Cupid's Lost His Wings by moogle Rating: PG Ship: Harry & Hermione Canon: Books 1 - 5 Genre: Humor, Romance Status: Complete Length: 26,125 words in 5 chapters Published: 11 Apr 2008 Last updated: 26 Apr 2008 It seemed like the perfect plan... until a bunch of the most unlikely match-makers decided to spoil it with their own plots. From the Unofficial Portkey Archive: https://portkey-archive.org/story/7998/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. Spurned Lovers, United Plotters Disclaimer: Everything you recognise isn’t mine, and actually even the plot isn’t mine, haha. This is a response to a challenge on Portkey. Thread link here What I can promise is that it will be a lot of fun. (Actually I just hope it will be.) For my usual readers, I am terribly sorry for pausing my fics to do this, and I will try to get back to those as soon as I can!!! Spurned Lovers, United Plotters Cho layered the lipgloss on her already glossy lips and gave them a great smacking kiss at the conjured mirror hovering before her startlingly pretty face. Oh she knew she was hot stuff alright, but the thing was Harry Potter, the man she absolutely loved and adored, just didn’t seem to get it, or in fact even see it. She didn’t know whether he was just particularly stupid, or maybe those glasses did more to his eyesight than she knew, but either way his lack of love for her was obviously someone else’s fault and in no way hers. She was wonderful! Perfect! She was Cho Chang… Scowling at a bit of lipgloss on her teeth, Cho rubbed it rather unsubtly with her finger and once satisfied that she was looking perfect again, smiled sweetly at her reflection. A clock chimed in the distance, and she was suddenly reminded of why she was standing in this stinking, smelly alleyway where an old man was snoring with a bottle of firewhiskey sitting snugly in his lap just a few feet away from her near some rubbish bins that reeked of three-day-old fish. She glared at the man for a moment as if it was all his fault the idiotic Bulgarian she was supposed to be meeting had not turned up. That letter she’d sent Viktor Krum, blotted woefully with teardrops shed from gloriously brown eyes, had demanded he come see her as a matter of urgency in Diagon Alley at 3pm on Tuesday. It was now 3:01pm, and he still had not turned up! The nerve of him! If Victor didn’t come in two more minutes she would cry. Then he’d be sorry, especially since it would ruin all her perfect makeup. It was a curious thing why she had sent that letter to Viktor Krum of all people. They had randomly met at a party and had somehow ended up talking about Harry and Hermione. Both had soon confessed they still had feelings for their past lovers, and the next day, after having cried herself heartily to sleep, Cho knew she needed to do something about this. So she had sent the letter, and here she waited. “Oh where is he?” Cho snapped darkly to herself, tapping her shoe against the cobbled stone in great exasperation. More than likely Viktor was lost and asking directions in his stupid accent about where to find secret alleyways. She wouldn’t be surprised; he was no Ravenclaw after all. He was nothing but a great brute that had an accent to give him some appeal. She didn’t know what that Hermione Granger had seen in him… Cho’s face darkened into a decidedly jealous expression as she-who-must-not-be-named came into her thoughts. It was all her fault. If that bushy-haired, meddling tart wasn’t always trying to steal Harry’s affections, she was sure he would like her again. She just had to remove Granger from the picture and then she and Harry would be happy once more. It was disconcerting he wanted to spend time with the static haired girl more than herself though, but Cho was sure Granger was using love potions. How else could Harry look at the Gryffindor over her? Cho once more glanced at her watch and felt her already miniscule patience wearing even more thin. It was now 3:01pm and 40 seconds. How dare he make her wait like this when she stated in her letter, which was very well-written she thought, that this was an imperative, urgent- and all those other words that meant the same thing she could not think of right now in such a distraught state- meeting! “Finally I find you,” A very relieved, and yet horribly annoying Bulgarian voice said from behind her. Cho swept around and saw the dark haired Bulgarian man looking just as awkward and uncoordinated as he always did on the ground. Her small hands clenched into fists, and tears threatened to spill already from her dark brown eyes. Didn’t he realise how upset she was having to wait and thinking that he had abandoned her to a life as a spinster forever pining for her sweet Harry? “You’re late! I’ve been waiting for ages!” Viktor’s dark eyebrows drew together into a defensive frown. “But you did not specify which alley you were meeting in. You just said, ‘meet me in the secret alley’- How am I supposed to know which alley that is? I had to ask directions-” She knew it! She knew he would have to ask directions! And how dare he say it was her fault! She wrote that letter perfectly! She would not get angry though. She would be the mature one and just take the conversation back to the matter at hand. “Well never mind that now. We have more important things to discuss, like how you and I have both been spurned by our lovers. I know you must be feeling the pain just as much as I, and so I declare an alliance to break Harry and Granger up so we can be happy again.” “I would like my Hermyninny to be with me again.” Viktor said wistfully. “Right,” Cho managed to say without even shuddering. She was quite proud really. “So now we need to decide what to do with Granger.” “You mean Potter.” “Whatever,” Cho snapped huffily. “The point is that my sweet Harry is stuck with that horrible bushy-haired bookworm, and-” “-My Hermyninny has been tricked into being with that insane, little man.” “There’s only thing we can do,” Cho said gravely, her voice taking on the tone of someone about to storm a great fort. “We have to set them up on a blind date.” Viktor scratched his head, opened his mouth once or twice to speak, and then just ended up staring at her in frank bewilderment. “I don’t get it. Why are we setting them up on a date?” “Not them!” Cho replied scathingly, wondering how it was no one ever seemed to follow her train of thought. “I mean we write them anonymous letters asking them to come on a date, but we will be the ones who greet them.” Viktor wasn’t quite sure if this would work, but he was not blessed with great thinking skills, and had often been told in life that it was dangerous for him to think too much anyway. He nodded his head, saying in his thick Bulgarian accent, “So we shall pretend that we’re the ones meeting them, and that will separate them?” Relieved that his fluff-stuffed head was finally catching on, Cho nodded with a brilliant smile. “Yes. Once Harry sees me there he’ll be sure to fall in love with me again and no longer care about that horrible, conniving wench!” “Don’t call her that! Hermyninny is perfect in everyway!” Viktor snapped, looking suddenly menacing as his thick, dark eyebrows drew into one. “I can call her whatever I like!” Cho retorted heatedly, eyes flashing and chest heaving. “She stole my Harry!” “Well your Harry stole my Hermyninny. She was always talking about him to me, and he doesn’t deserve her at all. Plus he’s insane. Look at all the stuff they say about him in the papers.” “He’s not insane. He’s our saviour,” Cho insisted, looking very close to tears. Viktor rolled his eyes and said that he didn’t believe her. Cho then got very worked up and declared she was not going to help him at all if he was going to be disagreeable like this. They continued on in this fashion for a while, neither of them noticing that another person had attended their ‘secret meeting’ and was now making his own plans. Neville Longbottom, short, round-faced, and horrendously forgetful, had somehow lost Trevor while walking to Madam Malkin’s. His hopping little friend had led him down the maze-like alleyways to this very spot, and upon finally finding his wandering toad, familiar voices had drifted to his ears making him pause and listen. It seemed the unlikely duo were planning to split Harry and Hermione up, but Neville knew his two friends were not even together, which made him wonder why Cho and Viktor cared so much. That got him thinking though… what if instead of splitting them up like Viktor and Cho wanted to do, he brought them together? For all that people thought him stupid, Neville was rather observant when he wanted to be, and he had seen that Harry and Hermione had a thing for each other- just as Cho and Viktor obviously had seen too. The more Neville thought about the idea the more he liked it, but there was just one problem: he couldn’t do it alone. “There’s only one person who can help.” His stomach did a funny wobble at the thought of talking to her, but she was the only girl he could think to go to. Maybe that was because she was the only girl he thought about anyway… Some time later, panting and leaning on his knees for breath, Neville stopped in front of an attractive young woman with mischievous brown eyes and bright red hair, though she was not facing him, and in fact hadn’t even noticed him yet. She was sitting at her secretary’s desk in the Auror department, humming and rocking her head back and forth as the Wizarding Wireless played a catchy tune, while scribbling down notes for her boss. He felt butterflies flutter in his stomach at the mere sight of her until he felt positively sick with nerves, and for one wild moment considered just running away and giving up on this endeavour altogether. That was not possible though, and summoning all the courage he had he took a step forward. “G-gi-gin-” “Ginny!” Neville swallowed and turned at the sound of the new voice, seeing Luna come walking over holding what looked like a giant plant with long pink tentacles in her arms. Her dirty blonde hair had been tied up in a loose ponytail, and her big blue eyes that always seemed to stare at one so vacantly (which Neville found kind of creepy) were currently bright with excitement, going well with the toothy smile she was giving them. There were smudges of dirt on her face, and as usual she was wearing her favourite radish earrings and butterbeer-cork necklace. “Oh, hello Neville,” Luna said dreamily, her eyes widening even more as they fell on him. Ginny turned to where Luna was looking, and Neville felt his knees going weak. He had always admired Ginny Weasley since their school days, but he’d always felt she was a bit above him. She always had flowers being sent to her desk, and had no trouble at all in finding a date for the Ministry functions. Those good-looking men could talk to her with all the confidence in the world, but he seemed to just stutter and blush, or do something embarrassing thanks to his clumsy nature. “Hello Neville,” Ginny echoed cheerfully, making him feel all mushy inside. The one thing he took comfort in was that she never pushed him away. She was always nice like that. “Hi Ginny,” he said in the smallest of voices, feeling tongue-tied and awkward as he always did around her. She turned back to Luna and Neville saw her lips quivering with amusement. “Luna, why have you brought that giant plant in here?” “I wanted to show it to you. It’s a very rare plant that catches gibbity blouts with its tentacles.” Her eyes widened madly in that way which had always freaked Neville out at school. “Papa gave it to me.” Neville stared at the plant once more and frowned. That was just a harmless, and very ordinary, pixie-trap plant. He decided to say nothing on the matter though, knowing that the dotty blonde didn’t give up in her odd beliefs no matter how much proof was against them. “Well that’s nice Luna,” Ginny said without batting an eye-lid, “But I don’t think Mr Tibblet will really like it in here.” Luna seemed disappointed. “Oh, well okay then.” Neville was just wondering whether he should leave and come back to talk to Ginny later, when those brown eyes suddenly fastened back on him. “So how can I help you Neville?” Tugging at his collar uncomfortably and feeling his ears heating, Neville proceeded to tell Ginny about what he had heard in the alley, though very disjointedly and somewhat rapidly from nerves. She listened patiently all the same, and by the end of it graced him with a sunny smile. “That’s a great idea! You’re absolutely right; they are perfect for each other. I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed it before!” Luna, who had listened to the whole thing with a seemingly vacant attention, now smiled even more dreamily, saying rather whimsically to no one in particular, “Love that’s brewed never quite comes true.” “Too right Luna,” Ginny piped in with a grin, “But this love ain’t brewed. It’s obvious the two like each other, and Neville’s right in saying all they need is a little helping hand. We just have to make sure we get in there before old broomstick head and Cho Pain-in-the-butt get there first!” Neville nodded his head eagerly, feeling suddenly boosted by the energy the vibrant young redhead was surrounding herself with. “So what are we going to do? They’re going to write anonymous letters to get Harry and Hermione to meet them and then probably try sabotage their relationship.” Ginny gave a wicked grin, her eyes dancing even more mischievously than usual. “We’ll let them write their letters, but we’re going to make it so both Harry and Hermione meet at the same place, and Cho and Viktor are not going to be there to interrupt.” “How are we going to do that?” Neville asked in some trepidation. “We’ll steal the letters and replace them with our own!” This sounded scary now that he thought about it. What if they got caught? Looking at Ginny’s sparkling face made all those thoughts quickly die though. He’d do anything if it meant he got to spend time with her, and this had been his idea in the first place anyway. “Okay,” he agreed. “That means we have to work out what we’re going to do quickly. I’d say Cho and Viktor have probably already written their letters by now.” “Then we’ll just have to go watch Harry and Hermione’s cubicles and wait for those two to put their letters in before we go in and replace them with our own.” “I would like to help too,” Luna said suddenly, her eyes just peeping over the mass of bushy green leaves. “This sounds like fun.” Neville and Ginny exchanged amused glances, but both of them decided the more the merrier. Besides, faced with such a task as this they knew they’d need all the hands they could get. “Alright then,” Ginny said in a business-like manner. “Let’s do this!” OOO Meanwhile, while all these plots and plans were going on, Hermione Granger was calmly taking a sip of her coffee while scanning the pile of reports in front of her eyes. She impatiently wiped away the strands of hair that tickled her face, and let out an impressive sigh as she moved one report to the side and then picked up another. She liked her job very much, but even the most dedicated worker got bored sometimes. The sound of soft footsteps coming towards her cubicle made her glance up, and it was with welcome relief that she saw Harry making his way across the room. Out of all her friends he was the one she really enjoyed being around the most. He just seemed to make her feel so comfortable, and she had a particular fondness for his quiet sense of humour. He did look rather frazzled right now, however; with his black hair tousled from where she could tell he had run his fingers through it over and over, and his emerald green eyes glancing about agitatedly from behind his round-rimmed glasses. “Hello Harry,” Hermione greeted with a friendly smile. “What brings you here?” Harry rubbed his jet-black hair with his free hand, making it look even messier. