Affair Of The Heart by pottersmissus

Rating: NC17
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 21/02/2009
Last Updated: 22/02/2009
Status: Completed

When you're truly in love with someone, what are you willing to risk? Harry & Hermione
affair fic




1. Prologue
-----------



*“When you're in love with a married man you shouldn't wear mascara”*

*Fran Kubelik, The Apartment*

Most people think I have a perfect life, and I guess in lots of ways I do. A job that I love, a
great flat, lots of friends and a wonderful family.

People say I'm pretty too, but I don't know about that. Looks aren't that important
to me, but for some reason other people think they are. I guess I'm okay looking, not beautiful
or sexy like some of my friends…but okay.

I prefer people to think I'm smart...which is not that hard considering I graduated top of
my class from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Smart enough to get a job at the
Department of Mysteries and become successful and respected in the wizarding world.

The only problem is I'm also a masochist. Harry, my boyfriend, who I love more than life
itself, says that I'm not, he says that I'm a romantic and that they're two completely
different things.

I disagree. Why?

Because Harry has a wife and that's not me. I'm in love with a married man.

And I stopped wearing mascara a long time ago.

-->



2. Chapter 1
------------



Disclaimer: All things pertaining to Harry Potter are the property of J. K. Rowling, Bloomsbury
Books/Scholastic Press and Warner Bros. I just like to play with them!

A/N: Hello all! I just found this story on an old floppy disk (remember those!) that I wrote
several years ago as fanfic for an now cancelled TV series. Reading through it, I realised it would
make a great H/Hr fic, so a few amendments here and there and here we are...hope you like it

*I solemnly swear that I am up to no good...*

***

*“I could stay awake just to hear you breathing, watch you smile while you are sleeping,
while* *yo**u're far away and dreaming. I could spend my life in this sweet
surrender, I could stay lost in this moment forever, every moment spent with you is a moment I
treasure…”*

*`I Don't Want To Miss A Thing' by Aerosmith*

Harry was watching Hermione sleep, as he always did. She looked so beautiful, so innocent and
peaceful that he couldn't help himself. This was what he loved most about their relationship,
not the sex or the talking or even the cuddling or dancing. Just watching her sleep.

But time was running out. It was almost one in the morning. He had been with Hermione since just
before six. And if he wasn't home by one thirty, Ginny would wonder where he was. Staying late
at the office until that hour was acceptable, expected even since he was head of the Auror
Department, but any later and she would start to worry, start to wonder. And Harry desperately
wanted to prevent that.

He hated himself for what he was doing, the lies and half-truths, the fact that he was not only
cheating on his wife, but that he was cheating on her with his best friend...and her good friend.
It wasn't in his nature to be anything other than honest and straightforward. But he was doing
it anyway.

Gently so as not to wake her, Harry slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him,
luxuriating in the scent and feel of her skin. Moaning softly, Hermione shifted in her sleep
responding to his touch by snuggling closer to him, making him smile. Even in the darkened room he
could make out her features perfectly, partly, he supposed, because he had known her so long.
Partly because he loved her so much.

But he wasn't being fair, not to Hermione, and not to Ginny. He was hurting them both, using
them both and it had to stop. The only thing that he had to be thankful for was that he and Ginny
didn't have children...and that nobody had figured out the truth yet. But he knew he was on
borrowed time.

With a creak, the bedroom door opened a little and several seconds later, Hermione's ginger
Kneazle, Crookshanks bounded onto the bed. Sitting down so that he was facing Harry, the cat stared
at him for several minutes.

`What are you looking at?' he whispered. `Don't answer that. I know the answer. I'm
an idiot. But I want you to know something. I really do love her. You don't have to worry on
that score.'

The cat purred and tilted his head to the side at Harry's words giving the impression that
he was understanding every word and reaching forward to scratch his ears, Harry continued to
talk.

`I'm not one of those guys who are happy to keep both a wife and a lover. That's not
what I want. I didn't mean for this to happen. But it has and now…now it's up to me to sort
it out. But I promise you, I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that Hermione doesn't get
hurt. I'd die rather than see her cry. I'd do anything for her, even…'

Sighing he sat up, carefully disentangling himself from the sleeping woman by his side. He would
do anything for her, but would he go that far? Would he leave his wife for her?

It was getting harder and harder, going home to Ginny every night. Having breakfast with her
every morning, attending parties with her, going out to dinner with friends with her, sharing a bed
with her. It was getting harder and harder to spend time away from Hermione. Stolen moments, secret
encounters, they were no longer enough. He wanted more, he wanted to wake up to her beautiful face
every morning, he wanted to meet her for lunch, go to work with her and come home with her, relax
with her on a Sunday afternoon. He wanted her.

It was all about choices. And he had to choose.

Getting up, he fumbled around until he located his trousers and pulling them on he went to the
window. Outside everything was perfectly still and calm. Most of the residents of Hermione's
block of flats were sound asleep, dreaming happy dreams, snuggled up to the person they were
supposed to be with.

Hearing Hermione moan again he silently padded back to the bed, easing himself down beside her.
Glancing at his watch he winced. It was already time for him to go.

`If you have to go, go. I understand.'

He looked down at her, surprised to find her beautiful brown eyes fixed on his face. There was
no anger in them. Only sadness. And he was the cause of it. Reaching down, he twirled a lock of
brown hair around his finger.

`What if I don't want to go?'

Giving him a soft smile, she pulled herself up onto her elbows. `Then don't go.'

***

*`With the most infinite tenderness, I have ever known in my life,* *h**e put his
arms around me, gently, gently,* *a**nd I embraced him around the neck and we
touched…'*

*Katherine Anne Porter*

They sat silently observing each other for about a minute, each waiting for the other to say
something, to take the risk, to make the decision. Finally Hermione leaned forward.

`Don't worry, Harry, I don't expect anything from you…except what you already give
me.'

Turning, she disentangled herself from the sheets and stood up, quickly pulling on the silk robe
that had been removed by him earlier that night. Without another word she picked up Crookshanks and
padded out of the room, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts.

She didn't expect anything from him. She refused gifts or money, and never complained when
he had to leave early or cancel their plans at the last minute. She had never asked him for
anything, not his time, his commitment, or even his love. Yet that was exactly what she had.

He loved her without a doubt.

Getting up, he dressed quickly and then, hearing music coming from Hermione's kitchen, he
went to investigate. Pausing in the doorway, he smiled at what he saw.

Hermione was feeding Crookshanks, whilst dancing to a song on the Wizarding Wireless. Her petite
figure clad in silk and without any make-up or jewellery, she looked about fifteen, exactly the age
she had been when he had first realised how beautiful she was, at the Yule Ball in fourth year. The
fact that she was not only dancing, but singing to the music as well, made Harry love her even
more. She was perfect, an angel.

With childlike abandon, Hermione swayed in time to the music, moving her hands and feet and
hips, shaking her head and swaying her hips. Closing her eyes, she sang along to her radio loudly,
not caring that she was making up half the words. Twirling around, she stopped dead at the sight of
Harry, dressed in his shirt and suit, leaning against the door with an enigmatic smile on his face.
He had been watching her.

`How long have you been standing there?' she asked as her cheeks flushed and she stood
perfectly still.

Harry laughed. `Oh, a while,' he replied with a smile and she scowled at him. He grinned as
she sulked and went back to feeding Crookshanks and sauntering over to her, he wrapped his arms
around her waist from behind and murmured into her hair, `Don't be mad. You looked
cute.'

Lowering her head, she relaxed against him and answered, `I'm not mad. I wish I was.'
She sighed. `Sometimes I wish I were mad at you so I could have an excuse to end this…us.'

At the sadness in her voice, Harry felt a dull pain throb in his heart. And before he could
think about what he was saying he cried out, `Tell me to go and I'll go. Tell me that it's
over between us and I swear I'll leave you alone, I swear.' And although he couldn't
see her face, Harry felt her tense at his words, and pull away from him slightly.

`Is that what you want?' she asked, struggling to keep her tears from falling. Was that what
he wanted?

`No!'

The words exploded from his mouth with such force that Hermione jumped and twisted round in his
arms so that she was facing him, and seeing the passion in his eyes, the love and the fear, her
insecurities vanished in a heartbeat. He had made the offer because he loved her, not because he
didn't. He was putting her happiness ahead of his own.

He loved her.

Feeling the tears slide down her cheeks, Hermione gave in and crumpled to the floor with her
head in her hands. Harry immediately dropped down beside her, enveloping her in his arms,
whispering her name over and over, comforting her almost like a loving parent. There was a
difference though.

When he kissed her, it was with the intensity of a man taken over by love. A love that was
returned in every way.

***

*`Love that we can not have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the
strongest.'*

*Anon*

`Hermione!'

