Choose Me by Trojan#12

Rating: NC17
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 16/01/2009
Last Updated: 18/01/2009
Status: Completed

Lily hates James’ guts. But then why is she agreeing to spend the night at his flat after he
gets back from a year long order mission? -“I’d rather spend the rest of my life living with you
then any of it without you.” *2 Part Ficlet*Warnings: Possible OOC and SMUT!




1. Chapter One
--------------

**JKR owns.**

**~**

**Choose Me**

Chapter One

**---**

**[AN]:** First L/J! Hope it’s enjoyable!

---

I banged loudly at the door of a nice looking townhouse. A few seconds later, a handsome,
familiar face answered. The smile he was wearing immediately fell once he got a look at me.

“Lily… oh, shit-”

“Is he here?” I demanded.

“Uh, who?” Sirius asked, trying to give me an innocent smile.

I glared at him. He knew *exactly* who I was talking about.

“Look Lily, Prongs is my best mate. Believe it or not, I care about his safety…” Sirius
explained to me in what must have been an attempt to calm me down, “Now, I know that if I tell
*you* where he is, then his life might be put in jeopardy.”

“Oh okay,” I started, crossing my arms over my chest, “So you care about his health and safety,
but you don’t care that he made a complete fool out of himself at the party tonight?”

Sirius laughed to himself, “Actually, I thought it was quite funny-”

“Sirius, he had no fucking right to be that rude to my boyfriend!”

“What did you expect Lily, for them to be jolly good mates?” he returned, his joking demeanor
gone.

“I expected for him to leave me alone. I thought he wouldn’t give a shit over the fact that I
had a boyfriend.” That was honestly how I felt. After everything he had done… well, his actions
back in school proved that he never cared for me as much as he said he did. He had no right to pop
back up in my life and completely humiliate me and make fun of my boyfriend. Why the hell was he
back now anyway?

“Of course he does, Lils. He still l- eh, never mind…” his eyes instantly looked away from my
burning gaze.

“What? He still what?” I asked.

“Nothing. Forget I said anything,” he said, looking like he was severely cursing himself for
almost slipping up.

I felt even more compelled, “Fine. If you don’t want to tell me, then I’ll get it out of James.
Where is he staying?”

Sirius spent a moment just staring at me with examining eyes. I was growing impatient and was
about to tell him so before he stepped aside and nodded off into his house.

“Come inside,” he said simply.

I gave him a skeptical look, but he quickly pulled me in.

“I have to write down the address,” he explained, leading me into the sitting room of his
parent’s old house.

“James’ place is unplottable? How long has he really been back?”

“For a few days now,” Sirius shrugged off. He quickly scribbled something down on a ripped piece
of parchment.

“Now read this,” he handed me the piece of paper that revealed James’ address and then walked
over to the fireplace.

“What’s that?” I asked him hesitantly as he walked towards me with a jar.

“Floo powder, silly. Take some.”

I stuffed the piece of parchment in my pocket and then reached my hand forward. My fingertips
just barely grazed the top of the grey powder when I froze.

“Is this a prank?” I asked him suddenly.

Sirius gave me an incredulous look, “Come on Lily, you know I’m not stupid enough to prank
you.”

“Why are doing this for me then? James is surely going to be pissed at you…”

Sirius shifted on his feet for a second and then shrugged, “Look, I love you both. That bastard
that I call my best mate doesn’t know how good he had it, and how good he can still have it.”

Well that explained it all. I narrowed my eyes, “Sirius, nothing good is going to come from
this. I’m only going over there to yell at him and tell him to leave me alone.”

Unsurprisingly, Sirius only grinned at me, “Sure babe.”

“Don’t call me babe,” I grumbled as I sunk my hand into the floo powder and extracted a hefty
amount. Walking over to the fireplace and stepping inside, I glanced back at Sirius.

“Thanks Sirius.” Without waiting for his surely humbled response, I threw down the powder and
shouted out the address on the paper.

“Use protection!” I heard Sirius’ handsome voice call back just as I was spinning off.

Bloody prat…

…

My feet slammed down in a darkened room. The surroundings were completely bare, and unfamiliar
from what I could tell. It didn’t look like a place that James Potter would live.

My teeth clenched as I thought back on the possibility of Sirius pranking me. Seriously, I would
pull his hair out strand by strand if this turned out to be one of his jokes. No pun intended.

