Crippity Mites and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks

moogle

Rating: PG
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Ron & Luna
Book: Ron & Luna, Books 1 - 5
Published: 12/07/2007
Last Updated: 12/07/2007
Status: completed

Luna offends Ron, and now Ron wants revenge. What better way than to play a prank?

Chapters

1. Crippity Mites and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks

1. Crippity Mites and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks

Disclaimer: Did not create any of HP characters, etc etc.

A/N: Did this for the 7 for 7 challenge at Portkey. Enjoy.

Crippity Mites and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks.

Ronald Weasley was not a confrontational person, despite what most people believed. It was true that his red hair often made him impulsive and quick to anger, but over all he did not like to get into sticky situations. So why then was he attempting to prank a certain Ravenclaw in an attempt to get revenge? Well, it all started when Luna Lovegood decided that Ronald Weasley was infested with crippity mites…

“Ronald,” Luna’s dreamy voice said airily. Ron inwardly cringed. As much as he was fond of Luna, he really did need to get to Potions and couldn’t stop to chat about whatever strange thing had popped into her head this time. Ron swung his bag up higher on his shoulder and glanced down at the blonde now walking beside him. A small smile passed across his face when he noticed the wand tucked behind her ear for safekeeping; he didn’t think it had ever occurred to her that it was dangerous to keep it there.

“You know, I can’t believe I didn’t notice this before, but I believe you must be infested with crippity mites.”

Ron paused and stared at her incredulously, his blue eyes narrowing slightly at the dotty blonde. What in Merlin’s name were crippity mites? And what did they have to do with him?

“What?” Ron said half laughing, half nervous. He never knew what Luna was going to come out with next.

“You know, crippity mites.” Luna exclaimed in a voice of someone tired of explaining everything. She absently played with her butterbeer-cork necklace and gave him a dreamy smile. “They often cling to people with freckles, and you have the red hair too, which is something they really like. Yes, I should have seen it sooner.” Luna said bluntly and gave a small sigh at her incompetence.

Ron could only stare at her bemused, not sure whether to laugh or be offended. He had always been sensitive over having freckles, especially after that Healer at St. Mungos had accused him of having spattergoit. Ron’s face twitched slightly, but he tried hard to keep his temper under control.

“Why do you look so annoyed?” Luna asked innocently, her brow furrowing together as her protuberant, blue eyes stared up at him. “It is curable you know; all you have to do is use this special shampoo.”

He watched as she pulled out a bottle of what looked like head lice shampoo and handed it to him.

“Uh, isn’t this for head lice?” Ron asked, frowning slightly. Luna laughed loudly, tears instantly springing to her eyes and actually slapped him on the shoulder. Ron could only stare at her perplexed until she quietened down.

“You’re funny, Ronald,” Luna said happily, wiping her eyes. “ Crippity mites don’t like this stuff as well, so it will work.”

Ron took the shampoo, more to appease Luna than anything, and put it in his robe pocket. He realised with a jolt that he was going to be even more late for Potions now and gazed back down at Luna.

“Uh, thanks Luna, but I’ve really got to go. Catch you later.” Ron said hastily and started running off, Luna’s dreamy “Goodbye Ronald,” drifting to his ears as he raced down the corridor. He walked into the Potions classroom and sat down hurriedly, pleased that Snape had not decided to take points off. As he got out his things, however, the small bottle of head lice shampoo fell out of his pocket and skidded across the floor landing right in front of Snape’s feet. Ron gulped and looked up at the professor, feeling suddenly very small.

“Weasley, what is this?” Snape asked in his cold voice as he stooped down to pick up the bottle. His eyes flicked over the label and all of a sudden his eyes flashed dangerously as he rounded on Ron, yellow teeth bared and greasy hair flapping in his fury.

“Do you think you are funny?” Snape demanded, looking quite deranged.

Ron swallowed, feeling his throat going rapidly dry. He wasn’t sure why Snape was getting so angry, but he was sure this was not going to end in his favour.

“Well?” Snape persisted, his hands splayed against Ron’s table. Harry and Hermione glanced at Ron curiously, but for Ron he felt like he was standing in the middle of a Wizarding firing squad, about to be hit by ten Avada Kedavra’s.

“I, um, don’t know what you mean, Sir.” Ron muttered nervously, fingering his tie distractedly. It was getting very hot in the potions room, or maybe it was just because Snape was making him feel very claustrophobic.

Snape glared at him, a vein twitching on his forehead. “I’ve had it up to here with you ingrates trying to give me hints. Yes, I have greasy hair, and yes I have head lice. Next time try being a little more subtle, Weasley!” Snape whispered in a deadly voice.

Ron’s mouth dropped open in horror, and before he could even fathom what was happening, Snape was giving him a detention. Ron decided he had never felt so uncharitable towards Luna as he did now. He glared at the shampoo Snape had slammed back onto his desk and decided this called for revenge. He would get Luna back for getting him in trouble…

OOO

Ron wasn’t really sure how he had come up with the idea exactly. He had spent hours pouring over old Quibbler magazines trying to figure out what the thing actually looked like, and finally he had gotten the look he wanted. So here he sat dressed like a crumple-horned snorkack, pig snout and all, waiting for when Luna would come dreamily walking by so that he could get his revenge.

Finally Ron heard Luna’s voice humming some strange tune as she walked very oddly towards him. He watched as she walked two steps, than took one step back, and then continued walking, all the while repeating the process of two steps forward and one step back. Shaking his head slightly, Ron walked out from his hiding place and stood in front of her. He watched as her eyes widened even more, until they looked like they might pop right out of her head.

“Ronald. Is that you?” Luna asked, her pale eyebrows drawing together. Ron inwardly cursed and shook his head, waving his hands to prove his point. Who would have thought Luna was so perceptive? She always seemed to be away with the fairies to him.

“No, I am not Ronald Weasley. I am the crumple-horned snorkack.” Ron said quickly, lowering his voice to make it not sound like him. Luna merely laughed and shook her head.

“I know it’s you, Ronald. You don’t have to pretend, but that is a really good costume. I wish I had thought of that for the Halloween dance tonight.”

“Uh, what?” Ron said perplexed. “Halloween?” He gasped and slapped a hand to his head, knocking off the crumple-horned snorkack head. How could he have been stupid enough to forget it was Halloween? He glanced back at Luna who was now picking up the head of his costume, and watched as she placed it on her own head. All Ron could do was stare at the pig snout face now looking at him.

“I know!” Luna exclaimed excitedly, her face covered by the mask. “We’ll go to the dance together as crumple-horned snorkacks!”

Ron groaned, but Luna quickly tucked her arm in his and stared up at him, the strange mask still covering her face, but he could still see her long, dirty-blonde hair trailing down her to her waist.

“You do want to go to the dance with me, right?” Luna asked happily. “I mean that is why you’re dressed up like this isn’t it? I have to admit, I didn’t think you were really interested, but obviously I was, wrong, but I’m happy I was wrong and I know we’ll have so much fun…”

Ron felt his mouth drop open as Luna gabbled on. He had started this because he wanted to play a prank on her and make her think he was really a crumple-horned snorkack, but she had seen right through that, and now she wanted him to go to the dance with her dressed like this, in fact both of them dressed like this?

Ron stared at Luna, who was still clutching his arm, and took of the ridiculous mask. She was smiling dreamily as she always did, but he could see the excitement shining in her eyes. She really did want to go to the dance with him, and he was surprised to find that he didn’t mind.

“Of course I’ll go with you to the Halloween dance, Luna.” Ron said with a smile. “We can be crumple-horned snorkacks together.”