It's Hermione's birthday and she's planning on spending the day with her boys, but Harry suddenly has something to do makes him beg off and Ron is displaying his emotional depth again, leaving her to spend the day by herself. What is Harry doing? And why is everybody telling her that Harry's in love with her when she's sure he's not? Mild angst, but not enough to merit a theme. Harry/Hermione, Ron/Luna, Neville/Ginny.
From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/7667/
A/N: Curses! I wanted to get this out in honor of our favorite bookworm's birthday, but I ran a bit late again this year (for the second year in a row).
This is a bit of an experiment for me as I tried doing something I've never done before. I wrote this story as if I was Hermione, which is a bit strange considering that I'm a guy and this is written in 1st person POV. I hope it's turned out well. This is unbetaed, so all the errors are my fault. I tried to stick as true to cannon* as possible, but I might have slipped up at some point.
Yes, I know I haven't updated “Tell Me” or posted the (what I hope is still the highly anticipated) sequel to “All I Want for Christmas” yet, but I'm alternating writing chapters for each, so I'll be working on the next chapter of “Tell Me” next, as I've now finished drafting the sixth chapter of the sequel (and for the record, it's still untitled, as I haven't come up with a good one yet). Not to mention, while I'm working on both those stories I'm also trying to create a plot line for my version of Book 7, which I intend to write after I finish the two stories I'm working on (and no, it's not titled yet either).
Those of you who have complained about the shortness of the chapters of my stories thus far will be quite pleased with this one-shot, as it exceeds 10,000 words, even without this A/N, and is over 20 pages in Word. I will also say that I have a drafted chapter of the sequel to “All I Want for Christmas” that's over 5,000 words that I believe everybody will enjoy very much.
Us author types love feedback, so please read and respond. Please be kind, but don't be afraid to offer constructive criticism.
All that being said…Happy (Belated) Birthday, Hermione!
*-note: if you haven't looked at my profile, by cannon I mean the first six books, as far as I'm concerned the-book-that-shall-not-be-named doesn't exist as canon, but as horrible fan fiction that somehow got published
Disclaimer: Not mine, I'm just playing with them.
A Delusional Heart is a Happy Heart
My eyes slowly flicker open and I stretch my arms up over my head before rolling on to my side and picking up the watch mum and dad gave me for my 13th birthday after my old one broke when dad accidentally sat on it.
9:19 A.M. is what it shows me, and I appreciate the fact that my birthday fell on a Saturday this year so I can spend all day with my boys enjoying the day, instead of stressing out about classes or spending all day in the library doing my homework that's not due for another two weeks.
Yes, even the “insufferable know-it-all” as Snape so eloquently put it when I was in third year needs a break once in a while.
Unfortunately, this weekend isn't a Hogsmeade weekend, so our celebrations are confined to the grounds. Headmistress McGonagall wouldn't show us any favoritism even if we asked, despite what the three of us did for the wizarding world.
Ron's the only one who wanted the special treatment at first, but even he quickly realized why Harry's always preferred staying out of the spotlight, and Ron quit trying to get treated like the heroes everyone wants to make us out to be.
I part the curtains on my four poster bed and get up to take a quick shower and change into a cute green blouse, that matches the green in Harry's eyes, and blue jeans that fit me nicely. I use a Drying Charm on my hair after brushing it to try and remove as many of the tangles as I can.
Finally, at 9:40, I've finished making myself presentable by pinning the Head Girl badge to my blouse, and make my way through the corridors to the Great Hall for breakfast, where I'm sure my boys are waiting for me.
Sure enough, they're at our normal place at the Gryffindor table, and as has become a regular occurrence this year, Luna is by Ron's side, instead of at the Ravenclaw table. He's slowed down eating enough to indicate he's on his third or fourth plate already. Harry's is pretty much empty, except for the last bit of his toast. As I sit next to him, I notice toast crumbs are all that's on his plate this morning and I wonder what he's so nervous about—it's not like he has to worry about Voldemort or his Death Eaters, since Harry beat him with our help about a month ago and all the Death Eaters were captured. And of course, Harry won't worry about his N.E.W.T.s until about a month beforehand, even though he seems to becoming more studious this year, and has even raised his hand to answer questions in class a couple times.
Merlin, I love him. Not in the “he's been my best friend for the last sever years” sense, but in the “I want to jump his bones and have his babies” sense.
There's just one problem. He doesn't love me in the same way. He only loves me in the best friend sense. I thought he loved Ginny, but they haven't gotten back together. I don't know why. I'm sure she still fancies him.
I glance at him out of the corner of my eye as I fill my plate with the delicious food, even if it is prepared by enslaved house elves, and gaze on Harry's messy black hair and those green eyes that I could lose myself in for hours at a time. So snoggable…
I suppress a dreamy look by moving my eyes across the table to my other best friend. I can't help but smirk at the fact that he has some ketchup on his cheek. Ron always has been a messy eater. He's cute in his own way, but he doesn't stand a chance against my Harry.
My Harry. Oh, how I wish that was true! I'll only be the know-it-all bookworm best friend, standing there beaming fakely at him as he pledges himself to another woman, as my own heart breaks.
My musing is broken by Ron suddenly speaking up, “Why are you staring at me, Hermione? Do I have something on my face or something?”
Before I can respond, Luna licks the ketchup off his cheek and says, “not anymore, Ronald,” in the dreamy voice that's grown on me since we met her on the Hogwarts Express two years ago.
Ron wipes his mouth on his sleeve before giving her a quick kiss. At least he had the sense to wipe his mouth first, though she doesn't seem to mind some of his traits that I find unbearable.
I suddenly feel an arm wrap around me and pull me closer to Harry. “Happy Birthday, Hermione,” he whispers in my ear. It almost sounds sensual to my delusional heart.
