The Trade Off by Konflickted

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 4
Published: 21/09/2007
Last Updated: 25/10/2007
Status: Completed

Returning to Hogwarts after the murder of her parents, Lily Evans finds an unlikely ally in
James Potter. After a trade, one that James never really wanted to make, Lily and James leave
Hogwarts, returning only to find things between them had changed.




1. Three Weeks Tardy
--------------------



Three Weeks Tardy

James would have known that rear end anywhere, having seen it plenty of times in his head and in
real life. He had, after all, spent the last six years chasing after the girl who was attached to
that perfectly shapely posterior. He had walked into the girls' bathroom, certain that he had
seen her walk in here just a few minutes before. Her backside to him confirmed that she was indeed
back at Hogwarts.

Lily Evans was bent over the basin, her head in the sink. The water was still on, flowing over
the edge of the basin and soaking her bare feet. James spotted her tennis shoes on top of her
school robes and her back pack. He watched her for a minute, waiting.

“Hey, Lily?” James called out quietly as her head remained under the surface of the water. She
did not surface, nor did she acknowledge his presence. Afraid she may have already drowned; James
hurried over and touched her shoulder roughly.

“What?” Lily cried out in surprise as she jerked back from the basin.

“Are you trying to drown yourself?” James inquired as he turned off the spout. Lily remained
with her head bent forward, her hair dripping wet and making a mess on the stone floor.

“No, of course not,” Lily said as she snapped her head back, arching water the entire way.

“Where have you been? As the head boy and girl, we have a lot of duties to attend to and I have
had to do them all by myself for the past three weeks,” James said as his eyes involuntarily slid
the length of her body. She was leaner than she had been last year, currently wearing tight jeans
and a black ribbed tank top with a teal bra peaking out from here and there. James noticed that her
breast were the only thing that didn't look any smaller, in fact, they looked larger.

“Oh, cry about it, will you, Potter,” Lily murmured as she raked her hand through her now very
dark auburn wet locks of hair. James looked at her bright green eyes and looked as if she might
have been crying recently enough to make them ever so slightly puffy.

“Have you been crying?” James asked curiously and Lily looked at him as if he had just suggested
the most obscene acts of pleasure.

“Of course not,” Lily snapped as she flicked her wand over her hair, neatly drying and styling
it. James' eyes were trained on Lily, watching her as though he were mesmerized.

“So, why didn't you come to the school on the train with the rest of us?” James asked
curiously. Lily didn't say anything for a moment as if she was planning and thinking of a
response.

“I wasn't aware that my travels were any of your business, Potter,” Lily said rather
stiffly.

“Why are you washing your hair in the sink between classes?” James asked as he watched a single
drop of water lazily disappear between her breasts and out of sight.

“It needed to be washed and there wasn't time for a proper shower,” Lily explained, annoyed
as she pulled her school robes over her muggle robes.

She summoned her backpack and left the bathroom. James followed after her, his own school robes
messy and disheveled compared to the neatly pressed robes she wore. He ignored the gaggle of third
year girls that gasped, scandalized that a seventh year boy had chased a seventh year girl out of
the girls' lavatory.

“Why not use the Head bathroom? You know, it is rather spectacular,” James mentioned casually as
he fell in step with her.

“That one was closer,” Lily replied with a slightly bored tone. She turned the corner and
hesitated as Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy stood at the top of the staircase, looking down at
them. Severus looked as dark as ever, his lanky hair curtaining his face and his cold, dark eyes
fell hungrily on Lily. He was talking to Malfoy, his own eyes cold and cruel, the color of blue
ice.

“Evans, you finally join us,” Malfoy sneered, his smile as slick as Snape's hair. A cruel
smile crossed Malfoy's face.

“Charming as ever, Malfoy,” Lily said without the normal fire that fueled her words. She turned
away and headed away from Snape and Malfoy to her next class, one that James was not a student of:
Astrology.

Lily wasn't one to believe in the hokey teachings of the crazy old bag who taught
Divination. It was laughable even to think that tea leaves or a glass ball could show the future.
Tarot cards themselves made great kindling, but predict anything more than paper cuts was
ridiculous. Lily sat down on an over stuffed pouf, glancing at the rotund gypsy with wiry black
hair and gold bangles for earrings. Lily smiled at the woman and cracked open her book.

Lily didn't believe, no, but she enjoyed the class just the same. It gave her a break from
having to pretend that everything was great and ok. She didn't take the class with any other
Gryffindors as none had decided to take Divination. Lily drank the hot tea and looked at the dregs
in the bottom of the cup.

“How does it look dear?” Professor Ergot asked. Lily looked up at the teacher and then at the
leaves.

“I fear I have the grim, again,” Lily murmured as the leaves had taken on the clumpy shape of a
dog's head.

“Understandable, in these dark times for you, dear,” Professor Ergot said in her lofty voice.
Her rings glinted in the candle light.

“Perhaps I should work on my ball work,” Lily said as she wiped the cup out with a paper towel.
The professor nodded and wandered over to another student. Lily couldn't help but smile
slightly.

From Divination Lily headed to Muggle studies. She had told Alice that she was going to become a
Muggle-Wizard advisor for the ministry and it was a required class. Lily didn't mind the class,
instead found the way that the wizarding world saw the world that Lily had been born into. Lily
knew that each world thought that they were secretly better than the other one was, or at least the
Muggles probably would have if they had known about the wizarding world.

Lily knew that three weeks delay to school would set her back three weeks, but it had been
cruelly unavoidable. She stared into her cauldron, ignoring the Slytherins and the other
Gryffindors that shared her advanced potion making class with Professor Slughorn. The liquid was
turning a sickly shade of green and Lily frowned as she looked back at her potion's book. Her
finger ran the length of ingredients and she smiled. She plucked one of her own hairs and added it
to the potion, causing it to smoke and turn the color of sunshine.

-->



2. Alice Spills the Beans
-------------------------



Alice Spills the Beans

Alice was sitting alone at the Gryffindor table for a moment, lost in her thoughts of Frank
Longbottom and their delightful summer fling that had turned into so much more. Alice bit back her
tears as she thought of her best friend, Lily, and all that Lily had been through this summer. She
glanced at the door, wondering what was taking her so long to get to the table. She felt the warm
grasp of something impure upon her heart as she watched the Marauders strutting in like a three
person brick wall, with little Peter following along behind.

She couldn't help but smile at them, admiring exactly how good looking they were, at least
James and Sirius were. Alice wished that Lily would hurry up and get to the table, if nothing more
to draw the attention of the Marauders closer to her. Alice loved Frank, yes, but the thought of a
sordid little affair with Sirius was enough for her to break a sweat and get all fluttery in the
stomach.

“Alice,” Sirius said slyly, a slick smile on his face as he wiggled his eye brows at her
suggestively. Alice hadn't realized how close Sirius was until he spoke.

“Sirius,” Alice replied with a smile she hope came off as friendly.

“You know, you shouldn't stare,” Sirius chastised playful. The heat rose to Alice's
cheeks and she shook her head.

“I wasn't staring. I was glaring,” Alice covered. Sirius laughed and sat down next to Alice
at the table much to her surprise.

“So, Alice,” James started as he took the seat across from Sirius. “Why was Lily late coming
back to school?”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked as she feigned naivety.

“She was three weeks late for the start of term,” James said. “Surely you noticed that your best
friend wasn't there in your dorm for the first three weeks.”

“I knew it seemed quiet and bitching-free,” Alice laughed as she took to stirring the tea she
had poured for herself.

“Come on, Alice, for me,” Sirius coaxed as he placed his arm around her shoulders. The brown
haired girl swallowed nervously and looked around.

“Um,” Alice hesitated. Satisfied that Lily wasn't there, she leaned forward towards James.
“Lily was late because she was attending her parents' funeral. Our authorities say they believe
that it was a killing curse. They suspect Death Eaters.”

“Oh, no,” James said in unison with Remus and Sirius.

“Don't say anything, though, otherwise she'll start crying again,” Alice begged.
Alice's eyes were swimming with tears. “Lily is beside herself. She was out with her sister
shopping and she blames herself for letting them die.”

“How could she possibly blame herself?” James asked as he shook his head. “She wasn't even
there.”

“She thinks that if she had been there, she had been home instead of shopping, she might have
been able to save them,” Alice said as she allowed Sirius' arm remain on her shoulders.

“And, if she had been there, then she probably would be dead, too,” Sirius said. “While Evans is
not my type, I certainly wouldn't want her dead. Not with the way Prongs here is all hot to
trot over her.”

“Shut up,” James laughed.

“Alice?” Lily asked as she was surprised to see her best friend with the arm of the best friend
of the most bothersome boy in the school over her. Lily had her arms crossed against her breasts.
She had changed into her school uniform, her white oxford shirt neatly pressed and paired with her
pleated plaid skirt.

“Hi, Lily,” Alice said brightly as she shoved Sirius' arm off her shoulders. She pushed
Sirius away. “Come sit here. Scoot, Sirius, you guys don't even sit down here.”

Sirius rolled his eyes grinning and made room for Lily on the bench next to him. Lily sat,
storing her bag on the floor between her knees. Sirius looked over at Lily and Alice, thrilled that
he was positioned in such a way that he could see Lily's bra peaking from between the
buttons.

“So, what's up?” Lily asked as she glanced at the Marauders.

“Oh, um,” Alice stalled. She didn't want to lie to Lily, but didn't want Lily to know
that Alice had spilled the beans of Lily's absence from school.

“Quidditch,” James lied casually. “I am trying to get Alice to convince you to come to at least
one match. As the head girl, it is your duty to your house and your school to support
Quidditch.”

“Ugh!” Lily groaned as she screwed her face up in a rather comical and disdainful way. “I hate
Quidditch.”

“You actually hate everything that has to do with flying,” Alice reminded her. Lily nodded
seriously.

“Falling off once is all I need to instill my strong belief that my two feet belong firmly
planted on the ground,” Lily said.

“Ah-hah!” Sirius exclaimed loudly, making Alice and Lily jump. “You just have had the wrong
broom instructor. James could get you up and flying like a bird!”

“Right,” Lily said sarcastically. “Like I am going to let James get me on the back of his
broom.”

“Scared?” James taunted with his cocky smirk. Lily finally let her eyes fall on him, sitting
there in front of her.

“Funny,” Lily replied as she begun eating.

“Lily, let him teach you,” Alice encouraged. She knew flying, or the fear of falling at least,
would take her mind off the sadness that seemed to threaten to consume Lily.

“Really, Alice, I don't have the free time to go jumping on to the back of a broom,” Lily
insisted.

“Come on, Lily,” James teased. “I promise, I won't bite.”

“Do you really think flying is that important?” Lily asked skeptically as she pulled out her day
planner. She sighed and flipped through the book.

“Of course,” James said grinning. He reached across the table and took her planner, flipping to
the first free period that they shared. He wrote `Go flying with James' in her planner,
complete with a little heart over the letter `i' in flying.

“Fine, but I don't draw hearts when I dot letters,” Lily groaned as she read the entry that
James had created for her. She looked at Alice. “So, Alice, what does one wear when they are forced
to fly?”

“I just wear clothes,” Alice said as she glanced at Lily's neatly pressed uniform. “Though,
I doubt a skirt would be a good choice for a first lesson.”

“Only lesson,” Lily reminded Alice gently as they watched the Marauders leave the table and head
out the Great Hall.

“Right, only,” Alice agreed smiling though she believed differently.

-->



3. Lesson in Trust
------------------



Lesson in Trust

The morning of Lily's first flying lesson with James started hours earlier than any sane
person would wake. She couldn't explain the nervousness or excitement she felt, unable to place
her finger on what about the whole situation would dare make her feel such emotions. Lily glanced
around her dorm room, satisfied that all of her mates were fast asleep still. No one stirred in the
early morning light that glowed through a thick blue gray haze.

Lily had always been an early riser, to say the least. Normally, she would bounce from the room
calling back her cheerful morning greetings to the others in her dorm and anyone she happened to
pass that wasn't a Marauder. Lily crossed the dorm room and stood in front of the vanity. She
took her brush and ran it through her hair, wondering why she cared how her hair looked. Shrugging,
she pulled her hair up in a simple pony tail.

Dressed in simple navy trousers not unlike the ones that the boys wore, Lily buttoned up her
dressy white shirt and pulled on her socks and shoes. She left the dorm room, glancing back at the
girls, hoping that they would wake on time without Lily's bright and cheery voice. Lily headed
to the Great Hall, not wholly surprised to find it nearly deserted. She ate quickly, trying to
suppress her nerves with eggs and toast with orange marmalade.

Lily found the pitch with ease, despite never having been on the field before. She had borrowed
one of the school brooms and paced the pitch with it in her hand. Lily tried to keep her mind
distracted but it kept up its tumultuous churning which, in turn, made Lily's stomach
churn.

“Ugh,” Lily groaned as she felt the eggs and toast threaten a show of pyrotechnic force to rival
any Chinese firework display.

“Don't throw up on my pitch. Use the can,” James warned as he appeared out of seemingly no
where from the stands.

“I am not going to throw up,” Lily lied as she glanced over at the metal trash can located near
the edge of the field. It seemed to beckon her, but Lily refused to heed its call.

“Good,” James said seriously as he glanced at Lily's borrowed school broom. His own was a
piece of genuine craftsmanship, its handle created and fitted for James.

“Are you alone?” Lily asked as he stopped once he was within arms reach. He half smiled and
nodded.

“Yeah. I figured that you wouldn't want an audience,” James said as heat rose slightly to
his cheeks. He had actually begged Sirius to stay away, knowing that Sirius couldn't help but
make comments that were neither appropriate nor appreciated. James' eyes met Lily's eyes
for a moment and he saw disbelief and acceptance in her gaze.

“Gee, thanks,” Lily said genuine surprised that James had thought of her feeling enough to make
this a private lesson. Lily's stomach clenched suddenly, as if realization that she would be
alone at his mercy and a wave of nausea made Lily run to the trash can.

Used to nerves of his Quidditch players, especially one in particular, James was not upset or
disturbed by the sights and sounds of vomiting into the metal can. In fact, he had done in one time
or another himself. He waited patiently and held out to her a piece of black licorice to her.

“It will help with the nausea and the after taste,” James offered as she balked at the idea of
eating it. Black licorice was definitely not her favorite type of sweet; it tasted to medicinal in
her opinion. Reluctantly, she chewed and swallowed. It did make her feel less nauseous and if
nothing else, that nasty eggs and orange marmalade covered toast taste was out of her mouth.

“Thanks,” Lily said again, surprised that he was so different when he wasn't showing off in
front of his friends. She suppressed the smile that was threatening to break through her
indifferent look.

“So, first, you have to get to know your broom,” James said. He looked at the school broom again
and shook his head. “That's no good.”

“It is a school broom. If you forget, I am not a fan of flying, or of falling, therefore I
don't see the need to own a broom,” Lily said as she held the broom in her hand as if she was
holding something putrid and revolting.

“Look at my broom,” James instructed holding his broom out in front of him, both of his hand
supporting it. “See how the twigs in the brush are even and streamlined?”

“Sure, rub it in that you have money, Potter,” Lily retorted rolling her eyes at him. James
frowned.

“I wasn't rubbing anything in, really. I was just trying to prove a point. You can't
learn to ride on that,” James defended as he pointed again to the school broom, the twigs bent out
at odd angles on the brush. The handle had been, well, handled by many people and therefore the
broom had no one real master, no one it claimed allegiance to. Like wands, brooms had masters and
allegiances, followed codes and rules, and adapted to the demands and desires of its master.

“Well, this is all I have to work with, so we will have to make it work,” Lily replied curtly as
she tore her eyes away from his spectacular broom. She, who knew nothing of the styles and brands
of brooms, knew that James' broom was top of the line and was a spectacular piece of
equipment.

“Use mine,” James said suddenly as he thrust it rather unceremoniously into her hands. He took
the school broom and tossed it aside, towards the trash can. Lily looked down at the broom that was
now in her hand, feeling it vibrate ever so softly in her hands. She looked at James, her mouth
formed into a little surprised oh.

“Are you sure?” Lily asked uncertainly. “I mean, I might ruin it.”

“I am certain, and I know you won't ruin it. After all, I am your teacher,” James said
rather confidently. Lily nearly cracked a smile. She didn't need him reminding her how full of
himself he was.

“Ok, so I have to get to know your broom?” Lily asked as she looked at the broom she was holding
in her hand.

“Well, yes, but you can't hold it like that,” James chastised softly. “You look like you are
handling something dark and dangerous.”

“Have you ever seen me fly?” Lily asked. James shook his head.

“I was in the infirmary the day everyone else learned to fly,” James reminded as he stepped
closer to Lily. He pushed the broom closer to her, her arms bending at the crooks of her
elbows.

“Ask Sirius about it sometime,” Lily said bitterly as she allowed the broom to come as close as
nearly a foot from her. “He got a really good laugh and I nearly shoved the broom down his throat.
I wasn't raised to use a broom for riding, just cleaning.”

“Mmm-Humph,” James murmured as though he wasn't really listening. He was circling her as
Lily stood there looking at his broom. She scrunched her nose up as she studied it, not really
clear why she was looking at the piece of wood so carefully.

“You are a seeker,” Lily said. It wasn't meant to be a question but James looked at her and
felt he needed to reply to her.

“I am the Gryffindor seeker, yes,” James said as he looked at her. She was making a face as she
looked at him over the broom that was now lying still across her outstretched palms.

“What am I supposed to be doing?” Lily asked skeptically as she stood there with the broom.

“Getting to know your broom,” James reminded her.

“Your broom, and anyways, I know that,” Lily said. “But why?”

“Because you have to earn the broom's trust to ride it without a problem,” James said as he
took the broom in his hand, smoothing the handle with the palm of his hand. It vibrated slightly,
like a cat's purr, in his hand. “You have to gain control over it, master it.”

“But it is your broom,” Lily challenged. “Its loyalty will always lie with you.”

“Yes, but I handed it to you,” James said. “It relinquishes enough control into your hands if
you prove worthy.”

“Hey, no one said I would have to prove my worthiness to a broom,” Lily complained. “We
didn't learn this when we were being taught to fly.”

“I know,” James said seriously. “So much is passed off as not important in things like wand lore
and broom lore.”

“This is ridiculous,” Lily said as James pressed the broom into her hand. He kept his hand on it
while he made sure Lily grip remained tight just below his.

“Do you feel anything?” James asked as their hands remained touching ever so slightly. Lily
paused and closed her eyes, trying to focus on the broom completely.

“I don't know what I am supposed to be feeling,” Lily said exasperated.

“Ok,” James sighed as he pulled the broom from Lily's hand. He rested it well away from
them. He turned his back on the broom and walked to Lily's side. “Apparently, you are having a
problem getting the broom to trust you completely.”

“Can you blame it?” Lily quipped. James cracked a smile.

“No, but I think it has more to do with the fact that you don't fully trust me,” James said.
Lily shot him a look and grinned despite herself.

“You think?” Lily replied before she realized she had spoken. James looked at her a little
affronted, but said nothing to this remark.

“Ok, so how do I prove to you that I am trust worthy?” James murmured to himself as he thought
aloud. He was facing her now, his back to the broom. He looked at her as the wheels turned in his
head.

“What?” Lily asked as he smiled.

“Your biggest fear is that I am going to kiss you,” James told her. She looked at him in wary
disbelief.

“No its not,” Lily said. She nearly believed it herself.

“For this purpose, just try to believe that is your biggest fear,” James guided her, still a few
feet or so away from her. “Can you do that?”

“It'll be a stretch,” Lily lied but she nodded.

“Ok, Lily, no matter what, I am not going to kiss you, ok?” James told her firmly. She
nodded.

“Ok,” Lily said as she watched James step closer.

“Do you still believe me? With me standing this close?” James asked. Lily couldn't help but
grin. She was at least an arms' length or more from him.

“Yes,” Lily said. James took another step forward.

“And now?”

“Still believing you,” Lily replied despite the fact that her heart had decided to pick up the
tempo slightly. James took another large step forward, now standing directly in front of her. She
forced a smile to show she was ok.

“Still good?”

“All's good,” Lily stated though it seemed that her breathing had increased to match her
heart slightly. James was mere inches from her now, his step bringing him closer to her than he had
ever been before.

“Good?” James asked as his blue eyes remained permanently fixed on her green eyes.

