Taking a Deeper Look

Caramella

Rating: PG
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 23/07/2003
Last Updated: 23/07/2003
Status: completed

This is a monolouge of Hermione from her 7th year. She is thinking about the past years with Harry and why she does or doesn`t believe in love at first sight.

Chapters

1. Taking a Deeper Look

1. Taking a Deeper Look

Heaven Normal Heaven 2 6 2003-07-23T15:31:00Z 2003-07-23T15:31:00Z 1 2841 16195 134 37 18999 10.2625 Clean Clean MicrosoftInternetExplorer4

First off, I would like to thank Heaven, who helped me so much with this
fic, and who actually named it for me.

Next I would like to thank David (Ice Phoenix) who was my beta reader.
Thanks so much for your positive feedback and editing!

Lastly I would like to thank Jen (Chico) and Katie, who really didn`t do
that much, but they still hopefully will always read my fanfics!

Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter related. If I did, do you really
think I would be writing fanfiction? Heck no. I would be writing the 6th
Harry Potter book, of course. Seriously, though, all characters and
situations belong to J.K. Rowling.

Someone once asked me if I believed in love at first sight.

Without thinking, I immediately said yes. I mean, why not? Isn't that what
always happen in the movies? Some beautiful girl bumps into the ideal,
gorgeous guy and they gaze at each other for a few moments. Then, they know
right then and there that they need each other for life.

Since I never knew what it felt like to be in love, I immediately always
jumped to the conclusion that I WAS in love. In love with Gilder Lockhart,
Viktor Krum, God knows who else. How was I supposed to know what it
actually was?

But I disgress. When I got accepted into Hogwarts, I decided there was
going to be one thing that I could stand out for. I wasn`t pretty, and I had
no exceptional talent. Really, my only talent was being annoying, and that
was not something to be proud of. That was when I realized that I could get
top grades, if nothing else. When I went to Diagon Alley, I poured myself
into the books about transfiguration, history of magic, potions, herbology,
defense against the dark arts, charms, and so much more. I found myself
actually enjoying them and becoming obsessed with books. My favorite was
"Hogwarts, a History". It gave me comfort about what Hogwarts would really
be like. Everyone was going just fine.

Until I met Harry and Ron.

I swear, the train ride to Hogwarts was the most boring thing I had ever
experienced. I was all alone in my own little compartment, staring out the
window, while I knew that all of the other first years were making new
friends. Making friends was something I always had trouble with. Since I was
so bored, you could imagine how ecstatic I was when Neville, a pudgy, dorky
boy, came into my compartment asking if I had seen his toad, Trevor.

Well, of course I haven't, but I agreed to search for him. It would at
least give me something to do. I was probably searching that stupid train
for an hour, until I came upon a compartment I haven't yet come upon. Inside
the compartment were two boys that I figured to be first years. A red haired
boy with second hand clothing and a smudge on his nose was one of them. The
other one was a bewildered boy with messy, jet black hair and round glasses.

I cleared my throat. "Have you seen a toad? A boy named Neville's lost
one."

The red haired boy replied rudely. "We already told him we haven't seen
it,"

And so began my complicated life. After those exchanged words, I hastily
introduced myself, as did who I found out to be Ron Wesley and Harry Potter.
When Harry Potter said that he was, well, Harry Potter, I couldn't believe
my ears. Harry Potter? The famous wizard? The Boy Who Lived? The one that
defeated He Who Must Not Be Named? Surely it couldn't be. But it was. And
you know what? I felt some weird connection to him. Most definitely NOT
love, but something unexplainable. Like I had known him all of my life.
Apparently, though, he didn't feel the same way. Harry and Ron were most
annoyed by me and my obsession of everything school related. And my life was
beyond miserable.

As it turned out, I got annoyed with Harry and Ron too. They were so
careless and had no regard for anyone's feelings. They always acted like I
interfered greatly, even when I specifically tried not too. It wasn't MY
fault that we had to share the same castle.

One day, Halloween, to be exact, we were in Charms class, and, to my most
utter displeasure, I was partnered with Ron to learn a new charm. Of course,
I already knew the charm, and it was far below my level. However, I didn't
want to appear like I knew everything...although I already knew it was too
late for that. I was patient with Ron, who, if I do say so myself, was not
the brightest crayon in the box. He was having a lot of trouble. We weren`t
getting anywhere. Pretty soon I lost my patience with him.

