Light and Dark

PhoenixFirebolt

Rating: R
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Draco & Ginny
Book: Draco & Ginny, Books 1 - 5
Published: 04/08/2003
Last Updated: 14/07/2004
Status: completed

*The story behind the events in 'Tourniquet.'* Ginny Weasley has been living in her own world for years now. No one seems to notice as she sinks further and further into her imagination and the darkness beginning to cloud around her. Only Draco Malfoy has taken the time to notice and he is determined to bring Ginny back into reality and show her how to live again. Ginny is in her own world too deep now though, a world where she lives alone and releases her pain each night. This is the story of what Ginny and Draco went through, traveling between the light and the dark and coming to realize that the darkness can never fully leave once it has settled. *WARNING* This story contains depression and the acts of cutting one's self. If you do not wish to read a story containing both of these, please, do not read this story. *COMPLETED!*

Chapters

1. Imaginary

2. Bring Me To Life

3. Everybodys Fool

4. Haunted

5. Whisper

6. Tourniquet

7. Taking Over Me

8. Going Under

9. My Last Breath

10. Hello

11. Epilogue: My Immortal

1. Imaginary

Disclaimer - All characters and everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling. I only came up with the idea for this story. All the lyrics that are within this story are owned by Evanescence from their cd 'Fallen.'

Author's note - After getting a lot of requests from people, I finally decided to write a story that is the explanation for the events in my short story 'Tourniquet.' This is what happened to lead up to 'Tourniquet' and what takes place afterwards. This is mainly an emotional story so there is not a lot of dialogue. I hope you enjoy this because I have worked very hard on this story. I hope that with reading this people will come to understand more the effects of depression and realize that no one should be treated like they do not matter. I appreciate reviews so please leave me some! I'll try and update this story as often as possible!
By the way, I'm sorry for the delay on my other story, 'The Heirs of Hogwarts.' I'm sort of stuck with it at the moment and I'm even considering changing some things to the first two chapters. Please be patient with me! I'll probably finish this story before I continue with that one. I appreciate all the reviews I have gotten on it!
Enjoy the story,
PhoenixFirebolt

Title: Light and Dark

Chapter One - Imaginary

By: PhoenixFirebolt

Imagine:
Definition -to conceive in the mind

Imagination:
Definition - the power to form mental pictures or ideas

Imaginary:
Definition - existing only in the imagination

The imagination of a person can say so much about them. It can tell people how they feel and what they are truly thinking. It gives a person an area where they can escape from the harsh truth of reality and be able to live in their own makings of their mind. Sometimes though, the imaginary world can take over the person and make them not want to enter reality any more. How then, can the imagination and imaginary world be escaped? What can bring the person back into reality?

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Ginny Weasley, a sixth year in Gryffindor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was walking down one of the many halls of the immense castle trying to get to her Transfiguration class. She walked by everyone unnoticed and simply blending into the gray stone walls. She kept her head down just caring about getting to her class on time. Ginny wasn’t worried anymore about nobody noticing her because she had gotten used to not being there long ago.

Ginny had never once been the center of attention in her life, all the way up to entering her first year at school. She was the seventh child and only girl out of her large family of six brothers. Her parents used to take notice of her but once she had proven to not want to give herself any attention at school, her parents had become disappointed with her and had turned back to her brothers. Unfortunately for Ginny, all of her six brothers had proven themselves in one way or another.

Bill, the oldest of the family had pulled off being Head Boy in his seventh year at Hogwarts and now worked for Gringotts Bank with a very successful position in Eygpt. Charlie had been an excellent Quidditch player in his years at the school and had brought Gryffindor the House Cup and now worked with dragons in Romania. Percy, the most strict and stiff-necked out of the whole family, had made the second Head Boy in the family and now worked at the Ministry of Magic, hoping to one day be the Minister of Magic. George and Fred, the twins, though proving to worry about pulling pranks and playing tricks on everyone at school more than concentrating on their studies, had been loved by almost everyone at the school. They now owned a highly successful joke shop in Hogsmeade, much to Percy’s disgust.

And then there was Ron, the youngest brother who Ginny had felt the closest to out of all of her brothers. That had changed though when he had entered Hogwarts the year before her. Ron had ended up becoming best friends with Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, and also with Hermione Granger, the smartest witch to ever come out of Hogwarts. Ginny had been devastated when she found that Ron barely cared about her anymore and spent all of his time hanging with Harry and Hermione at school and writing to them all summer.

When Ginny arrived at school, everyone barely took notice of her, even Harry, who she’d had a crush on since she first met him. Harry never cared about her and just found her to be Ron’s annoying little sister. The only time Harry, or anyone for that matter, had seen her come out of the shadows had been in her first year, when she had been taken into the Chamber of Secrets after being tricked by Tom Riddle, who was Voldemort in his younger years, with his diary. The joy she had felt at finally being someone had been overwhelming and Ginny believed that her life was now taking a turn for the better. Her mother and father cried with relief at seeing her, even the twins grew misty eyed after seeing her again and didn’t dare play a prank on her for some months afterwards. Ginny also thought that maybe Harry saw her as something more, for he had rescued her, and he was definitely more friendly towards her after the event.

Unfortunately though, the fame was short lived and when she came back for her second year Ginny was once again that ever present person that was just a part of the wall. If anyone mentioned the Chamber of Secrets, it was not to bring up Ginny, the one who nearly died, it was to mention Harry Potter, the hero once again. For weeks after coming back to school she cried in her bed, trying to suppress the sobs so her roommates wouldn’t ask her any questions, not like they cared.

I linger in the doorway
of alarm clock screaming
monsters calling my name
let me stay
where the wind will whisper to me
where the raindrops
as they're falling tell a story

Eventually, the tears dried up and Ginny hid her emotions well beneath the surface. On the outside, she appeared to be cheerful and radiant. When anyone did take notice of her, she would enter back into the real world, smile and answer politely and then vanish away again, into the shadows to enter her own world again.

In my field of paper flowers
and candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
and watch my purple sky fly over me

That was how she handled herself, she made up her world, the one where only she existed. She could not live in the reality that was around her. She was an outsider and surrounded herself in her own images that took place in her mind, imagining what it would be like if the world were different and she was actually somebody. The desperate need to be noticed had gradually reduced but it never left her. Ginny desperately wanted to be a part of that bright and happy world that took place beyond her. She wasn't necessarily 'out of touch' with reality, she knew what was happening around her. Becoming a part of it though, was almost impossible and now there was no way she could try and enter back in.

Don't say I'm out of touch
with this rampant chaos - your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
the nightmare I built my own world to escape

Ginny tried to find a way to set herself free. For just a short while she wanted to have a moment where she felt like all of the pain was gone and she could feel that slight touch with reality. She found what she needed too. One day she took a pocketknife she had been given as a gift and, out of curiosity, sliced the gleaming blade across the pale skin of her arm. The rush she felt as the blade cut her skin open and the awe at seeing how her red blood contrasted with her skin gave her a thrill like none other. It was almost scary how much she craved the feeling of cutting herself, the power and control it gave her. She relished it. So every night, her ritual was, once in bed she drew the curtains around her and slid the knife out from under her pillow. She would make a small cut on her arm and watch the pain and grief from the day trickle slowly out in a stream of red.

In my field of paper flowers
and candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
and watch my purple sky fly over me

Ginny had her own world now, a world that consisted of only her, her knife, and anything else that could be imagined in her mind. A slow smile of satisfaction swept across her face and she continued hurrying down the hall, her shoes clicking softly on the stone tiles. She couldn’t wait until tonight, where she would find her sanctuary inside her four-poster bed and be able to feel the cold blade running over her skin once more. Oh how she loved the night time, when the moon and stars shined their silver light down to earth and everything was silent and peaceful. No one was awake at night, no one could interrupt her world. No one could stop her from taking control and letting some pain seep from her. No one would see her become a part of reality for a few minutes.

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
the goddess of imaginary light

Ginny reached the Transfiguration classroom and quickly sat in a seat in the back. A shiver ran down her spine. She was glad now that no one took the time to notice her, it let her carry on with her life and imaginary world much better. If someone suddenly decided to care for her, she didn’t think she could handle it, it would interrupt her whole design. She wanted to stay within herself, keeping everyone from looking into her.

In my field of paper flowers
and candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
and watch my purple sky fly over me

Ginny did not want to be brought back into reality, she wanted to stay within her imagination. She didn't realize though that someone wanted to bring her back and save her.

****************************************

Song: Imaginary by Evanescence

2. Bring Me To Life

Disclaimer: I still do not own anything except the plot. Everything is J.K Rowling's and Evanescence's.

Author's Note: I wanted to thank my friend Laura, who's my proofreader. Thanks so much girl! This story wouldn't look so good without you! And to Emily, thanks for be my morale support and helping me to continue with this story! I can't wait to see yours posted!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this second chapter as much as the first! I'll post the third chapter soon as it is already done. Enjoy!
PhoenixFirebolt

Chapter Two - Bring Me To Life

Ginny stared down at the pages of her Potions book, her eyes blurred and her mind completely blank willing herself to finish reading the paragraph she had been looking at for the past half-hour. She was suppose to have written a foot-long essay for Professor Snape explaining everything contained within the chapter, that was due next hour after lunch. Unfortunately for Ginny she had fallen asleep on the couch in the Common Room, the Potions book in her lap, and her piece of parchment untouched. She had known about the essay the entire week but had put it off until last night thinking she could write it then. The long nights where she had sat in her bed cutting herself, instead of sleeping, had finally caught up with her and she had dozed off before she knew it, being found by Hermione in the morning.

Hermione had been concerned at first, questioning Ginny on if anything was wrong. As soon as she found out why Ginny had fallen asleep in the Common Room, Hermione turned stern and lectured Ginny on the wrongs of putting off her homework. Luckily Ginny was saved by Harry coming and dragging Hermione away from her. And now she sat there, still not awake, not caring about the punishment she was going to receive from Snape.

Ginny gave up finally and slammed the book shut causing a couple third years to stare over at her in surprise. She rested her head on top of the book and took a deep breath trying to calm down her agitated nerves. It seemed only yesterday when she had been reminiscing about cutting herself pleasantly, completely satisfied that she was working out her many problems. Now it was a month later and she was slowly going downhill. The rush she used to get when seeing her blood drip down her arm was slowly vanishing. She was now highly aggravated and not feeling as exhilarated from the blade swiping her skin.

The truth was Ginny was starting to feel like she wanted to be saved and brought back into the real world. She wanted to be rescued from her black hole of loneliness and despair, and it was scaring her. A month ago all she wanted was to be left alone, to live in her built up world, in her imagination that was only her and her knife. Now the joy of seeing her blood was gone and an aching feeling was filling her soul. An ache that burned within her, showing Ginny how much she wanted to be noticed and loved. She desperately tried to suppress it though, telling herself over and over again that she was better off alone.

Ginny snapped her head when she heard the bell ring, signaling that lunch was over. She slowly dragged herself off of the bench and picked up her bag, slipping the Potions book inside of it. She began walking toward the great oak doors that led toward the entrance hall when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Ginny stopped short and a shock rippled through her body. Not many people had ever come up to her and initiated contact with her. She prepared herself as she turned towards the person, waiting for them to realize they had tapped the wrong person.

Ginny’s brown eyes lifted up slowly to meet with a pair of silvery, gray ones. Her eyes widened even more in shock when she saw that Draco Malfoy stood before her staring calmly at her, waiting for her to overcome her shock. Ginny finally hardened herself up, waiting for the snide remark to leave his lips, waiting for another painful jab at her and her family and how worthless they all were.

The cold comment never came and Ginny realized that Draco wasn’t looking at her in contempt. Instead, his gaze was soft and his usually emotionless gray eyes were filled with concern. Ginny narrowed her eyes slightly before lowering her gaze to the floor and speaking to her shoes.

“What do you want, Malfoy?” she spoke barely above a whisper.

She continued to study the pattern of the stone floor when she heard him clear his throat and say, “I was wondering...are you all right? Because you seem to be acting...different lately.”

Ginny looked up at him in bewilderment, caught off guard by his comment. Never once had Draco Malfoy seemed to care about little Ginny Weasley. She was only another Weasley to him, Ron’s younger sister who was just like the rest of her family, a Muggle-loving fool who had no money to care for herself properly. Though he had never been as horrible to her as he was to Ron, Draco never gave up the chance to taunt and throw a nasty comment her way when he could. He never minded stomping all over her feelings, causing her more pain then anyone else. Probably the most pain came from the fact that no matter how much Ginny hated him on the outside and cursed him whenever she could, deep down Ginny found that she actually liked Draco Malfoy and it frustrated her to no end. How she could have feelings for some one who thought her below the level of dirt?

But right now, none of the animosity that Draco usually had toward her was there and he seemed to be genuinely worried about her. Ginny’s guard was up though and she was not going to allow him to see the weakness in her and have him laugh in her face while she cried from the inside.

“Why do you care?” she snarled at him quietly. “Its not like you ever cared about my life before this.”

Ginny turned on her heel and began to stomp away but Draco called after her. “I care because I can see what you are going through. I can see that you’re trying to hide something. Everyone else may look past you but I notice you and I can tell you’re hurting.”

Ginny froze in place and closed her eyes in desperation, swaying slightly on the spot and willing herself to not show Draco the impact of his words on her. How could he tell? Was it so obvious? All the pain and grief she went through each day? Could he tell that she kept all her emotions bottled up inside her and was just begging to be saved?

Ginny spun around and fixed him with her gaze. Draco just watched her placidly waiting for her reaction. She began to shake, not believing what he had said to her. She hadn’t allowed any one to see into who she truly was so how could Draco, someone who barely paid any attention to her, see what was kept in her? Did her eyes give her away that much? Were they windows to her soul that she just kept forgetting to block from the outside world?

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

Ginny continued to stay rooted to the spot, only a few feet separating her and Draco. He made no effort to move but seemed to be waiting for Ginny to make a response to his comment. Her mouth felt dry and her head was spinning from a million unanswered questions. She unconsciously began rubbing her left arm as if she had an imaginary blade in her hand. Ginny desperately wanted to run to her room and let her blood run once more, letting it be a sign that everything would be all right again. Finally she licked her parched lips slowly and asked the one question that was burning in her mind more than the others.

“How do you know what I am going through?” Her voice cracked slightly at the end, struggling to keep a steady tone.

Draco began to walk towards her and stopped so that he was only a foot away from her. Ginny craned her neck up slightly to stare up at him, waiting for the answer, begging him silently to give it soon so she could run far away and forget this awful reality.

“Because,” Draco started to explain, “I have been there too. I know what it feels like to be pushed aside, never noticed, never truly there to any one else, never cared for and loved. I know what its like to push away reality and sink into your own imagination thinking that’s all there is to live for. I know what you go through each night and I know that you only have one salvation from your pain. I know because I suffered too. I suffered as much as you are now, I want to help you. I want to bring you back and save you.”

Ginny lowered her gaze to the floor again, fighting an inner battle. She loved her own inner world, where no one bothered her and she was allowed to live inside her imagination. She loved being able to get rid of the grief and pain without the help of others. She was in control of her life, no one else. But another part of Ginny desperately wanted to be saved. She wanted to be brought away from her inner hell and rescued. She wanted to learn how to live and love again. She wanted to be set free from her mind.

Wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become

Ginny continued to struggle with herself, her mind and heart going in two different directions. She finally glanced up at Draco again, still confused as to why he wanted to try and help her. He hated her and she hated him. Ginny realized that he was probably just playing a cruel joke on her and as soon as she put her heart out on her sleeve and allowed him to see who she really was, he’d turn his back on her and rip away the last shred of trust she held within. She couldn’t risk it and she wouldn’t.

“I don’t need your help and I don’t need to be saved from anything,” she spoke quietly but coolly. “Now leave me alone, I don’t need to be bothered by someone who doesn’t give a damn about me and only wants to laugh in my face.”

Draco’s jaw almost dropped in shock. He couldn’t believe that she was pushing him away after everything he had told her. He had confided in her, showed genuine concern, and was turned down defiantly. He couldn’t understand why he wanted to help Ginny Weasley but he felt something toward her, like they were connected in some strange way. He truly wanted to help her because he could tell she was lost and was slowly fading away from the real world. He refused to push her though. Draco had offered to help and now that he had been turned away, he wouldn’t bring it up again.

“Fine, if that is what you want, I won’t come near you ever again,” he told her. “Just remember, if you do want help, I’ll be here, but I won’t wait forever.”

Draco then walked away from Ginny refusing to look at her, letting his final words sink into her. Ginny watched him go and as soon as he had left the Great Hall she suddenly felt more lost than ever. It felt as if she had lost her last hope and chance of being saved. Her mind screamed at her that she should run after Draco and beg him to do what he said he would, bring her back to reality. Her pride held her back though and she kicked herself for it. Silent tears began to run down her face as her heart and soul suddenly began to ache to release their grief.

Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

Ginny raised her hand and roughly wiped her tears aside, shoving the emotions back deep inside her and shutting herself away in her mind once more. She needed her knife now, she desperately needed to feel the blade bringing forth her blood once more, releasing all the pain she felt within. Ginny didn’t care about skipping classes now, all she cared about now was that if she didn’t get up to her room now and have her blade held in her hand in a few minutes, she might collapse from the stress of holding everything in. Ginny quickly ran from the Great Hall, blindly running toward the Gryffindor Common Room, Draco’s words still running through the back of her mind, the need to be saved fighting with her need to feel release.

Wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become
bring me to life

Ginny finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, who stared at her in utter shock, looking from Ginny’s flushed cheeks to her watery eyes.

“My dear! Why aren’t you in class? My goodness, what is the matter?”

“Just let me it. ‘Golden Snitch.’ Ginny gasped out.

The Fat Lady gave her a sympathetic look before swinging forward. Ginny dashed inside and took the steps up to her dormitory two at a time, almost knocking some second years on their backs. She flung her door open and slammed it shut behind her, locking it. Ginny flung herself on her bed, groping under her pillow for her knife and finally grasping her hand around the smooth, wooden handle. Not even bothering to shut the curtains around her, she flipped the blade up and slashed a large cut across her arm. Ginny didn’t even feel the pain of her skin opening. She watched the bright blood trickle down her arm and drip onto her scarlet bedspread.

Nothing happened though, Ginny still felt as if all her emotion were still bottled inside her. Frustrated, she quickly swiped her other arm, another pool of blood forming on the sheets. Still nothing. Tears began to splash down her cheeks again. ‘Why wasn’t it working?’ she thought desperately. ‘Why am I still feeling that I need to be released?’ Ginny then realized that Draco’s words were still swimming in her head, blocking out everything else. Then it hit her. The effect of cutting herself to release all her inner hell was gone. The only thing that could help her now, that could save her and release all her pain was Draco. With this thought, the tears sped from her eyes more freely and she cried in anguish.

Frozen inside without your touch without your love
darling only you are the life among the dead

Ginny had been in the shadows for so long that she hadn’t been able to see that her salvation had been standing in front of her for the past six years. She wasn’t ready to give in yet though, she wasn’t going to let Draco win. She wouldn’t let him see how weak she was and how desperately she needed him. No, she would push him out of her mind and continue to cut herself. Maybe if she forgot him he would go away and leave her alone, then the knife would become part of her again.

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here there must be something more
bring me to life

Satisfied that she had found a solution, Ginny slipped the knife back under her pillow and crawled off the bed. As she walked toward the door, a small part of her mind told her that ignoring Draco wasn’t a solution and that he was her only way of fully returning to life. Ginny shoved the thought away immediately refusing to listen. She could save herself, she didn’t need any help.

But as the months dragged on through the school year, Ginny came to recognize that she couldn’t possibly save herself. Her mind and imagination took over her heart and soul too much and she was in too deep. She could not fight the blinding need to pull away from reality anymore. She could not fight the darkness that was slowly clouding around her, separating her even further from every other person and the outside world. Ginny needed Draco more than she could ever know.

Wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run before I come undone
save me from the nothing I’ve become
bring me to life

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Song: Bring Me To Life by Evanescence

3. Everybodys Fool

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot. The characters, places, and certain situations belong to J.K Rowling. The lyrics belong to Evanescence.

Author's Note: Before you read this chapter, I would like to address a certain issue and I hope you all read this. I understand that reading a story as dark, deep, and depressing as this may be hard for some people. The issue of depression and the acts of cutting one's self are not laughing matters and some people can simply not handle the ideas and discussion of these things. I completely understand. I am not asking you to read this story, I am not asking you to like what I am writing about. I have written this story to simply bring across and explain the damaging effects of this terrible disease. I have witnessed someone from my own family go through depression and they died of it. One of my friends suffers from depression. I do not know anyone to have cut themselves but I know it is out there and those suffering should be helped. I pray for these people, pray that God will help them and their families will support them and do everything possible to saved their loved ones. This story is written to help others understand what depression can do to someone. I mean no harm to anyone in writing it.
When I posted the second chapter, some reviews were left for me, telling me that my story was sick, that it sucked, and that I should stop writing it because of what it contains. I am not going to stop writing this story. I want it to be out there. I have invested much time in this story and I am not going to throw it away. If you do not like my story, that is fine, it is your opinion and you have a total right to it. But please, if the only way you can express your opinion to my story is by being rude and claiming I should never write again to make the world better, then do not bother leaving me a review. I accept constructive critisim. I do NOT accept bashing and firm hatred at my story. You insult my story and in turn you insult me. I do not wish to be mean and harsh, I simply ask that you are polite and critique the story, do not critisize. If you do not like my story, do not read it. I am fine with that. Some people LIKE my story, as can be seen from other reviews. I appreciate those people beyond belief. I especially thank my friends, Laura and Emily, for supporting me SO much with this story. I will keep writing and I will not let a few insults stop me. I hope you all take this message to heart.
Thank you,
PhoenixFirebolt

Chapter Three - Everybody’s Fool

Two weeks after his encounter with Ginny in the Great Hall, Draco was walking down the stone steps that led to the dungeons where all Potions classes took place. Draco was to be teaching a sixth year class that day due to the fact the Professor Snape was away for the day on an errand for Headmaster Albus Dumbledore. When Draco had questioned the Professor about it, Snape had snapped at him to mind his own business and just do what he was told. Draco was almost positive that the errand had to do with Voldemort and getting information on the whereabouts of the Dark Lord.

Voldemort, unfortuantely, still existed. All of the previous year he had remained hidden and the wizarding world was getting anxious, waiting for a fatal blow to be dealt somewhere. After the incident in Draco’s fifth year, when Voldemort had failed to get his hands on the prophecy about himself and Harry Potter, he had gone into hiding. No one knew where he was and most were fearful of what he may be planning. Dumbledore was keeping on guard, doing whatever he could to stop Voldemort from making any attacks. Many spies who worked with the Order of the Phoenix were out around the country for him and Snape was one of the top spies.

Draco used to have great resentment towards Dumbledore and Snape who seemed to have betrayed the Dark Side. Last year though, Draco had finally turned his back on anything to do with Voldemort and his father, Lucius Malfoy, who was still in jail. He realized just how wrong his father was and that power wasn’t the greatest thing in the world. His father was weak for giving into evil and not turning away when he could have. Draco now helped Dumbledore and did what he could to assist the Order of the Phoenix with any inside information he had about his father and his fellow Death Eaters.

Having a sudden change in his attitude and who's side he was on didn’t mean Draco was any closer to being friends with Harry Potter or Ron Weasely. He still despised them and they hated him too. They recognized him simply as now working with them, not against them, though Ron was still slightly suspicious. Draco didn’t want to be friends with Harry, Ron, or any other people for that matter. He didn’t care that not many people liked who he was; he had become used to most everyone looking at him in disgust when they heard his last name. Draco let it roll off of him, he preferred to be alone.

Shaking away from his thoughts, Draco reached the familar classroom where Potions was always held and opened the heavy metal door. As soon as he stepped in the sound of talking in the room immediately died and he found every student staring at him, waiting for instructions. Draco smirked when he saw how some looked wide-eyed and fearful, his eyes glinting with glee and malice when he saw he was teaching Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, sixth years to be exact.

Draco went and stood behind the desk at the front of the room, staring at the students and trying to intimidate them with the glare he was directing around the room. He remembered the potion Professor Snape wanted them to brew, an extremely hard one that took tedious time and work. Draco smirked some more, doubting that any of them could get the complex potion to look and act just the way it should.

“I’m filling in for Professor Snape today who is away on business,” Draco began speaking to them slowly but steadily, “I assure you though that just because the Professor is away doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work just as hard in this class as always. There will be absolutely no acting up in this class. I will tolerate no inappropriate behavior and I will punish severely any one who dare does anything except make the potion.”

Draco gave them all a very ugly sneer and a few students gulped and exchanged nervous glances. Draco chuckled inwardly to himself. How easily they are intimidated, he thought, and Gryffindors are suppose to be brave!

“Today you will be brewing the extremely difficult and complex potion known as Veritaserum. Does anyone know what this potion does when properly brewed?”

He almost laughed out loud at some of the students expressions. Most looked like they knew but were too scared to answer him. Finally, Draco saw someone raise their hand in the back. He was shocked when he saw who it was. Of course, he thought, she’s a Gryffindor sixth year.

Ginny Weasley waited patiently for him to call on her, looking nothing like the downcast girl he often saw in the halls trying desperately to blend into the wall. She looked almost happy right now, though it seemed slightly forced. Draco raised his eyebrows at her before nodding.

“Yes....Weasley,” he uttered her name like it was painful to form.

She narrowed her eyes at him before answering in voice with a slight edge to it. “Well...Malfoy...Veritaserum is a highly powerful potion that is meant to have the drinker tell the truth to any question asked of them. Not much is needed for the affect and the Ministry has banned use of it unless they are informed.”

Draco glared at her, knowing she was absolutely correct in her answer but pissed off by the tone in which she said his name. “Correct,” he spoke softly, another smirk gracing his face, “five points for getting the answer right but I’ll take those five points right back for your attitude, Weasley.”

An uproar was heard from the Gryffindor side of the room. Some shouted out insults, while others merely scowled in anger. Even the Hufflepuffs looked upset though they didn’t say anything. Draco waited for the class to settle down before speaking again, “I told you not to have any inappropriate behavior in this class. Thirty points from Gryffindor and ten from Hufflepuff.”

The class fell silents, all of them directing glares at Draco. Finally, Hannah Abbott, a blonde Hufflepuff, timidly raised her hand.

“Yes,” Draco snapped.

“Umm...well...,” Hannah seemed unsure of what to say but continued, “doesn’t Veritaserum take a month to brew? How are we suppose to complete it?”

Draco scowled at her and Hannah quickly averted her gaze from him. “That is correct but Professor Snape wants you to start it and over the course of the next month you will be concentrating on only this potion. No more questions. Here are the ingridients that you will need.” Draco flicked his wand at the board and the list of ingridients immediately appeared. “Some of the items on the list you do not have yourselves so one person from each table will go and get what is needed out of Professor Snape’s storage.”

So the students promptly began working on the potion while Draco sat at the desk, going over some homework for his other classes. No one bothered him, which, he thought, they were all probably too scared to do. He had just finished writing out an essay for Transfiguration when the bell rang, signaling the end of class. He quickly stood up and addressed them all before they could scramble out the door.

“Your homework is to write two sheets of parchment describing the proper way to make Veritaserum and the affects of it to be turned in next Wednesday.”

A groan of annoyance was heard from almost everyone; today was Thursday, they had less than one week. Draco watched as they filed out and his cold gray eyes fell on Ginny who was talking animately with a tall brunette next to her. She looked radiant and happy, no trace of her pain anywhere to be seen on the outside. Draco narrowed his eyes in confusion and anger. How could she act like nothing was wrong with her? How could she have such a perfect looking life when truly, underneath it all, she was crying and bleeding from all that life had to bring her?

Perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that

“Weasley!” He called out after to her, “Can I speak with you?” Ginny froze half-way out the door and Draco watched as her back stiffened, as if she knew what he was going to say to her. Slowly she turned and faced him, nodding once before stepping back inside the room.

“Close the door,” he said, waving his hand at it before sitting on top of the desk. Ginny closed the door and waved her wand at it, muttering a locking spell before stepping a little farther into the room. “What is it Malfoy?”

Draco noticed that even though she still looked cheerful, it was merely a facade. Her eyes betrayed her, showing just what her life was like and what she went through. She hid behind a mask, pulling her true self down deep within her. She had forgotten to mask her eyes though, her one mistake. Unlike him, Ginny hadn’t learned to master that aspect of herself. Her eyes showed everything. Most people took no time to notice though. Draco had been where she was now though, so he knew. He could see right through Ginny.

“Why do you hide?” he asked her bluntly but quietly, his eyes never leaving her. Ginny’s own eyes widened and she took a step back. “I...I’m not...not hiding,” she stuttered out.

Draco gave a short laugh. “Come on Weasley. You can’t fool me, what about everything that happened in the Great Hall two weeks ago? Remember the talk we had? I know you’re hiding who you truly are and I know what you are hiding.”

Ginny bit her lip and looked down at her feet, shuffling them. “You don’t know anything about me and I’m not hiding anything. Now please, stop bothering me.”

Draco was shocked. He couldn’t believe she wouldn’t admit what was going on with her. Didn’t she understand that he wanted to help? He didn’t want to taunt her for her problems or put her down anymore, he truly felt the need to help her. For anyone else he wouldn’t bother, but Ginny Weasley was, well, different. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he knew he had to help her or he couldn’t live with himself. He would feel guilt forever if he didn’t help Ginny.

Besides, Draco was the only one who could actually understand what she was going through. Who knew better than him? He had been where she was a few years ago, helpless, lonely, and screaming to be saved. He had finally been saved and brought to life once more. If it wasn’t for Dumbledore, Draco wouldn’t be alive right then. He owed the wise wizard everything. Now he wanted to return the favor and help someone else. He stared at Ginny, feeling the need to bring her back to the world around her. She may have had every other person fooled about who she was, but not him.

Never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled

Draco slid off the desk and Ginny took another step back, still looking fearful. Her brown eyes continued to widen in shock and she finally directed them to the floor again. Draco stepped forward slightly and spoke very quietly.