I pulled out my wand and whispered a quick *lumos* to light my way. By the looks of things,
he had just moved in and he was just starting to move furniture in. So far, there was a couch, a
coffee table, and a bunch of boxes congregated on the other side of the room.

I found my way to a hallway and turned into the first room I saw. Seems I struck gold on my
first shot.

*Holy fucking shit- talking to him alone like this was bad idea!*

Inside the room, James was laying in his bed, face down, with the blankets draped around his
waist. From the angle I was standing at, it was impossible to tell whether or not he was wearing
anything else.

*No, stop thinking about that Evans!* I took a step back, preparing myself to run from the
room. This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I thought about confronting him. I’d do it
another day, when I’d be more inclined to look straight at his frustratingly handsome face rather
than his naked chest and ripping six pack.

Still walking backward, my foot caught over the corner of a box. I swung my arm backwards in
order to try and grab hold of something, but all that accomplished was me knocking something off
the wall. It shattered when it hit the floor and I fell to the ground with a startled yell.

James sat up on his bed faster than lightening and had his wand lighted on me before I could
even blink.

“Lily?”

I sighed, annoyed that he had recognized me so easily. I had only been here for a few minutes,
and so far nothing had gone to plan.

“Sorry,” I muttered grudgingly, “I think I broke your picture.”

I reached for the ruined picture frame and flipped it over. It was a picture of Remus, Sirius,
James, and myself in our 7th year. I knew that immediately because the picture James was
hugging me to him. He would smile for the camera and then kiss my forehead…

“Evans, what the hell are you doing here?” James asked me, his voice taking on a harder edge. He
summoned the picture from my hands, grabbed it from the air, and slammed it face down on his
bedside table.

I rolled my eyes in an air of annoyance when honestly, I felt anxious and desperate. What the
hell *had* I been thinking coming here? You’re not allowed to go breaking into other people’s
flat’s in the middle of the night. Especially if the flat is that of your ex-boyfriend. After a
certain point it’s classified as stalking. Damn it- Sirius probably had this idea in mind the
entire time!

“I flooed.” I said, as if that would answer everything.

“Okay well, *why* did you floo here? And who the hell gave you my new address?”

“Sirius.” I didn’t answer his first question; I was trying to give myself more time to think of
a reasonable answer. I *could* tell him straight up that I had decided to come and yell at him
for being rude to Cliff; most likely call him a few nasty names, and then leave with a sense of
victory. Alas, that didn’t seem like the best immediate conversation to dive in to.

I thought I would find him at home moping over my moving on. But unfortunately, that wasn’t the
case. James seemed perfectly fine. Fine enough to be already asleep, half naked.

*Stay on track, Evans.*

James cursed Sirius under his breath, “Bloody dog…”

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re here in the middle of the night. Couldn’t whatever you
wanted to do wait until morning?”

“I, uh- um. I…”

His lips curved into a smirk, “What, did you come to barrage me for teasing your
*boyfriend*?”

I glared at his cavalier expression, “You were very rude to Cliff.”

“Poor Cliffy.”

I huffed and stood up from the ground, “You had no right to say those things to him. What did he
ever do to you?”

His mocking smile turned into a hard frown. When did he start frowning like that? I had never
before seen James look so menacing, “I can think of a few things.”

I had a hunch that I knew what he was referring to, but I didn’t want to assume. After all, he
was the one who cheated on me…

“Look, I don’t care what your reasons are. I just want you to apologize.”

“Fuck that. There’s no way hell I would ever apologize to your nancy-prancy, little bitch of a
boyfriend.”

“You don’t even know him! And for your information, he’s anything *but* a little bitch.
He’s more of a man than you’ll ever be!”

James had some nerve to be laughing, “How many times did you have to practice that in front of
the mirror before you got it to sound convincing?”

“None,” I half lied. It wasn’t in front of the mirror…

“Come on Lils, you know how much of a man I am. You really think you can compare me and little
Cliff?”

“You’re right James,” I said lowly. He smirked arrogantly at me and leaned back on the bed. But
then I continued, “I do know what kind of a man you are. The kind that fucks over anyone he cares
about.”

His jaw clenched and his nostrils flared. I could tell his breath had hitched and he was staring
at me with wide eyes. It was a mere few seconds before he took another breath and smoothed over his
expression, “That was a long time ago.”

I scoffed, “That was barely a year ago.”

