Have you ever?

ChocolateFrogsForBreakfast

Rating: G
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 06/07/2007
Last Updated: 06/07/2007
Status: completed

A difficult anniversary for Harry. Short one-shot.

Chapters

1. Have you ever?

1. Have you ever?

Have you ever?

Pairing: H/Hr

Rated: G

Summary: A difficult anniversary for Harry.

Author's Note: Nothing you recognise is mine. This was written two years ago and was originally a present for my wonderful friend, junesrose, on LJ.

~*~

She cringed at the loudness of her footfalls as she descended the rough steps. The sounds echoed across the water between the cave's walls, letting him know he'd been discovered. Pebbles crunched under her feet as she drew near. He didn't turn around, but she knew that he couldn't help but be aware of her presence.

She paused next to him, tucked a yellowed piece of parchment into her pocket, then sat beside him on the cold, damp floor.

“I don't think I've been here since the beginning of our first year, when Hagrid brought us across the lake,” she said, her quiet voice just overcoming the drips from the rock walls, and the thuds of the small wooden boats gently knocking together in the water.

He didn't respond—just stared straight ahead at the dark curtain of vines that hid the lake from view. It was though he saw through it to somewhere beyond this place and time.

She watched his face for several seconds; his eyes made the only movement she could detect, but they weren't focused on any part of this October day.

It grieved her that he hadn't sought her out—that he'd come here alone. She wanted so much to be his comfort, but she wasn't sure that he'd ever thought of her in that way. So many times, she'd had to be the one who'd lectured him, prodded him, and set him straight.

It hadn't been easy, these past few years, to be forced into that role. At first, when they were much younger, she'd taken a sort of pride in being the one who'd taken care of him. The one who'd solved problems for him and taught him what he needed to know. But now… She realised now that his perception of her as a caretaker-guide, and nothing else, wasn't likely to ever change. She'd chosen her place. She closed her eyes briefly against this thought.

Would he ever become aware of her in the way that she was aware of him?

She stole another look at him and it pained her to think of how he'd never had a chance to live his life freely, to love wholly and be fully loved in return. She knew he'd not experienced that since he was a little over one year old. And the awareness of that, brought by this last day of October, was even harder to bear knowing what lay ahead.

His awareness had always seemed troublesomely divided between those physically present and those who had gone on. At times, she could feel that world tugging at him. So many reasons for him to want that world, so many waiting for him just on the other side. And she knew, if he stepped through, she couldn't help but follow. She wouldn't know what else to do.

She sighed softly and, needing to dispel some of the tension, felt around on the ground beside her and scooped up some bits of rock. She tossed them into the water, the small splashes breaking the water's surface along with the silence.

“I know this is a difficult day…” she tried again, turning her eyes to him.

Still, there was no acknowledgment of her presence from the young man beside her—the one she had always been beside, whether he wanted her to be or not.

She could wait; she'd become good at waiting. He stiffened as she slid just a little closer to him, but then she felt him relax, seeming to realize that she wasn't going to do anything like put her arm around him.

They sat in silence, for how long neither knew. The changing light filtering into the cave told her that it was late afternoon now, probably close to time for dinner.

She began to shiver from the damp chill of their surroundings, and it surprised her when he slid closer to her, sharing his body's warmth.

She was even more surprised when he spoke.

“Have you ever felt so much for someone that it hurts to think about them?” he asked, his words barely audible as his green eyes finally turned to meet hers.

It was her turn to sit quietly. It wasn't the right time to say the words that immediately popped into her head. In her mind, she measured more appropriate words, trying to form a response.

Nothing sounded right.

Nothing she could think of to say would bring anyone back or make anything better, really.

Helplessly, she said, “I'm sorry… I know you miss them terribly.”

He nodded and his gaze fell to the murky water.

They sat in silence for a while longer. Then, not knowing what else to do, she slid her hand over, twining her fingers into his. His tensed slightly at this contact, but then worked his hand more fully into hers.

They sat for several moments more, each lost in their thoughts, until the cave's light became gloomy.

“It's probably dinnertime, do you want to go and eat?” she asked tentatively, hoping to draw him out of this place.

He didn't answer for a moment, making her afraid that she'd overstepped her bounds.

“Yeah,” he finally answered. “It's getting too cold down here anyway.” He manoeuvred himself rather stiffly from the damp rock floor, and then extended his hand to help her up.

Her legs felt like they were made of damp cardboard after sitting on the cave floor for so long. She struggled to maintain her balance so he held her arms, supporting her.

Finally, she was stable on her feet and turned to walk to the rocky stairs. Just before her foot lifted for the first step, she was startled to feel Harry's hand on her arm, stopping her.

“Wh—” She began but quieted as he turned her, and then enfolded her in his arms.

A smile gently curved her lips as she slid her arms around him and rested in his embrace.

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