Cry

PunkPrincess

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 20/05/2007
Last Updated: 21/08/2007
Status: in_progress

“I HATE YOU!!!” I repeated, the pain becoming more and more intolerable. I fell to the ground and beat my fists into the floor as my sobs came forcefully from my small quivering mouth. I glanced up and saw he was still there, unmoved from the position he was in before I had fallen.

Chapters

1. Lily

2. James

1. Lily

A/N: This story takes place in Lily and James 6th year. Just thought I would get that out there, because we all know that Lily and James get together in their 7th year. So, onto the story then!

*Lily*

I was starting to choke up. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. My lips were quivering from the brief contact they had just made. I couldn't concentrate on anything but this feeling of pain that suddenly hit me.

“I HATE YOU!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. The tears broke through, and I fell to my knees. My breath was coming in small gasps, and I had to force the air in. I clutched my chest, ant tried to take in the air. It was painful and it was hard, but I kept trying. My face was soaked, and the ground was already wet from fallen tear drops. My hair was turning dark red from the wetness coming from my eyes, and the emerald was shining too dully, as if it were being killed.

Standing motionless in front of me was the messy-haired bane of my life. His body had not moved one inch, and he was staring at the wall in deep concentration. He just stood as I struggled for breath. He just stood as my face became an overflowing lake of tears. He just stood as I screamed at him.

“I HATE YOU!!!” I repeated, the pain becoming more and more intolerable. I fell to the ground and beat my fists into the floor as my sobs came forcefully from my small quivering mouth. I glanced up and saw he was still there, unmoved from the position he was in before I had fallen.

He stared, not at me, but at the area of wall where my head had been before I had fallen to the ground. I clenched my hands into fists to try to block out the pain that was coursing through me. I took in another forced breath, and looked up again. He was still unmoved, but his eyes had finally moved down to me. The look in his eyes, pain, sorrow, and hurt, would have normally hurt me, but I was in too much pain to feel anything else hurtful. I was in more pain than I ever had been before, and I didn't even know why.

“I HATE YOU!” I screamed again. He just looked at me. I let loose another wave of sobs, and fell back to the ground, still forcing the breaths into my lungs. I felt broken, but I didn't know why. I just wanted to die. And then out of nowhere I felt a pair of strong arms pick me up, and carry me over to the couch. I looked at the face and saw him holding me like a baby in his lap. I struggled to get out of his arms, but he wouldn't let me go. I started crying harder, and beat my hands against his chest, harder and harder, knowing that even though he didn't show it, he was in pain. “I HATE YOU!” I screamed into his chest again.

With every beat into his chest, “I HATE YOU!”

“I HATE YOU!”

Another hit.

“I hate you… I hate you… I hate you… I hate you so fucking much,” I muttered quieter and quieter with each statement.

“I hate you… I hate you… I hate you… I… I love you… God Damnit James, I love you!” I cried into his soaked shirt. I still continued to beat my fists into his chest.

“I love you so fucking much James. Haven't you been able to tell? I try to be around you as much as I can. I don't yell anymore… I stopped getting onto you about Snape… James, can't you tell?”

James said nothing. Just started stroking my hair and wiping my tears away. I beat my fist into him again. “I'm confessing everything to you! Why aren't you saying anything? What are you thinking?” I questioned him. He just kept stroking my hair and wiping away my never ending tears. I was so frustrated. The pain wouldn't go away, still pounding into my heart, still clawing at my lungs, still clogging up my throat. I began to cry even harder, and again tried to pull myself away from his comforting arms. This time he let me go, and I stared at him for a moment. He looked at me apologetically, and sighed, looking down. I took that for my chance to leave, so I turned to run. When I got the portrait door I heard a small voice whisper something.

“I loved you,” he whispered, then got up and walked to his dorm room. With that I broke down again, and I just collapsed. My head slammed into the floor, and everything went hazy. I was in hell it seemed. I couldn't even force the breaths anymore. I couldn't stop the tears from falling to the floor my head was rested so painfully on. I couldn't stay conscious, and I lost all control I had left, falling into black nothingness.

A/N: so I hope you liked! Stay tuned for James POV next chapter!

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2. James

A/N: Sorry it took so long… I hated how I had written this, so I took some time to totally revise this until I liked it. Hope you like!!!

*James*

There she was just standing in front of me staring in distress; her beautiful green eyes were suddenly sparkling with dampness. She looked into my eyes with surprise radiating from them and then looked to the floor to hide her tears. She had kissed me, and I had pushed her away. I couldn't let her be hurt. I am not a selfish man.

“I HATE YOU!” she screamed as loud as she could. I felt my stomach drop at those words, the same feeling that always came when Lily yelled at me. The tears were spilling down her face, and she looked like she was in severe pain. Suddenly she just dropped down to her knees, and was gasping for air. I stood there as emotionless as I possibly could, resisting the urge to gather her into my arms and whisper sweet nothings into her ear until she was alright. But there she was in front of me in so much pain, just asking for me, and all I could do was blow her off. I couldn't be with her, no matter how bad I wanted. I just couldn't let anything happen to her.

