Back To You

Disclaimer: JKR started it.

A/N My first fanfic :D Reviews and constructive criticisms are super welcome.

Chapter 1

They say you realize how much time has passed through the smallest of changes. Repainting of your neighbour’s house, construction of a new building across the street, innocent little kids now adventurous teenagers, old trees cut down, new ones planted....

For Hermione Granger it is the exact opposite. It’s the fact that nothing has changed at all that shakes her down to the core. It’s like London is telling her, Hermione Granger, look at me, I haven’t changed at all, and yet you did! You did! Oh look at you now. Everything is exactly how she remembered it. It’s like she never left. Yet she did.

Five years ago, she was offered a post as head Healer in France. S.P.E.W., by then a success in England, was also starting to gain attention in France. She had every reason to go to France and people thought her infamous break-up with Harry Potter was simply because she chose her career over love (and yes, she was in the headlines of Daily Prophet, Granger Says Yes to France, No to Potter and she received a lot of hate mail and howlers for months for allegedly breaking Harry’s heart).

And because the Prophet doesn’t get anything right at all, what people didn’t know back then was that it was a peaceful break-up, a mutual decision to let go. No angry Harry, no shrieking Hermione, no broken china, no howlers, nothing of that sort. What they didn’t know either was that the perfect pair wasn’t perfect. It hadn’t been working out for months and the break-up was just an official declaration that it was over. Hermione and Harry were young, busy, and they had different dreams. Hermione was set on being a Healer, Harry on being an Auror. Two years after they graduated in Hogwarts, they just knew they already had different lives and they had to let go of their five-year relationship.

It’s funny how falling out of love happens, Hermione thought. It just happens. A couple of missed phone calls, letters you forgot to write, dates rescheduled...and then you realize both of you have been like this for a year now. You and him are just....different now. You can’t read his mind like you used to. He can’t figure out what to give you on your anniversary because really, you just don’t know each other anymore. The war changed both of you. In fact, the war brought out exactly the same change in both of you. Ah, there it is, that’s what went wrong, Hermione told herself. You were both so eager to change the world. You were both so fired up to work. You devoted yourself into curing people, giving them another shot at life, changing the world. And he devoted himself into catching dark wizards, depriving them of another shot at taking someone else’s life, changing the world. You both became too busy saving other people’s lives that you forgot about your own.

“Thinking about going back to France already?”, a voice snapped Hermione back to reality...a very familiar voice she hasn’t heard in five years.

“Yeah right, I can just picture the headlines again: Granger breaks Potter’s heart, not once, but twice!”, Hermione retorted.

And just like that, they were there, outside Harry’s house, laughing hard, clutching their stomachs, and to an outside observer it doesn’t seem at all like they hadn’t seen each other in years.

“Oh Harry, it’s so good to see you!” Hermione exclaimed and wrapped her arms around Harry. Harry hugged her back, not believing that after five years, Hermione was the same Hermione he has known since he was eleven, the same Hermione he loved, and loves still? Whoa, stop right there Potter, no need to ruin the reunion by going with that train of thought, Harry chided himself.

“Okay Harry, you can let go now.”

“Huh?”

“I said let go. We look silly. We’ve been hugging for over a minute now.”

Harry blushed and immediately released Hermione. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“S’okay. I missed you too. Now let’s go inside, I’m freezing here.”

Inside, Hermione was surprised to see that even Harry’s house was the same. It was messy as ever, used clothes lying on the sofa, unwashed plates in the sink, the picture frame of Harry, Ron, and Hermione on their graduation day hanged on his wall...

“Harry, your place is still awful.”

“Gee, thanks Hermione. You’re the best guest this house has ever had,” Harry said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “But it’s true! Honestly Harry, it’s not that hard to clean up.” And with that, Hermione pulled out her wand, muttered a few spells, and everything became clean and organized.

“Wow, it looks decent Hermione! You are officially the best guest ever.”

“And you’re the worst host ever.”

“Now, now, I’m trying to be nice here.”

