Holding on to Pieces

Lady Starlight

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 08/08/2007
Last Updated: 08/08/2007
Status: completed

One-Shot. The war may be done, but there is no happily-ever-after. Today is painful, haunted by yesterday, and tomorrow seems bleak. She’s the brightest witch of her age, but doesn’t know what to do from here.

Chapters

1. Holding on to Pieces

1. Holding on to Pieces

A/N: This was a neat experiment for me in writing something darker than my other works. I have yet to read DH and this fic has absolutely nothing to do with it. This piece was originally written back in April.

Written for wieimmer for “hghpficexchange” over on LiveJournal

Thank you to AnndeeGranger for her beta work.

Disclaimer: No money is being collected, no infringement intended upon the creative property of J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, or Warner Brothers. Also, I <I>really</I> don’t think JKR would write something like this.

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Ron, Luna, Remus, Tonks, Neville, Fred and George, Hagrid, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley… Mum and Dad. The names keep running through my head when it’s too quiet, when I lose my focus on the task at hand. All those lives I couldn’t save, which is probably why I work as a Healer now, trying to atone for my overconfidence. I don’t work at St. Mungo’s, that was destroyed too. I’m the brightest witch of my age and I couldn’t save them, any of them, except him.

My name is Hermione Granger and I’m almost as famous as Harry Potter these days. Harry James Potter. Sometimes, I love him so much because he’s the only one who understands the agony I’ve gone through. Sometimes, I hate him so much that I just want to lash out and hurt him to cover-up the hurt I’m feeling. I look at him and remember those names… Ron, Luna, Remus, Tonks, Neville, Fred and George, Hagrid, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley…Draco…Mum and Dad.

Sometimes, I wish I could escape the Wizarding World. It’s not much of a world any longer, all that’s left now are the shambles. I would like to go somewhere where I can escape the stares, the pity-filled glances, the fear. But, my parents are dead, killed by Dolohov (I took his head for that) and so the Muggle world doesn’t hold anything for me either.

Draco actually came to our side, tried exchanging information for his safety. Ginny trusted him. Lucius killed him.

Ginny, I hate her so much, for those sunlit days that she had, why did she have to live when Ron and Luna were killed? Bella killed them. Harry put a sword through her and then… well… there wasn’t much left after his next spell.

Ron, Luna, Remus, Tonks, Neville, Fred and George, Hagrid, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley… Mum and Dad.

I collapse to my knees, trying to drive out the repetition of those names. I decide to head down to the basement workout room in Grimmauld Place. Yes, Harry and I live here. We had gotten so used to being around each other, trusting each other, I don’t think we could live alone anymore. This place fits us.

Molly Weasley would have a fit about it being improper. I don’t care, it’s not like we shag or anything.

As I descend the stairs into the dimly lit bottom floor, a relaxing coolness washes over me. Sometimes, the dark is so much easier to deal with. It’s so much easier to hide from the terror outside…and the one within. So many dark deeds, that it seems that no one is white anymore, merely shades of grey. Not me certainly, nor Harry.

I pace over the practice mats, my wand automatically sliding into my hand. I set the wards to a safe mode with a smirk. Harry would kill me if I dueled alone with them off. It’s not that he doubts my abilities, but rather my lack of caution.

A figure appears in front of me; I can feel two more, one off to each side, a quick Protego to block a purple wave of light and the dance begins. I fall to the floor and roll backwards to avoid the attacks of the second two opponents and see numbers four and five appear behind my initial position.

With a Severing Charm, I decapitate number two, from a crouch. I step behind four, who catches the Stupefy from one, and with a flick of my wand, five slams into the wall and slumps down motionless.

I cast a Binding Charm on one, my wand spinning the rope tightly around him. Throwing up a quick Protego against his counter-shot, which actually was to wake the one at my feet.

I quickly pierce a hole in the chest of one with a tight beam of light, he had started to annoy me, while kicking at five down by my feet. A couple more blows and he’s out too.

Drawing in a deep breath as the figures fade away, I fall to the floor, my breath rushing from my body, as I hear the sizzle of the hex passing above me.

I grin at Harry, while quickly sending three jinxes in a row, before rolling over and jumping to my feet.

He dodges the first two, but the third sends him to the floor, he rolls with it and comes back on his feet just as I do.

We both cast hexes towards each other and while I dodge to the side, he runs straight towards me and makes a grab for my wand hand.

I spin and try to kick him in the head, but he grabs my leg and twists me to the ground. Before I can roll away, he straddles my stomach and holds my arms above my head as he neatly strips my wand from my hand and negligently tosses it away.

I’m breathing quite heavily by this point and the position he’s holding me in starts causing reactions I would prefer to suppress. Looking down where he’s sitting on me, I notice that I’m not the only one. I wriggle a little bit and am rewarded with a bitten-off moan.

My eyes meet his, those delightful green eyes that convey so much, and I watch as he lowers his lips to mine.

He captures my lips and presses against me, still holding my arms above my head.

I respond hungrily, alternating between sucking on his tongue and biting his lip. I arch into him as he mimics me and presses harder against my body. Thinking he’s distracted, I try to pull my arms down, but he just holds them tighter and kisses me harder and soon—I’m losing all thought.

Harry rolls off me and the disappointment makes me ache. Now we’re both breathing hard.

“I have a surprise for you,” he whispers, his hand reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a key. “It’s for Godric’s Hollow. I’ve been restoring it, in between…other things.”

I don’t ask what he means by “other things”. We both have our demons; he just deals with his differently. Neither of us comments when another accused Death Eater shows up dead.

“So, you’ll be moving out then?” I try desperately to keep my disappointment at bay. I don’t think much about the future anymore. But, as much as I hate him sometimes, I can’t live without him anymore.

He rotates back up onto his side and pulls my face to meet his. “I want you to come with me. I…I don’t know what I would do without you, Hermione. We’ve been together too long…I need you.”

I smile and crawl on top of him, pinning him in the same manner in which he had held me. Then, I resume kissing him desperately.

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It’s been five years now since that day. We’re married now. It was a private ceremony; we don’t really have any friends. We don’t need any.

The names of those I’ve failed still haunt me, but I’ve grown accustomed to the pain.

I’m still a Healer and Harry’s still rogue. I call in sick when he needs me to go with him. We’re neither here nor there, in neither world, only our own.

Minerva’s reopened Hogwarts. If we have children some day, we’ll send them.

I don’t hate Harry anymore. I’ve gotten good at directing it at those who truly deserve it. For those people, I have no mercy.