The Date Doctor

lil_irish_girl

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 19/05/2007
Last Updated: 19/07/2007
Status: completed

Harry Potter is the Date Doctor. [try to contain your laughter] 3 dates, that's all he needs to set some guy up with the girl of his dreams. He's never let a bloke down before, and he never hopes to. But what happens when he's asked to set Ron up with the girl of Harry's dreams- Hermione? Hilarity ensues, I promise! Inspired by the movie Hitch! R&R!!!

Chapters

1. The Date Doctor

2. The Opposites!

3. Hogsmeade

4. Author's Note

5. Realizations, and a Romantic Ron?

6. Another Author's Note

7. Clubbing

8. Triple Date!

9. Muggle Games

10. The Date Doctor

1. The Date Doctor

You know how the best ideas come to you late at night? This one came to me at three in the morning. Please review!

*kisses*

lil_irish_girl

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“Alright, Seamus. Tell me about her. What's her name?”

“Pavarti.”

Harry Potter smiled. “I see, well girls like her- no, no, there's nothing wrong with her- but they like to be flattered. What you do to get her to accept the first date is to fluff her ego, then turn and walk away.”

“Well, what do I say?” Seamus asked, slightly confused.

“Say something about her hair,” Harry replied, casually leaning back in the chair. “Say... it looks stunning today, as per usual. Then walk away. She will come and ask you why you said it. You say... say she's got great hair, and it was high time you said something about it. Then turn and walk away again. She will follow you again, and ask you why you didn't hit on her. You say... you didn't come over there to hit on her, you came over to tell her that her hair looked nice. Continue talking for a little bit about nonsense, but make sure you're paying attention. Then, when a silence hits, ask her to go to Hogsmeade with you this weekend.”

“And you're sure this'll work?” Seamus questioned, apparently still skeptical.

“Of course,” was the reply from the dark haired wizard.

“Alright,” said Seamus as he got up from the couch in the Gryffindor common room. He shook Harry's hand and started towards the portrait hole. “Thanks, HP!” he yelled over his shoulder.

“Another soon-to-be satisfied customer,” Harry murmured as he grabbed his backpack and began his Potions homework.

Haven't you heard? Harry Potter is the Date Doctor. He has never led someone wrong, and he never plans to. 3 dates- that's all he needs to set some lucky guy up with the girl of his dreams. He knows what women want, and he's all too happy to let other guys in on the secret: men need to flatter. They need to be sweet. They need to care. Apparently, men just don't see that. And Harry, otherwise known as “the Date Doctor,” or “HP,” takes it very seriously as his job to make men see the light.

THE NEXT DAY

Harry was lying on his four poster bed, staring up at the ceiling, waiting for Seamus to come in and tell him how it went. No less than five minutes later the door burst open and there was Seamus: a giant smile on his face.

“Harry!” he practically yelled. “It worked! She said yes! Everything you said would happen, happened!”

“Tell me what happened.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“I told her everything you said to tell me about her hair,” Seamus started. “And she responded in the exact way you told me she would. Then after the silence, I asked her to Hogsmeade and she said yes!”

“Yeah, that's fantastic,” Harry said in a disguised bored voice as he sat up on the bed to face Seamus. “Now, during your date in Hogsmeade, walk around to random stores, like that one jewelry store that I can't remember. But, under no circumstances are you to buy her anything. I don't care if she begs you- buy her nothing. If she wants it bad enough, she'll pay for it herself. After the random walking, go to the Three Broomsticks. Order two butterbeers. Then talk a little- it doesn't really matter what about. Anything, really- what she wants to do after Hogwarts, her friends, anything. Just pay attention to what she is saying. Don't stare at her mouth. Don't picture her naked.” Seamus blushed. “That way, when she asks for your say on the matter, you have something better to say than “you've got a great mouth,” or “You. Me. My dorm. Now.” After you're done with Hogsmeade, ask her to go dancing with you next week.”

“But how will we go dancing?” Seamus asked, befuddled.

“I've got the hook up,” replied Harry nonchalantly. “Just don't forget what I said.”

“I won't,” promised Seamus. “And I gotta split. Later, HP.”

And he was gone.

“Date one is a go,” Harry murmured as he lay back down and stared at the ceiling once again.

SATURDAY NIGHT

Harry was sitting on the couch, finishing up his Transfiguration homework when Seamus graciously walked into the common room.

“How did it go?” Harry asked, setting his homework down.

“Terrific,” Seamus replied as he sat down in a chair. “Everything went just as you said. We went to the jewelry store, then the Three Broomsticks, and I didn't look at her mouth. Or picture her naked.” he added quietly. “And then when it was over, I asked her dancing next week and she said yes.”

“OK,” Harry said. “Now when you're dancing, don't make a fool of yourself. None of the electric eel, or the slide, or the hand jive, nothing like that. At one point when she has her back turned to you, place your hand on the small of her back and whisper in her ear if she wants to get a drink, like it's a secret. Just be careful where you stick your hand. Too high says I just want to be friends, and too low says I just wanna get inside your knickers as fast as possible. When you're done dancing, take a little walk outside. Do not try to hold her hand. That is a sign of near desperation for women on the second date. Unless she knows you well, which isn't the case, so no hand holding. When you get back to Hogwarts, ask her if she wants to catch a Muggle movie with you on Friday night.”

“Alright,” Seamus yawned. “I'll do that. Have a good night, Harry.”

“Yeah, good night,” Harry replied. “More like bad night. Hermione isn't here.” he muttered to himself in an undertone. Or haven't you heard? Harry is head-over-heels in love with Hermione, but it seems that whenever he tries to talk to her he a.) gets tongue-tied. b.) loses his train of thought. Or c.) babbles like an idiot. And, it seemed that lately she was a bit preoccupied. With what, Harry had no clue, and it drove him mad. But, seeing as he couldn't do anything about it, poor Harry was left to lay awake every night, wondering about what could be.

SUNDAY MORNING

“Wake up, Harry! I'm gonna burst if you don't help me!!”

Harry groaned as Seamus kicked him awake. Sitting up groggily, he mumbled, “Yeah, Seamus, I'm up. What did you want to tell me so badly?”

“About my date with Pavarti,” the young man replied. “It went just according to plan. I placed my hand on her lower back and whispered in her ear, just the exact place you told me, and I swear to Merlin she shivered!”

“OK, Seamus,” Harry said, now slowly pacing the room. “Second date. Muggle movie. Which one were you thinking of taking her to?”

“Something action-packed!” Seamus said enthusiastically. “Like Saving Private Ryan!”

“Good thought,” Harry replied. “But no. Take her to something lovey-dovey... A Walk To Remember. Take her to that.”

Seamus made a face. “But that's a chick flick!” he whined.

“Yes,” said the dark haired wizard slowly. “And you are taking a chick to this movie. It's a tear-jerker. She'll be sobbing all over you the entire time.”

“Haha, sweet!” Seamus yelled as he slapped Harry a high-five.

“Yeah, it is sweet,” Harry thoughts were preoccupied with Hermione. “Just don't get freaked out by tears. Comfort her. Now, after the movie, you will walk her back to Hogwarts. Talk a little. In this instance, you can hold her hand. When you get back to Hogwarts, you can kiss her.” Seamus looked at Harry in slight shock. “Most women believe that they can tell where a relationship will be by the way we, the guys, kiss them.” Harry explained. “When you kiss her, don't appear tentative, but don't attack her mouth. Make the kiss sweet until she decides to either end it, or deepen it. Then just improvise from there.”

“OK, HP,” Seamus replied, apparently still trying to memorize everything Harry had just said. “I'm gonna head to breakfast. See ya!”

“'Bye,” Harry mumbled as Seamus practically skipped out of the room. Then he smiled. “Ah, we are so close to my work being done. Then I can focus on what's been up with Hermione lately.” Harry tumbled back into bed and fell asleep again almost instantly.

LATE SATURDAY NIGHT

Harry looked up from the chair he was currently dozing in to see Seamus and..... who was that with him?

“Hiya, Harry,” Seamus said, walking up to the armchair, his arm around the waist of a pretty little lady.

“Hey, Seamus,” Harry muttered. “Who's this you got here?”

“Harry, it's me!” Pavarti said, somewhat incredulously. “Seamus here says that you hooked us up.”

“Yep, that's me.” Harry's lips curved into a small smile. “How's it goin' for you guys?”

“Terrific,” Pavarti responded as she tightened her grip on Seamus' waist. “I would have never gone out with him without help from you.”

“That's my job,” Harry said modestly. “I'm here to help.”

“Yeah, well,” Seamus was obviously anxious about something. “We're going up to my dorm now. See ya, HP!”

“'Bye, Harry.” They both left quite hurriedly. Harry chuckled.

“I'm not going up to my dorm room for a while,” he mumbled. Just then Harry's red-haired best friend walked through the portrait hole.

“Hey, Harry,” Ron Weasley said casually. “What's up? Tired?”

“Very.” Harry rubbed his eyes to prove his point. “But nothing's up. You might not want to go to the dorm for a little bit- Seamus just went up there with Pavarti.”

“They got together?” Ron's face was that of complete shock.

“With the help of yours truly, the Date Doctor.” Harry looked pleased with himself.

“Actually, Harry, I was going to talk to you about that...” Ron started, but was cut off by a bushy-haired woman walking through the portrait hole.

“Hey guys,” Hermione Granger, the boys' best friend, said jovially. Harry's heart skipped. “What's up?”

“Not much,” Ron said hurriedly. “We're not supposed to go up to our dorm for a little while.”

Hermione looked confused. “Why not?”

“Because Seamus is up there with Pavarti.”

“Oh.” Hermione looked at her watch. “Well, I'm off to bed.” she gave both boys a tiny peck on the cheek. “See you two in the morning.” She walked up to the girls' dorm. Ron sighed.

“So Ron,” Harry prompted. “You wanted to talk to me about something?”

“What?” Ron looked confused. “Oh yeah. I wanted to ask you if the Date Doctor could help me.”

“The Date Doctor's willing to help any bloke.” Harry replied. “Who is it?”

Ron blushed. “I'd rather not say at the moment.”

“OK,” Harry looked suspicious. “Tell me a little bit about her.”

“She sweet, and funny, and bloody gorgeous. She's really intelligent, and I think I'm in love with her.”

“What's her name?” Harry asked.

“It's Hermione.”

Oh my God, Ron Weasley is a goddamn dead man.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What did you guys think? Liked it, hated it? I will update as soon as possible, I swear! Will Harry help Ron? Or screw everything up for him? Review and I'll update faster!!

lil_irish_girl

2. The Opposites!

Before I continue with the second chapter, I'd like to clear something up that Mythica brought to my attention. Seamus and Parvati were NOT going up there to shag. More of a heated lip-lock thing, Harry and Ron were just being considerate and didn't want to interrupt. Just thought I'd fix that little blurry part.

I'm terribly sorry, but I spelled Parvati's name wrong in the first chapter! *embarrassed blush*

(thanks to Cool 'n' Casual for pointing that out.) Sorry!

Also- I swear to God this is a H/Hr story: do you think Harry would put up with his best friend getting the love of his life? With his help??

I don't think so.... which is why Harry takes his advice and puts it all backwards! I've said enough. Here's the second chapter!

*kisses*

lil_irish_girl

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Oh my God, Ron Weasley is a goddamn dead man.

All Harry could do was stare at Ron. Things were going through his head a mile a minute.

He can't love Hermione! I do!!! I could steer him wrong, but that goes against my morals.... aw, screw the damn morals, this is Hermione we're talking about!...... I'll tell him the OPPOSITES of what women- especially Hermione- want! Dude, you are a genius!

“OK,” Harry said, feigning patience. “Tell me what you like about her.”

“I like the way she bites her pencil when she's thinking. I like how she doesn't care when people make fun of her, or when her hair goes everywhere.” Ron was practically bouncing up and down in his chair. “And... I love the way she says my name.” he finished with a sigh, falling backwards semi-dramatically with his eyes closed.

Back the hell off, buddy, she's mine. Harry thought. Then he noticed that Ron was still daydreaming. “Ron!” Harry sounded irritated.

“Yeah, she says it just like that,” the red head said dreamily, his eyes still closed.

Harry sighed. “No, I meant focus if you want my advice on how to get Hermione.” he was repulsed by what he was saying. Ron's attention was caught, however, and he sat straight up, looking eagerly at Harry.

“Yeah?”

“Well,” Harry started, trying not to punch Ron very hard in the mouth. “Girls like Hermione aren't very interested in dating in general, so you have to be a little more secretive. Oh yeah, a quick point of reference-” Opposites, opposites, opposites... “-the girls think it's hot when you totally dominate the conversation. Let them listen, you talk.”

“OK.” Ron was taking mental notes. We talk, they listen. “How do I get her on the first date with me?”

She'd never go out with a guy as thick as you. Harry thought smugly. “To get the first date set up, you need to do something simple... ask her to help you with your homework in the library, which she's going to say yes to because you guys are best friends.”

“Potential lovers.” Ron said absent-mindedly, staring at the ceiling. Harry's eyes widened.

You lay a finger on her and I'll make sure it's the last damn thing you ever touch.

“OK, so to when you two are in the library,” Opposites, opposites, opposites... Harry used his hands to air-quote the word. “'Accidentally' brush your leg against hers a few more times than once. But make it look like you're trying to do it, confusing them always works.”

Confuse them. “What else?”

Opposites, opposites, opposites, let's see... Girls don't like pick-up lines. “Girls love pick-up lines. When you're in the library, try a few like “Is it hot in here or is it just me?”, “Do you know karate? Cause your body is kickin'.” and stuff like that. You can probably improvise for part of it.”

Pick-up lines. “Any last thing you forgot to mention?”

Girls don't like to be stared at. “Yeah, stare at her. Girls feel special if they know they're being looked at. When she's done helping you, ask her to go to Hogsmeade with you on Saturday.”

Stare, Hogsmeade. “OK. Thanks Harry!” Ron left. As soon as he did, Harry started laughing as quietly as possible.

“This is gonna be so hilarious!” Harry was ecstatic. “I've got to watch this under my Invisibility Cloak!”

And he proceeded to do just that.

FRIDAY NIGHT: THE LIBRARY

“It it hot in here or is it just me?” Ron asked as sexily as possible, staring at Hermione the entire time. She glanced up from the book she was reading long enough to look at Ron worriedly.

“I suppose it is a little hot in here.” she said. “Maybe you should go to the Hospital Wing and see Madame Pomfrey?”

Thatta girl, Hermione. Harry thought from his safety spot- the table next to Ron and Hermione, hidden underneath his Invisibility Cloak. This is going just as planned.

Ron “accidentally” brushed his leg against hers. “I don't think that will be necessary.” his voice sounded throaty and came out in a whisper. “I've got the smartest witch at Hogwarts right here.”

Oh dear God, he did NOT go there.

Hermione blushed. “Thank you, R-” she was cut off when the red head brushed his leg against hers again. “What's under the table?” Hermione stuck her head underneath it to find the non-existent offender. “It keeps brushing against my leg!” she resurfaced and began reading again, brushing a few stray strands of hair out of her face. “Ron? What are you staring at?” Hermione just noticed that he had been looking at her intently the whole time.

“Just something,” he responded breathlessly.

“Do I have something on my face?” Hermione asked half hysterically, her hand flying up to her cheek, the corner of her mouth, and any other place she thought what Ron was staring at was located.

“No, you don't have anything on your face.” Ron brushed his leg against hers for a third time.

“WHAT IS IT WITH THAT BLOODY THING UNDER THE TABLE?!” Hermione practically screamed. “Is it brushing against your leg, too, Ronald??”

“Not exactly.” He was inching closer to Hermione's face.

No, no, no, no, NO! He is NOT going to try to kiss her!

“You know you've got great eyes, Hermione. They're like two crystal clear pools of blue.” Ron was staring at her mouth, however.

Harry started laughing, but soon caught himself by putting his hand over his mouth. Oh dear Merlin, how is she going to respond???

“Um, Ron?” she began, stifling her laughter like Harry. “My eyes are brown.”

“That's what I meant.” Ron was still staring at her mouth. “Two crystal clear pools of mud.”

Wrong!

“My eyes are... that doesn't work, Ron. Mud isn't crystal clear. Ron? Ron!”

“Huh?” Ron was pulled out of his stupor by Hermione placing her hand on his chin and forcing him to look at her eyes. Her brown eyes.

“You said my eyes were two crystal clear pools of mud.”

“Did I?” Ron was still in a daze. “You've got a great mouth.”

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. No he didn't! He wasn't paying attention to what she was saying!

“Ron? Aren't I supposed to be helping you with your homework?”

“Such a lovely mouth.” Ron was out of it.

Hermione sighed. “You know what? I have to go. There's something I need to talk about with Parvati. Bye, Ron.”

The red head came back to Earth when he saw that she was leaving.

“Hermione, wait!” she stopped and turned around.

“Yes?”

“Will you... erm, that is, would you like to... go to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow?”

Hermione froze, then gave him a small smile. “Sure, Ron, I'll go to Hogsmeade with you tomorrow.” then she left.

Why didn't that work? Harry asked himself. Why did she say yes? She was supposed to say no! No, no, no!!! Ugh, this sucks. He snuck out of the library and back up to the common room. Five minutes later, Ron skipped through the portrait hole to find Harry lying on the couch, his eyes closed.

“Hey, mate?” Ron asked, pushing Harry a little. “You awake?”

“I am now.” Harry sat up. “So how did the whole thing with Hermione go? What happened?”

“Everything went perfectly,” Ron lied. Harry fought back a snicker. “I didn't say anything wrong.

How can he lie to my face? Harry thought. “And what did she say when you asked her to Hogsmeade tomorrow?”

“She said she'd love to.” was the response.

I wonder what else he's been lying to me about, perhaps that girlfriend he had in Romania when he went with Charlie?

“OK, now I'll fill you in on how to act on your date at Hogsmeade later tonight.” Harry said. “Right now I've got to go to the library to look something up in a book.”

“Alright, later HP!”

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Harry thought as Ron went up to the dormitory. I've got to screw Ron up on how to date a girl. End of story. Oh, why do these kinds of things have to be so fucking hard???

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Tadaa! Second chapter up! Hope you guys liked it! I will have Ron & Hermione's date at Hogsmeade on the next chapter, with in-depth details of EVERYTHING, including how Harry spies on them! Just to give you a quick sneak peek, in the next chapter there's gonna be:

~A date

~Too much “accidental” touching, and maybe a smack or two ;)

~A woman who's really a man

AND

~Flirting between Harry&Hermione! At long last!

Review please!!! I'm encouraged to update when I get reviews! Constructive criticism is welcomed! I love you all!!

lil_irish_girl

3. Hogsmeade

You guys should feel seriously loved right now. I worked on this all through school, and now I don't get the homework! I was laughing sooo hard while writing this- hopefully you will laugh while reading this! I took advice from one of my reviewers (Cool 'n' Casual again- actual name: Aayush) and I

1. Made this chapter a little more mysterious- keep you guessing a little.

2. (hopefully) added a few fillers rather than just jumping into whatever it was the characters were talking about.

3. AND made the chapter a little longer. It's longer than I planned, actually. Ten whole pages!!!

Oh, and Aayush? I haven't seen 'When Harry met Sally.' =D

Enjoy chapter three!!

*kisses*

lil_irish_girl

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“Oh, now this plan is genius.”

