(untitled yet)

Gilksey

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 26/01/2008
Last Updated: 20/06/2008
Status: in_progress

Harry finds himself lost and torn. It's the end of 6th year and the Battle of Hogwarts has just ended, as well as someones life. Join Harry and his friends as they fight through the war and their own inner battles. (First fanfic ever! please reveiw.)Warning: character death Pairings: H/Hr but might take a while for them to realise, and D/G .. Authors note please read!

Chapters

1. untitled

2. chapter 2

3. Chapter 3

4. authors note PLEASE READ

5. Chapter 4

6. Chapter 5

7. author's note!

8. Chapter 6

1. untitled

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters used in the series, that belongs solely to J.K Rowling.

Warning: Character death

Author's note: Hey everyone! I really hope you like my story and I promise to try and update as soon as possible. Please review as this is my first fanfic and I need the criticism. As you've probably already noticed my story is untitled, I thought I'd give the opportunity to those who review to nominate different title suggestions. All the more reason to review. Well enjoy the story!

-Gilksey

Chapter 1

Harry followed Ginny to the hospital wing in a state of shock. Ginny kept casting concerned glances his way. He didn't notice. When he walked into the wing all eyes turned to him except a pair of golden browns. She was sitting slouched in a chair beside Ron's bed, he it seemed, was still unconscious and not looking too well. Professor McGonagall walked in to the wing and spoke.

“Harry, what happened? Hagrid was saying something about Snape and Dumbledore?” He turned to Ginny and gave her a pleading glance. She seemed to understand as she began telling the others what had happened. Harry went over and sat with Hermione. She didn't glance at him or acknowledge anyone else's presence; she just clutched Ron's hand with unshed tears in her blank eyes. “Harry is it true? Albus? Snape?”

“Yes, I saw the whole thing.”

“B-but Snape?! He was in the order he couldn't of!!”

“Look, if you'd like to be like the rest of the world and never believe anything I say fine then don't ask!! Now someone tell me what's wrong with my friends!!” Everyone had taken a step back when Harry snapped. It even looked as though some magic was fizzling around him.

“Uh... Well we don't know. Hermione brought Ron in here just before we sent Ginny after you. He's alive but barely, and we can't tell what's wrong.”

“Well what happened?”

“We've no idea. Hermione hasn't said a word and everyone else was dueling when whatever happened happened. It's like she's not even there. She hasn't moved, talked, she won't allow me to heal her wounds. She doesn't even realize we're all here.” Harry looked at her again. It was true, the only movement she'd done in the last 10 minutes was breathe. He walked over to her and taking her hands in his, he kneeled before her. Looking her deep in the eyes he tried to find her in there. There was no emotion in her eyes, nothing.

“Hermione? It's me. Are you there?” She had no reaction. He cupped her cheek in his hand and pulled her eyes to his. “Mione? Can you hear me? It's Harry.” She didn't make a sound, didn't move, and didn't show any emotion. All she did was look at him, really looked at him. “What happened?” She just watched him.

As Harry tried to bring back Hermione, Madame Pomfrey went to check on Ron again. Just as soon as she picked up his wrist, she dropped it again with a gasp.

“What is it?” Ginny asked. “Madame Pomfrey? What's wrong?” She looked up with tears in her eyes.

“He's dead.” A collective gasp coursed round the room just to have the air knocked out of them as though hit with a hammer. A force field had enclosed around Harry, Hermione and Ron's body. It blocked everyone else from them, to try and get through to them meant you were blasted into the wall.

“DON'T SAY THAT!!” Harry was standing tall, with red and gold sparks all around him. He was furious! How could she say something like that?! Hadn't he lost everyone else already?! Why does she need to take Ron from him too!!

Tears escaped his eyes, revealing his pain within his anger. He knew it was true; he just didn't want to believe it. “RON IS NOT DEAD!!” With each word his voice got louder, just as the sparks got stronger. By then it was as though flames were surrounding him. His green eyes blazed and his hands remained white with the force he was using to fist them. Harry refused to admit his friend was gone. He couldn't be alone. Not after all he's been through.

All of the sudden Harry calmed down. The shield was gone and so were the sparks. He felt something warm and looked down to find his hand in Hermione's. No, he wasn't alone. He still had her.

He looked at her and saw she was still not quite there. A tear had escaped but her eyes were still blank. She had cuts, bruises and dirt all over. Her clothes were torn in places and some of her hair had escaped her ponytail. She looked so lost and pained. In that moment he swore to protect her no matter what. He wouldn't lose her too, couldn't lose her. He wouldn't survive if he did.

Everyone he'd lost was like a part of him. His parents were his legs, always inspiring him to move forward and keep going. Sirius was his middle, making sure the memory of his parents always stayed with him. Dumbledore, his hands; always was guiding him. Ron is-was his head. Constantly keeping him sane. But Hermione, she was his heart, his brain. She was his reason for living and the reason he was alive. He couldn't lose her. He rejected the idea.

