the school aimlessly for what seemed like years just thinking of nonsense and
James. I was royally confused by my situation with James, but I knew I had to make a decision soon.
He had waited the longest time for me, and it almost pained me to make him wait even a second more.
I stopped to figure out where my wandering feet had led me, and noticed I was outside of the Room
of Requirement. I wrinkled my brows and thought to myself what I wanted. One… Two… Three… and a
wooden doorway appeared right in front of my pale face. I reached out and grabbed the handle,
walking into a simple room with a chair and a desk filled with parchment. I nodded my head and sat
myself behind the desk grabbing a quill and some parchment. I decided I needed to make a list. I
sighed to myself and started writing. At first it was pouring out of me so fast, reasons why James
was or wasn't boyfriend material. My list was rather equal in the end, causing me to grab at
the bridge of my nose already feeling a headache coming on. I pulled my hand down and read over my
list.

**Pros**

He's sweet

Not as arrogant

Shows me respect

Gives really good neck massages

Loves me

Cares about me

Good Kisser

**Cons**

Still a little arrogant

A little overprotective

Has a lot of secrets

Has a lot of pride

Prone to fighting

Pranks… enough said

I sighed almost grumpily as I noticed my pro list was longer than my con. Surely I could come up
with more than that. I placed my quill down to the parchment but no words rushed out this time. The
quill never left its spot.

“Come on Lily; get a hold of yourself,” I muttered desperately to myself.

I crumbled up my small useless list and threw it away angrily. I was not any closer now than I
was yesterday sobbing into James' arms. I stormed out into the halls and almost ran into a
person coming around the corner. I stopped myself just before impact, and looked up to see Remus. I
sighed and continued walking. What was it with me and James' friends? Remus smiled at the look
on my face, and fell into step with me. He looked a little sick, but happy none the less. He nudged
me with his shoulder and asked, “Hey Lily, do you want to go talk? Sirius said you probably needed
someone to talk to.”

I rolled my eyes. Of course he did. I nodded my head and replied, “Yeah sure, why not?”

He smiled and we walked in silence to the library where we found a table in the back where no
one could over hear our conversation. Remus just looked at me with his sad brown eyes, wordlessly
telling me to fill him in from the beginning. I repeated my story once again, and saw Remus smiling
at the end.

“Remus, what do I do? I'm clueless. My body is telling me two different things, and I just
don't know which to listen to.”

Remus nodded. “I know this is total crap advise, but Lily, do what you think is right. I
can't tell you to go out with James. That is something you have to do on your own. But really,
you just have to follow your gut.”

I sighed. “But I don't know what my gut is saying. I don't know what to listen to.”

“Lily honey, how do you feel about James?”

“I like him a lot. Like a lot a lot.”

“Well, is that enough for you or do you need something else?”

“I don't know Remus. I would love to date James I suppose, but what if it is a bad decision?
What if I get hurt?”

Remus looked down to his clasped hands and sighed. “Sometimes you have do go for things no
matter what the risk. Sometimes you need the bad decisions to shape out who you become. But I swear
on my life right now, James is not a mistake. Please just think about that Lily.”

I nodded and Remus stood to leave. “Good night Lily.”

“Night Remus.” And then he was gone.

I gathered my things and left the library to hopefully catch James before dinner.

***

I sat in the common room quietly waiting for a certain raven haired boy to walk through the
portrait hole. I was absentmindedly reading my advanced potions book trying to kill time, and I
figured I would finish the book by the time James had gotten here. I had planned to come clean to
James and admit my feelings to him. I planed to tell James I was ready to try with him, that I was
ready to listen to my heart and not my brain for the first time in my life. My eyes were growing
weary so I closed the book and laid it upon the table in front of me. It was so late and I had
figured James would be back from his night time wanderings by now. I told myself right then that it
would be a sign if James didn't show up tonight. A sign that meant my decision was wrong and
James wasn't meant to be.

I leaned my head back, the softness of the chair soaking me into its relaxed self, and felt
sleepiness wash over me. I really didn't mean to fall asleep, but nothing could have stopped
me. The last thing I remember was looking out the window and seeing the bright full moon hanging oh
so innocently in the sky as the sound of mournful howling sang its depressing melody to my
ears.

