Nicotine

Iloveharrypotter17

Rating: PG
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 7
Published: 25/09/2007
Last Updated: 25/09/2007
Status: completed

Lily needs James to need her. But does he really? Oneshot.

Chapters

1. One

1. One

A/N: This oneshot inspired and very extremely loosely based on "Nicotine" by Saving Jane.

And just fyi, this is not even remotely related to "The Secret's in the Telling" Sorry.

It's funny. I never thought I'd be like this. I was always the strong one, the one that never needed anyone. I never depended on anyone else. But, I loved to be the one that others came to for help. The one that my friends came to when they needed comfort or support. I was wanted. I was needed. And I loved it.

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He never really needed me. He wanted a girlfriend. He wanted me. But did he need me? No. And that wouldn't have bothered me, if he hadn't gotten me to fall so hard for him before I realized that he would never need me.

Now I feel like a lost little girl. I can't go back to the life that I had before I was with him. It's like, once you're with him, your whole life changes. The old one was shattered and a new one created. But now your new one is faded and cracked. It's terrible and I wish it wasn't so. MY friends don't understand why he still seems to have this power over me. I can't understand it either. I can't entirely hate him for this. What I have for him is like what he has for his cigarettes, unhealthy and addicting. I don't even know how it happened. Maybe it's because he doesn't need me but I want him to so bad. It would be my personal victory. Maybe then I would be free.

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He was amazing at first, he would always find me when we were apart. He would hole me and kiss me like he never wanted to let go. He only really left me for classes and to smoke, because he knew I disapproved. But when he was with me, some part of him was always touching me. Either our knees were touching when we sat or the back of our hands touched while we were talking. It was a nice little reassurance, to know that he was there. I liked to think that he wanted me to know he was always there.

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And then, slowly, he became more lax. He didn't come find me when class was over. When we were together he wasn't always touching me. Although every once in awhile he would run up to me and kiss me. It was always right after he smoked because I could taste the cigarette on his lips. Then he would sit down and pull me onto his lap. He would hold me tightly against him. And then he would be forgiven even though he never said he was sorry.

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The day came. I can't remember if I knew it was coming or not. I remember he smelled completely fine. I don't know whether he had charmed himself or he hadn't had a cigarette in days. He told me he liked me but I was getting a bit clingy and he couldn't deal with that.

I laughed at him. Can you imagine? Me, clingy? He was the one who always came to me, kissing me like I was his last breathe. I told him that he needed to smoke a few cigarettes and get his head checked. I walked away, chuckling in amusement.

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He's driving me crazy. I'm sure he knows it. That's why he keeps staring at me. I look at the page in front of me but I can't focus. He's the only one that never needed me. Ever. Even Sirius had come to me before, asking for a favor. It was always just an answer or some help with homework, but it was something. But him, he's never asked me for anything. And now he never will because he just likes to flaunt how better off he is. How he doesn't need anyone the way that I need him to need me. Crazy, isn't it?

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Today, it looks like he cracked. He begged me. He said he wanted me back. That he's been going crazy. Sirius threatened to shove him out of the tower window if he didn't behave normally. I smile as I think about it. He looked so pitiful, so lonely. TO be honest, he looked terrible. He looked like he hadn't had a good night's sleep in awhile with puffy bags under his eyes. His skin was rather pale and ashy. His hair was a mess. Before there was always a distinct kind of messiness, but now it just looked unkempt. He said he's been smoking non-stop trying to think about anything other than my face. It's so extremely cliché but I couldn't help it. I took him back. I helped him back to the common room where he collapsed on the sofa. I sat with him and ran my fingers through his hair, telling him he would be okay. He needed to lay off the cigarettes.

I won my victory.

Today he needed me.

A/N: So, I realized it’s not fast-paced, but it just changes really abruptly. I don’t know if I’m sorry for that or not. So… ::shrugs::