And so he took Ron's now cold hand in his and silently thanked him for everything he'd done. He then said his temporary goodbye. He'd see him again someday; he'd see them all. Harry turned around and helped Hermione stand then scooped her up in his arms. With her head in the crook of his neck and her arms around his neck and shoulders. He gave everyone a nod and walked out of the room leaving everyone shocked and fearful.

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2. chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Authors Note: Hey guys!! Thanks for all the great reviews and please keep them coming. The title is still under consideration as of yet. Oh and thanks to those who made me aware of some of my mistakes. In chapter 1 Hermione did not talk to Harry, that was Professor McGonagall and I also made a grammatical error. It should have said couldn't HAVE instead of couldn't OF. So thanks everyone and please keep up those reviews!! Love you all!

Chapter 2

Harry carried her to the Gryiffindor common room. Ignoring all the looks and whispers, all the questions and just walked with her into the washroom. Harry sat her on the floor against the wall while he went to get some supplies. He came back not even a minute later with a bowl of warm water, a washcloth, a change of clothes and a first aid kit. He sat next to her and pulled her into his lap. Her head was again in his neck, giving him easy access to her arm and shoulder where he found a long bloody gash. They sat silently as he cleaned her injuries.

As he neared the sleeve of her shirt he found that her wound disappeared underneath. He asked with his eyes if it was okay and hers seemed to nod. He gingerly pulled her shirt up and over her head. A scar in the center of her torso caught his eye. It was in the shape of a lightning bolt, like his but hers was a lot bigger. It looked like it had been quite painful once and it brought forth memories of a time when he had once thought he had lost her. The Department of Mysteries. She had known it was a trap, she was the only one to call him on it, and yet, she went with him anyway. Even after he had yelled and made accusations about her, after he had given her numerous chances to leave and be safe, she stayed with him. Protected him and ultimately, saved him. He had put his closest friends' lives in danger with his irrationality. He felt so ashamed with himself. Why would someone so good and brilliant still be by his side? Someone who had a wonderful future and an excellent chance at having her very own family, stay with someone doomed to kill all those around him?

He traced her scar with his index finger then kissed her forehead, silently telling her he loved her for it, for everything she's ever done for him. He expected no response, for her to be still and empty. He was gladly mistaken, for as his lips grazed her head she whimpered or groaned. He wasn't sure which, and quite frankly he didn't care at the moment.

“Hermione?” He looked her deep eyes as he had in the hospital wing and to his delight she slowly focused on him.

“Harry?” She croaked. Her throat was sore and dry.

“Yeah. It's me.” He gave her a lopsided grin. She gave a small one in return before she threw her arms around him in a fierce hug.

“You're okay! Oh Harry I was so worried! I didn't know whether or not you were hurt or anything! Oh it was so terrible Harry! All these curses were flying around, bodies everywhere and we tried our hardest, Ron and I- Ron! Ron was hit! We have to go see if he's okay! Come on Harry-Harry?” She had gotten up and was walking to the door when she turned around to see Harry with tears in his eyes. At the mention of Ron's name, tears had sprung to his eyes. She kneeled down in front of him and brushed his tears away. “Harry what's wrong?”

“We were already there Hermione. Don't you remember?” She crinkled her eyebrows together in concentration. Then she shook her head no. “What do you remember?”

“Well you left with Dumbledore, then Ron, Neville, and Ginny went to the room of requirement to look for Malfoy while Luna and I went to keep an eye on Snape. Professor Flitwick ran right into his office screaming hysterically and then Snape went up to the great hall. Flitwick I guess had passed out or something so Luna stayed with him while I followed Snape. He led me to the battle then … uhm, I-I was dueling with a death eater and out of nowhere, Ron tackled me out of the way and was hit by a greenish beam. He just collapsed. That's it. Why? What happened after that?” Harry was crying silently now. A skill he had learned at the Dursley's. He looked at Hermione. She was alive. She was barely alive because of Ron. He saved her.

“Mione, Ron's … he's d-dead.” He had hoped she'd cry hoped she'd scream and throw a tantrum. Instead he watched her expression harden, become cold, hateful even.

“Harry if this is some sort of prank you two are pulling, it's not funny.” His tears splashed the ground as he shook his head.

“I'm sorry Mione. I wish it were a joke.” She turned her face away from him, looking straight ahead at the wall to the left of him. For a second she seemed like she was thinking of something. Only for a second, then he realized she was leaving him again. Her face was becoming once again expressionless, blank. The twinkle in her eyes slowly vanishing, becoming unfocused. He panicked. She couldn't leave him, not again, not ever! He'd die without her.

“No! No Hermione! Don't leave me please! I can't lose you too! I love you Mione! Stay with me please!” At some point during his hysterical cry for her, her head snapped up to meet his tear-filled eyes. Panic and an unknown emotion filling hers. She began caressing his face with her hands, wiping his tears, calming him.

“Shh, shh. Harry It's okay. Don't worry. I'll never leave you. I love you too much. It's okay Harry, I'm here. I'm here.” She held his head against her shoulder and rubbed his back and face while, for the first time in his life, he cried out loud with screams of pain and anguish.

