SPEW: “Society for the Promotion of Elvish Wrongfare”

Disclaimer: I lay no claims on the intellectual property that is the “Harry Potter Universe”. That honor belongs to J.K. Rowling. I would like to say that I do a fair decent job of cleaning it up with my own works of fiction though!

SPEW: “Society for the Promotion of Elvish Wrongfare”

Jo Bob

Hermione scribbled tirelessly into the night. Her quill blazed trails of justice as she finalized her third poster supporting SPEW. It was a rather impressive poster in itself and Hermione was very proud of her handiwork. Across the top, “SPEW” was boldly printed with the acronym explained conveniently right below. The center of the poster was a quick and concise listing of the various ways that House Elves were wronged: “How would you feel if: You worked 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You received absolutely no breaks or vacations to wind down after having worked for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And even after working for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and receiving absolutely no breaks or vacations to wind down, you still didn’t get paid.” Yes, quick and concise was Hermione’s way of reaching out to the world. And finally, at the bottom, in flashing gold lettering, “SPEW wants YOU!!” Farther below that, the next SPEW meeting was listed. And even farther down (in fine print mind you) was “2 Sickle Membership Fee Required.” Yes, Hermione was very proud indeed.

The tired, but very satisfied, girl spun around when she heard a floorboard creak obnoxiously. “Harry!” she exclaimed, “What are you doing up so late.”

“I fancied a walk in the bright sunlight.” He deadpanned.

Hermione rolled her eyes, “Be serious, Harry. You should go back to bed, you look horrid and tired.”

“No, I’m gleaming and alert.” Harry continued. Rubbing his eyes quickly he went on to ask, “What are you doing up so late?”

“I was finishing this poster for SPEW.” Hermione answered.

“Why?” Harry asked.

“Well, it’s been a bit inactive for a while, and I thought I’d start it up again. I’m serious about it this time. We’re going to completely liberate the House Elves.”

“Why?!” Harry asked incredulously.

“Harry! As my boyfriend, aren’t you supposed to support me?” Hermione asked, hurt.

Harry rubbed his forehead and took a deep breath. “Hermione, it’s not that I don’t support you…”

“Then what is it?”

“As your loving boyfriend, and more importantly, your best friend, I feel it imperative for me to point out that you’re wasting your time campaigning for the House Elves.”

Hermione’s eyes narrowed and she looked at Harry disapprovingly. “Harry, you’re just saying that because you like the life of luxury that you live at the expense of those poor elves.”

Harry moved forward and took Hermione’s hands gently into his, “Hermione, you don’t understand. The House Elves like working like they do.”

“That’s because they’ve been brainwashed to do the work for nothing in return. What happened to equality amongst magical beings?”

“Hermione, they’re innately wired to like the work. In fact, they don’t even want to be set free.” Harry answered gently.

“How do you know that?”

“Well, House Elves already have very special magic. They can apparate within Hogwarts. They can also apparate to their masters even if they’ve never been to the place before. With magic as powerful as that, they would have revolted already if they had wanted to.”

“I stand by brainwashing.” Hermione answered resolutely, “They don’t know that revolt is an option.”

“Trust me,” Harry answered with a smile, “They know because of you.” Hermione still looked skeptical. Harry stood up and pulled her up to her feet, “Let me show you.”

It was Hermione’s turn to look incredulous. “Harry, it’s the middle of the night. We might get caught!”

Harry snorted, “We’re up already, I think we should just get this settled now. Besides, we’ve gone out like this loads of times before. Remember last week when I took you to Hogsmeade? You weren’t complaining then, and we still didn’t get caught anyways.”

Hermione sighed, and conceded with a small smile of her own, “Fine, whisk me away, Mr. Potter.”

Harry grinned and pulled Hermione through the Portrait Hole.

~<>~

The couple flew down the enchanted stairways of Hogwarts. Harry had Hermione’s hand in his firm grasp as he led her through the maze that was Hogwarts. Coming around a corner, Harry stopped abruptly. Hermione bumped into him as he stopped abruptly. His arm quickly circled around her as he pulled her close. I quick “Eep!” was all thaermione through the t she had the opportunity to yelp.

Filch was on his nightly prowls around the castle. Miss Norris mewled softly which alerted him to a presence nearby. Being a seasoned warrior of the dark corridors, Filch immediately stopped and listened. The faint echoing of footsteps confirmed his suspicions. “Come on, Miss Norris, there are some students out and about.” He muttered darkly. The two crept forward with their instincts. Miss Norris’s keen ears and Filch’s hawk eyes made for a frightening combination. They continued to inch along the hallways, looking for signs of the misbehaving students. Finally, coming to a corner, they paused. Miss Norris seemed to nod and Filch nodded in return. All at once, they jumped out from around the corner!

Nothing.

Nothing was there. Disappointed, Filch cursed quietly under his breath. With a deep sigh, the old caretaker and his loyal cat carried on their evening rounds.

~<>~

Hermione and Harry let out a great sigh of relief from beneath the Invisibility Cloak. They both laughed softly as Harry pulled it off.

“That was too close,” Hermione breathed.

Harry continued to hold Hermione in his arms as he smiled. “Hermione, I just want you to know that I will always support and protect you.”

