Them All Over

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

Spoilers: Book 1-5

Pairing (if any): H/Hr, R/LL

Author’s Notes: This fic is dedicated to all those romantic spider haters.

Summary: Ron’s view on H/Hr.

Them All Over

Okay…

Okay…

Okay…I can do this…

I’m not going mad, I know I’m not. Your mind is not playing tricks on you, you are perfectly sane. You can do this. You are a man. You have strength. You are the lion. You. Are. The. Warrior.

Okay…

Okay…

Close your eyes, maybe it’ll go away.

"Gagh!"

Nope, still there. Pinch yourself, maybe you’re dreaming.

"Ow!"

Then again maybe not.

This is stupid! It’s nothing compared to you! You’re big, strong, have muscles, and are seventeen years of age man! Pull yourself together! You can do this!

"Ron!" Lavender’s shouting from the girl’s bedroom. "Haven’t you moved that spider yet? Some of us are waiting to take a bath!"

Trust me to be the big ‘manly man’ today of all days. Good God I hate spiders!

Close your eyes, reach out your hand and then…

"Arrgh!"

It moved. It crawled onto the side of the bath and slid back down again. Ha! Found your weak spot have I? Don’t like slippery slidey bath sides do you?

"Ron?" Harry this time, he’s at the doorway.

"Hey Harry," I say as calmly as humanly possible with that big, black spider staring at me with those fangs, and the eyes and the little body…

Harry comes over and looks in the bath and sees the spider. He cocks a disbelieving eyebrow at me before picking the small spider up and putting it outside the window on the windowsill. He shakes his head still in disbelief as he leaves the girl’s bathroom.

Just breathe man, just breathe. Spider is gone. No more spiders in the vicinity. Open your eyes and walk out.

Oh God, the drain. There might be spiders down the drain! Don’t think about asking Harry to move the little tiny spiders that inhabit the sewage system because that is just stupid. Move yourself.

I follow Harry out of the girl’s bathroom. Lavender, Parvati, Ginny and Hermione are looking at me in shock and mostly laughter. Do they know? They can’t know! Hermione knows…but Hermione’s always known so has Harry…but they wouldn’t tell anyone.

Would they?

"What was the big hold up?" Ginny asks grabbing her towel off her bed and glancing challengingly at Lavender, who looks challengingly in return.

Harry shrugs. "Nothing. Ron moved the spider but got his shirt caught on the windowpane. You should really get that jutting nail fixed."

He covered for me! What a mate!

Lavender nods. "Why didn’t you just pry it out?"

"Can’t," Harry replies looking calm, cool and collected like always. "It’s drilled in. Needs a wand."

Suddenly, a whoosh of red hair flies past my nostrils.

"Achoo!"

"Bless you," Parvati says and then continues to hammer at the now-occupied bathroom door.

Ginny must’ve gone in.

Harry sighs, "Come on, Ron."

We’re walking out of the girl’s bedroom, Harry in front of him. He looks over at Hermione casually and does ‘The Eyes’. The eyes that blatantly say millions of indescribable words in one teeny tiny look. Somehow, they’re the only two that can accomplish that look and not make me wanna puke up my dinner.

I roll my eyes at the gushy, mushy sods before pushing Harry out of the door.

All her ever does is make eyes at Hermione now. It’s severely nauseating especially when we’re out on the Quidditch pitch, just finished a match (and won it), the first thing Harry does is search the stands for the pair of eyes he needs to look at the most.

The pair of eyes that are always watching him.

Blech! It’s gross, it really is.

And I’m always getting caught in it. Secret messages, not so secret messages, subtle hints and the like. Please! It’s not like everyone doesn’t know they’re dating! It’s so obvious even Crabbe and Goyle know! You should hear the jokes they come up with during lessons…like this one with a turtle and…

Ahem, never mind.

"Wanna play chess?" Harry offers, rolling up his shirtsleeves and getting out the chessboard.

Like I could say no!

Harry moved his pawn first. Stupid move. Everyone knows you move the middle two pawns first, the left in two spaces, the right in one. Great strategy.

He watches the board intently, trying to map out my next move as we play. He looks so funny in full concentrate mode like that.

But you and I both know he’s not concentrating at all.

He’s trying to predict when Hermione’s gonna walk down the stairs, sit down on the big comfy chair like she always does and pull out her favourite book.

With Hermione, it’s like predicting the weather.

"Feel like going to Hog…"

I was just about to say something when there’s footsteps on the stairs.

Harry’s head whips around so fast I’m surprised he doesn’t get whiplash. It’s Hermione with her book and her tartan blanket. She walks over the big comfy chair, smiles at the two of us then sits down.

He watches her flip open her book and start reading. His eyes don’t leave her until she’s breathing calmly when he turns to see if I’ve been watching him.

Naturally I whip my eyes back to the board once I know he’s finished eyeing up his prey. Oh, he’ll never call her that out loud but he’s like all males…hunter gatherer and so fourth. Sees a girl, likes a girl, pursues the girl until she finds someone better or he finally gets her.

