I Didn't Know My Own Strength

countryfriedfun

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 06/08/2008
Last Updated: 06/08/2008
Status: completed

AU story. Right after the final battle. Hermione deals with the aftermath.

Chapters

1. I Didn't Know My Own Strength

1. I Didn't Know My Own Strength

I Didn’t Know My Own Strength

*A/N*: Alright, everyone. Tell me what you think. I don’t care if it’s good or bad. I don’t own Harry Potter or ‘I Didn’t Know My Own Strength’. JKR owns Harry and Lorrie Morgan owns the song. I own the plot. I would like to own Daniel Radcliffe, if only for a day, but knowing me I would probably pass out when I saw him. Oh, well. Enjoy. This just came to me one day when I was listening to the song.

‘I can do this. I have to do this.’ Hermione Granger told herself as she headed down to the Gryffindor Common Room to meet up with her friends. She took a deep breath as Ron and Ginny came into view.

Hermione sent them a weak smile. Ron wrapped his arm around her as her tears started to fall once more. She laid her head in the crook of his shoulder as Ginny wrapped her arm in Hermione’s.

Ron kissed her head and looked down at the girls. “Are you both ready?”

“Yeah, Ron. I’m ready,” Ginny replied. Her voice was shaky.

“You sure you are up for this, Mione?”

Hermione took a deep, shaky breath. “No, but I have to.”

He nodded and took her hand in his. The three friends headed out of the common room and headed towards the Great Hall. The moment they walked in, the tears started to come down faster and harder down Hermione’s face. Ron squeezed her hand and they went over to the Gryffindor table.

They sat down and Hermione remained silent while Ginny and Ron made small talk with the other Gryffindors around them. Hermione felt someone looking at her and looked towards the front table to see Professor McGonagall give her a sad smile. Hermione looked down as tears blurred her vision. She glanced next to her at the empty seat.

The Great Hall was unnaturally quiet. What little noise there was died down when Headmistress McGonagall stood up. She looked out over the students with sadness etched across her face.

“We are here today for very sad and unfortunate reasons. A week ago we lost some very important people to us all. This Second War has been hard on everyone. Since it began we all lost loved ones, but none will be missed more than the Savior of our world. This person saved us by coming face to face with Lord Voldemort himself. Harry Potter gave his life to protect the wizarding world and those that he loved. His life was not in vain though, due to the fact that when he gave his life he took the evil Lord Voldemort with him. Our world is safe once more. We lost many good people during the war, but they chose to give their lives to protect our world. Among those deceased is our very own Professor Severus Snape. Here is a list of those who died in the war. Hannah Abbott, Katie Bell, Susan Bones, Cho Chang, Michael Corner, Rubeus Hagrid, Hestia Jones, Viktor Krum, Remus Lupin, Alastor “Mad-Eye” Moody, Padma Patil, Parvati Patil, Kingsley Shacklebot, Severus Snape, Dean Thomas, Nymphadora Tonks, Charlie Weasley, Fred Weasley, Oliver Wood, and, of course, our hero and savior, Harry Potter.”

A sob escaped Hermione’s mouth at the mention of Harry. She fled from the Great Hall. She burst out the doors and ran across the grounds before collapsing in front of their tree by the Black Lake. She stayed in the position she was in until her tears ran dry. She leaned back against the tree and glanced at the two carvings there. She raised her hand up and traced them. LE + JP. HG + HP. Both sets of initials were in a heart. Even though it had already been a week, she missed him so much.

“Hermione!”

Her head jerked up when she heard her name called. She saw Ron running towards her. “Go away, Ron!”

He knelt down next to her. “Hermione, you don’t need to be alone.”

“I don’t want you to be here. I don’t want anyone but him to be here! It isn’t fair!” she screamed at him. “Why Harry? Why him, Ron? Why?”

Ron gathered her in his arms while she wept. “I don’t know, Hermione. You’re right. It isn’t fair. He was only seventeen years old. He shouldn’t have died so young. But his legacy will live on.” He lightly placed his hand on her slightly protruding stomach where her and Harry’s child lay.

“I need him. I love him so much, Ron. I need him in my life. He’s never going to know our child and vice-versa. I didn’t want my child to grow up not knowing their father.”

Ron lifted her chin to look at him. “But your child will know its father. You will tell him/her everything about Harry. You have pictures of him. His memory will live on.”

Hermione smiled through her tears. “When did you get so smart?”