“A year and a few months,” he corrected me condescendingly, “Not barely a year.”

“You haven’t changed at all.”

“You wouldn’t know,” he shot back callously.

I sneered, “You’re right, I wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t care to find out.”

Another flicker of something passed over his smooth features. We stared hard at each other for
what seemed like forever before I suddenly shook my head.

“I’m leaving.” I turned and started walking out of the dark room when his mocking voice stopped
me again.

“Good luck going anywhere without floo powder,” he laughed. The smirk had returned to his
lips.

I twirled around, “You don’t have any floo powder?”

“Nope,” he answered, leaning back on his pillows and folding his arms behind his head, “In case
you haven’t heard, it’s more conventional to apparate.”

I rolled my eyes, “Fine, I’ll just apparate then.”

Again, he smirked, “I have wards.”

“Well can you break the fucking wards for a few seconds so I can get the hell out of here?” I
was fuming mad. Did he *want* to trap me here and fight with me?

James sucked in his lip and shook his head, “No can do Lily love.”

“Fine! I’ll just apparate in the bloody rain!”

“You should know Lily…” he called after me just as I was about to walk out of his room.

I sighed impatiently, “What now, Potter?”

“The wards extend a mile around my flat. Looks like you’re out of luck.”

I wanted so badly to slap that cheeky smile right off his face… “I’ll walk the fucking mile
then. I don’t need your help.”

James looked worried for the first time that night, “You’re going to walk? Are you crazy? Do you
know who could be watching my flat right now? No Lily, you can’t.”

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do! I’d rather take my chances with the death eaters than
stay here all night with you!” I shouted at him.

That familiar flicker passed over his face again, and I finally recognized it as pain. I
immediately felt guilty. I wanted to take it back, but I couldn’t. I could never show that side to
James. The side that actually still loved him…

I sighed, shaking my head, and quickly turned around. I needed to get the hell out of here, and
fast.

“Lily, stop!” James yelled at me. I heard him jump off the bed.

I didn’t stop, and continued towards what I hoped was the front door.

“Ow! Fuck!” James cursed out. I wanted to turn around, realizing that he must have stepped in
the glass, but didn’t. I walked faster.

“Lily!” The door was in sight, and I quickly reached for it. It easily opened for me and before
I knew it, I was practically running down the stairs, James still trailing after me.

“Lily, I swear I’ll hex you if you don’t stop!”

I scoffed that time, “Sure you will…”

A hand grasped my arm and jerked me backwards. James whirled me around to face him, “Look,
you-”

He stopped short and we both jumped when something banged on the door at the end of the stairs.
It was coming from outside. James put an arm in front of me and pushed me behind him as he kept his
eyes trained on the door.

The loud noise punched the door again before it was suddenly tugged opened.

“Bruno!” James recognized with a sigh, “You scared the shit out of us!”

“Oh, uh sorry mate,” the large muggle said, coming through the door with rain dripping off him.
James quickly stowed his wand behind him.

“It’s fine.”

Bruno spent a few extra seconds staring in appraisal at me, to which I frowned. He started
sauntering off down the hall where I saw two other shaded doors. “I’ll, uh, see you later then,
mate.” I didn’t miss the wink he shot at James.

James nodded at him and as soon as he was gone, slumped against the wall and took a few deep
breaths. I stared up at him, confused over why he was acting this way.

He sent me an annoyed look before carefully walking himself back up the stairs.

“Jeez, paranoid much?” I asked as I started to follow him, my previous attempts at an escape
forgotten. “How much trouble did you get into when you were gone?”

“Shut up, Lily.” He limped back through the door and over towards the couch. As he sat down he
braced his bad foot over his opposite leg. He poked and pricked at it for a few seconds, gasping in
pain every now and then.

Finally I got sick of him torturing himself and I started forward, “Here, let me.”

I sat on the coffee table in front of him, and gently placed his foot in my lap. There was a
considerable sized gash on the ball of his foot, bleeding miserably. I pulled my wand from my
jacket and whispered a spell, summoning the remaining glass from his foot. A chunk ripped from the
wound and made James hiss.

“There, it’ll be fine,” I told him as I finished healing it, “Maybe a little tender.”

He snorted, “Yeah, you know I always did get a little hurt chasing after you. Someway or
another…”

I scowled at him, completely appalled. Like what he had done to me counted for nothing! I pushed
his foot out of my lap and stood.