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I put my report on that burglary case, do you?” She shook her head. “No, but maybe Ron would know. He is in your department.” Sighing, Harry sat down on the edge of her desk. “Never mind then. How’s work going for you? I hardly get to see you now that you’re cooped up in here with all the Law Enforcement people.” Hermione couldn’t help but smile. She knew Harry and Ron had been a little disappointed she had not followed them in becoming Aurors, but that kind of work was just not for her. She wanted to help write and change laws to make the world a better place- not just run around catching bad guys like a bunch of super heroes. She’d leave that to the boys. “It’s fine. I’m just trying to get through these reports.” Harry glanced at the pile of reports on her desk and gave her a sympathetic expression. “I do not envy you,” he said with a small laugh. She shrugged carelessly, but there was a definite strain around her eyes as she took another sip of her coffee. “I don’t mind too much.” Out of the corner of her eye she saw his own eyes light up with that quiet gentleness he always seemed to carry. He placed a hand on her shoulder, his eyes finding hers with a tender smile on his lips. “Don’t push yourself too hard, Hermione. Everyone knows how good you are at what you do. You don’t have to prove yourself by taking on all this work all the time.” A small warmth crept into her stomach, her eyes meeting his with her own grateful smile. She felt like she was slipping into a warm bath on a chilly day, her body immersing itself in the gentle feelings that seemed to be bursting forth from her heart. It was such a simple action- such simple words- but there was just something about they way he said them; something about the way he would smile at her with that gentleness in his eyes… “Watch where you’re going, Krum!” A very familiar voice snapped grumpily from outside the office area. Hermione looked past Harry, spotting her other best friend Ron Weasley coming towards her with a scowl marring his normally good-humoured face. “What’s that smarmy git doing hanging around your department, Hermione?” He demanded, ever the graceless and unmannered person that he was. Hermione only sighed and shared a significant look with Harry, both of them silently agreeing it was high time Ron got over his jealousy with Viktor Krum. “I don’t know, Ron. Why don’t you ask him next time instead of coming in here to bite my head off about it?” “Who said I was biting your head off? I just asked you a question!” “It’s the way you say things. Why don’t you try thinking before you speak next time.” Harry sighed and stood up, realising this was soon going to escalate into another argument. He wondered if these two would ever stop their bickering. More than likely not, he thought with a snort, and then glanced back at Hermione. “I’ll see you later then. I’d better go find that report.” Hermione nodded, and Harry could still hear them bickering as he left the department area. He frowned when he noticed the duck-footed, round-shouldered Bulgarian pacing up and down in the hallway muttering in rapid Bulgarian to himself. He didn’t much care about Viktor Krum, but even he had to admit it was rather odd to see the guy lurking around here and muttering like a lunatic. “Is there something wrong?” Harry asked hesitantly, wondering what on earth could be troubling the man. Viktor jumped and shot wary eyes at Harry’s way, muttering even more in Bulgarian before he walked off down the hallway. Thinking that was rather odd, Harry decided there was nothing he could do about Krum’s strange habits, and continued on his way back to his own department. OOO “We must do this now!” Viktor said firmly, surprising his conspiring companion by his sudden flash of decisiveness, as he slammed his hands down on her desk, disrupting the flowers and open bottle of nail polish that had been resting on it. Cho took a small breath and placed her nailbrush back in the pot of nail polish before giving a grumpy look at her partner in crime. “Do you really have to make a big scene like this? You just spilt water and nail polish all over my desk.” “How can you talk about nail polish when my Hermyninny is being bewitched by that four-eyed deceiver!” That soon had Cho paying attention, and gripping her quill tightly in her fingers she stared at the tall Bulgarian in alarm. “They were talking again?” “Yes! I saw him making sheep eyes at her and smiling in that stupid way.” Cho placed a hand over her heart. “I remember when he used to smile at me like that…” Her expression darkened suddenly, and she narrowed her eyes at her companion. “You’re right. It’s time to put our plan into fruition. We must plant those letters!” Viktor nodded his head, relieved that his burst of inspiration only had to last for that long. He was beginning to get a headache from thinking too much. Cho stood up and beckoned for him to follow her, she holding her envelope, while he held his. They made their way down the hallways, only splitting up once they separated to plant the letters on their desired loved one’s desks. Viktor nervously clutched the letter tighter in his sweaty fingers and peered into the Law Enforcement Department. He was relieved to see that Hermione and that irate redheaded man were no longer there, and quickly made his way over. Giving a surreptitious glance around the room, he dropped the letter on her desk and then made his way back out of the room as quickly as he could. Cho met with similar success in her endeavour to plant the anonymous letter, having the happy luck of getting to the office just when it was lunchtime when everybody was off having their break. She wasted no time in depositing the letter, and like Viktor left the room as quickly as she could. They met once more down the hallway and gave a single nod. The deed was done, and now they would just wait- or so they thought…. A/N: Well there’s the first chapter, folks, and the next will be where the real fun will come in. I do know that I have made Cho and Viktor terribly OOC, but I have more fun with them this way… ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 2. Blindfolded Archery Disclaimer: Everything you recognise isn’t mine. A/N: I’m trying to get this one written as fast as possible before my inspiration runs out, as it so often tends to do. Of course, I’ve actually had about 5 hours sleep over these past few days, so I’m sorry if it seems a bit odd. I’m not really all that coherent at the moment. Be happy for spell-check, lol. Blindfolded Archery Ginny stared at Mr Tibblet with a forced polite expression, her smile just a little edgy. He’d been talking to her about losing his quill for twenty minutes now, and the more she stood here the more easier it would be for Cho to get that letter to Harry. She, Ginny that is, was in charge of exchanging that letter for the one she, Luna and Neville had written only half an hour ago. The only problem was her boss was making it extremely difficult to leave the room to do that. “I think it must have fallen off my desk at some point,” he said in his slow, monotonous voice; thick white eyebrows wiggling in that ridiculous way they always did when he talked, his shiny red nose glistening with sweat. “I do wonder how objects always seem to travel so far when they fall off something. You’d think it’d be right next to you, but it always seems to end up on the other side of the room...” “Yes,” Ginny said a little sharply, losing some of her patience with the senile old man. “But I’m sure you’ll find it Mr Tibblet. Now if you’ll just excuse me I’ll get those-” “-I say Miss Weasley, do you think someone could have stolen it?” Ginny inwardly sighed, knowing more than likely Mr Tibblet’s quill was under his desk- as she had already told him three times to check during their conversation. “I really don’t think someone would steal your quill, Sir. The only one who has been in here is you.” “Hrm.” He rubbed his grizzly chin in thought and then gave a despondent sigh. “Well I hope it turns up again. It was quite my favourite quill.” “I’m sure it will,” Ginny repeated, while taking steps towards the door. She was never going to get out of this stuffy room at this rate, and knew she’d just have to take matters into her own hands. “And now I’ll leave you to your work. Remember to look under your desk!” Mr Tibblet nodded, and Ginny quickly made her escape from the office. She sighed as she closed the door behind her, and scanned the room where people were filing in from their lunch break. Harry was walking to his cubicle, and she watched as his black eyebrows drew together in slight puzzlement as he stared at something on his desk. “Oh no,” she breathed to herself, feeling her stomach lurch horribly. Could it be she was too late? He picked up an envelope in his hands, frowning as his eyes scanned it. Ginny wildly wondered what she could do. Perhaps she could shout at him to get his attention, or maybe she could just run over and snatch it out of his hands? No, she couldn’t do that, for then he’d know that she had meddled with it and probably never go on the blind date. Oh what could she do? Just when she was about to call out his name, he put the letter back down on his desk without opening it and turned away. The person in his neighbouring cubicle had started talking to him, and Ginny watched with sweet relief as both men walked over to the pigeonhole area where all their messages were stored. This was her chance, but she couldn’t let them see her. She gazed about the room for sudden inspiration, and much to her despair found none. The department, after all, was just an ordinary large room with cubicles set up randomly in the middle and posters splattered willy-nilly around the walls. There was nothing for it but to arm herself with courage and just go for it. Taking a deep breath, Ginny walked forward to Harry’s cubicle in a determined manner. She warily kept an eye on Harry, inwardly praying that he would not turn around, but luck was not on her side today it seemed. His eyes drifted past his neighbour’s face (who turned out to be Terry Boot) and Ginny realised with dismay that he was about to look right at her. She let out a stifled squeak and ducked to the floor, crouching on the ground and hoping that Harry hadn’t seen her. The key thing in this whole plan was not to cause any suspicion. “What on earth are you doing?” A middle-aged woman dressed in a ghastly pink dress asked, her thinly pencilled eyebrows rising haughtily. Why was it that people always seemed to interrupt her when she really didn’t want to be interrupted? “Just dropped my quill,” Ginny responded automatically, still with Mr Tibblet’s silly conversation fresh in her head. She’d have to thank him later for giving her such inspiration. The woman gave her a funny look, but Ginny didn’t spare the busybody another thought, and scuttled along the ground rather awkwardly in her grey pencil skirt and black heels. She could see Harry’s legs still standing by the pigeonhole, but then they suddenly started moving back to his desk. “No, no, no,” Ginny muttered to herself, feeling incredibly annoyed. She couldn’t give up yet though. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and she refused to let that cow Cho Chang win. Thankfully she realised Harry was still talking to his neighbour and had not yet opened the letter- that gave her some time. Keeping herself low to the ground, Ginny continued crawling towards Harry’s cubicle; moving past brightly coloured heels, suede shoes, sneakers, and even a pair of hairy, bare feet. She scrunched up her nose as the stench of toe-jams assailed her nostrils, and quickly edged forward on her elbows and knees to escape the putrid smells issuing forth from under the desks. The sound of Harry’s voice drifted to her ears, and taking a risky peep over one of the cubicles she could see him still chatting to Terry Boot. He seemed to have an annoying ability of knowing when he was being watched, however, and once more glanced her way. Ginny again quickly ducked her head, lying low on the ground as her heart thudded painfully in her chest. She felt like she was crawling through a battlefield with a sniper on the look out like she’d seen in those muggle movies her father had made her watch. Just when she was almost in the danger of letting her imagination get away from her, the sound of Harry’s voice brought her alarmingly back to earth. “Now to find out what’s in this letter. It doesn’t say who it’s from…” “Damn,” she whispered to herself, and then- “Harry, you’ve got to see this!” “What?” Harry replied, standing up from his cubicle to look at Terry Boot’s desk. Ginny quickly scrabbled over the rest of the way, grabbed the letter Cho had placed on the desk and put her own in the same spot. She suddenly realised she had no idea how she was going to get back to her own area of the department without causing suspicion. She had not thought of that part of the plan. ‘Oops…’ Harry started turning around, and soon he would see her crouching down in front of his cubicle if she didn’t find a hiding place quick. That would cause a lot of awkward questions, not to mention would ruin the whole plan. She glanced around wildly and dived into the cubicle closest to her, watching apprehensively from under the desk as Harry once more took his seat. He seemed to be quite content to sit there now too, mumbling something about some stupid report as he started flicking through some papers. Now she was trapped in this cubicle. That was just great… Ginny sighed and shifted uncomfortably against the back of the metal covering that surrounded the desk she was currently hiding under. She paused suddenly, her face falling comically as certain things that had been obstructing her vision started to make sense. In fact, she realised what she had thought were chair legs, and had been holding tightly onto in her nerves, was in reality a pair of human legs. She really should have realised that when she had felt the soft material under her fingers of the person’s trousers, but she had been so worried about being caught that she had not really noticed anything odd about her hiding place. Raising her eyes tentatively she met the familiar, grey gaze of Draco Malfoy and felt her heart sink. Luck really was not on her side today. Thankfully he had not said anything yet, being too shocked to have a girl dive into his cubicle and clutch his legs to really say anything at all. Indeed, his eyes were so wide she wondered if he could even see anything at all. Thought seemed to spring back into his head like a stretched rubber band, and his eyes were suddenly narrowing at her, as if to silently ask her what the hell she was doing under his desk and clutching his legs. “Um, hi,” Ginny whispered, not daring to talk any louder in case Harry heard her. She could feel herself blushing and gave him a sheepish smile in the hopes of alleviating the grim expression on his face. Draco Malfoy he may be, but she was still trapped in his cubicle thanks to Harry being excessively disobliging in staying at his desk, and therefore had to make the most of the situation. “Hi…” Draco said, still with the traces of bewilderment lingering in his voice. “May I ask why you’re hiding under my desk?” “Shh,” Ginny whispered desperately, shooting an anxious glance at Harry who was only a few feet away from them. “Don’t talk so loud or he might hear you.” She tried to shuffle into a more comfortable position, but there was just no way to move when Draco’s long legs were taking up all the room. “Is Harry still at his desk?” Draco’s face disappeared and then lowered back down to hers in a few seconds. He silently nodded. Ginny sighed in frustration and once more tried to shift to a better position. Right now she had her legs tucked awkwardly against her chest, thanks to the restricting movement of her skirt, and her arms trapped by his legs. His lips twitched in reluctant amusement as he watched her, clearly getting some enjoyment at her obvious discomfort. He may find this situation terribly funny but she did not. Not only was this an incredibly awkward situation to be in, but judging by the sharp pains and tingles beginning to gather in her feet and legs she was about to be seized by muscle cramp. Sighing again, she brought her arms away from Draco’s legs and hugged her knees to herself. The spasms in her legs were getting worse, and her body was beginning to demand quite loudly that she stand up and move around. She cast her eyes at the blond man above her, and found herself giving him a pleading look. “Do you think you could do me a favour and get rid of Harry so I can leave? It’s very uncomfortable down here.” His lips twitched again, and she was surprised to see a smile creep onto his face- even if it was more of smirk. She had the horrible feeling he was going to say no just to make her more uncomfortable, but she couldn’t put up with this anymore. Her legs and arms were just itching to be free from the cramped space she was stuck in like a sardine, though thankfully there was no smell of fish. “Please, Malfoy. I can’t let Harry see me,” She whispered anxiously, gripping his legs again in her earnestness. “And I’ve got cramp in my leg.” Indeed it was beginning to be quite a pain, and it was taking all her self-control not to leap out from the cubicle and start walking on the spot to ease the sharp spasms in her legs. She didn’t know why Malfoy had to be disagreeable like this anyway. All he had to do was this one little favour for her and then she’d never bother him again. It wasn’t like she enjoyed being stuck in his cubicle, trapped next to his stupid, long legs. Once more his luminescent head disappeared. “Oi, Potter!” Ginny heard him call out in his blissfully, annoying voice. Why was it blissful? Because it was going to save her from cramp! “What?” “Tibblet wants you in his office.” She heard Harry sigh. “What does he want this time,” he muttered, and then Ginny heard the sound of his chair being pushed back and the sweet sound of his footsteps treading away. Draco popped his head back down to here. “He’s gone.” “Thank you!” Ginny practically squealed. That knowledge was like a little ray of sunshine lightening up her stormy day. She crawled out from under the desk and stretched her legs the best she could. Draco eyed her curiously through his grey gaze, wondering why it was she had been hiding from Potter anyway. “So why were you hiding in there?” Ginny’s eyes lit up with a secret smile as she smoothed down her body-hugging skirt. There was a mischievous smirk playing on her lips that he found surprisingly attractive, but then he did suppose Ginny Weasley was not all that bad. “I don’t know if I can trust you enough to tell you,” she said seriously, though the smile still lurked in her eyes. Draco’s interest was really piqued now. He always had been lamentably nosy, always having to know what was going on with everyone, and always never knowing when to just leave things alone. Really, he was as bad as a woman with a veracious appetite for gossip magazines, with his eyes lighting up just at the thought of finding something juicy about someone else- the more worse the secret, the more enjoyable it was to discover. “C’mon, Weasley. You’ve got to tell me now. I did help you after all.” “I suppose,” Ginny said thoughtfully, and then her eyes widened dramatically and she let out a small curse. He watched in surprise as she dropped to all fours again and gave him an anxious look from the ground. “If you want to know what’s going on, then meet me in the Tea Room.” Draco only nodded, feeling again slightly bewildered by this woman’s odd behaviour, before she was once more moving in her awkward progress away past the cubicles. A small smile formed on his mouth as he watched her crawling in her tight skirt, silently admiring the ample view she