I turn and smile up at him to find his eyes boring into mine. “Thanks,” is all I trust myself to say without screaming out the secret he can't ever know that's buried deep in my heart.
I don't know how long we look into each other's eyes, it's probably only a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity. I think I see a flicker of something resembling desire in his eyes, but I try to dismiss it as something my delusional heart wants to see that isn't really there.
Our little moment is broken up by Ron clearing his throat and giving Harry a confused look.
Then Ron gives me a knowing smile and goes back to eating his breakfast, and I focus my attention on my plate to avoid seeing the look of confusion that I'm sure Harry is directing at me right now.
I had told Ron last year in the hospital wing after Harry was hit by McLaggen during the quidditch match that I'm in love with Harry. He also came clean and told me that he thought of me like a sister, but had struggled with what he thought was everyone else's expectation (especially his mum's) that he fancy me, so he wasn't sure how he was supposed to treat me. We've gotten along a lot better since then.
It also helped when Ron finally pieced together a couple weeks ago that the fact that Luna was growing on him meant that he fancies her. They're really good for each other. She's helping cure him of his silly insecurity complex that would flare up on occasion during our first six years when he felt he had to compete with somebody, generally Harry.
“So Hermione, going to spend all day in the library studying I assume,” Ron interrupts my musing, not catching Harry looking at him like he'd grown a second head and even Luna giving him a stranger look than normal, even for her, which is saying something considering she has some pretty interesting looks.
“Ron, you do remember what today is, don't you?” Harry asks him softly, subtly pulling his bag closer to him, as if he knows what Ron's answer is going to be.
I feel my eyes water as Harry's actions tell me he suspects the same thing I do.
Moments later, Ron confirms what we both feared. “Yeah, it's Saturday,” he answers, giving Harry a look that seems to ask if Harry's suddenly become dumber than Crabbe or Goyle.
“What's special about this Saturday, Ron?” Harry asks emphatically and glancing significantly at me.
“Nothing that I know of,” Ron answers, “and if you tell me you're asking about something meaningless, by Merlin, I'll hex you into next week.”
My face drops and Harry grabs my hand under the table and squeezes it gently, bringing a remote semblance of a smile back to my face. “It's only Hermione's birthday, you prat!” Harry tells him.
The color drains from Ron's face, making his red hair stand out even more. “Oh Merlin!” Ron exclaims. “I totally forgot that.”
He smiles guiltily at me in what appears to be a rare attempt to apologize, but I'm not in the mood to take one from him at the moment. The nerve of him to forget my birthday, after I heard Harry made a point of reminding him before we went shopping for our school supplies!
Sure, I wasn't expecting anything from either of them, but that doesn't mean that Ron forgetting my birthday doesn't hurt and makes me barking mad at him.
I glare angrily at Ron and try to keep the tears from welling up in my eyes. Why is it that Ron has to be so hurtful? Harry's never hurt me this badly, not even when he would take Ron's side in an argument when we were younger. The worst Harry's ever hurt me was when he got together with Ginny when there was clearly something not right about his sudden attraction for her. Ron hurt me badly on almost a weekly basis during our first six years with something he'd say or do. Not physically hurt me of course, because Harry'd have cursed him into the next century if he did that, but emotionally he beat me regularly, like he wanted to hurt me.
He's gotten a lot better since that chat we had last year though, and I'm grateful for that. Ron still has the emotional depth of a teaspoon though, even though he's with Luna now. I may never understand how she puts up with him, but she seems to love him as unconditionally as I do Harry.
“You insensitive prat!” I scream at Ron in front of the entire Great Hall. “Even after seven years, you can't remember something as simple as my birthday! I don't know why I ever became friends with you!”
At that moment, I couldn't stand him being in my sight for another minute, so I quickly jump to my feet and race out of the Great Hall. I can hear another set of feet chasing me, and from the sound of the foot steps I can tell that it's Harry, which comforts me slightly.
I've noticed that Harry's been more attentive of how I'm feeling and has taken my side when I fight with Ron more often lately. It's so sweet of him, even if I'm not sure why. After all, teenage guys normally bond together against girls in an argument.
Of course, Harry's never been normal. Even before his birth he was destined to be someone special, someone who can change the world. I know it's hard to believe someone can both change the world and be somebody's world, but Harry's one of those rare people who is both. He saved the world from Voldemort (sure, he had help from Ron and me to do it, but it was ultimately his fight), and at the same time, he is my world.
My feet race up the stairs to the Gryffindor Common Room without even thinking about it, it's a trek they've made countless times over the last seven years. I hear Harry continue to chase me, knowing he probably knows where I'm going and could get there before me if he wants, but I take comfort from the fact that he's intentionally following me.
At last I reach the seventh floor, and slow down to a jog as my feet carry me the last few feet to the Fat Lady. “Hope Anew,” I tell the Fat Lady, and she swings open to admit me to the common room.
I throw myself face down on the first couch I can find, and I hear Harry rush in before the Fat Lady swings shut. He kneels down on the floor next to me and starts stroking my hair. “Oh, Hermione,” he coos in my ear. His free hand gently rubs the back of my right hand.
“Why does he have to be so hurtful sometimes?” I ask Harry through my tears.
“You know he means well, Hermione,” Harry responds after a moment. “When you really need him to be there when you're having trouble, he'll be there.” He pauses for a moment before adding, “unless you're crying of course, then he'll run as far away as possible if he can.”
I choke out a brief laugh through my tears at Harry's accurate description of our other best friend. “I know, but after seven years you'd think he'd remember when my birthday is.”
I can tell Harry is thinking as he continues to stroke my hair because of how quiet he's become, after about a minute he says, “I'm not trying to excuse what he did, Hermione, because you're right, he should have remembered your birthday after all these years, but did you consider that he's had a lot on his mind lately? After all, we only offed Voldemort a month ago, and his relationship with Luna is still a new and wonderful thing to him.”