Hermione froze at the sound of the familiar female voice calling her. She had been studiously
avoiding Ginny for almost two months, claiming that she was too busy to meet up with her or
cancelling at the last minute. It had meant avoiding her other old friends too, but there was
nothing else she could do. Being around Ginny was just too hard, not because she was jealous of her
friend, but because she felt guilty about what she was doing to her.

But right now she was trapped with nowhere to go. It was Neville's fault. Coming to Diagon
Alley to meet her friend for lunch had been his idea. Not that Neville knew what was going on
between Hermione and Harry, nobody knew that. And still, it was hardly surprising that Ginny was
here...probably visiting her brother George at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

Hermione bit her lip and waited for the inevitable, as Ginny caught up with her and began
admonishing her with a smile.

`Where on earth have you been? I haven't seen you in ages. Are you avoiding me? Are you
avoiding all of us? Ron says that you're not answering his owls and Luna came round the other
day to see if I knew what was up with you. And Harry misses you too, he doesn't say anything,
but I know him. He's quiet, distant, and moody. He needs his best friend in his life and so do
I. So what gives? And this had better be good.'

Hermione opened her mouth to speak, but found herself unable to. The mention of Harry's name
had rendered her completely speechless. He wasn't quiet and moody because he hadn't seen
her, he was that way because he had and he felt awful about betraying his wife.

`Are you seeing someone new? Is that what's going on? You're too loved up to talk to
your old friends. That's it, isn't it? Who is he? Do I know him? What's he look
like?'

Hermione couldn't help but laugh and for a second she was able to forget why she had been
avoiding her friends and what she was doing to Ginny.

Nervously, she began to defend herself. `I'm not seeing someone new, Gin, I've just been
busy. Things are hectic in the department at the moment and I just moved into my new flat. I've
been spending a lot of time with Neville and Hannah actually. That's why I'm here. I'm
having lunch with Neville at the Leaky Cauldron. Are you here to see George?'

`Yeah, I just popped into see him - I'm actually on my way to an appointment at St
Mungo's. Listen, can you keep a secret?' Leading Hermione away from the crowds, Ginny
lowered her voice and fixed Hermione with a piercing look. `I think I'm pregnant.'

`I…' Hermione wasn't sure she'd heard right.

`Harry doesn't know yet, nobody knows. What do you think?'

`W-w-what do I think?' She stuttered in confusion, as feelings of complete and total dismay
enveloped her soul.

If Ginny was pregnant then there was only one thing to do…she would have to give him up. For the
sake of his unborn child.

`I'm so scared, Hermione. I mean a baby! How would I know how to take care of a baby? But
imagine what he or she would look like…a little version of Harry. Can't you just picture Harry
as a doting father?'

Hermione nodded. She could picture it perfectly…Harry holding his firstborn in his arms,
explaining who all the family members were, telling stories, giving advice…she knew how much
he'd wanted a family ever since he and Ginny got married. He'd never had a real family. She
often imagined that she would be the one to give him a child.

`Yes, I can. Harry would be…perfect.'

`Perfect for what?'

Both women jumped at the sound of Harry's voice. He was stood just behind them, watching
them closely and he clearly expected an answer.

***

*`One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life, that word is love.'*

*Socrates*

When neither woman answered, Harry repeated his question with just a little exasperation.

`Perfect for what?'

His glance passed slowly from his wife to his girlfriend and back again. Seeing them talking
together had been a big shock for him, but the fact that they were now refusing to tell him what
they had been talking about, were in fact sharing a secret, hiding something from him, scared him
even more. They had obviously been talking about him, but what had they been saying?

`Come on! Was it that bad? I'd make a perfect Divination professor? Witch Weekly columnist?
Cultivator of Whomping Willows? What?'

But his joke earned him nothing but an absent-minded slap on the shoulder from Ginny and a
pained look from Hermione. He could tell that she desperately wanted to leave. But he needed to
know what they'd been talking about.

`Come on, tell me.'

`Sorry, but I have to go,' Hermione said, suddenly. `See you later, Ginny. Bye,
Harry.'

With a nod to them both she turned and moved as fast as her legs would carry her, ignoring Ginny
and Harry calling for her to stop. She couldn't deal with Ginny right now and she sure as hell
couldn't deal with Harry.

If Ginny was pregnant then that was the end of her and Harry. She was no home-wrecker. What she
had been doing was bad enough but if she allowed it to continue, it would be a hundred times worse.
She loved Harry too much to take him away from his child. And if Ginny found out about them then
she would do whatever she had to do to get revenge, including disappearing and taking the baby with
her.

Hermione's mind was whirling at an uncontrollable rate as she ran down the street, ignoring
the pain in her feet from her shoes, but unable to ignore the pain in her heart.

Was Ginny telling Harry right now? Painting a picture, giving him what he had always dreamed
of…the perfect family.

Were they hugging and crying, laughing and kissing? Were they planning for the future, picking
out names, heading to St Mungo's to get the test done so they could confirm their happy
news?

Was Harry already planning how to break it off with her, running through scenarios in his head,
trying to work out the least painful way to do it?

Was he wishing that he had never got involved with her in the first place?

Or had he already forgotten about her?

Unable to continue, Hermione slumped against the wall, tears cascading freely down her cheeks.
She was unable to stop them and for once she didn't even want to.

She had lost him. She could feel it in her bones.

When her tears finally subsided, she carefully stood up and wiping her eyes, she conjured a
mirror to enable her to fix her smudged makeup and tame her tousled hair. Straightening her clothes
she took a deep breath and opened the door to the Leaky Cauldron. A forceful hand on her shoulder
stopped her.

`Hermione, wait. Why'd you run off like that?'

Without even looking at him, Hermione answered quietly, `Because it's over between us,
Harry. It's over.'

***

*`The heart already knows what the mind can only dream of. Trust your heart'*

*Anon*

For a second, Harry didn't answer, then he spun her round and stated firmly, `No.'

Hermione's mouth opened incredulously. `No?'

`No. I don't accept that.'

His hands were planted on her shoulders, preventing her from walking away again, but what was
really stopping her from leaving was the look in his eyes, the way he was staring at her. It was
almost as if he knew something that she didn't and all it did was make her mad.

`Newsflash, Harry! If I want to end this then there's not a damn thing you can do about
it!' she snapped angrily, pushing him away from her and side stepping him quickly.

But Harry was quicker than she was and easily grabbed hold of her a second time, pulling her
close to whisper in her ear, `I won't let you go.'

`Excuse me?'

Shivering, Hermione closed her eyes briefly, desperately trying to find the strength to walk
away from him again.

`I won't…let you go,' Harry repeated slowly, precisely and determinedly.

He was not arguing with her, he was stating a fact and Hermione found her resolve weakening
almost immediately.

`What are you going to do, Harry? Marry me? In case you've forgotten you already have a
wife. What excuse did you give her for running after me anyway?' she asked, reluctantly meeting
his eyes for the first time since he'd caught up with her.

`The truth. That I was worried about you. She is too.'

Letting go of Hermione's arm, Harry waited nervously to see what her response would be. She
was so unpredictable these days that he had no idea what her mood would be from one minute to the
next. But in a crazy way that was what he loved most about her.

`Well she shouldn't be. I'm in love with her husband for Merlin's sake.'

Angrier with herself than him, Hermione turned back to enter the pub, but Harry stopped her
again.

`You're in love with me? You never said…'

As soon as the words were out of her mouth Hermione realised her mistake. She had never told him
that she loved him before just as he had never said the words to her. But now they were out in the
open, those three little words, which spelt the end of everything. By admitting her true feelings
she was pushing him into a corner, pushing him to commit. Asking him to choose between her and his
wife…and possibly his child. She was making him responsible for her.

Abruptly changing direction she attempted to escape, pushing past him and heading back along the
street but once more Harry was right behind her.

`Hermione wait!' Placing his body in front of hers, he forced her to stop and look at
him.

`No! I shouldn't have said that. Forget it, forget everything! Forget me!' Close to
tears, Hermione tried unsuccessfully to get away from him again.

`Not a chance in hell, Hermione! Why are you so determined to walk away from us? What did Ginny
say to you?'

Shaking her head, Hermione answered quietly, `Nothing. She's your wife, Harry. That's
all there is to it.'

Tilting her chin up with his fingers so that their faces were just inches apart he replied
gently, `You're lying. What…did…she…say…to you? What did she say that's made you so
determined to leave me? I love you Hermione and I don't want to lose you. I won't. So
please…please…tell me the truth.'

***

*Mischief managed!*

Please review!

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3. Chapter 2
------------



Disclaimer: All things pertaining to Harry Potter are the property of J. K. Rowling, Bloomsbury
Books/Scholastic Press and Warner Bros. I just like to play with them!