"It`s swish and flick. And you`re saying it all wrong. It`s Wingardium
Leviosa, not Leviosa."

Ron`s ears turned a deep shade of magenta. "You do it then if you`re so
clever, go on!"

I squinted my eyes at him and kept my cool. Swishing and flicking my wand, I
cried "Wingardium Leviosa!" and the feather that was supposed to fly in the
air gently started lifting from the table.

"Why look everyone, Miss Granger`s done it!" Little Professor Flitwick
exclaimed. "Well done!"

Although, I admit, after I accomplished my feather flying, I was not proud
of it. I had just done exactly what I did not want to do - make myself look
even more like an overachiever.

My mood improved slightly in Transfiguration when I didn't brag or do
anything to annoy anyone, yet I still got a very flattering compliment from
Professor McGonagall. After class, I was smiling and had my head up high. I
walked along with a little spring in my step. However, my smile faded as I
heard someone quote me in a very unflattering way.

" 'It's Leviosa, not Leviosa.' She's a nightmare, honestly! No wonder she
hasn't got any friends!"

It was Ron, talking to Harry. He was laughing.

This hurt me more than anything in my entire life. I don't know why Ron and
Harry's opinion mattered so much to me, but it did. Perhaps I was looking
for friends. But at that moment I felt worse than I ever had. For the first
time since my cat died when I was 6, a silent tear escaped from my eye and
ran down my cheek.

Pretty soon, the tears were escaping from my eyes rapidly. I tried stopping
them, but there was nothing I could do. I passed Ron and Harry and ran into
the bathroom.

For the first time all year, I didn't care if I missed class. I didn't care
if I missed the magnificent Halloween feast. Nothing mattered, not even the
good things, because I had no one to share those good things with. I was an
11 year old girl with absolutely no friends.

This made me cry even harder. Eventually I lost track of time because I was
moping around and feeling sorry for myself. I looked down at the ground and
started walking back towards the sink to splash water on my face. All I ever
wanted was a friend. I didn't even need a really close friend. A friendly
acquaintance would do. Just someone to -

All of a sudden, I saw a humungous, ugly, bumpy foot. I blinked. I blinked
again. This was not my imagination. Slowly, I looked up - into the eyes of a
30 foot troll.

I did the only thing I could think of doing - scream. Running, I locked
myself into a bathroom stall, anxious to get away from the troll, but it was
no use and I knew it. Pretty soon he knocked down the stall with his club,
and it crumpled to the floor. Running for the door, I tripped again and
fell...he was going to kill me...he was coming closer...this was the end of
my life and pathetic childhood. I covered my eyes with my hands and bit my
lip, ready for him to rip me to bits. But it never came. I opened my eyes.

There was Harry and Ron, there, in the bathroom, wands raised high. They
had turned the troll's attention to them. Harry looked at me frantically.
"HERMIONE, MOVE!" he yelled.

I obeyed. Struggling, I crawled under a sink. The troll noticed me do so
and aimed to hit the sink over me with a club. I screamed. Luckily, though,
his aim was off and instead he smashed the sink next to me.

Then Harry did something that was both very brave and very
stupid. He grabbed onto the troll's club, which was currently held at the
trolls back and climbed on. The troll lifted the club and Harry into the
air, ready to strike. Before he attempted, though, Harry managed to stick
his wand up the troll's nose.

This seemed to anger the troll even more. He kept swinging at Harry with
the club, but kept missing. He was getting dangerously close, though, to
giving Harry a fatal hit.

While this was going on, my fear was numbing and my questioning was
becoming stronger. Why had Harry and Ron come to save me? They obviously
hated me, perhaps more than any other student did. I had interfered in their
life so many times, I had annoyed them to no end, and I had made them look
bad in class. So why were they suddenly anxious to save my life?

As soon as I thought this, I was angered with myself. Harry and Ron weren't
spawning of the devil. They were good people, I had just been too stuck up
to realize it. They were in Gryffindor after all. That must have counted for
something.