“Look Lily,” he said, instantly reaching out and grabbing hold of my wrist, “Just stay here
tonight, and then leave in the morning when it’s light out. Or tonight if the storm let’s up, I’ll
let you borrow the cloak.”

Like I would want to borrow it. One, there had been so many memories sneaking out in that cloak
together that I knew I’d get sick if I was ever hidden under it again. And two, borrowing his cloak
would only give reason for us to have to see each other again. Another option I couldn’t bare.

“Stay here?” I repeated. Did he understand what he was proposing? He obviously didn’t still care
about me anymore, because if he did, then similar to me, he wouldn’t possibly be able to sleep
under the same roof as me. Knowing that I was so close…

“Yeah, you can sleep on the bed if you want.”

“I’m not going to sleep!”

He yawned and laid down on the couch, “Whatever, Lily. If you change your mind there’s some
extra clothes in the dresser.” By now he had pulled a blanket from the top of the couch and had
closed his eyes.

Again, I scoffed. I couldn’t believe this. Here I was, stuck in this hell hole with James Bloody
Potter, and he was offering me clothes to sleep in.

---

**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**



2. Chapter Two
--------------

**JKR owns.**

**~**

**Choose Me**

Chapter Two

---

I was fuming.

Usually, I didn’t get this angry, but I couldn’t ignore the anger I still felt towards
James.

That thought finally made me sit up from his bed. I deserved answers, and I wasn’t going to
leave until I got some.

I threw his sheets off me and tip-toed out of his bedroom and into the living room where he was
sound asleep on the couch. The frigid air caused goose-bumps on my arms and legs. Earlier, after
laying flat in his bed for about forty-five minutes, I had relented and decided to try and get some
proper sleep. Begrudgingly, I had slipped on a pair of James’ boxer briefs and one of his old
quidditch t-shits. I was really regretting my wardrobe change as I approached James’ sleeping
form.

I let out a uneven breath as I looked at him. For the second time that night, I was exposed to
James’ bare chest, the blanket having slid down again.

*Focus*, I reminded myself. I walked around the couch and sat down on the coffee table
across from it. Taking another deep, calming, preparatory breath, I leaned over and shook James’
shoulder.

James wiggled and grumbled something, but didn’t wake up. I leaned in further when I thought I
heard him murmur my name.

“James? Wake up.”

“Yeah… oh, Lily… that’s it…”

My confused face quickly turned into a scowl. That son of a bitch…

“James!” I said loudly, this time slapping him on the face.

He jerked awake, his eyes popping wide open and looking around wildly for the source of his
disturbance. “Lily?”

“Yeah,” I muttered sardonically. Bloody hell, he had some serious explaining to do.

“What- what’s up?” he asked after a second. I noticed how he pulled more of the blanket up to
cover his waist.

“What’s up?” I sneered, “What the hell are you doing?”

James glared at me, “Uh, sleeping. What the hell are *you* doing?”

I rolled my eyes at that, “Oh please, you were more than sleeping.”

“Shut up, Lily,” James derided, sitting up and bunching up the blanket on top of him.

“Whatever,” I scoffed back at him. I had to admit, I was running out of hurtful comebacks and my
initial reason for waking him was seeming inadequate. Why do I always act on my impulses with him
instead of thinking it through? I should know by now that it never, ever turns out the way I
planned…

James rolled his eyes this time, “Do you need something, Evans?”

Here was my chance, “I want some answers.”

“What are you talking about?” James asked, obviously trying to distract me.

I narrowed my eyes, “Where have you been for the past year?”

James raised his chin in defiance, “Maybe I don’t want to tell you.”

I couldn‘t take the evasiveness anymore. Honestly, I felt like throwing him across the bloody
room and making him feel the pain I had gone through ever since he broke up with me. Didn‘t he have
any clue to how destroyed I was? I couldn‘t take it- I snapped.

“I don’t get anything you do! You spend six years chasing after me, and once you finally have
me, you leave just like that! I obviously never meant anything important to you because if I did
then it wouldn’t have been so easy for you to up and ditch me!”

James was gob-smacked for a second. Finally he regained his senses, and put on a cold front,
“Well you obviously don’t fucking know shit if you think it was easy for me.”

I shook my head, glaring at him, “You promised me that you would always love me. I never asked
you to make that promise.”

His smoothed over face broke for the third time that night, “I know Lil, and I never broke it.
But I also made a promise to protect you. I’ll die before I break that promise.”

