The Safe Choice

harry_mione_love

Rating: G
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 22/07/2007
Last Updated: 18/02/2008
Status: in_progress

READ AUTHORS NOTE THAT WAS ADDED! The missing scene of Deathly Hallows. Harry had defeated the darkest wizard of his time, but lost so many. The last thing either Harry or Hermione wanted to do was lose eachother, so they held out...for the safe choice.

Chapters

1. Heart Beat

2. Into the Ocean

3. Look After You

4. Time After Time

1. Heart Beat

A/N: I felt the need to write something, anything, to make me feel better about the ending of DH. The book altogether wasn't terrible, to be honest. But the R/Hr was not written well and I gagged at the unnecessary epilogue.

If you read this enough, you forget its just a fan fic and you feel like it was really in the book, at least, that worked for me. This is really kind of short, but not a drabble. Somewhere between a drabble and a one shot.

So, here you go. The missing scene in Deathly Hallows.

~*~

Harry Potter, a celebrated hero throughout the Wizardry World today, sat gazing into the fire in the common room; alone, on the couch, not thinking about much of anything. He was gone, Voldemort was gone. And Harry had survived. There was a while there when he thought he was going to die, that that was how it was supposed to end. But Voldemort was destroyed, and Harry still lived. Among the many that fought for him and the freedom of their world, he lived. Sometimes it didn't seem right.

“Harry...” That familiar voice of Hermione Granger's, mixed with shock of seeing him down here, but she didn't have to ask why he was down here. Its not like she could sleep, or anyone could. “Are you alright?”

He just shrugged in response. He heard her sigh and felt the couch sink in as she sat down a few feet from him. A moment of silence passed between them, where neither could gather what to say; until Harry spoke. “It's over.”

She nodded, studying him carefully. “Yes, you did it.”

“We did it,” Harry corrected her, quickly. “I barely did anything in the end. You guys were there for me, everyone. During the battle...and before. Especially you...”

Hermione smiled at him and he tried to weakly return it. “I would never leave you; will never leave you. I swore-and, and no matter what else you go through, Harry, I'll always be there, as I have for seven years.” Harry looked at her, watching her every moved while she started into the fire. “I'm just glad you and Ron are okay. I really thought-for that minute that, that-”

He noticed her voice choke up. His arms instinctively reached out to her pulling her body close. Hermione's legs overlapped his, wrapping her arm around his front waist securely, laying her head against him; while Harry pulled one arm around her shoulder and the other holding the rest of her to him.

She choked back a sob and he squeezed her. “We lost so many...so many...” She mumbled.

“I know,” His own voice strained. “So many. Fred...and Lupin...and Tonks...they have a son...and they...they gave up their lives,” he felt himself losing control and Hermione crying harder and decided to switch views, “It could have been more. T-that night-when we were captured...Ron and I couldn't stand to hear you scream. I thought I was about to lose you like that, and even though I knew you were strong...I-I wanted to get up there. It took us awhile. I'm...so sorry.”

She sniffled, tears trickling down her face. “What happened with me...It's in the past. The important thing is, we made it through in the end. And all those people...Lupin and Tonks...” She cried, feeling for the loss and their son, “they knew what they were fighting for...against. Harry, no one died in vein.”

“Yeah,” He whispered, sniffling back a tear or two, kissing the top of her head as she closed her eyes at his touch.

~*~

Upstairs-Boys Dormitory

Ron lie on his own bed, while his younger sister, Ginny, sat up, beside him, staring into space. “I can't believe Fred's gone,” Ginny murmured, unable to cry any longer.

“It doesn't seem real,” Ron said. Fred was gone, that seemed hard to comprehend. He couldn't imagine what his mother was like...and George, his own twin brother. They had finally gotten Percy back, he had thought they could be a full family again, but he should've known better. Things were not so easy; they had been amidst a war.

“I can't sleep, Ron,” Ginny added, after a tense moment of silence.

“Me neither. I don't think anyone can,” Ron said, with a glance at Harry and Dean's empty beds.

“Yeah,” Ginny sighed softly.

Ron continued to think about all that had happened, all they had lost, and what they had almost lost. Harry had survived, but not unscathed. He had thought his best friend was dead for a moment. And Hermione...she made it, too. But she could've died so many times, he thought, with a glance over at Harry's bed again.

“Ginny?” Ron asked quietly.

“Hmm?” She mumbled sleepily.

“Do you ever wonder what happened with Harry and Hermione while I was gone?” Ron asked, curiously.

“No,” Ginny responded, lying next to her brother. “What would you think something happened?” She yawned.

Ron shrugged. “When I came back, he must've sensed my jealousy,” He decided not to tell her about the locket image, “he told me he only loved her as a sister.”

“He's telling the truth, Ron. He wouldn't lie to us,” Ginny told him, closing her eyes.

“I guess,” Ron sounded unconvinced, especially considering they had not discussed whether Hermione felt the same way.

Ginny sighed, opening her eyes to stare at her brother's profile. “You're just going to have to realize that they have a friendship between them, one that doesn't have to involve you. Just like you and Harry do without Hermione. There's is really strong, we may not understand why, but it is. They're Harry and Hermione, Ron. That's the only way to explain their relationship. Just- Harry and Hermione.”

“Just Harry and Hermione,” Ron repeated, as his sister closed her eyes again.

~*~

Holding onto each other, they felt more comforted than they had in a while. A thought came to Harry's mind. “You know that I love you, right, Hermione?”

“Yes,” She whispered, knowing he only meant it sisterly, but secretly wishing he meant it romantically. “I love you, too.”

He smiled, knowing she only meant it brotherly; though a large part of him wished she meant it differently.