A/N: Hello again! Thanks to everyone for your lovely reviews - I'm glad you liked the first
chapter and as you can see I've been inspired to post a second chapter. Some have mentioned
that Harry is rather OOC, but I would disagree. I've always thought of Harry as being the type
of person who is very emotionally-driven and as such is often reckless, acting without thinking
about the consequences. Anyways, if you like it review, if you don't...review?

*I solemnly swear that I am up to no good...*

***

*Real love hurts, r**eal love makes* *you totally vulnerable and open, r**eal
love wi**ll take you far beyond yourself, t**herefore real love will devastate you.*
*If love does not shatter you, you do not know love.*

*Anon*

Hermione stared at her reflection in the mirror and sighed. All of her emotions were clearly
visible on her pale face...sadness, confusion, guilt, fear, loneliness. She couldn't hide any
of it. And it was the result of her admittance to Harry that afternoon and his response.

*I**'**m in love with her husband for Merlin**'s sake*...

*I love you* *Hermione**, and I don't w**ant to* *lose you*...

She had had a lucky escape when Bill had appeared and stopped to talk to his brother-in-law and
she could leave without Harry trying to stop her.

Carefully she began applying her make-up. It was amazing what a difference it all made, bringing
her face to life, making her brown eyes gleam and her skin glow. None of it was real though. None
of it improved her mood.

A brisk knock on her door caused her to jump, shoot a distracted glance at the clock and pull
her dressing gown more tightly around her.

He was early.

Rushing to the door she opened it with a reproach.

`You're early! Why are you early? I haven't even started my hair yet...'

`So I see.'

The colour drained from Hermione's face as she realised that her date had not arrived early.
Instead Harry was standing on her doorstep looking sexily dishevelled and more than a little
agitated. Without another word he stepped past her into the apartment.

`Harry, what are you doing here?' she asked, closing the door behind him.

`What do you think? You ran out on me twice today, once when we were in the middle of something.
You're not running out on me a third time.' Turning to face her he tried to get closer to
her, but Hermione quickly slipped away, running into her bedroom and slamming the door shut before
locking it.

`Why don't you just go home to your wife?' she asked unhappily as she began to pace the
room.

Shaking his head Harry tried the door and finding it locked, he snapped, `You know, don't
you? You know that she might be pregnant. That's what this is all about. You think you're
doing what's right for the baby! Well what about what's right for you and me, huh? What
about that?'

A small gasp escaped from Hermione's lips as she dropped onto the bed, her legs suddenly
becoming useless. So he knew. Now what?

`Hermione, please, listen to me. We don't even know if she's really pregnant yet. It
might just be a false alarm. And even if Ginny is pregnant…then we'll handle it…together…you
and me.'

His voice was quieter now but more intent as he leaned against the closed door, resting his head
against the wood.

`No, Harry. You and Ginny, not you and me,' Hermione replied, struggling not to cry.

`If she's pregnant then I'll look after her and the baby but I'm going to be with
you!'

Harry's voice was getting more and more emotional with every word but unlike Hermione, he
did not even try to stop his tears from falling.

For several minutes there was no response from the other side of the door until without warning
it opened and Hermione reappeared dressed in a black strappy dress, matching shoes and diamonds
glittering in her ears. Allowing herself to get close to him she whispered gently, `No, Harry.
You'll do the right thing. For them.'

Taking hold of her hand, Harry was about to speak when a knock on her door interrupted him.

`Who's that?' he asked, noticing for the first time how dressed up she was.

`My date.'

***

*Love is affirmation. Jealousy, possessiveness are doubt. Jealousy and possessiveness have
nothing to do with love. Every act of love should be a cause for joy in every person who is aware
of it.*

*Das Energi by Paul Williams*

Slipping past Harry, Hermione smoothed down her dress and opened the door, squeezing out and
pulling it shut behind her before her date could get a glimpse of Harry inside, or he could see who
it was that she was going out with.

`Granger, you look fantastic.' Hermione smiled happily at the compliment as Draco Malfoy
looked her up and down.

After the war, Draco had earned his pardon by helping the Ministry round up the remaining Death
Eaters. He now worked with her at the Department of Mysteries (hence his referral to her by her
last name) and had helped her move into her apartment a few weeks earlier. When she'd returned
to work following her disastrous lunch break and he'd stopped by her office and asked her out,
she'd accepted - anything to get her mind off Harry.

`You don't look so bad yourself, *Malfoy*.' She replied stepping back to admire how
nice he looked in his suit. `Ready to go?'

Draco grinned. `A beautiful lady who's ready when you pick her up? You are too good to be
true. But what's the hurry? We got plenty of time. Why don't we go into your flat and talk
for a little while? Have a drink.'

Before Hermione could argue with him, Draco was leading her back into her flat and making his
way towards her kitchen to pour them both a drink. And Harry was nowhere in sight.

Hurrying into her bedroom on the pretence of getting her bag, she went in search of Harry.
Startling her, he crept up from behind and placing a hand over her mouth he whispered close to her
ear.

`Relax. It's me. And since when are you dating Draco Malfoy?'

Twisting round to face him, Hermione glared at him and hissed back angrily, `Since when do I
have to explain myself to you? It's not like I'm married you know. I can see whomever I
want.'

Seeing Harry wince at her words, Hermione immediately wished she could take them back. Quickly
she grabbed her bag from her bed and walked back out of the room.

`Hey, there you are! I made us both a drink.'

Walking towards her, Draco held a glass in each hand, one of which he handed to her. Smiling
nervously, Hermione accepted the drink and knocked it back in one go.

`Whoa…slow down, girl. Take it easy. Did that even touch the sides?' Draco asked in
amazement as she handed him back her empty glass, casting a nervous glance towards the bedroom
door.

`What can I say? I'm in the mood for fun. I want to go out, get crazy, paint the town red.
And I want to go now.' Resting one hand on his chest, Hermione pouted childishly and gave Draco
her most flirtatious look. Anything to get him out of her flat.

And Draco did not need telling twice.

`Why didn't you say so? Can I just use your bathroom? I'll be back in two
seconds.'

Nodding, Hermione pointed him in the right direction, `Sure. It's right over there.'

She darted back into her bedroom. Harry was waiting for her by the door.

`You have to leave before he sees you!'

Taking hold of his jacket sleeve, Hermione began pulling him through her apartment to the door
but Harry easily resisted her and whispered back.

`There's no way in hell I'm leaving you alone with him! Have you forgotten everything
that he's done and how he used to treat you back at school?'

Rolling her eyes, Hermione increased her efforts and succeeded in moving Harry several feet
closer to the door.

`Harry, he's changed - he's not the same boy we knew at Hogwarts. And he's my
friend. Don't make trouble, please!' she implored desperately but he wasn't in the mood
to listen.

`You're the one who's making trouble if you go out with him. You can't trust him.
You may think he's changed but he's still got a reputation. He's renowned for leaving
broken hearts in his wake. And now he's after you!'

Snapping, she replied with barely controlled anger, `Who I see, where I go and what I do is

none of your concern, Harry! If I want to go out with Draco, I will! And I can sleep with him
too if I want to! You know why? Because we are both single, consenting adults. And it's
nobody's business but our own.'

Finally reaching the door, Hermione yanked it open and shoved Harry out into the hallway,
slamming it shut behind him.

She had not meant a single word she had said.

But Harry didn't know that.

***

*And I'll be there forever and a day, always.* *I'll be there till the stars
don't shine,* *t**ill the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme.* *And I
know when I die; you'll be on my mind.* *And I'll love you, always.*

*`**Always' by Bon Jovi*

Arriving back at Grimmauld Place, Harry paused in front of the back door. He was a wreck. And if
Ginny saw him, she would know immediately that something was wrong and would want to know what it
was. And in the mood he was in, he might just tell her. He might just explain to her that he was
upset because he had had a fight with his best friend, who was also his lover, and he was jealous
because Hermione was going out on a date with another guy. He might just tell her that he
wasn't in love with her anymore, he wasn't sure that he had ever been in love with her. He
was in love with Hermione. She was all he thought about, all he wanted, all he needed. He might
just ask her for a divorce.

He had waited outside Hermione's building, waited until she had come out fifteen minutes
later with Malfoy.

No. That was wrong. She wasn't with Malfoy. She was with him.

He had watched as Malfoy held his coat over both their heads to shelter them from the rain as
they ran to the Apparition point. Hermione had laughed at something he said and squealed, as her
feet got wet in her flimsy sandals.

Harry had seriously contemplated following them to the restaurant or wherever it was that Malfoy
was taking her, but then he'd stopped and realised what he was doing.