Harry was sitting at one of the tables in the library, going over his strategy of how to make Ron mess up with Hermione.

“Just one more detail I need to add and... perfect!” Harry stood up and quickly walked out of the library, looking for a certain red haired witch. He ran into her, literally, as he was walking past the Great Hall. She stumbled a bit, then looked to see who had run into her.

“Hi Harry!” Ginny said happily as the two started walking down to the Gryffindor common room. “How goes it with getting Hermione? Have you wooed her yet?”

“Not exactly.” Harry looked sad. “She's going out to Hogsmeade with Ron tomorrow morning.”

Ginny gasped. “No way!” she exclaimed, shocked, as they walked through the portrait hole and sat down on a couch. “That's awful, he's so wrong for her! And he must know that Luna fancies him, why doesn't he bloody go out with her?”

“That's a good question, but it doesn't matter right now.” the dark haired boy looked excited about something. “I've got a plan! It's all figured out, I just need to get these things.” he handed her a list. A very long list. Ginny quickly scanned it, then smiled widely.

“What are you planning to do with all this?” Ginny looked half confused, half amused. She began quoting the list. “'Fake nails, long blonde Dolly Parton wig, nylons'?”

“The nylons are because I refuse to shave my legs and lose my manly essence, but the rest is a surprise.” Harry grinned. “If you want to figure out what I'm doing with them, stop by the Three Broomsticks tomorrow around twelve. In the mean time, though, do you know where I can find these things?”

It was Ginny's turn to grin. “Just step inside my closet.” The two started laughing as Ginny took Harry into her dorm room to get everything on that list of his.

~*~*~*~*~

Back up in the boys' dorm, Ron was pacing around his bed, waiting for Harry to come so he could get briefed on what to do on his and Hermione's date tomorrow.

Where is he? Ron was beginning to get worried when Harry came running through the door holding a giant bag.

“Uh, hey mate.” Harry turned around to face Ron, looking guilty. “What's in the bag?”

“Um.... uh....” Harry stuttered. “Feminine products.” he thought it best not to lie; this WAS Ron.

“Feminine products?” Ron looked disgusted. “You don't mean those things... that girls use during their... during that time of the month, do you?”

Harry made a face. “Eww, no! It's just, make up and hair products and lots of other things I bought for.... Ginny.”

“Oh! What, are you sweet on my sister now?” Ron waggled his eyebrows. “You must be. So when did you two get together?”

“We're not together, Ron.” Harry looked surprisingly calm. “She just couldn't leave her room because she had to finish an essay and she asked me to buy these things for her.” That sounded like a reasonable lie, didn't it?

Ron raised his hands. “Whatever, but I still say you and my sister got together and you went all girly on me and bought,” he scrunched up his face like he was eating a lemon while he said the last of his sentence. “Girl products.”

You were right about the me going girly on you part. Harry thought mischievously. “Didn't I come up here to help you on your date? If you really don't want my help, I'll just go...”

“No!” Ron looked afraid. “That was totally wrong and uncalled for, and I'll never do it again. Please help me?” he gave Harry the best puppy dog pout he could muster.

“OK, OK,” Harry said, laughing. “I'll help you if you get that puppy dog look off your face.” Ron had a straight face before Harry could finish his sentence.

“OK, now on your date in Hogsmeade, take her to all the places you like. Refuse to take her anywhere that has lace, frills, jewelry, or girly colors, like pink. At twelve o'clock, take her to the Three Broomsticks. Order two butterbeers. Like I said the other day, girls think it's hot when you totally dominate the conversation, so talk a lot. While you're drinking the butterbeer, make small talk. Occasionally let her have some say in matters, but don't listen to her. After the Three Broomsticks, cut her loose for a little, let her wander by herself. Then meet back up with her and walk back to the castle. Try to hold her hand. If she won't let you, wrap your arms around her waist.”

“Why should I take her to the Three Broomsticks at twelve?” Ron looked very confused.

“Because I said so.” Harry sounded like a six year old insisting he was right. Ron rolled his eyes.

“OK, is that all?” Ron stood up. “Or is there anything else I need to know?”

Is there anything else he needs to know? “Uh, yeah. Flirt with other girls when possible. That way you can see if she gets jealous.” And I can see if Hermione actually likes Ron.

“Alright.” Ron walked toward the door. “I got to go talk to McGonagall about some stupid prank that I didn't do. See ya!”

Once he was gone, Harry tipped the bag he had upside-down and spilled its contents onto his four poster bed.

“Time to put this plan into action.” Harry said to himself, smiling, as he lifted a size 42DD bra out of the pile. His expression turned puzzled. “Now how am I going to fit this?”

~*~*~*~*~

“Hogsmeade should be fun, shouldn't it?” Ron asked, facing Hermione as they were walking down towards the village.

“Yeah, there's a new book at Flourish and Blotts and I want to go check it out.” Hermione answered, a hint of excitement in her voice.

“Let's go to Quality Quidditch Supplies instead!” Ron grabbed her hand and practically dragged her away.

“OK, Ron.” Hermione looked bored as she was led by Ron into the store. Today is going to be very interesting, she thought.

~*~*~*~*~

Back at the boys' dorm, Harry was putting on nylons with the help of Ginny. Harry was none too happy about the whole thing, but felt that it was needed in order for his plan to work.

“Why do these things have to be so itchy?” he whined. Ginny laughed. “I don't know how girls put up with this stuff, and they're riding up!”

“Well, if you stopped moving they wouldn't ride up and we could put this stuff on much faster.” Ginny was fighting back laughter as she looked at Harry. He wore a Dolly Parton blonde wig that was very curly and stopped halfway down his back. He had just recently put on long, fake red nails. Harry was sporting a 42DD black bra that had recently been stuffed with about three rolls of 2-ply toilet paper. He was wearing a knee length maroon dress, and color contacts (which made his eyes a baby blue.) When the nylons were finally on, Ginny stepped back to admire her work.

“How do I look?” Harry turned around so she could see him from all angles. “Do I look like I'm s'posed to?”

“You look perfect,” Ginny decided, nodding her head. “There's just two more things you need...”

“What's that?” Harry looked apprehensive- Ginny had a history of bad ideas.

“Make up and high heels. And we have to cover your scar. Oh! And we're going to have to shave your face so they won't know it's you.”

“No!!!!!!”

~*~*~*~*~

“Ron, you know I don't like Quidditch supplies. Why are we in here?”

“Because I wanted to go in here.” Ron told Hermione as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Now after I'm done paying for this, we're gonna go to the Owl Emporium...” he looked at his watch. “... and then we're gonna hit the Three Broomsticks.”

“But why are we...?” Hermione started, then she sighed. “... Never mind.” she knew all too well that questioning Ron would only lead to a shouting match, which would lead to staring, so it was probably better that she keep her mouth shut. When Ron had finished buying whatever it was he'd apparently wanted, they walked out the door and began walking towards the Owl Emporium, Hermione looking severely bored the entire way.

~*~*~*~*~

As inconspicuously as possible, Harry, dressed as a woman, walked into the Three Broomsticks. “She” went over to the bar and looked for someone who worked there to talk to.

“Are you Irene?” a young man, no more than twenty, stood behind the bar with his arms crossed. A scowl was placed on his face. Harry thought a minute, then replied.

“Yes.” his voice sounded about an octave higher than usual. “I'm Irene.” The man glared at Harry.

“You are over an hour late, Irene!” he stormed. “Where were you? What were you doing that was so important that you couldn't come to work on time??”

Harry contemplated for a little on his answer, then decided hysteria was the best way out of the mess he was apparently in. “I was folding socks!” he half-yelled, making sure that people could hear him. “Is there something wrong with folding socks?! I did NOT want my socks to be all un-folded and stuff!! Is that my fault?” by this time, half the people in the pub were looking at “Irene.” Harry smiled inwardly and continued yelling. “I mean, seriously, I am challenged in the art of folding socks, OK? It takes me longer to fold them then normal people!!! If you don't have the decency to-”

“Alright, alright!” the man hissed. “I'll let it slide this time, but only if you shut up! Now go do your job. Bus the tables before I fire you.”

“Yes, sir.” Harry mock-saluted. Then he turned and looked at the front door. He smiled- Ron and Hermione just walked in: Ron looked hyper-happy for some odd reason, and Hermione looked flat out annoyed. They sat at a table in the back. Harry took the apron thing the bus-girls were supposed to wear and walked back to where the two of them were sitting.

“Hello!” Irene welcomed them cheerily, his voice still an octave higher than normal. “What can I get you lovebirds today?”

“We're not lovebirds-” Hermione started, but was cut off by Ron, who was apparently entranced by Irene.

“We'll have two butterbeers.”

“OK!” Irene was very perky, and Harry made sure to jump a little more than normal in order to make his dress- more like his bra- a little more comfortable. Ron wasn't complaining: instead, he was staring at “her” chest. Harry walked away to get the butterbeers when he ran into a young woman.

“You're falling out of your dress!” Ginny laughed, obviously enjoying herself. “I can't believe I let you walk out of Hogwarts like that!”

“Hey, don't sound like my mother.” Harry was laughing, too. “And please, honey, I make this dress work.” he spun around to show her.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Ginny dismissed. “Now don't you have a table to bus or something?”

“Yes, I do. Now go sit down and enjoy the show! Just don't stare at my arse too long, or I shall have to smack you, darling.” With that, he left, leaving a hysterical Ginny in his wake.

“So Hermione, are you enjoying Hogsmeade so far?” Ron asked, not really looking for an answer, but Harry told him to make small talk.

“I suppose.” Hermione said in a monotone. “But I still don't understand why we can't go to Flourish and-”

“Did you see our Quidditch game the other day?” Harry told Ron not to listen, so he didn't. “We totally killed Slytherin, it was awesome!”

Hermione didn't have to respond, however, because Irene came back with the butterbeers. Just as “she” was about to approach the table, Harry tripped in the three inch heels Ginny made him wear. Butterbeer spilled all over Hermione's front and all over Harry's chest. Harry gasped loudly.

“Oh my! Dear, I'm so sorry!” Irene was mortified.

“No, no, it's OK.” Hermione seemed all too happy to leave the table. “I was going to go to the bathroom anyway to freshen up a bit. Ron, do you mind?”

“Not at all.” Ron was staring at Irene. “Go ahead.” She left quickly. Ron looked inquiringly at Harry.

“You got that butterbeer spilled on you too, didn't you?” Ron was skeptical about something.

“Yes, I'm such a clutz.” Harry faked a giggle. “I'm just not used to these new heels, they're much too high.”

“Then why don't you have butterbeer on you?”

Harry looked down at his chest, and then immediately went into panic mode. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. The toilet paper in my bra absorbed the butterbeer I spilled on myself! How the hell am I going to explain this one???

“Oh, it's...” Harry was stalling for time. “It's... it's magic, dear, must you question it?”

Ron couldn't respond to that because Hermione came back, the butterbeer completely gone and a smile was on her face.

“I'm back.” Hermione said happily. “Irene? Do you think we could get a couple of fresh butterbeers over here?”

“Sure dear, no problem at ALL!” Harry jumped, then realization hit him and he was prepared to smack Ron across the face for being such an idiot. He had just grabbed Irene's ass! Harry walked back to the table where Ginny was sitting and pretended to take her order while telling her something that he didn't want anyone else to hear.

“He grabbed your arse, thinking you were a woman??” Ginny was disgusted. “Well this proves that I did an excellent job in making you look like a woman.”

“Thanks for your ego, Gin.” Harry was none too pleased. “Now I have to put up with him! What do I do?”

“Up his ego,” was the answer from Ginny. “Flirt back.”

“But I'm not gay!” Harry replied indignantly. “And Ron is my best friend, I'm not flirting with him!”

“Are you forgetting that you look like a woman?!” Ginny hissed. “Play the part! Now go get them the butterbeers before they leave!”

When Irene came back to the table with the butterbeer, Ron wasn't there, but Hermione was. Harry set the drinks down.

“So where'd that cutie you're with get to?” Harry absent-mindedly adjusted his apron.

“He excused himself to the bathroom.” was the reply from Hermione.

“I see. Is he a good boyfriend?” Harry honestly wanted to see Hermione's response.

Her cheeks tinted red as she averted Harry's eyes. “He's not my boyfriend. Ron's just a friend.”

Harry temporarily forgot that he was in a woman suit. “Well, seeing as you're not with red-head, wanna go with me? We could make a Kodak moment.” he immediately regretted it.

Hermione's eyes widened. Oh my God! Dear Merlin, what do I say? What in God's name do I say?? No! No!

Fortunately she didn't have to say anything. Ron decided to come back at that moment. Hermione quickly excused herself to the bathroom, her face beet red. Harry chided himself for being so stupid. Ron, however, was completely oblivious to the situation.

“So,” Ron said sexily once Hermione was out of earshot. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

Play along, play along. Harry reminded himself. “No, I don't.” Irene said innocently, batting her eyelashes. “What what about Hermione?”

“She doesn't matter right now,” Ron whispered, obviously lying through his teeth. Harry had told him to flirt with other girls, so that's what he was doing. “Wanna go make a Kodak moment?” Just then Hermione came back, her face somewhat less red.

“I'm sorry for what I said earlier, Ms. Granger.” Harry meant it with all his heart. “I wasn't myself.”

“That's quite alright.” Hermione looked a bit happier.

“Thank you for accepting my apology Ms. GRANGER!” Harry turned around in outrage to glare at an “innocent” looking Ron. He had grabbed Irene's ass again!

“Is there a problem, Ms. Irene?” Ron looked sweetly at her eyes, then at Harry's chest. Irene responded by slapping Ron. Hard. The whole pub went silent. Hermione looked stricken. Ginny was laughing uncontrollably somewhere in the background- she knew what had happened.

“What the bloody hell was that for?” Ron looked hysterical.

“For letting your hand 'accidentally' slip two times too many!” was the angry reply, followed by another slap. “The butterbeer's on the house,” Irene said sweetly. “I suggest you leave now.” Ron and Hermione did so without another word.

Once they were outside, Ron muttered something about meeting back there in an hour, which Hermione was all too happy to agree to. She hurried over to Flourish and Blotts, gratefully sank into a beanbag chair, and began to read. About ten minutes later, her reading was interrupted.

“Excuse me, miss?” a young man said. “Are you Hermione Granger?”

At the mention of her name, she looked up and surveyed the boy. Tall, lanky frame with jet black, uncontrollable hair. He could have been Harry's twin, but he didn't have a scar and his eyes were a baby blue.

“Yes, I'm Hermione Granger,” she said, closing her book. “And who are you?”

“My name is Matt.” he shook her hand. “I noticed you were in the middle of an... argument down at the Three Broomsticks. I was wondering if you were all right.”

“Yes, I'm- fine.” Hermione couldn't stop staring into Matt's eyes. She was entranced. She couldn't look away. Not that she wanted to, anyway.

“Would you care to walk outside a bit with me?” he asked. “I promise that we'll come back to the bookstore.” All Hermione could do was nod her head and take his hand as he helped her up and led her outside.

“That boy you were with,” Matt started as they began walking. “That was Ron Weasley, right?”

“Yes,” Hermione said. “I'm really sorry, but I didn't quite catch your name. What is it again?”

Harry Potter. “Matt Johnson. Now, Ron Weasley, he's your best friend, yes?”

“Yes.” Hermione seemed to be at a loss for words.

“Does he treat you right?” Harry looked curious. “Not abuse, that wasn't what I meant at all, but just that he doesn't treat you like an equal?”

“Not exactly.” Hermione was in deep thought. “I guess he doesn't treat me like an equal, no.”

“You have another friend, Harry Potter, right? Does he treat you like an equal?” Harry wanted to know what she thought.

“Harry treats me like an equal.” Hermione's voice was definite, and somewhat... defending?

“Do you ever feel trapped?” Harry suddenly asked. “Like you're surrounded by logic and you can't follow your dream?”

“That's exactly how I feel!” Hermione said, surprised, as they walked back into Flourish and Blotts. “You know, Matt, I've only been talking to you for about twenty minutes and I feel like I've known you forever. Can I give you a hug?” she added shyly. “A friendly hug?”

When Harry nodded, she wrapped her arms around his neck, his around her waist.

“Maybe you have known me forever.” Harry murmured. “You see me all the times, perhaps.”

“Maybe I was looking but I wasn't really seeing.” Hermione answered, her voice muffled against his shirt.

“I could only be so lucky to know a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful woman like you.” Harry meant every word with all his heart.

They broke apart a minute later and looked into each other's eyes. Their faces were a mere inch apart.

Oh my Lord, I'm going to kiss her! Then a sense of dread washed over him- he knew what was going to happen.

“There's only one thing that can- and will- ruin this.” his voice came out in a whisper, his breath hot against her skin.

“What's that?” Hermione's lips were slightly parted, practically begging to be kissed.

“The best friend will come to break up this little party in three,” he moved a bit closer to her mouth. “Two,” they were less than a half an inch apart. “One,” his lips had almost brushed against hers when...

“HERMIONE!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

How didja guys like it?? I worked hard on it- please please please review!! The slap didn't exactly turn out how you thought it would, did it? REVIEW AND I WILL UPDATE FASTER! I swear! *he he* I love you all so so so so so so much!!!

lil_irish_girl

4. Author's Note

Hey guys! No, this isn't an update to the story, but an author's note.

I want to thank you lot so much for reviewing this story. You inspire me to write more and make it as good as it can be.

I know that, as Aayush pointed out, Hermione was totally OOC in that previous chapter. People notice this (in the fic, I mean: it's part of the story) and I make it work for me. You think I don't know what I'm doing? 'Mione had a laps of judgment, we all have those days. And for those who say it's impossible and/or improbable for someone to almost kiss someone within twenty minutes of meeting them- it is possible. It happened to me.

Hermione being OOC a small part of the fic- don't ask me to change it, it's all planned out. Things will unfold, I swear.

I know that most of your reviews have been completely positive: “Love the fic. Hilarious. Keep up the good work! Update!” stuff like that.

Others have given me criticism: “It was really good, but here's what you could do better, or shouldn't this have happened?...” and for those of you who give me that, I thank you. I'm not saying that all of you should criticize my work, I love the positive stuff, but people who do give me criticism show me that I'm not perfect (and trust me, I know I'm not) and that my fanfiction does need work. I am now going to personally thank every one of you who reviewed (those whose name I know, anyway.)

- harry_hermione_love

- alayneni

- Skyblucool

- fire spikes

- wizardchick292

- van_twitch

- Nimbus02

- Julie3291

- autumnRose

- missmonet

- MissStudyHolic

- sakura_txell

- cathycicek

- Jessy

- yesi

- cosmopolitan411

- Anso

- kasmira36

- rainbow star

- Bra4goten

- Kiera

- Cateagle

- synch14

- Saadman

- i found nemo

- MoonlightTears

- Bob55

- Mythica

- Aayush (Cool 'n' Casual)

And of course all you who reviewed anonymously. It means so much to me that you took time to write me a little note, showing that you like what I'm writing. I am currently working very hard on the fourth chapter, which is to be titled “Clubbing.” Things will reveal themselves a little bit more and Hermione fixes her her newfound ways.
Just so you guys know- I do appreciate and read every criticism review I get. I try to make myself better by taking what you say and putting it into my writing styles.

Suggestions for the story are welcome as well.