“Yeah,” Lily breathed. She swallowed nervously.

“I am not going to kiss you,” James murmured as he leaned forward, his mouth so closed to hers
that Lily wanted to lunge forward and come the other three millimeters that stretched before
them.

“Oh,” Lily whispered in a breathy sort of way, unable to complete the two letter response. James
opened his eyes, suddenly aware that he had closed them and he looked into her eyes that seemed to
darken slightly at the proximity of their bodies. He could feel her breath mingling with his own.
He pulled back immediately and put some distance between them.

“Very good,” James grunted as he forced his hand through his hair. He focused on the broom, his
back to Lily. He willed his body to relax and calm down before his physical discomfort became
apparent to her. Finally satisfied that he had regained control over himself, he turned back to
Lily.

“Ok, so does the broom trust me?” Lily asked him. She seemed cool and unaffected, but James
suspected (or perhaps he hoped) that she was a riled up as he had been. He hadn't meant for it
to happen, he had always liked her, but today's interaction made him realized that there was
more to it than attraction and desire. He couldn't put his finger on it, exactly, the way he
felt about her, but he knew she had to have felt it to.

“I don't know,” James replied as he walked behind her slight and looked at the broom. “I
guess... you ought to try and summon it.”

“Ok,” Lily said as she inhaled deeply. “*Accio broom*!” She dictated forcefully to the
broom. The broom jerked up off the pitch and flew directly into her open hand. Excited, she cheered
and swung around to face James. Broom still in Lily's hand, her hand and the broom collided
hard with James' face. The sound of broken bone seemed to be magnified a hundred times over the
pitch.

“Damn it,” James swore rather nasally as his hands went to his nose. Already crimson blood oozed
and flowed down James' face, staining his own shirt.

“James!” Lily cried out as she tossed the broom aside. She pulled out her wand. “Let me try.
Move your hands.”

“Ok,” James groaned as he pulled his hands away from his face. The blood was raging rampantly
down his face. Lily's eyes were enormous with fright and her wand hand was shaking like a
leaf.

“Epi... uh, epis… Oh, I don't know why I can't remember the spell,” Lily groaned as she
shoved her wand in her back pocket and clenched James' nose shut roughly with her bare hands,
ignoring the blood that seemed to engulf him. “I am so sorry!”

“It was an accident, Lily, its ok,” James said nasally as he watched his traitorous blood
creeping down her arms and spreading in intense contrast to her white shirt. “You're getting
blood all over yourself.” He felt obliged to tell her though he was reveling in the way she was
cradling his face with one hand and pinching his nose shut with the other.

“Ooh, I don't care,” Lily moaned as she swayed slightly, her skin suddenly becoming clammy
and pale. The sight was getting to her.

“Should we go to the hospital wing?” James asked out of concern for her more than his own well
being.

“No, not yet. I think the bleeding has stopped,” Lily said faintly. Sure enough, she pulled her
hand slowly away from him and the once torrent river of blood had stalled out and no longer flowed.
She sighed and collapsed onto the grass.

“It was an accident, you know, no problem,” James said as he grinned at her while trying not to
touch his now very tender nose. “You were just excited about mastering the trust of the broom.”

“You really don't think it is going to trust me now that I spilled the broom's true
owner's blood,” Lily quipped darkly as she glared at the broom. James sat down next to her.

“If you like, we could spill your blood,” James teased. She laughed and shook her head, covering
her eyes with her hand.

“Not if I have to look like you,” Lily groaned as she wiped a stray tear from her cheek,
smearing a bit of James' blood on her face.

“You don't look that much better,” James said as he grabbed the tail of his shirt and wiped
away his blood from her face. She looked at him a bit surprised at the gesture. They sat in
silence, just looking at each other. James could feel himself yearning to lean closer and kiss her.
She stood.

“You need to head to the infirmary and get that nose fixed,” Lily said as she stepped a few feet
from James. “*Accio broom*.” Without hesitation, the broom leaped from the ground and landed
gently in her palm.

“Hey, our lesson isn't over,” James complained as he rose to his own feet. “I haven't
even got you flying.”

“There is always next time, James,” Lily said before she thought about what she had just said.
She slowly looked over at James, a surprised but delighted smile plastered on his face.

“I thought that you had only agreed on the one flying lesson, Lily,” James taunted tenderly.
Lily smiled and threw him the broom. James caught it effortlessly in his hand.

“You are, after all the best teacher, and how am I to deny being taught when the best is at my
disposal?” Lily quipped with a grin on her face. “I am going to take a shower and you need to get
up to the infirmary. Your face is already starting to bruise.”

“Ok, then, Lily,” James said as he held back and chose to watch her exit the Quidditch pitch,
her body practically taunting him mercilessly. “She is going to be the death of me, for sure, and I
say bring on the gallows.”

-->



4. Library / Greenhouse
-----------------------



Library / Greenhouse

Sirius sat in his favorite place by the best fireplace in the common room, nearly tucked into a
corner where he could see the whole common room completely and no one was able to sneak up on him.
Not that anyone ever could. Call it a blessing, call it a curse, but part of Sirius still remained
rooted to his anamagi when he transfigured back to a human. It was unavoidable, and it had come to
great advantage: super senses. He felt that it was the closest he could come to being one of those
muggle superheroes from the comic books.

Sirius was well in tune with the sounds of his brother Marauders, the three who were closer than
his own blood brother was. It wasn't enough that Sirius was now living with the Potters, and
had been since he turned sixteen and traitor to his own family. Sirius had practically been
disowned by his family, and that was fine with him. He had James, who was ten times the brother
than his own brother had been. James' parents had welcomed Sirius warmly. Spending the past
summer holiday had caused James and Sirius to become terribly close, their love, though only
brotherly love, was stronger than ever.

Therefore, it wasn't a surprise to Sirius when he saw James plop down opposite him by the
fireplace. Sirius could pick out James' walk out of the walk of the other Gryffindors. It was
of no concern to Sirius that he knew James as he knew him. They were the best of friends, and the
best of brothers. Sirius glanced up at James and noticed that James looked different. His nose was
straight and even, but a bruise had formed rather nicely on James' upper cheek near his eye.
Sirius raised his eye brow in surprise.

“Ooh, Prongs,” Sirius teased as James cracked a smile. “Not sure if that is exactly what Alice
meant by teaching Lily to fly. I am assuming she is the one that did this to you.”

“She did,” James laughed. “It was a complete accident. She finally was able to summon the broom
and got excited and well…”

“What? Punched you in the face from excitement?” Sirius inquired as he leaned forward to get a
good look at it.

“Nah, Lily just spun around and clipped me, that's all,” James explained.

“Why didn't you go and get it fixed?” Sirius asked as he leaned back against his chair and
watched James' face light up as he spoke of the seemingly painful encounter with Lily.

“Oh, I did. At least, you know, the broken nose,” James said. Sirius laughed loudly.

“She broke your nose?”

“Yeah,” James said nodding.

“Shit, James,” Sirius laughed again. James grinned and raked his hand through his hair. “She
managed to break your nose and bruise your face, all on accident! Though why fix the nose, but not
the bruises?”

“Because,” James grinned as he saw Alice and Lily walking in the portrait hole. “A broken nose
might stay with me forever, a bruise will fade. But not before I make Lily feel so awful about it
that she insists on going to Hogsmeade with me.”

“Right,” Sirius said as he crinkled his nose. “She is still going to turn you down flat, bruised
face and all.”

“I bet she doesn't,” James said. Sirius raised an eye brow at him and smirked.

“That, my brother, sounds a bit like a wager,” Sirius said. James laughed and shook his
head.

“No, I am not wagering with you,” James teased. “You always cheat.”

“Do not!” Sirius exclaimed as a sly smile crossed his face as Alice glanced his way and blushed.
She took Lily by the arm and steered her toward Sirius and James who were looking rather charming
as they lazed about in their favorite chairs.

“James Potter, what in the world happened to your face?” Alice asked as her eyes slid from
Sirius' confident smile to James' slightly less certain smile. He was looking at Lily and
didn't respond.

“Go on and tell them, Potter,” Lily encouraged as her own mouth tugged at the corner as she
fought a smile.

“Alice, dear, your best friend Lily there attacked my mate James,” Sirius said seriously, his
face pulled into a rather believable scowl. Alice rounded on Lily with a look of utter horror.

“You were supposed to be learning how to fly, not beating up James,” Alice said anxiously.

“I didn't get beat up,” James defended.

“I didn't beat him up,” Lily cried out at the same time James responded. She looked at James
almost pleadingly. “Tell her that I didn't beat you up.”

“I just did,” James reminded her. He turned to Alice sweetly. “Alice, dear, it was all an
accident. The heat of a moment thing,” James told her. Alice looked at him as if she might not
totally believe him.

“You are just defending her because you like her?” Alice teased mercilessly. Sirius laughed and
caught Alice's hand, pulling her down onto the chair he was occupying. He brushed her hair
behind her ear.

“Now, now, Alice,” Sirius coaxed rather playfully. Alice blushed as his fingers touched her
cheek. “You can't honestly believe that James and Lily, two people who have never been able to
have more than civil conversation would be able to get close enough for long enough for Lily to do
that on purpose, do you?”

“Good point,” Alice agreed, though at the moment she would have agreed to anything. Alice
couldn't pull her gaze from Sirius's eyes, nor did he look eager to break the eye
contact.

“Alice, honestly!” Lily exclaimed. “What about Frank?”

“Frank?” Alice asked rather dumbfounded, as if she had forgotten her summer boyfriend.
Recognition to the name snapped into her eyes and Alice pulled free of Sirius and his welcoming
lap. She nearly glared at him, but couldn't bring herself to it.

“Well, James, I thought I told you to go to the infirmary,” Lily said rather bossily as she
stood in front of James, her back to Sirius. She had her hands on her hips and she was looking at
the mess of James' face rather intently. At least he had the decency to change out of his
bloody clothes.

“I did,” James said as he smiled rather boyishly at her. She felt the urge to smile back, but
she fought it. She couldn't let him see what she knew was true.

“You still look a little like hell,” Lily informed him. He nodded.

“I know,” James said as he continued to look up at her. He couldn't suppress the grin that
slowly enveloped his face. He smirked. “I guess that is what happens when you get excited. You get
thrilled and I get killed.”

Lily blushed and laughed, despite herself. James felt his chest swell with pride and pleasure,
grateful for the lilting sounds of her delicate laughter. He joined in, laughing with her. She
shook her head and wiped tears from her eyes, careful not to mess up her subtle make up. Alice was
nearly rolling in hysterics, already back in Sirius's welcoming lap.

“You really are too much, Potter,” Lily chuckled as she looked away from him. She shook her head
at Alice. “Alice, get off Black and come on. We have those papers to write for potions, fifteen
inches, if I am not mistaken, to be turned in to Slughorn tomorrow.”

“Come on, Evans, we're just having a little fun,” Sirius taunted as his arms circled
Alice's waist. Lily crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently, though she did have a
slight smile on her lips.

“No dice, Black,” Lily said shaking her head. She raised an eye brow at Alice who sighed and
pulled free of Sirius.

“You really are no fun, Lily. I don't want to spend the rest of the evening hanging out in
the library. It's so… dusty,” Alice said as she chose a word other than boring. She knew her
best friend enjoyed the library, though it was a little odd the way Lily sometimes spoke of books
as if they were lovers. Alice laughed at her own thought and picked a piece of lint off her
skirt.

“We'll come,” James offered suddenly. Sirius looked horrified.

“What?” Sirius and Lily both said in disbelief. James nodded.

“We have to write the same paper, so why not write it as a cozy little foursome?” James said as
he stood up from the chair. He realized how close Lily really was standing when she took a step
back, increasing the distance between them by a foot.

“That sounds great!” Alice said enthusiastically, thrilled at the chance to spend more time with
Sirius. Lily glanced at Sirius, almost as if she was looking to him to bring James back into his
right mind. The Marauders and Lily Evans just aren't the types that choose to socialize
willingly.

“Alice, surely the boys would rather play that Quidditch game or something like that,” Lily
suggested hopefully. James shook his head, smiling.

“No, can't say that we really need to practice or anything,” James said as he picked his and
Lily's bags off the ground. Lily went to take hers, but James pulled it back. “I've got it,
Lily. Just lead the way. I am not too certain I can find the library on purpose.”

“Seriously?” Lily asked almost as if she was scandalized by the thought that James Potter
didn't know where the library was. She let a playful smile betray her face a moment.

“Nah, but do lead. Ladies first,” James replied as he gestured for Lily and Alice to lead the
way. Sirius had his bag in his hand and he looked at James inquisitively.

“What do you think you are going to be able to do in the library?” Sirius whispered as he
followed James' gaze to Lily's perfectly formed rear. Sirius shook his head roughly,
clearing the vision from his mind. “You know that there is no way to talk to her while that
librarian hag is lurking around.”

“Shh,” James whispered. He stepped closer to Sirius. “I have a plan.”

“Well, if you let me in on it, maybe I can help,” Sirius offered. James grinned at him.

“Just keep flirting with Alice, and you are doing all I need you to do,” James said as the girls
stopped two and a half meters from them. Lily glanced back at James and Sirius who were walking so
many feet behind the girls.

“Are you coming or not?” Lily asked rather impatiently. James and Sirius nodded and jogged up to
them, stopping just short of running them down.

The doors to the library opened with a loud groan, which caused quite a few people to look up in
disbelief that someone had so rudely shattered the silence of the library. The librarian hissed at
them rather cattily, her long fingers pressed to her pursed lips.

James grabbed Lily's hand and led the way to the farthest corner of the library, as far from
the librarian as possible. He placed their bags on the table as Sirius and Alice took seats next to
each other on the far side of the table. Lily looked at James expectantly and then down at her
hand. James' gaze followed to where their hands were still locked in embrace. Flustered, he
allowed Lily to retract her hand from his grasp.

Lily immediately pulled out a scroll and her favorite quill, one that wrote in a vivid shade of
purple ink. She thought a moment and began scratching her quill to her parchment. After a second,
she realized that neither James nor Alice nor Sirius was making any motion to get started. She
looked up at Sirius and Alice first.

Lily knew she should avert her eyes or slap some sense into her friend, but Lily was frozen,
eyes glued to the sight of Sirius and Alice kissing rather aggressively. Lily felt heat burning in
her cheek, uncertain as to what the proper protocol was in this situation. She quickly looked to
her parchment, her cheeks a flame.

“They ought to get a room,” James whispered into her ear, his breath tickling her cheek. She
shivered unintentionally.

“Yeah,” Lily nodded as she focused more than necessary on her parchment. She noticed that James
still hadn't moved to retrieve parchment or quill from his bag. “What are you doing? You should
get started.”

“Yeah,” James murmured softly as Lily's eyes met his for the first time since Sirius and
Alice began their very public display of affection. A slight smile crossed Lily's face, almost
wistfully and she pulled a spare quill and parchment out of her bag. She pushed it toward
James.

“Get started,” she insisted and she turned back to her own paper. She waited a moment before she
heard the quill scratching the surface of the paper. Satisfied, Lily dove in head first into her
paper for Slughorn. Occasionally, she would steal a glimpse of Sirius and Alice's interesting
little show and twice she would casually glance at James, careful not to be caught.

“You need to quit looking at me and finish your paper,” James taunted. He was so close to her,
his arm along the back of her chair. His mouth very nearly brushed her ear and despite her desires
not to, Lily shivered. Lily rolled her eyes at him.

“I am not looking at you,” Lily said defiantly.

“Were to,” James taunted. A knowing smile plastered on his face. Lily shook her head
emphatically.

“Was not,” Lily said. For good measure, she stuck her tongue out at him. He laughed.

“Don't tempt me, Lily Evans,” James warned. He still had his smile, but there was something
else in his eyes that made Lily's heart race and her breath quicken. She held his gaze a while
longer than turned back to her paper, her cheeks ablaze.

“I wasn't trying to,” Lily whispered so quietly James almost missed it.

“I know,” James offered. He turned back to his own paper, but was careful not to catch Lily
looking at him. She had decided not to even chance it and steal a glimpse of James while she was
writing her paper.

“I'm done,” Lily said as she read over her parchment. James nodded.

“Me, too,” James said as he took hers and handed his off to her. Lily proofread his paper,
surprised not only that he actually had the concepts right, but also that it was very nearly
perfect. He had gone a way she wouldn't have with the paper, but it fell within the standards
and stipulations of Professor Slughorn.

“It's good,” Lily told him as she pushed her own into her bag. She looked at Sirius and
Alice who were still going at it rather heatedly. She blushed slightly and looked down at the
table.

“This is going to get awkward,” James said. Lily looked at him.

“What is?”

“Your best friend and my best friend hanging all over each other, making out all of the time,”
James said as he half smiled at her. Lily nodded.

“Perhaps they will come up for air and realize what their doing,” Lily offered hopefully.

“No chance, Sirius is like a disease. Once you caught it, you can never be cured,” James said.
“Looks like you and I will be spending even more time together, since your girl and my boy are
permanently attached at the mouth.”

“Great,” Lily said though she wasn't as bright sounding about the whole thing as James had
hoped. She looked at him that way, as if she could see herself being more than just the head girl
to the head boy. He could see it, why couldn't she?

“Well, maybe this weekend when you and I are in Hogsmeade together, we can discuss your next
flying lesson,” James offered lightly as he packed his written paper. Lily didn't respond and
James looked up at her. She wasn't looking at him, or at the couple who sat at their table
making sickening sucking noises as they kissed.

Lily was glaring angrily at Severus Snape who had strolled into the library. He was looking a
Lily, a little bit of dark anger was lit in his eyes as he sneered at the thought that Lily and
James were sitting together so cozily as they worked on school work. Severus hated James Potter
more than anyone could ever hate another person. Severus hated everything about James, especially
the one thing that both shared: a deep, unconditional love for sweet Lily Evans.

“So, Lily? Hogsmeade?” James asked seizing on her moment of distraction.

“What? Hogsmeade?” Lily asked as she turned back to James. She was frowning, like she hadn't
heard the original statement. James nodded.

“To discuss your next flying lesson,” James asked. Lily thought a moment, and nodded.

“I guess it is as good of a place as anywhere, I suppose,” Lily said shrugging. She stood up
from the table and slung the strap of her bag over her shoulder. “I will see you all at the table
later.”

“Where are you going?” Alice asked as she finally pulled her mouth away from Sirius' long
enough to see that Lily was leaving.

“I already told you,” Lily said exasperated. “I promised Professor Sprout I would help baby sit
the Mandrakes for a while.”

“Oh, yeah,” Alice said as she screwed her face up in displeasure. She waved her off. “Have fun
and see you later.”

“Do you want company?” James asked. Lily looked at him rather shocked.

“In the greenhouse?” Lily asked.

“No, just the walk there. I can take your bag back to the dorm afterwards so it doesn't get
dirty or eaten by a Mandrake,” James offered. Lily couldn't help but grin at him and nod.

“Sure,” Lily said. Alice pulled back again from Sirius to gawk at her friend, but went ignored
by Lily who handed her bag to James and lead the way out of the library.

Lily and James walked along the path from the school to the greenhouses in silence; occasionally
James' free hand would brush Lily's hand. She pretended she didn't notice, but it was
hard not to notice. Lily would glance over at James and he would glance back at her. It was sweet
the way they would both blush at each other as they managed to look at each other.

“Well, I am here,” Lily said as she hesitated at the door. Her even-tempered, commonsense filled
self told her just to open the door and head into the greenhouse. That didn't seem to be the
part of her in control right now, though, and she hesitated at the door.

“Yeah,” James said gruffly. He looked at Lily, their bags still in his hand. He had never, ever
felt as nervous around another person as he did right now. He nearly laughed at himself. After all,
this was Lily, the girl he had been chasing after on and off for the past seven years. He had
nothing to be worried about when it came to her. She would always keep his advances at bay.

“So, Hogsmeade this weekend, right? I guess it should be fine, I mean we are going to have to be
there anyways, watching out for the third years and everything,” Lily rambled rather nervously.
James nodded while looking at her. “Since Sirius and Alice have decided to let their bodies get the
better of them, I guess we will have no choice but hang out, if even just to protect them from
their selves. It makes sense that you and I will discuss my next flying lesson, especially if I
ever want a chance to become a world class Quidditch player, you know?”