And he had Apparated home instead.

Home. He no longer felt that this was his home. Sure it was filled with his stuff - his
Invisibility Cloak, the Marauders Map, the photograph album Hagrid has given him in his first year
of Hogwarts. But it was also the place where his wife lived. It was the place where he had to
pretend the most, pretend to be someone else and not feel the way he felt. It was becoming his
prison more and more each day.

But what if Ginny was pregnant? Would a baby make it less of a prison or more? And not just any
baby, his baby. Could he abandon his own child?

He had told Hermione that it didn't change anything. He would still leave Ginny for her. But
deep in his heart he knew the truth. Ginny would fight him for everything including sole custody of
the child. She would be determined to hurt him the way he had hurt her. She would be out for
revenge, out for blood, and she would get it.

And Hermione would feel guilty. So would he.

And it would destroy them, slowly at first, but it would eventually tear them apart. Because
despite what they were doing, they were good, honest people.

The sooner they found out if Ginny was really pregnant, the better for them all. At least then
they could begin to plan, try to look to the future.

At least then he would know what his future could hold.

He didn't think he could stand it though, living the rest of his days with Ginny, only
seeing Hermione occasionally, at parties and the like. Watching as she got on with her life, dated
other guys, got married, and had children of her own. Maybe with Malfoy. Maybe they were getting
closer now, back at Malfoy's apartment, undressing each other, making love...

No!

Just the thought of it sent chills down his spine, made his palms sweat and his throat go dry.
He felt his heart beat faster and faster and his head begin to pound.

Hermione and Malfoy.

Malfoy and Hermione.

That wasn't how it was supposed to be. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs,
`She's supposed to be with me!' But he couldn't. All he could do was try to sort
himself out and go inside and act as if everything was normal. He had to try to ignore the images
that refused to leave his head and the feeling that he was going to explode any second. And most of
all he had to hope against hope that Ginny wasn't pregnant with his child.

***

*I love him**,* *but everyday I'm learning**.* *All my
life**,* *I've only been pretending**.* *Without me**,* *his
world would go on turning**.* *A world that's full of happiness**,* *that I
have never known**.*

*`On My Own' from Les Miserables*

The first thing that registered in Hermione's mind when she woke up was the sledgehammer
pounding away inside her head unrelentingly, and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she had
drunk way too much the night before. Laying perfectly still she tried to figure out what to do
next. She had only gotten drunk a few times in her life and the fact that she couldn't remember
anything about anything after she and Draco had left the restaurant made her feel even more
panicky. Had she done something she shouldn't?

Cautiously she attempted to open her eyes but as soon as the sunlight hit them she let out a
startled whimper and shut them tightly again. She desperately needed a drink of water but the idea
of sitting upright, never mind making her way to the kitchen, caused her stomach to lurch in
protest. No. Staying in bed was definitely a better plan.

Snuggling against her pillow she barely registered the roar of flames from the fireplace in the
next room, suggesting someone was trying to contact her by Floo. She was asleep once again by the
time her Floo messaging service picked up and the caller left their message.

It was almost an hour later when she woke up again and stumbling to her bathroom collapsed in
front of her toilet heaving her guts out until she felt like there was nothing left inside. Slowly
she stood up and flushing the toilet wobbled towards her shower to wash away the previous
night's…whatever from her body.

By the time she made it to her kitchen, dressed in her favourite silk robe, she was feeling a
little more human. The ice-cold water had forced her awake and washed the grime away and she had
gotten rid of the thick fuzzy feeling in her mouth by brushing her teeth and gargling with
mouthwash. Her throat was still incredibly dry and sore though, and her head was still in agony.
But hopefully water and hangover potion would fix that.

Catching sight of the flashing green flames in the fireplace signalling that she had a Floo
message, Hermione winced. Harry. It had to be Harry. And she could guess what he had to say. She
could clearly see the look of pain in his eyes when she had kicked him out of her flat, when she
had snapped those cruel words at him. She hated being the cause of so much pain for herself and
others. Still, enough was enough...she had end the affair, once and for all.

Curiosity getting the better of her she pointed her wand at the fireplace to play the
message.

`…Um, Hermione, it's me…uh…I just…are you there? Please, if you are, say something. I really
need to talk to you…Hermione…I guess you aren't there…I need to see you…sometime…I really think
we need to talk about everything…I'm sorry about what I said last night about Malfoy, I know
that I don't have any right to act jealous and possessive. I was an idiot. Er, Merlin, I wish I
knew where you were…please, Hermione. Please Floo me when you get this message…okay…I need
to...'

The message service abruptly cut him off.

Shivering Hermione studied the fireplace for a few minutes almost as if she was waiting for
Harry to jump out at her. Just hearing his voice, hearing the confusion and desolation in it made
her want to reconsider. He was hurting. She had made him hurt.

Angry mostly with herself, Hermione stomped back into her bedroom only to stop in the doorway as
a fresh wave of nausea hit her. Suddenly she felt close to tears and she didn't have a clue how
to stop them.

A throaty voice from her bed caused her to gasp out loud.

`Hermione? Come back to bed, babe…'

Her hand flew to her mouth as the memories forced themselves through her conscious. It was all
coming back to her now, every minute, every action, every word.

She had slept with Draco.

***

*Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;* *a**nd therefore is wing'd
Cupid painted blind.*

*William Shakespeare*

Harry gently pulled back from the fireplace, staring at it the whole time. He had the strongest
urge to blast it apart with his wand and he had to force himself not to give in to it. He knew that
it wouldn't help matters, probably just make things worse. After all how would he explain the
damaged fireplace to Ginny?

He had not slept a wink all night. Various images had cluttered his mind. Him and Hermione at
Hogwarts with Ron. Him and Ginny during the early stages of their romance. Him and Hermione during
the last few months. His and Ginny's unborn children. Hermione and Draco. He had almost gone to
her flat several times during the night, but he knew it was pointless, she wasn't home, but a
small part of him longed to see her and for her to tell him that she had walked out on
Malfoy…because of him. He wanted her to ask him to leave Ginny, to give him an ultimatum. He wanted
desperately for her to make him choose.

He had thought it over carefully during the early hours of the morning and had finally figured
out the perfect time to Floo her, not so early so as to wake her, but early enough to catch her
before she went out. And he had followed through with his plan. He had even practised various
conversations in his head, his words and hers, every possible twist that he could think of. But it
had never occurred to him that she wouldn't be there. Her Floo messaging service picking up had
been the last thing he had expected. And as much as he tried not to think about what it could mean,
he couldn't help himself. Once again his imagination and his jealousy took over, leaving him
completely powerless. Once again he found himself fighting the urge to explode.

What if she wasn't answering because she wasn't home? What if she had gone back to
Malfoy's place to spend the night...

No!

What if she wasn't answering because Malfoy was in her bed at that very moment making...

No!

Standing up shakily Harry began to nervously pace the length of the room, seeing and hearing
nothing as his emotions ran riot. She wouldn't…she couldn't…could she? No…it wasn't
possible…she had been upset but still…she had never been the type of girl to sleep with a guy on
the first date…it wasn't her style…unless that wasn't their first date.

But then again they'd never had a first date and how many times had they slept together? How
long had it taken for them to fall into bed? What if Hermione had been involved with Malfoy all
along…no…no…no…

There was a reasonable explanation for her not answering. There had to be. She was asleep, she
was in the shower, she was screening her Floos…her Floos from him anyway.

Suddenly the idea of her avoiding him purposely seemed comforting to him. He could deal with
Hermione avoiding him. What he couldn't deal with was her seeing someone else, being involved
with someone else, sleeping with someone else.

He had to see her right now.

Pulling the door to his study open, he was surprised to find Ginny on the other side of it, her
hand on the handle, a look of expectant joy on her face. Smiling happily she threw herself into his
arms.

`Harry, oh my God, it's true! It's really true! We're gonna have a baby!'

`W-what?' Numbly Harry held his wife in his arms as a roaring sound filled his head.

She couldn't be saying…he had heard her wrong…he was dreaming…

`This owl just came from St Mungo's with the results of the test. I'm pregnant!'

***

*Mischief managed!*

I know! I know! Please don't flame for me for the Hermione/Draco twist! For the record, I
hate Hermione/Draco fics and trust me when I say this will definitely not be one. This will be a
Harry/Hermione fic...just have faith. However, as I mentioned previously, this fic is remodelled
from another a wrote about an old TV series and I had to find someone to fill the role Draco plays
in this fic and he was the only one I could envisage playing this part. Hope that sets your minds
at rest and I look forward to reading your reviews...please be nice!

-->



4. Chapter 3
------------



Disclaimer: All things pertaining to Harry Potter are the property of J. K. Rowling, Bloomsbury
Books/Scholastic Press and Warner Bros. I just like to play with them!

