Hide your love away

Rosali

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 07/05/2008
Last Updated: 07/05/2008
Status: completed

It is the 11-year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts and some news from his best friends make Harry's world come crashing down. First part told from Harry's PoV and second part told from Hermione's. Of course, no Epilogue. I started cooking this on the 10-year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts (this past weekend) and I decided it might be good to undust the quill, hehe. Enjoy! R&R too please!

Chapters

1. The news

2. Part II - The conversation

1. The news

A/N: A songfic, the second I’ve ever written, to get over my writer’s block. Hope you enjoy!

Hide your love away

It is the eleventh anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts today.

A year ago, at exactly this time of night (nearing midnight, of course), while we were waiting for the banquet to delight us, a song started resounding through the Great Hall. A beautiful arpeggio I barely remembered hearing years ago in Grimmauld Place, coming from Sirius’ wireless radio. Double arpeggio now and I drown my glass of Block Tower white. Out of the corner of my I see some movement from the stairs outside and I look up to see pretty much a mirage of what dazzling beauty must be (and I’ve met Fleur Delacour). When Ron and I left her at our apartment, getting ready, she definitely did not look like that. And the golden dress most certainly did not sparkle like that. It is not the dress; an unfamiliar voice tells me inside my head. It’s her.

She smiles to the room in general and her eyes search for me in the honor table first. Another smile, a more private one now; just for us; my heart soars (now, that is a surprise…) and I smile back. A moment later, her eyes search for and land on her very own date: my best friend. Strangely enough, my smile falls and a new, unidentified emotion finds its way through my entrails. Much to my further bewilderment, I force myself (something I had never done before) to look to my right, where a gorgeous redhair smiles back as soon as she feels my eyes on her.

“What’s with you?” she asks teasingly.

“Nothing, you look beautiful tonight,” I say truthfully but my head adds but not as beautiful as Hermione and I do a double-take: what was that about?

Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.

Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.

And I did.

After figuring out what that whole ordeal meant, I did hide it away. As long as she was close, everything would, indeed, be fine.

Every now and again, the lyrics sounded in my head, remembering me of my resolution.

Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.

Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.

Until now.

Here we are, again in a celebration ball. It wasn’t only the celebration of the 11th anniversary, of course. This was the celebration of an agreement my beautiful Hermione had achieved with most of the Wizardring Community in the world. A peace and solidarity agreement for all the Wizardring World. There wouldn’t ever be such a terrible war again; at least not as long as this agreement stood.

Again, she came down the stairs as I waited on the honor table, but time she was hand-in-arm with her long-time partner. Again, the pang of what had morphed into permanent pain and contradiction struck me and I turned to my right, only that now Ginny Weasley wasn’t there: it was Luna Lovegood who was in her place.

Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.

Hey! You’ve got to hide your love away.

The good friend she was, agreed at the last minute to dump her own date for the ball and step into Ginny’s shoes for that night, because after the horribly public breakup we’ve had, I highly doubted she’d agree to come with me. Of course, she was with another good friend and last minute date in the same table. Across from us, Ginny and none other than Draco Malfoy smiled his gorgeous smile and she tried her best to look in peace with everything.

As usual, her eyes searched for mine and I barely had the strength to return that smile which still belong to just us. Then she turned to Ron and kissed his cheek. I looked away.

Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall

They come down and take their respective seats to my left. Of course, Hermione is the closest to me and her perfume is intoxicating: so gentle, so sweet…

“Hey, handsome,” she says with a smile and kisses my own cheek, but not in the way she kissed his.

“Hey yourself,” I respond with the same ease, except that mine is staged, as opposed to her natural ease around me. “Suppose it is redundant to tell you how good you look tonight.”

She blushes and looks away, shaking her head. “Thank you, Harry. You don’t look half-bad yourself, but you know that as well.” She smiles again and greets Luna and Ginny warmly. A moment later, she turns back to me. “Harry, how are things… you now?” she asks in a low voice.

“We’re dealing, I suppose.” But not just with Ginny, the now-familiar voice adds.

She places her small hand tenderly on my muscled arm and bobs her head to a side. “You know I’m here for whatever you need, right?” she says and gives me a quick hug.

I can barely hold my position steady.