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4. Chapter 4
------------



Disclaimer: So… I don't own Harry Potter… Who else on this website would?

**Chapter 4**

Once again the sun was pouring onto my face. This time though I was much less comfortable. I
realized I was still down in the common room after last night. I opened my eyes and grimaced at the
brightness that welcomed me. I looked down and noticed that a blanket was covering my body and
frowned. I didn't have a blanket last night… I pulled my slender hand from under the blanket
and looked at my watch. It was only 9 o' clock so I relaxed. It was Sunday and no one would be
up for at least an hour. I slowly pulled the blanket off of me about to make a speedy escape, when
I heard a loud snore erupt from the couch beside my chair. My head snapped over there and I saw
James cuddled up into a lumpy ball and sleeping. I had to bite back a laugh as I looked at his
sleeping face. His hair was tousled more than usual and his mouth was hanging ajar, drool running
like a small river onto the pillow beneath his head. His face was contorted into a dream-like
smile, and he looked utterly adorable. He had stayed there all night with me, giving up his cozy
bed for the somewhat lumpy couch. I smiled at the thought. I slowly started to tiptoe out of the
room so James wouldn't catch me, when I heard a voice call out.

“Lily?”

My face fell slightly, and I sighed and turned around looking into the face of the man that
captivated my thoughts. Part of me wanted to run back to him, grab him, and pull him into my arms,
kissing him senseless. The other part of me wanted to run and hide. I decided to go somewhere
between the two and I just stood there staring. I think his face fell a bit, but I wasn't sure.
I couldn't go to him. He didn't show up before I fell asleep. It was a sign, that's
what I had told myself the night before. I knew I wanted him though. So bad… He stared into my eyes
as if he was pounding something into my mind. *Tell me, please just tell me*, he seemed to be
saying. I bit my lip.

“I- Well… Umm…” I stumbled. My stomach was resting on the floor it had dropped so low. His eyes
were pleading and sorrowful as I stared into their hazel depths. I opened my mouth to speak, but
closed it quickly. The irrational part of me told me to tell him, but it wasn't that easy. I
couldn't do it. I was a total wuss and he knew it as well as I did. *Ok*, I told myself,
*don't be scared. The worst thing that could happen is that he would reje**ct you, and
what are the chances of that? He wants you to tell him. Siri wants you to tell him, Remus wants you
to tell him. I want you to tell him.*

“Ok,” I started off feeling completely vulnerable. “James, I… I want to be with you. I want to
be with you so bad you wouldn't believe it. I'm... I'm just scared. My mind's
telling me to run away from you, and stay away forever, but my heart keeps saying go for it. Just
do it. So… I'm listening to my heart James. I'm listening for you.”

His eyes seemed to soften even more, and I knew I would have cried had I not ran out of tears
from the past few days. My face was heating up rapidly, and I could feel it burning my face. My
eyes lowered to the ground and I stared at my unpainted toes. *My stomach must be at the bottom
of the dungeons by now*. My nerves were taking control of my body, and I started to bite my lip.
Out of nowhere I felt a pair of hands wrap themselves around my body, and I graciously accepted the
hug.

“Lily…” He muttered into my ear. “Thank you.”

He pulled me closer, and seemed to be savoring the moment. Finally after a while he pulled away
from me and looked into my eyes.

“Lily… Be my girlfriend?”

I smiled nervously, and nodded my head. James smiled broadly and pulled me into another hug. I
pulled away from him, smiled, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, I'm going to go get dressed, ok?”

“Yeah, sure. I probably should too.”

We both walked in opposite directions towards our dorms with stupid grins on our faces. I
climbed the stone steps carefully and precisely one step at a time. My head was up in the clouds
and I was elated. I touched my lips and thought of what I had just done. I didn't think I had
it in me honestly. I stopped at the door that led to my dorm and just stood there. Hopefully I
could pull off a lie of where I had been all night. Or maybe no one was awake yet. I hoped for the
latter. I reached my hand up and twisted the glass knob until the door opened. I let go, and it
swung forwards. In the dorm were five beds all around the room. I sighed in relief when I counted
four sleeping bodies. I walked over to my wardrobe and pulled out a clean pair of jeans and a
t-shirt. I put them on quietly and slipped a pair of black converse onto my feet. I slowly tiptoed
to the door and shut it quietly as I slipped out. As I walked down the stairs I heard voices
whispering and wondered who it was. When I finally got to the bottom I saw Sirius and James talking
fast and quiet. James had a worried look on his face and Sirius looked… well… serious. I wrinkled
my brow and walked over towards them.

