Chapter XVIII: the paradox of answers is that they only ever lead to more questions
--
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles
-“story of a girl” by 3 doors down
--
Sunday
--
“When are you going to tell her?” Sirius asked James as he and Remus were getting ready for the
party.
“Maybe he just doesn't want to,” Remus said to him.
“Of course he does… don't you James?”
“Sorry Moony, but I think I'm going to go for it… just not exactly sure when. It has to be
perfect timing or I'll just lose my nerve again.”
“Coward,” Remus muttered.
“Oi, I thought you didn't want me to tell her! Just a few seconds ago you were rallying
against it.”
“I didn't, but if you're going to go for it, then you go for it, don't sit
around leafing through some magazine and moping all evening.”
“It has an interview with the German national quidditch coach on his training, how is
that pathetic?”
“He has a point, that's a great issue,” Sirius reluctantly agreed.
Remus rolled his eyes in exasperation, “Just go tell her, or at least get advice from one of the
girls.”
“Preferably Elle, Alice will just tell you to jump her bones or something, you know how kinky
that girl can be.”
James sighed, “Just let me do it on my own terms!”
“Listen, worst case scenario is that she says no. You're a bloody Gryffindor, you're
supposed to be brave a shit, so man up and tell her,” Sirius reasoned.
“I will, I promise. I'll talk to Elle, get her opinion- I'll do it all, just let me take
my time. I don't want to rush it.”
“You don't get it, do you James?” Remus asked him. “If you wait too long you'll
really lose her to Fen-Prick, that's the reality of this and the sooner you get that
through that thick skull of yours the better. You don't have any time to waste because in case
you haven't noticed, the plan worked, he's interested again. Lily will succeed at what
she's worked for, for the past four weeks, there's no doubt of that, the only question is
if she'll still want it and that wholly depends upon you.”
“You're kind of intimidating when you're like that,” Sirius noted.
“And he's fucking right,” James groaned.
--
Hey You
Don't you give up
It's not so bad
There's still a chance for us
Hey You
Just be yourself
Don't be so shy
There's reasons why it's hard
Keep it together
You'll make it alright
Our celebration is going on tonight
Poets and prophets would envy what we do
This could be good
-“Hey you” by Madonna
--
“Poirot,” James called from below the girls' staircase.
“Yeah?” she yelled in response, never leaving her room, only opening the door to better hear
him.
“Need to talk to you, any chance you can come down, it's kind of private.”
“It's beautification time; you can't ask me that now you bloody prick!”
“It's about what we were talking about yesterday morning,” he announced, well aware of the
fact that that'd get her attention; she always did like gossip too much for her own good.
In a matter of seconds she was standing in front of him, slightly stumbling as she tried to run
down the stair in her heels, “you're far too much of a klutz to wear heels Elle; I thought we
went over that.”
“yeah and everything would be fine if it weren't for the fact that men are horny bastards
that are far too turned on by a woman in a good pair of heels for me to actually get away with
wearing flats. Men suck.”
“Thank you.”
“You're welcome.”
He laughed at her indigent response.
“So what did you want to talk about?” he pulled her to the side of the room, “Hey, idiot, this
won't give you any privacy, we're in a common room!”
“Someone's bitchy,” he teased her.
“You're wasting my time James; I still have to do my hair.”
“I just—I need your advice.”
She eyed him suspiciously, raising a questioning eyebrow at him, “I'm not helping you with
Lily.”
He stepped back slightly in shock, “Wait, what?—why not?”
“No offence James, I mean you're a great mate and all, but you're a player. I'm not
going to help someone that's just going to break Lily's heart again,” she told him, albeit
bluntly. She just felt as if she owed it to him to be honest.
“I wouldn't do that.”
She sighed, “You did so much for her, you built up her esteem and I'm so thankful to you for
that, but I have to be realistic as well. Lily may be far stronger, but she still has a long way to
go, and a bloke like you won't do her any good.”
“I wouldn't hurt her Elle, I wouldn't.”
“Are you sure about that James? I mean, your history doesn't say much in your favour, and—I
don't know, maybe you do really think you wouldn't hurt her, but think about it James. Is
there a chance that you'd do it unintentionally?”