“It has been known to happen. I also, maybe, had been listening when a certain girl used to lecture me during our study sessions.”

Hermione let out a short laugh that quickly turned into a sob. “It isn’t fair. Just when I finally got him, I lost him. I’m all alone to raise our child. What am I going to do? I have no money, no home.”

“You do have money and a home, Ms. Granger.”

Ron and Hermione looked up to see none other than Professor McGonagall standing before them. Hermione looked at her curiously. “What do you mean, Professor?”

“When Harry passed on, all of his belongings and his vault at Gringotts passed on to you, or, more importantly, to the child you carry.”

“Of course. Why didn’t I think of that? Of course all of his possessions and his money and property would go to his child.”

“Precisely.”

“How did you know where we were, Professor?” Ron looked at her curiously.

“Mr. Lupin left something in my possession that Harry told him he wanted Ms. Granger to keep a hold of. It just so happens I know how to work it.”

Ron and Hermione looked at each other. “The Marauders’ Map,” they said, simultaneously.

“Correct. Now then, Mr. Weasley, it seems Ms. Lovegood is looking for you.”

Ron blushed. “Right. I’ll just go find her then.” He hurried off, leaving Hermione with the Headmistress.

“Now, Ms. Granger. I understand how you are feeling, but you had all of us worried about you when you ran from the Great Hall.”

“I’m sorry, Professor. I was already upset, but hearing you say everyone who had died fighting in the war, particularly Harry’s name, just made it worse. Everyone has been treating me differently since the war ended. I don’t know how much longer I can handle it.”

“Come, child. You are much stronger than that. You must be for yourself, your friends and for that child you carry.”

Hermione stood up. “I know, but it is just so hard without Harry by my side. I miss him so much.”

McGonagall embraced the girl in front of her. “I know, but I promise you it will get better. You will still miss him, but, with time and patience, you will no longer hurt when you remember or talk about him. It will be with a fondness that he comes into your mind.”

Hermione pulled away from the professor. “Thank you. I think I needed to hear that. Ron tried, but he’s not too good with crying girls.”

McGonagall laughed. “No, I guess no men are.”

Later that night, Hermione lay in her bed trying to sleep. She hadn’t gotten much sleep since Harry died. She had gotten used to him being by her side. They always slept curled up together. He cuddled her against him and had his hand rested against her stomach. The day they had found out she was pregnant, was the most exciting day in Harry’s life.

Hermione swore that she could feel him there. Before long, she had drifted off to sleep.

Memories flashed behind her eyelids. Starting from the time she first met Harry and Ron on the train in first year to the final battle.

*~*~*

Hermione stood fighting off Bellatrix Lestrange while Harry confronted Voldemort. They stood on a small hill and engaged in battle.

A red curse hit Hermione, forcing her to concentrate on Bellatrix rather than Harry.

“Come on, itty bitty Mudblood. Face me. Or are you too afraid?”

“Shut your mouth, bitch. You are mine.”

“Crucio!”

The curse was hurled at her and Hermione dove out of the way before it could hit her. “Stupefy!”

She hurled the stunner at Bellatrix. She couldn’t react in time and it hit her in the chest. “Incarcerous!” The cords shot from her wand to wrap around Bellatrix.

Hermione turned and began to head to where she last saw Harry fighting Voldemort. She saw him engaged deeply in battle with Voldemort. “Harry!”

She started to run to him. “Stop. Go, Mione. Don’t come any closer. Please.”

“But, Harry, I can help you.”

“No. I need to do this on my own. Please, Mione? Just go.”

“No! God damn it, Harry. I’m not leaving you to do this on your own.”

“At least get out of harm’s way. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you or the baby.”

“Fine.”

She stood away from the battles going on around her and watched him fight for his life.

“Expelliarmus!”

Voldemort’s high-pitched laugh froze all of the battling people out in the field. “Is that the best you have, Potter? How could you ever get the notion that you would kill me using those weak little spells? Crucio!”

Harry screamed in pain as the torture curse shot through his body. He lay on the ground writhing in pain. Suddenly, his laughter could be heard all over the field. “You think that hurt? You really think your weak spell could hurt me?”

“How is this possible? No one can throw off the Cruciatus Curse.”

“You still don’t get it, Tom. I can because I have one thing you don’t. I have something you could never understand.”

“Oh, yeah. And what would that be?”