“Huh? Yeah,” James laughed at the subtle joke she had made. She was smiling, but it wasn't
one of happiness or pleasure, it was more out of nervousness. “Hogsmeade then.”

“Well, I better get in,” Lily suggested as she was relieved that she didn't gush on anymore.
She felt the heat rise to her cheeks rather suddenly. Up until this point, she had always felt down
right entitled to be nasty to James Potter, but something had changed and she couldn't quite
put her finger on it. He wasn't so… frustrating. It did help that he hadn't asked her out
yet this year, at least on a romantic date, though the way that she was feeling right then she
might have said yes to him.

“See you later,” James said suddenly as he turned and headed away. Lily's mouth dropped
open. She wasn't sure what she had expected him to do as they stood so close to each other
outside of the green house. Perhaps a quick peck on the cheek? Lily blushed violently. What a thing
to think about James Potter!

“Stupid boy,” Lily growled as she pushed her way into the greenhouse, the door slamming behind
her. James glanced back at the greenhouse, uncertain of what she had said before entering the
greenhouse. He shrugged and headed back up to the castle with his and Lily's bags in his
hand.

-->



5. No Privacy
-------------



No Privacy

James walked around for a while, thinking, his and Lily's bags bumping into his leg from
time to time. He frowned. He had clearly heard her call him stupid. At least, he was certain that
he had. James shrugged as he pushed through the portrait hole and headed up to his dorm room. He
knew that it would be empty, and he wasn't disappointed. He looked to Peter's bed,
wondering what planet that boy had come from. The bed was unnaturally neat, sides tucked in
military style. He remembered Peter mentioning his dad was in the military or something.

“Freak,” James laughed as he tossed the two bags up on his own bed. The only time it was ever
made was when the house elves made it, so usually just once a week. James threw himself across the
bed next to the bags and looked at Lily's bag. Like his bag, hers was a standard issue Hogwarts
bag, two straps that were meant to keep the top closed but never seemed to function properly. James
rolled to his side and his fingers touched the buckles, certain that at one time or another
Lily's fingers had touched the same places.

James thought back to his walk to the greenhouse with her a smile creeping across his face. He
hadn't ever been quite that bashful as he had been when she stood at that door to the
greenhouse. He felt like there was *something* going on between them; he just wasn't
certain what it was. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought that Lily had wanted
him to kiss her. James laughed at the thought.

*`Lily would rather have been kissed by Devil's Snare than to have me kiss her,'*
James thought, though he had to admit it was his ultimate wish to kiss her. He played with the
buckles to her bag, wondering what it would be like to kiss her. She didn't seem like the kind
that got kissed a lot. Not that she wasn't pretty enough. No, in fact she was. It had more to
do with her personality. She had many names that people whispered behind her back about her, and
they all related to coldness and iciness. It was sad, because if Lily would let down her perfect
little stone wall James bet she was a lovely person to be around.

Well, he had seen it, personally on their few interactions as of lately. He smiled at the
thought of spending an entire Hogsmeade trip with her, and while it was not an official date, James
knew he would count it as one in his books. He looked down at something that had slid freely from
Lily's bag, well, two things. He picked up a little rubber ducky. It was maybe the size of a
very large grape, its yellow body faded and its little blue eyes and orange beak in stark contrast.
On a whim, he cupped the small duck in his hand, blocking out the light and saw it glowed
slightly.

“Lily plays with duckies,” James laughed aloud to no one in particular. He set the small duck
aside and touched the small bound book. It had a clasp on it and it looked rather older than any of
Lily's other books. In its clasp, a key. James glanced around to see if anyone had walked in
while he was peering at the duck. Still alone, James turned the key, releasing the clasp.

It was Lily's diary. James snapped the book shut. He couldn't, wouldn't dare, read
the most private thoughts of Lily Evans. He glared at the book as if it was calling to him. He
wouldn't do it. Her thoughts were private, they were her own. He fiddled with the small duck
while glaring at that book. He had already opened it, the damage was done. What harm could come of
reading just one little entry? He wanted at least to find out how old she was when she started it.
He couldn't imagine any harm in learning that much information.

7th, *April 197**1*

*Sev and I were at the park today, but Petty didn't come with us. She calls me disgusting
because I like spending time with him. Sure, he is poor, but we aren't exactly rolling in the
money here either, other wise we wouldn't be living in Spinner's End. Mrs. Snape is nice,
for certain, and so is Mr. Snape, but I feel like they don't really approve of my friendship
with Sev.* *Sev says not to worry, though, because in September we will go to Hogwarts and
both of us is sorted into Slytherin and we never have to be apart.* *I love him. He says it
isn't possible, because you know, we are only kids, but he is so nice to me!* *I am
certain it is love.*

*23rd, July 197**1*

*It was so hot today! Sev and I went down to the pond down in that secluded part of the park
where we normally goof off with magic and stuff. Well we both went swimming, though neither of us
had our swim suits. I am sure M**u**m wouldn't have been happy, but Sev kept his back
turned until I got into the water and it isn't* *as if* *we were being gross or
anything. Just swimming. Sev really is the best friend I have.*

*31**st**, August 197**1*

*Ok, tomorrow I leave! I am so excited. More excited than when Dumbledore told my
parents**,* *who were so relieved that it was normal.* *I don't know how I am
going to sleep tonight! Sev said he would save me a place with him on the train and I can't
believe that I am finally going. After all these years of talking about Hogwarts with Sev, it is
finally happening! I hope I get through the barrier ok! Yes!*

*1**st**, September 197**1*

*I have just met the most arrogant, pompous jerk in the world!* *He* *and his little
gang of idiots have trodden on my new shoes already and that JERK tripped me as I was going up the
steps to the train in front of everyone! I can't believe they let Neanderthals like Serious
Black (what kind of name is that anyways??) and James Potter (prat… foul mouth heathen) walk this
Earth!! Sev says not to worry. In a few hours, we will be at the* *school, we will be
Slytherins,* *and we won't have to worry about people like James (who is certain to be a
lousy Gryffindor, so says Sev).*

*3**rd**, September 197**1*

*I haven't stopped crying since the sorting. I mean, I didn't cry at first, I stayed
strong because Sev smiled and gave me the `it'll be ok' signal, but the minute I was out of
that Great Hall, I found the first bathroom I could and I cried! Hard! Like I haven't cried in
forever. I am, oh it hurts to write it, a Gryffindor! What a cruel fate. I begged that stupid hat,
but he said he knew best! Have you ever heard of such nonsense?? That stupid git James is in my
house same with that Black* *kid* *and his names is spelled stupidly, Sirius. What a load
of crock! Sev says we can still be friends, we can be the exception. I hope he is right.*

James frowned. He didn't know what he expected, but just in those first few entries he had
learned more than he had ever wanted to know about Lily's friendship with Severus Snape. She
had apparently grown up with him; they had been friends before school. James hadn't known that.
He thought to how Severus and Lily were toward each other now. James randomly flipped ahead to the
middle.

*30**th**, January 1974*

*Happy flippin' birthday to me. Grr! Only Sev remembered, naturally. Even Alice forgot,
though she promised she would never do it again (after last year). Sometimes you can't count on
friends. Sev and I walked along the snowy lake talking after classes and he kissed me, quite
properly. I have to say I wasn't expecting it, and such, but it was rather lovely. He says now
that I am 14; he thought he'd like to be the one that gave me that proper first kiss. It was
good, yes, and I am happy it was he over say, Potter who asked me three times today to go out with
him. He can't act serious for one moment, I swear!*

*Well, Sev had to head back to his common room. Malfoy doesn't like us hanging out
together, but Sev says I am worth any punishment Malfoy might dole out to him. I hope so. Sev asked
me not to tell anyone we kissed. Boys and their reputations. Stupid boys.*

James hadn't known her birthday was in January. He would have to remember it this year. It
just went to show you that every day you learned something new. He hated the thought that Severus
had been Lily's first real kiss. It angered him, though it was years before. He couldn't
help but wonder how many times Severus kissed her since that first time, and how many times had
Lily initiated the kiss. It made his blood boil just slightly. James flipped ahead looking for
another date a few months after that day. He remembered his own fourteenth birthday and he wondered
what her take was on it. He found the entry and began to read.

*27**th**, March 1974*

*It's* *HIS birthday today, and you would think he was the queen of England or
something they way they all go on about it.* *Cake, balloons,* *and such.* *I know
it is just jealousy, but I can't STAND HIM!! He thinks he is so perfect and he can't even
manage to comb his freakin' hair or anything. He makes decent grades (he was bragging again).
Sure he can fly and sure all of the girls are just* *Gaga* *over him, but not me! No way!
Never going to happen! He still asks me out like some crazy person. Either he thinks it is funny or
he is just a sad state of mind. I think it is the former. It doesn't faze him when I say no. He
is up to five times a day! You would think he would get the hint.*

*Sev and I are having a rough patch. Malfoy really disapproves of the amount of time we are
spending together**, and doesn't even know about half of it. I asked Sev about sex, which
normally I wouldn't but I trust Sev with my life. Sev says he's done* *it* *and
he asked me if I have. Of course the answer is no. I ask him, sweetly if he would be my first, I
could leave this hell party now, but Sev said no. He says maybe when I am older. What a git!
He's my age! Oh well, he says we can talk about it next school year, if I am still interested.
Pansy.*

James groaned. He didn't even want to think about what the hell Lily was thinking wanting to
be with Severus Snape in any fashion much less THAT way. James flipped ahead, dreading what the
next entry would. He knew he should stop reading now, before he read something that he couldn't
live with. James couldn't put the book away, and he couldn't put it down. This was a side
of Lily that he had never seen before. On the outside, she was this sweet, innocent, yet bossy
girl. He would have never guessed at the tender age of fourteen she was out snogging and thinking
about sex. James randomly flipped ahead and read the entry.

*2**nd**, February 1975*

*Sev finally agreed that there was no reason for him not to be my first. Tonight, we will meet
in the Astronomy tower and head down to the* *R**oom of* *R**equirement. He
says he will handle everything.*

“That can't be it!” James shouted aloud. The next page three pages were torn from the diary.
The next entry was nearly a month later. James yanked open her bag, knowing full well the three
missing pages wouldn't be there. He read the next entry (minus of course the three pages that
were missing).

*27th, March 1975*

*It is Potter's birthday again, and again everyone is hanging around him. He is as
insufferable as ever, but there is nothing I can do about it. He is up to twelve times a day, you
would think he would get tired of our little cat and mouse game. Apparently not. Exams won't be
long now. Sigh. I haven't decided what I want to do yet. I am thinking Auror, but I got wind
that Potter wants to be and Auror, and the thought of more time with Potter is just unbearable. I
guess I will do that Muggle-Wizard* *Liaison**. No one ever wants to do that, and being
Muggle born does put me at an advantage. Alice agrees. She says she is worried about me, but she
need not be. I am fine. Really.*

*30**th**, June 1975*

*Summer at last. Finally a break from everything. I am going to great Aunt Jennie's house
for the summer. I just need a break. There are just too many unanswered questions, really. Sev
tried to apologize, but I told him I didn't want to hear it. What was done is done.*

James pondered her last line. He didn't want to make assumptions, but he wondered what Lily
had meant by it. Had they? He couldn't well ask her, and he certainly wasn't friendly
enough with anyone who would know. Severus was his nemeses. James would never ask him, never in a
million years would he dare. He desired to know, but he couldn't bring himself to stoop to
sneaking information on her, of course, he was reading her diary, but she would never know about
that. Had Lily and Snape slept together? He felt sick to his stomach, so he flipped through to the
last couple of entries in the book, just to see where she left off when it came to her writing.

*1**st**, October 1977*

*What have I done? I hurt him, and this was supposed to be my year! I don't know what
changed, except of course Mum and Dad's passing.* *That was hard, and with, what did Petty
call them, `my type' swarming, I know I have finally lost all connection with my sister.*
*Mum had always loved me better and Dad always loved me more. I wondered if Sev had anything to
do with their passing. He had asked me to meet him specifically at the date and time Mum and Dad
were attacked**, and then he didn't show up**. He swears he had no idea, but with the
stuff he is into now, I am terrified. We don't speak any longer. He has become cold and cruel
to me. He has finally joined Malfoy.*

*Ah, back to* *HIM**. I can't stand the thought that my heart flutters when we
are together, when we touch, I just can accept the thought that I might actually have fallen for
him to spite myself.* *I never realized how strong he could be, nor did I even know that he
was as smart as he was. I have listened to him talk with his friends when he thought no one was
listening, and granted they are the goofiest bunch and they get into their share of trouble, I
think I might be… no I just can't say it. I am falling for him! Oh, what a travesty! What would
Alice say if she knew about this?? I just couldn't stand the look on her smug face.*

*Oh, and I wanted him to kiss me so badly that morning. We were so close and I was so tempted
to complete the distance between us. I thought that he was going to, I really did. His eyes were
closed and everything. Of course, since I had thrown up, I wouldn't have wanted to kiss me
either, but there is something there, I can feel it.*

*Then I went and broke his nose! Stupid Girl! What a bloody grand way to say I love you than
to break someone's nose. I don't know how I am ever going to get past that. I have never
seen so much blood before, and now I remember why I hate flying! The injuries that occur when I am
around a broom. Damn, stupid girl!*

“What are you reading?” A voice pulled him from his thoughts. James looked up to see Lily
standing in his bedroom. James' heart crashed into the pit of his stomach and he never wanted
to hide more than he did right then. From the lighting of the room and the angle of her view, he
knew he couldn't lie.

“Um,” James said as he held out the book to Lily. She walked over slowly; her face went from
rather sweet and playful to stony cold. She didn't take the book at once, instead she stared at
it. Her eyes left the book and looked at him.

“You read my diary?” Lily asked slowly as James locked the book closed. He still held it out to
her.

“Not *all* of it,” James admitted. He hoped that girls thought that honesty was the best
policy. She didn't respond immediately, nor did she take the book. She stood over him. He could
feel the tension building in the room, like a storm.

“But *enough* of it?” Lily asked tersely as she crossed her arms. James nodded, still
looking at her from where he was laying on bed. She was close to his feet; her thighs brushed his
shoes as she finally reached for her stuff.

“Yes,” James said as he watched her refasten her straps on her bag. She turned to leave. “Wait,
Lily, your diary!”

“Keep it, Potter,” Lily said dully as she shook her head in disgusted. “Apparently my privacy
doesn't mean anything to you.”

“Lily wait!” James called as he climbed off his bed, but Lily didn't wait. She headed down
the stairs from the boys' dorm and up the stairs to the girls' dorm. Once inside, she threw
herself across her bed and had herself a good, shame-filled cry.

James looked at her disappearance helplessly. He needed someone to tell him what to do. Seeing
Sirius and Alice now in the common room, locked in an embrace, James sprinted down the steps two at
a time. He jabbed Sirius rather roughly in the shoulder.

“I need to talk to you, now,” James said as Sirius glared up at him.

“Can't it wait?” Sirius asked, nodding toward an expectantly looking Alice. James shook his
head. “Is it something Peter and Remus can help you with?”

“I doubt it. I *really* fucked up royal,” James said as he held out the book to Sirius.
Alice's eyes went to the book and her mouth dropped.

“Please, please, *please* tell me that isn't Lily's,” Alice begged as she pulled
herself free of Sirius. She smoothed her now rumpled skirt with her palms.

“Yeah, because I am so going to run abound with a girl's diary to pour *my* heart out
into,” James said as he roughly shoved his hand through his hair. “She caught me reading it in the
dorm.”

“You read it!” Alice exclaimed as she looked at him with horror. “That is personal!”

“Don't you think I know that?” James shouted at her. Sirius shot him a warning look.

“C'mon, let her cool off and for God's sake, don't read any more, ok?” Sirius said
as he guided James back up to their dorm. “See you at dinner, Alice,” Sirius shouted over his
shoulder at her as he pushed his best friend up the stairs and into the dorm.

“What am I going to do?” James moaned as he tossed the book on his bed. Sirius crossed the room
and picked up the book.

“Does she say anything about me?” Sirius asked playfully as he flipped through the pages. James
went to snatch the book away from him.

“How could you?” Lily demanded. She was standing with Alice in the door way, Remus and Peter
standing behind them. “You were going to let him read it? I am just some joke to you, some form of
sick entertainment?”

“No, Lily, I swear,” James started. He turned back and snatched the book away from Sirius.
“Look, take it. I just read the first few entries… and like one or two in the middle, that is all.
I didn't mean to…”

“What, get caught?” Lily yelled. She was crying. “All I want is my damn duck, and then you can
have a right ol' laugh with your mates at my expense.”

“We don't want to laugh at you,” James defended helplessly.

“The duck Potter!” Lily screamed at him. “My daddy gave me that duck and I want it back
now!”

“What duck?” James asked. His mind reeled over to the tiny duck that was in his pocket. He
nodded and reached into his pocket. “This duck, right?”

“I hate you, James Potter,” Lily spat snatching the duck from his out stretched hand. “I hope
you had a great time making me think… making me believe that I… oh, you are such a prat! The great
Marauders finally got Lily Evans to crack. Take your bow, you won.”

With that, Lily turned and left, brushing roughly past Alice, Remus, and Peter. Peter remained
quiet as Remus and Alice entered the dorm room. Sirius was standing slack jawed, never having seen
such a dramatic outburst from Lily before. Sure they had all seen her annoyed before, and on a
sporadic occasion, angry, but today's out burst was much more than anger. Lily was hurt. She
felt betrayed, and each tear she shed, each anger filled word she threw was a testament to the hurt
James Potter had inflicted upon her.

-->



6. Trading Off
--------------



**A/N: Sorry it is taking so long to get these chapters out. They are a bit on the longer side,
so that is part of why it is taking so long. Thank you all for your reviews. It makes it worth
while (and I have no idea if you actually like what you are reading, otherwise).** **So… read
and review. Thanks.**

Trading Off

Alice opened the door to her dorm room rather carefully, not certain what she was expecting to
find. She had read that sometimes people became so distraught that they hung themselves in their
bedchambers. Alice hoped that this was not the case. She loved Lily and would hate to see any harm
come to her, even at her own hand. The dorm was quiet and Alice pushed her way further into the
room. Lily was sitting on a chair by her bed, buckling her dress shoes. Lily didn't look
up.

“Lily?” Alice asked quietly. Lily stood, and didn't look at her immediately. Alice looked at
her best friend, concerned.

“I don't know what I was thinking,” Lily said as tears slipped down her face. Lily wiped
them away harshly.

“James really does like you, only, he's a stupid boy,” Alice told her. Lily tried to force a
smile at Alice, but fell short of actually producing a smile.

“No, he isn't stupid,” Lily said quietly as she sized herself up in the mirror. “I am.”

“What are you talking about?” Alice asked as she watched Lily fiddle with the buttons on her
sweater. Lily didn't reply at first, just tilted her slightly, and brushed her hair out of her
face.

“I actually let myself believe that James liked me,” Lily said as heat rose to her cheeks
shamefully. “I allowed myself to be one of those girls that liked him back, despite myself.”

“You really like him?” Alice asked incredulously. Lily shot her a scathing look.

“Liked, as in past tense,” Lily said as she glanced over her shoulder. “I was stupid, really,
and I can't believe I left my diary in my bag, of all places, and God, he read it, Alice. I
knew it was in the bag when he took it, too.”

“Hmm,” Alice murmured as she watched Lily slide her sleeve up to check her watch. Alice saw the
Mandrake bite, but didn't say anything. She knew this was not the time for an
`I-told-you-so', not with the foul mood Lily was in. “Where are you going?”

“Dinner,” Lily said. She looked back at the diary that was resting so innocently on Lily's
made bed.

“You really want to go down?” Alice asked in surprise.

“I am not afraid of him,” Lily said. “Heartbroken, *maybe*, but never afraid.”

“I am sure we could order up. The house elves would have no problem with that,” Alice offered as
Lily straightened up. Lily's eyes met Alice's eyes.

“I am not making more work for the elves because someone went and read all of my deepest
secrets,” Lily said coolly as she headed toward the dorm room door. “I am embarrassed, but I am not
going to hide like a coward. My parents weren't cowards, and neither am I.”

“What are you going to do about James?” Alice said. Lily glanced over her shoulder.

“Nothing,” Lily said simply as she left Alice waiting in the dorm. Alice chased after Lily, her
eyes falling on Sirius and James as she headed down the stairs. James went to stand, but Sirius
pulled him back into the chair. Lily didn't make any motion towards them, and Alice and she
exited the portrait hole.