“James, Siri, what's wrong?”

Both of their heads snapped towards me when they heard my voice. Sirius was the first to
respond.

“Lil, Remus is hurt real badly. He's in the infirmary right now. Pomfrey is worried.”

James gave Sirius a look I couldn't read, but Sirius ignored it.

“What happened? Is he going to be ok?”

Sirius looked over to me and replied, “Look, we can talk about this later. We need to go to
Remus now.”

I nodded my head, and the three of us quickly made our way to the infirmary.

As we walked into the room I shuddered from the feeling of sheer pain and misery that seemed to
fill it. I walked over to the one occupied bed and gasped. Remus was laying face up, past out. All
over his body were scratches that varied in sizes. Some were small and unimportant; while others
were so big Madam Pomfrey wasn't even able to wrap them. We all took seats around his weak body
and waited.

It was probably around two hours later when Remus finally regained consciousness. He looked
around painfully and caught my eye. He wrinkled his brow and looked to James and Sirius. Sirius
just nodded to him, and stood up.

“Hey James, I fancy some breakfast. How `bout you?”

He gave James a look, and James stood.

“Yeah, sounds good. We'll bring you guys something.”

And with that they both walked away.

Immediately I asked the question that had been plaguing my thoughts for the past two hours.

“Remus, what happened?”

He looked down to his hands and sighed.

“Lily… I'm a werewolf.”

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5. Chapter 5
------------



Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

A/N: Sorry for the wait. If you want a quick update, some reviews might help. Hint hint *Smile*
Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 5**

“Lily… I'm a werewolf.”

My eyes widened in shock, and I stared at Remus in surprise. He suddenly looked down, and
muttered softly, “I'm sorry, it was stupid. I never should have told you. This was all a
mistake.”

I shook my head to myself, and pulled myself from my chair. Remus' head snapped up at the
sudden movement, and he called out, “No, don't run!”

“Why would I?” I asked him quietly, and ran up to his frail body, and encircled him in a gentle
hug.

“Remus, I'm so sorry! That's absolutely horrible! But… Thank you for trusting me enough
to tell me. It means a lot.”

When I pulled away I heard Remus sigh in relief. He looked down again and asked, “So you
don't look down on me for it?”

“Remus, you're one of my best friends. Even if you told me you had always been a girl, and
your name was really Rhiana Peenapul, I would still insist we go to the library, and you give me
your opinions on all of my insignificant problems.” I looked at him tenderly, and smiled. He looked
at me mockingly, but still warmly.

“Rhiana Peenapul? Where did that come from? But… thank you… Thank you for not running away.”

I looked into his brown eyes and smiled. “Maybe I'm over running away.” His eyebrows shot up
quizzically and he opened his mouth to speak, when James and Sirius walked into the room loudly.
Remus snapped his mouth shut, but gave me a look that said `We're going to talk about
this'. I grinned. Sirius stopped their boisterous conversation, and looked to Remus. He nodded,
and Sirius smiled.

“Ok, so who wants to have their breakfast?” Sirius walked over to me, and handed me my waffles
and winked. I smiled and dug in. James walked over to me, and sat in the chair beside me. He put
his arm around my shoulders and smiled. I looked away from my mountain of whipped cream to see
Remus grin painfully, and mutter to Sirius, “So, she finally listened to one of us then?”

***

“Ok, umm… what's something about you I wouldn't expect?” I asked James. His brows
furrowed, as he thought.

“Umm… I'm a marvelous piano player, not to boast or anything. No one but my mom has ever
heard me play though. What about you?”

I smiled, and replied, “I got expelled from school when I was 10.” James' eyebrows shot up
beneath his chaotic hair, and he looked at me incredulously.

