Happy Thoughts

Crazy Mishka

Rating: G
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 14/11/2007
Last Updated: 14/11/2007
Status: completed

Mm, Harry tries to help Hermione with the Expecto Patronum spell, because we all know it is the spell she has the most trouble with. He just never expected there was a reason. Warnings: Cheese. Fluff.

Chapters

1. Happy Thoughts and the RoR

1. Happy Thoughts and the RoR

AN: Beware the cheese!

I own nothing you recognize, but would love it if I did own the series so Hermione could end up with someone other than Ron.

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They had been in the room of requirement for hours, and Harry was starting to get frustrated. He didn't understand why Hermione had so much trouble with this spell- originally he had been sort of pleased and triumphant that she'd asked for his help. But then he'd realized that he shouldn't feel that way; Hermione was his friend. He shouldn't feel vindicated that the know-it-all wasn't good at something he was good at. And she'd gone to him for help because she trusted him…it was not right to think such thoughts when Hermione helped him out all the time and trusted him like that despite all the stuff they got into.

Harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair, frustrated and a little disappointed, as well as greatly confused. And he tried not to show all of it because he could see that Hermione was near tears.

“Look Hermione,” he blew pout a heavy breath that moved his bangs, “Maybe we should take a break.”

Hermione stiffened back from him, like he'd wounded her, but she gave no other indication of her thoughts. “You go ahead Harry; I'll stay and practice a bit.”

Harry hesitated, but he was hungry and tired and a little bit cranky. He nodded his head and made for the door.

His railing thoughts shame him as he heard her wavering voice calling out the spell as he left- the very Harry-like voice in his head calling over the silenced Hermione whispers that he was leaving his friend to struggle by herself. It wasn't his fault he'd had a bad day, wasn't his fault everything was getting to him and now Hermione was making him feel so guilty when he is hungry.

He blew out a breath as he closed the door and then determinedly made his way to the kitchens.

When he returned down the same hall he was holding a covered platter, careful to keep it steady as he glanced around in case anyone saw him. When assured the coast was clear he slipped in the barely there door and was greeted by the sight of Hermione still working.

And his heart clenched.

He sucked in a breath and quietly set down the tray on a suddenly there table- his steps silent as he took in a breath and approached from the side.

There was something about seeing his usually put together friend so frustrated and angry with herself- tear tracks on her cheeks and eyes red, her clothes disheveled as she leveled her wand at nothing but memories.

“Expecto Patronum.” She stated firmly, her voice low and determined even as her hand shook and she closed her eyes. She didn't bother opening them, but slumped as if she could still see the pathetic wisp of the silvery spell not worked to its fullest.

He sighed and she snapped her head to him at the sound, he firming under her glare and irritation.

“I thought you'd left.”

He absently gestured to the tray- “Brought some food up.”

She nodded and then turned back to facing the other way, raising her wand in the perfect rendition for the spell, her back straight and body ready to release its magic.

And still the spell didn't work.

Harry shuffled, rubbing the back of his neck as his face crunched up. Truthfully he felt rather bad- he wouldn't have really known how much she struggled with the spell if she hadn't asked for his help, but Hermione was a perfectionist and wasn't afraid to ask him for it.

And they'd spent over three hours trying to get it right.

He couldn't fathom why Hermione, brightest witch and one of the more powerful ones, couldn't get it right. She was usually spot on.

He scratched his forehead. “Hermione, I really don't know what you're doing wrong.”

She set her jaw and set about ignoring him, and a niggling suspicion poked at the back of his mind. “Hermione?”

She stopped getting ready for the spell and dropped her arm, her whole posture almost defeated as she worked her jaw and stared at the floor.

“You know what's wrong, don't you?”

When she finally turned to face him Harry didn't like the way her angry gaze seemed self incriminating and bitter.

“I'll get it, Harry- give me a bit of time.”

He blinked- “What's wrong with the spell casting?”