And even though staying here with her brought him more security and care than he'd ever experienced, he knew that Ginny was a safer choice. He knew Ginny already felt for him and in some way he still felt some strange feelings for her, too. Although nothing like the way Hermione was with him. No, that was stronger; a love beyond compare inside of him, that he hid as best he could. But Hermione was with Ron, and perfectly happy. Ginny was the safe choice.

Hermione, with her eyes closed, was never so comforted by the sound of a heartbeat before. It felt right to be held by him, to feel his body against hers, knowing that after a few years of worry, he was safe, and in her arms. Then she remembers Ron was upstairs; who was technically her boyfriend. She didn't know why she had let him back in so easily, it was just simpler that way. Maybe things were better that way. After all, Ginny and Harry were quite happy together, thinking they were soul mates. She had almost told him tonight, thinking she was willing to take the leap of faith, but found herself unable to do it, almost wanting to just keep things the same, in case she ruined their relationship by her confession. Harry was still just her best friend, as he always had been, no matter how deeply she felt for him. The safe choice was Ron; there were no uncertainties or confusion. Bickering, yes, but no worry of denial. Yes, Ron was the safe choice.

And they drifted off to sleep there, holding each other in the dark, the glow of the firelight illuminating their entangled figures. Each one was wanting, needing, something more. But, held out, for the safe choice.

~*~

A/n: Kind of nervous about this one, did you like it, hate it? Reviews are welcome.

<3

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2. Into the Ocean

A/N: Wow, this has been a long wait for the second chapter. I apologize profusely for that. I had a lot going on—you can't imagine! Well, you could if you read LPB, or CC—which YES I am TRYING to update. I get it guys, you're ancy, but I'm back in school, cheerleading, tons of homework and my mum is not letting me on the computer as much! So hang in, I'm trying!!

merci beaucoup to all those who stuck around to hear the rest of the tale!!

Ps. I may have a friend or two that are Irish, but that does not mean I can WRITE Irish accents. Get an imagination and pretend with Seamus please-thank you!

PPS. The chapters won't be very long I must warn you, don't expect anything more.

~*~

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
into the ocean...end it all

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

~*~

The sun came over the horizon quite early at Hogwarts; however, none were there to greet it.

The Weasley's were scattered in different parts of the castle, Ron and Ginny upstairs asleep in Ron's bed; the other students lay casually amongst their families or towers, and Harry and Hermione still lie with each other on the old common room couch.

It wasn't until the late hours of the morning that Ron and Ginny found themselves heading down the dormitory stairs, dressed in casual clothing, circles under their eyes; showing the lack of sleep both suffered the night before. You could easily tell that Ginny, though, had attempted to cover it up with various eye makeup from mascara to eyeliner, even a little foundation, but this was something that even magic wouldn't help. Both brother and sister came with their heads down, and the first to notice their best friends on the couch was Ginny. She abruptly stopped, causing Ron to knock into her. When he looked at her with question, she put the back of her hand to his shoulder and pointedly looked in their direction.

It seemed they both froze for a moment, not quite sure how to react. Both were sprung with jealously, but wondered what the other was going to do. “Should we...wake them?”

“Maybe...” Ginny answered.

“I mean, they've got to be hungry...” Ron said.

“Right,” Ginny nodded.

“But they're also probably exhausted...” Ron reasoned.

“Right,” Ginny nodded again.

“Maybe we should wake them,” Ron finished.

“Okay,” Ginny finally decided.

`Well don't they look quite cozy,' Ron thought as they moved around to face the couch. “How should we...”

“You could...try to wake Hermione up?” Ginny went for the safe choice.

“I guess,” Ron said, still distracted by his envious feelings. His hand cautiously rose to Hermione's forehead, where he gently stroked the side of her head. “Hermione?” In her sleep, a smile painted itself upon Hermione's lips as she snuggled closer to Harry and sighed in contentment.

“Let them sleep,” Ron hissed, walking away from the scene, out the portrait and stopping down the hallway.

Ginny shook her head and glared at Hermione. She was her best friend. Friends like Harry and Hermione are not supposed to get this close; especially when they both were in a relationship. Ginny had let the small, light touches go, the hugs she pushed to the back of her mind, but Ginny was an extremely jealous and keen person. This pushed her over the edge.

This was not over.

~*~

Lavender Brown had awoken a bit later than the Weasley siblings, and she too had attempted to hide behind the glory of make up and magic that could only go so far this morning. Her tired body forced itself down the stairs and into the common room on her way to the Great Hall.

An interesting sight met her eyes though, as she descended upon into the common room. There were two figures asleep together on the couch, looking quite comfortable she might add. Curiosity always got the best of Lavender, so she made her way to the other end, eyes narrowing in her pursuit to discover the figures' identities.

Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.

Just the image made a tiny sly smirk touch her lips, of how cute they looked lying there together. She figured Ron and Ginny Weasley had not seen them, for there would be raging hell in the common room if they had. So even though this kind of sleeping together may not have been a good idea, they still looked much better and much more comfortable together than either of them had ever been with a Weasley.

The next question was: To wake, or not to wake?

They were probably tired from the night before, especially with all the hell Harry went through, and no doubt they would have tons of people asking them questions over the next few days; ragging them on the details of their adventurous quest and defeat of Voldemort. However, she didnt know how long breakfast would last and both were probably hungry. If she were in this position though—she would just want to sleep.

Lavender's titled head examined them as she tried to figure out what to do when a voice startled her. “Lavender?”

Her head struck up to see none other than Seamus Finnegan coming down the stairs. “Sh!” She put her finger to her lips to silent him.