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3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Author's note: Wow thanks for all the amazing reviews guys! I know you guys are probably getting sick of short chapters but I'm having trouble getting some of my other chapters onto this computer from my old one. It doesn't have internet and this doesn't have floppy discs so I'm a bit stuck for the moment. With that in mind it might be a few more days, a week tops till I get chapter 4 up k? But yeah, thanks everyone for all the help it means a lot! OH! And don't forget we still need a story title Well onto the story!

Chapter 3

Hermione didn't cry. She wouldn't let herself. She needed to stay strong for him. He needed the strong, rational and brave Hermione. Not the torn, broken and weak Hermione. She needed to be there for her Harry. She could feel his pain, and as it mixed with her own she was amazed at herself for keeping it together. He seemed to have sensed she needed him also as he held her tighter. Harry ran his hands in idle circles across her back, soothing her, helping her stay strong.

When he finally stopped crying, he held her closer for a few more moments. They released each other and Hermione smiled down at him. They weren't okay. But Harry was okay. She was okay. They would be okay. He smiled back. He faltered when he noticed her eyes didn't possess the same knowing, warm sparkle they used to. To everyone else but Harry she seemed perfectly fine. Even her cheeks were a nice warm pink. Actually they seemed more red. They were! She was blushing! But why? Then he noticed her gaze flicker down to her chest, where he had forgotten she wasn't wearing a shirt!

“Harry,” She began. “Why am I not wearing a shirt?” For a few moments he just stammered and made an admirable impersonation of a fish out of water.

“I had to take it off?” He flushed furiously. Hermione just raised her brow and smirked in amusement.

“I realize that Harry, but why?” he gaped at her, trying his best not to look below her chin.

“Uh... Be-because you had a cut on y-your shoulder and I needed to clean it but it kept going under your shirt s-so I had t-to take it off and clean it. And you were sort of out of it but I kind of asked you if it was okay and you kind of nodded and so I did. I didn't take advantage or anything cause well why would I? Oh! I don't mean it like that! You have a very attractive body I-I just mean to say that you … Oh bloody hell!” Hermione just kept on laughing at him. He seemed so lost and confused. Like the teenage boy he is instead of the man he always seems to be. He knew he had been rambling and she knew he only did it when he was cornered and nervous. He realized then that that was exactly why she had done it. He began laughing right along side her as she doubled over clutching her shirt. When they finally settled down she pulled her shirt back on and helped him to his feet. She turned around to help Ron up also until she realized he wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere anymore. He would never be there anymore to laugh with them. Or even cry and fight with them. He was gone forever. The entire reality hit her then. Ron was gone. He was never coming back. He wouldn't bicker with her; he wouldn't be there for her to nag at when he didn't do his homework. He wouldn't be keeper again next year or beat anyone at chess anymore. Ron was dead.

Harry seemed to have comprehended what was going through her mind. He wanted to hold her close and tell her everything would be okay. He knew however, that she also needed this. She needed to know he was never coming back to them, needed to cry and let out whatever was building within her. Otherwise she would just become that hollow, inferi-like version of herself. He couldn't let her become that again. He knew inside that she didn't want to be that person. She wanted to fight, wanted to help him and be there for him. For now he'd let her, but should it become too hard or too dangerous, he'd protect her. He'd keep her safe and as far away from harm as he possibly could. Even if that meant she would also have to be far away from him. Right now though, she needed the pain and so he let her hurt. He was tearing himself apart but it needed to be done.

Hermione's breathe was knocked out of her at her own realization. When Harry told her, she still hadn't fully grasped the concept of no more Ron. Harry needed her right after and she pushed it aside. She pushed Ron aside for Harry. Just as he had pushed her aside for her safety. Ron had tackled her. Tackled her away from the curse that was meant for her. He died for her. It was her fault he was dead! That more than anything else knocked her off her feet. She fell to her knees with her hands over her mouth.

“Harry! I killed him! I killed Ron! It's my fault he's dead! It's entirely my fault! I killed one of my best friends! Oh Merlin!” She kept up her self loathing words as the tears he had been waiting for streamed down her cheeks at a rapid pace. As her sobs and screams filled the room. It was too much for Harry and he dropped to her side and held her to him. She pushed him away and he fell to his back. “Get away from me before I get you killed too! Go now! Please Harry leave me to rot! I don't deserve to live! I killed him! He jumped in front of the curse Harry! That curse was meant for me and he just jumped in front and died!”

“And I would have too! I would live a million years under the cruciatus curse to keep you safe Hermione!” She spun around to him, eyes blazing furiously!

“That's exactly my point Harry! You would kill your own self to protect me! I would get you killed too! I can't let you do that! No! I won't! So you need to stay away from me! Go!” He knew he should leave then, before she got any angrier, or any more insane (she couldn't possibly believe he'd leave her alone for one second could she?). He knew if he didn't want her ever hurt by Voldemort and his cronies he should leave. He knew he should at least leave her to calm down. He turned to leave, intending on coming back to her later, but he stopped. An image came to the front of his mind. A scar, very much like his own but larger. He recalled it looking painful. He should leave, to protect her, to let her calm down, to keep her from receiving the same fate as Ron. Yes, he knew all of these things, but he couldn't move. He couldn't leave her not like this; in fact he didn't think he could ever leave her. She'd done so much for him, been through so much for him. He could never leave her.

