I Want Forever With You

MistressMalfoy

Rating: NC17
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 26/08/2007
Last Updated: 26/08/2007
Status: completed

She should have been happy, but she wasn't. Written for Marie_J_Granger, hghpficexchange on Live Journal

Chapters

1. I Want Forever With You

1. I Want Forever With You

She should have been happy. The Dark Lord had been dead for days now, the streets were filled with people celebrating and finally, after all these years, Harry was free, and he was happy. That should have been enough…but it wasn't. She had never been a selfish witch, always putting her friends and family first; attending to their needs before her own and now wasn't any different.

Taking a deep sigh she took a swig of her wine just as a cheer went up through the crowd, the chant `To the Boy Who Conquered!” echoed through the hall, mugs of beer were simultaneously filled and swigged, just to be refilled again. Still she wasn't happy, going as far to say that perhaps she was slightly depressed and the rambunctious partying wasn't helping her mood.

Seeing Harry with a genuine smile normally would have warmed her heart but tonight, all she wanted to do was run away. She felt out of control and out of her element, frightened of what this new world would bring and suddenly feeling quite useless. She was no longer the Boy Who Lived's best friend, the go to witch for ailments and problems, the voice of reason when everyone was thinking with their hearts and not their heads. She was just Hermione Granger now, Muggleborn witch and fighter in the great second war.

It made her want to be sick, and reminded her all too well of sixth year at Hogwarts when she wasn't able to help with anything and felt more alone than she had since her first year. How she hated feeling useless and during that awful year she felt nothing but as she watched her dearest friend struggle to deal with the path ahead and fight against his own mind. She had watched him drift away, into the arms of another and even now, she wished that she had spoken up and been more supportive of his crusade to oust Malfoy, instead of dismissing his claims and practically shoving him into the arms of Ginny Weasley.

Her frustration was taken out on an unsuspecting Ron who bore the brunt of her anger and disappointment, in the form of the flock of birds. She still felt guilty about that to this day almost a year and a half after the fact. Her true feelings were never exposed, they came close during the hunt for the Horcruxes, being in close proximity to Harry, it was easy to slip into their usual companionship, holding hands and letting him cuddle up to her when the demons plagued his dreams.

“I just want this to be over.” He whispered and buried his head into her chest, normally an innocent gesture but to a young witch suddenly in the arms of the boy she fancied it made it very hard for her to hold back.

“I wish it was, for you, for everyone.” She whispered back, careful not to speak too loudly, even as Ron snored beside them.

“I might die.” He sounded so broken and sad, it was all Hermione could do, not to apparate away and hide him from the world.

“We all might die, Harry.”

“I don't want anything to happen to you.” She felt him pull back and his fingers touch her cheeks, tentative and a little awkward. “You mean too much to me.”

“I won't leave you, Harry.” She mirrored his actions, cupping his face and feeling her heart break at the wet tears silently streaking down his face. “You won't face this alone.”

“How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?” She felt a puff of air escape his lips and her whole body trembled as their mouths touched for the first time. She thought her brain might explode from the sheer intensity of his embrace as his lips stroked hers softly. “I'll never leave you.”

With a sad sigh, she stared out over the partygoers, more importantly Harry…her beautiful Harry dancing closely to Ginny, seemingly in an intimate moment, hands laced together and mouths mere inches from the other. This was the reason for her unhappiness, she felt foolish and embarrassed, and most of all stupid for believing that Harry would see her as anything but his friend, a sister like figure who he shared one kiss with during the most stressful time of his life.

The noise seemed to reach new levels and when a Weasley's fireworks exploded over her table, she knew it was time to leave, but only made it to the door when a fresh round of cheers went up in the crowd. Turning back, hand on the open door she watched as Harry dipped and spun Ginny around the dance floor, surrounded by happy, smiling Weasleys.

Head bowed she left the hall, unaware of the sad green eyes that followed her amongst the sea of red hair.

~*~*~

She only just made it out into the cold, biting night when sobs wracked her body and she took off in a run towards the lake, knowing no one in their right mind would be down there at this time of night, especially when the Great Hall was abuzz with festivities.