I love you all so much! Look for the fourth chapter!

*kisses*

lil_irish_girl

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

5. Realizations, and a Romantic Ron?

'Ello again! Guess what? I lied. This chapter isn't all about clubbing, I kinda decided to take a step back and not rush it. This is pretty much just to tide you over so I can work on the clubbing scene. School is almost over and I am so happy! Then I'll be able to update that much quicker. Thank you soo much to all of you who reviewed, I love you lots! Here's the fourth chapter!!

*kisses*

lil_irish_girl

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry was gone before Hermione could open her eyes. Ron came up a second later.

“There you are.” he looked so out of place in a book shop. “Ready to go back to Hogwarts?” Ron shuddered. “I don't like book stores.”

“Sure.” Hermione was in deep thought so she didn't talk to Ron the entire way back, but she did stop him from both holding her hand and putting his arm around her waist.

Once the two got back to Hogwarts and up to the Gryffindor common room, Hermione told Ron she had homework to finish and she went upstairs to her dorm. When she got to her bed, Hermione flung herself onto it and cried. For what reason, she did not know, but she did.

“What was I doing?” Hermione asked the empty room. “What was I thinking? Where did logical Hermione go, damnit!? I almost kissed Matt, and I had only known him for like, twenty minutes!! This is madness, I tell you, pure madness. But the only reason I almost kissed him was because...” realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She incredulously whispered the last of her sentence. “...because he looked like Harry. He had Harry's personality. Ron doesn't have Harry's looks or personality. Wait- why am I comparing people to Harry?”

Because you love him. The little know-it-all voice inside Hermione's head said.

“Of course I love Harry, he's my best friend.” Hermione was talking to herself now.

You know what I mean. Love love.

“I don't love Harry like that! He's my best friend! That's just not right.”

You know you're in love with him, or you wouldn't have had that dream last night about how you...

“Shut up!” Hermione's cheeks flamed red as she recalled the night before, when she had had a very... interesting dream about Harry that she would certainly never tell another living soul about. She contemplated the idea for a while, then tilted her head to the side. “I'm in love with Harry. I have officially fallen in love with my best friend. I love Harry Potter...” She fell asleep peacefully for the first time in a long time.

The next morning Hermione came down to the Great Hall for breakfast, finding Ron and Harry already there.

Was Harry always this adorable? Hermione thought as she watched him eat. Watch it, Hermione, keep yourself in check.

“Hi boys,” she said brightly as she sat down and started putting food on her plate. “What's up?”

“Nuffink.” Ron was in the process of stuffing his mouth with food. “Wasoopvitchu?”

“I plan to do some homework after breakfast, then a little light reading.” she turned her attention to Harry. “And what do you plan to do today, Harry?”

Harry seemed to be in a trance, which was broken when Hermione started talking to him. “Huh? Oh, I'm gonna play Quidditch after breakfast, then I suppose I have to start Snape's Potions essay.”

Hermione didn't get a chance to respond because just then a small girl, no older than second year, came up to her shyly.

“Are you Hermione?” she asked, holding a small slip of paper in her hand.

“Yes, that's me.” Hermione looked somewhat confused, but smiled just the same. “What do you need, sweetie?”

“Here.” the little girl thrust the piece of paper into Hermione's hand, then smiled warmly at Harry and walked off.

“What was that about?” Hermione had obviously noticed the exchange of glances between the girl and Harry.

“What was what?” Harry appeared oblivious, staring at Hermione intently. “Was that paper she gave you? Fascinating. Why don't you read it?”

Hermione did so, and with every passing second her expression looked more and more murderous.

“What is it, Herms?” Ron had finally swallowed. “Read it to us.”

“OK,” Hermione said, then began to read:

Real eyes

Realize

Real lies

But could you tell I was in disguise?

I said Matt Johnson, well I lied.

I can only pray now I'm not identified.

There was a silence, then Ron spoke.

“What was that load of shit? What does it mean?”

“Watch your language, Ron. It means that he lied.” Hermione stared into the distance, thinking. “He probably figured out I was a major bookworm and that he couldn't want a girl like me. He backed out, and I find that incredibly low. All guys are idiotic, moronic, jerks.”

Another silence. Again Ron broke it.

“Well then, what the hell am I, a duck?”

Hermione shot daggers at the red head sitting next to her. “Yes, Ronald. You're a duck.” And she stalked off. Ron looked at Harry incredulously.

“Do I really look like a duck?” he asked.

Harry thought for a minute, then said, “No, mate. You look like an idiot.” he walked away with a murmured, “I'm going to find Hermione.” he already knew where she was, however: the library. On his way there, Harry walked by a disoriented looking witch with dreamy eyes.

“Hey Luna.” Harry said, catching her attention. “What's up?”

“There's an infestation of Nargles on the fourth floor.” Luna spoke dully and didn't look too happy about something.

“What's the problem?” Harry sat down next to her.

“Does Ron not know I exist?” she suddenly asked. “I mean, I've done pretty much everything to show him that I'm in love with him, but he's too freakin' oblivious!” Luna groaned. “He's spending too much time with Hermione, it's driving me crazy.”

“You're not alone in that boat.” Harry was thinking hard. “Ron doesn't deserve Hermione.”

“You're right about that.” Luna agreed. “Wait a minute, you fancy her, don't you?”

“I love her.” Harry was smiling. “Hey Luna, what would you say if I could help you get Ron?”

“I would ask how it could be done, and how I could help.” Luna looked oddly excited.

“All you have to do is help me with my plan to get Hermione- you'll get Ron.”

“OK, I'll help.”

Harry was grinning now. “Thanks, Luna. I'll give you more details later, right now I'm going to go find Hermione.”

On his way to the library, Harry bumped into another person, this time a male, with silky blonde hair.

“Sorry.” the boy mumbled as he brushed past, apparently deep in thought.

“Well, I never thought I'd see the day where a Malfoy apologized to a Potter.” Harry teased, looked somewhat concerned. “What's up, Malfoy?”

“I'm just confused, is all.” Draco looked at his friend. “You're not with Ginny, are you?”

Harry shook his head. “No, I'm in love with Hermione. Why?”

“I knew you had a thing for Granger.” Draco looked smug. “But I'm confused about Ginny.”

“You fancy her, don't you?”

“I think I'm in love with her.”

“Well, you've got a good chance with her, mate. I heard she doesn't fancy anyone right now, and she's got nothing against you.”

“Thanks, Potter.”

“No problem. Hey, Malfoy, would you help me with a little plan of mine if I told you that you could get Ginny in the process?”

“Sure.”

Harry smiled. “Great, I'll give you details later. I'm off to find Hermione.”

Humming tunelessly, Harry waltzed into the library. He found her, just as he suspected, buried beneath a mountain of books. Harry slowly sat down in the seat next to her.

“Hi Harry.” Hermione didn't look up from the pile of books. Aw, he came! She thought. He's so sweet.

“Hey Hermione.” Harry cautiously took a small pile of books down so he could see her face. “Are you alright?”

“I think so.” Hermione put the book down and looked directly at Harry. “Just a little confused.

Aren't we all. “Can I help?” he looked concerned.

“Can I ask you a question?” her voice turned semi-business like. “But you have to promise not to be offended.”

“Of course I won't be offended.” Harry assured. “Ask away.”

“OK. Why do guys think it's alright to mess with girls' hearts?” she said it in a rush, her eyes closed. Hermione slowly opened one to see Harry smiling softly.

“Guys... are idiotic, moronic, jerks.” Harry grinned at her as she playfully rolled her eyes. “I don't know, really. We're insensitive idiots who don't care about anyone's feelings but our own. Does that help?”

Hermione laughed softly. “No, actually, it doesn't. Thanks for trying.”

But Harry was too eager to help. “No, I'm going to help you. Tell me your situation.”

“You'll think it's silly, or stupid.” Hermione shook her head. “You're going to laugh.”

“Aw, 'Mione.” Harry got up, stood behind Hermione, and looked her in the eye. “I promise you I'm not gonna laugh.”

Hermione sighed and lay her head back, staying level because Harry was supporting her head with his hands. “When I was with Ron in Hogsmeade, we separated for a little while, and-”

“-you went to Flourish and Blotts?” Harry interrupted.

“Yes. I was in Flourish and Blotts and I ran into a guy. I went walking around with him for awhile and I-”

“- felt like you've known him forever.”

“Yeah, exactly. When we got back I gave him a hug and then-”

“- you two proceeded to kiss, which was totally unlike you.”

“Yeah.” He knows everything I'm thinking! “But we didn't. Then this morning-”

“- he sent you a little rhyme saying, or meaning, that he'd rather forget the whole thing.”

“Precisely.” Hermione gazed into Harry's eyes. “It's like you were there.”

I was there. “I'm good at guessing these kinds of things, I s'pose.”

“Apparently.” Hermione looked into his eyes helplessly again. “What should I do, Harry?”

“You honestly want my opinion?” Hermione nodded slightly. “Forget about the little jackass, you're better than him. You deserve better.”

Hermione's head shook slightly due to her laughter. “Thanks, Harry. I'll remember that for the next time some guy breaks my heart.”

“Oh, I'm sure you'll break more than your fair share of hearts, 'Mione.” Harry's tone was serious. “Guys will come around, they just need a little time to get used to the fact that there is a girl smarter than anyone.”

Hermione blushed. “You're just saying that to make me feel better.”

“No, 'Mione, I'm not.” Harry sat back down, took her hands and stared directly into her eyes. “You are truly beautiful- inside and out.”

“That's very sweet of you, Harry, but-”

“I'm not finished.” Harry's expression softened. “Hermione, I should have told you this a while ago. I-” before he could finish his sentence, a slightly irritated looking red head stormed into the library, apparently on a mission. The person looked around a little, then braced their feet and screamed.

“OH HARRYYYYYYYYYYYYY! WHERE ARE YOU?!” Ron's voice was shrill, and surprisingly high for a male.

“RON! STOP SHOUTING! I'M OVER HERE!” Harry yelled in an attempt to shut Ron up.

“NO YELLING IN THE LIBRARY!!!” Madame Pince shouted from behind her desk, loud enough for half the castle to hear.

“Madame Pince, you might want to say that again.” Ron looked smug, but spoke politely. “I think some people in China didn't hear you.” just as he skipped up to where Harry and Hermione were sitting, Harry let go of her hands and stood up.

“Where have you been?!” Ron's sudden outburst reminded Harry of Mrs. Weasley.

“Sorry mum.” Harry looked exasperated. “But bloody hell Ron, this is a library for God's sake, why were you yelling?”

“I couldn't find you.” Ron folded his arms against his chest. “And I need to talk to you. Now.”

“Do you two have a date or something?” Hermione looked amused.

“With him?! Oh God, no.” Harry looked disgusted. Ron's eyes lit up.

“Yes, in fact, we do.” Ron put his arm around Harry's shoulder, who immediately backed away, looking afraid. “We have to go talk about Harry's Firebolt.” Ron spoke through gritted teeth. Harry groaned- he hated cryptic messages. Then it sunk in. He hit his head.

“I'm sorry, I forgot, Ron.” Harry spoke quickly. “But someone was a bit preoccupied with being a duck this morning and someone had to go check on Hermione.”

“Why did you emphasize Hermione?”

“Did I? Sloppy speaking emphasis, I suppose.”

“Yes, well, whatever.” Ron grabbed Harry's hand and started pulling him towards the door. “Now let's go!” Just before they were fully out the door, Harry gave Hermione a look that obviously said “help me.” Hermione laughed when they were out of sight and ear shot.

“I will never understand boys.” she said as she returned to her homework, a small smile on her lips.

~*~*~*~*~

“OK, Ron, what do you need to know?”

Harry and Ron were sitting in the common room, Harry looking irritated and Ron looking skeptical.

“I need to know what to do on the second date, and how to ask her on it.” Ron talked calmly, even though he had his suspicions.

Harry sighed. “Alright.” he had a feeling that Ron didn't trust him, so he decided to keep his lies under control for a little while. “You want to make the invitation for the next date romantic, but not in the whole “I so planned this” way. I know. Send her a dozen white roses, and have the card be something sweet, yet something funny. In the card, write: 'Our last date may not have turned out so well. Let me make it up to you. Meet me in the common room at 8:00 pm on Saturday night. Wear your dancing shoes. -Ron.' That way she has an idea of what you two will be doing, but she still isn't sure.”

“OK.” Ron looked seriously confused. I know Harry's been giving me the opposites, I'm not stupid. But why is all this new stuff sounding right? “What do I do on the date part?”

“Dance with her as much as possible. Don't do dorky dance moves. Electric slide, no. Hand jive, no. Nothing stupid to make you look like an idiot.”

“What's a hand jive?”

“Good, you don't know what it is. Don't do it. When you're dancing with her and you two are touching, that is her arms are around your neck and yours are presumably around her waist, don't go too low. Girls, especially Hermione, hate it when women's bodies are treated without respect. Another thing: don't get drunk. I will personally kill you if you come back to this common room with too much alcohol in your system.”

“OK...” Ron looked really confused now. “So basically, dance with her respectfully, and don't get drunk?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Harry was summing things up in his mind. He had a plan. “When you're walking back to Hogwarts, through Hogsmeade, you can try to hold her hand again.”

“OK.” Ron was getting up and walking towards the portrait hole. “I'm gonna go get the roses. See ya, Harry.”

“Bye.” Harry murmured as Ron walked out. “Crap.” he said to himself. “I can't go to the club as myself, and Matt can't come. Who can?” then a smile graced his handsome features. “I know who can...”

~*~*~*~*~

“Oh! Look at the beautiful roses!” Hermione breathed as she walked into her dorm room and found the twelve long stemmed white roses on her table. “These are my favorite.” then she noticed the card. Opening it, the card read;

Our last date didn't turn out so well.

Let me make it up to you.

Meet me in the common room at 8:00 pm on Saturday night.

Don't forget your dancing shoes.

~Ron

“Dancing shoes?” Hermione murmured. “Oh well, I'll find out Saturday night, I suppose.”

~*~*~*~*~

The next few days passed quickly for Ron and increasingly slow for Harry and Hermione. Ron was very anxious about his next date with Hermione, Hermione was regretting it, and Harry still had to find a way to make his plan work. A couple more run- ins with Luna and Draco gave him a little more inspiration about how to go about it all, but he still needed help from his favorite red headed almost sister.

“GINNY!” Harry yelled from the bottom of the girls' dormitory staircase. “COME OUT HERE!!”

“I'm coming, I'm coming!” Ginny was running down the stairs three at a time. “Keep your shorts on. What do you need?”

“I need to go through your closet again.” Harry looked excited. “For another one of my plans.”

Ginny faked a sigh. “Another one of your half baked schemes, huh?”

Harry shook his head violently. “Not half baked, Gin. Fully baked, it's fully baked!”

Ginny laughed. “OK, Harry, what exactly do you need for this “fully baked” scheme of yours?”

“Well, I'll need a wig, color contacts, something to make me look pale and skinny, and clothes to make me look arrogant.”

~*~*~*~*~

Saturday came all too quickly. Harry had caught Hermione looking at him a few times too many to be best friend looks, but he assured himself that it was just a fluke. Hermione couldn't be in love with him, she was too smart for that. Late that afternoon in the common room, Harry walked in to see Hermione dutifully working on her homework.

“It's a Saturday, you know.” Harry came up behind her. “You don't actually have to do homework today. Plus you've got that date with Ron.”

“I know.” Hermione sighed. “But it's always nice to not have to do it on Sunday. How did you know that I have a date with Ron tonight?”

“Lucky guess.” Harry muttered. Hermione noticed his tone, then quickly added, “I'm just saying it's all... weird for you two to go out. We're best friends, after all. The three of us.”

“I guess so.” Hermione was thinking. “But in a way I'm sure we already knew this was going to happen.” she looked at her watch. “It's 7:30. I have to go get ready to meet Ron. Hey, he didn't tell you where we were going did he? If so, could you tell me?”

“I've got no idea.” Harry was such a good liar. “But I'm sure you'll find out in about a half hour or so.”

With a melodramatic sigh, Hermione waltzed up the stairs and out of sight. Just then Ron came into the common room.

“Hey Harry.” Ron sat in the chair where Hermione had recently left. “What's up? And have you seen Hermione lately? I can't find her anywhere.”

“Hi, not much, and no.” Harry spoke quickly and in a monotone.

“OK..” Ron looked skeptical yet again. “I'll see you later than, mate. Got my date with Hermione in a half an hour.” And without another word, he ran up to the boys' dormitory.

“Sooner than you think.” Harry said with a smirk as soon as Ron was out of earshot. Then he left the common room in search of Ginny- he needed her expertise on makeovers again.

~*~*~*~*~

“Ron, where are we going?”

“You'll see.”

Ron and Hermione were walking down Hogsmeade, Ron looking happy and Hermione looking confused. They stopped when the two reached the Hog's Head.

“Why are we here?” Hermione was looking suspiciously at the building.

“Because here was the only place the portkey could be set up.” Ron replied with a smile.

“We're taking a portkey?” Hermione hissed. “Is it authorized?”

Ron scoffed. “Of course not, but it's also undetectable.”

Hermione sighed loudly. “OK, Ron, whatever you say.”

The portkey was a crumpled up newspaper. Both of them touched it and a couple seconds later they were transported to a strange looking building with the words “The Alien Club” in neon lights at the top. They walked in to find many wizard teens there, dancing wildly to the infectious beat. Ron turned to Hermione and held out his hand.

“Care to dance?”

Hermione laughed softly. “Of course.” she took his hand as he lead her to the dance floor. As Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck, Ron remembered what Harry had said. Don't go too low on her waist, or it will ruin everything. He kept his hands at a respectable spot on her waist, and she seemed to think so too, for a little bit later she put her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Then the song ended to be changed to a slower one. They joined hands and began dancing. Just then a hand tapped on Hermione's shoulder.

“May I cut in?” a snide voice asked. Hermione turned around, and gasped in surprise and shock when she saw who it was. Ron looked annoyed beyond all reason.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What did you guys think? Liked it, hated it, somewhere in between? Please review, I'll love you for it! I love you anyway, but oh well. Review! Constructive criticism too, I like those as well. Thanks for reading the chapter!

lil_irish_girl

6. Another Author's Note

Hey guys. Another author's note. I'm so sorry, but I'm going on a week vacation and won't be near a computer at all! *gasp* Trust me, though, when I get back there will be a big update! Long chapter! With-

~drunken men at a bar

~”twins”

~yet another slap =)

~and lots and lots of laughs!

I'll talk to you all when I get back. Until then, just anticipate the next update, and leave reviews!

*kisses*

lil_irish_girl

7. Clubbing

I'm back from vacation! I got home early and typed this all up yesterday. After re-reading it, I'm posting it. Another thing: I broke 100 reviews! I broke 100 reviews! I'm soo happy! For the last chapter, I guess I should have made the clues a little more... elusive, maybe? Because most of you got it right, in one way or another... But who is our mystery interrupter? Let's read to find out! I love you all so much!!!

*kisses *

lil_irish_girl

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Previously on The Date Doctor;

“May I cut in?” a snide voice asked. Hermione turned around, and gasped in surprise and shock when she saw who it was. Ron looked annoyed beyond all reason.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Ah, Weaslebee.” Malfoy sneered. “Still sore at me, even though I saved your sister's life?”