“I think you overestimate your powers of perception Elle.”
“And I think you overestimate your ability to be in a monogamous relationship, you never even
really tried it James, much less with a girl like Lily. You have to understand, I just want to
protect my best mate.”
“What if I promise?”
Elle was surprised by the question, “Come again?”
James sighed, running a hand through his hair to let out some of his frustration, “Can you deny
that I keep my word?”
“No, I suppose not, I always did kind of respect you for that one, even if it was to tell girls
that they were just a one night stand.”
“Elle, seriously, please.—what if I promise not to hurt her?”
“James I believe that-”
“Elle, out of all the guys here, who do you think would be best suited for her, honestly?”
That question left her too stunned to speak. She literally had to force herself to mutter the
word, “You.”
“She's good for me, just like I am for her and you know it.”
She paused before finally speaking, “Tell her that Elle and Alice approve, that's all the
advice I can really give you. I tend to have more of a romance novel perception of love, Lily's
more of a proposal at a quidditch game type of girl.”
He smiled at her, mussing her hair up as he winked at her, “Thanks, I'll leave you to go
beautify yourself.”
“Potter,” she called out to him, causing him to pause at the boys' staircase.
“Yeah?”
“Good luck.”
“Potters don't need luck Elle, you know that.”
“Well then I honestly hope that that applies here as well.”
--
Well Daft Punk is playing at my house, my house
I'll show you the ropes kid, show you the ropes
I got a bus and a trailer at my house, my house
I'll show you the ropes kid, show you the ropes
I bought 15 cases for my house, my house
All the furniture is in the garage
Well, Daft Punk is playing at my house, my house
You've got to set them up kid, set them up
-“daft punk is playing at my house” by LCD Soundsystem
--
“Hey boys,” Lily greeted them as they came up to her and Elle at the party.
“Where's Prewitt?” Sirius asked.
“Over there, up against Frank,” Lily pointed to the couple on the dance floor.
“Lucky bastard,” James muttered.
Remus laughed at the sight before turning to Lily, “Great party Lils, just the thing we needed
before midterms start next week.”
“Had to make up for that disaster of a party that I threw for Rachel, didn't I?” she told
them with a smile before turning her attention to James, “So, anyway, where's the date,
Potter?”
James looked up from his drink that he had placed an inordinate amount of attention to ever
since Remus and Sirius had pulled him over to Lily, “Pardon?”
“You always have an escort with you James, where is the lucky girl?”
He shrugged, “No date tonight.”
“Wow, has the James Potter lost his mojo?”
“I do believe he did Lils—unless there's more to the whole marauder friendship than we
thought,” Elle teased them.
“Oi, I'm straight, that one you should know for a fact Poirot,” Sirius told her with a
wink.
“Just James, I swear, he's only teasing me because apparently I'm easy,” she told her,
all the while blushing ferociously.
“It's rather ironic if you think about it,” Remus noted.
“What is?” James asked.
“The fact that Elle- the only girl I know that blushes, the one that admonishes people when they
curse- is, in all actuality, a slag.”
“Oi! I'm not a slag… just a bit randy at times.”
“Wonderfully put Elle, really,” Lily chuckled.
“Shut up. I'm going,” Elle announced as she grabbed Remus by the arm and pulled him onto the
dance floor, all the while ignoring his protests.
“I think we embarrassed her,” Lily stage whispered to James.
“And you're next,” he told her with a smirk.
Lily's eyes widened at the statement, “What? Why? How come?”
“You mocked Sirius, Remus, Elle, and me- ergo you're next love.”
“Not fair-”
She, however, never got to finish her sentence as she noticed Alice making her way to the group,
“Hey, how the hell did you manage to unglue yourself from Frank, I thought you two had become
permanently attached to-”
Alice interrupted her by raising a hand to signal for her to stop; she unceremoniously crouched
over in an attempt to regain her breath. “Fen-Prick—the slag—left,” she told her between deep
breaths. “Followed - classroom—by portrait—perverted knight.”
Lily's eyes continuously widened as Alice told her what had happened, she let out a deep
sigh as she tried to hold back the tears, “Fucking hell, at my bloody party.”