She frowned and glowered at the floor. “Nothing, it's me. I'll get through it- I just need a bit more practice.”

“Hermione.” He said sternly. Half worried now that she was so intently avoiding his inquiries.

She balked and drew in on herself, a sullen expression on her face. “You'll laugh.”

He snorted, frustrated and hurt that she'd think so.

She glowered at him- “I think too much.”

His brows rose in shock and he kept silent, stunned and unbelieving- that was just so much part of Hermione…

Her expression fell- “I can't keep a happy thought in my head- everything's associated with something else.”

“That's it?!” He exploded, incredulous.

She returned to her glowering- “I'd like to see you try it with all my memories to choose from.”

“Hermione, there're lots!”

“Yeah, and they all connect to bad ones!”

He threw his hands up- “Just keep a happy thought and do the spell.” How could something so simple be her sticking point? It almost made him mad. If he could overcome all his bad past to think of something wonderful enough to give his patronus a corporeal form he had no idea what could hold her back.

She gave him a pert look before settling for the spell, her face clearing into determination with the slight uplifting of joy her thought gave her…

And the spell failed.

The two friends glared at each other for the next fifteen minutes they tried to work around Hermione's thought process.

And they got fed up.

“Just do it! There's nothing holding you back!”

She promptly burst into tears and rounded on him, her glaring face accusative as she said the words for the spell- “EXPECTO PATRONUM!”

Not even a spark of silver magic burst from her wand.

Harry glowered- “This is stupid.” He said callously, uncaring of how mean he was- he hadn't even gotten to that tray of food.

She sighed angrily- “just go eat okay.”

He hated how she made him feel guilty when she was being so simply stupid. “No,” he growled out, incensed that maybe she actually thought he'd leave her when she needed his help.

She spun to him, and there was a tense moment where they couldn't take their eyes off each other- mutual disappointment warring with so many years of friendship…

He shook and startled as he found himself in a dark place, Hermione's last shout of the spell fading as he tumbled through a void he didn't understand.

Voices and faces rushed by him- nothing familiar or recognizable.

He felt warmth of emotion as he was engulfed by Ron's laughter- his strangely echoing beside it even though he knew that wasn't him. A comforting image of the trio by the fire faded from a different perspective to be replaced with Ron's harsh jeering laugh…crassly imitating the bookish Hermione and then calling her a nightmare. There was a troll- and there were boys saving her. Then they were friends, but she felt inadequate as she watched them goof around and the very thought of putting aside her homework made her stomach clench with fear and her eyes water with failure.

Her classmates snickered and jeered- She flushed with pride after the primary teacher commented on her superior marks.

The images swirled into a mess, and then he was beside a young Hermione as she happily walked with her parents down some foreign street, her shoulders back and her face beaming. Abruptly there were tears on her face and the older couple apologizing for losing her in the foreign crowd.

Harry grasped his head and shook as the memory shifted.

Crookshanks purred in her lap but then a sharp movement by them and he was gone, seconds later Ron came bellowing at her about Scabbers…Hermione stopped and stared into the shop window, spotting the glowing lambent eyes of a cat huddled in the murky shadows of the store. She entered and looked around briefly before heading that way, ignoring the others around her as they cooed over furry pets and exclaimed about how awesome the reptiles were. She couldn't ignore the patron when he smoothly interceded on her path, his cheesy smile and twitching fingers irking her as she tried to crane around him to see the cat from before. The storekeeper clucked his tongue before trying to steer her away, talking about the much better selection. Hermione shouldered her way around him and found she was staring into intelligent eyes of a bushy cat, falling in love with his forthright gaze even as the shopkeeper started ranting about it being a mutt and a terror…

There was the comforting warmth of a fireplace and the patter of rain- then there were storms and gales, windows shaking and branches creaking while she huddled on the couch and waited for her parents to come home, hidden under a blanket with her fright.