Somehow, deep down she had always known that Ginny would get the wizard in the end; it was a fairytale, one that didn't include best friends with bushy hair. It still hurt, more than anything she felt before, more than the Cruciatus, more than seeing her dear friend Remus slain and more than the pain of sending her parents away and being unable to locate them. It was time…she thought and placed her cloak on the ground before settling into it. It was time to release the dream she'd held for so long, rid herself of the tiny morsel of hope that still lingered in her heart. Another sob tore through her throat and she wanted to scream, at the sky, at the forest and most of all she wanted to scream at Harry.

So she did…she screamed for her childhood, for her unrequited love, for her misery and sadness and for the unfairness that plagued her life. As she was taking another deep breath, she heard him, his soft footfalls. Still to this day, she didn't know how she could discern Harry's footsteps from others, but she just could and again was overcome by an innate sense of foolishness for screaming her lungs out to the great lake.

“Hermione?” She wanted to slap him and to hug him, to hold him to her chest and then tear his hair out.

“What?” She asked and kept her gaze out to the moonlit lake.

“Are you alright?” His voice was soft, she had always loved that about him, even when raised it retained a soft lilt that never failed to set her on fire.

“You should be inside with Ginny.” Merlin, did her voice really sound that bitter? She cursed inwardly and fisted her cloak.

“Hermione, what's wrong?” He was closer, she could feel the heat emanating from his body and she silently prayed to whoever was listening to take him away.

“Nothing.” She stared down at her lap and sighed.

“It didn't sound like nothing when you were screaming.” He was nothing if not persistent and she knew he wouldn't leave with a suitable explanation. “Did Ron do something?”

She let out a derisive snort and kept her lips pursed, not turning even when he settled down on her cloak.

“Please tell me what's wrong?” Now he was pleading, which he knew she could never refuse.

“It's nothing alright? Just needed to get some air and vent some frustrations.”

She could feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of her head and wanted to scream at him to leave, so she could be alone in her misery. “You were screaming.”

“I was.”

“Why?”

“Do I have to tell you everything?” She snapped and stood quickly, walking to the waters edge and kicking the pebbles on the small beach. She heard him huff behind her, then the shuffle of the stones as he moved to join her.

“We used to share everything.” He said quietly and reached for her hand, which she shook off.

“We did share a lot, didn't we?” She responded and couldn't stop the tears that slowly fell down her cheeks. “You shouldn't be out here, Ginny will be worried.”

He reached for her, she pulled back, and that's when he snapped, a string of curse falling from his lips as he glared at her. “What the sodding hell is wrong with you?” He bellowed.

“Go back to Ginny, Harry; there isn't anything for you here.”

He hissed and gripped her wrist, pulling her hard against his chest. “My best friend is here, isn't that enough?”

“What that I'm your best friend or that I'm here for you?”

He looked confused for a moment before letting out another huff of irritation. “Merlin, why do you always have to be so difficult?”

“Me? I just want to be alone, Harry. Why can't you respect that?” More tears fell and she let out a loud sniff before turning away.

“Because everyone is having fun except you and I can't stand to see you upset.”

“Ginny will be waiting for you, Harry.” She said quietly and scrubbed her face free of tears.

“Damn it!” He cursed and grabbed her again. “I'm here with you and all you can talk about is Ginny, I don't want to talk about her!”

Hermione stared at him for what felt like an eternity. “What do you want me say? Tell me and I'll say it.”

He stared back, bright emerald eyes, ones she dreamt about. “I don't know…I- Ginny is- Merlin… I don't know anymore.”

She felt his pain, it was palpable as he watched her carefully for any sign she understood what he had been rambling about. “What do you want from me?” She whispered. “Do you want me to tell you that you'll have a good long life, lots of red haired babies and a job you'll love?”

He blinked slowly and it was then she saw the tears shimmering in his eyes, and it confused her more than anything. “Is that what you want me to have?”

“A happy life?” When he nodded, she sighed. “How could I want anything else?”

“What about you?” He prodded, thumbs caressing her wrists in slow circles.