Ron was as white as a ghost. With a trembling hand, he raised his wand and
shouted, obviously, the first spell that came to his mind.

"WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!"

The club in the trolls hand slowly floated upwards, out of the troll's
reach. Then, all of a sudden, it dropped.

Right on the troll's head.

The troll paused for a moment, then fell onto the floor was a crash.
Such a wave of relief swept over me that I almost fainted. What would've
happened if Ron's spell didn't hit the troll? Harry would most likely be
dead, and it would have been all my fault. I don't think I would be able to
live with myself, actually.

But it didn`t happen, I told myself sternly. Shaking, I took a deep breath.
Well, this was awkward. What are we supposed to do now?

Apparently, we all had the same stupid idea of inching towards the troll. I
said the first thing that came to mind.

"Is it...dead?"

Harry looked me in the eye. "I don't think so - just knocked out."

We stood there in uncomfortable silence for a few more moments before I
realized that the rest of the world was still going on. At that precise
moment, Professors McGonagall, Snape, and Quirrel walked through the door.
I thought Professor McGonagall was going to have a heart attack the moment
she saw the troll. She gasped. "Oh my -" Then she looked at Harry and Ron
accusingly. "You two, explain yourselves!"

Now, more than ever, I knew why Ron and Harry hated me. Not only did I
make them look bad and annoy them, but they got blamed for things that
weren't even their fault. They were simply looking out for my own well
being. It was a selfless task. Pondering a bit more, I started getting
happier. This was my moment, my moment to prove to Harry and Ron that I was
not as prissy as they thought me to be. I was going to surprise them to no
end. I cleared my throat.

"It's my fault, Professor. I came looking for the troll. I've read about
them and thought I could handle one on my own. Apparently I was wrong. If
Harry and Ron hadn't found me...I'd probably be dead."

Professor McGonagall's eyes widened. Even though I had the satisfaction of
proving Harry and Ron wrong, I also felt very upset that my favorite teacher
was now going to think me as just another reckless child.

"Well...Miss Granger...certainly I didn't expect this out of you. I must
say I am very disappointed. Five points will be taken from Gryffindor for
your serious lack of judgment."

I hung my head. But it had to be done.

Obviously, I had missed Harry's and Ron's reactions when I was lying to
Professor McGonagall, because as I looked at them just then, it was apparent
that the shocked and impressed looks on their faces had been stamped their
for a few minutes. I didn't enjoy my little glance for long, however,
because Professor McGonagall started on Harry and Ron.

"As for you two, well, I'm impressed. Not many first years can take on a
fully grown Mountain Troll and live to tell the tale! Five points will be
awarded to each of you...for sheer dumb luck!"

I raised my eyebrows. For some reason, I didn't think that last part was
necessary. Harry and Ron should at least have gotten 100 points each. My
life was at stake, after all!

~

I was back in the common room, sitting in a chair by the portrait hole.
Someone told me the story of how the troll had somehow gotten into the
castle, so everyone in the Great Hall was ushered back to their dormitories.

The Halloween feast food had been brought up to the common room. Just as I
began inching towards it, Harry and Ron came in. For a few moments we stood there in another akward silence. There was only one thing that could be said...and all three of us said it at the same time.

"Thanks."

*** *** ***

From that moment on, my life had become significantly happier. Ron and
Harry became my friends, and not just those "friendly acquaintances" that I
was thinking about in the bathroom. My real, true, friends. We ended up
doing everything together, and most of it, mind you, ended up in mischief. I
was still obsessed with school, but I loosened up little by little. Harry
and Ron and I shared everything, and we spent almost every waking hour
together.

Now, I am in 7th year, just remembering things.I was sitting down on my bed
in my dormitory, in a mood to reflect on my memories. Since most of my
better memories had to do with Harry and Ron, they were in most of them.
Sighing and biting my lip, I sat down on my bed.

*** ***
***

It was second year. I was in the bathroom stall looking in horror at the
fur that covered my body. How could I get this potion wrong? The polyjuice
potion was most definitley NOT meant for animals. And here I was, a
overgrown cat. All of a sudden I heard a knock on the stall door. It was
Harry.

"Hermione, are you coming? We are going to be late!"