“What does that have anything to do with us right now or why you left?”

“It has everything to do with everything!” James practically screamed, “In case you haven’t
opened your eyes lately- there’s a war going on. Some sadistic son of a bitch is out there trying
to capture and murder muggles and muggle-borns!”

I frowned at that. Obviously, I knew about Voldemort and the death eaters, but they were just
some underground cult group, that had committed a few murders here and there. Why was he using that
as an excuse?

“I-I don’t understand…”

James gave me an intense look, “You wanted to know why I left, and there you have it.”

“You left me because you thought I’d be *safer* from the death eaters?” I asked almost
suspiciously.

James half nodded, half shrug, “That’s some of it. Because of who I am, me and everyone I’m
close to is put in their limelight. You’d be their first target.”

“Because of who you are?” I asked skeptically. This was an odd time for him to pull out his
arrogance, “James- what the hell are you talking about? It’s not like you’re the son of political
officials, or Slytherins, or anything that could be used against you! James, I know you’re gifted,
and I get that you’re pureblood, but there’s a bunch of other purebloods out there just as ordinary
as you. Why are you making yourself out to be so special?”

He had the audacity to roll his eyes at me, “It has nothing to do with anything you just said-
even though, yes, I am very gifted in all aspects of life,” I rolled my eyes as James sent me a
haughty grin, before getting serious again, “It has more to do with who I work for.”

“Work for?”

James seemed to struggle with himself for a moment, “I- I’m a member of this… order. It’s called
the Order of the Phoenix.”

I scanned my memory, “I’ve never heard of it.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have, and you can’t tell a soul that I’m telling you about it,” he gave me
another serious look, as if he was trusting me with the weight of the world.

I instantly agreed, “I promise.”

James ran a hand through his rumpled hair before continuing, “It’s… it’s like the death eaters
of the light.”

My mouth dropped. Death eater? My James? “What?!”

“Okay, wrong way to say it,” he amended quickly, “We’re the group *fighting* the death
eaters.”

I still scowled, “Isn’t that the Ministry’s job?”

“The Ministry hasn’t been doing anything. They’ve been taking credit for all of our work,” he
answered heatedly.

I ignored his rudeness, intrigued by something else, “Who’s *our*?”

“There’s only a few members so far, but I can’t tell you who. I’m under oath.”

I nodded in understanding. Something dawned on me and I looked up with guarded eyes, “So this is
why you left right after school?”

James nodded slowly, almost sadly, “Yeah. Dumbledore said we’d have to leave immediately.”

“Dumbledore? What does he have to do with it?” I asked, utterly bewildered. What did their old
Headmaster have anything to do with it?

“He created the Order,” James explained, “He’s been recruiting new members since last
March.”

“I guess that timeframe makes a little more sense,” I said, recalling James recurrent absences
from class and mismatched stories back in our seventh year. That’s probably when he started to
realize that he didn’t want to be with me anymore…

“But wait, Sirius isn’t even in on this?”

James shook his head, “I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone. Dumbledore said I couldn’t trust anyone.
I literally had to tell Sirius, Remus, and Peter that I hated you and could care less about what
happened to you. That’s the only way they would stop pushing me to set things straight with
you.”

I knew how much James loved his best mates, and knew that that must have been really hard for
him, “That sounds terrible. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged it off like it was no big thing, but I knew that wasn’t the case. All of the details
he was letting me in on came over a year too late, but it still struck a blaze of compassion in me.
This was the James that I had fallen in love with. This was the James that I was still in love
with…

“James?” I asked. It came out much more shyly than I had intended.

He looked up, his dark blue eyes sparkling, “Huh?”

This time it was me shifting uncomfortably, “Did you ever… did you ever really do anything with
Sarah?”

James’ eyebrows fused together. Did that mean he had? I prepared myself for the harsh truth that
I was about to receive. I waited, with my head ducked down, for a few moments before I got tired of
his silence. I looked up.

To my surprise, I wasn‘t the only one looking frighteningly vulnerable. To my complete and utter
shock, James began to shake his head, “No way Lily. You know I could never cheat on you.”