“How did that happen?”

I smirked and said plainly, “Unnecessary violence.”

He laughed and said, “Should have seen that one coming. But you got expelled?”

“Yeah, and it was lucky I got my Hogwarts letter, because no schools were accepting me. Not many
schools want a kid who put a 12 year old boy in the hospital. Anyway, so your turn, any
question.”

He grinned. “What were your thoughts when you first laid eyes on my gorgeous face?”

I rolled my eyes and replied, “Well, I thought you were pretty attractive. You seemed like a
pretty cool guy… until you poured your pumpkin juice all over me. I would have hurt you if I
hadn't promised my dad I wouldn't cause any fights.”

“Good thing you promised him then. I might not be here anymore. But hmm… The moment my eyes
first laid upon you all I could think was `that girls gonna be mine someday. I'll make sure of
it.'” He pulled me closer to him, and I laid my head upon his chest. Then he whispered, “And I
was right.” I smiled and breathed in his scent.

We sat there together in the common room just enjoying each others presence when James called
out, “Hey Lily, isn't that your owl?” I looked up and smiled. Pecking at the window was my owl,
Luke, as in Luke Skywalker (so sue me, I like Star Wars more than the average person), with a note
hanging from his foot. I happily got up and opened the window, letting the feathered creature in
the room. He flew to the desk in the corner, and stuck out his leg for me to remove the parchment.
I quickly untied it from his leg, and opened it. I smiled when I recognized my mother's
handwriting.

*Dearest Lily,*

*Last night at dinner your father had a heart attack, and was in the hospital until*
*three am this morning when he past away. The doctors did all they could, but it wasn't
enough, and it seems it was his time to go. The funeral will be held on the
25**th**. He would want you to be there. I love you.*

*Mom*

*PS. Petunia is engaged to Vernon. The wedding is in January**.*

The note fell noiselessly to the ground as I stared at the stone wall in front of me. *How can
he be gone? He is the only person I can truly count on.* *He was the only one who believed in
me.* I thought desolately to myself. I could scarcely comprehend the sound of James calling out
to me, but I turned to look at him. A single tear ran down my face, and I fell unconsciously to the
ground.

***

“Lily? Lily please wake up.”

I groggily opened my eyes, and looked around to see that I was lying on a couch in the common
room.

“What happened?” I asked somewhat confused.

“You fainted Lil.”

And then it all came crashing back. I looked at the coffee table in front of me and saw the
letter folded up on the table. All of a sudden, I let out a loud sob, and could feel the tears run
down my face. My body was trembling and heaving, and I couldn't stop it for my life. James was
instantly beside me, holding me and shushing my sobs.

“Did you read it?” I asked quietly between sobs. He nodded sadly, and rubbed my back slowly.

“I know I had no right to, but you fainted, and I panicked. I had to know what happened.”

I nodded and told him it was ok, and he wiped the river of tears that were running down my pale
unmoving face. James voice was relaxing to me though, and I was glad for that small bit of
comfort.

“I know how you feel Lily. This all happened to me last year. You aren't alone in this.”

I wiped my eyes, and leaned into his welcoming embrace. All night I sobbed into his shoulder,
and all night he held me, murmuring soothing nothings into my delicate ears.

A/N: anybody catch the Obsessive Lily Disorder reference? Chocolate chip cookie dough Ice cream
for anyone who can point it out. If you haven't read that story, then go to the
Procrastinator-starting2moro profile right now and read it!!!!!

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6. Chapter 6
------------



Disclaimer: I own nothing but my stuffed penguin, Pumpernickel. He is my muse. (I know, I'm
nuts.)

A/N: The Obsessive Lily Disorder reference was the Rhiana Peenapul, when Sirius, Peter and Remus
all look like James because of the Polyjuice potion, and have to take on aliases to come to
class.