What was I supposed to do? "Um, you and Ron go on without me! Uh...I don`t
think I`ll be coming!"

There was a pause. Then –

"Hermione are you okay?" Harry`s voice was full of genuine concern. It made
me smile.

"No, no, I`m fine, seriously. Hurry up, you`re wasting your time!"

"Right."

I sat down on the bathroom floor, using my new cat hair as a cushion. Why
didn`t anything ever go as planned? Why? I was supposed to be the smart one.
Not the pretty one, not the talented one, the smart one. So why didn`t my
potion work? After all I went through, I didn`t even get to share the
adventure with Harry and Ron.

The time seemed to last forever, even though I was only on the floor for
about an hour before Harry and Ron came running back. I heard a knock on the
door. A concerned voice told me that it was Harry.

"Hermione, come out, we`ve got loads to tell you!"

There was silence again. I didn`t know what to say. How could I let Harry
and Ron know I failed?

"Hermione, PLEASE come out! You`re worrying me!"

Hermione, these are your best friends, I thought. They`ll understand.
Reluctantly, I opened the door.

"Remember I told you that the potion isn`t for animal transformations? It
was cat hair I pulled of Millicent Bullstrode`s robes," I said dejectedly.
"Look at my face."

Ron immediatley started to laugh hysterically. Harry, however, looked
sympathetic.

"Let`s take you to the hospital wing, Hermione. Madame Pomfrey doesn`t
usually ask many questions."

*** ***
***

I smiled at the memory. Harry was always so sensitive towards me. I leaned
back into my pillows as I recalled another memory.

*** ***
***

It was fourth year. Harry and I were walking around the lake, eating toast.
He was telling me all of his problems that started the night before, when
his name was pulled out of the Goblet of Fire. The whole school, even Ron,
failed to believe that Harry didn`t put his own name in. But somehow, I just
knew that he wouldn`t lie.

I knew Harry wasn`t like that. It was another part of that weird connection that I felt that very first day I met him. For what seemed like hours, Harry and I kept circling the lake, talking. I could tell by the look of appreciation in his eyes that he was so thankful
to have me there, to have someone to talk to.

*** ***
***

It was the last day of fourth year. We were in the train station, ready to
part for the summer. Harry had been through so much that year. Seeing Cedric
dying, seeing Voldemort come back to power, carrying Cedric`s dead body back
to Hogwarts. It was time for me to say good bye.

"Bye, Harry!" I said, and I kissed him on the cheek.

It was something I had never done before, but I wasn`t surprised or
anything. It just came naturally.

Harry winked at me, then turned to talk to Fred and George.

*** ***
***

I sat up straight on my bed, now picking at my nails. Harry was one of my
best friends, and yet...I had fallen in love with him. It was not a sudden
realization, it was not love at first sight. Little by little, those acts of
friendship started meaning more to me.

I had shared so much with Harry, and I felt I knew him so well that I was practically living in his body. It had taken 7 years for me to have actually come to terms with my love, but it had been growing over time.

For the longest time, even though my love was progressing, I thought him as
just my best friend. I could not have possibly imagined giving my heart to
him when I first met him. Perhaps this is because I was only 11 at the time,
but perhaps not. Maybe I just had to get to know him.

I remember every single moment I had spent with him. From the time I hugged
him when we went to rescue the Sorcerer`s Stone, to the time we both rode on
Buckbeak in order to rescue Sirius, to the time in fifth year when I gave
him love advice about Cho. Not one moment was left out.

Even now, he is by my side, there for me if I need a shoulder to cry on.
There with me if I need someone to study with. Especially now that N.E.W.T.s
are coming up. I would expect with my slightly hysterical mood he would be
scared off, but he just laughs and stays patient.

Although I am in love with him, I`m never nervous around him. We have
shared so much, that it was be impossible for me to be uncomfortable around
Harry. It always feels so right. This is probably one of the reasons I love
him so much.

I know that eventually, one day, I will tell him. No one knows when, but
I`ll know when the time is right.

So as I sit here, I reflect upon that time when I was asked if I believe in
love at first sight. Only now, my answer is different. I don`t believe in
love at first sight. I believe in taking a deeper look.