A/N: Hello again and thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I understand that some people no
longer wish to read this story due to the Hermione/Draco twist in the previous chapter, which is
fair enough...each to their own. It's not my intention as an author to force this story on
anyone who doesn't enjoy reading it, but it's also not my intention to change what happens
in a story because of a few bad reviews. I just go where my muse takes me and some of the best
stories I've read are those that throw in a twist. A special thank you to those of you who are
sticking with the story, even if reading the last chapter made you feel a bit nauseas. Anyways, you
know what to do...

A/N#2: Also, in my mind, it seemed a little unfair that Harry was sleeping with both Hermione
and Ginny and Hermione was being totally faithful to Harry. Maybe he deserves a little taste of his
own medicine to see how much it hurts when the person you love is also sleeping with someone
else...and who better than his arch enemy?

*I solemnly swear that I am up to no good...*

***

*Love is born of* *faith**, lives on hope, and dies of charity.*

*Anon*

`Hermione? Hermione! Hermione!'

Hermione swatted Luna's hand away from her face in irritation and turned to look at her
unamused friend.

`What? Luna, why are you shouting at me?'

In answer Luna rolled her eyes. `Cause you seem to be in a world of your own. Where is that
exactly?' she asked laughing.

Hermione had been preoccupied ever since they had arrived at the Leaky Cauldron and she wanted
to know why.

`Nowhere.'

`Uh-huh. What's wrong?' As always Luna got straight to the point.

`Nothing's wrong. Why would you think there's something wrong?' Hermione replied
defensively thinking about both Draco and Harry.

`Well, let's see. You drank your Butterbeer faster than Ronald can devour a chocolate frog,
which you know is fast, and then you preceded to order and down a Firewhiskey, which you never
drink. Something is definitely wrong. Come on, you have to tell me, I'm your friend.'

Unable to keep it in any longer, and knowing how persistent Luna could be, Hermione reluctantly
whispered, `You have to promise that you won't tell anyone. Especially Harry and
Ginny.'

Almost immediately a broad smile lit up Luna's face. `Wow, it must be something big if you
don't want to tell Harry.”

`I slept with Draco last night.'

Luna gasped `You slept with Draco Malfoy? How did that happen?'

`We've, uh, gotten friendly lately, you know because of work. And he helped me move into my
apartment.'

`Really? Wow. Okay, I want to know everything about your new best friend.' Luna leaned
forward expectantly as Hermione blushed and looked away.

`Who's Hermione's new best friend?'

Both Hermione and Luna looked up in surprise to find a glowing Ginny and a strange and
uncomfortable looking Harry standing hand in hand beside their table. Luna grinned up at them.

`Sorry, Ginny. It's a secret. Hi Harry.' Ginny barely even registered Luna's
response.

`Fine by me. I have my own news anyway. Hermione, I was right! They confirmed it!'

As soon as the words spilled from Ginny's mouth, Hermione felt herself getting dizzy and her
stomach lurching violently. Her worst fears had come true.

`Confirmed what?' Oblivious, Luna looked at each of them in turn, waiting for an answer,
which she soon got.

`I'm six weeks pregnant!' Ginny beamed excitedly.

`Pregnant?' Luna replied at a loss for words as Hermione suddenly stood up and looking
deathly pale backed unsteadily away from them all.

`Um…excuse me. I'll be right back. I just have to go…'

Ginny was pregnant with Harry's child. It was all over.

Quickly she made her way to the bathroom before her friends could see her tears. What would she
do now? Slamming the door shut behind her she leaned against it and struggled to breathe. Both her
mind and her heart were racing erratically. Everything seemed far away and blurred and she had the
terrible urge to throw up. There was no way she could return to the table. Almost in hysterics, she
left the bathroom and stumbled out of the side entrance of the pub only to hear Harry calling her
name.

`Hermione! Hermione, come back! Don't run away like this!'

Ignoring his pleas, Hermione awkwardly removed her heels and holding them in her hands she ran
down the dark alleyway. Unperturbed, Harry followed her into the alley which led onto the Charing
Cross Road.

`Leave me alone! Just leave me alone.'

Walking as fast as she could Hermione didn't look back, in fact she didn't see anything
as she hurriedly crossed the busy street, slipping dangerously in between cars.

`Hermione, I'm sorry…'

Running after her, Harry didn't spot it until it was too late and he was unable to do
anything as the car slammed into her.

***

*There are no guarantees.* *From the viewpoint of fear, none are strong enough.*
*From the viewpoint of love, none are necessary.*

*Anon*

`She's incredibly lucky. If that Muggle contraption had been going just five miles
faster…'

Hermione scowled. For exactly fifteen minutes the healer had been explaining her `condition'
to a very concerned Luna and Ginny and completely ignoring her.

`When can I go home?'

All three turned to stare at her in surprise and Hermione glared at the healer. She was
studiously avoiding looking at Harry and the situation was not helped by Luna and Ginny both being
claustrophobically anxious about her. The only silver lining to the whole mess was that nobody had
yet asked her why she had been running away from the restaurant in the first place. She repeated
her question more loudly.

`When…can I go…home?'

There was an uncomfortable pause as the healer registered the determination in her eyes and
struggled to answer.

`Miss Granger, I really think…that it would be, um, unwise, to allow you home. You sustained
extensive injuries and while we've been able to fix the broken bones in your leg, you really
should, um, remain in the hospital for a couple of days for, uh, observation…'

As his words trailed off, Hermione furiously ripped the hospital sheets from her body and
attempted to get up, wincing. Clearly the magical ointment they'd used on her extensive
collection of bruises and cuts had yet to fully work its charm.

`You can't keep me here. I can discharge myself if I want to. And I want to go home right
now!'

`What's going on here?'

Looking up Hermione smiled at the sight of a very cool, calm and collected Draco leaning
confidently against the doorway. Harry, who was stood with his wife at the far side of the hospital
room came out of the daze-like state that he had been in ever since he had witnessed Hermione's
accident, as he watched him walk over to Hermione, sit beside her on the bed and gently kiss her
forehead.

`Hey babe, I came as soon as I heard. How you feeling?' Resting her head against his chest
Hermione immediately forgot her earlier regrets about sleeping with him as she was overcome with
gratitude and relief. Draco would help her get away from Ginny and Harry.

`I just want to go home but they won't let me,' she murmured as Draco wrapped his arms
protectively round her slim shoulders.

`Shhh... it's okay. I'll get everything sorted. We'll have you out of here in no
time,' he replied firmly, giving the doctor an evil look.

Carefully disentangling himself, Draco stood up and walked out of the room, stopping briefly to
kiss Hermione on the cheek.

Without saying a word to anyone, Harry followed and called out when they were some distance from
Hermione's room. `Malfoy! I wanna talk to you!'

Curiously Draco turned to face his former enemy. `What do you want?' he asked.

Harry's voice was loaded with menace when he replied, `To tell you to stay the hell away
from Hermione, that's what. I don't want you anywhere near her. You got a problem with
that?'

***

*`**I didn't know what hate felt like, not the hate that comes after love.*
*It's huge and desperate* *and it longs to be proved wrong.* *And every day
it's proved right i**t grows a little more monstrous.* *If the love was passion, then
hate will be obsession.**'*

*`The Passion' by Jean**ette Winterson*

Shoulder to shoulder the two men glowered at each other. Neither noticed the bustle of healers
and patients who slowed to watch them. The tension in the air, not to mention the body language,
said it all.

`Yeah I have a problem with that. I also have a problem with you sticking your nose in my
business,' Malfoy stated angrily. 'What is your problem anyway, Potter? Jealous? You guys
have been friends since school - if you wanted her, you had plenty of opportunities back then, but
you only eyes for little Ginevra. And now that she's found somebody she wants to be with, while
you're off playing happy families, you can't handle it.'

Shaking his head Malfoy crossed his arms over his chest and laughed cruelly which only caused to
enrage Harry even more.

`You know nothing about me and Hermione. But I know all about you. You may have fooled the rest
of the world into believing you've changed, but I haven't forgotten who you really are. And
I will not stand by and let you hurt Hermione.'

The words came out as more of an animal growl than a human response but Draco heard him loud and
clear and narrowing his eyes answered with false amusement, `You think I'm scared of you,
Potter. The only reason I'm not gonna hex you for what you just said is because you're her
best friend and that's it. But mess with me again and I won't be so nice.'

Instead of backing away, Harry got even closer to his rival and for the first time Malfoy seemed
to take his threats seriously.

`Keep putting the moves on Hermione and not only will I mess with you again, but I'll give
you another taste of my Sectumsempra, and this time Snape won't be around to heal you.'