**Chapter 6**

I was leaning up against the bench in the train station waiting for the big scarlet steam engine
to appear to take me home. The past few days for me had been absolutely terrible, and James and the
guys were the only thing keeping me going. I had been really close to my father, and I still
couldn't believe that he was gone. A faint whistling in the distance caught my attention, and I
looked up to see that the train was coming. I slowly stood, and went to grab my bag when I noticed
that someone was already holding it. I looked up to see James standing beside me, holding my
things, and a bag of his own.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

James gave a small smile, and replied, “I know you don't want to be alone for this. I've
been through this, and trust me, you don't want to be alone. Dumbledore gave me permission to
come along with you on special `heads business.'”

I gave a small smile, and grasped his hand. “Lets go, or we'll miss the train,” I said
softly. He nodded, and pulled me along carrying my small bag around his shoulder. He was carrying
his own bag with one hand, and clasping my hand with the other. We both boarded the train, and went
to an empty compartment. James let go of my hand to place our things in the baggage rack. I walked
over to a seat and carefully sat down. When James finished with the bags, he walked over to me, and
sat. For the longest time we just sat there in silence, until out of nowhere, a large sob came from
my weak body. Immediately James was there, holding my lurching body like he had been for the past
few days. These sudden outbursts had become something normal in the Gryffindor common room, and
James was there for me every time. I leaned my wet face against his chest, and tried to control my
crying. After a while, the tears subsided, but I stayed in James' caring embrace, clutching to
him for dear life.

***

“Lily? Come on Lil, wake up. Were here.”

I groggily opened my eyes, and realized I had fallen asleep on James. I pulled my head away from
his beating chest, and looked around the compartment dazed. It was dark outside, and James quickly
got up and grabbed our bags. He led the way out onto the platform, where he stopped and hugged me.
“Everything is going to be fine,” He whispered in my ear softly. I nodded, and pulled away.

“Come on, my mom will be waiting.” And only then did I realize that my mom would have to meet
James, and he would have to meet Petunia. *This is going to be a nightmare*, I thought to
myself. Together we walked through the barrier, finding ourselves in muggle London. My eyes scanned
the area, and I instantly found my mother standing outside of the car waving her hand. I waved
back, and she climbed into the car. I reached down, and grabbed James hand, and pulled him to the
car. When we got there, my mum noticed James and gave me a look. She rolled down the window, and
asked, “Who's this?” I smiled weakly.

“Mum, this is James. Can he stay with us?” My mother's eyes looked to James inquisitively,
and she nodded. We both climbed into the back of the car, and I slammed the door shut behind
me.

When we arrived home, I could see James looking at the small TV in amazement. “It's called a
television. You watch movies or shows on it. That's where people act and it's captured on
film,” I informed him.

His eyes got big and he looked at me in astonishment. “That's amazing!” He blurted out. I
shook my head, and took his hand. “Come on, I'll show you where you will be sleeping.”

I led him up the stairs and past three doors. When we came to the forth, I quickly opened it,
and placed my bag on the floor. James walked in and laughed. “Is this your room?” The walls were
painted pink, and my bed was covered in stuffed animals, and a frilly pink comforter.

“You can't criticize me. The last time I truly lived here I was 11!”

He shook his head and smiled, and I led the way out of the room. We walked to the door across
the hall from mine, and I opened the door. James walked in and sat his stuff on the floor.

“So, this is your room for the next three days. We had better go down stairs though; dinner
should be ready any minute.”

He nodded, and followed me out of his room. We walked down to the dinning room, and I saw my
mum, Petunia, and an extremely large man. I assumed that he was Petunia's fiancé. I held back a
snort, and led James over to the seat next to mine. We both sat down, and my mother passed the food
around. I looked over to my sister, and noticed the look of disgust on her face. She looked from me
to James in distaste, and asked, “So, does he go to that freak school of yours?”

I closed my eyes knowing what was going to happen, and opened them again. I glared at Petunia.
“It's not a freak school Petunia, and yes, he does.”

The man next to her tensed and his face seemed to bulge. He looked to Petunia, and blurted out,
“Petunia, let's leave. I don't want to be around freaks like her. I told you after I
proposed that she is not to be around me, whether she's family or not.”

I could feel James tense beside me, and I grabbed his hand. I looked at him, and whispered,
“James, it's ok, I'm used to it.”

Petunia's fiancé yelled out, “What are you doing girl? Don't be doing any of your
freakish things when I'm around!”