“I’m not going to stop bothering you Ginny because if I stop, then what you are going through will never stop and you’ll keep going until you literally kill yourself. I was there a few years back and I was saved. Now I want to save you. Why won’t you let me help you?”

Ginny snapped her head up and gave Draco a hateful glare. It was so intense, the burning fury in her eyes that he took a step back in shock, his gray eyes widening. She finally spoke out in a deadly whisper. “I don’t want to be saved and I don’t need to be saved, especially from you. My life is fine and I can take care of myself, thank you very much. You have no idea what I go through, you know nothing about me. I don’t want sympathy and I don’t want pity. If I need help I will ask for it and it won’t be from you. Now leave me alone once and for all, Malfoy. You’ve been bothering me enough and I have a life to get on with.”

Ginny spun around, her red hair flying and stomped toward the door again. She waved her wand again, unlocking it, and opened the door and was almost out when once again Draco called out.

“Denying the truth won’t make it go away. You can’t help yourself, once you’re in that far. I’ll be here and I’ll be watching you.”

Ginny didn’t even turn around but fled as fast as she could from the room. Only one thought was in her mind as she left. I need my knife!

Draco watched Ginny flee and sighed deeply to himself as he picked up his bag and swung it over his shoulder. He would keep trying to get through to her no matter what. She needed help desperately. Draco knew he was the only one who could give it to her.

*****************************************************

Draco walked down one of the many corridors of Hogwarts the next day, heading for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle, two gorillaish shaped seventh years also from Syltherin, flanked him. They acted like friends to Draco, but he knew they weren’t and only stayed around him because they were afraid of him and what Draco would do to them if they dared to leave.

Draco completely ignored Crabbe and Goyle at the moment though. Lost in his own thoughts and only broke from them momentarily to sneer and scowl at anyone who came to close. He caused several third year Ravenclaws to scuttle away from him in fear while Crabbe and Goyle let out harsh laughs. Still ignoring them, Draco continued to sweep up the torch-lit corridor until he managed to focus on the person coming toward him.

Ginny was walking down the hall, her bag on her shoulder, a book in her arms, and a broad smile on her face. She was chatting pleasantly with Hermione while Harry and Ron trailed behind them. Draco stopped so quickly that Goyle smacked into him. He gave Goyle a quick death-glare, who immediately began muttering an apology, before turning back to stare at Ginny. She was almost level with him now and he glared at her in anger and disgust, his eyes a steely silver.

Look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now I know she

Ginny didn’t even glance at Draco as she passed him. Harry and Ron however glared back hatefully, looking like they wanted to say something, but didn’t. Draco couldn’t stand it though.

“Just keep on putting up that act Weasley. You won’t keep everybody fooled for long.”

The group of four stopped and turned back. Ginny avoided his gaze and instead stared out the window next to her.

“What the bloody hell are you talking about Malfoy?” Ron shouted.

Draco gave a snort of annoyance. “Not you, Weasel. That Weasel,” he stated, waving his hand at Ginny.

“Don’t say anything to my sister Malfoy and don’t you go near her,” Ron warned, a menacing tone to his voice, “I swear, if you do, I won’t be afraid to hex you.”

Draco rolled his eyes. “Empty threat, Weasel. I can do and go near to anyone I bloody hell want to.”

He fixed his eyes again on Ginny while Ron continued to glare daggers at him. “I hope you heard what I said cause I meant it. That act of yours won’t hold for long.”

“Get out of here Malfoy. You’ve cause enough disturbance already,” Hermione said angrily.

“Stuff it, Granger,” Draco shot back, his eyes not leaving Ginny, who finally looked back.

She looked fearful but determined as their eyes locked. “There is no act,” she finally said, speaking slowly but clearly.

“Yeah,” Ron interrupted, “so whatever you’re talking about Malfoy its not true, so get out of here.”

Draco couldn’t believe that Ginny’s own brother couldn’t see what he saw so clearly. How her eyes looked so dead and haunted, how she seemed to be pushing herself away from everybody. He still couldn’t believe Ginny was denying all help from him no matter how hard he tried. Draco almost felt betrayed. He was the only one to notice anything about Ginny, but he was the one she hated the most.

Never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled

Draco finally turned his gaze from Ginny and stared at all of them. How incredibly dense they all are, he thought, and Ganger is suppose to be the smartest witch in Hogwarts.

“Fine, I don’t give a damn any more. Do whatever the hell you want, see if I care.” He turned to Ginny again. “See if I care if you get yourself killed. No one else cares any way so one more person won’t matter.”

Draco quickly turned and walked away without a backward glancing not realizing how deep his words had cut into Ginny. Those words had hurt, they had hurt really bad. She stood watching him walk away, blinking back tears and finally realizing that the one person who understood her and actually saw her had just turned his back on her. Ginny was truly hiding herself, hiding from everyone. It was one big lie that she kept falling deeper and deeper into. She couldn’t back out of it either. She was too far in her lie and it would cause too much pain.

Without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie

Ron, Harry, and Hermione quickly turned and began to question her, asking what Malfoy had meant. Ginny couldn’t take it right now though. Without uttering a word, she turned and fled from them, tears beginning to cascade down her face.

Draco continued walking down the corridor, his face set and his mind reeling. He wasn’t going to do anything to help Ginny now. She had set her fate and she clearly didn’t care that someone wanted to help her. Maybe even.....love her? No, he thought in disgust, love Ginny Weasley? What a stupid thought!

But the thought wouldn’t leave Draco. Why did he seem to want to help her so bad? Why did he always seem to pick her out of a crowd? Why did everything bad about him want to leave whenever she saw her?

Draco knew he loved her. For some strange reason he had fallen for Ginny Weasley over the past years. He couldn’t explain when it had happened; it just did. He had denied it for so long but couldn’t any longer.

I’ll deny it now, he thought bitterly, she doesn’t want me to help her so why should I love her? I know exactly who she is now, a person who hides from herself and that’s not someone I want to love.

Draco shook his head angrily. He would put Ginny from his mind permanently. He was through with her.

I know the truth now
I know who you are
and I don't love you anymore

Ginny burst into her room and fell on her bed, the tears continuing to flow from her eyes. She knew she would look horrible once she was done but she could care less. She gripped the bedsheets between her fingers holding back sobs.

Draco was right, so right. She was pathetic and needed to hide herself away. She needed the comfort of her knife just to stay alive. She was slowly killing herself.

Ginny’s tears and sobs subsided and a boiling anger suddenly filled her. Had he really cared about what happened to her, he wouldn’t have walked away from her. He wouldn’t have left her, putting on his own act. She pounded her fist into the bed and thought grimly, And to think I was slowly falling for him.

Ginny leapt up, threw the pillow on her bed back, and quickly snatched the gleaming knife up. With a smug smile she flicked it open and sliced her arm swiftly, watching the blood pour. She didn’t need Draco, she didn’t need anyone. Besides, he couldn’t save her, no one could. Only her knife could truly save her. As long as she had it and could watch her blood slowly trickle down, she was safe and free.

It never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me

No matter how much they both denied it though, Draco and Ginny both needed each other. Both of them were fooling the people around them. And only they could save each other.

Somehow now you're everybody's fool

***********************************

Song: Everybody's Fool by Evanescence

4. Haunted

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and Evanescence. I'm merely borrowing so I can write this story.

Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed this story and has liked it so much. You help me to continue writing! I'm sorry if the author's note I wrote in chapter 3 sounded so harsh. I was in a bit of a bad mood and getting some nasty reviews for this story just put me over the edge. I hope you can all understand where I was coming from though.
I want to thank my two great friends, Laura and Emily, for being my proofreaders and my moral support. Love you guys :).
I hope you all enjoy this chapter, sorry its shorter than my others.
Love,
PhoenixFirebolt

Chapter 4 - Haunted

Christmas was approaching now and Hogwarts castle was filled with its normal holiday decorations and festivities. Snow had begun to fall gently from the sky the week before, giving the expansive grounds a solid coating and turning Hagrid’s hut into a large igloo. The inside of the castle was covered with garland, mistletoe, holly berries, Christmas trees, everlasting icicles, and bright fairies.

The mood among all the students and teachers was joyful and exuberant. The term was almost at an end and everyone was getting hit with the Christmas bug. Students were having snowball fights out on the grounds and then coming in to enjoy the wonderful dinners from the kitchen. Everyone was in high spirits.

Except for Ginny, who hadn’t felt happy in years. Christmas just made her even more depressed. But now there was something else that was added to her besides the depression.

She could feel it. She could feel it literally, like a hole was being burned into her. She felt it every day and every night, like an irritant that just wouldn’t let up. The only time she was ever relieved was when she was safe inside her bed, the covers pulled around her and the hangings shielding her from view. Sometimes she even felt it at night though, the eerie feeling that made her shoot up in bed, glancing wildly around in the dark. The feeling that made her grab her knife from under her pillow, just for comfort.

The feeling that she was being watched.

It had now been a month since Draco had turned his back on her in the corridor and Ginny realized her last hope of survival had slipped through her hands. Staying true to herself, Ginny refused to acknowledge her need and had turned even more to her knife. The ritual of cutting herself in the morning being added to the one at night. Satisfaction still came from watching her blood run, but something was still wrong. Another ache was within her that her knife just couldn’t fulfill and it was driving her insane, as much as being watched.

Ginny knew who was watching her. She had known the moment she felt it. She refused to acknowledge the presence though. Instead, she devoted her time to trying to hide more. It didn’t work though, he was always there. Draco wouldn’t leave her alone.

Long lost words whisper slowly to me
still can't find what keeps me here
when all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there

It was a game. A simple, but horrible game of cat and mouse; predator and prey. Ginny was being stalked, watched, and she knew that a trap was eventually going to close in on her. Draco was going to trap her sooner or later and Ginny didn’t know what she would do when he did.

At this moment Ginny was sitting and eating dinner in the Great Hall trying desperately to ignore the cheerful and flushed with excitement faces around her. Even more so she was trying to ignore the feeling of Draco’s eyes on her. Ginny took a deep breath and continued to stare hard at the wooden table, saying to herself over and over again that she would not turn around, she would not acknowledge him.

It became too much though and Ginny finally whipped around in her seat, ready to look over at the Slytherin table, ready to glare into the eyes that had been haunting her for the past month. And their eyes did meet, but what Ginny saw in Draco’s eyes wasn’t what she expected.

She began to drown in his silver gray eyes and Ginny realized what he was doing. Draco was trying to pull her down, make her become lost in his eyes so she could recognize how much she needed him to be saved and how much he wanted to help her. Ginny saw concern, sympathy, sadness, hope, and....love shining in his eyes. Love? Draco Malfoy......love Ginny Weasley?

Ginny gave her head a shake and looked back at him again. Draco’s gaze never left her and neither did the many emotions. She almost gasped in shock, but supressed the urge. She finally turned away from him, breathing hard, closing her eyes in desperation to have his face leave her mind. Tears began to well up in her eyes, but she angrily blinked them back.

No, she wouldn’t let him pull her down, wouldn’t let him realize the effect he had on her. Ginny clenched her hands together in her lap. Fear began to grip her body. She was afraid of what would happen when he caught her. She was fearful of how much he was going to change her life and what would happen when he pulled her away from her imaginary world.

Ginny was completely scared of Draco, but she still loved him because he seemed to care about her so much. She loved him because he was the only one to notice her and take the time to try to make her see that she was slowly killing herself.

Watching me wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
fearing you loving you
I won't let you pull me down

Draco watched Ginny from across the Great Hall, his eyes never leaving her even when she had turned away from him. He knew he was starting to have an effect on her. Ignoring the promise to himself to stay out of Ginny’s life from now on, Draco had starting watching her, following her, trying to make her see how wrong she was. He was trying to make her see how much he loved her, how much he wanted to help.

Ginny had always sensed him and knew he was watching her. Draco didn’t want to scare her though, he only wanted to protect her, to keep her from cutting herself daily. It wasn’t working though. He knew she had started cutting herself in the morning now, he had been there when she started. Draco watched but never became involved. He never took the knife from her to make her stop. He wanted Ginny to realize how wrong she was to release her pain that way and for her to stop herself.

Draco was beginning to realize that he needed to take action though. He needed to try and bring her back himself. Ginny was not strong enough and her pain was only becoming greater. She was alive for now, but how much longer could she hold out against the world? How much longer would her heart keep beating?

Hunting you I can smell you - alive
your heart pounding in my head

Ginny couldn’t bear being in the Hall anymore. Without even grabbing her bag, she fled to the Entrance Hall, desperately trying to calm herself. She couldn’t be in the castle anymore, so she banged the large doors leading outside open and ran towards the lake, seeking solitude.

Ginny was running from everything, all the pain, sadness, and grief. Running from all the people who never took notice of her and never cared or loved her, from the walls that she was a part of, from her imaginary world. She was running from everything that had shattered her being so long ago. But most of all, she was running from those eyes that watched her every move. The eyes that she feared yet loved at the same time.

Ginny couldn’t run forever though and eventually she collapsed to the ground between the lake and the Forbidden Forest. Tears ran down her face as she pounded the ground with her fists, screaming to the night air.

“WHY ME?! WHY AM I THE ONE WHO MUST GO THROUGH THIS PAIN?! AM I A JOKE TO YOU? DO YOU DO THIS JUST TO TORTURE ME?!” Ginny yelled to the heavens until she was hoarse, cursing God for giving her this life and for making her live through every moment of pain.

Choking sobs heaved out of her throat as she bent her head trying to block out the mocking lights of the stars that twinkled at her so innocently. “Why am I so alone?” she whispered, praying she would be given an answer but knowing it would never come.

And then Ginny felt it again, the prickling feeling that was with her everywhere. Her head shot up and she quickly turned, standing up. Draco stood there, watching her once again, his eyes never leaving her face. Ginny could feel herself giving in, wanting to go to him but too scared to realize the truth. She was too scared of what would happen to her.

And as they watched one another silently, Ginny came to the realization of what Draco was doing to her. He was not only watching her, he was saving her.

Watching me wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
saving me raping me
watching me

***************************************

Song: Haunted by Evanescence

5. Whisper

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and all the other characters within. Evanescence owns all their songs. I'm merely borrowing for the purpose of this story.

Author's Note: Omg! I am so so so sorry about not updating in MONTHS! I planned to finish this story before entering my senior year but I wasn't able to and then the school year has been incredibly hectic. I had a lot of stuff going on these past few months and writing was absolutely impossible to do. I feel so bad about never updating but I'm going to try my hardest to get this story done. I won't be able to update often but I will try to update with fewer big breaks in between. I appreciate all the reviews I get for this story, makes me want to continue this story. And I'm sorry to everyone who really has enjoyed this story and I've made you wait so long, please forgive me! Again, I'm incredibly sorry about this and I hope this story will still be enjoyed now as much as it was before.
Much love to everyone!
PhoenixFirebolt

Chapter 5 - Whisper

The day before Christmas arrived cold and gray. Dark clouds swirled around in the icy sky, dropping millions of snowflakes to the ground below. Everyone in the castle was asleep, enjoying the last few hours of nighttime before they had to awake. Dreams of the presents that awaited at the end of their beds and the grand feast to come later filled their minds.