I sniffle a little as my tears diminish while I laugh at myself. I had thought about both the final battle and Ron's relationship with Luna this morning, and I had failed to realize that they might be reasons that Ron would forget my birthday.
I roll on to my side and push my hair behind my ear so I can look at Harry. “You remembered my birthday though,” I say softly, as my hand caresses his cheek, feeling the stubble under my fingers.
“Yeah, but I don't have a girlfriend to distract me,” Harry says, “and even if I did, I'd never forget that today was your birthday, Hermione. You mean too much to me for me to forget your special day.”
Is it any wonder why I love him so much when he says things like that?
My mind registers something else he said though. “Why don't you have a girlfriend?” I can't help but ask him. “Any witch in Britain would love to be your girlfriend. What about Ginny? I thought you fancied her.”
“Fancied is right, Hermione,” Harry responds slowly, “as in I used to fancy her, but I don't anymore.”
“But what about all the other girls? They'd be more than glad to be on your arm.”
Harry gives me a look that I can't read, which is strange because I know how to read him, but for some reason I can't figure out what the softness in his eyes and the half-smile he's giving me means.
My heart flutters at the feel of his gaze on me, but I quickly calm it down so I don't give away my feelings. If he keeps looking into my eyes like that, I'm sure I'll let my secret slip at some point. It's so hard not to let it slip now.
How is it that he has so much power over me with something as simple as a look? I like being in control of the situation, and I'm struggling to hold on to control whenever he's around. Part of me knows that I'm going to have to let go of control some times for a relationship with a guy like Harry to have any chance of working. It's part of the reason that my relationship with Viktor never got off the ground. Well…that and he didn't want to be the third most important man in my life to my dad and Harry.
“You know,” Harry finally says after a couple minutes pass. “I was going to wait until later to give you your present, but with what's happened this morning, I'm going to give it to you now. It's up in my room, so I'll be right back.
Harry disappears up the stairs to the boys' dormitory, leaving me on the couch. I finally sit up and pull out my wand to cast a quick Cleaning Charm on my face to remove the evidence that I'd been crying.
He's seen me at my best and my worst, so it'd take a miracle for him to love me. Why would he love somebody as ordinary as me when he could have somebody as perfect as Ginny on his arm? At least she doesn't cry buckets full when she argues with one of her best friends. She just hexes them so they learn not to cross her again. I can't compete with girls like her for Harry's heart.
I hear Harry's soft steps coming back down the stairs and I turn to look at him. He has his hands behind his back to hide whatever he got me, so it must be something small. I wouldn't mind getting another book from him. He always gives me something I really enjoy. He'll make some witch, some woman—since he could marry a muggle woman too, very happy some day with how thoughtful he can be at times.
As he sits down next to me he has to reveal the box, and I see it's much too small for a book. I'll hex him into the next millennium if he got me something as trivial, as meaningless as Honeydukes chocolate.
He's staring down at the box, and seems to be avoiding my gaze for some reason. Did he take a page out of Ron's gift giving logic and get me something girly that I'll never use? I don't know why he's so nervous about my present, I'm sure I'll love it since it's from him.
My heart swells briefly at the thought of his nervousness potentially indicating that he wants to admit he loves me like I love him, but my mind quickly dismisses that thought as too unbelievable to be real.
Putting on a brave smile, Harry holds out the small square box to me. “Here you go,” he said simply. “I hope you like it.”
I look at it curiously for another moment to see if I could think of anything it might be that would fit in a box as small as the one I was now holding. Thinking of nothing, I figure I may as well put him out of his misery and open it, carefully unwrapping it the same way I do all my presents.
What I find underneath the gift wrap is a plain, ordinary, brown box. Giving Harry a curious glance, I open it up and look inside. I pull out the wad of tissue paper that had obviously been shoved in there by him with how crumpled it was. I could tell it had to be something pretty special to be wrapped in this much tissue paper, and something he must have pulled out of the box at least once to look at since he bought it. Honestly, such a waste of good paper!
Slowly peeling away the edges of the tissue paper, I find a small silver necklace with a book on the end. I smile up at Harry in appreciation, and he reaches over and places his hands over mine and guides them to where the book would open if it was real, and shows me that what I thought was a necklace was actually a locket.
Inside, there is a picture of me on one side and one of Harry on the other. I wrap my arms around him and pull him into a hug that I hope is worthy of the ones he gets from Mrs. Weasley. “Thank you, Harry. I love it,” I whisper in his ear and kiss his cheek in gratitude.
His face turns as red as the Weasleys' hair as he eases the locket out of my hands and unclasps it. I realize that he wants to put it on me, so I pull up my hair and turn around to let him do that. The metal feels cool around my neck as he clasps it shut.
I turn back around and smile tenderly up at him. The only thing that would make this moment more special would be if he'd confess that he's been in love with me for ages.
Slowly he finally speaks up. “I know I haven't been the most grateful person for everything you've done for me and Ron, so I figured I should try to make it up to you as best I could. You've saved our sorry arses more times than I can count, and I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you…”
Oh, my heart wishes I could grab him and snog him senseless at this moment. They may not have been very good at telling me they appreciate me making them study or saving their arses, but how protective they've been of me has told me that they do.
“…So, I guess what I'm trying to say, Hermione,” Harry continues, “is thank you for being such a good friend and helping me with everything. And I hope this locket helps you to remember me when you're the Minister of Magic or in whatever else you do.”
My heart cries out in agony at Harry simply saying that he's thankful for my friendship. My mind quickly shushes it and smugly tells it `I told you so.'
On the whole, I'm not sure how I want him to fit into my life after we leave the castle when we graduate. He's one of my closest friends and confidants, but part of me knows that we have the potential to be so much more if we want to. I definitely want him to be a big part of my life, that much I do know, but how long can I suffer in silence without telling him how much I love him before I go mad?
