"He’s been gone for a week this time. I hate it when I don’t hear anything from him…and he knows it. But if it’s to protect the sanctity of the wizarding world...who am I to stop him?"
From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/7312/
A/N Part of my SuperSongfic Series…notice word in bold…heh heh
Happy reading!
Hugs and Kisses
FuryOfMedea
~X~X~X~
In My Head~ No Doubt
I try to think about rainbows
When it gets bad
You got to think about something
To keep from going mad
I try to think about big fat roses
When the ship starts going down
But my head is wicked jealous
Don't want to talk about it right now
Long distance
Don't talk about ex-girlfriends
Don't talk about you with out me
Don't talk about your past
He's been gone for a week this time. I hate it when I don't hear anything from him…and he knows it. But if it's to protect the sanctity of the wizarding world...who am I to stop him?
He's out looking for something, something important. I wanted to go with him but he said it would be better if I stayed behind and helped with the research. We got into a fight about it and that sodding git Ron even agreed with him, then he went to talk to Luna.
I remember while I was screaming at Harry..his façade fell. The look on his face was so…regretful. In the end…I couldn't tell him no. It's because I care for him. And not like a friend. I'm head over heels for the green-eyed wanker. I didn't even see it coming and then…wham! I was one infatuated witch.
Sure I had a crush on him, every witch at Hogwarts has nursed a soft spot for Harry Potter at one time or another. But after the incident at the Department of Mysteries…I saw the man he's become over night and I just couldn't force myself to hold back.
So you can see why I might be in a little bit of distress. Here I am, a very capable witch, pining for her handsome wizard to come home from his latest adventure. Some days are very glum for me. It feels like everything is crumbling around me...around what he and I built up.
I try to think about happy things. Like the rainbow peaking through the dark clouds after the summer rain. Or the way the drops sparkle on the tea roses growing on the windowsill in the kitchen.
But then I think of who is with him, and it's not me. And then those rainbows and roses disappear and I see that blind envy. And it's all because of one person, her.
Merlin knows she's liked him for ages…it's been so damned obvious. But I don't want to think about that right now.
When he does drag in the door after an `adventure', I try my best not to throw myself at him. Despite the fact that I want him to throw his arms around me and bury his head in my hair and breath in my scent…
But I can't think about that. I just take him back to the sofa and we talk. We're apart so often…such long distances. Not like we used to be. We used to be together all the time.
He never mentions any old flames and I don't either. We don't have normal teenage conversations. We talk about completely absurd things…creatures Luna's told me about or the latest article in the Prophet. I don't mention what happened last year...or even yesterday. I don't let him start talking about something happening to him. I can't even grasp the thought of us not being together. We belong together!
But sometimes it feels like we're growing apart. But I'm probably just imagining things.
In my head
It's only in my head
In my head
It's only in my head
Yes…that's it. All those horrid thoughts are all in my head.
There's just something about you
That gets me in a twist
And sometimes I think
That cupid is just taking the piss
It only takes one word or idea
To send me in real deep
So if you think you're clever
Use the right words when you talk to me
Long distance
Don't talk about ex-girlfriends
Don't talk about you with out me
Don't talk about your past
I think it's when he smiles and winks at me. Or that casual way he has of greeting me. Or it's those damn green eyes.
But then...there's what he does. And actions speak louder than words…am I right? Of course I am. I'm always right.
He doesn't write to tell me when he'll be back. Or to say what's going on.
He tries to keep me from hearing things. He wants to keep me in a bubble
He acts like there's nothing between us. I know he feels something. He has to feel something.
It makes me mental when he acts like that typical…boy. Almost as if he's ignoring me!
It's all fine and dandy that he wants to be a hero, but give me a little…something! I mean we used to be…well we are…well I'm not sure where we stand anymore.
So I wonder…is there some fate out to get me? Did I anger Aphrodite somehow? What…does she want me to find her a stupid golden apple or something? Hell…I can transfigure one if that'll get Harry to even notice me again. I want to cry when he looks over me, he won't even hug me.
But no, he's looking over at her. To make sure she's alright. I still cannot believe that he asked her to help him over me! I'm just as qualified as she is. Ha! Might be even more qualified than she is.