“Love, Tom, love. I have my mother’s love within me. I have friends who love me. Mainly, I have the love of a woman. Someone who loves me enough to have my child. My child will grow up in a world without the threat of you looming over us. Let’s end this.”

“Fine with me. Avada Kedavra!”

Harry couldn’t react in time and the curse hit him sending him flying. “HARRY!” Hermione’s scream for the love of her life was heard over everything else.

She broke down to the ground crying, until she heard something that made her look up. She glanced to were Voldemort stood. He was laughing, hysterically. Hermione glanced at Harry’s body willing him to move, to get up and fight. His body started to take on a green glow. Suddenly, a jet of green light shot out of his body and hit Voldemort’s, killing him instantly.

No one moved. Once they realized that he wasn’t getting up, a series of Stunning Spells were sent out and stunned every Death Eater still standing. Hermione stood on shaking legs and made her way over to Harry. She dropped to the ground next to him and pulled his head onto her lap. His lifeless eyes stared up at her. The tears fell from her eyes onto his face. She hugged him to her as she cried. Hands started prying her from Harry. She looked up and saw Ron standing there, sadness apparent on his face. Hermione leaned down and kissed Harry’s rapidly cooling lips.

“I love you, Harry.”

She stood and allowed Ron to Apparate them to Hogsmeade. They slowly walked up to the castle, both absorbed in their own grief. Ron grieved for the brother he lost, even though he wasn’t blood. Hermione grieved for her lost love and for the child that wouldn’t know its father’s kind heart and love. The moment they entered the castle, Ron ushered her to the Hospital Wing for Madame Pomfrey to look over.

The scene dissolved. Hermione found herself standing in a completely white room. She looked around in confusion.

“Mione?”

Hermione froze at the voice. She never thought she would hear that voice again. She slowly turned to find him standing behind her. “H-Harry?”

“Yeah, it’s me, Mione.”

“How is this possible?”

“I needed to talk to you. I have been watching over you and our child. Please don’t be sad.”

Tears poured from her eyes. “I can’t help it. I miss you so much.”

“I know, love. But don’t grieve for me. Even if I can’t be there in person, I am always with you. I met our child.”

“Really? What is it?”

“It is a little boy. You should see him. He’s going to be a mini-me. He looks just like me, but acts like you. Well, except for his mischievous streak.”

“We have a son.”

“Yes, Mione, we do.” He walked towards her. She had never seen him so happy and carefree. “Baby, please don’t be sad. I did what I had always wanted to do. I saved the wizarding world. I got rid of Voldemort. I found love, if even for a short time. For the seven years I have known you, you and Ron have been my family. That is all I ever wanted. I will always love you, Hermione. Promise me that you will try to get past my death. You need to be strong for our little boy.”

“I-I’ll try, Harry. Really, I will.”

He walked up to her and gathered her in his arms. “I love you, Mione. So much.”

She broke down being in his arms again. “I love you, too. I miss this. I miss the feeling of your arms around me. I miss falling asleep with you behind me and waking up to your face every morning.” She buried her face in his shoulder and cried.

He lightly ran his hand through her hair and down her back. “Shh. Mione, please don’t cry. You have cried enough over the past week. It’s not good for the baby. Promise me. Don’t grieve for me. Just remember the happy times. I don’t want anyone to be sad over my death. Me dying brought peace to the world. Don’t let anyone be sad. Tell everyone to only be happy. I am no longer looking over my shoulder or feeling the looming threat of evil.”

“It just seems like right after I got you, you were taken from me. I denied my feelings towards you for so long and, finally, I tell you only to lose you six months later.”

Harry moved his hand to rest on her stomach. “But you have this one. Make sure he knows me. Tell him everything you can about me. Keep pictures and everything. Everything I own is now yours. In my trunk in the boys’ dorm is the scrapbook Hagrid gave me first year. Keep it close to you and give it to our son when he starts Hogwarts.”

“I will.”

“Make sure he knows Hagrid. He was my first friend ever.”

“I wish I could, Harry.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hagrid died in the war.” She saw his face fall. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh. It’s okay. Who all that we knew died?”

“A lot. Hannah, Susan, Dean, Padma, Parvati, and Michael Corner all died. Also, Katie, Cho, Hestia Jones, Viktor, Remus, Mad-Eye, Kinglsey, Snape, Tonks, Charlie, Fred, and Oliver Wood all died.”

“Remus and Tonks were both killed?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid so.”