At the back of Harry's mind, he realised what an idiot he was being, but Malfoy had always
been able to rub him up the wrong way. And he was also having one of the worst days of his life.
The image of Hermione's body being thrown through the air kept replaying in slow motion over
and over in his head, and even worse Ginny's voice telling him that she was pregnant
accompanied it. He felt like he was going mad.

Draco's next words made him feel a million times worse.

`Putting the moves on her? You haven't worked it out yet have you? Hmm. Funny. I
would've thought…' Pausing he shook his head slightly and then continued with obvious glee,
leaning close to Harry's ear to whisper. `I'm past putting the moves on her. I'm
sleeping with her. And you know what? She's a little tiger between the sheets. Looks like you
really missed out, huh?'

In that instant Harry saw red. The image in his head of Hermione being run over was immediately
replaced by that of her and Malfoy naked, making love. And before he even knew what he was doing,
he had pulled out his wand and yelled, `Stupefy!'

Several things happened at once. Malfoy ducked and pulled out his wand and Harry prepared to
defend himself. But at that moment Ron arrived and seeing what was going on quickly disarmed both
men with a flick of his wand, just as Ginny came round the corner and spotting her husband cried
out, `Harry, what are you doing?'

What answer could he possibly give her?

***

*Rain fell last night, quiet, gentle rain,* *t**hat tapped against my window
pane.* *And called me back from troubled sleep,* *t**o* *soothe a heart too
numb to weep.* *My loneliness was too deep and real,* *a**nd like a wound that would
not heal.* *It throbbed within me, and I knew,* *m**y arms were empty without
you.*

*Anon*

When Hermione woke up, she found that both her cheeks and her pillow were wet with tears. She
was not surprised. She had cried herself to sleep every night since the first time that she and
Harry had made love, in the bed that she lay in now. He had had to leave her to go home to his
wife, to make love to his wife, while she remained alone, lying beside the empty space he had
occupied, consumed with guilt and hope, fear and love.

It had been six months since that night and three months since her accident. Three months since
she had last seen Harry. That day in the hospital had changed everything. She had heard about Draco
and Harry's war of words in great detail from Ginny. She had even told Hermione that she was
lucky because in Ron, Harry and Neville, she had three men who would do anything for her. The bond
of a shared adolescence, Ginny had called it. She had even said how sweet Harry was, trying to
protect her from Draco's attentions. It never occurred to her that her husband's behaviour
was irrational, inappropriate or suspicious. It never occurred to her that his motive was jealousy
not friendship.

Glancing across at her alarm clock, Hermione sighed. She didn't need to look. She always
woke up at the same time every night, always woke up at one thirty in the morning. And she could
never get back to sleep again. The only difference was that this time she had fallen asleep fully
dressed. Shivering slightly she sat up. She was alone for once.

Ever since the accident, Draco had cared for her and been there for her in every way. They spent
their nights together at either his place or hers, except when he had to work late like tonight. He
had been her rock as well as her lover. And in return she had tried hard to love him. She had tried
hard to move on with her life without Harry.

Getting up Hermione walked slowly through the shadowy apartment towards her kitchen. Outside it
was raining heavily and every so often thunder disrupted the quiet and lightning illuminated the
dark. Sitting down at the table she closed her eyes tightly and allowed herself for once to dream
of Harry. He had persisted for almost two months, had tried desperately to get her to have
something to do with him but to no avail. And anyway, he had his pregnant wife to look after. She
could still picture his anguished face though, as Draco had wheeled her out of St Mungo's.
Could still hear his last desperate plea on her Floo messaging service.

She may have healed physically but not emotionally.

For some reason she was not surprised when she heard the sudden, quick knock on her door. Nor
was she surprised to find Harry stood in the hallway, soaking wet in the middle of the night.

Somehow, deep inside, she had known he was coming.

***

*`That you can lose yourself. Everything. All boundaries. All time. That two bodies can become
so mixed up, that you don't know who's who or what's what. And just when the sweet
confusion is so intense you think you're gonna die…you kind of do. Leaving you alone in your
separate body, but the one you love is still there. That's a miracle. You can go to heaven and
come back alive. You can go back anytime you want with the one you love.'*

*Andrew Martin, Bicentennial Man*

He looked terrible...there was no other word for it. He was soaked to the skin, his clothes
clinging to every inch of his body, his hair was slicked back with the rain except for a single
lock, which fell into his right eye. Mud streaked his suit. He was trembling and pale and his eyes
were red and swollen from crying. But most worryingly of all, was the ugly cut on his forehead,
which seemed to have clotted but had trailed blood down his face and shirt.

A million thoughts raced through Hermione's mind as she stared at him. She didn't have a
clue what to say or do. Why had he come? What had he told Ginny? Why was he bleeding? Did he know
that Draco could be home at any moment? That she and Draco were practically living together? But in
the end all she said was, `What happened?'

Sniffling, Harry answered quietly and intently, taking a step back from her door.

`Ginny and I had a fight. She said that I don't care about the baby or her anymore. It was
horrible. I stormed out, not because she was wrong but because she was right! I don't know
myself anymore, Hermione, I don't like the person I've become. I lie to my friends and
family, my wife! I threatened Malfoy because he went out on one date with you and I prayed to God
that Ginny wasn't pregnant with my child. What sort of person does that make me? I didn't
mean to come here. I just needed to be somewhere else...anywhere. I Apparated and I guess I
wasn't concentrating properly because I very almost splinched myself. Then I realised were I
was…don't send me away…please.'

Harry seemed unable to stand still such was the state he was in, but when Hermione stepped out
into the corridor and gently took his face in her hands and pressed her lips against his, he became
motionless. For a moment it was an innocent kiss, almost a brother-sister kiss. But it soon
deepened, enveloping them both as they desperately clung to each other for comfort and so much
more.

Twisting her round, Harry easily pressed her up against the wall beside the open door of her
flat and refusing to release her mouth from his own, he fumbled with numb, icy cold fingers to undo
the buttons of her shirt while Hermione in turn tried unsuccessfully to peel the wet jacket from
his shoulders.

When they finally pulled apart, gasping for breath, the feverish look that had been in
Harry's eyes was replaced with one of love and leaning his head against hers he whispered
hoarsely with closed eyes, `I'm leaving her, Hermione. I'm not going back, I can't.
Even if you don't want me…I can't go back…'

Physically incapable of answering, Hermione simply nodded and reaching up undid the rest of the
buttons of her shirt. And without another word, Harry reclaimed her mouth with his and circled her
waist with one hand, moving the other slowly up her leg and beneath her skirt, pushing it up
towards her waist while she tangled her fingers in his hair.

Neither heard the gasp. But they both sensed someone watching them and pulling away they glanced
across the corridor to the stairs.

Where Ginny stood.

Her tear filled eyes did not meet Harry's or Hermione's. She was already racing down the
stairs, her sobs loud in the sleeping building. And Harry quickly, without a single hesitation, ran
after her, calling out her name as he did so, leaving Hermione leaning against the wall, unable to
move. She heard both sets of footsteps on the stairs as well as Ginny's yelling and Harry's
pleading.

And she heard Ginny suddenly cry out and then the sound of someone falling down the stairs,
painfully, and hitting the bottom. And then nothing.

***

*Mischief managed!*

-->



5. Chapter 4
------------



Disclaimer: All things pertaining to Harry Potter are the property of J. K. Rowling, Bloomsbury
Books/Scholastic Press and Warner Bros. I just like to play with them!

A/N: Hello one and all! I'm been so amazed by your reviews - I really appreciate all of you
who've understood my motives in this story and are continuing to read. I have to say there were
times when I wasn't sure I wanted to continue after reading some of the reviews, but this is my
story and as long as there's one person out there who reads it and likes it, that's enough
for me. Thankfully there's a few more than one! I have to point out (cue sarcastic remark) to
the reviewer who accused me of not being a H/Hr shipper and instead being a H/G shipper and a D/Hr
shipper...don't you think I'd know what kind of shipper I am and do you think I would have
been invited to become a Portkey author if I was either of the latters and not the former? Sorry,
I'm done venting now.

Anyways, here's the shocker...this is it! The end! Le fin! I know, it kind of snuck up on me
too. When I've read it previously, both in its former version and the version since its been
amended for Portkey, it always seemed a lot longer. Some of you will complain...but hey, I think
I'm used to it by now...and maybe it should have been longer and I could've explored the
characters a bit further, but since this fic was already written, it would take time to pad it out,
which I'm afraid is a bit of a commodity for me at the moment. So I'm just gonna leave it
as it is...sorry if this disappoints you. I am working on a Draco/Ginny fic at the moment
(prologue/first chapter to be posted by the end of this week, fingers crossed!), which I can offer
as a compromise if you like D/G.