A huge weight suddenly lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I could finally breathe clearly for
the first time in months. “Did you tell Sarah to run around school saying that you two…”

James scratched at the back of his head. I knew this as his sign of embarrassment, “Um, no. I
gave her a inebriation potion to make her forget that night. I just took her to a room at the Hog’s
Head to let her sleep it off. When she woke up, she saw me putting on my shoes. I told her not to
tell anyone about what happened and left, even though she herself didn’t know what happened. I knew
that she would make her own assumptions and of course do everything but keep it to herself.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. I felt… numb. For the past year I had hated James for
something that never even happened.

James leaned forward with a softer expression on his face, “You have no idea how hard it was to
do it, either. But I had to make you mad. I had to make you break up with me. I knew that you would
see right through what I was doing if it happened any other way.”

“I guess you knew me pretty well.”

James continued to scoot in closer to me and stare at me with those dazzling orbs, “I still know
you- very, very well.”

I tensed, “You think you do.”

“I know you enough to know that you don’t really like that guy…”

My forehead crinkled, and I gave him a stubborn look, “Cliff’s never let me down, or led me to
believe I shouldn’t love him.”

James eyes narrowed, and I knew exactly why, “Lily…”

“What?” I asked airily.

“Do you?”

I gave him an innocent look, “Do I what?”

“Do you love that bloke?”

I looked at him daringly, “I’m allowed to love whoever I want to love. That doesn’t concern you,
James.”

“It does because I have the right to know if the girl I’m in love with loves another guy,” he
shot back just as boldly. It took a second, but eventually the hard look in his eyes disappeared
and he reached forward.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as his hands touched the top of my knees and then slid under
both my thighs. “You really don’t…” I whispered, the only thing coming to mind.

He started to gently pull me towards him, “Do you love me more?”

Absently, I touched my hand to his face and traced my finger over his lips. It was hard to tell
him anything but the truth when he looked at me like that…

“Only you,” I confessed.

My world stopped as he reached up to my cheeks and pulled me in to him. Our noses grazed, and my
mouth fell open. What was happening?

His musk was invading my senses and driving me crazy. As soon as I tasted his breath on my skin,
I couldn’t resist any longer.

My hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck as our lips finally touched. James was
crushing his lips against mine, as if this was all he had dreamt about the entire time we were
apart.

My mouth opened over his, and he waisted no time re-familiarizing himself with my taste. He
pulled on my knees again, and before I knew it, he was bringing me forward and I was straddling his
waist. My hands traced down his neck, over his shoulders, and down the front of his chest.

I felt James work his fingers underneath his quidditch shirt that I was wearing. I raised my
arms up and in one swift move, he lifted it off me and dropped it next to us.

He let out a ragged groan as I grinded against him and yanked his head up to my hungry lips. My
tongue delved back into his mouth as his arms wound against my waist. A second later, one of his
hands was sliding up my back, heading for the clip of my bra. In a practiced fashion, he expertly
unclipped it.

I felt him push me back slightly and watched his face as he slid the straps of my bra down my
bare arms. When it was finally off, he pulled me forward again and placed a wet kiss in between my
breasts.

“James,” I gasped as he grazed my nipple and tangled my fingers back in his already wild hair. I
couldn’t stop my hips from shifting into his again. His erection was becoming harder, if that was
even possible, and pressing into my core, begging for attention.

I traced a hand down his chest again, but didn’t stop at the lining of his boxer briefs.

“Lily,” James groaned as I gently squeezed his bulge.

“Good?” I breathed. It had been a while, but that didn’t mean I forgot what he liked. I felt
like I knew him more than ever, but it felt amazing to be able to remind myself.

I rubbed him again and this time James gripped my hips tightly. He lifted me up slightly before
pushing me back onto the couch. Our lips crashed together again as he lowered himself on top of me,
settling in between my legs.

As we continued to tongue wrestle, I let my hands wander down his back. His hips were slowly and
gently pressing into me, and I could tell his resolve was wearing thin. His right hand traced down
my side, and gripped my hip again. At a tortuously slow rate, his hand continued across my belly
and then went further south.

I broke the kiss and gasped as he touched me through my knickers. He continued teasing me until
my head started to thrash back and forth on the couch. I was soaking wet; I wanted him now.

My hands reached for the hem of his briefs and I mockingly hooked my thumb in it. I practically
felt his stomach jolt at my touch.

Before I could get any further with my strategy, James started kissing down my chest, over my
stomach, and past my belly button. When he reached the waistband of my knickers he stopped, and
lifted himself up.