“Did he read the entry?” Alice asked as she caught up with Lily. Lily patted her side pocket to
her sweater.

“No,” Lily said. “Not yet. I never replaced the pages.”

“Not yet? You are going to let him read them?” Alice asked in disbelief. Lily looked at her
friend rather distastefully.

“No,” Lily said as she headed into the Great Hall. “I am, though, going to give him the
opportunity to, should he wish. He knows everything else. Why not that?”

“Lily, think about what you are doing,” Alice warned. “He might not know any of that.”

“Alice, really, you can't believe that. The way the book is damaged there, it always falls
open to that entry. I just want to push all the questions out of his head, once and for all.”

“Lily, please,” Alice said.

“Oh, and I want you to teach me to fly,” Lily said as she sat down at the table.

“But James…” Alice started.

“Alice, please,” Lily said quietly. For the first time in a few minutes, Lily looked like she
might cry again. Alice clammed up.

“Ok,” Alice said. She watched as Lily pulled the envelope with the three sheets of missing diary
entries. Alice's eye went to them, neatly folded in a paper tomb. Lily was waving her wand
slowly over them, casting a spell no one else could hear. Alice didn't even see a single muscle
in Lily's face twitch or move as she slowly cast the spell.

A single tear slipped from Lily's eyes and dotted the back flap of the envelope. Lily pulled
a pin free of her sweater and pricked her finger, squeezing a reluctant drop of blood from her
slender finger. It joined her tear drop and swirled on the edge of the flap. Lily took her wand and
pressed it hard into the envelope, sealing it much like a wax seal.

“Nearly done,” Lily whispered to the envelope as she motioned for her wand to scroll the words
`Should curiosity be too much for you'. She waved her wand over it and it disappeared from in
front of them.

“What did you do?” Alice asked in horror as she looked at the place where the envelope had been.
Lily was already piling her favorite ice box chicken on her plate. Lily looked at Alice and
smiled.

“Nothing I can't live with, now eat up,” Lily said with false brightness in her voice. She
took a big bite of the chicken. “I want to see if you can help me finally get on a broom,
tonight.”

Alice and Lily found themselves on the pitch later that evening. The sun was low enough not to
cause a glare, but not so much so that it was impractical to think that Lily and Alice
shouldn't be flying. Alice had her broom, and while not nearly as spiffy as James', it was
rightly perfect compared to the hideous school broom. Unlike when James tried to teach Lily, the
pitch was full of people. The weather was one of the few last days it was certain to remain warm
enough to make people want to be outside of the castle.

Lily saw James before he saw her, and for a fleeting moment, Lily contemplated surrendering and
running back to the castle. Lily stiffened her spine and she and Alice headed to the most deserted
end of the pitch. Alice stood holding her broom while she dictated things like form. Lily listened
but didn't see where the theory behind how to fly would really get her off the ground, and more
importantly back safely.

“What are you doing?” James asked as he and Sirius pulled to a sharp stop in midair, hovering a
few feet from the ground. The girls looked up at them, Lily neither mad nor happy to see him. Her
face was blank and expressionless.

“Isn't it obvious?” Lily replied as Alice scooted closer to Sirius, who had dipped down to
plant a kiss on Alice's lips. “Alice is teaching me to fly.”

“But I was teaching you to fly,” James said in an almost whiny sort of way. Lily made an
unpleasant face.

“No, you taught me how to summon a broom,” Lily said. She tossed the old school broom five feet
away and held out her hand. “Accio broom.”

The broom under James dropped out from under him and flew into Lily's outstretched hand.
James fell rather ungracefully from the air into a heap, unharmed but with a bruised pride. Lily
held his broom in her hand, her mouth opened in shock. She looked at the school broom that looked
no more magical than the broom Lily had at home.

“What the hell was that for?” James asked as he pulled himself off the ground. Sirius was
laughing so hard he nearly fell from his own broom. James pulled his glasses straight and walked
over to Lily. He didn't reach for his broom.

“I… I wasn't trying to summon your broom,” Lily defended as she glanced between the broom in
her hand and the one on the ground. She thrust James' broom back into his hand and focused on
the broom on the ground. “Accio broom.”

Again, James' broom tore free from him and landed hard in Lily's hand. Each time she
shoved it back into his hand, more manic than the time before, and tried to summon the broom on the
ground. Alice was getting angry. Lily couldn't face facts. She couldn't summon the school
broom to save her life, no matter how many times she tried.

“I give up!” Alice snapped as she snatched James' broom from Lily's hand and shoved it
back into James' hand. “You teach her! C'mon Sirius.”

Alice and Sirius flew off and Lily looked angry, really angry, as she stared at the traitorous
broom. James held it out to her, but Lily turned around and snapped the school broom up off the
ground. James waited patiently as Lily tried to take off, the broom neatly between her knees as she
kicked off the ground. She looked like a misguided pogo jumper and he laughed.

“What in the hell is so damn funny?” Lily asked angrily.

“You,” James said as he held his broom out to her.

“It won't work for me,” Lily snapped. “I don't trust you.”

James watched as Lily turned her back on him and headed back to the castle. She had, again,
walked away from a flying lesson without her feet ever leaving the ground. James sighed and
followed after her, but never intended to catch up with her. He knew she needed time. They would
have time to talk later, during patrol, or tomorrow in Hogsmeade. James swallowed. He wondered if
she was still going to meet him in Hogsmeade. She hadn't ever retracted, but after the events
that had transpired, he couldn't be sure.

James lost sight of Lily as she headed towards the library. Defeated, he knew he needed to give
her space and instead of following her, he headed back to his dorm room. He stood in the doorway to
his dorm as his eyes surveyed the room. It was Friday, and yet his bed was neatly made, as was the
other beds, all matching Peter's precision. He knew Peter hadn't done it. Peter didn't
dare touch Sirius's bed. James stored his broom in the broom cabinet and glanced to his bed
where an object lay on top of the spread.

James crossed the room, never removing his eyes from the familiar object. Lily's diary was
positioned on the bed, an envelope poking out of either side. The clasp was locked, but the key was
still firmly in the chamber. James hesitated, his fingers touching it. He scooped it up in his
hands and sat down on the edge of the bed. He slid his fingers between the clasp and book. Inside
the front cover, new writing had formed:

*Word upon a page or stories in a heart*

*Mean nothing between us when w**ere* *apart*

*Shattered delusions and thoughtless dreams*

*Starry night and torn seams*

*A challenge I give and a chance I take*

*More than one heart is at stake*

*So* *read, learn, tease,* *and taunt*

*Take whatever message from this you want*

*And sealed* *between blood and tears*

*The truth, nothing more, and my fears.*

“Awe, she's a poet, too,” James murmured as he opened the book to where she had shoved the
envelope. His hands trembled as he held in his hand what he knew were the missing three pages. He
couldn't see with in the opaque envelope, but he could feel that the three pages were in there.
His fingers went to the red seal on the back of the envelope and hesitated. Why now? They had just
argued about the diary.

She had said that he had invaded her privacy, and now she was offering it up for him to read and
devour however he wanted to. There had to be a catch. Lily was a smart girl, and she wouldn't
open herself to such fragility and trust. There was always a catch. Though tempted, James placed
the envelope back into the diary and instead settled back in his bed to read it cover to cover,
like a deep, sordid novel.

He came to the last entry long after he his friends had come up. It was a new entry, written
that very afternoon, shortly after James had been discovered with her book. He hesitated once again
before reading it word for word.

*14**th**, October 1977*

*Tomorrow, I will be in Hogsmeade with the third years, but I will not be alone. Sirius and
Alice have taken to each other, and I must be supportive, though I know that when Alice spends
Christmas with Frank, Sirius and she will be finished. James has compromised this diary, so this
will be my last entry. Perhaps, one day when I look back at this I will be able to laugh at*
*the* *sad and sorry state I am in. Until then, may James keep you safe.*

James closed the diary and placed it with the envelope deep within his trunk. He dressed in
fresh clothes for his patrol with Lily. He stood in the mirror and tried to flatten his hair as
best he could. He wanted to make it up to Lily, but he just didn't know how. It was as if a
lightening bolt had hit him when he realized that he had the power all along to make her understand
that he was serious about her and he really cared. He dove in head first to his trunk and pulled
free the diary.

James made his way down the stairs and stood in the portrait hole, waiting for Lily. He wanted
to talk to her about something, to make a proposal of sorts. Remus came up beside him, not noticing
that James store the diary in his pocket. James looked at him expectantly.

“Lily asked me to come,” Remus said in passing. “She's in the hospital now. Apparently she
is allergic to Mandrake saliva and she broke out in a rash. I am her replacement.”

“Great,” James forced a smile and the two headed to do their patrolling. James was disappointed.
He wanted to propose a trade with Lily, but with her laid up fighting Mandrake Rash; he didn't
want to push things. He knew he wouldn't be allowed at this hour to stroll into the hospital
wing to talk to her.

Lily was back at breakfast the next morning, none the worse the wear for someone who supposedly
had Mandrake Rash. James doubted that she had a rash, but he knew it wouldn't help his cause to
accuse her of avoiding him. James had wanted to talk to her, but she just seemed unapproachable and
unavailable. He knew she would have to make time for him in Hogsmeade. She couldn't possibly
avoid him forever. He watched her follow after the third years that were bundles of nervous energy,
wrapped in sweatshirts at the cool October air.

“She looks pretty today,” Remus mentioned as he, Peter, and Sirius fell into step with James.
James agreed. Lily had opted to wear muggle clothes instead of her witch's robes. She wore low
riding jeans, the hip-hugging kind that made her rear look as perfect as ever. Her jacket was bulky
and her stocking hat hid her hair. James had yet to see her face as she had walked along with Alice
in front of James and the Marauders. Alice had glanced back and waved at Sirius.

“You know, she has a boyfriend,” James grunted as Sirius waved back playfully.

“So,” Sirius replied as he picked up his pace. He laughed at James and ran to catch up with
Alice. James continued on the path, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his cloak, his fingers
fiddling with the metal clasp of the diary.

“Just go talk to her,” Remus encouraged nudging James with his shoulder as James sulked slightly
at a joyful Sirius. Sirius looked over his shoulder at them and motioned for James to catch up.

“Let's go to Zonko's,” Peter suggest as he and Remus fell back from James. James
suddenly found himself alone, several yards back from Lily, Alice, and Sirius. James shook his head
and jogged to catch up.

The four stood in the clearing just before the fence for the Shrieking Shack. Alice and Sirius
wandered away, leaving Lily and James standing alone in silence. James looked at Lily, wondering
what she was thinking about. He knew it wasn't a manly thing to think or care what the girl
thought about, but he found himself wondering, none the less. She was gazing at the small, decrepit
shack, eyebrows knitted in deep concentration, and she was biting her lip slightly. Whatever she
was thinking, it was deep. James could be certain of that.

James' finger's touched the cold metal of the diary and he pulled it from his pocket and
held it out to Lily without a word. She slowly drew her gaze from the shack and looked down to
where James had procured the diary for her taking. She didn't move to take it, just huddled
deeper in her coat.

“Can't handle the temptation, James?” Lily asked as she looked back over the frosty
landscape. There was still no snow.

“I don't want to read them,” James said. Lily nodded and still did not move to take the
book. James stood there, holding the book patiently. He was determined to show her that he was
serious.

“I don't think you have really suffered enough,” Lily said quietly as she brought her hands
to her face, blowing hot air into her cupped hands.

“No, probably not,” James agreed. He wouldn't fight her on this. She couldn't fight with
him if he refused to fight back. “It was wrong of me to read it in the first place.”

“Yeah, it was,” Lily agreed. James wanted to smile at her as she continued to breathe into her
hands, trying to warm them. Any other girl and he would have suggested obscene places for her to
warm her hands.

“I want to propose a trade of sorts,” James told her. Lily looked at him, slightly
interested.

“This has to be good,” Lily murmured.

“Shall we continue this at the Hogs Head?” James recommended as he stored the diary back in his
cloak pocket and offered her his arm.

“We're not allowed there,” Lily retorted as she took his arm anyways.

“I know the bar keep, and anyways, it is freezing out here,” James said as he began to lead them
away from the clearing.

Unlike the Three Broom Sticks, the Hog's Head was darker, dingier, and smelled a little like
a barn. Lily wrinkled her nose up as they entered the old, worn door. The bar keep, an older man
who was a little hunched and rather stocky glanced up from where he was cleaning a cup with what
looked like a rather dirty rag. James removed his cloak and hung it up before turning to Lily. She
unzipped her muggle jacket and handed it to James with her wooly stocking cap. She watched him hang
it next to his jacket and then remove the diary.

The two sat across from each other at a rather small table towards the back. The only light that
seemed to be present was cast by the low-lit candles and lamps dotting here and there. Lily looked
at James expectantly, but he remained silent as the bar keep brought them both warm butter beer.
Lily was thankful and drank. It began to warm her almost instantly, and her cheeks pinked slightly
at the warmth.

“You had a proposal for me James?” Lily inquired once they had begun to warm in the sheltered
protection of the Hog's Head.

“Yup, and I want you to listen to me carefully and not interrupt until I am finished. Then I
want you to think about it before you make a choice, ok?” James rambled nervously. Lily bit her lip
and then grinned, having never seen him quite so unnerved before. She nodded.

“Alright, James, I'll listen,” Lily said nodding as she settled back against the seat rather
relaxed in contrast to James' rather nervous demeanor. A smile played on her lips as he wet his
own lips

“I want you to come home and spend the Christmas Holiday with me,” James said quickly. He looked
at her, expecting some sort of reaction from her. Her smile faded slightly, but she hadn't flat
out turned him down. Not yet. She raised an eye brow at him and looked at him rather expectantly.
She had promised she would let him say his piece and then she would get a chance to say.

“I want to trade you this,” James said tapping the diary with his finger. “I will give this to
you now, the envelope unread, to have you come and stay with me.”

“No,” Lily said once she sensed that he was done talking. James' face fell. He knew she
would say no, but she hadn't even taken the time to consider it.

“You can't honestly want to stay here all break alone,” James reasoned. Lily smiled and
shook her head.

“You got your turn, now it is mine,” Lily said as a slick smile crossed her face. She pushed the
diary back towards him. “You haven't been properly tempted by the call of the book. One day is
not long enough to have you suffer the temptation of the final pieces of the diary.”

“But…” James interjected, just to have Lily's raised hand halt him.

“I have a proposal of my own, James,” Lily said as she raised her voice just an octave louder
than his own. “I will stay with you for the entire Christmas Holiday, and with thrill and joy, but
you have to hang on to the diary for now and you have to give me something.”

“Anything,” James said a little too eagerly. Lily raised an eyebrow at him but didn't
respond to his eagerness.

“It isn't tangible, but without it, there is no deal,” Lily warned. James nodded. “You can
never ask me out again.”

“Never?” James asked as he contemplated. Being that his ultimate goal was to win her heart and
make her his girlfriend, not being able to ask her out really put a damper on his plans.

“Never,” Lily said smirking as she crossed her arms and leaned back. “Not in joking, not in
passing. You can not come up to me and ask me out, you can't shout it as you chase after me,
you can't write it in the stars, nothing.”

“I never wrote it in the stars,” James reminded her, laughing. Lily laughed at him, shaking her
head in agreement.

“So, do we have a deal?” Lily asked.

“And if I manage to hold on to the diary with the envelope intact and never ask you out again,
you will willingly spend the entire Christmas Holiday with me, at my house?” James asked,
clarifying. Lily nodded.

“I promise,” Lily said crossing her heart with her fingers.

“We have a deal,” James said as he extended his hand over her diary. Lily shook it firmly and
with drew her hand.

“Good, now let's see if you can follow through with this,” Lily murmured though she was
smiling at him.

“You never know, Lily,” James teased. “By the end of this, you might be chasing after me, asking
me out.”

“I highly doubt it,” Lily laughed as the two gathered their gear and readied to brave the cold
to find Sirius and Alice.

“Maybe a kiss to seal the deal?” James teased. Lily pushed him out into the cold laughing.

“You are too much, Potter,” Lily laughed as she shut the door to the Hog's Head. “Now,
let's find Sirius and Alice and get back up to the castle before we all freeze to death.”

-->



7. James' Kiss
--------------



James' Kiss

“So, James, when do think that you will have time for my next lesson?” Lily whispered to him
while they sat in the library. It had been a week or two since James and Lily had come to their
unusual and widely speculated agreement. They were currently sitting side by side in the library,
working on one of their many assignments. Sirius and Alice had joined them, but only to spend time
rather publicly snogging. James glanced over at her, his quill hovering above the parchment on
which he had been writing an essay.

“Um, well, we can skip the Hogsmeade trip on Saturday,” James whispered back as he looked at the
librarian stalking among the book. Lily was looking at her, as well and threw an empty gum wrapper
at Sirius and Alice. The two parted just as the hag passed within sight of their table. To her, it
looked like they were all working diligently on school work.

“All clear,” Lily murmured, sending Alice crashing back into Sirius' arms with such force
that Lily wondered how they managed to keep their relationship so innocent. Lily turned to James.
“I can't skip Hogsmeade. It is the last one before the Halloween Feast and I promised Professor
McGonagall that I would escort the third years.”

“Right, the feast,” James said thoughtfully as he scratched his forehead with the feather end of
the quill. He glanced at his watch and then snapped his stuff back into his bag. “Let's go now.
I bet the pitch will be empty”

“James, really,” Lily laughed as James swept her belongings into her bag. Lily didn't
protest further and the two left without another word. Their departure went wholly unnoticed by
Sirius and Alice.

James and Lily stood alone on the pitch, his broom in his hand. Their bags were tossed to the
side. Lily had her jacket pulled around her tightly; her skirt lashed at her knees as they stood in
the vortex of what seemed to be a rather windy, blustery October day. James had been right. In this
weather, no sane person would be caught outside, or on the pitch. The wind alone threatened snow,
and the icy blasts froze breath on contact.

“This is suicide,” Lily exclaimed as James held the broom out to her. She took it reluctantly.
“I didn't realize it would be this windy.”

“No better time to learn how to fly really well,” James said as he stood next to her. Lily
shrugged and placed the broom on the ground a few feet from her. She walked back to her point of
origination and glanced over at James. She didn't care that he was staring at her so
intently.

“Accio Broom,” Lily murmured softly, coaxing the broom into her outstretched hand. The broom
jumped off the frozen terra firma and into her hand, fighting the wind that seemed determined to
throw it off course.

“Good, you are a pro at summoning brooms,” James said. He was careful to stay far enough back
incase she decided to spin around again with the broom in her hand.

“Correction, I am a pro at summoning *your* broom. No other broom listens or comes to me,”
Lily said as she held the broom. Without the threat or worry of James asking her out, Lily found
herself actually enjoying and relaxing in James' company. They even shared playful banter and a
few good laughs. For the first time since they met, the two of them were getting along
brilliantly.

“I guess my broom just really has taken to you,” James said grinning. Lily laughed and nodded in
agreement.

“Perhaps it hopes that one day I will summon it in the middle of the night and fly off to some
unknown island with it,” Lily teased as she held the broom in her hand. It seemed to hum at her
words, as if it really understood what she was saying.

“Brooms can have dreams,” James said grinning as he walked closer to Lily. He was an arms reach
of her. “Ok, let see if we can get you flying.”

James dictated to her proper stance with the broom and Lily tried not to over think the fact
that she was wearing a skirt and had James' broom between her knees. He touched her hands,
adjusting her grip. Finally satisfied at her stance, he told her to kick up off the ground and
hover just a few feet. Lily, eyes closed, did as he said. She waited, not feeling a change.

“Did I do it?” Lily asked with her eyes tightly closed.

“Open you eyes, Lily,” James called. “You can't fly properly with your eyes closed.”

Lily opened her eyes to find that she was a good ten feet off the ground. She leaned forward and
she flew. She laughed as she did some circles in the air. She was finally flying. She touched down
on the ground near James, careful not to crash his broom. Lily was thrilled, and even more excited
that James looked at her with such over whelming pride. She ran at him, broom in her hand, tossing
it aside as she threw herself into his arms.

James felt like he couldn't breathe, the way his chest contracted sharply as Lily's arms
encircled him. She was screeching something he didn't understand, the words lost on the wind
but the excitement was infectious and understandable. Lily had flown.

