On My Own by papermask Rating: G Genres: Angst, Romance Relationships: Harry & Hermione Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7 Published: 13/07/2008 Last Updated: 19/08/2008 Status: Completed "It was something that was always on my mind. How could I forget it? It's too deep. It runs through my veins now. I love him - I always have. But only on my own." - epilogue accuracy, slight ginny bashing, warning: not my best story, just a drabble, but reviews are greatly appreciated. :) 1. Chapter 1 ------------ This story is set a few years after the infamous epilogue. I don't know if I'll continue it or not. Not the best story, I know. I might end up deleting this later. Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Harry Potter world, JKR does. :) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I look out of the window at the pouring rain. It's late, but I can't sleep. All I can do is think. It was something that was always on my mind. How could I forget it? It's too deep. It runs through my veins now. I love him - I always have. But only on my own. I've always kept it to myself. That was my mistake. I should have told him, I should have shouted it from the highest tower of Hogwarts when I had the chance. But no, I had to play the best friend. I had to keep my emotional distance. I knew what he was facing, the hardships that he had already dealt with. I had to be the support. There was no room for romance. I had to be the brains. I had to be the loyal friend when he had none. I knew my place and I stuck to it. This is what I resigned myself to....so why can't I accept it? Why do I hang on to that glimmer of hope when I know good and well that my dreams will remain only dreams? He's found his comfort. I should be happy for him. I should finally breathe for him, knowing that he has the life that he's always deserved. So why does it always pain me to see him in such a manner? Is it because he's not living that life with me? Sometimes my own selfishness severely disappoints me. I should know better. He's finally happy and at peace, and that's the way it should be. But, I can't let it go. I can't let go how it's no longer my job to give him my famous bone-crushing hugs. It's no longer for me to comfort him when he needs it, or to solve problems for him when he can't figure them out for himself. No, I can't let it go. I'm not sure that I want to. I laugh bitterly. If only I was this passionate with Ron. But then again, I would have to have really and truly loved Ron for that to happen. Don't get me wrong, I love Ron....but I was never in love with Ron. That's the reason that our marriage failed. Not for a lack of trying, mind you. We tried so very hard, but it was just never meant to be. Needless to say, Rose and Hugo were less than pleased when we announced our divorce. But they learned to accept it. A year or two later they would learn to accept their new step-mother, Luna Lovegood, and her two children. I have to admit, I was rather surprised when Luna broke it off with Rolf Scamander. However, I wasn't surprised when she and Ron fell in love. I knew she had always held a great deal of emotion for him in her heart, and to tell the truth, I wish them both the best of luck. They're an example of true love prevailing through all costs. If only I could be so lucky. There I go, being selfish again. I let a single tear fall. During the war, he was so scared. Scared for all of us. More scared than he needed to be. He worried so often, and slept so little. I was so frightened for him. But afterwards he was still so sad. For a while, I left it up to myself to help him, in whichever way that I could. As bad as it sounds, I revelled in those moments. Those precious moments where I could be close to him, where I comforted him and consoled him. Those times when I could simply be with him. When he was still my Harry. I wonder if he remembers. He used to be my Harry. In some ways he always will be. But, I suppose I have to let some of that go. I have to let him be Ginny's Harry now. He's happy, and safe. That's all I can really ask for, isn't it? I can't hold the tears in anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I have to change. I have to. I make a promise to him. I promise Harry, I'll be you're best friend again. I'll be the chipper Hermione again. You won't have to worry over me. I'll let you be happy. But, I'll always love you. I'll keep my love in check, I promise. I'll keep it locked up inside my heart, where no one will ever find it. The rain pours down in sheets. I sigh heavily. I love you, Harry Potter. I always will. But only on my own. 2. Chapter 2 ------------ This chapter is from Harry's point of view. Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Harry Potter world. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's raining outside. I should be sleeping. I have work tomorrow. I have to meet the new auror trainees. That means I have to sleep. Yes, sleep. Sleep is good. I'm going to sleep....now. I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking. Thinking about her. I haven't stopped thinking about her since....well, ever. Somehow, she's always been in my mind. I've heard her voice in my head ever since I first met her. She's been the logic, the loyalty, the trust, and the hope. She's been everything in my life. If only I had realised it before it was too late. But of course, I had to be thick about it. I had to be so ignorant and blind to the love that she showed me. She risked her life for me multiple times and on every occasion I was less than appreciative. If only I hadn't been so stupid. If only. Granted, I thought I had my priorities in check when I was back at school. Save the world, escape the Dursley's, and find a family. I suppose I did complete all of those tasks. I had spent the first portion of my life in the cupboard under the stairs in a house full of hate. I would eventually escape that. Saving the world was, understandably, a much more difficult task. But, I got through it. As for a family, I really had found one in the Weasley's. They were kind and cheerful, and treated me as one of their own. I'll never forget them for that. But sometimes, a person needs more. I wanted a family of my own. I thought I had found one with Ginny. She was what I thought I needed in a time of crisis. A quick snog here, another snog there. She made me feel important. She agreed with everything that I said. I thought that was what love was. Looking