The girls were having a slumber party, eating candy and drinking butter beers as they lay spread about the room. Their laughter and chatter echoed nicely, and then suddenly they were giggling about Hermione's hopeless hair and offering to magic it normal- the conversation slipped to boyfriends and how Hermione had to try harder…

There was a sigh as she looked into the mirror, her eyes dark and her posture stooped as she glared at her reflection… Viktor Krum asked her out. The girls laughed when she said she had a date and wouldn't tell them. Then she was beautiful and she showed them all.

Her teacher raised an eyebrow as she looked over her dirty dress and messed up books- ignoring the fat tears rolling down her dirt streaked cheeks as the other kids snickered and two boys tried to look as innocent as possible. Her teacher murmured something about her trying harder to not be so klutzy on her way to school…

Keep going, Keep going; rung through his head. The childish voice breathy and struggling as a little girl walked all the way home. Her feet hurt. She arrived to an empty house and set about doing her homework as she waited for her parents to come home. She waited long until she got hungry and went to the kitchen, spotting the answering machine blinking. Her parents had left a message to tell her that they couldn't pick her up and would be staying at work late.

She walked from school, concentrated on jumping over the sidewalk cracks as her book bag swung against her small back. She stilled as the bushes beside her shifted, and watched curiously as a black cat rolled out and meowed. The cat sniffled and didn't balk as the little hand reached out to scratch along its head, his whiskers twitching against her sensitive skin as she giggled. Suddenly she was scratched as her parents shouted out to her in greeting, the nice stray darting away before anyone else saw it. Her parents fretted over her scratches but she said nothing as they told her to be more careful.

He felt an overwhelming worry as his heart clenched and his body went numb- his mind curiously still and yet overloaded as he watched his friends go right into danger again. If only they'd be more careful…if only she could do something to help…

Harry came back to himself with a splitting headache. He made a face and brought a hand to his temple- very aware that his scar wasn't hurting. He stumbled until he fell on his butt, shaking his head to get rid of the dizziness- a mental awareness that so much time had passed when his body felt like it had only been seconds.

He looked into the confused eyes of Hermione, her wand hand lazy and posture loose as she swayed and then fell. Harry reached out and caught her before she hurt herself, their breathing harsh in the room of requirement as he settled her beside him and they said nothing.

They couldn't say anything.

Harry swallowed and tried to get his breathing under control, his chest shaky and his nose burning. “Is it…is it really like that.”

Hermione let out a bitter laugh and didn't answer.

Harry looked down at his scuffed shoes and became silent.

Hermione shifted beside him. “I'm sorry. I know it's stupid.” Her voice echoed strangely in the tomb like silence.

“No,” Harry said softly. “It's just the way you are.” There was a pause. “I'm sorry.”

“Whatever for?”

“For getting so mad.”

Hermione snorted and her muscles started to relax, her body leaning into his side- “You had every right to. It's not like we read each other minds…” She trailed off and looked away, realizing that, in fact, they had basically been inside her mind.

Harry took in a breath to speak and shifted, turning to her and watching as her bright eyes turned to him. “Maybe we need to think about the spell differently- it probably doesn't have to be a memory. Isn't there something that makes you happy?”

She blinked and looked down as she thought; the furrow between her eyebrows that he always wanted to smooth away. He hesitated before he actually did so. Her wide eyes watched him before they curved in a smile, her lips parting to show her straight teeth as she finally nodded.

“Yeah, I think there is something.”

Harry smiled and blinked, sighing because he wondered how the speed of Hermione's thoughts let her associate anything with simply one thing without twisting it.

He watched her close her eyes and bring her wand up, her teeth biting her lip as she waited and took in a soft breath,.

Harry lowered his head as he watched her, ashamed to realize that it wasn't amusing at all that Hermione could never get the patronus spell right- it meant she could never clearly view anything as a happy memory.

Harry wondered if he would have realized she had a similar childhood to him- always being judged and bullied. He wondered if, somewhere, he could had turned out like her and been driven to prove to the world that he wasn't worthless.