When his questioning gaze hit her, she motioned for him to come closer. Seamus nodded and walked to where she was sitting. “Oh, should we wake them?”

Lavender shrugged. “Oh, I dunno! Maybe...before Ginny and Ron...”

“Yeah, Potter here is probably the one that got a decent sleep last night, cuddled up next to his best mates girlfriend,” Seamus commented.

Both found themselves laughing before they realized that shouldn't be. Now they felt guilty; now was not a time for laughter. Lavender cleared her throat. “Um,” She deliberated, thinking about the two. They looked terribly adorable together. They always had. Lavender had never been best friends with either of them, she had even ticked Hermione off greatly in sixth year by snogging bloody Ron Weasley all over the bloody castle. `Ew,' she thought. `Why did I ever go there?' But she and Hermione had been roommates all their years, and she would like to think of the relationship she shared with each of them to be friendly. Occasionally she would play a small role in whatever vicious quest they had for that year.

But today, friendship, nor hatred didnt matter. Today was the day after the final battle. The day where many would grieve those they lost, and embrace those that were saved. Today, everyone was your friend, regardless of what happened in the years before. The Slytherins, yes, weren't on her top `To Care for Today' list, but today, the whole Wizardry World was mourning the loss of students, parents, young kids, the elderly and great leaders.

Today it didnt matter who you were best friends with, everyone was your best friend today.

Lavender made a mental note to help it stay that way.

“I think we should wake them up,” Seamus decided, pulling her out of her thoughts, much the same as the ones he was having.

“Probably,” Lavender nodded, reaching her hand out to her friend. “Harry?” She called her from her dream world.

“Mmm...” Harry tightened her hold on Hermione. Seamus snickered in the background and Lavender nudged him in the stomach to shut up playfully. They realized they were joking too much again.

“Hermione?” Lavender called her roommate, shaking her.

“Lavender?” Hermione's eyes suddenly sprang open, making both Seamus and Lavender jump in surprise.

Lavender took a breath. “Yes, um, we just wanted to...uh, wake you up...its morning. Well, late morning, about ten o'clock I believe. Everyone's at breakfast...I'm sorry...”

“No, no, thank you,” Hermione smiled genuinely. “Thank you Seamus.”

Seamus saluted her with a smile and as he and Lavender said an awkward goodbye to her, Seamus got in one last sarcastic comment. “Sleep well?” He said before the door closed. She could hear, however, the slightest laughter coming from the corridor.

Hermione's upraised head fell down into Harry's neck again and she sighed, breathing in the scent that was Harry. He wasn't still dirty, for he had taken a shower, like everyone else, and he smelled the way Hermione was used to him smelling. You don't realize how powerful a scent is until you lose that scent. It had been awhile, besides Godric's Hollow, since she had been this close to Harry. And in some terribly wrong way, she enjoyed every second of it.

The person occupying her mind at the moment shifted a bit next to her, pulling her out of her thoughts. She sighed and decided that she should wake him up. “Harry?” She shook him gently. “Harry, its time to get up...”

He let out a breath and shifted, slowly opening his eyes and taking in his surroundings until his eyes landed on his best friend. “Hermione. What time is it?”

“Late. I dunno most likely 10 or so. Lavender and Seamus awoke me, figured we wanted something to eat,” Hermione informed him.

“I don't feel like eating,” Harry said, casting his eyes downward and shrugging away from Hermione a little.

Hermione sighed. “Harry...you need to eat.”

“I can't...I can't even speak close my eyes without seeing some other helpless person that died yesterday. Someone trying to help me `save the world',” He paused and Hermione let her head fall slightly sideways, listening to him. “There's Colin with his camera, asking me for a picture...there's Fred, playing with one of his extendable ears...and Tonks...she's holding her baby and Lupin's watching over...”

“Harry,” She breathed, watching the boy turned man she had fallen in love with.

“All memories of what should have been for all these people,” The boy-who-lived admitted, staring deeply into the wall, as if it was interesting him. “They should have gone on with their happy lives and lived...with their children...their brothers...”

“Harry, I hate to tell you, but no one's life was that wonderful during any part of the war...even if they weren't directly involved.”

“I know, I know,” Harry let his hands go to his head as he stood. “I know...but I still feel like this wasn't fate...this wasn't the way it was supposed to go. The exchange of all their lives for mine...no, that's not right...”

“I think we all knew what we were getting into when we signed up for this little adventure. But, Harry, yes, we risked out lives for you because we believed in you and we knew that you would win...but we risked them for everyone else in this world that deserve a chance too. And if Voldemort was in power you know their chances would've been damned. We fought for you, yes, but we also fought for everyone. But I would've given my life for you any day, Harry, I would've last night, and I would today,” Hermione told him, gently getting up to try to reach out to him, in need of some way to care for him, so way to show her he cared.

“No,” He pulled away from her. “Don't say that.” Harry shook his head, a rather dark look coming into his features. “Don't you dare tell me that...don't you dare ever say that to me again.” He loved her far too damn much to let her die for him.

“Harry,” Hermione shook her head, looking at him in awe and alarm.

“You think you know, Hermione, you think you know what it's like to be me, but you DON'T! You think you know how to cure everything and you think that telling me these things, that `sacrificing' yourself for me will help but it won't! I'm just glad the fucking war is over so I don't have to worry about watching you all the bloody time to make sure you don't get killed!” Harry yelled, pointing a finger at her. The portrait door opened and closed without them noticing.

“No one ever said you had to watch me!” Hermione screamed at him, swatting his finger away.