How can I even try
I can never win

The night passes effortlessly. Luna certainly is an easy partner. We chat, laugh, even dance to the sound of muggle and wizard’s pop and rock music. At last, dinner is served and before anyone can tuck in, a glass clicking from my table. I turn, bewildered. Who here would make an announcement? Ginny and I were through and the media had made sure everyone knew. Luna and Draco we simple guests here and Neville and Hannah were married years ago…

It is Ron, standing with his crystal cup in hand. Hermione is staring blankly at him; clearly she is as surprised as I am by this.

Gather round all you clowns
Let me hear you say:

Hey you've got to hide your love away

“Can I have your attention, please?”

Everyone falls silent. Ron turns pink in the ears and the cheeks and I can’t help but smile at my best friend. They are happy, and so should I.

“First of all, we should dedicate the minute of silence to our fallen heroes.” He looks down, and so does everyone, including me.

Remus, Tonks… I look up at young Teddy Lupin, sitting at the Weasley table. Fred… my eyes travel to George, who looks so much older than his 32 years, sitting next to Angelina and their three year old, Roxanne. Colin Creevey… Dennis is sitting at the Gryffindor table, and Lavender has her arm around him. Dumbledore, even Snape…

“Fallen heroes that shall never be forgotten.” Ron echoes my thoughts after a minute or so. “However, today we not only celebrate their enormous sacrifice, but we also celebrate what we want to think as the beginning of a new era of wizard collaboration throughout the world. All thanks to my Hermione’s diligent and intelligent machinations. Please give her a big ovation”

He smiles fondly and calls her “his”. I can’t but bite my heart back and raise my glass while the rest applaud.

I can see them laugh at me
And I hear them say:

Hey you've got to hide your love away

“Thank you, thank you very much.” He pauses a moment to call for silence again. “Now, back to the whole point of this interruption to the banquet. I have known this girl, this woman; for all that I remember being my life. It’s been 18 years in which she’s had to stand me. During which we’ve fought, loved, laughed, bickered till we’re forgotten ehat we were bickering about… my pal Harry can give testimony of that…” everyone laughs briefly and I smile. “In short, it’s been the most wonderful 18 years of my life.”

Another brief applause.

“Of these 18 years, I’ve dated my dearest Hermione for 9; half of the time I’ve known her.”

Great Merlin, I know what’s coming. Oh, no, please, no, please, no.

I look at Hermione and she has the same understanding look in her eyes. Only she isn’t crumbling inside like I am, she looks like she’s about to burst with happiness.

Complete and utter silence. Expecting.

“…and it is time we move on…” he turns to Hermione, they share a brief look and I feel an enormous void take over my insides. A second later, he is on one knee and I am sure the void has penetrated my skin and everyone can see through it.

Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in

“Hermione Jane Granger. I love you. Would you do me the honor of standing me for at least some fifty more years?”

She drawn in a breath and takes a hand to her chest. Oh, please let her say “no”, I desperately and hopelessly think.

“Ronald…” she speaks, “this is…” she stops and turns to me for a moment too short for me to read her eyes; and for a moment, the fleeting hope that she might have indeed heard my thoughts, relieves me. “That would be wonderful…” she finally says and everyone in the party, except me, is bewildered.

I am in shock. Total, irreversible, unbreakable, shock.

Ron stares blankly. “Is that a yes?” he asks hesitantly.

Hermione laughs. “Yes! It is a yes, you silly!” she says and makes him stand from the kneeling position as he slips the diamond ring in her finger. He lifts her in his arms a good foot from the ground and they kiss while she still rests between his arms.

As the applause explodes in the Great Hall, I still can’t utter a word and I most certainly cannot get my muscles to move and imitate the rest. I feel a pinch on my arm coming from Luna’s side, but I still can’t move. This can’t be happening. They will be leaving. She will leave our apartment; the apartment we’ve shared for over ten years now.

If she's gone I can't go on
Feelin' two-foot small

After they are done kissing, the couple turns to me, both of them radiant, but Hermione’s expression changes in the matter of seconds.

“Harry? Harry are you all right?” She kneels next to me, her royal-blue dress scraping the floor.

I still can’t manage to respond, and her warm hand is what brings me back to that particular time and place. I look at her and my eyes must have told her something she didn’t want to know because her face falls.