“Oh, you don't have to worry about me, I'm sure someone will come along one day who I fit with.”
“One day…” He repeated and released her hands, looking back over his shoulder to the Great Hall, which was alight with fireworks. “What if that wouldn't make me happy?” His voice was barely above a whisper and a lone tear slipped down his cheek that Hermione wanted to lick away, to devour his pain and leave him whole again.

“You wouldn't be happy if I was?”

“What if having a dozen of red haired babies wouldn't make me happy?” He turned again to face her, and she could not resist, wiping away his tear, ever so gently.

“You know the girl who intends to marry you has red hair right?” She allowed herself a small smile but jumped when Harry cursed again, or at least she thought it was cursing since it came out in a spew of hissing in parseltongue.

It all happened so quickly she didn't have time to take a breath before she pushed quite forcibly against a large tree on the banks of the Great Lake. “H-Harry, wh-what are you doing?”

“I don't know.” He responded honestly and ran his hand through his hair, hair that she had always fancied, especially when it looked windswept and messy. “I don't know what I'm doing anymore, what I want…what I've done…where I'm going to go from here. I feel so lost, and I don't know what to do anymore.” Another tear slipped down his cheek and Hermione's couldn't stop the sob that tore from her throat, or the way her arms seemed to wind around his neck on their own.

“I know how you feel.” She whispered. “I feel like everyone is moving forward and I'm just standing there watching, helpless to do anything.”

His eyes closed as her forehead touched his and twisted her curls around his fingers and held her to him tightly. “Do you remember the night in the tent, Hermione?” He felt her stiffen against him. “I've only ever felt complete with you around. I feel lost without you, and I don't want a life with someone else if it means I don't get to see you every day.”

“Are you saying you're going to marry Ginny but you want me there?”

He laughed softly and shook his head. “I could never marry Ginny, she isn't what I want.”

Hermione felt like she'd fallen into the twilight zone. “H-Harry, I don't understand.”

“Didn't you feel it?” he whispered in her ear. “When we kissed, I felt like my heart would explode. Nowhere has ever felt like home before, until I kissed you.”

She trembled in his arms and tried to pull away but he held her firm, pressed against the tree with nowhere to go. “I'm so confused.” More tears fell down her face and he leaned down to kiss them away.

“My first memory of the Wizarding world was platform nine and three quarters and my second, which stuck in my mind every day, is you fixing my glasses. It was such a simple thing to do, but I never forgot it. The way your eyes sparkled, the way you held my hand and said how easy the spell was.” He chuckled deeply and stroked her cheek. “You haven't left my side once and that's something I'll never forget. Your loyalty is what got me through the darkest of nights, knowing you were there pulling me along, keeping me inline and not just agreeing with me because I was the Boy Who Lived.”

“But Ginny…”

“Fuck Ginny.” He cursed and gave her arms a squeeze. “I don't love Ginny. Merlin's hairy blue balls, Hermione. I'm pouring out my heart to you and all I hear is `Ginny Ginny Ginny' coming from you.”

“I'm s-sorry, Harry but she's your girlfriend!”

“No, she isn't. She kissed me at the Burrow before Bill's wedding and tried to get a leg over in the Great Hall but I told her that ship had sailed and we'd grown too far apart. I let her go, Hermione and when I left she was happily dancing with Seamus of all people.” His lips curved into a lopsided grin as confusion flitted across her face.

“I thought…I mean I saw the two of you together, I just assumed…” She sighed and stared off into the distance, but Harry wasn't going to let her escape him now. “I-I only ever wanted you to be happy.”

“And what made you think I could ever be happy without you?” He asked her gently and tipped her chin so she was looking at him again.

“You survived all of sixth year without me, Harry.” Hermione replied sadly and wished for once that her eyes would dry up. She wasn't normally the kind of girl who cried but faced with the object of her hearts desire it was hard not to.

“I barely made it through; I never stopped thinking of you, not once. I tried, Hermione, I really did but we just weren't meant to be around each other last year, it was a test I think.”

“A test?”