Anyways, I make my usual plea for reviews, before disappearing with a bottle of Firewhiskey!

*I solemnly swear that I am up to no good...*

***

*When* *love beckons to you follow him, t**hough his ways are hard and steep.*
*And when his wings enfold you yield to him,* *t**hough the sword hidden among his
pinions may wound you.* *And when he speaks to you believe in him,* *t**hough his
voice may* *shatter your dreams a**s the north wind lays waste the garden.* *For
even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.*

*`The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran*

Neville paused as he spotted Hermione curled up awkwardly on one of the uncomfortable plastic
hospital chairs. She looked so tiny that from a distance she could have easily been mistaken for a
child. Taking a deep breath he walked over to her and dropping down into the seat beside her he
gently pushed her hair out of her face causing her to start and look at him with frightened,
confused eyes, almost as if she didn't recognise him, and then suddenly fling herself at him
sobbing quietly. Unsure of what was going on Neville automatically wrapped his arms around her and
murmured soothingly, `Hey, it's gonna be okay…you're okay…I'm here…'

Feeling her tremble, Neville winced. He had no idea what was going on. All he knew was that he
had been dragged away from his wife, Hannah by a hysterical Floo from his friend at three in the
morning muttering something about Ginny, an accident and the hospital. Needless to say he had
Apparated over as fast as he could and he was still confused. What had happened to Ginny? Why were
she and Hermione together at this time of night? And why was Hermione still wearing the same
clothes she had been wearing when he had seen her earlier in the day? What was going on?

`Hermione, what happened?'

It took Hermione several minutes to pull herself together enough to answer the question and even
then she seemed to be making little sense.

`G-Ginny…f-fell…she…the stairs…oh God…Harry was chasing her and…and…I heard her fall, Neville, I
heard her fall!'

Shaking his head Neville held up a hand to stop her and asked intently, `Where Hermione? Where
were the two of you? Why was Harry chasing her?'

Pulling away from her friend, Hermione stood up and turned so that her back was to him, but did
not answer the question. Neville waited until it was obvious that she wasn't going to reply and
then asked bluntly, `Did she find out, Hermione? Was that why she was at your place, why Harry was
chasing her? Did she find out that you two were having an affair?'

Spinning round, Hermione stared at him in shock. `How did you…?' she whispered in
confusion.

Neville simply smiled and shaking his head replied, `I know you. And I know Harry. It wasn't
that hard to figure out.'

Sitting back down, Hermione leaned her head against his chest and closing her eyes she told him
sadly, `I love him, Neville. We tried to end it. We did end it. But tonight when he turned up on my
doorstep we just…he needed me. We had no idea that Ginny was there.'

Neville was about to say something when the sight of Harry, filthy and somehow broken, shut him
up.

The two friends stood up, groping nervously for each other's hands as they did. Neither made
a move towards Harry as he shuffled slowly towards them and neither said a word. Both feared the
worst and their fears were confirmed when Harry spoke.

`Ginny had a miscarriage. She lost the baby…my baby.'

Immediately Hermione let go of Neville's hand and going to Harry, she pressed her body
against his, taking him into her arms, offering him comfort. But Harry did not hug her back.
Instead he pushed her forcefully away from him, so forcefully that she would have crashed to the
floor if Neville hadn't been there to catch her and hold her as she looked back at Harry in
bewilderment. The look that he gave her in return was a look completely without emotion.

`H-Harry?' she asked as she began to cry again.

But Harry seemed oblivious to her pain as he snarled cruelly, `You did this! You killed my
child!' Advancing towards her he showed no pity as she cowered in Neville's arms.

`No…'

But before he could say anything else, before he could hurt Hermione more than he had already
done, Neville let go of his friend and punching Harry in the face with all his might, he knocked
him out cold.

***

*Some hearts are broken and mended,* *o**thers are shattered or torn.*
*Although it was never intended,* *f**or love is eternally sworn.* *I've cried
and prayed and pleaded,* *f**or that love to hold its ground.* *Hope was all I
needed,* *a**nd pain was all I found.*

*Brennan Hill*

Seeing Ginny's eyelids flutter, Harry leapt from his chair at the end of the bed to her
side, leaning in close to her and taking one of her hands in his. It took her several minutes
before she was conscious enough to recognise him although she soon barraged him with questions.

`Harry? What happened? Am I in the hospital? Why…Oh God, the baby! Harry, did something happen
to our baby? Harry! Tell me!'

Unable to lie to her anymore, Harry replied reluctantly, `I…you…the baby's gone, Ginny. I am
so, so, sorry.'

Watching as her face crumpled in agony, Harry was surprised when she clung to him, sobbing into
his shoulder. But then it occurred to him why she was behaving that way.

She didn't remember what had happened.

`No…no…I don't believe you…you're lying…where's my mum? I want to speak to my
mum!' Pulling away, Ginny frantically began tearing at the sheets despite the injuries that she
had sustained in the fall.

`Ginny please, try to...'

Harry did his best to calm her down but she was too upset to listen.

`No! You never wanted this baby! You turned away from me the second I told you that I thought I
was pregnant. You…you've been having an affair with Hermione behind my back.' Ginny
suddenly stopped dead, everything about her from her voice to her facial expression eerily calm.
Staring at her husband intently she didn't wait for him to reply, instead asking furiously,
`Aren't you even going to deny it? No, there's no point is there? I saw you together. So
how long were you sleeping with her? Do you love her? No! I don't want to know! Actually I do
want to know. Tell me.'

Standing up Harry ran his hands through his hair, leaving them there as he struggled to find the
words that would cause her the least pain. `We weren't…we…I hadn't seen Hermione since the
night of her accident. But before that we…three months.'

Ginny's brown eyes hardened instantly. `So what was last night? A quickie for old time's
sake?' she snarled sarcastically, before suddenly snapping her head up and laughing. `You were
leaving me, weren't you? You were leaving me and our baby in the hope that she would take you
back. You bastard, you sick bastard…'

Lunging forward in the bed, Ginny grabbed hold of Harry and dragging him towards her she began
viciously beating him about the head and chest. It was the second time in less than an hour that
Harry had been attacked but this time he did his best to subdue his attacker and it did not take
long for Ginny to collapse against his chest in tears. She was mentally, physically and emotionally
exhausted.

`Did you ever love me?' she whispered some time later when she had recovered her composure
somewhat.

`I did, I do. I swear, Gin, I never meant to hurt you. I would never...'

`You love her more. It's as simple as that,' she interrupted bluntly, turning away to
wipe the remaining tears from her eyes.

Sighing Harry asked gently, `So what do we do now?'

Leaning back against her pillows, Ginny seemed to contemplate their future and her next words
very carefully. When she did reply though, she was detached and unemotional.

`I'm not one of those women who stand by their men when they betray them, and it's not
as if we have to stay together for the sake of our child, so it's simple really. We get a
divorce and you go far, far away. And you take Hermione with you. I couldn't cope, I
couldn't get on with my life if I had to see you or Hermione again. The image I have of you in
my head is bad enough.'

Harry didn't argue with her. She was right after all. Leaving was the least he could do for
her. But there was still a problem with her plan.

`What if Hermione won't go?'

Thinking about what he had said to her in his initial fury on hearing about the loss of the baby
made Harry's blood run cold. He had hit out at her when it was not her fault but his. And now
it was just one more thing to feel guilty about. One more reason for her to never want to see him
again.

`She'd do anything for you, Harry.'

But Harry very much doubted it. As far as he was concerned, he had lost Hermione for good.

***

*If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain.* *If I can ease one
life the aching, or cool one pain,* *o**r help one fainting robin, unto his nest
again,* *I shall not live in vain.*

*Emily Dickinson*

Closing the door to Ginny's hospital room gently behind him, Harry took a deep breath and
anxiously scanned the waiting area for any sign of Hermione but she was obviously long gone. Not
that he had expected her to be waiting for him. But he had hoped nonetheless. Lifting his hand to
his nose, which was still smarting from Neville's blow he winced, not just because of the
physical pain but also for the pain he had caused Hermione and Ginny. Not really paying attention
to where he was going he began walking away from Ginny's room towards the lifts.

Walking past the fireplaces that were located in the lobby, he almost didn't notice Neville,
with his back to him, his head stuck in the flames. Stopping, he couldn't help but catch the
muffled conversation.

`Yeah, Han…I'm coming home now…no I don't know where she's going…yes…yes…

I'll make sure she's okay…yeah…I'll see you soon...'

Neville pulled his head out of the flames and turning round glared angrily at Harry as soon as
he spotted him. Without a word he turned to walk away but before he could get very far Harry called
out, `Neville, wait!'