“Don't take it personal, Malfoy.” Ron glared at the pale boy. “I just don't like you.”

“Draco, can't you just leave us alone?” Hermione was trying to keep the peace.

“Of course, Granger.” Malfoy bowed and started walking backwards. “This isn't over, Weasley.” he added, glaring at Ron. “You won't have little Miss. Know It All to fight your battles all the time.” without another word, he walked behind a pillar and out of sight. He then casually put a hand to his ear and listened closely.

“Potter? Are you there?” there was a pause.

“Yeah, Malfoy, I'm here. Did you make them notice you're here?”

“They know I'm here, all right.” Draco looked smug. “What should I do now? Anything potentially embarrassing? I just love to do things like that.”

Harry laughed. “Not yet, Malfoy. For right now I think you need to keep a low profile. Just watch them, make sure Ron doesn't get too close to Hermione. If he does, create a distraction large enough for things to stop. You're a Malfoy, it shouldn't be too hard.”

“What's that supposed to mean??” Draco asked indignantly.

“Nothing, nothing.” Harry dismissed. “Just keep everything in check. I'll be there as soon as Ginny- ouch!- finishes making my face look like yours.”

It was Draco's turn to laugh. “She's not killing you, is she? I mean, it takes a while to look as good as I do.”

“Put the ego away, Malfoy.” was the response. “You might- OW!- hurt someone.”

“Fine.” Draco sounded dejected. “I'll keep it all in check, so long as you get here as soon as you can! I don't like playing lookout.” he heard a faint *click* that meant the microphone was turned off. Draco set to work. He carefully looked around the pillar to see Ron and Hermione standing by the bar. Ron appeared to have taken Harry's advice to heart and wasn't drinking much alcohol. Draco smiled to himself.

“This could be fun.” Coming from behind the pillar, Draco jumped onto the stage, grabbed the microphone and spoke into it, addressing everyone.

“Hello, people of the club!” he yelled, receiving a cheer from the crowd, half of them seriously drunk. “I just wanna say this once: have as many drinks as you like, on me!” an even louder wave of screams erupted as most of the people ran to the bar, eager to get their free drinks. Ron, surprisingly, was one of those who was most eager, leaving Hermione to stand alone on the dance floor.

“Ha!” Draco looked triumphant. “I knew the poor bloke couldn't resist free alcohol! This is bloody brilliant!” he then sauntered off the stage and sat in one of the free chairs, sitting back to enjoy the show.

“Hullo, 'Mione!” Ron yelled, walking up to her. “Why are you standing there, not getting one of the free drinks Malfoy offered?”

“I don't drink alcohol, Ron, thank you.” Hermione looked slightly annoyed, her arms crossed.

Why did I agree with this? Hermione thought as she watched Ron chug his whiskey.

“Fine, be a stick in the mud.” Ron looked annoyed as the alcohol started to affect him. “Hey- does that mean I can have your drink for you, then?”

“I highly doubt you need it, Ronald.” she was staring at his near-empty glass.

“They hell I don't.” Ron confidently walked up to the bar and got three fire whiskeys. When he returned the two found a table and sat down. Draco followed, sitting at that table a couple behind them, but close enough so he could see them.

After watching Ron chug one of his drinks in three gulps, Hermione excused herself to the bathroom. Once the door was shut behind her, she let out a frustrated groan.

“Ron's going to be drunk before he's done with those fire whiskeys, and I don't know what to do! Why, oh why did I talk myself into this?”

Because you hoped it would get Harry jealous. The snide voice in Hermione's head was back.

“I guess that's right.” Hermione moaned. “Why must these things have to be so complicated? Gods of love! OK, Hermione, you're going to go out there, be polite enough to Ron and then never go out with him ever ever again. Get it? Got it? Good.” she strode out of the ladies room with a small smile on her face.

~*~*~*~*~

How the fuck does he chug all that whiskey and keep it down? Draco sat in amazement as he watched Ron down his sixth drink. Just then Hermione came back and sat down.

“Ron? How many drinks have you had?” that smile was plastered to her face, though her eyes were livid.

“Does it really matterrrrr?” Ron's eyes were bloodshot. “Loosen up, Whiny 'Mione, take a shot!”

“No, thank you, Ron.” she spoke through gritted teeth. “I've told you a thousand times, I'll tell you again, I don't drink alcohol.”

“'I don't drink alcohol.'” Ron mimicked in a four year olds voice, his face screwed up like he had just eaten a lemon. “Suit yourself.” he downed another drink in two swigs.

Draco was laughing to himself. Weasley should become a comedian, he thought. Draco then faintly heard a *click*, then static, then Ginny's voice.

“IS THIS THING ON?!” she screamed. Draco jerked at the sudden noise, then winced at the pain in his ear.

“GOD DAMN IT!” he shouted at the top of his lungs. Then he noticed most of the club staring at him. Acting quickly, he grabbed the butterbeer next to him and held it up in the air. “This butterbeer is just so DAMN GOOD!” he tried to appear drunk. Eventually people stopped looking at him. He sat back down and pressed the ear piece closer to his eardrum so he could hear. “Bloody fuck, Weasley, don't shout! What the hell do you need?”

“Sorry to scare you, Dracie poo.” Ginny sounded in a high mood to annoy. “But I just thought you might want to know that Harry's on his way over there!”

“That would be nice to know, thanks.” Draco tried to sound annoyed while loving the sound of Ginny's voice.

“Yes, well, I thought it'd also be nice for you to know that Harry kinda left without me finishing with his make up, so he doesn't exactly look like you.”

“Oh, Merlin this is fantastic.” Draco muttered. “How doesn't he look like me?”

“Well, he wouldn't let me put in his contacts, so he has glasses and green eyes.”

“Oh well that's just wonderful. Bloody bloody wonderful. I'm making him take those blasted things off.”

“Draco, there's one other thing you should know about...”

“Yeah? What is it, Weasley?”

“He's kinda... well, he sorta, you see we couldn't...”

“Holy shit...”

Draco had just looked towards the door while Ginny was rambling and saw just what she meant. Harry came striding in, and he would've looked exactly like Draco had it not been for the fact that he had green eyes, glasses, and a red silk shirt. The actual Malfoy was wearing a blue silk shirt.

“Malfoy, we have a problem.” Harry came walking up, looking at Draco.

“You think? You've got green eyes, damn glasses, and a red shirt! What's wrong with you??”

“I didn't want Ginny killing me, thank you very much. This won't work if I'm dead.”

“I don't think it'll work at all anymore.”

“Why not?”

Draco looked smug. “Because Ron's a little.... tipsy.”

“A little tipsy?” Harry looked afraid.

“More like...hmm, what's the right word... incredibly drunk.” Draco started laughing hysterically, then regained some composure. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“How did Ron get drunk?” Harry was angry. “I told him not to.”

“I jumped on stage,” Draco explained. “And told the whole club that they could have all the drinks they wanted on me.”

Harry hit him. “Draco, you idiot! Hermione's going to flip her lid!”

“Oh no, Harry dear.” Draco smiled sweetly. “Darling Hermione is composing herself quite nicely. She's smiling and not yelling. You have good taste in girls, Potter, but I like one with a temper.”

“Oh, shut up, Malfoy. I can't believe you gave Ron alcohol! Never listen to me, do you?”

“Not really, no.” Draco shook his head. “But don't worry, Weasley's so wasted he can't even see straight. Surely he won't notice that I'm wearing a different shirt.”

Harry sighed in defeat. “OK, you win. But I'm still not agreeing with you.”

“I didn't ask for that.” Draco concluded. “I only wanted to win.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Harry started looking around. “Let's just put this plan into action. Here, you go over by the bar and I'll go down by the dance floor. Just screw up the date at all costs.”

Draco looked confused. “So how should I act?”

“You, Malfoy, should just be your normal mess-every-bloody-thing-up-because-it's-fun self.” Harry looked rather pleased with himself. Draco shot him a glare then went to his assigned post at the bar. Harry started dancing his was across the floor when he ran into Ron.

“Malfoy.” Ron tried to squint his eyes. “Stay away from Hermione, you hear?”

“What do you mean, Weaslebee?” Harry tried to sound as heartless as possible. “Why would I want... Granger?”

The red head snorted. “Pur-l-lease.” he hiccuped. “I see the way you've been looking at her all night. But she fanciessssss me, so back the hell off!” with that he stalked away to the bar.

~*~*~*~*~

“Hullo, Weasley.” Draco said casually as Ron received his twelfth whiskey. “Enjoying your drinks?” Ron spun around to face Draco.

“Malfoy?” he pointed to the dance floor, confused. “Weren't you just over there? You were just- but then you- and now you-!”

“Huh?”

“Wha?”

“Hmmm?”

“Uh...”

“Come again?”

“Malfoyyyy!”

“You know, Weasley, you're really not making any sense at all. Do explain yourself.” This is going to be fun.

~*~*~*~*~

Where's Hermione? Harry scanned the dance floor from his post in the corner. He found her by the DJ, obviously looking for Ron. Harry strode over to where she was standing.

“Hullo, Granger.” try as he might, Harry couldn't even act heartless towards her. She spun around.

“Malfoy, could you please just- did you change your shirt?”

Harry looked down. “Uh... no.” he looked slightly confused. “I've been wearing this the entire time. Why?”

“Well, I thought-” Hermione shook her head. “Never mind. What did you come over here for?”

“Um... well, uh...” Harry fumbled to find words, then spit out, “Potter sent me.”

Hermione's expression softened immediately. “Harry sent you? Is he-”

“No, he's not here. But he sent me down to the club.”

“Why did he do that?”

“Because he's a bloody chicken.” Harry muttered. In response to Hermione's questioning look, he explained. “He doesn't want to come here and face this himself. The truth is, he really loves-”

Just then there was a loud crash on the opposite side of the room. Harry heard someone yell “You hit me!” He rolled his eyes. Harry knew that voice.

“Oh, for the love of God.” Harry turned to Hermione. “I'm gonna go see what's up.” he started walking away.

“Malfoy, wait.” Hermione walked up to him. “What were you going to say? Harry really loves-?”

“Harry really loves...” Harry thought about it. “...Kittens. Harry really loves kittens. And who wouldn't? So soft and fuzzy pretty kitties!” Hermione raised an eyebrow at him. “Yes, well,” Harry murmured. “I'm... drunk! Really really drunk. Damn butterbeer. Bye!” he skipped away, trying to appear tipsy. Quite the sight awaited him when he reached the bar. Ron's face matched his hair, and his fists were raised. He looked up to gaze at Harry.

“...Malfoy?” Ron looked befuddled. “Why the bloody hell are you over there?”

“I'm over here?” Harry was trying to confuse Ron. “Why are you over there?”

“I'm hitting you.” Ron blinked. “Wassss hitting you.”

“Well how can you hit me if you're over there and I'm over here?”

I'm notttttttt sure, that's why I-” hiccup. “-asked.”

“Why you asked what?”

“What you're doing overrrrr there!”

“Why would you ask that?”

“Becauseeeeee I can't hit you if you're overrrrrrrrrr there!”

“Why would you want to hit me?”

“Because you said that thing!”

“What did I say?”

“That 'Mione-” hiccup. “-would never-” hiccup. “-want an idiot-” hiccup. “-like me!”

Ahh, Malfoy; good for some things. “Why would I say that?”

“I DON'T KNOW, YOU SAID IT!”

“Don't shout. So that's why you hit me?”

“YES!”

“And where did you hit me?”

“...I DON'T REMEMBER! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER WHERE I HIT YOU?!”

“You're still shouting-”

“I DON'T BLOODY CARE!”

“-and it's getting rather annoying. I'll just head over to the loo, then? Ice wherever it was you hit me. Cheerio.”

Harry strolled into the mens room to find Draco looking into the mirror, sporting a black eye.

“Weaslebee hit me.” Draco muttered, more to himself than to Harry. “I told him the truth and he hit me.”

“Lucky you.” Harry smiled. “All I got to do was confuse the hell out of him.”

“What did you do?”

“I asked him where he hit me.”

“Sounds fun, what did he say?”

“He told me he didn't bloody remember, how was he supposed to know where he hit me?”

“Hah. So what are we going to do now?”

“Well, Ron's still confused as ever, and Hermione's just plain annoyed.” Harry was thinking out loud. “So I think we should just continue to screw up the date, but we can't let Ron or Hermione see us both in the same place, that would cause too much confusion, and it would be way too hard to explain.”

“OK.” Draco said slowly. “So how are we going to make sure we aren't in the same place?”

“Accio walkie talkies!” Harry said, waving his wand. The things they were previously using to talk appeared in the bathroom. “OK, now take that ear piece over there, and I'll take this one over here, and that's how we'll talk to each other.”

“Psh, whatever.” Draco was on his way to the door. “So long as I get to mess up the date.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, just go, will you?” Draco walked out the door. Harry followed suit two minutes later, then pressed his finger against his ear.

“Draco, can you hear me?” he whispered.

“Yeah, clear as a whistle.” was the reply.

“Where are you?”

“Over at the end of the bar. Ron's here, gloating about how he got a lucky shot.”

“And where's Hermione?”

“Somewhere down by the dance floor, I think. That's where I saw her last. Or she may be down by a booth.”

“Alright. Keep me in the know so we don't run into each other. Over and out.”

“What?”

“It's Muggle talk. It means the conversations over for now.”

“Oh. OK. Over and out!”

Harry looked around for Hermione. He found her all alone, sitting at a table in the corner. He walked over and gestured to the chair across from her.

“May I sit down?” he asked.

“You're not drunk anymore, are you?” she looked miserable, her head in her hands.

Harry laughed softly. “No, no. I'm not drunk anymore.”

“Then go ahead and sit down.”

Harry did so. “So where's Weasley?”

“Over by the bar somewhere, getting even more drunk then he already is.” Hermione didn't look like she cared much where Ron was.

“I see. And how are you holding up?”

“I'm fine, it's just that- wait a minute, why do you care?”

“You look miserable, Granger. I'm not that heartless.”

Hermione smiled. That smile that made Harry's knees weak. “Harry was right about you; you really have changed for the good.”

Harry shrugged. “Apparently. And I don't plan on changing my ways anytime soon.” she laughed. A thought struck Harry as he jumped up from his seat and walked over to Hermione's. He held out his hand. “Would you like to dance?” he asked.

Hermione's smile widened slightly as she took his hand. “I'd love to.”

Harry led her out to the dance floor and laced her hands gingerly around his neck, his going to her waist. They gently swayed to the music.

A moment like this,

some people wait a lifetime

for a moment like this
Some people search forever

for that one special kiss
Oh I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime

for a moment like this

Hermione sighed and slowly lay her head on his chest. He knew it was only because she was tired, and Draco was a friend of Harry's.

“Granger?” he asked.

“Yes, Draco?” Hermione replied, her head still on his chest, listening to the rumble in his voice as he spoke.

“There's something I have to tell you.” he said. Hermione looked up into his eyes, waiting to hear what he was going to say. “I-”

Just then the music abruptly stopped. The DJ took the microphone and began talking to everyone in the room.

“How's everyone doin' tonight?” there was cheering throughout the crowd. “I'd like to personally thank a Mr. Malfoy for buying the lot of us drinks-” there was a louder cheer. “-and I wanted Mr. Malfoy to come up here so we could all thank him together, eh? Let's call Mr. Malfoy up here!” Harry stood stock still.

“Draco.” Hermione urged. “That's you. Go up there. Go on.”

Despite his refusals, Hermione pushed him up the stairs and onto the stage. At the same time, Draco was pushed onto the stage from the other end. The two ran into each other, then glared at one another. There was mass confusion as a low grumble of chattering erupted from the crowd, all of them wanting to know what was happening. Draco took the mic.

“Uh... people of the club, I do believe I... um... have a long lost twin! I'm a twin!”

There was a pause, then clapping from the crowd. Harry and Draco ran up to each other in mock happiness and hugged.

“You're dead.” Draco murmured while everyone was still clapping. “Dead and buried.”

“It's not my fault!” Harry replied, annoyed. “I look like you, remember??”

They broke apart. Draco took the microphone again.

“Everyone,” he said. “This will be a farewell party for my twin. See, he's traveling to America tomorrow, I just learned that. So let's party it up to say goodbye!”

The crowd started yelling again. “Walking on Sunshine” came on and everyone started dancing. Draco clapped Harry on the back, then both of them went back the way they came.

“You're Draco's twin?” Hermione asked when Harry returned.

“We're both named Draco.” Harry replied.

“Well why didn't you tell me you weren't the Draco I've known?”

“I'm not sure, really. Draco's told me all about you and I wanted to kiss a pretty girl before I left.” Whoa, too much!

“Well aren't you an arrogant little prick?” Hermione looked angry.

“No,” Harry said. “I just know what I want. You know what I want. Why don't you just give it to me, then I can be on my merry way?”

“Oh, I'll give it to you all right.” Hermione took a deep breath, then slapped Harry. Hard. He lost his balance and fell over. No one on the dance floor seemed to notice what had happened. Hermione folded her arms across her chest and smirked.

“That should teach you to mess with Hermione Granger, dumbass!” then she stalked away in the direction of the bar. Harry stood up and rubbed his cheek.

“That's my girl.” he smiled, then began following her from a distance.

~*~*~*~*~

“Ronald.” Hermione tapped the back of the red head's shoulder. “Ronald...Ronald!” he turned around to face her. The scent of alcohol was strong. “I think we should go back to Hogwarts now.”

“Psh. Yeah right.” Ron laughed. “We're staying a bit longer.”

“No, Ronald, we're going. Now.”

“We're staying.”

Hermione dug her nails into his arm. “We're going!”

“Ow ow ow ow ow! Fine! We'll go.” Hermione released her grip on his arm. When Ron tried to walk, however, he stumbled and fell.

“Why am I on the ground?” he asked stupidly, looking up at the ceiling.

“Oh, great.” Hermione groaned. “You're too drunk to walk. I'm going to go get Draco's help. The Draco we know. Stay here.” she walked away, looking for Malfoy.

“Where the hell would I go?” Ron muttered, folding his arms.

~*~*~*~*~

“Draco!” Hermione yelled, spinning Malfoy around. “I need your help. Ron's desperately drunk and can't move. Will you help me get him back to Hogwarts?”

“Wha?” Draco looked confused. “Oh, yeah, sure Granger. I'll help get Weasley back to school. Should my brother help too?” he nodded in Harry's direction, who rose cautiously.

“No!” Hermione quickly said. “Wait- ugh, fine. We'll need all the help we can get. C'mon, then, he's on the floor by the bar.”

“Why is he on the floor?” Draco asked as they started walking.

“He fell over.” Hermione explained, rolling her eyes.

They found Ron, hoisted him up, and began dragging him back to the portkey.

“Hey Weasley, how'd you get so wasted?” Draco sounded slightly amused.

“Twenty-three whiskeys...........will do that to you.”

“Twenty-three?!” Hermione looked ill. “Ron that is far too many drinks in one sitting!”

“Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Hermione.” Ron slumped in fatigue. “I think I could have guessed that myself, though.”

They all traveled on in silence. When the four got to Hogsmeade, Harry excused himself, and when he was sure no one could see him, he sprinted all the way to the Gryffindor common room. He then charmed off everything Ginny did, changed his clothes so he looked like himself, placed a charm on his cheek so it wasn't red anymore, then slumped into an armchair just as Hermione and Ron came stumbling through the portrait hole.