“Oh really, then what---”

Hermione was interrupted by a knock on the door. A female voice called out: “Harry! Are you in there?”

“Oh, you didn’t tell me you were expecting someone else today,” Hermione whispered, her mind going overboard at the sudden surge of jealousy she felt. Well what did you expect Hermione, it’s been five years. You two didn’t exactly work out back then.

Harry looked at her strangely and then said, “Look Hermione, I’m sorry. I’ll just go talk to Sarah, she’s my uh...well...uh...she declared herself as the official head of my fans club. I know. Don’t laugh. You’re starting to embarrass me.”

“Fans club eh?” Hermione didn’t know why but she felt relieved Sarah wasn’t Harry’s girlfriend. Are you sure she isn’t? But Harry would’ve said so if she is! What if he’s just keeping it a secret? I don’t think so. And why do you care anyway? OH SHUT UP!

“Huh? I haven’t said anything yet Hermione. And you’re making weird faces.”

Oops, you said that out loud honey.

“Oh what I meant was uhh...show up, yeah...show up...you uhh, open the door and show up. We wouldn’t want the fans waiting, do we?”

“Haha, very funny Granger. Right, uhh...you go ahead upstairs, there are lots of rooms available, just pick any one of them, just not my room, unless....”

“Oh get your mind out of the gutter Potter. And go now, Ms. Shrieking Duck over there is freezing, didn’t you hear?”

Chapter 2

After about five minutes, Harry closed the door and hurriedly went up. He saw Hermione sitting by the window.

“So, you picked the room beside me eh? I knew it! You wouldn’t be able to resist me.”

“Shut up, it just happens the view is nice here.”

They both didn’t say anything after that. They felt so comfortable with each other a while ago. Now there’s just this...tension. It’s different. They’re going backwards, ice breaker before the ice. The two of them have always been different. Harry just sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Hermione, who was staring back at him.

I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I failed. I’m sorry for letting you down. I’m sorry. Please let me be not too late, please, let me make it right, his eyes seemed to say.

Hermione looked away.

“So how are you Harry?”

Harry blinked a couple of times. He wasn’t expecting Hermione to veer away from the impending conversation. And just like that, something snapped inside him.

“Running away again eh?”

“Running away what- I don’t...I....what are you talking about Harry?”

“You know it’s funny...we never had the confrontation like the one they printed in the Prophet. Sometimes I wish we just had that. I wish you just shouted at me. I wish I shouted back. I wish we both broke vases, plates, glasses. I wish you slapped me.”

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be saying those things. But he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t.

“Harry--”

Hermione was panicking. She didn’t expect this.

“I wish you just cheated on me. I wish I just cheated on you. I wish it was normal. Isn’t that how it goes? Someone cheats, a shouting match ensues, a slap here, and then boom- break-up. Then you don’t talk to each other ever again. You become part of each other’s pasts.”

“I can’t believe you’re---”

“I wish we were normal, Hermione. But no, we just...you just came up to me one day and said: ‘let’s break-up Harry, I’m moving to France.’ And then I said: ‘Okay.’ No tears, no sad good-byes. It was just...okay. Now I see you outside my front door, we just banter like before, like nothing went wrong. It’s like nothing ever happened at all.”

“Please Harry, this is the last thing I expected you to say my first day back here. I...Harry, I asked you if it was okay for me to leave and you said yes. You said yes. We both agreed it wasn’t working out. Harry what--”

“What I’m talking about is that it hurt Hermione! It hurt!” Harry shouted. Hermione jumped at his sudden outburst.

After a while, Harry felt like a bucket of water has been splashed over his head. Horrified, he hurriedly said, “Hermione....I’m sorry I...I didn’t mean to shout...maybe we should just....drop this...for now...and...I didn’t....” He got up, not looking at Hermione, fearful of the emotions that might come over him again.

Hermione just sat there, a mixture of emotions going through her- confusion, regret, anger, sadness....She heard the turning of the door knob.

“Oh you want to talk? Then let’s talk Harry! Don’t run away,” Hermione challenged.