was allowing him of her very nicely formed rear end. Yes, that Weasley was not bad at all… “I don’t know why you said Mr Tibblet wanted to see me,” An irritable voice said from behind him that could only be Harry Potter’s. “I went in there and he just started accusing me of stealing his quill.” Draco simply shrugged, still watching where Ginny Weasley had just vanished. Harry grumbled something under his breath and went back to his cubicle. Draco, on the other hand, decided to follow the redheaded plotter to the Tea Room. He was quite curious about this little game she was playing, and decided he was not so against getting to know the girl more. Family rivalries were so passé anyway. OOO “Okay, Luna,” Neville began in what he hoped was a decisive voice, though right now his stomach felt like snakes were wriggling around inside it- not a pleasant feeling to be sure. “How are we going to do this?” Luna, who had been humming a rather irritating tune, turned her protuberant blue eyes on him with a dreamy smile on her face. Neville couldn’t help but wonder if she actually knew what was going on. She was still holding that plant as well, having insisted that she must take it in case someone tried to steal it. When Neville pointed out quite reasonably that no one was likely to steal her plant she had muttered something quite strange, and Neville had nervously decided to let her have her way. Unfortunately it drew a lot of attention on them, but then he supposed everyone thought Luna so odd anyway that it was perfectly normal for her to be holding a plant with giant pink tentacles. “I haven’t got the slightest idea,” she replied happily, radish earrings swinging madly. “But this is awfully exciting don’t you think?” Neville inwardly sighed. Why did he have to be stuck with Luna? He liked her- in fact he liked her a lot as a friend- but for something like this he would have preferred someone a little more focussed; especially since he himself was feeling so nervous. Hermione was scary when she wanted to be, and he felt more than a little worried that she might notice something. She never missed a trick that woman. “Well we have to deposit that letter somehow.” He peeped into the room and spotted Hermione sitting at her desk. Viktor’s letter still lay unopened near her pile of reports. It seemed she had not even noticed it yet, being too engrossed with her work. That was one comfort, but how were they ever going to get her away from the desk so that they could exchange the letters? He didn’t have Ginny’s knack for thinking up new ideas on the spot, and Luna had returned to humming again. He glanced back at the bushy-haired girl bent over her papers and then stared back at the letter in his hand. If only they could just get her away from that desk for even a little while… OOOO Viktor peered around the corner of the wall he was currently hiding behind, hoping to catch a glimpse of Hermione’s expression when she read his letter. What he was not expecting, however, was to see a short, round faced man, and a rather odd looking woman holding a giant plant with pink tentacles doing the same. He pulled back his head and frowned at the wall in front of him. Why were these two odd people peering into Hermione’s department? He peeped back around the wall and listened intently, hoping to overhear their conversation so he could figure out just what was going on. “Luna do you really have to bring that plant?” “Yes,” came the dreamy reply. “I don’t want the gibbity blouts to get me.” “But we’re never going to be able to exchange those letters if you’re carrying it. It’s just too obtrusive. You know that Ginny is relying on us to switch the letters before Hermione reads it, and we’ve already wasted ten minutes. We’re supposed to be meeting her in the Tea Room right now.” Viktor chewed on his finger thoughtfully. They were talking about exchanging a letter- a letter that Hermione was not allowed to read, but why? What letter could this possibly be? His dark brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to unravel the confusing conversation- a difficult task it seemed, for his expression became more and more confused. The only letter he knew about was the one he himself had placed there. Suddenly he realised that was the letter they wanted to exchange, and feeling quite pleased by his own reasoning abilities, Viktor congratulated himself on figuring out the plot being made against him. This meddling would not do however, and since Cho was not here, it fell on him to set this right. He clenched his hands into fists and started making his way towards the strange plant-lady and the round-faced man, when footsteps came stomping towards him from the other direction. This could not be good… “Oi!” An angry, and very suspicious voice yelled from behind him. Viktor swung around quickly, and was alarmed to see the same redheaded man from earlier that day glaring at him. It was Hermione’s friend- the one who did not like him. This made things difficult. What if Ron’s voice alerted Hermione to his presence? “What are you doing hovering around here again?” Ron’s blue eyes narrowed distrustfully, and Viktor suddenly felt very trapped. He’d also realised that the two people he had been watching had somehow disappeared during the commotion. Now he had no idea where they had gone, and was worried that Hermione might catch him outside her office thanks to the raised voice of the angry redhead. “You’ve got no business to be sneaking around here.” “I was not doing anything,” Viktor tried to defend desperately, but Ron did not seem to care about what he said, and simply took an angry step forward, his rage heating off him like a wild fire. Viktor was almost expecting steam to come out of the fiery man’s ears. “Are you stalking my friend?” “No-” “Because if you are I swear, international quidditch player or not, I’ll make you regret it!” Though Viktor himself was a lot taller and probably a lot more magically skilled than the younger man before him, he couldn’t help but feel a little alarmed. There was no doubt that Ronald Weasley was just itching to have an excuse to attack him, and Viktor wondered what he had done to deserve such unreasonable hate. It seemed like he had no good luck left in his life anymore. “I am not doing anything. I was simply walking down the hallway.” “Right, that’s why you were hiding against the wall, peeping around like some stalkerish psycho. You know, I was half expecting you to start singing your own theme music the way you were carrying on before.” Viktor tried to protest against these unfair accusations, but Ron only got more and more rude. Finally he had to give up and leave to save his own skin, as the irate redheaded man had started threatening to castrate him. He’d just have to tell Cho what had happened. Surely she would know what to do about this mess? Ron, on the other hand, was staring at a rather odd plant with giant pink tentacles that had been tucked into the shadowy corner. It seemed somewhat strange for such a hideous plant to be left lying around like that, and thinking it was some trap of Viktor Krum’s, Ron made his way over and picked up the plant. Two protuberant blue eyes greeted him from the ground, and a dreamy smile was soon being flashed his way. “Oh hello, Ronald. I thought I heard your voice.” Ron could only blink. Why on earth was Luna Lovegood lying on the ground? And why had she been hiding behind that plant? Something very strange was going on here. First Viktor Krum was creeping around the hallway like some crazy stalker, and now Luna was hiding behind ugly plants? What was the world coming to? “Hi, Luna. Why are you lying on the ground?” He put out his hand to help her up, eyeing her with open curiosity. Luna took his hand and was hauled to her feet with relative ease. She thanked him dreamily, brushed the dust off her robe, and held out her arms to take her plant back. Ron had no qualms in handing it back to her, but he still wanted to know what was going on. “Well,” she said in her usual whimsical way, while patting the pink tentacles on her plant fondly. “I was hiding from Viktor Krum.” Ron knew that git was up to something, but why on earth was Luna hiding from him? “I think he saw us,” She confided, though her expression seemed not in the least putout by this knowledge. “Us?” Ron asked curiously. The plot was thickening. Obviously more people were involved in this odd situation than he knew. “Neville and I, though I don’t know where he has gone off to. He ran away down the hallway, but I decided to just hide behind my gibbity blout catcher.” Not really sure what gibbity blouts were, and not really interested to find out either, Ron glanced up and down the hallway for a sign of his forgetful friend. He spotted some shoes and a bit of robe sticking out from behind a pillar a little way down the hallway and snorted to himself. “Neville you can stop hiding behind the pillar now. Krum has gone.” Neville shuffled out from behind the stone pillar, looking sheepish and embarrassed. He was also holding an envelope in his hands, which Ron eyed with wonder. Just what was going on here? “I- I wasn’t hiding.” “It’s okay, Neville,” Luna said as reassuringly as her whimsical voice could give. “I already told him we were hiding from Viktor Krum.” Neville clapped a hand to his forehead in some exasperation, and Ron burst out laughing. Obviously he had not meant to know what was going on here. He supposed that was what happened when people allowed Luna to join them though. Bless her. “Wanna tell me why you were both hiding, or am I not allowed to know?” he asked, casting an amused glance at the odd pair. Luna smiled dreamily at him while still grooming the pink tentacles on her plant, but Neville was now watching him apprehensively, obviously dismayed they had been caught out. “It wouldn’t have something to do with Hermione, would it?” Ron persisted, curious as to why people seemed to be agglomerating to the Law Department of all places. It was one of the most boring departments of all, and if Hermione were not cooped up in here he would never come here again. Plus, the place smelled funny, like libraries or something- no wonder Hermione liked it Ron thought with a mental shudder. “N-no,” Neville said unconvincingly. “Yes,” Luna interrupted, and then when Neville stared at her pleadingly to not say anymore, just blinked innocently. “Why can’t we tell him? I’m sure Ronald will think of a good idea so that we can exchange the letters. You said yourself that you couldn’t think of anything, and I do think Ronald may be able to help us.” Ron could feel his ears heating at Luna’s open faith in him being able to help them, and couldn’t help but smile at the whimsical blonde. He really was quite fond of her, and wished her all the goodwill in the world. She returned the smile, and then glanced back at Neville expectantly. Ron followed her gaze, catching Neville giving a small sigh. “C’mon Neville, you can trust me.” “Alright, but this is supposed to be a secret,” Neville stated half-heartedly, and then continued to explain the situation; telling him how Cho and Viktor were plotting to break up Harry and Hermione, and how he, Ginny and Luna had decided to disrupt their plans by exchanging the letters so that the two really did go on the blind date. “You think Harry and Hermione like each other then?” Ron asked in some surprise. He himself had not given it much thought. They’d always just been his best friends. It seemed weird to think they might like each other, and yet…. He remembered all those times when Hermione would talk about Harry with that worried look in her eyes, or the way her features would light up when their friend was mentioned. Yes, he realised now when he thought about it that it was indeed strange that Hermione had always shown such a keen interest in their raven-haired friend. It was much the same for Harry. He’d always been kinder to her than the other girls; always reserving a special gentleness he showed only to her. Ron wondered how he could not have seen it before. “So will you help us?” Neville asked tentatively, twisting his fingers together anxiously. Ron’s face broke into smile. “Of course I’ll help you. I’m not letting that git Krum get in the way of my two best friends.” He beckoned them to lean in closer and gave them a conspiring look. “Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do…” OOO Cho stifled a yawn with her hand as she flicked through the magazine on her desk. Today was turning out to be very tedious, but thankfully she only had a few hours to go. One good thing was that she had managed to plant that letter. She just knew that once Harry met her on the date he would not be able to resist her incomparable charms. Nobody else could after all. In truth she didn’t really care what happened to Viktor and She-who-must-not-be-named. Cho only really cared about her darling Harry and being reunited with him again. Maybe they would even do an article about her in Witch Weekly? She did hope so, but she’d have to get her hair done first so that she looked perfect- not that she didn’t look perfect anyway. “We have a problem.” Oh great, it was the Bulgarian brute again. What was it this time? “Yes?” Cho asked, uncurling her legs like a cat as she stared at him through dark eyes. If he had bungled something she would not be happy. They’d just sorted everything out. Surely he couldn’t have mucked something up already? Viktor shifted uncomfortably, reminding her of a toddler that had just broken a very expensive vase. Her eyes narrowed, and she stood up from the desk, walking forward with sharp suspicion. “What is it, Viktor?” she demanded. “Some people found out about our plan and are trying to exchange the letters for their own anonymous ones.” Cho felt her world tumbling around her in that moment. This was not supposed to happen! She and Harry were supposed to be together! They were soul mates, and no one was going to get in her way! She’d show them not to mess with her! “Who?” “Some short guy with a round face, and a lady with blonde hair who looked a bit lost in the head.” Viktor folded his arms and glanced at his companion angrily. “You said we only had to put the letters on their desks and then everything would be fine. Now these people know about it and are ruining everything.” Cho glared at him. Was he insinuating that this was her fault? How dare he! She was going to cry! She knew it! After all she had done for him, setting up this idea and trying to help him get that stupid, bushy-haired cow back- now he was just going to turn around and say it was her fault because some people found out about the plan? No! This was not fair. She made that plan flawlessly. It must have been the brute’s fault! “How dare you say this is my fault?! I did everything correctly. It must have been you who messed up!” “Me?” Viktor exclaimed in outrage. “I just did what you told me to do.” “Well you must have done something wrong,” Cho snapped pettishly, refusing to admit her plan might have been faulty. Viktor glared at her again and then let out a tired sigh. “Well what are we going to do? We can’t let them ruin this.” “No, you’re right,” Cho mused out loud, surprised that he actually was right. He was beginning to think for himself- that could be dangerous… “They’re trying to exchange the letters right now in Hermione’s office, and then they’re all going to meet in the Tea Room to discuss what to do next. I tried to stop them, but that Ronald Weasley caught me again and I had to leave…” Cho frowned to herself thoughtfully. By Viktor’s descriptions she guessed the eavesdropping couple must have been Neville Longbottom and Loony Lovegood. Well, they’d be easy to deal with she was sure. Neville was a joke and Luna was insane. She’d just go deal with them herself. This was clearly a woman’s job. Looking back up at her partner, she gave him a firm look. “You go hide in the Tea Room and listen to what they have to say. I’m going to go stop those idiots from exchanging the letter.” Viktor nodded his head and quickly left the room. Cho took one last glance in the mirror, and satisfied that she was still looking good, made her own way out of the room towards the Law Department. OOOO Neville stared at the dress he was wearing in some disgruntlement. He didn’t know why Ron had insisted he had to be the one to dress up. Why a dress as well? Why couldn’t he just dress up as a guy? Why did he have to be the one wearing the grey wig, large, floral dress that looked like it should be more suited on an old lady being attacked by moth-balls, and a pair of bright orange heels that made his butt wiggle when he walked? It was all rather ridiculous he thought. Only terrible fictions would have something like this happen. “You look great. She’ll never recognise you.” Ron stated cheerfully. Luna started twirling around in circles and hummed to herself again. “But why do I have to be the one to dress up? Why couldn’t one of you do it?” It didn’t seem very fair to Neville. It always seemed to be him that was forced to do the most embarrassing things. “Because Hermione would recognise me no matter what I wore,” Ron pointed out reasonably. “And you can’t expect Luna to do it. She’d never be able to pretend to be anyone but herself. Just look at her.” Neville did, noting her swaying dizzily about from spinning too much, and privately agreed that it would be rather ridiculous to expect Luna to pretend to be someone else. He still did not understand why he had to dress up as an old woman though. On asking this question to Ron, he was supplied with the knowledge that it was unlikely Hermione would ever dream of thinking he would dress up as an old woman, and therefore would not suspect anything. That was also a point Neville had to agree on, but he still did not like this at all. “Right. Time to do this then.” Ron glanced at his two companions, and reached out an arm to