Sirius turned to Alice after having watched Lily run out of the room, clearly in search of the
couple, “Why the hell did you have to do that? She was having a good time.”
“If you want her to finally realize what a wanker her boyfriend is you have to be a bit more
forceful so the idea will finally get through,” Alice told him, finally having regained the energy
to complete full sentences. “Now you boys have fun, I'm off to find Frank, he still thinks
I'm in the bathroom,” she told them with a wink before walking away.
--
Jealousy won't get you anything that you lost
Jealousy, it will never be what it was
Jealousy, now I'm afraid of what I've become
Jealousy, it feels like everything's come undone
-“jealous girls” by The Gossip
--
Once Lily reached the classroom she had fully intended on running into the room and having a
full on gung-ho bitch moment, but when she saw that the door was actually open she couldn't
help, but let her curiosity get the best of her as she stealthily made sure that they couldn't
see her as she stood by the door, listening in on their conversation.
“Benjy, what is it? Whatever it is, you know you can talk to me,” she heard Rachel
say.
“You know I have a great time with you, right love?”
“Well I should hope so,” Lily had to restrain herself when she heard Rachel say those words; she
could practically imagine the smirk on her face as she said them.
Alice was right, the girl's nothing more than an average slag.
“Well you see—the thing is… even though we've been having this amazing time with one
another, I was thinking… maybe we should, you know…”
“No, I obviously don't know,” she said, but there was a hint of malice in her words that so
obviously contradicted her statement.
“I think that we should just let bygones be bygones. You know, end it while it's at
its best so that all we have left are good memories.”
“Are you breaking up with me?!” Rachel shrieked in shock, “and with that bullshit speech,
of all things?”
“It's just…well I don't want to hurt Lily, and she's so important to the both
of us-”
“Lily? You're worried about Lily? Where was this sentiment, oh I don't know, for
the past three months we've been shagging?”
“Well,” he paused at her question, obviously uncomfortable, “I've revaluated the situation
since then.”
“Oh my God,” Rachel gasped, laughing bitterly as comprehension dawned upon her, “You haven't
revaluated anything you wanker, instead it's her that has, isn't it? She's found
someone to replace you with.”
“That's not true!”
“But it is and you know it and worse yet, it's with the bloke that's always proven to be
your superior, your greatest competition.”
“She loves me, not him.”
“Even you don't believe that one Benjy, so don't try to feed that bullshit to me.
I'm smarter than most people think,” she spat at him. “Admit it; it's why you're
scared.”
There was no response to that statement, but it was more than enough for Rachel, “You're
pathetic.”
“Okay, if that's what you think then fine,” he muttered as he stormed out of the
classroom.
Lily made sure to move behind the nearby statue of Athena as he mad his way down the corridor,
but as she was coming out to go back to the party Rachel was exiting the room as well, just in time
to see Lily.
She sighed at the sight of Lily, wiping away the tears that were streaming down her face, “So I
guess you know now.”
“I've known for a while,” Lily responded, all the while mentally slapping herself for not
having been more hostile as she said those words. Rachel more than deserved a verbal lashing for
what she had done.
“Figures.”
Lily scoffed, biting her lip in a desperate attempt to control her anger, “Honestly, I
don't get it.”
“What don't you get Lily?” Rachel asked bitterly, rolling her eyes at how dense the girl
could be at times. “It's not a very complicated concept. We were shagging behind your back, I
don't know how many more ways I can reiterate that point for you.”
“But why would you do that to me Rachel?” she asked her in a tired tone; and she was, she was
exhausted from the entire ordeal, she just wanted it all to be over already. “I thought we were
mates, the best of.”
“We were never that close,” Rachel spat at her.
“How can you say that?”
“If we were you would have invited me to those sleepover parties.”
“They were Alice's, I couldn't invite you to someone else's party,” Lily
defended.
“Fine, but you never invited me to go to France and Italy.”
“You had summer plans!”
“You could have invited me anyway. I'm always the one to put in any effort into our
friendship, to call you over, to invite you to something!”
“That's not fair-”
“Don't lie to yourself Lily; I was always the back up friend for you. I was never at the
level at which Elle and Alice were for you!” she paused, letting out an angry sigh before
continuing, “we were never all that close Lily, don't try to delude yourself about that
one as well.”