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4. authors note PLEASE READ

Authors Note: I am so sorry!!! Honestly it annoys me beyond belief when authors just do a note instead of a chapter but I had too. I finally got my files onto this computer but im stuck. So I thought I'd ask you guys your opinion. I'm going to put the next chapter up on Tuesday at the latest. But I want to know what you guys think I should do about Mrs. Weasley. I want her to have a bit of resentment but I don't know how far to take it. Should she tell them to leave her family alone? Or should she hug them with open arms? I don't know. For the life of me I can't figure out what to do so I'm calling in the big guns. Review your opinions please. The faster I figure this out the faster I can upload. Love you all! Please don't be mad with me. -Gilksey

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5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Authors note: Alright it's finally up and I'm happy to say it's longer than the last few. Even greater news is we have title nominations!! Here are some of my favorites, `Until Death Do Us Part', `The Gift of Living', `I'll Never Leave', and lastly `If You Leave'. Now if anyone still wants to submit another nomination feel free. Let me know which ones you all like best. Now it's been brought to my attention that I had written, `They weren't okay, but Harry was okay, she was okay, they would be okay.' I don't even know why I wrote that to tell you the truth. Sorry!

Chapter 4

… He could never leave her.

Harry turned and faced her. She had her knees to her chest and her hands covering her face. Harry could hear her muffled sobs from across the room. He crossed the room in three, quick, determined steps to her spot against the wall. “No.” That's all he said. That's all he needed to say, it seems. As she stood, her eyes glaring bombs at him, daggers were an understatement.

“Harry go away!” Hermione was getting quite frustrated with his stubbornness. “I don't want to hurt you.”

“Then stop telling me to leave. I need you Hermione. I need to be here for you, to protect you. I cannot lose you. Please don't make me leave. It'll kill me Mione.” She suddenly slapped him hard across the face.

“Don't you dare. Get out! Get out! GET OUT!!” With every word she slapped and punched him on every part of his body she could reach.

“Hermione stop.” He deflected a lot of her hits but she managed to get a bunch in his gut and his chest. She had stopped speaking coherently by this point. She was just screaming and hitting in blind anger. Harry growled in the back of his throat and grabbed her wrists. He pushed and pinned her against the wall. She tried to release her hands from his hold but he was stronger and held her firm against the wall. She knew she had gone too far, she knew he was furious with her and he had good reason too. He was glaring at her the worst he ever had. He was pinning her to the wall with plenty of force. He was yelling at her even. But none of that would've made her stop. Instead it was the fact that in Harry's rage, and he was enraged, he was still gentle with her. He held her firmly yes, but not in a painful manor. He yelled yes, but he chose his words carefully. Even his glare had a softness to it. It was his tenderness that silenced her.

“Just stop! Stop hitting me! Stop yelling at me and stop being a hypocrite! It's okay for you to protect me, to take care of me, to give me shite about blaming myself all the time, but it's not okay if I do the same for you?! Is that it?! I love you Hermione! Don't you get that?! I can't leave you, even if I wanted to! You're everything to me! You're all I have left!! I need you just as much as you need me! If not more! Stop pushing me away! JUST STOP!”

“But that's different Harry! It wasn't your fault for any of them it was Voldemort's! It was my fault for Ron!” Her tears were streaming down her face full-force again. Harry loosened his hold on her wrists, let her rip them free. He let her hit his chest. She wasn't trying to hurt him anymore; she just wanted to get out. “That curse was meant for me! I was supposed to die not him! Not Ron!!” He put his arms around her and held her tight. Hermione kept hitting him, only half-heartedly now.

“Hermione it's not your fault, it's Voldemort's. It's okay Mione. My Mione, it's okay.” He whispered comforting words in her ear as she clutched him closer to her. It was her turn to cry, and Harry's turn to take care of her.

Some time later, they had both calmed down enough to return to the hospital wing and check on the rest of their friends. As they walked into the wing, hand in hand, all eyes watched them. Some full of tears, others of worry and sorrow.

Harry walked to a devastated Mrs. Weasley. He nodded his head to her in a formal greeting. “I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you can forgive me one day.” She nodded her head grimly but said nothing more on the subject. This surprised everyone but under the circumstances, it was completely understandable. She merely glowered at the floor. Hermione simply gripped Harry's hand and partially hid herself behind him. She wasn't ready for the Weasley's yet. She still felt responsible and unworthy to even be in the same country as them, let alone the same room. Everyone remained silent, afraid of another outburst or saying something inappropriate.

“Was anyone else hurt?” Harry asked gently. Across the room Madame Pomfrey cleared her throat, happy to have something to do.

“A few cuts and bruises nothing too bad. I'm afraid Mr.Weasley wasn't as lucky. It seems Fenrir got him a couple times in the face. Nothing to fear though, he shouldn't change but he will have a strong appetite for raw meat. Ms.Delacour is applying the salve so he should heal up in no time. I'm sorry to saw the scars won't go away though.” Sure enough he saw Fleur beside a bloodied up Bill.