“What about Teddy? What’s going to happen to him?”

“I think Andromeda is going to take him. She told me I could raise him if I wanted, but, with the baby, I told her I didn’t think that was a good idea. She promised that I could see him whenever I wanted to.”

He sighed and wrapped his arms tightly around her. “I love you, Mione. I always will.”

“I love you, too, Harry.”

He leaned down and caught her lips with his. She moaned into his mouth. He pulled away from her and let her go. “Wake up, now, Mione. You have to live your life. Wake up.”

He started to fade from her sight. “Harry! Wait!”

*~*~*

Hermione jerked awake. “Harry!”

She looked around wide eyed. The dorm was completely empty. She jumped up and hurriedly dressed. She raced from the girls’ dorm and went bursting into the boys’ dorm, which was also empty. She immediately spotted Harry’s trunk. She opened it and searched through it to find his scrapbook. She sat cross-legged on the floor looking through it.

She was looking through it with tears falling down her face when Ron walked in. “Hermione?” Hermione looked up at him. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking through Harry’s scrapbook. I saw him last night, Ron.”

He sat on the floor next to her. “What do you mean?”

“He spoke to me in my dreams last night. He told me he didn’t want anyone to grieve for him. He said for everyone to remember happy times. He also told me, he met our child. I’m having a boy, Ron. Harry told me he looks identical to him. He wants me to give the baby his scrapbook when he goes to Hogwarts.”

Ron wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed the side of her head. “That’s wonderful, Hermione.”

“I-I think I’m going to be okay, Ron. Seeing him last night gave me closure. He told me he would always be watching out for us. Now I can heal. He told me no more crying over him. It’s not good for the baby.” She took Ron’s hands in hers. “Will you be the baby’s godfather, Ron?”

He looked at her in shock. “Of course, I will. Thank you so much, Hermione.” He hugged her to him. “At least we will always have a piece of Harry in the baby.”

“I think I’m going to name him James after Harry’s father. I was thinking James Harry Potter. What do you think?”

“I think it’s perfect.” He helped her to her feet. “Come on, Hermione. Let’s go down to lunch.”

She smiled. “Sure. I think that is a perfect idea.”

*~* Four and a half months later *~*

Hermione lay in the hospital bed, her sweaty hair plastered to her head, moaning in pain. She had Ron’s hand gripped tightly in hers. She cried out in pain and squeezed his hand tightly.

Ron whimpered when he felt his bones start to give at Hermione’s tight grip. She lay there panting slightly from the pain. He felt her grip slacken and removed his hand from her grip. He shook it lightly. He pushed her hair from her face and smiled at her. “You’re doing great, Hermione. The doctor said not much longer now.”

“I-I know. Ron, I’m so scared. I don’t think I can do this alone.”

“What do you mean? You won’t be alone. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“I don’t mean the delivery. I mean raising the baby.”

“Hermione, you have me. I will help you out as much as I can. Not to mention my mum and yours, and then there’s Ginny and Luna and all of our friends. You can do this. Just concentrate on getting this baby here happy and healthy.”

She nodded as another contraction hit her, making her scream out. Just as it went away, her doctor came in the room.

“How are we doing, Ms. Granger?”

“Tired and in a lot of pain. How much longer, Doctor?”

“Well, let me take a look.” She checked her. “It looks like you’re ready. This baby is ready to meet its mum.”

Tears welled up in Hermione’s eyes. She looked at Ron and grabbed his hand. “Stay with me, Ron, please?”

“Of course, I will. You can do this, Hermione. You are stronger than anyone I know. James is lucky to have you for his mum.”

“I can’t wait to meet him, Ron. I finally get to see and hold my baby, Harry’s baby.”

“Okay, Hermione, on the next contraction I want you to push as hard as you can. Can you do that for me?”

Hermione whimpered. “I-I’ll try.”

Ron kissed her head. “I’m here, Hermione.”

“Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, sweetheart.”

A contraction hit Hermione and she bore down and pushed as hard as she could. She relaxed against the bed and panted in exhaustion.

“Okay. Just a couple more and the head should be out.”

About ten minutes later, the delivery room was filled with cries as her son was born. Hermione cried in happiness.

“It’s a boy. Congratulations, Mum.” The nurse took him to get him cleaned up, weighed and measured. She brought him back over to Hermione and handed him to her, gently. “Do you have a name for him?”