And that was all it took to get James out of his chair, holding his wand to his throat. James
had a menacing look in his eyes, and I was scared of what he would do. James glared at the
man's bulging eyes, and muttered, “Don't call her a freak. Take it back right now, or you
will regret it.”

I quickly jumped out of my chair and ran to James' still body. I raised my arms up to his
outstretched hand, and pulled it down. He looked at me, and I whispered, “James, he's not worth
it. You and I both know that. Come on, let's just eat.”

I grabbed his hand, and led him over to our seats. James looked down at his plate, and I looked
to my mother in apology. Petunia and her fiancé had ran out of the house as soon as I pulled James
away. We finished the rest of the meal in silence, until we all finished. James excused himself to
bed, and me and my mom went to the living room and sat together on a couch.

“He seems like a sweet boy,” my mom said with a laugh. I grinned softly, and shook my head.

“He really is. He was just looking out for me.”

My mother nodded, and looked at me. “So, is this the same James Potter that you have been
complaining about for the past six years?”

I smiled embarrassedly and nodded. She smiled, and said, “I always figured you two would get
together. He's a sweet kid, coming home with you and everything.”

I nodded, “I know. I didn't even know he was coming until the train pulled up, and he
appeared next to me with a bag in his hand.”

She smiled and looked down to her hands. “Your father would have loved him. They seem so much
alike.”

I sighed, “I know. But James has been so comforting to me. He's what's keeping me
going.”

My mum yawned and stood up. “I think I'm going to go to bed. It's been a long night.”
She turned to walk up the stairs. “And Lily, don't let your sister get to you. She just
doesn't understand.”

My mom walked up the stairs, and into her room, leaving me alone with my thoughts of James,
Petunia, and my father.

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7. Chapter 7
------------



A/N: Sorry it took so long. Writers block filled my month. Hope you like it! R/R!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters.

**Chapter 7**

“And that's where I fell off of the swings when I was nine,” I said, pointing to the small
swing set in the park. I was showing James around the town of my childhood, where I had spent the
most of my time. We were walking through the park, just talking about nonsense things. I grabbed
his hand, and pulled him over to the large marry-go-round. We both sat down and started spinning
ourselves around with our feet. I lay back onto the hard steel, and sighed. James and I had been
out walking around all day, and now the stars were starting to come out. I smiled at their
twinkling glow. They always made me feel better. The spinning had come to a stop, and James lay
down on his side next to me.

“You're beautiful,” he muttered quietly, and I could feel my face flush. I looked into his
eyes, and almost gasped at the emotion they seemed to hold. He smiled at me, and leaned in closer.
I knew he was going to kiss me, and my stomach plummeted. In seconds his lips were on mine, and he
was kissing me softly. I slightly panicked, as I didn't know what to do, but slowly instincts
came to me, and I was kissing him back. He pulled away from my pink lips, and smiled. He reached
over, and took my hand. “Come on, your mum is probably waiting.”

I sighed and nodded knowing he was right.

***

I climbed into my pink twin size bed, and curled up into a ball. Tomorrow was my father's
funeral. I would give anything to have that over with. When I even thought about him, I felt as
though my heart was being ripped to pieces by a paper shredder. I closed my eyes, and tried to
sleep, but it seemed as though it would never come. I got out of my bed, and walked to my closet.
Inside was a small box hidden in the corner. I pulled it out, and sat on the floor. Inside were all
of the things that had ever meant something to me. My Hogwarts letter was sitting near the top, the
emerald ink still shining. Lying under that was my art project from fifth grade, when we had to
make something that reminded us of home. Mine was a badly shaped cat that was supposed to look like
the kitten I used to have. Finally I found what I was looking for. It was a letter with the name
Lily Evans scrawled untidily across. It was a letter my dad had sent me on my sixteenth birthday.
My mum didn't know he sent it; it was meant for me.