“I know.” Hermione replied with a big smile. She leaned up and kissed Harry soundly on the lips.

After a quick minute (or two!) of snoggng, Harry pushed her away. “Come on, let’s keep moving. The kitchens are close.”

Hermione smirked, “I’ve never known you to give up a snogging session before.”

Harry rolled his eyes, “Let’s just go.”

~<>~

The two finally made it to the bright lights and the delicious smells of the kitchen. Making their way in, the happy chatter and noise instantly stopped as the busy House Elves turned to see who the newcomers were.

Oddly though, they remained silent this time. They simply stood there staring at Harry and Hermione who stood at the entrance of the kitchens awkwardly.

“What’s the matter?” Hermione asked Harry quietly.

“I’m not sure.” Harry answered honestly.

“Harry Potter, sir!”

A lone elf emerged out of the crowd with a wide smile on his face. His head was adorned with about twenty hats and he had on at least three pairs of socks. “So good of you to come the kitchens. What shall Dobby get you and your missus to drink?”

“Dobby!” Harry smiled warmly, “actually, we have a question.”

Dobby moved closer, “Dobby will try his best to answer Harry Potter, sir.”

Harry and Hermione bent down to the elf’s height to whisper into his ear. “Why is everyone so quiet now?”

“Oh, they have heard news of your spew starting again,” said Dobby pointing to Hermione, “They’re just scared, that’s all.”

Hermione snorted, “Why would they be scared of me?”

“Dobby thinks that they don’t want to be free.”

“That’s preposterous.” Hermione exclaimed, “Why not? You’re free and perfectly happy.”

“Oh Dobby is not free, Harry’s missus. Harry Potter, sir, is my master.”

Hermione whirled around to face Harry. He only gave her a bewildered look and mouthed, “I have no idea what he’s talking about.” Hermione turned back to Dobby to see him nod emphatically with a huge smile on his face.

“I don’t understand.” Hermione looked bewildered.

“Dobby will try his best to explain. It is like money in your world. More money is good right?” Hermione nodded. “For House Elves, to serve our masters well is better than to be free. It’s the same as money.”

“More money means you can buy things.” Hermione said.

“Serving our master well means they’re happy.” Dobby answered just as simply.

Hermione was dumbfounded, “But aren’t you bothered by never having breaks?”

Dobby shook his head, “Dobby doesn’t need breaks. I like serving Harry Potter. You don’t seem to take breaks from making money either. I don’t see what is so different.”

Hermione finally sighed, “So you really don’t want to be freed?”

“No,” Dobby answered, “Trying to free us is an insult. It symbolizes to us that you don’t think we are worthy of serving our masters.”

“Oh.” Hermione nodded in understanding.

“If Harry’s missus, wants more proof, perhaps Dobby can show you our own organization.” Hermione shrugged, but waited for Dobby to continue.

“Dobby does not participate, but there are some House Elves that are involved.” Dobby pulled out a button from his plethora of hats. On it read “SPEG”.

“What is ‘speg’?” Harry asked. Being quiet the entire time, he finally spoke up.

His question was answered when the button suddenly, the words on the button began to change.

“Society for the Protection of Elves from Granger”

“Oh!” Hermione gasped.

Harry found her hand and squeezed it gently. “What does this group do, Dobby? Do they poison Hermione’s food?”

Dobby looked mortified, “Of course not, Harry Potter, sir. They don’t do much of anything. The elves that are involved in this just warn other elves of Harry’s missus’s advances.”

Harry nodded after a moment. “Thank you so much, Dobby. I think we’ve seen enough for tonight.”

“Good bye Harry Potter, sir, and his missus.”

~<>~

Having made their way uneventfully up to the Common Room again, Harry sat down with Hermione in the couch in front of the fire. “Are you alright, Hermione?”

“I never meant to hurt them.” Hermione exclaimed mournfully. “I guess I was doing more wrong then I thought.”

“I know, Hermione. No one blames you for anything.”

“They all probably hate me!” Hermione cried.

“Hermione, you’re being ridiculous. They don’t hate you. They all know that you had your heart in the right place when you started SPEW.”

Hermione sighed, “I guess I was actually wrong this time.”

Harry smiled, “It happens sometime, Hermione.”

“I’m just not used to it.”

Harry laughed, “Well I am. And trust me, if I can handle it, you can too.”

Hermione pulled Harry into a fierce hug, “Thanks for everything Harry.”

Harry grinned, “It’s nothing, Hermione. As your loving boyfriend as well as best friend, I’ll always be here to support you in anything you do, as well as protect you—even from yourself.”

“Yeah.” Hermione agreed with a smile.

“So,” Harry asked after a moment, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m better than alright!” Hermione answered. Then she pulled Harry into another deep kiss. Neither would pull back for quite some time!

Fin

AN: There you have it everyone! I’ve been inspired to write by you the readers and reviewers! The response to the story I posted last week was great and I thought I’d treat you guys. The inspiration for this story is rather strange. I have seen tons of fics where Harry is the one screwing everything up. I thought I’d change it up a bit by putting Hermione in that position. This was just a cute little idea that came into my head last night. I hope you all enjoyed it! Cheers!