Lily stopped for a moment, taking in the information, before letting out a defeated sigh,
“You're right. I may not have put in enough effort into our friendship and I probably could
have tried harder, but that doesn't change anything.—I mean regardless of all that, how
could you betray, my trust like that Rachel?! You knew that I loved him.”
Rachel tore her eyes away from Lily's, breaking eye contact with her for the first time, “If
you think about it I was actually helping you,” she muttered.
“Don't give me that bullshit; why'd you do it?” Lily asked, raising her voice at
her.
“I wanted too win for once,” she whispered, clearly embarrassed by her words if her blush was
indication of the fact.
“What are you talking about?” Lily asked incredulously.
“I wanted to be better for once, I wanted to beat you,” eyesight pointed at the floor as she
spat the words.
“Why the hell would you want to do that?!”
“You're Lily Evans, perfect girl-”
“I'm not perfect!”
Rachel, however, ignored her, “you're Head Girl, among the top in our class-”
“I worked hard for that!”
“It doesn't change the fact that you're so fucking perfect! You're even considered
the most beautiful girl in our school and you're the most popular!”
“It's not like I asked for any of it,” Lily defended
“And that's the worst part! You don't even have to try for any of it; so sue me, I
wanted to be the one to come out on top for once. I was jealous.”
“So what, you went after my boyfriend?”
“I didn't even have to,” Rachel shrugged with a smirk. “He was the one to initiate all of
it; I wanted to win Lily, that doesn't include cheating.”
“I don't believe you.”
“Your mistake,” Rachel told her before turning to walk away.
“Was it easy?” Lily called after her.
“Was what easy?” Rachel asked, keeping her back to Lily rather than bothering to turn to face
her.
“Betraying me like that. I mean, you gave me all of these horrendously pathetic excuses for why
you did it, but you never told me the most important part: was it easy?”
“No, I'll admit that I felt guilty at first.” She turned to Lily, “but after a while, a
month or so passed and I didn't really care any more. In fact, I liked it, I mean I had a
bloke's total attention and I was basking in it, especially given that it was Benjy.”
“You didn't really have it though; I'm the girlfriend, not you. I'm the one that he
cared about enough to be with in public.”
“Just like he cared enough to be faithful to you, right?”
Lily rolled her eyes, that was one thing she couldn't dispute, “I would never have done that
to you.”
“Oh please, don't act so innocent. You were clearly shagging Potter behind Benjy's
back.”
“I wasn't.”
“Well you were flirting with him.”
“Actually, it was more so the other way around.”
“Lily, we're both not that innocent, I may not know exactly what went on with you two, but I
know that much.”
“So that's that? That's your way of rationalizing everything that's happened- what
you did to me?”
“I guess so,” Rachel told her with a nonchalant shrug.
“So what are we—'frenemies?'” Lily asked with an incredulous scoff.
Rachel smirked, “I know how much you hate that term, but yeah, I suppose that that does sum us
up best.”
Lily nodded, “you're a bitch, you know that?”
“Not one of my proudest attributes, I'll admit, but sometime you just don't give a fuck
Lily.”
Lily just rolled her eyes; no matter what she did Rachel would never feel any guilt over it,
there was nothing she could do to change that fact. “Don't tell Benjy that I know.”
“Like I'd give him a heads up, the bastard dumped me,” Rachel told her with a sneer before
walking away.
“Rachel,” Lily called after her, her pride unable to let her do what she knew was the right
thing, the nice thing. She couldn't just let her walk away without a scar while she had
had to endure so many from the entire ordeal.
Rachel turned around to look at her, “What now Evans?”
“Whether you want to see it or not, I still won. He left you for me and James— James didn't
even want you,” she told her before pushing past her and making her way to the party.
--
Stay illogical
bet you can't think
that we fell in love, no
so stay illogical
bet you can't think
that we fell in love, no
-“stay illogical” by Under the Influence of Giants
--
“Lily, what happened?” Elle asked her as soon as she approached the group who were playing a
drinking game of some sort.
She paused in disbelief for a second, “Benjy actually broke it off with Rachel,” she admitted
incredulously. She smiled brightly at her mate, “I can't believe it—I mean, the plan actually
worked, we managed to pull it off—hey where's James? I wanted to tell him the great news.”
