When Hermione Granger Almost Walked Away

papermask

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 17/02/2009
Last Updated: 13/04/2009
Status: completed

"It happened today. What I've been dreading since the day I realized I loved him. He chose her."

Chapters

1. Chapter 1

2. Chapter 2

3. Chapter 3

1. Chapter 1

This is just a quick story to fill in the moments between updates for What's In A Name - there will be at least one more chapter, and it was inspired by Kaze. Enjoy.
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Hermione Granger
Year Six

Dear Diary,

It happened today. What I've been dreading since the day I realized I loved him. He chose her.

It was after his quidditch match. Well, rather, their quidditch match. Gryffindor had pulled in an amazing win, and everyone was excited about it. Even I was excited about it. Until, of course, it happened. I had just finished congratulating some other members of the qudditch team, when I turned to find everyone staring at Harry and Ginny in the center of the common room. I remember everything as if it had happened in slow motion. I began to walk towards Harry to congratulate him again, when I noticed the look in his eye. It was different and alien. It was something I had never seen before. I followed his gaze to Ginny. She shared a similar look. I stopped in my tracks - it was then that I knew.

I felt the color drain from my face as I watched Harry wrap Ginny in his arms. He pressed his lips against hers. She kissed him back. The common room went wild. I know it only lasted a moment, but it seemd like an eternity. It was then that Harry spared a short glance towards my direction. I couldn't let him know how I felt, not in the wake of his new happiness. I quickly plastered on a beaming smile. It seemed to be good enough for him. I didn't follow his eyes after that.

Is it selfish of me to feel so angry towards Harry and Ginny? After all, they are happy now, and in these trying times, happiness doesn't come easily. If you think about it, it's truly a love story for the ages. A boy who grew up without love, a girl who grew up infatuated with a boy she thought she'd never meet. What other choice was there for them to get together? It did seem perfect to most people.

But not to me. I still love him. I've loved him for so long. What I mean is, I've been the one to stick by Harry in his most difficult of times, and not because I expected anything in return, but simply because I knew it was right. And because I loved him. Doesn't that deserve love in return? But then....maybe his friendship is the love I deserve? Maybe that's the only kind of love that we are destined for. Perhaps this is the truth. It has to be - Harry would have said or done something by now if it was any different. Yes, this is how it must be. And I need to accept that.

And yet....

I almost walked away today.

2. Chapter 2

I know the beginning of this chapter is a little boring, so bear with me.

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Harry Potter carefully unpacked the glassware from the brown box. As he set the piece on the table, a familiar pair of arms wrapped themselves around his chest. Harry smiled.

"Hello, love", Harry whispered. He spun around in his chair and faced his wife. She smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

"Hello, Harry", Hermione said. She unwrapped her arms from Harry's torso and sat down in the chair next to his. They silently began to pull out more of the glassware pieces and took off the newspaper. When they finished setting the pieces on the table, Hermione turned to Harry.

"Here, why don't you go and get the last box so we can have everything out and ready to put away", Hermione said with a smile. Harry grinned and hopped up from his chair. He walked happily through his new house to the family room where the last box was. As he picked up the last package and made his way back to the kitchen, Harry looked around once more at his new home. It was unique and modern, but still had a family-friendly feel to it. Both he and Hermione absolutely loved it. Harry came back to the kitchen and set the box down at Hermione's feet. She looked at him with a smile and began to help him unpack the box entitled 'miscellanious'.

"You know, Harry, after this box is finished, we'll officially be unpacked. Not necessarily moved in, but unpacked for sure", Hermione said.

"Small victories, Hermione. Small victories", Harry replied. Hermione lightly nudged him in the ribs with a laugh. She then pulled out a randomly placed plastic cup from the box.

"You know, this box is pretty big. I wonder how much actual miscellaneous stuff is in here?" Hermione asked curiously. Harry cracked a smile.

"Well, if I remember correctly, nothing breakable is in here, so let's find out the answer to your question", Harry said. With that, he turned the box upside down and dumped all of the contents onto the floor. Hermione simply giggled. They both got on their hands and knees and rummaged through the items. Among the many items was another plastic cup, a change purse, a cookbook, and a torn piece of paper. After sharing a burst of laughter, Hermione gathered up the items and got up off the floor, walking in the direction of the family room. As she was walking, the piece of paper slipped out from the pile in her arms and landed right next to Harry. Purely out of curiosity, Harry picked up the paper and began to read it.

"Hey, this is a page out of Hermione's diary", Harry whispered. He slowly raised his voice as he read over the text.

