Rhythm of the Rain

Disclaimer: JK Rowling's characters. Cascade's song “Rhythm of the Rain”

Rain is a funny thing. It can wash away your troubles, your anxieties, your anger. Memories are memories, fires are put out, and blood is just a stain. But no matter how hard the rain may be, or how long you stand in it, the rain can never wash away your pain. The kind of pain that hurts everywhere in your body, infiltrating every pore, every cell, every single place that can ache, until you're left sitting outside, begging the rain to take you.

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I've been
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again

It's not the physical pain that makes you feel like this. You can brush that pain away. Numb it. Silence it. It's the feelings, the caring, the anger, the betrayal, that linger the longest, leave the most permanent marks, evident to everyone who just….looks.

The only girl I care about has gone away
Looking for a brand new start
But little does she know
That when she left that day
Along with her she took my heart

When she left, when she left with him, I thought my heart would break. How could she, how dare she, when she was all I was? I was her, her laugh, her frown, her habits. They made me, bolstered me, created me. They gave me courage, purpose, and reason. They made my heart beat a little bit faster, but that instant that she walked away, they all unraveled. My heart became a knot of tangled strings, a mess with no beginning or end, just a lumpy middle.

Rain please tell me now does that seem fair
For her to steal my heart away when she don't care
I can't love another when my hearts somewhere far away

But I can't begrudge her her love. She's better with him. Everyone can see that. I can see that. They're soulmates. We're friends. It's better this way. Slowly, my heart will detangle itself. Some calm and gentle hands will make their way through that mess and even it out. I'll be someone else, live for someone else, and this time, they'll live for me. And as my heart breaks and puts itself back together, I just watch her, walking with him, heads close as they share an idea. My best friends. Soulmates.

The only girl I care about has gone away
Looking for a brand new start
But little does she know that when she left that day
Along with her she took my heart

When she broke my heart, she broke it into tiny pieces. A lot of them came back together when I saw them one night, crying. It felt right. Each one of them could lend support and love where the other needed it. They jelled, meshed, fit seamlessly. Every move they made was in sync with the other's, every thought they thought or spoke was already acknowledged by the other. They were one, and it made my heart whole again.

Rain won't you tell her that I love her so
Please ask the sun to set her heart aglow
Rain in her heart and let the love we knew start to grow

I don't think she ever knew. And so I relinquish my hold on her, quietly, without fanfare or public acknowledgement. It's not a sudden thing. It takes time. But finally, I surface the pool of despair, and clamber my way out, grabbing tightly on the rails so I don't fall back in. I want her to be happy. For them to be happy. There's more important things that a school crush. There's war. Famine. Death. Abuse. All these things that are happening, things that the rain can't wash away.

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain
Telling me just what a fool I've been
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain
And let me be alone again

I think I'm ready to face the world again. The rain has washed away the physical scars, the cut on my hand from where I punched a tree and got a million splinters, or the cut on my lip that I got when I got knocked down during training. He needs her like he needs oxygen. He clings to her, she's the reason that he's going to win. I know it. And the rain heals my heart.

Oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter pater, pitter pater
Oh, oh, oh, listen to the falling rain
Pitter pater, pitter pater

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