steady Luna. “That’s enough twirling now, Luna. We’ve got to be serious.” “I’m sorry. I was just warding off the crabble blockets. If you spin around as fast as you can they can’t come near you.” “Of course you were,” Ron said with an indulgent smile, “But now we’ve got to get this plan underway. How’s Hermione doing? Still working?” Neville peeped around the corner and saw Hermione still scribbling furiously with her quill, the unopened letter still sitting on her desk. “She’s still working.” “Good.” Ron rubbed his hands together and lowered his voice conspiratorially. “Now, Neville you’ll be the one who has to switch the letters. Luna and I will be your backup if anything goes wrong. Remember, all you have to do is go up there, take the letter off the desk and then say that you think she must have dropped this, which is when you’ll hand her the new letter.” Neville gulped. They all seemed to have such confidence that he would not muck this up. “Got it?” Neville nodded. Ron turned his eyes to the dotty blonde. “Luna, are you ready for this?” Luna nodded in her usual dreamy way, blue eyes staring wide at them. Both the men exchanged glances, wondering if she really did, but it was too late to go over anything again now. “Alright. Let’s do this then!” Taking a deep breath Neville pulled away from the group and entered the room. It was incredibly hard to walk in the heels, and he did wonder where Ron had conjured them from; surely it was an odd thing that a grown man would be able to conjure a disguise as an old woman? Shaking off such trivial thoughts, he glanced at Hermione and felt the snakes wriggling in his stomach twist unpleasantly. He hoped he didn’t vomit. Hermione placed down her quill and stretched her arms tiredly. She yawned, glanced at the clock, and then went to go pick up her quill again when she finally noticed the letter. Neville could see her fingers just about to reach out for it, and quickly waddled over. “M-my d-dear,” he stuttered, his voice breaking slightly as he tried to put on a fake, old lady’s voice. Hermione’s hand moved away from the letter and she looked at Neville with an impassive expression. “Yes? Can I help you?” Neville swallowed hard against the nervous lump in his throat. His brain had stopped working, and he could feel sweat dripping down his forehead. She looked so formidable right now; so formidable and so intelligent, and he just knew she was going to figure them out. “W-well” “Yes?” “I…” Neville swallowed again and glanced helplessly back at the door where Ron and Luna were watching. There was just no way he could exchange the letters without her noticing. Who did they think they were kidding when they said he could do this? He looked back at her, noting the way her eyes were watching him with forced patience. He had to draw her away from the desk somehow so that Ron and Luna could exchange the letters. It was the only way. “I was wondering if you would be able to help me find some records.” The words seemed to flow naturally from his mouth, as if some unknown power was making inspiration speak for him. “I believe you know a lot about the archives, and so I was hoping you’d be able to help me.” Hermione’s impassive expression broke into a smile. “Of course.” She stood up and gestured for Neville to follow her to the records room, which was connected to the office. “Just follow me.” Neville nodded, and once she had turned her back, allowed the letter he had been holding to flutter to the floor, giving a pointed glance at Ron and Luna to exchange the letters for him. He saw Ron give a quick nod, and feeling relieved that at least that part was dealt with, followed Hermione into the records room. “Looks like it’s up to us, Luna,” Ron muttered. He glanced at Luna, who was staring vacantly the other way. “C’mon, we’d better do this quick.” Luna looked back at him and nodded her head. “Okay. I’m sure Neville is feeling terribly nervous being stuck with Hermione like that anyway.” Ron thought she was probably right, and gestured for her to follow him as he made his way to Hermione’s now unoccupied desk to exchange the letters. He picked up Viktor’s letter of the desk, eyeing it with suspicion and disgust. “Can’t believe that smarmy git would play such a dirty trick.” He then reached down to pick up the letter Neville had dropped and placed it on the desk. “All Done,” he said with a smile. “Not so fast!” They froze and both turned to see Cho standing in the doorway with her wand in her hand. A smug smile fastened on her lips, and her eyes glittered with triumph. Those idiots thought they had got the best of her, but she’d shown them! Now all she had to do was make them put the letter Viktor had written back and all would be well. “You put that letter back!” “No,” Ron said bluntly. Cho glared at him furiously. He was not supposed to question her. He was just supposed to do what she had said. Why did everyone always have to upset her and not let her get her way? She suddenly felt like crying, but resisted the impulse. It was very hard to not cry though, and she was sure if people knew how upset they were making her they would not be so disagreeable. “Well why not?” she whined, feeling incredibly putout that people were purposely disobliging her in this way. This was all very annoying. “Because we don’t want you to break up Harry and Hermione,” Luna said firmly, surprising even Ron at how serious she sounded. Maybe she had been paying attention all those times? Cho scoffed and aimed her wand at them more forcefully. “Whatever. I don’t need you two to put it back anyway. I can just use my magic.” Luna and Ron exchanged glances. They’d kind of forgotten they could use magic; funny how those things happened in situations like this. Cho’s smug smile came into play again as she raised her wand to summon the letters to her, but just in that moment a giant, pink tentacle curled around her foot and she was tugged ruthlessly off her feet. Landing with a hard crash on the floor, Cho finally gave into her feelings and burst into tears. “Looks like she was covered in gibbity blouts,” Luna said seriously, eyeing the fallen Ravenclaw with interest. “I should have known.” Ron blinked at the scene, but just in that moment the door to the records room started opening, and without even thinking what he was really doing, he grabbed Luna by the wrist and raced out of the room. Cho realised she too was about to be caught out y Hermione and quickly scrabbled up off the floor to run out of the room in hysterical tears. Hermione walked back into her office and glanced about the empty room with a frown. She was sure she had just heard voices before, and what had been that great crash? “Well you’ve been a great help,” Neville said quickly, just desperately wanting to get away before he cracked from the strain of trying to keep up his old lady act. “I should be going though.” “Alright,” Hermione replied absently, still staring at her office in suspicion. That had been very strange… A/N: So there you, the next chapter. Again I’m sorry if it’s weird. I’ve been working on it all day, and I probably should have taken a nap, lol. Anyway, if you have any ideas for ridiculous and humorous situations the team of match-makers can get into, or even Cho and Viktor, tell me in a review and I’ll consider putting it in the fic. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 3. Target Practise Disclaimer: Everything you recognise isn’t mine. A/N: Okay, so that last chapter turned out to be a mammoth. I didn’t even end up fitting in everything I wanted to in it, and gave up because I was tired and hungry, lol. (Bad author, I know). So this one hopefully will not seem so all over the place. I’m still happy to hear of your ideas for funny situations. I have found sometimes the readers can think of better stuff than I can, which is why I’m encouraging you to not be shy and tell me in a review if you can think of anything. Trust me, it will be appreciated, because right now I’m feeling a bit strained in trying to think of anything remotely funny for situations in this fic. Of course I will give the credit for the idea to you. Right, enough chitchat and now onto the chapter! Target Practise Hermione sat down at her desk once more, her thoughts drifting back to the very strange woman who had just been talking to her. The old woman surely must have been sick, for she had a terribly throaty voice, and all that sweat that had been dripping down her face- it would have been quite disgusting had Hermione not felt sorry for the large woman in the hideous dress. They never did end up finding the archives she had wanted either. Sighing slightly to herself, Hermione once more went to pick up her stack of reports when her eyes fell on the unopened letter sitting just near the corner of her very orderly and neat desk. She had been meaning to open that before, but then that strange woman had interrupted. Well there was no harm in opening it now. Hermione picked up the letter and glanced at the plain, white envelope. “No sender,” she mused to herself, before sliding her finger under the seal to open it. The ink was written in quite masculine writing, but she did not recognise it straight away. Shrugging, and curious to find out why someone was writing to her, Hermione started to read the letter. ‘Hermione, I know this may seem all very forward and strange, but I find myself unable to hide my feelings for you any longer. Meet me at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow night at 6pm. A single, white lily will be in the vase on my table to let you know who I am. Do not fail me.’ Hermione’s jaw dropped, and her eyes widened to the size of saucers as she realised what this letter was. Never before had she received something even remotely close to a love letter, but here was someone actually asking her to what must be a blind date! She quickly scanned the words again and frowned slightly, twisting her lips in thought. This guy certainly had a nerve to demand her to come to dinner with him, but she found herself curious all the same. He said he could not hide his feelings, than that surely meant he must be around her enough to actually have to hide them, so then she must know him. She wondered who it could be. The style of writing was not familiar, and the way he had written it did not sound like anyone she knew, yet surely she must know this person. “I wonder who it could be?” Her mind went on all the men she knew, mentally ticking off each one as unlikely as the next. It couldn’t be anyone in her department; most of them were married and losing teeth. She thought about the Auror Department where most of her friends were and frowned to herself. There were so many men there from her school days, but how could she know who it was? It couldn’t be Ron. She may have thought he liked her once, but Ron didn’t seem to be that enamoured with her; more just over-protective and jealous of Krum for old time’s sake. It couldn’t be Neville, though he had expressed a liking for her once… “Oh, I’ll never figure it out,” Hermione muttered grumpily to herself and put the letter in her desk so she did not have to look at it. She would just go back to her work and not think about it again. She didn’t even know if she would go on the date anyway. The guy sounded very demanding, even if she did find it somewhat romantic that he was obviously going through some frustration to say that he could not hide his feelings anymore… No, she would not think about it anymore. She would go back to thinking on whether it was legal to allow house elf tossing as a sport. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she stared back at the report. House elf tossing? That soon forced all thoughts of romantic letters out of her mind, as her passion for S.P.E.W flared up inside her and forced her to start working frantically on the case. There was no time for anonymous letters when elfish welfare was on the line. OOO Harry was having rather different thoughts as he read the letter (which mirrored the one Hermione had received though with obvious differences) that had been sitting on his desk with a puzzled frown on his face. On the one hand he couldn’t help but wonder who the heck was writing a letter like this to him, and on the other he wondered why they didn’t just tell him face-to-face instead of going through all this anonymous rubbish. What if it was someone he really didn’t like? Nice Harry may be, but he was not going to go on a blind date with someone like that horrible Bertha who always winked at him. He shuddered as he wondered if Bertha had written the letter, and glanced about the cubicles to see Bertha giving him a small wave and a very unsubtle wink that made her whole face follow the movement, so that her eye just seemed to twitch rather than wink. “Oh no, I bet it is her,” Harry moaned to himself, looking very put out. Nothing could prevail on him to go if Bertha was his anonymous writer. She was plain creepy, and always seemed to eye him up and down like he was a particularly large donut just waiting to be scoffed in her fat, greedy mouth. There was just no way he would go! Placing the letter back on his desk, Harry promptly decided to put it out of his mind and continued with his work. He’d just ask Ron or Ginny later if they’d seen who had put the letter on his desk, and if it was Bertha, well then he’d just conveniently act as if he never read it. OOOO Viktor Krum angrily pushed the mouldy coat that had been tickling his face away from him and tried hard not to sneeze. Why did it smell like cats in here? At least it was roomy, he supposed, and he did have a good view of the redhead sitting on the seat outside waiting for her other conspirers to come into the Tea Room. No one would ever know he was here. He just had to make sure he didn’t sneeze- a difficult task since his nose was twitching and prickling all on its own accord. The door opened to the Tea Room and Viktor was surprised to see Draco Malfoy walk in. He frowned to himself and listened intently, hearing their voices drifting about the room. “Well are you going to tell me what it is you’ve been up to now?” Ginny turned at the sound of the Malfoy’s drawling voice, her eyes widening slightly. “I never actually thought you’d come,” she confessed with a small smile, “but now that you’re here I suppose I can. Take a seat-” she gestured to the squishy chairs by her- “I think that the others will be here soon anyway.” “Others?” Draco raised an eyebrow curiously and took a seat on the chair closest to her, placing his hands neatly in his lap as he looked at her with keen interest. “Neville and Luna. They’re in on this too.” Draco thought they were rather odd people to be conspiring with, but he didn’t really care about that now. He was more interested in learning what they were doing. Settling himself more comfortably on the seat, he eyed her through scrutinising grey eyes, saying, “And what is ‘this’?” Ginny leaned in closer, her eyes twinkling enchantingly as she lowered her voice, (which Viktor found incredibly annoying) to say, “We’re planning to make Harry and Hermione go on a blind date together, and in doing so ruin Viktor Krum and Cho Chang’s plans to break them up.” “I see…” Draco rubbed his chin thoughtfully. He was not much interested in whether Potter went with Granger, but he was interested in spending more time with Ginny. With that in mind, he gave her a flashing smile. “I’d like to help.” “You?” Well that hadn’t been the reaction he was hoping for. Maybe a kiss and a thank you would have been more on the mark, but not the blatant disbelief and suspicion that resounded in that simple, one worded answer. “Is that so hard to believe?” Ginny closed her mouth, twisting her lips in thought, but he could still see the suspicion lurking in her eyes. Finally she shrugged, saying candidly, “Well I suppose you can help; I just can’t really see why you would want to.” “Maybe I’m turning over a new leaf,” Draco said somewhat unconvincingly. “I very well could have an ambition to be the next cupid.” “Right….” Draco scratched his head and realised he wasn’t doing very well getting her to trust him here. He wondered if it would help if he tried to say something nice about Granger or Potter, but somehow calling Hermione a bushy-haired mudblood, and calling Potter a four-eyed git didn’t sound very endearing. The door opened once more, and both their heads swivelled around to see Neville come walking in panting slightly, with Luna and Ron in tow (Luna still holding her plant). Neville paused by the door, looking from Ginny to Draco with a rather surprised expression. He didn’t know what that smarmy Slytherin was doing in here, but he did not like how close he was sitting next to Ginny. It’s not like Draco had been invited into the group, and he had never liked the tall, blond man anyway. “What’s he doing here?” Ron growled, gesturing his head at Draco. “Now, Weasley, there’s no reason to take that tone. I’m here to help just as much as you obviously are.” Draco smiled innocently at them, but not one of them was fooled. Luna didn’t seem to really care too much though, and gave him a dreamy smile and a wave. “Enough of that,” Ginny snapped, bringing all the attention back to her. “We need to figure out what to do now. I take it you exchanged the letters all right and tight?” Neville nodded, still casting wary glances at Draco. He brought his gaze back to Ginny, meeting her inquisitive look. “We managed to exchange them, but Cho found out somehow. She tried to stop us.” “Cho?” Ginny frowned to herself and exchanged glances with Draco, (which Neville felt rather frustrated about). “How on earth did she find out? As far as I know no one knew that I had exchanged the letters on Harry’s desk except Malfoy here.” “Krum was hanging about Hermione’s office. More than likely he had overheard something.” said Ron darkly; still fuming that Viktor was snooping