Staring me directly in the eyes, James tugged on my knickers, and then slowly slid them off my
legs. I always felt a little shy when he looked on at me completely naked. Not because I was
insecure about my body, but because it was *James* looking at me*.*

My breathing increased as he started to stroke the top of my thighs.

“James,” I muttered impatiently. He seemed to get the picture and crawled back on top of me,
once again settling in between my thighs.

“I missed this so much,” he whispered, his hands running wild over my body.

“Me too,” I moaned, my eyes nearly rolling back into my head. I snapped out of it though, and
redirected my hands down his stomach again.

I started pushing down on his briefs, “Take them off.”

He obliged rather quickly with pushing and kicking the nuisance garment of his body. We both let
out ragged sounds as I finally found his hard dick and ran my thumb over his head. James became
more and more fervent as he thrusted his slider into my eager grip.

Finally, he had enough. James grabbed my hand and brought it up above my head. My heartbeat
steadily increased as I felt the tip of him brush against my wet core.

I gasped loudly as he pushed into me. Together, our hands tightened and our minds were void of
anything but each other. My other hand clutched fiercely at his back as James’ lips fastened to my
neck and he continued ramming into me at a quick pace.

I could already feel the heat pooling in my stomach, and it intensified tenfold when James
brought his lips back to mine. His tongue had barely ran against mine before he broke away with a
groan and buried his head back in the crook of my neck.

His thrusting became harder, as did my grip on him as he worked on top of me.

“Faster,” I called out, after taking a few moments to catch my breath. Speaking and thinking
were becoming harder to do as I concentrated more on James’ hot breath against my neck and the
liquid heat building up in the spot that James kept driving into.

“Fuck Lily,” he breathed. Though he immediately obliged and plunged into me with a greater pace.
My legs wrapped around his waist to keep up with the new fervor.

I suddenly gasped and threw my head back. I could sense the onslaught of my climax coming, and
James must have too. With clenched teeth, he thrusted into me harder than ever.

“Ohh,” I moaned, feeling that familiar bursting sensation in the pit of my stomach. My
fingernails dug into his back and my legs gripped tighter around his waist.

Still in the middle of my own ecstasy, I recognized James breathing becoming more erratic. My
lips quickly found his, and I wrapped my free arm around his neck and grinded my hips into his. He
managed to thrust into me a few more times before he let out a strangled groan, and then collapsed
a second later, fully on top of me.

Once we had both started to regain our senses, I recognized James pushing himself forward
towards my ear,

“I love you, Lily.”

My eyes flittered close again as I felt his lips brush against my cheek, “I love you,
James.”

He did a bit more shifting, and slid an arm underneath my neck. I rolled over in his embrace and
snuggled myself into his side. We were both asleep within minutes.

…

I could tell not much time had gone by when I woke up, because it was still dark in the living
room. I must’ve only gotten an hour or two of sleep.

My eyes glanced up to James peaceful face, and a small smile spread across my lips. Last night
was amazing, to say the least, and it was all because we came clean to each other. It’s amazing how
far a little bit of communication can get you…

But just as quickly as it appeared, the smile faded from my face. What now?

We never got around to discussing if he would be staying, or going off again with his Order
soon. What if this was just a brief fling to twist the knife deeper into my back? To slice open
freshly healed wounds?

The image of a tall, muscular, blonde man with dark brown eyes jumped to the forefront of my
mind. I sighed. Obviously, I was going to have to break up with Cliff. It had never really been a
secret to me that he and I weren’t going to last. I guess I was just a little disappointed that I
cheated on him. After all, Cliff put his trust in me, and I know how crushing the news that you’re
significant other had an affair could be.

With all my internal pondering, I failed to notice a pair of dark, sea blue eyes staring down at
me.

“You never used to think so hard the morning after…” he mumbled, sleep still apparent in his
eyes.

“Just have a lot on my mind,” I replied quietly.

He turned so that he was on his side, facing me, “I don’t think me and you will ever change,
Lil. There’s no use denying that, or trying to fight it.”

I frowned, “What are you talking about? You already have- you’re a member of a top secret
organization, and you’re only 19 years old. You’re living every bloke’s dream, James.”

“I meant as *us,* and you don’t have to lie Lily. I know you don’t like the idea of me
fighting them.”

“Of course I don’t, James. How could you expect me to?” I asked with a scowl on my face. Being
supportive of what he wanted to do in life was one thing, but accepting that he’d be putting his
life at risk for something that didn’t even concern him was another.