It's those moments that make me think about my status with the love goddess. He doesn't even know what not looking at me does. He doesn't even know how my insides crumble when he gives me a half assed answer...or blatantly lies.
You'd think he was smart enough to treat me right…or to say the right things.
But I know that he says the right things to her. He has to. I can tell.
It's the way she throws her head back and laughs late at night.
It's the way he brushes her hair out of her face.
Or the way he squeezes her hand when she looks nervous or scared.
He seems to tell her everything.
I almost walked in on them one night. But I just peeked through the crack of the door. In the fall there seems to be a draft in the house and the warmest place, besides the bedrooms, is the sitting room. It was late and they were in there, in front of the fire. It was so bloody picturesque. He was sitting on the rug, picking at it, talking to her. He seemed to tell her…everything.
She looked down at him with those brown eyes and stilled his hand. Good…he doesn't need to destroy the rug.
He looked into her eyes and I saw he had tears in his.
The she hugged him, and the worst thing happened.
He hugged her back, hard! He held onto her waist and buried his head in her hair, like I wanted him to do to me. I heard him sobbing and she was telling him that it would all be okay. That she was going to help him... and Ron would help…and me.
Well Little Miss...Thing! Yes that's what she is! I don't have to help you…not one bit. I've been trying to help you for years and you think that you can come in and pull my wizard out from under my nose...I don't think so.
I'm sure that there's nothing…serious going on between them. It's just teenage hormones. He's a wizard and she's a decent looking witch…its just hormones.
He never been really serious about anyone on the past…I've been there in the background all the time. In the back of his mind.
In my head
It's only in my head
In my head
It's only in my head
They're just friends in the end. He's supposed to end up with me. Everyone knows it. I know it. He knows it. He just needs to sow some wild oats before he is ready to get serious. And then…it will be with me.
I really think I have a problem
I really can't control myself
Why do I get so suspicious?
Do you want someone else?
Cause everybody wants everybody else
Everybody wants everybody else
Everybody wants everybody else
Everybody wants everybody else
I'm about to go crazy! I think I really need to take a calming potion. I know Harry fancies me...a lot. Why can't I just believe that?
But he still makes me insane. Here it's Christmas and he bought me the worst gift possible, a set of quills. Granted, they're eagle and very nice. But I wanted something more romantic…and less practical. I was hoping for something more romantic.
Something like he bought her. A set of pearl and diamond earrings is romantic right? But why would he buy a friend a romantic gift? He's probably just trying to be nice. I shouldn't dwell on that too much.
He and Ron and Little Miss Thing agreed to get each other completely impractical gifts. Things that would make them happy and make them laugh. I was left out though; I suppose they assumed I wouldn't be interested.
But, Ron seemed to take this up with Luna as well…he's completely infatuated with her. Everyone was surprised...especially me. I guess any feelings he had for anyone else…ahem…before, are long gone.
She gave Ron a year's subscription to Quidditch International magazine. Ron and Harry gave each other Quidditch gear.
Boys, what are you supposed to do with them? And then she gave him…she used her `skills', whatever they may be, and gave him a picture in a frame. I tried to look at it around Ron's shoulders, Harry's eyes were misting over.
She'd taken a copy of a picture of his parents who were on either side of Sirius and transfigured a recent picture of Harry in the place of his godfather. So now Lily and James Potter were hugging (and now Lily was kissing) Harry. It was as if the picture parents knew he was in there.
I wanted to scream. She said that she wanted him to know what his family did look like. That it was still there. He hugged her close to him and Ron clapped him shoulder and wiped his eye. He said he had dust in it, yeah right.
Then Luna called Ron away and he dragged me with him. Saying something about giving them a moment.
Harry was still hugging her. I peeked around the glowing tree, and through the branches I saw the most disgusting sight, he kissed her.
And it wasn't quite a kiss you give a friend. It was soft and gentle...but he seemed to be checking for her tonsils. And she clung to him like her life depended on it, the little slag. They broke apart when they heard Fred and George in the hall. I ducked away and headed to the kitchen. He must be crazy.
Why did he like her gift more than mine? I got him another broom kit; I saw that his old one was falling apart and that the handle polish was almost gone.