around like the great over-grown vulture he was. “Well we’ll have to keep that in mind when we go to set up the date. I’ve got it all planned out,” said Ginny, reverting back to her usual enthusiasm. Neville couldn’t help but admire her eyes sparkling with such mischievous joy. If only he could find the courage to admit his feelings… Ginny, completely oblivious to Neville’s thoughts, continued to chatter. “One of us will have to get Madam Rosmerta to make Harry sit at the table with the lily at 6pm tomorrow night. A bribe will be in order for that one, which won’t be hard. There’s also the issue of getting Harry and Hermione to actually go on the date. I know those two can be annoyingly stubborn when they want to, and they may yet decide to not even go.” “I can make Harry go,” Ron chipped in with a smile. Ginny nodded, “Yes that’d be good. I’ll talk to Hermione then.” “Then I’ll do the bribe,” Draco and Neville said at the same time. Neville daringly glared at Draco, who only smiled somewhat placidly back. “You can both talk to her then,” Ginny said with a broad smile, oblivious to the tension growing between the two men. She folded her hands in her lap and stared around at all of them with a serious expression on her face. “This is going to take all our genius to achieve, and we’re going to have to make sure neither of them start to suspect anything.” Luna fiddled with her butterbeer-cork necklace, and raised dreamy eyes to Ginny’s face. “What am I going to do, Ginny?” Frowning to herself, Ginny was not really sure what Luna could do. There was not really much left in terms of working everything out, but she didn’t want her friend to feel left out. “Luna can come with me,” Ron said with a shrug. “We’ll have to keep an eye on Cho and Krum after all, and it won’t take long for me to convince Harry to go on the date. Two eyes are better than one, and I’m sure Luna will make a fine spy for us.” Luna graced him with one of her most dreamiest smiles, and Ginny could only shake her head in wonder at the blonde’s whimsical nature. Sometimes she really had to wonder about Luna. “Alright then, that’s all settled.” Footsteps sounded horribly close to the door, getting louder and louder by the second. Everyone looked at each other in alarm, hearing familiar voices coming towards them. “Oh, hi Hermione. You’re taking a break too?” “Yeah. I’ve been working on those reports for hours.” Ron stared at Ginny in horror. “That sounds like Harry and Hermione.” She nodded and glanced about for somewhere where they could hide. As much as she knew it was not very odd for them to be in the Tea Room, it was odd for such a diverse bunch of people to all be in the Tea Room at the same time. They’d look no more innocent than a bunch of robbers wearing black stockings on their faces walking in a shopping mall. “Everyone in here!” Ginny hissed, rushing to the large cupboard that was sitting in the corner of the room. She flung open one of the doors to the cupboard and stepped in, everyone else rushing in quickly after her and squeezing very closely together as the door was shut on them. Ginny blinked in the darkness, completely wedged between two shadowy figures. She could vaguely see the door to the Tea Room open through the crack between the doors, and saw Harry and Hermione entering. “Damn these leaves and tentacles. Lovegood, did you really have to take that infernal plant in here?” someone whispered furiously from up above Ginny, and judging by the softness of his coat and the familiar cologne, she figured it was Malfoy. “Shh,” another voice piped in, which could only be her brother’s. “They might hear us.” “What are they doing?” Luna whispered interestedly from Draco’s other side. “I can’t see.” “They’re just making tea and talking about elf tossing,” Draco replied in a bored voice. Ginny had to try hard not to giggle. She did wonder why he was here when he so obviously didn’t care about the two outside the cupboard. “Maybe we should be quiet. They really might hear us,” a tentative voice said from the other side of the cupboard. Ginny figured that must be Neville. That got her thinking though; if Neville was next to Ron, and Ron was next to Luna, and Luna was next to Draco… then who was next to her? Ginny turned her face, but all she could see was the dark, shadowy outline of a tall figure. She frowned to herself and leaned her face up to Draco’s, whispering very quietly, “There’s someone standing next to me.” Draco met her gaze, pink tentacles half obstructing his vision, and glanced the best he could past her to stare at the shadowy figure. The person sneezed, and the chatter that had been going on outside the cupboard suddenly stopped. “Did you hear that?” Hermione asked with a frown. Harry stirred his tea and glanced about in confusion, his brow creased into his own frown. “I did. It sounded like someone sneezed…” Back in the cupboard, everyone had frozen in fear that they might be caught out. There really would be a lot of awkward questions then. “Idiots. Who sneezed?” Ron demanded in an angry whisper. “It wasn’t me,” came Neville’s defensive reply. “I didn’t do it,” Luna whispered dreamily. “Well it wasn’t me either,” Draco replied bluntly. Ginny could see all their dark, shadowy heads looking at her, but she only turned to the person next to her who was now standing very stiff. “Ginny?” “It wasn’t me,” Ginny replied finally, still staring at the silent figure. “It was the person standing next to me.” A hush fell over the group of plotters in the cupboard, and the person in the shadows shifted uncomfortably. They all knew they could do nothing with their victims sitting right outside the cupboard doors, and could only stand in apprehensive silence, all squashed together like sardines, just waiting for Harry and Hermione to leave. “It sounded like it came from over there,” Hermione mused out loud, gesturing to the corner of the room where the cupboard stood very conspicuously. She stared at it for a moment (“she’s looking right at us!” Ginny whispered fearfully), but then dragged her eyes back to Harry, who was now scratching his head in some puzzlement. “It was probably nothing.” Harry said finally. “You know what the Wizarding World’s like. More than likely that cupboard is alive.” Hermione laughed, and all the people in the cupboard let out an inward sigh of relief. “Well, I’d better get back to those reports.” “Yeah,” Harry agreed, placing down his empty teacup. “I’d better get back to mine too. I’ll see you later, Hermione.” Hermione nodded, and both of them left the room, the door closing behind them with a small click. Ginny burst out of the cupboard, pulling out her wand from under her skirt and aiming it at the shadowy figure still hiding in the cupboard, which caused Draco to wonder rather daringly out loud what else she was hiding up there. Neville, who had heard the comment, was frustrated to see Ginny blush and Draco smirk. Ron and Luna pulled out their wands and aimed it at the cupboard, but it was Ginny who spoke. “Alright, which one of you sneaks has been hiding in the cupboard this whole time?” There was another sneeze from amongst the depths of the cupboard, and then Viktor slowly walked out looking very embarrassed and annoyed, clutching his own wand in his hand, but not threateningly. “KRUM!” Ron bellowed, looking like he was about to murder the Bulgarian man who was shuffling awkwardly on the spot. Luna placed a hand on Ron’s arm, her big, blue eyes meeting his. “Calm down, Ronald.” Ginny was amazed to see Ron’s expression become more placid. Who would have thought he’d actually listen to the dotty blonde, but so it seemed to be true as he nodded his head to Luna and lowered his wand. Viktor threw them all a dark scowl and cast a shifty glance at the door. “Oh no you don’t,” Draco said firmly, blocking the Bulgarian’s way with his own wand aimed. “You’re going to tell us why you were hiding in that cupboard.” Viktor glared at the Slytherin and fisted his hands in his pockets. “I was not doing anything. I was just sitting in the cupboard.” Ginny blinked in disbelief. How stupid did he think they were? Even Luna didn’t go hiding in cupboards, and that girl really was off her rocker. “Right, ‘cause it’s so entertaining to sit in cupboards that smell like cats. Stop lying and tell us the truth. How did you know we were going to be in here? I know you know we know that you know we know what you’ve been doing.” Everyone stared at her in some perplexity, all trying to figure just what it was she had said. Viktor seemed to come to himself first. “You’re right. I do know that you’ve been eavesdropping and planning to ruin our plans! I won’t let you, and now that I know what you’re planning I will make my own plans.” Draco eyed him with distaste. “How about I just obliviate him?” “Malfoy!” Ginny exclaimed in shock, though she too was tempted to wipe those memories from the smug Bulgarian’s brain. Draco shrugged unapologetically and continued to stare haughtily at the Bulgarian. Neville was finding it very hard to say anything at all, since his throat had gotten stuck and refused to let words come out. Luna was patting her plant again, and Ron was just glaring. The door to the Tea Room opened again, and once more everyone swung around to see who was coming in. Viktor took the opportunity to escape while no one was paying attention to him, and ran from the room, barging past the old man wobbling in on shaky legs, who had just entered. The old man stared at them all owlishly and left the room again, muttering something about tea orgies. “What do we do about Krum?” Ron asked, one the door had shut. “Just leave him,” Ginny said with a scornful look. “He’s probably gone running back to Cho. We don’t have to worry about them anyway. We’ll just deal with them ourselves when the time comes. It can’t be too hard.” Everyone nodded and once more went back to discussing the finer details for the date. Once they had finished they all split up their separate ways to do their little parts in the plots being made. Harry and Hermione wouldn’t know what had hit them! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 4. The Many Cupids Disclaimer: Everything you recognise isn’t mine. A/N: Sorry it’s been a while. I haven’t really been in the humour mood, but thanks to Ash’s lovely Harry/Hermione fic recommendations I think I can get my inspiration going again, though admittedly I don’t feel that inspired as I normally do. The Many Cupids Neville tapped his foot against the floor, watching as the blond Slytherin did what he did best: lied, cheated, and smooth-talked his way into getting what he wanted. It was quite disgusting really to see that the arrogant man had been right in saying he could get Madam Rosmerta to do what they wanted without resorting to anything but his own charm. Neville did have to give him credit for it, but that didn’t mean he liked the guy; if anything he was more worried about working with Malfoy. He was not stupid, and he had seen the way Draco looked at Ginny. Now, having seen the pasty-faced git’s way with women, he felt even more incompetent and anxious. Smiling charmingly, and giving Madam Rosmerta a graceful kiss on the hand, Draco came waltzing back over to where Neville was standing and gave an arrogant smirk. “And that is how you do it. No bribes, no waste of money; all you have to do is use a little charm.” Neville folded his arms unhappily and glared at the much taller man, his expression becoming rather owlish. “Yeah, well it’s nothing to be proud of. Only shows what an untrustworthy sneak you are.” Draco placed a hand over his heart in mock-hurt. “I’m wounded, Longbottom, really, I am. After all I have done to help your little groupie, this is how you repay me? By telling me you don’t trust me?” “I don’t care what you’ve done, I still don’t trust you,” Neville snapped, and feeling emboldened by his rising jealousy went further. “And I don’t like the way you look at Ginny either.” The grey eyes watching him sparked with wicked amusement, a glimpse of the old Draco popping back in rather unpleasantly to say hello. “So that’s how it is?” he said with a wry grin, folding his own arms in obvious amusement. “You like little, miss Weasley.” Neville’s cheeks tinged with pink, and huffily he started walking ahead, feeling embarrassed that he had let slip such a critical piece of information to someone who had never been very nice to him. He was sure he’d be made to regret it too, knowing that Draco Malfoy took great delight in embarrassing everyone else. “I never said that,” Neville defended, feeling his ears going redder by the seconds. If only he had stayed cowardly silent as he normally did, but somehow his thoughts just seemed to be slipping right on out. Jealousy seemed to have that effect on people. “But that was what you were implying,” came the sly reply. Neville remained silent so as not to embarrass himself further. He was really regretting opening his big mouth now. Draco caught up to Neville’s steps easily with his longer legs, his trademark smirk firmly in place. “So what did you hope to do by warding me off our fair Miss Weasley? Woo her for yourself?” If it were possible Neville’s face went redder until he resembled a very sun kissed tomato. He would have put even the Weasley hair to shame, which was a rare feat indeed. “It’s got nothing to do with that,” he replied unconvincingly, fidgeting nervously with his hands. “I just don’t like the way you look at her.” “Right, and my favourite pastime is to sing songs about loving muggles and paint peace signs on my chest.” “Really?” Neville exclaimed wide-eyed. Draco rolled his eyes. “It’s called sarcasm, Longbottom- maybe you should try it sometime.” Neville only glared at him and continued walking. Of course he should have known Draco was only joking. It was just hard to tell with Malfoy sometimes- he was rather odd when one got to know him. “You know, Longbottom, you never did answer my question.” It seemed he was persistent too. “That’s because I don’t like her.” “What do you take me for? A troll? Even someone completely dense could see you have a thing for Weasley.” Draco eyed Neville in some exasperation, and yet amusement at the same time. “Now let’s just cut to the chase, shall we?” Neville stared at him in some trepidation. Just what was Malfoy trying to do? “You like Weasley, I happen to fancy her myself, which you so nicely pointed out before.” “And?” “And so I propose we make a little challenge.” “A challenge?” Neville frowned and stared at the taller man suspiciously. “What sort of challenge?” “We have till tomorrow night to get her to choose one of us. The person who wins gets the girl, and the other, erm, well we’ll think of that when we get there.” Neville frowned and stared at his fidgeting hands. He knew he really liked Ginny, but competing against Draco Malfoy for her? The idea was absurd. How could he- someone who was neither good-looking, athletic, nor confident- ever hope to win Ginny over Draco Malfoy, who just happened to be all three of those things? “I don’t know, Malfoy…” “Aw, c’mon, Nev-” Neville glared at him- “Where’s your sense of fun?” “I don’t like the idea of competing over her. She’s not a trophy.” Draco rolled his eyes again and folded his arms. “Look, chunky- I mean Longbottom- you know you’re never going to show your feelings to her unless you’re pushed, so why don’t you just accept the challenge like a good boy? You could even say I’m helping you here.” He smiled, his grey eyes gleaming with mischief. “You aren’t scared of losing are you?” “N-no. She’d never like a guy like you!” Draco’s smirk grew until it seemed to swallow his whole pointy face in the Malfoy, smirking glory. “Then what have you got to lose?” OOO Ron stopped outside the Auror Department and turned to his companion. “Alright, Luna, you just wait here and I’ll go talk to Harry.” Luna, who had finally disposed with her plant, gazed up at him through big, blue eyes that always seemed rather wide-eyed. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come?” Ron shook his head, thinking it would be better if he talked to Harry himself so as not to cause suspicion. “I’ll be alright. You just keep an eye out for Krum or Chang.” Luna nodded perhaps a little to enthusiastically, and gave him a dreamy smile that made her look rather like she had just been hit by a pile of bricks and was still trying dazedly to remember her name. Ron patted her shoulder awkwardly and returned a smile, before making his way towards Harry. “Hey mate.” Harry looked up from his work, glasses slipping down his nose and a bit of ink smudged on his cheek where it had obviously got stuck from his hand. He looked terrible, and had obviously been busy working for a good few hours now. He ran a hand through his messy, black hair and gave a weak smile. “Hey, Ron.” “Geez, Harry, you look like you’ve just been hit with a hurricane.” “Ha-Ha,” Harry muttered sarcastically, moving some papers from his desk. “What do you want?” “I heard that you got an anonymous letter.” Harry pulled his hand away from his hair and blinked a few times in confusion. “How did you-” “-Well you didn’t think someone would be able to put a letter on your desk without someone seeing, did you?” Ron was pleased to see his friend sit up a little straighter, his eyes becoming just a little more focussed as he pushed his glasses up further on his nose. Granted it was just possible Harry was curious to find out, nosy bugger that he was, who had sent the letter, but then Ron figured even curiosity was something. “So who was it then?” “Well,” Ron said with a smirk that would have made Draco Malfoy proud. “Me telling you that would ruin all the fun, now wouldn’t it?” Harry’s shoulders slumped, and a scowl marred his normally good-humoured face. “Fine, be a git then, but I’m not going to it anyway. I have a feeling it’s Bertha- you know, the one that looks like a donut that sprouted legs and arms.” “Bertha?” Ron laughed and shook his head. “Trust me, Harry, if you knew who it was you would most definitely be going on that date.” “Oh?” Harry glanced at him suspiciously. “How do I know you’re not just saying that to make me go?” Ron inwardly sighed in exasperation. Sometimes Harry could be a real pain- like now. All he had to do was a be a good boy and go on the date with Hermione, but instead he was being silly, suspicious Harry, and working himself into thinking his letter from the worst possible candidate. Who knew Harry was such a pessimist? “No, really, I’m telling the truth,” Ron insisted. “You honestly will like who it is. It’ll be a surprise, but a good surprise.” “Hrm…” Harry tugged at his fringe in thought and frowned. Ron wondered if he would do it. It would be just like Harry to ruin everything by declaring he wouldn’t go. “Alright then. I suppose I’ll go, but if it’s Bertha I’m not going to be happy.” Ron beamed in response and slapped Harry on the back. “You won’t regret it, I promise.” “Yeah, well it’ll be on your head if-” Harry’s face broke into a puzzled frown- “What on earth is Luna doing?” Ron turned in some trepidation and saw Luna standing at the doorway doing what looked like a very odd rain dance. She was stamping her feet loudly and throwing her hands up in the air, giving him pointed jerky head movements. It was some time before he realised she was actually trying to beckon him towards her. “I’d better go see what she’s doing,” Ron muttered, and quickly made his way towards Luna, who had thankfully calmed down. “What are you doing?” he hissed, grabbing her by the arm and leading her away from prying eyes. “I was trying to get your attention.” “I can see that, but why did you have to do it so… so noticeably?” Luna stared at him through her wide-eyes. “Well how else was I supposed to get your attention, Ronald?” Deciding it would be best to just let the argument drop, Ron turned his attention to more important matters, like why Luna was desperately trying to get his attention anyway. “So what’s wrong?” “Well, as I was sitting here wondering how many blibber moofins were crowding around the hallways, I thought I saw Cho Chang and Viktor Krum.” Ron blinked. “You brought me out here, risking the ruin of our whole operation, because you thought you saw Krum and Chang?” Luna nodded innocently, dreamy smile in place, not in the least aware she had just annoyed the redheaded man. Ron had to take a breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. Sometimes he really had to wonder what was going on in that dotty girl’s head. “Luna I-” “-Oh, here they come!” Ron turned just in time to see Cho and Viktor coming out of a room looking very suspicious as they muttered furiously to each other. Without thinking, he grabbed the thin blonde woman in front of him by the waist, and pulled her with him behind the door to the Auror’s Department, covering them both with the wooden door so only the blurry outlines of their faces could be seen through the glass. Silently he held a finger to his lips, Luna giving a small nod to show she understood. “So we’ll take a polyjuice potion to make ourselves look like the waiters, and then we can disrupt the date ourselves without being suspected?” That had to be Krum’s voice. Cho nodded, a smug smile on her face as she walked past the door, completely oblivious to the two people squashed up behind it. “That’s right. Those idiots think they’ve got us figured out, but they won’t be expecting us to be there too, and we’ll make sure Harry and Granger don’t get their little, romantic date.” “So that’s their plan, aye?” Ron whispered, the sound of the conspirator’s footsteps drifting away as they got further from sight. “What are we going to do?” Luna asked, completely squashed up against Ron behind the door. It would have been awkward if they weren’t so caught up in their thoughts to get Cho and Viktor back. “Well, we’re going to-” he broke off suddenly, the door nudging into his back as someone banged into it, pushing him forward into Luna, and forcing his lips that had been slightly parted in mid-talk to fall against something very soft that tasted surprisingly like banana milkshake. Luna’s eyes went even wider, meeting his with stunned shock, and because it seemed the most natural thing to do, returned the pressure with her banana milkshake tasting lips, creating a rather chaste kiss between them. Ron was the first to pull his lips away, his cheeks going just the slightest bit pink, his hands fidgeting awkwardly. He really didn’t know what to say now. He had just kissed Luna Lovegood- and enjoyed it. “That was nice,” Luna said dreamily, though Ron wasn’t sure if the dreaminess was from the kiss or because she always sounded like that. He knew he was feeling a little dazed at least, and that kiss was more of a peck than anything else, which had him wondering why it had created such an effect on him. “Y-yeah…” “Well, we should really go stop Viktor and Cho. They’ll probably be heading right to the Three Broomsticks to get the hairs for their potion.” Ron was astounded at how serious Luna could sound while still so whimsical, especially after they’d just kissed. He was beginning to wonder if her so-called ‘vacant expression’ was just an act. “Right,” he agreed, trying to pull his mind back to the matters at hand. “We’d better go stop them.” Luna nodded and moved away from behind the door, Ron following behind feeling just a little confused. OOO Ginny sidled into the room, watching her bushy-haired friend packing up her papers. It seemed Hermione was about to go home, and Ginny thanked Merlin that she had managed to corner the girl before time ran out. “Hello Hermione.” Hermione glanced up, her face breaking into a friendly smile once she spotted Ginny. “Hello. I’m just heading off home.” “So I noticed,” Ginny said with a grin, planting herself comfortably on the edge of Hermione’s desk. She glanced about the papers and noticed the letter was gone. “So… I hear you have a secret admirer.” “W-what?” Hermione blushed slightly and looked at Ginny warily, wondering how it was Ginny knew that she had gotten the letter. Maybe Ginny knew whom it was from though? Hermione had been trying to figure that out for a long time now, and for a witch who was used to knowing everything, it was becoming a right pain not knowing this cryptic piece of information. “Yeah… asking for a date at the Three Broomsticks?” “How did you know?” “I have my ways,” Ginny replied with a mischievous grin. Hermione had never liked that grin; it almost always spelt trouble. “So,” Ginny stood up and folded her arms, watching her friend with keen interest. “Are you going to go?” “I…” Hermione frowned and did up the clasp to her bag. She was curious, there was no doubt about that, but she was also feeling a little worried that this was all some big joke, or that maybe the person was someone she really didn’t like. It would be just her luck to have someone she didn’t like ask her on a date. “I don’t know. I’m so busy and all, and-” “Oh, fiddlesticks- you’re no busier than the rest of us. Trust me, Hermione, you’ll regret it if you don’t go!” “Do you know who it is then?” Hermione asked curiously, watching her friend looking very pleased with herself. Something was up… “Of course. I heard him talking to Ron about it.” “Ron?” Hermione exclaimed in surprise. That meant this guy was obviously close to Ron if he was willing to disclose that, and obviously Ron didn’t hate him that much, because everyone knew how protective Ron got over her and who she could date. “Oops,” Ginny said with a feigned gasp. “I wasn’t supposed to say that.” She shrugged and gave Hermione a cheery smile. “Well just think about it anyway. You wouldn’t want to wound a guy’s feelings after all, especially this one.” Snickering darkly at her own comment, Ginny trundled out of the room, leaving Hermione in some state of confusion. Who could it be? And why was Ginny so intent on her going? “This is just ridiculous,” she muttered, and yet she was soon seen to be once more looking at the letter in her hands. She could just go and get it over and done with, but then why did Ginny look so happy about something? Oh she would never figure this out… Letting out a tired sigh of exasperation, Hermione stuffed the letter in her bag and glared at the empty room. “Fine, I’ll go!” The room did not answer. Empty rooms, after all, cannot talk, even in the Wizarding world. OOO “What do you mean you couldn’t get any hairs?” Cho demanded, an angry glint in her eyes. Viktor shuffled under her gaze, looking like a great, over-sized baby. “There’s only one waiter, besides Madam Rosmerta herself, and he was not working today.” Cho sighed and placed a hand over her face in exasperation. She could feel the familiar burning sensation in her eyes and felt her lips tremble. Everything just kept going wrong. How was she ever going to get Harry away from that horrible woman if she couldn’t even get to him on the date? She was not stupid, and she knew that those ingrates would be hovering around to stop them from coming. There had to be something she could do, but right now she could not think of anything. It was time to do what she always did when something upset her. Giant tears welled up her eyes, and feeling quite cross with everyone, Cho burst into hearty tears, the sounds getting increasingly louder and louder. Viktor shuffled uncomfortably again, trying vainly to comfort her by saying they could find another way, but Cho was not having any of it. “How are we supposed to do this now?” she demanded hysterically. “We can’t even get in there anymore to break off their date!” She sobbed even louder and slid to her knees. Viktor Krum was not known for his emotional sympathy, and being stuck with a crying girl was not at all what he considered a pleasant pastime. Chancing a glance left and right, he stared back down at Cho, feeling quite tired of her crying. She seemed to do it a lot. “I don’t know, but crying isn’t going to help, and that seems to be all you ever do! No wonder Potter left you!” Her eyes darted up nastily, and she quickly scrambled to her feet and poked him hard in the chest, tears still welling out of her eyes. “You’re the one who always gets caught!! I guess Granger couldn’t handle your stupidity!!” “Are you saying this is my fault then?” Viktor demanded angrily, quite sick of her altogether now- he’d just leave, and then she could cry all to her heart’s content. “Well then you do it if you think you’re so clever!” “WHAT? YOU’RE LEAVING ME?” Viktor nodded. “Yes.” “But you can’t!” She whined, gripping at his hands, and still sobbing. This only made him feel more uncomfortable, and prising her off his hands, he speedily started running away from her. Cho didn’t stop to think and raced after him, still crying, and still shouting. “Blimey,” Ron muttered with a grin. “They don’t seem to be doing too well, do they?” Luna laughed, and kept laughing for some time, finally managing to gasp out, “No they don’t seem to be at all.” Relieved that his companion had started breathing again, Ron looked about the empty Hogsmeade streets, noticing that not many people were out today. There was no real point being here since Cho and Viktor had failed in their task, but, chancing a glance at the blonde next to him, Ron decided he had might as well make the most of it. “Shall we have a walk around then? Or maybe you’d like a butterbeer? We don’t need to report back to Ginny just yet.” Luna smiled happily up at him. “I’d like that.” Ron nodded and walked with her down the snowy lanes, pausing as he felt a warm hand slip into his. He looked down and noticed Luna’s blue eyes smiling softly at him, and feeling his own light up with happy warmth, returned the hold on her hand, before continuing their stroll down the frosted streets, a companionable air surrounding them. OOO Ginny finished packing up her stuff, giving a friendly wave to her senile, old boss Mr Tibblet- who had finally found his quill (under his desk) and was now telling anybody who would listen that the thief obviously got so scared that they put it back- before making her way out of the Auror’s department. Everything was set and ready for the date tomorrow, or at least she hoped, and so she could just go home and relax. She was sure the others would tell her how they fared eventually. Smiling at the prospect of bringing her two friends together, Ginny walked down the empty corridors, humming a little to herself, and feeling very much at peace with the world. Footsteps moving quickly behind her told her she was not alone, and turning her head slightly, Ginny’s smile only grew as she spotted Draco Malfoy walking towards her, Neville in tow. “You two are the first to get back. I was just heading home.” She tucked her bag more securely under her arm and glanced at them expectantly. “So how did it go?” “Fine, we’ve got it all sorted,” Draco replied with a careless wave of the hand. “Potter will be seated at the right table, don’t you worry your pretty head.” Neville glared at the word ‘pretty’ and quickly pushed in front of the taller man, a nervous smile on his lips as he came face-to-face with Ginny. “G-gi-gin”- he swallowed- “Ginny, I was wondering if you wanted to go out and get something eat?” Ginny was not expecting this, but figuring it couldn’t hurt to get a bite to eat she nodded her head with a smile. “Sure, why not? To tell you the truth,” she confided with a laugh, “I didn’t really want to cook dinner tonight anyway.” “Well why don’t we all go then?” Draco suggested, earning another angry glare from Neville, to which he only smirked in reply. “You want to come too?” Ginny asked incredulously. He certainly seemed to be full of surprises lately. “Why not?” She shrugged and looked at Neville, whom she was surprised to see looked like he wanted to seriously hurt the blond man next to him. Thinking that was rather odd, but deciding not many people liked Draco anyway, she just decided to ignore that little hitch and be the peacekeeper. “Well we can all go; it’s not like this is a date.” Both guys laughed a little sheepishly and nodded their heads. “Right,” they said in unison. “Right…” Ginny stared at them for a moment, but then shrugged and continued walking. “So where do we want to go?” Both guys instantly said a restaurant, and laughing slightly, Ginny could only shake her head at them. “I have no idea what you two just said.” After both repeated their chosen destination, Ginny decided to go with Neville’s- Draco’s sounding just a little beyond her money means. Neville gave a rather smug smile at that, but Draco seemed un-phased, so his ‘happy moment’ didn’t last very long, and he was once more looking owlish that his ‘date’ had been third-wheeled. It was just he didn’t know who was the third wheel- himself or Draco? Once they got to the restaurant and took their seats, Ginny glanced at both men with a small smile and then picked up her menu. Neville glared at Draco, who gave an infuriating smirk back. “Oh, the roast chicken looks good!” Ginny exclaimed from behind the menu, completely oblivious to the tension rising on the other side of the table. She placed the menu down and smiled at them. “I think I’ll get that.” Draco called for a waiter, and all three ordered their meals. They started chatting about trivial things, but the conversation was rather one-sided- Draco being a big talker and liking to be the centre of attention, and Ginny finding him interesting enough to actually listen. He seemed intent on cutting Neville out of the conversation completely, but Neville was finding it rather difficult to talk to Ginny anyway, even without Draco cutting him out. He’d always been shy around girls, but having someone else there just only made it all the more worse. Feeling rather dejected that the one time he decided to open his mouth and actually ask a girl on a date another guy decided to come, Neville could only sigh and watch the two talk about goodness knows what. He had stopped paying attention after vainly opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish for five minutes. He was a pitiful excuse for a guy right now, and he knew he had no hopes in getting Ginny to like him with Draco charming the pants off her. He really did hope that didn’t become a literal thing too… “So, Malfoy…” “Yes Weasley?” “Why did you decide to help us with this?” Neville glanced at Draco curiously, he too having wondered much the same thing, though after their conversation earlier he thought he had a pretty good guess why. “Well…” Draco smirked slightly and leaned back in his chair to watch Ginny with that lazy arrogance that always seemed to characterise him. “After you so charmingly hid under my desk and begged me to help you, I found myself curious as to what it was you were doing. I admit when I found out you were just trying to set up Potter and Granger that I was not particularly enthused, but it’s been a nice change to do something else today, and the company isn’t so bad after all.” He said the last part rather suggestively, and Neville was annoyed to see Ginny’s cheeks go faintly pink. She shifted in her seat and turned her face away from the handsome Slytherin, meeting Neville’s gaze with a rather flustered but secretly pleased smile on her face. For Neville it was the worst feeling in the world to watch the girl he liked flirting and being flirted with by a guy he did not like, and yet Neville was unable to do anything about it. He didn’t want to look like the jealous guy making a scene, and somehow he had a feeling that Ginny was just being nice to him anyway. It was clear she was attracted to Draco Malfoy, and how could she ever like a guy like him after all? He was leaning dangerously on the chubby side, was clumsy and always did the wrong thing, and he couldn’t even talk to a girl to save himself! It was wishful hoping that a girl like her could ever like him. “You know, I think I’ve had enough to eat and I just remembered I forgot something in my house….” Neville trailed off and quickly stood up, much to the surprise of Ginny, and the pleasure of Draco. “You’re going so soon?” Ginny asked in a voice that almost sounded disappointed. “Yeah…” “Oh… well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” Neville nodded and muttered a quick goodbye before leaving the restaurant, Draco’s smirking face imprinted in his head all the way. Damn that git for ruining all chances he had. Why did he have to accept that stupid challenge? “That was odd,” Ginny mumbled with a frown, still watching where Neville had left. “He seemed upset.” Draco shrugged unconcernedly. “Who knows what Longbottom takes into his head? I always thought he was odd personally.” He leaned over the table slightly, giving her a suggestive smile. “Besides, this leaves us more time to get to know each other better…” Ginny looked back at him with a slightly suspicious expression on her face. “I suppose…” She wasn’t sure if she really wanted to be stuck with just Draco. As much as he seemed to be acting more pleasant towards her, she was very aware of his eyes following her every move and had a feeling he had been expecting a bit more out of this dinner than Neville had. Poor Neville… She hoped he didn’t leave just because Draco had come too. She had seen the disappointment on her friend’s face, but she had been unsure on how to deal with the situation, and so had allowed Draco to come. She couldn’t deny that she wasn’t glad Draco had come though; he was rather handsome and quite fun to talk to when he wasn’t being a prat, but his flirty behaviour was making her just a bit uncomfortable. The night went on, and Draco insisted that he should take Ginny back home. Feeling too tired to argue, Ginny had allowed him to take her to her home, and now both of them stood outside the door in the chilly wind, the stars peeping out from the clouds and the moon shining like a big smiling face in the dusky sky. “Well, um, thanks for taking me to dinner.” Draco shrugged. “It was Longbottom’s idea, but I’ll take the credit for it if you want.” She laughed slightly and opened the door, giving him a small smile as she did so. “Goodnight Malfoy. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He nodded, returning the smile with his own arrogant one, and shaking her head slightly Ginny went to turn around to go back into the house when she heard him call out her name. Stopping in some surprise, she turned around and felt his lips suddenly pressing against hers in a small kiss. Her heart sped up in her chest, her eyes widening as she stared up into his face, but then it all stopped as he pulled away. “Goodnight Ginny.” She stood there a little breathless and watched him disapparate, not really sure what to think or what to do. All she knew was Draco Malfoy had kissed her. A/N: Shock! Gasp! Has Neville lost in the race? And have Cho and Viktor really given up? Guess you’ll have to wait and find out on the next (and last) episode of Cupid’s Lost His Wings! (I so just had a Dragon Ball Z moment….) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 5. A Happy Ending Disclaimer: Everything you recognise isn’t mine. A/N: Okay, here’s the last chapter. Hope you enjoy it, though I’m not feeling the best today, but we’ll see how it goes. A Happy Ending Neville sat down on the chair in the room above the Three Broomsticks, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. The door opened, and jerking his head around, he saw Ron, Luna, Ginny and Draco all come walking in. “Good, we’re all here,” Ginny said with a smile, her eyes flickering to Neville for a moment. He thought he could see concern in her eyes, but then Draco moved in front of his vision to block her from view. Neville felt another heavy sigh escape his lips and tried not to think about what those two had done last night. He’d already beaten himself up for hours on running away like that. It was best not to think about that now. “Has anyone heard from Krum and Chang?” Ron asked, sitting down on one of the crates. Madam Rosmerta had allowed them to use the back room for their own purposes, which they had all been grateful for. “Nope, but you can bet they’ll be here somewhere,” Draco replied offhandedly. “So what is it we’re doing again? “Harry is already down there waiting, so we’re going to be on duty to make sure nothing happens.” Ginny looked at her brother in a business-like manner. “Ron, you’ve got the hair, right?” He nodded and held up a small bottle where a single black hair could be seen. “I got it.” They had decided to go with Cho and Viktor’s idea in pretending to be the waiter so as not to let anyone interfere. The real waiter was at home with the flu, thanks to Draco and Ron’s quick thinking in disposing of him, and Luna had snagged a polyjuice potion from the ministry for Ron. The others would simply be using glamour charms to hide their identities and would be in the crowd of the Three Broomsticks, waiting for Cho and Viktor to come. They knew the two harebrained schemers would not be able to resist gate crashing the date, the only problem was they had no idea what to expect. “Alright then, let’s all take our places.” They nodded, and Ron grabbed the polyjuice potion and added the hair, watching it turn to a sickly green colour. He downed it quickly and instantly let out a moan as his body painfully transformed into the waiter’s. Neville stared at him, seeing the tall redheaded man now replaced with a short, dark haired man with brown eyes. “Nice look, Weasley,” Draco said with a smirk. “Enough of that,” Ginny scolded. “Ron, you’d better get down there quick. Luna, you and Draco go to the table on the far side, and Neville and I will go on the table closest to Harry and Hermione.” Draco looked a little disappointed that he was not going to be with Ginny, and Neville couldn’t help but feel glad. He glanced at Ginny, who gave him a small, reassuring smile, and felt just a tiny bit of hope. She didn’t want to be with Malfoy, and so that had to mean something, right? “Come on then, Draco,” Luna said with a smile, already having used a glamour charm to make herself look like an old woman. Draco sighed and waved his wand at himself, instantly losing his smirking good looks to become an equally old man with a shaggy grey beard. Neville heard him muttering to Luna that he would never be able to live this one down if anyone saw him as they left the room, and rolled his eyes in exasperation. Malfoy really was so fickle. He turned his face and saw Ginny wave her wand at herself, her long red hair turning to steel grey and becoming shorter, her skin aging a good forty years so that she looked like a sixty-odd-year-old woman. Neville copied the spell to make himself look older and gave himself grey hair as well. They were all going to look like a bunch of old fogies. That was a boost for the confidence… OOOO Meanwhile, down in the eating area of the Three Broomsticks, two people were sitting huddled up in their cloaks, dark sunglasses on their face, and oddly enough wearing clothes that were as conspicuous as they were designed to be inconspicuous. “All right, Viktor,” Cho muttered from where she was sitting. “There’s Harry right there. You just need to go over and steal that white lily and put it on your own table. I’ll go take a seat at Harry’s table, and we’re set.” Viktor glanced at the jet-black haired man sitting at the table with the white lily, watching as Harry drummed his fingers and gazed about the room somewhat nervously and yet bored at the same time. It was an easy thing to do, but Viktor was still worried. That gap to the table seemed to him a massive war zone with brutal creatures of all sorts waiting to chomp his legs off. He’d rather go jump in the Tri-Wizard maze again, not that he remembered much of that. Actually, he couldn’t remember anything of that at all… how very odd…. Shaking such gloomy thoughts from his brain, Viktor looked back at his companion who was barely recognisable behind her ‘incognito’ get-up. “But, what about the others? Do you think they’re here?” He glanced about nervously, as if Ron, Neville, Luna, Ginny and Draco were suddenly going to pop out of the air and pounce on him. With the way things had gone though, he wouldn’t be surprised, and why were those two old people looking at him like that? Some people were so rude. “Well I don’t see them anywhere,” Cho said with a shrug. “So maybe they didn’t come? Maybe they got scared?” She sounded like she thought they should be, but Viktor wasn’t so sure. It was five against two, and he was sadly in the group of two. He glared at the old farts watching him, and looked the other way to see yet more old people watching him. What was with these oldies? Then again, perhaps they were just envious of his coat. It was rather nice and warm, and he was quite pleased with having decided to wear it tonight. It felt so soft too… “Stop caressing that damn cloak!” Cho snapped, slamming her hand down on his. “You’re creeping me out with that.” Viktor glared at her but said nothing. He didn’t want her to start crying again. Merlin knew he had a hard time trying to stop it last time. She had chased him all the way back to the ministry and then nagged and cried until he had given in and joined her again. Now it was time to get this over so he could get his Hermyninny back, and see the back of the sobbing banshee. OOO “Ginny… there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you,” Neville said after a moment, wrinkly face watching her with a nervous expression. It was now or never, and he’d rather it be now than never happening at all. The challenge was still on after all, and Draco hadn’t won yet…he hoped. It was bad timing on his part, but what other chance did he have? “Yeah?” Ginny responded absently, her eyes narrowing at the black clothed couple wearing dark sunglasses. They looked mighty suspicious, and judging by the vulture pose the taller one was pulling she was sure she had a good idea who the odd couple were. Neville swallowed slightly. Why did he have to freeze up now? All he had to do was spit the words out, but he was sure his tongue had just been glued to his mouth, and she wasn’t even looking at him anyway, which only made him all the more nervous. Still, he had to do this. This was his happiness on the line here. He didn’t want to lose her to that pale-faced, arrogant, smirking, annoying… well you get the picture. “I just wanted to say that I really like you,” he blurted out suddenly, a sheepish look coming to his face. “A lot.” “What’s that vulture doing?” Ginny muttered, gazing at something past him, seemingly not even having heard what he had said. Neville turned to see what she was looking at and saw a man dressed in a black cloak, dark sunglasses, and a woolly hat walking over to the table where Harry was sitting. That was just great. He told her he liked her, and all she could do was care about some weird guy in a cloak. Wait a minute, a weird guy in a black cloak? “That must be Krum!” Ginny exclaimed, standing up, and then paused quite suddenly, her face turning to look at him in surprise, her brow creasing in puzzlement. “Wait, did you just say you like me, Neville?” Neville could feel his ears heating and nodded his head. She looked at Krum, then her eyes flicked back to him, then flicked back to Krum again, and so forth, and all the while Neville stood there waiting for her response. He could practically see her mind trying to weigh what was more important, and rather selfishly hoped his side was tipping the scales. Harry and Hermione could wait for all he cared right now. He was about to find out whether Ginny liked him or not- that is if she didn’t burst from trying to choose whether to pounce on Krum or give him her answer. Viktor himself was completely oblivious to the mental debate going on a few feet away from him. He was eyeing the white lily on the table with the eye of a greedy man about to clasp his sweaty fingers around a particularly rare jewel. This would help him get Hermyninny… this single, little flower that Potter was now guarding so disobligingly. Hrm, how was he ever going to get Potter to look away so he could actually take the flower? He paused and scratched his head for a moment. Unfortunately he was not the ‘brains’ of the group, but, fortunately, even brainless brutes can come up with plans, and sometimes those can be cleverer than the rest in the sense of them being beautifully simple. So it was with Krum, for he decided instead of stealing it he would just ask Harry for the flower. It couldn’t fail, and it wouldn’t have, except that two old people had decided to pounce on him just in that moment. “Ahhh, I am being mauled by decaying old people!” Viktor shouted, feeling the wrinkly hands grabbing at his soft coat. Of course it was the coat they wanted, but they couldn’t have it. It was his coat, and no wrinkled prune was going to take it from him. “You’re coming with us,” A voice said darkly in his ear that didn’t sound very feeble and old at all. Viktor froze and stared at the old man with the scraggly beard, seeing cold grey eyes staring at him. Why did those eyes seem so familiar? The old woman who was holding his other arm smiled dreamily, even through her wrinkles, saying rather whimsically, “Come along then, Mr Krum.” Realising who was holding onto him, Viktor started thrashing about wildly in their hold. Draco glanced up at the nosy crowd watching, saying in his best imitation of an old man, “My grandson you know. Young hooligan never knows when to just come nicely…” Harry stared at them perplexed from his table, and Viktor could only sigh as he was dragged away by Draco and Luna, his eyes watching the white lily fading from view with each wheezy heave-ho. There went that plan, and there went his hopes…. OOOO Cho let out an irritated huff and stamped her foot. Why did everything always have to go wrong? That oaf never could do anything right. Well, she would not stand for this. There was Harry right there, and there was no sign of that bushy-haired trollop, which gave her all the time in the world. She’d just take the seat herself and there would be nothing they could do about. Pulling off her sunglasses, coat, hat, and moustache, Cho walked forwards in all her gorgeous glory to Harry’s table, her eyes steeled on her raven-haired lover, when suddenly a hand clamped tight on her wrist. Her body jerked back, and she swung around to see an old man glaring at her. It was just like what had happened to Viktor, but she would not be caught like this! “End of the line, Chang.” Cho turned at the voice and saw an old woman standing with her hands on her hips, watching her through narrowed chestnut eyes. Cho gulped, having already seen what had happened to Viktor, and tried to smile sweetly at them. “Now, really, don’t you think we’ve all gotten off on the wrong foot? Why don’t we-” “Save it,” the woman snapped, “We’re not letting you ruin this! Now why don’t you just come nicely and save us the trouble of having to drag you out of here like we did your vulture partner.” Cho stared from one wrinkled face to the next, and let out a small sigh. Silently, Ginny and Neville grabbed her by each arm and led her out of the room. The crowd of people eventually went back to eating their food, and Harry was left sitting at his table not quite sure what was going on. He did have to wonder why old people seemed to have taken up the residence of bouncers, and why on earth was Cho Chang involved? Sighing and shaking his head, Harry went back to drumming his fingers on the table and waiting for his date. OOOO Ron folded his arms and watched the table with a thoughtful look on his face. That was that, and now he would just have to wait for Hermione to come. He did hope she would hurry up. Almost as if she had heard his mental murmurings, Hermione entered the Three Broomsticks with a slightly nervous expression on her face. She gazed about the room and let out a small gasp, her eyes widening slightly as she saw her best friend sitting at the very table notified in the letter. It couldn’t be Harry, could it? And yet here he was, sitting at the table with the white lily, and clearly looking like he was about to go on a date. He actually spruced up quite nicely, with his black dress pants and casual shirt, but Hermione noted with a fond smile that his hair was as messy as ever. She glanced down at her own attire and wondered if she had dressed too casual. She was wearing muggle jeans and a simple, green jersey, her hair had been pulled into a loose ponytail, and she was wearing no makeup at all. There was not much she could do about it now, however; and it all seemed rather inconsequential when placed next to the fact that Harry was the one who had written her the letter. Her Harry- the boy who had been her friend for so long, and had always looked out for her. She didn’t even know what to think her mind was still trying to grasp it all. Mentally screaming at her legs to move, Hermione walked shakily up to the table and sat down opposite him. The sound of her chair scraping across the ground seemed to catch his attention, because his emerald eyes suddenly snapped towards her, widening in shock as they focused on her face. She found that rather odd, but thought maybe he wasn’t expecting her to come… Yes, that must be it… “I’m sorry I was a bit late,” she apologised, deciding to break the awkward silence. Her brain still seemed to be stuck on the fact that Harry liked her. It seemed so unbelievable, for he had never really led on that he might, and yet… and yet maybe he had? She could remember all the times that he had looked out for her when they were younger; she could remember the times where he had sacrificed something he enjoyed just to spend some time with her, as well as being