“Hey, guys,” Harry tried not to sound out of breath. “How was dancing?”

“Bloody awful.” Hermione angrily responded. “If you don't mind, Harry, I'm going to leave you with Ronald and go to bed.”

“I don't mind.” Harry sympathetically said. “Go to sleep. G'night, 'Mione.”

“Night, Harry.” Hermione staggered up the stairs to her dorm room. Once she was gone, Ron groaned and collapsed on the couch.

“You're drunk, aren't you?” Harry sounded motherly.

“Yes.” Ron whispered.

“Tell me what happened.”

So Ron did. He told Harry everything: meeting Draco there, Draco offering drinks to the club, Ron getting drunk, Draco had a twin, the farewell party, Hermione killing Ron's arm, and Ron getting dragged back to Hogwarts by Draco, Draco's twin, and Hermione.

“Oh, I screwed up big time Harry.” Ron sounded depressed. “What do we do now?”

Harry thought for a minute. “How about a triple date?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Oh my gosh, 14 pages on the document! That's a new record for me! So what did you guys think? Liked it, hated it, somewhere in between? Please, just take two minutes of your life and tell me what you thought of this chapter. I'll love you for it! Who do you think will be on the triple date? What will happen? You'll have to wait and see..... =]

lil_irish_girl

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8. Triple Date!

Hello! Back again with yet another update! Triple date, huh? Did anyone guess who'd be on that date? Well now you get to find out! Please please please review!! Humor (i hope) is in this chapter. Maybe more than the last, maybe less. I tried my best. Enjoy!!

*kisses*

lil_irish_girl

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Harry was sitting in one of the armchairs in the common room, his head in his hands. Hermione was sitting on the couch across from him. They were the only two in the room.

“I just don't understand it.” Harry grumbled to no one in particular. “Why would Crystal break up with me?”

“Hmm...” Hermione seemed to be in deep thought as she absent mindedly played with a lock of her hair. “Harry, I think I might know why Crystal broke up with you.”

Harry glanced up at Hermione. “Yeah? Why is that?”

The young witch leaned over and ever so delicately lay her hand on his knee, massaging it with her thumb. “Because she wasn't the one for you.” she whispered. “Do you want to know who I think is the one for you?”

Harry was entranced with the way her thumb was running over the fabric of his jeans. “Yeah, OK, Hermione. Who do you think is the one for me?”

Rather quickly, Hermione stood up, walked over to where Harry was sitting, sat down, straddling his hips, and gently pushed him back so he was leaning against the back of the armchair.

“I'm the one for you, Harry.” she whispered huskily, her lips grazing his ear. “I've always been the one for you.”

That being said, Hermione moved closer and roughly kissed him, sliding her tongue into his mouth. Harry groaned in response, wrapping his arms around her waist. Hermione's arms went around his neck, reaching up to tangle in his hair. After a couple minutes they parted for air. Harry and Hermione both looked into each other's eyes, breathing heavily.

“I've wanted this for a long time.” he confessed. She smiled softly.

“Of course you have.” Hermione answered with a peck on the lips. “It's your dream.”

“Huh?” Harry's eyes opened to look at not Hermione, but his bed, the light streaming in from the window next to him.

“Effing sun.” he mumbled groggily as he flipped over, away from the sunlight. “Has the worst timing.”

For the next ten minutes his attempts to sleep were futile: Harry's mind was filled with thoughts of Hermione. He glanced at his watch- 7:00 am. Too early for a Saturday. Harry thought as he tumbled out of bed. After taking a rather cold shower he got dressed and crept downstairs to the common room. Once he reached the second to last step, Harry noticed that Hermione was sitting at one of the tables, her nose buried in one of her textbooks. He smiled softly and walked up behind her.

“Hermione Granger,” he said suddenly, making her jump at the noise, then relaxed as she recognized the voice. “You have to be the only person I know who would get up early, on a Saturday morning, to do homework.”

Hermione laughed good-naturedly as Harry took the seat opposite her. “I suppose I am. And why, may I ask, are you up so early on a Saturday morning? You normally sleep in as late as possible.”

“Very observant, Miss Granger.” he said, smiling. “And I am up because the sun decided to be my silent alarm clock this morning.”

“I see.” she said. “And what time did the evil sun wake you up?”

“Hey..” he looked mock-suspicious. “I think you're mocking me.”

“Who? Me?” Hermione attempted to look innocent. “Nooo, never!”

“Oh, that is it Granger.” Harry looked about ready to pounce. “You're gonna pay for that.”

He leapt over to where she was sitting and started tickling her sides. She would have screamed had it not been for Harry's hand covering her mouth.

“Don't scream.” he whispered playfully, his hand slowly uncovering her mouth and returning to her sides, tickling her mercilessly. “Or you'll wake up the entire castle.”

“Harry—” she giggled. “Don't—stop—tickling—me!”

Harry suddenly turned flirtatious. “Not until you say 'Harry Potter is a sexy beast.'”

“What?!” she yelped, then whispered furiously, “Why on earth would I say that??”

“Cause you know it's true.” his emerald eyes bore into her chocolate brown ones, mocking her.

“I do not.” she said stubbornly. “And I refuse to say that.”

“Have it your way then.” Harry replied with a shrug. Then he began tickling her again. She giggled and squirmed around, but that didn't stop him. After about five minutes of torture for Hermione and pure amusement for Harry, the brown haired witch gave up.

“Fine!” she panted, out of breath. “I'll say it. Harry Potter—” she paused, a blush slowly creeping up her cheeks.

“Is—” Harry prompted, gently squeezing her sides. “C'mon, say it. You know you want to say it.”

“Harry Potter is—”

“Oh, come on 'Mione, spit it out!”

“Harry Potter is a sexy beast!” she squinted as she hurriedly said it, blushing crimson.

Harry sighed. “Ah, see? That wasn't so hard, was it? And I know you liked saying it.”

“Put the ego away, Harry.” Hermione said. “Before you hurt someone. You know I'm really ticklish!”

“Yeah, I know.” Harry grinned. “Which is why I did it. I mean, I wouldn't have tickled you if you weren't ticklish. That's no fun.”

Hermione lightly smacked him on the arm. “Prat.” she muttered.

“And you love it.” He replied with a sexy smile as he leaned over, supporting himself with one elbow.

Why is he suddenly being all flirty? Hermione thought. Does this mean he loves me too? Oh I hope so.

“Sure I do Harry.” Hermione leaned in towards him. “But what makes you so sure?”

He leaned in closer. “I'm just sure, trust me. I know these kinds of things, even if I don't know other stuff- like school.”

Hermione noticed that their faces were really close to each other. “Harry, you are smart when it comes to school, you just need to apply yourself.”

Harry laughed softly. “Yeah, Hermione, that's my problem. I don't apply myself.”

“Hey.” Hermione whispered. “I do believe you're mocking me.”

“Who, me?” Harry couldn't take his eyes off her lips- so full and so pink. He wondered what they would feel like pressed against his own. “Nooo, never.”

“You better watch yourself, Harry James Potter,” murmured Hermione. “Or—or—”

“Or what, Hermione Jane Granger?” Harry asked quietly, his eyes half closed.

“Or I might be forced to do something drastic.” Hermione replied.

“Does 'drastic' define what I'm thinking of doing right now?”

“That depends Harry, what were you thinking of doing right nnnn—” her sentence was turned into a slight moan as Harry closed the distance between them and gently kissed her. He pulled back just as quickly, looking at her now-shut eyes.

“What just happened?” Harry murmured, more to himself than to her.

“You kissed me.” Hermione whispered incredulously, as if trying to convince herself it had happened.

“No I didn't.” Harry said as he stood up. “I told you a secret- with my lips.” he smiled at her. “A secret that you must promise to keep secret, OK?”

“OK,” was the quiet response.

Harry held his hand down to Hermione, who was still sitting on the floor. She took it and hoisted herself up. She was then enveloped in a hug from Harry, who was slowly wrapping his arms around her waist. Hermione smiled and looped her arms around his neck. Harry placed a small kiss on the top of her head.

“Best friends forever, right 'Mione?” asked Harry, staring off into the distance.

“Of course, Harry. Best friends forever.” Hermione whispered. “And nothing can ever change that. Now if you don't mind, can you let go so I can get back to my homework?”

“Oh.” Harry spread his arms wide and Hermione stepped back, smiling.

“Thank you.” said Hermione as she walked back to her chair, sat down, and continued working.

“I'll just.... lay down.... couch.... now.” Harry muttered, then walked over to the couch and sank down. After fifteen minutes of silence, Harry put his plan into action.

“Hey Hermione?” he asked quietly.

“Yes Harry?” she didn't look up from her work. There was a pause, then she looked over in the direction of the couch, smiling when she saw a pair of brilliant emerald eyes looking at her.

“Would you... that is, if you want to...” he sighed. “Do you want to....”

“Spit it out, Harry.” Hermione said gently.

“Wanna catch a Muggle movie tonight?” he asked hurriedly.

“You're asking me out... on a date... with you?” she looked puzzled.

“Well, not just me.” Harry explained. “It's a triple date. So there'd be...” he counted on his fingers. “One... two... three... four other people with us.”

“Who are the four?” Hermione was somewhat skeptical. I thought this was too good to be true.

“Well, Ron, and—”

“I'm not going.”

“Oh, come on Hermione. You can sit on the end, and I'll sit next to you. No Ron in sight. Don't worry, I'll keep things in check. He won't disturb you. Just a night of fun.”

“Well.... OK, I'll go.”

“Great.”

“Harry?” Hermione asked. “Out of sheer curiosity, who are the other three coming?”

“Ginny, Luna, and Draco.” Harry said, counting them off on his fingers.

“Draco's coming?”

“It's not like he'll bother you- he wants to see a movie too. Plus, he's in love with Ginny.”

“Oh, Harry I'm sorry.”

“Sorry for what, Hermione?”

“Well, you fancy her, don't you?”

“Wha? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I fancy her. Sure. Yes, why wouldn't I fancy her? It's not like there's anyone else to fancy. Pshh, heck no. Who else would I fancy? Huh? Why are you hassling me Hermione? I don't fancy anyone else. God!” he spoke hurriedly.

“Harry?” Hermione looked as if she feared for his sanity. “I'm not hassling you. I asked a question and you kind of spazzed on me. Are you feeling alright?”

“I'm fine Hermione.” Harry wouldn't meet her eyes.

“OK...” she slowly returned to her work.

Around 9:00 Ron came trudging down the stairs, obviously still half asleep. He sank into one of the armchairs and blinked his eyes a few times.

“'Morning, Harry.” he mumbled. “'Morning, Hermione.”

“Good morning, Ron.” Hermione said without looking up.

“Morning, mate.” Harry said from his lying position on the couch.

“How long've you two been up?” Ron asked groggily.

“Since seven.” Harry replied.

“Since five.” Hermione said.

“Five in the morning??” Ron looked shocked. “That's too early for a Saturday. Hey Harry, wanna come down to breakfast with me? I'm starving.”

“Yeah, sure Ron.” Harry turned to Hermione. “Hey 'Mione, care to come with us? You've done plenty of homework and you need breakfast.”

Hermione smiled. “You guys go on ahead.” she said quietly, stretching. “I'll catch up in a little bit.”

The boys went through the portrait hole and down to the Great Hall, walking in just as breakfast appeared on the tables. They sat down and started eating immediately. Five minutes later Hermione came in, smiling widely. She sat down next to Harry and across the table from Ron.

“Hello boys.” she greeted them. “How's breakfast?”

“I didn't mean to get drunk last night!” Ron suddenly shouted, loud enough for some people sitting next to them to hear.

“I know, Ronald.” Hermione replied quietly. “So when were you two planning on starting your Transfiguration homework? I just finished and maybe I could help you, seeing as you weren't paying attention. Unless hangman is the way you take notes.”

“It's not my fault!” Ron obviously hadn't heard a word Hermione said. “Bloody Malfoy had to offer them free and I couldn't resist.”

“I understand, Ronald.” Hermione looked a bit irritated, but began talking to Harry. “So I was thinking we should go visit Hagrid this afternoon—”

“Yes, I know I was being irresponsible!” Ron yelled, this time loud enough for half the Great Hall to hear him. “But you don't have to yell!”

“Ronald, I'm not yelling.” Hermione looked like she was trying very hard not to, however. “Back to what I was saying, Harry, I think we should visit Hagrid because I—”

“You know what?” Ron looked very angry. “Fine. I'll just leave then. I can tell when I'm not wanted.” and with that, he stalked off.

“— had to ask him a question about his lesson plan for next Wednesday.” Hermione finished, watching Ron walk away. “Harry, what did I do?”

“Don't worry, 'Mione, he'll come around.” Harry said reassuringly. “If you ask me, I think he's still a little tipsy, what with the 23 whiskeys he had.”

“Yeah.” Hermione agreed. “Um, Harry? How'd you know that? You weren't there and Ron was probably too drunk to tell you.”

Oh shit. Ron didn't tell me how many whiskeys he had had, he only told Draco, “Draco,” and Hermione. “Well, I, uh, used the SHMWTH machine thing.” Harry said quickly.

“The SHMWTH machine?” Hermione asked. “What does that stand for? And how does it work?”

“It stands for 'See How Many Whiskeys They Had.' It's this new device, magical, of course, and what you do is you make them breathe on a piece of parchment. Then you put the parchment in the machine for three minutes. Then the machine's screen shows you how many whiskeys that person had. Quite fascinating, really.” said Harry.

“Interesting.” Hermione was deep in thought. “You said it was magical, right Harry? How long has it been out?”

I need to get out of here before I'm forced to invent something else. “Yeah, I'm not entirely sure. Listen, 'Mione, I should probably go check on Ron. You stay here and finish breakfast, OK?” He gently kissed her cheek. “Bye.”

Hermione was frozen where she was sitting. She couldn't believe that for the second time in a day Harry had kissed her in one way or another. She didn't even notice that Ginny had sat down across from her.

“Hey Hermione.” she said brightly. “What's up with your face?” Ginny waved a hand in front of the witches face, interrupting her thoughts.

“What? Oh, nothing Ginny.” she said. “So you're going to the movie tonight, right? That should be fun.”

Ginny smirked. “Oh yeah, lots of fun.”

“You alright, Gin?” Hermione asked. “What was with the smirk?”

“Oh, nothing.” Ginny brushed Hermione's concern away. “I'm just really looking forward to tonight, that's all. I gotta to. See you later, Hermione.” and she walked away, leaving Hermione confused about what the red headed young woman had said.

Ginny strode out of the Great Hall, a smile on her face. She turned left and walked right into a circle of people.

“Kay, so we've got everything planned and—” Harry said, then noticed Ginny.

“—Hey Ginny, did it work?”

“Uh huh.” Ginny said, still smiling. “Hermione's totally confused.”

“Terrific.” Harry said. “And Luna?”

“I followed Ron out of the Great Hall and flirted with him all the way down to the Gryffindor common room.” Luna said dreamily.

“Good job.” Harry grinned. “And what about you, Draco?”

“I kept my mouth shut this entire week. But I'm not happy about it.” Draco folded his arms over his chest and pouting, making him look like a five year old.

“I didn't ask if you were happy about it.” Harry sounded like a little child pointing out the obvious. “I only wanted you to follow orders.”

Draco sighed. “Yeah, whatever Potter. So is this plan gonna work or not? Cause I want Gi—” he stopped mid-sentence when he realized that Ginny was standing right next to him. “Pudding. I want pudding Potter!”

“Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist.” Harry said, looking irritated. “Everything will work out if we just stick to the plan.”

“But the plan doesn't involve me getting alone time with pudding.” Draco pointed out.

“So?” Harry asked. “If you stick to the plan, you'll have plenty of alone time with pudding, I'll have plenty of alone time with strawberries, and Luna will have plenty of alone time with... carrots.”

“And what kind of food will I get alone time with, Harry?” Ginny was feigning excitement at the thought of alone time with food.

“You? Uh, Draco, what kind of food will she get alone time with?” Harry redirected the question to his friend.

“You, Weasley, will get primo alone time with cake.” Draco replied smoothly.

“And why do I get cake?” Ginny asked, intrigued.

“Cause cake is sweet and sexy.” Draco smiled.

“What the hell, Malfoy?” Ginny hit Draco lightly on the arm. “Why would cake be sexy?”

“OK, OK, that's enough!” Harry had had enough of talking in code, even if Luna and Ginny didn't understand it. “Focus people. All we have to do is stay with the plan. Everything will be fine.”

~*~*~*~*~ 7:00 p.m. — Muggle London ~*~*~*~*~

“Come on, guys, the movie starts in fifteen minutes!”

Harry was walking incredibly fast as he led the group down the street, towards the cinema.

“Harry!” Hermione said, right behind him. “Are you sure we're allowed to be in Muggle London?”

“Of course, 'Mione,” Harry reassured. “I already talked to Dumbledore about it, so long as we're back before midnight we're not technically breaking any rules!”

“They better have food there.” Ron muttered as he ran to catch up to everyone else. “I'm starving.”

Harry laughed. “You're always starving, Ron. I'm not sure it'll ever change.” he received a nasty look for this.

It was 7:10 by the time they reached the theater, all of them out of breath. Harry confidently walked up to the ticket booth.

“Can I help you, sir?” a bored woman said from behind the glass.

“Yes, ma'am.” Harry replied. “I need six tickets to 'A Walk To Remember.'”

“What's that?” Ron whispered, confused.

Luna sighed. “It's a movie, Ronald. About a rebel boy and a Christian girl who are in a play together and they fall in love. But there's a twist. You see, the girl actually has—”

Draco clapped his hands over his ears. “Ugh, shut it, Lovegood! I don't want you to ruin my night by telling me how the movie ends.”

“C'mon, you lot.” Harry waved the tickets in front of their faces. “Let's go see it.”

They stopped by the concession stand.

“Let's see here.” Hermione peered up at the board. “What does everyone want?”

“Licorice!” Ginny and Draco yelled at the same time.

“Malfoy, what on earth do you know about licorice?” Ginny asked incredulously.

“I know it's delicious.” Draco replied simply with a shrug. “End. Of. Story.”

“Hermione?” Ron looked confused again. “What's 'D— Di— Diet—'”

“Diet Coke?” Hermione suggested helpfully.

“Yeah, that.” Ron said. “What is it?”

“It's a Muggle drink.” Hermione explained. “But I wouldn't try it if I were you, Ron— it's got loads of caffeine.”

“I don't bloody care!” Ron sounded childish. “I want a Diet Coke!”

Hermione sighed in defeat. “Fine.” she turned to face the man behind the counter so she could place the order. “One small—”

“Large!”

“—Fine, large Diet Coke, two boxes of licorice, and, Harry? Popcorn?”

“Of course.”

“Do you mind sharing with me?”

“'Course not, 'Mione.”

“Kay, one large popcorn, and Luna? Do you want something?”

“Umm,” Luna peered at the board. “I'll try... Milk Duds? Yeah, I'll try those.”

“And one box of Milk Duds.” Hermione concluded. After paying for the food, the six of them walked into the theater and found seats in the very back row. Hermione went first, Harry next, then Ron, followed by Luna, Ginny, and Draco.

“Harry.” Ron whispered. “I wanted to sit by 'Mione. I'm stuck with Loony Lovegood. Why can't I sit by Hermione?”