Ginny was standing in the corner of the room watching everything with a keen eye. She didn't fail to notice Harry and Hermione's hands, or the face that they seemed to move around each other. They didn't even seem consciously aware they were doing it. Every movement was like a pre-planned dance routine for them. If Harry shuffled his feet in anxiety, Hermione would rest her other hand on his shoulder. If Hermione shivered, he'd unconsciously step closer to her for heat and support. Even from her hiding place it seemed they were breathing at the same intervals. She'd known Harry wasn't hers, he could never be hers. He was Hermione's. Even if they hadn't noticed yet, Ginny did and there was nothing she could do to change it. She loved Harry, she did, but no one could love him more than Hermione. She was the only one who could calm him down or make him listen to reason. She was the only one who could get him out of Sirius's room last year. She was his and Harry was hers. Ginny knew he had panicked when Hermione was hit last year, Harry never panics. She saw just moments ago how powerful their bond was. She could never change that, she didn't want to change that. They needed each other and as much as she wanted Harry to be hers she knew he never could be. Ginny spoke up from her hiding place.

“How about you Hermione? You alright?” Hermione looked up and saw genuine concern in Ginny's eyes as well as defeat.

“I'm fine, thank you and yourself?”

“A bit tired actually. Harry? You okay?” He gave her a smile of appreciation; he knew she was trying to lighten up the room a bit.

“As good as I can be. Thank you.” She smiled back at him as Remus stood up and spoke.

“As much as I wish I didn't have to bring this up, we still need to know. Hermione? What happened to Ron?” Dead silence. Everyone stopped moving, blinking even breathing. Harry took a step protectively in front of Hermione, as she stepped closer into his shadow. “Hermione I'm sorry but you're the only one who saw what happened.”

“It's alright Professor. Uhm... well everyone w-was fighting all around, and I was fight- … I was fighting a death eater. Uh... so R-Ron... he just pushed me and I fell out of the way b-but Ron was hit. And he j-just fell. So I stunned the death eater and br-brought Ron h-here. I'm s-so sorry. It's all my f-fault. I-I wasn't good enough and he - he just saved me. I'm so sorry.” She was gasping now as sob after sob racked her body. Ginny walked slowly up to Hermione and hugged her hard.

“It's not your fault Hermione. He was only protecting you. Any of us would've done the same. Shh. It's okay.” Hermione clutched Ginny closer to her as Harry watched with tears streaming from his own eyes. He was grateful to Ginny and her words. One by one everyone came up and joined in the hug. Fred and George came first, then Luna and Neville. Fleur and Bill just smiled at her and nodded. Arthur hugged his wife closer to him, a hug she didn't return. “Mum? You okay?” Everybody turned to Molly, to see her glaring hatefully at Hermione.

“Get out.”

“What?” Harry almost yelled at her.

“I said for Hermione to get out. She's the reason my son is dead. She has no right to be here.”

“Molly! You know as well as I that-”

“Arthur be quiet. Hermione I will not ask you again. Get out!” She yelled shrilly. No one moved, they all just gasped in shock and disbelief at Molly Weasley. Harry took a menacing step forward as Ginny helped Hermione stay standing.

“Harry no. She's right I don't deserve to be here.”

“Stay wear you are Hermione. You have as much right as anyone else. Now Molly, I'm going to ask you nicely to apologize. If not then I will use force. You know it isn't Hermione's fault. If it's anyone's fault it's mine. I understand you're upset and grieving but that gives you no right to treat her this way. In case you haven't noticed we lost our best friend today! You're not the only one with a loss today. I will not stand for this behavior even if you are a second mother to us both. If she leaves, then I leave.” Mrs.Weasley stared at her 7th son with pride and fear in her eyes. She took a few soothing breaths.

“Oh dears, I'm sorry. I'm just … My Ron. My little Ronniekins is gone. I-I just can't believe it. I'm sorry Hermione darling, I just- after all the times you two have saved my family I should've known you wouldn't do this purposely. It's just easier to blame someone right in front of you. I'm so sorry. Forgive me please?” Two sets of tear stained eyes met as Hermione looked up at Molly.

“There's nothing to forgive Mrs.Weasley. You are right it is my fault. If I had been just a bit better, or faster, he wouldn't have had to intervene. I'm sorry. I can't- I have to go.” Hermione roughly pushed Ginny away and ran through the doors. She didn't know where she was going; she just needed to get out of there. All of them forgiving her, hugging her, smiling at her even though she took Ron from them. She killed him and she couldn't stand to be in that room with them all. She needed to get out and so she ran. She ran fast and long till she couldn't run anymore. She found her self at their tree. The one they would always sit under and `do their homework'. Where they would laugh, and joke and just be themselves. Today, this tree was her haven and her prison. She had run from six Weasley's to be trapped by one she would never see again. If she had had any more energy, she would have run away again. She didn't; so instead she fell to the ground. Sob after sob racking her body as all the memories, ones too painful and some of regret surrounded her; filled her. And so she cried again and again under their tree by the lake.