“Are you kidding? Of course I had to watch you, you were on top of the Death Eater's fucking To Kill list-maybe you still are- and letting you out of me sight would've just invited them to come on over and do it all ready! Do you think I wanted to lose you, Hermione? Do you think I was thinking of ways to get you out of my hair! You know that I was terrified that you would be taken away or hurt or killed and you're telling me I didn't have to watch you! Taking my eyes off you for ten seconds would've been the end!” Harry roared back, feeling every emotion roll out of him.

Both of them stopped, breathing heavily as their chests fell up and down, their eyes looking at each other and wondering how such a peaceful moment had turned into utter hell.

A lone person cleared their throat. Both Harry and Hermione's heads snapped in the direction it came from and found Ron and Ginny standing side by side, looking rather alarmed. No one said a word. Neither Ginny nor Ron could find the words to say as both were rendered speechless by the rather terrifying display of emotions between their twins.

“Um...we thought you'd still be a-asleep... so we came to wake you...um, well...sorry, we didnt know—” Ginny started.

“Yeah, we didn't mean to interrupt, you're...powerful...display of emotions,” Ron added intelligently.

“Um, no problem, Good Morning,” Hermione gently said, looking them over politely, but seeing no reason to fake a smile.

“Um, Hermione, breakfast is...in the Great Hall...maybe you two should...” Ron said.

“Right behind you,” Hermione sighed, shooting Harry one last warning look before following Ron out the door. Ron left with one last gaze toward his sister and hoped that things would cool down. Today was going to be like this; tempers would flare, emotions would fly, but it was something they needed to deal with.

“You can go on to breakfast without me Ginny, I'm not very hungry,” Harry told her, sitting on the couch and cradling his head in his hands. What had just happened?

“Oh, but Harry you must eat. You've had a long few days...few months really, and you need to be taking care of yourself,” She came over and rested a hand on his shoulder, suddenly sounding very much like her mother.

Normally, Harry would've found her comfort endearing and would have welcomed it, but today he didnt feel like receiving any comfort from her. He just wanted her to leave him alone. “Thanks mum, but I think I'll do what I want.”

Ginny removed her hand quickly, as if she'd been burned. “That's really no way to talk to me Harry, no matter what's going on with you right now.”

“What's going on with me? You do know I just ended a war yesterday!” Harry exclaimed.

“Yes, I'm afraid I'm very aware of the final battle...I lost my brother in it!” Ginny cried, tears springing to her eyes again.

Harry felt his anger soften but found himself little affected by her tears today. He sprung up quickly. “Just please leave me alone.”

“That's not what you told Hermione earlier!” Ginny shouted at him as the portrait door quickly shut behind him.

He didnt listen. Harry ignored the calls he heard coming from the tower. He just walked, as fast as he could, as far as he could. His heart was beating, his head was aching and his temper was on fire. He needed to get away, he decided.

Running down the hallways he passed teary-eyed families and lone persons probably with no one left after last night roaming the corridors looking for or going to god knows what. He passed portraits that grieved. And every eye was on him. As he passed them all, everyone stopped and watched as he ran out of the building and got as far away from the castle as he could manage, not worrying about scaring the hell out of everyone else.

~*~

A/N: Wow, was that as good as I hope? Maybe not, I'm so under confident! Lol, you guys are the best though and I hope that I gave you some of what you wanted. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO COME!!! This chapter was a bit rough; all the characters are on edge. You see, I found JKR's ending a bit OOC for both Harry and the other 2/3 of the trio, as well as everyone in the castle, so I'm adding a bit more tension. I understand, it went from kinda fluffy/angst to mostly angst and for that I do not apologise cause this story will not be without angst.

Sorry for the wait, anyways and I will have another chapter out MUCH sooner! Thanks!!

Some things you will find out next chapter:

**What happened to Ron and Ginny between the time they saw Harry and Hermione first till they came back through the door? (I know some of you are wondering why they left all jealous and came back willing to talk)

Where did Harry go to? (It's nowhere too far, I'll tell you)

What's going on at breakfast? In the Great Hall?

This probably didnt live up to your expectations. For that I am sorry.

~Fin

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3. Look After You

A/N: As I'll say again, I'm amazed at the overwhelming response! You guys must really like this plot line. I dunno why it's become such a big deal to some readers! I just started it as a simple one shot. A one shot that was born on July 21, 2007...just an hour or so after I read the book!! Well, thank you for all the encouragement! And I will apologise for the confusion about the two stories. I updated and it didnt show up so I created a new story. Then I tried again and finally updated the original by adding a third chapter that was an author's note so ppl thought that was the new chapter and then I FINALLY deleted that one and now...it is back to normal! SO SORRY!

Read on!

Yeah, yeah, ya I'm sorry about the typos. But I don't do betas. Sorry if you're against it.

~*~

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down\

...

If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

...

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

--The Fray “Look after You”

~*~

Earlier that Morning—Great Hall

~*~

“You two seem awfully quiet,” Mr. Weasley commented solemnly, seated beside his wife at the Gryffindor table.

Ron and Ginny nodded slightly.

“I mean—more quiet than the rest of us...because, I mean, it's completely understandable that you'd be...” Mr. Weasley cut off his sentence there. There was no point in continuing. He fixed his napkin at the table and continued to mindlessly pick at the toast on his plate.

“You know,” Ron suddenly spoke up. “I don't think I'm too hungry right now. I think I'll...go for a walk.” He stood up.

Ginny smiled politely and placed her napkin on the table as she stood. “I think I'll join you.”

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley watched their children retreat. Bill, Percy, and Charlie paid them no mind, caught up in their own thoughts. George was no where to be seen.

~*~

Ron and Ginny's walk

They had walked the corridors in silence, each mulling over the thoughts in their own heads when suddenly Ginny threw her back against the wall and exclaimed. “I don't get it!!!”