A lone figure was wide awake though, sitting in the middle of her bed, knees drawn to her chest and chin resting on top of them. Ginny stared blankly at the dark curtains that surrounded her, deep in thought.

Ginny was thinking back to the night when she had realized Draco was trying to save her from drowning even further in her misery. That night had been a few weeks ago but it seemed to Ginny that it had just happened yesterday. It seemed like only yesterday that she was finally ready to recognize how much she needed Draco to help her and how much she ached for him.

Though she was extremely cautious at first, Ginny slowly began to open more to Draco, finally letting someone see just how her life was played out and how much she kept bottled up inside of her.

They met in secret all over the castle, Draco listening and Ginny telling him only what she wanted to say at the moment. He never pushed her for more, never questioned her, never put her down for being who she was or doing what she did. He simply listened and that was all Ginny wanted. A person to confide in, a person who would hear her pour out all her sorrow, anger, and pain.

As the days went on, Ginny began to build up a small amount of trust in Draco that was still growing. No one had ever bothered to listen or pay attention to her before and she was grateful beyond measure. She was at first afraid that Draco would spread every word of hers around the school and she would become an even bigger laugh then now. Draco stuck to is promise though and told no one of their secret meetings.

Draco had left Hogwarts to go home for Christmas a week ago though and Ginny was once again left all alone. At first she didn’t care. She had a friend now who actually took notice of her and she held on to that thought. As the week dragged on and no letter from Draco was in sight, Ginny began to lose hope and despair settled once more in her mind and heart. Maybe Draco didn’t care for her and listening to her troubles had been an act of his. Maybe he had simply been using her to get closer to knowing information about her family and Harry; Draco’s father was a Death Eater after all. Maybe he wanted Ginny to kill herself, by taking in all her pain and then using it against her to push her over the edge.

All these thoughts ran rapidly through Ginny’s head that cold December morning. The thoughts took over her reason and she was soon drowning even further into the depression she was beginning to fight off. Hurt, anger, and misery began to boil in her blood once more; and she wanted that blood to run out of her. Ginny wanted to feel release once more and the urgency she felt scared her.

Ginny shut her eyes tightly and desperately tried to fight the feelings welling within her body. She needed Draco there, to tell her she was loved and cared for, to tell her to fight away the pain.

“Please Draco,” she whipered softly, “I need you here so much. I can’t control myself anymore. I need this all to end.”

Ginny’s words fell only on air and the feeling of lonliness hit her so hard she reeled. She was alone. Completely and utterly alone. No one could save her now and no one could help her fight off the intense feelings of just wanting to end all her suffering. Ginny knew deep inside she could fight the pain if she had the strength. She was weak though and her mind was controlling her entire being.

Catch me as I fall
say you’re here and it’s all over now
speaking to the atmosphere
no one’s here and I fall into myself
this truth drives me into madness
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away

Ginny slowly uncurled herself and reached under the pillow. For the first time in weeks her hand closed over the smooth wood of her knife and she pulled it out. Her eyes stared at the blade lying flat on her palm. Her heart and mind were fighting a huge battle to win dominance over her body and her decision.

At the moment, her mind was winning. She slowly pulled the curtain back and stepped onto the cold stone floor of the dormitory. She took halted steps toward the door, her heart and mind still fighting each other. Ginny’s hand shook as she reached for the brass door handle and turned it. A soft squeak amitted from the hinges as the door swung open. No one else in the dormitory stirred as Ginny swept like a shadow from the room and descended the stairs.

The Common Room was dark and empty, the fireplace having been dead for many hours. Gray light streamed through the high windows and illuminated the many pieces of parchment, quills, and books lying over every table and chair. Ginny paid no heed to anything though and walked straight to the portrait door and stepped out into the drafty hall.

The Fat Lady was gone for the night so no comments were made as Ginny continued walking like a zombie down the corridor. The knife was still laid in her outstretched hand and her eyes stayed on it. In what seemed like an seconds, Ginny reached the entrance hall and stopped before the great oak doors. Her heart was pounding rapidly in her chest and her mind was screaming within her head.

Ginny’s mind was telling her to keep going, to end the pain, to stop hiding from every emotion that cause her to be so depressed and so hurt. Her mind was screaming her name, calling her to the forest where she should end her life.

Her heart fought back with never-ending intensity. Screaming at her to not give in, to not end all her agony. She was loved and everyone would be crying with grief if she left forever. It was telling her to not close her eyes to the pain, whatever lied behind them would let her die and that could not happen yet.

Don’t turn away
don’t give in to the pain
don’t try to hide
though they’re screaming your name
don’t close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don’t turn out the light
never sleep never die

Ginny’s mind continued winning and she forcefully pushed the doors opened and stepped into the cold. The wind slapped against her body, making her nightgown blow around her. Ginny didn’t notice the stinging cold biting her body or the fact that she was walking through snow barefoot. She had to get to the forest before her heart told her to turn back around and be within the comforts of the castle.

Ginny reached the edge of the forest and went quickly into its depths, where no snow reached the ground and the cold was blocked by the thick trees. Silence pressed upon her ears and she stopped in the middle of a large clearing where pine needles and leaves lay scattered all around her.

Ginny suddenly broke from her trance as her heart won a momentary victory and her eyes widened in shock when she saw where her mind had led her. Fear crawled throughout her body and she stood frozen in place, not daring to move or breathe. Tears sprang to her eyes as she realized how close her control was to breaking.

The dark forest became blurry as tears dripped from her eyes and hit the ground. Her will to survive was slipping, the pain taking over. Ginny felt the need to stop herself from dying once more though and for the first time that night she began to listen to her heart. She desperately tried to turn away from the hurt but her mind began to fight once more.

I’m frightened by what I see
but somehow I know that there’s much more to come
immobilized by my fear
and soon to be blinded by tears
I can stop the pain if I will it all away

Ginny’s knees hit the forest floor as the tears poured more rapidly from her eyes. The battle raged within her once more and she gripped the knife with such force the blade made a tiny cut on her palm. The sting of it made her gasp in shock and the knife dropped with a soft thud on the leaves.

Ginny lifted her hand up and stared in awe at the blood that now trickled slowly from the cut. As she stared at the blood, the battle of mind and heart became fiercer than ever. Her mind continued to scream about not turning away from the pain while her heart kept crying out in sadness, telling her to not let the lights go out forever and to not close her eyes.

Don’t turn away
don’t give in to the pain
don’t try to hide
though they’re screaming your name
don’t close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don’t turn out the light
never sleep never die

Red filled Ginny’s vision and her mind made a yell of triumph as it successfully put out its opponent and the will to end all rippled through Ginny’s being. Death lay before her now and there was no turning back.

The trees swayed in the wind and the whispering noise reached Ginny, it was like voices were speaking to her, telling her to go and meet the end. Her heart gave up and settled back, waiting for the cruel and brutal stab of death to fill it.

Ginny felt death beckoning to her, calling her home and to be at peace. Her heart gave once last futile surge to live and she hesitated for a second. Was it right to end everything? Was death truly what she wanted? Would she be missed at all? Would death truly make all the pain go away?

Ginny’s mind fought back with anger and the brief moment of hesitation was gone. No, it was time to end everything. It was time to meet death and Ginny felt more ready than ever before. Every moment of grief, anger, hurt, pain, sadness, and lonliness would end that night. And nothing would stop it from ending.

Fallen angels at my feet
whispered voices at my ear
death before my eyes
lying next to me I fear
she beckons me shall I give in
upon my end shall I begin
forsaking all I’ve fallen for I rise to meet the end

**********************************

Song: Whisper by Evanescence

6. Tourniquet

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and Evanescence. I only own the idea for the story.

Author's Note: Ok well, I've finally hit the point in the story where the scene where this whole story started is met. I'm re-posting 'Tourniquet' again cause without it uploaded in the story, it would look sorta stange, lol. I re-did a little of it to fit better in the story because it was originally a piece by itself so now that its in a chapter story, some of the information orignally in it was not needed. Its basically the same exact writing as before so if you read it before, I apologize. For people who haven't read it before, I hope you enjoy it. It may seem like a re-cap of the previous five chapters cause that's what its basically suppose to be. The following five chapters will revolve around the events that take place afterwards and I'm gonna make it more Ginny/Draco with more interaction between them and more feelings coming out between them, cause I want this to be a sort of love story as well. I appreciate all the reviews I receive and will try and write the next chapter as quick as possible!! Be patient with me though, school and life are both very hectic right now, lol. Enjoy the reading!
Much Love,
PhoenixFirebolt

Chapter 6 - Tourniquet

I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more

She sat on the ground in the middle of the forest, little rivers of crimson blood flowing slowly over her arm. The small pocket knife in her hand was poised over another area of her white skin, ready to slice again, ready to let another red river stream from her. Salty, wet tears were leaking slowly from her eyes but determination was set on her. She had set her fate already; her mind had set her fate and she wasn’t going to let her heart fight once more. She wasn’t going to let hesitation fill her being, tonight was the night.

I lay dying
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

Deep in her heart though, she didn’t want it to end, she wanted to be saved, she wanted to live. She was lost though, lost in this world where she didn’t matter and was merely another person taking up space. She was slowly dying from the inside as her heart and soul were gradually giving up. She bled from all of the wounds that had been inflicted onto her over the years and she was crying for the release from pain as well as salvation. She couldn’t have both though and she knew it.

I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved?
am I too lost?

All her life she had been left behind, neglected, shoved out of the way, and ignored. No one cared about her or her feelings. No one cared how much it hurt to go through each day, knowing you wouldn’t be noticed once more, knowing you weren’t there. No one cared about the pain she endured each day. She was a nobody and would be for the rest of her days if she did not put an end to everything at that moment.

My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

Tears of anger and grief began to fall more rapidly from her red and puffy eyes. The tears splashed on her arm, mixing with the blood there and stinging the open wounds. She barely felt the pain though, becoming accustomed to the sharp sting of her flesh breaking open and the blood quickly pouring out. Now she relished the feel of it, the power it gave her, knowing she could control how much blood she caused to stream from her, the only thing she could control.

My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

She had tried to stop long ago, thinking maybe there was something in this life to live for. But she couldn’t stop and she now knew there was nothing to live for. No one would ever love her, no one would ever notice her, no one would ever care for her, no one would ever see her, no one would ever truly know her. She choked back a sob and pressed her eyes together tightly, and then slowly pushed the knife further into the skin of her wrist. She was too lost, she was going to die, she was going to kill herself, she was going to end the pain. Nothing could turn her away from this decision she had made.

Do you remember me
lost for so long?
Will you be on the other side
or will you forget me?

With a final deep breath, she forcefully swiped the knife across her wrist with all the strength she could muster. She gave a gasp of pain as her skin opened up and blood gushed from the wound she had just made. It was the deepest and most forceful cut she had ever made on herself and she smiled grimly in satisfaction. The bright red blood slowly trickled down her hand and began to make a pool on the ground, growing larger by the second. The deep red contrasted darkly with the dark green of the leaves surrounding her and she merely stared at the blood like she had never seen it before.

I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved?
am I too lost?

Her eyes began to go out of focus and she suddenly found her mind screaming to be saved. She didn’t want to die, no, she didn’t want it to end yet. ‘Dear God above,’ she thought desperately, ‘save me, forgive me for this, don’t let me die yet.’ Her body began to shake and she collapsed to ground, falling in her own blood. She was dying, she could feel the life slowly leaving her, now spread out on the forest floor around her. Her body cried to be set free from the pain but her mind wouldn’t stop screaming at her, telling her to keep fighting. It wouldn’t stop telling her that she needed to live, that she needed to have salvation from this.

My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

As she struggled to keep on grip on the little bit of life still in her, it began to slip through her hands faster, like trying to keep water held in your hands. And for the first time in her life, she prayed, prayed to God to send someone to save her, prayed for that someone to realize how much pain she was in, not just on the outside, but the inside as well. She prayed to be taken away from this hell she lived in, she prayed to be shown how to live once again, and she prayed for forgiveness.

My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

And just when she thought that all hope had faded, that God wouldn’t hear her and that there was no way that anyone would come had bring her to salvation, a light entered her darkening vision and her bleak and desolate life. She could hear someone running to where she lay, barely breathing and holding on to her last thread of life. He grabbed her and pulled her up into his arms, away from death, away from the blood that still lay all around her. “Come on Ginny, don’t die on me now,” she faintly heard him say. And she clung to his words, hung on to that last shred of life in her and desperately tried to bring some of his life into her.

My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

And gradually, life begin to beat into her again, the blood streaming from her stopped and begin to flow through her body once more, her wounds stopped screaming for death, and her mind stopped screaming for salvation because her salvation was here. She wouldn’t die now because she had found a reason to live again. She had been forgiven by God and her soul was granted deliverance.

My wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied Christ?

Ginny slowly opened her eyes and looked upon the person who had granted her life once more and was her salvation sent by God. She looked into the eyes of someone who had noticed her when no one else did, had worked to know and understand her when no one else had tried to, and who had loved her when no one else did. Draco Malfoy. Her tourniquet.

Tourniquet
my suicide

*****************************

Song: Tourniquet by Evanescence

7. Taking Over Me

Disclaimer: Everything in the story belongs to J.K. Rowling and her brillant imagination. All of the songs belong to Evanescence. I'm simply borrowing to write the story.

Author's Note: Wow, its been a long time since I updated this story and I know most of you must hate me by now. I am sooo incredibly sorry for making you wait this long. The end of my senior year was absolutely insane but now that summer is here, I finally have some time and I am definitely planning on finishing this story. I only have 4 more chapters to write and then this is all over. I still feel horrible for not writing in forever but I made this chapter pretty long so I hope you guys will be happy with the result. I started a new story as well so I'm gonna bounce between updating the two until this one is finished then I will focus just on that one. Well, I'll let you guys read now, please please leave me a review and thank you soo much for your patience! Enjoy the read!
PhoenixFirebolt

Chapter 7 - Taking Over Me

The months that followed Ginny’s horrific brush with death were ones she would never forget for as long as she lived. As soon as Draco had seen that Ginny was alive, he had raced back to the castle with her in his arms and practically threw the doors down to get her to the Hospital Wing. He had run in, yelling frantically for Madame Pomfrey who came out a few seconds later, looking disheveled and sleepy but almost feinted in shock when she saw the girl in Draco’s arms.

Blood was still flowing from the massive cuts on Ginny’s wrists and she was as white as a sheet. Barely breathing and just surviving because she knew she shouldn’t die. She was only living because of Draco’s love for her.

Every other moment was practically a blur. She remembered Madame Pomfrey healing her wounds on the outside but there were some wounds that went too deep for her to heal. Ginny had suffered so much already from her depression and all of her other cuts that many were afraid she was already too far gone. Her family was quickly notified by Professor Dumbledore and they were all in utter shock, along with all of her friends. She vaguely remembered her parents, brothers, Harry, Hermione, Luna, and a few others coming to visit her, all practically in tears and speechless that Ginny had been doing this for years behind their backs and none of them ever realizing it. None of them had known that Ginny was slowly dying, they were too blind to see it.