I nod. “Yes, thank you,” I fix my face to a smile and raise my now dead-cold hand to her cheek, “congratulations, Mione,” I say softly, still dazed.

She frowns almost imperceptibly and shakes her head a little, but before she can speak another word, Ron cuts in: “Mate, would you do the honor?” he asks, referring to my being best man.

Before I can think the proper answer, a word escapes my mouth. “No.”

Taken aback, Ron’s smile turns to a frown. “What?”

I try to say the right thing now, but apparently my brain has lost all connection with my speaking device or whatever. “I said, no, I can’t.”

After confirming what he’d heard, Ron leans forward, across Hermione, who is still stunned from my first look and recent response. “Mate, what are you saying? What’s the matter with you? We have a thousand guests hearing…” he chastises.

“I know, but I’m sorry,” I am now resigned to not fight whatever my mouth has to say about this.

“About what?” he asks, alarmed.

“I can’t be your best man, and I certainly cannot attend your wedding. I still don’t have the death wish so settled in me.”

Gasps and whispers break the sepulchral silence that had taken place until that moment.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I can see how he’s fighting to keep it as cool as possible and I can also see he’s in the verge of failing miserably.

“It means that going to your wedding, seeing Hermione marry someone else… I can’t do it,” I say, acquiescent to what ever comes next.

It is Ginny.

“Harry Potter, this better not mean what I think it means…” she warns.

I turn to her, regret clear and honest in my face. “It does, Gin, I am so sorry.”

“You, little…” she can’t continue because Draco has taken her in his arms and whispered something in her ear that’s made her refrain from physical response to this – it must be said – treason.

I now turn to Hermione. It’s out now so I better tell her directly, as futile as it may seem. “Hermione…”

“No, don’t you dare, Harry Potter,” she says menacingly, her eyes holding such anger that I have to look away.

“I love you, I’m sorry. I’ll go now,” I say and walk out. Where headed? I have no idea.

Everywhere people stare
Each and every day

* * *

A/N: Stay tuned. Already working on their conversation. Please R&R!

2. Part II - The conversation

A/N: The song, if you haven't figured it out, is «You've got to hide your love away» by The Beatles. Here's the second part. Please R&R!

Hide your love away

What the hell just happened? My mind reels with unanswered questions, which is something strange for me, if I may. How on earth did this happen? Why did my best friend in the whole world just declined from being best man in my wedding? Did he say “I love you”?

I slump to the chair, motionless, and stare blankly at the threshold through which Harry's just exited. I look up at my new fiancée, my eyes wide, and I see the same question reflected in his clear blue eyes.

Why do I want to go after him instead of staying here?

“What do we do?” I ask the table in general.

“If you ask me, I would kill him,” Ginny says from across.

I look at Ron now, the same unspoken question. “I have no idea, Mione. I am as cold as you are in this. Hell! I don't even know if I'm mad at him!”

“Well, if someone in this world deserves to be happy, it is Harry…” a dreamy voice chimes in from my right.

Ron looks at her for a long moment and then nods. “Yes, you're right, Luna, but…” he is alack of words, and so are the rest of us.

“I think he needs you,” Luna insists and I stare.

“I have to say I agree, we don't know what he might do.”

“Who called you into this, Malfoy?” Ron asks, his dislike for the man, evident in his tone. “And what are you insinuating, you git?” he punctuates.

He swiftly ignores the verbal attack. “That I've watched you for as long as you've been friends, and believe it or not, I am quite observant and know you in several ways,” he provides.

“Wha—“ Ron begins, but I cut him off with a hand on his forearm, negating with my head. Fortunately, he agrees and sits back down.

“Mione,” A hand reaches over and touches mine. “This situation is more urgent,” Neville simply says and glances at Ron, pleading him not to react badly.

Ron nods. “Go, I'll be waiting,” he concedes, not entirely sure of what he's saying.

I look back and forth between him and the Great Hall entrance and I nod, dashing through the dance floor.

«How can I even try
I can never win»

As I walk through the corridors of our old school, I wonder where he might have gone. After a long time, I have to stop and sit to meditate where to go now.

Where would Harry go with a - I swallow - with a broken heart?