“What?”

“THEM! It makes me so mad, Ron!” Ginny breathed in a large pocket of air.

“Ginny--” Ron looked at her, confused. “It was just last night when I said almost the same thing! What happened to, `It's just Harry and Hermione, Ron, just Harry and Hermione,'” He flailed his arms about in and did an overly girly tone of voice.

“Oh Ron, stop it! We both know you nor I can grasp the concept of them. I just don't get it. I know that we are meant to be with who we're with. I just know. I mean, Harry and Hermione have always been close, right? But it's never been too far over the edge. The farthest it's ever gotten were little protective gestures and that rumour in your fourth year! I mean—how does that add up to a relationship! Maybe I'm just being ridiculous...but this morning—I just...I lost control and I...I guess I lost common sense. I was just angry...that I couldn't have him all to myself I guess. I mean, he pushed me away last night, and practically let Hermione jump into his arms! Why is it okay for her to bother him and not me! I guess I've seen Harry get frustrated by Hermione and just...want her to leave him alone but a lot of times he does whatever he CAN to make sure she's happy...or...safe. I mean, come on--”

Ron took a break from banging his head repeatedly on the stone wall to stare at his sister. “GINNY! Snap out of it, yes, everything you're saying makes sense...well, kind of...” His sentence drifted off quietly before he lifted his voice again. “Anyways, I guess what we both can gather from this conversation is that Harry and Hermione are the strangest pair of friends we know who happen to be perfectly happy with us but yet they seem to love each other's comfort. Basically, we should go and face them, forget about what we saw and let it all go.”

Ginny thought this over and sighed. “You've gotten semi-intelligent, Ron.”

Ron shrugged. “Fighting in a war where you constantly are losing people can do that for you.”

There was silence. They walked to the Gryffindor Tower and were met with a surprise. They heard the yelling from outside and the Fat Lady informed them of what she called “quite a squabble” in the common room. They went in and heard the tail end of the argument.

“...that `sacrificing' yourself for me will help but it won't! I'm just glad the fucking war is over so I don't have to worry about watching you all the bloody time to make sure you don't get killed!” Harry had yelled, pointing a finger at Hermione.

Ginny and Ron exchanged curious and worried looks. Not a half hour ago had Harry and Hermione been sleeping peacefully with each other...and now? What was this about?

“No one ever said you had to watch me!” Hermione then had screamed at him, swatting his finger away.

Hermione was playing her brave card again, Ron gathered. Once in a while she would confess to them that she would do anything for them and tell them how unafraid she was of risking her life for others...and Harry never liked it. Harry didnt want anyone whom he loved to risk their life for him. He didnt feel he was worth it. Ron had told Harry the same, and Harry had been angry. But he really seemed on fire this time.

“Are you kidding? Of course I had to watch you, you were on top of the Death Eater's fucking To Kill list-maybe you still are- and letting you out of me sight would've just invited them to come on over and do it all ready!” Ginny started at the bluntness of his concern. He was apparently very passionate on this issue. “Do you think I wanted to lose you, Hermione? Do you think I was thinking of ways to get you out of my hair! You know that I was terrified that you would be taken away or hurt or killed and you're telling me I didn't have to watch you!” He watched out for her. “Taking my eyes off you for ten seconds would've been the end!” Harry roared back, and Ron and Ginny could see he was growing a bit too angry...a bit too over the edge. Actually, he went over the edge two minutes ago. He was screaming, using every emotion he felt and in some strange way Ron could tell it was because he cared about their female friend a little too much. It was time to interrupt.

~*~

Present

~*~

He ended up somewhere near the lake, the far side of it. He didn't sit; he paced. Back and forth, back and forth. He couldn't take it.

Something inside Harry had snapped and once it had, there was no stopping the downpour of emotions. If Ron and Ginny hadn't interrupted and the conversation had continued—Harry was almost certain they would have ended up talking about why he was so worked up and he would have told her that she was not only his best friend...but the love of his bloody life.

It sounded so cheesy, but he couldn't help it. Sometimes, she aggravated him so much. She always knew everything; and her emotions usually didnt play into her choices. She always thought reasonably and that drove him crazy.

Like when he wanted to go to Godric's Hollow, she didnt seem as much concerned with him getting to see the graves of his parents as she did with finding the sword. Granted, the sword and the horcruxes were very important, but he still felt more of wanting to go there for his past. When she got there, though, he felt her emotion and her comfort, and that was what was important. No matter how reasonably she thought, if it came down to it, she was always there to comfort you. To give you support even when you pushed it away.

And now, she had verbalized her commitment to their friendship. “I'd die for you, Harry...” The quote kept running through his mind. `She can't,' He thought desperately. `She can't die for me.'

What would happen if she died for him? What would happen if she died? What would he do?

He shook his head and leaned against a nearby tree. Harry let his eyes stare into the lake, not wandering anywhere else.

~*~

Ron watched as Hermione pick at her food. “I guess Harry's right...I'm not really in the mood for eating either.”

“Yeah,” Ron replied, watching Hermione push away her plate.

“For the first time in my life, I'm not starving,” Ron spoke. They gave a weak laugh.

Hermione broke the silence by saying quietly, “I'm sorry about you're brother, Ron. Fred was...an amazing person. Hilarious, and ridiculous to say the least, but he was a good guy. I...just, I want you to know...that I'm thinking about you.”

“Thanks,” Ron said softly. “I'm thinking about you too. We both witnessed war. We all lost someone. Remus, Tonks, Colin...” His voice seemed to stop working.

“When did you get so smart?” Hermione sighed, resting her chin in her hand.