“I am so proud of you!” James cheered as Lily drew back a little bit. She was crying a bit,
thrilled that she had finally accomplished something that had eluded her all these years.

“Thank you so much for teaching me,” Lily said as she remained in his arms. “I can fly!” She was
practically bouncing on her two feet in excitement.

“You did all of the work,” James said. He would have said more but Lily, for some unknown
reason, had decided that she would press her mouth against his.

Where as before, when Lily was hugging him he felt like his chest was contracting sharply, all
from a hug, the kiss was much more intense. It was a chaste kiss, but to James it felt as if
someone had kicked the wind out of him. He couldn't believe she was kissing him. He was so
tempted, his mouth aching to open and encourage her to explore the joys of proper kissing. He
flushed as he felt parts of his body begin to betray him.

“Wow,” James said as he pulled away, breaking the kiss. He grinned at her, trying to keep the
mood light. “I guess I am a good teacher. I hope you don't do that to all of your teachers. I
imagine Professor Slughorn wouldn't mind, but it doesn't seem like something Professor
McGonagall would appreciate.”

James had meant it as a joke, something to lighten the air between them but Lily was biting her
bottom lip frowning. James turned his back to her and bent down to pick up the broom, hoping to let
the awkward moment pass. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but he wouldn't let a single
kiss ruin his chance of spending an entire Christmas Holiday with him. He mounted the broom.

“Let me take you for a ride,” James said. He watched her still frowning, but not looking at him.
He tipped her chin back to make Lily look at him. “Hey, it's alright, ok?”

“Yeah,” Lily said quietly. She didn't make a move to join him on the broom.

“Trust me, Lily,” James murmured as he jerked his head toward the back of the broom. Lily
hesitated, but then joined him on the broom. She naturally wrapped her arms around James'
waist, her fingers digging into his sides.

“Don't go too high,” Lily warned. James nodded and his hands went to her hands.

“You have to loosen your grip a little otherwise I might pass out,” James said as he pried her
fingers from his sides. She loosened her grip slightly. James could feel her body against his back,
pressing into him with each breath, and for a moment he thought that this was more problematic than
her kissing him.

James took off from the ground, Lily's grip tightening on him but not so much that it was
uncomfortable. He grinned to himself as she tucked her face against his broad back. They were maybe
forty or fifty feet up off the ground, and despite the gusting winds, James held the broom
steady.

“Are your eyes closed?” James inquired as he looked out at the sight.

“N-n-no,” Lily lied with her eyes firmly clenched shut.

“Open your eyes, Lily,” James coaxed as his hand slid into one of hers. The wind whipped at
them, and ever so hesitantly Lily opened her eyes. Spread before her was Hogwarts as she had never
seen it before. It sparkled with the frost of the late October day, the lake choppy with the wind,
swirling of chunks of white ice among the mossy green water. The forbidden forest devoid of leaves
on most of its trees, the skeleton of branches tickling the other trees as the wind twisted and
tormented them.

The castle, with its magnificent landscape brought a sense of familiarity, warmth, and longing
to Lily. She had no home except for Hogwarts now, and even her home seemed different. She felt like
she had lost so much this past summer, and that no one understood. Severus had been downright cruel
to her after her parent's death. He told her without batting an eye that he no longer loved
her, and that he didn't want to be with her. Her parents death had made him realize that dating
a Mudblood, even casually, could be hazardous to one's health. Especially when the death of her
parents was rumored to be the work of Death Eaters, and Snape's rumored involvement with the
Death Eaters. Lily fought and lost against a sob.

“Ok, shh…we'll go back down,” James said as he began to head to the Quidditch pitch.

“Its n-not that,” Lily sobbed as she buried her face against his back. He landed gently and Lily
pulled free of her death grip on James.

“You are thinking about your parents,” James said quietly. Lily looked at him in surprise. She
hadn't written anything about her parents in her diary, not about their death. She hadn't
been strong enough yet to think back or to dissection those emotions that lay so fresh and new,
despite the few months that had already passed.

“Who told you?” Lily asked as she failed to meet his eyes. Tears were streaming down her face,
practically freezing where they lay. She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, eager to erase
the proof that she wasn't as put together as she liked to pretend to be. James pulled her
against him, holding her firmly in his arms. She tucked her face against his shoulder, as if it was
the most natural thing she could do. He stroked her hair.

“It doesn't matter who told me,” James told her softly in her ear. “I am your friend, Lily,
and you can trust me. I will do everything in my power to protect you from anything and everything
I can.”

“James,” Lily protested as she started to pull back. They were treading on dangerous ground and
Lily knew she needed to put a little distance between them.

“I am not breaking our deal,” James informed her softly as his mouth brushed her cheek. Lily
could feel her heart racing in her chest, her stomach fluttered quite pleasurably.

“James,” Lily warned weakly. James' lips brushed her own softly, more gentle than even a
sweet spring breeze. She could feel her resolve against him weakening by the second. She tried to
draw away again, but found herself pressing in to him. She tilted her head back slightly to get a
better look at him. She was biting her lip slightly in anticipation.

For the second time in less than an hour, James found himself pulling free of Lily despite his
deepest desires. He knew she would probably allow him to kiss her, but James didn't want to
take the risk of what Lily would say or feel when the kiss was over with or a faded memory. He knew
that he needed to take things slowly with her, or risk driving her away. He had already waited so
long, and he could wait a while long, no matter how his body protested.

“Is something wrong?” Lily asked frowning as she wrapped her arms around her body in a
self-induced hug.

“I really like you Lily,” James confessed quietly. “You aren't stupid, you know it, too. And
while I don't think you are purposefully trying to trap me into doing something to break our
agreement, I do think if I continue, I will do something stupid. So, I am just going to go to
dinner. Do you want to walk with me?”

“I think I will just sit out here for a few minutes,” Lily said shooing him off as she sat down
on the cold wooden bench. James nodded and hurried away, his broom in his hand. He needed to get
away from her before he *did* do something stupid.

James and Sirius were sitting in the common room later that evening before James had to go on
Head-boy patrol with Lily. While not reading the missing pages of the journal was no big deal,
James found it getting increasingly more difficult to keep his head when he was with Lily. James
sat in the chair across from Sirius with his head in his hands.

“Why don't you just ask her out,” Sirius said quietly as he looked at his best friend. James
shook his head.

“If I risk it and she says no to me, then I won't get to spend Christmas with her,” James
said quietly. He glanced up at the room where there were still quite a few students milling around
as it crept closer to bedtime.

“The way you tell it though, she won't say no to you. She seems like she is finally falling
for you,” Sirius advised him. James shrugged.

“Don't rightly know,” James said as he arched his back slightly and sat back. He glanced at
the wall clock. He would have to go and meet her soon.

“Everyone knows that it is tradition that the head boy and the head girl end up together. It has
been like that every year except for a few rare instances where the head boy was from Slytherin.”
Sirius said as he sat back to look at James. “But they always did when the both were from
Gryffindor.”

“I know, I know,” James moaned slightly as he stood up and stretched. “I am going to head out
now.”

“Maybe you should just probe around and see what happens,” Sirius said devilishly. James shook
his head, laughing.

“We can't all just fall in love and have flings,” James said as he began to walk away.

“It's not love,” Sirius reminded him as James disappeared through the portrait hole.

Lily was early, as always, and waiting. She had her back to James as she studied a portrait of
Madame Svetlana, a well known seer that Lily had been studying in Divination. James watched her for
a moment, absorbing how elegant she was even in jeans and a sweatshirt. She had her hand on her hip
as the gypsy in the picture seemed to be reading Lily's tarot cards.

“You know, I don't believe,” Lily told the portrait. The woman cackled.

“You needn't believe,” Madame Svetlana crooned as she tapped the deck of cards in her hand.
“It's all here, and whether you believe or not, it is the way it is. Death haunts you child, it
stalks you. Everyone you care about dies because you care…”

“That's quite enough!” James shouted at the portrait. He had come to Lily's side,
wrapping his arm around her shoulder protectively.

“Ah… the hero,” murmured the seer as she checked her cards. James grabbed the edge of the frame
and gave it a swift shaking, much as one would do to an Etch-a-sketch. The seer was shaken from her
frame and into the frame of another portrait.

“Well, did you see that coming?” Lily snapped at the gypsy and the two of them walked away. The
seer laughed and glanced at the cards.

“Ah, the doomed lovers,” she whispered with her eyes bright with tears. “The hero, the womb, the
serpent, the sword, it is all here in the cards.”

“You didn't need to shake her frame,” Lily chastised lightly as they continued to walk the
corridors. James hadn't moved his arm from her shoulder, and while it had not gone unnoticed,
Lily hadn't made a motion to have him move it either.

“I hate that crap,” James said simply as they walked. Lily tapped the tapestry with her wand,
sending two fifth year Hufflepuffs running for their dormitories.

“I am not a fan, either,” Lily said as they continued down the corridors.

“Aren't you taking advanced Divination?” James asked with a raised eyebrow. Lily nodded and
laughed, leaning against him a little.

“Yeah, it is my slacker class,” Lily said with a smirk. “I know I seem all prim and proper, like
Suzy-Schoolgirl but I do goof off and slack off as well as the Marauders.”

“I highly doubt that,” James challenged. He wasn't smiling, just walking. He was fighting
demons inside of him. Half wanted him to pin her to the floor and show her just how a Marauder
takes care of a woman, while the other half were telling him to put some distance between him and
Lily before he did something stupid. Lily glanced at him a little uneasy and made the choice for
him, ducking out from under his arm.

“I will check these restrooms,” Lily tossed over her shoulder as she headed into the girl's
lavatory. James checked the boys quickly while Lily walked around the girls. She stopped in front
of the enchanted mirror.

“What are you doing?” She asked herself. The mirror shrugged and smiled. It didn't say
anything, just gave her the thumbs-up. Lily groaned and exited the lavatory.

The two of them walked side by side in awkward silence while they continued to make their
rounds. Occasionally the silence was broken by the greetings of one of the prefects, but other than
that, there was a calm silence that usually engulfed the school at this hour. Lily was tapping her
wand against her hand, almost as a rider would tap a crop against her hand.

“So, do you think that you will go to Hogsmeade?” Lily asked as they walked. James shrugged.

“Its getting too cold, you know, to be trudging to Hogsmeade,” James replied. He sounded a
little tired and a little annoyed.

“Hmm. Couldn't you just use your map to take a secret passage?” Lily asked as she looked
inside a coat of arms. James' mouth fell open in shock and Lily threw him a dazzling smile over
her shoulder.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” James lied quickly. Lily grinned and shrugged.

“It's none of my business,” Lily said as she slipped her hand into his. He tensed up at her
touch out of fear of what being in contact with her body would do to him.

“No, it isn't,” James agreed as he pulled his hand free. He looked at her a moment, sorry he
had replied in such a rude way. She looked a little hurt by his words and actions.

“Well, I think we are done here,” Lily forced brightly. “I am tired, so I am going to head to
bed. You want to walk me back?”

“Sure,” James sighed. He didn't sound like he really wanted to and he knew he was coming off
like a jerk.

“So, when do you think I will be ready for Quidditch?” Lily asked as she tried to break down the
wall James seemed hell bent on putting up between them.

“What?” James asked incredulously. “You just learned to fly.”

“I was joking,” Lily said as the amusement slipped from her voice. “What is up with you
tonight?”

“I am just tired,” James lied. Lily pursed her lips in doubt but said nothing more. The two
walked back the rest of the way in silence and didn't even exchange courtesies before heading
off to their separate dormitories. Lily had lain in her bed a long time, wondering what was wrong
with James. Just when things were looking good between them, James shut her out.

-->



8. The House of Potter
----------------------



The House of Potter

Between the Halloween Feast and exams, Lily didn't have time to dwell on what was bothering
James Potter. End of term exams had nearly ended Lily's last thread of sanity and after three
nights of no sleep and extreme testing, Lily found herself so grateful that she was getting a
break. She sat on the train back to London, alone for the moment, surprised that James had actually
managed to keep up his end of the bargain. The envelope had not been breeched and James certainly
hadn't asked her out. In all honesty, James hadn't spent much time with her since the day
she learned to fly.

Lily had tried to get him to spend time with her alone; it just never worked out for Lily. He
was always so busy, be it Quidditch practice or matches, of which Lily was there cheering with the
other Gryffindors. He was missing patrol for the full moon and for Remus, though he would never
admit that was the reason. Lily had figured that one out on her own, and had overheard the
Marauders talking about being anamagi. She wasn't stupid, no. Even now, they were heading to
London to spend three long Christmas Holiday weeks together but they weren't together. James
was hanging out with Sirius and Remus, Peter having remained back at Hogwarts.

“Why doesn't he want to spend time with me?” Lily whined quietly to Alice who was caught up
in her own drama. Frank would be waiting for her when the train arrived and Alice still hadn't
cut Sirius off from their fling. She worried about what Frank would say if he found out what Alice
had been doing at Hogwarts behind his back.

“Maybe because you kept pulling him close then pushing him away,” Alice mumbled as she flipped
angrily through her Witches Weekly. “Guys like a chase, but they don't want to be toyed
with.”

Lily fell silent and wondered if she had gone about things wrong way. She dozed off after a
while, the quiet rocking, and humming of the train as it rushed toward London. Lily didn't
often dream, but this was one of those unfortunate dreams that haunted her. Though she had not been
there, she imagined a cloaked man entering her parents' house and with a voice that sounded
suspiciously like Severus' voice, her parents were slain. Lily jerked awake to find Alice,
Sirius, and James standing in the compartment looking at her with concern.

“Are you ok?” James asked as he put his hand on her shoulder. Lily brushed him off.

“I am fine, just nodded off,” Lily said as she joined them standing. The train had stopped, as
it had arrived in London. One by one, they exited the compartment and the train. Alice and Lily
embraced for a long time on the platform before Lily left with Sirius and James and Alice left to
find Frank.

“Are you nervous?” James asked as he noticed Lily fidgeting with her wand. The Potter family
house elves had already retrieved the luggage the three had brought home for Christmas holiday.

“A little,” Lily admitted. “To be honest, I haven't been in a fully magical household
before, certainly not on a long term basis.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Potter are great. You are going to love them,” Sirius assured Lily as the three
headed through the barrier and to the muggle part of the station.

“I told my parents about your parents,” James told her quietly as the three made their way to
the outside.

“It's not a secret,” Lily said flatly. Sirius glanced at them uncertainly. At this rate, the
two would hate each other by the end of the holiday.

“Where in the world is the driver?” James asked after ten minutes of tapping his foot on the
front pavement.

“I do have my car here,” Lily offered as she gestured generically at the parking lot. “I had to
drive myself here when it was time for me to return to school.”

“You drive?” James asked forgetting that he was trying to be distant and aloof.

“Yes, don't you?” Lily asked as she sized him up.

“No, none of us learned how to drive muggle transportation,” James said. Lily grinned, ecstatic
that she knew how to do something he didn't know how to do. “I do ride motorcycles with Sirius,
though, and that is pretty fun.”

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed nodding.

“That is more like riding a big, clumsy broom, though,” James said as the three headed toward
the parking lot.

“Now, my car isn't much. My sister got the good car when my parents died,” Lily said as the
headed toward a little silver car.

“A car is a car,” Sirius offered. He looked up at the sky. “Do you think it will snow?”

“I hope so,” Lily murmured as she looked up as well. A car came tearing around the bend and
James jerked them both back, the three falling backwards into an icy water puddle.

“Jerk!” Lily screamed at the other driver. She pulled herself up off the ground and reached out
to help both James and Sirius up.

“I got it,” James mumbled as he ignored her hand. Lily frowned and pulled her hand back slowly.
Sirius dried himself off with his wand and the others followed suit. Lily unlocked the silver car
and climbed into the driver's seat. James took the passenger seat and Sirius squeezed into the
back.

“You are going to have to give me directions,” Lily told him as she pulled the car out into
traffic and started driving. While Lily was a sweet person most of the time, she had real anger
issues when she was behind the wheel, James decided. Lily was constantly yelling at or cursing at
other drivers.

“Jeeze, Lily, you swear more than a sailor,” Sirius piped up from the back seat. Lily shot him a
scathing look in the mirror.

“Driving here is stressful,” Lily countered as she finally pulled into the drive way of Potter
Estates. Lily couldn't help but gasp at the house. It was lovely and huge. It was covered in
evergreen moss and winter roses. Lily about jumped out of the car once it stopped. There was so
much to take in at once, she felt a little overwhelmed.

Mrs. and Mr. Potter were waiting at the door to welcome their only son home for the Christmas
Holiday. James stepped into his parents' warm and loving embrace, receiving kisses from both of
them before he was released and the same was repeated on Sirius, who seemed to blush at the
attention. Never having had a loving or proper family, Sirius had come to cherish the Potters as
his own.

“Mom, Dad, this is Lily Evans. I am sure I must have mentioned her,” James said quietly as he
introduced them. “Lily, these are my parents.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Potter, thank you for allowing me into your home,” Lily said politely as she
curtsied slightly. Sirius snickered causing Lily to shoot a glare in his direction. Mrs. Potter
smiled and pulled her into an embrace that was added to by Mr. Potter. They both hugged her firmly
and kissed her cheeks.

“Lily, please. Call us Ryan and Beth,” Mrs. Potter said as she released Lily enough to get a
good look at her. “Jamie, why didn't you tell us that Lily was such a pretty girl?”

“Jamie talked of you all these years and never did he mention your beauty,” Mr. Potter added.
Lily, blushed, glanced over at James with a skeptically raised eyebrow but James refused to meet
her gaze; his face beet red with embarrassment. Sirius laughed.

“Thank you,” Lily said as James' parents reluctantly released her. Mrs. Potter looked at her
son.

“Jamie, Sirius is bunking up with you and Lily's sleeping in your room, Sirius,” Mrs. Potter
told them. She waved her hand at the grand staircase there in the receiving room. “Why don't
you show Lily where she will be staying, and Lily, you and I must go shopping in the next couple of
days for a dress for the Christmas Ball. All of the Potters attend, and like Sirius, you are now
considered family.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Potter, I mean Beth,” Lily said blushing.

“It is my honor, really, Lily,” Mrs. Potter said smiling. She turned to her son who now looked
terribly uncomfortable. “Go on, Jamie; show Lily where she will be calling home.”

James was silent the entire time he lead Lily and Sirius up the stairs. Sirius was shaking
silently with laughter, tears running down his face. The minute they were out of earshot of
James' parents, Sirius roared with laughter. Lily smiled, amused, but didn't know what
Sirius had found so funny.

“Your mom and dad still call you Jamie, and in front of Lily, no less. That is too damn funny,”
Sirius cried laughing. James was embarrassed by his parents' loving term for him.

“God, I know,” James groaned. “I have told them time and time again not to call me Jamie.”

“It's not so bad,” Lily said absent-mindedly as she looked at the various things that
decorated the Potter Estates. “It's sweet, actually. All parents have endearing names for their
children.”

“Did your parents?” James asked curiously as they continued down the hall. She glanced up at him
and nodded once before returning her attention to a portrait of James when he was a baby. He looked
very much like he did at seventeen, wild brown hair, and intensely mischievous eyes.

“Well?” Sirius prodded curiously. Lily looked at him and scrunched up her nose.

“Uh-uh, I am not telling,” Lily laughed. “It is mortifying.”

“Come on!” James begged as he gave her an intensely sweet look. Lily rolled her eyes.

“My dad was an avid duck hunter, even when I was a baby. When I was like almost one, my first
word was, oh god, I can't believe I am telling you this, ugh… my first word was `Quack',
you know, the sound a duck makes,” Lily said blushing slightly. “My dad called me Ducky and it kind
of stuck.”

“It explains the little rubber duck,” James said quickly as he turned his head away from her.
Lily rolled her eyes.

“I know you are laughing, so you might as well as let me enjoy seeing the pleasure of my
humiliation on your face,” Lily offered. James shook his head, and signaled that he just needed a
minute. Sirius hid his laughter from no one.

“Anyways,” James said loudly as he continued down the hall. “This is your room.”

Lily stood in the doorway of a large room with a big, beautiful bed. The room was the size of
the entire dorm room back at Hogwarts. Lily couldn't believe the furniture that was provided,
and she was mesmerized by the television with the player to watch movies on, complete with
everything she could ever hope to watch. James watched with warm pleasure at Lily exclamation of
the different benefits her room had. She peeked into the bathroom to see the large bathroom with
garden tub.