“Harry, I know you and Ron aren't vocal in your gratitude,” I tell him, stroking his cheek, “but how you two have looked out for me when I needed you two…and even sometimes when I didn't want you to, tells me more than any present how much you care.” My fingers caress the locket. “I'll treasure it always. Thank you, Harry…for all that you've done for me.”
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close for another hug. My delusional heart may be suffering the sting from Harry's thank you, but it takes some consolation at being wrapped up in his arms. I breathe in his scent that is so…Harry. There's no other scent quite like it, and it's one that I've definitely come to enjoy over the last seven years. It's right up there with pumpkin pie amongst my favorite smells.
“Umm…Hermione,” Harry says hesitantly, while he's still holding me close.
“Yes?” I ask, wondering why he's still nervous. He knows I like his present, so it can't be that. Is he about to tell me that he and Ginny got back together? If so, why is he holding me in his arms right now?
“I really don't like to do this to you,” he says apologetically, “especially when you and Ron are having another of your rows, but I have some stuff that I absolutely have to do today. I know we were planning on spending all day together, but I promise that we'll at least have all night together, if I don't finish sooner.”
I sigh disappointedly. “I was really looking forward to spending the day with the two of you, just relaxing, not even worrying about homework or N.E.W.T.s.” I smack Harry's arm in response to his fake gasp of surprise at me suggesting that I'd put something before doing my homework. “I suppose I can go work in the library though until you finish, because I really don't want to be alone with Ron right now without you there to help keep us civil with each other.”
Then Harry does something he's never done before, he leans over and kisses my cheek. “Thank you for being so understanding,” he breathes in my ear. “Trust me, we'll have lots of fun tonight. I promise.”
I smile up at him. “Just make sure you finish what you need to and don't go scheming about what trouble we can get ourselves into tonight when you're supposed to be working,” I scold him playfully.
It's Harry's turn to pretend to be insulted. “Come on, you know I've been paying better attention in class this year, I've even been doing better at staying awake in Binns' lectures,” he insists.
“Staying awake is one thing, paying attention and taking notes is something else,” I tease him, before giving him another kiss on the cheek. “I'll be in the library at my usual table,” I tell him before making my way up to my room to get my bag.
When I get back to the common room a couple minutes later, Harry's already gone to wherever it is he's headed. Strange he hadn't mentioned whatever he's doing before. He would have told us if he'd managed to get detention when we weren't around, and I'd like to believe he'd tell us if there was a new girl in his life. He hasn't been acting like he's smitten with anyone new either. Ginny and me are the two single witches he spends the most time with. He spends a decent amount of time with Luna too, but obviously she doesn't count as she's Ron's girlfriend.
I shrug to myself and make my way out through the portrait hole and make the familiar trek to the library. I could make this trek in my sleep, I've made it so many times over the last seven years.
I just wish I wasn't making it today. Yes, Hermione Granger doesn't want to be in a library studying, alert the media! Stranger things have happened. Like a dark wizard splitting his soul into several fragments that had to be destroyed before he could be killed, or a one-year-old baby boy defeating the darkest wizard the world has ever known.
I go to my regular spot and spread out my books on the table so nobody will be tempted to steal my spot. Yes, I'm just about protective of this one table as I am about my boys. Of course, it's pretty much accepted that this is my spot, but occasionally a first-year will try to steal my spot. Madam Pince has even joked about putting a name plaque on my table, like Madam Pomfrey has joked about putting a name plaque on the bed Harry always ends up using in the hospital wing.
I settle in to work on my Ancient Runes homework. I work in silence, occasionally getting up to get a book for the two-foot essay we were assigned on Wednesday that's not due for another two weeks.
It would be nicer if Harry was here studying with me, especially since he's been paying more attention to his studies this year. My mind is working overtime at the moment and recalls that Ron looked a bit befuddled that Harry couldn't take his eyes off me at breakfast, which suggests that Ron doesn't know why Harry's behavior has changed so drastically this year. The obvious answer would be realizing that he has a future now that he doesn't have the threat of Voldemort hanging over his head anymore, but as glad as he is to be done with that, I'm sure his changes are inspired by more than just that—I'm just not sure what else has brought about the change in him.
Speaking of Ron, I'm a bit surprised that he hasn't come looking for me yet. Since we straightened things out between us last year, he's been a lot quicker at realizing what he did wrong and coming to clear the air once he's calmed down. And since he wasn't really mad in the first place, more embarrassed than anything, I half expected him to have tried to do something to make up for it already.
Suddenly, I see a head of dirty blonde hair moving between the bookshelves in my direction, it's most definitely not Ron, but I'm pretty sure that it's somebody that he's very fond of.
Sure enough, a minute later, Luna sits gracefully down in a chair next to me. “You know, if you study too hard then Wrackspurts will come and make your brain go fuzzy,” Luna said in the dreamy voice that she's famous for.
I obligingly smile at her. “Thanks, Luna,” I respond, “I'll keep that in mind. How are you today?”
“Very well, thanks,” she answers. “But I'm always misplacing things, and right now I appear to have misplaced my Ronald. Would you know where he is?”
“Have you tried looking on the quidditch pitch or in the Gryffindor Common Room?” I ask, knowing that she would need some help to get into our common room which might interrupt my studying for a bit.
“Ginny said he wasn't in Gryffindor tower when I asked her a few minutes ago,” Luna tells me. “He could be practicing his keeping though to stay the best keeper in school.”
She starts humming her version of “Weasley is Our King,” causing me to smile in amusement. She's so good for Ron. She's helped calm him down and make him look at life in a whole new way, which was a big part of him getting over his insecurity complex.
“Are you starting to think about what you're going to do after you graduate?” I can't help but ask, curious as to what somebody as spacey as Luna would be thinking about doing at this point.