A week after the incident, her parents decided to move her to St. Mungo’s so she could receive therapy and recover not only in body, but in her mind as well. Ginny hated the idea and stubbornly fought them on it but her parents were firm and ignored her pleas. So, she moved to a room at St. Mungo’s in the Psychiatric Ward.

And through all of these events and the ones that would continue, Draco stood by her side and refused to leave her once. Ron had gone into hysterics when he had walked into the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts to see Draco Malfoy sitting by Ginny’s bed, holding her hand and stroking her hair. Harry had to use all of the strength he possessed to keep Ron back. Only when Draco had looked up and everyone present had seen the tears on his face and still falling from his eyes did Ron back off. Over the next few days after, no words were really spoken to Draco by anyone but a silent truce was made and from that day forth, never again did the Trio hate Draco Malfoy and visa versa.

The months at St. Mungo’s dragged on for Ginny but with Draco by her side, she was no longer afraid and was willing to try and start a new life. He was with her at every meeting with one of the Healers, with her during her mental therapy, with her through every painful moment she was forced to relive her past, with her through every tear and hurt. Draco was her constant and morale. He was her love and he was her life. He was the reason she lived and Ginny knew if she ever lost him, she would most definitely die.

The happiest day of her life had come almost 6 months after that fateful day in the Forbidden Forest. Ginny was to be leaving St. Mungo’s in a week to finally return home and try to enjoy her summer and prepare for her final year at Hogwarts. She was sitting in her room, going through the mental exercises she was required to do each night to ease her mind when the door creaked open. Ginny turned around in her bed and a bright smile graced her face when she saw who was visiting her.

“Draco!” she exclaimed. She leapt off the bed and ran into his waiting arms. He pulled her into a crushing hug and buried his face in her hair.

“Oh, I missed you,” he said softly before pulling away and looking into her mahogany colored eyes.

Ginny laughed playfully at him and shook her head in amusement. “You saw me only yesterday, you goof.”

“Just can’t get enough of my favorite girl I guess,” Draco smiled with a laugh.

Ginny smiled again, amazed at how much he had changed since she had first met him. He had been an absolute spoiled brat, arrogant, cursing everyone, and hating the world. Now he was so loving, gentle, caring, and sweet. He was definitely not the same Draco Malfoy as before, and Ginny absolutely adored the new one.

“Come on,” she said, grabbing his hand, “sit down. I was just doing my mental exercises but I think I’m finished for now. Why don’t we do something? Want to go for a walk in the garden or help me catch up on my studying?”

Draco shook his head slowly. “No, Gin. I actually can’t stay too long tonight. I’m sorry....” he said quickly when she got a sad look on her face, “I really do want to say but, my father......” he glared briefly before sighing deeply, “he finally got out of jail about a month ago. He’s very subdued and I really doubt he’s planning anything, but, I want to be safe so I’m keeping a very close watch on him, as is the rest of the Order.”

“They let him out?” Ginny gasped in shock. “Why?”

“There wasn’t enough proof to keep him in there for an extended period of time, though I’m working on that, cause there is so much more about him that no one really knows, I just need real proof,” he scowled and his face darkened.

Ginny touched her hand gently to his face and Draco visibly relaxed and calmed himself. He smiled softly at her. “You always have that affect on me.”

Ginny blushed and looked away but Draco grabbed her chin and turned her back to face him. “Ginny, I came here cause there’s something I need to tell you. I’ve had it in my head for a long time but I never really knew how to tell you or when the right time was, because of everything that happened I was scared of telling you. But now, I need to say it because its just too important to me.”

Draco turned away from her for a second and Ginny dropped her arm back down, staring at him, hoping with all her heart he was finally going to say to her what she had been wishing would leave his lips for the past 6 months.

He finally turned to face her again and Ginny found herself drowning once again in his beautiful silver eyes that were glittering with so much emotion at the moment. “When I first met you, Ginny, I thought you would just be another annoying Weasley. You were so attached to Harry Potter and all you did was worship you. I made fun of you for that and it caused you to hate me. I made fun of you for everything, from your name to your red hair. But deep down I knew there was something different about you. I saw how empty you looked, how much hurt truly reflected in your eyes, and how distant from everyone you seemed. I tried not to care though and I went on ignoring you, just like everyone else. I eventually couldn’t though and when I walked up to you in the Great Hall, I knew I was starting something I could never turn back from. I was starting myself on something that I know I will never, ever regret. Over the months that you built your trust in me and spilled all of your pain on to me, I was holding back so much. I realized how much I care for you and how I can never not have you in my life. I never thought I could love a person but I realized I was wrong because I love you and I always will love you. I wanted to cry everytime you hurt yourself and I almost died myself when I found you lying on the forest floor, drenched in your own blood. I can’t lose you Ginny so I’m telling you that I love you and asking that you never leave me. Please, I don’t think I could survive without you.”

Draco stopped his heartfelt words to her and stared at Ginny, waiting for her response, knowing he had just put his heart out on a line. Ginny was staring at him in shock, almost expressionless. Draco shuffled his feet a little and started to stumble out some words, “Um..if you don’t feel the same way, I understand.....”

“Oh Draco, shut up,” Ginny said, a huge smile on her face now.

Draco looked up in shock but his shock became even greater when he saw her face. Ginny didn’t wait for his response and instead quickly walked to him, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. It didn’t take long for Draco to respond to the kiss and they soon both found themselves completely lost in it. Eventually Ginny pulled back and stared up into his eyes. “I love you too.” Draco smiled brightly at her words and no more words were spoken as they continued with their passionate kissing.

****************************

Ginny stared at the beautiful sunset that was splashing a variety of vibrant colors across the sky from her bedroom window at the Burrow. It had been a month since she had left St. Mungo’s. A month since she had cut herself. A month since Draco had told her he loved her. A month since she had last heard from him.

A lone tear trailed its way down her pale skin and fell to the floor. It had been a month since she was truly happy. Draco had left that night, promising to come visit her at the Burrow and telling her he would try and write to her every day. She shouldn’t fear being alone though, for he said he would always be with her and in her heart.

Ginny smiled sadly, remembering his last words to her so clearly and the smile he had given her before he had walked out the door. That was what kept her going. When she had arrived back at the Burrow, her family was ecstatic for her return and that she was healthy again. Ginny only cared about one person though, and he was constantly on her mind.

Ginny watched the sun disappear behind the hills and the sky began to turn dark as dusk settled. She got up from her seat by the window and laid down on her bed, staring blankly up at the ceiling. For a month now, that was her ritual every night, stare at the sunset while hoping that maybe one day an owl would arrive, carrying a letter from Draco to her.

No such luck though and Ginny was starting to feel that maybe he had put up an act and had forgotten about her while she was left here to forever dwell on him. She couldn’t forget him, not matter what she did. Draco was in her mind morning until night, and even in her dreams. She tossed and turned at night, remembering him and then waking up, shaking with tears racing down her face. Tears glistened in her eyes even now and she fought them back with little strength.

You don't remember me but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream?
and dream I do...

Ginny sat up and furiously wiped the tears from her eyes. She wouldn’t cry again over him like she had every other night. She refused to let this bring her down. But as much as she tried to convince her mind of this, the ache wouldn’t leave her. The ache that dwelled in her heart that a part of her was missing and that she needed Draco desperately.

She had never forgotten the words he had said to her at St. Mungo’s, when he had professed his love for her. Those words kept her going and kept her believing that Draco truly did love her and that he hadn’t left her. Ginny didn’t just need him to love her though, she needed Draco to survive, to breath, to keep living, to keep herself from going back to her old ways. He was her strength when she had none, and right now her strength was waning.

I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me

Ginny bit her lip in desperation and started pacing the room in a frantic, twisting her hands and shutting her eyes tightly to the tears that threatened to spill forth. Draco had done so much for her. He had saved her and noticed her when no other person had taken the time to. He had trusted her and put his faith in her that she could save herself as well. No one had ever loved her as much as she knew he did and she knew her love for him ran deeper than anything. Draco had reached for her hand and pulled her from death so many times but that night in the Forest, when she had seen him desperately trying to save her, she had known he had loved her. That was the love that kept her from dying that very night.

Have you forgotten all I know
and all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand
I knew you loved me then

That was the love she was mourning right now and so desperately needing at the moment. She needed Draco to hold her and tell her once again that he loved her. She wanted to kiss him again and feel the love coming from that kiss.

Ginny just wanted to see him again, touch him, know he was real and not just a dream, know that he had come into her life and had saved her.

I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me

Ginny stopped pacing and looked into the full-length mirror that was hung on her door. She stared at her reflection and closed her eyes in sadness. Even when she looked in a mirror she saw him. He was in everything that she was. Draco had changed her, made her better, made her want to live, and Ginny could see that reflecting back at her.

She couldn’t stand to see herself anymore and in a quick fit of anger she grabbed the lamp sitting on her desk and threw it against the mirror. With a loud crash, the mirror and lamp both shattered, crumbling into a million tiny pieces of glass at the foot of her door. Ginny stared at the now blank door with wide eyes, hardly registering what she had just done. Tears again started to cascade down her already wet face. With a sob she turned away from the door and collapsed once more on her bed, all of her strength and will leaving her body and mind.

I look in the mirror and see your face
if I look deep enough
so many things inside that are just like you are taking over

Ginny lifted her blurry eyes once more and stared out the window, which now showed the full moon glowing in the black sky. Its silver light shone down into her room, making her tears shine and the shards of glass glitter.

Ginny shut her eyes from the beautiful sight and clutched her pillow to her chest. Pain and sadness were welling up inside her and the want to release it was slowly beginning to build up inside of her once more. She desperately tried to ignore it but the more she did, the stronger the need became.

“Oh Draco,” she sobbed to the silence, “I need you so much. Where are you? Please, find me and help me, I need your strength....and your love.”

With those words, Ginny finally fell into an exhausted and restless sleep.

I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me

*************************

Song: Taking Over Me by Evanescence

8. Going Under

Disclaimer: I own nothing affliated with Harry Potter or Evanescence. I'm simply borrowing to make the story possible.

Author's Note: I want to thank all of my wonderful readers for leaving me such inspiring reviews! Some of you I understand have been in the position of Ginny and I am so very glad that you got help and are doing better. I'm so glad you are enjoying the story, your support is what helps me to keep writing so I thank you for that. :) Sorry it took me a few days to get this next chapter out. I was having a bit of trouble writing it because of a small case of writer's block. Unlike the last chapter which came so easily to me, this one was more difficult to write. I hope it worked out ok and I hope you guys enjoy it, the climax, along with the ending is coming up real soon. Please review and tell me if I did an ok job with writing this chapter! I had one reviewer leave me a very long review in which she complimented my story but also mentioned something which I thought was a good point. Many people who are depressed and do cut themselves, do stop but can have a relapse. Reading a story like this may cause them to think about cutting once more and they may try it again. I'm sorry I never brought this point up before but I will say it now, as another warning, if you have cut yourself before and are reading this story, I am advising you maybe not to continue to read because of this chance of relapse. I am sorry again for never bringing this issue up before. Well, with that said, continue on with the story and please please review! I appreciate all the feedback that I can get! I will try to get the last 3 chapters out asap! Thank you for reading and supporting this story!
PhoenixFirebolt

Chapter 8 - Going Under

Anger. That was the only emotion she felt right now. Blinding, full-out rage and hatred toward one person. And his name is Draco Malfoy. Ginny had not felt this much anger toward someone in years, the kind of anger that made her want him to suffer for all the hurt he had made her feel for the past four months.

Four months. For four months Ginny had done nothing but wait. Wait for a letter or an appearance from Draco. Nothing though. Not one letter had come to her and she had never seen him. Even on her brief trips to Diagon Alley for school supplies, she had never seen him. Ginny had even risked going down Knockturn Alley for a little while, hoping for a glimpse of Draco in one of the dingy shopping windows.

But with each passing day, Ginny’s hopes began to slowly fade away. She still stayed up each night, staring out her window but she knew now her search of the skies was in vain. For the first couple months, all she did was cry. Tears were always present on her face and in her eyes. Sadness ached within every fiber of her being. Her mother and father were not immune to this change in her, but they let Ginny be. They knew not how to approach her on the subject of Draco, whom Ginny had only mentioned a few times to them. So, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley watched Ginny from a far, her pain being theirs, wishing they could understand their youngest child better and praying for her to be safe.

Eventually the tears dried up though, Ginny having wasted so many of them over the past year. Anger took their place and Ginny found herself absolutely hating Draco. She hated him for every tear he made fall, she hated him for every ache in her heart whenever she thought of him, she hated him for constantly being in her mind, and she hated that she loved him so much.

Ginny would now lock herself in her room every night, not caring if her entire family heard her, and she would just start screaming. She screamed her anger and hatred out in a blind rage, grabbing anything in her room and throwing it, needing to release the anger. She screamed at Draco, wanting him to hear her and all the agony he put her through. She wanted him to know how much his silence was slowly killing her.

Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
screaming deceiving and bleeding for you
and you still won't hear me

It was now August 31, the day before Ginny’s return to Hogwarts for her seventh and final year there. Ginny went to her room after saying goodnight to her parents and Ron and locked the door behind her. She stared out at the brilliant flaming red sky that was spilling its color into her room and onto everything it touched, making it appear that her room was on fire. Ginny stood absolutely still, barely breathing, just watching the sky, hoping with everything in her that maybe, just maybe, today was the day. Maybe there would finally be a letter from Draco, this last day of summer.

But as the sun slowly slipped beyond the trees, in much the same way those months before, all of Ginny’s hope went with it. As the light of the sun fully disappeared and darkness took its place, Ginny suddenly felt empty inside. The breath she didn’t know she was holding in came rushing out of her and something inside her snapped. She grabbed the vase of flowers on the dresser next to her and threw it so it smashed against the wall above her bed. Tears of rage flooded down her cheeks and she collapsed to her knees, screaming her lungs out and sobbing uncontrollably.

“Why, damnit, why?!” she cried out, pounding her fists to the hard wood floor until they were numb.

Ginny lost track of time as she sat on the floor, crying and yelling until she was hoarse. When her tears subsided, she glanced up and saw that her room was now completely dark, not even the moonlight entered in. Ginny wiped her face in frustration and stumbled to her feet. Her entire body ached from the sobs that had wracked it and her hands were stiff. With a deep breath, she managed to walk over to her nightstand and light the candle sitting on it. Light flickered into the room and Ginny took the time to finally notice the disarray in it. Broken pieces of glass and other fragments littered the floor. Piles and piles of items were thrown into every corner. Her robes were thrown all over her bed in confusion. Her mother would have a fit when she saw the state of the room. Ginny could care less though.

She snapped herself from her thoughts and found herself walking toward her dresser again, ignoring the window and her need of wanting to stare out of it. As she looked through her drawers, searching for sleep wear, something on the ground, slightly under the dresser caught her eye. Ginny shut the drawer and knelt down to pick it up. It was a snapshot and she peered at it closely, trying to recognize the figures. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart skipped a beat when she saw who the two people were. The moving figures were herself and Draco. They were standing under a tree by the lake at Hogwarts, it had been taken right at the end of last year. She had her arms around his waist and he was playfully messing with her hair, making it look even more wild than it was. Her picture self would then turn and give Draco a dirty look which he only laughed at. As Ginny stared closer, she noticed that whenever one of them wasn’t looking and was smiling at the camera, the other would sneak a glance to the one beside them and smile softly at them.