"I remember everything as if it happened in slow motion...I felt the color drain from my face...Harry spared a short glance towards my direction...", Harry read aloud. As he read, Harry's mind was slowly going blank. Was this some sort of joke? No, Hermione wouldn't pull something like this...but then, it would have to be real. Harry came to the last line.

"I almost walked away today."

Harry froze. He reread the sentence over and over again, the meaning of it pounding itself into his head. Hermione...Hermione almost left him? Harry had to hear her story.

"Hermione, please come back here!"

Hermione came walking back into the kitchen a minute or so later. She was about to say something when Harry lifted up the page from her diary. As she approached it, the smile faded from Hermione's face.

"Oh my gosh."

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3. Chapter 3

“Where did you find that?”, Hermione whispered. She looked as if she had seen a ghost.

“Hermione, what is this?”, Harry countered. He looked at her with hurt eyes, and watched as she backed into a chair and sat down.

“I never thought I’d see that again. I thought I had gotten rid of it….”, Hermione trailed off. There was a brief silence.

“Well, obviously you didn’t,” Harry said in strong tone, “Please, Hermione, tell me what this is.”

“It’s…it’s a journal entry that I made…years and years ago”, Hermione said slowly, “I wrote it shortly after…well, after you first kissed Ginny.”

“Hermione, why did you write this? I thought you didn’t love me then, I always thought-“

“Well you thought wrong!”, Hermione interrupted, suddenly alert, “I’ve always loved you, for as long as I can remember! Of course it started out as a basic friendship, but the minute you saved me from that troll, something sparked in me. Maybe it wasn't love then, but whatever that spark was grew into love - a love that I've never experienced before."

"Hermione-", Harry began, but was quickly cut off.

"No! I need to say this, for you and for myself! I was your friend throughout everything - EVERYTHING. I was the only one who always stuck beside you through thick and thin, even when nobody else would! And I didn't do it because I wanted something in return, but because I knew it was right and I loved you! And then...despite everything, you chose her. You picked Ginny. Don't get me wrong, I wanted you to be happy, I wanted you to find love, even if it wasn't with me. But of all the people you could have chosen, you picked the one person that could never deserve you! Ginny is a very special person, and I'm glad that I know her, but it's no secret that all she ever saw you as was some sort of trophy, some sort of amplified hero. Even when she got older and loosened her grip on her childish crush, she still saw you with a halo around your head. But that didn't seem to matter to you, only the fact that she was beautiful. And, Harry, I know I'm no beauty queen, and I may not be the most exciting person in the world, but I deserved a a lot more than you gave me."

Harry stared at Hermione with wide eyes. Had she really been bottling all this up for so long? He was surprised that she hadn't exploded with all of these emotions running about inside her heart.

"Hermione...what...why didn't you tell me before? Why didn't you let me know while all this was happening how you felt?", Harry asked gently. He noted that the flame had not gone from Hermione's eye.

"Because you would have hated me! You would have thought that I didn't support you, that I didn't want you to be happy. I would have lost your friendship, and that would have killed me quicker than any spell", Hermione said, lowering her voice on the last sentence. Harry felt the color come into his face. The worst part was that he knew she was right. In those times, he was so hurt and confused that any sort of disagreement could set him off. That's probably why he and Ginny never fought - she almost always agreed with him about everything. Eventually that would be one of the reasons for the downfall of their relationship.

"Hermione...you must know that I never intended to hurt you...I just - I jsut didn't see it. I'm so sorry", Harry whispered. Hermione's expression softened, and she let out a sigh.

"I know, Harry. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about yourself. It's just an old diary entry. It doesn't mean anything", Hermione said quietly. Harry raised his head up at this.

"No, Hermione, it does matter. I needed to know this, I needed to know how you felt. I just wished I could have known sooner."

Hermione smiled and tentatively walked over to Harry, who pulled her into a hug. For the next few hours, they sat together, talking about the future, occasionally dwelling on the past. They told each other everything, so there would be no secrets. They then began to work on putting away unpacked items, slowly drifting back into the love they knew so well. When they had finished their work for the day, Harry still had one more question to ask.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

Harry looked towards the ground at this point.

"You...you wouldn't have walked away, would you? I mean...", Harry trailed off. Hermione smiled a sad smile.

"Of course not Harry," Hermione said, hugging him close.

"So, you wouldn't have left me?", Harry asked, looking into Hermione's eyes. She held his face in her hands and whispered her answer.

"Never."

And then, she sealed her promise with a kiss.

The End.