Ron just shrugged, thinking back to he and Ginny's conversation that morning. “What...what happened with you and Harry? This morning, I mean?”

Hermione turned away from him. “We just got into a bit of an argument. Harry's a little off today; you should know that, Ronald.”

Ron shrugged. “You just seemed to be really going at it this time.”

“I guess,” Hermione sighed, watching as Andromeda Tonks heavily approached them, looking as if she hadn't slept. She held Teddy in her arms.

“Morning,” She nodded her head. She seemed to have left the “Good” part out on purpose.

“Hello,” Ron and Hermione responded.

Hermione couldn't help but smile as she looked down at the baby with orange hair. “He's adorable.”

“Yes,” Andromeda sighed. “He is. But he never sleeps! Reminds me of when `Nora used to be...” She stopped. No one felt the need to add anything in there.

“I love him to death but I just wish I could get some sleep for a bit today,” Mrs. Tonks finished.

Hermione thought this over for a moment. “I could take him.” Both Ron and Andromeda looked up at her. “I mean...Harry...he's Teddy's godfather and he hasn't gotten to see much of him... I was just thinking. After all, it'd only be for a little bit...”

Andromeda seemed to think this over and scanned her memories of the three teenagers. Harry must be good enough for her daughter's husband to have left him as the godfather. Nymphadora seemed quite fond of him as well. “I suppose that would be fine.”

After a few seconds of last goodbyes, Tonks' mother handed over the baby to Hermione, who was now standing. “Hi, there,” She greeted the giggling baby boy and immediately fell in love with him.

She wasn't even facing Ron when she airily excused herself. “I'm going to find Harry, Ron...”

~*~

She wasn't stupid. Hermione'd known him for seven years. She knew he would want to be out of the castle but she also knew he wouldn't go too far. The lake, she thought. That's where he always seems to end up in times of trouble.

“Come on there, Teddy, let's go see Harry,” Hermione smiled down at the baby boy.

Once she got within site of him, she stopped; watching him as he stared blankly out into nothing. What was he thinking about?

Hermione started toward him slowly, stopping when she knew she was in his peripheral vision.

Harry saw her as she stopped and let her stand there for a minute, not knowing what to say. He didnt see the baby in her arms. “Hi.”

“Hi,” She spoke quietly.

They remained in silence until Harry finally spoke. “It kills me to hear you say that. That you'd die for me. I can't let you do that. I can't let anyone do that; or say that. It just kills me. I don't even deserve friends like you who would say things like that. And Hermione, please, please, just never tell met that again. If at all possible I'd like to steer every conversation away from talk of your death, please. Because you're not going to die.” He stopped. “I'm not going to let you die.”

“I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know how much I would do for you,” Hermione said. “I know it's hard to hear that... I don't know about you but I feel like ever being separated from you or Ron would be the end of the world.”

“The thing is, Hermione...” Harry sighed. “I'd die for you any day. I'd kill for you if I had to, I'd die for you in any instance. And I can tell you that in all honesty. But hearing you tell me that, hearing you say those words...to think of you dying because of me...to think of you dying at all...”

“It hurts me, too,” Hermione said, affected by his words. “To hear in all the papers and from everyone that you were going to die. I didnt think so. I knew you'd win. But you know, Harry, I heard about your possible death more than your life. I was scared. And now...the war is over and it's lost us so much. In fact, sometimes I wonder if there is ever a reason to get up in the morning, but look, Harry, look what I'm holding,” She faintly smiled, walking closer to him. He turned his head and noticed Teddy for the first time. “I'm holding a little baby, whose parents, yes, were taken by the war but he is the future of this world. He will be safer because of what we did; because of what you did.”

Harry let his eyes study the baby. “He looks just like him.”

“Minus the color changing hair, yes,” Hermione noted. “He does.”

Harry turned his head away. “How can he be so happy? He has no one left. He's just like I was when I lost my parents. He's just like I am now. We're both alone.”

“How can you say that,” She stood right next to him. “when you have so many people that care for you? If nothing else, Harry...you have me. Don't give up on us, Harry. We care for you. We'll always care for you.

“Promise?” He asked, surprising her.

“Promise,” She answered, leaning her head against his shoulder without a second's hesitation.

He sighed, seeming content now. Hermione asked, “Would you like to hold your godson?”

“No...No, I'll break him,” Harry shook his head, looking at her.

She almost laughed. “Harry, you're not going to break Teddy. You'll be fine. Here, come, take him.”

Harry compiled reluctantly and nervously. Slowly, he removed the baby from Hermione's arms and held him gently. “God.”

“I know,” Hermione answered, her face partly hidden when she buried it in his shoulder.

He smiled down at the little boy and found it very hard to believe that he could be smiling and feeling so much happiness by holding Teddy. Other than Andromeda, Harry was basically the only one Teddy had in the world. Just a poor baby who was orphaned by the greatest war of their time.

Harry had thought at first that looking at the baby would be too painful. But the baby was what he needed right now. And Hermione. God, he needed her right now. She was all he could depend on. Harry hoped she could understand that he needed her more than anyone else. It wasn't just because he loved her...but she was the only one who understood. She was the only one he didnt mind being around right now. The only one that he could stand for longer than five minutes.

!*!

A/N: You're impressed I know. LOL! Thought I'd make up for the long time between first and second posts. I'm sorry if this isn't again, up to your expectations. Some of you really liked the last one, but a lot of you didnt respond so i dont know what you thought of it! Hope you liked it though!

Oh, and ps. iF you pray or whatever you do—i'd ask for your thoughts on a teacher at our high school. She died yesterday after being in a diabetic coma. She wasn't my teacher but i talked to her every morning and she taught most of my friends. It's so weird that she was there fine on Friday and practically dead on Monday. Thanks for your listening :)

Love you!