“To see how well I could cope on my own, I was readying myself for the Horcruxes and didn't want you or Ron getting hurt. You were so stubborn and you did get hurt, Merlin, Hermione you were Crucio'd by Bellatrix Lestrange. You could have died, Ron was screaming so loud, trying to get to you and for the first time in my life I felt calm and knew you would be all right if I just kept a level head and thought things through. It was like I was channelling my inner Hermione.”

She snorted and tightened her hold around his shoulders, wanting more than anything to bury her face in his neck and smell him. “I would love to hear you nagging me about my homework.”

He laughed a gentle puff of hair leaving his lips, he smelled like wine, red wine and something else, chocolate perhaps?

“You would have been proud of me.” He told her seriously, and ran his thumb along her lower lip, causing the young witch to whimper and move even closer to him.

“I'm always proud of you, Harry.”

He smiled and this time she felt her heart soar, that genuine, tender smile was directed at her, all for her. “Tell me what you remember from that night in the tent.”

Hermione sighed. “I remember wishing it would never end, that I could kiss you forever and perhaps apparate away with you somewhere safe, somewhere that you wouldn't be killed.” She whimpered again but this time it was full of sadness as she closed her eyes and allowed the tears to fall. “When he came into the hall, Harry and told us all you would dead, gods, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to turn my wand on myself and join you; I couldn't possibly see my life without you in it, a world without Harry wasn't one I wanted to live in. And to be honest I knew that I would be a target because of our friendship and I wouldn't have lasted long anyway.”

“I'm sorry.” His voice cracked with emotion as he shared her pain, felt her sorrow. “I had to, surely you understand that?”

“Oh I do…I do, Harry,” She touched his face with her fingertips, he had stubble, short black hairs covering his chin and neck and it made her realise that somewhere along the way her friend, the boy she had grown to love had morphed into a man, a very powerful and mature man. “But you're missing the point, that night in the tent was all my dreams come true, like I would always be happy if I clung to that memory. It got me through being Crucio'd, the pain afterward was so horrible but I dreamt, Harry, I dreamt of you and it kept me sane, kept me grounded.”

“Did you like it?”

She tilted her head. “Being Crucio'd?”

He let out a short bark of laughter. “My kissing you, not being cursed.”

“Oh…” Her face began to get warm and she looked at his chest, the buttons of his shirt were undone at the top and she could see a tiny smattering of black hairs. “I loved it.”

“Would you like to do it again?” He asked, not missing a beat.

“Y-you would with me?”

“Were you listening to a word I said?” He asked and without allowing her to answer, he kissed her. Softly and slowly, he slanted his lips over hers, hands cupping her face as he deepened their union, leaving her breathless and aroused.

“Well, that was…” She swallowed. “Wow.”

“Mmm…I need to kiss you again for comparison.” He gave her a cheeky grin and kissed her again, this time it was desperate and heated, his hands left her face and held her hips tightly, rubbing his thumbs against her bare skin as his tongue licked along the seam of her lips, prodding her gently before thrusting inside and ravaging her.

She had never felt anything so wonderful, never felt so complete, the sense of peace and wild excitement crashing over her body. His long fingers were cool on her flesh as they slowly crept under her shirt and caressed her waist; his lips seared her own, and then made a hot wet trail across her cheek and down her throat as his hands stroked higher over her ribs, and stilled. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled, that despite his confidence he was still her Harry, slightly unsure of himself and dreadfully worried about what to do next.

“Harry…” His bottom lip was firmly between his teeth, hair mussed and glasses askew and she had never seen him look as lovely as he did now. “Harry.” She spoke more forcefully this time and he finally dragged his eyes from her waist. “I want this; I want you, more than anything else in the world.”

“I don't really know what to do.” He said softly, after a moments silence and she felt her heart go out to him, pushing his hands from her body and giving him a reassuring smile she pulled her shirt off and threw it to the ground.

“Neither do I.” She grabbed his hands and placed them on her bra-covered breasts. “Gently.” His hands seemed large against her breasts but were glorious, palms moving slowly over her erect nipples and sending delicious jolts of pleasure to her core. “Uhhhh.” She grunted and Harry instantly removed his hands.