Author's Note: Hey guys! I hope you guy agree with what I've done. There were a lot of great ideas and I loved them all, some only wanted her to be angry to keep the story just about H/Hr. I tried to do a bit of both though to keep you all happy. But instead of the Weasley's keeping them away, I have Hermione staying away. I liked it better that way. Anyway semester two starts tomorrow so I think chapter 5 will be up by Thursday? I promise it'll be Saturday at the latest. Anyway I got to go! Review and let me know what you all thought. Love ya! - Gilksey

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6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Author's note: OMG! I'M SO SORRY!!! It took me forever to write this, my classes gave me a bit more workload then I expected plus rugby has started up again. Forgive me! But yeah, so far no one's voted on titles. So I thought I'd add another good one in there before everyone decides. How about Beautiful Disaster? Don't forget to review and vote! And thank all of you for sticking with me so far!! Love ya all! -Gilksey

Chapter 5

Harry watched her from several meters away. She was breaking his heart slowly but surely. He was angry. He was scared. He was a torrent of mixed emotions that couldn't be released.

His steps went silently against the great sobs of his best friend. He was fighting against himself whether to yell at her or comfort her. She had a right to be sad, she had a right to cry and grieve but she did not have a right to blame herself after all the times she had convinced him of the same thing.

Through her sobs she felt someone behind her. Before Harry even knew what had happened, he found himself staring at the end of her wand.

“Harry what are you doing here?” She sounded shocked but also a bit annoyed.

“I came after you.” His eyes were gentle and as was his tone but his fists were clenched. She noticed. Her wand was still at the ready lowered as it was it was still up. He noticed.

“Please go away Harry. I want to be alone.” She turned away as her words reached his ears.

“No.”

“And why not? I leave you be when you want to be alone. Why can't you leave me?” Her back was still to him but he knew she was getting almost as angry as he was.

“Because you didn't leave me. Because you didn't let me blame myself. Because you have no right to do this to yourself when it is not your fault nor are you being fair to me if you do when I was not allowed! You have no right Hermione!” She had spun around to face him with a look he could not recognize. His words had struck her. His tone had raised and his distance disappeared. He was now inches away from her. His breathing deep and her reaction not yet identified.

She was shaken by how right he was. She had let her emotions run wild and she had become a hypocrite. She was disappointed and angry with herself. Hermione again broke down in tears.

“I'm sorry Harry. I'm so sorry. You're right.” In the span of a heartbeat he had her cradled in his arms. His demeanor changed to caring.

“It's not your fault. It's Voldemort's. We'll get him for this Hermione. I promise you we'll get him.” She cried into his shoulder, tears of grief and no longer self loathing.

The sky began to lighten. Sunset was approaching and they still had yet to sleep. Deciding on not returning to their crowded dorms, they cuddled up together under their tree; Ron's tree. Shading them, protecting them as he'd done so many times before.

The funeral for Ron and Professor Dumbledore was to be held within the next two days. The students would be heading home early, following the funeral. Hogsmeade was packed full with people to be attending the funeral. Fawks was still nowhere to be found and the sky seemed to want to defy the atmosphere. The sun was shining tall and the weather was comfortable.

By the time Harry and Hermione woke up it was past lunch. They headed to the kitchens avoiding as many people with sympathetic words for them as possible. They didn't need to be reminded every few seconds. They had their own memories for that.

As they entered the kitchens they found similar emotions found on each and every face of the house elves. It seemed Ginny and Luna had missed lunch also as they were sitting at the round table in the corner. Both had puffy eyes from consistent tears and lack of sleep.

“How are you Ginny?” Hermione asked gently as her and Harry took seats across the table from the two girls.

“As good as can be expected. You?” She smiled grimly up at them through her long red waves.

“Likewise. Luna you alright?” All eyes suddenly swept to Luna's. Her once distant and dreamy expression was now one of complete sorrow.

“No. But maybe one day.” She then became quite interested in her clasped hands. The others understood that to be the end of that discussion. Dobby soon came over to ask what he could get them and offer his condolences. The whole time Ginny only watched Harry's gentle hands, wrapped around Hermione's trembling one. She knew it was over, she even wondered if it had ever begun. She also knew that Harry needed her to let him go. He may not know it yet, but he desperately needed it.

“Harry?” He looked up almost startled to find her there, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Yeah of course Gin. Be right back.” He kissed Hermione on the head to ensure her he would be back. He and Ginny quietly exited the kitchen and stood outside the painting of the pear.

Luna and Hermione merely sat quietly, both lost within their own minds. Hermione glanced up at Luna and just watched her for a moment. She kept worrying her bottom lip, and picking at her fingers. Tears were falling freely from her eyes. Hermione was startled by how much she had seemed to change in the span of a night. She was no longer distant; her eyes had lost their dreamy appeal. She was openly scared and depressed. This was not Looney Lovegood; this was a grief stricken lover.

“You loved him didn't you?” Luna didn't so much as glance at Hermione.
“With all my heart.” Hermione then got up and sat back down beside Luna. She hugged her friend, allowing her to cry freely.