Oh, yes!” Luna responded quite eagerly. “I'll marry Ronald the summer after graduation and have six children with him, five boys and a girl, and I'll write for my dad until it's time for me to take over the paper. And together we'll finally find a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.”
Ron will be very busy if that's the case. I wonder how much of what Luna's sees in her future that he knows. Once you get past Luna's quirkiness and really take the time to get to know her, she's really a pretty interesting person, even if she does have some…unique…ideas.
“Luna,” I say, “you seem quite confident of your future. Why is that?”
She shrugs. “Oh, it's not really all that interesting of a story. My mum was a seer and I've inherited part of her gift,” she tells me. “I can see my own future and parts of it for those close to me, especially in regards to how they are involved in my life. I see our children playing together a lot and being very good friends.”
As skeptical as I am of divination, I can't deny that Luna can be unnervingly insightful at times and can seem to anticipate what's going to happen. It came in very handy when we were looking for the horcruxes and she gave us a general description for where to look and went with us to find them.
Even though she's a good friend and I want to believe her, I can't help but laugh at the idea of me having children. The only man I want to have father my children doesn't love me like that. “Who says I plan on having children?” I ask her in disbelief.
She smiles her dreamy smile at me and responds, “my children, especially my sons, will love going over to Uncle Harry and Aunt Hermione's house to play with their three boys and two girls, because they always have a wonderful time.”
I sputter in disbelief. “You seriously think that Harry and me are going to get married and have five kids? I have a lot of things I intend to accomplish with my life. Thank you very much.”
“You will accomplish a lot,” Luna said with that same dreamy voice. No matter what she's saying, it's always in that tone of voice. “The two of you manage your money well and you have plenty in your vault from Harry's inheritances that you can use in emergencies or when you're on maternity leave, allowing Harry to stay home with the kids while you go to work.”
I sit back and try to take in what she's saying. Me? Having a big family with Harry? That would suggest we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I certainly would jump his bones if I knew he wanted it, but I don't have any indication that he does. While my heart wants to leap to gobble up her words as truth, my mind dismisses them as delusional—after all, divination is a rather witty subject.
“I'm going to go look for Ronald some more,” Luna said as she stood up. “It was nice talking with you, Hermione. I look forward to seeing the baby bump you'll have at graduation.”
I was left to stare in a mixture of shock and horror at Luna as she skipped out of the library, ignoring the cries of Madam Pince for her to walk. Me? Pregnant enough to be showing at graduation? That'd mean I'd get pregnant in like February or March! I'd have to get over Harry, fall for another boy, and fall for him enough to shag him in a span of about five months. Fat chance.
Of course, Luna said I was going to get married to Harry too, so if you allow her that delusion, then he'd have to tell me and I'd have until February or March to shag him senseless without worrying about the consequences.
I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. Prim and proper Hermione Granger gets pregnant before graduation, never mind the fact that it would require that I agree to shag a boy before marriage. Of course, if it was Harry…
NO! Do not go there! Harry will never love me like that, so it's not even worth considering. He'd probably want to do it properly and marry me first anyways, and it's silly to believe that we'd be married by February or March when we aren't even going out yet. A proper wedding takes time to plan after all, especially when you want to do things properly.
Of course, there is that tower for married students and professors that I read about in “Hogwarts: A History” where each suite has its own built-in silencing charm so the other residents don't know when a particular couple gets randy…
I cut my train of thought of there so I don't get randy and want to jump Harry tonight. I figure I've been sufficiently distracted and mentally unsettled enough that I'm not going to get any work done until I get a chance to clear my head, so I pack my things to take my bag back to my room before going down to lunch. I look down at my watch and see that it's almost 1 P.M. Yep, definitely lunch time.
When I get down to the Great Hall, I notice that the Gryffindor table is a lot emptier than normal and that my boys aren't in our spot. Ron's normally eating until the house elves take the food back to the kitchens, and even then he tries to talk somebody out of the last few bites on their plate, so for him to not be in the Great Hall at meal time is highly unusual. I see Ginny though, and decide to sit down and ask her if she knows where her brother and my Harry are.
After scooping some food on to my plate, I ask Ginny where the boys are. She shrugs and answers, “None of the boys in your year from Gryffindor have been here for lunch. Lavender and Parvati ate quickly and left too. They must be itching to talk to Trelawney about something.”
“What about Sarah and Amanda?” I ask, curious as to if my other two dormmates have shown up.
“You know those two don't socialize with anybody but each other,” Ginny said with a huff. “They were here first thing, but only ate a little bit before leaving. Honestly, they're thinner than Harry is when he leaves Privet Drive.”
I roll my eyes in mild frustration at my two model thin, but obviously unhealthy dormmates, but still catch Ginny looking around the Great Hall before her disappointed eyes fall back to her plate and she picks at her food. I can't help but smirk at her. I know what those wandering eyes mean. Ginny has a new boy toy and he's not in the Great Hall at the moment. “Who is he?” I ask before I can stop myself.
“Who's he who, Hermione?” she asks in confusion.
I give her my best `don't you even try to deny it, Ginevra look' and answer her, “your new crush, Ginny.”
Her face turns bright red. “I don't know what you're talking about,” she says quickly. Too quickly for me to buy what she's selling.
“You can tell me,” I assure her. “I won't tell your brother if that's what you want.”
She glares at me. “You know, you're much too observant for your own good,” she says with a bit of frustration in her voice. “We're trying to keep it quiet for a bit so we can get used to the idea before we let everyone know.”
My heart jumps at the fact that they're getting used to the newness of their relationship first. That means it's somebody new, and consequentially it can't be Harry! I still have a little bit of hope after all, though he's sure to be heartbroken when he finds out that she's moved on. “So, who is it?” I ask as girlishly as I can manage. Hey, my boys aren't around and even I can be a bit girly at times.