“Did I…?” She placed her fingers over his lips and shook her head. “No, you didn't, it was nice, really nice.”

With a whispered spell, her cloak flew towards them and she settled in on the ground, smiling over her shoulder at Harry she removed her bra and threw it down with her shirt, then moved to undo her pants. “Stop.” She jumped when Harry's hands gripped her waist and his lips touched her neck. “C-Can I do it?”

Nodding, she held her breath as he pulled down the zipper of her pants and pushed them down around her ankles, hands following a tender path, touching and caressing every inch of skin he could find. His confidence seemed to grow when he looked into her passion filled eyes, with a soft moan he slowly kissed his way up her leg, lips scorching over the smooth flesh of her inner thigh, drinking in her soft mewls of pleasure.

“Lay down.” He rasped and Hermione complied without question, barely containing a whimper at how his voice affected her, deep and husky, cracking slightly as he saw her entire body laid out for him. “Merlin…no one could ever compare to you.” He breathed and, breathing hard through his nose as he tried to control himself. “Look how beautiful you are.” He hurriedly removed his pants and practically tore his shirt from his body in an effort to reach her. “I want to touch you.”

Her thighs trembled as her ran his hands along them; this would be the first man to see her intimately, to bare herself to and she was nervous, scared of his reaction. “Hermione…” He said softly, fingers caressing the backs of her knees. “I already want you. Don't be embarrassed.”

“Aren't you?” She retorted, a blush roaring up her cheeks.

“I'm not a virgin, love.” He murmured and lay down beside her, hand now splayed across her flat belly. “I wish I was for you, I wish you had been the witch I gave it to.”

“Oh…I just assumed…” She trailed off.

“I want you.” He whispered. “She didn't mean a thing to me, it was a stupid mistake, over before I even got started, didn't even see her naked.” He nuzzled his nose against her cheek and moaned when her hand tentatively ran down his side. “Mmm, that feels nice.”

“Are you sure about this, Harry? I mean if you don't want to…”

“Hush.” He ordered and shuffled closer to her. “I'll admit to being bloody nervous, but it's because I don't want to ruin things, I want it to be perfect.”

“Oh, Harry…” She grabbed his face and kissed him hard. “I've wanted to do that for a very long time.”

“You never said anything.”

Hermione smiled and ran her fingers through his messy hair. “I was scared that I would destroy our friendship.” Their chests were touching now; he could feel her hard nipples pressed against his chest and grabbed her leg, bringing it up over his waist.

“Are you scared now?” He grabbed her arse and squeezed, kissing along her neck, licking and nipping her soft skin.

“I'll never be scared of you, Harry.” Her voice held so much passion that it took his breath away, he found himself suddenly wanting to devour her, to plunge inside her wetness and finally make her his.

“You're the only constant in my life,” He kissed her neck. “The only one I can always count on.” Another kiss, to her jaw and she started trembling in his arms. “The one I want to see in my bed, every day.” His hand gripped her chin, emerald eyes blazing with lust and love for the witch next to him. “I'm in love with you; I think I always have been.” His lips met hers, and it was the kiss to end all kisses, sweet and tender yet full of heat and passion.

With a moan, he pushed her backwards, capturing her wrists in his hands and forcing them above her head. “Let me love you, let me have you, if just for tonight.”

“Harry,” She touched his face, their lips a mere breath away. “I don't want just one night, I want forever with you.”

His eyes widened and he laced their fingers, squeezing her hands tightly, and a beautiful blissful smile on his face as he nudged her legs apart. “Everything I've been through is worth it, because I did it all for you.”

Tears welled in her eye and she wrapped her legs around his waist. “Need you.” She moaned as the length of his cock pressed against her heated womanhood. “Please, Harry.”

Harry kissed her again and reached between their bodies; gripping his cock, he slowly moved the head along her soaking folds, swallowing her desperate whine. “Going to hurt, love.”

“I know.” She whimpered and moved her hips. “Please!”

“Anything for you.” He cupped her face and licked along her lips. “A dream come true.” Then he was inside her, barely the tip, stretching her tight virginal walls, allowing her to adjust to his size. “Hold onto me.” He murmured and dragged her hands back down, bracing them on her shoulders. “Fast or slow, love?”