Now, wait just a minute. A stern voice asks inside my head. Hold on a second. It repeats. How on earth did I break his heart? Instead of worry, anger starts to build up inside me. I'd been his, my heart… my soul had belonged to him for so long!

«Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away»

I shake my head, indignant.

Hadn't he been the one to tell me, years ago, that I deserved happiness away from all what he represented? That phrase had been the one to make me believe he didn't want me as anything more than a friend.

«How could he say to me
Love will find a way»

Hadn't he told me to give Ron a real chance? It was because of what he told me that I finally accepted to go on a real date with Ron, which started quite a decent relationship that had lasted for nine great years now. And I'm happy! Why would he do this now?

I find myself pacing the deserted hall now, and my shoes are killing me. I pull out my wand. Reducto! I pointed at the heel and nearly blew my ankle off… so much for my outstanding concentration… but now I have flat shoes, what a relief! I sigh.

After that relieved sigh, it hit me. The place where Harry and I had shared most of our confidences; our doubts, our fears… The oak tree under which Harry had once seen, in Sirius' pensieve, his parents sitting together, sharing their first embrace, their first kiss…

I pretty much run out of the castle and have to stop dead on my tracks when the darkness swallows me. Of course, it is well past midnight and this is the back of the castle after all… I stop and wait for my eyes to adjust. I don't want to light my wand for fear of making him escape me further.

«If he's gone I can't go on
Feelin' two-foot small»

I'm not about to lose my best friend; especially not now with this Pandora's box opened. More determined than ever, I set off towards the darkness, straining my ears for any sound whatsoever.

I walk around looking for the specific place for about ten minutes when I hear a branch on my left. Either a very scary creature or Harry. I sure hope it is Harry.

“What are you doing here?” a defeated voice comes from a couple feet away. “Shouldn't you be inside with the rest?”

“Harry? Where are you?” I ask the pitch darkness.

“Aren't you supposed to be hating me, along with the rest?”

“Don't be thick, Harry. We were all worried. And I came looking for you.” My teeth chatter; I hadn't realized how cold it was until now.

“You didn't bring your jacket?” I hear footsteps approaching.

“I was kind of in a rush,” I say acidly. In the blink of an eye, four icy fingers brush against my bare shoulders and I shiver, but a split second later, the coldness is replaced by a warm coat. I thank him quietly.

His hands lead me through the dark and we reach the log where Lily Evans and James Potter had sat some thirty years before. I follow without protest and we sit in the exact same spots Harry's parents had.

We stay in frail silence for what feels like an eternity and I fell I have to break the deafening quiet. “What was that all about?” I ask nonchalant, unsure if this was the way to address such a delicate subject.

Harry stays silent for a moment and then lets out a weak laugh. “I tell you that I love you minutes after our best friend has proposed and you have agreed to marry him, and you ask `what was that all about'?” he says entertained and not even I can hold back a snort.

“Well, what do you suggest I should have asked?” I shoot back, a chuckle in my voice.

He is almost laughing out loud. “I don't know… `what the hell is wrong with you?'”

“Fair enough.” Without thinking, I repeat his words: “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Should have thought before speaking. Dead-silence falls again.

“I'm sorry, Harry, I didn't mean to…”

He shakes his head. “No, you did mean to. And you would be foolish to ask otherwise.”

“Well, I tend to be foolish around you when there is no death peril looming over.”

He chuckles again. I love the way he chuckles… love? What the hell did that come from? I tense all over.

The dynamics between extreme tension and the ease of two best friends who know each other only too well is confusing. For the first time, I have no clue as to what to say next, so I keep quiet.

Answering my unasked question, Harry speaks. “There isn't much to say, really. I'm in love with you and I can't stand watching you two marry.”

An avalanche of question spring to mind, and I can't decide which one to ask first. “Since when?” the shock speaks for me… luckily because I would have never made my mind otherwise.

He frowns, apparently that wasn't the question he was expecting. “A year now; exactly a year,” he responds simply, opting for honesty now that it's all out.

“But a year ago you were with Ginny… weren't you happy?”

His frown deepens and I wonder what on earth he's thinking I will or should ask. “I was, definitely.”

“So?”

“Well, you were with Ron, and I figured that as long as you were close, I could deal.”