~ FiN

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4. Time After Time

A/N: Oh man. I'm not even gonna waste your time with excuses cause I don't have any. I'm sorry for the long wait. Yes, I abandoned this world for a few months. I had to do it. It was good for me. I got so sucked up in this fandom I was living in fantasy and when I took a break I started living in reality. So now, I'm gradually trying to get back in without drowning in false pretenses.

It's not that I don't love you guys and writing. Its just I shouldn't put THIS before my LIFE! And a couple of you (no names and I'm not blaming any of you. They weren't even readers of this story) that did as much as ask me too…I'm sorry. I can't. Point blank-I'm in high school. I have homework, and friends, and school hockey games, and parties and a whole other life. Gotta make sure I don't lose it.

** I never liked the way JKR ended the book with the war. It made it seem like, oh the wars over, our lives are good now, Harry's a hero. We miss those we lost but we can move on. I refuse to believe that the grieving process was that simple. Mine will not be like JKR's at all. Don't even think that. I believe that it took time. I believe that the wizardry community, Harry, Ron, and Hermione would have been the way I interpret it.

Thanks for sticking with me. I love you guys

p.s. does anyone else watch wildfire? I frekin love that show and cant wait for tonites episode!!!

~*~

If you're lost
You can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall
I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me
I can't hear just what you've said
You say
Go Slow
I fall behind
The second hand undwinds

If you're lost
You can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall
I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades
And darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm ok
And you say
Go slow
I fall behind
The drum beats out of time

~Time After Time, Quiet Drive

~*~

Harry's Point of View.

Several Hours later…

~*~

I got lost wandering through the halls today. I've gone to this school for seven years, had several adventures throughout the school but now I find myself in a place I've yet to venture.

I think I got lost on purpose. Somewhere in the back on my mind, I wanted to end up in a place I couldn't find my way out of easily. I had to get away. I had to leave behind the feelings and the people that caused them. Everywhere I looked today I saw someone I indirectly hurt. Hermione told me it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't think that. How could I not? If I was…if I was stronger, I could have defeated him sooner. Had I been trained more effectively, I could have saved more lives. There are so many things I wish that I could erase from my memory. So many lifeless bodies, lying on the cold, hard ground I wish I could wipe out of my brain.

Why? Why was it me? Me that had to kill an evil wizard all by myself? I keep thinking that. Hermione says I'm being selfish. That I feel too sorry for myself; and I should just get over the pity I'm feeling for myself. We got in a fight again. I keep fighting with everyone.

I don't even know how it started. Everything was so peaceful.

~*~

Earlier….

~*~

“So, he's mine now?” Harry asked nervously, sitting in the grass, sleeping baby in his arms, with Hermione by the lake.

“Legally. I mean, he's left to you, you're the godfather,” Hermione answered. “But I'm sure that Andromeda wouldn't mind taking care of him. I mean, you're only seventeen.”

“Yeah. I guess,” Harry answered. “I don't think I could do it either.”

“Oh, Harry,” Hermione rolled her eyes. “That's not what I meant. Don't be so dramatic. I just mean, you're seventeen. You're going to need to start your career, whatever that is. You're going to need to establish your life first. You can't expect to take on a baby at your age. All alone. Well, I mean not all alone, obviously. That's not what I meant. Of course I would be here. And Ron, though he wouldn't be much help. And Ginny and Molly…all the Weasley's. Andromeda…”

“Relax, Hermione. I know what you meant. You're right. I can't take care of a baby right now.” Teddy started to cry in Harry's arms as he woke up. “I can't even keep him from crying.”

Hermione laughed and gently graced the baby from his arms, holding him close to her and rocking him back and forth. “Shh,” She whispered. The baby let out a cry and put its mouth around one of Hermione's fingers to suck on. She smiled.

Harry watched, mesmerized. “How do you do that?”

She shrugged. “It's a girl thing?”

“I think it's just a you thing, love, Ginny just makes the baby cry more,” He remarked sarcastically.

She laughed. “Some babies are more comfortable with certain people. It doesn't mean anything. It just depends on the baby. I don't know what I did to deserve his affection,” Hermione grinned as Teddy let go of her finger and giggled, grabbing a lock of her curly hair around his little fingers. “Hi darling,” She greeted the baby, tickling him with her finger.

“So little,” Harry commented. “So much to learn.” Hermione just nodded in response, continuing to grin at the child. “I can't believe Lupin and Tonks are both gone.”

“I know, it seems like the second we walk back in that door, Tonks will come bouncing down the hall and take Teddy in her arms. And Lupin will be there to teach Defence next year. He was the best professor this school ever had. But, unfortunately, that's not the way it is.”

“It's all my fault.”

“Oh for the love of God, Harry,” Hermione rolled her eyes.

“What?!”

“I am so sick of this pity thing!” She exclaimed.

“Hermione!”

“I'm sorry Harry. I don't want to fight with you. Not now. Not through all this. But, come on. Why is everything always, you always blame it on yourself! Ya, sure, a lot of stuff that happened, had to do with you, but its not like you could help it. Had you not done this, who knows where we would be! But you know what Harry James Potter, I'm not going to continue to sit here and grace you with compliments about what you've done for us and this world because I'm not going to be one of those stupid little fans who sits around praising you for your success. Not that it matters anyways because you don't understand it!!” She yelled at him, causing the baby to cry.

Harry didn't say a word, he just looked at her. Narrowing his eyes, reading between her lines.