“Neville,” she says as softly as possible, turning even brighter red than before.
I give her a genuine smile. “Good for you, Ginny,” I tell her. “He's been smitten with you for years. You two should be good for each other.”
She's still blushing. “Yeah, I finally figured it out. I know I can be a bit hot-headed at times, so hopefully he'll be able to help me stay calmer.”
I shrug. “It's not unusual for redheads to have a fiery temper, and I've gotten used to it after dealing with your brother for the last seven years,” I say. “Speaking of your brother, I wonder where he and Harry are.”
Ginny looked around the Great Hall again. “Well,” she said after finishing her scan of the hall, “Luna isn't here either, so Ron and her may be somewhere together. The fact that the other boys in your year from our house aren't here though smells like trouble. They're probably up to something that will get them detention.”
“I hope not,” I say softly. “The last thing Harry needs to do is get himself in trouble and cost himself time he can spend studying for his N.E.W.T.s.”
Ginny eyes me for a minute like she's trying to puzzle something out, then she smirks and I instantly know that I'm in trouble. “You know,” she says suggestively, “you seem to be more concerned about Harry than even when Voldemort was after him. Do you fancy him or something?”
Oh no. She did not just suggest that! I have enough problems trying to tell myself that nothing will ever happen between Harry and me, I don't need anybody else suggesting that it'll happen.
“He's still probably hung up on you,” I retort, trying to keep as calm as possible to not give away my secret.
Ginny's smirk told me she had me busted. “Nope,” she said smugly, “I happen to know that he's quite smitten by a witch you know very well.”
I thought I was his confidant! How does Ginny know that Harry fancies somebody new when Harry hadn't told me or Ron yet? I will admit though, he's getting a lot better at hiding when he fancies somebody. If it was last year, I would already know who he's fallen under the feminine wiles of now.
“You still haven't answered my question, Hermione” Ginny said, breaking into my train of thought. “Do you fancy Harry?”
I gather my courage and told her, “Either way, Ginevra, there's no way that it'll ever happen, so you can just forget about that little idea right now.”
“Why do you say that?” she demanded. “It certainly wouldn't hurt my feelings if the two of you finally quit dancing around each other and got together. I've been toying with the idea of locking you two in a broom closet until you've figured out that you're mad about each other and had a nice snog. I want you two to get together, because you two are perfect for each other.”
With that Ginny stood up and rushed out of the Great Hall, leaving me befuddled. Ginny wanting Harry and me to get together? Who was that girl and what has she done with my best girl friend?
Now even more confused than I already was, I decide to go up to the common room and get my bag then go for a walk by the lake. Maybe I'll do a bit of studying outside. At least I'll be alone where I won't have people trying to give me hope that Harry will ever fancy me.
When I get to the common room, I notice immediately that Ron still hasn't returned and that Harry hasn't finished whatever it is that he has to do. I hope that Luna found Ron at least, because it looked like she had something important to tell him. However, I do notice that Parvati is here and she's waving me over.
“Can you help me with the Transfiguration homework, Hermione?” she asks anxiously. “I understand the principle, but I can't quite get it to work like its supposed to.”
Ten minutes later, I've diagnosed what she has been doing wrong, explained it to her, and have her doing the transfiguration perfectly. She beams up at me. “Thank you so much, Hermione!” she exclaims. “I'd have never figured it out without your help.”
I smile back at her. She's mellowed out a bit this year and has become a little bit deeper than just boys, fashion, make-up, and gossip. We all grew up a bit over the summer when dealing with Voldemort. “You're welcome,” I tell her.
“So where are Harry and Ron?” Parvati asks. “I haven't seen them all day. I figured the three of you would be spending the day together.”
“Actually, I don't know,” I have to admit. “I haven't seen either of them since just after breakfast.”
Parvati huffs indignantly. “That's just awful of them!” she says, “It is your birthday after all! Happy Birthday, by the way.”
“Thanks,” I tell her. “Harry said he had something to do and told me he really didn't want to abandon me on my birthday, but he had to do it today, and knew that I didn't want to be with Ron by myself just after I'd shouted at him for forgetting that it's my birthday.”
“Ronald forgot it was your birthday?” she asked in shock. “That's awful! They're both horrible to leave you to spend your birthday by yourself, especially Harry, since he's smitten with you.”
I roll my eyes at Parvati. “Why does everyone think Harry's in love with me?” I ask sarcastically. “Boys and girls can be just friends without wanting to date each other. Look at Ron and I, for example. We're just really good friends and neither of us fancies the other.”
Parvati gently touches my shoulder. “Hermione,” she says softly, “practically the whole school has been waiting for you and Harry to see what's been right under your noses and get together since before Rita Skeeter made your relationship a national headline.”
“Let me set one thing straight,” I say indignantly. “Harry and I do not have a `relationship,' as you put it, we're just really good friends.”
“Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, you know,” she retorts, standing up and starting to walk quickly towards the portrait hole.
“It's not denial, it's The Nile!” I call after her, but she ignores me and rushes out of the common room to only Merlin knows where.
Deciding I have wasted enough time in the common room, and need to get away from everybody for a bit to clear my head of all this `you and Harry should get together' nonsense that's providing hope to my delusional heart. I grab my bag and quickly make my way down to the grounds.
As I start to walk around the lake, I look sadly at Hagrid's abandoned hut. The curse of being expelled and having his wand snapped eventually got him killed during the final battle with Voldemort, when he was struck by a stray Killing Curse from Lucius Malfoy.
When I get about halfway around the lake, I see somebody up ahead of me, kneeling down by a bunch of lilies growing near the tree where my boys and I go to when we need to get away from it all for a bit or if one of us needs to share something. I'm torn between ignoring whoever it is and walking past them or turning around and going back the way I came when they turn around, wave at me, and call out, “hey Hermione!”
