Broken

tastethekiss

Rating: R
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 7
Published: 19/02/2008
Last Updated: 19/02/2008
Status: in_progress

"Everything I've ever told you has been a lie! I never meant any of it! Sometimes I wonder why I wanted you so bad." Lily looked at him. "Please, don't do this. When you put this ring on my finger, you promised you wouldn't leave me."

Chapters

1. With This Ring

1. With This Ring

"I don't know if I can do this."

Lily frantically stood up, grabbing his arms, pulling him close. "No, no, it's not over, James! Don't give up on me! You said--"

"It was a lie!" he snarled, wrenching away from her grip. "Everything I've ever told you has been a lie!"

"I don't believe you!" She could feel the tears, felt her throat closing tighter with every word he uttered. Her world was crashing before her.

"Well it's true! Everything-- all lies! All the things I've told you-- complete bullshit! I never meant any of it!"

She gasped for breath, reaching for him. "That's not true! Don't give up on me, James!"

"Oh, of course it's all about you, Lily. It's always about you, isn't it? You're selfish Lily-- so fucking selfish."

"Stop it!"

"No! I can't even stand being around you! Sometimes I wonder why I wanted you so bad, why I fed you so much shit-- and you ate it up!"

"James, stop it!"

"Why did I waste so much time on you?"

He broke off, panting.

Lily could only gape at him. "Aren't you always saying to work for the good of the people?" she whispered.

"I think we need to focus on the good of us before other people." His words were cold and hit Lily like a lump of bricks.

"The Order needs me, James."

"And I need you."

"You're acting like a child!" She lashed out, reaching her breaking point. "You knew what we-- what I-- signed on for! You encouraged me."

James laughed. "Oh, did I?"

James' glare shook Lily to her core, quenched her stomach. He had never looked at her like that.

"I don't remember it that way, Lily," he continued and the Lily's stomach continued to tighten. "I told you not to-- told you!" His volume increased and he took a deep breath. "You insisted that it would be okay, Lily," he relayed in a smooth tone, holding fury and a wildness that scared her. "I distinctly remember saying that you shouldn't sign up for an Order mission if you're fucking pregnant!"

"But I wasn't pregnant!"

"It was your second scare, Lily. Fuck's sake, we obviously aren't careful, and now you tell me you're being transfered to the fucking wilderness in God knows where, and at the same time hit me with the news that you thought you might be pregnant--"

"But I'm not!"

"--again." James sighed. "Lily, I can't take this anymore. We're married, damn it, and we should be happy. We deserve some fucking happiness in our lives."

Lily rubbed her face, sinking onto the sofa. "We will have happiness," she mumbled, quietly, brokenly, unsteadily. "When this war is over."

"And when will that be?"

Silence.

"I don't know. I just don't know, James. But I have to go and help fight this demon so our lives aren't ruined forever!"

"And what if you die in the process?"

"Then that's a risk I'll have to take!" Lily cried, distraught. "Don't you think I just want this whole thing to end? I want to have a family, James! I want to have a career! I want to know that I'm guaranteed a few more fucking years on this earth!"

James lowered himself to the sofa beside her. "Don't go."

Lily shook her head. "I have to go."

He looked at her. Looked at her critically, taking in the bags underneath her eyes, the sallow cheeks. Results of a war they didn't deserve.

He wanted the war to end. But he needed her when it did.

"Then I can't do this."

Lily shuddered. "Please, don't do this. When you put this ring on my finger, you promised you wouldn't leave me."

James looked at her.

"You said it, James! You said the vows! You promised!"

James looked at her.

"'Till death do us part'!" Lily cried, alarmed at his silence. Panic invaded her senses, her mind kicking into overdrive as James stood up and moved to the kitchen. Lily followed him, unaware of what she was doing. Unsure of what was happening.

James stood silently, staring at his ring.

"'Till death do us part'!" Lily screamed, and screamed again, and again, begging and pleading for him to look at her, to promise her, to repeat his vow.

Slowly, he slipped the ring from his finger. He set it on the table.

"It just might come to that."

Lily fell to the ground, screaming, pleading, heart shredded, shredded and broken into unfixable pieces, her mind falling apart, ringing in her ears, her entire world being ripped away as he walked through the kitchen and out the door.

Out of her life.