“I said just drop---”

“No go ahead! Let’s talk! Let’s talk about how apparently you weren’t okay with how things ended! Let’s talk about how you fooled me into thinking everything was fine between us! Let’s talk about that Harry, I’d love to hear all about it.”

“Merlin Hermione, calm down. Don’t get so worked up. It was a stupid thing to say and seriously let’s drop---”

“I will not drop it. Answer me Harry, answer me. Why did you say yes when I asked you if I can go to France? Why did you break-up with me?”

Harry was silent for a few minutes. They were staring at each other. Hermione’s eyes were challenging while Harry’s looked resigned, tired....

“I realized the problem before you did, Hermione,” Harry whispered. “Yeah that’s right, I figured it out before you did. This was the one time I was smarter than you.” Despite the intensity of the conversation, both Harry and Hermione smiled at that.

“Don’t laugh, it’s true. I figured that we were so alike; the war affected us in the exact same way.” Hermione felt a shiver go through her at Harry’s words. He knew it before she did. She arrived at the answer five years later.

“And I knew I had to stop. I had to stop saving others and stop forgetting about you, or myself. But then, I don’t know Hermione....you got that offer and you were just....happy. Happier than you’ve ever been...I’ve never seen you so driven, so excited. I just didn’t have it in me to stop you. I thought it was selfish...to stop you, I mean. And then you brought up the topic of us breaking up and I just couldn’t say no to that. I thought I was going to be okay, that I could handle it. But then you left, there was no one to go home to, Crookshanks doesn’t even annoy me anymore, there’s no threat of someone burning down the kitchen anymore...and....and....”

Harry was surprised that his eyes were watering. Oh you won’t cry Potter, man up, don’t cry. You didn’t for five years, don’t give up now.

“Harry....”

At the sound of Hermione’s voice, he broke down. He cried. He cried for the relationship he never mourned for. He shed out all the tears he suppressed for five years. He let out all the hurt, the pain he had to carry all those years. Hermione held him, herself crying. She didn’t know. She didn’t realize how much it affected Harry. For her it was easy to move on, she left England. It was easy to start anew. But Harry....

After a while, Harry calmed down, his sobbing stopped. “I’m sorry. I didn’t...I wasn’t supposed to...”

“Shhh, Harry, shhh....” Hermione was patting his back, combing his hair with her hands, holding him...comforting him...

And then she realized Harry fell asleep in her arms, once again.

“You owl them.”

“Why me? You owl them.”

“Hermione, you know I’m right. You should do it.”

“I’m the guest here.”

“No, actually you’re not. You’re living here with me. You’re paying half the rent starting this month. You’ve said so yourself. So you’re no guest. You owl them. After all, you’re the reason for this mess.”

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. Ever heard of the word ‘gentleman’ Harry?”

“Not in my vocabulary, sorry. Oh, and if I remember correctly, you’ve once mentioned: This whole idea of I’ll-open-the-door-for-you is so sexist. I can open the door by myself, thank you very much. Remember that, Granger?”

Hermione rolled her eyes while trying very, very hard to suppress the grin that was starting to form at Harry’s imitation of her. Damn, it’s been years but Harry can still make her crack.

“Fine.”

Harry let out a whistle. “Potter scores! Granger surrenders!”

“You’re such a child, Harry.”

“Say whatever you want Hermione, you’re still writing that letter to that old hag,” Harry said and then playfully winked at her.

********

Flashback (two hours after the unexpected but much needed confrontation)

When Harry awoke, it was still dark. He actually felt like he had slept for days. And then he realized someone was stroking his hair. He was definitely not in his room either. Uh-oh, where exactly am I? Who’s the girl? I don’t remember drinking last night.

“Harry?” a familiar voice asked.

“Hermione?”

“Better be.”

He sat up. The memories of hours past came flooding back to him. He felt relieved, at the same time conflicted, when he remembered how he poured his heart out to Hermione. But he decided that it’s a nice feeling, to finally be together and know you’re not avoiding anything. You don’t have to pretend it’s okay. Face it, it’s not. But you’re getting there.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What?”

“Better be?”