*My precious* *Lily* *to**day is your sixteenth birthday. I am writing this
letter to you because I think every girl needs to know these things. You are the most beautiful
flower in a garden of roses my dear Lily. You are my angel, my precious baby and now you're all
grown up. Soon you will be out of school, and* *I* *won't even* *have the
summers to look forward to**. I'm so sad that I'm loosing my baby, but I know it must
happen. I want you to know that you are the best daughter a father could ask for, and that no
matter what happens, no matter where you go, I will always love you, and always be there for
you.*

*Your Loving Father*

I could feel the tears running down my face again. That was the last letter he had written me.
He had been really busy with work until…

I wiped my eyes, and placed the letter back into the box. After I had placed it back in my
closet, and shut the door, I walked over to my bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

***

It was almost over. As much as I loved my father, I wanted nothing more than to leave, and get
out of the scratchy black dress I was wearing. Finally the funeral was declared over, and I
practically ran from the graveyard. James was right behind me, and we both walked to the park we
were in the night before. It was about four in the afternoon, so the place was bustling with
children who had already gotten home from school. We looked to each other, and decided that hanging
around with a bunch of children wasn't our ideal plan for the day. We just started walking
around different streets and talking.

“So, what do you plan to do after Hogwarts?” James asked me. I turned my face towards him, and
replied, “Auror.”

He nodded, and said, “I would have figured, I might, but I don't know yet really.”

We had been walking for quite some time by then, and it was starting to get dark. I said to
James, “We better get back to my place soon; my mum probably isn't doing to well.” He nodded
and looked to me.

“Where to captain?”

I looked around and pulled him down a nearby alleyway, which I knew would get us home faster. It
was hard to see down the alley but I had traveled down it many times in my youth. But when I
couldn't see anything anymore, I got scared. I could feel James tense up beside me, and heard
him pull out his wand. Suddenly a feeling of dread and coldness washed over me. Running through my
head like a horror movie, I could see vividly the day I almost died. There was a hooded figure
standing over me with their wand outstretched to my neck. They were laughing manically, and seemed
to be getting pleasure from the torture they were giving out freely. I was lying on the ground tied
up and gagged, and was shivering with cold and twitching with pain. Just when the figure was about
to kill me, someone appeared, and the wizard ran off. Then there was darkness.

***

I awoke lying on the couch in my living room. James was sitting in the chair next to me,
starring at the wall.

“James,” I managed to squeak out. His head snapped over to my shivering form. He got up, and
crouched down next to my face. His eyes still had a faint taste of fear residing in them. “What
happened?” I asked softly.

“There was a dementor. He came down the alley, and I got rid of it.”

I made a face. “What's a dementor?” I asked. He looked at me quizzically, and replied,
“Dementors are dark creatures that bring fear. They suck the happiness out of you, and leave you
with your worst fears and memories. They guard the wizard prison Azkaban, so I don't know what
one was doing out here, around muggles no less!”

I swallowed. If they aren't meant to be in the muggle world, what are the chances that the
only two wizards in the town would run into one? Someone had to of sent it. “Voldemort,” I
whispered softly. His head snapped up and a look of realization crossed his face.

“How did you get rid of it James?” I asked.

“The Patronus charm. It makes a sort of dementor shield of happiness. I don't know how to
describe it really. Listen, it has been a long night, and we have to leave tomorrow. You had better
get to bed.” I nodded, and slowly pulled myself off of the couch. I heard someone run op the stairs
and a door shut, but I was too tired to think anything of it. James walked me up the stairs, and we
stopped at my door. I kissed him quickly, and went to turn into my room, but James stopped me.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked quietly. I nodded. “What did you see when the dementor
came?” I swallowed hard.

“When I was 14, I was kidnapped, tortured, and almost killed by Bellatrix Black. I would have
died if Professor Dumbledore hadn't shown up. Nobody at the school knows about it.” James'
eyes had gotten big as he listened to me.

“Oh. Well that was unexpected,” he said. I kissed him again, and told him not to worry about it,
and to go to sleep. He walked into his room, and I walked into mine. I crawled under the covers,
and hoped to get rid of the feeling of cold that was still lingering in me. I closed my eyes and
instantly fell into a deep sleep. That night I dreamt of Bellatrix with her wand to my throat.