“Because... uh...” Harry thought for a little about his answer. “Because then it makes her miss you, plus you can sit by her in the pizza place we're going to after the movie.”

“Oh.” Ron seemed pleased with the response. “OK.”

The movie started. Harry could practically hear Ginny and Draco whisper-arguing from where they were sitting about pointless things, Luna was trying to flirt with Ron, and Harry and Hermione's hands touched several times seeing as they were sharing popcorn. At one point during the movie, Hermione eyes got teary. Something that Harry noticed.

“'Mione?” he asked quietly. “Are you OK?”

She sniffed. “Yeah,” she lay her head on his shoulder. “I'll be fine. It's just so sad, you know? This movie gets to me every time.”

He stroked her hair. “It's OK. It's only a movie, remember?”

“I know, I know.” she said. “I'm glad I came, Harry.”

His heart leapt. “I'm glad you came too, 'Mione.”

Her head stayed on his shoulder for the rest of the movie.

~*~*~*~*~ 9:45 p.m. — Ma Ma Mia Pizzeria- Pizza Parlor ~*~*~*~*~

“Table for six, please.”

The kids were led to a large table near the back of the restaurant. Three chairs on either side of the table, so (from left to right) Harry, Luna, and Ginny went on one side, while (again, left to right) Hermione, Ron, and Draco were on the other.

“What should we get?” Harry asked, looking at the menu. “How about two large cheese? Everyone OK with that?”

There was a murmur of agreement, and Harry told the waiter. While they were waiting, Ginny came up with a “brilliant” idea. She conjured a small box from thin air and explained what it was for.

“Each one of us will place it against our chests.” she started. “And the device will wait a minute, then play the song that's in our hearts. Muggle music, of course.”

At first everyone was rather hesitant to play, but in the end they all agreed. Ginny went first. She held it to her chest, there was a pause, and then music began to play softly.

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

The machine jerked and slowly came to a stop. There was silence, then Draco broke it.

“My turn!!” He snatched it and quickly held it to his chest. Music started up again.

Come stop your crying, it'll be alright.

Just take my hand, hold it tight.

I will protect you from all around you.

I will be here don't you cry.

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

“You'll be in my heart?” Harry asked. “Isn't that a little girly for you, Malfoy?”

“Oh, shut it, Potter. Weaslebee's turn.” He tossed the box at Ron, who caught it clumsily and held it to his chest, his eyes closed. Music played yet again.

I'm bringin' sexy back
Them other fuckers don't know how to act
Girl let me make up for all the things you lack
Because you're burning up I got to get it fast

There was laughter at this. Hermione looked stricken, Harry looked amused, Luna looked confused, Draco looked envious, and Ginny looked disgusted.

“Luna's turn.” was all Ron said, blushing, as he gave the box to her. She held it to her chest, and the music played.

Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh my God, shoes.

Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Oh my God, shoes.

These shoes are three hundred dollars.

These shoes are three hundred dollars.

These shoes are three hundred fucking dollars.

Let's get 'em!

There was even more laughter at this.

“Luna?” Hermione asked. “What is that song?”

“I'm not sure, really.” Luna answered in a dreamy voice. “When I visited my Muggle friend a year ago she and I watched the video and I guess it stuck in my head. Harry, your turn.”

Harry held the now-dreaded box to his chest. The music played.

Let me know that I've done wrong
When I've known this all along
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Who has to know

Draco whistled. “Who's your dirty little secret, Harry?”

Harry glanced at Hermione to see her reaction- apparently deep in thought. “I don't have a dirty little secret— stupid thing must be broken. Hermione, it's your turn.”

Hermione held the device to her chest and held her breath. Will all my secrets be revealed with a song? The music started.

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

A silence followed.

“Who do you love, Hermione?” Ginny asked quietly.

“A guy.” Hermione muttered quietly.

“Well thank God.” Draco said.

“Does he have a name?” Luna asked.

“Yeah, Hermione, give us a name.” Ron added.

“Guys, don't hassle 'Mione.” Harry stepped to her defense. “She'll tell us if she wants to. Otherwise, leave her alone.”

Just then the pizza came. While they were eating there was talk of Quidditch, make up (from the girls, obviously), and any other thing they could come up with. When the pizza was gone, the six of them relaxed and talked some more. Ginny, however, looked nervous about something. Harry took notice and asked her about it.

“Gin?” he looked truly concerned. “Is something the matter?”

“Uh... yes.” Ginny said quietly.

“Well what is it?” Harry asked.

“I have to tell you something, but I”m not sure how you'll take it.”

“It's OK, Ginny.” Harry looked confused, but spoke calmly. “You can tell me. What is it?”

Ginny took a deep breath and spoke slowly. “Harry... I love you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Muahahahahahahah!!! This is what sugar and caffeine does to me. Keeps me alive so I can update!! What did you think?? Review please!!! I love you all!!

9. Muggle Games

A lot of the reviews I got for the last chapter said things like “Ginny can't love Harry!” “What's going on?” and things like that. What- you think I'd turn this into a Harry/Ginny? No!! Everything will explain itself in this next chapter, which I worked on like a maniac 'cause I'm trying to get this finished before the Deathly Hallows comes out. Just like to say- I used “Cold Stone Creamery” in here and I quoted from the previews for the movie “License to Wed.” I haven't seen it yet, but I really want to. I also used an idea from this one show thing with Amanda Bynes but the name escapes me. Anyway— here's the next chapter! Enjoy!!

*kisses*

lil_irish_girl

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Previously on The Date Doctor;

“Harry... I love you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry laughed loudly and openly. Everyone else stared, shocked, at his reaction. Ginny looked hurt. Hermione looked ready to pounce at the red head.

“I'm sorry, Gin.” he apologized. “But you can't love me. I can't love you back, anyway. See, I'm in love with Luna.” Ron, oddly enough, looked ready to hit Harry.

It was Luna's turn to laugh. “Oh Harry.” she said dreamily. “That's quite impossible. You see, I'm in love with Draco.”

Draco cackled. “Oh, Lovegood.” he said loudly. “You simply cannot be in love with me. For,” his expression softened. “I'm in love with Ginny.”

Harry's eyes went wide. He glared at Draco, trying to communicate without words. Draco, you idiot. That wasn't part of the plan.

Draco glared back, as if to say, Well, how do you expect to fix it now? Huh? I already said it.

“Draco.” Harry said with a forced smile on his face. “Don't you mean you love Hermione?”

“Huh?” Hermione looked shocked and baffled.

“No!” Draco yelled. “No offense, Granger. But I am absolutely, positively in love with Ginny Weasley.”

“You are?” Ginny asked quietly.

“I am.” Draco looked directly into her eyes.

“Sorry, Harry, I'm over you. I love Draco too.” Ginny never broke eye contact with the blonde boy, even for a second.

“You do?” Draco asked.

“I do.” she replied. Draco then kissed her from across the table. After about five minutes, Ron decided to interrupt the snog fest.

“Hello?” he said loudly. “Ever come up for air?” The two broke apart reluctantly.

“Yeah?” Draco looked irritated. “What do you want, Weasley?”

“I would rather not watch my sister snog her apparent new boyfriend.” Ron looked disgusted.

“OK, I think I have an agreement here.” Hermione was trying to keep the peace. “How about Ginny and Draco don't snog when Ron's around and Ron gets a little more mature, huh? Can we all agree to that?”

Draco and Ginny sighed simultaneously. “Fine.” they muttered.

“Alright.” Ron agreed. “But on one condition...”

“What's that, Ronald?” Hermione asked.

“I WANT MORE DIET COKE!!!” he yelled. Hermione ordered a glass of Diet Coke to calm him down. When it arrived, he downed it quickly then started jumping up and down as the caffeine started to catch up to him.

“So how 'bout we head down to the ice cream place down the street for dessert?” Harry asked.

“That sounds nice,” Hermione said, smiling at him.

“Does anyone want to know what's really fun?!” Ron asked hysterically. “JUMPING UP AND DOWN! I mean it just gets you all pumped and your blood flowing and it makes you feel so alive you think you just might want to—”

“Ronald!” Hermione said irritably. “Please stop talking.”

“Fine. Be that way.” Ron continued bouncing up and down in his chair. “But I still think it's fun. Hey hey hey!! Let's do this one thing I read about in one of my dad's Muggle books. Everybody do the wave! Whoooo!!” Ron started waving his arms up and down. When no one joined in with him, he glared at them all and muttered. “Well it looked fun in the pictures.”

“How about that ice cream, then?” Harry was obviously trying to get out of the pizza place as quickly as possible.

There was a murmur of agreement and after paying for the food, they all walked out of the restaurant and headed across the street to Cold Stone Creamery.

“Look at the pretty cone!” Ron shouted in excitement, gesturing to the picture at the top of the building as he was getting dragged by Luna. “I want one just like it when we get inside!”

“Fine Ronald.” Luna said soothingly. “We'll get you a cone just like that.” he seemed happier after she said that and practically skipped across the street to get to Cold Stone faster. Everyone was amazed that he didn't get hit by any cars or other vehicles. Hermione oh-so-casually slid her small, soft hand into Harry's larger, calloused one and smiled.

“So,” she whispered. “You're in love with Luna?”

Harry blushed. “Well, I was. But if her heart belongs to Draco, then that's the way it has to be.”

“Wanna know who I love? Like in the song?” Hermione was surprised at her bravery. I'm actually going to tell Harry I'm in love with him?

“Yeah, 'Mione.” Harry whispered, curious. “Who do you love?”

Hermione leaned in towards Harry and whispered in his ear. “I love—”

“Oi, Potter!” yelled Draco from behind him, his arm wrapped around Ginny's shoulder. “Getting cozy with Granger, are you?”

“Shut it, Malfoy.” Harry answered, glaring at Draco. “Leave us alone. Whatever we're talking about is none of your business.”

“Fine, whatever.” Draco said with a slight shrug. “But that snogging rule goes for you two as well, you know.” Both Harry and Hermione blushed crimson.

“C'mon, you lot!” Ron yelled from the sidewalk, hand in hand with Luna. “Ice cream awaits!”

“Ron!” Harry yelled, still hand in hand with Hermione. “You going out with Luna now?”

“What?” Ron shouted. “No, no. I fancy 'Mione.” Hermione blushed and muttered something inaudible. “I almost fell over so Luna grabbed my hand to keep me from hurting myself.”

“Yeah...sure,” Harry shouted back, rolling his eyes. “Let's go with that.” his comment made Hermione giggle, causing him to feel a swooping sensation in his stomach.

“Why are you holding 'Mione's hand, huh?” Ron shouted, breaking through his caffeine rush.

“She...uh,” Harry tried to come up with a good lie, but was saved by Hermione.

“My hands are cold.” she explained. “Harry's just warming them up. Aren't you Harry?”

“Huh?” Harry whispered, looked confused. Then he caught on. “Oh, yeah! Her hands are very very cold. I needed to warm them up. See?” he gestured to their hands. “They're getting warmer!”

Ron rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Harry.” he yelled. “Just hurry it up, seriously! I want ice cream!”

The trip to the ice cream parlor was cut short, however, when they realized that they had only twenty minutes until the curfew Dumbledore told them. The six of them got ice cream cones to go, and hurried out of the shop, and down a deserted alley. There they apparated into Hogsmeade and ran into the castle just as the bell rang 12:00 midnight. They walked down the hallways in silence, trying to avoid Filch. When the hallways divided Draco and Ginny kissed, then the six went separate ways, Ginny with Harry, Hermione and Ron down towards the Gryffindor common room, Draco down to Slytherin's, and Luna towards Ravenclaw's. When Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny finally came to the portrait Harry said the password (dilligrout) and they climbed in. Sleepily, Harry and Ron climbed up to the boys' dorm, Hermione and Ginny to the girls'. Harry fell onto his bed and hit himself in the forehead.

Well tonight went rather well. He thought. Except for the fact that she STILL doesn't know I'm in love with her. I guess I'll just have to— wait a minute.. I know how to fix all this!!! All I need is a bottle and “Telephone”... He slept with a smile on his face.

~*~*~*~*~ Morning — 8:00 a.m. ~*~*~*~*~

Harry was again woken up by the sunlight, streaming in through the curtains.

“Why must the bloody sun only interrupt my good dreams?” Harry asked himself quietly.

“Because,” he answered himself. “The sun doesn't approve of your dreams about shagging your best friend.”

“But that's not fair!” Harry protested, pulling on his trousers. “I love her, for God's sake, can't I at least dream about shagging her?”

“No, no, no!” Harry said firmly. “Are you insane? That could mess up your friendship with her forever, is that what you want?”

“Well, no.” Harry said slowly. “But we all do crazy things when we're in love.”

“Yeah, well you still shouldn't do it.” Harry crossed his arms. “And I'm agreeing with the sun- waking you up before you could finish the dream was a good idea.”

“Ugh.” Harry rolled his eyes, pulling on a white T-shirt. “Whatever.”

“Wow.” Ron said suddenly, sitting up. “Talk about a split personality. What was all that about, anyway?”

“Nothing Ron.” Harry said, shrugging. “Go back to sleep.”

“Well then at least tell me who it was you were debating over.” Ron was persistent.

“Ron, why on earth would you want to know anyway?” Harry asked.

“Cause you're my best mate!” Ron whisper-yelled. “And maybe I could help you get the girl.”

Harry scoffed. “No. Sorry Ron, but I don't think I can get her, you're help wouldn't do much. No offense.”

“None taken.” said Ron. “Is there anything I can help you with, then?”

“Uhh, maybe.” Harry was thinking. “Care to play a few Muggle games with the gang tonight?”

Ron thought about the offer for a little. “Yeah, sure. Who are you talking about when you say “the gang”?”

“You, me, Hermione, Luna, Gin, and Draco.” Harry replied.

“That should be interesting.” Ron grinned. “Are we meeting in the common room, then? What time?”

“Sometime around 10, if I can get everyone to agree with it.”

“Alright.” Ron lay back down. “I'm going to sleep again, OK? Talk to you in five hours.”

Harry chuckled as loudly as he dared so as not to wake his other roommates. “Alright. See you later, then.” but Ron was already asleep. Smiling to himself, Harry silently bolted out the door, down the stairs, and was half-way out of the common room when Hermione stopped him.

“Good morning, Harry.” she said a bit louder than usual, trying to get his attention. He froze in his tracks and turned slowly to face her, a smile plastered on his face. “Where are you going in such a hurry?”

“Sorry, 'Mione, can't talk now.” Harry spoke hurriedly. “... Draco ... Ginny ... Luna ... Ron ... Great Hall maybe? ... after hours ... true love ... effing sun ... tonight ... telephone ... bottle ... 'bye!” he ran out the portrait hole and out of sight, leaving Hermione looking very confused.

“Draco, Ginny, Luna and Ron were trapped in the Great Hall after hours last night by the forces of true love and will be trapped there until tonight unless Harry can communicate with the telephone in a bottle? And what about the sun?” Hermione rolled her eyes. “Boys.”

~*~*~*~*~

Harry sprinted all the way down to the Great Hall, and wasn't disappointed with what he saw. Ginny was sitting with Draco at the Slytherin table, not being able to go a minute without kissing. And Luna was sitting down at the Ravenclaw table, talking to a couple girls. Harry walked up to Ginny and Draco.

“Oi, you two don't waste any time, do you?” he asked with a smirk. They parted for air, blushing slightly.

“You know I don't like wasting time, Potter.” Draco smiled, squeezing Ginny's hand. “What do you want?”

“I need your help.” Harry decided not to beat around the bush.

“With what, Harry?” Ginny spoke up.

“Getting Hermione.” said Harry. “I was wondering if you two could meet me, Ron, Hermione and Luna down in the Gryffindor common room around 10 p.m. to play Muggle games.”

“Muggle games?” Ginny looked excited. “Ooh, Draco, let's go tonight! To help Harry.”

Draco looked skeptical. “What kind of “Muggle games” Potter?”

“Things like Telephone and Spin the Bottle.” Harry explained.

“Muggles play games that involve spinning bottles?” Draco looked confused. “Who would want to spin bottles for fun? Ginny, I'm not sure about this.”

Ginny giggled. “Draco, Muggles don't just spin the bottles. It's a kissing game.”

“I'm in.” Draco said automatically. “I'm definitely in.”

Harry laughed. “Draco, you should know—”

“Shhhh!” Ginny cut him off. “Harry, can I have a word with you for a moment, please?” she pulled him off to a corner, away from Draco. “Don't tell Draco he might not be kissing me by playing 'Spin the Bottle'.”

“Why not?” Harry looked like a kid who had just been told there really wasn't a Tooth Fairy. “It'd be much more fun.”

“No, it'd be a lot less fun.” Ginny said. “If Draco knew, he wouldn't want to play any type of Muggle game whatsoever, and you wouldn't be able to get Hermione.”

“Touche.” Harry said. “Fine. We won't tell Draco anything. He'll find it out tonight. Listen, Gin, it really means a lot to me that you two are helping me get Hermione. I appreciate it.”

“No problem, Harry.” Ginny replied, pecking his cheek. “I'm sure you would do the same for me.”

“Hey hey hey.” Draco came up behind Ginny and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Don't get cozy with my girl, Potter.”

Harry backed away in mock fear. “No, Malfoy, I wouldn't dare.” he winked at Ginny, who hit him lightly on the arm. “Don't worry about a thing, you little pansy.” he addressed Draco. “I want Hermione. Not Ginny. End of discussion. OK? See you two tonight at 10 in the Gryffindor common room.” with that, he walked away in Luna's direction, leaving Ginny and Draco to snog.

~*~*~*~*~

“Hullo, Luna, mind if I sit here?” Harry came up behind the blonde girl and gestured to the empty seat next to her.

“Not at all, Harry.” Luna responded dreamily. “Go ahead.” he sat down. “What do you need? Why did you come over here?”

“I need a favor.” Harry said. “I was wondering if you'd like to stop by the Gryffindor common room around 10:00 tonight for some Muggles games with the gang.”

“Hmmm.” Luna pondered. “I'm not sure. Will Ronald be there?”

Harry laughed. “Yeah, Luna. Ron will be there.”

“Oh!” Luna said. “Well, that changes everything! I'll be there, Harry. Thank you so much for inviting me.”

“No problem.” Harry grinned. “I'll see you tonight, then.” he got up and walked out of the Great Hall, towards the Gryffindor common room.

“Now all I have to do is convince 'Mione to come.” Harry murmured to himself before telling the Fat Lady the password and walking in to find Hermione in the exact same spot.

“Hi Harry.” she said slowly. “You're not going to run off again, are you?”

“No, no, don't worry.” Harry said, smiling. “I”m not gonna go anywhere for a while.”

“Where did you go in such a hurry?” Hermione asked. “And what was that load of rubbish you told me before you scurried off?”

“Oh, I just ran into the Great Hall for a minute.” Harry said. “I needed to speak to Dumbledore about something involving bottles. And I just told you why I was in a hurry when I mumbled all that stuff.”

“OK.” Hermione didn't look convinced. “Whatever you say.”

“Hey, 'Mione.” Harry began. “I was wondering- what are you doing tonight?”

“Well, I was planning on doing more homework.” Hermione said. Harry sighed and rolled his eyes in mock-annoyance. She laughed. “But after that, nothing. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I was wondering if you would care to meet up with the gang in the Gryffindor common room at 10:00 tonight for some Muggle games?” Harry asked.