“I don’t know Harry, it just came out.”

Both of them were silent for a few minutes, each having his or her own internal battle on what to say and when to say it. Harry decided to go first.

“Do you think I’m an asshole?”

“Not really.”

“Do you think I’m a sissy?”

“Definitely not.”

“What now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, let me make this simpler for you. Yes or no?”

“Yes...”

“But?”

“Yes but let’s sort of...I...I can’t really articulate my thoughts right now, Harry.”

“Then let me do it for you. Let’s give it another shot. We both know our feelings haven’t changed. But we also know that we both need time. So let’s take it slow. Let’s go back to square one.”

“Okay.”

They both didn’t say anything after that. They didn’t need too. They understood each other. They always did.

All the hurt, all the unspoken disagreements, all the silent miseries...those were things of the past now. No need to go back. No need to mull over what went wrong again. No need to apologize. No need to forgive. It’s just a clean slate now.

Harry kissed Hermione lightly, like a silent seal of mutual understanding, like a silent assurance that everything would be okay, like a silent promise of the future....

They fell asleep in each other’s arms.

*******************

That morning, Harry and Hermione were awoken by a barrage of owls. As of the moment, the count was up to 1056 letters. And still counting...

The most beloved reporter of all time got wind of Hermione’s return. Rita Skeeter did not waste time writing what would probably be the most sensational story in the Prophet ever since Harry and Hermione’s break-up. The article was entitled Granger and Potter: Together Again? and below was a picture of them hugging outside Harry’s flat.

The article had it all planned out for them: 1) Hermione’s back, 2) Harry has forgiven her, 3) Hermione’s pregnant, 4) Ron, Luna, Ginny, Neville, Hagrid will be godfathers and godmothers, and 5) They’ll have a wedding next week. You’re not invited, stop dreaming.

Friends, old classmates, Hogwarts professors, co-workers, and not to mention hundreds of fans immediately owled Harry and Hermione upon reading the news, hence their current dilemma of how to get out of the room full of letters.

The letters varied from a simple “Glad you two are back together now. Tying the knot so soon?” to an angry “Harry, are you crazy? You deserve someone better!” to a skeptical “Hermione, what the hell were you thinking? Go back to France, use your head over your heart!” to a familiar “Oi, having fun with all the letters yeah? I pity you two, really. The old hag’s still pissin’ and kickin’. Harry, don’t keep Hermione all to yourself. Dinner tonight, my place.”

Yes, that last letter was from Ron, which was probably the best thing Harry and Hermione have read so far.

Hermione was now working on the letter to the Daily Prophet, the Quibbler, and to other newspapers. They’ve decided to release an official statement to set the record straight, once and for all.

To Whom It May Concern,

This is to serve as our official statement on the issue:

Yes, I am back to London for good. Yes, I am staying with Harry. No, I don’t have a job right now. Yes, there have been offers. No, I’m not taking them. Yes, I’ve decided to take a break. No, Harry and I are not back together. Yes, we are very, very good friends. No, I’m not pregnant. No, we’re not getting married next week.

Hermione stopped writing for a moment. Oh this is ridiculous.

Then all of a sudden Harry grabbed the piece of parchment and read through the letter.

“Hey! I’m not done yet!”

“Relax, I’m just curious. Let’s see...hmm...very, very good friends? That’s a nice way to put it, Hermione.”

“Well what am I supposed to say? That we’re not back together but we sort of are? That we’ve decided to take it slow but here I am staying at your flat? Sure thing Harry, what a nice way to clear things up!”

“Geez, slow down Hermione. Relax. You don’t have to get so worked up on this.”

Hermione let out a huff. She forgot how things run here back home. In France, there were no Rita Skeeters, no crazy fans sending hundreds and hundreds of letters, no one watching her every move...

“I’m sorry Harry...it’s just that....”

“I know. Just...relax, okay? We’re in this together.”

“Says the boy who kept insisting I should be the one writing to the papers,” Hermione mumbled.

Harry just smiled at her.

Yes, they were definitely back to square one.

And that’s a good thing.