“Well…” I echo his start. “Congratulations, you did a marvelous job. Now you have an angry and confused Ginny and two very bewildered best friends who never figured anything of this out.”

He smiles bitterly. “Boy, am I good or what?”

“That is not a good thing.” I chastise. “What else have you been hiding from me?”

“Nothing more, I swear!”

I have no idea what in that four-word sentence triggers me into a spiral of anger and disappointment I had never felt when thinking of him. I stand, refraining from the sudden urge to slap him across the face. “I can't be sure now, Harry, can I?! How could you do that!? How could you…” I don't finish the sentence, for I have a couple of tears to take care of before they make their way out of my eyes.

“What did you expect me to do!?” Harry asks, standing to be at eye-level with me, except that he is about a head taller than me, so…

“I—I—I don't know!”

“Would you have wanted me to tell you? When I saw how happy you were?”

“No, but… yes! I would have!”

He stops and his eyes search mine. “But… why?”

«Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall»

“Because!”

“Because what?”

I look at him and I have absolutely no idea what I am feeling at the moment. So many years… on both parts. Indigned? Betrayed? Happy? Angry?

My mind decides angry is the predominant emotion. I had worked too hard for this. To get over him, to work things out with Ron while he matured and became the wonderful man he was now.

Angry it is then! And then I do something I hadn't done in over 15 years, and to the last person I would have pictured myself doing that to. I slap him across the face with all the strength I can muster.

Taken by surprise, the blow catches him square on the cheek and he stumbles back, finally tripping over Lily and James' trunk and falling backwards.

I gasp. “Harry!” I run to where I saw his body fall. When I reach the place, he has his hand on his cheek and a little blood is coming from the left part of his mouth. His expression is completely perplexed and he stares at me. “I'm… I'm sorry, are you all right?” I ask lamely, all traces of anger vanished.

He stares.

I don't know what to say.

He continues to stare and takes my extended hand to lift himself up. “Why?” he asks again.

“Because…” My voice trembles. I can see the truth springing to my lips; a truth I had failed to see or hadn't wanted to see for so long.

I want to stop it before it's too late… I'm with Ron now, I am happy, I will marry him.

“Because…” he pushes tentatively, surely scared of another hit.

“Because I have never stopped loving you,” I say, unbelieving of my own words.

“You have never…” he trails off and his eyes grow wide. “Stopped? What do you mean?”

Realizing that my lips won't let me hide it anymore or deceive myself any longer, I just let it flow. “I have always loved you, Harry. But one day you told me you wanted me to be happy away from all you represented. You told me to accept a date with Ron that I hadn't accepted so many time because I hoped you would ask me out one day.”

“You… what? Why didn't you say so?”

“You looked content with Ginny and I kind of had to get used to the idea that you would never see me as anything more than your best friend.”

«Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away»

He now closes the distance between us and grabs me by the arms, shaking his head. “Oh Hermione, I am so sorry! I'm so sorry it took me so long to see it!” He looks straight into my soul, pain so evident in his green orbs that it even hurts me. “I'm sorry.” He repeats and lets go off me, head slumped.

I don't know what to do now. I agreed to marry Ron, I agreed to marry Ron, I love Ron, I keep repeating myself but it's no good anymore. Not now after Harry's come clean. Not now that I know that (evidently) the love of my life loves me back too.

My eyes well up with tears and I gently place my hand on his cheek. Harry looks up, his eyes bare. I smile at him, our smile, and lean forward. He has the same question in his eyes, but he doesn't pull away.

It doesn't matter that we're doing something wrong… because it's right. It is right to be with the person you love, and who loves you back. It's right despite anything that is going on in either world.

«Gather round all you clowns
Let me hear you say»

And we kiss, the most tender, filled with joy and anguish at the same time, the sweetest kiss either of us has ever shared with anyone.

And we kiss.

Nothing matters in the world.

Our bodies touch. The most caring, passionate, gentle touch.

And we kiss and embrace, and touch, forgetting the whole world and whatever lied beyond the pitch darkness of our oak tree.

I love him.

I love her .

Our thoughts echo in the night like fireflies in the dark.

And we love each other forever.

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked it! I certainly enjoyed writing it! Please leave a thought! Thanks!

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