“Muggle games?” Hermione questioned. “What kind of Muggle games? And who would is “the gang”?”

“Muggle games like Spin the Bottle and Telephone.” Harry explained. “And the gang would be Draco, Ginny, Luna, Ron, you, and me.”

“Hmm.” Hermione thought. “I s'pose I'll come. Yeah, it'd be fun.”

Harry beamed. “Great. I'll see you later, then.” he got up, hurriedly kissed her cheek, then ran back out the portrait hole.

“Should be fun.” Hermione murmured to herself, touching the spot on her face where Harry kissed her. “This can't go on anymore.” she suddenly said. “He has to find out I'm in love with him. I'll tell him tonight. But first I have to see how he feels about me. So how will I figure it out?..... by using my smarts, of course! I'll use the games to find out if Harry loves me or not. I'm sure I'll end up telling him, anyway, but this makes it easier.” she sighed and lay back on the couch, planning her brilliant idea to tell Harry that she loves him.

~*~*~*~*~

Harry walked out of the castle and onto the grounds, towards the Quidditch pitch. He needed to think, and that's how he was going to do it. Harry mounted his broom and flew up into the air, hovering around the pitch.

“This has gone far enough.” he muttered to himself. “I need to tell her I'm in love with her. But how? How?... Oh, I've got it! But I'll have to add another game to the list, of course... Charades will never be the same.” he smirked and flew faster, high up into the sky.

~*~*~*~*~ 10:00 p.m. — Gryffindor common room ~*~*~*~*~

“Who are we waiting for?” Ron asked impatiently as he sat down on the rug. “I want to start, now.”

“Relax, Ron.” Hermione said soothingly. “We're only missing Draco and Ginny. They'll be here soon, don't worry.”

“I'm not worrying.” Ron insisted. “I'm annoyed. Who knows what they could be doing, up in the Slytherin tower, or in the Great Hall, would they dare? Or maybe...”

“Maybe they went to the kitchens to get snacks for everyone.” Ginny said as the couple walked through the portrait hole, each carrying a rather large basket.

“We might as well eat.” Draco added. “I hardly ate dinner, and I'm starving.”

“Why didn't you eat dinner?” Harry asked.

“Gin and I got a little... sidetracked.” Draco smirked and put his arm about Ginny's waist, who blushed a deep maroon. “Need I say more?”

“No, no, no.” Ron said quickly. “Ginny's blushing, therefore, I do not want to know anything.”

“C'mon, guys. Let's get started.” Harry said. “The first game we'll play is Telephone. Everyone sit in a circle.” They did so.

“Harry, what's Telephone?” Luna asked, slightly confused.

“Oh!” Hermione said. “It's—” she looked at Harry. “Do you mind if I explain it?”

“Not at all.” Harry said, smiling at her. “Go right ahead.”

“OK.” Hermione said. “It's where one person starts and whispers either a few words or a sentence in the ear of the person next to them. It goes around the circle until the one sitting next to the person who started has heard the message. Then they say it out loud. Most of the time it's wrong, but that's the funny part. Seeing how it got messed up.” There was a murmur of understanding throughout the circle.

“Let's start with an easy one, OK?” Harry asked. “I'll start.” he turned to his right and whispered something in Ginny's ear. She turned and whispered in Draco's, who whispered to Luna, who whispered to Ron, who whispered to Hermione.

“'Dogs' tongues are cleaner than peoples'?” Hermione said, looking at Harry. “Is that what you said?”

“Yep.” Harry nodded. “It's true, though.” Everyone laughed.

“Can I go, Harry?” Ron asked excitedly. “I've got one.”

“Yeah, Ron. Go ahead.”

Ron whispered to Hermione, and it went around the circle again. When Luna got it, she turned to Ron.

“'Abstinence is why God created the cold shower'?” Luna said. “Is that really what you said, Ronald?”

Ron blushed crimson. “No!” he said, annoyed as he glared at Draco, who smirked. “That's not what I said. I said—”

“We don't want to know, Ron.” Harry cut in. “How 'bout Luna goes?”

And so it went again, only Luna whispered to her left this time. When Ron heard it, he blushed and looked at Luna.

“'Ron looks adorable when he's embarrassed'?” Ron whispered and threw his hands up in the air, silently questioning what she said. Luna gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Well, you do Ronald.” Luna said. “Ginny's turn.”

It went around the circle: Ginny said 'Satin sheets are to die for.' Then it was Draco's turn. His message traveled around the circle. Draco said: 'Someone yells awfully loud.' (which made Ginny blush quite a deep shade of red.) Then it was Hermione's turn. She, like Luna, decided to whisper it to her left instead of the right, so that Harry was the last to receive the message. When he did, he turned to Hermione.

“'Hermione loves someone in this room'.” he whispered.

“Yeah.” Hermione whispered in his ear. “That's it. Exactly. 'I love someone in this room'. Wanna know who it is?”

Before Harry could answer, Ron decided to speak up: he really couldn't stand Harry getting all the attention from the girl he wanted for himself.

“Let's play another game!” he said. “Which one, Harry?”

Harry pulled away from Hermione reluctantly and stood up. “Let's play Spin the Bottle.”

“Finally.” Draco said, tightening his grip around Ginny's shoulder. “A good game to play.”

“But,” Luna cut in. “Let's make it something like 'Seven Minutes in Heaven'. Instead of simply kissing the person, you must... spend seven minutes with them just outside the portrait hole. That way it's kind of dangerous too, because you could get caught. But it's still fun.”

There was silence at what Luna had suggested. Then Ginny spoke up.

“I think it's a marvelous idea.” she said. “It's dangerous, yet it will be fun. Right everyone? So who's in for playing Spin the Bottle: Seven Minutes in Heaven edition?” There was quite a loud murmur of agreement to this.

“Alright, then.” Harry said, grabbing the bottle from the table and placing it in the middle of the circle. “Who doesn't know how to play?” Ron raised his hand. Draco lifted his finger- he knew it was a kissing game, he just didn't know the rules or anything. “OK.” Harry said. “The way to play this is simple: someone will spin the bottle around in the circle and whoever it points to is the person you're going to spend seven minutes with just outside the portrait hole. Is that clear enough?”

“Wait a minute..” Draco started, but was cut off by Ginny. “Yep! Incredibly clear. Let's start, shall we?”

“Who's going to start?” Harry asked. Luna volunteered. She spun the bottle, and it pointed to Draco.

“There we go.” Harry said. “Luna, Draco, go outside the portrait hole for seven minutes.” They did so rather unwillingly. When they were outside, there was a silence for a few minutes, then Draco started talking.

“Listen, Lovegood.” Draco started slowly. “I didn't know who I'd end up kissing and I don't want to kiss you. Ginny's my girlfriend, I'd much rather her be out here than you. No offense.”

“None taken.” Luna replied. “I'd much rather have Ronald out here, to tell you the truth. But we are supposed to kiss, so let's just make it one peck and get it over with, shall we?”

“Luna, I don't want to kiss you!” Draco looked annoyed.

“Nor do I want to kiss you.” Luna said as if talking to a five year old. “But it is in the rules of the game, so we kind of have to.”

“Well I'm not going to.” Draco crossed his arms across his chest and “harumpf”ed.

“Fine then.” Luna said sternly. “Then I'll kiss you, just to get it over with.” she stood on tip-toe so she was his height and gently pressed her lips to his just as the door opened to reveal Ginny.

“OK, Luna.” Ginny looked incredibly annoyed. “Time's up. I get my boyfriend back.” she walked up to Draco and kissed him hard. He responded by wrapping his arms around her waist, but they were interrupted by Harry coming to the door.

“Come on, you two.” he said. “Enough snogging. We're trying to play a game.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Draco murmured as he and Ginny walked back into the room hand in hand. “It's a stupid game, I can't even kiss my girlfriend.” When they returned to the circle, Draco was next to spin the bottle. The trick was, he directed the bottle with his hands, so it landed on Ginny.

“Well, what do you know?” he said in mock-surprise. “See you lot in seven minutes.”

When they came back in (quite breathless) it was Ginny's turn. She spun it and landed on Ron.

“Hey!” Ron said. “No sibling relations! It's not fair.”

“The game doesn't have to be fair.” Harry pointed out. “And the game never says you have to kiss. Go out there and talk, or whatever.”

They did so, and during the seven minutes the five of them could practically hear Ron and Ginny arguing about one thing or another in the hallway. They came back and sat down, looking annoyed with each other. Ron spun and- much to Harry's horror- landed on Hermione. Ron looked incredibly happy as he and Hermione walked out of the portrait hole.

“So.” Ron said, rolling on his feet.

“So.” Hermione repeated.

“I guess we should kiss, right?” Ron asked, trying and failing to hide his excitement. Just then Hermione got an idea. She smiled at the red head.

“Uh huh.” she said in a sing song voice. “Guess we should kiss. I mean, it's part of the rules and seeing as we're not related...”

“We should totally kiss!” Ron exclaimed. “I mean, cause we have to. Normally we wouldn't, cause we're friends and everything and that'd be all awkward cause we don't like each other like that but now we have to because the game told us to.”

“You're totally right.” Hermione smiled. “So close your eyes and pucker up.” he did so.

Oh, man this is it! He thought. I'm finally gonna kiss Hermione!

Oh Merlin this is awful. Hermione thought frantically. I want to kiss Harry, not Ron! Oh, wait. I know how to fix this!

She put her pointer and middle finger of her right hand together and licked them a bit. Then Hermione placed her left hand on his neck and pressed her fingers to his lips. She faked a moan, moved her fingers a little bit then pulled them back and positioned her face close to hers.

“Whoa.” he whispered after opening his eyes.

“I know.” she said. “Whoa definitely suits it.” What did I just do? She thought. That was totally unlike me. But then again, if it gets me Harry, I'll do it.

Just then Harry opened the door.

“C'mon guys, let's continue the game.” he looked angry and somewhat disgusted. They all walked in; Harry looking annoyed and bored, Ron looking happy, and Hermione looking in shock. Hermione spun the bottle and landed on Luna.

“Do over!” Hermione said automatically. “I don't care if we don't have to kiss, that's just kinda wrong, don't you think?” Everyone agreed, so Hermione spun again. This time it landed on Harry. Draco wolf-whistled and grabbed them both by the hand.

“Come on, you two.” Draco said as he pushed them out into the hallway. “Just a simple seven minutes. No big deal. Have fun.” he shut the door, leaving them alone.

“So.” Hermione said. Oh, this is so awkward!

“How was your snog session with Ron?” Harry asked irritably.

Hermione sighed. “Harry, I didn't kiss Ron.” in response to his questioning look, she told him what she had done. He laughed as loudly as he dared.

“Oh my God, you mean he kissed your fingers thinking they were your mouth?” he asked.

“Yes.” she answered.

“Why did you do that?” Harry questioned.

“Because I didn't want to kiss Ron.” Hermione said. “But he apparently did and I didn't exactly have the heart to tell him I don't fancy him so—”

“You don't fancy Ron?” Harry whispered.

“No.” Hermione shook her head. “I fancy someone else.”

“Who do you fancy, 'Mione?”

“You'll laugh. You'll think it's stupid.”

“I won't laugh, 'Mione.” Harry promised. “And I won't think it's stupid.” he couldn't stop staring at her mouth, no matter how hard he tried.

“OK.” Hermione said, preparing to tell him. “I fancy—”

“Merlin, I can't take it anymore.” Harry breathed as he swiftly took a step closer to her and firmly pressed his lips against hers. After the shock wore off, she kissed him back, her hands running up to tangle in his hair as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She moaned. I can't believe I'm kissing him! His tongue was just sliding across her bottom lip when the door opened and there was Ron, looking stricken.

“Time's up.” was all he said, moving aside to let them through. They broke apart abruptly and quickly walked in through the portrait hole. Everyone seemed to notice the new-found tension.

“OK.” Draco said. “Party's over. Everybody go home.”

Slowly they all departed to their respective common rooms and dormitories. Everyone except for Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

“Oh, Hermione?” Ron had a forced smile on his face. “Could you leave Harry and I alone for a little bit? I'd like to talk to him.”

“Sure.” she said. “I'll just...go.” Hermione ran upstairs to her dorm. Once he was sure she was gone, Ron spoke.

“How could you, Harry?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper. “You know I fancy her. You said you'd help me. You were snogging her, for God's sake. Is that how you help me?”

“No, Ron.” Harry said. “It's not how I would've helped you. But you don't understand.”

“What don't I understand, Harry?” Ron looked angry. “Huh? What could be so complex that I don't understand?”

“Ron, I love her.” Harry murmured.

“You love her.” Ron repeated. “And when did you realize that you love her? When I told you I fancied her?”

“No,” Harry said. “I've loved her for a couple years now. And it's against my policy to screw up dates with a bloke, but I don't know, this was different!”

“Why, Harry?” Ron asked. “Why go after Hermione? The only girl I fancy? When you could have any other girl in the bloody school?”

“She's special, Ron.” Harry said, turning so that his back was to the staircase. “When she's not around, I feel like a part of me isn't here. But when she is here, she makes me feel like I want to be better. Did you hear that Ron? I want to be a better person when she's around!”

Just then Hermione slowly came walking down the stairs. Harry couldn't see her, but Ron could. His eyes grew wide.

“Harry—” he started, but Harry cut him off.

“No, Ron. I know what you're gonna say. 'You shouldn't think that way about your best friend,' and I know where you're coming from. I shouldn't think about kissing my best friend. I shouldn't kiss my best friend. It isn't right. It'd mess up our friendship. I just can't do that.”

Tears filled her eyes as Hermione silently sprinted upstairs.

“Hell, I shouldn't dream about shagging my best friend.” Harry went on. “But I do that too! I love her, Ron. Is that so hard for you to understand?”

“Harry?” Ron asked. “I know, OK? I believe you love her. And I'll get over it. But I think you may have just lost your chance forever. She just came down and caught you saying you shouldn't kiss your best friend and that it isn't right.”

Harry groaned and sunk into the armchair, his head in his hands. “Why does this have to happen to me?”

“Is there any way we could fix it, Harry?” Ron asked quietly. “Cause if there is, I'll help in any way I can.”

“Thanks Ron.” Harry mumbled. “But I don't think there's a way to fix it right now.”

Just then Parvati walked into the common room.

“Hey boys.” she said, smiling. Then she noticed the mood they were in. “What's up? Anything I can help with?”

Harry thought for a moment, then smiled at Parvati.

“Yeah, there is.” he said slowly. “I think I've got a plan. Can you help?”

“Of course, Harry.” Parvati said.

“I'll help too.” Ron added. “What's the plan?”

“Well, all we need is a Muggle radio and high heel shoes...”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ahh, so there we go! What's the plan? I wonder...

Please please please review! I'd love to hear from you!
I'm working on the next chapter as you read this, so keep an eye out for it.

I love you all!!

lil_irish_girl

10. The Date Doctor

Hello! Back again with what is the last chapter in the Date Doctor. I'm so sad that it's over now!! *cries* I'd like to thank Jesse McCartney (it'll be explained later on.) And so you guys know, I didn't write that song! I don't have that much talent. I warn you all- this is very fluffy, with funny on the side. Every other part of the fic was funny, so I thought it needed some fluff. This chapter is a bit of both! It's... flunny. I'm making that a word. You'll have to deal with it.

*kisses*

lil_irish_girl

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Previously on The Date Doctor;

“Well, all we need is a Muggle radio and some high heel shoes...”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Uhh, Harry?” Ron looked confused. “Why do we need high heel shoes?”

“For Parvati of course.” Harry explained. He turned to her. “Unless you want to break your foot banging against the wall.”

“No, no.” Parvati said quickly. “I need new heels anyway. Why I'll be banging on the wall is my question.”

“Well...” Harry said, then brought the two of them into a huddle, speaking in hushed tones. A couple minutes later they pulled back and smiled.

“That's a brilliant plan, Harry.” Ron said enthusiastically. “I'm just kinda bummed, you know? I fancied 'Mione, after all.”

Harry laughed. “Ron, don't you know that Luna is head over heels for you?”

“She is?” Ron asked, frowning slightly. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Ron.” Harry answered. “She's totally in love with you. If you don't believe me, go through tomorrow and see how many times she flirts with you.”

“Whatever, mate.” Ron dismissed, though he was going to pay closer attention to the blonde tomorrow. “Now are we going to put this plan into action or not?”

“Yeah, we are.” Harry said, then turned to Parvati. “Now Parvati, whenever Hermione quiets down, tap your heel on the wall. Just do that every time there's a pause, at least until she comes out of the room.”

“OK.” Parvati said and practically skipped up the stairs. When she got to the dorm, she rapped on the door three times.

“Hermione?” she asked through the wood. “Can I come in?” Parvati heard a muffled 'Yeah'. She opened the door to find Hermione stretched out on her bed, a pillow over her head.

“Hey, 'Mione, it's OK.” Parvati whispered soothingly as she walked over and began patting her back lightly.

“No, it's not.” Hermione's voice came out from under her pillow. “Everything's awfully wrong. I should have known falling in love with my best friend would only lead to trouble.” She silently sobbed as her body shook. Parvati took this as one of the 'quiet moments' that Harry had described, so she walked over to the wall and jammed her heel against it. A few seconds later, music filled the room and a deep baritone began to sing.

“We're the best of friends, and we share our secrets.”

“Did you hear that?” Parvati asked, feigning confusion. “Sounded like music.”

Hermione lifted her head and sat up. “Hear what?” she sniffed. “I didn't hear anything.”

Parvati rolled her eyes and kicked the wall again, but with more force. I hope he gets the message to sing louder. Harry obviously did, for the music was louder this time.

“She knows everything that is on my mind, oh.”

“Did you hear it now?” Parvati asked through clenched teeth, rubbing her foot.

“Yeah, I heard it this time.” Hermione was oblivious to her friend's pain. “But who's singing it?”

Another pause. Parvati took her remaining strength and kicked the wall again.

“Parvati?” Hermione asked. “Why are you kicking the wall?”

“Shhh!” Parvati said quietly as the music floated through the dorm again.

“Lately something's changed, as I lie awake in my bed, the voice here inside my head softly says—“

“It's coming from the common room.” Hermione said suddenly, standing up. “I'm going to find out who's singing.”

“I'll come with!” Parvati suggested, smiling inwardly. The two girls walked just outside the dorm and looked down into the common room to find none other than Harry Potter standing in the middle of the room, looking up directly into Hermine's eyes.

“What—” Hermione whispered, but Parvati cut her off.

“Shh!” she said. “Just listen.” Parvati nodded to Harry, who began singing again.

“—Why don't you kiss her? Why don't you tell her? Why don't you let her see, the feelings that you hide? 'Cause she'll never know, if you never show the way you feel inside.”

“Go down there.” Parvati murmured softly in Hermione's ear. “Everything will be explained.”

“Are you crazy?” Hermione whispered shrilly. “I'm not going down there.”

“Please, 'Mione.” Harry asked. “Let me explain.” Hermione relented and slowly walked down the stairs until she was standing in front of Harry.

“Alright, I'm here. Do I get informed now?” Hermione whispered, confusion evident in her eyes.

“Shh.” Harry placed a finger to her lips, silencing her. “Just sit down and listen to the song, OK?” she did as he asked, crossing her legs and looking at him cautiously. He began to sing again.