I could feel myself losing grip. I could feel my throat about to close off, and my eyes were going hazy from the wetness that was coating them. I tried to blink the tears away before Lily looked up. I couldn't let her see me break down. It would ruin everything.

“I HATE YOU!!!” she screamed again, but I just stared ahead, trying so hard not to break down. She fell to the ground completely and pounded her fists into the floor. She was making such terrible noises, and it felt like she had my heart in a vice grip, and was squeezing tighter with every sob. I couldn't let my eyes wander. I couldn't show my weakness. She was still sobbing, her hands in tight fists beating at the floor beneath her. Finally I lost the battle in my head and looked down to my angel's fallen form. I could see the pain in her eyes as she glanced up, and it made me want to bash my brains in with a bludger bat.

“I HATE YOU!”

The words still stung. She started sobbing even harder, and I honestly didn't know what else I could do without hurting her. Her eyes broke away from mine, and she went back to the floor, grasping at the carpet as if it could save her life. To see the strong independent Lily on the ground like this, lost of all control, tore away at me, eating up at my conscience. I stared at her shaking body, and sighted softly to myself. I bent down and picked her delicate, quivering body up and carried her over to the couch. I had her up against me, holding her as if she were a child, with her head by my shoulders, and her legs across my lap. She looked up into my eyes for a second before she started struggling to get away from me. I should have let her go, but truthfully I just didn't want to. As she pushed away, I pulled her tighter, hoping she would calm down. I pulled her tight to me, to ensure she wouldn't run away. I wanted to keep her close to me as long as possible. She stopped struggling, and started to cry harder, beating her tiny fists into my chest. Each little hit got harder and harder, to the point where I was in pain, but I never winced once, never showing any pain.

“I HATE YOU!” she screeched into my chest, which was sore from beatings and wet from tears.

“I HATE YOU!” she shrieked, and beat a fist into me.

“I HATE YOU!” She pounded her hand into my chest again.

“I hate you… I hate you… I hate you… I hate you so fucking much.” With each statement she seemed to be getting quieter and quieter. I much would much rather her yell at me. The quiet heartbreaking tone was so awful, I would have preferred taking a leap off of the astronomy tower.

“I hate you… I hate you… I hate you… I… I love you… God Damnit James, I love you!” She was barely whispering now, and still crying into my shirt. She was still hitting me with her tiny fists, trying to release pain. I took in a deep breath to calm myself, trying not to do anything I would regret. I had waited for those words for the past four years, and now when she said them I couldn't do one single thing.

“I love you so fucking much James. Haven't you been able to tell? I try to be around you as much as I can. I don't yell anymore… I stopped getting onto you about Snape… James, can't you tell?”

I swallowed, and fought the urge to grab her and kiss her until she couldn't have stood straight anymore. I reached my hand up and wiped her tears away, even though it did no good, they were just replaced by new ones. Her cheeks were soft, and as my hand brushed across them, and sighed to myself, wishing things were different. I kept wiping them away, and I felt another painful pound on my chest, where there was sure to be a bruise in the morning.

“I'm confessing everything to you! Why aren't you saying anything? What are you thinking?”

I didn't answer, just kept wiping her tears away from her gorgeous green eyes, the eyes that haunted my dreams, thoughts, everything. Her tears poured out harder as she realized that I wouldn't answer. She suddenly tried to get out of my arms again, and this time I just let her go. I couldn't sit there and hold her forever… She got up, and just stood there in front of me for a second. I gave her the most apologetic look I could muster, sighed, and looked down to my feet. I felt like absolute dirt, and I knew I was no better than it. I heard her turn, and make for the portrait hole to leave. At that moment I did the one thing I would never forgive myself for, but had to be done. I grasped my hands tightly together, to where the circulation was cut off, and looked to my angel's broken form.

“I loved you,” I whispered loud enough for her to hear. She stared at me as I got up and walked to my dorm. I heard her fall to the ground, but I didn't look, couldn't look. I walked the stairs to the room that had been mine for the past seven years, and entered, looking around. Everyone was asleep as I walked over to my bed. I stopped at my trunk and pulled out an old raged piece of parchment that was folded up in the bottom. It had been opened and closed so many times that it was near falling apart. I climbed into my bed and unfolded the small scrap once again. Scrawled across it in messy handwriting was this note-

The day you get your Lily is the day she's found cold in her bed. STAY AWAY!

I folded it back up again and lay back in my bed after I closed the hangings. Only then did I finally let loose. My tears broke through the second I was blocked away, and they didn't stop. I sobbed and sobbed until I fell asleep, praying harder than I ever had before that I would someday find a way to be safely with Lily. Someday.

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