Forgiveness

Forgiveness

There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love. That is one of those life lessons that you have to endure to understand. I came to understand this particular lesson five years ago when the love of my life announced to a room of our closet friends and family that she couldn’t marry me because she was in love with another man who just so happened to be my best mate.

It was the happiest I could ever remember being in my entire life, in twenty-four hours Hermione Granger would become Hermione Weasley. When I say it was the happiest I’d ever been I mean that perfect, completely flawless kind of happiness that nothing can tarnish. Everything and everyone was lovely, even that grouchy old bat of an aunt of mine was palatable that day. I felt like I’d had a teaspoon or two of Felix Felicis every morning it was just that bloody damn perfect.

Sometimes I couldn’t believe that it was real. Had I been asked a year before if I thought such a thing was possible with Dumbledore dead, You-Know-Who running around, people dying left, right and center and me and my two closest friends living out of a tent trying to prevent the end of the world as we knew it my answer would have been a very clear and very certain no. But a lot of things can change in a year’s time; somehow against all the odds Harry had found a way to beat You-Know-Who, and though I’d lost a brother I dearly loved I gained the heart of the most amazing, the smartest, most loving, the kindest , most infuriating, most beautiful woman, witch or otherwise, I’d ever known. And I couldn’t have been more pleased.

The days leading up to the wedding had been jam packed with all sorts of errands. There were the last minute robe fittings for the entire wedding party, picking up the rings from the jewelers, picking up the marriage license from the Ministry, sorting out the wedding cake, seeing to the decorations and a host of other odds and ends. I had never been much for details but I made myself available to Mum, Hermione and Lydia for whatever they needed or wanted with a smile on my face, I was just that excited. Everyone else seemed to be as excited as I was save for Hermione who was a bit more high strung than usual, I attributed that to nerves, and Harry who was peculiarly uneasy. He kept badgering me about Hermione. Did she look thinner than usual? Did she seem stressed or a bit anxious? Was she sleeping all right? Was she eating properly? At the time I chalked Harry’s worries up to a combination of his auror’s training and adjusting to life without some nutter trying to kill him every thirty minutes or so. Looking back I guess I should have paid more attention to what he was saying but at the time all I could think of was getting to that day, that moment when Hermione would officially be mine.

It was the night of the rehearsal that everything went wrong. We had left the wedding rehearsal and gone over to the hall where the reception was set to be held following the wedding ceremony for dinner. Mum had prepared all my and Hermione’s favorite dishes. We sat at the head table surrounded by the people who were dearest to us in the world. During dinner our loved ones took it in turns to congratulate us with a toast or to rattle off some story about the moment they’d known we were made for each other. Once dinner was done the band struck up and I took my beautiful bride to be by the hand and lead her to the dance floor. We danced the first two songs together before I relinquished Hermione to her father. She then danced with my father, Harry and each of my brothers. A couple of our old schoolmates even got in a turn or two. I of course danced with my mum and Hermione’s mum, Ginny and once with Lavender Brown though I made sure it was a quick one while Hermione was otherwise engaged. After we’d had our fill of dancing we moved about the room saying hello to our guests and catching up with their news. We’d made one full turn around the room when I noticed that Hermione seemed to be lagging a bit. Not wanting her too tired out for the next day’s ceremony, I suggested we sit for a bit. Hermione smiled gratefully and I steered her back to our seats at the head table.

We arrived back at the table and found Hermione’s father having a rest as well. I helped Hermione into her seat before taking my own. As soon as I was seated I turned to Edward and asked whether he was enjoying himself, he said that he was having a wonderful time and from there the conversation ventured into more general areas like how excited I was for the wedding next day and how things were going at George’s shop where I was working at the time. As we discussed this two of dad’s coworkers strolled pass and the younger of the two, a bloke by the name of Thomas Quarterman called out to me and said Go Canons! I smiled and nodded my head in return. Turning back around to Hermione’s dad I noticed he was wearing a curious sort of expression. I explained that the Canons were both my and Thomas’ Quidditch team and that they would be playing against the Wimbourne Wasps the day after the wedding. He smiled and nodded knowingly. Like my old housemate Dean Thomas Edward was wild about the muggle sport of football so he seemed to understand the longing in my voice over missing my favorite team’s match. Having only gotten a cursory explanation of the ins and outs of the game from Hermione, Edward asked if I’d mind enlightening him on the subject. Smiling widely I happily obliged and launched into a detailed explanation of my beloved sport.

I began with the basics. I explained the premise of the game, the types of balls used and the number of players to a side. Noting that there were a fair few present and former Quidditch players in the room I began pointing out certain people and describing each players’ function in the game. I had made it through chasers and beaters and was about to explain the role of the seeker when I heard Hermione calling my name rather shrilly from my other side. I quickly turned around and looked to where Hermione had risen to her feet and was violently twisting her engagement ring about her finger. She looked as though she was going to be ill. I began rising out of my chair, my hand reaching towards Hermione to steady her as it looked like she was on the verge of falling over. Swiftly she snatched her ring from her finger and dropped it into my outstretched hand. I looked down at the ring in my hand and back up at Hermione’s face, she shut her eyes and in a shaky voice said: I’m so sorry Ron, but I can’t marry you, I’m in love with Harry.