“I don’t. But I think that Dumbledore wants me so involved for a reason. Maybe he sees something
in me that no one else does. I dunno, but I feel like…” he shook his head and looked away from my
burning eyes.

“Like what?” I prodded.

He took a deep breath, and moved his hand so that it was laid over mine, “Like I’m one of few
who can fight them. And I have people to protect, you know? If Dumbledore thinks I’m worthy, then
I’m not going to argue with him on it.”

That had really done it for me. Since when did James Potter give a damn about what other people
thought of him? I ripped my hand from underneath his and sent him a death glare, “Dumbledore isn’t
the center of the fucking universe, James! You’re allowed to have your own opinions and make your
own decisions.”

“I know that! It’s not like I’m his bloody slave!” James defended, clearly taken aback by my
attitude.

“Oh really?” I goaded, “You’ve thrown away everything just to make him pleased!”

“What the hell Lily! Dumbledore’s the only shot we have at defeating Voldemort!”

“Exactly- Dumbledore, not James Potter! For Pete’s sake, you’re only 19! Shouldn’t he be
enlisting people a little more mature into his army?” I asked spitefully. I was aware of how
scornful my statement sounded, but I was willing to do anything to bring him down from his high of
being a ‘secret-agent’.

And of course, James took it the wrong way, “Are you saying I’m not good enough? Dumbledore
thinks that I’m-”

“Tell me James, if you had to chose between pleasing Dumbledore, killing yourself for him, or
staying with me and sharing a life with me, who would you choose?” It was the million dollar
question. I had to see who was more important to him. Honestly, he could tell me he loved me and
wanted me as much as he liked, but what I needed was to be his first priority. That meant me, his
family, and his friends, before the stupid Order of the Phoenix.

“Damn it, Lily Evans! Don’t make me fucking choose!”

This time, I sat up in a threatening manner, “No, choose or I‘m leaving! I want you to know how
miserable I was when you disappeared. You broke my heart and now I think I deserve an answer. Would
you willingly put me through that pain again? Just to put your life on the line for what Dumbledore
thinks is the right cause?!”

James too sat up, an obstinate look still on his face, “What do you have against Dum-”

“Choose!” I shouted.

James clenched his jaw together and glared at me, “You. Are you happy? If that’s what made you
happy, then I would choose to stay with you.”

Tears started streaming from my eyes, but I didn‘t bother to wipe them away, “Then choose me.
Stay with me. Live your life with me! Stop running off to the edges of the earth with your little
army and just stay! There‘s so much we could do together-”

James shook his head pessimistically, “Don’t you get it? We can’t do anything you want us to do
if Voldemort gets to us first!”

“I’d rather spend the rest of my life living with you then any of it without you.”

James sat there staring at me for a long while. Finally, he spoke, “Look Lily, I- I can’t
promise that I’ll quit the order. They really do need me, and I want to help.”

I shook my head in disbelief. After my whole spiel, he was really going to not choose me? I
turned, about to get up. I didn’t want to face his rejection anymore.

Just as I was standing, James caught my wrist and tugged me back down, “But I can promise you
that, from this day forward, you’ll be my first priority in life.”

“Really?”

“Seriously,” he agreed, rubbing his thumb over my hand.

I snorted, still teary eyed, “Don’t bring him up…”

James laughed and pulled me into him. As he wrapped his arms around me, he whispered into my
hair, “So, can we make this work?”

“No more disappearing?”

“If I have to, then I promise you’re coming with me,” he said, pulling back to look into my
eyes.

I smiled, “You really want to have a life with me?”

James gave me an incredulous look, “Are you kidding? I want to get married and have kids with
you. Bloody hell, I’ve been wanting a life with you since fourth year!”

The silliness of the grin on my face was starting to embarrass me, so I did the only thing I
thought natural. I leaned in and kissed James, using every ounce of the love I felt for him.

“Why do you look so surprised?” he asked as I pulled away and wrapped my arms around his
neck.

I shrugged timidly, “For a second there, I thought you were going to choose Dumbledore.”

James made a face of disgust at me, “Sick Lily. I can’t share a life with him- and I’m terrified
to think of what our children might look like…”

I couldn’t stop my laughter, “Oh gross- don’t think about it.”

James grinned at me, and leaned in to capture a quick kiss.

“Love you, Lily.”

“I love you too, James.”

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