back, I can't believe how wrong I was. All throughout the war, all I had hoped for was to beat Voldemort and get back to Ginny. I couldn't even see that the one who I truly loved had been there all along. She was there for me the moment I met her, and she was there during the war. Even after I had told her not to come with me, she was there. But I didn't see it. I was too blinded by my infatuation with Ginny. Even after the war, when I got back together with Ginny, she was there. I had never even thought of how the relationship would affect her. With Ron, I understood. Ginny was his sister, and I knew how protective of her he was. But he accepted our relationship. However, not once did I consider how my relationship with Ginny would affect *her*. I just assumed that since she and Ginny were friendly towards each other, everything would be okay. It would be a marriage and three children later before it would actually hit me. The sacrifices that she would have to make. It would no longer be her job to comfort me, to hug me, to solve problems with me. No. It would be Ginny's job. I would be Ginny's Harry. I wouldn't be her Harry anymore. Her Harry. *Hermione's* Harry. I wonder if she remembers. I wonder if she remembers when I was her Harry. A part of me hopes she doesn't, just in case it would be too painful for her. But, a part of me, a part that I've hidden away for so many years, hopes that she remembers. That part of me hopes she lingers on thoughts of bone-crushing hugs and kisses on the cheek. Heaven knows I do. When I think about those times, it's like I'm her Harry again. I feel her love and her warmth, and everything is right. But then I come out of my reverie, and I remember, I'm on my own. "Harry? Are you still awake?," Ginny asks. I sigh inwardly and close my eyes. I feel her looking at me and then turn over. She drifts back to sleep, but I don't. No. I'm only on my own. 3. Chapter 3 ------------ Sorry I've been gone for so long. I've kind of drifted over to FictionPress.com and have been working on some original pieces there. If you'd like to read them, You can find me at http://www.fictionpress.com/~papermask . Anyway, here's the conclusion to On My Own. I hope you've enjoyed this story! :) Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Harry Potter world. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was a lazy Saturday afternoon in a lovely England home occupied only by two people, both of whom were snuggled together on the couch. Although this seems to be a normal event, it was actually rather amazing. Mostly because the events that brought these two people together were staggering. Yes, it was quite an ordeal for Harry Potter and Hermione Granger-Potter to be married, but it happened, and they never looked back. Not so long ago, these two wonderful people were tied in quite compromising situations. One was stuck in a love-less marriage, the other left without a marriage, both with broken hearts and longing for the ones they truly loved. But now, everything was the was it should be. That's not to say that bringing these two together was easy; in fact, it was most difficult. Harry Potter was already married, and with three children. Ginny Potter (well, now Ginny Weasley) believed that she had the happy ending that she had so desperately wanted for all her life. Unfortunately for her, it was not meant to be. Whatever had brought the two together, whether is had been an illusion of sunlit days or some strange force beyond their control, simply was not what was intended. Needless to say, when Harry wanted to end their marriage, Ginny was less than pleased. In fact, she was furious, and brought the infamous Weasley temper with her fury. Plates and forks were tossed through the air, hexes were cast (although none too complex, for Ginny never did master hexing), and threats to keep the children away from Harry were said. And, for the first time ever, Molly Weasley reacted very coldly towards Harry. Overall, the atmosphere was not pleasant. However, it was probably this that brought Harry and Hermione together. Hermione could only feel worse for Harry once she found out what Ginny was pulling. She found herself comforting Harry and spending more time with him, just like they used to. It was good for both their hearts. Ron was distant at first, but once he found out the truth behind the divorce, he warmed back up to Harry, called him his "mate" again, and helped him get along. But, no one helped Harry more than Hermione, just like any other time he needed someone to be there for him. It was during this time that Hermione accidently let it slip that she fell in love with Harry a long time ago. At first, she was very embarrassed, and almost teared up. For about ten minutes she refused to say anything else. In fact, it took a long convincing from Harry to keep her from leaving completely. Finally, Harry calmed Hermione down, brushed her hair away from her face, and asked her what she meant. Hermione couldn't meet his eyes as she whispered that she had loved him for a very, very long time. There was a pause, and then, to Hermione's surprise Harry laughed. He laughed so very loudly and for a very long time. He laughed so hard that small tears formed at his eyes. Hermione raised her eyebrow and opened her mouth slightly. He hadn't laughed this hard in years. Suddenly, Harry turned to Hermione, gently pulled her to him, and kissed her. Hermione widened her eyes, and then closed them in passion. It was then that Harry pulled away and confessed how he had loved her for so long. Hermione smiled beautifully, and kissed Harry once more. That was almost four years ago. Next week would be their anniversary. They had chosen a spring wedding with flowers all around. By that time, Ginny and Mrs. Weasley had calmed down, though their relationships with Hermione and Harry were strained. The children, although surprised at their mother's reaction, had been phased by the change, but had soon gotten used to the idea. Ron had happily agreed to be Harry's best man, while Luna was overjoyed to be Hermione's maid of honor. Overall, the wedding was beautiful, and it wouldn't be forgotten by anyone who attended. Harry looked over at Hermione, who was staring back at him lovingly. They both sat on the couch, with light shining in from the windows cascading over them. "I love you, Hermione," Harry said. She smiled. "I love you too, Harry," Hermione replied. Yes, it was true. They were no longer on their own.