“The room was never this nice when I stayed in it,” Sirius teased.

“Mom doesn't trust you with nice furniture,” James said guardedly. Sirius nodded, thinking
of how much he used to like to chew those first two years after he became an anamagi. “Through this
door, though, is our room.”

“We share a bathroom?” Lily asked as she made a mental note. She knew she would need to remember
that should she want privacy when she showered.

“Yup, and the locks don't work right, so I recommend knocking or something,” James rambled.
“We can figure it out later.”

“What is that?” Lily asked as James tried to hurry up and close the bedroom door. James held the
door as she tried to push through. James would not relent.

“It's nothing,” James replied.

“No, it's not,” Sirius laughed as he pushed through James. Lily walked to his bedside table
and picked up a framed picture. It was of the two of them that first year, accidentally in the same
picture. Lily looked at James before she sat down on his bed and studied the picture. It was taken
just moments before the two of them boarded the train, right before James tripped her. In the old
picture, James was looking at Lily with love struck eyes.

“Why did you trip me that first day?” Lily asked as she looked at James.

“Dude, that was so my fault,” Sirius piped up. “I told James to rush ahead and hold the door
open for you, but…”

“My feet got into the way and I tripped you,” James said as he looked at her. She bit her bottom
lip as she looked back at the picture.

“Before Christmas Holiday is over, you and I should take an actual picture of us together,” Lily
suggested as she placed the frame picture back down on the dresser. She stood and stretched. “Do
you mind if I go lay down for a little while?”

“Do you want us to join you?” Sirius offered wiggling his eyebrows at her. Lily laughed.

“Nah, I think I should be able to make it fine,” Lily said smiling. She patted James' right
cheek and kissed the left one lightly as she passed him. She closed the door between her room and
their shared bathroom, blocking out the sounds of Sirius and James' room.

“She so likes you!” Sirius cried out laughing.

“Shh!” James hissed as he shut their door.

“Well, she does,” Sirius said as he threw himself onto the bed, his arm tucked behind his head.
“I think that things are looking up for you, man. You proved to her that you weren't willing to
risk loosing her to read those three pages, which I am sure are just so full of deeds she and
Severus did.”

“Man, gross. I don't want to hear about that,” James said as he threw himself next to
Sirius.

“I bet she is good in bed,” Sirius said. James made a face at Sirius, one of warning. “Well, I
do. Those goody-goody girls are usually full of pent up sexual energy.”

“Awe, man, why do you say crap like that?” James groaned as he shook his head. “Now isn't
exactly the time I need to be wondering what she is like in bed.”

“You are such a chicken-shit, *Jamie*,” teased Sirius. James nodded and laughed before the
two of them began wrestling around like a bunch of crazy, testosterone driven teenage boys.

Well after a delicious dinner, the Potter family turned in for the night. Mr. and Mrs. Potter
headed to their bedroom, Sirius and James headed to their shared room, and Lily headed to her own
room. The house was dark and silent, as the hour was getting late. James and Sirius both had
changed into their pajama bottoms but decided that the heat of the room was well enough not to need
their tee shirts.

“So,” Sirius said as they arranged the pillows on the bed that they were sharing. James was
readying the movie player so they could watch a horror flick. “When are you going to start seducing
Lily?”

“I want something more long term and permanent with Lily than a one-night stand,” James
confessed as he queued up the movie up to be watched. The two headed to the bathroom to brush their
teeth. They opened the door and froze.

“Oh, hey guys,” Lily said brightly with a mouthful of toothpaste. She spat in the sink, her hand
holding her towel tightly around her. It was apparent that she had just taken a shower and was in
the process of brushing her teeth.

“We can come back,” James mumbled as he tried to back up. Sirius blocked him from escaping.

“Do you want to watch the Christmas Zombies with us?” Sirius asked as he forced James to the
sink next to the one Lily was standing. James flushed pink at the sight of Lily's reflection
covered only in a plush towel.

“Oh, I haven't seen that,” Lily said excited. “I'd love to.” She continued to brush her
teeth, but was unable to keep from looking at James. He had that athletic Quidditch player's
body, strong muscles in the arms, legs, and chest. She felt the heat rising to her face when he
looked up and made eye contact with her in the mirror, his own tooth brush in his mouth. Sirius
grinned at how obvious it was that James and Lily really liked each other.

“So, you will watch, great,” Sirius said grinning.

“I am going to head on and get some clothes on,” Lily said as she smiled at James playfully. “I
doubt that a towel would make good movie watching clothes.”

“Not unless you are watching porn,” Sirius called as Lily closed the between door.

“Why did you invite her and why do you say stuff like that?” James groaned as he rinsed his
mouth and put his toothbrush in the holder.

“I invited her because I knew you wouldn't, and I say crap like that to make you sound more
dignified, when we both know you were thinking along those lines,” Sirius said seriously.

“I was not,” James defended. Sirius smiled and nodded.

“Were to, don't lie,” Sirius said with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, maybe just a little,” James confessed laughing. Lily had reappeared in the bathroom with
them.

“It is good to see you laughing,” Lily tossed back at him as she walked through to James'
room. She took up residence in the middle of the bed.

“You can't watch the movie from between us,” James said. Lily shrugged.

“Never had a threesome?” Lily asked. James' mouth dropped and Lily laughed. “I am only
kidding. C'mon, Jamie, quit being a stick in the mud.”

“Ok, Ducky,” James teased as he climbed into the bed on one side, Sirius taking the other.

“Hope you don't mind my wearing shorts and a tank top,” Lily said. “The house is so cozy, it
is too warm.”

“I know,” Sirius said. “We complain about it all of the time.”

The movie, Christmas Zombies, was gross and wholly terrifying for Lily, who jumped so many times
she eventually just had to turn away and stop watching it. She knew she should have left, since she
wasn't enjoying it, but wanted to hang in there and spend time with James. In addition, when
she got too scared, he would wrap and arm around her or let her bury her head into his chest.

The next movie they watched was a long, slow war movie that Sirius and James loved to watch.
Unfortunately for Lily, it wasn't something she enjoyed and she actually nodded off half way
through. Sirius looked at her, dead asleep with her face turned to James.

“Hey, she's asleep,” Sirius whispered. James looked down and thought he had never seen a
more beautiful sight. He momentarily felt a lump in his throat. He decided then that he loved her
more than he had ever loved anyone else in his entire life combined.

“Well, I guess we could go sleep in her room,” James whispered.

“Or we can all just stay put, I am comfortable, and anyways, it isn't like we are doing
anything,” Sirius said.

So, the three of them remained in the bed, the boys watching the remainder of the movie and Lily
asleep. When the movie was over with, they turned off the set and readied for sleep. James felt
awkward sleeping next to Lily in his bed. It wasn't that he didn't want to, because he did
even though Sirius was there. James didn't want her thinking ill of him for not waking her and
sending her off to her own bed. James watched her sleep in the flickering glow of the fireplace
that warmed each room.

*`She is so perfect,'* James thought sleepily as he placed his head down next to hers.
He would have watched her all night, but sleep consumed him and he nodded off almost immediately.
He hadn't even thought to threaten Sirius about messing with her, but he knew that for all of
Sirius' faults, Sirius wasn't going to hurt either of them. He loved James, and James loved
Lily, so by default Sirius loved Lily.

Sirius was the first to wake the next morning. He rolled to his side and looked at how cozy Lily
and James looked together. James was on his back, his arm tucked under Lily. Her face was on his
arm, probably cutting off circulation to it, but her arm was draped across James' chest. Sirius
smiled at the sight, knowing all too well that one day in the not too distant future they would be
like this every night.

“Hey,” James yawned to Sirius as he looked at him. Sirius smiled and nodded at Lily. “Oh,
that's right.”

“Should we wake her?” Sirius asked as James brushed some of her hair out of her face.

“Probably would be a better idea than say Mom coming in here to find her in my bed the first
night,” James said as his fingers caressed her cheek. “Though, I could just lie here all morning
and look at her.”

“You probably should just wake her,” Sirius warned as James' fingers touched Lily's
lips. She didn't wake, but James hadn't done it to wake her. He was deep in thought,
wondering what Lily would do to him should he decide to kiss her right then. He was tempted, and
had Sirius not been there, he might have.

“Lily, wake up,” James murmured with his mouth near her ear. His fingers touched her shoulder
and he shook her gentle. She mumbled something and turned away from him, not willing to be
woken.

“Come on, Lily,” Sirius said from his side as Lily's other arm fell against him. He poked
her roughly in the shoulder. “You are supposed to be an early bird.”

“Tired,” Lily groaned as she covered her head with the pillow and tried to bury her body in the
covers. James laughed and pulled the covers back before removing the pillow.

“Come on, Lily. We only get one Christmas holiday together,” James teased as he threw the pillow
out of her reach.

“You are too much, Potter,” Lily yawned as she sat up. Half asleep, she climbed over James and
headed to the bath room.

“Well, she's back to calling you Potter,” Sirius said shaking his head. “Not a good
sign.”

“Nah, its not is it,” James remarked as he heard the sink turn on and then the shower.
“She's got to be the cleanest person I have ever known. Why in the world do girls shower so
much?”

“Probably so they don't smell like us,” Sirius laughed as he smelled himself. “Though, I
kind of smell like you right now and you kind of smell like her right now.”

“Huh,” James grunted as he took a whiff of himself. He did smell faintly as she did, though it
was hard to tell over his own natural aroma.

“You should go take a shower with her,” Sirius teased throwing his pillow at James' head.
James caught it and swiftly returned the favor.

“Yeah, that'll go over really well,” James laughed as he stood. He sniffed himself again and
started getting dressed. “I don't need a shower, anyways.”

James and Sirius headed down to the kitchen for breakfast, starved. The house elves were
thrilled to have their young masters at home and brought out plates and plates of rich and
indulgent foods. James and Sirius enjoyed the food at Hogwarts but it paled in comparison to the
food the elves at James' house made. They were eating piles of thick pancakes, links of
sausage, and mounds of fluffy eggs.

“Breakfast, missy?” The house elf asked as he turned his attention away from James and Sirius.
Mouths full of food, they looked at Lily. She was wearing jeans and a tee shirt, her hair swept up
and out of her face.

“Yes, thank you,” Lily said as she sat down across from James and Sirius. She allowed the house
elf to drape a linen napkin across her lap. She glanced at the sheer amount of food that the boys
were eating.

“Do you have anything lighter, like cereal?” Lily asked suddenly self conscious about the boys
were watching her. The elf shook his head and went to hit him in the head with the bowl. Lily
snatched it away in horror.

“Wally must punish himself since Wally can't give missy what she desires for breakfast,”
Wally said as he struggled against Lily's grip.

“No! I want eggs. That is what I want.” Lily demanded in a panic. She looked to James for
help.

“Wally, do not hit yourself and get Lily some eggs,” James told him firmly. Lily released the
elf and it bowed deeply. He bustled and got Lily a plate of eggs. Mrs. Potter entered the kitchen
as Lily bit into her breakfast.

“So what do you have planned for today?” Mrs. Potter asked as she sipped a cup of black
coffee.

“Not much, just hang out,” James said. Mrs. Potter smiled at her son.

“Do you mind if I take Lily then?” Mrs. Potter asked sweetly to her son. James hesitated and
looked at her quizzically. “I promise I won't embarrass you Jamie.”

“Ok, if you want to go with Mom, Lily,” James said hesitantly. Lily nodded.

“Sure,” Lily said as she took her last bite. She jumped up and put the plate in the sink. She
looked back at James and Sirius, waving. “I guess I will see you later.”

“Behave mom,” James called as the two most important women to him disappeared from the kitchen.
Sirius and James looked at each other shrugging and they continued eating their breakfast.

-->



9. All Bets Off
---------------



All Bets Off

James and Sirius were sweating bullets, their swords drawn in proper fencing position. They had
been warned many times before, neither of them liked to wear the protective gear that went along
with proper fencing. With Mr. Potter supervising, though, the two of them had the gear on which
made for two very sweaty boys. Both highly competitive, neither of them was being gentle on the
other and they were dueling as if to the death.

“Good job,” Sirius said rubbing his chest where James had bested him once again. His skill as
the Gryffindor seeker had made his reflexes quick like a cat.

“Thanks,” James said as he took his head gear off, adding it to the pile of gear on the
shelf.

“That was amazing!” Lily cried out from the doorway where she and Mrs. Potter were standing.
Lily had already spent an entire week with the Potters, and she and James had spent little time
together. Lily had found that Mrs. Potter enjoyed doting on Lily like the daughter that she had
never had.

“Hey, Lily,” James and Sirius both said looking over at Lily. She was wearing a simple green
skirt and a matching tee shirt. She looked relaxed, her hair swept behind her shoulders, and she
was smiling at them.

“Lily, would you like to learn?” Mr. Potter asked as he put down his pipe and paper. His eyes
crinkled at her, his smile infectious. Lily couldn't help but smile.

“Sure,” Lily said in agreement, stepping into the room. She sat on the bench and removed her
shoes.

“All the gear is going to be too big for her,” James challenged as he wiped his sweaty hair out
of his face.

“She needn't put the gear on, she isn't dueling,” Mr. Potter said as he stepped forward
with the slender sword. He handed it to Lily carefully guiding her hand on the proper way to hold
it.

“Ryan, the caterers are here,” Mrs. Potter called from somewhere in the house. Mr. Potter bowed
to Lily.

“Jamie, take over, will you son?” Mr. Potter said as he headed out of the room. Sirius watched
as James hesitantly walked over to Lily.

“I am going to head up for a shower,” Sirius said as he exited, leaving Lily and James alone in
the room.

“So, I haven't seen you much,” James said quietly as he adjusted Lily's grip on the
sword.

“You mom has been so sweet to me,” Lily said smiling at him as she felt him step behind her. His
arm matched hers, his hand encircling hers. “We went shopping in Paris and in Milan. She picked out
the most beautiful dress for the ball tonight. Too bad I don't have a date.”

“Yeah,” James breathed as he caught a whiff of her perfume that she dabbed ever so carefully
just behind her ear. She turned and tilted her head so that she could see him over her
shoulder.

“Why did you invite me to come and stay for Christmas, James,” Lily asked as she pulled free of
him. She stood facing him, barely a foot from his body.

“I wanted to spend Christmas with you,” James said. He laughed. “I haven't really spent that
much time with you, though. My mom has been a bit of a time hog.”

“Do you regret not being able to ask me out?” Lily asked quietly as her fingers reached to touch
his wild mane of sweaty hair. She brushed them to the side a bit, her lip nibbled on slightly in
thought.

“Nah, I hadn't noticed,” James lied. Lily's eyes went from his hair to his eyes. She
smiled at him.

“What if we write new terms to our trade, James?” Lily asked as her hand cupped his cheek
slightly. She tilted her head and she stood on her toes to bring her mouth very near his.

“What kind of terms?” James asked in a breathless sort of way. “I nearly have everything I
want.”

“Nearly?” Lily taunted. Her mouth was so near his, he could feel the tickle of her breath on his
lips. He swallowed nervously.

“I am not asking you out, Lily,” James told her. Lily pressed her mouth to his, her arms going
up around his shoulders.

“Lily, wait,” James murmured. With his words, his mouth opened, the words escaping and Lily took
advantage of the situation. James felt the greatest soaring feeling as Lily kissed him quite
properly and he found himself kissing her back, gathering her against his already sweaty body. He
wanted her so badly, he felt his urges fighting against the self control he seemed to dictate with
miserably as of lately.

Groaning, James pulled free and put some distance between his self and Lily. She looked at him;
her lips redden by the intense kiss that they had just shared. She gestured for him to follow her
but he shook his head no. He wanted to follow her, he did, but it wouldn't have been good to
cross the line his body wanted to cross. They would never be the same.

“I will see you at the ball, Lily,” James said as he left her in the room. She didn't follow
him, though he wasn't sure why he had expected her to chase after him. He had been thankful.
One more moment alone with her, one more kiss, and James wouldn't have been able to restrain
his self. He would have asked her to marry him right there. James laughed aloud at that
thought.

*`You have just kissed her properly for the first time and already you are thinking
marriage,'* James chastised himself. *`You don't even know her past.'*

James was glad to find that Sirius had used up all of the hot water and he didn't complain
as he stood under the shower of cold rain. Unable to take the pain of the icy water any longer
having stood there a good ten minutes or so, James summoned his wand and enchanted the shower to
pour out nearly scalding water. He had frozen Lily's willing arousal from his body and mind,
and then burned away the sensation of her touch from his skin. James stepped out of the shower and
reached for a towel. The door to the bathroom opened and Lily walked in to the room.

James stood there, his mouth twisted slightly in what might have been a grin had he not been so
startled to be stark naked in front of Lily. Her mouth dropped and she was unable to keep her eyes
north of his waist. Lily flushed deep crimson, and her hands finally went to her eyes, covering
them.

“I am so sorry!” Lily exclaimed as she reached around blindly behind her for the door. James
still hadn't made a move to cover himself, his hand clutching the towel tightly in his hand. “I
swear that I…”

“Saw everything?” James offered nonchalantly as he finally wrapped the towel around his waist.
He moved to her side, standing ever so close to her.

“Yeah,” Lily breathed as she was suddenly aware of his proximity to her. He pulled her hands
away from her eyes. They stood there, face to face so very close to each other. Sirius walked in
the door, saw them, and backed right out of the bathroom.

“We need to talk,” James said with his jaw clenched against the words that he desired to say to
her.

“Ok,” Lily said.

“I don't want to live by your stupid rules anymore,” James said. “If that makes me a jerk or
whatever, I don't care. I want to know everything about you, Lily: whom you have slept with,
the curve of your breast in my hand, the taste of you mouth in mine, and everything else. I want to
know every hidden secret of your body. I want to date you and one day marry you.”

“What?” Lily asked as her mouth dropped again. James pressed himself against her, her backend
resting against the countertop.

“You heard me, Lily,” James said as his mouth crushed down on hers rather possessively. “I want
you.”

They kissed for what seemed like hours, though only a few minutes had passed between them. It
had only taken James a couple of minutes to express to Lily how he really felt about her, his hand
had already loosened the knot on the belt of her robe. She was hesitant as James' hand slid
between the robe and her body, his hand resting on the bare skin of her waist.

James lost the towel somewhere between the bathroom and Lily's bed. There was nothing
between them any longer, no walls, no hesitations, and certainly no clothes. James continued to
kiss her while his hand greeted each inch of her body, willing it to let him know the secrets. Lily
could feel her heart beating, and she knew that this was going to happen, the pace that Lily and
James were moving was break-neck. Their bodies seemed to crave each other as plants crave sunlight,
each reaching out to touch and be touched.

“James,” Lily whispered as she felt him come closer to her. She felt his lip caressing her neck
and heading down further to be properly acquainted with more of her body.

“Shh, Lily, this is ok,” James murmured against her body as his hand caressed one of her
breasts. His mouth had found hers again and was taking possession of her soul at that moment.

“Lily, if you…” Mrs. Potter said as she walked into Lily's room. James and Lily froze in
horror as Mrs. Potter stood there with the most shocked look on her face. Mrs. Potter didn't
make a motion to leave; she just stood there.

“James,” Lily hissed as she shoved him off her. She pulled the robe tightly around her and tied
the belt. She shoved James from her room, back into the bathroom and slammed the door. Lily turned
around to apologize and to explain to Mrs. Potter but the woman was gone. Lily had seen the
disappointed look on Mrs. Potter's face, and the horror of what Lily and her son were doing.
Lily sunk onto the edge of the bed and covered her face. She was horrified that she had gone so far
with James and she had been caught by his mother.

*`Way to go,'* Lily thought angrily to herself as the heat rose like fire in her
cheeks. *`Now Mrs. Potter thinks you are some kind of* *horny teenager hell-bent on sleeping
with her son, whom she probably thinks is so sexually innocent. You are a genius.'*

Lily sat there for a while, her hands covering her face. She debated just leaving and heading
back to Hogwarts early. Normally she wasn't one that ran from things, but this time it had just
been too much. She hadn't even had the sense to talk to James about things like protection. She
had just lain upon that bed, practically leg-spread for the taking. She was mortified by her
actions.

“Is it clear?” A voice called from the doorway. Lily looked up to see Mrs. Potter standing
there. Her cheeks were flushed with the same embarrassment that Lily felt to her core.