It's Neville, of all people. He's picking a bunch of the lilies and apparently casting a Preservation Charm on them to keep them fresh. Such a thoughtful boyfriend. I wish I could find a boyfriend that thoughtful. Of course, first I'd have to find a boyfriend period, and that's not going to happen any time soon.
I slowly walk over to Neville and try to clam myself down so I don't end up crying in front of Neville. Lilies are my favorite flower after all, and he's picking some for his girlfriend.
“So, picking some flowers for Ginny?” I ask when I get close enough to talk softly to him, to keep their relationship a secret until they're ready.
Neville blushes and asks, “Did Ginny tell you about us?”
I can't help but smirk. “I sort of dragged it out of her,” I admit. “She was looking for you during lunch and I finally got her to fess up about the two of you.” I pat his shoulder and continue, “I'm happy for you, Neville. I know you've fancied her for a while.”
“Yeah,” he admits, “I was a bit obvious about it.”
“The first thing you should know about having a girlfriend is you need to get to know what she likes and how she likes to be treated,” I tell him. “Here's a tip, Ginny likes pink roses,” I say, gesturing to the lilies in his hand.
Neville looks down at them. “Oh, these,” he stammers. “These aren't for Ginny actually. I'm picking them as a favor for somebody because they're a bit busy right now. Don't worry, I wouldn't be picking them to give to you,” he says much too quickly, “because I'm not the boy who's in love with you.”
Somebody in love with me? Who could it be? It's certainly not Harry, though he's one of the few people who know about my preference for lilies and I know he's busy right now. Who else might have heard me say that I love lilies?
He quickly turns around and goes back to picking lilies. I walk over to him and kneel next to him. “Who's in love with me, Neville?” I ask softly.
Instead of answering me, he quickly stands up and starts running towards the castle after mumbling a quick apology and saying he needs to go. All I can do is shrug as I watch him scurry away from me as fast as he can. I know he's keeping a secret from me, along with just about everyone I've talked to today, but I can't figure out how they're all connected, since the only possibility I can think of is too farfetched to be believable. It's impossible to believe that Harry's in love with me, but that's what everyone keeps hinting at. I'd already know it if he did, because I can read him like a book.
I groan in frustration at everything that's being inundated into my mind and worry that my mind may overload and let me get nothing done the rest of the day. I slowly finish my walk around the lake, trying to employ some basic walking meditation techniques to clear my mind, but without any luck, my mind is too cluttered to cooperate.
Once I return to the castle, I make my way up to the second floor corridor on my way to the library, when suddenly Padma grabs my arm. “Do you know where my sister is?” she asks concernedly.
“I helped her with her Transfiguration homework a while ago in our common room, but she ran off afterwards,” I tell her. “Have you tried looking in Professor Trelawney's classroom?”
“I was thinking about going there next,” Parvati admits, “but then I decided to check the grounds first in case she went outside to enjoy the lovely weather we're having today so I didn't have to go all the way back down the stairs to check if she wasn't in Professor Trelawney's room.”
I can't help but smile. Padma is definitely a Ravenclaw through and through. “Good idea,” I tell her.
“How are you doing on your birthday?” Padma asks.
I smile and tell her, “at least you remembered my birthday, your partner for the Yule Ball forgot.”
Padma's mouth drops open. “Ron forgot it was your birthday?” she asks in disbelief. “How awful! I should hex him the next time I see him!”
I chuckle at the idea. “Thanks, but Luna probably has straightened him out by now for you,” I tell her.
Padma smiles at the mention of her eccentric housemate. “Those two are good for each other,” she admits. “I've noticed he's becoming a more sensitive person recently.”
I nod, having noticed the same thing. She has done wonders for him. Of course, it may have all started with us straightening out where we stood last year, but I'm not going to take any credit for his transformation, Luna deserves it more.
I hear Padma sigh disappointedly. “What is it?” I ask gently.
She gives me a sad smile. “I just wish I could find somebody that loves me as much as Ron loves Luna and Harry loves you,” she confesses.
What is it with people today? Everyone suddenly seems to have a case of `let's tell Hermione that Harry's in love with her and break her heart when she finds out he doesn't today.' Don't they realize that they could really hurt my feelings or break my poor delusional heart by doing that?
“Why do you think Harry's in love with me?” I ask softly.
She scoffs. “Isn't it obvious that he does?” she asks incredulously. “I mean, Merlin, Hermione! I'd think somebody as smart as you would be able to tell when their best friend of seven years has fallen head-over-heels in love with you. With the way he looks at you and how well you two work together, no other girl stands a chance of replacing you at his side…or in his heart.”
All I can do is stare at Padma in disbelief. Has Harry really been looking at me like a man looks at a woman he desires to take to bed and have his way with? To spend the rest of his 150 or more years with? To be the mother of his children?
I'm so lost in thought that I hardly hear Padma say that she's going to go look for her sister and head up the stairs.
My mind flashes back to that scene in the common room this morning when for a moment it seemed like Harry was looking at me like he desired me like Padma was suggesting. Have I been blind to the truth of how Harry feels for me?
It's a good thing that I could make the trek to the library in my sleep, because that's almost what I'm doing. I'm so lost in my thoughts that I walk straight into the library door. That helps clear my head for a moment to allow me to walk into the library, though I know I'm going to have a doozy of a headache later for it. Maybe I'll look up a charm for getting rid of headaches while I'm here.
As I get closer, I notice that my table isn't empty. Sitting there, with his hands folded in his lap is somebody I've wanted to see since the moment he left me in the common room this morning.
“Where have you been?” I demand softly as I walk up to him. He'd better have a good excuse or by Merlin, I'll hex him into the next millennium, especially for all the `Harry's in love with you, Hermione's,' I've had to put up with today. And why is he sitting in the library with absolutely nothing to work on? He could at least have grabbed a book of the shelf to read, like “Hogwarts: A History.”