“Um, he's off getting us some more fire whiskey.”
“Well I'm going to go find him so I can tell him.”
Once Lily was no longer within hearing range Alice turned to Elle, “Why has nothing been going
for me recently?”
“I don't know. What the hell do we do now? I mean, I never actually thought the wanker could
show enough self-restraint to get it back in his pants at the very least.”
“Poor Prongs, finally falls for a girl and he doesn't even stand a chance,” Sirius noted
with a slight grimace.
“Maybe we need a new plan,” Alice proposed.
“Because your last one worked out so well,” snorted Remus.
“Snorting is not very gentlemanly Remmy-Poo,” Alice retaliated with a glare.
“Being a gentleman's overrated anyway,” he shrugged.
“Well put Moony,” Sirius clapped him on the back in approval.
“Oi, I know that this is a very riveting conversation, but I'm afraid I'm going
to have to cut it short as there are more important matter discuss!” Elle snapped.
“Clam down, we'll talk to her tomorrow,” Alice told her.
“How can you just write it off like that?”
“Because tonight's the party, we should enjoy it. If Lily hasn't realized by now that
she shouldn't be with Benjy then we shouldn't waste our time trying to explain something
that's obviously not going to get through to her anyway. Just have fun, don't worry, leave
that for another day.”
“You're such a great mate,” Elle rolled her eyes.
“Look, there's John Townsend,” Alice pointed out an attractive Ravenclaw that was passing
by.
“I'll see you three later; I have… a potions question that I'm just dying to know
the answer to.”
“Knew that one would work,” Alice laughed.
Remus rolled his eyes, “You really are a horrible friend.”
“Well I don't see you two running off to console James,” she told him with a smirk.
“We'll wait until he comes to us,” Sirius told her with a resolute nod.
“No need to force it upon him,” Remus agreed.
“Of course, I'm sure that that's it. Anyway, I'm off to find Frank, I think I've
given him more than enough male bonding time. It's time for my reward for being such a good and
lenient girlfriend,” she told them with a grin before walking away.
--
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean
-“it's raining men” by the Weather Girls
--
“James!” Lily called out after him, trying to get his attention over the music, “Damn it, I lost
him!”
“I'm right behind you smart one,” he whispered in her ear, holding her by the waist to
steady her as she jumped up in surprise.
She turned to face him with a smile, “Hey you. So I have news, and I have to say, it's
pretty damn amazing!”
“Let me guess, everyone is raving about your party, saying that it may even be the party of the
year, may even beat out the graduation party. Am I right?”
“No—well yes.”
“Get on with it, I'm waiting.”
“So I followed Benjy and Rachel-”
James involuntarily stiffened at that statement. “Yeah, I remember,” he said slowly, almost
cautiously.
“He dumped her James!” Lily told him with an excited squeal, biting her lip in a futile attempt
to contain her excitement.
“Oh.”
“Say something! This is great-”
“Lils-”
“I know you don't like him, but come on, even you should be able to at least appreciate it
to some extent. Our plan worked James we did-”
Lily, however, was interrupted by James grabbing her and kissing her. Before she could even
recover from the shock of what had happened and decide what to do kiss him back or push him away,
she was pulled from him by a furious Benjy.
“Lily, what the hell are you doing?!”
“Um—well—uh-”
“I think we should go somewhere quiet to talk,” he said with a jealous glare, trying to control
his anger, a fact made obvious by his unusually clipped tone.
“Lily,” James grabbed her by the other arm, “don't go.”
“Um—I think—I think I have to,” Lily stuttered as she let Benjy lead her out of the room.
--
**Playlist alert**
I have, by some divine miracle, managed to complete the playlist for this fic and now have
all the according links available on my profile (if there are any problems with it please feel free
to inform me through a PM or review!)
The links to it are available on my profile page at fanfiction.net (http://www.fanfiction.net/~cosmopolitan), at the
bottom of the page you will find the songs (organized according to chapters so that it's easier
for you to find a song if you wanted a specific one)
p.s. feel free to contact me should any of these links be defective for one reason or another
(never used this site so I'm praying hat it will work lol)
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