Basic male instincts.

Hermione’s just the same. She’s a girl after all. Although, some of us noticed it before someone…(cough) Harry (cough).

I think Neville was really the first to realise it. I’d noticed him eyeing up my best friend who happens to be a girl, and he wasn’t making "Help me with my homework" eyes. Oh no, he was making "Help me with my human physiology" eyes.

I turn back to the board again to see Harry has took four of my pieces, including a rook, and is gloating in the best way he can. By smirking with his Smirky McSmirk smirk.

Git.

But he’s left some of his pieces without defence! Ha! Got you!

Oh bugger.

Defences are down, repeat defences are down.

Dean is hovering near Hermione’s big comfy chair. He’s leaning in to see over her shoulder and you know he’s not looking at her book.

Oh good, Harry isn’t looking. He’s working out how to save his Queen.

Okay…not so good. Physical contact with Dean. Dean has just put his hand on Hermione’s shoulder, and is smiling. Damn dirt man is that Dean Thomas. Keep your filthy mitts off her before Harry notices. Oh man, you’re so dead…

Phew, he’s released the subject from physical contact but is now sitting on the sofa next to Hermione. He’s making dreamy eyes at her. She’s not paying attention.

"Ron?" Harry asks, giving me a start. "Your turn."

So he hasn’t noticed yet, but he will. Oh he will and there will be Hell to pay.

I make my move, using the bishop this time. Bishop. Chastity. Holy. Church. Virgin. She better stay a bloody virgin until after you’re married, Harry. Mark my words, she better stay a bloody virgin. Or there will be Hell to pay.

Hermione’s laughing with Dean now, at one of his jokes. He is pretty funny. He tells this really good one about a boat and a drum and…maybe some other time.

Harry’s noticed Dean’s proximity to Hermione. His walls are going up, his eyebrows are lowering and he’s biting the inside of his cheek. He’s thinking, "What should I do? Carry on playing chess or ask Hermione if I can talk to her alone?"

Gosh, I know my friend so well.

He’s not making a move so I think he’s still playing. He’s still watching her though and he doesn’t know I know.

The best thing is I’ve got a ‘I know something you know, and you don’t know that I know’ secret.

I’ve had it for a while now. I’ll remember that ominous morning in the common room forever. If I didn’t have to go to bathroom I’d never had seen it. Curse my bladder. Well, curse the pumpkin juice and lemon meringue we had at dinner. There’s something about pumpkin juice. It just goes straight through me.

I’d got up, noticed Harry was out of bed and got worried. As you do when you’re friend’s not in bed at four in the morning. Harry had a lot to think about and was getting pretty upset at the time, so I thought, ‘Hey. Maybe he’s downstairs catching Z’s on the sofa again.’

He was downstairs, just kissing my other best friend.

Yeah, the sigh had shocked me a bit. Possibly because I didn’t know Harry could kiss and at the time I was pretty hung up on Hermione myself. I’ve got over it now. I mean; Hermione’s an intelligent, lovely, sweet and very pretty young woman but…let’s face it…it’d be like snogging Ginny for crying out loud. Not something I’d like to do.

Hermione’s like my older sister who loves to point out my mistakes all the time.

And there they were, sitting on the sofa together kissing nicely like they had all the time in the world. It was quite…sweet…and nauseating to an average male but it was good to finally see a smile on old Harry’s blank expressionless face.

Even though they keep their relationship a ‘secret’, everyone knows. And I’m talking EVERYONE. Snape rolls his eyes at their longing gazes.

"Ron!"

Fingers are snapped in front of my face and Harry is staring at me, with a smile on his face looking smug.

Oh no.

I’ve lost.

I’ve lost at chess for the very first time in my pre-adult, post-child life. Harry James Potter, the guy who can’t win at draughts has beaten me at Chess.

"Check mate," he says smugly, leaning back in his chair and putting his arms behind his head, basking in his own victory.

I’m laughing now; we’re laughing together and giving a high-five. He looks pleased with himself. Granted, it was a small victory. His Queen had moved down and check mated my King before I could castle and protect.

"Ready for bed?" Harry asks as I pack the chess pieces away. I nod and he leaves, looking at Hermione with that longing gaze again.

@@@@@@@

Later that night, I creep downstairs again because Harry isn’t in bed. I know where he is, I know what he’s doing, or more precisely…I know what his tongue is doing. Getting some bloody good exercise.

Yep, there they are. Wrapped together on the sofa, hugging holding, loving, kissing, talking…the works.

I smile. They look happy. They look content and it’s a great feeling to know that two people are meant for each other.

I watch them kissing for a moment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a voyeur but it’s reassuring to know that somewhere there’s someone for me. Maybe I’ll find them soon, maybe I won’t.

Maybe it’s someone who loves talking about nargle-infested mistletoe.

I think I’ll go and watch the lunar eclipse tonight.

A/N: This fic was moderately inspired, oddly enough, by the big spiders from "Eight Legged Freaks".

I listened to "More Than a Friend" by MLTR and "Sink or Float" by Aberdeen.