Refusing to comply, Neville continued to walk muttering furiously as he did so, `Go to hell
Harry!'

`I just want to...'

Spinning around Neville suddenly grabbed hold of Harry by his shirt and shoving him up against
the nearest wall snarled, `Listen, I may be your friend, but right now I have no qualms about
punching you again so I suggest you leave me alone.'

Unperturbed by the anger in Neville's eyes or the tightness of his hold, Harry replied
passionately, `I don't care! I just want to tell Hermione that the…what happened to Ginny was
not her fault. I need to make sure that she knows that.'

Shaking his head Neville let go of him and taking a step backwards answered, `Damn right you do!
You messed up Harry. You really messed up.'

Sensing that Neville no longer wanted to destroy him, Harry admitted with complete sincerity, `I
know that. I just want to fix it. Please Neville. Tell me where she is.'

But Neville was not to be easily persuaded. `No chance. She asked me not to tell anyone and
that's exactly what I'm gonna do. She never wants to see you again Harry.'

Quickly he interrupted, `She won't have to after today. Just this one time, I swear.
I'll say what I need to say and then she'll never see me again. Nobody will. I'm
leaving.'

Understanding glinting in his deep brown eyes, Neville smirked and asked in a tone that made it
clear that he knew the answer before he even asked the question. `Ginny?'

Sighing Harry nodded and laughing ruefully replied `Yeah. I deserve it though.'

Neville did not hesitate to agree with Harry's statement. `You won't get an argument
from me on that score.'

His eyes anxiously darting to the lifts, Harry tried one last time to get Neville to tell him
what he needed to know. `I'm just trying to do the right thing. Finally. For everybody. Please
Neville. Where'd she go?'

Watching him closely for a second as if to judge that his motives were honourable and apparently
deciding that they were, Neville answered with a hint of annoyance, `The International Portkey
Station at the Ministry. That's all I know.'

Harry was running down the stairs four at a time before Neville had finished speaking.

***

*And I don't regret the rain, or the nights I felt the pain**, o**r the tears I
had to cry, some of those times along the way.* *Every road I had to take, every time my heart
would break,*

*i**t was just something that I had to get through, to get me to you.*

*`To Get Me To You' by Lila McCann*

The sight of Hermione caused Harry to stumble to a stop. He had pushed past a number of
disgruntled wizards in his race to get to the Ministry's International Portkey Station and had
flung himself at every brunette that had entered his line of vision once he got there. But this
time his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. There was Hermione, sat on a chair, sipping from a
polystyrene cup and staring into space. There was Hermione wearing that same pink jumper that she
had had since she was sixteen years old and playing with her hair just as he had watched her do
when she was curled up in the Gryffindor common room reading a book.

He didn't have a clue what to say to her though. His mind seemed to have gone blank. He was
sweating, and panting from exhaustion, he knew he looked awful and he felt that way too. But as if
on automatic pilot, his legs began to move in her direction and before he had even thought of an
opening line he was stood in front of her, looking into her startled brown eyes.

`Harry, what are you doing here?' she whispered, her eyes flitting in every direction but
his.

`Neville told me where you were…don't be mad at him…I begged him to tell me…' he began
hurriedly as the colour drained rapidly from Hermione's face.

`He had no right…' she interrupted agitatedly as she stood up, dropping her drink to the
floor as she did so. Neither noticed as it splashed onto their feet.

`No. I made him. Hermione, please! I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything. It's not
Neville's fault…damn…I don't blame you, the baby wasn't your fault, please, don't
do this, it was me…'

`I can't deal with this anymore, Harry. I can't deal with you. I'm sorry.'
Turning away from him, Hermione picked up her purse and began to walk away.

Harry however had much, much more to say and grabbing hold of her arm spun her round before
pleading quietly, `It's my fault, Hermione. Ginny's miscarriage, the pain that both of you
feel, everything. It's all my fault. Nobody blames you, not even Ginny. Please don't blame
yourself.'

Both in tears, Hermione answered tiredly, `But don't you see? I blamed myself before you
said what you said. And how can Ginny not blame me? I've taken everything from her! Her
husband, her child, her happiness!'

Wrenching herself free, she backed away from him, slamming into the person stood behind her.
Harry tensed when he realised who it was, as did Hermione, although for different reasons.

`What the hell do you want now, Potter?' Malfoy snarled as his gaze passed from
Hermione's tear-stained face to Harry's manic expression and dishevelled appearance.

`Nothing, Malfoy. Just a minute of Hermione's time. So why don't you stay out of this,
okay?' Harry replied while at the same time he felt his heart beginning to break.

She wasn't just leaving. She was leaving with Malfoy.

Malfoy did not intend to be got rid of though and stepping in front of Hermione he snarled at
Harry `If you think for one second that I'm going to leave you alone with her, then you are
sadly deluded my friend.'

Despite his better judgement, Harry felt himself being drawn into another argument with the git
that Hermione called her boyfriend.

`I am not your friend. And what gives you the right to say who Hermione can and cannot talk
to?' he snapped, watching as Hermione turned away from them both, her pain clearly written on
her face.

This wasn't what he wanted. He was causing her more pain not lessening the pain she already
felt.

Malfoy caught sight of who Harry's eyes were fixed on, and before he knew what was happening
Harry found himself lying on the floor with blood streaming from his nose. Nearby he heard Hermione
scream and suddenly she was by his side, holding his hand in hers and stroking his hair.

And slightly light-headed, and in a little bit of pain, with Malfoy baring down on them and a
crowd of curious bystanders watching, Harry finally said what was in his heart. `Hermione…marry
me…'

***

*In life, what sometimes appears to be the end is really a new beginning.*

*Anon*

The world seemed to spin crazily for a second as Harry's words floated around in
Hermione's head. She could almost see them, tempting her to believe that she and Harry would be
together and that they could have the happy ending that she had prayed for. That her dreams could
come true. The rest of the world had vanished. Only she and Harry remained, sat on the cold floor
staring at each other. Finally, with difficulty, she found her voice.

`I know that this is gonna sound, well, like I'm stating the obvious, and after everything
that's happened this is a weird time to bring it up, but Harry, you're married.'

Leaning forward, Harry grabbed both of Hermione's ice-cold hands in his. She wasn't
saying no, he still had a chance.

Desperately he seized it, explaining a little erratically, `Ginny wants a divorce…and so do I.
I'll accept full blame, I really don't care. I just want a new start…with you.'

Biting her lip, Hermione's brown eyes grew as huge as saucers as the full extent of his
words hit her. He had once offered to leave Ginny for her but he had never mentioned marriage
before, not marriage to her. But she was still unsure.

`You're really getting a divorce?'

Smiling Harry nodded emphatically. `I swear on my Invisibility Cloak.'

For a brief moment Hermione's eyes sparkled with happiness but then without warning they
darkened and he realised instantly what was going on in her mind. She was withdrawing from him,
protecting herself from any further pain. Just as he had feared, he had hurt her too much and he
couldn't take it back.

Removing her hands from his, Hermione suddenly stood up and shaking her head began to back away
from him with a bewildered look on her face. Stumbling, she awkwardly caught herself just as a pair
of strong male hands reached out and steadied her. Malfoy's hands.

Standing up, Harry rushed towards her but stopped when she whispered, `No…I…no.'

Triumph shone in Malfoy's eyes, as smirking at Harry, he gently wrapped his arms around
Hermione's shaking body and turning her towards him he said, `There. You got your answer. Now
leave her alone.'

And twisting around he began to lead her away. Defeated and alone, Harry simply watched with
burning eyes as the couple walked away. Rooted to the floor he found himself unable to do anything.
His mind was screaming but his body was numb.

He had lost her.

When he regained consciousness enough to move, he did so sluggishly and with his head hung low.
He had no idea what he should do next, where he should go, all he knew was that nothing mattered.
And he could blame nobody but himself.

Sighing, he exhaustedly began to shuffle towards the lift, for the first time feeling the pain
from Malfoy's blow and noticing that although he was no longer bleeding, his clothes were
covered with blood and that he was getting wary, suspicious looks from passers-by.

He had taken just a few steps when someone tapped him on the shoulder. Ignoring the person, he
continued to walk, not in the mood for physical contact of any kind, but a second prod caused him
to turn around and find himself staring once again into Hermione's brown eyes.

`I don't want to go with Draco. I want to go with you. If you still want me.'

Energy surging through his body, Harry did not answer but instead swept Hermione into his arms
for a kiss that said more than any words could and that lasted longer than either would have
thought possible.

`Is that a yes?' Hermione eventually asked, flushed, dishevelled and gasping for breath.

Harry burst out laughing and nodded. `Do you even have to ask?'

***

*Mischief managed!*

Thank you all for reading! TTFN!

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