“Mrs. Potter, really, I am so sorry,” Lily groaned as she stood, her arms wrapped tightly around
the robe. “That was so inappropriate of me.”

“Lily, please call me Beth,” Mrs. Potter chastised gently as a smile crossed her face. “I
won't pretend that I was shocked to walk in on that little *interaction* between you and
my son. Though I know my son is no saint, it is hard to think of him in a man-driven-by-hormones
sort of way. One day, when you have a son, it will be the same, I am sure. You will see how much
you pretend.”

“Mrs. Potter, I mean Beth, I am still so sorry. I usually don't allow myself to get caught
up in a moment,” Lily defended. Mrs. Potter smiled and nodded.

“Those Potter men have a way about making a girl forget her head. Ryan was the same way, and I
think James must have picked up a thing or two from his father,” Mrs. Potter said wistfully. “You
will see, one day. Sons and fathers are so much alike, yet so different. Ryan would have never been
so bold, but James is like me in that sense: always pushing the letter.” Mrs. Potter had opened the
closet and pulled from it the garment bag that held Lily's dress.

“I promise I won't let that happen again,” Lily swore as Mrs. Potter handed her the bag.

“I would give my life to protect my son, Lily, and to keep him from being hurt. I couldn't
ask you to promise that because I know my son, and I know he loves you. He may not be able to say
it, in so many words, but the way he looks at you and speaks of you makes me see how much it would
hurt him to loose you,” Mrs. Potter said from chair as Lily pulled her undergarments on before she
dressed.

“I don't understand,” Lily said as she bit her lip, pulling the dress up over her
breasts.

“He loves you, and if you don't love him back, you need to let him know and let him go,”
Mrs. Potter said simply. “It is better in the long run. A little hurt now is better than a lot of
hurt later.”

“I don't know how I feel about him,” Lily said quietly as she came out behind the changing
screen. Mrs. Potter smiled at Lily.

“You are very beautiful and intelligent. I know that the right answer will come to you,” Mrs.
Potter said as she had Lily sit down in front of the vanity. Mrs. Potter went to work on Lily's
hair, styling it a very elegantly in an up-do. Despite her never having had a daughter of her own,
Lily found that Mrs. Potter was very tender towards her.

Mrs. Potter left Lily in her room while she headed down to the ballroom to over-see the final
details for the annual Potter Christmas Ball. She passed Sirius and James who were hanging out on
the stairs talking as they struggled with the bow ties and jackets of their tuxedoes. She raised an
eyebrow at them both but said nothing to them.

“I can't believe Mom walked in on me and Lily,” James groaned as he retied Sirius' bow
tie.

“I can't believe you and Lily were naked in her bed,” Sirius said laughing. James rolled his
eyes.

“I practically threw a marriage proposal at her feet. I am so stupid. She only kissed me to be
polite and then I was like a crazed horny teenager,” James said critically.

“In case you forgot, you are a crazed horny teenager. Anyways, Evans isn't bad looking, and
you know my theory of how repressed teenage girls are vixens in bed,” Sirius commented as Mr.
Potter found them.

“Your mother tells me she caught you in a compromising position,” Mr. Potter said with a mock
serious voice. He grinned at his son, his eyes crinkling. “Your mother wants me to give you the
talk about respectful behavior and what not, and I said that I would, but I know you well enough to
know what is right and wrong.”

“I didn't mean for Mom to walk in on that,” James confessed. Mr. Potter shook his head.

“I doubt you did, it is just that your mother worries and she doesn't want to see you get
hurt. Lily is a very lovely girl, but before you give her your heart, make sure she actually wants
it, ok?” Mr. Potter said clapping his son's shoulder with his hand.

The three men walked down to the drawing room, waiting for Mrs. Potter to put the finishing
touches on this and that before storing her wand away. She looked not at Sirius, James, or her
husband, but at Lily who had silently appeared behind them to inspect the decorations.

“Do you like?” Mrs. Potter asked Lily. James' breath caught in his chest as she brushed past
him slightly. Lily was wearing a light golden colored dress, almost the shade of champagne, which
had a plunging neckline and a low cut back with thin crisscrossing straps. She wore a simple silver
chain with matching bracelet.

“Yes,” Lily and James replied at the same time. Lily looked at James frowning. She had been
replying to Mrs. Potter about the decorations, where as James had been replying to Lily's
attire.

James could swallow and he couldn't keep his eyes off Lily, despite himself. She would catch
him staring at her with the most intense look on his face and Lily could help but blush. She was
thankful with Alice and Frank arrived, Lily throwing herself into Alice's arms and then
dragging her off to a quiet area to tell her everything that had happened so far.

“Are you going to tell him about you and Snape?” Alice asked after she got over her initial
shock. Lily had her arms wrapped around herself.

“I don't know. James and I got so close to it tonight, we only stopped because his mother
came in and caught us,” Lily said in a loud whisper.

“Mortifying,” Alice added. Lily nodded.

“Worse than James reading my diary, trust me,” Lily said quietly. “If she hadn't come in, he
would have known. It would have become apparent.”

“So, just tell him,” Alice encouraged. “I think he really must love you, how could he not?”

“It's not that easy, Alice,” Lily said. “What if…”

“What, he takes it wrong? Unless you take that chance, you will never know. Something tells me
that he will be ok with it, you know. It has been two… three years since you and Snape went to the
Room of Requirement?” Alice said. “A lot about you has changed since then, and with him.”

“He isn't the pompous jerk he used to be and I don't want to give him a reason to go
back that way,” Lily said as she and Alice headed back to the party.

“I think you have no other choice. You need to let him read the missing pages of the diary,”
Alice said as the girls walked back into the ball room.

“Where have you been?” Sirius teased as he slipped his arm around Alice. Alice looked
scandalized and mortified, shoving Sirius' arm off her. She glanced around; satisfied that
Frank hadn't seen the motion.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Alice hissed angrily. She shoved her left hand in
front of Sirius' face. “I am getting married to Frank.”

Sirius' eyes went to the pretty engagement ring on Alice's finger and his heart seemed
to explode. He felt stupid and foolish. They had always maintained that they were just fooling
around, and then Sirius realized that he had been fooling himself. He had fallen for Alice. He
nodded and forced a smile, never one to let on that he was hurt.

“Congratulations, Alice,” Sirius said. “Frank is a very lucky man.”

“Yes I am,” Frank said rather possessively as he slid his arm around Alice's waist. He led
her away from Sirius and Lily and on to the dance floor.

“Looks like I am not the only one not getting what I want tonight,” Lily murmured. She looked at
Sirius, blushing. “Sorry, Sirius.”

“We knew it was inevitable,” Sirius said. He took Lily's hand and led her to the dance
floor. “We are too young to let other people get in the way of our happiness.”

Sirius took Lily's hand in his and placed his other hand low on her hip. She couldn't
help but wish it was James and not Sirius dancing with her. Sirius could feel her reluctance and
pulled her a little closer, but more in a protective way. He lowered his mouth to her ear.

“James really does love you,” Sirius told her quietly. “He has for as long as he has known you,
and he probably always will.” Sirius motioned for James to join them on the dance floor. James
walked over and stood behind Lily a moment, irrational jealousy welling up at the sight of
Sirius' hand on her hip while the two danced. Sirius kissed Lily's cheek and turned her
into James' arms.

James found that Lily fit against him as if her body was made specifically for his body. He was
amazed at how comfortable he felt in her arms, and how aroused the simple brush of her skin against
his skin made him. He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her gently.

“I love you, and I don't care what you did before me,” James whispered. “I only care about
what we do now that we are together.”

“We are together?” Lily teased nervously. James nodded.

“I am not going to ask you, because I promised I wouldn't in exchange for tonight,” James
told her. “I am telling you.”

“Mighty forward of you, Potter,” Lily laughed. James joined in the laughter.

“I don't hear any objections,” James teased her as he kissed her again.

“I am not objecting,” Lily confessed as she welcomed his kisses. She looked away for a moment.
“I still want you to know the complete truth, James. I want you to read those pages before we go
any further.”

“I really rather not,” James told her in a pained way. He didn't want to know the details
between Severus Snape and Lily Evans back in early 1975. She began to pull away from James,
frowning.

“I need to be completely honest with you, and I need you to know everything,” Lily said. James
looked at her with such intensity.

“Ok, if you insist,” James said reluctantly as he pulled her back to him. “I will read it
tonight then I will know everything.”

“Then we can be together,” Lily murmured as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“You are so forward, Lily,” James teased. He went to kiss her but was distracted by a commotion
outside of the ballroom. The large French doors swung open with an explosion and Death Eaters, all
wearing capes and masks and hoods entered, their wands drawn. James went to reach for his wand only
to remember it was upstairs in his room.

“We don't need to spill anyone's blood tonight,” drawled one of the Death Eaters. He was
tall, and the voice sounded rather familiar in James' opinion. Lily was hanging tightly to his
arm; her wand was in her hand, drawn but hidden between them.

*“**No,”* James warned her in a whisper as she brought it up a little higher. He
placed his hand over hers.

“We are here for one person or another, though we know both are here,” The Death Eater called
across the room of people, his voice oddly amplified. Everyone was frozen in fear and horror. Lily
didn't move, but cast a nonverbal spell. A silvery, shimmery shield formed between the Death
Eaters and the guest.

“Lily Evans, we know you are here,” A different voice called out from the masses of Death
Eaters. It sounded so familiar to James, and a look at Lily made him realize she knew whom these
Death Eaters were, at least some of them. The crowd seemed to part, exposing Lily and James to the
Death Eaters. The masked group looked at them with great interest.

“I told you Potter would be with Evans,” the leader drawled. Lily released James' arm
immediately, though he wished to push her behind him and hide her from their view.

“We don't need them both,” The other Death Eater said. “Just kill one and let's go.”

“Which one though, the Dark Lord just said one was necessary, and I think he would prefer to
kill the Mudblood over Potter, but I know how you would end this, so I will let you make the
choice,” the one drawled to the other.

Mr. Potter came in through the side door, dropping the bottle of elf made wine in surprise. The
bottle shattered, sending a rush of crimson red wine spreading across the floor. There was a flash
of green light from the wand of the drawling death eater and Mr. Potter lay dead on the floor.

“No!” James screamed as he pushed Lily aside. She fell back on the ground, her concentration was
broken, and the shield charm fell. James rushed to his father's side, but there was no life
left in his brown eyes. Ryan James Potter was dead.

“So who will it be? James Potter, a pure blooded wizard or Lily Evans, a Mudblood witch?” The
death eater drawled. The one he was speaking with had hesitated, looking between the two seventeen
year olds.

“Please, Severus, think about what you are doing!” Lily begged as she stood to face him. “I know
you are better than this.”

“Shut up,” yelled the other death eaters.

“And Lucius, please,” Lily said as she turned to the drawling Death Eater.

“You dare to speak to me, a pure blood, with your tainted blood status,” he drawled angrily.
“Drop your wand and die like the sin you are.”

“Only a coward would harm and attack unarmed witches and wizards,” Lily said forcibly as she
remained steady, her wand in her hand.

James was lifted off the ground and his legs were snapped in two. He felt the most intense pain
of his bones breaking and piercing through the skin of his legs. He felt an intense wave of pain as
the drawling death eater laughed, using James' body as a puppet in which bones and body parts
were twisted and bent in unnatural ways. James tried to scream out, but he was silenced before a
sound breeched his lips. He was thrown into heavy pieces of furniture and bounced on the hard
ground.

“Stop it!” Lily screamed as she came in striking distance of the Death Eaters. “Stop it! Stop
it! Stop it!”

“He chose James over you,” drawled the death eater. “Seems like he is always choosing someone
else over you.”

“Severus! Stop!” Lily begged her voice harsh and cold as tears streamed down her face. “Please,
stop.”

The death eater that had been torturing James slammed James hard into the ground and rushed up
to Lily, standing but just feet from her. Lily did not shy away and did not cower. She was not a
coward; she was her mother's daughter and her father's daughter. She was strong, and if
that meant she would die tonight, then so be it.

“I want you to stop and I want you to leave this place,” Lily said with her voice cracking full
of emotion. “You allowed James' father to die, you probably have killed James by now, what else
do you need?”

“I need you dead,” he said coldly. Lily tilted her chin up and held her arms out and away from
her body.

“Then do it, Severus. Kill me,” Lily challenged.

“I don't want to,” Severus replied coldly.

“I will not let you hurt James anymore,” Lily said as Severus turned toward James.

“I will kill her for you,” drawled the other death eater as he raised his wand. Lily closed her
eyes and waited for death to come.

“Lily, get out of here and take care of James!” Mrs. Potter screamed as she shoved Lily aside
just in time, taking on the full blast of Lucius Malfoy's killing curse. Lily closed her eyes a
second, summoning James' broom. She mounted it quickly and pulled James' shattered body on
in front of her. She took off, not looking back. She knew it without seeing it. In one night, both
Ryan and Beth Potter were dead, and James, like Lily, was an orphan.

“Hang on, James,” Lily whispered. “Please, just don't die on me.”

-->



10. Healing **The Final Chapter**
---------------------------------



Healing

The room was warm, too warm. Of all the sensations, James couldn't believe that was the
first one that had come back. He didn't feel like he was strong enough to open his eyes yet, he
remembered vaguely what had happened. He knew his father was dead, and he knew he couldn't
pretend he hadn't seen the horrible way his leg bones had pierced though his flesh and the way
his blood had oozed. It all made him sick.

*`Maybe I died, and that is why my legs don't hurt,'* James thought as he fearfully
wiggled his toes.

It was true. What should have been excruciating only ached slightly. He decided not to push it,
and he felt around internally for anything else he should be aware of. James could feel his hands
being held, the right one being held by tiny hands, soft and familiar. He knew those hands, they
were Lily's hands. She held his big, strong hand in both of hers, her cheek resting now against
them. Her cheek was wet with tears.

*`Ah, Lily is crying for me,**'* James thought. *`I wonder who has my left hand,
then.'*

“We aren't leaving him,” Sirius said gruffly to someone just outside of James' hearing.
James smiled on the inside. Sirius was squeezing his hand rather firmly and it felt like tears were
dropping on his left hand as well.

*`I can't be dead,'* James thought. *`Dead people can't feel the tears of
their loved ones on them. But where am I?'*

James couldn't hear the familiar sounds of his house, though the sounds were familiar. He
tested his eyes, opening one then the other slowly. Everything was blurry and out of focus. For a
moment, James panicked, thinking his mind had been addled. Then he figured he didn't have his
glasses on, and that explained why things were so blurry.

“What happened?” James moaned as Lily's face came in to view. She burst into tears and threw
her arms around him as best as she could. She was sobbing so hard, and James patted her shoulder
with one hand.

“You are, my son, a very lucky young man,” Professor Dumbledore said as he came into view. Lily
tenderly placed James' glasses on his face. “Miss Evans and Mr. Black here flew you safely all
the way back to Hogwarts.”

“But why?” James asked slowly as he flexed his toes.

“Death eaters, my boy, killed your parents,” Dumbledore said softly. “Your mother died to
protect you and Lily.”

James said nothing; he just laid there as Lily held him in her arms. He felt numb, not wanting
to pull away from Lily, but not wanting her to touch him either. In flashes, he remembered his
mother pushing Lily aside and taking the curse full force. He remembered Lily snatching him up off
the ground and leaving everyone else behind. She held on to him as tightly as she dared, crying,
and she flew as fast and hard as possible. She sent misdirected curses over her shoulder at a dark
figure that had been following her.

“Stop, Lily, it's me,” Sirius had yelled as he dipped and dodged her curses. Sirius
didn't dare try to retaliate for fear of actually hitting Lily or James.

Lily hadn't slowed down or stopped, she just flew as fast as she could; hanging on tight to
James and praying he didn't fall off the broom. Sirius' broom was slower, but since he was
only carrying one person on his broom he was able finally to catch up with Lily. He didn't ask
her to stop, just flew by her side as Lily headed on toward the school. It was the safest place
that she could think of, and she felt that everything would be ok if she had made it there.

“Perhaps Miss Evans and Mr. Black should go on and lay down a bit,” Dumbledore suggested firmly
as he touched Lily's shoulder. Lily reluctantly pulled back. She didn't want to leave him
alone, after she had struggled so long to bring James to the safest place she knew. She was
exhausted, though, flying them both for hours to the school, and she felt as if she would collapse
at any moment. She was still wearing the same clothes and she knew there was still a few hours left
of darkness.

“Come on, Lily,” Sirius coaxed as he supported her with an arm. He led her back to the deserted
Gryffindor common room, and straight up to the seventh year boys' dormitory. Peter sat up in
shock as Sirius clambered into the room noisily with Lily.

“What is she doing here? I thought you were gone away for the holiday,” Peter squeaked as he
watched Sirius half carry Lily over towards James' bed.

“Go back to sleep,” Sirius told him.

“She can't stay here,” Peter said. “It is against the rules.”

“Shut up, Peter,” Sirius said as he summoned a tee shirt of James'. Sirius had begun helping
Lily out of the torn and tattered dress.

“You are undressing her?” Peter exclaimed in horror.

“God, SHUT UP PETER!” Sirius yelled at him, flicking his wand at Peter's bedchamber
curtains, drawing the thick maroon drapes tight around Peter's bed. Sirius quickly removed the
dress and pulled the tee shirt over Lily's head. She was too exhausted to be of much help, and
Sirius took the job in the most serious matters. The days of crude joking were gone. Sirius tucked
Lily into James' bed and stripped down to his boxer shorts before heading to his own bed.

“Thanks, Sirius,” Lily said softly as she drifted off to sleep.

“Thank you. You saved my best friend's life,” Sirius told her as sleep consumed him as
well.

Lily sat outside of the hospital wing that next morning for three hours before Sirius came out
and told her that James really didn't want to see her. She nodded and sat back down on the hard
bench. She hadn't been surprised by his reaction. Her sister had reacted the same way, blaming
Lily for the death of their parents. There was no way that this could have been a coincidence. Two
sets of parents had perished because Lily hadn't been able to be killed.

The part that was most frustrating was that Severus and Lucius were both at school. There had
not been a record of either of them leaving the school grounds, and by the time that Sirius had
thought about checking the map, it would have given them plenty of time to sneak back into the
school undetected. There were, after all, plenty of hidden ways to sneak in and out of the
school.

“Lily, I am sorry,” Sirius said on his third time out of the hospital. She had looked up at him
hopefully, but James had summoned Remus to join him for a visit.

“No, no, it's ok,” Lily said quietly as she sat down. “I understand.”

Lily was glad to have classes restart to distract her from everything that had happened with
James. She had decided he would come around when he was ready, and if that was never, she was
prepared to live with that. Really, she could live with that, though if Lily had her choice, she
would prefer not to live the rest of her life without him.

The first day James was back in class, everyone milled around him like he was a celebrity, and
in a sense he was. He had been tortured and his family had been killed by Death Eaters, and he had
survived. Lily looked up at him as he walked into potions with Sirius and Remus, Peter trailing
behind. James and she made eye contact, but he broke it almost immediately and she turned back to
her cauldron. She felt a deep longing, but she kept it at bay. She would give him time.

It seemed like, where as before they had to go out of their way to see each other, this last
semester had thrown them a curve ball and they were constantly crossing paths. Lily could only
imagine that the sight of her caused him pain. It caused her pain, also, because she knew she loved
him and she wanted to be with him. If it hadn't been for the Death Eater attack on Christmas
night, James would have read those pages and then they would have been together.

“Damn it,” Lily swore loudly as she threw her potion book into the travesty she called a potion.
Of all the classes she had to take that needed her undivided attention, potion class was causing
her the most grief. For one, she had James ignoring her as if she didn't even exist. For the
other, she had Severus who was feigning innocence to the attack. Lily knew his voice, and she knew
he had been there.

“Is there a problem?” Professor Slughorn asked her quietly as he peered into her cauldron. Her
potion book bobbed in the sickly yellow potion.

“Nothing death can't fix, right?” Lily moaned. She didn't even look at the others. She
was struggling with classes that had been so easy. She felt so much guilt that she couldn't
tolerate another second in James' presence.

“Perhaps I should pair you with Mr. Snape for the remainder of the day to get you caught up,
dear,” Professor Slughorn offered gently. Lily shook her head and gathered her books.

“I am done,” Lily said. Professor Slughorn looked at the clock on the wall.