the only one to really care about her feelings. Ron seemed to forget about those things, and all the other boys just never bothered. It was Harry who had always been the one who asked her how she was feeling; he was always the one that worried about her, and when she thought of the way he would smile at her she could actually believe that he did like her. Him being in front of her sort of concreted that idea, but it was nice to know his feelings were not so out of the blue as she had initially thought. It made a fuzzy warm feeling settle in her stomach, and almost made her feel like she was floating. That was not logical though, but Hermione couldn’t help the way her body was reacting, never mind the fact her mind was telling her that she couldn’t feel like she was floating simply because Harry liked her. She couldn’t deny that she wasn’t somehow pleased that it was Harry. Surprised, yes, but also pleased. She would be lying if she said she didn’t find Harry attractive, and she would also be lying if she didn’t think he was one of the nicest guys she had met, if a little annoying sometimes when he started getting that stubborn nature kicking in. He was her friend, but she had always viewed him as more than that somehow. It was like they had a special bond that could not be broken, and even though the years had passed and their ways had separated from time to time, she had always held him dear in her heart. Her feelings for him were powerful and always had been. Right from their school days when she would risk her life just to be by his side because she wanted nothing more than to be close to him; even when she would scold him about not doing his homework or for doing something silly just because she wanted him to see the true potential he could be… She’d always felt differently for him but had never really given those feelings much thought. Everyone had assumed she had liked Ron, and in a way she had started to believe it herself. Now she had to wonder though. Now she had to really look at her own feelings and analyse the truth of them. All the men she knew had never sparked her interest; not one of them inspiring the warmth and comfort that Harry seemed to, and looking at the messy-haired man in front of her, Hermione had to wonder if her feelings for him were perhaps more than she had ever dared let herself believe. Maybe, just maybe she liked him too? Harry, completely oblivious to Hermione’s mental struggles with her feelings, simply gave her a weak smile. “It’s okay…” he replied slowly, his eyes still watching her as if he was trying to figure out if she was really there or not. Hermione wondered why he would look at her like that. He must really have a poor idea of her if he didn’t think she would come to this date. Admittedly, she wasn’t going to come to the date, but that was not the point; the point was he was staring at her like she had just started dancing the bird dance on their table, which she had not. He glanced about the room, a slight frown on his lips, and then looked back at her again, his emerald eyes filled with curious puzzlement. “I have to admit, Hermione, I never thought it would be you.” Hermione frowned. What on earth was he talking about? Why wouldn’t it be her? Was she really that bad? Was he perhaps wishing that he did not have these feelings for her? She looked down at the saltshaker in front of her and tried not to feel too disappointed. She’d just analysed her feelings enough to give her a headache to come to the tentative conclusion that she may like him, and then he had to go and say that? He really was tactless. “Oh… I’m sorry, I guess…” She fidgeted with the cloth on the table and suddenly wished she had not let Ginny swindle her into coming here. At least then she would have been blissfully unaware of Harry’s feelings and not be feeling so terribly ugly and unlovable right now. “No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Harry said quickly, looking horrified at the thought he might have offended her. “I just never knew…didn’t even suspect really that you even liked me.” Hermione blinked. “What?” Really what else could she say to that statement? He was the one who invited her here. This was just odd… “What?” Harry echoed, looking at her with a puzzled expression. “You just said you didn’t know I liked you, but you were the one who gave me the letter.” Now it was Harry’s turn to blink, which he did, and scratched his head in bewilderment too. “What letter?” Hermione was beginning to get a sickly feeling in her stomach that had nothing to do with the lack of food and everything to do with the fact that Harry was gazing at her in frank confusion. This was not happening. “Are you telling me that you didn’t write a letter asking me to meet you here?” He stared at her blankly, which was enough to tell her that he had no idea what she was talking about. Silently she placed her head in her hands and wondered if somehow she could melt into the floor. This was embarrassing. “I suppose you didn’t write me a letter asking me here then?” Harry asked after a moment. Hermione lifted her face up and stared at him with her brow creased into a frown. “What? I never wrote you anything...” “Oh….” Both of them stared at each other in silence for a moment, each wondering just what was going on and who had set them up like this. Harry was the first to break the silence, putting on a brave smile, which she thought was supposed to get rid of the tension in the air… sadly it did not work. “Well…. Since we’re here we’d might as well have dinner anyway, right?” Hermione nodded in agreement, glad that she had not been the one to suggest it. This was going to be a very difficult evening though that was for sure. She liked him, and now she was unsure if he liked her back. Just perfect. OOOO Cho scowled up at her wrinkly captors from where she had been dumped unceremoniously on the floor of the back room and then glanced about the room as the two who had carried her in now shifted back to their normal appearances. Viktor was standing in the corner, a rather dreamy looking Luna holding her wand at his face, while the old man with the scraggly beard that had been standing next to her now waved his wand at himself so that the beard faded to smooth, pale skin, and his hair turned back to its normal pale blond. He turned his grey eyes on her and gave her a lazy smirk. He was kind of cute… Wait, what was she thinking? She was in love with Harry- yes, Harry…but he was kind of cute. She wondered how much money he made. He certainly looked rich, and she was sure she had seen him in Witch Weekly before under the ‘WW’s most sexiest and eligible bachelors’. Harry of course had been number one, but this guy was better looking; he just lacked the hero factor of being the saviour who saved the Wizarding World. Wait a minute? Was that Draco Malfoy? Mmm, bad boy… “What are we gonna do with this lot?” Ginny asked, pointing her head at Viktor and Cho. Snapped out of her fantasies, Cho scowled again at Ginny and folded her arms huffily. She did not like how they were treating her, and would have told them so had the door not opened and a very strange man walked in. She realised it was that stupid waiter, and hoped he would help her (for she thought she was looking very romantically distressed right now, just like a the damsels in the old fairytales), but then he gave them all a grin, saying, “Got them both then? Good. Hermione’s at the table with Harry, and though they had a bit of a shock when they realised neither of them had actually written any letters, they decided to stay just as we hoped. I just gave them their dinner then.” “Good,” Ginny said with her own grin, and Cho realised with dismay that the waiter was not really the waiter. More than likely it was that insufferable Ronald Weasley who had not given her the letter back in the first place and got them all in this mess. She glanced at Viktor again, but he was now eyeing the blonde witch in front of him with misgiving. Really, the brute was completely useless. He couldn’t even get her out of this mess and get past Loony Lovegood. This was what he was supposed to be good at- breaking things, and hurting people and- Oh this was insupportable! “So now all we do is wait here and watch these two?” Draco asked with a faint curl of his lip. “How droll.” “There’s no need to be like that,” Ginny snapped. “You didn’t have to come after all.” He raised an eyebrow at her in some haughty surprise, and Neville- who had been silent this whole time- felt a glimmer of hope spark back in him. Ginny wouldn’t get angry with Draco if she liked him, would she? In truth, Ginny didn’t know. She had been quite surprised when Draco had kissed her, and knew very well that he was good looking, charming, and all that other stuff that made men so damn sexy, but he was also the kind of guy you only fantasised about and maybe had a fling with; it was laughable to contemplate a serious relationship with Draco, and maybe that was why she found her eyes falling on Neville. He had told her he liked her, and while she had been caught in the dilemma of having to stop Cho from getting to Harry and so could not give a reply, she did feel a little happy at the thought. It seemed that only jerks and sleazes liked her, but here was sweet, kind Neville telling her his feelings. Sure he was a little bashful and awkward, and he may not be the hottest stud on the block, but she knew he would take care of her and love her. That was enough for her. “Did you really mean what you said back there, Neville?” she asked in a surprisingly subdued voice. He frowned for a moment, and then catching on to what she was talking about, nodded his head. “Yeah, I did.” Everyone stared at them in some bewilderment, but Ginny ignored them all and walked over to him. “Well then… I guess I should say that I like you too.” Neville blinked, Draco gaped, Luna smiled dreamily, Ron stared, Cho rolled her eyes, and Viktor pulled some fluff off his coat. “You do?” Draco asked in obvious shock. “But...” He seemed to be at a loss for words and could only gape again. “Him?” Ginny glared at him slightly. “Oh yes, it may surprise you to learn that not every girl finds you as irresistible as you think, and yes, Malfoy, I like him.” Neville could have almost done a tap dance he was so happy. Thankfully he did not, and instead smiled at her like she was the only thing that mattered to him in the world. Ginny smiled back, and everyone else tried hard not to roll their eyes, Draco in particular who was still struggling to come to terms with the fact that the girl he had been courting had gone off with Neville over him. The world was obviously upside down today. Viktor started laughing, and everyone looked at him in surprise, even Cho. “What could possibly be so funny?” she snapped, tapping her foot irritably on the ground. “We’re trapped in this stupid room with a bunch of romantic weirdoes, while Harry and that devil-witch play happy couple downstairs. This is a disaster!” And she promptly burst into tears, which everyone ignored. “He’s cracked,” Ron said with a shake of his head. Even Luna seemed a bit wary of the Bulgarian. “It’s just,” Viktor said with a chuckle, “all this time I have tried to get my Hermyninny back, and instead I end up bringing together a silly redheaded bint and a clumsy, lump of lard.” “Why you-” Ginny began, whipping out her wand, but someone already got there first, their fist connecting with the Bulgarian’s jaw to send him falling to the ground with a loud crash. Neville rubbed his knuckles and winced slightly. “That hurt more than I hurt it would.” “I can’t believe you punched him,” Draco commented in his lazy drawl, looking somewhat impressed. Neville shrugged and gave a sheepish smile. “Couldn’t help it. He was asking for it.” Ginny beamed at him and gave him a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks, Neville.” He smiled bashfully at her, but Cho’s crying suddenly increased in volume making them all wince. “Can’t someone shut her up?” Ron demanded, planting his hands over his ears. Two flashes of flight shot towards the sobbing girl, and suddenly she fell limp. Ginny and Luna beamed at each, before each pocketed their wands. Now that that was dealt with they could all wonder in peace what was happening down stairs, though admittedly Draco had lost his enthusiasm for the whole idea now that he didn’t have a girl to win. He glanced at Cho’s unconscious body and smirked slightly. Now she was a looker… OOOO Harry ate his chicken in thoughtful silence, his eyes sometimes flicking towards Hermione. When she had first sat down opposite him he had not been able to believe his eyes. Out of all the woman that he knew he was not expecting Hermione to be the one who had written the letter, and had not really been sure what to think. She was his best friend, and because of that he had never really considered her in a romantic light. Sure, he found her beautiful in her own way, though not many people would agree with him, and sure he had always had a special, soft spot for her, but he had just assumed it was because she was his best friend. Seeing her there made him consider his feelings though. Was it possible he had been blinded by his friendship and had failed to see what had been staring him in the face this whole time? Was it possible that he somehow liked her too? Those were the thoughts that had ran through his head, but as he had discovered that she had not written the letter he had been thrown into confusion all over again. He knew now that he at least had some feelings for her that were not just harmless friendliness, but did she like him? It was impossible to tell, and it was somewhat daunting to bring it up. They had managed to get through the dinner by wondering aloud who had set them up, but now that the topic had been thoroughly explored, and Ginny and Ron labelled as the culprits, that had both left their minds to wonder just why the two had set them up. No doubt if Ginny was here she’d have held up a big sign that said ‘because you two like each other and are two dumb to admit it’, but unfortunately she was too busy smiling sappily at Neville, and therefore Harry was left to his own devices in figuring out how to confront Hermione. He glanced up again at his friend, seeing her holding her glass of wine in silent contemplation. There was nothing left for it. Just like when he had faced dragons, Death Eaters, and Voldemort, he just needed to take a breath and do it. He wasn’t a coward, and he was not going to cower over his feelings for Hermione. It was time to just go for it! “Hermione… if you didn’t know that I had not written the letter and were on this date with me for real, what would you think?” Hermione, who had just taken a sip of her drink, and was now choking on it at his words, rubbed her chest and coughed slightly. “I” -cough- “What?” “I’m meaning,” Harry said slowly, his eyes watching her intently, “that if you really were on this date with me, and let’s say I really had written the letter, would you be disappointed that it was me?” “I…” she flushed slightly, “Well I, um… no, Harry, I would not be disappointed.” Harry’s body seemed to relax at that. “That’s good.” She looked up at him, her cheeks rather pink. “Oh?” He nodded and leaned towards her, his green eyes meeting hers so that he could see all the different shades of brown that made up her eyes. He’d always thought them not very startling, being just the boring old brown, but seeing them so close, with all the ambers, chestnuts and chocolates that melded together, he realised they were in fact beautiful. A smile came to his lips, and he reached out a hand to place against her cheek. “Yeah, because I think I really do like you...” Hermione didn’t even get a chance to respond before his lips were pressing against hers. The shock stopped her from really enjoying it, but as they both relaxed into the kiss, she could feel that fuzzy warmth settling back into her stomach and the strange feeling of floating coming over her body. For once her mind decided to not argue with how illogical it was, and placing her arm around his neck she returned the kiss with all that she had, years and years of pent up feelings finally releasing out. They broke apart and smiled at each other, and as Hermione opened her mouth to speak, Viktor Krum and Cho Chang went racing past their table, closely followed by Neville, Ginny, Ron, Luna, and of course Draco. She blinked and brought her gaze back to Harry, who just shrugged. “I don’t know what that was about,” he said with a frown. “Neither do I,” she said with her own frown, but then decided it didn’t matter anyway. She had Harry and he had her. Nothing else mattered now. Smiling, she grabbed his face again and gave him a kiss, quite content to forget about everything else and just enjoy her time with him. She’d already wasted enough years and now that they finally knew how each other felt, it was time to make the most of it. And so Harry and Hermione lived happily after, both happy to forgive the others for setting them up in such a way in the face of having their love finally realised. Neville, Ginny, Ron and Luna gave up their cupid act, quite content to enjoy their own love lives, and Draco and Cho discovered that two such gorgeous people as themselves should surely belong together. They have graced the cover of Witch Weekly’s ‘most beautiful couple’ five times now, and neither seemed to regret not being with their initial desired partner. As for Krum, well he unfortunately got mobbed by some rabid quidditch fangirls and was never seen again. The End. A/N: Yeah, so that’s the end. It didn’t really turn out how I wanted, but oh well. I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Kudos to Usha for giving the idea for the glamour charms and switching of the waiter on the date, and also to Strawberry Nerd who gave the idea of Krum being mobbed.