“See, this is why I didn't want to fight,” She gestured to the baby. “I came out here to make you feel better after the fight, but I'm done trying to help you feel better. It does nothing. You apparently don't care whether you mope around for the rest of your life in self pity or whether you move on and help this world build itself back up. The Death Eaters aren't all gone, homes and towns are destroyed. There is so much to do. So much to give back to. So, fine, Potter, live on in your mopy little life. Goodbye.” Hermione got up, shaking her head, and brought the baby back inside the warmth and comfort of the Hogwarts castle.

That left young Harry sitting alone, back where he started, beating his head against the tree trunk he was sitting against. Screwing everything up. Once again. Just when He and Hermione were getting somewhere.

But she was right. She was always right. Too bad he realised it too late.

~*~

Present

~*~

Several hours later, Harry somehow found his way out of being lost, and went back to the Gryffindor tower. He expected it to be quiet and empty, people already retiring to their rooms, for it was late into the night. But the moment he entered the portrait door, he was alarmed at what he saw.

Every Weasley, Hermione, Luna, Lavender, Seamus, and a fairly long list of living students were gathered around together, sitting on the couches, armchairs and the floor as the fire blazed; laughing. They were laughing. They were hysterically laughing at something apparently Ron had said, for he seemed he was trying to catch his breath so he could continue the story. No one seemed to notice Harry, so he hung back and listened. Watching, mystified.

“And then,” Ron, sitting on the couch, gasped for breath as Hermione and Ginny grabbed onto each other and broke into another hysterical fit of laugher, probably already knowing what happened next. “He said, `map? What map?'”

Though Harry had no idea what kind of story Ron was telling, he smiled and chuckled a little as everyone in the entire room began laughing even harder, wiping the tears that had resulted from the laughter from their eyes.

“Well you know, my favorite story about him, was always the one where Remus went down to the lake that one night, it was after the first war, do you remember this Arthur?” Molly asked, recovering. Hermione was the only one to notice Harry in the corner and quietly excused herself without drawing any attention to her.

“Oh, how could I forget?” Arthur laughed, still wiping tears of laughter away from his son's story. “That was the night I first met him…” Hermione walked over to him.

When she stopped in front of him, he didn't know what to say. She stood in front of him, with a seemingly calm look on her face. Hermione had her long, curly hair all the way down, loose tendrils falling past her shoulders. She was wearing pajama pants and a Gryffindor sweatshirt. It was his, he realised. The one she had worn that one rainy day and she'd forgotten to give back. He was glad she kept it. Her arms were crossed across her chest and she was gazing at him the strangest way. He could scarcely hear the conversation in the background.

“Oh, yes. Well…” Molly went on.

“What are they doing?” Harry asked, curiously regarding her.

She looked back and smiled, talking softly, “Oh, them yes. Just reliving the old days.” She turned back to him. “Somehow we all ended up in here. Seamus told a story that sparked another and another from several different people…Ron contributed of course. I'm sure you heard the end of that one.” She let out a chuckle before returning to her calm composure.

“Oh. That's…nice,” Harry commented.

“Yes,” She eyed him. “So where have you been for the past, oh I don't know, eight or nine hours? I thought I was going to have to send out patrol on you. Call 999 or something. Or at least go looking for you myself.”

“Just wandering,” He shrugged. “There's a lot more to this school than it lets on.”

“Yeah, this school is mysterious in that way.”

In the background, they heard a chorus of laughter. Hermione turned and Harry looked beyond her to the source; but they both met eyes again at the same time.

“Look, Harry…”

“Hermione, I…”

They both spoke at the same time. They smiled and sighed.

“Let me go first, Hermione,” He said. She nodded. “I'm sorry. You're right. I mean, you're always right, I shouldn't have doubted you but I mean, I am me.” Hermione tilted her head in agreement. “I don't know why I always make everything about me. I shouldn't. I couldn't help the war…I couldn't help the fact that it was my job to destroy Voldemort. I did what I was supposed to do, and now this world is going to be better because of what we did. I need to start realizing that and move on with my life.”

“You know, Potter, for the first time in all the years I've known you, you're starting to make sense,” Hermione smiled. “Now, come on. Join us over here, I have a feeling you need a good laugh.”

She grabbed his hand and led him back to the couch where she had been sitting next to Ginny and Ron. They stepped over the people on the ground and they made room for he and Hermione again on the couch.

“Harry!” Several people greeted him, smiles on their faces for the first time in a while.

“Oh, good, Harry, just in time. I've got the best story,” Seamus shook his head, laughing at himself. “So it was like, what two years ago?” He looked to Ron and Lavender who laughed and nodded in agreement. “Anyways, so it was two years ago and we were just minding our own business, walking down the hallway…”

Seamus continued on with wild gestures, animatedly recalling the events.

Harry was laughing and smiling, still holding onto Hermione's hand, though she was paying him little attention and he looked around at the scene. They were all listening intently to Seamus' story, giggling and grinning. The firelight glowed on the faces of each person, the dark night seeped in through the window, barely a bit of the moon visible.

The he looked back to Hermione, and his eyes remained fixated on her, her features as she laughed and reacted. His eyes didn't move from her face. And they all noticed.

~*~

A/n: did you like it? It wasn't long but I told you none of these chapters will be. Sorry for the wait. I know it sucked.

Love you guys!
and hit me up if you watch wildfire!! Lol. Or Degrassi. Two best shows ever

PS. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I like to think of the songs I chose for the chapters as kind of like, the fade out song. You know on shows like, Smallville?? Sometimes they have those episodes where at the end they'll be this song at the end that will fade out as they show the last few quiet scenes of what people are doing that works as the episode's resolution. Does that make sense?

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