Harry and Ginny returned moments later. Harry gave Hermione a questioning look and she just rolled her eyes slightly, as if to say later. He nodded and sat down next to Ginny. The four ate their food in relative silence and quietly left simultaneously.

That night in the common room, Harry and Hermione were seated on the couch in front of the fire. Hermione's head was once again resting in the crevice of his neck with her legs draped across his lap. Harry had one arm gently rubbing mindless patterns into her back while the other fiddled with her hands in her lap. For the last hour or so they had been seated like this, both lost in their own thoughts. When suddenly Harry broke the silence.

“What happened with Luna while Ginny and I were gone? She seemed way more upset then I would have expected.” She lifted her head from its place and looked him in the eye as she spoke.

“Did Ron ever speak of Luna? Ever?” Startled by the seemingly random question, he hesitated.

“To be honest, the only time I think I've ever heard him talk about her was when he had called her Looney Lovegood last year. Why?”

“Because she was completely in love with him. And I think he felt the same.”

At first Harry stared at her as if her skin was turning lime green, slowly though he thought about it more seriously. The more he thought about it the more he realized it was most likely true.

“For example, in the Department of Mysteries he had grabbed her hand and took off with Ginny trailing behind, he's never said another word against her since about half-way last year. Don't forget they were writing each other over all the school breaks. Also, when you left and the school was being attacked, he made sure she was going with me and that I would watch out for her. It all makes sense Harry.”

“What about all those times he disappeared? He was probably with her.”

“You're right! We should talk to Ginny about all this. She would be most likely to know about any of …” She trailed off her sentence when she saw the hesitant look appear on his face. “What is it Harry?”

“I don't think we should talk to Ginny for a while.” Hermione's face was then a perfect vision of shock.

“Why not?” Harry winced slightly at her raised tone.

“Well … you see… it's kind of a long story?” He blushed as Hermione raised her brow accusingly.

“Summarize it for me.”

“Wekinyabrkeuptday …” By the way her eyes widened, he could tell she knew what he said but still;

“Pardon me?” He sighed loudly then looked directly into her eyes defiantly.

“I said we broke up today. At lunch.” She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and her shoulders dropped, as did her tone.”

“I'm so sorry Harry. Did she tell you why?” Instinctively, her arms were around him in a comforting gesture.

“She just said I'd thank her down the road. It was sort of mutual actually. I was kind of feeling that we were already drifting apart. As much as I don't want to admit it, me and her, it was always more of a fling then anything else. Like we didn't talk about anything important, it was only ever trivial things. It was entirely physical.”

Hermione was shocked. Not by the words that had come out of Harry's mouth but by how much it affected her when he said it. She had felt a strong twinge of … something. That hadn't happened since Cho was around. As always though, she pushed it aside to analyze later. For now she needed to just ignore it and help out Harry.

“Did she say anything else?” He chuckled to himself.

“Yeah actually. She said, in her words, `Hurry up and open your eyes you oblivious prat.' She wouldn't tell me what she meant by that though. It was kind of confusing.” To anyone else it would have seemed as though he wanted someone to explain but to Hermione it was the end of the conversation. His gaze was returned to the fire, his hand started rubbing her back again and both left with their own thoughts.

*

PS Rugby and midterms are starting and as much as I hate myself for doing this, it might be a while again till I update. I'm so sorry, I love you all please don't hate me! <3 Gilksey

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7. author's note!

Author's note: OMG! I'm so sorry!! You guys were right and thank you thank you thank you for showing me! I already updated that chapter. Jeez! I feel stupid lol. Please forgive me! I promise to write a nice long chapter for that little upset. Forgive me. I less-than-three you all. -Gilksey

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8. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Warning: Kinda dark. Don't read this chapter if that upsets you.

Screams filled her ears as she entered the great hall. Bodies were strewn any and everywhere. There was so much blood. It sickened her; made her stomach stir. How could such a simple word as power create such destruction?

She ducked out of the way of a gruesome curse and ran to defend her peers. Curses and hexes were flying across the room. If it weren't for the deadly effect of it all, it could be considered beautiful; maybe even inspiring.

The girl paused in her dueling to take everything in again as she watched her friends, her teachers and respected elders fight. She watched them fight against those who wanted only power, who had only greed and devastation in their hearts. She watched those who meant so much to her, fall before those who cared so little. She watched Ginny get struck into a wall. She saw Neville get large gashes cut into his flesh. There were her role models, Lupin and McGonagall trying desperately to protect all these children. She watched these horrible, things kill everyone around her. She watched them do such atrocious things to such good people, with a smile on their faces; with a twinkle in their eyes.

She could do nothing to stop it. She was a prisoner in her body watching those around her fall dead. She could do nothing as Neville was struck with a Sectumsempra and died before her eyes. She could do nothing as Remus Lupin, a brilliant and gentle soul, was decapitated with his own wand. She could do NOTHING as Ginny Weasley, the closest person she had to a sister, was Crucioed so much that she killed herself.

She cried in her prison; screamed and tried with everything she had to stop this. It was useless and she was only proven correct. She watched Lord Voldemort come to stand before her. She should fear him, hate him, and be furious with him. But she didn't. She just felt sorrow and remorse for those she couldn't protect. For those she wasn't smart enough to save. She felt nothing for this man. She just watched him with empty eyes.