Ginny felt tears gathering in her eyes, remembering all the times she had spent with Draco last year, how much he had helped her save herself, and how she had found herself falling in love with him. He had always been there for her then, watching over her and stopping her from the drastic turn she almost took. He had saved her from death and given her new life. Ginny had thought he would be there from then on but he was gone, vanished as if he had never existed in her life and was only a dream.

Ginny bit her lip and felt her hand starting to shake, every emotion she felt coming to the surface. She pushed it all back though and once more, anger stood at the forefront. Anger filled her being and her eyes narrowed in contempt at the picture Draco. She grabbed the picture in both of her hands and quickly ripped it down the middle, tossing it to the floor. She didn’t need Draco, she had never needed him. She could do this herself, she could resist the urge to cut herself alone. She could survive the loneliness, the hurt, the sadness, the pain. She could survive it all.

Ginny’s hands then fell limply to her sides. Then why did she feel like she was slowly dying without having him there?

Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
maybe I'll wake up for once
not tormented daily defeated by you
just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again

This is what happened to Ginny almost every day for the past two months. Anger would take over her and then, an absolute emptiness when the full reality of Draco’s disappearance from her life hit her. It was like she was drowning, drowning in every memory of him and what she had felt when he had been present in her life. Draco had slowly come to consume every part of her life, she couldn’t breathe without him, and Ginny hated herself for feeling this way.

It was almost as if Draco had planned this out from the beginning. Gaining her trust very slowly over the year and then coming to her, saying that he loved her, and as soon as the words left his lips, he knew he had her. Ginny had fallen into him at that very moment, trusting and believing in everything he said and did. She had made it so she could barely survive without him being there for her.

Fear gripped Ginny’s heart, realizing Draco wanted this, he wanted to have her suffer and he wanted her to die. He had put up an act, and she had foolishly fallen for it. Determination set in her eyes as she turned away from the fallen fragments of the picture. She would not allow Draco to have a hold on her life anymore. She could control herself, and she would prove it to him.

I'm going under
drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under

Draco had become so good at his act that Ginny hadn’t known when he was telling the truth or when he was lying to her about everything. He had used her, left her here with her heart broken and bleeding and her mind forever haunted by his presence. Ginny felt more tears welling in her eyes, for no matter how much she tried to convince herself that all Draco had done was try to fool her, she still found herself loving him and aching that he was not there.

Ginny bit down on her lip forcefully, trying to stop the tears. The metallic taste of blood hit her tongue and she put her hand to her lip to stop the bleeding. When her hand came back down, she stared down at the red liquid that was across her fingers and a strange sensation filled her. The candlelight barely allowed her to see the blood but it was there now, showing itself to her. With its presence, weakness washed over her body and she closed her eyes tightly, willing her mind to stop saying that one phrase she had hoped to never hear again, Release the pain.

And like that night so many months ago in the forest, where Ginny had almost ended her life, confusion filled her once more and a battle between her heart and mind began to take up again. Her heart didn’t want it, but her mind was telling her that Draco was gone and that no one was left that loved her, just end it.

“Oh God, let it stop,” Ginny whispered to the darkness, grabbing her head between her hands, trying to stop her mind from its endless urgings to end her life. She ran to the window, breathing in the warm air from outside, desperately trying to calm her nerves.

Ginny was just starting to realize that no matter how much she tried to blame Draco for her problems and cursed him for making her lose control of herself, deep down, it was she who was losing control. The trust she had so firmly placed in herself was beginning to waver.

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
so I don't know what's real and what's not
always confusing the thoughts in my head
so I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again

Ginny fell to her knees before the window, leaning her arms on the sill, staring at the faint glimmering moon that could be barely seen above the dark trees. Ginny put her chin on her arms, not trying to stop the tears this time, and whispered out into the night.

“Oh Draco, why have you done this to me? Why did you have to leave me here so utterly alone and helpless. I need you so damn much. Please, please come back to me,” Ginny pleaded, wanting him to hear her. “I’m beginning to fall and I can’t stop myself.”

“Curse you for doing this to me,” she breathed out, barely audible. “I should be able to save myself but I can’t, I’m too damn weak. Curse you for making me lean on you so much.”

Ginny clenched her fists, feeling the anger build up once more. She pushed herself away from the window and looked at her room again. On the far side of the room, something shimmered in the candlelight, catching her eye. She stood up and walked toward it, not knowing she was walking toward the one object that held her fate and her escape.

I'm going under
drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through

Ginny reached the object and bent to pick it up. The feel of it in her hands was a sensation she had not felt in many months. She unclenched her fist around it and stared at the object in her palm, the one that was starting to beckon to her. Ginny’s eyes went wide in shock as she recognized the well-worn pocketknife, the one who had been her constant friend and pain releaser for so many years until she met Draco. Again it was calling to her, trying to get her to release her hurt and anger one last time, to let every last ounce of her frustration spill away with one graze of its sharp edge.

Ginny took a deep shuddering breath as the knife kept calling to her and the thought of using it again kept settling deeper and deeper into her mind. Her body was on autopilot and so out of sorts that her heart barely argued with her this time. She knew what she had to do, she knew she had to release everything from her again. She knew that this time, nothing and no one would stop her.

Ginny clasped the knife to her chest and with silent foot steps, she slipped out of her room and down the many stairs to the first floor. She moved like a ghost to the back door and raced out of it, running toward the forest behind her house with only one goal in mind, Reach the river and finally end it all.

No looking back this time, no second guessing. Even if Draco came to stand in front of her at this very moment and scream at her to stop, she would not listen. Ginny was too wrapped up in her imagination again to notice anything about reality now. She was too far gone and so very far away from life. Ginny was now in control of herself and that was all that mattered to her.

So go on and scream
scream at me I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe I can't keep going under

****************************

Song: Going Under by Evanescence

9. My Last Breath

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and the sogns belong to Evanescence. I'm only borrowing for the story.

Author's Note: All right, here's another chapter for you guys. Sorry about the wait but my computer has been acting strange lately and I had trouble converting this to an html document. All better now though :). Only two chapter left after this. I'm kinda get sad about this ending but it has to at some point. It'll give me more time to work on my other story, Love Is Never Simple, which I decided to delay until this story is over. Just to warn you guys, this chapter is very angsty. The entire story is really but this chapter especially. It took me forever to write cause it was just difficult for me to write so much of it. This chapter took a lot out of me and made me really sad. This chapter is just very deep and has a ton of emotion in it, I almost cried writing it. Now, please, before I get any angry reviews about this chapter, PLEASE, read the A/N at the end of this chapter! Please!
I can't really explain any more, enjoy the chapter and I thank all my reviewers for following this story, I love you guys!
PhoenixFirebolt

Chapter 9 - My Last Breath

Ginny raced blindly through the trees, her mind barely registering any thought of where she was going. Her eyes were firmly fixed on the knife in her outstretched palm and she had no control on where her feet were leading her. A faint stream of moonlight illuminated the dew on the grass and gave the tree leaves a speckled look. A light wind rustled through the woods Ginny ran through but her ears were deaf to everything but the roaring in her ears that was telling her to end it all. She ran faster, listening to the commanding voice, and finally her bare feet stumbled upon the rocky shore that led to the river.

Ginny collapsed to her knees before the shimmering water, not even feeling the sharp bite of the rocks that cut into her knees. The moon finally broke free from the thick clouds obscuring it and its silver light shot down and bathed Ginny in its light. The reflection off the water from it almost blinded Ginny but she ignored it, only hearing the beating of her heart, the shouts of her mind, and only seeing the knife in her hand, the blade glistening innocently at her. Tears slowly began to slip down her face and she realized what she was doing.

“Its just like that night in the Forbidden Forest,” Ginny whispered softly to the night air and she started to tremble at the memory of it. “Only no Draco to save me this time,” she continued on bitterly.

A harsh laugh then escaped her parched lips. “Like he’d give a damn anyway,” she whispered, “DO YOU?! DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME AT ALL?!” Ginny screamed at the moon before falling in a sobbing heap to the ground, clutching the knife desperately to her chest as her tears started forming tiny pools of water around her.

Ginny’s wracking sobs finally calmed slightly and she looked up, staring blankly at the rushing river until the hooting call of an owl broke her from her trance. She gave a small gasp and her body stiffened as she took in her surroundings. She looked down quickly at her clenched fist and opened it to reveal the knife once more. The Knife. The true cause of all her problems, only Ginny was too wrapped up in blaming the entire world to notice it. She still did not see it, how much this little knife had done to her, and she smiled faintly at it, glad to have one trustworthy friend beside her. The friend that was bringing her death.

Ginny felt strength within her once more and she slowly rose to her feet, still shaking slightly and blood running down her legs. Her thin nightgown gently floated around her body with the wind and the cool air felt refreshing against her sweaty skin. Ginny brought her gaze to rest on the water, her mind so firmly set on her task that not one ounce of resistance came from her heart.

This was her fate, this was what was meant to happen. No one would miss her. Yes, they would mourn for her in the beginning, questions racing through their minds as to why, why would young Ginny Weasley, so full of life, want to end it all? Why would such a beautiful and talented young witch want to take her own life? Because I am not wanted and I am not loved, Ginny answered herself.

As soon as the mourning would end, they would forget her, she would barely be a passing thought and would never have her name pass over anyone’s lips. It was a sad thought but Ginny barely cared anymore. She only wanted to be free, free from life and the harsh reality of it all. Free from every person who ever taunted or ignored her. Free from the people who so-called loved her. Free from all the pain she felt each day. Free from all the tears she wept each night. And finally, free from all the blood she had spilled to release herself and become a different person for a while. That freedom had been short-lived and she needed to repeat it just to have that small grasp of freedom once more. In death though, she would find eternal freedom and happiness. Ginny smiled again, knowing what was coming and preparing herself.

For one second her smile did falter, as she remembered Draco. For all that anger and hate she still had built up for him on the surface, deep down in her heart, Ginny knew that Draco had not hurt her intentionally. Something had kept him away from her, she could feel it deep within her. A little nagging voice was saying, He’s coming, just wait, he still loves you. But Ginny couldn’t turn away now.

She glanced back behind her, watching the darkness before glancing back up at the shining moon. A sad smile flitted across her face once more and with a whisper so soft it mingled and was carried away by the wind, she said, “I’m sorry, Draco.”

The next second, Ginny grabbed the knife in her right hand and made two vicious and deep slices across her left wrist before doing the same to the right wrist. The pain was unbearable and Ginny fell to her knees once more, staring in awe at the hideous cuts she had just made. Blood flowed rapidly from them and streamed down her arm before dripping onto the rocks. The silver light glimmered on the blood and faintly illuminated the numerous scars up and down her arms.

Ginny’s body was slowly giving out on her, the amount of blood she was losing taking its toll on her. Ginny fell on the ground again and lay on her back, staring with ever dulling eyes at the dark sky above. And as her life slowly drained out of her in the form of red, only one thought went through Ginny’s mind, Freedom. And with that, she gave in fully to the darkness that was pulling on her.

*************************

Draco Malfoy landed harshly on the ground and jumped off of his Firebolt before throwing it to the ground and slipping his invisibility cloak off of him. He dashed to the back door of the Burrow and thanked Merlin that it was unlocked. He slipped through the house as quietly as he could and dashed up the stairs, cringing at every creak his feet hit. Draco finally found the door that said Ginevra Weasley on it and threw it open.

Moonlight poured in through the wide open window. His silver eyes stared around in shock at the state of the room as he cautiously stepped inside. An eerie feeling descended on him and he shivered. Draco’s eyes flicked everywhere but Ginny was nowhere in sight. His hands clenched around the invisibility cloak as he stepped further inside, his feet unconsciously taking him to the window. Draco stared out into the dark backyard and the forest just beyond it, his cloak slipped from his hands and he gripped the window sill, another odd feeling filling him.

Draco finally tore his eyes away from the scene and turned around. His gaze drifted to the floor and settled upon the two fragments of the picture Ginny had found earlier. He bent down and grabbed them before sinking onto Ginny’s unmade bed, staring at the picture in shock. The scene brought memories flooding into his mind and he closed his eyes to prevent tears from falling. The fragments fell listlessly from his hands but he paid no attention. A lone tear slid down his face and fell to the floor. Never before would he have allowed himself to cry, but Draco was a different person now, changed. He no longer believed that crying was a sign of weakness.

Suddenly, Draco felt a sharp shiver run down his spine and coldness settled all around him. His eyes shot open and he stared around the room again, tense, his hand reaching for his wand. Yet again his gaze was drawn to the window and a cold breeze filtered through it, like a warning. Draco stood up slowly, his heart racing and a single thought filled his mind, Oh my God, what have I done?

He raced from the room, no longer caring if the entire household heard him, his mind focused on one thing, finding Ginny. Draco ran as fast he could through the trees, stumbling a few times over tree roots. The absolute silence that suddenly surrounded him brought an ominous feeling to him and Draco sped up, completely out of breath but willing himself forward.

Finally, the trees broke free from around him and he found himself in a clearing, with a river running through it. A small waterfall splashed into it from another small creek that joined the river. Large rocks lined the shore and Draco found his eyes drawn to the rocky shore that was only a few hundred feet before him. Draco gasped in horror and gave a cry before running forward once more. He skidded to his knees, his wand dropping out of his hand, forgotten. He put his arms around the lifeless form of Ginny and brought her up onto his lap. He cradled her gently against his chest, tears falling freely now from his eyes. He lifted a shaky hand and brushed one of the bright red locks of hair from her closed eyelids. His hand trailed down the milky white skin of her cheek and came to rest on the pulse point of her neck. Shock rippled through him when he felt the very slow and faint heartbeat.

Draco gripped her shoulders and shook her. “Ginny, my God, wake up. Please, wake up, you have to stay alive, I can’t lose you!” he uttered the words desperately.

Ginny didn’t move and her eyelids didn’t even flutter. Draco grabbed her wrists and gasped again at the ugly cuts marring her perfect skin. He quickly ripped some fabric from his robes and wound it around the still bleeding cuts, hoping to slow it down. “I have to get you help, I can’t lose you,” Draco muttered before sliding his arms around her, ready to pick her up.

Before he could lift Ginny off the ground though, she suddenly took in a quick, ragged breath and her hand raised up and grabbed the front of his robes. Draco almost dropped her in shock before saying, “Ginny! Oh please wake up, don’t give in.”

Ginny slowly felt herself regaining a small amount of consciousness. Blackness was still surrounding her but a faint trail of light was trying to lead her back to the living. The faint sound of someone’s voice and a person grabbing her into their arms dimly registered in her mind. She struggled to open her eyes against the heavy weights that were holding them down. Finally, with a sharp gasp she opened her eyes and stared up into the face of the person that had saved her so many times. Draco was leaning over her, crying and telling her to stay alive. A wave of pain coursed over Ginny’s body and she grimaced, gritting her teeth together. The pain was quickly followed by a numbing sensation and Ginny sighed, ready to give into the cold.