“F-Fast.” She moaned softly, a mixture of stinging pain and the beginnings of pleasure as he shook above her. His chest pale and covered in a smattering of dark hair, lean yet muscled, all she wanted to do was lick his nipples, kiss him until she could no longer breathe and right at that moment she wanted him to move.

“I love you.” He whispered against her lips and surged forward, tearing through her hymen and smothering her screech with his mouth, tongue hot and insistent as it probed every crevice.

“Gods!” Her thighs trembled as he lay imbedded inside her, lips kissing her chin and jaw, down her to neck and to her breasts where he laved her nipples, sucking and grazing them with his teeth to get her mind off the pain.

He began moving slowly within her; loathe to hurt the witch he never thought for a moment he would stand a chance with. She felt glorious, exquisite and like home, this witch was his home, his love and his future. “Are you alright?” He said so softly she barely heard it, forcing her eyes open she gasped at the sheer intensity of his emotions, the love, which was shining just for her.

“More than…” She panted and tightened her thighs around his waist. With an almost pained smile he gently withdrew and thrust again, drawing in and out with slow, shallow thrusts, trying to maintain his control and not wanting to hurt her any further. After another moment of this sheer torture, she gave an impatient whine and circled her hips sensually, pulling a delighted groan from him and a deep chuckle that made her tremble and arch. “Harry…please!” She begged and that was all the encouragement he needed to thrust into her willing body hard, moaning loudly as her tightness squeezed him.

“So good…so beautiful,” He moaned again and thrust in hard, sending her body up the cloak with such force that she had to cling to him. “Kiss me.” He pleaded, panting hard against her lips. Who was she to deny someone who treated her so perfectly? So she did, she kissed him with all the love she could muster and felt him shudder and groan above her. His hand gripped her hip then moved across her belly and to her clit, one stroke and that was it, forcing a desperate high-pitched keening from her throat. Her legs tightened even more around his waist and with a grunt, he fell on top of her, murmuring in her ear, his love and his hopes.

“That- was wow…” She swallowed thickly and stroked the hair from his eyes. “You are amazing, Harry Potter.”

He gave her a lopsided grin and snickered when she fixed his glasses that were hanging off one ear. “I'm only amazing because of you.” He rubbed his nose against hers and cupped her face. “Do you think anyone will notice if I steal you away?”

“I don't think anyone will care.” She said back and lightly ran her fingers down his neck. “I think you deserve some time off, some pleasure.”

“Want to come with me?” He asked and rolled to the side, taking her with him.

“Go with you where?” She buried her face in his damp chest and stroked along his arse.

“Somewhere pleasurable where no one will find us.”

“Sounds like fun.” His smile was worth a thousand wars, his eyes lighting up like a child at Christmas.

“I knew you were the one for me.” He held her to him tightly and was about to speak again when a twig snapped, Hermione stiffened in his arms and let out a whimper as two voices could be heard nearing where they lay naked.

“Bloody hell!” The voice shouted and Harry hurriedly accio'ed his shirt, draping it over Hermione's body. “What the sodding hell are you doing, Harry? Oh my god, is that Hermione?”

“Sod off, Ron.” Harry grumbled and tried to remain his dignity, with flushing cheeks and his naked body only covered by Hermione.

“Yes let's sod off, Ron, I think I saw some nargles hiding in the bushes, of course they only appear when you're naked so you'll have to get out of those pants.”

“Is that Luna?” Hermione whispered and felt Harry's chest rumble with silent laughter.

“She's only wearing a cloak.” Harry whispered back then laughed out loud when Hermione's hand crept up and covered his eyes.

“We'll talk tomorrow, Harry.” Ron said sternly, trying hard to maintain his anger with Luna rubbing against him.

“Whatever you say, mate.” The feel of Hermione's other hand slowly making its way down his chest already distracted Harry. “How about we take this somewhere private?”

Hermione smiled against his chest and her tongue darted out to lick his nipple. “I know just the place.”

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