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8. Chapter 8
------------



Disclaimer: *sigh* I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters…

Chapter 8

The days passed by quickly, like the ticking second hand upon the large grandfather clock in my
house. Everything seemed to blur by, but I was happy. Before I knew it, James and I were standing
together at the train station in Hogsmeade saying our farewells to Remus, Sirius, and Peter. James
and I were staying for the Christmas Holidays, and we were the only seventh years in the school. I
was glad James had elected to stay with me, and not go home. My sister was spending the holidays at
home with my mum, so I decided to stay at the school. James understood, as he knew the old horse,
and volunteered to stay with me. For the first time, James and I were going to be alone with no
chance of interruption. We had decided we rather liked the past time of snogging, but the others
seemed to like the past time of ruining the moment. James and I had been together since the end of
October and were still as happy as we were in the beginning of our relationship.

I was bundled up in my cloak and shivering. It was absolutely freezing outside, and I
couldn't wait to get back inside to the warm castle behind me. I was counting down the minutes
until I would be back inside warm with James beside me.

Sirius leaned out the window of his compartment, and yelled out, “You two be careful, and
remember, safe sex!” I rolled my eyes, and saw that James had flipped Sirius off. The train was
starting to move, so I waved my hand goodbye to all of the guys. James nudged me with his shoulder.
“You ready to go back up? Lunch is about to start.”

I sighed and smiled, “That's all you think about isn't it? Food!” He smiled and took my
hand.

“No, I think about you more, and I'm ready to have my two favorite things together! Food and
your gorgeous face.”

I smiled, and leaned my head onto his shoulder. “Whatever you say mister.”

James and I walked back to the carriages that would take us back to the castle, and climbed in.
The ride was mostly silent, but every once and a while James would throw out some random comment
about the weather or cheese or donuts. After what seemed like forever, the carriage pulled to a
stop, and me and James climbed out. James grabbed my hand and practically dragged me all the way to
the great hall. Finally we reached the doors, and I had to grab at my side to numb the pain that
had come from the running.

“Come on, I'm starving!” James said, and pulled me along yet again.

***

After James had finished eating the entire table of food we both headed up to the common room to
relax. It had been a fairly easy day and I wanted nothing more than to just lie down and be lazy.
When we got to the couches I walked over and fell onto one happily. It had been a long time since I
had the time to just laze around what with N.E.W.T.S. coming up. James walked up to the couch and
moved my outstretched legs so he could sit beside me. It would be weird to be alone with him for
the next few weeks.

“So Ms. Evans, what shall we do in this completely deserted room?” James asked me with a smile
on his face. I gave him a look as if I was thinking really hard.

“I don't know Mr. Potter. Do you have any ideas?”

“Just a few,” he said lightly and leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips. We began to snog
like usual. It was a nice feeling knowing that we wouldn't be interrupted for once. James began
to kiss me harder and much more passionate than usual, and I felt his hand slip up my shirt. My
stomach began to drop as I felt him reach up toward my bra. He was about to unclasp it when I
finally pulled away. James looked into my eyes quizzically and I reached behind me and pulled his
hand out of my shirt.

“I'm sorry James, I can't let you do that,” I muttered, and got off of the couch.

“Lily, I'm sorry I just got carried away,” he told me softly. I looked at his apologetic
eyes and felt my insides drop to the ground. Something had shown itself in my mind that moment, and
I needed to think about it. I turned around and ran out of the common room straight to the room of
requirement. My mind was racing, but I just kept running. *Lily, you are stupid. You told
yourself you would never run from James again*.

When the door appeared in front of me I ran in and slammed it behind me. The room had a cozy
feel, and there was an armchair sitting in the middle. I walked quickly over to it and sat down
feeling my frail trembling body sink into it. With my head resting in my quivering hands I thought
about what had happened in the common room. James had tried to take things farther. Farther than I
have ever been before. I defiantly wasn't ready for that so I jumped away from his eager body.
Then, when I looked into his eyes I realized something I couldn't believe true. I tried and
tried to convince myself it wasn't true, though nothing seemed to work. I considered trying to
use a spell, but decided it wasn't worth it. I would probably end up turning myself into a
duck. Finally, after so very long, I understood my realization was true, though I didn't want
it to be. Sitting there in silence I finally accepted the fact that I was in love with James
Potter.

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