I heard Mum gasp and splutter as Hermione’s words echoed around in my head. I stared at Hermione in disbelief. Had she really just said that she couldn’t marry me because she was in love with Harry? As I thought the name my eyes snapped back up to Hermione’s face. Her gaze was trained on something in the middle of the room, or rather someone. I knew she was looking at him but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I watched as she whispered an apology before turning and running from the room. As the sound of Hermione’s footsteps receded I slumped back down into my seat, staring unseeing about the room. I couldn’t believe what was happening. This couldn’t be right, I had to be dreaming. I tried to convince myself that I was indeed dreaming and that I would awaken at any moment to find that it was my wedding day and everything was as it should be. I shut my eyes and curled both my hands into fists. I felt something biting into the palm of my left hand I opened my eyes and looked down to see that it was the stone from Hermione’s ring that was digging into my palm. The pain in my hand and the sight of the ring that I’d slipped on Hermione’s finger all those months ago told me that this was no dream, she really was gone.

Before the pain of my realization could fully hit me I heard Ginny’s anguished voice calling out; Harry what are you doing, where are you going? I looked up and saw that Harry was standing a few meters from the door leading out of the rehearsal hall. He spun around and replied to Ginny’s question: Hermione needs me. He turned back around towards the door and for a brief instant our eyes met; Harry quickly looked away and dashed out the door. As he pushed through the doors out into the night I remember thinking to myself like a sister my arse!

I don’t remember much of what happened following Harry’s departure. I spent what would have been my wedding day as well as the next six days at the bottom of a bottle of fire whiskey. I didn’t want to think or feel anything and so long as I was lucid I felt the most unbearable pain. So rather than deal with the pain I was in I retreated to the bottom of a fire whiskey bottle where thought was entirely useless and unnecessary. I might well have stayed in that perpetually drunken state if hadn’t been for Hermione. The scroll of parchment from Hermione arrived via a tawny owl I’d never seen before. In typical Hermione fashion the scroll was charmed so that I couldn’t stop reading it once I started. The letter explained why she’d called off the wedding more than anything else. She explained that while she loved me and though she knew that she could have been happy with me, that we could have made a good life together, she was in love with Harry. She said she just couldn’t marry me knowing how she truly felt about him. She said I deserved better than that, better than her. She asked me not to think badly of Harry as the only thing he’d done was be there for her as a friend. She ended with the hope that one day I would find it in my heart to forgive her for what she had done.

The hurt was still there but Hermione’s letter made me realize that my life had to go on with or without her. And so I climbed out of the bottle of fire whiskey that I’d crawled into and got on with my life. I went back to work at the shop with George and tried not to think of Hermione or Harry. Gradually it got easier to get up every morning and the piercing ache I felt over having lost my two best friends wound down to a dull ache. Before I was aware of it eight months had passed and though I still had the odd moment of sadness here and there life was good.

One evening near closing I heard the bell chime as a customer entered the shop I looked up and was more than a little stunned to see Harry standing across the counter from me. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Harry since the night of the rehearsal dinner eight months prior. I knew that he had come to the Burrow on what would have been my wedding day to speak to Ginny and me but neither of us had cared to listen to what he had to say so he’d said his peace to my Mum and Dad before taking his leave. Before I had the chance to say anything Harry informed me that he and Hermione had been seeing each other for a few months now and he’d asked her to marry him and she’d said yes. As I stood there staring Harry apologized; I’m sorry that my loving her hurts you. He then placed a an ivory colored envelope on the counter, it was a wedding invitation, he said that the invitation was for all of the Weasleys and that he and Hermione would love it if we were there but he would understand if no one wanted to come. Having said what he came to say Harry turned and walked back out of the shop.

I’ve never been sure why I went to their wedding. If I’m honest I suppose a part of me wanted was hoping it’d all fall apart like my wedding had. But there was a larger part of me that went because once upon a time they had been my best friends and I loved them. Ultimately that is why I forgave Hermione and Harry, because I love them, because they’d forgiven me when I’d walked away from them during a time when they truly needed me. It was in that moment that I realized that truly there is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.

Since then we have slowly come to a semblance of our former friendship. We are on pleasant enough speaking terms and things have even become friendly enough that sending a family photo along to Mum is not out of order. It is not an easy thing to watch the woman you love build a life with and bear the children of a man who was as close to you as a brother but there is a completeness and a quiet joy between the two that speaks of a true and honest love, and even I can not begrudge them that.

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A/N: Well here we have the last installment in the series but I really feel that this falls a bit flat, though I am not sure why. Your feedback and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.