“But dear, there is still more than thirty minutes left in class, and your potion is no where
near being complete,” Professor Slughorn coaxed.

“No, you old coot, I am done, as in finished. I give up. They win. I quit,” Lily snapped as she
headed out the dungeon classroom door. Everyone looked at each other nervously. They had seen kids
crack up over the years, but Lily had always been a beacon of stability in an unstable world.
Sirius grabbed James' arm and steered him out the door, shouting back to Professor Slughorn
that they would find out what was wrong.

“Sirius, really,” James said dully as he was drug along after Sirius. “I don't want to do
this.” Sirius turned around and hit James. James glowered at him, rubbing his cheek.

“Angry yet?” Sirius asked.

“What the hell was that for?” James asked as he jumped up, his fist clenched.

“That was from your dad. Do you think he would want you turning the cold shoulder towards the
woman you love?” Sirius asked him.

“Don't talk about my father like you'd know what he would want,” James threatened as he
continued on after Sirius. Sirius shook his head.

“Your parents would be so disappointed in the way that you are acting. They died to ensure you
had a chance at life. Lily would have died if your mom hadn't pushed her aside. Your
mother's last words were for Lily to take care of you,” Sirius told him. “Your mother and
father saw how much you both loved each other, and yet you are treating Lily as if it was her fault
that they were dead.”

“It is,” James said dully. “If I hadn't brought Lily home, there would have been no reason
for the Death Eaters to attack my family.”

“They weren't looking for Lily, only, James,” Sirius told him. “They were looking for you,
too. I overheard Dumbledore talking. Apparently, Lord what's-his-name doesn't want you two
together, at all cost.”

“So?” James asked dully. Sirius hit him again. “Stop hitting me.”

“Stop being an ass,” Sirius said. “So, your parents knew about it, and your parents died to give
you and Lily a chance. Moreover, what do you do with it? You go and push her down and push her
away. She loves you, and you love her. If you aren't careful, you are going to loose her.”

“So what if I do?” James asked listlessly. “Nothing is ever going to be the same.”

“You are a moron, really. No, nothing is going to be the same, it's true. Don't make
your parents death be in vain, James,” Sirius said. “Fight for the love, ok?”

“I'll think about it,” James said as he left Sirius alone in the corridor. James headed out
to the only place he felt anything less than cold and emptiness, though it was cold and empty: the
Quidditch pitch. Today, thought, the pitch betrayed him. Lily was sitting on a bench about half way
up in the Gryffindor section. She had one of the school brooms next to her, but it looked no more
alive than the snow that crunched under James' feet.

Lily looked up to see James standing on the field, looking up at her. She didn't make a
move, she remained still, her rear end freezing cold and damp from the snow that had remained on
the bench. She had wiped it off the best that she could, but some had remained. James stood there,
watching her for what seemed like an hour though probably on a handful of minutes had passed. James
turned to leave and out of the corner of his eye he saw Lily bury her face into her hands. She had,
finally, broken.

James saw her sitting alone at their favorite table in the library. She was poised to do some
work, but she was gazing out the window thoughtfully. James started toward her, eager to see her
before realization poured over him. He stopped and watched her for a while, her faces still, her
eyes welled up with tears that seemed to flow unhindered when she thought that no one was looking.
Each tear drop seemed to mar the words she had written in her trademark purple quill ink. She
glanced over reflexively as James knocked over a stack of books. She hastily wiped away the tears
she had shed and she packed away her books.

James felt her shoulder brush his as she hurried past him on her way out of the library, Lily
stopping only long enough to squeeze his hand. She released it as quickly as she had grasped it,
James only vaguely certain she had actually touched him. He knew he couldn't avoid her forever.
After all, they had patrol together tonight and on a full moon at that.

The two walked along the corridors in silence. They had been walking like that for about an
hour, and Lily knew that she needed to do something quick as they would only walk about a half an
hour longer before they would turn in for the night. She was a bundle of nerves, her thoughts and
plans spinning like a tilt-o-wheel in her mind. It was now or never.

*`After tonight, we will either be together or we will never be together again,'* Lily
thought as she took a deep breath.

“I want to show you something,” Lily said suddenly as she took James firmly by the hand. She
felt his reluctance and he tried to pull away. “No, James.”

“I really rather not,” James said quietly as he attempted to pull his hand away again.

“Damn it, James,” Lily swore as she held his hand tighter, her eyes clenched tight. They were
already where they needed to be, she just had to open the door. She could picture it and much to
James' surprise a door appeared where a blank wall had previously begun. She was strong, but
she needed James to come willingly. She wasn't strong enough to pull him into the room if he
really struggled against her.

“Fine,” James said as Lily opened the door and the two headed into the room. James looked around
the fine room that the Room of Requirement had decided to turn into, his eyes adjusting to the soft
light. “What is this?”

“The Room of Requirement,” Lily answered as she closed the door behind her. James was no longer
holding her hand. He was circling the room, looking at the details.

“I know that, but why did it turn into this?” James asked as he glanced at the large bed. It
practically beckoned him. He saw Lily's diary resting almost as if forgotten on the bed, the
envelope still sticking out of it oddly.

“I needed to bring you to the scene of the diary from three years ago, today,” Lily said quietly
as she looked around the room with little interest. She had already been in this room once, and it
looked exactly how it did back in 1975. It was 1978, and the room hadn't aged a bit.

“Why in the hell do you really think I would want to?” James asked angrily as he spun to look at
her.

“I need you to put the diary back together, so that I may finally have it back,” Lily murmured
as she ignored his anger. “I can't open the envelope and I can't mend the book. I charmed
it so that only you can.”

“You set me up?” James asked angrily. “You never intended on me keeping up my end of the
bargain.”

“There are ways that you could have your cake and eat it, too, yes, but that is all the past,”
Lily said as she gestured to the book.

“What if I say no to you?” James asked as he reached for the book. He looked at Lily, who looked
as if she was the loneliest person in the world.

“It wouldn't be the first time,” Lily said honestly. “If you tell me no, I will wait.”

“For how long?” James asked as he held the envelope in his hand.

“For as long as it takes, I suppose,” Lily said as she sat down next to him on the bed.

“For what takes?” James asked as his finger touched the seal.

“For you to come around,” Lily said. She wasn't looking at him, or the envelope. She was
swinging her feet and looking at the ground. Some loose hair had fallen into her face.

“And if I never come around?” James asked as he drew his wand.

“What is it that you really want? I am tired of asking you,” Lily snapped. “You used to want
me.” James was taken aback. Lily had never spoken to him in such a manner, even when she despised
him. Her words were angry and filled with hurt. She quickly looked away without another word.

“I am angry too,” James admitted quietly. Lily nodded.

“Sorry about that,” Lily said quietly as she folded her hands on top of her lap.

James' wand opened the envelope on the side opposite of the seal. It was an unusual way to
open it, no doubt, but James felt it was the right way to open it. He pulled the torn sheets from
the enveloped and looked at them. He turned them over in his hand, his face reflecting his
disappointment.

“They're blank,” James said. Lily looked up at him and nodded.

“Yes,” Lily said as she nodded to the diary. “They have to be put back where they came from and
offered up a sacrifice to be read.”

“To authenticate the owner and the reader?” James asked as if he had already known. Lily
hadn't needed to nod but she did anyways. James opened the diary to the torn section and placed
each sheet back in there, running the tip of his wand along the seam until all three were
permanently placed with in the diary.

Lily pressed her finger against the page leaving behind a red dot of her own blood. James
cringed at the thought, but he followed suit, using a sewing needle that seemed to appear all of a
sudden in the room of requirement. He hesitated, wondering where he needed to press his finger. He
looked to Lily's drop of blood and pressed his own to hers, the book slammed shut with a loud
bang before it jerked open in his lap. Lily spread her hand over the words, blocking them from
view.

“No matter what you read, James, I want you to know that I love you more than I have ever loved
anyone else,” Lily said. She pressed her mouth against his, not surprised to find his lips
unyielding to hers. James turned away, nodded in acceptance, and looked down at the words, reading
the missing passages from Lily's diary.

*3**rd**, February 1975*

*I wish I could writing that last night was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced,
that Sev and I shared something so magical that I could never dream of any other man being with me
the way we were together. I really wish I could. As I write this, I feel like my soul has been
ripped into pieces, shreds of soul and light and heart scattered around me. A prayer and wish for a
Dementors' kiss. A sweet reprieve from the ache within me.*

*We walked from the Astronomy tower to the Room of Requirement, and we were nearly caught by
Remus, who was out patrolling and doing his prefect duty as I should have done. I skipped out on
duty tonight just to be with Sev.*

*As Sev had promised, the room was perfect and I knew that tonight was the night. I
couldn't help but be nervous, though, but Sev promised he would be gentle with me. He knew I
was scared but he assured me I was safe with him.*

*I was alone for a long time that night, unable to sleep. I replayed the nights events in my
mind over and over, unable to see where the fabric of our adventure unraveled to the point Sev fled
from me. Was it me?*

*We had kissed, plenty, and yet his kisses were strained last night. I asked him if there was
anything wrong, and yet he denied. His fingers were hesitant as he undid each of the pearl buttons
on my shirt. I didn't turn away from him, not once, while he consumed the sight of my body with
his eyes. I had never been so self conscious before as his eyes roamed my naked form.*

*He had asked me, are you sure? I was never more certain. I wanted it to be him, for he was
the only one who accepted me as I was. He knew me better than I knew myself. So he stepped forward
and caressed me like no man has ever done before. His touch was gentle, but there was something
else to it. He felt like he was holding back.*

*I was tense as I watched him undress, having never seen a man before in my life the way I saw
him. He looked strong, stronger than I have ever seen him before, and there was something else, a
smoldering look of desire. I think that is how it was. We were tangled in the sheets of the bed,
him above me, powerful.*

*`I love you,' I had told him as his mouth caressed my skin. It was a gasp, though I had
never been prone to gasping before. I had felt him, moving against me, though he wasn't close
yet to being where he would ultimately end up.*

*`I know,' he had murmured as he sampled my flesh, finding in me places that at fifteen I
never knew existed. He moved for me to touch him, for him to touch me and for the first time fear
and panic welled up in me. He shushed me as I began to* *tremble;* *he hushed me as I
turned my face away from his mouth.*

*`I don't want to do this,' I told him suddenly. The fear was too much. I twisted and
pulled, my hands pressing at his chest… all the while I could feel him so close to being in me it
terrified me. What was I thinking? I wasn't ready!*

*`You are just scared,' he murmured as he moved his mouth over mine again. That is when I
begun to cry.*

*`No, Sev, please,' I cried. He pulled his head back and looked down at me. He was upset,
yes, but he was also angry. He pulled away from me, wrapping the sheet around his body, and leaving
me exposed on the bed.*

*`If that is what you want,' he said coldly to me. It was then; I saw the mark on his arm.
He looked at me with cold contempt. `Leave.'*

*I was numb while I dressed. He refused even to look at me, as if I was tainted by my fear and
weakness. We had come so close, yet I was still as physically whole as I had been before I entered
that room. Emotionally, I am broken.*

*18**th* *February 1975*

*I have been avoiding him, and I am not one who avoids others, but shame and hurt fill my
heart every time I see him. I want to run and throw myself at his feet, beg him to be the one. I am
ready, I will say. I will apologize for being such a child then. I have told Alice, and she swears
she won't tell. If we knew how to the unbreakable vow we would do it, but we don't know
how, so instead we just promise.*

*27th, February 1975*

*Two weeks from that night, and still his fingers burn on my skin, but it is not that that
concerns me. No, not anymore. It is his relationship with Malfoy. They have the same branding, and
I fear that Sev doesn't know what he has managed to get himself into. I tried to talk to him,
but Malfoy laughed me right back to where I came from. He had called me a filthy Mudblood, and Sev
didn't say anything to the contrary. It was the last straw to break my heart.*

*9**th* *March, 1975*

*Potter asked me* *out* *and I nearly said yes. Anything to block the pain and
ridicule in the words Sev sends my way nearly every day. I knew Sev would hate to see me in the
arms of James Potter, and the thought had crossed my mind to do with Potter what I almost did with
Sev. As the six and seventh year girls told me, you get to a point where it doesn't mean
anything anymore. I couldn't do that to Potter. Sure, he and I clash all of the time but he
seems decent enough and I really don't want to be a user. It isn't fair to Potter that Sev
and I didn't work out. Why should he be punished?*

*11**th* *March, 1975*

*All bets are off with Potter. Just when I thought he was about to turn into a decent guy he
goes and trips me when I am carting an arm full of Tuberlious. I was covered in maggots, and I
nearly vomited. He apologized, but he couldn't stop laughing and nor could his little friends.
I was mortified. I don't even have Sev to run to anymore. Life couldn't get any worse.*
*Nevertheless, it did. Sirius shoved me into Potter's lap and sat on me. I screamed and tried
to wiggle free, but was unable break away from them. I started to cry, but was unable to really get
going because McGonagall came in and gave them both detention and howlers home. James glared at me
for three days and didn't ask me out once.*

James looked at Lily for a moment, his eyes confused. He didn't say anything, and she
didn't move. She looked at him, her bottom lip drawn in as she gnawed on it. He couldn't
believe that after all this time he had thought that she had been with Severus, and he did believe
it, when she hadn't been able to go through with it. Anger welled up in him. She had known for
three years that Severus was a Death Eater, and their parents were dead.

“I know what you are going to say,” Lily said quietly. “Maybe if I had told on Severus and
Lucius, our parents would still be alive. Maybe they would, maybe they wouldn't, but for
whatever sick and twisted reason we aren't wanted to be together.”

“I see,” James said as Lily took the diary out of his hand.

“The thing is, I want us to be together, James,” Lily said quietly as she stood before him. “You
were right when you told me that I would be chasing after you, because here I am, James. I am
chasing after you.”

“Lily, too much has happened,” James said as he put his hand to his head.

“Yes, too much *has* happened, but for us not to be together,” Lily said. She was
determined. “I am not going to beg you; I am just going to tell you. We belong together. I know I
am not the only one who feels it. There is something magical about us, the way we fit together so
perfectly. I know you notice.”

“Yeah,” James admitted as he looked at her. It was true. There was a sort of perfection about
the way they seemed to be made for each other. It was unnatural, yes, but oh so desirable. James
could feel her on a molecular level, the way their atoms seemed drawn to each other.

“I won't say `no' to you, James,” Lily said as she touched James' hair. “Never
again.”

“Good, because it was getting old,” James said as a smile crossed his face. “Now get over here
and let me show you how a Marauder takes care of his woman.”

**A/N: So that brings us to the end of this little adventure. I don't think it needs
anything else, like an epilogue, but if anyone wants one, I can get one uploaded. Thanks for
participating in our little adventure.**

-->



11. THE EPILOGUE (by REQUEST)
-----------------------------



**A/N:** **Sorry, I wasn't sure if I was going to write this or not, but going back to
look at the ending of the last chapter, I kind of owe it to you guys. That last line was pathetic
and crappy. SO, b****y popular request, the epilogue. I hope that it is not too… weak? Is that
the word I am looking for? I hope it is what you expected.**

Epilogue

Lily stood between her classmates, stepping forward to the podium that was positioned between
her peers and the rest of the wizarding community. She straightened her shoulders, and smiled. Her
eyes closed for a minute and she was back on the platform nine and three-quarters. She was eleven
again, small, and her eyes were wide with wonderment. Lily smiled again.

**“Parents, family, faculty, and my dear peers,”** Lily said as she glanced down at the
scroll she had written just the night before. Lily smiled, thinking of that night. She and James
had gone wondering again, trying to steal away the last moments of youthful indiscretion before
this momentous day. She had pulled this speech together at the last moment when she had awakened in
James' arms again that morning.

**“Today is a momentous day for us all. Wrought with uncertainty and darkness, we worry as you,
our leaders do, and we fear what we do not know,”** Lily said. She thought about the attacks on
the Potters and knew that there were at least a dozen or so peers who stood behind her without
their parents in the midst of this supposed joyous occasion.

**“****The future is not perfect, as we all know. We will try, though.** **We are the
future, and we plan to use what we have learned here at Hogwarts to overcome the darkness and evil
that spread among our kind,”** Lily said forcibly. She could hear Sirius behind her, tucked
neatly between Narcissa Black and Bellatrix Black. Lily nearly laughed. How unalike the two sisters
were, and how unlike they were to Sirius.

Lily had gotten to know Sirius as she and James had grown closer, and she had decided that
perhaps he wasn't nearly as bad as she had once thought. However, a bit of a goof off, Sirius
could step up and be a man when he needed to be. Lily was thankful for Sirius' ability to be
mature.

**“Each of us who stands here on this stage before you** **serve** **as a reminder that
life will continue on. Even in the dar****kest of times, there is light. The friendships we have
made while in attendance here at Hogwarts will hopefully be with us forever. The love we share must
continue on if we are to succeed,”** Lily said as she looked out at the faces of her
professors.

Lily wasn't lying. She intended to continue her relationship with James after they left
here. They had already talked about sharing a flat near the Auror Training Academy in south Wales.
The prospects of waking up with James, possibly in his bed, every single morning with out fear of
getting caught had heat rising to her face.

**“May we be as great for the next generation of witches and wizards as you all have been of
us. May we thwart evil and encourage love, respect, and tolerance in this** **tumultuous world
we all live in. May our children walk these halls and hear not only of the great sacrifices that we
have made, but of the ground we have won,****”** Lily said firmly. She forced a genuine smile
as she looked at the families of the suspected death eaters among them.

**“So, I present to you, our esteemed leaders in love and in life, the class of 1977,”** Lily
said proudly. The cheers were deafening as the class of 1977 threw up their pointed caps into the
air. Sparkles of red, silver, and blue shot out from the wands of each and every graduating witch
and wizard.

*“Very nicely done,”* James whispered in her ear as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.
Lily grinned and playfully pushed him.

*“No thanks to you, James,”* Lily said as Remus and Sirius joined them.

*“Kept you out too late last night?”* Sirius asked grinning. Lily laughed and hugged him
and Remus both.

*“**And this morning.* *I don't know why, but I am going to miss the dickens out
of both of you,”* Lily said through her smile and tears.

*“Lord, here come the water works,”* Sirius teased though his voiced seemed oddly
thick.

*“We are going to miss you too, Lily,”* Remus said as his eyes seemed brighter too.

*“What are you guys blubbering about?”* James asked as he hugged Sirius and Remus tightly.
*“There is always Aurors* *Training* *Academy. We will see each other all of the
time.”*

*“Yeah, but with Lily moving in, you won't have time for the boys,”* Sirius teased with
a playful pout.

*“Awe, Sirius,”* Lily said smiling. *“You know, we will always have a place in our home
for both you and Remus.”*

*“Yeah,”* James teased. He looked at Lily mischievously. *“We both have always wanted a
dog for a pet.”*

*“Very funny guys,”* Sirius said as Lily, James, and Remus roared with laughter.

*“Well, here we are. The four orphans,”* James said quietly as they looked around at the
other students being held and hugged by proud family. *“We should be the saddest among us, but I
feel strangely happy.”*

*“It's called love, James,”* Lily said as she stepped into his arms. She tilted her
head up to let him kiss her*. “It's not perfect, by no means, but it is love none the
same.”*

*“That is where you are wrong, Lily,”* James said. She looked at him curiously, having not
really taken to him contradicting her.

*“I am wrong?”* Lily asked. James grinned.

*“Yup, because anything that has to do with love and you is simply perfect in my eyes,”*
James said smiling. He leaned closer to her ear. *“That is why I think you should say
`yes'.”*

*“Yes?”* Lily asked confused.

*“I haven't even asked yet, but ok,”* James teased.

*“What are you talking about?”* Lily asked impatiently. Sirius and Remus grinned and
pointed to the sky. Lily looked up to the sky above the trees of the forbidden forest to see
hundreds upon hundreds of fairies flying in formation.

*“Lily, will you? Will you marry me?”* James asked as he looked at her. She hesitated,
looking from the sky where the words were written and James' hopeful face.

*“James,”* Lily started as she struggled with the words. She was speechless. James frowned.
*“No* *don't**, I mean yes. Yes I will marry you,* *of course, just no,*
*just don't frown!”*

James let out a cry of celebration and scooped Lily up in his arms, giving her a proper, slow
kiss. The girl that he had pined for and loved since he was eleven years old had said yes to him,
again, and this time it meant forever.

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