He blinked against a burning in his eyes- because he knew Hermione wasn't worthless, she was his best friend and a wonderful girl who deserved more than she got.

Harry startled as a brilliant smile overcame her face and she gleefully shouted out the spell.

The playful otter that came out in a solid silvery mist startled them before they were both laughing, hanging on to each other to hold themselves up. The otter grew more zealous as their laughter rang out- and Harry marveled at how her joy seemed to instill bright life into the animal's eyes and make the fur move in a surreal wind.

They sat there as Hermione let the patronus drift away, the playful little thing pouncing and fading in play. They caught their breaths and turned to each other with brilliant smiles- their cheeks hurting and red as their eyes sparkled.

Harry wondered- “What was your happy thing anyway?” It had made such a powerful patronus.

Hermione twitched and then blushed. Her smile gentling as she looked away. “Just leave that one alone, Harry.”

Harry blinked; a curiosity awakening in him while all the voices in his head (his own and Hermione's and a little bit of Ron's) chimed that it might be good to know- he might be able to make Hermione happier.

“Really, I want to know.”

Hermione blushed and looked up at him from under her lashes, and as they locked eyes Harry felt a different pull- he felt how she really wanted to tell him, how she worried if he would laugh and reject her, how she was so scared because she didn't want anything to mar how happy he made her.

He blinked in shock and she licked her lips- “You make me happy Harry.”

She carefully avoided looking at him as his heart seemed to rush up into his throat and his brain oozed down his spine.

Harry couldn't fight the smile twitching at his lips- “Hermione?” He inquired, hoping she'd turn to him.

She half did so, carefully staring at his shoulder as she faced him.

His hand went under her chin, in awe of how this powerful little witch could have such feelings for him…him the waif under the cupboard and the silly boy who made mistakes- she liked Harry because he was Harry.

He looked into her eyes and leaned in closer. Staring right into her eyes as he carefully noted the flecks of gold, that one fleck of blue, and the dark hopefulness that lurked and hid.

She didn't think he'd ever choose her over all the other girls…didn't think he'd want her and all her attempts to make everyone understand…

But Harry did.

“Do you want to go get some food from the kitchens?”

She blinked and tilted her head- “But the Toad squad patrols that hallway, I don't want us to get in trouble- especially when you're only out here because I needed help.”

Harry winced and carefully hid it, sighing. Then he grinned as a table appeared behind Hermione with a steaming platter of food. “Well, then how about taking that date here?”

She blinked and her lips pursed in an `o'- Harry swallowed as she stared at him. She blushed and smiled, biting her lip.

Harry shook his head and cursed before leaning in, smoothing her lip with his thumb before kissing her softly.

It was gentle and encouraging and …perfect.

Hermione was perfect.

They parted slowly, their noses brushing against each other before he watched her eyes flutter open. “I think…” he said softly, feeling her breath fan across his cheek as he lost himself in her eyes, “that I could chase off a whole crowd of dementors right now.”

Hermione smiled brilliantly- “And I think I could help.” She whispered.

Harry grinned and helped her up.

They settled down to the meal with shy glances and reaching touches- as if to ensure the other was real and not a creation of the ROR.

But even Harry didn't think the room could make him so happy. He'd gone from brooding and disturbed to the happiest he'd been in his life (even greater than the exhilaration he felt on his broom). He hadn't understood everything with Cho and his mind had been a mess from all that had been going on- he was worried and angry and…now, somehow, Hermione made it all better.

Maybe it was true that all you needed was a happy thought.

Harry grinned at Hermione as she caught his eye and blushed, a shy smile playing on her lips…

It was good they'd found each other then.

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I am sorry for the lack of development, but I am overwhelmed with book summaries and finals and needed to relax my head with a little light writing. So the cheese, after finals it will be much more developed- the plot bunnies in my head are starting to begin clan wars though, the space is so crowded.

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