“James. James Harry Potter.” She looked down at him and smiled. “Hi, James. I’m your mum. Your dad wished he could be here. He loved you so much and so do I. You’re perfect.”

Ron smiled at her. “He’s beautiful, Hermione. He looks just like Harry.”

She looked up at him and smiled. “Do you want to hold him? He is your godson after all.”

“Sure.”

Hermione carefully handed James to Ron, showing him how to hold him and support his head. “You’re a natural. He loves you already.”

“He’s so small. Do you care if I take him out and let everyone see him? The waiting room is packed with everyone waiting to meet this little one.”

“Sure. I think I’m going to kip.”

“Okay.” Ron walked out of Hermione’s room and headed to her private waiting room. The first person he saw was Luna. “Hey, baby.” He gave her a light kiss.

“Oh, Ronald. Is this him?”

“Sure is.”

Tears sprang to Luna’s eyes. “He looks just like Harry.”

“Yeah, he does. Is everyone still in there?”

“Yeah, they are.”

He followed Luna into the waiting room. The first one to see him was Molly. She jumped up. “Oh, Ron. Is this him?”

All of the Weasleys plus Mr. and Mrs. Granger looked up and saw him standing there with the baby. “Yes, this is. Everyone, I want you to meet James Harry Potter.”

Tears gathered in Molly’s eyes. “She gave him James’ name. Harry would be so happy.”

Ron smiled at his mother. “Would you like to hold him, Grandma?”

Molly smiled. “Of course.” Ron carefully handed her the baby. “Hi there, little one. You are so precious. You look just like your daddy. I wish he could be here for this.”

Ron wrapped his arm around Molly’s shoulders. “Maybe he is, Mum. Maybe he is watching over all of us. James was born easily with no complications and perfectly healthy. Maybe Harry had a hand in that. He knows the baby is all we have left of him, besides our memories.”

After everyone spent fifteen minutes cooing over the baby, Ron took him back to Hermione. She lay on her bed wide awake and smiled at him as he stepped into her room. “Hey.”

“Hey, Mum. How are you feeling?”

“Tired and a little sore. How’s my baby doing?”

“Happy and content. He got to see both of his grandmothers. He’s already getting spoiled.”

“Hand him here.” Ron carefully placed James in Hermione’s arms. “Hello, baby.”

Ron kissed her forehead. “I’m going to go out into the waiting room. I’ll give you time alone with James.”

“Thanks, Ron. For everything.”

“No problem.” He smiled at her and left her room.

Hermione looked down at the half-asleep baby in her arms. “You are so beautiful. I won’t lie to you, James. I am scared to death. I don’t want to mess up your life. I wish your daddy could be here. He would love you completely. He was so scared when we found out I was pregnant with you. Even though he had an evil man out to kill him, he loved the both of us so much. You might not know him in person, but he will always be with you. You will know everything about him. I hope you grow up to be just like him. You will make some girl very lucky when you are older.” She kissed his forehead. “I love you, my darling James.” She felt the tears falling down her face.

“Mione?”

Hermione looked up to see Harry standing there. “H-Harry? Is that really you?”

“Sort of. It’s me, but only my spirit. I couldn’t resist being here today. When I realized you were having the baby, I did everything I could to be here so I could see my son be born. You are amazing, Mione. He’s gorgeous.”

“He looks just like his father. I don’t know how I can do this, but I will try. As long as I know that you are watching over me, I will do my best. I love you, Harry.”

“I love you, too, Mione. You and James both.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead and disappeared.

Hermione smiled at were he had been standing. She knew with him watching over her, she could make it. She could raise James and live her life, until she and Harry could be together again. She would dream about the day when she could be in Harry’s arms again. As the song by country singer Lorrie Morgan went, it’s been a long hard fall but she’ll make it after all.

*~*~*

I Didn’t Know My Own Strength by Lorrie Morgan

I've been living with a heart on the mend
Wondering how will I ever be strong
I know I'll live to love again
I just leaned on
you too long
It's been an uphill fight
But I'm gonna be alright

CHORUS
I didn't know my own strength
'Till I had to pick myself up
And carry on without your love
I'm getting back on my feet
It's been a long hard fall
But I'll make it after all
I didn't know my own strength

I've had oceans of tears to get through
And the weight of the world on my mind
There've been mountains of memories to move
And I've been beating back the blows to my pride
But 'til the times got tough
I never knew what I was made of

CHORUS

Then the times got tough
And I knew what I was made of

CHORUS