What the Pen Says

Lady Starlight

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 04/11/2007
Last Updated: 04/11/2007
Status: completed

Sometimes we are given a new chance to make things right. Post-DH, ignoring epilogue. One Shot.

Chapters

1. Chapter the One and Only

1. Chapter the One and Only

Disclaimer: No money is being collected, no infringement intended upon the creative property of J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, or Warner Brothers. Also, I really don’t think JKR would write something like this.

A/N: Many thanks once again to my beta, Anndee Granger who puts up with all my flightiness. Written for the hhr_las LJ comm. Prompt: When you're not breathing I beg for more breath with you, and when you're silent I hang on to every word, and there are no regrets with this love - from "Moments Rewound" by Veda

Also, I promise to finish Fixing Yesterday’s Mistakes soon…the second chapter is almost finished.

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I’ve had a lot of regrets in my life, even though I’m supposedly the “brightest witch of my age”. It’s all bunch of nonsense if you ask me. I do frequently wish that I was smarter, or had figured out things sooner. I’ve made so many mistakes that sometimes it’s hard to believe that I’m still around. I carry a lot of guilt, but I’m good at hiding it.

Honestly, how could I have settled for Ron when my other best friend was always far more important to me? I should have realized that it would never work when he left Harry and I on the Horcrux hunt. Merlin, I was stupid. He and I barely speak anymore. Yet another mistake made by yours truly.

Harry and I still have each other, though, which still isn’t as easy as it would seem. He still falls into dark depression and I still overwork myself and sometimes it feels like things are falling apart. We both keep trying to fight our demons and I’m sure that he has more nightmares than I do, not that he would ever tell me. I can’t help but wonder what’s going on between us these days. So frequently it seems that he’s about to say something and then changes his mind. I guess I can’t blame him for keeping secrets from me, even though it hurts. Why should it hurt, though? He’s my best friend, but it’s not as if we’re involved or anything, though sometimes I wish that we were. I just would like some certainty in my life—some assurance that things will get better, something that I can feel confident about.

How ridiculous is that? Merlin, I need help. The last thing I need is more regrets.

Hermione put her pen down on the journal that she had been trying to keep. More often than not, it had become a place to vent, to try to work out her feelings when it felt as if she would go mad from all of the conflicting emotions and thoughts.

She jumped upon hearing the door to the flat open. She calmed herself, as it had to be Harry; he was the only one with a key.

“Hermione?” called Harry, his voice exhausted as he stumbled into the living room where she was seated.

Hermione surreptitiously slid her notebook under the couch cushion and stood up to greet Harry. Wrapping her arms around him, she buried her face in his shoulder, just breathing him in, “It’s good to see you.” She lifted up her face to look in his eyes, noting the dark circles and how they were not as bright as usual. “Are you hungry? I’m sure that I could find you something. I think there’s still leftovers from the supper you cooked last night.”

“No, Hermione, I—I wanted to ask you something.” He took her hand and led her back over to the couch and sat down next to her, their knees touching.

“What, Harry? Did something happen at work? You can tell me and I promise not to interrupt…much.”

Harry cut her off, “No, Hermione, it’s nothing like that.” He reached up with his free hand and caressed her cheek. She leaned into his hand and he smiled at her response. Letting go of her face, he reached for her other hand. “I know that I screw a lot up and sometimes I wonder why you even stick with me.”

Hermione tried to protest, but Harry continued, “I had this worked out so much better in my head. I wanted to know—I mean…Hermione—“

Harry pulled Hermione towards him, but Hermione stopped him, surprised by his actions and wanting him to explain.

“What are you doing, Harry?” she asked, holding onto his arms. His very nice arms, she thought. Those arms would feel so good--.

“I was trying to kiss you?” Harry blurted out. He looked down and then back up at her, “Is that ok?”

“Why? I just, I don’t understand, I—“ Hermione’s mind was racing. While she and Harry had always been close—and these days they seemed once again inseparable—she had not expected him to ask her such a question. She had been so busy worrying about just surviving the day to day that she had not thought to look beyond, to the possible futures.

Harry watched the emotions flick across her face and pulled her against him, bumping noses and her elbow hitting him in his attempt just to get her closer. She watched as he brought his lips right up next to hers, waiting a moment as if to see if she would protest further, before kissing her thoroughly. Harry wrapped one arm around her waist and another tangled itself in her hair, just trying to get closer to her, to feel more of her, to try to communicate what he could not say.

Hermione pulled back slightly, her lips barely touching his, and breathed, “This is far better than I had imagined, Harry” before resuming kissing him.

“What?” Harry stopped, startled, “You’ve thought about this?”

“I…” Hermione lowered her eyes, looking almost coy, “Well, maybe a little. I mean, after all, you’re a guy, and a very good looking one, and it’s not as if I’m immune to an attractive male and really, you know me better than almost anyone else and we spend so much of our time together. Is it really that unrealistic that I would have thought about it? You’ve obviously been thinking about it, and I think that you’ve been wanting to say something for sometime and just haven’t known how to say it and—“

“Hermione,” Harry smiled and reached up and grabbed her hands, which she had started gesturing with, before looking her straight in the eye, “trust you to have such a complicated explanation.”

“Well, I don’t see you doing much of the talking, Harry James,” Hermione admonished, trying to pull her hands free from his firm grasp. She was trying so hard to keep a stern face, but it was so difficult when her heart was racing and her body was so aware of his and all she wanted to do was go back to snogging him.

“At least I was the one to make the first move,” Harry responded, looking rather smug with himself for coming up with such a good comeback.

“True…so I guess the next one’s up to me,” said Hermione, her eyes glinting, before she pushed him back against the couch and crawled into his lap. She let out a small laugh at his surprised expression, before leaning down to kiss him. One of her hands running through his hair and the other up and down that lovely chest of his.

She felt his heart pounding, his body responding to her. Opening her mouth slightly, she moaned as Harry’s tongue slid in to caress hers. Hermione could not get enough of this heady rush and she tangled her hands in his hair, pulling him even closer to her.

He pulled back slightly, breathing hard, and then she started kissing along his jaw, teasing him as he kept turning to head his try to capture her lips again.

“I’m never leaving you, Harry. You’re stuck with me now.”

He caught her jaw with his hand, bringing her nose right up to meet his, “I can’t think of anywhere that I would rather be than with you always.”

“Oh, Harry…” breathed Hermione, before resuming their kissing, pressing her body into his.

~~~~~~

The next day, Hermione picked up her journal where she had hid it and continued the entry that she had started the evening before.

It’s amazing how quickly life can change sometimes. Yesterday, I was despairing and today, I am so overjoyed that I could burst.

I have realized that there is one thing that I cannot regret, even though there are those who will think that I should. But how can I regret the one good thing in my life? How can I regret the sheer joy he brings to my life? How could I live without him again? I can’t and I won’t.

It should not have been a surprise with how easy it was to fall in love with him. He was the most important man in my life since that first trip on the Hogwarts Express, but it was quite a while before I realized that it was far more than friendship that I felt for him. Our life had reached a lovely pattern where we spent most of our time together and told each other about everything. How can life turn from platonic to romantic love without me even noticing?

The Weasleys will resent us. The press will have a field day. But none of that really matters. The only thing that matters is that I will be by his side, and he by mine, for the rest of our lives.