Harry gives me his legendary smile. Oh, that grin should be illegal on him. That grin could even have gotten Voldemort out of trouble. “I told you I had something to do.”
I look down at my watch and see that it's almost 4 P.M. “Something that took almost five hours to do?” I ask indignantly. “It must have been something pretty big to take that long.”
“It is, Hermione,” he says softly, standing up and pulling me into a hug. He continues holding me as he says, “I'm going to take you somewhere to make up for it, okay?”
I look up at him, puzzled. Where could he take me? It's not a Hogsmeade weekend, and even if it was we'd be returning to the castle about now. Still, he is my best friend, and it's not very often he does something like this. Besides, I know some good hexes I can use on him if he's up to something foul. “Okay,” I tell him, turning to walk out of the library.
He conjures up a blindfold and wraps it around my eyes before I realize what's happening. I reach for my wand to banish it, but Harry silently disarms me and freezes my arms in place. I hear him bend down and pick up my wand, but figure it would be in my best interest not to try and kick him at the moment. “Sorry about that,” he says apologetically. “Where I'm taking you is a surprise, so I'm going to let your arms free now, but you can't take off the blindfold until I tell you to, okay?”
I nod my approval and wonder what he's up to. “How will I know where to go?” I can't help but ask. Without saying a word, he slips his hand into mine and starts walking out of the library. I willingly follow him, curious as to why he's being so secretive, but loving the feel of his hand holding mine.
At times like this, I'm glad I know the castle so well, because I can try and figure out where we're going by the route Harry takes. He takes me up and down and around a couple of times, obviously trying to confuse me, but I can tell we're gradually making our way upstairs—I'm just not sure of our destination yet.
Eventually, we reach the seventh floor. The common room or the Room of Requirement? I muse to myself as we start walking down the corridor. Harry's been silent this whole trek through the school, but finally speaks up when we stop. “Don't take the blindfold off just yet, we have a little bit further to go,” he says. He lets go of my hand for a moment and I hear him pacing and suddenly I know where our destination is: the Room of Requirement. Why would Harry be bringing me here? What has he been planning? I start kicking myself for not thinking about going up to the boys' dormitory to check the Marauder's Map to find out where he was. The fact that he wouldn't have been on the map would have given away that he was here. Assuming that this is where he's been all day, planning this surprise for me.
Suddenly, Harry takes my hand in his and leads me into the Room of Requirement. It's eerily silent, which doesn't help me figure out what he has planned. Then my blindfold suddenly disappears and I can see a table with a lot of food on it in front of me and a decorated vase of lilies, much like the ones Neville was picking earlier. Has Harry gone mad? There's no way the two of us can eat all that! And what's with the flowers?
“Surprise!” cries out a chorus of about 20 joyful voices from behind me, causing me to jump. Harry squeezes my hand and slips my wand back into my pocket as I turn around to face the mob behind me, while still holding on to Harry's hand.
I find Ron, Ginny, Neville, and all of my friends standing there. They start singing “Happy Birthday” to me as I turn to face Harry with a pretend stern look on my face. Once they finished singing I ask Harry in as stern a voice I can manage, “Is this what you've been up to all day?”
Harry gets a huge grin on his face and nods. My eyes water with tears of happiness. I grab him and give him a big hug. “Nobody has ever thrown me a birthday party before,” I whisper to him. “Thank you.”
Then I go to kiss his cheek, but my lips find something much softer and fuller instead. It takes me a couple seconds for it to register the difference of the texture and to figure out what it is.
I'm kissing Harry's lips!
He must have turned his head as I went to kiss his cheek and our lips must have met instead. I quickly back away and look at everyone else, only to find that they all appear quite amused at how flustered I am. “I'm so sorry, Harry,” I stammer out. “I didn't mean to kiss your lips…I was aiming for your cheek…and I…”
My rambling is cut off as Harry pulls me close and kisses me.
Wait a minute?! Why is Harry kissing me? I thought he didn't like me like that! But oh! His lips are so soft, they're making me melt right here in front of everybody.
I pull away again and bury my head in his chest and start to cry. “Was everybody mistaken when they told me you fancy me?” he whispers so that only I can hear it.
I look up at him through my tears and see the mixture of confusion and unmistakable desire in his eyes. “I've loved you for ages, Harry,” I confess, “but I never thought you'd love me the same way.”
He caresses my cheek as he tenderly tells me, “I do, Hermione. I realized shortly after Ginny and I broke-up that you're the only person who's ever fully understood what I truly want…what I really desire. I didn't want to put you in anymore danger than you already were in or risked losing your friendship by telling you how I feel until after Voldemort was gone. That's what gave me the extra push I needed to get rid of him so quickly. I wanted to protect you, so we could start a life together. It was Luna that finally assured me on the Hogwarts Express a couple weeks ago that she could see that you loved me too, and told me what she saw in our future. After that, I asked just about everybody close to us but Ron if they saw what Luna saw, since he wouldn't have figured it out anyway with his teaspoon of emotional depth, and they told me they did and were glad that one of us finally figured it out.”
All I could find the words to say are, “Oh, Harry!” and I pull his lips to mine to try and pour out all my feelings for him into this one kiss.
What must be several minutes later, Ron clears his throat, causing Harry and I to reluctantly pull apart, and Ron says impatiently, “if you two lovebirds are finished we can eat.”
Harry and I laugh along with all our friends as he waves them towards the food, then he whispers in my ear, “Happy Birthday, Hermione.”
I smile cheekily up at him and whisper back, “you are so not shagging me next spring!”
He winks back at me. “I'll just do it this winter instead.” Then he pulls me into a passion filled kiss, thoroughly ending the conversation. And my delusional heart is very happy indeed.
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