“You let them die. You stood there and watched these people you called friends die. You're just as bad as us, if not worse. You couldn't save them. You're just a stupid, mud-blood after all. Don't worry, I can help you. I can make you strong enough, smart enough. You may be considered human when I'm done with you. Just give me your arm and it'll all go away.” The girl watched in horror as her arm raised against her will. She watched through her flowing tears as the puppeteer in her friend's deaths, branded her with his mark. “Good girl. Now watch as I erase the last of your old life. Bring in the muggles.”

She girl watched as her parents were tortured and killed. She remained motionless and blank as they brought in everyone she ever loved and killed them. Inside she screamed and fought little hope. She needed to be free, she needed to fight, to try and protect them.

“The blood traitor, bring him.” She let out a ragged breath as Ron Weasley, her brother, her best friend and annoying friend was dragged in by his signature red hair. His eyes fell upon her and widened in shock. He barely recognized her, with her stone cold stare and her arm glowing with her new symbol. She watched him search for her caring smile, her constantly worried eyes and the spark of knowledge she would always get.

“What are you doing here? Run! Go before they get you too!”

“She's not going anywhere blood traitor. She's with me now.”

“What is he talking about? You can't be with him! He's dark and evil! You're nothing like that! Please come back to me. You're my best friend, my second sister. I need you. Please?”

The words that next fell from her mouth were ones she never thought she was capable to say.

“Please my Lord, might I be the one to take his life?”

“Of course my child.” She watched as her hand took the wand presented to her. She was forced to watch as her body erased one of her dearest friends from existence; as the life seeped away from his body and left his eyes.

She felt no grief, no regret or sadness. She felt only emptiness. She felt like she was falling into a bottomless pit; never to return to him again.

Time stopped around her as the next victim entered.

“Harry?”

“What's going on? Why are you here?” His eyes fell on her marked arm. He turned cold, and hatred filled his eyes. His wandering eyes fell then upon Voldemort's wand wrapped firmly in her hand. “You've joined him. How could you do this? You've killed them all. You've taken their lives! You've become what we've always hated! You've turned into a monster.” She collapsed onto her knees as his words tore her insides apart.

“No I-I didn't mean to Harry. I swear; I tried. I tried to save them Harry, I did. I wasn't strong enough. Harry you have to believe me. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry.” She wrapped her arms around him and cried for all the deaths she had to see. He hesitated then his arms were around her too.

“I didn't want to ever have to do this. I'm sorry you lost yourself.” She had no time for the confusion to settle before she felt something pierce her back. Harry stabbed her with Sirius's pocket knife.

“Harry?” She kept her arms around him as the blood poured out of her.

“I had to. You killed them all. You killed Ron.”

“Harry please. You have to believe me.” His eyes were filled with such disgust and hatred she felt heart breaking as she looked in them.

“Die Hermione!”

*

Hermione sat bolt upright from the position she was sleeping in. She abruptly ran into the bathroom and spewed the contents of her stomach. After Hermione washed her mouth out she returned to the common room. The fire was still burning; the elves must've stocked it up a bit. Her eyes fell on the peaceful form laying on the couch.

His glasses were askew on his nose, the blankets were strewn across his waist and his hair was more unruly then ever. Hermione took in his moving chest and heard his soft murmurs. Tears erupted from her eyes. She watched Harry sleep; calm and alive. She contained the sobs that wracked her so as not to wake him up.

She took a seat on the edge of the couch. She took off his glasses and set them on the nearby table. Her hands brushed his hair away of their own accord and slide down to caress his strong jaw. He stirred with the contact and turned into her palm. She continued her motions until he awoke fully. She selfishly took away his sleep for comfort. She needed him to hold her and tell her everything would be alright. The lie wouldn't matter as long as he held her close and just let her cry.

As startled as he was to find her crying, Harry calmly pulled her towards him. No words we're exchanged. They didn't need to be. He knew all she needed was him to hold her, prove he was alive and still loved her. He'd had many nightmares of her death and she had done the same; just held him and let him cry.

As the sobs she had tried so hard to contain quaked her, Harry just held her close to his heart and kissed her temple; offering as much comfort as he could.

Within minutes she had fallen back asleep. Harry laid back down and positioned them comfortably. With her head on his shoulder and his arms around her, he too fell asleep.
They both fell into a peaceful sleep knowing everything would be okay. Not now, not tomorrow, but in the future they will be alright. Maybe just maybe, they could survive this after all.

*

Author's Note: IM SO SORRY!!! PLEASE DON'T HATE ME! <3<3<3 I know I took forever but blame my teachers! The overloaded us completely! But at last summer is here and I should be able to write a bunch of chapters. We still need a title guys so please please please vote.

I have another apology … for my stupidity in giving you all hope for a new chapter that ended up being the exact same as last time. I'm so so SO sorry about that. I fully expect a good scolding through your reviews and please don't hesitate. I deserve it completely. I still love you all and I hope you feel the same - Gilksey

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