Ginny blinked a few times to clear her blurry vision before staring at Draco again, the man she had given her entire heart to. She smiled softly, her lips tinged slightly in blue, and lifted a shaking hand to his face to caress his cheek. Draco tried to force a smile back at her but he was trembling too much to do so. Ginny looked deep into his eyes, forcing the darkness that kept creeping up on her away, and saw that what she had truly known deep in her heart was true. Draco did love her and had never meant to leave her all alone.

Ginny swallowed and whispered, “I love you, Draco. I always have and I always will.”

Draco bit his lip, “I love you too, Gin. Please, stay with me, I’m going to save you.”

Ginny struggled to breathe and shook her head slightly, “No, you have to let me go Draco. I’m not scared of death anymore. I’ll always be with you, never forget that.”

Hold on to me love
you know I can't stay long
all I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid
can you hear me?
can you feel me in your arms?

Draco stared at her with wide-eyes. No, she couldn’t say that to him, Ginny couldn’t die, she was everything to him. She was his life and his love. As much as he had saved Ginny over the past year, she had returned and saved him as well. He couldn’t imagine his life without her. She had changed him and brought all the goodness out of him. She had opened up his heart and taught him how to love and showed that someone like him could be loved. More tears fell down his face as he gripped her cold body to him, praying for a miracle.

Ginny watched Draco sadly, not wanting to leave him either but knowing this was for the best, she would finally be rid of every last pain in her life. A few tears slipped down her face as well though, not wanting to think about not having Draco with her anymore, the one person that had made life worth living. As Ginny struggled to hold on to the last threads of her life, she remembered every memory with him in it, some good, some bad, but each was special to her and made her realize why she loved him so much. The memories would help her to survive through death. That and his love were all she had.

Holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

Draco desperately kept fighting back the millions of tears that were showing no sign of stopping. How could she do this to him? After all he had risked to save her and all he had risked to love her, she was giving up on him and throwing in the towel. Because life was too difficult for her, Ginny was willing to sacrifice everything and just die. She wasn’t thinking about those people around her who truly did care for and love her. She ignored the blatant signs that showed this and let her life slip away. Draco knew he would feel guilty later but suddenly anger filled him that Ginng was doing this, not caring for his feelings or others, only her own. She believed this was her choice and no one else mattered, but so many more did matter.

Draco grabbed Ginny’s chin in his hands and forced the pain-filled eyes up to his, wanting her to grab on to every word he was going to say to her. “How dare you say that Ginny Weasley! How dare you do this! You think no one gives a damn about you but really you’re are just to blind to see how much everyone loves you. Don’t you think your parents love you? Don’t you think your brothers love you? Don’t you think Harry and Hermione will miss you at all? What about all your other friends, don’t you think they will care if they heard you died? Or are you only thinking of yourself? Are you only thinking of all the pain you feel now and choosing to ignore all the pain these people will feel later? Do you even love them enough to go on living for them? Do you even love me? Or am I nothing to you as well? Don’t you understand how much your death would affect me? I love you, I’d be willing to die for you, I’d give up everything for you! But you can’t even return that love or show it, because you just want to die.” Draco looked away from her when he finished, knowing his words were harsh and would sting. He knew with her dying he shouldn’t be saying this but Ginny needed to know, she needed to hear that. If he could help her to survive in any way, he would use any means to make her survive and make her see the goodness to waking up and breathing each day.

Ginny started crying at his words, her sobs making her body ache even worse, the cold pressing on her even more. Tears rolled down her cheeks, knowing he was right. Draco’s words had stung her like nothing else but they were so true. She bit her lip and shut her eyes in sorrow, not wanting to look him in the face and have him see all her guilt that was flashing through her dimming eyes. Ginny forced herself to look though and saw how much pain saying those words to her had brought to him. She knew he felt guilty but she was grateful, she needed to hear those words, she needed sense snapped into her, even though it was far too late.

As if to answer her thoughts, another sharp wave of pain coursed through Ginny’s body and she stiffened as it rippled through her. Draco tensed himself and hugged her tighter. Ginny bit back the cry of agony that wanted to escape her lips and forced the words she needed to say to Draco out.

“Oh Draco, I’m so sorry,” she wept, “You are right, I’m nothing but a selfish little girl.....” Ginny gasped again with the pain, stuttering now with the chill in her bones. “I...I was f..foolish to d...do this. P...please...f...forgive me.....p...please,” she pleaded with him desperately.

Draco looked down at her, deep sadness, guilt, and forgiveness washing over him. “Oh Gin, I forgive you. I didn’t mean for everything to sound so harsh.”

“N....no. I n...needed to h...hear that,” she blinked fiercely, willing her mind to stay awake. “I’m s....so c...cold.” She shivered involuntary.

Draco gripped her even harder, trying to warm her but knowing it was impossible. His tears dripped onto her face and Ginny could taste the saltiness of them on her lips. “P...please, don’t c....cry. I...I don’t w...want you t...to cry f...for m...me.”

Draco shook his head and started to open his mouth to reply to her, his throat so tight he wasn’t sure if he could. Ginny interrupted him in a rush though, trying not to stutter from the cold so he could listen to her. “No, please don’t. I d...don’t want to see you cry, you were always the strong one so I can’t b...bear to see it. Just remember m...me ok? Remember me w...whenever you look outside c...cause I’ll be there, in everything you s...see. I...I’ll always be with you, no m...matter what.” She gave the faintest of smiles as she thought of her next words. “Everything fragile you see.....r...remember me cause that is me. Fragile and b...broken. Like winter.” Ginny exhausted herself from her speech and closed her eyes again, willing herself to take in each breath of air, struggling against death, the death she had wanted so bad just minutes before.

I'll miss the winter
a world of fragile things
look for me in the white forest
hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears

“No Gin, listen to me! You. Are. Going. To. Live! Do you hear me? Don’t give in yet, fight! I know you can,” Draco called to her in frantic, shaking her. His heart almost stopped when he saw her eyes closing, as if admitting defeat.

“NO!” he screamed. Ginny’s eyes opened once more at his shout, seeming to be in even more of a daze. She stared at Draco as if barely seeing him, the darkness finally winning the battle over her mind.

“I’ll miss you, Draco. I’ll watch over you. I love you,” she whispered feebly, her breath becoming shorter and more ragged with each passing second. And through her darkness, she saw a light, as if beckoning her and she smiled unknowingly, trying to reach for it.

Holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

Draco’s mind was reeling and he was ready to faint. This wasn’t happening, no, this couldn’t be happening. He wasn’t about to witness the love of his life die. He didn’t want to see her eyes go cold and lifeless and he didn’t want to feel her body go limp in his arms. No, this wasn’t suppose to happen, not to him. It was suppose to be a fairy-tale ending. He would find his one true love, they would marry, have children, love each other unconditionally to the day they die, and he was be happy until that day, when they met for eternity.

But as Ginny slipped further and further from him, Draco’s fairy-tale ending with her was going with it until he could barely imagine it in his mind. He no longer tried to stop his flow of tears and just let them come. He closed his eyes painful to shut everything out, wishing he was only dreaming and praying he would open his eyes to find Ginny laughing and smiling in his arms. He would pick her up and kiss her passionately, pouring all of his love into the kiss and Ginny would just glow, no words needing to be spoken but the love being felt through the kiss.

But Draco opened his eyes and no such thing greeted his gray eyes. No happiness, only sorrow and his heart clenched painfully at the harsh slap in the face from reality. This isn’t right, his mind screamed.

Closing your eyes to disappear
you pray your dreams will leave you here
but still you wake and know the truth
no one's there

Ginny’s mind was no longer with Draco though she still saw him in front of her face. All she could do was listen to her mind as it told her to sleep, to give up and give in to the tiredness in all of her limbs. I want to rest, she thought as the darkness clouded in her mind faster and the cold spread and finished going through her whole body.

“Don’t be afraid,” she barely breathed these last words out but Draco heard them. No longer knowing what to do, he picked her up swiftly and raced back through the woods, clutching her body to him and screaming for help. The Burrow came into view and he yelled louder until lights came flashing on in the upstairs windows.

And as Draco screamed, ever conscious of Ginny’s body slowly going limp in his arms, Ginny smiled again and faded into the blackness of her mind.

Say goodnight
don't be afraid
calling me calling me as you fade to black

***********************

Song: My Last Breath by Evanescence

A/N: Ok, I know many of you readers absolutely hate me at the moment because of what I am implying by the end of this chapter but PLEASE, do not assume anything yet. The story is NOT FINISHED so I ask that you read the last two before yelling at me about how I killed Ginny and now my story sucks cause I had her die and left Draco all by himself. Please, finish the story! I know I will get some harsh reviews any way but I was just giving you all a warning. I had a lot of difficulty writing this chapter but this IS the ultimate climax in the story so it had to be like this. More or less, I'm stressing a point about the issue of cutting and depression, read into my writing and you'll figure it out.
This is kinda difficult to bring up but I now know what Ginny feels like in real life. I'm not proud to admit it and I have stopped but I am no longer writing this as an outsider, I know her pain and I can relate. I don't want anyone to be disgusted by me but I hope you can understand me a little better now. Its a horrible, horrible thing and I'm trying to show, through this story, that you CAN survive it and heal yourself. I was never to the extent of Ginny but there was enough to damage me and help me learn a lesson. I hope this makes you look at the story in a different way now.
So please, no flames on how I killed Ginny, do you honestly believe I'd do that with the message I'm trying to bring across?
Thanks again for reading and much love!
PhoenixFirebolt

10. Hello

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling. I only own the plot. The songs belong to Evanescence.

Author's Note: I want to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews! You guys are so awesome and supportive!! Well, here's another chapter for you, nice and long, I hope you enjoy it. Only the Epilogue is left and this story is done. ::cries:: I've enjoyed writing it so much and I'm sad its coming to an end.
Oh, I wanted to bring another point up. I feel really dumb about the mistake I made last chapter and I thank GoddessDiana for mentioning this. I wrote about how the knife was the cause of all of Ginny's problems and was the reason she cut herself. I thought this over in my head when writing it and I realize now what I meant and how I wrote it are very different. I did NOT mean the knife caused everything, I actually meant it was the cause of her further problems. The knife had caused her to want to cut herself more, making her need it more. I didn't mean to imply that it caused her problems from the very beginning and I'm sorry I wrote it that way. The knife caused her the problem of wanting to cut more and thus, feeling even more pain. Thanks again for informing me of that mistake!
Now, I'll let you continue on. Please review!!
Much love,
PhoenixFirebolt

Chapter 10 - Hello

Draco sat in the waiting area at St. Mungo’s, his head in his hands, going over how everything had gone so wrong. In his mind, everything that had happened to Ginny that summer was his fault. He was the reason she was lying in the hospital bed right now, in a coma and barely hanging on to life. He was the reason she felt like taking her own life once again. Draco felt nothing but hatred toward himself for doing this to Ginny, hatred at himself, and his father. Draco clenched the loose strands of his silver blond hair in his fists in anger, anger that was seeping from him at Lucius Malfoy.

Lucius was the reason Draco had been away from Ginny for so long. His hatred for the Weasley family and the fact that his only son had fallen in love with the youngest child had caused him to release all that anger on Draco. Draco shuddered involuntary, remembering the horror he had gone through for the past few months, the constant beatings and yelling; all the painful curses he was forced to endure as his payment; being locked in a tiny, dungeon like room with barely any food. Whenever he had been out of that room, his father had haunted his steps, watching his every move. Whenever Draco managed to break free for a while, he tried to write letters to Ginny, explaining why he was never around for her. Unknown to him, his father had intercepted every single letter and had destroyed them.

But all of this had not been the worst. Draco’s worst moment of the summer came in the middle of a warm evening in July. Lucius had come barging into Draco’s room a few hours after making his son be subjected to the Cruciatus Curse after coming across another letter to Ginny. Narcissa Malfoy had been with Draco in the room, attending to his bruises, and both had looked up in shock at the anger in Lucius’ face. Narcissa had shrunk away in fear immediately.

*Flashback*

“Out, you damn woman, out!” Lucius yelled viciously at Narcissa while grabbing her arm tightly and throwing her from the room before slamming the door shut. He rounded on Draco and stalked toward him.

“You, boy. It seems that the Dark Lord has taken an interest in you. Can’t really see why now that I realize what I pathetic and useless son I have raised,” he drawled softly while Draco glared back at him in disgust. “Besides that point though, he still has an interest in you. You are to become a Death-Eater and help in the Dark Lord’s plans against the Light side. He seems to have great plans for you. And you will obey his orders!”

Draco’s eyes went wide in horror. He absolutely despised Voldemort and anything to do with him and his plans. He had no intentions in becoming a Death-Eater and following the ways of his foolish father. He was a firm supporter of Dumbledore and the Light side now. Draco simply sneered at his father. “You wish. The day I become a Death-Eater is the day Dumbledore and Harry Potter do.”

Lucius snarled and grabbed Draco by the collar, lifting him off the bed. “Stupid, idiotic boy. What the hell have I raised? I foolish follower of Dumbledore now!? Well well, this makes everything very interesting now. I’m sure the Dark Lord will love to hear this, probably will want a personal meeting with you himself. And how the bloody hell does this make me look?! My own son, a Malfoy, the carrier of my great line, acting like a damn Gryffindor and supporting the Light? Who do you think you are to go against me and the Dark Lord? No one, goes against the Dark Lord without consequences, Potter knows that better than anyone. You will be a Death-Eater or you will die, and I tell you now, you will not be missed!” Lucius threw him back down and Draco stumbled on his legs, still shaky from the Curse.

Draco lifted his head, his eyes flashing a menacing silver but also determination among them. “Then I will die! You are a weak fool to believe whatever that crackpot Lord says. He will fall and you will go with him, father. And I will laugh at you. I’ll never understand why they let you out of Azkaban, God only knows how much you deserve it.”

Lucius cursed and aimed a hard kick in Draco’s ribs which left him gasping for breath but the determination and hatred toward his father never left his eyes. Lucius then bent down and whispered menacingly in his ear, “You will pay for that. Its time a taught you a few more lessons. You enjoyed last time didn’t you? I think you may be ready for a bit more.” He grabbed Draco’s arm roughly and yanked him up from the floor. “Time to visit the dungeons once more,” he mocked cruelly.

Despite being able to hide his emotions so well, Draco couldn’t help have a small shiver of fear. Lucius noticed this as he dragged Draco from the room and he laughed bitterly. “Oh, you’ll fear me more than that by the time I’m finished with you.” Narcissa sobbed in fear as she watched her beloved son get taken away by her unloving husband. She could do nothing though, her powers non-existent whenever Lucius was near her. He sneered at her as he passed her in the hall and Narcissa shrank back into the shadows, Draco pleading with her silently, his eyes filled with pity and hurt. Unable to do anything, she ran in the opposite direction, sobbing even more.

And all through the night, the house-elves crept through the shadows, cringing every time another terrible scream of agony tore through the house.