“Oh, I'm so afraid to make that first move. Just a touch and we could cross the line, oh. And everytime she's near, I wanna never let her go. Confess to her what my heart knows, hold her close.”

Harry held out his hands to her, she took them and was pulled up. He continued to hold her hands while singing.

“Why don't you kiss her? Why don't you tell her? Why don't you let her see the feelings that you hide? 'Cause she'll never know, if you never show, the way you feel inside.”

Hermione smiled broadly and pulled Harry into a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck. His hands went around her small waist, still singing.

“What would she say? I wonder would she just turn away? Or would she promise me that she's here to stay? It hurts me to wait. I keep asking myself.”

Harry broke the hug and looked directly into Hermione's eyes.

“Why don't you kiss her?”

Ron came out from the shadows, holding the Muggle radio. He began murmuring the words in the backround.

“Tell her you love her.” Ron whispered in time with the music.

“Why don't you tell her?” Harry sang.

“Tell her you need her.” murmured Ron.

“Why don't you let her see the feelings that you hide? 'Cause she'll never know if you never show, the way you feel inside. Why don't you kiss her?”

As the music slowed and eventually stopped, Harry leaned in and gently kissed Hermione's awaiting lips. Before she could properly deepen the kiss, which she desperately wanted to do, he pulled back slightly to look once again in her eyes- he saw confusion.

“Hermione,” Harry started, his voice merely a croak. He coughed and tried again. “'Mione,” he whispered, pushing a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I.. I love you.”

Hermione's face lit up. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him, pulling back just as quickly.

“Harry.” she breathed, tears forming in her eyes. “I love you too.”

Harry grinned and kissed her again. They were oblivious to the rest of the world, especially the two other people in the room.

Ron coughed loudly. “Why don't you two lovebirds come up for air and talk things out while I go find Luna and Parvati goes to find Seamus, huh?” this whole situation was obviously one that Ron couldn't handle. He pointed to the portrait hole. “I'm going now. Bye-bye.” and he ran out as quickly as he could. Parvati looked uncomfortable.

“Uhh, Harry?” she asked, addressing the wizard. “Is Seamus upstairs?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Harry couldn't take his eyes off Hermione. Parvati quietly crept upstairs so as not to disturb the two.

“Um,” Harry said, suddenly nervous. “Care to sit on the couch and 'talk things over'?”

Hermione smiled warmly. “I'd love to.”

~*~*~*~*~

“So... Matt?”

“Yeah, that was me.”

Hermione gasped. “Harry!”

Harry shrugged. “What can I say? I had to mess up the date without either of you knowing it was me.”

“But you almost kissed me!”

“What can I say?” Harry repeated. “I let my emotions get the better of me.”

Hermione lay her head against his shoulder. They were sitting on the couch in the common room, Hermione in between Harry's legs and one of his arms around her waist, the other playing with her hair. Harry took a deep breath and began to speak.

“Uhh, 'Mione? There's something else you should know about...”

“What's that, Harry?” Hermione asked, craning her neck to see him better.

“You know Irene, from the Three Broomsticks?” Harry questioned. Hermione nodded. “Well...”

Hermione's eyes widened. “That was you?” Harry nodded. Hermione burst out laughing. “Harry James Potter! How could you?”

“Again I will say: I had to mess up the date somehow.” Harry smiled slowly. “But you have to admit it was a good disguise.”

“I guess.” Hermione's head went back to it's original position on Harry's shoulder. “But now I understand why you, I mean Irene, hit on me. You forgot you were in a woman suit, didn't you?”

Harry blushed. “Yes. But in my defense, I apologized!”

Hermione laughed. “That you did.” They sat in comfortable silence for a little bit, then Hermione had a startling thought. “Harry... Draco's twin...?”

Harry sighed. “Me.”

Hermione rolled her eyes, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Harry. He squeezed her waist gently and kissed the top of her head.

“You sure did a lot to make sure Ron and I didn't get together, didn't you?” Hermione asked quietly.

“Yeah, I guess I did.” Harry responded, matching her tone. “But then again, we all do crazy things when we're in love.”

Hermione smiled. “Harry?” she asked. “What's going to happen now?”

“Well, I was thinking of kissing you.” Harry murmured absently, causing an even bigger smile from Hermione as she gently hit him on the arm.

“I didn't mean that.” she explained. “I mean, what's going to happen to us?”

“Well,” Harry said thoughtfully. “I was hoping this would mean you were my girlfriend...” Hermione craned her neck once again and softly kissed him.

“I'd like that.” she murmured when she pulled back. Harry squeezed her tightly to him.

“I just, can't believe it, you know?” he was more talking to himself than her.

“Can't believe what?” Hermione asked, turning so she could look at him properly.

“That you love me back.” he whispered. “I've just- never felt this happy before, you know?”

“Yeah.” Hermione said, turning back around. “I know what you mean.” another comfortable silence passed, then she spoke. “Hey Harry...”

“Mmm?” Harry mumbled.

“I think we should get to bed now.” she suggested, stretching and yawning to prove her point.

Harry gasped in mock surprise. “Why, 'Mione. I didn't know you were so forward. But I'll oblige. Yours or mine?”

Hermione hit his arm. “Prat.” she said affectionately. “I meant separately.”

“Of course you did.” Harry replied, smirking.

“Good night.” she said with finality, though she smiled. Hoisting herself up, she pulled her shirt down and smoothed the creases in her skirt. Then she turned to Harry and held out her hand for him to take. He was pulled up by her and when he was upright Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his lips to hers. Her hands wound up his chest and tangled themselves in his hair. After pulling apart a few minutes later due to lack of air, they pressed their foreheads together, looking into each others eyes.

“Good night.” Harry whispered, and after one last kiss, he let go of her reluctantly and went up to his dorm. Hermione, instead of going up to her dorm, sank down on the couch.

“He loves me.” she whispered. Then she smiled widely. “He loves me!” she shrieked as loudly as she dared, seeing as most of her fellow Gryffindors were probably already sleeping. Her fatigue caught up with her as she fell over on her side, curled up and fell asleep. Little did she know that Harry was watching her from up above. He smiled softly.

She must have been very tired. He thought.

Careful so as not to wake her, he crept down the stairs and walked over to the couch. Harry put his hands underneath her, one around her neck, the other around her knees- cradling her like a baby. He lifted her up with ease and began taking her up the stairs. When he reached the fork that separated the boys' from the girls' dorms, he hit a snag.

I'm not allowed up in the girls' dorms. He tried to find another way. I could bring her into my dorm. That'd work. She might hit me later, but it was either that or wake her up, which I just can't do. She looks too cute when she's sleeping. His mind made up, he walked into his dorm room where, thankfully, the rest of his roommates were asleep. He lay her down on his bed, and she shifted unconsciously in order to get more comfortable. Harry smiled at the sight of her.

She's so beautiful.

After looking at the bed and determining that it was big enough for the both of them, he climbed in next to her. Hermione turned towards Harry and cuddled up next to him, obviously seeking warmth. Harry wrapped his arms around her, smiling as he did so. A thought struck him.

I can do this whenever I want to now. She's my girlfriend. Haha, yes! No more restraining myself.

He slept peacefully that night, the love of his life in his arms.

~*~*~*~*~

Hmm, I have to do that Transfiguration essay today. Hermione thought groggily. But I don't have to get out of bed for a while. Boy I'm tired.

...Hey, that's right! I've got a boyfriend.

And he loves me back!

... I s'pose I really do have to wake up now.

Wait a minute... what's that weight on my stomach? Better open my eyes and check...

Ah! Bloody sun. Good morning to you too. It's... Harry?

I'm in Harry's room? When did this happen??

OK, what exactly did I do last night? I didn't get drunk did I?

Ugh, I suppose I should wake Harry up and ask him.

Hermione gently nudged his sleeping form.

“Harry?” she whispered. “Time to get up.”

Harry groaned and shifted positions, tightening his grip on her waist. Hermione sighed, then tried again.

“Harry.” she said. “Time to wake up.”

“I'm not gonna wake up.” Harry muttered in a sing song voice, pulling Hermione flush against him.

“Oh, you're going to wake up.” Hermione replied, making Harry grin, yet his eyes remained closed.

“Mmm,” he murmured. “How?”

Hermione smirked and leaned in towards Harry, then began planting feather light kisses on his neck. He groaned. She worked her way up his neck, eventually reaching his lips. Harry's eyes opened when she pulled back.

“What a way to wake up.” Harry muttered groggily.

“Hmpf.” Hermione said, though she was smiling. “Care to explain why I'm in your bed?”

He shot upright. “Oh.” Harry said. “Yeah, you might be wondering that. See, you kinda sorta fell asleep on the common room couch and I couldn't leave you there nor could I wake you up, you were too cute. So I carried you up the stairs but I couldn't go into the girls' dorms so I took you to mine.”

“You know,” Hermione said, playing with his hair. “You're awfully cute when you ramble.”

Harry would have answered had it not been for Ron.

“What the bloody hell are you doing here, Hermione?” Ron said shrilly.

“Ron,” Hermione said calmly. “This is not what it looks like.”

“And Harry, how could you take advantage of 'Mione like that?” Ron continued.

“Ron..” Harry interrupted.

“You realize you were in love with each other not even twenty four hours ago and now you sleep with her?!” Ron looked amazed and shocked.

“Ron?” Hermione looked as though she feared for his sanity.

Ron went on as though he didn't hear her. “I'm ashamed of you- of both of you. Of all the irresponsible things—”

“Ron!” Harry and Hermione said simultaneously, looking annoyed.

“What?” Ron asked.

“I didn't sleep with her.” Harry explained. “She fell asleep in the common room and I didn't want to wake her. I'm not allowed in the girls' dorms, so I took her to ours.”

“...Oh.” Ron looked embarrassed. “Sorry. I just, you know, assumed that...”

“Yes, Ronald, we know.” Hermione said sympathetically. “But if you had taken notice that we were both fully clothed...” she gestured to their bodies which were indeed, both fully clothed. A blush crept up Ron's ears.

“Sorry.” he muttered again. “I jumped to conclusions.”

“It's fine.” Hermione assured. “Now if you two don't mind, I have to go back to my dorm, take a shower and change. I'll meet you two down in the common room, then?” the boys nodded. Harry gently kissed her, then let go of her waist. She slipped out as quietly as possible so as not to wake the other boys.

“So you didn't...?” Ron asked.

“No!” Harry said, irritated, as he slumped back onto his bed.

“Fine.” Ron said, slightly hurt. “I only asked a simple question. No need to jump down my throat.”

“I apparently need to jump down your throat when you ask it ten times.” Harry muttered. “After we explained it to you.”

Ron harumpfed. “It was a simple question.” he murmured, more to himself than anyone. In response he got a pillow thrown at his head. Ron distinctly heard 'Prat' come from Harry's direction.

~*~*~*~*~

“Ooh, look who's sneaking in early!”

Hermione winced, I thought they would be asleep!, and turned around to see Parvati and Lavender sitting on their beds, smirking at Hermione.

“Hi girls.” she said unenthusiastically.

“Where were you last night, Hermione?” Lavender asked, her eyes bright.

“I was sleeping.” Hermione replied.

“We figured that.” Parvati said. “But sleeping with who?” the girls collapsed into a fit of giggles.

“I believe it's sleeping with whom.” Hermione corrected. “And I was with Harry.”

The girls giggled again. “You slept with Harry!” they said in unison, giant smiles on their faces.

Hermione put up her hands. “Now girls, I know what you're thinking. But I didn't sleep with him like that.”

“Oh.” Lavender said, dubious. “Well then how did you sleep with him, hmm?”

“Yes.” Parvati added. “Do tell us.”

“I fell asleep in the common room.” Hermione explained. “And Harry found me and he couldn't take me to my dorm so instead he took me to his.”

“And we're supposed to believe this?” Parvati asked.

“Yes.” Lavender said. “That is a rather pathetic cover story. Why don't you tell us the truth?”

“I just did!” Hermione said, exasperated.

“Uh huh.” Parvati said, smirking.

“Sure you did.” Lavender said.

Hermione groaned out of frustration. “Fine, whatever. Believe what you want. I'm going to go take a shower.” and she left the girls alone to giggle their hearts out, gossiping about what didn't happen the night before.

~*~*~*~*~

“Why must girls be so stupid?” Hermione asked no one in particular while pulling on a black tank top.

“Because,” she answered herself. “Girls love to gossip.”

“Well I know that.” Hermione said. “But why must they do it when there's nothing to gossip about?”

“I'm not sure.” she replied, putting on a pair of faded blue jeans with a few holes near the knees. “Go ask them.”

“Oh, my God.” Hermione said with startling realization. “I'm talking to myself! How pathetic.” she looked at herself in the mirror. “I need to do something with my face.” she decided. Pulling out the Muggle make up her mother had bought her a while ago, Hermione carefully put eyeliner and mascara on.

“I don't look that bad.” she said softly when she was done. “Time to go meet the boys.”

Opening the door, she waltzed down the stairs into the common room. There she found Harry and Ron waiting for her.

“Hello, boys.” she greeted them, smiling. They turned around to look at her. Harry smiled warmly and went over to give her a hug. Ron nodded, smiling.

“You look... different.” Ron said slowly.

“She put on a bit of make up, Ron.” Harry replied for Hermione. “And I think she looks wonderful.”

“You do?” Hermione asked, looking Harry in the eye.

“Mhmm.” Harry said.

“Yugh.” Ron shuddered. “Will you two kindly stop staring at each other long enough so that we could have a normal conversation? Or at least until we can get to the Great Hall- I'm starving!”

Hermione laughed. “Ron, you're always starving.” Ron stuck his tongue out at Hermione, then ran out the portrait hole.

“Very mature, isn't he?” Harry asked, turning towards Hermione.

“Oh, incredibly.” Hermione agreed.

“Shall we?” Harry asked, gesturing towards the portrait hole with one hand and extending his arm for her to take with the other. Hermione giggled and took it.

“We shall.” she said, and the couple started after Ron.

~*~*~*~*~

“I'm gonna get to the Great Hall first! I'm gonna get to the Great Hall first!” Ron sang as he half skipped down the halls. Since he wasn't paying attention to where he was going, he didn't notice the blonde he was about to run into. The two collided painfully and fell to the floor.

“Luna!” Ron said as he recognized her. “What are you doing here?”

“It's a hallway.” Luna said. “What do you think I'm doing here?”

“Walking?” Ron suggested.

Luna laughed. “Oh, Ronald. You are so funny!”

Is she flirting with me? Ron thought. I honestly cannot tell. “Harry and Hermione are together.” he said.

“Oh, really?” Luna asked. “Why, that's wonderful!”

“Yeah,” Ron said. “It is. I'm so happy for them.”

“But I'm sorry, Ronald.” Luna said sympathetically, placing a hand on his arm. “You fancied Hermione, didn't you?”

Her hand is on my arm. Her hand is on my arm. Loony Lovegood's hand is on my arm. Why doesn't it feel awkward?

“Well, yes, I did. But I sort of like this other girl now.”

“I see.” Luna said dreamily. “Well, who is it?”

“No one.” Ron muttered.

“Oh, come on Ronald.” Luna persisted, moving her hand to his knee. “You can't like no one. Can I at least hear a name?”

Her hand is on my knee. Her hand is on my knee. Loony Lovegood's hand is on my knee. Why doesn't it feel awkward?

“We should probably get up.” Ron said, trying to change the subject. “Here.” he scrambled to his feet, then held out his arm for Luna. She took it and was pulled to her feet. They ended up within an inch of each other.

“What an interesting position we seem to be in.” Luna observed. “Perhaps we should something about it?”

“Well, what should we do?” Ron asked, confused.

Luna laughed softly. “Oh, Ronald. Silly goose. We do this.” she leaned in and kissed him.

She's kissing me. She's kissing me. Loony Lovegood's kissing me. Why doesn't it feel awkward?

Instead of pulling away, he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. They broke apart a couple minutes later.

“So.” Luna whispered, looking up into his eyes. “Who do you like, Ronald?”

Ron laughed. “I think I'm in love with you, Ms. Lovegood.”

Luna beamed. “I love you too, Ronald. I love you too.”

~*~*~*~*~

“Where's Ron?” Harry asked, sitting down next to Hermione at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. “At the rate he was running, you'd think he'd be done by now.”

Hermione smiled. “I don't know, maybe he ran into a Ms. Lovegood on the way here and got a bit... distracted.”

“One could only hope.” Harry answered. Just then he saw two people walk into the Great Hall, arm in arm. “Speak of the devil.” Harry murmured. Hermione turned to see what he was looking at, then saw Ron and Luna make their way to the Gryffindor table.

“Hullo, lovebirds.” Ron said as he sat down next to Luna. “How's breakfast?”

“Fine...” Hermione said. “Hey Ron, when'd you start dating Luna?”

“Oh, 'bout five minutes ago, I reckon.” Luna answered for Ron. “And I couldn't be happier.”

The four shared a comfortable silence. Just then a snide voice broke it.

“Any room at the table for us?”

Draco and Ginny sat down on the opposite side of Harry and Hermione.

“So, Potter.” Draco began conversationally. “You and Granger are together now?”

“Naturally.” Harry replied.

“Of course.” Hermione said.

“And Weasley.” Draco continued. “You and Lovegood are a couple?”

“Yes, we are.” Ron answered.

“No, we're not.” Luna said. Ron stared at her, shocked. “We just happen to kiss every other minute and I consider him my boyfriend and he considers me his girlfriend.”

“Uh, sweetheart?” Ron started. “That means we're a couple.”

“Oh!” Luna said. “I get it now. Yes, Draco. We're a couple.” to prove it, she leaned over and kissed Ron.

“Oi!” Harry said after a few minutes. “Ever come up for air?” the two broke apart reluctantly.

“So Harry?” Ron asked through a mouth of food. “How'd you do it?”

“How did I do what, Ron?” Harry looked confused.

“Well, you managed to take one task, mess it up, use every disguise possible to do it, lose the girl, get back the girl, and then get everyone else matched up.” Ron explained. “I mean, you got Draco and Ginny together.”

Draco coughed. “I do believe I did that, Weasley.”

Ron carried as though he hadn't heard Draco. “You got Luna and I together.”

“Eventually.” Luna said, looking up at the ceiling. “I think it's going to rain today.” she observed.

“And.” Ron concluded. “You got Hermione and you together. I mean, how do you do all that?”

“I'm not sure, Ron.” Harry said. “I guess it was going to end up like that anyway. I just helped things along.”

“You're fate's helper.” Luna said dreamily, taking her eyes off the ceiling to look at Harry.

“He's more than that.” Hermione said. “He's The Boy Who Lived, he's Harry, he's sweet, and smart, and sensitive...”

Harry scoffed. “Hell no, I'm too many to be sensitive.”

“...and caring,” Hermione continued as if she hadn't heard him. “and he's also funny, and creative, and everything you could ever want in a man.” she kissed him softly. “But everyone else can call him the Date Doctor.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kay guys, that's the last of it. What did you think? Too fluffy? Cause I thought it needed to be fluffy, with all the funny it's been. You won't see another one of my fics until after the Deathly Hallows comes out, I'm afraid. I'll be a bit too busy until then. But I can give you this- my next story's gonna be called

“My, How Scandalous!”

Please review! I'd like to hear what you think.

Until next time,

lil_irish_girl