But…he was probably just overcome with emotion. I mean…he's only had a few decent Christmases in his life. And he'll actually get to use my gift…hers is just a thing. It's just a picture. I'm completely overanalyzing this whole thing. Why don't I trust Harry…why don't I trust that it's me who he thinks about late at night?
He's just had too many eggnogs…that's why he kissed her. And I've had my fair share of the festive brew. Fred even thought to spike it with firewhiskey...hence my intense altered state of mind. That's why I'm thinking about this so much...I'm utterly pissed. I can't even walk right.
And…it's totally natural to…be open to other experiences. I mean…I even had a short thing with Neville…but I never told Harry. Nev and I weren't serious…it was just harmless flirting. I think I broke his heart a little though. But we all get our hearts broken a little now and then.
But…it's all in my mind. Its just repressed fear, that's all, nothing more than good ole' repressed fear.
Only in my head...
It's only my head
In my head
It's only in my head
In my head
It's only in my head
Long distance
Don't talk about ex-girlfriends
Don't talk about you with out me
Don't talk about your past
Lets talk about the future
Lets talk about the wedding
Lets talk about Gwen Stefani
Let's talk about how much you like me
And all that
It's here! Finally the time we've been waiting for, Harry beat You-Know-Who! He's been in the hospital for a week or so recuperating. The early summer sunlight streams in through the windows, making the house feel happy. It's like the sun knows how glad I am that my fears will finally be settled. I ran and hugged him the moment he walked in the door. He laughed and hugged me back, twirling me around. The way it's supposed to be.
Ron came in with…her and helped her over to the sofa. Then Harry broke our embrace and helped him lower her on the cushions. I've been told that You-Know-Who was using her to bait Harry. Well that is one dumb dark wizard…he should have thought to use me.
Well anyway…she got hit with the Cruciatus a few times. The Healers say she'll be just fine, that she just needs to take it easy for a few days. And Harry's just jumping around to help her. Ron's been extra attentive to Luna...she hit her head or something like that. Great…now she's going to be twice as strange.
I went to sit in the back garden that evening, and Harry sat next to me. He told me that everything I did here at Grimmauld was a big help.
Then I took a big step. We needed to talk about us, where we were going, what was going to happen.
So I told him how I felt. I wanted to know if we were going to get together…permanently.
I wanted to talk about when we might want to get married.
I wanted to hear how he felt about me. I wanted him to twirl my red hair, to make me laugh hard and long. I wanted to hear him talk about just me, Ginny Weasley, about how wonderful he thought I was.
He stared at me open mouthed for a moment.
“Listen Ginny…I don't think we should…”
But I cut him off, “Oh rush into anything…right. I completely understand.”
Harry gave me a sad smile, “No...I mean...I've changed a little this past year and I realize who I feel that way about...”
But he was interrupted by Lupin, saying that my mother had come by to take Ron, and myself back to the Burrow. We were taking Luna with us, to visit with me.
I glanced one last look in the sitting room. I saw that she was sitting up and he was next to her. He twirled her cinnamon colored hair around his finger, stroked her cheek and gave her soft kiss on her neck. For just a friend it seemed a little too intimate.
Why on earth was Harry Potter being that intimate with Hermione Granger?
She caught me looking and for a moment, she had the most apologetic look on her face.
And then, something in my head made sense. I knew what Harry was going to say…he was going to say he felt “that way” about Hermione.
It was always about Hermione. That kiss on the rug, the gift at Christmas…the kiss and the caress…it wasn't in my head. I think you could hear my heart breaking.
But it was…it was denial in my head. I felt so stupid and so angry all at once. He tried to tell me… he was going to tell me. And I let myself think…for all that time.
We were just two people that passed in the night during my fifth year. And now…our ships had sunk. We made the Titanic look like a leaky boat.
Hermione looked back at my face and I guess she saw something, maybe realization. Harry was still staring at her, playing with her hair and talking. She laughed and looked at me once more. I shrugged and walked out the door.
He loved her, I could see that now. Any wedding he talked about would be with her. A future with her. He could talk about his past with her.
She was…what he wanted…what he needed.
I still didn't like it. But I guess...that's how it's meant to be.
I wonder if Neville wants to grab an ice cream?
-->