*End Flashback*

Draco shivered once more, remembering the excruciating pain he had endured that night. Miraculously, he had somehow survived that night and he was never brought before Voldemort. His father had disappeared for a while though he somehow always made it back for a night a week to torture Draco some more. Last night, Draco had finally discovered that every one of his letters to Ginny had been destroyed and a panic had filled him. Barely even thinking, he had grabbed his Firebolt and his Invisibility cloak and disappeared from the house, thankful Lucius was gone once again. Flying as fast as possible to Ginny’s house, horrible thoughts raced through his head and he prayed he was wrong.

But his instincts were right and now Ginny was close to death. The Weasley’s had gone into a frantic when he had run screaming into their house. Immediately Mr. Weasley had grabbed Ginny from his arms and Apparated her to St. Mungo’s. Mrs. Weasley, tears racing from her eyes, somehow rounded up her other children and making a portkey out of an old boot, had transported all of them and Draco to the hospital as well. And now they were waiting for news.

Draco glanced up, breaking from his thoughts, and stared at all of Ginny’s family members. Mr. Weasley was trying in vain to calm Mrs. Weasley, who was in hysterics. Percy was pacing the floor and muttering to himself. Fred and George were sitting in chairs across from Draco, who couldn’t remember them ever looking so somber. Ron was standing by one of the windows, staring blankly at the slowly lighting sky, silent tears running down his face. Bill and Charlie were owled immediately and would most likely be showing up within the next hour.

Draco looked down at his hands again, not wanting to believe that what was happening was real. She can’t die, she just can’t, he argued in his mind. Draco refused to believe that Ginny was going to die. Yes, her blood lose was great but she would pull through, she would fight, he made himself believe this. Draco sighed deeply and Ron glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, his expression completely neutral. Draco ignored him though, having an internal battle with his mind.

She will live, he thought fiercely. How do you know that, a small voice answered him, she seems like she wants to die. Draco growled deep in his throat and blocked the voice out. Shut up, shut up, his thoughts screamed.

But doubt filled him. Did Ginny really want to die? Did she find her existence that useless? Did she believe herself that worthless? And as much as Draco tried to convince himself that Ginny would live, he knew deep down her chances were slim and she was slipping further and further into her coma with every passing minute.

Tears filling his eyes, Draco looked again at her family, wishing desperately to receive comfort from one of them. He had always put them down though and he knew the only reason he was there was because they were in too much shock to tell him to go away. He looked to Ron once more and for once, sadness filled him that they had never become friends. No one to talk to, he thought bitterly, except my damn mind.

Playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
hello I am your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello

One of the Healers suddenly appeared from the room Ginny was in and went to talk quietly to her parents. Mrs. Weasley broke down into more sobs upon hearing the young witch’s words and Mr. Weasley held a strained look on his face before wrapping his arms tighter around his wife.

At that moment, Bill and Charlie came rushing down the corridor, with Harry and Hermione right behind them. The former rushed over to their parents while the latter went straight to Ron. “Oh Ron,” Hermione sobbed before pulling him into a hug while Harry patted his back sympathetically. Harry glanced over at Draco and gave him a brief nod in recognition which Draco returned. Hermione let go of Ron and turned to look at Draco too, forcing a smile before helping a shaking Ron into a chair. “Thanks for coming you guys,” Draco heard him whisper.

Draco tuned them out and returned to his thoughts. He barely got to focus on them though before he was interrupted once more. “Mr. Mal....Draco,” Mr. Weasley spoke softly. Draco jumped and looked at him in surprise. Mr. Weasley cleared his throat. “Uh...I wanted to thank you.....for finding Ginny. The.....the Healers are trying everything they can and her chances are slim but.....if you hadn’t found her there would be no chance.” He smiled stiffly before continuing. “Um....if you want, they are allowing visitors and I think Ginny would want you to see her so.....you can go see her now for a few minutes.”

Draco bit his lip, wondering if he wanted to see her, would he be able to handle himself? He slowly rose and returned a weak smile of his own. “Thank you, Mr. Weasley,” he muttered before taking stumbling steps to the room. He was reeling from the events of the night and he almost passed out at the sight of Ginny. She was as white as the sheets she was lying on, her freckles stood out even more on her skin. Her bright red hair was a mess and stark against the pillow. Draco walked to the chair next to her bed and sat down heavily before grabbing her cold hand in his and rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. She was breathing so lightly and shallow that he had to watch her for a few minutes to make sure she actually was breathing.

“Oh why, Ginny, why?” he cried softly, a few tears escaping his eyes.

Draco had never felt so helpless. Here he was, staring at the love of his life who was barely alive, and he could nothing to save her. Yes, he had brought her from the forest but now all he could do was watch. This was all a nightmare to him, one long, horrible nightmare that he desperately wanted to wake from. This was too unreal to him, this wasn’t suppose to happen. He had helped Ginny, she had stopped cutting herself, she loved him and wanted to live, so why had everything turned out like this? Why now had she given up?

Because I was never there, he thought, disgusted with himself and feeling sick with guilt.

All Draco wanted to do was lie to himself and just believe with all his heart that this was truly a dream. He wanted to crawl away into his mind and just hide and wait this out. He just wanted to stay asleep and wait until he was woken up to find Ginny there, laughing and smiling at him. He couldn’t stand sitting here and just watching her, knowing she could die at any second. He willed his tears to stop, not wanting to cry for someone who would live.

“You will live,” Draco whispered, clutching her hand and leaning forward to drop a kiss on her forehead.

If I smile and don't believe
soon I know I'll wake from this dream
don't try to fix me I'm not broken
hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry

Draco continued to stare at Ginny’s still form, listening to her breathing and trying to hear her heartbeat. And as he watched, something in Draco’s mind suddenly snapped and a rush of reality hit him smack in the face. Draco reeled and let go of Ginny’s hand, staring with wide-eyes as it fell limply on the bed.

No, this wasn’t a dream, it was the terrible and harsh reality. There was no escaping the real nightmare this time. The memories of that night flooded his head; finding Ginny still and silent by the river; all the blood that ran from her wounds; the words she spoke to him and how many tears he had let loose. He remembered it all and Draco realized there was no waking up, he was awake and the pain just increased.

Draco gave in finally to the feeling and completely broke down. Silent sobs wracked his body and he cried into his hands. Ginny was leaving him and his heart was breaking in the process.

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
hello I'm still here
all that's left of yesterday

A hand came down gently on Draco’s shoulder and he flinched, quickly supressing the sobs and wiping the tears from his face. He finally looked up at the intruder and saw Ron looking down at him, utter sadness in his blue eyes but also a hint of gratefulness. Draco stood up to face him and noticed how tired and worn Ron looked, like he had aged twenty years over night. Draco thought he had come to tell him to leave so he began to walk past him but Ron stopped him.

“Wait, Draco, I wanted to talk to you,” he said quietly, looking down at the floor and then at his sleeping sister. He took a deep breath and quickly rushed out his words before he lost his nerves. “I wanted to thank you. If you hadn’t found Ginny, there would be no hope for her at all. She means a lot to me and I feel so much guilt at ignoring how much pain she was in. Without you, she probably would’ve been dead months ago. So, thank you, for loving my sister and showing her life isn’t so bad. I guess I misjudged you. So, truce?” Ron stuck his hand out to a gaping Draco.

Ron gave a small smile at Draco’s reaction. “Come on Malfoy, I don’t show this side of me often, better take my hand,” he said jokingly.

Draco barely even considered before grasping Ron’s hand in his own. “Thanks.....Ron,” he muttered, almost embarrassed.

Ron nodded again and then said, “Now, not to be rude, but can I have some time alone with my sister?”

Draco nodded numbly before quickly going to Ginny, dropping another kiss on her forehead and whispering, “I’ll be back later.” Then he left the room, feeling slightly lighter at heart.

**************************

Months dragged on and Ginny was still not out of her coma. The Healers were still very worried about her surviving but her condition, they said, was slightly more stable. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley went to visit Ginny every day, never giving up hope on their daughter. Her brothers visited frequently as well, though Ron’s visits, along with Harry and Hermione’s became less and less because all three were training to become Aurors and active members of the Order of the Phoenix. They were handling a lot at the moment.

Draco though, managed to see Ginny every day. He too, was training to become an Auror and was in the Order of the Phoenix. He had left the Malfoy Manor the day after Ginny’s admittance into the hospital and was living on his own. With the help of Harry, he had managed to make his house unplottable and disguised himself whenever he went outside. His father, he knew, was looking for him with the intention of killing him, so Draco had to hide.

Christmas day, Draco walked down the white halls of St. Mungo’s, his shoes clicking on the tiled floor and his mind a million miles away. He was thinking back to that time a year ago when he had saved Ginny in the Forbidden Forest. So much had happened since then but she was almost in the same situation as before. Draco sighed and his thoughts left him as he went into the now familiar room. Ginny hadn’t changed in the long months, still deep in her coma and completely unaware of the sorrow she was causing so many people.

Draco set down the red and white roses he had brought for Ginny on one of the tables and glanced out the window at the beautiful thick falling snow. He had always loved the Christmas holidays but now it only held pain in his eyes, with Ginny still so far away.

He sat down in the chair by her bed and took her hand, closing his eyes briefly and sighing again. This wasn’t right still, she was suppose to be awake and enjoying Christmas with him, not stuck here, still just hanging on to life.

Draco had been in a constant daze for these months, just living on autopilot and doing what was necessary of him. He threw himself into his work to get his mind off of Ginny lying almost dead in the hospital. He was now one of the most promising future Aurors but none of this made him feel better. All he wanted was for Ginny to wake up, look into his eyes once more and say she loved him. He needed her so desperately by his side he was going insane without her. It killed him to leave her here every night, never knowing if it would be the last time he would see her breathing.

Draco stared at Ginny, willing her to wake up but knowing it was useless. “Oh Gin, I need you to wake up so bad. I need you so much, you can’t die on me. I don’t know if I could go on living, I know I can never love another like you, you’re my soulmate. And I wouldn’t be the only one to miss you, your parents, your brothers, Harry, Hermione, the Order, Luna, Neville, Lavender, Parvati, the list goes on. All would miss and want you to come back so much. They’ve all been here, visiting you. I know you can hear us, please, just try to come back.” He clenched her hand harder. “I love you Gin, do you hear me? I love you! Please, just come back to me so I can show that love even more.”

There was no change in Ginny though and Draco felt a sudden pang of despair. He put his head down, blinking back tears. He felt exhausted, not having a proper nights sleep in a long time because of his many nightmares. He put his head down on the bed and whispered once more, “Come back to me.” And before he could stop himself, he fell asleep.

*******************

Ginny felt like she was in a black hole. She could see absolutely nothing and she could find no way out. She struggled against the darkness, trying to push it away but it pushed back harder, keeping her in place, not allowing her to free herself.

“Let me out!” she screamed into the nothingness. No answer was made and Ginny felt fear and desperation. She didn’t know how long she had been in this nothingness but she was beginning to give up hope of ever escaping it. She hated herself for doing what she had done, cutting herself once more and allowing herself to bleed. It hadn’t been right but the need for it had been there at the time and now she only wished to turn back time.

That was impossible though and now Ginny was stuck in this darkness. There were moments when she heard voices, as if calling her, trying to bring her back, but she could barely hear them. She tried to follow them but they always faded before she could get too far and then she felt lost once more. Lost and alone, like always.

But then there were times when she didn’t hear voices, but instead saw a thin shimmering line of silver that started where she was and extended beyond her vision in the blackness. She would begin to follow it and sometimes she saw a light and would start running toward it, but each time the line would suddenly be cut and would disappear. This happened so many times that Ginny eventually started ignoring the silver stream, curious but unwilling to follow it.

And now it had appeared again before her and Ginny just watched it, waiting for it to fade away. Surprise filled her when she saw it was remaining longer this time. A need to follow it again pulled at her and before she could stop herself, she started the journey of going with it once more. Very slowly, the light came into view and started to get larger and larger. Excitement filled her and she started running once more, anxious and praying it wouldn’t disappear again. The line stayed strong though and the light became almost blinding. And as she ran through the light a small voice whispered in her head, You made it.

*********************

Ginny started awake, her eyes flashing open and she gasped for breath. The room she was in was dark and the only noise was of the wind blowing the snow around outside her window. She took in another shaky breath, hardly believing that she had finally escaped the darkness. She closed her eyes and a few tears trickled down her face from joy of having survived. She had made it!

Ginny’s opened her eyes once more and started to look around the room when she noticed that someone was holding her hand. She looked down quickly and shock rippled through her body when she saw Draco, fast asleep with his head on her bed.

I thought, her mind reeled, that he left me. But as this thought came to her, that horrible night came flooding back to her and she remembered. She remembered Draco and how he had found her and saved her, once again. He always saves me, she thought, more tears coming to her eyes. Why did I ever doubt him and his love for me?

Ginny stared at him, love shining in her eyes, and gently ran a hand through his hair, brushing it away from his face. Draco stirred slightly at the touch but didn’t wake, lost in his dreams. She smiled softly and shifted uncomfortably, still feeling tired and weak. But she now knew who was the light. It had been Draco. It was his love that was pulling on her every time and trying to lead her back home. He had finally succeeded and her gratitude toward him filled her.

If possible, she felt even more love toward him, not understanding how she deserved someone as special as him. He was perfect and absolutely wonderful, and he was all hers. I’m so blessed, she thought, why did I not see that before?

Ginny shook her head sadly, not believing she had almost given this up. She had almost left the one person that meant everything to her. Not only Draco though, she had almost left all of her family and friends. Another tear slid down her face. I never saw their love for me before until death almost took me. I will never take them for granted again. And Ginny knew what she thought was true. It was time to put all the horrors behind her and start her life anew, and she was ready.

“I’m ready to live finally,” she whispered softly.

At her words, Draco stirred from his sleep and blinked his eyes in confusion, turning to look at a smiling Ginny. Shock was written all over his face and his jaw dropped open. Ginny giggled at his expression and grasped his hand tighter. “Well don’t just look at me, silly, say something!”

Draco only managed incoherent stutters, barely believing that his dream had come true, that he would wake up to find Ginny alive and smiling.

“Oh my God,” he finally choked out, not worrying even worrying about holding back the tears falling freely down his face, “Ginny!”

She smiled wider and Draco leapt up and pulled her into a fierce hug, afraid of letting her go and watching his dream slip away. Ginny hugged him back just as hard, burying her face in his neck, her own tears falling.

Draco pulled back and they both looked into each other’s eyes, complete happiness and love reflected in them. Draco hesitated slightly before leaning forward and capturing Ginny’s lips in a passionate kiss which he poured every ounce of his feelings into. All the love he felt for her went into their kiss and both were reluctant to break away. When they did, Draco smiled and gently wiped her tears away. “I love you, Ginny Weasley,” he whispered softly.

“I love you too, Draco Malfoy,” she whispered back before she leaned in for another kiss.

When they broke away once more, Ginny grabbed his face in her hands and looked at him seriously, wanting him to hear her next words and how much it meant for Draco to hear them.

“Thank you.........thank you for saving me.”

*********************

Song: Hello by Evanescence

11. Epilogue: My Immortal